Why Obesity Is Good for Amerika

NO-NADS should be thrilled because "he" is less likely to objectify a porker.

Educrats should be thrilled because lard ass tykes are, inherently, immune to Dodgeball and Tag's siren songs.

Tree Huggers should be thrilled because bloated, couch-bound, bozos are less likely to "defile" mother nature.

Ethnocrats should be thrilled because "Ribs" are now health food, AND, Oprah can pork up all she wants. Bonus thrill: A slow-moving, wideload whitey makes an easier target.

Aromatic Peacepunks should be thrilled because, we're too busy stuffing our pie holes to attack anybody.

GLAAD BAAGs should be thrilled because cross-dressing Sumo wrestler-size dipsticks in frilly frocks no longer stand out in the crowd.

Capitalist exploiters should be thrilled because Amerika's relentlessly expanding waistline means bigger cars, a new wardrobe every three months, and a Krispy Kreme franchise on ever corner.

Everyone should be happy because, "Do you want fries with that?" makes a killer National motto. It's catchy and easy to remember.