1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot.   
  
 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!  Jeeez, you're so queer.   
  
 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.   
  
 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.   
  
 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.   
  
 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.   
  
 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.   

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler.

Firemen and police from the Katoomba, NSW Area, all joined in a team effort to rescue a young girl stuck in a steel fence. Fireman from seven sub divisions attended and in all thirty five emergency personnel were in involved. It took several hours to extract her from her predicament.

Fire Chief McLaughlin said, 'This was a pretty tough rescue, it took us quite a while to come up with a plan to safely extract her from the fence.'

Although the girl's entrapment was never life threatening it did take careful planning and gentle handling to safely remove her. She was taken to the Katoomba hospital where she was examined and released.

Poor thing, this picture just about broke my heart..

.

For years, the conventional wisdom has been that the best treatment for a black eye is to cover it with a piece of raw meat.

Scientific studies have proven that while the raw meat helps reduce the swelling and aids in the healing process, applying cold meat actually delays the recovery of the broken blood vessels that cause the br uising around the orbital socket, while frozen meat may cause superficial thermal burns to the skin.

These same studies demonstrated that application of warm and tender meat is much more effective in helping the eyes recover from the damage because the br uising is not compounded by thermal shock.

Therefore, the next time you get a black eye, try this method:

Administer treatment until pain and swelling are gone.

Caution: This method may cause swelling in other areas.

"COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible!"

The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied "We did. Then four of'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is serving as President."

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

 So I said, "I think my penis tastes funny..."

For More Horseplay, Go To
VeryDemotivational.com

I-90 will be closed tomorrow across South Dakota.

They are hauling a 200 ton lump of coal so they can add Obama to Mount Rushmore.

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, 'Male or female?'

Customer says, 'Female.'

Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?

Customer says, 'White.'

Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?'

Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'

Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.' 

R.I.P. Gary. We know you'll be chillin' for all eternity and thanks for keeping our brewski's nice and frosty!

Thanks, little buddy!

*Publisher's Note: We may have crossed "The Line," whatever that is,
but WTF, isn't that what The Dumpster is for?

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor.

He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot.

He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.

Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with just his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

"No, no, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina'? She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'.

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'.

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. 'Do you have a vagina'?

'Yes' she says.

The man replies: Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?

He asked me, "Why not? All my friends have a tattoo!"

I told him, "It would be a stain on your body!"

He pleaded with me, "Dad, please, please, just a cartoon character on the belly?"

And after many hours of discussion I gave in and decided to let him.

After all, he was a young man with his own freedom of choice ...and I thought...

a cartoon character is probably not so bad!

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. 

He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.   

'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' 

The crowd murmured their approval. 

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. 

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of it's head. 

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. 

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. 

The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' 

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. 

A blonde woman timidly spoke up...

'I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

Tasmanian couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out.

Husband says ' Oh for Fuck's sake stop crying, you're still my sister.'

* * * * *

My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

I said, 'You're not fucking listening.'

* * * * *

Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

* * * * *

I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.

I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off.

* * * * *

Today an Abbo was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times and shot twice.

Redfern police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

* * * * *

A car bomb was found outside Lakemba mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque.

* * * * *

Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos. She asks what are they made of.

The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1,500.00 a pair.

The woman said she could not afford that. The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.

* * * * *

Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'.

She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you fucker'.

He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, 'Fuck off it'll be too painful. Now who's laughing'?

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated..'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.

Johnny said, ' My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'

The teacher sat down and cried...

Ever wonder what the Michelin Man's sister looks like?

WONDER NO MORE...

So great, it puts Henry Ford and Eli Whitney to shame.

It's a genetic engineering feat that left the world and scientific community with jaws dropped in awe, and no, it's not the anniversary of the world's two other masterpieces of genetics, Hambo and Porcus being inflicted upon the world, it's Ta-Da, the day a high achiever named Nadya Suleman, aka, The Octomom burst on the scene with her delivery of 8 children.

Cranking out 8 children in one pregancy and delivery as a result of an invitro accident? That's almost enough for a future baseball team.

That's mass production on an epic level and for you slide rule toting engineers, you have to wonder, what size is her "tunnel?"

Well, it wouldn't take an MIT grad to figure out that you could not only park a big rig filled with border jumpers in there, you can toss in your barbeque and have a tailgate party.

If you don't think this is Dumpster worthy, you ain't seen the factory that squeezed out her 8 bundles of joy.

Warning! If you have hot dogs, huevos, barf bag, better yet, a blindfold, hold tight!

A couple of movie critics were discussing old movies and wondered whatever happened to Tarzan. So they decided to look for him and ask him a few questions. Finally they located him, and the conversation went like this:

"Tarzan, how come we haven't seen you in a movie in a long time?"
 
"Well, I've had a bad case of arthritis and I can't swim anymore or jump from branch to branch."

"What about Jane, Tarzan?"

"Jane is in really bad shape. She has Alzheimers and doesn't know who I am anymore".
 
"What a shame. What can you tell us about your son, Boy?"
 
Well, we don't see much of Boy lately. He stopped going to school and he only comes around to see us when he needs money or a favor.

"That's sad, Tarzan. What about Cheetah. Have you heard anything about her lately?

"Oh Cheetah. She's really doing well. She married a lawyer and is now living at the White House."

But they say she has rabid spells!

The Original Happy Meal

Some little boys are never weaned!

Send out a happy meal today!

This boggles the mind.

This math test can predict your all time most watched film.

Mine was Casablanca.

Try it without looking at the answers. It is easy and it works!

Pick a number from 1 - 9.

Now Multiply by 3.

Add 3, multiply that by 3.

Add those two digits together to find your all time favorite movie in the list below ...

It is:

1. Gone with the wind.

2. Aliens.

3. True Grit.

4. Star Wars.

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Casablanca .

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The Joy of Anal Sex With Male Goats and Leather Clad Gay Boys.

10. Mary Poppins.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.

So...

They buried her.

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"

Here's my concern:

3 years ago, Chinese Calendar Year Of The Cow.....Mad Cow Disease.

2 years ago, Chinese Calendar Year Of Tthe Bird.....Avian Flu.

This year, Chinese Calendar Year Of The Pig....Swine Flu.

Next year is the Year Of The Cock....anybody else worried?

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God.." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

"Yeah?", says the hippie.

"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me."

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"

"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!

As a public service the AMA and Health Canada have recently published a new warning being distributed via pamphlets in pharmacies across the U.S. and Canada.

Attached is the cover jacket of the pamphlet:

For years doctors and scientists have told us that some foods are good for us only to be told later that they bad for us.

Then they tell us that some food's are bad for us, and all the time they've been good for us and there doesn't seem to be much proof either way to suggest what is good or bad.

Until now that is.

Garlic is definitely BAD for us if "You Are, What You Eat"

I swerved right,and then left, and it was still right there!!

Note: We overlooked these last minute Halloween treats due to a massive overdose of highly concentrated sugary snacks, pizza and beer.

It has been determined the most used sexual position for married couples is doggie style.

The husband sits up and begs. 

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Every so often a clever picture comes along that camouflages something for us to find.

This is one such picture.

Hidden within this picture, I am told, are two lobsters.

Go ahead and try to find them.

If you find the lobsters in 5 minutes, the left side of your brain is normal.

I looked for 15 minutes and couldn't find them. I guess my brain is "abnormal." I am told women find the lobsters much quicker.

It probably has something to do with the wiring in the brain.

Good luck - Check below:

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say “congratulations?”

But none of them rub your dick and say “well done”!

Two takes from the movie Team America: World Police, created by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

Take One: Guy in Bar: "See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!"

Take Two: "We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"

Look at the pictorial below and guess why they were pulled over by a narrow minded cop?

For this? No.

For this? Not even.

Not even for this? Nope.

The picture below is enough for the cops to pull them over. Wanna know why they got pulled over?

Scroll down and witness the picture below.

She removed her helmet.

Publishers note: This is not a sexist thing, as it was sent my way by a dedicated PIGstress. Also, I wish I never sold my last bike had I known chicks would be willing to literally ride "bareback" like the above free spirit.

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "Its nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O. K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold it's little nose."

If any manufactered holiday needs special recognition and attention, at least here, it's National Breast Appreciation Day.

Men, please do your part and appreciate all the under, or better yet, over appreciated breasts you can. And, don't limit your breast appreciation day to one day a year, make your appreciation know every day of the year.

Twice on Sunday's are even better.

Below is a wonderful example of The National Breast Appreciation Day's poster child.

If anyone knows if they're hiring, contact the Dumpster, c/o F.S.O.P.

PIG has covert operatives in our midst. One has taken the time to submit a photographic dossier of eateries to avoid.

Remember, we don't make this stuff up, we just post it.

Still hungy? Eat at home.

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

Well, it's shit . that's right, shit!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.

There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you have a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head ....Well,
Shit Happens!

WHAT AM I?

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'

So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

God simply replied 'You are what you are.'

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'

The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''

St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.'

The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'

' Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is.'

WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin' after yo white ass!

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to drive a formula 1 car?

Is it to fly a fighter in combat?

Is it to practice free falling parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?

Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?

Is it to insult the doorman in a bar?

Is it to insult your boss?

Is it to go on a defective ferris wheel?

Bullshit…that is nothing… THIS is COURAGE!!!

This guy had what he thought was a great tattoo...

...until he went to jail.

A notable gynecologist once said, "The best engine in the world is the vagina.

It can be started with one finger.

It is self-lubricating.

It takes any size piston.

And it changes its own oil every four weeks.

It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental."

I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They are exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers.

Cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men which made it safer for me to work at the side of the road.

Traffic starts backing up. Everybody is honking their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.

'What's going on here?'

'My car has a flat tire,' I said calmly.

'Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?'

I couldn't believe that he didn't know... So I told him,

'Helloooooo, those are my Emergency Flashers.'

* Note: It was under double secret direct orders that we post this, or the alternative was to march straight to our rooms with no pizza and no beer for one whole week.

"Summer"

A Poem By

Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

SHIT!

IT'S HOT!!!

You Know

It's Almost Spring

When The Girls

Start Showing Off

Their Belly Buttons!

Will The Dollar Fall Or Not???

The Solution: Be A Tight Ass.

A Powerful Message From Stevie Wonder On Michael Jackson's Death.

.. .  . .    .   .     . .   .  .. . ..  ..   .. .. . .    ..
...  ... .. ... ... ... ... .... ...... ..... .. ... .... ..... .. .
..     .  .  . .... .   . .  ..
... . .... ...  .... .... ...
...... .... .... .... ..... ..... ..... .. . . ....  ....
. ..     .  
.   .      ..   . ..          .               ...
...... ... ... ... .. ... ....... ... .. .... ...  ... .... ....
.  .. .. .
.. ....
..  .        .       .  .  . .. .. . ..
..  .... .. ... ... .......  ......  .....

A teacher in a Detroit, Michigan elementary school asked her students if they could tell the class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and said:

"Up against the wall mother-fucker!"

I guess there aren’t too many farms in Detroit............

We made it a policy to not reveal our contributors' sources on this page, but in this case, a most observant PIGster a pointed out glaring flaw, if not a cardinal sin.

Look closely.

See it yet?

Now do you see it?

Didn't think so. In that case our anonymous contributor will reval the overt flaw in these pictures.

"Can you believe anyone would actually drink Jack Daniels and coke without ice?"


"Unbelievable !!!!"

Name witheld pending the large order of fries that was promised.

This probably wasn't mentioned in the Safari Brochure.

Caution: Once you see the following image, you'll have to agree, it is by far the most repulsive, Dumpster-worthy picture ever to grace/disgrace the pages of PIG.

This image makes everything else on this page tame by comparision.

Got your barf bags and smelling salts ready?

Remember, we didn't make this up. We are merely your humble messengers who post this crap-o-la.

Ready. Set. Puke.

What makes it so hideous?

The photo was taken on American soil at a Colonista High School in Montebello, California.

I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy ain't gonna make it…!

Here Is A Reason Why Middle Aged Women
Shouldn't Go To Mardi Gras And Drink.

- For Being Good Sports And Surviving The Previous Post, We Offer The Following -

Dang!!!! & Double Dang!!

I Don't Remember Women Wearing T-Shirts Like This Between 1960
And The Time I Got Too Old To Do Anything About It!

Here is a reason why middle aged women shouldn't go to Mardi Gras And drink.

The following submission is a prime example that justifies the existence of a Dumpster Diving page.

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

WOW!' the social worker exclaims. 'Are they all yours?''

'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children rush to find seats.

'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'

'Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy' and the girls are all named 'Leighroy'.'

In disbelief, the case worker asked 'Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?'

Their momma replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an they all comes a runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

Then I call them by their last names.

We exchanged glances, but she was decent enough to let me know she was married.

Thank God I didn't get the wrong idea!

"Fuck off and go home you benefit grabbing, kid producing, violent, Messican speaking cocksuckers and take those hairy faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat fucking, mutton eating, smelly diaper head bastards with you."

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your iPod.

After the tester has been immersed for a period of not less than fifteen seconds, remove probes and observe:

The beer on the left is the correct temperature.

Michelle Obama got the same offer...from National Geographic.

Q: What's the difference between Sam Adams the Mayor of Portland and Sam Adams the beer?

A: You must be at least 21 to suck down the beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno...never found the head."

The following is a compilation of Mood buttons we would like to see everyone proudly wear, but doubt most of you lack the nads to wear any of these spiffy buttons at work.

Hell, they could be worn at school, the supermarket, nursing home, walking down the street or your local park.

They are basically expressions of flipping the bird, and saying, "What the fuck."

Wear 'em proud and loud, or just live by their mottos and slogans.