To put it bluntly, PIG is appalled that a properly-hyphenated clown can spend four years (often much more) in an Ivory Tower and emerge with a degree in Black, Asian, Latino, or Womyn's Studies. Don’t Brotha and Sista have a damn mirror? Did they need some never been to Africa in his life egghead to tell them that they're black? Are these Womyn’s Studies chicks so damn dense that it took some Marxist dyke professor 4 years to convince them that they're female? Quite frankly, all this Ethnic Degree and Gender Degree back patting strikes us as asinine and a complete waste of time, but, if it keeps Guadalupe, Latasha, Su Lin, and womyn off the street, so be it.

PIG can get the job done much more efficiently, so if you're properly-hyphenated and reality challenged, you've come to the right place for fast track enlightenment. Those Ethnic and Gender-related Ivory Tower bullshit degrees don't give the myopic dolts who take them a tenth of the information that you'll find in right here in PIG. Read the various sections and you'll be more than a match for some Black, Asian, Latino or Womyn's Studies dipstick. Five minutes - each day - spent reading PIG trumps 4 years of Ivory Tower Ethnic and Gender Educrap, every damn time.

For those PIG readers who think it would be terminally nifty to have an Ethnic Studies or Gender Studies Degree, PIG feels your pain. Feel free to download your very own Ethnic of Gender Studies Degree and use it to amaze and amuse your friends. For those adventurous few who dare to 'boldly go where no man has gone before', PIG is delighted to announce a cutting-edge foray into higher Educrap PIG is proud to offer up the world's first Oppressor Studies Degree Program. Any intellectual flatliner can bag an Ivory Tower Ethnic or Gender Studies degree, but only a loyal PIG reader can trot out his Doctor Of Oppression degree.

---

If you want some real dyke bitch fun, swipe the cover off your liberal pal's copy of Comrade Hillary’s new book and use it for target practice...Trust me, it's much more 'enlightening' than delving into the relentless whining they call Womyn's Studies.

Send us your obliterated Hillary tome cover and get extra credit toward your degree. Those readers who demonstrate the most creative book cover abuse will be suitably rewarded by PIG.

---

Cutting through the crap, here's how you can conduct a graduate level gender studies seminar in the privacy of your own home:

1) Go to the mirror

2) Strip down to the buff

3) Check out your nether regions

4) If you got a pole, you're a dude.

5) If you got a hole, you're a chick and all the attitude in the world won't change it.

6) Download your degree and use it to amaze and amuse your friends.

That easily, you save yourself four years of Marxist dyke indoctrination. For dudes, this is a refresher course, because they are one group that doesn't need any Ivory Tower remedial gender training. Trust me, the first time that little soldier snaps to attention, a guy is an expert in the very essence of dudeness.

---

Okay, Snowflakes. You cried long enough for your own Self-Segregated "Studies" Department, so we thought we would throw you a bone.

Contrary to what you have been conditioned to believe by 12 years of revisionist indoctrination, your "people" have been oppressed, enslaved, bought, sold, tortured and killed by Arabs, Moors and Berbers (from...GASP!... Africa), Mongols and the Turks.

Learn how Whitey didn't invent slavery as an institution, Whitey learned from it and got their pound of flesh and one-upped their former Massa's

In Oppression 101, you'll learn how to colonize, oppress and exploit just like your forefathers. Topics range from whip-cracking, creating glass ceilings, proper country club etiquette, overcoming affirmative action policies in hiring and college admissions.

E-Mail Comments To: pig@pigazette.com