PIG News Digest | Beyond America

MARCH 2011

Giving It Up For Her Team
Source: PIG News Wire [03/31/11]

A self-described Cricket fanatic, a model named Poonam Pandey, has put her modesty on the line to inspire India's cricket team to the top of the heap in the cricket World Cup. How? This popular swimwear model vows that she'll take it all off, if her nation's team wins the cricket World Cup.

Poonam Pandey, 20, who features in a best-selling Indian swimwear calendar, said she wanted to provide an incentive to players by promising them she would bare all -- though whether her offer will be welcomed is not known.

"I'm a cricket fanatic and I'm a diehard supporter of my nation. India needs a lot of support and this is my way of supporting the team," she told several newspapers on Wednesday.

Asked by reporters if she was pulling of a publicity stunt, she replied: "Absolutely not. I'm confident of my body and I'm doing this to excite our boys to play better."

Pandey received widespread media attention for her pledge, with the Times of India illustrating its story with a colour photograph of her wearing a skimpy bikini. (AFP)

Suitable inspired, India defeated arch rival Pakistan. The next stop on the road to a booty baring celebration is a final's match against Sri Lanka.

Hugo Gets An Award For WHAT!
Source: PIG News Wire [03/31/11]

In a move that came straight from the Twilight Zone, Argentina's University of La Plata gave the prestigious press freedom award, the Rodolfo Walsh Award, to a visiting tyrant, Hugo"Skipper" Chavez. Is it another bit of April Tomfoolery? Perhaps, but I doubt it.

Apparently press 'freedom' has a different meaning in the Twilight Zone.Itappears that it's measured by a tyrant's success in shutting down privately owned media companies in Venezuela, and saturating the country with Hugo approved spin from state-owned media.

In the region of the Twilight Zone where this Ivory Tower is located, Skipper bears no resemblance to the tyrant for life who is systematically eradicating inalienable individual liberty. Instead, when viewed through that objective reality obliterating prism, Hugo is perceived as a man with an "unquestionable and authentic commitment to defending the liberty of the people, consolidating Latin American unity and defending human rights, truth and democratic values."

Are we talking about the same thug, or are these Argentine Eggheads smoking crack?

Recidivism On Steroids
Source: The Courier [03/28/11]

An Aussie road warrior crammed a lot of action into one memorable weekend, by getting bagged & tagged by the proper authorities 4 times in one weekend. Not impressed? What if I I kicked it up a notch, by telling you that 3 of those incidents happened in a rip snorting 5 hour period?

Incident 1: Our hero is pulled over a few ticks past midnight on a Saturday and hauled into the police station where he racked up 0.99 on the drunk-o-meter. After writing him up, the cops kicked our hero loose.

Incident 2: AT 1 am, our hero slammed his car into the Arch of Victory in Ballarat. During a stint in the hospital, where he was treated for a minor boo-boo, our hero had another chat with the Ballarat police. Based on the chat, they deduced our hero was doing 100 mph when he hit the immovable object. Kicked loose again? You bet.

Incident 3: After his release from the hospital, our hero hit the road in an unregistered vehicle then got into a high speed chase around 4:30 am. Slammer cit y? Nope, our teflon coated hero slipped through the justice system's fingers, again.

Incident 4: After a day's rest, our hero was out on the road again, the next night, when he got into another high speed chase with the proper authorities from Brown Hill and Warrenheip. Once again, he was bagged and tagged, but I doubt that this road warrior will let anything as petty as that keep him from perpetrating his road warrior game.

When The Truth Hurts, Attack the Messenger
Source: PIG News Wire [03/25/11]

When she heard about the massacre of a Jewish family living on the West Bank by those relentlessly peaceful Palestinian Islamikazes, a scribbler named Melanie Phillips posted a fiery rant on the Spectator website. Believe it or not, her incendiary online commentary didn’t thrill J.O.E.’s entrenched Korrectniks spitless. For some reason, Melanie’s PIG-worthy prose - she cited the "moral depravity" of Arab "savages" - has the cringing cowards in the Brit Press Complaints Commission in a hair torching lather.

The Guardian served up these tidbits:

The online comment piece, headlined “Armchair barbarism”, focused on media coverage of the murder of five members of a Jewish family in the West Bank settlement of Itamar by Palestinian militants earlier this month.

“The moral depravity of the Arabs is finding a grotesque echo in the moral bankruptcy and worse of the British and American ‘liberal’ media,” wrote Phillips.

“Overwhelmingly, the media have either ignored or downplayed the atrocity – or worse, effectively blamed the victims for bringing it on themselves, describing them as ‘hard-line settlers’ or extremists. To the New York Times, it’s not the Arab massacre of a Jewish family which has jeopardised ‘peace prospects’ – because the Israelis will quite rightly never trust any agreement with such savages – but instead Israeli policy on building more homes, on land to which it is legally and morally entitled, which is responsible instead for making peace elusive. Twisted, and sick.”

The column, which also referred to coverage of the murders by CNN, the BBC and the Guardian – part of the group that publishes MediaGuardian.co.uk – prompted two complaints to the press watchdog,one of them from Engage, a group promoting Muslim engagement in British society.

Predictably, it’s J.O.E.’s invading Islamikazes who are perpetrating a deafening din of caterwauling. Among other things, these Jihadikazes played the race card vilifying Melanie’s freedom of speech exercise as a "generalized racist outburst against Arabs as a whole". Cry me a river, Jihadikaze Sparky, while I look for the world’s smallest violin. In Jihadikaze-infested J.O.E., objective reality is inherently racist, if it involves inconvenient truths about Islam and its adherents.

Things That Go ‘Boom’
Source: Golden Oinks [03/25/11]

We the PIGs are delighted to share this explosively enjoyable epic from that bastion of religious tolerance, Nasarawa Gwom in Jos, a city in Nigeria’s Plateau state. Never heard of it? Neither have I, but, according to Bloomberg, it’s a region of Nigeria, where Cross Cultists and Islamikazes ‘resolve’ their differences, by killing each other.

More than 200 people have died in reprisal attacks by Christian and Muslim groups in the Plateau region, according to New York-based Human Rights Watch, since multiple bomb blasts in Jos city on Christmas Eve killed 80 people. A radical Islamic sect known as Boko Haram, or “Western education is a sin,” claimed responsibility for the explosions. (Bloomberg)

As a matter of fact, the featured players in this action-packed yarn were planting a bomb outside a Christian Toll Booth, when the were instantly ejected from the human gene pool, after the bomb exploded prematurely. The bad news is that premature ejectification isn’t going to get them in the queue for those celestial virgins. Life is so sucky that way. The good news is that, by forcibly exploding themselves out of the human gene pool, they aced PIG's coveted human gene pool improvement volunteer award. I’m sure that will warm the cockles of their heart, not that staying warm is a problem where those murdering bastards are spending eternity.

Freedom of Speech Sighted In Sweden?
Source: PIG News Wire [03/18/11]

The Skane Party is described - in a UPI news story - as ‘a small right-wing, anti-immigration party originally formed to protest the Swedish state radio and television monopoly and to advocate self-government for the province of Skane’. In other words, they’re your basic barrel of Swedish laughs.

Founded by Carl P. Herslow in 1979, the Skane Party decided to test the tolerance of the Islamikazes who infest Sweden. How? Carl Herslow produced a poster which shows the Mecca Maniac prophet, Mohammed, standing next to his 9-year-old wife. So what? Oh, did I forget to mention that both of them are stark naked? Holy full frontal nudity, Batman. Leaving nothing to chance, Carl Herslow kicked the poster up a notch, with this prose: “He is 53 and she is 9. Is this the kind of wedding we want to see in Skane?”

The cow squeeze hit the rotating cooling device, in 2010, when the proper authorities seized copies of the poster and subjected Carl Herslow to the tender mercy of the Swedish justice system. When it was all said and done, Carl was ruled not guilty of ‘agitation against an ethnic group’, and not guilty of violating Sweden’s press freedom laws.

The good news for Carl is that he didn’t get hammered by the Swedish justice system. The bad news is that those Titans of Tolerance, the perpetually pissed off Islamikazes, will probably try to invoke their own brand of 7th century ‘justice’ on him. Watch your back, Carl.

Making Complete Boobs of Themselves
Source: Golden Oinks [03/18/11]

Sweater puppies ran away with the FSOP’s body part of the week award, but not for the obvious reasons. I know what you’re thinking and I strongly resemble that, but it’s not the reason for this award. Boobs made the cut because, two groups of pinheads, in different parts of the world, had a boobs-related brain fart.

First out of the gate were the female phobic Islamikazes on Pakistan’s Council of Islamic Ideology who whined about ‘the use of padded and colorful [boulder holders]’ by Islamikaze women. Just getting started, they complained that despite the tent-like fit of female Islamikaze attire, it’s still possible to detect their babely bumps. What to do? If you’re an Islamikaze alleged male who can’t control his sexual impulses, you ask Pakistani Islamikaze researchers (I’m guessing that’s a very short list) to invent a boulder holder that renders those inconvenient babely bumps invisible.

If you think that’s a fun as it gets, I tend to agree, up to a point. Believe it or not, this Pakistani Islamikaze cabal hasn’t cornered the market, when it comes to waging war on babely bumps. Venezuela’s moon-faced circle of hell, Hugo Skipper Chavez, is complaining about our body part of the week, too.

Hugo hasn’t, as far as I can tell, ventured as deep into the ‘ban the boob’ Twilight Zone as the alleged men in Pakistan. He may or may not be okey dokey with a woman’s ‘god given’ sweater puppies. The jury is still out on that issue. Hugo has, however, declared war on the asset enhancing ‘boob job’, which is all the rage in his outpost of tyranny. He thinks it’s a ‘monstrous thing’ that, every year, 30,000 to 40,000 Venezuelan women expand their babely horizons, putting his country in the running for ‘boob job capitol of the world. If this is the number 1 issue in his country, life is inexplicably good and Hugo should stop whining and get on with it.

PIGish World News
Source: PIG News Wire [03/11/11]

Prison Break ~~Out~~...In?
While the relevant innkeepers were busy making certain that all their graybar hotel guests are present and accounted for, some daring thieves paid a visit to the New Plymouth Prison (New Zealand) administration building. That’s right, PIGsters, some daring desperados broke into the prison.

After sneaking into the prison, the thieves forced open a window in the administration building, then helped themselves to a 50-inch plasma boob tube. On the way out, the bold as brass thieves set the window curtains on fire, to distract prison officials during their getaway.

While the firefighters put out the flames, they noticed signs that a window had been forced open, so they notified the cops. When the police arrived, they discovered that the only thing missing was that oversized plasma boob tube.

If you were near this graybar around midnight on Friday (03/04/11) and spotted some dudes carrying an plasma television set on, or near, Huatoki walkway, the graybar’s innkeepers would really like to hear from you.

More Sandbox Hilarity
Channeling their inner Mister Blackwell, those wild and crazy guys in the Saudi religious police - the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice - raided dress shops in the town of Taif. Why? Because there aren’t any rational adults in the Kingdom, so there’s nobody to tell them ‘knock it off’ and make it stick. Also, and this will thrill you, the religious police have so much spare time on their hands they have written standards on the kind of dresses that Saudi shop owners are allowed to sell.

When the raids started, the smart shop keepers closed up their outpost of capitalism and got the hell out of Dodge. Those who stayed to endure the antics of the Saudi Supernaturalism Gestapo where compelled to sign a ‘I’ll never sell this stuff again’ pledge. It’s just another day in the Sandbox.

I need somebody, anybody, to tell me, with a straight face, how Sharia is the least bit compatible with inalienable individual liberty. I need somebody, anybody, to tell me with a straight face, how this crap venerates women.

Teacher’s Pet, With a Twist
The featured players in this drama are: a 15-year-old Brit lad, a 30-year-old teaching assistant named Leah Davies. Leah Davies befriended the lad’s mother, at least 3 years ago, a fact which put her in harm’s way, since she spent a lot of time with the lad's family. Since Leah's 10 year old son is a friend of the lad's the two families went on holidays together. Leah She also looked after the lad and his sister, when the lad’s mother was out of town.

Eventually, Leah and the lad started canoodling, then the relationship became serious, when she gave him at least one hummer, then got horizontal and squishy with the lad. That 2009 interlude was short lived, and landed Leah in a lot of hot water with the Brit justice system, where Leah caught a break. Yes, she was convicted of four counts of sexual activity with a child, but, the judge took the road less traveled with this ruling from the bench:

"There have been cases in which the power in a relationship has been imbalanced, with the younger person having less. But that’s not the case here. The complainant, if he can be described as such, was a gregarious young man who played in a band and was sexually experienced. The experience was short-lived and required no coercion. He touched you first. He was not seduced or corrupted by the experience. None of the matters to which I have referred, nor the nature of the relations as I’ve described them is meant to make light of this type of case. It is not common but nor is it unknown." (Daily Mail)

After calling Leah an "ordinary, decent, hard-working woman who made a tragic and foolish mistake", Judge Martin Rudland imposed a 12-month suspended sentence, plus ‘a two-year supervision order’ (probation, more or less). It seems fair, to this pagan scribbler, but that’s just me, so you’ll have to make your own call on this one.

PIGish International Tales
Source: PIG News Wire [03/04/11]

Nostalgia Stinks
If you’re a city dweller who misses those familiar aromas from your formative years on the family farm, I have some sensory stimulating news for you. For the low, low, price of about $8 - not including shipping charges from the source of this sensory feast in Germany - you can breathe in the heady aroma of - I am not making this up - COW FARTS. That’s right, cow farts.

Metro.UK served up these bovine butt gas facts:

Tins filled with the air sucked out of an ageing wooden stable, straw lined and filled with gas producing cattle has become an instant hit after it went on sale in Germany. Managers of the 'Countryside air to go' project say their clients are mainly country people who have moved to the city and want to be reminded of home. The cans cost £5 a pop and can be ordered from the web site www.stallduft.de.

One advert boasts: 'Simply put your nose to the tin and peel back the lid for the authentic smell of the country'.

Designer Daniela Dorrer from the village of Adlkofen in Bavaria in Germany said: 'We hope to make people who miss the countryside happy and remind them of home. 'We are planning other smells such as horse, straw, pigs and manure. But most people miss the smell of the cows in the country, not really surprising as much of the smell is from cows.'

Cow farts? At those prices? I don’t think so, Tim. BUT...If someone could box up the ‘farmer’s daughter’ of popular myth, I might consider it.

Murderville
If you’re not convinced that the Mexican drug cartels have turned Mexico, in general, and the border region, in particular, into a Spanish speaking circle of hell, get over it. Prove it? No problem.

Fact: Ciudad Juarez is a city with a population of 1,328,017 which is just across the border from El Paso, Mexas.

Fact: Afghanistan has a population of 29,121,286.

Fact: During 2010, 2,421 Afghani civilians were killed.

Fact: During 2010, 3,111 civilians were killed in Juarez.

If you do the math, you come up with some chilling numbers. A civilian in Juarez is 30 times more likely to be killed, than a civilian in Afghanistan, which is a very active war zone.

Nurse Yum Yumski sits out Libya’s Civil War
Libya’s embattled leader, Muammar Muhammad al-Gaddafi, lost more than the lion’s share of his country. He has also been cut off from Galyna Kolotnytska, the voluptuous blond Ukranian nurse who has been a fixture in the embattled tyrant’s life.

After the shooting started, Nurse Yum Yumski contacted her daughter back home, and told her she was on the way home, until the civil war is settled. She has not ruled out returning, if Muammar defies the odds and wins his battle for control of Libya.

Why, you ask, does Muammar rely entirely on Galyna and several other Ukrakian women to attend to his medical needs? If you need that answer, you’ll find it when you do a Goggle search for Galyna’s picture. Muammar is a vile piece of tyrannical crap, but he sure knows how to pick them.

Another Day, Another H & S Brainfart In J.O.E.
The insanity started, last year, when the Leicestershire County Council banished certain ‘dangerous’ eye protection, worrying that it could snap back in tyke faces and cause injuries. Furthermore, the same ‘dangerous’ eye protection reduced a tyke’s peripheral vision, which might cause injury, when they did a header into some immovable object. Following the Leicestershire Council’s lead, the Hertfordshire County Council jumped on the same Health & Safety bandwagon.

What are these ‘dangerous’ eye protectors that have been banned by Health & Safety asshats in Leicestershire, Hertfordshire and, quite recently, by the Oxfordshire County Council? They’re the goggles that many young ‘uns wear during school swimming lessons.

Where, you ask, are these H & S asshats getting these ideas? I think they pull them out of their butts, but they swear they’re ‘inspired’ by this cow squeeze:

A spokesman for Oxfordshire County Council refused to divulge the specific reason why goggles had been banned from its swimming pools. "This local authority, like others throughout the UK, reflects to schools the national guidance provided by various governing sport bodies on this issue," he said. "These organisations include The Amateur Swimming Association (ASA), the Swimming Teachers Association (STA), the Association for Physical Education and the Institute of Sport and Recreation Management."

The ASA said it did not have a strict policy on goggle use, but offered guidance to pool operators and parents.

The STA said children should be encouraged to not wear goggles in swimming lessons, but recognised they may be necessary for medical or other reasons. It added that goggles should meet British standards and fit correctly. (London Telegraph)

For the umpteenth time, I am compelled to ask, "Don’t these clowns have something better to do?". For the umpteenth time, I’m compelled to answer: "Apparently not."

FEBRUARY 2011

Black Helicopter Club Is SO Over Libya’s Lunatic Leader
Source: Tasty Tidbits [02/24/11]

According to CNS News, the Black Helicopter Club is doing what it usually does during a crisis: nothing. Well, next to nothing:

The U.N. Security Council Tuesday issued a press statement condemning the Libyan regime’s violence against civilians — the weakest option available to it, short of saying nothing.

The U.S. and Security Council members’ envoys characterized the statement as a robust response to the crisis.

Brazilian ambassador Maria Luiza Viotti, who chairs the 15-member council this month, read the statement followiong hours of closed-door consultations, calling it “a strong message.”

British ambassador Mark Lyall Grant described it as “extremely strong,” and U.S. deputy ambassador Rosemary DiCarlo said the international community had condemned the violence “in one clear and unified voice.”

For those of you who are newbies in the PIGdom, I’ll review my legendary Hierarchy of U.N. Disapproval, which was obtained through our top secret sources.

1) Frown
2) Frown and finger shaking
3) Stern memo
4) Stern memo and frown
5) Stern memo, frown and finger shaking
6) Secretary General threatens to hold his breath until he turns blue.
7) After he passes out, the U.N. regroups by letting everyone vent at a General Assembly whine-a-thon.
8) Ignore the facts and/or change the subject, by serving up a Security Council resolution condemning Israel.
9) Thunder ominously about American imperialism when Uncle Sam vetoes the resolution.
10) Hold a press conference announcing "We did everything we could."
11) Reset disapproval meter back to "Frown".

Are we all up to speed on U.N. Disapproval now, new world order Sparky?

Our Kind Of Guy
Source: Golden Oinks [02/24/11]

This week, we salute an Aussie Elected Tormentor, Senator Cory Bernardi, who is the parliamentary secretary for the Liberal party. I know what you’re thinking, and normally you’d be right that ‘Liberal Party’ tends to negate any PIGish kudos. Normally, but not this time.

We the PIGs salute Senator Bernardi for daring to get real about Mecca Mania. How real did he get? Jihadikaze death threat real. How did he manage that? The Herald Sun served up these PIG-worthy Cory Bernardi pronouncements:

“Islam itself is the problem — it’s not Muslims. Muslims are individuals that practise their faith in their own way, but Islam is a totalitarian, political and religious ideology. It tells people everything about how they need to conduct themselves, who they’re allowed to marry and how they’re allowed to treat other people.”

Senator Bernardi said Islam had “not moved on” since it was founded and that extremists wanted fundamentalist Islamic rule implemented in Australia.

Is Mecca Mania "a totalitarian, political and religious ideology"? You better believe it, given ‘em hell Cory, Sparky.

Egypt By The Numbers
Source: PIG News Wire [02/18/11]

Before, during, and after the Egyptian meltdown, commentators, bloggers, and other wishful thinkers tried to spin what happened in Egypt as an exercise in liberty and rational self government. It’s a nice fantasy, but it’s only a fantasy.

For the bitter reality, I’ll serve up these results from a Pew Research Center survey of Egyptian adults that was conducted last year:

Among highlights from the Pew poll:

• 49% of Egyptians say Islam plays only a "small role" in public affairs under President Hosni Mubarak, while 95% prefer the religion play a "large role in politics."

• 84% favor the death penalty for people who leave the Muslim faith.

• 82% support stoning adulterers.

• 77% think thieves should have their hands cut off.

• 54% support a law segregating women from men in the workplace.

• 54% believe suicide bombings that kill civilians can be justified.

• Nearly half support the terrorist group Hamas.

• 30% have a favorable opinion of Hezbollah.

• 20% maintain positive views of al-Qaida and Osama bin Laden.

• 82% of Egyptians dislike the U.S. — the highest unfavorable rating among the 18 Muslim nations Pew surveyed.

The numbers seldom lie. Before Mubarak’s ouster was even on anyone’s radar, rank and file Egyptians were already dreaming of an Islamikaze theocracy. All they need is their Khomeini, and it’s a done deal. The Muslim Brotherhood has someone who’s made to order, but that’s a topic we’ll address, later.

PIGish International News
Source: PIG News Wire [02/18/11]

Russia
This week, St. Petersburg dwelling Ruskies, who braved the Russian winter, were treated to an arresting sight, in front of St. Petersburg’s Kazan Cathedral. A group of seven mini skirted Ruskie hotties were clearing away the snow and ice. Why? Why indeed.

If you’re thinking publicity stunt, you’re on the right track. They want the relevant city officials to keep the sidewalks clear of snow. Why? Because all the ice and snow keeps the men they seek from visiting the city.

An AP story shares these Ruskie hottie facts:

They're affiliated with XZ, a local group that uses beautiful women to draw attention to social problems.

Spokeswoman Eva Tornado claimed that tourism experts say foreign visitors avoid St. Petersburg in the winter because of the city's problems in dealing with its snow. She also proclaimed "we'd like more foreign men to come to the city!"

Maybe these eager wenches need to emulate the birds and ‘fly south for the winter’. If they need a refuge, the top secret PIG Bunker promises to give Ruskie hotties a warm, properly-PIGish, welcome.

The Sandbox
Our heroine - I’ll call her Moonbeam - is a 23-year-old Yemeni wench who lives in an especially rustic region of Saudi Arabia. A month ago, she walked out of her mountain village home and never returned. At first glance, it’s not remotely PIG-worthy, but we’re just getting to the fun part, the part where the wench’s family claims she has been abducted by jinn (genies).

“Her brothers and some residents in the village said she sometimes appears at night and then suddenly disappears…they told police that they believe she has been haunted and taken by jinn.”

Why, you ask, would they think that? The following prose from our Emirates 24/7 source material, provides those tasty tidbits, where’s my tinfoil headgear Sparky:

“Before she vanished, we used to take her to some Koran reciters and scholars…she used to walk into their places but we had to carry her on our way out as she appeared to be in a trance…a red fluid sometimes oozed out of her ears and noses…it was not blood and it had a strange smell…some scholars told us that she is haunted and others said she is under jinn guardianship.”

Abducted by genies? Perhaps, but, before you invest in tinfoil headgear, consider this fun fact: A year ago, our heroine ran away from home, and took refuge in another house. Recently, our Moonbeam acted nervous and moody. Is that a sign of supernatural forces at work, or, is it a signal that Moonbeam is going to hit the road again? I’ll let you make that call, PIGster Sparky.

PIGish Tales From Over There
Source: PIG News Wire [02/11/11]

VDDS - Malaysia
Several Islamikaze infested Malaysian states that have retreated behind a Sharia curtain are gearing up for Valentine’s Day. Unable to repeal certain troublesome aspects of human biology, the Islamikazes running the states of Kedah, Penang and Kelantan as well as central Selangor state are doing their best to make it inconvenient for boy and girl to hook up.

They’re calling this outburst of 7th Century supernaturalism "immorality checks". For those thrilling details, I’ll let Nasrudin Hasan Tantawi, head of the Islamic party PAS’s youth wing, do the heavy lifting:

“We have identified spots in these states which are used by lovers and we are deploying local religious department officials as well as party members to stop such sinful acts like casual sex which violates Islam,” Nasrudin told AFP.

He said authorities will take action against those caught in the dragnet, under Islamic laws that run in parallel with the civil justice system in Muslim-majority Malaysia.

“There have been campaigns promoting ‘no panties’ on Valentines Day and even free hotel room offers for unmarried couples. We must stop such practices here as these are sinful activities,” he added. (AFP)

Obviously Nasrudin’s brain isn’t wired for a straightforward concept like ‘none of your damn business’.

Parting shot: It’s more than a tad ironic, that the pot of gold at the end of a relentlessly prudish Islamikaze dude’s rainbow is an orgy with 72 virgins.

VDDS - Indonesia
The Indonesian Islamikazes are spreading their special brand of joy, again, this Valentine’s Day. Why? Because they’re misogynists who are incapable of controlling their sexual impulses. Determined to eradicate the utterly human, biological, drives, the Islamikazes relentlessly track down and eradicate anything that foster’s romance, including, especially, Valentine’s Day.

‘From its origins, it is recognised that the Valentine’s Day is a holiday of non-Muslims in Rome, Italy. Therefore, Valentine’s Day celebrations are forbidden for Muslims,’ MUI Dumai chairman Rozai Akbar told Antara in Dumai on Thursday.

He added that Valentine’s Day celebrations went against Islamic teachings because the celebration was akin to encouraging young people to build relationships outside marriage. (Straits Times)

If human sexuality is such a problem for this Islamikaze clown, Rozai Akbar, he might as well nip off his nads and all his problems will be solved.

Iran Cooks Up Another Asinine Edict
As far as I can tell, Mahmoud, and his regime, spend every waking minute spreading their special brand of ‘you can’t do that, it’s not properly Islamic’ joy. Over time, the definition for ‘not properly Islamic’ keeps evolving, to provide the Islamikazes with new targets.

This week, in a move that I won’t try to explain, Iranian officials painted their bull’s-eye on - I am NOT making this up - cooking shows that feature non-Iranian dishes. An AFP news story serves up these unappetizing morsels:

Iran's state-run television has been banned from screening cooking shows that promote foreign cuisine as conservatives seek to fight Western influence in the Iranian culture, media reported on Sunday.

"From now on teaching how to cook non-Iranian dishes is banned," deputy head of Iran's state broadcaster Ali Darabi was quoted as saying by Aftabnews, a moderate website, and several other media outlets.

Iran boasts a rich cuisine and cooking shows are very popular, with chefs teaching a variety of Iranian and foreign recipes on daytime television. Italian, Chinese and Indian dishes are also favoured by many Iranians, while officials warn against the increasing consumption of unhealthy fast food.

That last line, the one about ‘unhealthy fast food’, raises the obvious question. Has Mahmoud cloned the Red Shed Food Nazi, stuffed her in a burka, then turned her loose on Iran’s televised cooking shows? It’s Enquiring minds time, again, in the FSOP.

PIGish International Pit Stops
Source: PIG News Wire [02/04/11]

Johannesburg, South Africa
With all the serious problems resolved, South Africans are staging a major food fight over a Japanese delicacy, sushi. If this political whiz-a-thon pitted ‘sushi sucks’ individuals against ‘sushi rocks’ individuals, I might ‘get it’. Curiously, sushi is only a side issue. The real pisser is how it is served: in this case it’s deployed on the bikini clad body of a model. So what? So some alleged humans have ‘issues’ with that:

South Africa's governing party has pronounced: eating sushi off the body of a model in a bikini is politically incorrect. A statement from African National Congress secretary general Gwede Mantashe on Monday is unequivocal: "This act is anti-ANC and anti-revolutionary. This act is defamatory, insensitive and undermining of woman's integrity."

The fish-on-flesh question has raged in South African media in recent months following reports of the practice at parties of wealthy businessmen and socialites. (Stuff.co.nz)

I don’t care how tasty the model might be...I don’t care how edible she might look in a bikini...sushi is, under any, and all, circumstances VILE.

Malawi
If you think an African nation like Malawi has nothing in common with the USA, get over it. For example, like so many of our own Elected Tormentors, the Nanny State nitwits in Malawi are worried about air quality. Are Malawi’s Elected Tormentors going Smog Nazi bonkers? Nope, but they are painting a Nanny State bull’s-eye on certain ‘emissions’.

Channeling their inner Don Quixote, Malawi’s government wants to make farting in public a crime:

The government of Malawi plan to punish persistent offenders 'who foul the air' in a bid to 'mould responsible and disciplined citizens.

The crime will be enforceable in a new 'Local Court' system which will also have powers to punish a range of other crimes in the bill set to be debated in the country's parliament. These include insulting the modesty of a woman, challenging to fight a duel, and trespassing on a burial place. It also outlaws pretending to be a fortune teller, according to local press in the country.

Opposition leaders complain the new courts will be 'kangaroo courts'. (Daily Mail)

Outlawing farts? Wow...If the Libertard Moonbats hear about this...I’d rather not think about it.

Indonesia
In the infidel-infested Western World, it’s a form of self-promotion which, under the right circumstances, can be very profitable. It’s one way that a wanna be who needs a break, can get some notoriety. It’s also used by celebrities, whose star power is fading, to put their name back in play. That’s why the ‘celebrity’ sex tape is a familiar fixture in popular culture.

In Islamikaze-infested nations, like Indonesia, a sex tape can, and will, get you thrown in jail. It could also get you killed, if some Imam decides that your antics give Islam a boo-boo. That brings us to the star of this epic, an Indonesian pop star, Nazril "Ariel" Irham, who did a header into the dark underbelly of sex tape infamy, after somebody posted several of his sex tapes on the Internet.

Unlike the West, where a sex tape scandal is, at most, a public relations nightmare, Indonesia considers such things a violation of Indonesia’s Draconian anti-pornography laws. Utterly unamused, an Indonesian black robe, Judge Singgih Budi Prakoso, worried that "As a public figure, the defendant should be aware that fans might imitate his behavior." Worried or not, the judge cut this sex taping horndog some slack, when he imposed his sentence: three and a half years in an Indonesian Graybar Hotel, plus a $25,000 (dead presidents) fine.

And what, you ask, do Indonesia’s notoriously tolerant Islamikazes think about the judge’s sentence? Hard core islamikazes are outraged that this sex taping horndog didn’t get the maximum sentence: 12 years in the slammer. Is "Ariel" a marked man? Not yet, but the Imams could change that, any minute now.

JANUARY 2011

Canadian Injustice
Source: PIG News Wire [01/28/11]

Mark Curtis’ header into Canada’s Korrectnik hell started 3 years ago, when he had a life-changing encounter with one of Windsor’s (Canada) urban campers. This week, Cana-DUH’s injustice system is poised to hammer this 22-year-old college student into submission.

The events of that fateful night in April 2008 aren’t in dispute. After an evening on the town, Mark and his female companion were walking toward their ride, when they spotted 47-year-old Robert Hiel trying to grab some money or other valuable from the parked cars. Mark arrived at his car, mere moments after Robert opened the car’s door. Following a heated exchange of pleasantries with the urban camper, Mark kicked it up to the next level. Unwilling to have this asshat rifle through his car, Mark Curtis punched Robert’s lights out.

Without further drama, Mark and his companion drove away, leaving Robert sprawled on the ground. It should have ended there, but Robert had a glass jaw, which made the punch he took lethal. Another urban camper - a friend of Robert’s who accompanied him on his car rifling adventure - summoned the trained medical practitioners, but it was already too late for Robert. Within 24 hours, Robert died, after doctors took him off life support.

Manslaughter? It certainly looks that way, and I don’t think Mark or his legal eagle dispute it. What pisses me off is the way the Korrectnik prosecutor, Assistant Crown Attorney Jennifer Holmes, is nominating urban camper Robert for ‘victim of society’ sainthood.

* He "battled substance abuse".

* He needed a cash infusion to procure more drugs.

* His car breaking was okey dokey, because he only stole from cars that were unlocked.

* His car rifling endeavor is cool for school, because he didn’t intend to damage the cars he was robbing.

The only thing this bleeding heart bitch didn’t trot out is ‘a bad childhood’ and 'victim of society', but she’ll probably get around to it, before the trial is over. Bite me, bitch.

Mark Curtis saw a dude rifling through his car, and it pissed him off. After heated words, he punched the bastard’s lights out. The dude died as a result so manslaughter is appropriate. None of that is a valid reason for this Korrectnik bitch to nominate Robert for sainthood. Robert’s road to self-destruction started long before his fateful encounter with Mark Curtis on that April night. Enough already with this Korrectnik blubbering.

Shut Up, Or I’ll Sue!
Source: Daily Mail [01/22/11]

Our central character is an immigrant who has lived in J.O.E. for 26 years. After toiling as an immigration officer, he moved on to a position as a warden for a local council in Dymchurch, Kent, where he’s part of a team that combats anti-social behavior. Despite his long tenure in J.O.E., our hero is not a happy camper. He likes his new home. He just wishes that his co-workers would stop being so blatantly RACIST.

Our hero knows his co-workers are racist, because they keep saying such vile, hateful, things to him. He’s so deeply wounded by their hate speech that he has been on sick leave since last August, due to a life shattering depression. Finally, unable to take the hate speech any longer, our hero sued his bosses, for engendering a hostile working environment where an individual must tolerate vile verbiage like the following items, on a daily basis:

"G’day, sport."

"Is your girlfriend called Sheila?"

"Throw another shrimp on the barbie."

I apologize for using language like that in a ‘family friendly’ publication like this one. I’ll spare you any more of this heart-wrenching racism, by simply stating that those hateful greetings where accompanied by a neverending stream of Aussie jokes. No wonder Geoff Stephens isn’t able to sleep at night, and is compelled to ingest enough medication to stock a small pharmacy.

That’s right, PIGsters. Geoff is an Aussie, a very thin-skinned Aussie, who would save himself a lot of heartburn, if he would take voice lessons so he can lose the Aussie accent that invites all this dubious humor about his native Australia.

I’m trying to feel your pain, dude, but it isn’t working. You’re a grown man - 48 years old - so you should be able to handle this kind of thing. I mean...RACISM? Seriously? No wonder you got a job working for the Nanny State.

Diversity Bonkers In J.O.E.
Source: PIG News Wire [01/21/11]

How Korrectnik are the Brits? Despite the ouster of the Labour government, the answer is VERY. When the Tory government was formed, it needed to make a Faustian bargain with some lefty political clans. The Liberal Democrat Party is a prime example.

One outcome of this coalition was the coronation of Lib Dem Lynne Featherstone as the Brit Equalities Minister (I’m guessing it’s something like Uncle Sam’s EEOC). Full of herself and IT, Lynne is determined to spread her special brand of joy, with a ‘how diverse are you’ questionnaire.

The Daily Mail shared these fun facts about this hyphen hunting expedition:

Millions of teachers, nurses and policemen could be asked to disclose their sexuality, religion and race as part of a new Coalition equality drive.

Lib Dem equalities minister Lynne Featherstone says all public sector organisations should consider sending ‘diversity monitoring forms’ to staff to prove they are treating all sections of society fairly.

From April, public bodies will be subject to the Equality Act – passed by Labour but taken up enthusiastically by the Coalition – which will force them to consider the impact of everything they do on the diversity of the people they serve or employ.

Miss Featherstone supports sending staff a questionnaire about their sexuality and even whether they have had a sex change. (Daily Mail)

Unhappily, a questionnaire is only the beginning. Lib Dem Lynne plans to do much more than stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. For example, police might be banned from imposing minimum height restrictions for its officers. Why? Because Lynne thinks it might discriminate against women.

The most chilling element of Lynne’s questionnaire is a warning that meeting her forthcoming equality edicts ‘‘may involve treating some people better than others, as far as this is allowed by discrimination law’. Holy Orwell, Batman!

Some are more equal than others is now the law of the land in J.O.E.

Criminalizing Childhood In J.O.E.
Source: Daily Mail [01/17/11]

Thanks to a series of asinine laws imposed by Brit Elected Tormentors, it takes a parting of the Red Sea class miracle for a Brit tyke to reach adulthood without at least one ‘hate crime’ accusation staining his permanent record. How bad is it? You be the judge:

Figures for the year 2008-9 were obtained under the Freedom of Information Act by the civil liberties group, the Manifesto Club.

They show 29,659 racist incidents reported by schools to local education authorities in England and Wales. Of these, 10,436 were at primary schools and 41 at nursery schools.

In the majority of cases, the ‘racist’ spats involved mere name-calling.

Elevating kid stuff like garden variety name calling to ‘hate crime’ status is asinine. It’s vile, when these knee-jerk Korrectniks overreact and saddle some tyke with that accusation, for the rest of his life. At most, this name calling is what the Educrats like to call ‘a teachable moment, but even that ‘we don’t use that kind of language’ chat should be kept in reserve for ‘extreme’ cases. The way things work now, a Brit tyke could be nailed with a ‘hate crime’ for frowning at someone in a ‘protected minority’.

J.O.E. is, as I’ve stated countless times, hopelessly screwed.

Over There
Source: PIG News Wire [01/14/11]

Boozed Up Birds
Some lab coated hooligans pinned down the reason why a flock of birds in Romania bit the dust. It’s not the Earth’s magnetic field. It’s not some top secret military device. It’s not some virulent avian flu. It’s nothing that exotic.

The birds were hungry, but the harsh winter made finding a suitable food source harder than usual. Eventually, the birds found what seemed like an ample food source at a Romanian winery. The food source is grape marc, a byproduct of the winemaking process. They glutted themselves on it, got gassed out of their minds, then died from the side effects of their high octane nosh.

File this ‘mystery’, under "nothing to see here, move along".

Dear Diary
One way the European Union indoctrinates its government school inmates is the ‘diary’. What’s that? It’s a notebook which is crammed with info that the inmate might want to know such as mobile phone costs. It also contains things that the EU bureaucrats want the tykes to ‘know’, such as the dangers of the Internet and the dire threat of ‘climate change’.

In addition to the foregoing information, the 2011 diary lists dates of Mecca Maniac festivals, Hindu festivals, Sikh festivals, Chinese festivals and even Jewish festivals. It does not, curiously enough, include a single word about Cross Cult festivals. If you’re thinking ‘major’ Cross Cult meltdown, give yourself a cookie.

When the blowback hit them, the EU twerps who perpetrated the 2011 diaries were suitably apologetic, and full to bursting with mea culpa hot air. On the other hand, when asked to explain how this Cross Cult exclusion happened, they had nothing to offer. They might not have anything to offer, but at least one Elected Tormentor has plenty to say about it:

German conservative MEP delegate Martin Kastler blamed’ aggressive atheism in the apparatus of the European Union-Commission‘ and called it ‘unbearable.’ He added; ‘It is impudent to say that it was merely a mistake, however big. I demand that the responsible officials be called to account immediately. ‘I expect a personal apology from the Commission president because I believe this was intentionally published in this way.’ (Daily Mail)

Is the EU that bold? Would they deliberately bitch slap Cross Cultism? Unless someone comes up with a better reason, I’m compelled to believe they did it on purpose and thought they could get away with it.

Bagged & Tagged In Alberta
Source: PIG News Wire [01/14/11]

Tim Lynch and his son Kris were understandably pissed, after a some sticky fingered asshat ripped off their Alberta (Canada) farm, several times. The next time the thief showed up, they would be ready for him, her, himher, or it. They got their chance on a Wednesday morning, when they detected a strange truck on their property. Was it ‘him’? The similarity of the tire tracks said ‘yup’.

Were Tim and his son up to the challenge? You bet, but their crime busting had some thrilling moments.

The confrontation started when Kris spotted their quarry sitting in a truck. When Kris tried to waylay the intruder, the uninvited guest shoved the truck in gear then floored the accelerator. His escape strategy almost worked, but Kris foiled his departure, by jumping onto the truck’s running board.

Reaching into the truck, Kris held onto the steering wheel, then grabbed gear shift stick and rammed it into park.

When Kris yelled for him, papa Tim jumped into the truck, hanging on for dear life, when the thief got rolling again, then careened across the yard. Eventually, father and son overpowered the thief, whom they wrestled into the backseat. Kris tussled with the intruder, while papa Tim fetched some rope.

In control, finally, father and son, bagged and tagged their nemesis, then waited for the proper authorities to arrive:

The duo then dropped the man, who was wearing pyjama pants but no underwear, onto the snow and "his bare ass was hanging out," Kris said. "We tied it around his ankles and then grabbed another rope and tied his hands up and the police arrived about 40 minutes later," he said. (CNEWS)

Did the proper authorities congratulate Tim and Kris for a job well done. Not exactly:

Sgt. Patrick Webb advised caution when nabbing a suspect. "The Criminal Code provides for a certain level of use of force to protect property, but anyone using force ... has to be cognizant of the fact they could be charged," he said.

Since the RCMP are acting like ‘tools’, We the PIGS will say what needs to be said to the Lynches: nice takedown gentlemen.

A Dizzying Gender Bending Epic
Source: PIG News Wire [01/07/11]

In the beginning, our featured Czech characters were as follows:

Ilona Tomeckova, a married female.

Radim, Ilona’s male offspring.

Tomas Kajzar, a male body builder.

In the fullness of time, the names - along with assorted other things - changed:

Ilona moved out, had a sex change, then emerged as a dude named Dominik Sejda.

By the time Ilona/Dominik met Tomas, he was living as a woman named Andrea Kajzarova, but he hadn’t nipped off his nads, yet.

Are we all on the same page, PIGsters, or do you need a moment to review all that? Take your time...

Eventually, after Dominik (Ilona) and Andrea (Tomas) paired off, Dominik decided to walk down memory lane, so heshe contacted hisher former husband who had thrilling news for himher. Radim (whom heshe left behind 15 years earlier) was following in ‘mommy’s’ footsteps and was in the process of evolving (aided and abetted by medical practitioners) into a girl named Viktoria.

A woman who became a man meets man who became a woman? I think I have that part down, but don’t bet the farm on it. It’s that last bit that threw me: the woman who became a man has a son who is becoming her/his daughter. ‘Gender bending’ is woefully inadequate for this one.

Parting shot: I need a cold one, after wrapping my synapses around this gender bending epic.

"Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble."
Source: PIG News Wire [01/07/11]

When Romania’s Elected Tormentors had the nation’s bean counters run the numbers, the results didn’t thrill them spitless. Facing a lot more red ink than they wanted or needed, Romania’s government did what government’s always do in such situations, they punished their nation’s denizens by piling on new taxes.

It’s hardly breaking news, when citizens curse Nanny State nitwits for piling on taxes. We’ve all been there, done that, too many times to count. It still isn’t PIG-worthy, when a segment of the Romanian economy protests being hit with taxes for the first time ‘curses’ the Tax Nazis. So did I bring it up? Why indeed.

Outraged that Romanian officials want to take their money, Romania’s witches plan to bring out the heavy artillery: cat poop, room temperature mutts, and mandrake to teach Romanian officials the errors of their ways.

Romanian witches from the east and west will head to the southern plains and the Danube River on Thursday to threaten the government with spells and spirits because of the tax law, which came into effect Jan. 1.

A dozen witches will hurl the poisonous mandrake plant into the Danube to put a hex on government officials "so evil will befall them," said a witch named Alisia. She identified herself with one name -- customary among Romania's witches.

"This law is foolish. What is there to tax, when we hardly earn anything?" she said by telephone Wednesday. "The lawmakers don't look at themselves, at how much they make, their tricks; they steal and they come to us asking us to put spells on their enemies." (AOL News)

Witches, astrologers and fortune tellers aren’t the only self-employed individuals who got hit with a 16% tax on their income, plus additional ‘assessments’ for health and pension programs. Valets, driving instructors and embalmers were also added to the Romanian labor code. Pissing off witches, valets and driving instructors strikes me as ‘no harm, no foul’, but I’d think twice about antagonizing embalmers. I’d steer clear of THEM. You heard it here, first.

Iranian Killjoys Ban Cupid
Source: PIG News Wire [01/07/11]

Determined to banish human biology from their 7th century Islamikaze paradise, Iran’s self-appointed killjoys are in an all out war against romance. When Sharia’s Draconian rules of boy meets girl engagement don’t get the job done, then Iranian officials are ready to deal with any utterly unIslamic canoodling.

This week, with THAT day fast approaching, the killjoys are out in force, eradicating all infestations of that infidel pestilence: Valentine’s Day:

Shops in Iran have been banned from selling Valentine cards and gifts, the ILNA news agency reported on Sunday, as the traditional lovers' day gains increasing popularity in the Islamic republic.

"In the run-up to Valentine's Day on February 14 the printing works owners' union issued a directive banning the printing and distribution of any goods promoting this day," ILNA news agency reported.

"Printing and producing any goods related to this day including posters, boxes and cards emblazoned with hearts or half-hearts, red roses and any activities promoting this day are banned," the union said in the directive.

"Outlets that violate this will be legally dealt with," it warned. (AFP)

The Iranian killjoys can probably win their war on Valentine’s Day, but, no matter how hard they try, they’ll never eradicate those primal, biological, urges that makes boy and girls seek each other out. In other words, if you fool around and try to thwart Mother Nature, she’ll kick your killjoy ass.

More Iranian Killjoy News
Source: PIG News Wire [01/07/11]

While the Iranian killjoys are doing their utmost to make boy meets girl virtually impossible, certain enterprising Iranian capitalists are seizing the moment. After assessing the artificial void created by boy meets girl thwarting killjoys, these capitalists smuggled in just what a horny boy without a girl needs: that infamous infidel product, the sex doll.

You won’t need a fatwa from an Islamikaze cleric to deduce that the killjoys are not the least bit amused:

Deputy Health Minister Ebrahim Motavelian told Fars news agency that after his ministry was informed about the smuggling of sex dolls, it had launched investigations about the main source of the import and distribution of the dolls.

The Health Ministry is entitled to import mannequins and even dolls but only as medical devices and solely for scientific purposes and with explicit permission of the customs authorities.

Motavelian denied rumours that the sex dolls were imported via companies affiliated to the Health Ministry. He said that the dolls were imported illegally into the country. (AFP)

Determined to make my day, this Iranian clown said: "The dignity of Iran will not allow import and distribution of such articles." That - the dignity of Iran" - apparently, is how "where’s my cut of the action" translates into Farsi. Learn something new, every day.

DECEMBER 2010

What I Meant To Say...
Source: PIG News Wire [12/31/10]

By now, you’ve heard the usual suspects from around the world, pinning the blame for the harsh winter which is raging in America, J.O.E., and elsewhere, on Global Warming. This "Globally Warmed Snow" mantra is also coming from the lab coated hooligans at the Climate Research Unit at University of East Anglia (ground zero for climate gate).

Against that background, PIG News serves up this 2000 vintage, Global Warming alarmism, news item from a Brit fishwrap, The Independent:

Britain’s winter ends tomorrow with further indications of a striking environmental change: snow is starting to disappear from our lives.

Sledges, snowmen, snowballs and the excitement of waking to find that the stuff has settled outside are all a rapidly diminishing part of Britain’s culture, as warmer winters — which scientists are attributing to global climate change — produce not only fewer white Christmases, but fewer white Januaries and Februaries. . . .

Global warming, the heating of the atmosphere by increased amounts of industrial gases, is now accepted as a reality by the international community. Average temperatures in Britain were nearly 0.6C higher in the Nineties than in 1960-90, and it is estimated that they will increase by 0.2C every decade over the coming century. Eight of the 10 hottest years on record occurred in the Nineties.

However, the warming is so far manifesting itself more in winters which are less cold than in much hotter summers. According to Dr David Viner, a senior research scientist at the climatic research unit (CRU) of the University of East Anglia, within a few years winter snowfall will become “a very rare and exciting event”.

“Children just aren’t going to know what snow is,” he said. (Independent, emphasis added.)

Once again, these Globally Warmed alarmists are talking out of both sides of their mouths. There’s nothing worse than a pathological liar who can’t keep his story straight.

A Socialize Medicine Adventure
Source: PIG News Wire [12/31/10]

Motivated by some unspecified medical matter, our hero - we’ll call him Crash - drove his 1987 Chevy Blazer down to Kelowna General Hospital (British Columia, Cana-DUH). When he got there, he was suitably thrilled, after a hospital minion told him he would see a medical practitioner in 45 minutes.

Crash was not a happy camper, when his 45 minutes elapsed and he still hadn’t seen a doctor. Pissed, he stormed out, thought better of it, then returned with a pointed pleasantry intended to prioritize his request for medical attention:

Crash: "If you don’t let me see a doctor, NOW, I’ll drive my car though the emergency room doors."

Hospital minion: "Go ahead, make my day." (A PIGish approximation of the response.)

Crash stormed out again, got in his Blazer, then drive it through the emergency room’s doors. Did that prioritize him? Yes, but not the way he intended. In record time, Crash was exchanging pleasantries with some justice system professionals, who gave him INSTANT service all the way to the booking area at the local graybar hotel.

Parting shot: While the medical professionals finally attend to Crash’s physical ailments, they should spend some quality time examining Crash’s noodle.

Better Than Breadcrumbs
Source: PIG News Wire [12/31/10]

If Dutch police have a theme song, it’s probably "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow". Why? Because snow is a user-friendly crime fighting tool. How? How indeed.

After a heavy snowfall, Dutch police drive up and down streets, looking for roofs that are devoid of snow. When they spot one, they make note of it as a possible location for an indoor weed growing operation. They know that, if the ‘farm’ is in the attic, all those heat producing grow lights make the snow on the roof melt.

The snow also makes trailing the perps, who escape on foot after a robbery, much easier. The footprints make tracking the desperados to their lair, so much easier, Dutch police probably pine for 12 months of Winter.

Strange, But True
Source: PIG News Wire [12/24/10]

This improbable tale takes place on a crocodile farm, the Hamat Gadar crocodile farm in the Golan Heights, yes THOSE Golan Heights. While you try to wrap your minds around the notion of a crocodile farm in Israel, I’ll get down to business.

The fun fact about this outpost of reptile wrangling capitalism, is that it’s located beneath the airspace which Israel uses to train its fighter pilots. That means sonic booms are heard on a regular basis and that brings us to another strange fact. The male crocs aren’t up to speed on sonic booms and are misinterpreting the ensuing vibrations as the calls of rival males who are invading their territory. As a result, the males are making their ‘hey baby’ calls several months ahead of the spring mating season.

Despite the males’ willingness to get it on, they’re forced to go without, because the females aren’t in the mood, and won’t be, until the spring booty call season arrives. Hmm. How does ‘not tonight, honey, I’ve got a headache’ translate into ‘croc’? It’s enquiring minds time in the PIG Bunker.

Hugo Tightens His Grip In Venezuela
Source: Fox News [12/19/10]

Hugo "Skipper" Chavez might look, and act, like buffoon, but this moonface Marxist is a very clever commie bastard. For example, after the recent elections, his power in the National Assembly was eroded by a upsurge of support for his political rivals. The resulting balance of power would make it much harder for Hugo to ram through his Marxist policies. What to do? What indeed.

Boldly going where Barry, Whorehouse Harry, and San Fran Nan only dream of going, Hugo pulled off an amazing power play, which reset the bar for audacious lame duck legicrap. Hugo virtually negated the recent elections, when the outgoing National Assembly granted Hugo special, dictatorial, powers for the next 18 months. That means Hugo is legally empowered to enact laws by decree, without getting approval from the National Assembly. In one masterstroke, Hugo singlehandedly rendered his political rivals powerless.

Hugo didn’t lose any time before making his first move. Boldly going where even the goose-stepping goons on America’s FCC haven’t gone, yet, Hugo clamped a regulatory muzzle on the Internet, a move carefully calculated to control the flow of information in his outpost of dictatorial tyranny. And what, you ask, are Hugo and his legislative toadies planning to do with this power?

* Ban messages/postings that "disrespect public authorities".

* Ban messages/postings that "incite or promote hatred".

* Ban messages/postings that create "anxiety" in the population.

Hugo and his toadies insist that they aren’t undermining the Venezuelans' freedom of speech, and they flatly reject the accusation that they’re imposing a Draconian censorship on the Internet. They are, they proclaim with the relevant fervor, ‘protecting’ Venezuelans from online ‘crimes’.

Stick a fork in what’s left of your liberty, Venezuela, because it is DONE.

Red Cross Grinches
Source: PIG News Wire [12/17/10]

If you were planning to honor this season of gift giving by donating some extra money to the Red Cross, you might want to rethink that charitable act, especially if you live in J.O.E. (Jolly Old England, and you should know it by now). Why? In an outburst of willful Grinchiness, a decree came down from on high (Red Cross HQ in London) which banished all traces of Christmas from 430 Red Cross fund raising outposts throughout J.O.E.

Here, for those who can stomach it, is the bull crap pooped out by a Red Cross spokeshole:

"The Red Cross is a neutral organisation and we don't want to be aligned with any political party or particular philosophy. We don't want to be seen as a Christian or Islamic or Jewish organisation because that might compromise our ability to work in conflict situations around the world. In shops people can put up decorations like tinsel or snow which are seasonal. But the guidance is that things representative of Christmas cannot be shown." (Daily Mail)

I’ve got a hot flash for this fool. For Jihadikazes, there’s no such thing as ‘neutral’. For them, if you’re not Islamikaze, you’re the enemy, an enemy that must be eradicated. By trying to appease the unappeasable, all the Red Cross is doing is alienating its friends, for NOTHING!

As fun as this sounds, it gets much better, because in a fit of jaw-dropping hypocrisy, the Red Cross’s line of ‘for profit’sales items include ‘Christmas cards featuring angels and wise men and Advent calendars with nativity scenes’. Okay, so they’re hypocrites, it’s a small price to pay for thrilling Islamikazes spitless, isn't it? It all hinges on the Islamikaze reaction which isn’t, in at least one instance, light years away from thrilled spitless.

The unintentionally ironic, fun, fact is this: a Mecca Maniac, Labour Party Elected Tormentor Lord Ahmed, seems to think the Brit Red Cross has its head up its ass, over this Islamikaze appeasement:

"It is stupid to think Moslems would be offended...In my business all my staff celebrate Christmas and I celebrate with them. It is absolutely not the case that Christmas could damage the Red Cross reputation for neutrality - I think their people have gone a little bit over the top." (Daily Mail)

The primary consequences of this Red Cross Grinchiness are the unintended ones. In addition to alienating its friends, the Red Cross Grinches are earning derision from the Islamikazes they’re trying to appease. If Epic Fail is what they had in mind, the Red Cross has the FSOP’s permission to break out the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner.

Parting shot: The Brit Red Cross’s knee-jerk Korrectness is just the tip of the iceberg, because higher up the food chain - the Swiss-based International Red Cross - Korrectness has reached such a fever pitch, the charity was frantically seeking something, anything, to replace its famous icon, the white cross. That effort a was abandoned - allegedly - several years ago, due to a tidal wave of blowback.

Seditious Eyes
Source: PIG News Wire [12/17/10]

You won’t be shocked to learn that this happened in the Sandbox (Saudi Arabia). Given that tidbit, you won’t be gobsmacked, when I tell you that the prime movers are those roving rampaging retards, the Sandbox’s religious police (Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice). You will be thrilled spitless, after I tell you what has them setting their dishrag headgear on fire, this time.

The fun started, after a Saudi hubby was accosted by one of these rampaging retards. When the religious cop ordered the husband to have his wife cover up her face, the hubby had a memorable meltdown, which reached critical mass when he (hubby) was stabbed in the back during the fight. As fun as this sounds, it gets much better.

The reason for this melee is the fun fact that hubby’s bride had her eyes uncovered. Her eyes were showing and, under the prevailing rules of babes in baggies engagement, that might be an excuse for the rampaging retards to intervene. Since I can’t do this one justice, I’ll give it to you straight, as reported by the ‘Emirates 24/7' web site:

“The Commission members have orders to tell any women in public to cover up her face if they find that her eyes are seditious.” (Sheikh Mutlaq Al Nabit, a spokeshole for the rampaging retards)

"Seditious eyes"? All it takes to ‘incite rebellion against the authority of the state or monarch’ is a Sandbox wench flashing a pair of hubba-hubba peepers? Seriously? The Sandbox King’s grip on his oil saturated realm is shakier than anyone realized.

Parting shot: As bullshit charges/accusations go, ‘seditious eyes’ is in a class by itself. In fact, it’s in the running for the bullshit charge hall of shame.

PIG-Worthy International News
Source: PIG News Wire [12/10/10]

The Joke’s On Them
When it comes to American humor, it, invariably, loses something in the translation. The loss is due, in large part, to cultural differences, but language also plays a key role. When the country on the receiving end is the Sandbox (Saudi Arabia), both factors come into play.

This ‘lost in the translation’ episode revolves around a humorous column written by a Huffington Post scribbler named Andy Borowitz. In his column, Andy aimed his wit at the negotiations between The One and the Elephant Clan contingent on Capitol Hill.

AFP served up these tasty tidbits:

When a US satirist joked that President Barack Obama will admit to Congress that he is Muslim in his latest compromise with Republicans, Saudi media took it seriously.

On Friday the online version of Al-Hayat newspaper and the prominent news website Sabq.org both reported straightforwardly humourist Andy Borowitz's column that began:

"In his latest effort to find common ground with Republicans in Congress, President Barack Obama said today that he was willing to agree that he is a Muslim."

"In agreeing that he is a Muslim, Mr. Obama is sending a clear signal that he is trying to find consensus," Borowitz said in the column posted on the Huffington Post and The Borowitz Report websites this week.

Both Al-Hayat, one of the Middle East's most influential newspapers, and Sabq, believed to be controlled by the Saudi interior ministry, apparently missed the joke. (AFP)

For a very long time, I’ve been advising the Sandbox set that they need to develop a sense of humor. Obviously, they’re not heeding my advice. Maybe this incident will get them headed in the right direction.

It’s The JOOOOOZ!
There’s something deadly in Red Sea waters off the Egyptian resort town of Sharm e Sheikh. It started, more than a week ago, when four Ruskie swimmers had a close, too close, encounter with Jaws. As bad as that sounds, it was destined to get worse, because the next shark wasn’t content with merely nibbling on swimmers.

On the first weekend in December, another shark attacked and killed a German woman, who was snorkling at Nama Bay. The beast’s first bite took off the woman’s arm, killing her immediately.

Alarmed, the proper authorities started looking for those responsible. Most of them are looking in the Red Sea, a search which produced several prime suspects. There are, however, some Egyptian officials who think they’re searching in the wrong place for the guilty parties. Instead of the Red Sea, these officials think the search area should be farther north, in Israel, because, they’re convinced that the JOOOOZ are trying to destroy Sinai peninsula tourism with these shark attacks:

Egyptian officials say they have not ruled out the possibility that a fatal shark attack in Sinai on Sunday could have been a plot by the Mossad.

“What is being said about the Mossad throwing the deadly shark [in the sea] to hit tourism in Egypt is not out of the question, but it needs time to confirm,” South Sinai Gov. Muhammad Abdel Fadil Shousha was quoted as saying by the Egyptian state news site egynews.net. (Jerusalem Post)

Israeli officials - quite rightly - refused to comment on such an asinine idea. Other rational adults suggest that over-fishing has forced the sharks to seek new feeding grounds and are looking for food much closer to shore. Jewish sharks? Seriously? WOW!

Sheer Insanity In J.O.E.
Source: PIG News Wire [12/03/10]

Like too many of the really asinine ideas, this stinker from J.O.E. was pooped out by a shyster - the Brits called this monumental moron a ‘family law expert’. Her name - which will live in infamy, if her notion is approved - is Helen Reece and she’s an Egghead at the London School of Economics. She thinks life would be terminally spiffy, if - I am not making this up - convicted sex offenders weren’t banned from working with children, becoming a foster parent, or - TA DA - adopting a tyke. What could possibly go wrong?

If this Reece really THAT insane? You be the judge:

A report by a family law expert argues that some sex offenders should be allowed to adopt or foster children, and claims that the current blanket ban is discriminatory.

"Sex offenders shouldn't all be tarred with the same brush," said Helen Reece at the London School of Economics, who wrote the report. "People need to be carefully screened for adoption and fostering, but each case should be taken on its merits.

"There shouldn't be blanket rules. What somebody has done before is not necessarily what he or she will do again. When someone has served a sentence, as far as you can, you should treat them the same as anyone else."

The report points to legal challenges that have overturned other blanket bans on adoption, including a 2008 case in which the House of Lords said rules in Northern Ireland preventing cohabiting couples from adopting children were discriminatory.

"If we believe that blanket bans are an effective and legitimate means to protect children then we should no more allow cohabiting couples to adopt or foster than convicted sex offenders," said Reece. (Guardian)

I’m convinced. She’s NUTS, and needs to be fitted for a straightjacket. Tragically, the Brits are so twisted, they’ll probably think letting perverts be foster parents, etc. is ‘an idea whose time has come’. J.O.E. is SO screwed that it can’t be quantified.

Man Gets DUI For Calling a Cab
Source: PIG News Wire [12/03/10]

A Canadian dude named Milo Yakibcuk did everything he was supposed to do, but, despite calling a taxi to drive him home, he got busted for DUI, had his ride impounded, got his license pulled, and is looking at approximately $4,060 (Canadian) in fines. He got all that, because he wasn’t driving his car.

After a generous infusion of adult beverages, Milo knew he was too drunk to drive. He’d anticipated that likelihood, and he arrived at the bar with a designated driver. Unhappily, his driver had departed, leaving Milo high and dry. Pissed, Milo walked it off, stopping for some coffee, while he decided on his next move. Eventually, he was cool enough to get on with it.

Milo returned to the watering hole, where he asked an employee to call him a taxi. Next, not wanting to leave his car sitting in front of the bar, he pushed his car down the street a short distance, to a more suitable parking spot. It was during this operation that a RCMP officer showed up. That’s when Milo’s night went into the crapper.

Unwilling to listen to anything Milo had to say, the RCMP officer insisted on administering a breathalyzer test on Milo. The officer’s snarky attitude didn’t change, when Milo explained that he had already arranged for a cab ride home. Milo also asked, politely, about his rights, since he was not driving his car and didn’t plan to drive it. None of it registered with the officer, who kept on writing Milo up, despite the arrival of his cab.

By asking about his rights Milo had - the proper authorities insist - ‘refused to take a spin on the drunk-o-meter’. In Canada, refusing to be tested, is scored a ‘fail’, and ‘fail’ on the drunk-o-meter is the last thing you want, because the consequences are EXTREME:

According to ICBC, when a fail is administered, a driving prohibition is issued for 90 days, the vehicle is automatically impounded for 30 days, with estimated towing and storage costs around $700, an administrative penalty of $500, and driver’s licence reinstatement fee of $250. In addition, the driver must take a responsible driver program which costs approximately $880, and and ignition interlock is required for one year with a cost of $1,730. (Comox Valley Record)

Milo got shafted, because the RCMP officer who showed up was/is an utter and complete ASSHOLE.

The moral of this story is clear: in Canada no good deed - like calling a cab when you’re too drunk to drive - goes unpunished.

Darth Cheney On Trial?
Source: AOL News [12/03/10]

If you didn’t know Nigeria has an anti-corruption agency, don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. It’s called the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission and it’s eager to put Dick "Darth" Cheney on trial. I know what you’re thinking but you’re wrong. This bribery case predates Cheney’s VEEP days. It dates back to the time when Cheney was in charge of Halliburton.

While Cheney was at Halliburton's helm, a Halliburton subsidiary shelled out $180 million in bribes to land a $1.2 billion dollar Nigerian contract. If you’re into Halliburton stuff, you’ll remember that this matter was adjudicated in an American court, last year, and the verdict had Halliburton shelling out $579 in civil penalties. Despite the best efforts of his enemies, Dick Cheney was not implicated in the bribery. Game, set, match? Nope.

Nigeria still wants its pound of Dick Cheney’s flesh, so they plan to hand the matter over to Interpol, whom the Nigerians want to issue an alert for him. Is this the ignoble end for Dick Cheney? It’s too soon to tell, so stay tuned.

North Korean Fun & Games
Source: PIG News Wire [12/01/10]

In the waning days of November, North Korea wanted to flex its military muscles. Why? Because they can, but I suspect there’s more to it than that. The newly appointed successor to Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-Basement Boy, needed some "I’m a badass Basement Boy" publicity.

Suitably motivated, North Korea rolled out its artillery and shelled a nearby South Korean island, Yeonpyeong. Two civilians, along with two South Korean marines were killed in the artillery barrage, prompting the usual suspects in South Korea, and in other countries to chide the North Koreans for killing civilians.

Were the North Koreans suitably contrite? Not exactly. Instead of an ‘oops, our bad’, North Korea condemned South Korea for using its citizens as ‘human shields’ to guard South Korean military positions. If you’re fuzzy on the North Korean definition of ‘human shield’, I’ve got it covered. It’s any South Korean civilian who is within the operational range of North Korea’s artillery, missiles, navy and/or air force.

Who knew that Kim Jong-Basement Boy inherited his daddy’s twisted sense of humor? Learn something new, every day.