It’s that silly season again when lazy "alleged" journalists around the globe start taking the easy way out when facing a looming deadline by running and end of the year awards list up the flagpole. Is PIG going to stoop that low to meet our Top Story Deadline on a holiday weekend? You better damn believe it, Sparky.

Why would you expect us to pass up a chance to salute the good guys and administer some PIGish bitch-slaps on the richly deserving. We scoured our own archives, solicited suggestions from you our devoted PIGsters, sampled the lunacy that passes for journalism in the 21st century, then searched low and lower for those qualified to be honored or pummeled by one of PIG's Golden Oinks of the Year.

PIG's Golden Oinks Selection Committee singles out the following individuals and/or groups for special PIG attention for their amazing, amusing, and or inspiring antics during 2009.

Brewskie Wrangler of the Year: The Free State of PIG is pleased to give a Golden Oinks Awards shout out, to Jim Koch, founder and owner of the Boston Beer Co., which makes memorable brewskie called Samuel Adams. As spiffy as that noble brewskie is, it’s not the reason we’re honoring Jim Koch.

Jim and his firm earned this award, for producing what is billed as an ‘extreme beer’. Extreme beer? You bet, and it’s potent enough that it can’t be sold in 13 of these United States. The product in question is called Utopias, a brewskie which clocks in with 27% alcohol by volume, is only available once every two years, and will set you back $150 for each of the 10,000 bottles Boston Beer is putting on the market.

PIG’s ‘We the People’ Award: On September 12, 2009 something remarkable happened. A critical mass of sovereign individuals set aside their daily concerns, put down the boob tube remote, and gathered in impressive numbers to invade the statist citadel on the Potomac River.

Despite the sneering of entrenched Elected Tormentors, and the derision of the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade, they exercised their inalienable rights to peaceably assemble and petition their government. How did they do this? They used their inalienable right to free speech to clearly, eloquently, express their outrage over the Nanny State’s abuses of power.

PIG’s Cool In A Crisis Award goes to a man who has ice water flowing through his veins, Captain Chesley Sullenberger, pilot of U.S. Airways Flight 1549. On January 15, 2009, shortly after taking off from La Guardia Airport, the plane had a potentially disastrous encounter with a flock of geese. Captain Sullenberger kept his calm, discussed the options with air traffic controllers, then, with both engines shut down, guided his Airbus A320 to a soft landing in the Hudson River, just offshore from Manhattan. Thanks to Captain Sullenberger’s cool courage in a crisis, all 155 of the people on the plane survived the short, action-packed flight.

A hero from start to finish, Captain Sullenberger was the last person to leave the plane. First, he personally checked the plane, twice, to make certain everyone else was gone, Then, satisfied that those in his care were safe, our award winner retrieved the maintenance log, then emerged from the plane to a richly-deserved hero’s welcome.

Politically Incorrect Burger Wranglers of the Year: The marketing mavens at Burger King aced this one with a show stopping ad blitz which serves up this recipe for PIG-Worthy incorrectness:

Take one hot blonde with her mouth wide open.

Mix in the phrases "Super Seven Incher" and "It’ll BLOW your mind"

Aim a torpedo shaped nosh at the blonde’s mouth.

Hot Air scribbler, Ed Morrissey, got snarky, when he dubbed this one a "Porno Burger", then mused about a celebrity endorsement by porn star Ron Jeremy. This PIG-worthy inkorrectness might annoy Ed, but it makes our day.

Quote of the Year: On September 9, 2009, while Prompter Punk was bloviating about his DeathCare debacle, Congressman Joe Wilson injected the first, last, and only dose of objective reality in the 111th Congress, when he shouted out "You lie."

Swinger of the Year: This award goes Elin Woods, a fiery woman who, reportedly, made a lasting impression on Tiger’s jaw with a 9 iron.

Compelling Advertising Image of the Year: When it comes to cutting-edge inKorrectness, few industries do it better than adult beverage manufacturers. If you’re a Golden Oinks Awards regular reader, you’re already up to speed on this fun fact. This year, our heroes of inKorrectness are the perpetrators of Jamieson’s Raspberry Ale:

A beer advertisement featuring Snow White blowing smoke rings while lying in bed with seven semi-naked dwarves has reportedly left Disney fuming. The raunchy Jamieson's Raspberry Ale ad renamed the fairytale cartoon heroine "Ho White." Loveable Disney dwarves, like Sleepy, Happy and Doc, were replaced with Filthy, Smarmy and Randy to portray different types of drinkers. (Fox)

Ho White? Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are.

The Teddy ‘The Swimmer’ Silver Swizzle Stick for the most memorable drunk as a skunk rant on the floor of the U.S. Senate goes to Senator Max Baucus, for his slurred, incoherent, DeathCare bloviating.

The Teak Barn Door: It only closes AFTER the Jihadikaze horses have gotten out and goes to Homeland Stupidity Secretary Janet Come Lately Napolitano. Winning move: she believed that "the system worked" on Flight 253 before she believed, with equal conviction, that the system was a "miserable failure".

Thespian of the Year: For obvious reasons, this pagan scribbler has a soft spot for that cosmic hottie, Angelina Jolie. Fiercely independent, Angelina is a stellar example of rugged individualism.

Already a favorite, here in the PIG bunker, Angelina did us proud this year. How? You’re going to be thrilled:

“She hates him,” a source close to the U.N. goodwill ambassador, 34, tells the new issue of Us Weekly.

“She’s into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise,” adds the source.

But don’t expect to see the Salt actress rally against Democrats on Fox News like her staunch Republican father, Jon Voight.

“Angie isn’t Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors,” the source says. And those political views are putting her at odds with Brad Pitt, 45, who is a big fan of the president and even went solo to the 2008 election party in Chicago. “They get in nasty arguments all the time about it,” says the source. “She doesn’t respect Brad when it comes to politics, but, in the end, this won’t tear them apart.” (Tammy Bruce’s blog)

The FSOP salutes Angelina for daring to, publically, swim against the prevail Obamunist tide in Tinsel Town.

The Spotlight & Shovel: Awarded to the individual(s) who epitomize the search for truth, it goes to James O’Keefe and Hannah Giles for their daring exploits in unmasking ACORN. Armed with a camera, B-movie hooker and pimp costumes, and amazing courage, they invaded numerous ACORN outlets, then came away with investigative journalistic gold.

Hambo’s Bold New Concept Award goes to writer, lecturer, activist and rational adult, Tammy Bruce. Winning move: Tammy removed her daily radio show from the speech suffocating ‘public’ airwaves and redeployed it as an Internet only, free speech venerating, reality check. A bold move? You better believe it, wave of the future Sparky.

Brass Nads of the Year: Lai Jiansheng is our kind of dude. Why? This denizen of China cut to the chase and put an end to an all too familiar ‘shit, or get off the pot’ standoff. We salute him for boldly doing what each of us has, at one time or another, been tempted to do.

Riddled with debt, a desperate dude, Chen Fuchao, tied up traffic across a bridge in southern China for at least 5 hours, when he climbed up on the rail and threatened to jump. During the yammering that ensued, our aspiring jumper explained that he wanted to die, after he racked up 2 million yuan ($293,000 in dead presidents) on a failed construction project.

They talked, and talked, and talked, but this fool refused to make his move. Finally, one of the bystanders, a 66 year old retired soldier, Lai Jiansheng (it must mean big brass ones in Chinese), tried to persuade the police negotiators to let him give it a go. When they refused, he made his move, without their permission. Did his intervention resolve the issue? You better believe it, Sparky:

Mr Lai is said to have then broken through the police cordon, climbed to where Mr Chen sat, greeted him with a handshake - and then pushed him off the edge. Pictures in the China Daily show him saluting to the crowd after Mr Chen fell on to the partially filled emergency air cushion.

"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish," the newspaper quoted Mr Lai as saying. "Their action violates a lot of public interests. They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals." (BBC)

Riddled with ‘mixed’ feelings, I’m compelled to report that the jumper survived his 26 foot header off the bridge. Aside from minor boo-boo’s to his spine and elbow, he’s still the same suicidal piece of crap he was before our hero ‘helped’ him get the job done.

Educrats, Korrectniks, Nanny State Nitwits, & Political Punks

Terrors of Technology Award: If you’re expecting us to name Iranian nukes, or those exploding Jihadikaze undies, get over it. When it comes to pernicious technology both of the aforementioned items run a distant second to that ubiquitous WMD - Weapon of Mass Deception - POTUS Punk’s presidential teleprompter. Without this blight, Barry is a stammering fool, but when he’s got it working, his George Soros-scripted bloviating belongs in the bullshit hall of shame.

The Dirty Diaper: Awarded to the individual, or group, whose relentless caterwauling gets on our last raw nerve, it goes to the Demoncrat dipsticks inside the D.C. Beltway. Unwilling to take full responsibility for their own actions, San Fran Nan, Prompter Punk, Dingy Harry, et al, ignore their overwhelming majorities in both houses of congress and continue to blame all their self-made woes on Vicente W. Bush and the remaining, powerless, Elephant Clan Elected Tormentors in Congress.

The Rancid Raincoat: Awarded to the Media Slut who never gets enough public exposure, it was never in doubt, this year. From the moment the Narcissist In Chief took the oath of office, Messiah Barry had a lock on this one. If you’re like us, you’re praying to the deity of your choice for a prolonged bout of Prompter Punk laryngitis. As usual, we feel your pain. Which part of STFU doesn’t this legend in his own mind understand?

Hits Hiking Jackass of the Year: Thanks to his ‘every 10 picoseconds’ automatic page reloading cycle, Matt Drudge’s Drudge Report is always near the top of the hit counts heap. No doubt that thrills the snot out of Matt, but it comes at a high price: he’s in the top tier of Hambo’s "I’m going to shoot that rat bastard" list.

PIG’s Stalker of the Year was a neck and neck race between an overwhelming favorite, Chris Matthews, and an up and comer, Lindsey Lohan, whose commendably relentless stalking of Samantha Ronson made her a headline grabbing tabloid queen. Lilo faded in the stretch, when she switched teams, again, allowing The Tingler’s unrequited passion for Messiah Barry to carry him to victory.

PIG’s ‘Well, DUH’ Award goes to our first double winner of the year, Chris ‘The Tingler’ Matthews, who ran away with this one, too, when he announced, on ‘Hardball’, with suitable fanfare, that he’s - TA DA - a LIBERAL. That might be breaking news to this pimple on humanity’s butt, but it’s OLD NEWS to anyone with a working synapse.

Braying Jackasses of the Year: A living piece of American history, the USS Constitution, is still alive an kicking in its berth in the Charlestown Navy Yard (Boston). Twice a day, everyone within earshot is updated on Old Ironsides’ status, thanks to a tradition which dates back to 1798: at 8 a.m., and again at sunset, Old Ironsides fires two of its cannons. As traditions go, this one gets our vote. Unhappily, some of Old Ironsides’ Charlestown neighbors have their panties in a wad over this twice a day cannonade. These Johnny Come Lately asshats want the guns silenced.

This pissed of PIGster DEMANDS that these whining asshats STFU, stat. If you make me come over there, I’ll be compelled to ram one of Old Ironsides’ cannon balls down your pie hole. You don’t even want to know what I plan to do with that long pole used to ram to shot home.

PIG’s Reality Check Award goes to those heroic - presumably Ruskie - hackers who gave the Tennessee Tonnage, and his Globally Warmed Goon Squad, heartburn, when they published at least a thousand beans spilling e-mails that they liberated from the Climate Research Unit at a Brit Ivory Tower, East Anglia University. Making it a November to remember, this dose of reality put a memorable chill in the air, in the weeks leading up to the grand Global Warming confab in Copenhagen - an event known throughout the PIGdom as Hoaxenhagen.

The Bronze Lightning Bolt: Awarded to the individual or group which is BEGGING for a smiting, this goes to the petty tyrants, moonbats, and scumbags in the 111th Congress. Due to their unrelenting assault on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, these bloviating butt bullets are at the top of the poop pile of those who are begging for one of Old Ka-Boom’s legendary Old Testament smackdowns.

The Clarabell: Awarded to the individual who turned a woman’s nads into a clown car it goes to someone you couldn’t pick out of a lineup: Dr. Michael Kamrava. Who is he? He’s the clown car driver who implanted 8 embryos in Nadia ‘Octomom’ Suleman, a deranged woman whom he’d impregnated, successfully, via IVF, on 5 prior occasions. That’s right PIGsters, this quack implanted octuplets in an unmarried woman who already had 6 children whom she was hard-pressed to support.

The Golden Guide Dog: Awarded to the individual or group that is guilty of willful blindness, it, once again, goes to the Mainstream Media. From the moment Messiah Barry lied by swearing to "preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States", the usual News Nitwit suspects have turned a blind eye to Barry’s rampant Narcissism, his America hating screed and his shocking ineptitude. Instead, they give the worst, most egregiously unqualified, president in American history a free - nothing to see here - pass.

PIGishly Fun

Golden D’Oh of the Year: A trio of Brit desperados aced this one, after they pulled off a flawless heist of a jewelry store, then made off with a $100,000 haul in stolen jewelry. D’Oh reached critical mass, during their flight from the scene of the crime, when their designated getaway driver steadfastly refused to break any traffic laws, including, ESPECIALLY, the posted speed limit. Getaway interruptus? You better believe it, bagged, tagged, and dragged, queasy rider Sparky.

PIG’s Animal Husbandry Award goes to a genuinely nice guy, Lamar Odom. Although he is primary known for his NBA exploits, Lamar bagged this highly prized award for his interspecies nuptials to Sasquatch Kardashian.

PIG’s Cash for Corpses Award was never in doubt. With his career on that relentless slide into well earned obscurity, Mikey ‘The Molester’ Jackson spent his final years teetering on the brink of financial disaster, until he made a brilliant career move by dying on June 25, 2009. The minute his heart stopped beating, Mikey’s earning power went from life support to sales on steroids and there’s no end in sight.

Excuse of the Year: When Magdalena Kwiatkowska and her 13 year old wenchlet daughter returned to Poland, after a holiday trip to Egypt, baby girl was carrying some unwanted cargo. It’s not what you think, unless you suspect that baby girl is giving the Immaculate Conception a run for its money. Unwilling to point a finger of blame at baby girl, mommy is suing an Egyptian hotel because - I am NOT making this up - baby girl got urped from some free ranging sperm that was splashing around in the hotel’s swimming pool.

The wenchlet was urped by a renegade sperm in a swimming pool? That might be the excuse of the millennium.

PIG’s Johnny Appleseed Award goes to an unlikely ecologist, Tiger Woods, a dedicated dude who spent every spare moment wandering Mother Earth in search of suitable holes where he could plant his wood.

PIG’s Drunk As A Skunk Memento Award: Our award winner is a 27-year-old dude - he’s identified only as ‘Joel’ - from northern Sweden who wishes he could forget ‘it’, as easily as he erased all memory of his award-winning night on the town. ‘It’ is a six-inch tattoo of a wang, which he found on his leg, after a night on the town, when he roused himself from his drunken stupor.

How did it happen? Joel is a bit fuzzy on the devilish details, but his friends are ready, willing, and eager to fill in the blanks. It began, when fueled by an impressive adult beverage infusion, Joel admired his friend’s tattoo. It reached critical mass when a tattoo artist who happened to be in the next booth offered to give Joel a free tattoo, but, the tattoo artist insisted that he be given ‘free rein to express himself' when it came to the image. The rest, as they say, is history.

Having a wang tattoo on your leg isn’t all grins and giggles, but Joel seems to be handling it. Eventually, he learned the identity of the artist, but Joel isn’t pointing the finger of blame at him. Drunk or not, Joel admits that he did it to himself, by being drunk and stupid.

Human Gene Pool Volunteer of the Year: A man of immense appetites, a 28-year-old Russian, uh, stallion, achieved immortality in the final hours of his life. If ever a man justified the phrase ‘what a way to go’, it’s Sergey Tuganov.

His header into Human Gene Pool Improvement glory began with a bet and ended...memorably. It started after two women bet our stallion the Ruskie equivalent of $4,300 in dead presidents that he couldn’t satisfy both of them during a 12-hour, non-stop, sex marathon. Was Sergey, uh, ‘UP’ to the challenge? Yes, and no.

Yes: thanks to the full bottle of Viagra he ingested, Sergey was able to keep his wang in firing position for the mandated 12 hour boink-a-thon.

No: Tragically, Sergey died of a heart attack, mere minutes after winning his bet.

Some PIG staffers think they should have Sergey’s wang bronzed, an attitude that’s shared by Sergey’s two playmates, no doubt.

Smiting of the Year: Has some supernatural power painted a bull’s-eye on Osama and his al-Qaeda asshats? It certainly looks that way. Prove it? No problem.

The name of this supernatural reality check is a familiar one: The Black Death, and it is carving up Osama’s punks nicely:

The killer bug, also known as the plague, swept through insurgents training at a forest camp in Algeria, North Africa. It came to light when security forces found a body by a roadside. The victim was a terrorist in AQLIM (al-Qaeda in the Land of the Islamic Maghreb), the largest and most powerful al-Qaeda group outside the Middle East. It trains Muslim fighters to kill British and US troops.

Now al-Qaeda chiefs fear the plague has been passed to other terror cells — or Taliban fighters in Afghanistan. (The Sun)

PIG confers kudos on the supernatural entity - we suspect Mother Nature, but PIGster J’s Old Ka-Boom is also high on our list - who aimed the Black Plague at al-Qaeda.