PAGE TWO PIG | THE OINK OBSERVER

Breaking News!!!

The recent announcement of Kim Kardashian and her new and probably most temporary black boy toy, Kanye West of her pregnancy, we all know, the entire world really gives two hoots, except for those that are edging their seats, wondering what his/her name will be.

The inquiring minds here at F.S.O.P.s Page Two PIG are also wondering, will the poor kid inherit Kanye West's trademark sourpuss scowl or Kim's XXX-Tra wide caboose?

We think, no matter what, the kid will inherit both parents sense of self importance and ego for doing nothing except being known as the K-West Kid.

 
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Eureka! PIG has finally uncovered photographic evidence that there is indeed, a mysterious, elusive critter that is commonly known in the PIGDOM as Hambo.

Just so you don't think we're as nuts as Hambo is, we here at PIG have known of his existence since our inception, but due to his anti-social disposition and our concern for public safety, we've kept him in a dark room where we slide his meals under the door, watching our fingers in the process.

Here, we see him in all of his covert glory, taking notes and making hit lists for future reference and making a general PIG of himself.

From time to time, Hambo does make bold escapes into the general population, where he unleashes his edicts, laws and theories, only to be carted off by the local authorities and put in a 'special, time out place'

If seen, proceed either with caution or a truckload of beer and pizza. When he seems docile enough, contact Porcus, he'll get Hambo properly medicated and back to his PIG digs, duties and dastardly deeds.

 
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SEPARATED AT BIRTH?
 
Our Poop Page operatives may have uncovered DNA evidence answering that burning question: Is Khloe Kardashian Sasquatch's long lost twin sibling? Hint: This is not a trick question.
LEAVE IT TO BEIBER  
MEMORABLE MELTDOWNS



Lawyers for Justin Beiber sent a cease and desist letter to RC3, a company selling 99 Cent Mobile Apps bearing the likeness of The Beib. RC3, creator of the Joustin Beiber App in turn, told Beiber's peeps to gnaw on this: The App is a parody, therefore protected by the First Amendment.

Charlie Sheen:
"Rock Star From Mars"

Michael Richards:
KKKramer

Clayton Osborn:
Your Friendly, Freaked Out
JetBlue Captain

HOCUS POCUS: ASTROLOGY

No matter what your sign, whether you're looking for fame, fortune or romance, unless you tune in to PIG, somehow we predict that if your day can suck, it will.


SNOOKI'S NOOKI: WTF CRAWLED INSIDE HER...AND LIVED?
 
The ongoing train wreck commonly known as Snooki just got derailed even further with the news of her pregnancy. For those of you biting your nails on the edge of your seats and losing sleep, we'll keep you posted on the latest twists, turns and status of Snooki and her 80 proof bundle of joy.
OPERATION: DUMBO DROP
"...Up, Up And Away, In My Beautiful Bloated,
My Beautiful Bloated Balloon..."
Since we're here manning the Poop Page on our lunch breaks, and have entirely too much time on our hands, we decided to showcase some Bloated Blowhards, Buffoons, Blabbermouths and Out-And-Out Big Mammas.

Some were born "Big-Boned." Others, once having streamlined features and figures, gradually ballooned into the behemoth blobs they present to the public. The "I'm eating for two" excuse only stretches only as far as their waistbands can withstand before the buttons start popping and the seams begin bursting.

We'll Begin With Pound Packin' Charter Members,
Sally "Little Goil" Struthers And Rob "Meathead" Reiner
:
Before
 
After
 
Before
After
Hot-Air Heavyweight, Al Gore
 
WTF Did She Swallow? Kirstie Ally
Before
 
After
 
Before
 
After
Christina"Porky" Aguilera
 
Barry "Melonhead" Bonds
Before
 
After
 
Before
 
After
Anybody But Obama, Right?
 
© Copyright 1993-2013 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette


 
WHAT'S INSIDE
ET RETURNS!
PAGE TWO EXCLUSIVE!

We recently phoned ET with some alarming, earthly news. We informed him that some unearthly elements have infested our way of life, and need to be transported to the galaxies they came from and could he please U-Haul them out of our world?

The following are scheduled to be rounded up and transported to a galaxy far, far way where they belong:

All Members of The View

Chris Matthews

Tom Cruise

Keith Olberman

George Soros

Michael Moore

All Elected, Soon To Be Deselected Pirates

Sean Penn


Gangsta Rapper Busted!
Or, Gunned Down! Was He Wearing A Hoodie?
Doesn't Matter. This Is Page Two PIG!

What! You're Not Surprised
?
• POOP POLL •
WHICH 'CELEBRITY' HAS THE MOST TOXIC NADS?
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
LiLo
• • • • • • • • •
Charlie Sheen
• • • • • • • • •
Tommy Lee
• • • • • • • • •
Any Karda$hian
• • • • • • • • •

Oinks Advice: Don't Approach Any Of Them Without A Double Insulated HazMat Suit - Condom Included



EYE SORES •
WARNING! AND PASS THE BARF BAG!
OCTO-UTERUS & ULTRA-UGLO-TARD NADIA SULEMAN DECIDED TO EXPOSE MORE OF HERSELF IN A BRIT FISHWRAP


BAAAAD HAIR
Some people are born with bad hair, others have no clue what a mirror is for.
Buckwheat
Nick Nolte
Sinead O'Conner
Don King
Alfalfa
Mad Dog Goldberg
 
SIGHTINGS
SEEN ME LATELY?
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Certain Celebrities Just Won't Go Away. Check Your Milk Cartons For The Following:
Elvis Presley: Last Seen Leaving The Building. Thank You Very Much.
Jimmy Hoffa: Last Seen Near The Jersey Turnpike Or Giants Stadium.
Mikey Jackson: Last Seen Applying For Job At An L. A. Public School.
The Boogie Man: Last Seen Under Your Kids Bed
HOWARD STERN
America's Got Talent judge Howard Stern had a 'Howard' moment on national TV.
After a particularly embarassing audition, Howard asked the contestant about his parents.
The contestant said his parents were dead.
Howard, being Howard, said they must have died of embarassment.
$CIENTOLOGY
How big is $cientology's closet and who or what is behind that door?
For the answers to that question, go to page 7.
UP OINKS ALLEY
Agent Oink cares so much about the PIGdom, that he wanted to have his own advise column.
Here are his rules: don't bother writing or sniveling about your problems, he already has the answers and here they are:
• That's impossible, baby! I had a vasectomy years ago!
• But I have to go to the strip club! I'm the best man!
• Your'e not deaf and I don't stutter
• Yes, I really have to go and a lot of it has to do with you telling me you missed your period
• The check really is in the mail
• I will respect you in the morning
• No, the dress is NOT what makes you look fat
• Kick 'em in the nuts
• Duct tape
• Anti-Freeze on your A-whipe of a neighbor's lawn does wonders
• Just deny 'IT'
• Officer, I only had 1 beer
• No, we can't just be friends. Goodbye, and can I have your smoking hot sisters number
• Life's too short to get mad. Get yourself over to The Free State Of PIG, Hambo and Porcus will make it all better.