Welcome to the PIGDOME and PIG's Whacked Out World Of Sports. It takes balls to play in the PIGdome. No astroturf, steroids or designated hitters here, either.
OK all you PIG Bleacher Bums, we're here to talk sports, competition, winning, losing and some properly-PIGish sports takes.
Why are we writing about sports here at the Free State Of PIG? Because Korrectniks far and wide found a way to toss their crappy stick in the mud on anything from dodgeball, kickball, marbles, hopscotch and team logos and mascots.
If Redskins, Fighting Irish and Atlanta Braves Tomahawk Chops ruffle your sensitivities, well then pick up your tiny balls and little stick and start walking, because YOUR'E OUTTA HERE!
PIG's Whacked Out World Of Sports Section will not only deal with the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, but who got their clocks cleaned by whom, on more out of the way topics. For instance, how many of you watch NASCAR to see how many points Jeff Gordon will get per season as opposed to those who watch NASCAR in hopes of seeing some red cement?
If the concept of two teams or individuals doing battle with each other on the field of competition with the spirits of a gladiator, with the outcome being one winner, one loser bothers you, we'll be more than happy to drop kick you back to Sensitivity Memorial Stadium.
What is a "Sport?"
A sport can be considered a recreational pastime involving an individual, an individual against another individual or a team versus another team, in the conventional sense of the word. But when big game hunters chase down elephants and kill them just for the sake of bagging the poor beast and stuff and mount it's head on their wall, that's not a sport, not even if your'e going to eat the damn thing. Why? Because the elephant didn't have a chance.
A sport usually involves two or more willing participants ready to do battle with victory being the primary objective. Hell, tiddlewinks IS a sport that does not involve athletism as much as it involves coordination and concentration.
Is blasting sports-phobic korrectniks a sport? If you answered 'no' to that, consider yourself ejected from the PIGDOME. Forever.
Most of the PIG staff's pastimes are eating pizza and drinking tubs filled with beer. That's a pastime, but what happens when there's one slice of pizza left could be considered a bloodsport.
Winning. It's what it's all about in the arena of competition. Any area, but we're talking sports, PIGsters. From Gladiators and chariot races to today's Ultimate Fighting Competition and female mud wrestling, you gotta love the spirit of competition involved.
PIG'S CHEERLEADING SQUAD
Examples Of Winners:
Vince Lombardi inspired a winning attitude among his Green Bay Packer championships teams.
The late Al "Just Win Baby" Davis, owner of the Oakland/L.A./Oakland Raiders, scumbag that he is, did the same.
Leo Durocher, coined the term "Nice guys finish last."
Larry Bird, well, we know what he did for the real Beaners - (Bostonians) Sports fans.
Jesse Owens: Snatched Olympic Gold in front of Hitler.
Whoever bags those cheerleaders pictured.
Let's get our balls rolling and in high gear.
MAD SKILLS | ROMO
March 10, 2017
Item #1: Trick Shots: Seems as if Steve-O, whoever he is and Playmate Laci Kay Somers have too much time on their hands...and other places.
Dude does have some mad skills, with his little ball, anyway.
>>> Scoreboard!!! >>>
Item #2: Dallas Cowboys Update:
SUPERBOWL LI MEMES THAT SUM IT ALL UP
February 08, 2017
TOMMY B. GOODE
February 03, 2017
>>> Brady >>>
TEAM SPIRIT | GOLF TIPS | WHINER
December 23, 2016
Item #!: Team Spirit: Gotta love a real Sports Babe who proudly shows her team spirit for the Boston Red Sox on her cell phone.
O'Sports Hack really likes her uniform, too.
Item #2: Golfing Terms:
Some new golf terms to use when you're out on the course.
A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.
A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.
A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.
A 'John Kennedy, Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.
A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.
An 'O.J.'- got away with one.
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.
A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.
A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.
A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.
A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.
A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.
A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.
A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.
A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.
A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.
A 'Tiger Woods' - wrong hole
Item #3: Whiner:
FROM SOME ROMOPHOBE
November 26, 2016
November 13, 2016
Item #1: Dodgeball: Looks like Dodgeball isn't as dead as Libtards Assorted Social Engineers and Educrats thought they would make it. Seems like the spirit of competition is still alive and well with private Dodgeball tournaments
O'Sports Hack recently ran across this recent local flyer while going about town and thought "Awesome!"
Now kids of all ages can participate in a way cool sport, dress up, have some fun AND tell pussified Progtards and Limp Wristed Libs that ONE team wins the $5,000.00 and NO, the losing teams don't get trophies for showing up.
If you don't have a local Dodgeball League, start one and say "In Your Face" to the local wet blankets.
Remember this. Dodgeball doesn't lower self esteem, win or lose, it raises it.
Now, go out out there and toss a Dodgeball at the nearest Limp-Dick you see, and have fun doing it.
Item #2: Cubs Win!: HOLY (Not Mrs. O'Leary's) COW! The Chicago Cubs broke a 108 year Championship drought by defeating the Cleveland Indians in an extra inning game 7 of the 2016 World Series.
Great for the team and especially the Cubs to bring it on home.
The city of Chicago celebrated in a very civil, but probably half drunken manner, but I didn't hear of any gun violence. Could it be that the "No Gun Zones" load didn't appy, meaning that in that part of town people just might be packing?
DEPARTURE DOUBLE HEADER; MARCHING ORDERS
October 04, 2016
Item #1: Vin Scully Calls Last Game
After 67 years in the Brooklyn and Los Angeles Dodger’s broadcast booth, Vin Scully has called his last regular season game on Sunday, October 02, 2016.
Scully, at the tender young age of 88 – doesn’t sound like 88 – will grace the airwaves to open his last game with his trademark opener the way he always has, “It’s time for Dodger baseball! "Hi, everybody, and a very pleasant good evening to you, wherever you may be."
Vin Scully has been a fixture not just of Dodger baseball in Los Angeles, but throughout the entire sports and sports broadcasting world.
Scully’s gift of graceful, flowing gab, commentary, observations and asides, would somehow draw the listener or viewer into the game and his world and turn an otherwise boring, snoozefest of a game into an intimate experience, as if it were just him and you taking in a game together.
Whether listening on a transistor radio at home or even at the stadium, watching on TV, the listener got lost in Scully’s play-by-play, commentary and even personal stories and Scully’s distinguished voice.
One game O’Sports Hack remembers on the radio was Memorial Day 1996. Before the game, Scully recollected that the day after the Pearl Harbor attack, he stated that almost every able bodied young man rushed down to the draft board and enlisted in the military. Scully also said that back then, the Patriot spirit was at an all-time high and many underage young men lied to serve their country.
He then fast forwarded to 1996 and said these days, young men don’t lie about their age and rush to the recruitment office, but instead, find a way out of serving.
That’s as political as I’ve ever heard him.
While at the helm of the Dodgers broadcast booth, Scully has called some memorable games.
Here are just a few highlights that may be a trip down memory lane for some:
1956: Don Larsen pitched perfect game in World Series.
1965: Sandy Koufax pitches perfect game. Note the scoreboard.
>>> Sandy Koufax Perfecto >>>
1974: Hank Aaron hits home run 715, breaking Babe Ruth’s record.
>>> Hammerin' Hank Hits 715 >>>
1976: Rick Monday rescues Old Glory from being torched by a couple of losers in centerfield. A personal favorite.
>>> Rick Monday Rescues Old Glory >>>
1988: Kirk Gibson limps off bench in Game One of World Series and hits a game winning, hobble-off home run.
>>> "...The Impossible Has Happened..." >>>
1991: Dennis Martinez of the Montreal Expos pitched a perfect game against Dodgers. (O’Sports Hack’s mom took him to that game for his XXth birthday. Her very first at Dodger Stadium).
My Ticket Stub and Alibi For That Day:
>>> El Presidente Goes Perfecto >>>
After 67 years in the Dodger broadcast booth, there are no doubt, many, many more memorable games Vin Scully was a part of.
Vin Scully’s final sign-off:
“You know friends," Scully began,"so many people have wished me congratulations on a 67-year career in baseball and they wished me a wonderful retirement with my family and now, all I can do is tell you what I wish for you."
He then recited an Irish blessing he's repeated often in this final year.
May God give you…
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.
Scully then signed off with reassuring and familiar words.
"You and I have been friends for a long time, but I know in my heart I've always needed you more than you've ever needed me. And I'll miss our time together more than I can say.
"But you know what? There will be a new day and, eventually, a new year. And when the upcoming winter gives way to spring, oh, rest assured, once again, it will be time for Dodger baseball.
"So this is Vin Scully, wishing you a very pleasant good afternoon - wherever you may be."
Thanks, Mr. Scully. Dodger Baseball will never be the same.
You are and always will be a class act and a tough one to follow, if ever.
DAVID ORTIZ & VIN SCULLY: OUTTA HERE!
Item #2: David Ortiz Bids Boston And Baseball Adios
David Ortiz, affectionately known throughout the baseball world as ‘Big Papi’ is hanging it up after a monster career, mostly in Beantown.
His is much loved and respected by teammates and opposing players alike.
Beginning with the 2004 American league playoffs, down 3 games to none against the Yucky Yankees, Ortiz ignited one of the greatest 8-game winning streaks in any sport, spearheading the Rag-Tag Red Sox who called themselves, “The Idiots.” Boston took the next 4 from The Yankees for the League Championship and swept St. Louis for the title.
Ortiz was also part of the Red Sox 2007 and 2013 Championship teams.
A name like David Ortiz in a sports crazed city like Boston catapults him into a very elite crowd of former Boston athletes, Larry Bird, Wilt Chamberlain, Bobby Orr, Carl Yastrzemski, and even Tom Brady. Not bad company for Mr. Ortiz to keep.
He’s not done yet. The Red Sox advance to the playoffs and we’ll be seeing more of David Ortiz, at least for a few more games.
CENTERFIELD FENWAY PARK TRIBUTE TO DAVID ORTIZ
Item #3: Fans Give ECU Marching Band Marching Orders
The East Carolina University's marching band jumped on the "Take A Knee During The Star Spangled Banner" bandwagon before Saturday's game.
When they returned to the field for the halftime show, they were met with boos from fans in the stands.
That's too cool. Why can't fans of professional sports teams follow suit? After all a lot of those MLB, NBA, NFL games are nationally televised so when members of a certain team, visitors OR home team get the same reception by their fans?
That works on a few levels. One, it allows the PAYING fans a way to let their feelings be known, and...
Two, public humiliation and being taken down a few notches works well, too.
Item #4: Atlanta Braves Fans Say Goodbye To Turner Field
Braves fans say goodbye. We say good riddance. Turner Field which opened in 1997 was the subject of controversy over what to name the stadium.
Many thought it should have been named after Hank Aaron, but Ted Turner, yes, THAT Ted Turner stroked his ego and named the park after himself.
Turner, and his pathetic Tomahawk Chop posse will be playing at SunTrust Park, for those that care.
Mariner's Catcher Suspended Over BLM Tweets
September 24, 2016
The Seattle Mariners have suspended backup catcher Steve Clevenger without pay for the rest of the season for tweeting messages critical of the Charlotte riots, BLM and Obama.
Here are the Tweets that the weak ass Mariner's organization thought were objectionable:
"Black people beating whites when a thug got shot holding a gun by a black officer haha (expletive) cracks me up!! Keep playing the National Anthem!"
"BLM (Black Lives Matter) is pathetic again! Obama you are pathetic once again! Everyone should be locked behind bars like animals!"
Let's see here. Colin Kaepernick - whose future in the NFL is questionable and probably on life support - is celebrated for publicly disrespecting our flag, military and police officers but Clevenger is issued a suspension for expressing himself through harmless tweets.
Clevenger no doubt has gone on the usual, mandatory, manufactered apology tour.
Another blow to the First Amendment" you bet, and by the way, is the a "Twitter Cop" out in cyberspace that monitors who tweets what to whom?
Good bye First Amendment, hello Big Brother.
>>> Full Story >>>
NATIONAL ANTHEM STAND OFF
September 17, 2016
With the Colo-Rectal Krapernick display of disrespect catching on at all levels of all sports – so far it’s infected the High School football level and more than likely to hit the lower leagues – MLB has been doing National Anthem standoffs for some time, but recently has caught second wind.
In a recent game between the Cincinnati Reds and Milwaukee Brewers, Reds Hernan Iriarren and Milwaukee’s Manny Piña stood staring at each other, both with hands over hearts for several long moments after the Anthem finished playing.
Both stood there staring each other down, all the while their teammates encouraged them to stand still and don’t move in this friendly game of chicken.
Iribarren said: “I've seen some on TV and as soon as the anthem was over, I stood out for a second and then I saw to the other side and it happened to be a friend from my hometown and he just stood there and looked at me [and] moved his shoulder like, 'Well, if we stand, we stand.’ I was like, 'OK, I'm going to stay,’” Iribarren said. “And I got the guys behind me telling me, ‘Don't move, don’t move, don't move, if you're going to stay there, you’ve got to win.’ So, I just kind of stood there.”
Iribarren won the standoff and the Reds won the game.
Both players are not homegrown Americans and both come from Venezuela. Seems these two foreign born players know a bit more about American patriotism than many of our own American born, spoiled and filthy rich athletes do.
Seems as if a lot of Americans can learn from these two men about our flag, National Anthem and what it means to millions.
Let's hope 'Stand Off's become a regular ritual at all levels of all sports.
TAKING A STAND
September 14, 2016
Ravens’ Ben Watson Gives Fantastic Response Regarding Colin Kaepernick and National Anthem
By Kyle P Barber
A lot of controversy this offseason for Colin Kaepernick, and not regarding his job against Blaine Gabbert. Instead, for his decision to sit, and now kneel, for his beliefs.
Last night Benjamin Watson gave a full-fledged response and opinion on the matter on Facebook.
I will not have the option to kneel this Sunday while the National Anthem is being played. A week ago, in what would prove to be my last pre-game opportunity of this 2016 season, I stood with my right hand over my heart as the anthem played. And if I am fortunate enough to ever be dressed for another game day I imagine I would be doing the same thing I did in my last. Standing. Not because America is ALL I desire it to be because most assuredly it is not. Racism still stews, families are fractured, the unborn are trashed, schools are struggling, religious freedom is increasingly under attack, violence pollutes our cities and our suburbs, and there is a growing divide between law enforcement and the community.
I stand, however, because I grew up in NAVY town USA and traveled overseas to support members of our armed forces who follow orders regardless of their personal sentiments. I stand for those who were forced to give their lives building the country that confined them to the tobacco fields and indigo plantations. I stand because as a child, I saw my father stand. A man who lived the tumultuous transition from "separate but equal" to the times surrounding the Civil Rights Act when angry people who held signs at his new school viscously screamed "NIGGER GO HOME!" I stand because on the contrary, no one held such a sign when I walked into my grade school.
Before competition, as I stand in shoulder pads and cleats, my helmet in my left hand, adrenaline flowing and my heart raging under my right, I never forget the ills of America but for a moment I envision its potential, remember its prosperity and give thanks to God for the land He has placed me in and the people I love who live in it.
I stand, because this mixed bag of evil and good is MY home. And because it's MY home my standing is a pledge to continue the fight against all injustice and preserve the greatest attributes of the country, including Colin Kaepernick's right to kneel.
His actions and similar actions by figures of the past and present are a vital part of our journey and a key component of the equation for social change and should be respected as such. From the country's inception, such displays against the status quo are distinctly American. My hope, though, is that these actions bring more attention to the PROBLEM than to the PROTESTOR. And that ensuing dialog discover truth and that truth give birth to justice in legitimate situations where there is none. My hope is that in this time of toil and discord we collectively use our positions in public and private life to take responsibility for our role and collectively seek solutions, not because we HAVE to but because we CARE to. Sometimes listening is of greater value than speaking. As elusive an aspiration as it may be, our goal, especially in the arena of race, should continue to be to create an America where eventually everyone can, in good conscience, stand. No matter the historical context or the present circumstance that is the unity I, perhaps naively, imagine when I see our flag and listen to our anthem.
Conflict when handled correctly strengthens. Conflict when mismanaged destroys.
TAKING A KNEE
September 13, 2016
Looks like there’s a growing movement in the NFL to protest in solidarity over what second rate San Francisco 49er Colin Kaepernick called the oppression of "black people and people of color" during the National Anthem.
Kaepernick started the protest by taking a knee (rather than stand) as the National Anthem was played. His little stunt quickly spread throughout the league like a plague. Opening Sunday saw several teams jump on that bandwagon as they stood together, arms interlocked during the National Anthem. Individually, several other oppressed, millionaire players sat or took a knee, and still others raised their fists as some sort of gesture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, the oppressed have a right to express themselves, even during the National Anthem, and even on the 15th Anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, which in turn leaves a a lot of room for folks to exercise their right to not recognize or even respect their rights.
Gotta wonder, is this the NFL’s version of a symbolic “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” farce? How long before this bullshit spreads to other professional leagues?
Worse yet, younger leagues, all the way down to the Pee-Wee and Little Leagues? Our youth need to learn about oppression, disrepect and manufactured outrage as early as possible.
August 18, 2016
Seems as an overly exited Japanese pole vaulter carried too much wood when his secondary 'pole' knocked down the bar and disqualified him at the Rio Olympics.
>>> OUCH! >>>
GOLFIN' AND GUNS
July 18, 2016
>>> GOLFING AND GUNS >>>
CASSIUS CLAY: January 17, 1942 – June 3, 2016
June 04, 2016
I won't even try to write what hasn't already been said or written about the life and passing of boxing great, Cassius Clay, aka, Muhammad Ali.
Flamboyant, brash and big mouthed? You bet, but his mad ring skills proved he put his money where his mouth was. He out boxed and KO'ed his opponents with his fancy footwork, trademark "Rope-A-Dope" technique and wicked combination of knockout punches that left most of his opponents eating canvas,
Here are some of his memorable quotes:
"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you down. It's the pebble in your shoe."
"I'm so mean, I make medicine sick."
"If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.”
"Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn't matter which color does the hating. It's just plain wrong."
“How tall are you? So I can know in advance how far to step back when you fall down!”
>>> Muhammad Ali >>>
NATIONAL ANTHEM 'RACIST'
May 30, 2016
ESPN' (Extra Sensitive Pussy Network) let another of it's loose cannons off the leash when Howard Bryant wrote:
"...that cops singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" is "staged patriotism," arguing that it signals an "authoritarian shift at the ballpark."
ESPN? Really? They'll probably not only pat him on the back, and give him a waise.
ESPN id the same so-called network that fired Curt Sxhilling for opining potty talk.
Howard Bryant gets a racial free pass and gets paid for his remarks but Schilling gets shit-canned?
Onlly at ESPN.
SPORTS FANS ARE 'SIGNING' OFF
May 23, 2016
TONY ROMO ARRESTED FOR USING MEN'S ROOM IN N.C.
May 21, 2016
>>> Tony Romo >>>
FOOTBALL QUOTES AND QUIPS
May 12, 2016
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football" –John Heisman
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game." –Bear Bryant, Alabama
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!" –Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money, and we don't have any." – rik Russell, Georgia Southern
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it." –Lou Holtz, Arkansas/Notre Dame
"When you win, nothing hurts." –Joe Namath, Alabama
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall." –Frank Leahy, Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." –Woody Hayes, Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation." –Bob Devaney, Nebraska
"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant." –Wally Butts, Georgia
"I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman's and Eisenhower's" –Alex Karras, Iowa
"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor." –Bowden Wyatt, Tennessee
"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades." –Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State
"Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David." –Shug Jordan, Auburn
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me ." He said, "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good." –Walt Garrison, Oklahoma State
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." –Bobby Bowden, Florida State
"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport." –Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State
USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was, "All those who need showers, take them." –John McKay, USC
"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education." –Murray Warmath, Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb." –Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches." –Darrell Royal, Texas
"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking." –John McKay, USC
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players." –Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? Drool.
How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird." The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
What do you say to a Michigan State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? " "Will the defendant please rise."
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.
How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend? There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.
University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car? He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
CURT SCHILLING SERVES UP SOME CHIN MUSIC
April 20, 2016
(Mbatt) Curt Schilling Commits More Thought Crime on Social Media
Legendary baseball great and infamous thought criminal Curt Schilling has really done it now:
If that wasn't enough to make him persona non grata for life at militantly leftist ESPN, how about sharing this:
Schilling was already in the dog house at ESPN for warning about the threat posed by Islam, which got him suspended. Now,
An ESPN spokesman told Boston.com in a statement Tuesday evening, "We are taking this matter very seriously and are in the process of reviewing it."
Transsexuals are of course sacred to liberals, who regard it as so intolerable that anyone would not encourage male perverts to use private facilities intended for women and girls that many musicians who are past their prime and struggling to regain relevance (Bruce Springsteen, Ringo Starr, Pearl Jam, Bryan Adams) noisily refuse to perform in states like North Carolina where this is not allowed.
To the ultra-lefties running ESPN, Schilling's ideological intransigence must be sheer blasphemy. This is the outfit that at the ESPY awards last summer gave its Arthur Ashe Courage Award to Bruce Jenner on the grounds that he was an athlete decades before becoming a transvestite.
Schilling has also provoked controversy by opining that Hillary Clinton should go to jail for her crimes.
His athletic career is worthy of the Hall of Fame, but it will not save his job.
Schilling will be made an unperson. But fans of the 1993 Phillies, 2001 Diamondbacks, and 2004 and 2007 Red Sox will remember him forever.
FOR DIE HARD DODGER FANS WHO GOT SCREWED BY
TIME WARNER CABLE
April 13, 2016
L.A. Weekly's Guide To Watching The Dodgers Without
Time Warner Cable
If you feel that the Dodger's deal with Time Warner to carry Dodger games, for a hefty price and local games blackouts included, sold you out and left you in the dust, don't feel alone.
Nowadays, if you want to watch Dodger games, you have to subscribe to some sort of premium package through Time Warner Cable, and leaving Dodger fans no alternative but to submit to TW's extortionist tactics, until now.
L.A.Weekly figured out how to get more Vin Scully and Dodger Blue back into your living room with some helpful short cuts and money saving tips
Read below, and you too can resume watching Dodger games without costing an arm and a leg and tell Time Warner "Yer Outta Here!"
>>> L.A. Weekly Dodger Guide >>>
April 04, 2016
WHEN THE CADDY SPEAKS
March 27, 2016
David Feherty does a standup show that is quite spectacular. It's all about his life in golf, the drinking and lots of stories about life on the tour. Here's one of his stories:
It was back in the 70s and a soon-to-be prominent golfer (Ray Floyd) was playing at Augusta for his first Masters. Back then the players could not bring their own caddies but had to use one of the locals. Floyd told the caddy master he wanted a big fellow who could handle his bag, but who also would keep quiet, no advice needed.
The caddy who was assigned Floyd said, "Hello Mr. ___".
Floyd said "Hello." And followed that with, "That's the last I want to hear from you."
Everything went well until the 10th hole when Floyd pushed his drive into the right trees on the par 4. After surveying the scene he said out loud, "I'm going to hit a low fade out through that opening to carry and land mid green and then roll over the crest down near the hole."
Surprisingly he pulled it off exactly and turned to his caddy and said, "How's that?"
The caddy spoke for the first time and said, "That wasn't your ball."
You gotta love it.
March 22, 2016
Don't Widen the Plate
In Nashville, Tennessee, during the first week of January, 1996, more than 4,000 baseball coaches descended upon the Opryland Hotel for the 52nd annual ABCA convention.
While I waited in line to register with the hotel staff, I heard other more veteran coaches rumbling about the lineup of speakers scheduled to present during the weekend. One name, in particular, kept resurfacing, always with the same sentiment - "John Scolinos is here? Oh man, worth every penny of my airfare."
Who the hell is John Scolinos, I wondered. No matter, I was just happy to be there.
In 1996, Coach Scolinos was 78 years old and five years retired from a college coaching career that began in 1948. He shuffled to the stage to an impressive standing ovation, wearing dark polyester pants, a light blue shirt, and a string around his neck from which home plate hung - a full-sized, stark-white home plate.
Seriously, I wondered, who in the hell is this guy?
After speaking for twenty-five minutes, not once mentioning the prop hanging around his neck, Coach Scolinos appeared to notice the snickering among some of the coaches. Even those who knew Coach Scolinos had to wonder exactly where he was going with this, or if he had simply forgotten about home plate since he'd gotten on stage.
"You're probably all wondering why I'm wearing home plate around my neck. Or maybe you think I escaped from Camarillo State Hospital," he said, his voice growing irascible. I laughed along with the others, acknowledging the possibility. "No," he continued, "I may be old, but I'm not crazy. The reason I stand before you today is to share with you baseball people what I've learned in my life, what I've learned about home plate in my 78 years."
Several hands went up when Scolinos asked how many Little League coaches were in the room. "Do you know how wide home plate is in Little League?" After a pause, someone offered, "Seventeen inches," more question than answer.
"That's right," he said. "How about in Babe Ruth? Any Babe Ruth coaches in the house?"
Another long pause.
"Seventeen inches?" came a guess from another reluctant coach.
"That's right," said Scolinos. "Now, how many high school coaches do we have in the room?" Hundreds of hands shot up, as the pattern began to appear. "How wide is home plate in high school baseball?"
"Seventeen inches," they said, sounding more confident.
"You're right!" Scolinos barked. "And you college coaches, how wide is home plate in college?"
"Seventeen inches!" we said, in unison.
"Any Minor League coaches here? How wide is home plate in pro ball?"
"RIGHT! And in the Major Leagues, how wide home plate is in the Major Leagues?"
"SEV-EN-TEEN INCHES!" he confirmed, his voice bellowing off the walls. "And what do they do with a a Big League pitcher who can't throw the ball over seventeen inches?" Pause. "They send him to Pocatello!" he hollered, drawing raucous laughter.
"What they don't do is this: they don't say, 'Ah, that's okay, Jimmy. You can't hit a seventeen-inch target? We'll make it eighteen inches, or nineteen inches. We'll make it twenty inches so you have a better chance of hitting it. If you can't hit that, let us know so we can make it wider still, say twenty-five inches.'"
"Coaches!" Pause. "What do we do when our best player shows up late to practice? When our team rules forbid facial hair and a guy shows up unshaven? What if he gets caught drinking? Do we hold him accountable? Or do we change the rules to fit him, do we widen home plate?
The chuckles gradually faded as four thousand coaches grew quiet, the fog lifting as the old coach's message began to unfold. He turned the plate toward himself and, using a Sharpie, began to draw something. When he turned it toward the crowd, point up, a house was revealed, complete with a freshly drawn door and two windows. "This is the problem in our homes today. With our marriages, with the way we parent our kids. With our discipline. We don't teach accountability to our kids, and there is no consequence for failing to meet standards. We widen the plate!"
Pause. Then, to the point at the top of the house he added a small American flag.
"This is the problem in our schools today. The quality of our education is going downhill fast and teachers have been stripped of the tools they need to be successful, and to educate and discipline our young people. We are allowing others to widen home plate! Where is that getting us?"
Silence. He replaced the flag with a Cross.
"And this is the problem in the Church, where powerful people in positions of authority have taken advantage of young children, only to have such an atrocity swept under the rug for years. Our church leaders are widening home plate!"
I was amazed. At a baseball convention where I expected to learn something about curveballs and bunting and how to run better practices, I had learned something far more valuable. From an old man with home plate strung around his neck, I had learned something about life, about myself, about my own weaknesses and about my responsibilities as a leader. I had to hold myself and others accountable to that which I knew to be right, lest our families, our faith, and our society continue down an undesirable path.
"If I am lucky," Coach Scolinos concluded, "you will remember one thing from this old coach today. It is this: if we fail to hold ourselves to a higher standard, a standard of what we know to be right; if we fail to hold our spouses and our children to the same standards, if we are unwilling or unable to provide a consequence when they do not meet the standard; and if our schools and churches and our government fail to hold themselves accountable to those they serve, there is but one thing to look forward to."
With that, he held home plate in front of his chest, turned it around, and revealed its dark black backside. "Dark days ahead."
Coach Scolinos died in 2009 at the age of 91, but not before touching the lives of hundreds of players and coaches, including mine. Meeting him at my first ABCA convention kept me returning year after year, looking for similar wisdom and inspiration from other coaches. He is the best clinic speaker the ABCA has ever known because he was so much more than a baseball coach.
His message was clear: "Coaches, keep your players - no matter how good they are - your own children, and most of all, keep yourself at seventeen inches.
MAD SKILLS BY BASEBALL'S BALL GIRLS AND BOYS
March 12, 2016
When you view the clips below, you will wonder, why aren't they signed to a contract for their skills.
>>> Skills, Part I >>>
>>> Skills Part II >>>
ORANGE CRUSHED | February 09, 2016
Well, congratulations go to the Denver Broncos for winning Super Bowl 50, or, L, (Roman numeral style), 24-10 over the Carolina Panthers.
Many predicted Carolina with Cam Newton & Co. would bulldoze the aging oldster, Peyton Manning and his Broncos. One thing Carolina may have overlooked was Denver’s high pressure defense which was the defining factor in the outcome of the game. That, penalties and turnovers. The two high profile QB’s really played a minor part in the final score.
The Bronco’s defese denied Cam Newton the opportunity to showcase his mad, talented skills which got Carolina to the Big Game in an 18-1 season.
Pre Game Stuff: Lady Gaga performed one of the best renditions of The National Anthem, ever. Whodathunk?
>>> Lady Gaga >>>
Halftime: Coldplay, Bruno Mars and Beonce? My excuse to do the dishes and pick up a pizza and excuse myself.
The Hyped Up Ads: This is PIgDome Worthy, and funny as Hell
>>> Hyundai/First Date w/ Kevin Hart >>>
Post Game: The usually outgoing and upbeat Cam Newton walked out of a press conference, dressed all gangsta, hoodie included with a scowl on his face that wiped away his million dollar smile. I guess he could and would be considered a sore loser.
Memo To Mr. Cam (Not Sir Isaac or Fig) Newton: The better team won. You thought you would glide into the Super Bowl, do a few end zone dances and walk away with the Lombardi Trophy, just by virtue of you showing up and expecting Denver to lie down and let you walk all over them. Denver dominated, you lost. That’s the final score.
You lost, dude. But don’t worry, chances are you will be returning. So take that frown and turn it upside down and use that anger and frustration to focus on another winning season. Next year.
Quote Of The Game: When asked if this was his final game, Peyton Manning replied:
"You know, I'll take some time to reflect," Manning replied. "I got a couple of priorities first. I want to go kiss my wife and my kids. I want to go hug my family. I'm going to drink a lot of Budweiser tonight, Tracy. I promise you that."
TRUMPED AT WRESTLEMANIA | February 04, 2016
I don't know if this qualifies as a sport, but it sure is funny as hell!
>>> Trump Vs McMahon >>>
TIME OUT! | January 30, 2016
The spirit of competion took a major dump when the “Just Show Up, Get A Worthless TrophyAnti-Competition Nazi’s” just showed up by banning this Minnesota girl’s basketball team because they are too good.
That’s right sports fans. A youth basketball team is booted from their league for being “Too good.”
Too good? Other teams refuse to play these gals because they are afraid of losing to them? Whatever happened to the spirit of the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat?
Pussies personified here. Can’t stand losing to a better team? Get the F**k off the court, enroll in a community college and major in Basket Weaving 101and go save the pathetic world, safe space or utopia you hallucinate about.
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! In sports, there will be a winner and loser. When an athlete walks on court or field, they should realize someone wins, someone loses and the final score reflects that. If there are hurt feelings, boo-boo’s on the losing side, suck it up re-group and make an effort to move forward to your next opponent, give it your best and accept the outcome.
Back to the Minnesota gals and one summed it up best:
“Are we supposed to play worse just to make them happy?”
TIME OUT! | December 23, 2015
This past Sunday, a football game between the undefeated Carolina Panthers and the New York Giants was scheduled but it seems as if a steel cage style hockey game broke out. The key instigators were Carolina defensive back, Josh Norman and Giants hot-headed and high flying receiver, Odell Beckham.
Carolina’s plan was to get into Beckham’s head fast and early and did, causing Beckham to absolutely lose it on the field, and pick up 3 penalty flags which probably cost his team the game.
It all began when Norman used Beckham as a rag doll and threw him to the ground (no flag thrown) while trying to catch a pass in the first quarter. At that point, Beckham’s meltdown began and war was waged.
Throughout the 'game' the Beckham and Norman sideshow and exchange of cheap shots continued unpenalized until the third quarter when it seemed like an episode of Three Stooges style cheap shots, bitch slaps to the helmet, facemasking and even taunting Beckham's sexuality and manhood broke out.
In the end, Carolina won, Norman fined $26,00 and Beckham fined and suspended one game and both players no doubt have painted huge bull's eyes on their jerseys.
>>> Beckham vs. Norman >>>
X-TREME CASCADIA | December 12, 2015
Item #1: Got Balls?!?
Meet Scotsman Danny McAskill. Professional cyclist and stuntman and watch in awe and fear as he maneuvers the rooftops of Gran Canaria - an island off of Morocco with breath taking views - with nothing more than his trusted, tricked out bike, a GoPro helmet cam and a barrel full of balls.
One wrong move, and Mr. McAskill will have a potentially fatal "Hold my beer and watch this!! moment.
Aside from the scenery, enjoy the accompanying music in the clip below.
>>> Cascadia >>>
SEAHAWKS LIGHT SHOW | December 05, 2015
Q: What do you get when you put a general contractor and die hard Seattle Seahawks fan who loves Christmas, a blank house, a few hundred thousand lights and too much time on his hands?
A: You get the home of Kirkland's Anthony Mish, all decked out for Christmas with a passion for HIS team, the Seattle Seahwks.
Mish allows folks to tour his home and in lieu of admission fees, he does accept canned goods, clothing, toys and other charitable donations.
Check out the light show, below:
>>> Hawks Home >>>
THE JEWISH QUARTERBACK | December 04, 2015
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect Arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says." You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,…
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Baltimore!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, REDSKIN STYLE | November 26, 2015
Thanksgiving just wouldn't be complete without some Redskins Greetings.
Be sure to read the comments in the posting below:
>>> Happy Thanksgiving >>>
POOP WARNER SUCKAGE | November 26, 2015
Item #1: Undefeated Team Gets Sacked:
The A-Wipes running the West Philadelphia
Pop Poop Warner football league really stepped in it this year when they denied the Eastern Region Mitey-Mite (undefeated, 11-0, 9 shutouts) champion Tarheels team a trip to Disney World.
Officials at Poop-Warner did a mid-season about face/slap in the face when they changed the rules to award the trip to two teams selected at random instead of the top two teams in the league that EARNED the free trip. Poop Warner really dropped it when they took their time notifying the teams and waited until the parents dished out their own money during the regionals.
From Caiya Whitehead, mother of Kal-el, a quarterback for the undeated Tarheels said this:
"We were devastated," Whitehead said. "Everyone was crying. It was heartbreaking. These boys work really hard and we've never lost a game."
"This was not a fair way to handle it. They should have contacted us before we paid out money for the regionals. We were not told that this was going to turn into an invitation-only thing. We were amongst the teams in the bracket for making it to Florida."
Poop Warner Spokespuke Josh Pruce, a real Grinch of a guy and Participation Trophy Punk said:
"The decision was fair even though it wasn't communicated as quickly as it should have been.
"The Mitey-Mites is a training division that is not competitive," Pruce said. "There’s no winners or losers in our Super Bowl."
"We’re real sorry these kids are so disappointed. There was a lot of miscommunication from adults."
OK. So Poop Warner A-Wipes caved to the P.C. Participation Pirates and not much to be expected from them, but, Disney has deep pockets. Not that Disney is obligated in any way, but promoting themselves as being "The Happiest Place On Earth" why didn't Disney offer to recover Poop Warners major league fumble by covering the teams costs for a free trip that the team EARNED?
Oops! I forgot. Disney's trademark logo is a rodent, Mickey Mouse, but all is not lost for our pint sized gridiron heroes. Yes, they got punked by Poop Warner. Disney, being a Mickey Mouse outfit, indirectly dissed the Mitey-Mite warriors, too, but out of the blue comes a good Samaritan who is on a mission to get those kids to Disney World.
A generous donor, Tim Ranney of Clearwater, Florida read about the story, wanted to help and is working with a former Philadelphia Eagles player, Reverand Herbert Lusk II's non-profit organization, People for People, Inc.
Ranney insisted on paying for all expenses for the team and 10 chaperones. Say what you want about Poop Warner and Disney, but the real champs ARE going to Disney World and hopefully, for a day anyway, Disney will be the happiest place on Earth.
If anyone gets to do an "In-Your-Face-Poop Warner!" end zone dance, it's the Eastern Mitey-Mite Champion Tarheels who snatched victory from defeat and all of their supporters.
Item #2: Hiccups and High Fives:
Watch and listen as 7-year-old Ethan Hall delivers the Australian National Anthem, all while enduring a bout of hiccups.
Ethan was rewarded with a standing ovation and high-fives from the players.
>>> Australian National Anthem >>>
NFL FUNNIES | November 11, 2015
SUCKAGE; CADDY SHACKED | November 05, 2015
Item #1: Kobe Bryant on his recent suckage:
“I just can’t make a shot,” he told reporters.
When asked if it was “just a rhythm thing,” Bryant replied:
“Maybe. I’m just playing like (expletive) right now.”
He praised D’Angelo Russell for finding him in the right spots and said that his own play so far was “extremely” frustrating.
When asked how to turn it around, Bryant finally cracked a smile:
“Well if I make a damn shot, that would help. I suck right now … I’m the 200th best player in the league right now, I freaking suck.”
Item #2: Fairway Funnies:
Top 10 Caddy Replies
10) Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long"?
9) Golfer: "I'd move Heaven and Earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try Heaven, you've already moved most of the Earth.
8) Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving"?
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
7) Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron"?
6) Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
5) Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch, it's a compass."
4) Golfer: "How do you like my game"?
Caddy: "Very good, sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
3) Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday"?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
2) Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
1) Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
PIGDOME SILLINESS | October 29, 2015
Item #1: Barkley-isms:
Never at a loss for words – sometimes funny, sometimes in-your-face, Charles Barkley said this about the L.A. Lakers during a conference call on Monday:
“The Lakers are the fourth-best team in California. They lucky the Sparks ain’t playing, they’d be the fifth.”
We here in the PIGDome thought, “Why stop with just one of Barkley’s memorable quotes?” Here’s more Barkley-isms:
- "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."
- "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."
- "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."
- "We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon."
- "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to be that type of person."
- After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.
- Ernie: "Did they recognize you in South Dakota?" Charles: "Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back yawl!'"
- Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: "Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest."
- On the Enron scandal investigation: "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."
- "I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."
- Ernie: "Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort." Charles: "20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"
- "Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."
- EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn?" Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."
- "*** Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."
- Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."
- On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."
- Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!" Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'
- After Wang has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"
- Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight: "That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people making fun of me."
- "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good."
- When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."
- Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"
- Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.
- "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."
- "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."
- After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".
- Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: "Both of y'all are2 going to hell for that. Y'all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they're hot. Y'all are cruel man."
- "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."
- "I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."
- Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."
- While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."
- Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."
- On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."
- To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"
- Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."
- On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."
- "All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."
- On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."
- I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.
- "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."
- On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."
- "Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.
- "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."
- "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."
- "Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."-- Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts
- "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."
- On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."
- On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."
- After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge. Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?" Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"
- After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."
I'm quitting this team for the Olympic swim team. I'm going to the pool as long as there are babes with no tops. You'll think I'm Mark Spitz before this week is over.”
--Charles Barkley, on women sunbathing topless at the beaches and hotel pool in Monte Carlo, site of the 1992 U.S. Olympic team training camp.
Item #2: A Very Brady Invite:
Item #3: Mike Ditka Let's One Rip:
Whether he's flipping the bird, sticking chewing gum on a camera lens, tackling a fan or Mike Ditka just being Mike Ditka, he is always outspoken.
Below is proof and note the "One cheek sneak technique.":
>>> Thar She Blows >>>
WORLD RUGBY CUP FINALS | October 27, 2015
Are You Ready For Some Rugby?!?
If you thought NFL style full-contact football was too rough for reality, try watching the World Rugby Cup Finals this weekend, (Saturday, October 31, 2015) and will feature the New Zealand All Blacks vs. Australian Wallabies.
Rugby basically makes the NFL look like powder puffs with the NFL's ever expanding punative rules and penalties involving certain hits, tackles, dirty looks, hurt feelings and end zone celebrations. But, if you can take ball and gut busting hits, tackles, bumps bruises and more, all without helmets or protective padding, Rugby is for you. Chock full of off the charts, full contact body shots, teeming testosterone abounds as these warriors do battle for all the marbles.
The All Blacks are the defending champions and are favored to repeat this year, too. The All Blacks also have a somewhat intimidating ritual known as the “Haka” dance, based on the Maori natives of New Zealand. A Haka is a traditional ancestral war cry, dance or challenge of the Maori people of New Zealand which the All Blacks perform before international matches.
At this time, my Kiwi/Maori translator is on the fritz, but I'll bet that that ritual in everyday English means: "We're here and we're going to kick your ass."
Here a sampling:
>>> All Blacks Haka >>>
Kick Off Time: 12:00 ET, Saturday, October 31. Check local NBC affiliates for possible telecast.
SARKASIAN'S SPORTS SNORTS | October 14, 2015
USC: University of a Soused Coach
USC Athletic Director Pat Haden has terminated head football coach, Steve Sarkasian for ongoing alcohol related issues. Sarkasian had demonstrated signs of alcohol abuse several times recently by slurring his words during a public team rally which included some profanites. Sarkasian claimed he had mistakenly mixed booze with prescription drugs during that incident.
Other signs of over doing it were documented before he was hired as USC's head coach while at University of Washington where he ran up hefty alcohol tabs while travelling with the team.
Even players remarked that Sarkasian had reeked of alcohol during team meetings, the meetings he was sober enough to attend, anyway.
Sarkasian was offered help with his problem, but apparently didn't follow though. I suppose to put this in perspective and PIGish academic terms, Sarkasian was put on "Double Secret Probation" and not just flunked, but fumbled big time as his personal issues are/were getting the best of him and it was obviously affecting his team.
Sorry Steve, USC has issued you your walking papers. Let's hope he walks right into the help he needs and not a Sudden Death situation.
PARTICIPATION PUKES | October 13, 2015
Korean auto maker Kia, scored BIG Time with an ad it ran on Sunday Night Football. The ad is plugging the Sorrento, but more Inkorrectly, spikes the ball in the face of "Participation Trophy" Punks and Propoponents
Link to article and commercial below:
>>> Sorrento >>>
KIA PUNKS PC PARTICIPATION TROPHY PUKES
PECKER PEEKERS | October 11, 2015
Pecker Peekers Denied Locker Room Access:
Two female Pecker Peekers disguised as ‘Journalists,’ Graham Watson and Joey Chandler were denied access to the Jacksonville Jaguars locker for a post game interview by an “old, out-of-touch geezer.” (Funny, I thought ‘Graham’ and ‘Joey’ were men’s names. I guess I’m an old, out-of-touch geezer, too.)
First, why should anyone disguised as a sports reporter be granted access to an athletes shower & dressing room for post game thoughts, comments and interviews? By anyone, I mean male and female.
I was wondering how any reporter would feel if someone barged in on them while dressing, showering, taking a leak or even taking a dump and asking earth shattering questions about the game or if they plan on going to Disneyland?
Pretty damn awkward, I imagine, unless they have certain freaky fetishes.
This is a lose-lose situation for all involved on several levels:
1) If a woman is denied access to a men's locker room, she will sue the team and probably the league. And they have, all the way to the Federal Court level.
2) If a woman is allowed access and a player is in a state of undress and does not cover himself or exposes himself to a female reporter, he, team and league will get sued. And have been for that reason, too.
3) If a male reporter gets 'flashed' by an undressed athlete, he too can sue on the same, lame sexual harassment charges as female reporters.
4) Suing for workplace sexual harassment does not and should be a valid point from the reporters point of view, as she is entering the athlete's place of work. Maybe the athlete himself feels violated or has certain moral or personal convictions regarding a complete stranger, male or female seeing him in the raw.
5) Maybe the athlete is in a little-known 'pee-wee' league and doesn't feel the need to show case his short comings.
6) Perhaps Female 'Sports Reporter' is a nymphomaniac whose only way out of the closet is into a man's locker room. Of course, she will deny that and state that "It's part of her job." Yeah, right. and working at Playboy magazine is just another day at the office for Hef and his dude cohorts.
7) The whole issue will and has back fired as male reporters will and probably have sued to gain 'equal access' to Women's Beach Volleyball team locker rooms
Solution: NO ONE, Male or Female should allowed access until players have cleaned up changed up and cooled down, post game, outside of the locker room. Fair is fair and ALL reporters should be equally denied.
Back to our featured Pecker Peekers Graham "Cracker" Watson and Joey "Baby Kangaroo" Chandler. How proud are their Pappa's whan they brag to their Bowling League buddies that their respective daughters troll for blue veined trouser trout for a living.
O'Sports Hack is not against women trying to make a living, but is against women/womyn invading one of the last bastions of masculinity. No longer can men make certain comments in the presence of woman in a man's domain. He must now demonstrate certain locker room etiquette in the company of women/womyn.
Just another step in emasculating men by womyn and the womyn have already rouned third and it doesn't look like they're stopping until they bitch slap that sacred home plate called a "Man's World."
IT'S OFFICIAL: BASEBALL SEASON OVER
IN PIGDOME | October 09, 2015
IRANIAN 'WOMEN'S' SOCCER TEAM | October 03, 2015
From Our 'For Non-Members Only' Department:
Seems as if 8 ‘members’ of the Iranian ‘women’s’ soccer team are actually men undergoing various stages of sex change operations that will ultimately have them disconnected from their own ‘members.’ You know, the ‘members’ they were born with. Puns intended.
Seems odd that a country with such archaic and puritanical morality laws and harsh punishments to go with such violations (adultery, public hand holding and displays of affection, homosexuality) of their ass-backwards, Stone Age, Islamic laws or fatwa would allow sex change operations to go unpunished.
Could it be the Iranians are advocating cheating? Iranians cheating?
Who do the Iranians think they're fooling? Unless Iran has the ugliest, hairiest and manliest looking women on earth, even Mr. Magoo could tell the difference.
I'de be willing to bet all of FIFA's filafels that the Iranian teams mascot(s) are goats that look way better than that pathetic herd.
By the way, where the hell does the GLAAD-BAG bunch stand on this?
>>> Full Story >>>
NAMES | September 29, 2015
YOGI "IT AIN'T OVER 'TIL IT'S OVER" BERRA | September 24, 2015
Yankees legend Yogi Berra passed away on Tuesday at the age of 90. An 18-time All-Star, Berra appeared in 14 World Series as a member of the Yankees and won 10 of them.
Berra's contributions to MLB history are incalculable, but his legacy might be even better remembered for what he contributed to American language. A sportswriters' favorite, Berra had countless expressions and turns of phrase that were memorable because most of them didn't make any sense. (At the same time, every one had some truth to it.)
Berra-isms (colloquial expressions that lack logic) are now countless, and many of them are just attributed to Berra, even if he never actually said them. As he so perfectly put it: "I never said most of the things I said." Here are 50 of our favorites.
1. When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
2. You can observe a lot by just watching.
3. It ain't over till it's over.
4. It's like déjà vu all over again.
5. No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded.
6. Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.
7. A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
8. Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
9. We made too many wrong mistakes.
10. Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.
11. You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
12. You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.
13. I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.
14. Never answer an anonymous letter.
15. Slump? I ain't in no slump… I just ain't hitting.
16. How can you think and hit at the same time?
17. The future ain't what it used to be.
18. I tell the kids, somebody's gotta win, somebody's gotta lose. Just don't fight about it. Just try to get better.
19. It gets late early out here.
20. If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them.
21. We have deep depth.
22. Pair up in threes.
23. Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.
24. You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.
25. All pitchers are liars or crybabies.
26. Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
27. Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.
28. He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.
29. It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
30. I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won twenty-five games. What I don't understand is how he lost five.
31. I don't know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.
32. I'm a lucky guy and I'm happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.
33. I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
34. In baseball, you don't know nothing.
35. I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?
36. I never said most of the things I said.
37. It ain't the heat, it's the humility.
38. If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
39. I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I'd never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field.
40. So I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.
41. Take it with a grin of salt.
42. (On the 1973 Mets) We were overwhelming underdogs.
43. The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
44. Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
45. Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, but we weren't allowed to play golf during the season; only at spring training.
46. You don't have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it'll go.
47. I'm lucky. Usually you're dead to get your own museum, but I'm still alive to see mine.
48. If I didn't make it in baseball, I won't have made it workin'. I didn't like to work.
49. If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.
50. A lot of guys go, 'Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.' I tell 'em, 'I don't know any.' They want me to make one up. I don't make 'em up. I don't even know when I say it. They're the truth. And it is the truth. I don't know.
THE BRADY BUNCH OF BITCHES | September 05, 2015
FROM SWINE FLEW | August 24, 2015
GOLFER'S ANGST; GOLFING TIPS | August 15, 2015
Item #1: Golfer's Angst
Like most people, I would rather watch paint dry or grass grow than watch a PGA match on TV. If anything, watching a ‘game’ where the announcers whisper and players wear hideous outfits.
Boring, until I came across this. John Daly, during the second round of the PGA Championship made a ‘septuple-bogey 10 on the par 3 seventh hole’ (WTF kind of language or sports terminology is that? Does Golf Speak include a secret handshake, too?)
After hitting a few into Lake Michigan, Daly finally got one of his little balls close to his target, but walking toward the hole and probably being mad as all hell, wing his club into Lake Michigan.
The upside is that that club became someone's souvenir.
Daly, through the years has giving a stale ass pastime like golf and a little personality. And if the golfing doesn’t work, maybe he could be the new Marlboro Man.
Note the cigarette in his left hand.
>>> Golf Club Tossing >>>
Item #2: The Gospel According To St. Titleist
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. –Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. –John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. –Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. –Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. –Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. –Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. –William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. –Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. –Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. -Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. –Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons. –Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. –Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! –Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. –Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. –Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. –Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. –Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. –Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. –Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. –All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. –George Deukmejian
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. –Lee Trevino
POWDER PUFF FOOTBALL, N.Y. JETS STYLE | August 04, 2015
INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS | August 02, 2015
INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS | July 26, 2015
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE amazing facts are, the higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.
THE COWARDLY LIONS AT ESPN | July 19, 2015
FROOT LOOPS | July 16, 2015
Now that Bruce became...whatever, advertisers can cash in on the following.
BASEBALL EJECTION TIME | July 09, 2015
>>> Ejected >>>
GOLFING AROUND | June 15, 2015
KEEPING AN EYE ON THE BALL | June 10, 2015
The Winner Took It All | June 07, 2015
American Pharoah won the Triple Crown yesterday by leaving all competition in the dust.
>>> Winner >>>
Hot Air | A Decent Proposal | May 13, 2015
Item #1: Hot Air
Seems as if the powers that be in the NFL’s front office have nothing better to do than throw New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady under the bus for his alleged “knowledge” of footballs being deflated prior to the New England/Indianapolis Colts Championship game.
O’Sports Hack smells a rat here and here’s why. In the 2014 NFL season, domestic violence became a forefront issue, and Ray Rice serves a 2 game suspension for using his then girlfriend, now wife as a punching bag. Tom Brady, complete with a huge target on his head, due to his success, gets a 4 game suspension based on nothing but hearsay.
That particular game saw the New England Patriots enter halftime with a healthy lead. Attention was brought to the powers that be, (officiators, refs, etc.) that some of the balls ON BOTH TEAMS were intentionally deflated due to cold weather and gripping problems for both quarterbacks.
In the second half of that game, New England went woodshed on the Colts and won the AFC Championship game with properly inflated balls and eventually the Super Bowl. In essence and hind sight, the New England Patriots did not need deflated footballs to chalk up victory in the win column.
So, why Tom Brady and the New England Patriots? Simple. Tom Brady is high profile and damn good at what he does, hence the bullseye painted on his name and team’s winning identity are subjectto any and all anal retentive 240 page reports, critiques and criticism. Goddamn sports and success haters.
I throw the penalty flag to the NFL’s Commissioners whistle blowing front office on their part in really dropping and fumbling the f**king ball on such a trivial issue that is, in essence, a non-issue.
I just hope the Patriot Hater Nation savors the pound of flesh they get to chew on during Tom Brady’s suspension. But here’s the caveat. Tom Brady, the winner that he is, will probably, actually, more than likely be a man on a mission to get another ring after he serves his bogus suspension.
Just my two cents worth on the matter.
Item #2: A Most Decent Proposal:
Here’s one that my writing can’t justify. Read the story and ask yourself, why you felt the need to excuse yourself due to a lump in your throat.
>>> When A Man Loves A Woman >>>
TID-BITS | May 07, 2015
Item #1: First Class Act. (Breitbart) When Seattle Seahawks Quarterback Russell Wilson spied a U.S. soldier huffing his bag to a seat in coach on a recent flight to Seattle, the nice guy QB immediately upgraded the solder to a seat in first class.
Wilson has a business relationship with Alaska Airlines so when he saw the soldier headed down the aisle he instantly thought that he could give the soldier a happier, more comfortable flight.
The soldier was flabbergasted and jumped on Twitter to tell the world of the kindness Wilson extended.
Wilson responded that it was his pleasure and took the time to have a few photos taken with the flight crew.
The Seahawks star has made quite a name for himself as one of the nicest guys in the NFL, and with moves like this he can only burnish that reputation all the brighter.
Here are some Tweets exchanged by the two:
"Russell Wilson was on my flight back to seattle and he brought me up to first class. Mad respect! #clutch," a Twitter user named Kane Bernas tweeted.
"Anytime Kane... Thanks for serving our great country by serving with the Army! #GoUSA," Wilson tweeted back.
Item #2: Referette: Meet Sarah Thomas. Sarah Thomas will become the NFL's first permanent female referee.
Initially, O'Sports Hack was going to comment on how the NFL was going to find a female, any female in any capacity to help with their tarnished image as a league known to hire and harbor (a few) wife beaters that have given the NFL a big fat black eye recently.
The NFL did find someone to put a woman's face on the league and help in the damage control department in one Sarah Thomas. Sarah Thomas isn't just some pretty faced pawn. Sarah Thomas, according to her bio and love of sports is the real deal.
You can save all the whistle blower jokes for someone else, PIGsters. Sarah is fully qualified to outrun those other oldsters in zebra suits and has no problem flagging when flagging is due.
The NFL probably struck gold when they hired her as she doesn't seem the type to snivel about bad hair days or broken finger nails and yes, she can probably take the same heat her male counterparts take when calls are questionable.
We wish Sarah Thomas nothing but the best in her new career choice.
Item #3: Sore Losers and Leeches: The ink on Manny Pacquiao's and Floyd Mayweather's checks hasn't even dried and the parasites are coming out of the woodwork en masse.
In what was billed as "The Fight of The Century" (which it wasn't...at all) plaintiffs are naming Top Rank, HBO, Showtime, Mayweather Enterprises, Manny Pacquiao, AT&T, COMCAST, DirecTV, and God knows who else for the following:
"Defendants, individually and collectively, deceptively and fraudulently promoted, produced and sold the fight as one between two healthy fighters... expressly misrepresenting the health of Manny Pacquiao to the Nevada State Athletic Commission, all in an effort to maximize and collect pay-per-view revenue," the lawsuit claims.
Basically, the match didn't live up to the hype and many who shelled out $100.00 for pay-per-view are crying foul and only (someone elses) money can heal their boo-boo's.
Then, there's Mayweather's ex-girl friend who he had a 'domestic situation' with in 2010 and pled guilty to battery and did 60 days in jail. In an interview later with Katy Couric, Mayweather said she was on drugs during that incident.
Josie Harris now wants $20 million of Mayweather's payday for defamation.
No doubt, there will be more to come as a result of the amount of money involved. Why can't people cut their losses. They watched a crappy fight filled with and paid $100.00 and didn't get their money's worth. Bettors lost big time because of Pacquaio's bum shoulder. Disgruntled ex-girlfriend wants hers.
This greedy quest for other peoples money ought to billed as the Main Event after the Main Event called 'Blood Sucker Sport' in which contestants battle it out for who can try to seperate the most money from the two boxers. Winner gets...an A for effort and a swift kick out of the door.
Item #4: Olympian Turned Dentist: Olympic decathlete Brian Clay recently played dentist using the tools of his trade, a javelin to extract his daughters loose tooth.
We'll go viral on this one:
>>> Say Ahh >>>
BOW WOW | May 03, 2015
"MY DAD ATE MY DOG" - Manny Pacquiao
>>> A Manny And His Dog >>>
MARCH MADNESS | March 29, 2015
What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT's? Drool.
What do you get when you put 32 Alabama cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.
How do you get a GA Tech cheerleader into your dorm room? Grease her hips and push hard.
How do you get a Michigan State graduate off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs? To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.
Why do they no longer serve ice at Wisconsin basketball games? The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
Why is the Indiana basketball team like a possum? Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.
What are the longest three years of a Michigan basketball player's life? His freshman year.
How many Ohio State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? None...That's a sophomore course at OSU.
Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color? You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash the rest of the week.
The odds of filling out a perfect NCAA bracket are greater than one in 9 quintillion. And even greater if you picked Illinois.
Q. How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three college credit hours for it!
Q: Why did John Calipari (Kentucky coach) cross the road?
A: To hit up the ATM so he could pay another 6'11" forward.
Q: What did the Butler fan do after his team won the NCAA Championship?
A: Shut off his Xbox.
Q: What's the first thing a Wyoming fan does before they fill out their NCAA Tournament bracket?
A: Drive 150 miles to the nearest pen store.
Q: Why doesn't BYU want to be this year's Cinderella team?
A: Because the school considers the movie to be pornography.
Q: How many Harvard players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One - to hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
Q: How do you keep Duke Blue Devils out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: If West Virginia Mountaineer fans get divorced, are they still brother and sister?
Q: What's more delusional than a Notre Dame football fan?
A: A Notre Dame basketball fan who think they match up well against Kentucky.
Q: What do UNC players and NC State players have in common?
A: They both have never taken a class at UNC.
Q: How many VCU players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, downtown Richmond looks better in the dark.
Q: Why is there a Texas school in the tournament called "Steve Austin"?
A: Because Stone Cold said so.
Q: Why do Gonzaga fans only play 14 holes of golf?
A: Because they can't make it to the Final Four.
I can understand why basketball shorts keep getting longer and longer. If I had knees like some of those guys I'd want to hide them too. It's obvious why Villanova lost. Their shorts were too long and their shots were too wide.
Basketball is America's favorite "running" sport. Number two is avoiding child support payments.
College basketball exists out of necessity. If there was no basketball, it would be necessary for the players to attend class.
I can remember the old days of basketball – when they shot the ball up at the basket, not down into it.
March Madness describes the mood of everyone who's already working on their income tax.
The Final Four: sounds like the number of dollars left in my bank account.
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
HIGH SPEED HIJINX | March 20, 2015
A 'Don't Try This At Home Unless You've Got Cast Iron Cojones' Moment: Until the other day, I always hated when News Nit-Wit would interrupt my favorite regularly scheduled TV progamming (usually South Park and ALWAYS during Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, Dammit) to broadcast a live, high speed chase. That all changed when SoCal motorcyclist Philip Resendez failed to stop when police tried to pull him over for reckless driving.
By his actions and performance during the chase that ensued, Mr. Resendez elevated high spped chases to Sportdome status.
Resendez naturally attracted the attention of sky cams and multiple law enforement agencies as he sped through neighborhoods with speeds in excess of over 100mph.
Big deal, happens every day in SoCal, right? Not when Mr. Resendez summoned his inner-Evel Knievel/Easy Rider persona and began taking selfies and for a grand finale, stood up on his moving bike, waved to the cops and then flipped everyone off.
Resendez eventually pulled into a gas station and peacefully surrendered amid a cheering crowd and was booked for riding on the wrong side of the road and failing to yield.
That's what I call "Must See TV."
>>> SoCal High Speed Chase >>>
WADS | March 01, 2015
MLB To Ban Smokeless Tobacco?
California State Assemblyman Tony Thurmond has introduced a bill that would ban the use of smokeless (chewing) tobacco at all baseball games at every level including Major League Ballparks throughout California.
This proposed ban goes as far as including players who routinely use chewing tobacco on the field and probably extends to the dugout and clubhouse as well.
The teams affected at the Major League level would be the San Francisco Giants, Oakland A’s, Los Angeles Dodgers, L.A. Angels of Who-Knows-Where this year and the San Diego Padres and the teams that travel to play in those stadiums.
Bummer for those that chew, but while chewing and spitting tobacco is a filthy habit, chewing really has no ill effects on any one except the person using it. There are no “second-hand” victims as many claim tobacco when smoked effects.
The proposed bill was in part inspired by the premature death of San Diego Padres Hall-Of-Famer Tony Gwynn who admitted to years of smokeless tobacco for his early demise. Gwynn’s death is being used because Gwynn had a stellar reputation on and off the field and was considered a role model for up-and-coming ball players.
MLB and it’s fans are indeed saddened by the sudden loss of Tony Gwynn and perhaps, at least “awareness” (I hate using that term) of the consequences of chewing will be a part of his legacy.
MLB, for it’s part, issued the following statement:
“We ardently believe that children should not use or be exposed to smokeless tobacco, and we support the spirit of this initiative in California and any others that would help achieve this important goal.”
Now, if the ban takes effect, I was wondering who and how will this be enforced and what will the penalties be?
Will umpires now play the role of a Nanny-State type of Tobacco Cop or Enforcer?
Will chewing tobacco become a banned substance and will there be testing for it? Better yet, will there be Senate hearings devoted to policing and regulating what MLB ought to be doing on it's own?
Will fans be encouraged to rat out or snitch on players if they spot a player sneaking “a pinch between their teeth and gums?”
With that last question comes this comment from Robert Best, head of the California chapter of the Smoker’s Club:
“What are they going to do, send the cops into the dugouts for raids in the ninth inning?” “This is just more vilifying of tobacco use.”
Lost His Jaw to Chaw
Chewed, dipped or smoked, tobacco is still as legal as the beer they sell in the ball parks and the weed sold and smoked in the parking lots throughout America and lawmakers ought to stick to whatever the F**k it is they do best (or worst). Once again, the only collateral and immediate damage done by smokeless tobacco is incurred upon those that choose to use it, not whiney, cry baby crusaders and political hacks hell-bent on dictating to others THEIR ideals and norms upon those whom they disagree with.
All of that stated, the Keepers of the PIG-Dome, who are not into PSA’s, nor are we crusading or advocating for any pro/anti tobacco use, defers you to former Minor League player, Rick Bender (pictured) who lost his jaw, due to chaw.
>>> Bender >>>
JE$$EBALL; KANYE SACKED | February 12, 2015
Je$$eball: The 2014 Little League Champions Jackie Robinson West All-Stars have been stripped of it's title for knowingly stacking their player roster with ineligible players that lived outside the teams boundaries (ringers). On top of that, the team illegally mainipulated district boundaries to it's advantage.
In addition to Jackie Robinson West losing its U.S. title, the team will vacate all its wins en route to the title. Its manager, Darold Butler, has been suspended and district administrator Michael Kelley, who facilitated Jackie Robinson West's skirting of the rules, has been removed from his job.
The Chicago based Jackie Robinson West team made history as the first all-black Little League team to 'win' the National title. That stated, the issue of race is now being used as a diversionary tactic by none other other than, who else, Ta-da...Chicago race-baiter Je$$e Jackson, of course.
The decision to revoke JRW of their title came after allegations from Illinois and Nevada (Nevada's Mountain Ridge team lost to JRW in the title game) that JRW's roster was rigged.
From the coaches to the parents of the players and even the players themselves played in and knowingly participated in the tainted tournament, but the brunt of the blame goes to the coaches and parents who, because of their "by any means necessary' approach to winning, those kids are now disgraced and stripped of their title, and rightfully so, but not because of race. It's bad enough that those kids will not only have to live that episode of their lives down, but to add Je$$e into the mix, will further stigmatize and maybe even traumatize those kids for years to come.
This not the first time a Little League World Series title has been revoked, but it is the first time allegations of racism have been used in defense of a title.
In 1992, Little League took away the title from Zamboanga, Philippines, and handed it to Long Beach, California, after Zamboanga had also used several players who lived outside its district, from around the Philippines.
And in 2001, a mostly White and Hispanic team from the Bronx that finished third was forced to forfeit its games after a single player was revealed to be overage.
Race was not a factor in either of those cases, but because the JRW All-Stars are also All-Black, 'special rules need to be applied and considered, especially when Je$$e enters the scene. Je$$e, and his Rainbow/Push outfit plan to celebrate cheating with a 'Reaffirmation of Championship' rally for the cheaters.
WTF! are they 'reaffirming'? That it's Ok to cheat? That it's especially OK if you're black and special rules and clauses need to be applied seperately and subjectively based on historical injustices, skin color, socio-economic status or lack of opportuniy in education? This much can be reaffirmed. The kids got the short end of the stick by going along with the coaches and parents and will be branded as cheaters for years to come. I have to wonder, since this 'Reaffirmation of Championship' rally is, in essence, all about glorifying cheaters, would Je$$e be inviting his convicted felon of a son or his illegitimate love child to the festivities? What about the Jewish folks from "Hymie Town" Je$$e?
But, being squeaky-clean Chicago, and having homeboys, Je$$e Jackson and Rahm Emmanual go to bat for you sure won't help the psyche of those disgraced youths. In fact, some of those kids may just end upeither scarred for life, or follow in Je$$e's and Emmanual's footsteps into a life of political and racial hustling.
Here is a comment from one of the players parents:
"It is amazing to me that whenever African-Americans exceed the expectations that there is always going to be fault,"
And from Je$$e himself, Jackson called on the Las Vegas team to not accept its newly awarded championship, saying the team "did not earn" it.
Oops, silly me. I forgot to mention. Je$$e is probably doubly pissed because this is Black History Month, and what a stain on Black History this is. A stain not in any way as bad as Je$$e himself.
I'm Gonna Get You, 'Sucka': New England Patriots cornerback Brandon Browner ripped Kanye West a new one and had some choice words via Twitter after Kanye's Grammy Awards meltdown.
Kanye once again had to be the center of attention, as a serious artist like Kanye thinks and says he is and ought to be, when (musician) Beck was on stage to recieve his award for Album of the Year. West siezed the moment and the spotlight to jump on stage and demand Beck give up his award to Beyonce.
West's infantile tirade caught the attention of Browner who had the following to Tweet from @bbrower27:
"KANYE WEST is a sucka! Everybody don't listen to Beyoncé. Second time he tried to steal somebody shine. First time it was a 15 yr old girl"
"Kanye try and play that I'm weird because of my genius. Non of the greats pull that stupid ish. Meaning Marley, Mike Jack, Tupac, Jayz etc"
"Peep who he tried Beck and Taylor Swift. Real tough guy. If only I could've been Beck for one night. Kanye would be rapping thru the wire"
That last line by Browner is a reference to West’s debut single, “Through the Wire,” which the artist recorded while his jaw was wired shut following a car accident. In other words, if the Patriot was Beck, he would have inflicted another broken jaw on West.
NFL Post Season Leftovers:
SUPERBOWL XLIX RECAP | February 03, 2015
Superbowl XLIX has come and gone, complete with no major controversies. No more 'DeflateGate.' No more 'Ballghazi' talk. No accusations of 'Belicheating'. Not even a mention of Tom Brady's 'Soft Balls' or 'Wardrobe Malfunctions.' Just a cleanly played game (that we know of) that will probably be remembered for the worst last minute, goal line coaching call.
As usual with any Super Bowl involving the Patriots, it went down to the last few ticks on the game clock. With seconds to go in the fourth quarter, the Patriots led 28-24 and Seattle had the ball on the New England one-yard line. All Seattle had to do was run the ball into the end zone to take the lead, and probably the game, but Seattle head coach Pete Carroll, probably off his meds, made perhaps the DUMBEST decision EVER when he decided to throw the ball instead of running it into the end zone.
Well, he threw the ball alright. Right into the hands of New England defender rookie Malcolm Butler with :20 seconds on the clock, thus sealing and securing New England's, Belichick's and Brady's fourth Superbowl title in team history.
On paper, the box score reflects a Patriot win, but the reality is, is that the Seahawks beat themselves. However, at the end of the game, the better team won.
Congrats, New England, and Patriots fans, and even if you don't live in Beantown, but you like the Patriots, you have yet another reason to get wasted and call into work sick to partake in the consumption and puking up of mass quantities of adult beverages and put on a public parade of your own. Just don't call us from the drunk tank.
The Halftime show? Sucked. Was that someones idea of a surreal nightmare come to life, only to be made worse by Katy Perry's shrieking, shrill voice?
The game also featured one of the best bench clearing brawls where everyone on the side lines except the cheerleaders and ball boys got involved.
As far as the game went, one of, if not the best Super Bowl ever, except for those much hyped commercials everyone drools over.
Now about those over touted commercials. If you like depressing, gloomy, preachy politically correct ads to piss on your Super Bowl watching experience, this years crop of ads lowered the bar into the depths of delusional dank and drudge.
The ads were more like PSA's. The content of those commercials included messages and remiders that there are bad, violent husbands, crappy fathers, an ad that asked boys to demonstrate how girls run, throw and fight, in an effort to boost girl's self-esteem, and a Nation Wide Insurance commercial featuring a dead kid's narrative on the importance of carrying insurance for kids (bad parents). There were several outstanding, ads that caught a lot of positive attention.
The first and best was for Carl's Jr. featuring Nearly-Naked-Ultra-Super-Sizzling-Hotter-Than-Hot-Hottie, Charlotte McKinney,* pitching The All-Natural Burger. Looks yummy. Me so hungry.
*Porcus needs to correct himself when he posted that the Carl's Jr. ad would probably be pulled. It wasn't. I was wrong. My bad and I'm re-posting it. Scroll down to January 24th posting or if you're too lazy, click link below.
>>> Carl's Jr. Goes All-Natural >>>
The second ad that caught my attention was from Budweiser, who always has a stellar ad featuring their legendary Clydesdales and a 'Lost Dog. Yes it's soppy, but I like beer and I like dogs and it beats the crap out of those old Budweiser ads featuring frogs.
>>> Budweiser >>>
The third was for the new 2015 Fiat 500X Crossover, featuring an elderly couple about to engage in some squishy activity. The old guy reaches for his 'Little Blue Pill' and the pill accidentally flies out the window and ends up in a car down on the steet, which transforms itself into the newest, hottest, powerhouse of a mini-class car.
>>> Fiat 500X >>>
Snickers had a good one featuring "The Brady Bunch" starring all-around movie badass Danny Trejo as Marcia acting like a real bitch until she gets her Snickers bar.
>>> Snickers >>>
WTF! Since when did the Superbowl become a platform for curing societies ills and woes with special interests and agendas? I guess I'm still a knucke dragging, flat-earther that thought the prerequisite norm for Superbowl ad consideration was babes, bikinis, beer, bar-b-ques, bikes, trucks, tools, etc., not limp wristed, guilt filled whiney commercials that bring to light 'Public Awareness.'
All things considered, it was a way cool game that will haunt Seattle coach Pete Carroll for the rest of his life and pales in comparision to his years as USC/Reggie Bush era head coach/cheater.
PIG'S SUPERBOWL PREGAME | January 30, 2015
| ...YOURS FOR ONLY $5.99 0N eBAY
There's been even more hot air being blithered and blathered about regarding what many are calling "Deflate Gate" after the New England Patriots blew the the candles out on the Indianapolis Colts away in the AFC Champoinship Game massacre, 45-7.
"Deflate Gate is another attempt by the Patriot Hater Nation take the Patriots down a few notches with accusations of the Patriots either knowingly playing with deflated balls,deflating the balls themselves, or know who did and didn't say a thing about it.
We've heard every angel from both teams, (even the Colts admit they got their asses kicked fair and square) but the past history between the Colts and the Patriots don't lie. Perhaps the graphic below demonstrates how the Patriots have been having their way with the Colts in the post season for some time. Here are some recent typical Colts/Patriots final scores:
It's hard to ignore numbers when numbers don't lie. Perhaps the Patriots showed a compassionate side by deflating those balls. After all, the Colts were using the same balls, too. Another way the Patriots showed mercy was by allowing their running back Legarrette Blount to run for 3 touchdowns and 148 yards. Also overlooked was the fact that the Patriots defense held the Colts to only 7 points. So why isn't that even being factored into the games final tally? Oops, I forgot. people seem to the the Patriots are only and always about Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Truth is, a head coach and superstar quarterback do not comprise an entire team.
No matter who wins or loses the Superbowl, it's going to be a lose-lose proposition for New England. If the Patriots win, Patriot Haters will say, "See, if they didn't deflate those balls, they wouldn't have made it to the Super Bowl."
If they lose, the same 'Haters' will say, "See, they can't win without deflated balls, therefore they did cheat in the AFC Championship game."
This non-issue will be discussed for some time to come, so I thought I would showcase some of the graphic postings I've stumbled across the last few days while fumbling around the internet. Enjoy the Ballghazi pictoral, sportsfans.
SUPERBOWL ADS YOU WON'T SEE | January 24, 2015
Charlotte McKinney: The All-Natural Burger For Carl's Jr.
>>> AU NATUREL >>>
New England Patriots: Cialis Commercial For Deflated Balls
>>> BLOW ME UP, TOM BRADY >>>
PATRIOTS' SOFT BALLS; B-BALL BLOWOUT | January 22, 2014
LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE
Bill Belichick at a January 22 press conference doing his best Sergeant Schultz: "I had no knowledge of this situation whatsoever."
Deflategate: There's been a lot of hot air surrounding the accusations of the New England Patriots deflating game balls during the AFC Championship game with the Indianapolis Colts which the Patriots won, 45-7.
The media have dubbed the latest in New England's reputation for cheating, "Deflate Gate." First, New England has been caught stealing other teams' signals and plays, so given their track record, most people wouldn't put it beyond the Patriots to do anything to gain an edge.
Now, knowing that with their reputation, they are already guilty in the court of public opinion, why would New England jeopardize a chance at a trip to the Superbowl, knowing they are being heavily watched?
This whole thing came to light during the game when the Colts intercepted a New England pass attempt and linebacker D'Qwell Jackson brought the ball to the Colts equipment manager. At that point - halftime - the balls were checked and inflated to the regulated 12.5 - 13.5 psi and the score was 17-7 New England. After the half, play began complete with the Patriots going on to score 28 more unanswered points. Doing the math, even if the first half score were to be erased, the Patriots still would have won 28-0, properly inflated balls or not.
On that note, further evidence of New England's history of cheating has been uncovered:
>>> Patriots Cheating Ways >>>
Wimpgate: Once again, winners in competitive sports get punished for showcasing athletic superiority against a clearly inferior team.
The Arroyo Valley girls basketball team beat the s**t out of the Bloomington (CA) High School by a score of 161-2. Showing no mercy, the coach of Arroyo, Michael Anderson was handed a 2 game suspension.
In defense of himself, as if he had to, Anderson said that at the half the score was 104-0, so he sat his a Team and put in the bench warmers who actually did show some mercy by allowing Bloomington to score 2 points for the remainder of the game. On top of that, he ordered his players wait 23 seconds on the shot clock before shooting.
From Bloomington coach Dale Chung: “People shouldn’t feel sorry for my team, they should feel sorry for his team, which isn’t learning the game the right way.”
The right way? WTF is “The right way?” Someone wins, someone loses, period. By what margin should be of no consequence. The Bloomington team was outmatched and flat out just sucked and couldn’t bring their game, if they ever had any at all.
For a coach whose team could manage a whopping 2 points for an entire game, I think Chung ought to teach his team not be be such wimps and learn how to score more, the "right way."
2 points? And the other team is demonized? End of story? Far from it. The local fishwrap, The Inland Valley Daily Bulletin (of which your most humble publisher did some freelancing for years ago) has an article on the subject titled, “Arroyo Valley Girls Basketball 161-2 Rout Leaves Lessons To Be Learned”
What lessons? Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight? Make it as close a game as possible so no one’s feelings get hurt? That would be cheating for the sake of leveling the playing field, which is much more serious than rolling over for feel good purposes. Teach your team to be spineless, non-competitive wimps? If that's the case why should either team bother to suit up and show up?
For more of this "Everyone wins just for showing up, but even if you lose you still get a trophy" nonsense, read more here:
>>> Arroyo Girls Basketball >>>
WTF KIND OF 'SPORT' IS THAT? | January 18, 2015
ESPN for whatever reason, likes to broadcast "The World Series Of Poker" from time to time.
With that, I was wondering if poker playing was a sport and is ESPN promoting it as such.
I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and play along and say, "OK, poker must be a sport if it's on ESPN."
With that line of thinking, there are some other activities that should now be upgraded to a sport. The following are 'sports' that I would love to see on ESPN:
Cockroach Racing: The race starts with a bucket of roaches emptied into the middle of a race ring, and the first to reach the edge of the ring wins.
Dwarf Throwing:Dwarf Throwing had a short though popular history in the north of Australia. As far as we know, it was stopped following complaints from some sections of society - I wonder why?
Apparently the dwarfs did not mind at all. The competition required the dwarf to be placed in a harness for ease of throwing, and a soft landing place was erected. The winner was based on distance thrown. Please note, we do not encourage the throwing of dwarfs without their full consent.
Extreme Ironing: It is a long shot to call this a sport, but it definitely is extreme. People who do extreme ironing go to a remote location and iron clothes! Really. They call themselves 'ironists', and get a thrill from taking their ironing board, unplugged iron and some of their wrinkly clothes to some extreme places and photograph themselves doing it.
Such places that they have reached include extreme altitude, underwater, hanging from cliffs, and on top of vehicles.
Hemp Olympics: Nimbin, on the north coast of New South Wales, Australia, has a reputation for marijuana grown in the region, which attracts lots of old hippies and the like. The Hemp Olympics are held here as part of the annual Mardi Grass Festival.
Events include joint rolling, bong throwing and, for the more physically-minded, a Growers' Ironperson competition, which requires participants to crawl through lantana tunnels dragging large bags of fertilizer.
Outhouse Racing: Outhouse Racing is a fun and hilarious famous race event held in Michigan, USA where teams of four to five members create their own outhouses and race them down Main Street in Coopersville.
Shin Kicking: Shin-kicking (also known as hacking or purring) is an ancient sport, part of the annual Cotswold Olimpicks. The aim of shin kicking are simple: kick your opponent as hard as you can in the shins. Each time your opponent falls to the ground you earn a point.
The winner is the person with the highest score in the best of three rounds. Competitors face each other and hold onto each other's collar. They kick at each others shins to try and knock them down.
They can also pad their legs with as much straw as possible, and thankfully are required to wear soft shoes. No more steel capped boots like in the past!
For a complete list of these thrill-a-minute, "Don't Try This At Home" 'sports, go to:
>>> WTF Kind Of Sport Is That >>>
• • • • • • • •
ASSORTED RAMBLINGS | December 13, 2014
From Argus Hamilton: NFL scouts said Monday college players in this spring's draft will be scrutinized as much for their character as their talent to improve the NFL image. Last spring the Baltimore Ravens traded up in the NFL draft. They swapped a guy who gets out of jail in a year for a guy who gets out of jail in six months.
Why Athletes Can't Get Regular Jobs This is a good morning eye opener!
Some real winners here!
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful)
LOOK MOM, NO CIGARILLOS! (AND NO CLASS) | December 01, 2014
In a symbolic act of solidarity and stupidity, several St. Louis Rams players walked onto the field with the "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" gesture during pregame introductions.
From USA Today:
Wide receivers Stedman Bailey, Tavon Austin, Chris Givens and Kenny Britt and tight end Jared Cook all took the field displaying the gesture, which mimics the "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" stance that has become a frequent image among protesters since the shooting death of 18-year-old Michael Brown by police officer Darren Wilson in nearby Ferguson, Mo. in August. Last week, a grand jury decided not to press charges against Wilson.
The St. Louis Police Officers Association is profoundly disappointed with the members of the St. Louis Rams football team who chose to ignore the mountains of evidence released from the St. Louis County Grand Jury this week and engage in a display that police officers around the nation found tasteless, offensive and inflammatory.
That's pathetic enough, but what's worse is that the Rams beat the Low-Rent Raiders, a team well- known for it's thugish, felonious fans, 52-0.
Way to go, St. Louis Rams. You've just cemented your permanenet place in NFL suckage by further inflamming an already combustible scenario.
B-TEAM BLOWOUT; BRUCE LEE | November 29, 2014
Item #1: 'We Played Four White Guys and an Egyptian.'
Louisville Men's Basketball team recently beat Savannah State in a 87-26 routing
. The game was so lopsided from the beginning that Louisville had a 41-7 lead at the half.
Louisville coach Rick Pitino insists he was not running up the score and wanted to stop his team from completely embarrassing Savannah, so he showed some real sportsmanship and mercy by benching his starters in favor of his second string squad.
“I don’t like to see any team struggle like that, I really don’t,” Pitino said after the Cardinals improved to 4-0.
“I tried everything We played four white guys and an Egyptian. We tried everything”
That's pretty funny. For humor and arguements sake, let's say there was a hockey game and the starting squad was routing their opponents so bad that the hypothetical hockey coach showed the same type of mercy and replaced his A Team with 'Four Blacks and a Filipino.'
Same logic, just as funny too, huh?'
Gotta go! I can almost hear Je$$e, Inc. & His Platoon of Pilfering Pirates coming this way.
Item #2: Bruce Lee Playing With Matches and Ping Pong:
The late, great Bruce Lee will always be remembered for his unparalelled fighting skills, movie career, chiseled physique, disciplined work ethic, kicking Chuck Norris' and Kareem Abdul Jabbar's asses on screen and an early, mysterious demise.
As serious as he was to his approach to all things regarding Jeet Kune Do (Lee's own fighting system), physical training and philosophy, Bruce Lee was also quite a showman. Lee starred as Kato in "The Green Hornet" and in other cinematic martial arts movies which made him internationally known.
Bruce Lee used his background in entertainment and martial arts to showcase his love of ping pong and also exposed himself as somewhat of a firebug as he put his skills on display with his trusty nunchucks.
When Bruce Lee says, "Watch this," you watch and wonder, what planet is this dude from?
>>> Bruce Lee: Ping Pong >>>
>>> Bruce Lee: Playing With Matches >>>
CANADIAN HOCKEY FANS;
GIANCARLO $TANTON | November 24, 2014
In a recent NHL game between the Nashville Predators and Toronto Maple Leafs, the microphone went dead during the singing of America's National Anthem. The most gracious Canadian fans took it from there and finished OUR National Anthem by themselves.
Nothing but profound respect goes to our neighbors from the north.
Thanks, Canada, you did it better than many Americans.
>>> America's National Anthem, Canuck Style >>>
• • • • • • • •
Item #2 From Argus Hamilton On The New KIng Of $ports Ka-Ching: The Miami Marlins signed Giancarlo Stanton to a thirteen-year contract for three hundred and twenty-five million dollars Tuesday. The popular clean-cut young slugger is part African-American, part Irish and part Puerto Rican. His only drawback is that he missed eight games last year to parades.
QUOTES | November 17, 2014
"Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play."
-Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch."
-Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver (A Fresno boy)
"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect."
-Doug Sanders, professional golfer
"All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'"
-Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher
"When it's third and ten, you can have the milk drinkers; I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time."
-Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver
"I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having them."
-Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager
"My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget."
-E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations
"My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good."
-Vic Braden, tennis instructor
"When they operated, I told them to add in a Koufax fastball. They did but unfortunately it was Mrs. Koufax's."
-Tommy John N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm surgery
"I don't know. I only played there for nine years."
-Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles
"We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost."
-John Breen, Houston Oilers
"The film looks suspiciously like the game itself."
-Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons
"When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo."
-Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher
"I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."
-Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner
"Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day."
-Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.
"I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball."
-Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach
"I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday."
-Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game
"I tell him 'Attaway to hit, George.'"
-Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting
"I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is when they do the operation on someone else, not you."
-Bill Walton, Portland Trail Blazers
"Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash."
-George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.
"The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday."
-Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach
Two favorites are Hugh "Duffy" Daugherty when asked if he had any superstitions: "Only superstition I have is that it's bad luck to be behind at the end of the game!" and of course John McKay, after a pathetic loss by his Tampa Bay Buccaneers when asked to comment on his team's execution: "I'm in favor of it..."
Finally, Vince Lombardi's observation, "Football isn't a contact sport. Football is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport."
JOSE CANSECO: "MY FINGER FELL OFF" | November 15, 2014
Seems like our old pal, retired baseball player Jose Canseco is in the news again. This time it's not for writing a tell-all book.
It's also not for allowing a home run by letting a ball bounce off his head and into the stands.
This time it's not even for his tabloid-like lifestyle, either.
If you know of Canseco, he seems to come up with some very creative ways to make the news and this time, it's not for losing his mind - like he hasn't already - it's for losing his finger during a poker tournament.
Seems like some time ago, Canseco, and only he can do this, shot off one of his fingers while playing with or cleaning his gun and then had his finger surgically re-attached.
According to Canseco, he Tweeted the following:
"Ok well I might as well tell you .I was playing in a poker tournament last night and my finger fell off .someone took a video of it."
Who ever dealt him that hand must be a real card sharp.
Talk about giving the finger.
SUCCESS PUNISHED | November 14, 2014
(Mbatt) One of the great things about sports from the point of view of Americans is that it teaches kids the value of the competitive spirit that drives excellence. The great thing from the point of view of moonbats is that it allows authorities to crush the competitive spirit so that children may learn that winners are oppressors and losers are righteous victims of insensitivity, in accordance with liberal ideology. In Lawrenceville, Georgia, this lesson came at a price of $500:
Parents of Lawrenceville Black Knights players told CBS46 News their team was fined after one of their players scored a touchdown violating the league's mercy rule.
The Black Knights were beating Collins Hill 32-0 in the fourth quarter when they got carried away after an interception and scored one touchdown too many.
That touchdown passed the 33-point rule and cost the coach a weeklongsuspension and the team $500.
According to the mother of Elijah Burrell, the evildoer who ran back the interception, the Black Knights even tried to let the other team score on the next play, but apparently Collins Hill wasn't in the mood to score charity points.
The gesture was not enough to placate the local kiddie version of NFL bureaucrats, who denounced Lawrenceville for unsportsmanlike conduct.
Top Right News puts this story into the bigger picture:
Parents used to roll their eyes or laugh when they saw their child receive a "participation trophy" for a school competition they lost.
But it is no laughing matter. Over time, Progressive school administrators have destroyed the concept of friendly competition in our schools: degrading the achievements of winners and nullifying the important lessons of losing.
"Everyone's a winner!" our kids are told. It's the academic version of Marxist "collectivism". …
This is what happens when far-left ideology is permitted to take hold. It crushes the spirits of children. At first. Then slowly they come to expect that excelling at something should not be their goal, but rather the fulfillment of the "community". They start to feel guilty for being exceptional at something, like it is almost a crime.
This drives down the ambitions of the young. Why try harder if you will only be punished for scoring "too many" points, for making "too much" money?
Progressives tell our children it's simply "not fair" for them to have more, or be better than the next child.
Some principles are so basic, you would almost need a PhD in liberal chin-pulling to even think to contest them. Winning is good. Losing is bad. Teaching kids otherwise will not help them succeed.
• • • • • • • • •
Bonus Clip: Whenever I see an extreme(ly) talented persom perform unbeleivable physical feats, I always wondered how many bones did they break in order to get to their level?
>>> Mad Skills >>>
TUNE TIME!!! | October 21, 2014
OSU Marching Band Rocks At Halftime
The Ohio State Buckeyes Marching band broke the mold for what is usually ho-hum halftime entertainmet with a tribute to Classic Rock artists and songs.
They not only translated music which would normally be played on those new-fangled electric geetars, they performed highly synchronized and choreographed visuals with military precision.
And now Sports Fans, for your musical pleasure, the OSU Marching Band:
>>> Click To View >>>
Time To Change Teams Or Change The Channel
MISCELLANY | October 10, 2014
Item #1: HGH's and PED's
This past Sunday, I was allowed to watch some NFL, probably the Patriots beating up the Bengals and during one of the breaks, a commercial came on about the NFL's new (-est) war on HGH (Human Growth Hormones), zero tolerance, random testing, blah, blah, blah. Same old diaper load.
Fast forward to several commercial breaks later, and an ad for Viagra airs. The ad itself was done tastefully and actually geared toward women viewers, complete with an attractive woman actress.
Both ads by themselves are effective, but in the context of an NFL game for both to be running during the same broadcast is a bit hypocritical, when one looks at the context and the bigger picture.
It's a bit hypocritical for the NFL to pat itself on the back with some slick PR about how they will have a next to zero tolerance on HGH use, but then accept revenue from Viagra, to promote, in essence, a male growth hard-on and performance enhancer/jump starter on national tv.
Also, the NFL does not approve of cheating by the players' use of HGH's for enhanced performance, while Viagra promotes 'cheating' by encouraging both men and women to enhance performance.
Anyway, it's been a blast making fun of flaccid and/or frigid football fans who fantasize about playing a half-time or post game round of Hide The Sausage, courtesy of the NFL and Viagra.
Item #2: Dodger's Annual End-Of-Season Implosion
Item #3: Post Game Parking Lot Hate?
After last Friday's Anaheim Angles 4-1 loss to Kansas City in the American Leadue Divisional Series in Anaheim, 3 whack jobs assaulted an ex-LAPD officer in the parking lot. The victim was rushed to the hospital where he was downgraded from critical to serious, but stable condition.
I listened to the report on the local Boob-Tube news Nit-Wit channel. As details were being described and questions being answered, one blow-dried News Nit-Wit asked if the 3 suspects and the victim were wearing the same team jerseys.
WTF! my initial reaction was "Oh, crap. I wonder if News Nit-Wit was in any way implying that the motive for the beating was team rivalry. Motive? During a violent crime? Over team rivalvry and/or jerseys? I smell another possible useless 'Hate Crime."
Possible Scenario: If a Boston fan walks down the street in the Bronx wearing a Red Sox tee shirt and a gang of New Yorkers violently turned him and his shirt inside out, just for wearing a Boston tee shirt, that could possibly be considered a basis for a Hate Crime, right?
Item #4: From Argus Hamilton
• KC Chiefs Husain Abdulllah dropped to all fours and prayed after a TD Monday and drew a flag. It's only fair. If Muslims can behead Christians for practicing their religion in the Middle East, the least we could do is penalize them fifteen yards for practicing theirs in the Middle West.
• The National Football League office announced Friday that it's moving the college player draft from New York City to Chicago next spring. The move makes perfect sense. The NFL figures that any city that could get rid of Al Capone can handle all the criminals in the NFL draft.
• National Football League players were all ordered to take a course on domestic violence by the NFL. It's reached critical mass. Last week San Diego Chargers linebacker Mante Teo was seen shadow-boxing on Pacific Beach and was arrested for beating up his imaginary girlfriend.
Item #4: J.P.'s Slam Dunk And The Utah Jazz
5 year old leukemia patient J.P. Gibson's dream to play with the Utah Jazz was realized recently when the Jazz signed J.P. to a one game contract.
>>> Click For J.P.'s Slam Dunk >>>
MMA ALL MIXED UP | HUMOR TIME! | September 30, 2014
Item #1: Man Pummels Woman In MMA Match
We all knew Political Correctness would rear it's ugly head in the world of sports and has, but this time it's PC on either steroids, hormones or both.
Transgender MMA fighter - man to woman(?) Fallon Fox recently inflicted a broken eye socket and concussion to it's opponent, Tamikka Brents.
I don't think you need to read more in the link below to see that this idea was doomed to fail from the beginning. I was just wondering how many performance enhancing drug policies were violated.
>>> Boy Beats Girl >>>
Item #2: Football For Blondes
Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best -- because it makes football make sense!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
UNSUNG HEROES AND ONE ENTREPRENEUR | September 23, 2014
If you're tired of all the bad press the NFL is getting regarding anything from Ray Rice (Wife beating) to Roger Goodell (Covering up players' wives' beatings) you may want to view the following clips that demonstrates the benevolence and charity of some, probably many NFL players. that don't normally enter the spotlight.
Memo to NO-NADS and especially Gloria Allred: The NFL is not deluged with knuckle dragging, wife and child beating Neandertals in need of sensitivity training. Some are out-and out Teddy Bears with hearts of gold.
Item #1: Devon Still And Daughter
>>> Devon Still >>>
Item #2: J.J. Watts and His New Family
>>> J.J. Watts >>>
Item #3: Peyton Manning's Rocky Mountain High
When Denver Bronco quarterback Peyton Manning came to town, he obviously kept his eyes and ears on the local and state ballot issues. One in particular was Colorado Amendment 64 which legalized pot for recreational use.
Shortly before the passing of Colorado Amendment 64 and legalization of weed, the business savvy Manning bought 21 Papa John's Pizza franchises, one of which has seen a 25% increase since the law passed.
“There’s some different laws out here in Colorado,” Manning said. “Pizza business is pretty good out here, believe it or not, due to some recent law changes. So when you come to a different place, you’ve kind of got to learn everything that comes with it."
Don't let Manning's Aw-Shucks, Down-Home demeanor fool you. Manning may have the Colorado/Papa John's Connection cornered as his cash cow and as a legitimate (and legalized) businessman.
Colorado's new Kingpin of cannabis was even honored by a local dispensary with a strain of Sativa named after him, pictured below.
Manning's new venture gives new meaning to the term, "Your Highness."
Item #4: Brain Teaser Time
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL
AND OTHER STUFF? | September 16, 2014
Football Footnotes by Argus Hamilton
The Baltimore Ravens fired Ray Rice after a tape surfaced Monday showing him knocking out his fiancee, then the NFL suspended him, then Nike and Madden Football dropped him. The next day was worse. ISIS announced they won't recruit Ray Rice, citing their team's core values.
Ray Rice's wife backed him after he was cut by the Ravens and suspended by the NFL. He has today's celebrity culture working for him. One day you're the most discussed man in the country and the next day you are starring in a new sit-com called Everybody Hates Raymond.
Basketball: Argus Hamilton
Atlanta Hawks owner Bruce Levenson produced a racist e-mail he once sent and said he'll sell the team. It figures. Every owner's been digging up their old e-mails and voice mails looking for any evidence they were ever racist ever since Donald Sterling got two billion for the Clippers.
Pro Hockey - Probably From A Boston Bruins Fan
MLB: Phillies Papelbon Gestures Crowd After Blown Save
*Entertainment & Sports Politically Correct Programming Network
ESPN Commentator Calls for "Reprogramming" Men
Progressives were able to impose their sick ideology on a previously healthy society by making a long march through the institutions so as to capture the cultural high ground. They infiltrated the influential pillars of the establishment and eventually took them over, driving out most everyone who would resist their agenda. It happened to the news media, to Hollywood, to education, to the federal bureaucracy. Given that so many focus their attention obsessively on sports, it is unsurprising that progressives have strategically taken over the sports media too.
Typically, NBC is the most over the top, featuring the obnoxious left-wing twerps Keith Olbermann and Bob Costas. But ESPN is catching up fast with mouthpieces like Kate Fagan. Here is how she exploited the story of Ray Rice punching his girlfriend to call for "reprogramming" men not to be so masculine:
"This is behavior that is happening at the grassroots level that is born through years of our culture like raising men to want to not be like women and using language like 'sissy' and 'you throw like a girl' that demean women. These are all contributing factors and I think if we want to hold the NFL's feet to the fire over this issue, we shouldn't be looking at the number of game suspensions because I don't really think that's going to change the problem. I think holding NFL's feet to the fire should mean getting them to throw the kitchen sink at domestic violence, to invest millions of dollars in grassroots organizations in going into middle schools and high schools and colleges, and talking to young men about dealing with anger, about how they treat women. I think that's where you're going to see change. I think that right now all of this reactive behavior is not going to change it, as much as going in and going into the school systems and the younger spaces and really reprogramming how we raise men."
Spoken like a true cultural Marxist social engineer. Note that in keeping with liberal ideology, no individual is ever responsible; it is always society's fault, so society must be changed to bring it into tighter compliance with liberalism.
What makes the moonbattery spewed on ESPN so insidious is that people do not turn on sports shows expecting to be brainwashed with political ideology, so they don't put up any mental defenses against it. The poison seeps right in, and becomes part of the culture's accepted wisdom — or rather, accepted foolishness.
Andrew McCarthy explains why the reflexive leftism of the sports media is important:
If conservatives want to know why we are losing the culture and the country, it is important to understand that while very few kids and young adults are watching Fox News (or news programs of any kind, for that matter), they inhale sports programming. It's ubiquitous — television, radio, the Internet. And thus equally unavoidable is sports commentary, more and more of which has less and less to do with sports. Tendentious "sports journalists," the majority of whom are decidedly left of center, are much less guarded about their hostility to conservatives than their fellow progressives on the political beat. It is a hostility that takes for granted the chummy agreement of its viewers and is designed to make Millennials want to be part of the fun. …
Conservatives complain incessantly, and not without cause, about Republican fecklessness in confronting the Obama Left's agenda, about the news media's becoming an adjunct of the White House press office. But Washington's political arena is just where the score is tallied. The game is being played, and lost, in the popular culture.
Sports commentators are like movie stars in that no one could possibly take their political views seriously — which is exactly why their political influence is difficult to counter.
The Well Prepared & Well Stocked Tailgater
NO CAPTION NECESSARY | August 25, 2014
DONALD STERLING GAY? | August 23, 2014
Donald Sterling and V. Stiviano Update
V. Stiviano, Donald Sterlings opportunistic, gold digging friend/assistant has alleged that she never had sex with Sterling. Instead, she contends in recently filed court paperwork that Sterling used her "as a beard" to create a front and cover for his gay fetishes and tendencies.
Shelly Sterling’s original lawsuit depicted Stiviano as a money-grubbing femme fatale who duped the former Clippers owner into giving her a Ferrari, $240,000 in cash and a $1.8 million house on the outskirts of Beverly Hills.
Money grubber or not, one has to wonder about Sterling or any other gay man, if Sterling is indeed gay, V. Stiviano has the physical attributes to not only make gay men switch teams, but hotness could probably waken any dead man based only on her looks.
One has to wonder if these allegations are true, or is she twisting the facts or just flat out fabricatng the whole thing due to her demanding $10 million slander lawsuit.
If Sterling really did not even try to sleep with V. Stiviano, maybe he really is on the gay side.
More to come, later.
GROW UP | August 12, 2014
The University of Minnesota wants the Washington Redskins to wear throwback jerseys without the team name or logo for the Nov. 2 game against the Minnesota Vikings being held at the college's stadium.
The college, which is leasing its TCF Bank Stadium to the Vikings as the team's new stadium gets built for a scheduled 2016 opening, has also asked that the game not have any Washington apparel or paraphernalia sold on the premise; that the word "Redskins" not be uttered by the game's public address announcer; and that the team's moniker not appear on the scoreboard or in the program guide or other game-related print or digital material.
Vikings officials appeared receptive to the university's appeal during ameeting in late July, according to Katrice Albert, the college's vice president in the office of equity and diversity.
"They said they'd make that request of the Washington team, but were not sure how it would be received," she said. "The two Vikings officials said they are part of the NFL and don't have the authority to force the hand to change the Washington name but understand it's offensive to some members of our community. The Vikings have a great working relationship with the tribal nations of Minnesota, and they're very understanding of how this team name and logo impacts our community."
The university's stadium features a Tribal Nations Plaza dedicated in honor of the 11 Native American tribes in Minnesota. It was built with a $10 million donation from the Shakopee Mdewakanton Sioux Community — the largest private gift ever to Gophers athletics.
On Thursday, the tribe released a statement saying that it and other Minnesota tribes oppose the Redskins' name "and other sports-related logos, mascots and names which degrade a race of people." The community is working with the university to prepare "appropriate responses" to the NFL game and "minimize the damage that could be done by invoking the name in a place that respects and honors the Minnesota Native American community."
A Vikings spokesman told The Post on Wednesday that the team was still trying to determine how it would handle the school's request. Last year, hundreds of Native Americans and their supporters gathered outside theMetrodome before the Vikings played the Redskins to denounce the name of Washington's team.
Redskins spokesman Tony Wyllie said Wednesday that the team disagrees with the school's effort to bar the Redskins' name at TCF Bank Stadium. "We have met many Native Americans from Minnesota who agree with our position and feel we are using the term correctly and honorably," Wyllie said.
University officials said the use of the Redskins name at their stadium violates the institution's affirmative action, diversity and equal opportunity policy. More than 1,100 students identify themselves as Native American throughout the University of Minnesota system.
Chuck Tombarge, a university spokesman, said the school has no recourse if the Vikings refuse to satisfy its requests. "Obviously, the Vikings are a good partner to Minnesota. We've outlined our suggestions and trust they will give them due diligence and will work on this as much as possible," he said.
The Vikings and school officials are slated to meet again this month, withmore meetings between then and game day.
The school is not the only entity pressuring the Vikings. Minnesota Rep. Betty McCollum (D) sent a letter in June to Vikings owner Zygi Wilf urging him to condemn the Redskins' team name and suggested he bears some responsibility to take a stand because NFL teams equally split the sales of every team's licensed merchandise.
McColllum's letter was carbon copied to the University of Minnesota's president, Eric W. Kaler. He replied to her last week.
Joel Barkin, the spokesman for the Oneida Indian Nation, which has worked with McCollum frequently in its campaign against the team's name, applauded the school's proactive stance and said the word should be banned at professional stadiums, too.
"Many of these professional stadiums receive large forms of publicsubsidies, so we plan on writing to each of the teams to follow the lead of Minnesota," Barkin said. "It's inappropriate for taxpayers to be subsidizing the endorsement of a racial slur."
A PIGISH FIELDS OF DREAMS | August 02, 2014
This is a hit piece, with apologies to the Hall Of Fame greats that played our National Pastime, but aimed at all the Monday Morning Quarterbacks, nerds and geeks that get involved with fantasy sports leagues. We here in the PIGDome know who you are. You are the type that never picked up a baseball bat but know all the lifetime stats of all the current and all-time greats for your fantasy baseball squad.
Well, wannabes, O’Sports Hack has his own PIGish Baseball League roster.
Owner: Bill Veek, mastermind of “Disco Demoltion” night at the old Comisky Field in Chicago.
Managers: Leo “Nice Guys Finish Last” Durocher, Earl “F-Bomb” Weaver and Casey Stengal.
Pitching Staff: Any southpaw Palestinian or South Korean protester that can throw a brick at riot police ala Sal Maglie with Major League chin music.
Catcher: Rock Hudson who took his share of balls across the chin
First Base: Who else but Whoopi Goldberg or a fire hydrant, same effect.. I know what your thinking, why her, or it. Her sheer and utter ugliness can stop a herd of pissed off bison or elephants in their tracks and prevent any baserunner from reaching first base.
Second Base: Who the hell else but Rosie “The Dumptruck” O’Donell. Why? Her girth alone could stop a Semi doing 60 rounding first. Remember, she’s in a league of her own.
Shortstop: Any Munchkin from The Wizard Of Oz. Remember, they’re short.
Third base: Gloria Allred due to the fact that she’s a man-hating creature who’s sole purpose in life is to stop men from scoring.
Left Field: Any limp wristed Libtard that doesn’t throw like a girl. Oops, I forgot, they all throw like girls. Actually, some girls can toss balls way better than Libtardiacs.
Center Field: This would be a platoon assignment between such sellouts as John McCain and John Kerry as all they know is art of flip-flopping and fucking over the American public.
Right Field: Rush “El Rushbo” Limbaugh, sharing duties with Barry Goldwater who with their astute insight and right arms could nail any wannabe Libfuck base stealer.
Color Commentators: No brainer time here. Je$$e “The Paycheck” Jackson and Al “Show Me A White Man With Money” $harpton.
Consession Comandant: Michael “No More Peanuts and Crackerjacks” Bloomberg who is sure to monitor and regulate your caloric and adult beverage intake.
Bat Boy: Justin “I’ve been so bad I need some splinters where the sun don’t shine” Beiber.
Ball Girls: Barney Frank on the third base line. He’s a pretty good ball handler, especially when he’s wearing his leather chaps. First base line would be Al Franken who given his past would not need to retrieve balls with a fielders glove to fetch stray foul balls, all he needs is his baby bottle and pampers to catch stray balls in foul territory.
Band to play theme song: AC/DC with “Balls to the Wall.”
Sorry baseball fans, but that's my freakshow for this week.
MORE WORLD CUP FUNNIES | July 14, 2014
Nigeria Offer World Cup Refund
After Nigeria was eliminated from the World Cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of the fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
White Flag Time
Germany scored goal after goal, humiliating five-time champion Brazil in the World Cup Tuesday before a stunned home crowd in Rio de Janeiro. The rout was historic. The Germans ran off five goals against Brazil so quickly in the first half that at halftime, France surrendered.
WORLD CUP THRILLS AND SPILLS | July 06, 2014
"Belgium eliminated the U.S. team in overtime Tuesday in the World Cup before millions of U.S. viewers. They played a hundred minutes before anyone even scored a goal. Millions more Americans would have watched it but the Paint Drying Network had a Semi-Gloss Marathon on."
— Argus Hamilton
WORLD CUP vs. STANLEY CUP | July 04, 2014
YOU HAVE TO DO MORE THAN SHOW UP | July 02, 2014
DUTCHMAN FOR A DAY | June 29, 2014
Today, June 29, 2014, is the day O'Sports Hack became a 'Dutchman For A Day' when the Netherlands defeated and eliminated the Mexican'ts 2-1 in World Cup play.
Dutch airline KLM wasted no time in Tweeting the following:
THE COLOR OF HYPOCRACY | June 20, 2014
STANLEY CUP | PASSINGS|WORLD CUP WENCHES | June 16, 2014
Item #1: L.A. Kings Win Stanley Cup, Again
Sports Page Props go to the L.A. Kings who won the 2014 Stanley Cup for the second time in three years. The road to Cup glory was hard fought, several series going to seven games and several games going into double overtime, including Friday nights OT nail biter which sealed the deal for the Kings.
PIG not only gives props to the L.A.Kings, but to the well mannered and orderly fans after the game. According to the L.A.P.D., only 3 arrests were made during the post game festivities. 2 for disorderly conduct and 1 for public intoxication. Compare that to the Larcenous Laker fans who, win or lose, show up after any championship game to get in some quality looting and rioting time.
There is one exception to the peaceful dispersement of the post game crowd and it's an odd, "Only In L.A." element to the post game public party. Some fans were seen throwing objects, including shoes, water bottles, clothing and even a skateboard at one of the aerial drones, which eventually crashed. At this point the L.A.P.D. doen't believe the drone was one of theirs.
Yep, only in L.A. would some Jeff Spicoli type dude hurl his beloved skateboard at a drone, and possibly knock it from the sky after a Stanley Cup victory.
Item #2: Bob Welch
Two-time World Series Champion and Cy Young Award winning pitcher Bob Welch recently passed at the young age of 57. Welch began his career as a rookie reliever with the Dodgers in 1978 and then promoted to starting pitcher status, eventually winning 27 games in 1990 while with the Oakland A's.
The remarkable thing about Welch and his accomplishments was that he was in a lifelong battle with the bottle, eventually co-writing a book on the subject titled "Five O'Clock Comes Early: A Cy Young Award-Winning Pitcher Recounts His Greatest Victory."
Welch, who grew up in Detroit recalled a saying: "By day, they made the cars. By night, they made the bars." Well, that said, Welch really did step up to the plate and admitted to being stone cold blackout drunk during games, and then publicly taking responsibility for his past drinking episodes and perhaps becoming a role model or mentor to others afflicted with the same condition.
Welch, unlike some high profile types that use going to rehab as a diversion to negative attention and a way to do some PR damage control, Welch went to rehab and embraced and shared his new way of life publicly and perhaps helped salvage a life or two in the process.
Life may have thrown Bob Welch a few too many curveballs and corkscrews, but in the end, he got the last one in the 'W' column.
Item #3: World Cup Wenches
If you're like many and think that the World Cup is nothing but a snooze fest, well snooze no more, especially if you happen to find yourself horny as hell and in one of Brazil's Cup Cities during this years World Cup.
Apparently prostitution and other adult oriented activites and enterprises are legal in the host nation, Brazil, and Red Light districts throughout Brazil are getting red hot in anticipation of the influx of international travelers.
From latinopost.com comes this:
Prostitution is a legal occupation in Brazil and so in preparation for the large English population, free English classes were offered in the cup city of Belo Horizonte. At least a thousand sex-workers showed up to the classes in order to perfect their English vernacular.
Minas Gerais State Association of Prostitutes president, Cida Vieira, told Huffington Post reporters: "English will be very important to communicate with clients during the Cup. They'll have to learn how to work out financial deals and also use a specialized vocabulary with sensual words and fetishes."
Vieira has specialized the course to mostly include erotic phrases as well as hand gestures that will prevent confusion on set acts and prices.
Well, for all of you globe-trotters trolling for trim, those Brazilian 'babes' are awaiting you and your wallet with open arms...and legs.
All that said, we are NOT pimping for prostitutes and soccer still sucks, pun way intended, FIFA loving horndogs.
Breaking News: Just as this posting was to go live, the following was found on Page One PIG, courtesy of Argus Hamilton:
"U.S. Army bases began housing children flooding across the border Friday. There are now fifty thousand Mexican, Guatamalan and Salvadoran children in U.S. custody. It may look like a human catastrophe now but when we win the World Cup in eight years it'll all seem worthwhile."
SUPERBOWL LOGO; MASCOTS (AGAIN);
SPORTS FANS GONE WILD| June 12, 2014
Item #1: Superbowl 50 Logo. What's In A Numeral?
The 50th Superbowl is on the horizon and the folks over at NFL's creative and branding department decided to ditch the Roman numeral 'L,' in favor of the Arabic '50.'
I know, I know, sportsfan purists, this earth shattering news is devastating, but the NFL contends that the 'L' looks too much like and hints of Loser. Personally, O'Sports Hack doesn't give a rats ass, but I do admit, the new logo is pretty sharp looking. That said, I had some questions.
1) If the NFL reverts back to Roman numerals, Superbowl 54 will read as LIV. LIV. Last time I checked, LIV is a womans name. Is the NFL going to be celebrating a woman by giving out freebies and LIV keepsakes to all women (and their husbands especially) during the game?
2) Let's skip on to Superbowl 59 which in Roman numerals would be LIX. Use your imagination, PIGsters. LIX sounds like 'Licks.' If a city like San Francisco hosts it that year, LIX would be a in proper, politically correct context, given the GLAAD-BAG demographics.
3) My most important question. If the use of Roman numeral 'L' hints of Losers, WTF were the geniuses in the NFL's creative and branding department smoking when Superbowl 30 - XXX - rolled around? The XXX symbol has been used in the adult entertainment industry to imply sexual content or activity, as if you PIGsters didn't already know that. Didn't they realize that the Superbowl is watched by many young, impressionable youths, easily lured into a life or career in the sex and flesh trade.
Item #2: Changing Mascots...Again
The Washington Redskins are under fire yet again by the usual suspects trying to coerse the Redskins to change their name.
The latest tactic was to televise a White Guilt - Ridden commercial during Game 3 of the NBA finals the other night. Below is the link to the ad.
>>> http://www.changethemascot.org/ >>>
Now, let's say the Redskins and other teams cave in and change their names and mascots. What to do? What do the teams call their new mascots? Will they extract revenge on Whitey for years of exploitation?
If that's the case, here are some Sports Dome suggestions:
Now imagine if this catches on. Will PETA follow up with demands that any team with animal mascots change their names too?
Item #3: Fans Gone Wild
Have you ever wondered what compels die hard sports fans to go to certain extremes in showing their loyalties and disappointments to their beloved teams?
I used to wonder myself, but then realized there is a certain breed of sports fan that lives and breathes for their teams.
Here are some samples of Die Hard fans:
Hawking The Seahawks
Is She On Her Knees In Prayer Or Preparation?
The Truth Sucks When Expressing Disappointment
Sports Fan Flipping Out
BRAIN DAMAGE | June 01, 2014
With all the crap going on nationwide and worldwide, Obama dropped all those petty issues to focus on head injuries in the NFL. That's right. he's created a "Concussion Summit" to research sports related head injuries.
He wants the sports culture to tell athletes to stop with the "Just suck it up" attitude.
While head injuries are serious, why the hell is Obama taking time to talk to Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa about something the NFL ought to and will be addressing on their own.
Our Head Case/Head Coach In Charge ought to let the NFL do their job, and Obama stick to his "job" as if he knew what his job was in the first place.
FAIR WEATHER FRIENDS? | May 05, 2014
O'Sports Hack has one simple question for the two ladies and it goes as such:
"What are you doing after the game?"
MMA + XTREME MINISTRIES =
TOO COOL FOR SUNDAY SCHOOL| April 12, 2014
He (Jesus) said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.
— Luke 22:36
“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
— Matthew 10:34
There is a growing MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) circuit within youth oriented evangelical church ministries geared toward young men.
The goal is to combine the teachings of Christ along with teaching young men how to open up their inner can of whoop ass, in a Christian manner, of course.
One such church to promote MMA/UFC is Xtreme Ministries, led by Pastor John Renken who holds black belts in several fighting arts ranging from Judo to Stick-Fu.
Pastor Renken and other pastors like him have probably stumbled upon a great way to fill up some empty church seats by appealing to a young mans primal bloodthirst and bent towards hitting things and making other people submit to their superior fighting skills.
An added bonus to combining MMA/UFC with The Gospel is that it allows a young man to vent his inner aggressions on more than just a heavy bag. He gets to be forgiven for kicking the holy shit out of another person. All with Gods blessings, of course.
One has to wonder if these guys take on various fighting personas when in the ring, like the WWF 'wrestlers' do.
Judas, The Junkyard Dog
High Kicking Hosea
The Marauding Moses
Soloman The Splitter
Nehemiah The Nutcracker
Jobe The Jawbreaker
Get the picture?
Now about pre-fight prayers and inspirationals. Perhaps they go as follows:
Dear Heavenly Father. I thank you for the beating I am about to receive at the hands of my merciless, worthless and Godless opponent.
But Father, I do ask you give me that one little extra bit of strength to go the extra mile so I can claim victory in Your Name by kicking him in the nuts, gouging out his eyes, and having him tap out in submission as my personal bitch.
I thank you and ask your forgiveness in advance as I mop the floor with that Hell-bound heretic.
As far as broadcasting and pay-per-view rights to events go, I wonder who will lay claim. TheMMA/UFC or the Holy Roller televangelist outlets.
Did you hear the latest about Lance Armstrong?
He was banned from cycling because 3 substances banned in France were found in his hotel room.
Deodorant, mouthwash and shampoo.
WTF IS GOING ON IN THE WIDE, WIDE
WORLD OF SPORTS | March 05, 2014
Item #1: Major League Baseball's Proposed 'No Home Plate Collision' Rule:
Major League Baseball showed the true colors of their lacy panties by proposing some powder puff rule regarding home plate collisions between catchers and runners rounding third base and looking to score at home plate.
Maybe I'm nuts but I always thought the objective of the runner was to eventually cross the plate, no matter the cost and whoever might be in his way, catcher included. I also thought the job of the catcher was to protect the plate, no matter what.
Also, the catcher is fully protected with his chest pad and shin guards, plus the catcher has a face mask.
The proposed rule was to protect the catcher from an opposing runner barreling down the third base line hoping to score for the team in order to protect the catcher.
Under the new proposed rule, would the runner have to slow down, exercise some etiquitte and Emily Post, properly introduce himself to the cather, ask him out for f**king dinner and request that the catcher yield to the runner and allow runner to score, red carpet included?
For you old school baseball fans, here's an infamous clip of Pete Rose at the 1970 All-Star Game scoring a run against Ray Fosse, demonstrating the way baseball should be played.
>>> Home Plate Collision >>>
Item #2: NFL Referee's To Be On-Field Language Police:
Looks like the language police are dropping the hammer on on-field, so-called offensive language including the use of the 'N-Word' and 'F-Bombs'.
Players and teams may be subjuect to anything from 15 yard penalties to fines and possible suspensions for saying a 'word' that some deem offensive.
Many of the NFL players disagree, stating that it's part of the locker room atmosphere and on field celebrations to express themselves in such a manner and that it's no one's business what they say and who they say it to, including referee's, Bob "Commie" Costas and the NFL commisioner.
I never knew that football games are now maybe conducted as tea and crumpets parties. I always thought that in football, the job of the offense was to gain real estate and cross the goal line and the job of the defense was to throw any ball carrier to the ground and prevent yardage gains.
Oh, well. I suppose the NFL is getting kinder and gentler, but conversely, harsher on what and how playahs express themselves.
THE HOCKEY WORLD vs MAXINE'S WORLD | February 22, 2014
Sports Snipes | February 04, 2014
Item #1: Superblowout. PIG Props go to the Seattle Seahawks for winning their first Super Bowl title in team history. Not to discount Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos, but Seattle out and out dominated the game in every aspect of the game and kicked some serious ass.
The Seahawks offense, defense and special teams surgically and strategically bulldozed the mighty Broncos into a state of confusion and submission. And ultimately a most embarrassing and humiliating loss.
This game just proves that a good defense will beat a good offense. I think in this case the Seahawks rubbed the Broncos nose in ‘it.’ Big time.
Can’t let you go without this contribution from PIGster GM:
How many Denver Broncos does it take to change a flat tire?
Unless it's a blowout, then the whole team shows up.
Item #2: Jesse Vetter. Olympic Team U.S.A. Women's Hockey Team goalie, Jesse Vetter has been told by the International Olympic Commitee to remove a logo from her goalies helmet.
The logo and slogan are, gasp! the preamble to the U.S. Constitution which simply states, "We The People." How shocking!
The IOC claims it is propaganda which promotes the United States. So the f**k what? Other countries proudly wave their flags and colors, so what's the harm in her wearing a custom hemet that embodies the American spirit?
Oops! O'sports Hack forgot. That type of display of patriotism may cause some hurt feelings and emotional boo-boo's onan intyernational scale.
The wearing of the helmet in question should have no bearing on the outcomes of any of the U.S. Womens Hockey teams games during the tournament.
O'Sports Hack does have an alternate design for the IOC pussies. I hope, but doubt that it will meet their insignia criteria.
A-WAD | January 15, 2014
It seems as if Alex Rodriguez is not taking his 162 game suspension lightly due to getting caught for his use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs. A-Wad intends to sue the league and the MLB players union for...whatever.
Classic example of playing the lawsuit card. When guilty and in doubt, point fingers and blame others.
Rodriguez Pete Rose'd himself, his teamates, what's left of his reputation and baseball by cheating, changing the outcome of many big games and pretty much singlehandedly erased his name from any Hall of Fame ballots by his lowball lying and cheating.
O'Sports Hack is of the opinion that A-Wad did not disgrace our national pastime, but shed light on an important issue, that of cheating in a covert way, but got caught and may serve as a lesson to other players.
Whatever happens to A-Wad is of no consequence to the Sports Dome, but coincidentally, MLB commisioner Bud Selig has announced his retirement.
What timing, huh?
WHAT'S IN A NAME? | December 08, 2013
I agree with our Native American population – I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins.
One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as warriors, but nay, nay.
We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.
Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of the militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. Offensive to us white folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war between the states that cost this country so many young men's lives.
Besides, the South shall rise again!
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres. The fact that there are birds on their shirts does not protect either the Arizona or the St. Louis Cardinals – gone!
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged as their way of life. We are talking the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children – and it is all about the children.
The Green Bay Packers and the St. Louis Rams – promote gay men. Wrong message to our children.
The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible spending habits. Wrong message to our children.
The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity – a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.
The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.
The Milwaukee Brewers – well, that goes without saying – wrong message to our children.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. A high priority directly behind efficiently managing our country's health care.
NFL BANS SUPERBOWL AD | DECEMBER 06, 2013
The NFL, National Faggot League banned the following Superbowl ad.
>>> Superbowl Ad >>>
BAND OF BROTHERS | NOVEMBER 27, 2013
Big time props go to the Bridgewater, Mass. Pee Wee football team, the Bridgewater Badgers for taking 6 year old Danny Keefe under their wing.
Danny Keefe suffered a brain hemorrhage shortly after his birth and has had some developmental problems since then. Danny seems to have adjusted, and even attends his kindergarten class wearing a jacket and tie. Several bullies starting picking on Danny and when the football team got wind of this they took matters into their own hands.
11 year old Quarterback Tommy Cooney decided to start a “Danny Appreciation Day” by having the entire team dress in a suit and tie in support of Danny.
Here’s what Clooney had to say:
"We heard that Danny was getting picked on, so we thought that we would all have a day to dress up like Danny," Cooney told WCVB News while choking back tears. "We thought we would all come to school like Danny and sponsor Danny to show Danny that we love him - that we love him very much."
O’Sports Hack thinks that was a very honorable gesture and hope it sends a message to cowardly, punk-ass bullies. In this case, the bullies picked on the wrong person.
I bet those bullies scattered like cockroaches when the lights go on and I hope those wimps got the message.
It seems as if Danny is in good hands and if you're a bully and think you can pick on Danny, you have to go through the Bridgewater Badgers, aka, The Band of Brothers.
Here's a link:
>>> Danny Appreciation Day >>>
NICE TRY, MANNING | NOVEMBER 24, 2013
BOSTON PROPS | OCTOBER 31, 2013
O'Sports Hack would like to extend congratulations and PIG props to the 2013 Boston Strong Red Sox who can now proudly call themselves world champions.
The Red Sox took the World Series in six games over the great St. Louis Cardinals in Boston's Fenway Park for the first time since 1918 and the Red Sox faithful were partying pretty damn hard. Probably still are and calling in sick to work.
In post game interviews the players said they wanted to go all they way for the good folks and victims of the Boston Marathon bombing. And they did.
After the game, O'Sports Hack had to go collect on a whopping $1.00 wager and walked into the lounge with his Boston Red Sox shirt and was treated like a rock star with high fives, hugs and bro punches, collected his $1.00. Too damn cool.
Now, there are certain members of the PIG staff that refer to the Boston Red Sox as the Red Sucks and were trying to shake the loyalty of O'Sports Hack's fondness for his beloved Boston Red Sox. That's never going to work, certain PIG staffers.
O'Sports Hack is not going to even attempt to convert the PIG staffers to the right and bright side of being a World Champion BoSoxer fan, but he will say this to PIG staffers of little faith:
Neener, neener, neener!
WHAT'S IN A NAME? | OCTOBER 12, 2013
A BUCKEYE NATION OF BEAUTIES | OCTOBER 02, 2013
Being a casual college football fan, I always liked The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, until now.
The following is a display of some die hard OSU Buckeye Babes who just made me their newest convert.
Now, before you admire their team spirit, O'Sports Hack has his penalty flag on hand to wipe the drool off of your chins after viewing this blatant display of product placement.
FOR HAMBO | OCTOBER 01, 2013
POT SHOTS | SEPTEMBER 27, 2013
Item #1: Americans Take Home The America's Cup
Somewhere, where someone cares, there's going to be a victory celebration for the crew that won the America's Cup.
WTF is the America's Cup? I really don't know but it has to do with rich guys racing another rich guys boat in an international competion. Whoever wins, gets The America's Cup.
Big whoop. O'Sports Hack says make that snoozefest interesting with a Viking theme, complete with those cool horned helmets, long beards and spears where contestants ride side by side and pummel each other. The victors get to sail into the losers home port and have a pillage fest and have their ways with the local womenfolk.
Hey rich guys with too much time on your hands: Take that cup and shove it. You're not athletes and if you don't believe me, ask Chistopher Colombus. Better yet, ask The Skipper, Professor, Ginger, Mary Ann or even Gilligan.
Item #2: Showdown At Home Plate
It seems as if Atlanta Braves catcher Brian McCann needs to grab his blanky and have his mommy tuck him in with a bedtime story, complete with warm milk and some cookies.
During a recent game with the Milwaukee Brewers, batter Carlos Gomez (of the Brewers) launched a home run over the left center field wall. As Gomez was admiring his shot, he seemed to have taken too much time rounding the bases, according to the Braves players.
Words and gestures were exchanged as Gomez touched the bags and waiting for him at home plate was none other than baseball's biggest, newest weenie, catcher Brian McCann who blocked the plate, preventing Gomez from completing his home run trot and instigated a bench clearing incident.
Here's a clip, below:
>>> Spoiled Sport >>>
GRAND SALAMI | SEPTEMBER 23, 2013
I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings to baseball fans, but there's
sad news to report in the Sportsdome.
New York Yankees 3rd baseman Alex Rodriquez broke Lou Gehrig's grand slam record by hitting the 24th of his career over the weekend.
What makes this crappy news is that Rodriquez is a high-priced reknowned cheater and Lou Gehrig was not.
Gehrig hit 23 grand slams in less games played, at a younger age and without taking anything stronger than a glass of warm milk before his tragic and untimely death.
Gehrig was also known as baseball's "Iron Horse" for playing in most consecutive games played before that record was broken decades later by another class act, Cal Ripken, Jr.
Rodriquez on the other hand has been under a microscope several times for violating Major League Baseball's banned substance rules. Now he gets his name in the record books above Lou Gehrigs name? There isn't an asterisk big enough to put next to A-Roids name or up his ass.
Gehrig was the epitome of hard work and clean living, dedicated to his team and craft. Rodriguez is all about himself and the Benjamins.
Sad day indeed, when a record set by a giant legacy in the sport of baseball, Lou Gehrig, is surpassed by a cheater, A-Roid.
JESUS ROUNDS THIRD AND SCORES! | SEPTEMBER 23, 2013
HO-HUM | SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
THE CEREMONIAL THE FIRST BITCH | SEPTEMBER 09, 2013
Barack and Michelle Obama are at the O's game.
Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one of the Secret Service agents leans forward and says something to the President.
Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no" violently.
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request, from the owner of the team down to the bat boy. And...the fans would love it!"
So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the people want."
He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants, and throws her right over the wall into the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, and screaming -- and the crowd goes wild, cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.
Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says, "You were right, I would have never believed that!"
Then noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what is wrong?
The agent replies, "Sir, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH
BEATING THE HEAT | SEPTEMBER 01, 2013
With late summer temperatures hitting triple digits across the country, we thought it would be better to soak up some suds instead of heat rays with a friendly game of Beer Chess.
What are the rules? Don't know, don't care, but I imagine emptying those beer filled glasses has a lot to do with the outcome of the match.
OBAMA DISSED BY MEMBERS OF
1972 MIAMI DOLPHINS | AUGUST 26, 2013
40 plus years after going 17-0, the only perfect season in NFL history, the 1972 Champion Miami Dolphins will finally get recognized by the White House for their feat, playing the perfect season.
In 1973, Nixon was President and in the process of doing some serious damage control over the Watergate scandal, and was otherwise preoccupied at that time. Hence, no White House visit for the 1972 Miami Dolphins.
This past Tuesday, 40 years too late, the White House invited the 1972 Dolphins to visit and meet Obama. Most of the team attended, but there were three outspoken members that did not, and here they are with their reasons for not being in attendance.
1) Offensive lineman Bob Kuechenberg who said it would be hypocritical of him to attend: "I don't want to do that. I just don't believe in this administration at all. So I don't belong. Anyone on the left or the right has to respect one man's opinion."
2) Defensive lineman Manny Fernandez: "I'll just say my views are diametrically opposed to the president's. Enough said. Let's leave it at that. I hope everyone enjoys the trip who goes."
3) Center Jim Langer: "We've got some real moral compass issues in Washington," Langer said. "I don't want to be in a room with those people and pretend I'm having a good time. I can't do that. If that [angers] people, so be it."
Well, well. There are some athletes that actually have the Nads to dis the HNOC by their absence, but also articulating the reasons for their no-show.
Talk about an in-your-face end zone dance at the expense of a Holier than thou . How perfect is that, that Obama was taken down a few notches by a few football players?
On an unrelated, but funny side note, the World Champion Boston Red Sox were invited by then President Bush to the White House. Notably not in attendance was Manny Ramirez.
Bush joked: "I'm sorry David Ortiz's running mate, Manny Ramirez, isn't here. I guess his grandmother died again. Just kidding. Tell Manny I didn't mean it."
Final score for Presidential White House visits: One President can give and take a joke. The other IS a joke.
ICE COP-ADES | AUGUST 23, 2013
L. A. KISS ARENA FOOTBALL | AUGUST 16, 2013
Arena Football is returning to the Southern California area next year. Big deal and yawn, right?
Wrong. The new partners/owners of the team are Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley of mega-rock group, KISS. The team will be aptly called The L.A. KISS and call the Honda Center in Anaheim their home arena.
Believe it or not, rock superstars can be family men too, and realize the high price of admission for many sports venues that many families can't afford.
The L.A. KISS have announced that season tickets will go for a very family friendly price starting at $99 and the sooner one signs up, they get their choice of seats and will be invited to a free KISS show.
How much more of an incentive is that to get signed up and take the family out for what O'Sports Hack thinks won't be your Daddy's type of football game.
The whole concept is marketing genius and ought to attract a lot of football/rock fans all at once
I do have some questions, though and my own humble suggestions.
Who or what will the halftime show be? Pyrotechnics and eardrum shattering hard rock.
Team Motto? "Don't Bite Me, KISS Me?" or, "KISS This!"
Team logo and uniform: Probably something in black, but on the back of the Jersey the word KISS can be printed with an arrow underneath the players number pointing directly to the players' rear ends.
Cheerleaders outfits? How about studded collars, form fitting black leather short shorts and 5" stilettos.
I know none of my suggestions are not exactly family friendly, but consider that the new owners are master showmen and know how to attract, own and captivate their intended audience.
All I can say is it's about f**king time pro football has returned to Southern California, and considering the new owners, the games ought to be highly entertaining.
For ticket information, click the link below.
>>> LA KISS >>>
POOL BALL | AUGUST 14, 2013
I saw the following clip on the news today. The clip features a bunch of suburban kids practicing their trick shots in a back yard pool complete with a mini trampoline, diving board, tool shed a swing set and a set of mad, mad skills.
Their collective moves, precision, athleticism and coordination look like a combination of water polo, circus-like acrobatics and basketball. Their execution of bounce, behind the back and no look passes are like no other. Not being a huge fan of the Olympics, I could overlook that just to watch these guys kick international ass.
Move over Harlem Globetrotters, these kids are for real.
>>> Trick Shots >>>
UH OH, HE SAID THE "P" WORD! | AUGUST 10, 2013
HOT DIGITTY NOT DOG | AUGUST 03, 2013
A AA baseball team in Richmond, Virginia, the Flying Squirrels had a $1, drop your hot dogs and buy a weiner night promotion
The purpose of the promotion was to encourage fans to get their weiners and to photo and text them in the spirit of poking fun at Anthony Weiner.
My only question is this. Do those weiners come with a filthy bag of salty, roasted nuts, too?
Just O'Sports Hack Being O'Sports Hack wondering, who came up with this promotion.
COOL RUNNINGS | AUGUTS 01, 2013
Every year in the streets of Pamplona, Spain, there is an idiotic tradition called The Running of the Bulls. This involves a bunch of pissed off bulls being unleashed to a moronic crowd that is willing to get chased down and gorged and sometimes fatally injured by the bulls.
The bad news for the bulls is that after the running, the bulls are rounded up, hung upside down and slaughtered.
That's a Lose-Lose proposition for the bulls, even though some of the bulls got their last pound of flesh from the dolts that tempt fate by playing with bulls that are not in the mood to play.
Well, here's a PIGish Win-Win situation for our four legged porcine brethren.
We propose a Running of the Pigs in...ta da, Mecca.
Can you imagine if a crate fulls of pigs, boars, hogs, ham sandwiches, hot dogs and smoked hams were parachuted onto the streets of Mecca?
I would be willing to bet my last pork chop that this would be a Win-Win situation for the pigs and wish ESPN would cover that event.
We would have to hold on to our Oscar Meyer Weiners as we hold our guts out of sheer laughter looking at the look of utter terror on little and big Achmed's face running down the streets of Mecca and do their best Ned Beatty Squeeeeeal impression out of fear of pigs running down their streets.
O'Sports Hack proposes the Running of the Pigs become a recognized Olympic sport. Sounds like tons of PIGish fun to me.
Final score: Pigs win, Mecca Maniacs lose while freaking out.
Well. I gotta go and eat my bacon, sausage and green eggs and ham like the PIG I am.
BASEBALL SCOUTING | JULY 30, 2013
Years ago, former Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda said he wanted to become America's international baseball ambassador by scouting players globally.
He did. He had scouts go to the Domincan Republic, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Korea and Japan and found quality, Major League caliber talent.
Well, scouts are neglecting a ripe field of talent in the Middle East.
Note the rock, brick and molatov cocktail hurlers and protesters in Egypt, Syria and Palestine on your nightly news.
If you look close and are a baseball scout, look for a southpaw brick or rock tossing protester that has enough piss and vinegar in his blood and offer him a tryout, perhaps a contract.
Here's the windup, here comes the pitch and I'm outta here.
WHAMMO! IT'S DOG FRISBEE TIME | JULY 27, 2013
Have you ever noticed how athletic and graceful a dog can be when you toss a frisbee their way?
They go airborn in their quest to catch that damn disk, all the while wagging their tail waiting for their masters approval and another toss and catch session.
I don't know if that qualifies as a sport, but it sure is fun as all hell for both man and man's best friend.
Witness, below and forget all of those fancy pants dog shows on ESPN, these dogs are the real deal.
Here's a clip:
>>> Freestylin' Doggie Style >>>
SIR CHARLES GOES SLAM DUNK | JULY 21, 2013
Charles Barkley sounded off in a very intelligent, articulate manner in an interview about race relations and the media regarding the Zimmerman verdict.
Check out the link below that makes too much sense.
>>> Slam Dunkin' >>>
SIBERIAN AMERICAN HISSY FIT | JULY 13, 2013
(Moonbattery) The deeper you dig yourself into political correctness, the harder it is to do or refrain from doing anything without offending someone while looking like an obsequious idiot — as demonstrated by the folks running the New York Mets:
The Mets tried to honor Native Americans and instead ended up offendingthem. The Mets tried to save face by downplaying an event, and instead look worse when the details of the situation comes to light.
There was supposed to be a Native American Heritage Day at Citi Field.
The Mets had contacted the American Indian Community House about participating in the event, which was to include traditional dancing and singing outside the stadium. The group was enthusiastic about the event, scheduled by July 25.
But the Mets backed away from most of that day's celebration, which also included t-shirts and PSA announcements on the video board, over concerns it might offend their opponent – the Braves.
So the singing and dancing will not be allowed, and the PSAs will not be played, and the Indians were offended — so as not to offend the Mets' opponents, whose fans are best known for the tomahawk chop.
Hopefully the Mets won't be scoring any runs. That also might offend the Braves.
The lesson: White man who set out not to offend make heap big fool of himself.
MIXED MARTIAL ARTS | JULY 10, 2013
The other day, O'Sports Hack saw a sports report about an MMA match between a white fighter and a black fighter. While the fighters were being introduced into the ring, black guy had to show off with a cowboy hat and other assorted bling, including a big mouth.
Black Guy was doing a lot of trash talking to White Guy, declaring how he was going to wipe the floor with Whitey, all the while showboating and doing what would appear to be an end zone dance and prance.
White Guy stood there silently as Black Guy strutted around like ruler of the roost saying how he was going to kick Whitey's ass.
You could see White Guy's jaw clench and tighten and get a throbbing Clint Eastwood style vein in his forehead as a result of Black Guy's remarks and when the bell rang, White Guy handily disposed of Black Guy in the form of a one punch KO. Tee-Hee.
Memo to Black Guy: Who's doing cartwheels now in the ring after getting your clock got cleaned by a ...gasp...White Guy?
Another Memo To Black Guy: Due to your lack of fighting skills, the Sportsdome has hereby dubbed you C.B. C.B. stand for canvas back, due to the fact that White Guy mopped up the ring with your sorry ass.
O'Sports Hack has one question. Where the hell was Je$$e Jack$on? After all, in Je$$e's pathetic world, when a white beats a black, isn't there grounds for a Je$$e $tyle law$suit? Better yet, where are the Hate Crime Hacks?
BASEBALL CODE BREAKERS | JULY 03, 2013
*O'Sports Hack Note: The following is not for those with short attention spans, but rather geared toward those that have a true understanding of some of professional baseball's unwritten but widely practiced tactics.
Simple gestures mean so much in baseball
Taps, touches, tugs and tips... they carry complex messages among pitchers, batters, coaches and managers. The wordless codes can be raised to an art level, and are protected as if they are state secrets.
Written by Kevin Baxter:
It's the fourth inning of a tight game at Angel Stadium and Chicago White Sox pitcher Jake Peavy is in a jam. The Angels are threatening to score with runners on first and third bases and one out.
As the right-hander backs off the mound to compose himself, Angels hitter Alberto Callaspo steps out of the batter's box to adjust his helmet and batting gloves.
What looks like a break in the action is anything but. It's part of a wordless game within the game.
In the Angels' dugout, Manager Mike Scioscia taps his nose, the bill of his cap, then his chin in rapid succession. That says it all.
Third base coach Dino Ebel, who has been watching closely, decodes the movements and then starts his own conversation - again without a word. Touching parts of his body in three sequences, he relays directions from Scioscia to Callaspo, and then to each baserunner.
In the Chicago dugout, the White Sox are stealthily putting their own plot into action. Trying to stay a step ahead of what the Angels are doing, a coach shifts the defense by motioning with his hands. By the time the pitcher and catcher settle on a pitch, again communicated with signs, every player on the field will have been told where to go and what to do - all without a single instruction uttered aloud.
Baseball has its own sign language, and complex messages are exchanged in a matter of seconds.
"There's a lot that goes on in the course of a game," says Angels bench coach Rob Picciolo, who advises Scioscia in the dugout. "It sounds complicated, but once you do it every day, you get used to it."
Signs came to baseball from the battlefields of the Civil War, where field generals sought to conceal their plans, according to historian Paul Dickson, author of "The Hidden Language of Baseball."
In one system known as "wig-wag," flags and torches were used to warn Confederate soldiers about the movement of Union troops. Two years later, at West Point, cadets tipped each other to secret inspections by tapping on pipes, and cheated on tests by wiping their lips or winking.
During a typical nine-inning baseball game, there are hundreds of sign sequences, each part of a distinct strategy - telling the runner to steal, the batter not to swing at a pitch, or directing the fielders how to defend against a bunt.
Keeping everyone on the same page is imperative. The infielders need to know where the catcher's throw is going to go if there is a runner at third and a runner at first tries to steal second base; a baserunner looking to steal needs to know whether the batter has been ordered to bunt.
It's all done knowing the opposing team has players and coaches who are trying to crack your code.
A hitter has an advantage if he knows what pitch is coming (curveball, fastball, change-up) and where it's being aimed (high, low, on the inside corners of the strike zone or the outside). Former New York Yankees great Yogi Berra used to try to read the shadows cast by a catcher's fingers. A few teams notoriously used binoculars, telescopes or video cameras from peek holes in the outfield wall.
Years ago, the Detroit Tigers used a spotter tucked away in the scoreboard to read the catcher's signs, which were relayed to the hitter by moving the eyes of a large Indian head mounted on an advertisement.
That's one reason why pitchers and catchers change up their signs. Without a runner on base, their language might be as simple as the catcher flashing one finger for a fastball and two for a curve. But with a runner on second base looking in from the same angle as the pitcher, the signs could be stolen. So they become more complex, possibly involving numbers on the scoreboard or parts of the catcher's equipment.
That tap to the shin guards or touch to the protective headgear? It might actually mean something.
"Basically they're anything you can think of," Angels reliever Kevin Jepsen says. "You could come up with one right now and that could be somebody's sign."
To make things even more complicated - and harder for the enemy to decipher - there is a set of signals unique to each pitcher. With the Angels using 21 pitchers already this season, catcher Hank Conger has to learn 21 dialects, and also know the signs from his manager.
"Over the years I may have missed a couple," Conger says, "but I really take pride in trying not to miss a sign."
With Angels batter Callaspo ready to hit and Peavy set to pitch, both managers have set their strategies.
Two runners are on with one out, so Scioscia wants to avoid an inning-ending double play. Howie Kendrick is a fast runner at first base, so a hit-and-run-play is in order. That means Kendrick will take off as the pitch is thrown and the batter will be swinging no matter where the pitch is, trying to hit the ball on the ground.
White Sox Manager Robin Ventura has ordered Peavy to throw to first base between pitches, keeping Kendrick close and making it harder for the Angels to put on the play.
The strategy of both sides may now be exposed. The Angels know the White Sox expect Kendrick to run because they threw over to first. And, if Kendrick flinched toward second at all before scrambling back to first, he may have tipped his hand that he was, indeed, under instructions to run as the pitcher began his windup.
So Callaspo backs out yet again and peers at Ebel, the third base coach, who looks into the dugout for a new set of orders, then begins his pantomime. With his right hand, he touches his side and then his thigh; with his left hand, he reaches across his body to touch his right forearm.
Third base coaches are the most visible signers on the field, and they walk a fine line. The signs need to be simple enough for their players to read yet complex enough that the opposition can't crack the code. For example, a coach touching his hand, elbow and shoulder on the left arm might be ordering a bunt, hit and run or steal. But if he makes the same signs on the right arm, that would mean nothing.
Or those signs mean nothing unless an indicator such as a touch to the hat or chin comes first. Similarly, whether a play is on or off can be determined by whether the coach is standing inside or outside the 20-foot-long coach's box.
Players say Jose Oquendo of the St. Louis Cardinals and current Houston Astros Manager Bo Porter are among the best at signing, so fluid that their motions look like interpretive dance moves. Many coaches, including the Dodgers' Tim Wallach, practice their routines in front of a mirror.
"I want to see what it looks like," Wallach says.
Rhythm can be just as important as repetition, especially in pressure-packed moments when a coach can be caught in the emotion and begin signing too quickly.
"I slow it down," says Ebel, who is in his eighth season with the Angels. "As a third base coach, you recognize it and try to develop that to give it back to the player. Going through it kind of fast speeds up the game."
Each player has his own set of signs for a couple of reasons. If a player is traded, he won't be able to understand the signs of his former teammates. Also, coaches don't want their own players unwittingly tipping the opposing team by reacting on the bench - standing up to see better, motioning to a teammate to pay close attention - when a surprise such as a squeeze bunt or double steal is in the works.
Just as the players take daily batting and fielding practice, they are also quizzed on signs by their coaches.
"If a player misses the sign, it's just like anything else - you haven't spent enough time with that player," Ebel says. "If a guy has to take 100 ground balls a day to get the fielding mechanic down, everybody does that. Why can't you spend 10, 15 minutes every day for that player to understand the system and the signs? It's important."
Some players just never quite seem to catch on, though.
Former ballplayer Steve Lyons, now a member of the Dodgers' broadcast team, said that when he played in Boston, third base coach Rene Lachemann got so fed up with the Red Sox's missing signs that he made a dramatic change: Lachemann would go through an entire series of signals - "He called them dummy signs because our guys were too stupid," Lyons recalls - then clap once for a bunt, twice for a hit-and-run and three times for a steal.
"Hey, those are our signs," jokes Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly, having overheard Lyons' story. "Now we're going to have to change them."
Back in Anaheim, the game of cat and mouse continues. Ebel signals to Callaspo and Kendrick that the hit and run is off, and the batter lets Peavy's 3-1 pitch go, drawing a walk. The next batter, Chris Iannetta, walks as well, forcing in the winning run in an Angels victory.
Few Angels in uniform have played a bigger part in the win than Ebel, who dresses quickly and leaves without fanfare.
"Being a third base coach, it's like being a player," says Angels bench coach Picciolo, who was a third base coach for three seasons with the San Diego Padres. "You have good games, you have bad games. You feel like you have a lot to do with the account of the game."
OLYMPIC-STYLE PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT | MAY 17, 2013
With a sports week filled some real downers - the passings of NFL running back Chuck Muncie and race car champion Dick Trickle, plus the story that makes O'Sports Hack drool, Kobe suing his own mother* - we thought we would treat you to some sage advise from Olympic swimming champion and mega gold medal winner, Michael Phelps.
*O'Sports Hack will provide all Sports Domers with his takes on the ugly mess called Kobe Bryant v. Kobe's Mom as those tasty turds of information trickle in.
BEING GAY AND PLAYING IN THE NBA | MAY 08, 2013
So, Jason Collins has come out of the closet to admit he is an openly gay professional athlete. Big whoop! These days, his announcement isn’t exactly earth shattering considering the P.C. climate we live in.
Collins is not what one would consider a marquee player or a household name. So, who the hell is he, anyway? Someone desperate enough to come out and admit he’s gay just for the glory of his “15 Minutes” or as the official GLAAD-BAAG Poster child? Does his announcement guarantee a career after professional basketball?
His professional resume is respectable enough, even though he has played on 6 teams in 12 years. He is probably what the owners regard as disposable trade-bait.
Predictably, he’s done some talk shows, “Good Morning America,” “Piers Morgan Live” and “Oprah’s Next Chapter,” whatever that is. Public appearances, possible book deals, endorsements (for what product, who knows), and speaking engagements will be expected as he has been invited to join Michelle Obama at the Democratic National Committee’s GLAAD-BAAG-A-Thon and - this hurts - the Boston Red Sox have slated Collins to toss out the first pitch before Boston’s gay pride parade. (That was a painful passage to write, being a casual Red Sox follower.)
If he were smart, he would milk that cash/fame/fortune cow until it’s withered and dry, if it isn’t already. After all, he only has a few good playing years left anyway, so why not spill his guts with his years of heart wrenching tales of suffering in ‘silence’ and ‘anguish’? As long as he doesn’t do it with a chip on his shoulder or goes on a quest for special rights and preferential treatment for his fellow GLAAD-BAAG ball handlers, the PIGDome doesn’t have any issues with Collins.
Since his announcement, though, O’Sports Hack has to wonder: Are his current and former teammates experiencing an openly genuine case of Warm Fuzzies as they embrace his decision to declare his sexual orientation, or are they secretly shaking their heads in dismay thinking, “Damn, I shared a locker room and shower with him! I hope he wasn’t scoping out MY junk in the locker room or even in the showers.”
Collins may also have increased his market value to team owners and the league overall, with the thinking that his presence will fill seats as basketball fans want to come out and see the novelty known as Jason Collins.
Finally, with his announcement, after being serenaded with pink triangles, rainbows and leather diapers, Collins has to realize he’s going to be taking the good with the bad. For instance, there’s always going to be some smarty pants wise-acre out there that will no doubt ask, “Who took more balls across the face. Rock Hudson or Jason Collins?”
Can I at least get a rim shot for that joke, please?
Seriously, Jason Collins is a true rarity in the NBA, and it's not for being gay. He's probably the only player that doesn't have a rap sheet that's a mile long, or a herd of illegitimate children. For that, he really is a role model.
GEORGE CARLIN AND SPORTS | APRIL 24, 2013
The following quotes are from the late George Carlin's book Napalm and Silly Putty:
To my way of thinking there are really only three sports: baseball, basketball, and football. Everything else is either a game or an activity.
Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It's not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they'd do these things one at a time. First go ice-skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the shit out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun. Another reason why hockey isn't a sport is that it's not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can't be a sport. These are my rules, I make 'em up.
Soccer. Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms. Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap dancing isn't a sport. I rest my case.
Running. People think running is a sport. Running isn't a sport because anybody can do it. I can run, you can run. For Christ sakes, my mother can run! You don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, do you?
Swimming. Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense. Sailing isn't a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the fuck should sailing be a sport?
Boxing is not a sport either. Boxing is a way to beat the shit out of somebody. In that respect, boxing is actually a more sophisticated way of hockey. In spite of what the police tell you, beating the shit out of somebody is not a sport. When police brutality becomes an Olympic event, fine, then boxing can be a sport.
Bowling. Bowling isn't a sport because you have to rent shoes. Don't forget, these are my rules. I make 'em up.
Billiards. Some people think billiards is a sport, but it can't be, because there's no chance of serious injury. Unless, of course, you welch on a bet in a tough neighborhood. Then, if you wind up with a pool cue stickin' out of your ass, you know you might be the victim of a sports-related injury. But that ain't billiards, that's pool, and that starts with a P, and that rhymes with D, and that brings me to darts.
Darts could have been a sport, because at least there's a chance to put someone's eye out. But, alas, darts will never be a sport, because the whole object of the game is to reach zero, which goes against all sports logic.
Lacrosse is not a sport; lacrosse is a faggoty college activity. I don't care how rough it is, anytime you're running around a field, waving a stick with a little net on the end of it, you're engaged in a faggoty college activity. Period.
Field hockey and fencing. Same thing. Faggoty college shit. Also these activities aren't sports, because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a fuckin' fencing bet?
Gymnastics is not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a long time to come up with that rule, but goddammit, I did it.
Polo isn't a sport. Polo is golf on horseback. Without holes. It's a great concept, but not a sport. And as far as water polo is concerned, I hesitate to even mention it, because it's extremely cruel to horses.
Which brings me to hunting. You think hunting is a sport? Ask the deer. The only good thing about hunting is the many fatal accidents on the weekends. And, of course, the permanently disfigured hunters who survive such accidents.
Then you have tennis. Tennis is very trendy and very fruity, but it's not a sport. It's just a way to meet other trendy fruits. Technically, tennis is an advanced form a Ping-Pong. In fact, tennis is Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Great concept, not a sport.
In fact, all racket games are nothing more the derivatives of Ping-Pong. Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table.
And finally welcome to golf. For my full take on golf, I refer you elsewhere in the book, but let it just be said golf is a game that might possibly be fun, if it could be played alone. But it's the vacuous, striving, superficial, male-bonding joiners one has to associate with that makes it such a repulsive pastime. And it is decidedly not a sport. Period.
NOW THAT'S REAL TEAM SPIRIT | APRIL 11, 2013
I was wondering, actually hoping, if the L.A. Lakers cheering squad had room for her mad skills.
OPENING DAY, TIGER WOOD$, SELFISH ATHLETES | APRIL 04, 2013
Item #1: Major League Baseball commenced the 2013 season this week, without much ado or fanfare.
During the off season, teams conducted the buying, selling signing and trading of the usual high profile, aka, paid players.
There didn't seem to be much drama during the off season, and thus far, early into the 2013 season, none...yet.
All that stated, O'Sports Hack has some no-brainer predictions for the upcoming season:
1) The traditional Red Sox and Yankees rivalry will continue and at least one Red Sox fan will get drunk and cry in his/her clam chowder when the Sox choke during the last at bat of the season and lose...again.
2) The Dodger fans still hate the Giants and vice versa. All Giant/Dodger fans may be subject to a full cavity search, after the sharp objects are confiscated.
3) Someone will test positive for PED's (performance enhancing drugs) and get away with it.
4) An umpire will make a bad call. Yeah, right. Like that's never happened.
5) At least one manager will have a major league meltdown and get ejected as a result of a bad call.
6) A-Rod hooks up with some high profile prima donna and makes the headlines in all of the NYC fishwraps and gossip rags.
7) There will be at least one bench clearing brawl and at least one player will chip a diamond encrusted gold tooth.
8) At least one player will get hit by a bean ball, cry to the umpire and charge the mound, knowing his team will have his back, IF they like him.
9) At least one batter will have a hissy fit for a pitcher throwing chin music.
10) Teams get greedier by price gouging the consessions. Example: $9.00 for a beer. If you don't like that crappy deal, you can always pony up your left (pea) nut for a beer, soda, hot dog, popcorn and peanut combo even if you end up in the nose bleed section and maxed out your credit card for parking.
11) At least one player goes on the disabled list due to anything from a bad hair day to a hangnail or hangover.
12) The Chicago Cubs will suck, as usual.
13) In the end, only ONE team will win the World Series, and yes, that was a jab at the ''Everyone gets a trophy just for showing up,' punks.
All that stated, I still prefer catching a local Little League game over the headaches and hassles of paying to watch over priced players playing a kids game. It;s actaully tons of fun watching the kids' parents go nuclear on the umpires and get ejected from the stands.
Those are my MLB preditions for the 2013 baseball season.
Item #2: Now that Tiger Woods re-established himself with a Number One ranking, one of his pimps, Nike, came out with a new ad campaign geared at Tiger's latest success.
One can surmise that the caption and a quote from Tiger himself that reads, "Winning Takes Care Of Everything" has the usual gaggle of haters saying the ad makes light of Tiger's recent extramarital escapades, stating that the ad "sends the wrong message."
Wrong message? To whom? Perpetual losers? "The children?" Scorned women? Man hating womyn? Shitty, weekend golfers?
If anything, the ad is is actually inspirational in that it demonstrates that one can dig themselves out of a self-imposed hole (pun intended) and regain past glory days.
The fact is, is that no matter how many women he played hide-the driver, or hole-in-one with, he can still golf like no other.
So to all you whiney complainers, 'Just Deal With It', while Tiger 'Just Cashes In' and saying, 'Just Screw It.'
Item #3: Another Selfish Athlete
This the kind of crap that just pisses you off, really!
Wimbledon hopeful Simona Halep wants surgery to reduce the size of her breasts.
Halep is seen as one of the tennis stars of the future after winning a host of junior titles and a place in the final of the Junior French Open last year.
But the 5-foot-5-inch Romanian tennis star said she thinks her 34DD bust is holding her back.
"This autumn I'll have a breast reduction operation" Halep said.
"The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play."
"It's the weight that troubles me and my ability to react quickly" she added.
Will someone please tell this kid that winning isn't everything!
What about us - the hard-working everyday fan who paid good money to watch her play?
People pay top money for jugs like that and this little brat wants to have them reduced?
Just pisses me off.
Just another selfish athlete
WRONG DAY TO LEAVE HIS DEPENDS AT HOME? | MARCH 25, 2013
TEST DRIVING: A NEW SPORT? | MARCH, 14 2013
There is a viral video circulating throughout cyberspace which features NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon, in conjunction with Pepsi, test driving a new Camaro.
Gordon was disguised as a clueless geek as he approached the car on the sales lot and takes the sales rep for the ride of his life.
The entire incident has been rumored to be a prank, as the sticker on the car is for a 2009 Camaro, when the new edition wasn't released until 2010.
Also, would Pepsi actually risk a major lawsuit should injury occur?
It has been said that the driver of the more hair raising scenes was actually a professional stunt driver and the sales rep is an actor.
Add to all of that, Will "I ain't funny" Farrell is somehow involved.
O'Sports Hack doesn't really care. It's funny as hell and I double dog dare all of you 'Don't try this at home' types and hope the following clip inspires all of you dare devils.
>>> Gordon >>>
DR. JERRY BUSS: HE BUILT THAT, OBAMA | FEBRUARY 19, 2013
The passing of Los Angeles Laker owner Jerry Buss reminds us that there still are some successful, self-made men that built sports dynasties out of nothing.
Armed with a degree in chemistry and a mere $1,000 dollars, Jerry Buss began on his quest to make his fortune though real estate investments. He did, very well, too.
Mr. Buss saved up his shiny nickels and had a vision and love of sports and one day dreamed of buying the Los Angeles Lakers. His dream came true when he purchased the Lakers and began building powerhouse, Showtime teams featuring Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy, Kurt Rambis, Michael Cooper and later after the Showtime era, he signed the lousy likes of Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal and coach Phil Jackson which began another dynasty era.
Oh, and don’t forget the lovely Laker Girls that Jerry Buss introduced to the sports world.
What Mr. Buss did was to elevate the level of competition in the NBA, specifically targeting O’Sports Hack’s beloved Boston Celtics. He accomplished that goal in 1985 when the Lakers beat the Celtics in Boston for the NBA championship.
A self-made man, revered by all around him, Jerry Buss did indeed build a successful sports empire, all by himself and accomplished his dream and left a great personal and professional legacy.
O’Sports Hack, being a die hard Boston Celtic fan, tips his cap and hoists a cold one to honor the memory, legacy and accomplishments of Dr. Jerry Buss.
Rest In Peace, sir. You helped change the face of the game by building a successful organization without the help of any Obama care or bailouts.
TRICK SHOT TODDLER | FEBRUARY 06, 2013
Watch out Kobe and LeBron, there's a new kid on the court and he may give you a run for your money.
A two-year old named Titus from Derby, Kansas has a unique athletic ability to make sinking basketballs look easy.
Air Titus can do it all, even lying on his back with his pacifier in his mouth. I just hope it's not Kobe's pacifier.
Young Titus may have a bright future playing collegiate and maybe professional basketball.
Let's hope no Kardashian's hinder him and rob the cradle and his wallet.
Enjoy the clip. Tons of fun.
>>> Trick Shot Titus >>>
THE TWO POUND FUMBLE | FEBRUARY 03, 2013
On the verge of the Superbowl, the Rotten Baltimore Ravens made a dumb ass decision to bar one of their cheerleaders because she was, "Too Fat."
Courtney Lenz was barred from her cheerleading duties from the Superbowl because the front office said that gaining a whopping two, that's right, two pounds made her look fat.
Two pounds? With a body like hers that most women would love to have and be jealous of? O'Sports Hack wonders, who is the retard that ordered this?
The somebody who made the decision to have her barred obviously needs their eyes examined, as anyone can plainly see, she looks to be in perfect physical shape.
Two pounds? Cheerleading is a very aerobic activity and two pounds can be shed in no time.
Courtney, you were dealt a rotten hand by the Ravens front office, but hey, you can cheer and join Team PIG anytime. If not, you probably have a bright future ahead.
LOSSES | JANUARY 21, 2013
Major League Baseball and the sports world lost two all-time greats with the passings of Earl Weaver and Stan Musial.
We’ll start with Earl Weaver.
Mr. Weaver was the hot tempered manager of the Baltimore Orioles, whose trademark was his legendary hot as hell temper, which he inflicted upon umpires and most especially, his pitching staff, which included Cy Young Award winning pitcher Jim Palmer.
Mr. Weaver, you made baseball a ton of fun to watch, with your temper, tenacity and winning attitude with your F-Bombs.
Your approach to the game with a Pit Bull attitude, and the pitching staff you assembled and your no-shit, win at all costs approach to the game of professional baseball.
We here in the PIGDome wish that you safely slide into home plate without spiking anyone in the nads.
Goodbye Mr. Weaver, you made the game an awful lot of fun to watch.Now, we’re onto Stan Musial
Stan “The Man” Musial could do it all.
From his sweet left handed swing to his fielding, Stan “The Man” Musial could do it all. Hence the name “The Man.”
He not only inspired his St. Louis Cardinal team to victories and championships, but also inspired a post war nation and a bunch of kids to hit the sandlots with balls, bats and gloves of America to emulate “The Man.”
Mr. Musial, we wish you a safe slide into you’re new dugout called home.
IT FIGURES | JANUARY 11, 2013
BALLS GOING VIRAL, LOUISVILLE SLUGGERS,
L.A. CLIPPERS | JANUARY 05, 2013
Item #1:Well Placed Kick Balls
A Norweigian rugby player recently went viral and became such a sensation with his skills that he caught the attention of the New York Jets, who may court him for contract negotiations and a lucrative career in the NFL.
His Name? Havard Rugland of Norway. He executes his kicks not just with precision and accuracy, but with a bit of poetry in athletic motion.
Look for him next season. O'Sports Hack thinks his skills will be much sought after, if not the NFL, but after retirement, maybe Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Baily Circus.
For an amazing display of his talents, click the link below:
>>> Kicking Balls >>>
Item #2: Gift That Keeps On Giving
The famous Louisville Slugger, manufacturer of baseball bats for current and future big leaguers came up with a real nifty idea.
They thought, hey, why not make a customized, personally engraved gift bat for the baseball fan in your life.
That's right, baseball fans! The bat comes complete with little Skippy's name engraved on the barrel of the bat and would be a long time keepsake.
That's real sweet.
With that idea in mind, we here in the Sportsdome came up with our own design, suitably customized for the purposes of the Free State Of PIG.
What purposes? Glad you asked. The customized bat sure isn't for Beer League, Weekend Warrior, softball league purposes.
The next time some uninvited, wannabe intruder or Korrectnick attempts to enter your world with very bad intentions, give 'em a dose of reality, courtesy of your brand spanking new baseball bat by taking a swing for the ages and engraving their foreheads or kneecaps with your nifty new trademark, insignia, moniker or don't come calling card.
Hey, it's the gift that keeps on giving. Order yours today!
Item #3: Ha! Ha!
Seems as if the L.A. Clippers have the Lice Infested Laker's number.
The Clippers totally dominatind the Lakers at the Staple's Center in Los Angeles last night by demonstrating who are the new bosses in charge of LA.
The L A. Clippers took the Little Boy Lakers to task and made the Lakers look like the overpriced, spoiled team they are.
So. Ha! Ha! Lakers and Laker fans, you lose.
O'Sports Hack just had to get that in, loving it the whole time.
BALLS | DECEMBER 14, 2012
JUNKYARD DOGS | DECEMBER 12, 2012
Have you ever been so bored that you tune in to ESPN's Westminster Dog Shows?
You know what these dog shows are all about. Some uptight dog owner, aka, pimp, enters her precious little Fifi into the show, complete with Bel Aire style grooming and training to be paraded around in front of equally uptight judges.
Poor dogs. Dogs really just want to be dogs. They live to get dirty, sniff other dogs privates, bury bones and shit on your neighbors lawns, no matter the pedigree.
O'Sports Hack has a remedy to liven up the festivities.
Get a dude dressed like Larry The Cable guy, complete with ball cap and fish hook in the visor, torn off sweatshirt or flannel with his prize flea bitten Hound Dog, a Kill-At-All-Costs Doberman Pincer or even better, a mangy, smelly Junkyard dog that takes no prisoners.
Talents and Specialties: Leg Humping, Bone Burying, Begging For Food, Crapping on the Neighbors Lawn, Ankle Biting, Pissing on Tires, Trees and Legs, Howling and Barking at 3:00 AM. For the grand finale, when Junkyard Dog is paraded in front of the judges. Dog leaves a calling card on the floor in the form of a massive steaming load, complete with a Junkyard Dog style rear leg lift manuever that leaves a puddle on the showroom floor. Our hero, Junkyard gets a round of applause, complete with a standing ovation.
To O'Sports Hack, that is the essence of a real dog, and would garner a Blue Ribbon and Best In Show for demonstrating what a REAL dog is, as opposed to a pampered Fifi type phony.
YOU MAKE THE CALL | DECEMBER 09, 2012
INSPIRATION | NOVEMBER 18, 2012
The annual USC/UCLA rivalry in Southern California took place at the Rose Bowl yesterday.
The UCLA Bruins took the USC trojans to school in a 38-28 victory.
The pre-game festivities usually involve students raiding rival campuses and stealing mascots, defacing statues and trophies. This year, the students on the UCLA campus rose the bar by getting very creative in expressing their loyalty to their college and team.
Perhaps the image below inspired the Bruins to take the Trojans to the woodshed.
FUN STUFF FROM PIGSTER GM | NOVEMBER 09, 2012
The birth rate in the United States has hit an all-time low. But to be fair, the NBA season has just started. It's going to take a while for these guys to get out on the road and go to different towns. Just be patient.
The New York Marathon is now not happening on Sunday. Mayor Bloomberg canceled it. I think that was the right thing to do. In fact, I don't even know why they bother running the marathon. We know what's going to happen. Why not just find a random Kenyan, put a gold medal around his neck, and save everyone the trouble?
Mayor Bloomberg has canceled this year's New York City Marathon. It's just as well as it was going to be extra tough on the runners since Bloomberg was going to require them to carry three other runners just to get into the city.
FIRED UP | OCTOBER 26, 2012
Hey, sportsfans! O'Sports Hack found himself with too much time and lighter fluid on his hands, and wanted to express his true feelings toward the Lice and Kardashian infected L.A. Lakers after a friend made the mistake of leaving me a Lakers cap.
Well, had to make good use of bad rubbish, right?
The following pictoral display is dedicated to any/all Laker non-believers and especially to the Brain Dead Laker Nation Zombies and the Kardashians.
Is this a slam dunk hit piece? You bet, and in the words of the late Chick Hearn, "This one's in the fridge."
To further twist the knife, O'Sports Hack recommends you follow the the steps below if you are so inclined:
Step One: Place hat in safe place.
Step Two: Sprinkle hat with regular lighter fluid and light match, once ignited, kick back and enjoy, as seen below.
Step Three: Send to any or all Laker Fans and wait for riot.
GRENADE FISHING | OCTOBER 23, 2012
And now a bit of levity to start your day.
Should be self-explanatory for all but the blind.
But if you're gonna do this, it's best to have an IQ higher than your shoe size!
Do not fish with a hand grenade!
ESPECIALLY IN A RUBBER BOAT!
After viewing the clip, one just has to ask, where do these people get neat stuff like hand grenades and sticks of dynamite?
Obviously, human stupidity has no limits as you witness what these two defects do just to catch a fish.
Enjoy the clip.
>>> Grenade Fishing >>>
INSPIRATION | OCTOBER 17, 2012
Normally, O'Sports Hack would use this page to comment on such things as how the Detroit Tigers have made the New York Yucky Yankees their bitch's in the American League Championship Series with their superb pitching.
But I won't.
Or, I could mention something about why Lance Armstrong has stepped down from his position with the Livestrong Foundation AND stripped of all of his Tour De France titles due to CHEATING and DOPING allegations.
But I won't.
Oops. I already let the cat out of the bag, huh?
Instead, we'll enter the world of 8th grader Jack McGraw. Jack, born with cerebral palsey, religiously rooted for his Haines Middle School football team from the stands.
Jack had a dream of scoring a touchdown for his team. Someone got wind of this and discussed it with the team and they all agreed to give young Jack a shot at glory.
In the next game, it was also discussed with the opposing team, officials and coaches to allow wheelchair bound Jack to carry the ball into the end zone.
Watch the link below and you'll know why O'Sports Hack has to go. Got something in my eye.
>>> Jack McGraw >>>
ALEX KARRAS | OCTOBER 11, 2012
Former All-Pro NFL defensman Alex Karras has passed on at the age of 77.
Karras was known throughout the league as The Mad Duck for his fierce and relentless style of play while with the Detroit Lions.
After his retirement from the NFL, Karras went into a career in television, commentator for Monday Night Football, wrestling and movies, most notably playing a character named Mongo (pictured) in the comedy classic, Blazing Saddles.
In a long, productive, illustrious life, Karras, while playing the Mongo character, left us with this memorable quote:
"In game of life, Mongo just pawn."
R.I.P. Mr. Karras.
ONE AT BAT | OCTOBER 04, 2012
Adam Greenberg isn't exactly a household name in the Major League Baseball community, but did make headlines recently in only his second at bat.
In 2005, in his very first Major League at bat, Greenberg stepped into the batters box and on the very first pitch he faced, was hit in the head with a 95 mph fastball. The impact of the pitch was so powerful, it sent Greenberg to the ground and out of baseball for seven years with severe head trauma.
Fast forward to October 2, 2012. Greenberg, during recovery from the vertigo that one pitch caused, was determined to make a comeback.
His story was picked up and a huge movement was underway called "One At Bat."
The Topps baseball card company printed up a card of Greenberg just for the occasion.
His talents were shopped around and eventually was signed to a one day contract with the Miami Marlins.
"I'm ready," said Greenberg, whose salary will be donated to help the study, treatment and prevention of the effects of brain trauma in athletes.
“I’m extremely proud to extend this opportunity to Adam," Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria said. "He has earned this chance as his love and passion for the game never diminished, despite his career tragically being cut short. I look forward to seeing Adam step up to the plate and realizing his comeback dream next Tuesday night.”
He was sent in late in the game to a standing ovation. In his second at bat of his career he struck out as a pinch hitter.
The ovation continued and Greenberg expressed his gratitude to the fans the Marlins and the league for a second chance, if only for one day.
Talk about balls.
FUMBLE! | SEPTEMBER 28, 2012
The NFL has finally gotten over the referee debacle by coming to terms with the referee's union.
For those that have been living in a cave, O'Sports Hack will get you up to speed.
NFL referees went on a temporary strike, forcing the NFL to hire replacement referees. The refs that were hired were so crappy that they were fired from Hambo's favorite league, the Lingerie Football League.
The results of that stupid ass move ended in continuous blown calls by the replacements that affected the outcomes of several games.
Who got screwed by the replacement refs?
The Dallas Cowboys
The New England Patriots
And of course, the Green Bay Packers with the most famous blown call of all time.
Oh, wait! Did I forget to mention who really got bent over with no K-Y jelly, Vaseline or even a reach around? Silly me.
It was the fans who were justifiably pissed.
But, sports fans. Good news. The NFL came to terms with the referees union and drop kicked the replacement refs out. In their first game after the agreement with the NFL, at a game between the Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens, the real refs were greeted with a standing ovation.
Gotta go and conclude this Sports report due to all the penalty flags I see, thrown by football fans, aimed at Roger Goddell, the NFL commissioner who really fumbled things up.
*Publishers Note: The Three Stooges are depicted because they would have made better refs than the replacements. Note to Moe, Larry and Curley. No disrespect intended, Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.
FORE! | SEPTEMBER 24, 2012
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?| SEPTEMBER 16, 2012
SOX IT TO ME, BABY! | AUGUST 26, 2012
Dodger Blue Bloods: It's a great day for Los Angeles Dodger fans, and maybe a real crappy day for the Boston Red Sox.
The Los Angeles Dodgers pulled off an amazing nine player trade with the Boston Red Sox with the acquisition of first baseman Adrian Gonzalez, pitcher Josh Beckett, outfielder Carl Crawford and utility player Nick Punto.
The Dodgers also inherited $260,000,000 in players' salaries.
Yep. That's millions. As in a quarter billion. Worth it? We'll see. But the fact that the Dodger front office is willing to stick their necks and wallets out seems to have rubbed off in a positive, enthusiastic way with the Dodger Faithful.
Co-owner of the Dodgers, Magic Johnson was quoted as saying, "We want to win now."
If anyone knows about winning, it's Magic Johnson who seems to be on a mission to see the Dodgers succeed and return to their glory days.
What did the Red Sox get? James Loney and four prospects in return. On the Red Sox side, it seems as if they are in a rebuild mode, but you can count on O'Sports Hack to keep you posted on the Red Sox Nation and their activites.
Now, no sooner did brand new Dodger Adrian Gonzalez get off his chartered jet to L.A., in his first at bat, launched a three run home run in his debut, putting the Dodger fans in a frenzy.
As an observation, I was wondering. Is Magic Johnson trying to one-up his former basketball team, the Lakers by orchestrating this blockbuster trade?
More Dodger Blue: On an even brighter note, legendary, first class broadcaster, Vin Scully announced he will return for his 64th season as the voice of the Dodgers.
Vin Scully, for those that haven't had the privlege of hearing him broadcast a Dodger game on the radio, has the ability to describe an otherwise boring snoozefest of a game into an entertaining affair with his recollections and adages.
One time in particular, Memorial Day, 1997, I was listening to the game on the radio, and Vin Scully remarked about our armed forces and what Memorial Day means.
He said, in effect, "When I was young and World War Two broke out, guys my age RAN to their local draft board. Nowadays, the younger generation runs from it."
Wait 'til next year Vin. I'll tune in.
NBC OLYMPIC MELTDOWN, JOHNNY PESKY | AUGUST 14, 2012
Item #1: NBC = No Brains Corporation
Let's all be thankful that the 2012 Olym-Pathetics
are over and done with. Not to discount all the hard working, dedicated athletes, especially American, that
grabbed some Olympic Gold, Silver or Bronze.
For your acheivements, either individually, or as a team, we salute you.
The following rant not directly a sports piece, but is related to a sporting event.
The Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics were almost, if not more depressing as the train wreck known as the Opening ceremonies, until, NBC and to a lesser degree, the Brits really dropped the torch.
What happened was that some high-profile acts were scheduled to close out the ceremonies, including Ray Davies of the Kinks and the legendary The Who.
Oh sure, everything was going smoothly, if you like to see the Spice Girls live. Yay, whoopee OMG and pass the bubblegum, but when it came to the big boys of rock being broadcast worldwide, NBC bumped The Who's performance in favor of a free preview of a future flop of a show called 'Animal Practice.'
Needless to say, Who fans world wide were a bit more than pissed and flooded NBC's phone lines and website with a loud, hearty and collective, WTF!!!
How often does anyone get to seeThe Who live, either in person or in a broadcast venue?
O'Sports Hack proposes random, mandatory juice testing for performance UNhancing drugs for that load of shit.
Here's a clip of The Who, AFTER the airing of Animal Practice:
>>> The Who >>>
Item #2: Johnny Pesky
Baseball and particularly Boston Red Sox fans lost the beloved Johnny Pesky today.
Pesky began his decades old stint with the Red Sox as a shortstop, later becoming coach, broadcaster, instructor, manager and most importantly, a fan and player favorite.
Pesky, with his teamate Ted Williams had his baseball career interrupted by World War II.
A left-handed batter known for pulling the ball down the right field line, the Red Sox dubbed the right field foul pole, 'Pesky's Pole.'
While the Red Sox have long had a loose policy that only players who are in baseball's Hall of Fame can have their number retired on the façade of Fenway's right-field wall, it is fitting that Pesky is the one player for whom they made an exception. His No. 6 was retired in a ceremony in 2008.
Pesky, wherever he went, was considered a true ambassador of baseball and still regarded as the Patron Saint of the Boston Red Sox.
WHACKED OUT SPORTS PICTORAL | AUGUST 07, 2012
PROGRESSIVE OLYMPICS | AUGUST 06, 2012
Borrowed From IMAO
Posted by Harvey
High Praise! To:
>>>The People's Cube >>>
Here's The People's Cube
Here are suggestions for new, modernized Olympic events:
• The High Tax Jump
• Non-Fencing Along The Southern Border
• Synchronized Astroturfing
• Long Jump Followed By The Guilt Trip
• "Critical Mass" Cycling In Traffic
• Underwater Mortgage Payments
• Unemployment Line Standing
• Filling Out Applications For Gov't Aid
• Demanding Healthcare Reform Now!
• Police Car Pooping
Among Obama-inspired events:
• Teleprompter Dancing
• Extreme Fingerpointing
• Apology Tourism
• Synchronized Fainting
On Your Marx, Comrades!
OLYMPIC SCANDAL, GOLD MEDAL GLUTTONY | AUGUST 02, 2012
Item #1:Women's Badminton Gone Bad:
In the cut throat and hyper-competitive world of female Badminton, several of the Asian teams
found themselves disqualified for - GASP! - throwing matches in order to advance with the hopes of playing
more favorable teams in the advanced rounds.
The players were booed and jeered for their flagrant sub-par play, even told to get out by the spectators.
The following players from the Women's Doubles teams have found themselves packing their bags and heading home to disgrace. Maybe even a firing squad.
From China: Wang Xiaoli and Yang Yu
From Indonesia: Greysia Polii and Meiliana Juahari
From South Korea: Jung Kyung Eun and Kim Ha Na
From South Korea: Ha Jung Eun and Kim Min Jung
Needless to say, they have given themselves and their respective countries a black eye, not to mention open a can of worms known as the scandelous world of Women's Badminton.
I suppose when they return home, they won't just kick their dogs, they'll be eating them, too.
Pass the rice, hot sauce and chopsticks, Hop Sing.
* O'Sports Hack posted this for the two or three people that might actually care about Badminton. My aplogies to the rest of you.
Item #1:Gold Medal Gluttony:
I'm no big fan of the Olympics, but I swear, I didn't make this up.
A story aired within the past few hours revealing that American Olympian Medal winners are subject to a tax for every medal they win.
That's right. Those slimy, sticky fingered punks and pirates on Capitol Hill that get paid to take your money have stooped to an all-time low by confiscating the spoils of Olympic athletes that achieve medal status in their quest for the Gold.
With all the sweat and long hours of training that these medal winning Olympians put into winning a medal for their country, they get to return to a government that has a "You didn't earn that" attitude.
The fact is, they did earn that/those medals, and through no help or sponsorship from the government or the rat bastards that run it.
Our athletes are funded through private donations and corporate sponsorship, and now the government wants to tarnish the once in a lifetime thrill the athletes experience by taking a bite out of the thrill of victory.
Upon his return home, record setting medalist Michael Phelps will be asked the usual News Nit-Wit question.
"So Michael, where are you and your medals going?"
"After the IRS gets done taking my money, chewing me up and spitting me out, Im going to Disneyland to look for a job taking tickets. Where else do you think I'm going?"
i can see it now. The president, his pirates and the IRS thugs welcome the medal winning athletes home to America and then sweep them off to a destination unkown for an immediate audit, complete with a smoke filled room, a bright light, a pail of water with jumper cables and an interrogation stool.
Well, in that spirit, O'Sports Hack has come up with an extra special, very appropriate award for the Blow Dried, Beltway Blowhards that seem to go out of their way, SHAMELESSLY, to step in IT.
Enjoy your Golden Turd Award, you Gluttonous, Greedy Greaseballs.
NCAA DROPS HAMMER ON PENN STATE | JULY 24, 2012
NCAA Issues Sanctions Against Penn State:One day after the removal of the late coach Joe Paterno's statue from campus, along comes the NCAA with some crippling sanctions against Penn State's football program.
This whole nightmare began as far back as the 1990's when assistant coach Jerry Sandusky was accused of sexually molesting an underage player in Sandusky's Second Mile Foundation.
As the years passed, more and more accusations were made, apparently to the knowledge of Penn State officials and coach Joe Paterno who denied the accusations and covered it up.
Fast forward to present. Paterno has passed away, so he can't defend himself but has been stripped of his former 'legacy.'
Sandusky was convicted of 45 counts of sexual abuse and handed a 60 year sentence. That's not really punishment for Sandusky. After all, he still gets to play 'Drop the soap' in the prison showers.
Here's a little time line of the events over the past few days:
July 22, 2012 Joe Paterno's statue is removed from campus to the shock and dismay of Paterno loyalists. If Paterno was found to be 100% guilty of obstructing an investigation and participating in a cover up, that staue ought to go straight to scrap metal.
July 23, 2012, the NCAA bitch slapped the Penn State football program with the following sanctions intended to have long lasting effects:
• A $60 million fine, with the money going to an endowment to benefit the welfare of children.
• A four-year ban on postseason play, including the Big Ten championship game, bowls or the playoffs coming in 2014.
• A reduction in the maximum allowance of scholarships offered to incoming players from 25 to 15 a year for the next four years.
• Any entering or returning player is free to transfer without restriction (such as sitting out one season). Others can maintain their scholarship at Penn State and choose not to play.
• The vacating of all victories from 1998-2011, which strips Paterno of his title as the winningest coach in college football history (now Grambling's Eddie Robinson) and Division I-A (now Bobby Bowden). Paterno, for the record, loses 111 wins and now ranks 12th with 298.
Them's some hard hitting sanctions, alright. Just wait until the civil suits start blitzing Penn State.
What makes this an odd story to post on PIG, is that later that day (July 23, 2012), O'Sports Hack was watching Pawn Stars on the History Channel.
Some dude proudly pimp rolls in with a 1969 Orange Bowl Championship ring won by Penn State.
The guys behind the counter were ooh-ing and aah-ing over the ring and going on and on about what great teams Penn State has had under Joe Paterno, (which they did) about how great he was, how he defined Penn State beyond the football program, etc., etc.
That particular episode was no doubt taped before all of Penn State's dirty laundry became public and the guys on Pawn Stars will probably want to bury or burn that episode.
Now, for some lighter material regarding the Penn State scandal:
• "I sent my kid to Penn State to become a Tight End, but when he came back he was a Wide Receiver."
• Did you hear that McDonalds is introducing the McSandusky Burger?
It is a piece of old meat between fresh buns.
• Penn State: Giving the Big Ten a whole new meaning!
On a serious note, the former, present, near future players, students and alumni alike are the ones who will be taking the heat because of the actions of a few A-Wipes that abused their power and the trust of those under them.
In the end (pun intended), the NCAA took the Penn State football program over their knee and gave them a much deserved spanking and made Penn State THEIR bitch.
HURDLING HOTTIE, PETE ROSE | JULY 20, 2012
Item #1: Hip Swinging Hurdling Hottie: Move over, Bruce Jenner Kardashian, you've been unseated.
Australian Junior Hurdler Michelle Jenneke just made Track And Field a sport to watch.
Miss Jenneke has a unique warm up routine prior to her hurdling event. Apparently, to get in focus and relax, she does a cute, seductive dance which includes much booty shaking and jumping up and down.
Not only is she hot, but she is good at what she does, also. So, her and her warm up act are not just a novelty, she's the real deal.
She will not be competing in this years London Olympics, but watch for her in Rio in 2016.
Guys, I think she may be single, too, so if you're lucky, she'll invite you on a trip Down Under.
After watching the clip, wipe the drool off of your chins and then you'll know why she has been rightfully dubbed, 'The Hottest Hurdler Ever'
>>> Hurdling Hottie >>>
Item #2: For Pete's Sake: Baseball's All-Time leader in hits, and misses in gambling, has stooped to an all-time low. A 'Reality (Freak) Show' titled Pete Rose and Kiana Kim Family Project.
Banned from Baseball's Hall Of Fame for gambling, Rose will now enter the Hall Of Shame as TLC announced production of 5 episodes of Rose and his well endowed (can we say fake rack) fiancee model Kiana Kim as they plan their wedding, watch as Kiana goes through breast reduction surgery, blah, blah, blah.
Really, Pete? Who the f**k put you up to this circus?
Was it your way younger fiancee looking to piggy back off of your fame to use as a stepping stone for her own selfish motives?
Was it your bookies breathing down your neck in order to collect on yor gambling debts?
Was it your desire for one last moment in the limelight before you hit the showers for the last time?
Didn't your own adult children try and talk you off the ledge and warn you about getting involved with a hottie almost 40 years younger than you?
Talk about going head first into home and missing.
Say it ain't so, Pete.
I'll bet this one doesn't get beyond first base.
Seriously, we wish you lots of luck and happiness, Pete
UNIFORM OUTRAGE | JULY 15, 2012
Item #1: Olympic Sized Outrage
With the upcoming snooze fest known as the Olympics
coming up, there seems to be a big stink about the athletes
The outfits were found to have Made In China tags attached to them, along with their designers Ralph Loren logo.
Well, that got the attention of Congress, who with nothing better to do, said they will introduce the "Team USA Made In America Act of 2012" next week.
O'Sports Hack can understand how most Americans are plenty pissed over that, and rightfully so.
There is a follow up to this story. When asked if the unifroms can be changed to Made In America, Ralph Loren arroganly said "Yes, in 2014."
That kind of comment makes me want to pick up a javelin and throw it at a certain outsourcer.
O'Sports Hack does have a quick fix uniform solution that can probably be done just before the games begin.
First, ditch those berets and all American athletes wear a Stetson.
Second, all athletes get a red, white and blue Larry The Cable guy style sleeveless shirt.
Third, issue blue jeans and shit kicker cowboy boots. Female athletes will wear Daisy Duke style cutoff jeans.
That suggestion could just Git 'Er Done and make a fashion statement at the same time.
Right, Ralph Loren?
Item #2: Holy Thunder Clap!
In a recent game between the Minnesota Twins and Texas Rangers in Arlington, Texas, play was interrupted by a massive lightning strike.
Players from both sides, and all umpires immediately dropped what they were doing and hauled ass to their dugouts.
Scared out of their jock straps, one player said "I thought Jesus was coming!"
Another was seen on his knees.
O'Sports Hack was wondering, where did the fans take shelter as quickly as the players?
For the full report and link, click here:
>>> Thunder Clap >>>
PISTOL PETE MAROVICH | JULY 05, 2012
For those of you that think NBA greats Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Julius Irving, Kobe Bryant or Larry Bird revolutionized the game, you are sadly misinformed.
Once upon a time, a one of a kind, long haired dude named Pistol Pete Maravich rode into NBA Town and did things his way.
For one, he was called Pistol Pete because of his unique style of shooting the ball from his hip. He also was more famous for his behind the back lightning speed bounce passes to his teamates.
His other trademark move was to get the ball down the court, fake a move and bounce the ball between his legs, backwards into a teamates hands so they could score.
His career began at LSU, then played professionally with the Jazz, Hawks and Celtics and considered the best ball handler ever. Also, while at LSU in all of his collegiate career, he averaged over 40 points per game.
Sadly, he passed in 1988 at age 40 from an abnormal heart condition, but a few other great things ought to be said about him.
1) He didn't wear any flashy bling. Didn't need to. His game spoke volumes on the court.
2) He also didn't get involved with ANY Kardashian or Reality Show.
So, all of you wannabe NBAers, take note of the following clips from the Pistol Pete Clinic:
>>> Clinic #1 >>>
>>> Clinic #2 >>>
On an unrelated NBA note, the Lice Infestested Lakers made a trade with the Phoenix Suns for two-time MVP, Steve Nash. The deal involves the Lakers giving up 4 draft picks and shelling out 27 million dollars.
That's the business end of it.
Now, with Steve Nash joining the Lakers, O'Sports Hack has some burning questions:
!) Will his presence upgrade the Lakers image?
2) Will he joining the Lakers downgrade his career and status?
3) Is there a Kardashian lurking in a dark corner waiting to get her claws in him, too, and lure him into one of their reality shows?
Hey, O'Sports Hack has to ask the hard questions.
SANDUSKY TO GET SANDUSKY TREATMENT | JUNE 27, 2012
The jury involved in Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky's sexual abuse case found him guilty of 45 of 48 counts of sexual abuse involving minors.
Well, he's not going to be very popular when he hits the Big House to begin serving his sentence as convicted child molesters are the lowest of the low in prison.
Memo to Sandusky: You're going to get what you deserve, and don't expect a reach around from your new 'friends.'
LEE TREVINO | JUNE 15, 2012
Lee Trevino - a true story - you gotta love him...
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?"
Lee responded, "Yes M'aam, I do".
The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?"
Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her".
The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
TRIPPING | JUNE 13, 2012
According to Rolling Stone magazine's online posting, the late Pittsburgh Pirate, Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter against
the San Diego Padres while on LSD.
The event took place in 1970. Ellis walked eight and struck out six, and admitted to having vague recollections of the game, and that every batter looked like a shadow or Jimi Hendrix waving an electric guitar and the home plate umpire looked like Richard Nixon.
He took the acid prior to the game, forgetting that he was scheduled to be the starting pitcher for the game. He had his catcher wear reflective tape on his fingers so he can see the catchers signals better.
Oh well, whatever gets you through the game. Maybe LSD was the original performance enhancing drug.
In case you don't know what else Dock Ellis was famous for, he once purposely beaned Reggie Jackson in the face, and in a game with Cincinnati, he was on a quest to hit every batter. He succeeded in beaning three Reds players and almost got five.
Later in his career, he was traded to the Texas Rangers and did not like his new managers style and was quoted as saying, ..."he may be Hitler, but he ain't making no lampshade out of me."
O'Sports Hack remembers Dock Ellis and the PIGDOME liked his style.
Reminds me of other baseball oddballs, Bill "The Spaceman" Lee, Mark "The Bird" Fidrych, Sal "The Barber" Maglie, famous for chin music, and Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hrabosky.
They made baseball fun, and were truely in a league of their own.
THE L.A. KINGS ARE KINGS | JUNE 12, 2012
PIG Props and congratulations go out to the Los Angeles Kings for handily disposing of the New Jersey Devils to scoop up the coveted Stanley Cup.
This game was almost over before it began. In the first period alone, the Kings scored their first three of their six points within five minutes on power plays.
The Kings didn't stop. They basically forced the Devils to bend over and take a painful pucking.
The Kings went on to win the game and the cup by a score of 6-1, in front of a rabid home crowd and hoist Lord Stanley's Cup in victory.
Considering that the Kings were the 8th seed in playoff tournament and disregarded and dismissed by everyone to come out of nowhere, the Kings bulldozed any and all opponents and achieve the impossible and improbable.
Kings goalie, Jonathan Quick was awarded Most Valuable Player award for his stellar performance throughout the series.
Why is this PIG worthy? I knew someone was going to ask, so I'll tell you why.
See, the L.A. Kings fans assembled very peacefully with a minimal amount of minor arrests outside of the Staples Center, and when the LAPD told them to disperse, they did so, very quietly.
Another L.A. team's fans in contrast, let's say, oh, the Lice Infected Laker fans tend to tip cars, burn and loot local merchants businesses whether they win or lose.
Had to get that dig into felonious Laker fans.
That said, O'Sports Hack also congratulates the L.A. King fans who celebrated peacefully and didn't act like the morons L.A. Laker fans tend to be by NOT honking horns or waving banners.
HA! HA! | JUNE 11, 2012
It seems as if the Boston Celtics broke some more of their fans hearts as they did a header against the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals.
LeBron James of the Miami Heat took matters into his own hands and opened his own can of whoop ass against O'Sports Hacks beloved Boston Celtics.
Memo to Celtics: You dropped the ball letting one dude whip your ass.
Boston, you dropped the ball, and Miami deserves to advance and get the props and credit they earned.
Nighty night, Boston.
But hey, Boston fans, you always have that putrid Charles river to dunk your heads into should you still be steaming.
MAD AS HELL? YOU BET! | JUNE 05, 2012
O'Sports Hack wanted to settle in to watch the game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals between the Los Angeles Kings and New Jersey Devils, in Los Angeles.
I checked my local fishwrap, and they published the time and local channel to tune into.
I did so, only to be informed at face off time, that Entertainment Tonight was pre-empting the game on the airwaves. I guess the updates on the M-F***ing Kardashian skank news take priority over people that actually take to the ice and do things, according to Entertainment Tonight.
I called my satellite provider, and they informed me that NBC sold the broadcast rights to the local providers, and if I wanted to view the game, it would be pay-per-view.
Pay-Per-View and blackouts?!? For a local team in a championship series for all the marbles?
As far as I'm concerned, the networks, working in collusion with cable and satellite extortionists can sit in the penalty box.
I have one question to News-Nitwits in the Los Angeles area. Why is it that anything Kobe Bryant does gets national attention, but when a real sport like hockey is involved, that gets pushed aside.
Mad. God Damn right!
IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY SOCCER | JUNE 03, 2012
Once upon a time, in a not so wonderful place called the Nazi occupied Ukraine, there lived a soccer team that dared to defy Hitler and his Third Reich.
The team was composed of rag-tag players from Kiev who all worked in a bakery and wanted to one-up Der Fuher and his Gestapo goons on the field of sport in the name of national pride.
What happened goes as such: The team called themselves the FC Start.They bulldozed every team in their path. When the first match between the Germans and Ukraines ended in a Ukrainian victory, the Nazi's demanded a rematch.
A rematch was scheduled and before the game, the Ukrainians, while in their locker room were visited by an SS officer, who told the Ukraines it would be in their best interest to lose the game and give a German Heil Hitler style salute during the pre-game ceremonies.
In unity, the FC Fast DID NOT salute Hitler. Also, the fans in attendence were ordered not to cheer for their team, in the Ukraine, as the Gestapo were there to micro- manage the fans' reactions in their own cowardly fashion.
Well, the outcome was that the FC Start beat the Nazi's 5-3. An inspirational victory for the team and nation, no doubt.
But, and this is where it gets brutal, Hitler, being Hitler, had each and every Ukraine player rounded up and tossed into a concentration camp.
There, the players were denied food, and into forced labor. One day, they were all lined up and several players were executed at random. Not very sportsman like.
Talk about the ultimate Death Match. These players, who knew what was at stake that were executed took the ultimate one for their country with their defiance and are regarded as national heroes, as seen in the form of a monument, pictured above.
To see more about the ultimate sacrifice and patriotism on behalf of the players' country, click here:
>>> Defiance >>>