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PIG
NEWS DIGEST
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We're trying to be brave about the fact that some of you slackers- and we both know who you are - don't read our cyberspace speed bump every damn day. Some of you - and this might shock certain hardcore PIGsters - ignore our compelling prose for days at a time. Since we're forced to cope with the fact that - in your synaptically-challenged minds - there are more important things in life that making a daily pit stop on Page One PIG, we're willing to go the extra mile and show you what you missed. This new PIG feature contains those items that only appear for one brief day on Page One PIG then disappear into cyberspace oblivion. If you're wondering about last Tuesday's Word of The Day, or curious about what we found worth mentioning in last Thursday's Today in History, you can find those answers here. |
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Page One PIG Daily Features: January 21, 2012 thru January 28, 2012 This Week's New Words January 21 January 22 January 23 January 24 January 25 January 26 January 27 • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Today In History Review January 21 January 22 January 23 January 24 January 25 January 26 January 27 Fun Facts of The Week Saturday (Stand With Arizona Blog) On the heels of victory against the racist "La Raza" ethnic studies program in Tucson, Arizona, this shocking item from San Diego shows how far we have yet to go to Defund La Raza and its divisive, anti-American influence in America. At a time of record debt, rampant unemployment, and a financially strained citizenry – our Federal government somehow can afford a whopping $1,600,000 to restore "Chicano" murals depicting communist butchers Che Guevara and Fidel Castro, and with maps featuring "Aztlan" – the mythical "nation" that La Raza activists demand be taken from the United States to create a new ethnically-pure proto-Mexican state. The funds are being provided by the Department of Transportation and is called a "federal transportation enhancement" (as if there are no unsafe bridges across America that could use the funds!) The murals begun as Mexican nationalist graffiti in the 1970s. The graffiti was first painted on highway underpasses in an attempt to stop the construction of a California Highway Patrol office there. Activists proclaimed the area a "Chicano park" and appeasing leaders – fearing violence – "negotiated" with activists to keep the murals and cancel the police station. The Federal money will pay to restore 18 panels. 9 have been restored so far. Funding was first approved in a Congressional earmark in 2002, but was (wisely) held up by the Bush DOT because of the frequent mention of the racist "Aztlan". But with Obama and his La Raza sidekicks Hilda Solis and Cecilia Muñoz in power – and Latino votes to be bought – the funding is now going ahead full steam. See images: Here Grizzly Sighting (Daily Caller) Newsweek accomplished at least one thing by running a cover story calling the country's critics of President Obama "dumb" — they awoke the mama grizzly. Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin took to Twitter on Tuesday to criticize the magazine and writer Andrew Sullivan for piece titled "Why Are Obama's Critics So Dumb?" And her beef with the writer and liberal-leaning weekly is personal. Sullivan is infamous for calling into question whether Palin's son, who has down syndrome, really is her own child. Directing her message to "@Newsweek," Palin wrote, "Know what's truly 'dumb'? Giving a cover story to the TrigTruther conspiracy kook writer who thinks I didn't give birth to my son." Ex-cuse...ME! (Florida Today) A 40-year-old Melbourne man who told IRS agents he was not subject to man's laws but instead was an American national who "resided in the Kingdom of Heaven," pled not guilty this week to charges he filed false tax returns. Russell P. Gentile also faces one count of obstruction of an IRS agent after a grand jury indicted him. Gentile was taken into custody Wednesday and had an initial appearance before a U.S. Middle District judge in Orlando hours later. He was released on bond and will have another hearing Feb. 14 on the federal charges. The indictment reported that in 2008 Gentile claimed that he had no reportable income for the years 2001 and 2002. Gentile sent a letter to the Internal Revenue Service disputing the government's claims and stated that he didn't have to provide information about his income. Investigators reported that Gentile told IRS agents that he would sue them in court if they continued to call him and ordered them to remove his name and Social Security number from the agency's databases. "I have been as polite and patient as I can be," Gentile wrote agents in one letter. ". . . you have both violated the law by canvassing me outside your jurisdiction of the District of Columbia and exceeded the scope of your authority," the letter said. Agents reported that Gentile did have income for the years he reported otherwise. The case was forwarded to the Criminal Investigation Division of the IRS and later directed to the U.S. Attorney's Office. Gentile could face up to six years in federal prison and a fine of up to $200,000. Brit Gems FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. * * * FREE PUPPIES * * * FREE PUPPIES. * * * COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. * * * JOINING NUDIST COLONY! * * * WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . * * * FOR SALE BY OWNER. * * * Semifinalist #1 Semifinalist #2 Semifinalist #3 Semifinalist #4 Semifinalist #5 Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''especially bright'' by his Man Plays Chicken with Cranky Bovine...Loses (SFGATE) A flaming-horned bull trampled and fatally gored a man early Saturday during a festival in eastern Spain, an official said. Large balls of flaming wax are traditionally affixed to the beasts' heads before they are let loose to rampage through squares and narrow streets in such festivals. The mayor of Navajas, population 730, said emergency services in his town were unable to save the life of the 45-year-old man whose name was withheld. Jose Vicente Torres said the accident happened when the man, who had traveled from Alboraia, about 70 kilometers (45 miles) to the south, tripped just as the bull was released. Torres said the bull charged the man, gored him and then stamped on his head, causing him "irreversible injuries." He said he had offered his condolences to the man's family, but would not cancel similar events scheduled for early Sunday. "Although ours is a small town, many people from outside come to visit our feast dedicated to Saint Anton," Torres said, adding that black bows had been tied to town hall flags as a mark of respect and mourning. Many towns in east and northeastern Spain celebrate feasts with "toros embolados," or "flaming bulls," which feature the animals racing around and shaking their heads as a reaction to flames or fireworks attached to or close to their horns. At these regional festivals, flaming-horned bulls are taunted and teased by rowdy crowds in bullrings, town squares or down streets. Unlike with most other events involving bulls, the animals aren't killed in the end. The regional parliament of northeastern Catalonia banned bullfighting in July 2010 following a signature-collection campaign by animal rights activists. The ban took effect Jan. 1. But the region then passed other legislation protecting flaming bulls, called "correbous" in the Catalan language. Many critics said banning one act while enshrining the other in law was hypocrisy. PIGish Humor From Swine Flew Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Massachusetts state trooper sees a car puttering along at 24 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat, and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?" The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "24" was the Route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, "is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken." "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 128." More PIGish Humor TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. Monday You can retire to Yuma, Arizona where... OR You can retire to California where... OR You can retire to Washington, where... OR You can retire to New York City where... OR You can retire to Minnesota where... OR You can retire to the Deep South where... OR You can retire to Colorado where... OR You can retire to the Midwest where... OR FINALLY You can retire to Florida where... 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. Found on a Seabee Message Board: * Piss on a Crucifix, and they'll call you an "Artist" Tuesday Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy........than to fumble THIS football" "Show me a good and gracious loser.......and I'll show you a failure." "I make my practices real hard ........because if a player is a quitter.....I want him to quit in practice, not in a game." "It isn't necessary to see a good tackle.....You can hear it! "At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat.......That costs money and we don't have any." "Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, beat Texas ." "After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that." "The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it." "When you win, nothing hurts." "Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." "If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold.......you gotta know the password, "Roll, tide, roll!" "A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall." "There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." "I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation." "In Alabama, an atheist is ... someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant." "I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's." "My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor." "I could have been a Rhodes Scholar.......except for my grades." "Always remember .....Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David." "They cut us up like boarding house pie.......And that's real small pieces." "They whipped us like a tied up goat." "I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, "Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." "Football is NOT a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport." "If lessons are learned in defeat.............our team is getting a great education." "The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb." "Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon." "We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking." "Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad ." "I've found that prayers work best ........when you have big players." ALG President Bill Wilson, Sounds Off "The State of the Union has become little more than a flashy political speech with hardly any substance to it whatsoever. Obama will tout an 8.5 percent unemployment rate, when if the 4 million working-age adults who have been lost from the labor force were included, the real rate of joblessness would be closer to 11 percent, and the underemployed closer to 17 percent. If Obama were not delivering a political speech, he might advise the American people that his 'stimulus' spending, borrowing, and printing policies have completely failed to turn the economy around and that a new direction is needed. "If Obama were honest, he would be forced to tell the American people that the true State of the Union is endangered — by his own arbitrary executive actions in defiance of the separation of powers, the Constitution, and the rule of law. He might tell the nation that public officials cannot simply do as they please; rather, they are guided and limited by the law. He might remind us all that when they do act capriciously, the very fabric of civil society is ripped out from its roots. "If Obama had any credibility, he would counsel the American people that instead of creating jobs and importing cheap energy from Canada via the Keystone pipeline, he chose instead to bow at the altar of environmental radicalism and is more interested in funneling money to bankrupt 'green' energy companies that neither create energy nor jobs. "In short, if the American people were given a real assessment of the State of the Union, they might realize the immense damage that has been done to the country by the Obama Administration — in health care, the financial system, the national debt, energy, labor, the cost of doing business in America, and more — and advocate a change in leadership.". Wednesday Last Tuesday (January 17), when The One invited the Boston Bruins - winners the Stanley Cup last year - to the Red Shed to give his POTUS props to them, one Bruin respectfully declined the invitation. The player in question is the Bruins' star goalie Tim Thomas. Why didn't he go? Here's what he posted on his Facebook page: I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People. This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government. Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL. This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic. TT PIG-Worthy Smackdown of The Week Republican Family Values on display: Using daughters from your First Wife to convince everyone that your Second Wife is lying about your Third Wife. PIG-Worthy Humor from PIGster Lone Star Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... so I did.... She's 21 years old and her name's Katerina... I got fired last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bastards. All I said was, "Hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'" Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, So I've named him New Orleans. Thief Gets Canned (Daily Item) LYNN — Police arrested a woman at a Lynn Stop & Shop Saturday after she allegedly stole $64 worth of soda cans from the store and attempted to feed them into a digital can return machine in exchange for money, according to a Lynn Police incident report. According to the report, Officer Craig Fountain was watching loss prevention video while on detail at the grocery store, located at 35 Washington St., around 8:45 p.m. when he observed 36-year-old Tina Cafarelli, of 37 Green St. #504, purchase 18 12-packs of assorted soda and pay with a state-issued electronic benefit transfer (EBT) card, which she allegedly also stole. Cafarelli immediately took the cans to the store's digital can return machine and attempted to deposit them without emptying them. When Fountain and another officer approached Cafarelli, the report said, she initially told them her name was Susan Russell, the name on the EBT card, and refused to give Fountain her real name, instead giving two false names and two false social security numbers. She was eventually identified at police headquarters after being taken into custody, the report said. A Lynn District Court judge ordered Cafarelli held at Essex County House of Correction in lieu of $250 bail during an arraignment Monday, where she was formally charged with larceny under $250 by false pretense, destruction of property over $250, obstruction of justice and receiving stolen property. Stop & Shop manager Kevin Wilson estimated the damage to the machine to be "well over $250," according to the report. Wilson, could not be reached for comment. Cafarelli is due back in court on Feb. 14. Two Can Play That Game NORWAY, SC (AP) - The South Carolina State Law Enforcement Division is investigating the mayor of Norway's claim that he was legally empowered to pull over a state trooper after the trooper had pulled him over for speeding. The Times and Democrat of Orangeburg reports that Norway Mayor Jim Preacher was stopped for speeding on Wednesday. After the traffic stop, Preacher turned on the blue lights and siren in his vehicle and pulled the trooper over. Preacher acknowledges he was speeding, but says he was acting in his capacity as the town's chief constable. The state Department of Public Safety has asked SLED to look into whether Norway's mayor does have powers of law enforcement. The town council disbanded the Norway Police Department last year. PIGish Humor I'll Be Back An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' Neighbors feared him, and the old man enjoyed this fact. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, her neighbors were concerned for her safety, and asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?' The wife said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And you know men won't ask for directions!" A Generous Scotsman My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So we walked past it again. Thursday (Daily Mail) As stories go, this one is gonna take some topping... When seven-year-old Rita Lawlor couldn't wake her mother up, she did what many have probably never thought of doing. She slapped her with a slice of pizza. Now the little girl from Sarasota, Florida, has become the youngest person to receive an award from her local fire department for saving her mother, Virginia's life. Speaking at a gathering for the heroes, Rita told ABC7 News: 'I called 911, but first I slapped her with a piece of pizza.' When this didn't work Rita realised her mother may be in serious trouble and rang for help. 'They did ask where I lived and my number, and I had to tell them what kind of house and I had to stand outside on the lawn and I saw the ambulance coming,' she told ABC7 News. When paramedics arrived they found Rita waiting for them outside her home while calmly speaking to a dispatcher on the phone. 'We walked up and said "are you the one who called 911?" And as we walked up she started telling us what was going on,' said firefighter and paramedic Chris Zengel. 'She couldn't wake up her mom. She kept trying to wake her up and just couldn't wake her up, so she called 911,' he added. Luckily Rita's mother was revived and is now doing fine, while Rita is delighted with her award and thank you goody bag. Korrecnik Knickers Knotted (Fox News) NEW HAVEN, Conn. – The mayor of a working-class city in Connecticut roiled by allegations of police discrimination against Hispanics is facing scathing criticism from officials for saying he "might have tacos" as a way to do something for the community. The comments by East Haven Mayor Joseph Maturo are bringing unwanted attention to the leadership of the New Haven suburb, where four police officers were arrested Tuesday by the FBI on charges including deprivation of rights and obstruction of justice. The mayor is also being criticized for his recent reappointment of police Chief Leonard Gallo, who was referred to in the indictment as a co-conspirator. The four officers are accused of waging a campaign of harassment against Latino residents and businesses, including assaulting handcuffed people. All four have pleaded not guilty. Korrectnik Knickers Knotted II (Daily Mail) Late night comedian Jay Leno has been targeted in a new lawsuit after comparing the holiest Sikh shrine, the Golden Temple of Amritsar, to Mitt Romney's vacation home. The remark during a skit on the 'Tonight Show with Jay Leno,' when the TV host introduces 'a behind the scenes look at all the presidential candidates' homes was condemned by India. But religious organiser Dr Randeep Dhillon, from California, has gone a step further, claiming Leno libelled the Sikh religion with his offence. According to court documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Tuesday obtained by TheWrap, Mr Dhillon, who does business as Bol Punjabi All Regions Community Organization, claims Leno 'hurt the sentiments of all Sikh people in addition to those of the plaintiff' with the joke. He also claims the remark 'clearly exposes plaintiff, other sikhs and their religion to hatred, contempt, ridicule and obloquy because it falsely portrays the holiest place in the Sikh religion as a vacation resort owned by a non-Sikh'. Mr Dhillon is suing for general and punitive damages. The video in question, broadcast on 19 January, goes on to show Newt Gingrich's home in Virginia, Ron Paul's house in Texas and then says: 'Here's a look at Mitt Romney's summer home on Lake Winnipesaukee.' An image flashes up on the screen of the Golden Temple of Amritsar, which is met by audience laughter and clapping. Mr Romney faced taxation questions over his huge wealth and many Sikhs are angry the temple has been depicted as a place for the rich. The Republican presidential candidate revealed this week he expects to pay 15.4 per cent on $20.8million in 2011. Most of Romney's income is made from capital gains on investments. The joke as previously come under fire, with an Indian minister calling the comments 'objectionable'. Overseas Indian Affairs Minister Vayalar Ravi told reporters: 'It is quite unfortunate and quite objectionable that such a comment has been made after showing the Golden Temple.' Mr Ravi said the Indian embassy would take up the matter with the US state department, the Press Trust of India reported. He said: 'The Golden Temple is the Sikh community's most sacred place... The American government should also look at this kind of thing. 'Freedom does not mean hurting the sentiments of others... This is not acceptable to us and we take a very strong objection for such a display.' In response the members of the US Sikh community have now launched an online petition, called 'Stop defaming Sikhs and using derogatory remarks against the Sikh shrines.' Over 3,700 people have added their names to support the cause. The petition says Leno has been guilty of derogatory comments about Sikhs before and that 'Jay Leno's racist comments need to be stopped right here'. Simran Kaur, a petition signatory wrote: 'Jay Leno must apologise and promise not to make any direct or oblique references to Sikhs or their places of worship. Today's Tastelessly Funny Fark Teaser Priest arrested after being found nude from waist down at adult book store. He is risen. Friday STUDIO CITY (CBS) — A SoCal woman says the energy efficient window installed in a neighbor's condominium is melting the plastic components on cars parked in her carport. Heather Patron of Studio City was dealing with a mystery regarding her Toyota Prius. "The side view mirrors were melting," says Patron. "Anything that was plastic on the car was melting." Toyota told Patron nothing was wrong with the car. After having the mirrors replaced, she noticed the mirrors on the car parked next to hers were also melting. Patron then observed a powerful beam of light that was reflecting off the window of a next door condominium, casting a concentrated beam over her carport. CBS2's Randy Paige placed a thermometer in the pathway of the beam on a partially cloudy day. The temperature registered over 120 degrees in less than five minutes. "I'm positive that this window is what is causing the damage to my car," says Patron. Patron is not alone. Reports across the country have alleged damages brought on by concentrated sunlight reflected off of energy efficient windows. The National Association of Home Builders is now conducting a study on the matter. "I just don't feel like it's fair," says Patron. "I feel like it needs to be known that this is happening. And a lot of people probably have damage out there, that they aren't aware that it's the windows that are causing this." The Los Angeles City Department of Building and Safety says even if the window is the source of the damage, there are no code violations involved. The department says it's not against the law to install a window that reflects sunlight. Explosive Idiocy (Stuff.co.nz) A man has suffered extensive burns after LPG from a cylinder he was using to light a cannabis pipe exploded in his face, police say. Sergeant Paul Lee said emergency services were called to Clyde Street in Masterton about 12.50pm today. On arrival, they found a 22-year-old man with burns to his face, arms, thigh and knee. Lee said it appeared the man was "pre heating a pipe used for smoking cannabis" using a 9kg gas cylinder with a modified gas valve in the laundry of his home. "He opened a valve, there was a pause, he then operates his cigarette lighter causing an explosion." Sergeant Mark Revill-Johnson said the explosion was a caused by a build up of gas. The man was lucky to be alive and it was "extremely lucky" the whole house had not gone up in flames. "It wouldn't be beyond the realms of possibility that the whole gas bottle could have gone," Revill-Johnson said. "There were other people in the house which could easily have been hurt as well. "It's a lesson in not mucking around with safety devices like this." A neighbour told The Dominion Post "there was a massive loud bang like a shotgun and then the windows blew out." Clyde Street residents, including children, ran out onto the street to see what the explosion was, the neighbour said. Police and ambulances arrived a short time later. The man was airlifted to Hutt Hospital for treatment. PIGish Humor An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?' The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' "My point exactly", said the doctor. Understanding Engineers One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" .
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Copyright 1993-2012 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
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