most oppressors, I harbored the notion that entrance into the
cult of Victimhood was as simple as having the proper immutable
characteristic. "Melanin rules!", I assumed, without overlooking
gender, sexual orientation and non-racial ethnicity. This assessment
isn't what Regis would call "the final answer". Biology alone
doesn't guarantee your acceptance by the properly-hyphenated.
It only designates your assigned group. To become a member in
good standing of your assigned group, you must worship at the
altar of your oppression. The mantra used by each proud new inductee
is: "I am a victim. I am oppressed because I'm (insert group identity
here)." Obviously, the key to admission into the properly-hyphenated
legion is embracing your oppression.
Oppression is the foundation of a victim's new identity. It's
the key element used to focus a victim's hypersitivity, but immutable
traits still play an important, supporting, role. All flavors
of the properly-hyphenated share the common foundation of victimhood...the
conviction that they are subjected to unrelenting oppression.
However, a NO-NAD will have a much different set of sensitivities
than a dude from the taco clan or lotus clan. Only a NO-NAD will
be able to identify the dreaded "male look", for instance. For
a taco or lotus clan dude, the male look wouldn't register on
their oppression radar. This would seem to indicate the presence
of fault lines along the boundaries of each victim group. Appearances,
in this instance, are deceiving. Solidarity between the proper-hyphenation
tribes is achieved by the notion that any act of oppression, no
matter which clan is the specified target, is an act of oppression
against all self-defined victims, regardless of the targeted victim's
group affiliation. This means a taco or lotus clan dude could
share a NO-NAD sister's outrage over the male look, despite the
fact that it has no direct oppressive impact on them.
factor that binds the flavors of victimhood together is the relationship
between oppressed and oppressor. This fact confuses unenlightened
oppressors who assume, erroneously, that removing all oppression
is the self-defined victim's ultimate goal. Nothing could be further
from the truth. The victim's self image is constructed on the
bedrock of their oppression, meaning that the continuing presence
of an oppressor is essential. Without regular infusions of oppression,
the victim's very identity is threatened. Like a parasite that
requires a viable host, the victim's existence requires an oppressor...an
know what you're thinking and it doesn't work. You can't escape
your oppressor fate; they set the bar much too high for that.
The first line of defense, when oppressors stop being overtly
oppressive, is to trick you into an overt oppressor reaction.
One of the most successful victim-deployed tripwires comes from
the NO-NAD's. It's as simple as trot out some hottie and wait
for men to act like men. Another successful tripwire is the Martin
Luther King holiday/Black History Month double whammy. Fail to
show what the melanin-enriched consider the proper respect for
these twin tripwires and voila, you're oppressing them. A very
successful tripwire, one that invariably produces a tidal wave
of oppression, is the Gay Pride Celebration. The harder oppressors
try to ignore the pink triangle crowd's freak-show antics, the
more outrageous the behavior gets during these butt monkey, show
and yell frolics.
The ultimate in oppression security involves the twin pillars
of perceived oppression: institutional and unconscious oppression.
Institutional oppression can be as simple as demographics. Should
a given societal element have fewer members from one or more victim
groups than their percentage of the total population, institutional
racism. Should, on merit alone, a properly-hyphenated peabrain
be passed over - the Academy Awards has been cited, numerous times
- institutional racism. Should someone in a position of authority
fail to appease the properly-hyphenated to the degree they desire...institutional
racism. Since the rules are subjective, and dictated by notoriously
fickle victim sensitivities, institutional oppression is nearly
impossible to beat.
Unconscious oppression, a concept I like to call the 'holy grail' of oppression,
is the most powerful weapon in the properly-hyphenated arsenal.
This stems from the fact that unconscious racism is whatever the
victim says it is. Any gesture, expression, utterance, or (perceived)
thought can qualify, and there's nothing the designated oppressor
can do to escape it. The notion at work here is that an oppressor,
instinctively, outs himself, through some seemingly-innocuous
reaction or non-reaction. Unconscious oppression allows a properly-hyphenated
pest to interpret virtually anything as 'racist', 'sexist', or
'homophobic'. "He didn't say anything objectionable, and his attitude
seemed respectful, but I sensed the racism (substitute sexism
or homophobia here, as needed) in his body language." Since objective
standards or measurements are impossible, this kind of oppression
is irrefutable. It exists wherever a victim perceives it. Eat
your heart out, Catch-22!
it sounds like there's no way for the unhyphenated to avoid the
'oppressor' label, you're right. The question to be asked isn't:
'How do I escape the oppressor label? The real question is: 'Should
I try to escape the inevitable?' By embracing the victim identity,
the properly-hyphenated make themselves miserable, without your
help. That leaves an oppressor free to ignore them or attempt
to 'enlighten' them, depending on your whim of the moment. If
you really want some fun, be creative: pioneer a bizarre expression,
strange laugh, or incomprehensible gesture in private, then trot
it out when the opportunity presents itself. One notion that I
am seriously considering is what I call 'the all-purpose grunt'.
The idea would be to deploy it, obsessively, giving myself plausible
deniability, when I need to use it 'with bad intent'. If a properly-hyphenated
whiner interprets my all-purpose grunt as oppressive, I'm bulletproof
and they're a happy camper because, in their mind, I have oppressed
a designated oppressor isn't a fate worse than death, so you might
as well enjoy the game. On your mark! Get set! Oppress!