Do The Crime
If You Can't Do The Time..."
Baretta Theme Song
inmates to PIG's Penitentiary and Rogues Gallery page. Here, in
light of Mel "Make Mine A Double, Jew Bastard" Gibson's arrest,
we thought we would spotlight some noted celebrities that found
themselves booked, fingerprinted and saying cheese for the Man's
camera prior to spending a little time at the 'Ol Graybar. At first,
some members of the PIG staff were reluctant to wallow in the muck
and mire of celebrity injustice, but, after getting over their notions
of piling on they got the big picture. Holding the rich, famous
and connected up to public ridicule, is, we all decided, big time
best, celebrity injustice boils down to the Orwellian axiom: Some
are more equal than others. In a rational world, a justice system
adjudicates each case against the same, unwavering standard. That's
why Lady Justice wears a blindfold. PIG is more than a tad annoyed
that this blindfold "slips" and all too often Lady Justice gets
"star struck". Instead of the mandated penalty, the celebrity gets
a wrist slap. In the real world, the matter ends there, but here
in the PIG Zone, we're willing to boldly go where others fear to
for the fun of it, and eager to kick the rich, famous and connected
while they're down, PIG decided to run certain high profile "celebrity"
cases past the Chief Justice of PIG's Supreme Court of The Buck
Stops Here, Sparky, the Honorable Samuel "Off With His Head" Swinestein.
At our behest, after a suitable infusion of adult beverage, Judge
Swinestein agreed to 'rehear' certain famous cases and pronounce
judgement. The cornerstone of PIGish justice is "let the punishment
fit the crime".
listen up, you prima donnas, divas, pretty boy, crack-pipe sucking,
booze guzzling, cop slapping, revolving door rehab repeating, spoiled
brat, my shit don't stink Hollywood hollow heads. If, when your
mug gets splattered across front pages from sea to shining sea,
and beyond, broadcast on every boob tube from here to the Ubangi
in a negative light, YOU are the one's who put your reputation and
career on the line when you did what you did.
what really chaps our hides is that in most cases, you not only
get a slap on the wrist, but your legal run-ins can actually enhance
your career marketabilty, unlike the rest of us Joe Six-Packs out
here in the real world, who usually get the book thrown at us.