If you're reading this and not looking at Barbi Q. Ribs, you're either blind, a GLAAD BAAG, or need to majorly increase the voltage on your shock treatments, STAT!

Now that we've dispatched those retards, we can discuss the most arresting member of the TASKFORCE: OINK team, Barbi Q 'check out them' Ribs. A true PIGal, Barbi is every NO-NAD's worst nightmare, eye candy and damn proud of it...them - whose stellar talents extend beyond her considerable esthetic contributions.

While on some long overdue R&R after his duty tour in our Iraqi campaign, Sgt Pork attended a sacred military tradition: the wet t-shirt contest at an adult beverage emporium named 'The Barracks'. That's when his life took on added meaning with his first encounter with Barbi, a toothsome wench whose legendary wet t-shirt exploits made her the ultimate winner of the booty-venerating contest. Impressed, to say the least, by Ms. Ribs' championship form, Sgt. Pork analyzed Ms Ribs' stellar...assets, exhaustively, until, over a very late breakfast, the following morning, he enlisted her into the war against Korrectness.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Barbi is often described as a cross between Kelly Bundy, Mata Hari and Inspector Clouseau. Brains, it appears aren't everything and nobody proves that more convincingly than our Barbi who, invariably, gets the job done, somehow. Proving that men aren't the only ones blinded by her award winning headlights, Barbi embeds herself - undetected - in known NO-NAD infestations, where she will serve as Sgt. Pork's eyes and ears. Always a head-turning, D-cup distraction, in a male dominated environment, Barbi functions equally well among NO-NAD's where she has, repeatedly, disrupted the most carefully planned NO-NAD scheme, without exposing herself.

Barbi's reports are must reading for every red-blooded male and you babes might enjoy them, too. Last, but far from least, in answer to that burning question, YES, they are real! Can we get a heartfelt hallelujah from the congregation?