PIG News Digest | News Classics

Dodge Ball Under Attack
Source: AP

According to the Associated Press story: 'Educators in several states are fighting to ban dodge ball...' One Ivory Tower clown is quoted as saying dodge ball is "litigation waiting to happen".

A spokeswoman for the National Association for Sport and Physical Education says the game encourages the strong to pick on the weak.

A voice of reason comes from seventh grader Erik Steidl of Medina, Ohio who says 'it's just a game, and he says that you don't have to be very good at it to have fun.' I have several, initial reactions. Taking the points in turn:

Those Educrats should focus their energies on more pressing human problems, like the calamity of government schools that fail to educate the young minds under their control.

Attention Ivory Tower shithead...Thanks to the cult of victimism you and your cohorts have perpetrated, everything in this once robust country is "litigation waiting to happen". How can this wench expect to speak for 'Sport' when she fails to understand the essence of all team sports. Whether it's football, basketball, hockey, soccer, or tennis doubles, the primary tactic is to isolate the other team's weakest link (invariably a specific player) and exploit it. Wake up and smell the testosterone.

Erik, dude, you are the man! These Nanny Government loving adults should shut up and let you teach them the facts of life...not to mention dodge ball.

It's a sad commentary when a group of allegedly intelligent adults are put to shame by one 'feet on the ground' 7th grader.

Don't You Dare Park That Dukes of Hazzardmobile, in Our Lot
Source: World Net Daily

Some dude in Florida has been banned from the Orlando Utilities Commission parking lot, because his pick-up truck has a Confederate Flag license plate. If he doesn't remove the offending tag or cover it up, they'll have his ride towed off the lot.

"We simply will not tolerate any distraction from our overriding mission to serve the public and to provide our employees with a work environment free from harassment," An OUC official said in an statement he released.

According to this story from World Net Daily, the OUC was motivated by complaints from some of its employees who found the rebel flag offensive. Don't the properly-hyphenated have something better to do? Aren't there real problems for them to solve?

Dukes of Hazzardmobile Update
Source: World Net Daily

The politically correct management of the Orlando Utilities Commission has blinked, or so it seems, according to a link from World Net Daily. The OUC flack is quoted as follows:

"Over the past few days, it has become clear that many of our employees, customers and others have strong feelings regarding our interpretation of our policy and have expressed concern that perhaps we have gone 'too far' to protect our employees."

Translation: We stirred up a hornet's nest and pissed off a lot of Southern Rustics.

OUC officials also said that "We will broaden our interpretation of displays of personal expression of speech on OUC property as long as they are not patently offensive, on OUC equipment or create a harassing or hostile work environment, or are inconsistent with our diversity policy."

Translation: We way don't want to get sued by some of our resident victocrats, but we must face a certain inescapable reality...A lot of these angry rustics have gun racks in their pickup trucks.

A true American, the Confederate Flag lover is lawyer hunting and muttering the word 'lawsuit', between swigs of moonshine.

Half Empty or Half Full
True story...there's this poster of a naked male prison guard who is protecting his 'virtue' by holding an enlarged gold shield over his 'business.' It's posted in the workplace in Mexifornia prisons, as a "join the prison guard union" gig. The gold shield represents the union, which is protecting him...or, so I'm informed.

It all seems harmless enough, all things considered. But, the female prison guards are not amused. According to a spokeswoman for the Mexifornia Department of Corrections, "We believe the poster creates a hostile work environment." We're talking about the state prison system, not a nursery school, shit for brains! If this poster is the most hostile thing in that working environment, life is good, a lot better than these guardettes should reasonably expect. These whining guard wenches should be bitch-slapped back into cold, cruel reality and told to...Get over it!

A Rose By Any Other Name
North Dakota' s state chamber of commerce thinks that the state has an image problem. That's why they're backing a proposal to truncate the state's name to 'Dakota', to dispel the state's image as a 'frigid, treeless plain.' Bold new concept!

Uh, there does seem to be a slight problem with this notion. Setting aside the troubling fact that 'Dakota' is, in reality, a 'frigid, treeless plain', there is still the unresolved problem of that other Dakota...South Dakota. Dudes, nobody is going to think you're in the damn tropics, as long as there is this pesky 'South' Dakota. In the long history of the Universe there has never been a South Whatever that is farther north than the corresponding North Whatever.

Now, if we could get that other pesky Dakota to change it's name to 'Dakota Too', The newly named 'Dakota' can start putting palm trees on their travel and tourism literature. Works for me.

Siberian-Americans on the Attack
Mexifornia is getting more fun all the time. The sewer sludge and pond scum in the state legislature are working on a bill, AB798, that would return Siberian-America artifacts, including human remains, to their rightful owners. Fun stuff. The perpetrator of this farce insists that "It's a matter of respect and dignity." The feeling is not unanimous. A lot of Ivory Tower clowns, museums and archaeologists think the idea sucks. Their argument amounts to 'finders keepers', a philosophy the Siberian-Americans fail to appreciate.

First of all, how do they determine who the 'rightful owner' is? Apparently, it's one of those rational concepts that has no place in Mexifornia. In this Left Coast People's Republic, victim groups are always right. If the Siberian-Americans claim something, the deadbeats in Sacramento will give it to them...except for the land itself, which we are safeguarding for them.

Since the Siberian-Americans can't get the land back from us, they decided to pick up their toys - all the baskets, bows, arrows, and other crap - and go home. This, we're being told, will give them 'respect and dignity'. I way don't think so. What it will give them is a well deserved obscurity. These artifacts allow the rest of us to get a glimpse of the culture that existed, before the oppressor came to change everything. Without these displays to excite our curiosity, awareness of Siberian-American culture will fade away, dooming the hyper sensitive Siberian-Americans to the dust bin of history, a fate they brought down on their own heads.

Since this is a pissing contest between some of the properly-hyphenated and their eager supporters in government and academia, I don't much care who wins. That said, I'll opine that it appears the Siberian-Americans fail to appreciate the law of unintended consequences. They're about the learn, the hard way.

Happy Landings
Source: Ananova

Base jumping - as I understand it - involves sky diving off of high buildings, or other 'static' structures. A certain kind of wingnut gets a turbo thrill if the building...bridge, whatever, is off limits to base jumpers.

A 29 year old adventurer decided it was a keen idea to sky dive off a Hell-A high rise. Big fun. For a while, everything was peachy. He managed to sneak into the building, then up onto the roof without detection. Even the jump went swimmingly, until, the bovine excrement hit the fan. Of all the places he might have landed, this daredevil's choice was less than stellar. Yes, skydiving wingnut fans, he landed on the roof of a LAPD squad car. Tragically, nobody had the presence of mind to record this daredevil's initial response. It's safe to assume it was somewhat more colorful than a simple 'D'oh'.

Oppression 101
Source: Pagan Scribbler Rant

I heard on the boom box that some NO-NAD's declared war on Valentine's Day. PIG regulars will understand that this is just another NO-NAD trip-wire being deployed to secure the oppression they need to validate their victim identity. If the oppressors ignore this egregious assault on women, it's blatant sexism. If the oppressors cast aspersions about NO-NAD overreaction, it's still sexism. They need an infusion of oppression to reinvigorate their victimhood, and this is sure to do the trick.

If I understood the strident vast right-wing conspiracy wench spewing this stuff on my boom box, the NO-NAD's want to abolish Valentine's Day, in favor of a NO-NAD friendly 'V' Day...'V' standing for violence, vagina and validation (she might have said victory). NO-NAD's are changing "I am woman, hear me roar" into "I am victim, hear me whine." Whatever floats your boat, NO-NAD's.

Reality-Deficient NO-NAD
Source: TheTelegraph

Her name is Kate Reid. She's a 31 year old Brit firewoman. Oh, did I mention that this whining wench is a towering 5 foot 1? It must have slipped my mind. She's accusing the East Sussex Fire Authority of sexual discrimination because they refused 'to accommodate her height when designing equipment and in the operation of equipment'. The following is a partial list of her, unmet job-related challenges:

She couldn't reach some of the equipment.
She couldn't pull out hoses or lift ladders, because of her height.
They didn't provide gnome-size fire togs.
She had trouble cleaning the fire engine.
She had trouble using cutting equipment on large commercial vehicles.
She couldn't reach the emergency keys in a lift [elevator], meaning she was useless when it came to an elevator-related emergency.

How dare they remove this stellar employee from active service? I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you. Yeah right. No doubt this whining gnome with delusions of King Kong grandeur feels it's rampant sexism when the fire dudes ask her to make them some coffee, the one firehouse task for which she is, marginally, qualified.

According to the story, 'the official height restriction which banned recruits under 5' 6" was removed by the Home Office in April 1997.' This is political correctness running amok. Only in our irrational, Nanny government-dominated world is this kind of irrationality allowed to happen. Just let someone die because of this gnome-size wench and you'll see some serious shyster action. Then, she'd find some shyster and sue her employer because they didn't fire her.

Raising the Bar On Televised Obscenity
Source: PIG News Wire

Surfing through the various boob tube channels, I blundered across a horrific, uh, sight... fright is much more accurate. There they were, seated side by side...two survivors of an encounter with a Jupiter-size ugly stick: Rosie O'Donnell and Whoopie Goldberg. Is this what all the vast right-wingnuts mean when they whine about obscenity on the tube? Trust me, when I tell you that a screen-filling closeup of these two blights on the sighted is the ultimate obscenity. Excuse me, while I purge this disturbing image with the working man's intellectual novocaine, a fifty gallon drum-size brewskie.

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– Compiled by T.D. Treat