Emma A. complained:
You sound like petulant children pointing the finger. Grow up.

Hambo replied:

"Grow Up"?

We’re working on it as hard as we can, but it’s not easy while we’re sitting in the corner of our basement abode, where mommy exiled us.

"Petulant"?

We only get childishly sulky and bad-tempered when mommy shows up LATE with our brewskie and pizza rations.

"Finger-Pointing"?

Do you know how hard it is to point and give the one finger salute at the same time?

MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s calling us names.

A New PIGster, J.P., Takes Us To Task:
First off, the republican party is the one attacking most of your rights with bills such as the Patriot Act, as well as illegal wiretapping. The democrats want the government to take its hands off you in terms of that stuff.

Secondly, in dense urban environments guns are a bad idea. While they do offer protection, their efficiency in killing makes them a liability to those nearby. I, for one, would much rather not put my life in my neighbors' hands. I would argue that the right to moderate security comes before that of being able to kill trespassers/burglars. In rural areas, guns are clearly not such a worry. When people live miles apart you don't really have to worry much about stray bullets/psycho neighbors.

Thirdly, the reason for affirmative action and other "racist" policies is that not all children are born on an equal playing field. Minorities are often born into poverty (at least a lot more than caucasians), and the federal government uses a small amount of your money to help fix this problem, and give young minorities the same chances they would get as if they had been born into a more financially secure family.

Finally, a laissez-faire economy is idiotic. A communist economy is equally idiotic, and even less fair. The reason for government interference in the economy (taxes, etc) is that 1) the government needs money to maintain infrastructure and 2) in an economy like ours, the rich have a higher tendency to become richer while the poor have a very hard time becoming less poor. This means that rather than auto-correcting/remaining moderate, class differences perpetually widen. Government institutions such as welfare and taxes are attempts to correct this, to build a stronger middle class, rather than having a few obscenely wealthy people while the rest are dirt poor. The government needs to find a balance between stopping the self-perpetuating class differences and still allowing people economic freedom.

Those being said, your articles on thought-rape, while most likely exaggerating, are brilliant. I have heard of how drunk sex is considered rape and am appalled by the fact that when a woman allows her judgment to be impaired by alcohol or other voluntary drugs, she is immediately made immune to any poor decisions they make. I can understand the judgment question when a drink is spiked, but when a girl voluntarily consumes substances that impair her judgment, makes a (bad?) decision and regrets it afterward she should not be able to throw her acquaintance behind bars, and stamp him as a rapist! I don't think many democrats actually agree with that crap.

That's another myth propagated by ultraconservatives—that all democrats are communist, PC, man-hating, sexually-frustrated old crones. Most of us believe in fairness with a touch of compassion, and above all free speech (death to the F.C.C.). I hope I might have at least slightly influenced your viewpoints (probably not). Keep on fighting the womyn!

Hambo's Long-Winded Response:

Item 1: The nature of inalienable individual liberty.
In its purist form, liberty only guarantees an equality of opportunity. It does not, should not, and cannot guarantee an equality of results. When we say 'all men are created equal'...when we refer to the 'level playing field', that's what we mean. Each individual starts off with the same set of rights and the same opportunity to grab that piece of the American dream. It does not mean that each of us is born with the same skills. The last item in our PIG Doctrine says it best: Life is inherently unfair; that's why condoms come in different sizes.

Item 2: The two political clans.
The Elephant Clan is, was?, populated by a critical mass of smugly sanctimonious individuals who believe they are more righteous than the average bear. Armed with that conviction, for the good of society as a whole, they infringe liberty to save you from your own, sinful, impulses. Elephant Clan bottom line: you are too sinful to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life.

The Donkey Clan is populated by a critical mass of highbrow asshats who believe they are smarter than the average bear. Armed with that conviction, for the good of society as a whole, they infringe liberty to save you from your own stupidity. Donkey Clan bottom line: you are too stupid to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life.

As far as I"m concerned, both wings of this GOVERNMENT PARTY can bite me.

Item 3: The right to keep and bear arms.
The dirty little secret about the Second Amendment is that sometimes having a gun...showing the gun...is enough to make the desperado asshat seek a 'softer' target.. Are there some individuals I don't want anywhere near a firearm? You bet. Do I think I have the right - directly, or through the coercive power of the Nanny State - to dictate gun ownership? Nope. Liberty is very messy that way.

[Many of these 'he, she, heshe, or it has no business owning a gun' issues would sort themselves out, if we could persuade the Nanny State to take down the safety net that interferes with human gene pool improvement, A.K.A. Darwinian de-selection.]

Item 4: Affirmative Action
This is closely related to the things I wrote in item 1. Affirmative Action seeks an equality of results. It rigs the game - school admissions, hiring,, etc - to achieve a predetermined result. The preferred yardstick for these predetermined results is U.S. Census Data. Affirmative Action presumes that certain skills, abilities, are distributed equally, in each individual. Therefore, if college admissions don't match, with 15-digit precision, existing census data, it must be one of those damn 'isms': racism, sexism, classism.

Item 5: Capitalism
I recommend that you read Ayn Rand's "Capitalism, The Unknown Ideal" Other items that should go on your reading list are The Constitution of the United States and The Federalist Papers. Given the rousing success of Uncle Sam's economic tinkering in core marketplace segments like agriculture and energy, I feel confident in stating that the heretofore untested laissez-faire system has to be an improvement.

Item 6: Labels
Are all Democrats commie scumbags? Nope, but the far left wing of the party espouses a mantra that sounds suspiciously close to 'From each according to his ability. To each according to his need.' Many of Barry O'Bama's statements on the campaign trail demonstrate his support for this Marxist Axiom.

I have a certain unresolved 'issues' with labels. They tend to get in the way of a free, open, and enlightening exchange of ideas. The instant you label yourself - or allow someone else to label you - it's a conversation stopper. It gives the other person an out: "OH, you're one of THOSE."

Admittedly, I have considerable success in resisting the impulse to label myself. I am much less successful when it comes to the utterly human proclivity for labeling others.

Since I write most of the things that appear on PIG, I will close by telling you what I am NOT:

I am not a Republican
I am not a Democrat
I am not a liberal.
I am not a conservative.
I am not an altruist in any way, shape or form.

I am a sovereign individual.

PIGster Mark S.:
I want to take the time to thank you guys for putting a smile on my face every day. There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't stop by your neck of the internet just to laugh at your Pic of the Day or enjoy the Today in History (keep bashing Kennedy, he's earned it). Pig Prattle always seems to make me laugh, pissed, confused, enlightened etc... and when I finally get myself out of bed on a Saturday morning Girlie Man of the Week and Golden Oinks work great for getting me going in the morning.

I am tired of whiny little bastards/bitches that have had everything handed to them their entire life and proudly display their "certificate of participation" awards for every one to see. Give me an f'in break. You only succeed when you work your ass off. The real world is going to chew you up and spit you onto the curb in a heartbeat and not even look back at your wretched ass laying on the street. I work with idiots like this every day and see them get torn to shreds by the real world constantly. Who comes to the rescue, peons like me.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, keep up the great work.

Get a new Mac, it really is worth it.

Keep up the good fight,

Mark

Porcus Replied:
No apologies necessary, Mark, as PIG was designed in part for folks like you that pay attention and "get it."

Normally, we post gripes, complaints and hate mail in this section to illustrate that there really are brain-dead, myopic, follow-the-herd type korrectniks out there, somewhere in our midst. With your letter, I thought once in a while we ought to post some positive feedback from regulars like yourself.

I have a question. Are you one of those types that steals your bosses time by sneaking peeks at PIG while on the clock, then walks over to the water cooler with a smart-ass grin on your face, wanting to share what you just read or saw in The Free State Of PIG, but were afraid of the consequences?

Thought so. By all means, keep it up until you get caught. At that point, the party's over and you can come clean and come out of the closet to your boss and co-workers as a chronic PIGster. Don't sweat it, the unemployment line isn't all bad, unless of course your boss is a closet PIG, too.

As far as my Piece 'O Shit Mac goes, it's me and my Mac until the hubcaps fall off, baby. Me and my Mac have been through thick and thin and even built this site together, and I just don't have the heart to put it out to stud just yet.

Mark, I promise, that smile on your face will never go away as long as you keep tuning in to PIG.

PIGster Judy D. Complained:
I haven't read much on PIG about Ron Paul and his campaign for president. I don't find this very surprising since no one seems to want to cover his campaign, even though he has raised more money than any other Republican candidate, and those funds were contributed by individuals. At first thought, I agreed with most of his views with the exception of his view on the IRAQ war. That was until I found out that active duty servicemen (from all branches) contributed more to his campaign than any republican OR democrat candidates COMBINED! This got me to look closer at his foreign policy views. What he says makes much more sense than anything else that I have read or heard coming from the other presidential candidates. Another thing that got my curiosity aroused was the LACK of any coverage of his campaign and his being ignored during debates. Please take a closer look as his views. He is a true constitutionalist in the order of our founding fathers. He is for very limited government AND a strong military AND securing our borders.

I humbly ask you to take a look and provide some information to others out there that is looking for an alternative for the socialists (democrats) and fascists (republicans) candidates.

Hambo Replied:
I won't put words in Porcus' mouth, so what follows is my - Hambo's - considered opinion.

I will start by admitting that, on balance, I find much more to like about Ron Paul than to dislike. From time to time, I have mentioned him, in passing, as the only member of the Capitol Hill Clown Posse who understands the limitations under which our national government operates. I have lauded him, numerous times, for being the only member of congress who dares to ask the essential question: "Which clause in the United States Constitution gives congress the power to do 'this'?". Based on these factors , I have concluded that Ron Paul's political philosophy contains many of the key elements of my own, a mindset I call sovereign individualism.

I have not examined his platform in any great detail, but I do have a basic understanding of what's in it, based on a speech I saw him give on C-Span, a month or two ago. I know what he'd do on the domestic front and I wholeheartedly agree with his 'take a meat ax to the Nanny State' approach to restoring a properly-constitutional government in the D.C. zip code of the Twilight Zone.

My primary concern with Congressman Paul's candidacy is his non-negotiable, 'hell no we won't go' approach to foreign entanglements. For the record, I agree with him, up to a point: Uncle Sam has, in way too many cases, stuck his nose, his red, white and blue finger, in pies (situations) where we damn sure don't belong. Some of our foreign entanglements need to be severed and the entity on the other end of that Made In The USA tether left to fend for itself.

On the other hand, I am not convinced that pulling out of the world, hunkering down inside our borders, and crossing our fingers will save us from the supernaturalism-motivated insanity of the Jihadikazes. They want to destroy us, and they aren't going to stop because we've barricaded ourselves inside our heavily fortified Fortress America. If we don't take this fight to THEM, they are ready, willing and eager to bring the fight to US. That, in my opinion, is a given. I would need considerable assurance that a President Ron Paul has the right stuff when it comes to defending our liberty from our sworn enemies. Bottom line: I am not sold on Ron Paul as Commander in Chief.

That, in essence, sums up my attitude about Ron Paul, Oval Office candidate.

Someone claiming to be Lucy Lucy (AKA Sarah e)  is pulling our chain:
I know most of the men around the world aren't as close minded as you are, but wow you take the cake. You are obviously so threatened by the position women hold, that you have to derive self esteem from bashing their accomplishments. I'm sure if you had your way you'd have hoards of women tied to your bed rails naked, and the only time you'd let them free is to have them cook you dinner. You're a disgusting excuse for a human being, who has no morals, and because men can get away with being a sexist more than they can a racist today, I'm sure you hate blacks, Jews, and anything that isn't white, male, and straight. You feel the need to make this website so you can feel like a "real" man should, powerful, in control, and intelligent, when you are the farthest thing from it. 
 
You're a little boy, who probably still giggles whenever you hear the word boob. I don't see why you hate women so much, do you hate your mother? I doubt that you have a girlfriend/wife, but if you do, do you hate her? If you treat women with respect, it will be reciprocated. And the bullshit you posted about the inventors is all wrong, Alexander Graham Bell didn't get married until after he invented the telephone, and the main reason he invented the phone was for the advancement of deaf individuals.  Get your facts straight before you spout off anymore little boy anecdotes. You're the reason why I support abortion, because your mother should have definitely aborted your dumb ass. Thanks, call me you podunk hillbilly!
 
Sarah e.

PIGish reply:
It's hard to take someone this deep in the Twilight Zone seriously.  At minimum he, she, heshe or it is schizo, because Lucy Lucy signed her catewauling as Sarah e.  Take your medication cupcake, and the voices will stop yammering at you.

PIGster Brian W. takes Hambo to the woodshed over Twerpy Tommy
Did I MISS something in Today's Tasty Tidbit (Wednesday 27 June 2007) on Twerpy Tommy?

I'm sure I'm not the only sovereign individual who will be calling you to task on your comments about Twerpy Tommy attempting to make a film in Der Faderland.

Yes, the German government can comment on who & how they like, and even ban them from this and that. But, WHY, in the first, second and last place, is it any of the German government's business WHAT particular flavor of religion (cross-cultism or otherwise) a person professes and practices? That is a private decision left to the individual, even if he, she, heshe or it displays it in public in alarming and/or bizarre ways. The government should step in ONLY if the religious flavor posed a danger to the public at large. And from their comments, I'm not sure they've proved that particular point. I'm sure if Twatney Spears wanted to make a film in Deutschland, the government wouldn't kick her out just because she had a public meltdown and had her head shaved bald (but I could be wrong).

My biggest disappointment was in your parting shot comments, essentially agreeing with the government. I would have thought that you would have told the Bundeswher to butt out, that it was none of their business about Tommy's Scientology cult. If the government thinks that Scientology is such a dangerous cult, maybe they should add a clause in any movie-making contract prohibiting any proslytizing (that means doing missionary work) while in country.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't continue to poke holes in Tommy's balloon, just because he is such a public jerk. But to side with the German government on this is just wrong, another step down the road of nanny-state-ism, where the government gets to tell you what religion to practice and how to think.

It's not as if we lived in the Middle Ages (well, maybe some would LIKE to go back to those days), and that any new ideas were only brought in by the infrequent strangers passing through. There IS such a thing as the Internet (invented by Al Bore ;P), where almost anyone can research almost anything. If anybody wanted to find out about Scientology, even in Germany, it's all there and easily accessable with a few clicks on the keyboard

Hambo Sez
I don't recall the full facts about Germany's head-butting with Scientology, but I know they've been at each other's throats for quite a while (perhaps as long as a decade).

As I understand it, the German Defense Ministry refused the film company access to MILITARY bases, one of which contains a key location where the plan to send Hitler to the hell he deserves was hatched. That, in my opinion is their call to make. The German government did NOT refuse the film company permission to film in other parts of Germany.

Call me names and beat me with a wet noodle, but I tend to give Kudos to anybody who gives that Couch-Jumping wingnut, Twerpy Tommy a bad time, no matter what their reasons might be.

I suspect that the real reason they didn't want Tommy filming on Germany's military property is because they don't trust him. Paranoid bastards that they are, they don't want to be a guilty party when Twerpy's film goes out of its way to cast the Fatherland in a bad light.

Did I cross the line in my enthusiasm for this Twerpy Tommy bashing by the Fatherland? Probably. Did I shelve my sovereign individualism for a few minutes to kick Twerpy Tommy in the butt? You bet. Am I whipped with guilt over my sin against sovereign individualism? Not exactly, but I promise to schedule some quality time to hang my head in shame.

FYI: I am the one who wrote the piece and, as usual, I accept the blowback.

Thanks for giving me a piece of your mind.

Ironically, Gunny John viewed the same item differently
I was madder than a whino at an AA meeting after reading your latest "Tasty Tidbits." Tom "croooze," is a pinhead of the highest order, but this seems to be the first time in recent history that a member of the EU has made a reasonable choice when it comes to any social issues.

"German Defense Ministry denied the film production access to any German military sites:

'...Cruise, also one of the film's producers, is a member of the Church of Scientology which the German government does not recognize as a church. Berlin says it masquerades as a religion to make money, a charge Scientology leaders reject."

Kudos to the Germans for sidestepping their typical "uber-liberal" stance. At least their zeal to bow to every professional victim in existence has not clouded their opinion of an obvious sham-artist. Scientology is as much of a religion as my dog's recent stool sample.

Semper Fi,

Hambo sez
After all the inflammatory, table pounding, occasionally insane prose I've served up in PIG, this lame piece about Twerpy Tommy set people's hair on fire? I am, as usual, amazed and amused. It's go figure time in Hamboland.

Andrew K. Tells Us To Take A Hike:
I find it odd that you throw around LIBERAL like it's some kind of insult. Lets go through some famous LIBERALS: Galileo, Newton, George Washington, oh..and don't forget JESUS (that guy that you "conservatives" love so much).

In your world, we would have ignored these LOONEY LIBERALS, right? Your kind was around back then and DID try to silence every one of these people. Please don't repeat history, as your kind has already done time and time again.

I understand leaving your comfort zone is SO not conservative, but try it sometime. Go kayaking, swimming, biking, hiking, sailing, skydiving, DO SOMETHING. It's clear why you are so frustrated, pissed-off, and closed-minded...your brain needs fresh air to operate properly!

So take it easy on using LIBERAL as an insult.

Hambo's Long-Winded PIGish Response:
Thank you for taking the time to give us a piece of your mind.

The interesting thing about the word "liberal" is that, in the 21st century, many members of America’s political class seem to be fleeing the term like it’s tainted with ebola. The preferred term, as far as this knuckle-dragging political Neanderthal can deduce, is "progressive". Since the ‘L’ word bugs certain sensitive souls, we tend to use - and abuse - it. It’s their bugaboo, not ours.

As far as I can tell the essence of ‘liberalism’, as it manifests itself in the 21st century is this: "We’re much smarter than you are. Since you’re too stupid to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life, we, the intellectually superior, will do it for you." The essence of ‘conservatism’, as it manifests itself in the 21st century is this: "We’re more righteous than you are. Since you’re too sinful to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life, we, the smugly sanctimonious, will save you from your ‘burn in everlasting hell’ impulses." As far as I’m concerned, both of them can bite me.

Depending on which parts of PIG you read, you may or may not know that we tend to be just as annoyed by elements of the Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy, as we are liberals. These VRWC pinheads want to intrude into my life by telling me what I’m allowed to read, see on television, learn in a science classroom, do in my bedroom with a consenting adult, or view in a movie theater. Who the hell asked them? The primary VRWC sales pitch seems to be "We know that we suck, but those damn libs suck a lot more."

The primary focus of this pagan scribbler’s poisoned pen is that entity I call the Great American Nanny State, a pernicious blight that is perpetrated, with equal enthusiasm, by self-defined liberals and conservatives. Standing against this Nanny State Nitwit tide are those diehard rational adults whom I call ‘sovereign individuals’, individuals who dare to think that the conduct of their life, and the fruits thereof belong to him, her, himher or it, period. Like some of the names you mentioned - Galileo is a prime example - sovereign individuals dare to swim against the prevailing Nanny State tide. As far as I can tell, sovereign individuals tend to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal. There might be an "approved" name for that, but I choose to call them sovereign individuals AKA rational adults.

For the record, I am not a conservative, a liberal, or an adherent to any form of supernaturalism, theological, political or cultural. I am, and intend to remain, a sovereign individual.

For some potentially ‘enlightening’ prose by this pagan scribbler, I suggest that you read some of the "Classic Meltdowns" you’ll find here:  Hambo's Meltdowns

You might find "We The People" and "Being A Rational Adult in an Irrational World Sucks", worthy of your time.

Erin F. Went Postal by Writing:
I have something that really bothers me. I don't know the facts because it's just from the media, so who knows. I know this is going to be terribly offensive to many people, BUT what the fuck was wrong with 3 out of 4 planes full of people on 9-11? Box cutters, you people are scared of box cutters and some God damn rag heads. Fuck them. In Amerika, we fight in bars over a guy looking at a chick or someone saying something stupid, but you don't rush these motherfuckers and beat the living piss out of them. I am so confused. Where has our country gone? Can someone please let me know if they find it? I miss her terribly and fuck you all who want to take away every little thing that might be offensive to you. I seriously could go postal if I have to hear one more Holiday song show at my kid's school where they now sing "Gingerbread Boy or Girl". We have to now be anatomically correct on top of the plethora of useless p.c. bullshit that has eroded this whole country. Don't even get me going on the public school cess pool. My son announced that his science teacher said that anything that comes from a seed is therefore a fruit. If that doesn't make you want to puke up your tax dollars, you are a fruitcake.

PIGish Response:
None required. As far as we're concerned Erin nailed it.

SPQR44BC Caterwauled:
What's up with the crap on your website? Your website has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever and promotes nothing but intolerance and hate. You guys are a bunch of pussies hiding behind the 1st Amendment. On every article I've read, you guys act like a bunch of candy-ass, limp-wristed, bleeding heart twinkies, i.e., acting out of emotion (aka hormonally) instead of using your brains to debate an issue. Hmmm . . . kind of makes you and your goose-stepping neo-nazi, ultra conservative, redneck republican braindead audience sound like a bunch of the ultra liberal Hilary-types that you so hate. Take a Midol, change your pads and then type responsibly! Prove your a safe haven for free speech and run a story on unemployed, white, heterosexual, alcoholic WASPs, or is that too close to home?

PIGish Response:
Thank you for your expertly argued, insightful, objective analysis and point-by-point challenge to certain core concepts that recur throughout our cyberspace speed bump. "Crap", "bunch of pussies" and "candy-ass, limp-wristed, bleeding heart twinkies" takes our normal discourse to a much higher plain of rhetoric. It’s such a refreshing change from the usual hyperventilating, name-calling screed that lands in our inbox with a deafening whine. Oops! I just reread your message and apologize for mistaking you for a rational adult.

You disagree with everything we say and hate the way we say it? We’re crushed, but we’ll survive. Due to the untimely demise of your sense of humor, you don’t find us the least bit funny? That sounds like your personal problem. You think our readers are goose-stepping, intellectually flat-lining redneck rustics? Since you spent so much time reading PIG and hating it, we suspect that’s what you see in the mirror and it’s so not our problem. You want us to write about unemployed, white, heterosexual alcoholic WASPs? If that’s your idea of cutting edge prose, we’ll let you devote your own Internet publication to it, since you’re obviously so up close and personal with that stop-the-presses subject matter.

We’re "hiding behind the First Amendment"? We don’t need to, Sparky. You are woefully ill-informed about the nature and meaning of the U.S. Constitution in general and the Bill of Rights in particular. The First Amendment didn’t give me the right to speak freely without some pinhead - left wing or right wing - trying to put a muzzle on me. The First Amendment says, in essence, that free speech is part of each individual’s inalienable individual liberty birthright, then it explicitly bans the Nanny State from infringing on that birthright. Contrary to popular myth, the U.S. Constitution and its Bill of Rights isn’t an exhaustive laundry list of rights bestowed on individuals by a benevolent government. It is, on the contrary, a strict set of specific restrictions and non-negotiable limitations placed on the Nanny State by sovereign American individuals.

Under the aforementioned founding U.S. document, you have the right to call us all the names you want. You do not, however, have the inherent right not to be offended. I’d love to keep this thrilling exchange of views going but it’s time for me to fortify myself with a brewskie - Midol gives me a rash - then goose-step to my computer and start perpetrating more intolerant and hateful irresponsible typing. It’s a dirty job and somebody has to do it.

Update: A second message from this clown was deemed more of the same, but not as spiffy, so we trashed it. We have our standards, PIGsters, even when it comes to hate mail.

Cindy M Wrote
I am misfortunate? enough to live in the greater chicagoland area and I was just watching WGN (Ch 9, Chicago - for those of you not from here, living here or viewing on bad cable) and I heard/saw an ad for some father's rights atty.  I didn't catch his name b/c I really wasn't paying attention, but I did hear the quote, "He helped reunite Elian Gonzalez with his father."

I was just wondering if anyone at PIG had seen it or and felt the same thing I felt.  I had had a drink or 2 at the time of viewing, but I usually don't feel that kind of sick taste in my mouth unless I'd had 12 or 2 AND a shot of Tequila!

PIGish Response
We do get WGN on our cable blight, but I managed to miss this dose of shyster crap.  Thanks to your letter, I tracked this scumbag down via a Google search. This shyster scumbag's name is Jeffery M. Leving and he bills himself as a Men's Rights Advocate.   If I'm interpreting his site correctly, he wasn't hired to represent Elian.  He horned into the case by filing an Amicus (friend of the court) brief with the INS.  Later, he arm twisted Elian's Commie rat bastard father into letting him represent Elian - and by extension - Fidel Castro in Federal Court.

Jeffrey Leving is the kind of shyster crap that prompted PIG to promote its oft-maligned idea that we need a "no limit" shyster hunting season.  Armed to the teeth, we would round up Jeffrey and as many other cretins of that ilk as we could find, then turn them loose in a confined area.  After giving them a 5 minute head start, rational adults - the PIG Staff, you, and assorted others - would arm themselves to the teeth and start turning law-degreed rat bastards into worm chow.  For reasons I can't explain, this idea didn't thrill trial lawyers spitless.  I wonder if it's something we said?

As for this Leving son-of-a-bitch, we'll add his name to PIG where it belongs, America's Least Wanted.  Also, we'll probably give him a richly deserved award as shyster rat bastard of the millennium.  From the bottom of our PIGish heart we thank you for bringing this piece of shyster crap to our attention.  Helping condemn Elian to that living, Cuban hell is bad enough, but bragging about it is intolerable.

Jim Asked About the Dixie Twits
Any response to the latest drivel from those heifers?

PIGish Reply
Nobody in the PIG bunker gives a rat's butt about anything the Warthog - Natalie Maines - has to say about anything. Whenever she pops off, we start asking ourselves the inevitable question: "Are they promoting a concert tour or a new album?" In a properly Darwinian world, the Warthog and her cohorts would be at the head of the line waiting to be DE-SELECTED. In other words, Natalie 'Warthog' Maines? Never heard of the bitch.

Some Nameless Whiner Complained:
Why do you say no Irish need apply?
Why are you against American Indians (members of tribes)?

PIGish Response:
Your Question: Why do you say no Irish need apply?
Our Answer:  Our esteemed publisher is proud to be Irish, and it's his notion of a joke.  Since he's the publisher, and we're not, we laugh.

Your Question:  Why are you against American Indians (members of tribes.)?
Our Answer: Given the PIG staff's well-documented obsession with gambling, it's fair to state that we hold them in the highest esteem, but we do quibble about the term "Native" Americans.  Scientific evidence seems to demonstrate that they did not originate here, but are, in fact, the first immigrants.  Since they came here over the land bridge to Siberia, we choose to employ the geographically-correct term Siberian-Americans.  This is not an insult, just a recognition of their true origins.  For the record, we're not down on Siberians, either.  Granted, we probably won't spend our vacation there, but that's an assessment based on weather conditions rather than Siberia's denizens.

When it comes to the term "tribal" as its used in PIG, it refers to anyone who rejects an individual identity for a "tribal" identity based on race, national origin or any other immutable trait. PIG has no time and even less patience with the vaunted "group identity". We deal with individuals, period. Any other damn fool questions Sparky?

Dain Complained:
Your pig on the front has feet...what gives? They're supposed to have hooves. Believe me, as someone that loves to eat pork and pork based products...I should know.

PIGish Response:
We'll forgo speculating on the exact nature of Dain's close, personal, relationship with pigs and cut to the chase. We, briefly, considered asking Sgt Pork, but, as everyone can see, he's a heavily armed PIGster with an attitude. Seeking a more scholarly assessment, we tossed this reader inquiry into the room where we keep PIG's crackpot scientific staff, then locked the door again. When the noise generated by the ensuing melee subsided, we dispatched Spike the Wonder Tyke to fetch their answer.

We'll skip over the aspersions they heaped on Dain, the loyal PIG Staff and our esteemed editor, and give you the bottom line. Sgt. Pork is, as any fool can see, the result of cutting edge genetic engineering. According to our lab coated crackpots, he's a swino sapiens.

El Panamaniak Caterwauled:
I don't hate you. But I feel sorry, because the poor, poor, White male aged 18-50 is finally seeing his "reign" come to an end. I'm Afro-Panamanian and speak three other languages besides English and I've served in the Corps. Hey, you should learn Spanish it's going to helpful in the next let's say 100 years!

PIGish Response:
We're trying to be thrilled that you don't hate us, but it's probably going to take awhile. You can't rush these things.

We're pleased that you have something to look forward to - the end of whitey's oppressive "reign". It's a damn shame that properly-hyphenated pinheads tolerated the likes of Einstein, Shakespeare, Edison, Gates, Newton, and others of that ilk as long as they did.

It's interesting that your individual accomplishments - learning four languages and serving in the Corps - are, in your mind, secondary to your born that way ethnicity - Afro-Panamanian. It tells us a lot about your self image, more than we wanted to know, as a matter of fact.

Thank you for your helpful suggestion - "you should learn Spanish". We're taking that one under advisement, since we just upgraded from grunting to a barely functional, rudimentary form of what we laughingly call "English".

I don't want to ruin your whole life, but you just made our Publisher's day. He's always thrilled spitless when some whining, properly-hyphenated pinhead gets out the crayons and sends us some hate mail.

Follow-Up Response ( El Panamaniak's second message deemed "more of the same".)
First you SHOUT that you don't hate us.  I get that; it's my publisher that has his doubts.  You don't hate us but you think we're a bunch of racist rat bastards who lack the nads to wear our bedsheets and hood in public.  You don't hate us but you think we're a bunch of retards with delusions of intellectual grandeur.  Okay, we get that you don't hate us, but we also get that you don't like us at all.  We're crushed, but we'll get over it.  We usually do.

We don't care that you hyphenate your pedigree.  BUT, we really don't understand why an immutable trait is the be-all, end-all of who and what you are.  Being proud of your skin pigmentation, your gender, or your family's geographic origins makes as much sense as being proud of your shoe size or eye color. The pertinent question, in each case is: What the hell did you have to do with your assigned at birth, immutable traits? Not a damn thing, so why bring it up. No matter how thrilling they are - to you - your immutable traits don't tell us about you, the individual.  You, the individual, are more than an issued at birth DNA sequence.  Be proud over those elements of your life over which you exercise meaningful control. You speak four languages - that's very cool.  You served in the Corps - that's commendable.  You've probably contributed many more meaningful elements to your life, elements that make you, a unique, accept no substitutes individual.  You are more than your immutable traits, but if being Afro-Panamanian rocks your world, so be it.  Your life, your call, we accept it...We accept it, but we'll never understand it.

Mark F. Wrote:
Is this web site funded and/or endorsed by the American Nazi Party and the Ku Klux Klan? What a reservoir of hate!

PIGish Response:
Thank you for your your thoughtful, in depth, analysis of the Politically Incorrect Gazette. Receiving such erudite prose from a man of your lofty professional accomplishments is a refreshing change from our regular "you suck" and "drop dead, racist assholes" mail. We're so pleased with your word wrangling that we selected your compelling prose as our letter of the week. With your permission we'd like to share it with our readers on our PIGpen Forum.

You seem to be laboring under the tragic misconception that PIG is funded and/or endorsed by some group(s) or organization(s). Neither allegation is the case, although, to tell the truth, we had to look up "funded" because nobody at PIG knew what that meant. We're sorry to disappoint you, but no group or organization, public or private, has endorsed us. Furthermore, the closest we came to 'funded' happened last week, when the pizza delivery dude offered us $5 to shut the hell up.

Although it's been a thrill a minute communicating with you, it's time for me to crawl back under my rock and get busy on tomorrow's edition of our politically incorrect speed bump on the information superhighway.

Jennifer Wrote:
Thanks to you guys I now know what I am. I hate Lifetime and all those other crap that they call "television for women." WTF? What kind of woman watches that? Fifteen minutes into watching that dribble and I want to open a vein!

Thank you for recognizing that not all of us out there are whining, penis-envying, card carrying members of the NOW!

It's girls like that that give the rest of us women a bad name.

PIGish Response:
A woman with fully-functional synapses, Jennifer, obviously, liberated her own mind, without any shrill, NO-NAD hysterics. That's one of the reasons she's proud to be a PIGAL.

Jim H. Wrote:
I think that I have died and gone to heaven after reading your website---I am an unabashed PIG for now and forever! As an American Indian (yes, I are one) and a writer--I am constantly frustrated by having to dumb down my writing and constantly edit to make sure that I don't offend anyone (and thereby lose my job!)---Thank God there is a place where I can be my own piggish self!---

PIGish Response:
Nobody who has spent "quality time" in PIG's top secret bunker would mistake it for heaven, but we won't argue the point. Welcome to the Free State of PIG, Jim. Tell a friend.

Sonny P. Whined:
Seriously, I don't think I have laughed harder after I took a look at your website! I'm really, really hoping that it's all just a sad joke.

The homophobia mostly made me laugh, but not because I agree with your views on gays. GLAADBAG?!?! Jeez, how creative is that? I think a 10 year old could have thought of something a little better. And yeah, homophobia doesn't mean heterosexual. If anything, the more anti gay crap you spew proves how very gay you are. Maybe you just haven't had your semen this morning. I suggest you find a big ol' dick and have a nice long suckle. Maybe you'll lighten up.

PIGish Response:
GLAADBAG's creator - Spike the Wonder Tyke - is, I'll have you know, a venerable 6 and half, so show a little respect.

Homophobia? It's a petty, unimaginative, complaint - Spike the Wonder Tyke could do much better - but we'll deal with it anyway. PIG doesn't give a flaming damn which team you play for...PIG does have a problem with alleged individuals who define themselves as a race, an ethnicity, a gender or a sexual orientation. When you define yourself based on immutable traits, you're admitting that you haven't made a single, meaningful contribution to your own life since birth. If an immutable trait - including sexual orientation - is the be-all, end-all of who, what, you are, then you're pathetic.

Finally - and I hope this won't ruin your day - thank you for hating us enough to write. Like it or not, you just made our publisher's day. Now that's my idea of a sad joke.

Dominick F. Wrote:
I just wanted to thank you guy's for one of the best sites I have ever encountered. Your beginning article on educrap pleased me to no end. I'm a high-school student myself and am honestly baffled by the amount of scorn I receive for voicing such opinions as "Feminism started out well, Too bad its been taken over by a bunch of useless harpies who's only purpose is to dissect the English language as if it were the most important factor in equality". I honestly have trouble dealing with the amount of hippie propaganda thrown at me on a daily basis. Then again, Dealing with Korrectniks, Especially teenage ones isn't all that hard. Just smack them with some logic and they usually give up and walk away. I really appreciate what y'all are doing on this site and want to let you know that there are still some educated kids floating around in our public education system.

PIGish Response:
PIG is pleased to learn that there is intelligent life in Amerika's government cess-schools. In Dominic's case, PIG suspects that he gained his knowledge in spite of, rather than because of the Buckeye State Educrats' attempts to indoctrinate this proudly politically incorrect hormone gorilla.

Keep up the good work Dominick...PIG has your back.

Aaron G. Wrote:
It has come to our attention that you refer to the state of California as Kalifornia. The proper way to refer to this state is "The Peoples Republik of Kalifornia". This is an acceptable alternative to the longer official version "The Peoples republic of trans-gender bathrooms, formerly identified by the racist oppressors as California."

PIGish Response:
Your point about "Kalifornia" is well taken. However, "Kalifornia" was a phase we slogged through on our way to a new, more "enlightened" moniker for this outpost of left coast irrationality. At the end of our evolutionary journey we latched onto a term coined by Victor Davis Hanson: "Mexifornia". This term is now used ubiquitously, throughout all our prose and has even spawned a special section under that name in PIG News.

Why, you must be asking, did we cruelly, heartlessly, abandon a stellar word like "Kalifornia"?

Item 1: At one time, the top secret PIG bunker was located in ground zero of the border jumping scumbag invasion - Southern Mexifornia. The new location is classified.

Item 2: Hell-A has now fallen into enemy hands by electing a Colonista mayor.

For these and assorted other reasons, we're painfully aware of the reasons Mr. Hanson coined the term "Mexifornia".

For the record, PIG does agree that for the section of the state formerly known as California that is located between Monterey and the Oregon border - especially the Gulag (San Francisco), Santa Cruz and Beserkeley - "The People's Republik of Kalifornia" and "The People's republic of trans-gender bathrooms, formerly identified by the racist oppressors as California" are more appropriate than "Mexifornia".

PIG, humbly, suggests that the state motto be changed to: "Will the last rational adult leaving Mexifornia please turn out the lights."

And now, you know the rest of the story, nitpicker Sparky.

James S. Wrote:
I was referred to PIG by a friend of mine...I am a pretty typical right wing, conservative kid of guy, and enjoy your site a great deal. I have sent a link to your site, to everyone in my address book, to include my left leaning in-laws.

On another note, I would like to see more coverage of the Minutedudes project, as they establish themselves in Mexicas. I live in Mexicas, so the subject is very close to home.

Thanks again for keeping this site incorrect.

PIGish Response:
PIG encourages all its readers to emulate James. Thrill your lefty friends and relatives spitless by sending them a link to our relentlessly politically incorrect adventure in Internet publishing.

PIG readers from sea to shining sea might be interested to hear that PIG's crackpot staff is working on a new page for the Colonista section that will give readers a quick rundown on such major players in the fight to defend our borders as La Raza and the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps. As soon as it's locked and loaded we will shout it from PIG's top secret bunker's rooftop on Page One PIG.

On June 6, 2005 gibsonAV posted the following message on his blog:
PIG that I am :)

Allow me to introduce to you social wing nuts the new place to hang out (besides here of course...don't make me kill you)

If I had been much MUCH smarter, I would have come up with the POLITICALLY INCORRECT GAZETTE myself. Just to get you in the mood, check out their PIG PREAMBLE and you'll see what I mean. I can tell that between this site and TONGUE TIED, I'll always have some non PC stuff to rant on about :)

Thank the gods for goof balls like these!

(http://gibsonsgrotto.blogspot.com/)
[gibsonAV's blog posting is reprinted here with his express, written permission]

PIGish Reply:
The entire PIG staff thanks gibsonAV for his kind words about our irrational adventure on the information superhighway. If Al Gore knew that "his" brainchild would produce something as gleefully politically incorrect as PIG, he'd do the right thing and render himself room temperature.

For the record, "goof balls" is the nicest thing we've been called in a long, long time. Encouraged by this high praise, we promise to do our best to keep all our readers amply supplied with politically incorrect source material. It's a dirty job that we perform with considerable enthusiasm.

SSgt. John P. (United States Marines) Wrote:
I have some serious issues with your website. I love it one moment and hate it the next. I love it because it's right on the money. I hate it because every time I read about another mental midget politician, or border jumping scumbag lover, I get pissed off to no end. You provide entertainment, and wreck my whole freakin' day, all in one website. Who could ask for more? I often copy and paste comments from your site and email them to the jackass individuals they apply to (with some personal comments and terms of endearment of my own). I hope you don't mind, these people need all of the electronic bitch slapping that can possibly be sent their way. Keep up the good work.

PIGish Response:
First and foremost, PIG salutes SSgt. John P. for his service to our country. Call us names if you must, but, we're happier than a horndog at a pornstar convention that our nation's defense is in the capable hands of someone like SSgt. John, a dude who is perceptive enough to enjoy our PIGish prose.

Since SSgt. John is a Marine, we're loath to take him to task for his enthusiasm when he sends copies of our prose to those cringing cretins who stray into the PIG bull's-eye. On the other hand, when the proverbial black helicopters start circling the top secret PIG bunker, we're gonna call on SSgt. John and his Marine buddies to watch our back during the crisis. Lock and load, a few good men Sparky, because we're counting on you.

Gordon H. Wrote:
I agree with all of your credo statements but one, which I have to question. You say, "No good person ever turned evil from reading a book, watching television, listening to a song, watching a movie, playing a video game or surfing the Internet." I think that implies the opposite, that "No bad person ever turned good from reading a book, watching television, listening to a song, watching a movie, playing a video game or surfing the Internet." Considering the impact the Bible has had around the world, for quite a while, that can't be true. So, if a book can influence behavior in one direction, why not in the other?

PIGish Response:
The disputed tenet in the PIG Doctrine is a response to those Korrectniks who insist that the "wrong" books, television shows, songs, movies or games have an immediate and destructive impact on an otherwise virtuous individual. PIG reader, Gordon, has "issues" with that contention, because he apparently believes that certain "positive" influences, can, magically, transform an "evil" individual into a "virtuous" one. PIG insists that life just doesn't work that way, because acquiring, changing, or abandoning one's values is much harder than that.

Acquiring, changing or abandoning your values is time consuming because it involves a lot of thinking, learning, analyzing, discussing, then a lot more thinking. These changes don't happen in the blink of an eye because you read a certain book, heard a certain song, or watched a certain movie. A book, song, movie, etc. could slam dunk a new notion into your brain, the kind of notion that starts the long, laborious thinking process that might, in time, lead to a revision in one's values system. It's PIG's contention that the role of a book, song, movie, etc. is like the starter's gun in a race. All it does is set things in motion, but the race's outcome is determined by countless other factors. A book, song, movie, etc. doesn't change you. At best, it might make you consider the possibility.

The foregoing rant assumes, as a starting point, that a person's values system - for good or ill - is deeply ingrained in them. It does not apply to those frivolous alleged humans who change "values" like most people change a shirt. For the record, PIG is confident that Gordon does not fall into this category. Unlike Gordon, certain frivolous fatheads never do the hard work required to legitimately acquire a value system. Instead, the fatheads are perfectly content to fake it, so they can run with the 'in' crowd. If you fit into this category, stop acting like a meathead, Sparky.

PIG thanks Gordon for his thoughtful critique of our PIG Doctrine. Although we end up "agreeing to disagree" as the Old Larry Elder liked to say, PIG is pleased that readers like Gordon take the time to subject PIG's relentless prattle to such thoughtful analysis.

Agneta T. Wrote:
I am a new fan of your great site and am exploring it to its fullest. However, I could not find a way to get onto the Forum or read the "pork chops". What am I missing? Are these "premium" content, that is, pay-as-you-read (which I don't think they are), or what's the deal? All I see is the description of these offerings, but no way to hop on. The links on top (Letters, Hate Mail, Reader's Reply) are not really links...

Also, I noticed that you routinely spell America with a "k". What's that all about? I was not able to trace that, even though I read much of the site's contents.

Thanks again for your work - it is invaluable!

PIGish Response:
Thanks to Agneta's reality check, PIG, belatedly, whipped its PIGpen page into shape. It's thanks to loyal fans like Agneta that PIG keeps getting better. We're not sure why she's having problems with Pork Chops, but we'd like to take this opportunity to assure all our readers that PIG is delusional enough to consider every page in PIG "Premium" content. The good news for all our readers is that every page in PIG is available for one low, low price: FREE.

PIG doesn't blame it's readers for being confused about our pagan scribbler's penchant for "Amerika". Since he's incapable of giving a straight answer unless you get his undivided attention, we elicited the following information using the Editor's best friend: a cattle prod.

America = The Nation built upon the bedrock of inalienable individual liberty that the founding fathers established

Amerika = The liberty-infringing Nanny State into which America evolved.

He swears that he explained this, somewhere on the site, but he says so many things after a 'prodding'.

Maureen S. Wrote
Oh my God! Thank you for PIG. I want to join this prestigious group of my
peers.

What do I need to do? Do you have bumper stickers? If so, I want one now.
I'll gladly pay for the honor of putting this sticker on my Getta. Please,
please, please.

An eager PIG loyalist. Maureen S.

PIGish Response:
Our crackpot PIGear staff is thisclose to having some PIG goodies ready for prime time. PIG is working day and night to have PIGear open for business by this weekend (06/11/2005). As soon as we have it "good to go" we'll post an announcement on PIG's Prattle page. On behalf of the entire PIG staff, we thank you for your support and your patience.

Ken T. Wrote:
Just found your website AND I LOVE IT, you sick twisted freaks (courtesy Glenn Beck ). I even emailed the column on "Colonistas" to President Bush (...with all due respect, Mr. President.) I have not read all of your website (only "Colonistas" and "The Prattler"), but everyone and every subject you have skewered for BBQing richly deserved it. You all echo the sentiments of ALL THOSE WHO LOVE AMERICA

Sitting here reflecting on your comments re: "The Nuclear Option" , the respective party logos are well chosen; Dumb-ocrat ASSES and Republican Weenies (elephants are terrified by mice - Lib-ocrat Senators, regardless of party affiliation.)

Too bad the Pig Gazette isn't required reading in the House, Senate, White House and La Palacio de la Presidente de Mexico. But, then, we don't live in Perfection USA. Hey !! I got it !! Why not snail-mail complimentary hard copies of the Pig Gazette to them?

PIGish Response:
We're thrilled spitless that you like the site, Ken. We're trying to be thrilled that you sent our prose to President Bush. However, when those unmarked black sedans show up outside PIG's top secret bunker, we're gonna track you down, Sparky.

Steve H. Wrote:
I just happened to stumble across your site from a link on TongueTied.us I think it was. Within the first 15 minutes I was hooked and will definitely be a frequent visitor. It's hard to find ANYONE who can talk politics without including the trappings of their political party. For example, I used to enjoy listening to Rush Limbaugh until I slowly came to the realization that he was nothing more than a republican cheerleader when he refused to criticize Bush on his amnesty for illegal aliens plan. There are other examples too but I think the only other spot where I've found the amount of realism that I've found on this site would be Michael Savage's radio show, but you add an element that he cannot with your humorous and satirical style of writing. Savage is abysmally lacking in humor. Keep writing guys, and I'll definitely keep reading. You guys have earned yourselves a spot in my Favorites' List.

PIGish Response:
PIG, too, has certain unresolved 'issues' with Rush, but, that didn't stop us from saluting him in our Hall of Fame for "invigorated this nation's political debate by adding new voices (millions of them) to the political discussion". For unrelenting Elephant Clan cheerleading, PIG's vote goes to Sean "I'm a Karl Rove Kool-Aid Junkie" Hannity.

Dog Wrote:
I never dreamed I would find a website that I would agree with 100%. I have sent your link to all my PIG friends. Keep up the great work.

PIGish Response:
You agree with us 100%? Maybe we should hire you to referee our weekly staff meeting, melee and punchout.