PIGPEN/FORUM | LETTERS | HATE MAIL | CONTRIBUTOR'S CORNER
CONTRIBUTOR'S CORNER

PIG has posted such great material on a regular basis from the twisted folks listed below, we decided to inflate their egos by giving them a page of their own. If you are like them, and have entirely too much time on your hands, have some PIG Worthy material, and want to join Team PIG, we welcome your contributions.
• Lone Star
• Terri Terry
• Bill Taylor
• Double Edge
• PIGster Prime
• Swine Flew
• PIGster GM
• Bad Moon
• Eatin'-Cro
• PIGster Grammy
• Miscellaneous
Speech codes? Hate Crimes? Not here. Insensitive liberal bashing? You bet, and plenty of it!

So you want to sound off and you think you've got what it takes to get published in PIG? We'll be the judge of that. The fun fact is that many come knocking, but only the chosen few get past PIG's formidable publisher.

It's time to separate the men from the boys. PIG demands excellence from every area of our adventure in political incorrectness. So, when you claim that you've got what it takes, we'll make you prove it. If you don't have it - and you know it - leave now, quietly.

SUBMITTING TO PIG

PIG welcomes all correspondence in the form of letters, essays, satire, parody, jokes, cartoons, graphics, suggestions, your two-cents worth, and of course, our mandatory hate mail from the intolerant correctly-cloned crackpots.

The views you express in PIG are yours and yours alone and may not reflect those of PIG. PIG will, however, provide you the forum and defend your right to express such views.

We publish humorous, insights on a wide spectrum of topics, many of which have nothing to do with Political Correctness.

All submissions must be in ENGLISH ONLY!

PIG provides our contributors the opportunity to submit overtly honest, opinionated, insensitive, informative and sometimes offensive images or prose that dare to puncture so-called Sacred Cows.

Clear, insightful writing that has an 'attitude' moves to the front of the line, especially when it makes us laugh.

All submissions become property of PIG. If you wish to have any material removed, contact us at the address below.

General inquiries should be addressed to: pig@pigazette.com

Humor, prose, essays, graphics and cartoons should be indicated by Pork Chops/Humor in the subject line.


LETTERS | HATE MAIL | READERS' REPLY

PIGster Lewis B. From Two Shootists Wrote:

Hello PIG friends,

It's been a while, but rest assured that I still hold you folks in very high regard.

I'm writing to you today to vent my outrage over the refusal of our nation's executive branch to demand the release of Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi.  We traded five top-level terrorists for a deserter, but we can't secure the release of a true warrior being unjustly jailed in Mexico?  Meanwhile, Mexifornia will be "honoring" the Mexican president at the governor's mansion on August 26th.  The Mexican president should be taken out back and beaten with rubber hoses until he promises to release our Marine!

I cannot fathom why we have not used every diplomatic and military resource (emphasis on military) to free our imprisoned Marine.  This situation is absolutely unacceptable, and disgusting at every level.

The pussification of our nation seems to be nearly complete.  Our impotent government cannot manage to do anything other than tax us into poverty, while kowtowing to terrorists and other various dirtbags.  I think that all of our career politicians should be fired and made to get real jobs.

Thank you for reading my rant.

Warmest regards,

Lewis B.

>>> twoshootists.blogspot.com >>>

PIGster Ronbo Wrote:

With the elections for a State Supreme Court Justice happening tomorrow my phone has been ringing constantly. Rather than changing my ring-tone settings, I took the phone off it's charger base, wrapped it in a towel and threw it in another room. Is there any technology that would let me send a 5,000 volt charge with enough amps to liquefy the pea sized brains of the A-Holes that call me?

 What pisses me off is the amount of out of state money that special interest groups are spending to influence elections in my state. I live in this state, I pay the taxes. I don't need outsiders telling me what to do or think.  

Rant over.

Hambo’s Reply:

I have given this idea some thought and I have something that will get ‘er done and is useful in a wide spectrum of situations.  Admittedly, it’s not quite as Draconian as your brain-liquefying capacity, but I suspect you’ll find it very satisfying.

I  need a "Smack ‘em" function on my phone, because there are times when you want to reach through the phone and SMACK the asshat on the other end of the call.

A "smack ‘em" function? You bet. There’s a pressing need for this goodie, and I can prove it.

* After you squander precious minutes of your life working your way through the "press ‘1' for" automated answering maze, you finally blunder into a living, breathing, human being. You’re so punch drunk from the automated answering system ordeal, you aren’t as alert as you need to be, in this situation. With your guard down, you agree - DUMBASS - to be put on hold. By the time you blurt out that "D’OH", it’s too late, and you’re in elevator music hell. But, if you had a "smack ‘em" function, you could administer a bitch slap on your tormentor, with the simple press of a switch. If you’re on your toes, you’ll "smack ‘em" the minute they answer, moving you to the front of the line, for as long as you need to stay there.


* Your friend, relative, acquaintance, or sniveling sibling, starts blubbering, the instant you answer the phone. Been there? Heard it? Don’t want to go down that long, torturous road again? No problem, "smack ‘em".

* When that telemarketing twerp calls you during dinner, or at the critical moment in your favorite boob tube show, don’t put up with their bull crap, "smack ‘em".

* Is your ex fond of calling you up and spewing a venomous trip down memory lane? Why put up with it one moment longer? Why wait for him, her, himher, or it, to call you? Instead, phone the pest up and "smack ‘em".

* Did some humor challenged Harpy take out a restraining order on you that bans you from Hooters, until the sun burns out? Don’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself, call the bitch up and "smack ‘em".

* Is your hippie neighbor blowing out your ear drums with his god-awful music? Don’t waste your time calling the cops, when you can call that music lover and "smack ‘em"

* Are you going postal listening to that blithering fool that your favorite boom box talk show host has as a guest? Don’t grit your teeth, don’t switch the station, just get the rat bastard on the phone and "smack ‘em".

* When your so-called best friend calls long distance COLLECT to gloat, after his favorite team beat your favorite team, you no longer need to imagine the joy of having this exchange of views in person, where you could respond with some chin music. With this goodie, no matter how far apart you are, you can sooth the agony of defeat the instant that you "smack ‘em".

Once you give this some serious thought, you’ll realize how essential it is to add "smack ‘em" to your phone. Hell, a technological advance of this caliber could revitalize the American economy
.

MPH Wrote

Was reading the top story and got to your section about "native americans".

It's slightly incorrect.

Those we call "native americans", at least when referring to the
"indians" that lived in North America (ie, north of what is now the US/
Mexican border), were the 4th set of "invaders" over the land bridge
(not the first, as you stated). The aztecs, mayans, etc., and their
neighbors, were the 3rd, and the "american indians" had been
displacing them, pushing them south (ever wonder what happened to the
cliff dwellers in the USA? "Amercian Indians: happened to them).

So when a "native american" is demanding reparations for their
ancestors being displaced by "the white man", ask them if they're
willing to pay reparations to those whose ancestors were displaced by
his ancestors.

How do I know all this? I once worked with someone who was descended
from the Mayans (there are still some full-blooded aztecs, mayans,
etc. scattered about); he had a mother who was Mayan. He is your kind
of guy. And he was insistent that if the "american indian" ever
received reparations from "the white man", they'd be obligated to turn
those reparations over to the descendants of the people their
ancestors had forcibly displaced.

As to his being your kind of guy, I'll give you what I consider a
hysterical example. When he attended the mandatory "sensitivity"
training, he raised the following point: if everyone is supposed to be
"tolerant" of other people's viewpoint, that means that everyone has
to be tolerant of my racist, sexist, and bigoted views, too. When he
was told that was not the case, he pointed out that meant that
"tolerance" wasn't being advocated, "political correctness", was. He
didn't make friends with the instructor.

As a final thought, I've always been baffled by some of the attitudes
displayed towards the "noble primitives", the american indian. Here
in the "new world", by the time europeans started seriously
"invading" (after Columbus, I don't count the vikings, because there
is no evidence that they had much interaction with the existing
natives), the locals had not yet invented the WHEEL. The only metal
they knew anything about was gold (and we have to get into central and
south america to find natives that knew how to work gold, the
"american indian" didn't know what it was and had not yet figured out
that it could be melted and reshaped). The "native americans" were
still in the stone age, 10,000 years behind in terms of technology, by
1500 AD. The question I want answered, but nobody of serious study
seems interested in asking, is, why were they so stupid? Really?
10,000 years of no wheel? They'd see a log roll down a hill, and
nothing came to mind? Hell, they probably rolled logs along the
ground to get them where they wanted them, and STILL nothing came to
mind? The wheel predates written history (7,000 years), but the
"natives" of the new world were too stupid to invent it! I'm sorry,
but I have to wonder if they really were too stupid to be allowed to
breed.

MPH

Hambo Replied:

Thanks for the heads-up.

When I get time, I will add the following item to our PIGlossary of
Terms page:


SIBERIAN-AMERICANS, Hamboism
The 3rd or 4th wave of pre-Columbian, New World immigrants, they crossed
into North America from Siberia about 11,000 years ago, then pretended
they were "always" here by calling themselves "Native Americans".

About your comments about Siberian-Americans...

Would you call them the pre-Columbian hillbilly...

OR

Would you call them New World gypsies?

OR

Do you have another term of 'endearment' for them?

It's Enquiring minds time, again, in the PIG Bunker.

Hambo

Hambo And Porcus Go Double Barrel

This has to be the funniest of all 'Hate Mail, Hit Pieces' we've recieved.

PIG Hater Gabriele Wrote, And Not Very Well, But Since She's A Retard, We'll Give Her Some Slack And Go Easy:

Well I lived through those freebies like you call it and I am proud of it, those freebies helped me become a better person and now I am serving the armed forces going to school to get my Law Degree, now I am contributing to society paying taxes.  so why no mention all those people that are illegal parasites, this webpage is just a racist republican Christian (brainwashed) one.  Why not all those rednecks that are in unemployment don’t get mentioned either?  This website is so biased and full of narrow minded idiots.  I can’t believe I’m fighting for your freedom you don’t deserve.

Hambo Replied:

Greetings

First order of business: I ‘get’ that you’re not thrilled spitless to be defending my inalienable liberty.  You may not like fighting for me, but I am pleased that Uncle Sam has a scrappy wench like you in our armed forces.  I therefore, without hesitation, rancor, or reservations, thank you for your service to this land conceived in liberty.

Second order of business: You slapped us with the race card.  So be it.  Gender, ethnicity, melanin content, sexual orientation, and lifestyle choices might thrill the snot out of Korrectniks, but they don’t rock my world.  To the best of my ability, I deal with each person as an individual.  What you are - race, gender, etc - was issued at birth.  Who you are, as an individual - the words and deeds that you, the individual, perpetrated -  tells me a lot more about the kind of individual you are. If you must castigate me as an "IST", I freely admit that I am a sovereign individualIST.

Third order of business: You seem to think We the PIGs are Cross Cultists.  I won’t put words in our publisher’s mouth, but I will state, for the record, that you’re wrong when you pin the ‘Christian’ label on me.  Some time ago, I got over such things and declared my independence from all religions.  You’d call me an atheist.  I prefer Theological Independent. PIG is relentlessly secular, a fact which, frequently, annoys the crap out of some regular PIG readers.

Fourth order of business: You’re convinced we’re Republicans.  I won’t speak for our publisher, but I’m not and PIG isn’t either..  I am a political independent who thinks the existing political clans are little more than two wings of the same party: the government party.  We the PIGs had issues with Bush 43 and we have issues with your current commander-in-chief.  Given the way our government is infringing on our inalienable individual liberty, I predict we will have issues with POTUS 45, whoever he, she, heshe, or it happens to be.

Fifth order of business: You mentioned freebies.  That covers a lot of territory, but I’ll give it a go.  I abhor the parasite mantra: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.  I abhor class warfare which makes achievers public enemy number one while elevating parasites - the relentlessly needy - to heros of the Nanny State.  For the record ‘parasites’ does not include those who paid (via taxes, etc) into Socialist Security, Medicrap, the unemployment fund and are now getting some of their money back.  I DO include alleged capitalists who buy an Elected Tormentor, then use that ‘investment’ to achieve a competitive advantage via tax dollar funded subsidies, or regulations that put competitors at a disadvantage.  Ayn Rand defined parasites as those who demand the ‘unearned’, which seems like an excellent way to state it.

Sixth order of business: PIG is, rude, snarky, and destined to piss of most of our readers sooner or later.  We made this clear when we carved out this pit stop in cyberspace.  You’ll find this paragraph on our Declaration of Incorrectness.

Be warned: Anyone - Left-wing, Right-wing, or clueless - who strays onto PIG's politically correct radar is fair game. An equal-opportunity enemy of P.C., PIG bitch-slaps this pernicious plague wherever we find it, no matter who perpetrates it. If you coddle any politically correct sentiments, PIG will expose, ridicule and eviscerate them. PIG doesn't guarantee we'll nail all your sacred cows, but you can bet the farm we'll nail at least one of them. We're not deliberately trying to shock, annoy or infuriate anyone; we're simply confronting certain inherent collateral damage that results from a blatantly politically incorrect publication like ours.

Our manner of expression is egregiously colorful, because, speaking for myself, it comes naturally.

Seventh order of business: Our website is "biased and full of narrow minded idiots".  The Constitution you put on the uniform to defend underscores the fact that your liberty birthright - as a sovereign individual - gives you freedom of speech.  I am the last person who will try to deny you that inherent right, even when I vigorously disagree with your assessment of The Politically Incorrect Gazette and those individuals who perpetrate it.

If you have more you want to say to us, let ‘er rip.  I, for one, welcome a vigorous exchange of ideas.

Hambo
Editor, The Politically Incorrect Gazette

Porcus Tosses His Two Cents In

Gabriela,

What a beautiful name. We're so damn glad to meet you via our website. You sound like a wonderful candidate as a future lawyer to chase ambulances and dig into deep corporate pockets.

How noble.

Several issues.

Why are you here if you don't like us?

We don't know how you got to jump our borders with an "America Owes Me" attitude, with your hands out siphoning American's hard earned tax dollars. I'm a Native American of no tomahawk toting tribal affiliation, but I was born here. Thus, by my birthright, I am a Native American, abide by all laws and most of our forefathers entered America through the front door, legally, and stood on their own two feet with no complaints and supporting themselves through hard work and no expectations of public handouts.

But there seems to be some sort of resentment on the part of those that sneak in through the back door, uninvited. They crash our party, suck what's out of the public trough, suckle on the government's entitlement tit's and blame the problem's 'they' have, after entering illegally on American soil, on American's dime.

Nifty.

Another burning issue is, why can't certain people stand and wait in line with the proper paperwork and take their turn at LEGALLY entering the United States? When you come through America's front door, regardless of your race or heritage with no chip on your shoulder, or panhandling mentality, you and your family are way more than welcome.

That is The Free State Of PIG's stand on that. Has nothing to do with race.

You hide behind your status, race, and uniform in the USAF to lecture us on how "racist" we are? You are not defending me or anyone associated with me. I sure didn't see you last night on the news when a little kid was hit by a Rufus, Chuey or Chico stray bullet. Were you defending them as much as you defend us?

No. And we don't need people like you claiming higher ground by you saying you "defend" people like me. But, Since you're studying law, you are probably tuned into and have read The United States Constitution's First Amendment's Freedom of speech clause. That Gabriela, is what ensures all Americans, even us, the right to do anything from fighting city hall, peaceably, to publishing what we do each and every day.

That freedom guarantee's us what many countries don't allow their citizen's. Choice.So, if you don't like us?  Change the channel. Simple.

The Race Card crap you're playing? You don't know if we're blacker than coal, whiter than a snowflake, or any other complexion in between, and that's actually a secondary non-issue, as I have known many folks with Hispanic names like your own to have just as much a racist attitude than members of any other race. And to us, it doesn't matter what color or flavor we are. PIG is a forum for anyone REGARDLESS of race to voice their opinions.

Gabriela, babe, get off your high horse, fulfill your duty to serving America in whatever capacity you do, but above all, if you claim you're defending my right's, the best way to do that is to respect mine as an American, as I respect yours.

P.K. Crowley,
Publisher, PIG

Rational Rob Weighs In

Hello ! If PC haters think that the left has a monopoly on Political Correctness,they're dead wrong. The right has its own form of PC,and it's no better than left-wing PC. I despise both.I'm sort of an independent. Conservatives think I'm a God damned liberal pinko commie (which I certainly am not),and left-wingers think I'm too conservative. I love to irritate both sides!

Here are some examples of conservative PC.

You can't say certain things to them without making them get their panties in a bunch,just the same as with left-wingers.

If you criticize one of those Bible-thumping,Neanderthal members of the religious right for their narrow-mindedness,intolerance and self-righteousness,their equally Neanderthal upporters call you an "Anti-Christian bigot". Actually,it's an insult to the original Neanderthals to call these inbred,Hillbilly Bible-thumping ignoramuses Neanderthals,because the Neanderthals were probably much nicer people and far more intelligent !

If you refuse to be a homophobe and have the perfectly reasonable opinion that what consenting adults do in private is absolutely no business other people or the US government, you are accused of supporting the "gay agenda",and often accused of being gay yourself,even if you're not.

I'm heterosexual, but many right-wingers have accused me of being gay merely because I support gay rights.

If you are pro-choice, you are accused of being a "baby-killer",even though you have never actually"killed" a baby and have absolutely no control over women having abortions or not.

It really disgusts me the way anti-choicers make it sound as though being pro-choice were as morally reprehensible as being pro-slavery.

This is not only the height of intellectual dishonesty,but imbecilic.

If you hold any non-conservative views, you are automatically accused of hatng America,not being patriotic,hating our military and our troops etc,which is asinine. My late father was a career military man in the Judge Advocate division of the army.

If you believe in separation of church and state you must be anti-christian and hate Christians and Chrsitianity,which is also asinine.

Without separation of church and state a nation is doomed to theocracy. Look at Saudi Arabia and Iran,where there is absolutely no separation of mosque and state.

If you believe in REASONABLE gun control, such as trying to prevent murderous lunatics from too easy access of guns,you are also not patriotic and a"gun-grabber",and part of that alleged sinister commie plot to have government agents invade our homes in order to confiscate our weapons.

Myself, I have no problem with law-abiding US citizens owning guns. It just shouldn't be too easy for the wrong people to get them.

If you aren't paranoid about Obama truning America into another communist dictatorship and don't think he's the antichrist, you are a left-wing pinko commie radical.Geez Louise !!!!

Gimme a break !

Conservatives have a lot a wonderful-sounding buzz words they use as weasel words and which con so many gullible Americans to their side.

Terms like "smaller government","limited government", rule of law,observaing the Constitution, lower taxes, restoring "freedom" to America, taking America back(to what? the middle ages?), "family values",traditional values", "getting the government off our backs"(yeah,by taking rights away freom gays, trying to force women to bear children they are too poor to provide for, banning any book,movie,TV shows or blog etc. they find sexually objectionable,arresting any one for buying something as innocuous as a Playboy magazine, banning any movie with any sexual content, banning gambling etc, forcing kids to pray in school and sit through Bible readings even if they come from Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, atheist and agnostic homes),and all that.

Some freedom!

With freedom like this,who needs tyranny ?

I could go on an on with examples of egregious right-wing PC,but I'll spare you.

Respectfully,Robert Berger, New Rochelle, NY.

Hambo's Reply:

Greetings From The Free State of PIG

Item: Labels
If your political philosphy defies conventional labels, you're obviously doing something right.  I have an aversion to labels, since it allows others to dismiss and/or pigeonhole you as "oh, you're one of THEM".  By rejecting a conventional label you force whomever to deal with you, Robert, the individual.  Among other things, it makes someone put in the quality time to learn what you believe and why you believe it.  I call those  encounters "bestowing enlightenment".

Item: PC
When I cut through all the crap and get to the bare facts, I conclude that political correctness is built upon the erroneous contention that an individual has an inherent right not to be offended. It's a brain fart that is NOT limited to those on the political left. In fact, when it comes to invoking this mythical 'right' that shields an individual from being offended, the right-wingnuts invoke it at least as much - probably more - than those on the left. Their mantra goes something like this:

"You can't say that, because I don't want to hear it."

"You can't show/do that, because I don't want to see it."

"You can't write that, because I don't want to read it."

"You can't teach that (Evolution, for example), because I don't what to know it."

"You can't pair off with him, her, himher, or it, because it offends my suffocating supernaturalism."

If there's a distinction between right-wingnut Korrectness and lefty moonbat Korrectness it's this:

By invoking political correctness, the lefty is saying, in essence: SHUT UP, MORON!

By invoking political correctness, the righty is saying, in essence: REPENT SINNER.

By rejecting these attempts to dictate elements of my life, I am saying: BITE ME!

Hambo
Sovereign Individual, and, Editor of the Politically Incorrect Gazette.

 

PIGster Grammy Finally Checks In

Hey Guys,

My hubby told me to send this to you because he figured you would appreciate it. I have a new party to assist the Tea Party. It consists of those who can't take off work for one reason or another to go to the Big Rally's. We are the After 5'ers, the Swing Shifters, the ones that get together after work with a few friends and like minded individuals and solver all the worlds problems over a few adult beverages. We call ourselves the "Beer & Ale Party". What it stands for is, "Begin Electing Ethical Representation & Against Legalized Extortion!" I am in the process of having T-shirts made and have already got several people on board. We don't want to replace the Tea Party, we just want to help. Besides, they can be our DD's if it comes to that. What do you think? Do you want to play along and see if we can help make a difference? By the way, If the Bleeding Heart Liberal, Commie Pinko's want to make fun of us, Bring It On Wussies. I Love nothing better than having a Battle of Wits with multiple Unarmed Persons!!!

Thanks for all that you have done. I have been a loyal reader and advocate for you ever since my little sis turned me on to you when you first started. I have a lot of friends that don't have computers at home and so I print your stuff at least once a week. Keep up the Great Work!!

Proud to be called a PIG!!
Yours Truly,

PIGster Grammy

Not A Racist
Not Violent
No Longer Silent

Hambo's Reply

The "Beer & Ale Party" - "Begin Electing Ethical Representation & Against Legalized Extortion!" - rocks my world. PIGster Grammy is in the process of setting up a web page for it. When it’s done, we’ll put a link to it under our ‘Friends of PIG’, and flag it elsewhere, on our cyberspace speed bump.

It's my great pleasure to, belatedly, welcome you to the FSOP, PIGster Grammy.

HELLth Care And The Death Of America.

A Rational, Maybe Ex-Liberal whom we'll call K-Mart for now, writes:

United States of America
b. July 4, 1776

d. March 21, 2010

We survived George III's attempts to control us. As well as 1812.

We survived the Barbary Coast Pirates and and their Jihad spewing progeny the Taliban and Al Quaeda.

We survived the Whiskey Rebellion and other internal Redneck assaults including Timothy McVey.

We survived the American Civil War (although that's really a matter of opinion)

We survived numerous European challenges to the Monroe Doctrine.

We survived Kaiser Wilhelm and the Sauerkraut Posse.

We survived the Great Depression.

We survived The Three Stooges . . . Adolf, Benito, and Hideki.

We survived the Cold War against Stalin, Kruschev and the others.

We survived Noriega, Saddam Hussein, Bill Clinton and other assorted assholes.

But America met it's match by voting a bunch of scum-sucking, liberal, retard, entitled whiners into office who want to now change the name of our once powerful and charismatic nation to the United States of BOHICA (Bend Over Here It Comes Again!)

Signed,

A Victim Of Rape On A National Level

The 'Right' To Health Care: Rambling Rick B. writes:

NO ONE HAS A FUCKING "RIGHT" TO HEALTH CARE!! NO ONE! NOT ONE SINGLE GODDAMNED ONE OF YOU! UNDERSTAND??????????

YOUR FUCKING "RIGHTS" END WHERE MY WALLET BEGINS, ASSHOLES! THERE IS NO "RIGHT" TO HEALTH CARE!!!!!!!

What you HAVE the right to is to succeed beyond your WILDEST DREAMS.....or to STARVE TO DEATH! (Read the Declaration: "...Life, Liberty - from the TYRANNY of anothers ideas as to how you live your life - and the PURSUIT of happiness-NOT the GUARANTEE of happiness, or the PROVISION of Happiness!!)

A right ceases to be a "right" and becomes a PRIVILEGE SUBJECT TO REVOCATION when it demands the property or labor of another human being to be fulfilled. The "rights" you refer to are the same "rights" Karl Marx was referring to when he wrote "The Communist Manifesto: "From each (Taken by FORCE - (if neccessary, which it always is!) according to his ability, to each (unearned, and unpaid for!), according to his need!

NO HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE FORCED TO SERVE THE NEEDS OF ANOTHER, EITHER PHYSICALLY, AS IN THE PRACTICE OF SLAVERY, OR ECONOMICALLY, AS IN THE CONFISCATION BY FORCE OF ANOTHERS WEALTH, MATERIAL POSESSION, OR FRUITS OF LABOR!

Unfortunately, we're one of the last remaining countries on earth that haven't completely succumbed to Socialism/Communism. It's only a matter of time, however-when the majority has the power to vote itself benefits at the expense of others (THEFT!) it's almost impossible for them not to exercise that power.

So, to that end...FUCK SOCIALISM, and if you are a power, possessions and freedom-grabbing Socialist, then FUCK YOU!! You are at WAR with me, and people DIE in war!. You'd better be prepared to DIE to impose your will on ME!

However, to those of you who are NOT CommieCrat Socialist Assholes, ......have a nice day, live long, and prosper.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled bullshit.

PIG's Reply:

We couldn't have said it louder or clearer.

Swine Flew or Whine Flew?

While paying a return visit to our Dumpster Diving page, PIGster Swine Flew got a nasty eyeful. Before we air out his complaint, the FSOP insists on quoting the pertinent prose from the Dumpster Diving introduction:

"Fair warning! Dumpster Diving isn't for the faint-hearted, the chronically offended, or anyone else who can't tolerate 'sick', 'edgy' or 'holy crap' class material. The rest of you, uh, thrill seekers will probably make this your home page. There's just no accounting for taste."

Now that we’re all on the same page, here’s The Swine’s whine:

SF: I wish to lodge a complaint. When returning for a peek at 'the perfect wife' I was okay with the pumpkin. However, I will never be able to get the other thing out of my head.

Emma A. complained:
You sound like petulant children pointing the finger. Grow up.

Hambo replied:

"Grow Up"?

We’re working on it as hard as we can, but it’s not easy while we’re sitting in the corner of our basement abode, where mommy exiled us.

"Petulant"?

We only get childishly sulky and bad-tempered when mommy shows up LATE with our brewskie and pizza rations.

"Finger-Pointing"?

Do you know how hard it is to point and give the one finger salute at the same time?

MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s calling us names.

A New PIGster, J.P., Takes Us To Task:
First off, the republican party is the one attacking most of your rights with bills such as the Patriot Act, as well as illegal wiretapping. The democrats want the government to take its hands off you in terms of that stuff.

Secondly, in dense urban environments guns are a bad idea. While they do offer protection, their efficiency in killing makes them a liability to those nearby. I, for one, would much rather not put my life in my neighbors' hands. I would argue that the right to moderate security comes before that of being able to kill trespassers/burglars. In rural areas, guns are clearly not such a worry. When people live miles apart you don't really have to worry much about stray bullets/psycho neighbors.

Thirdly, the reason for affirmative action and other "racist" policies is that not all children are born on an equal playing field. Minorities are often born into poverty (at least a lot more than caucasians), and the federal government uses a small amount of your money to help fix this problem, and give young minorities the same chances they would get as if they had been born into a more financially secure family.

Finally, a laissez-faire economy is idiotic. A communist economy is equally idiotic, and even less fair. The reason for government interference in the economy (taxes, etc) is that 1) the government needs money to maintain infrastructure and 2) in an economy like ours, the rich have a higher tendency to become richer while the poor have a very hard time becoming less poor. This means that rather than auto-correcting/remaining moderate, class differences perpetually widen. Government institutions such as welfare and taxes are attempts to correct this, to build a stronger middle class, rather than having a few obscenely wealthy people while the rest are dirt poor. The government needs to find a balance between stopping the self-perpetuating class differences and still allowing people economic freedom.

Those being said, your articles on thought-rape, while most likely exaggerating, are brilliant. I have heard of how drunk sex is considered rape and am appalled by the fact that when a woman allows her judgment to be impaired by alcohol or other voluntary drugs, she is immediately made immune to any poor decisions they make. I can understand the judgment question when a drink is spiked, but when a girl voluntarily consumes substances that impair her judgment, makes a (bad?) decision and regrets it afterward she should not be able to throw her acquaintance behind bars, and stamp him as a rapist! I don't think many democrats actually agree with that crap.

That's another myth propagated by ultraconservatives—that all democrats are communist, PC, man-hating, sexually-frustrated old crones. Most of us believe in fairness with a touch of compassion, and above all free speech (death to the F.C.C.). I hope I might have at least slightly influenced your viewpoints (probably not). Keep on fighting the womyn!

Hambo's Long-Winded Response:

Item 1: The nature of inalienable individual liberty.
In its purist form, liberty only guarantees an equality of opportunity. It does not, should not, and cannot guarantee an equality of results. When we say 'all men are created equal'...when we refer to the 'level playing field', that's what we mean. Each individual starts off with the same set of rights and the same opportunity to grab that piece of the American dream. It does not mean that each of us is born with the same skills. The last item in our PIG Doctrine says it best: Life is inherently unfair; that's why condoms come in different sizes.

Item 2: The two political clans.
The Elephant Clan is, was?, populated by a critical mass of smugly sanctimonious individuals who believe they are more righteous than the average bear. Armed with that conviction, for the good of society as a whole, they infringe liberty to save you from your own, sinful, impulses. Elephant Clan bottom line: you are too sinful to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life.

The Donkey Clan is populated by a critical mass of highbrow asshats who believe they are smarter than the average bear. Armed with that conviction, for the good of society as a whole, they infringe liberty to save you from your own stupidity. Donkey Clan bottom line: you are too stupid to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life.

As far as I"m concerned, both wings of this GOVERNMENT PARTY can bite me.

Item 3: The right to keep and bear arms.
The dirty little secret about the Second Amendment is that sometimes having a gun...showing the gun...is enough to make the desperado asshat seek a 'softer' target.. Are there some individuals I don't want anywhere near a firearm? You bet. Do I think I have the right - directly, or through the coercive power of the Nanny State - to dictate gun ownership? Nope. Liberty is very messy that way.

[Many of these 'he, she, heshe, or it has no business owning a gun' issues would sort themselves out, if we could persuade the Nanny State to take down the safety net that interferes with human gene pool improvement, A.K.A. Darwinian de-selection.]

Item 4: Affirmative Action
This is closely related to the things I wrote in item 1. Affirmative Action seeks an equality of results. It rigs the game - school admissions, hiring,, etc - to achieve a predetermined result. The preferred yardstick for these predetermined results is U.S. Census Data. Affirmative Action presumes that certain skills, abilities, are distributed equally, in each individual. Therefore, if college admissions don't match, with 15-digit precision, existing census data, it must be one of those damn 'isms': racism, sexism, classism.

Item 5: Capitalism
I recommend that you read Ayn Rand's "Capitalism, The Unknown Ideal" Other items that should go on your reading list are The Constitution of the United States and The Federalist Papers. Given the rousing success of Uncle Sam's economic tinkering in core marketplace segments like agriculture and energy, I feel confident in stating that the heretofore untested laissez-faire system has to be an improvement.

Item 6: Labels
Are all Democrats commie scumbags? Nope, but the far left wing of the party espouses a mantra that sounds suspiciously close to 'From each according to his ability. To each according to his need.' Many of Barry O'Bama's statements on the campaign trail demonstrate his support for this Marxist Axiom.

I have a certain unresolved 'issues' with labels. They tend to get in the way of a free, open, and enlightening exchange of ideas. The instant you label yourself - or allow someone else to label you - it's a conversation stopper. It gives the other person an out: "OH, you're one of THOSE."

Admittedly, I have considerable success in resisting the impulse to label myself. I am much less successful when it comes to the utterly human proclivity for labeling others.

Since I write most of the things that appear on PIG, I will close by telling you what I am NOT:

I am not a Republican
I am not a Democrat
I am not a liberal.
I am not a conservative.
I am not an altruist in any way, shape or form.

I am a sovereign individual.

PIGster Mark S.:
I want to take the time to thank you guys for putting a smile on my face every day. There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't stop by your neck of the internet just to laugh at your Pic of the Day or enjoy the Today in History (keep bashing Kennedy, he's earned it). Pig Prattle always seems to make me laugh, pissed, confused, enlightened etc... and when I finally get myself out of bed on a Saturday morning Girlie Man of the Week and Golden Oinks work great for getting me going in the morning.

I am tired of whiny little bastards/bitches that have had everything handed to them their entire life and proudly display their "certificate of participation" awards for every one to see. Give me an f'in break. You only succeed when you work your ass off. The real world is going to chew you up and spit you onto the curb in a heartbeat and not even look back at your wretched ass laying on the street. I work with idiots like this every day and see them get torn to shreds by the real world constantly. Who comes to the rescue, peons like me.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, keep up the great work.

Get a new Mac, it really is worth it.

Keep up the good fight,

Mark

Porcus Replied:
No apologies necessary, Mark, as PIG was designed in part for folks like you that pay attention and "get it."

Normally, we post gripes, complaints and hate mail in this section to illustrate that there really are brain-dead, myopic, follow-the-herd type korrectniks out there, somewhere in our midst. With your letter, I thought once in a while we ought to post some positive feedback from regulars like yourself.

I have a question. Are you one of those types that steals your bosses time by sneaking peeks at PIG while on the clock, then walks over to the water cooler with a smart-ass grin on your face, wanting to share what you just read or saw in The Free State Of PIG, but were afraid of the consequences?

Thought so. By all means, keep it up until you get caught. At that point, the party's over and you can come clean and come out of the closet to your boss and co-workers as a chronic PIGster. Don't sweat it, the unemployment line isn't all bad, unless of course your boss is a closet PIG, too.

As far as my Piece 'O Shit Mac goes, it's me and my Mac until the hubcaps fall off, baby. Me and my Mac have been through thick and thin and even built this site together, and I just don't have the heart to put it out to stud just yet.

Mark, I promise, that smile on your face will never go away as long as you keep tuning in to PIG.

PIGster Judy D. Complained:
I haven't read much on PIG about Ron Paul and his campaign for president. I don't find this very surprising since no one seems to want to cover his campaign, even though he has raised more money than any other Republican candidate, and those funds were contributed by individuals. At first thought, I agreed with most of his views with the exception of his view on the IRAQ war. That was until I found out that active duty servicemen (from all branches) contributed more to his campaign than any republican OR democrat candidates COMBINED! This got me to look closer at his foreign policy views. What he says makes much more sense than anything else that I have read or heard coming from the other presidential candidates. Another thing that got my curiosity aroused was the LACK of any coverage of his campaign and his being ignored during debates. Please take a closer look as his views. He is a true constitutionalist in the order of our founding fathers. He is for very limited government AND a strong military AND securing our borders.

I humbly ask you to take a look and provide some information to others out there that is looking for an alternative for the socialists (democrats) and fascists (republicans) candidates.

Hambo Replied:
I won't put words in Porcus' mouth, so what follows is my - Hambo's - considered opinion.

I will start by admitting that, on balance, I find much more to like about Ron Paul than to dislike. From time to time, I have mentioned him, in passing, as the only member of the Capitol Hill Clown Posse who understands the limitations under which our national government operates. I have lauded him, numerous times, for being the only member of congress who dares to ask the essential question: "Which clause in the United States Constitution gives congress the power to do 'this'?". Based on these factors , I have concluded that Ron Paul's political philosophy contains many of the key elements of my own, a mindset I call sovereign individualism.

I have not examined his platform in any great detail, but I do have a basic understanding of what's in it, based on a speech I saw him give on C-Span, a month or two ago. I know what he'd do on the domestic front and I wholeheartedly agree with his 'take a meat ax to the Nanny State' approach to restoring a properly-constitutional government in the D.C. zip code of the Twilight Zone.

My primary concern with Congressman Paul's candidacy is his non-negotiable, 'hell no we won't go' approach to foreign entanglements. For the record, I agree with him, up to a point: Uncle Sam has, in way too many cases, stuck his nose, his red, white and blue finger, in pies (situations) where we damn sure don't belong. Some of our foreign entanglements need to be severed and the entity on the other end of that Made In The USA tether left to fend for itself.

On the other hand, I am not convinced that pulling out of the world, hunkering down inside our borders, and crossing our fingers will save us from the supernaturalism-motivated insanity of the Jihadikazes. They want to destroy us, and they aren't going to stop because we've barricaded ourselves inside our heavily fortified Fortress America. If we don't take this fight to THEM, they are ready, willing and eager to bring the fight to US. That, in my opinion, is a given. I would need considerable assurance that a President Ron Paul has the right stuff when it comes to defending our liberty from our sworn enemies. Bottom line: I am not sold on Ron Paul as Commander in Chief.

That, in essence, sums up my attitude about Ron Paul, Oval Office candidate.

Someone claiming to be Lucy Lucy (AKA Sarah e)  is pulling our chain:
I know most of the men around the world aren't as close minded as you are, but wow you take the cake. You are obviously so threatened by the position women hold, that you have to derive self esteem from bashing their accomplishments. I'm sure if you had your way you'd have hoards of women tied to your bed rails naked, and the only time you'd let them free is to have them cook you dinner. You're a disgusting excuse for a human being, who has no morals, and because men can get away with being a sexist more than they can a racist today, I'm sure you hate blacks, Jews, and anything that isn't white, male, and straight. You feel the need to make this website so you can feel like a "real" man should, powerful, in control, and intelligent, when you are the farthest thing from it. 
 
You're a little boy, who probably still giggles whenever you hear the word boob. I don't see why you hate women so much, do you hate your mother? I doubt that you have a girlfriend/wife, but if you do, do you hate her? If you treat women with respect, it will be reciprocated. And the bullshit you posted about the inventors is all wrong, Alexander Graham Bell didn't get married until after he invented the telephone, and the main reason he invented the phone was for the advancement of deaf individuals.  Get your facts straight before you spout off anymore little boy anecdotes. You're the reason why I support abortion, because your mother should have definitely aborted your dumb ass. Thanks, call me you podunk hillbilly!
 
Sarah e.

PIGish reply:
It's hard to take someone this deep in the Twilight Zone seriously.  At minimum he, she, heshe or it is schizo, because Lucy Lucy signed her catewauling as Sarah e.  Take your medication cupcake, and the voices will stop yammering at you.

PIGster Brian W. takes Hambo to the woodshed over Twerpy Tommy
Did I MISS something in Today's Tasty Tidbit (Wednesday 27 June 2007) on Twerpy Tommy?

I'm sure I'm not the only sovereign individual who will be calling you to task on your comments about Twerpy Tommy attempting to make a film in Der Faderland.

Yes, the German government can comment on who & how they like, and even ban them from this and that. But, WHY, in the first, second and last place, is it any of the German government's business WHAT particular flavor of religion (cross-cultism or otherwise) a person professes and practices? That is a private decision left to the individual, even if he, she, heshe or it displays it in public in alarming and/or bizarre ways. The government should step in ONLY if the religious flavor posed a danger to the public at large. And from their comments, I'm not sure they've proved that particular point. I'm sure if Twatney Spears wanted to make a film in Deutschland, the government wouldn't kick her out just because she had a public meltdown and had her head shaved bald (but I could be wrong).

My biggest disappointment was in your parting shot comments, essentially agreeing with the government. I would have thought that you would have told the Bundeswher to butt out, that it was none of their business about Tommy's Scientology cult. If the government thinks that Scientology is such a dangerous cult, maybe they should add a clause in any movie-making contract prohibiting any proslytizing (that means doing missionary work) while in country.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't continue to poke holes in Tommy's balloon, just because he is such a public jerk. But to side with the German government on this is just wrong, another step down the road of nanny-state-ism, where the government gets to tell you what religion to practice and how to think.

It's not as if we lived in the Middle Ages (well, maybe some would LIKE to go back to those days), and that any new ideas were only brought in by the infrequent strangers passing through. There IS such a thing as the Internet (invented by Al Bore ;P), where almost anyone can research almost anything. If anybody wanted to find out about Scientology, even in Germany, it's all there and easily accessable with a few clicks on the keyboard

Hambo Sez
I don't recall the full facts about Germany's head-butting with Scientology, but I know they've been at each other's throats for quite a while (perhaps as long as a decade).

As I understand it, the German Defense Ministry refused the film company access to MILITARY bases, one of which contains a key location where the plan to send Hitler to the hell he deserves was hatched. That, in my opinion is their call to make. The German government did NOT refuse the film company permission to film in other parts of Germany.

Call me names and beat me with a wet noodle, but I tend to give Kudos to anybody who gives that Couch-Jumping wingnut, Twerpy Tommy a bad time, no matter what their reasons might be.

I suspect that the real reason they didn't want Tommy filming on Germany's military property is because they don't trust him. Paranoid bastards that they are, they don't want to be a guilty party when Twerpy's film goes out of its way to cast the Fatherland in a bad light.

Did I cross the line in my enthusiasm for this Twerpy Tommy bashing by the Fatherland? Probably. Did I shelve my sovereign individualism for a few minutes to kick Twerpy Tommy in the butt? You bet. Am I whipped with guilt over my sin against sovereign individualism? Not exactly, but I promise to schedule some quality time to hang my head in shame.

FYI: I am the one who wrote the piece and, as usual, I accept the blowback.

Thanks for giving me a piece of your mind.

Ironically, Gunny John viewed the same item differently
I
was madder than a whino at an AA meeting after reading your latest "Tasty Tidbits." Tom "croooze," is a pinhead of the highest order, but this seems to be the first time in recent history that a member of the EU has made a reasonable choice when it comes to any social issues.

"German Defense Ministry denied the film production access to any German military sites:

'...Cruise, also one of the film's producers, is a member of the Church of Scientology which the German government does not recognize as a church. Berlin says it masquerades as a religion to make money, a charge Scientology leaders reject."

Kudos to the Germans for sidestepping their typical "uber-liberal" stance. At least their zeal to bow to every professional victim in existence has not clouded their opinion of an obvious sham-artist. Scientology is as much of a religion as my dog's recent stool sample.

Semper Fi,

Hambo sez
After all the inflammatory, table pounding, occasionally insane prose I've served up in PIG, this lame piece about Twerpy Tommy set people's hair on fire? I am, as usual, amazed and amused. It's go figure time in Hamboland.

Andrew K. Tells Us To Take A Hike:
I find it odd that you throw around LIBERAL like it's some kind of insult. Lets go through some famous LIBERALS: Galileo, Newton, George Washington, oh..and don't forget JESUS (that guy that you "conservatives" love so much).

In your world, we would have ignored these LOONEY LIBERALS, right? Your kind was around back then and DID try to silence every one of these people. Please don't repeat history, as your kind has already done time and time again.

I understand leaving your comfort zone is SO not conservative, but try it sometime. Go kayaking, swimming, biking, hiking, sailing, skydiving, DO SOMETHING. It's clear why you are so frustrated, pissed-off, and closed-minded...your brain needs fresh air to operate properly!

So take it easy on using LIBERAL as an insult.

Hambo's Long-Winded PIGish Response:
Thank you for taking the time to give us a piece of your mind.

The interesting thing about the word "liberal" is that, in the 21st century, many members of America’s political class seem to be fleeing the term like it’s tainted with ebola. The preferred term, as far as this knuckle-dragging political Neanderthal can deduce, is "progressive". Since the ‘L’ word bugs certain sensitive souls, we tend to use - and abuse - it. It’s their bugaboo, not ours.

As far as I can tell the essence of ‘liberalism’, as it manifests itself in the 21st century is this: "We’re much smarter than you are. Since you’re too stupid to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life, we, the intellectually superior, will do it for you." The essence of ‘conservatism’, as it manifests itself in the 21st century is this: "We’re more righteous than you are. Since you’re too sinful to be entrusted with the conduct of your own life, we, the smugly sanctimonious, will save you from your ‘burn in everlasting hell’ impulses." As far as I’m concerned, both of them can bite me.

Depending on which parts of PIG you read, you may or may not know that we tend to be just as annoyed by elements of the Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy, as we are liberals. These VRWC pinheads want to intrude into my life by telling me what I’m allowed to read, see on television, learn in a science classroom, do in my bedroom with a consenting adult, or view in a movie theater. Who the hell asked them? The primary VRWC sales pitch seems to be "We know that we suck, but those damn libs suck a lot more."

The primary focus of this pagan scribbler’s poisoned pen is that entity I call the Great American Nanny State, a pernicious blight that is perpetrated, with equal enthusiasm, by self-defined liberals and conservatives. Standing against this Nanny State Nitwit tide are those diehard rational adults whom I call ‘sovereign individuals’, individuals who dare to think that the conduct of their life, and the fruits thereof belong to him, her, himher or it, period. Like some of the names you mentioned - Galileo is a prime example - sovereign individuals dare to swim against the prevailing Nanny State tide. As far as I can tell, sovereign individuals tend to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal. There might be an "approved" name for that, but I choose to call them sovereign individuals AKA rational adults.

For the record, I am not a conservative, a liberal, or an adherent to any form of supernaturalism, theological, political or cultural. I am, and intend to remain, a sovereign individual.

For some potentially ‘enlightening’ prose by this pagan scribbler, I suggest that you read some of the "Classic Meltdowns" you’ll find here:  Hambo's Meltdowns

You might find "We The People" and "Being A Rational Adult in an Irrational World Sucks", worthy of your time.

Erin F. Went Postal by Writing:
I have something that really bothers me. I don't know the facts because it's just from the media, so who knows. I know this is going to be terribly offensive to many people, BUT what the fuck was wrong with 3 out of 4 planes full of people on 9-11? Box cutters, you people are scared of box cutters and some God damn rag heads. Fuck them. In Amerika, we fight in bars over a guy looking at a chick or someone saying something stupid, but you don't rush these motherfuckers and beat the living piss out of them. I am so confused. Where has our country gone? Can someone please let me know if they find it? I miss her terribly and fuck you all who want to take away every little thing that might be offensive to you. I seriously could go postal if I have to hear one more Holiday song show at my kid's school where they now sing "Gingerbread Boy or Girl". We have to now be anatomically correct on top of the plethora of useless p.c. bullshit that has eroded this whole country. Don't even get me going on the public school cess pool. My son announced that his science teacher said that anything that comes from a seed is therefore a fruit. If that doesn't make you want to puke up your tax dollars, you are a fruitcake.

PIGish Response:
None required. As far as we're concerned Erin nailed it.

SPQR44BC Caterwauled:
What's up with the crap on your website? Your website has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever and promotes nothing but intolerance and hate. You guys are a bunch of pussies hiding behind the 1st Amendment. On every article I've read, you guys act like a bunch of candy-ass, limp-wristed, bleeding heart twinkies, i.e., acting out of emotion (aka hormonally) instead of using your brains to debate an issue. Hmmm . . . kind of makes you and your goose-stepping neo-nazi, ultra conservative, redneck republican braindead audience sound like a bunch of the ultra liberal Hilary-types that you so hate. Take a Midol, change your pads and then type responsibly! Prove your a safe haven for free speech and run a story on unemployed, white, heterosexual, alcoholic WASPs, or is that too close to home?

PIGish Response:
Thank you for your expertly argued, insightful, objective analysis and point-by-point challenge to certain core concepts that recur throughout our cyberspace speed bump. "Crap", "bunch of pussies" and "candy-ass, limp-wristed, bleeding heart twinkies" takes our normal discourse to a much higher plain of rhetoric. It’s such a refreshing change from the usual hyperventilating, name-calling screed that lands in our inbox with a deafening whine. Oops! I just reread your message and apologize for mistaking you for a rational adult.

You disagree with everything we say and hate the way we say it? We’re crushed, but we’ll survive. Due to the untimely demise of your sense of humor, you don’t find us the least bit funny? That sounds like your personal problem. You think our readers are goose-stepping, intellectually flat-lining redneck rustics? Since you spent so much time reading PIG and hating it, we suspect that’s what you see in the mirror and it’s so not our problem. You want us to write about unemployed, white, heterosexual alcoholic WASPs? If that’s your idea of cutting edge prose, we’ll let you devote your own Internet publication to it, since you’re obviously so up close and personal with that stop-the-presses subject matter.

We’re "hiding behind the First Amendment"? We don’t need to, Sparky. You are woefully ill-informed about the nature and meaning of the U.S. Constitution in general and the Bill of Rights in particular. The First Amendment didn’t give me the right to speak freely without some pinhead - left wing or right wing - trying to put a muzzle on me. The First Amendment says, in essence, that free speech is part of each individual’s inalienable individual liberty birthright, then it explicitly bans the Nanny State from infringing on that birthright. Contrary to popular myth, the U.S. Constitution and its Bill of Rights isn’t an exhaustive laundry list of rights bestowed on individuals by a benevolent government. It is, on the contrary, a strict set of specific restrictions and non-negotiable limitations placed on the Nanny State by sovereign American individuals.

Under the aforementioned founding U.S. document, you have the right to call us all the names you want. You do not, however, have the inherent right not to be offended. I’d love to keep this thrilling exchange of views going but it’s time for me to fortify myself with a brewskie - Midol gives me a rash - then goose-step to my computer and start perpetrating more intolerant and hateful irresponsible typing. It’s a dirty job and somebody has to do it.

Update: A second message from this clown was deemed more of the same, but not as spiffy, so we trashed it. We have our standards, PIGsters, even when it comes to hate mail.

Cindy M Wrote
I am misfortunate? enough to live in the greater chicagoland area and I was just watching WGN (Ch 9, Chicago - for those of you not from here, living here or viewing on bad cable) and I heard/saw an ad for some father's rights atty.  I didn't catch his name b/c I really wasn't paying attention, but I did hear the quote, "He helped reunite Elian Gonzalez with his father."

I was just wondering if anyone at PIG had seen it or and felt the same thing I felt.  I had had a drink or 2 at the time of viewing, but I usually don't feel that kind of sick taste in my mouth unless I'd had 12 or 2 AND a shot of Tequila!

PIGish Response
We do get WGN on our cable blight, but I managed to miss this dose of shyster crap.  Thanks to your letter, I tracked this scumbag down via a Google search. This shyster scumbag's name is Jeffery M. Leving and he bills himself as a Men's Rights Advocate.   If I'm interpreting his site correctly, he wasn't hired to represent Elian.  He horned into the case by filing an Amicus (friend of the court) brief with the INS.  Later, he arm twisted Elian's Commie rat bastard father into letting him represent Elian - and by extension - Fidel Castro in Federal Court.

Jeffrey Leving is the kind of shyster crap that prompted PIG to promote its oft-maligned idea that we need a "no limit" shyster hunting season.  Armed to the teeth, we would round up Jeffrey and as many other cretins of that ilk as we could find, then turn them loose in a confined area.  After giving them a 5 minute head start, rational adults - the PIG Staff, you, and assorted others - would arm themselves to the teeth and start turning law-degreed rat bastards into worm chow.  For reasons I can't explain, this idea didn't thrill trial lawyers spitless.  I wonder if it's something we said?

As for this Leving son-of-a-bitch, we'll add his name to PIG where it belongs, America's Least Wanted.  Also, we'll probably give him a richly deserved award as shyster rat bastard of the millennium.  From the bottom of our PIGish heart we thank you for bringing this piece of shyster crap to our attention.  Helping condemn Elian to that living, Cuban hell is bad enough, but bragging about it is intolerable.

Jim Asked About the Dixie Twits
Any response to the latest drivel from those heifers?

PIGish Reply
Nobody in the PIG bunker gives a rat's butt about anything the Warthog - Natalie Maines - has to say about anything. Whenever she pops off, we start asking ourselves the inevitable question: "Are they promoting a concert tour or a new album?" In a properly Darwinian world, the Warthog and her cohorts would be at the head of the line waiting to be DE-SELECTED. In other words, Natalie 'Warthog' Maines? Never heard of the bitch.

Some Nameless Whiner Complained:
Why do you say no Irish need apply?
Why are you against American Indians (members of tribes)?

PIGish Response:
Your Question: Why do you say no Irish need apply?
Our Answer:  Our esteemed publisher is proud to be Irish, and it's his notion of a joke.  Since he's the publisher, and we're not, we laugh.

Your Question:  Why are you against American Indians (members of tribes.)?
Our Answer: Given the PIG staff's well-documented obsession with gambling, it's fair to state that we hold them in the highest esteem, but we do quibble about the term "Native" Americans.  Scientific evidence seems to demonstrate that they did not originate here, but are, in fact, the first immigrants.  Since they came here over the land bridge to Siberia, we choose to employ the geographically-correct term Siberian-Americans.  This is not an insult, just a recognition of their true origins.  For the record, we're not down on Siberians, either.  Granted, we probably won't spend our vacation there, but that's an assessment based on weather conditions rather than Siberia's denizens.

When it comes to the term "tribal" as its used in PIG, it refers to anyone who rejects an individual identity for a "tribal" identity based on race, national origin or any other immutable trait. PIG has no time and even less patience with the vaunted "group identity". We deal with individuals, period. Any other damn fool questions Sparky?

Dain Complained:
Your pig on the front has feet...what gives? They're supposed to have hooves. Believe me, as someone that loves to eat pork and pork based products...I should know.

PIGish Response:
We'll forgo speculating on the exact nature of Dain's close, personal, relationship with pigs and cut to the chase. We, briefly, considered asking Sgt Pork, but, as everyone can see, he's a heavily armed PIGster with an attitude. Seeking a more scholarly assessment, we tossed this reader inquiry into the room where we keep PIG's crackpot scientific staff, then locked the door again. When the noise generated by the ensuing melee subsided, we dispatched Spike the Wonder Tyke to fetch their answer.

We'll skip over the aspersions they heaped on Dain, the loyal PIG Staff and our esteemed editor, and give you the bottom line. Sgt. Pork is, as any fool can see, the result of cutting edge genetic engineering. According to our lab coated crackpots, he's a swino sapiens.

El Panamaniak Caterwauled:
I don't hate you. But I feel sorry, because the poor, poor, White male aged 18-50 is finally seeing his "reign" come to an end. I'm Afro-Panamanian and speak three other languages besides English and I've served in the Corps. Hey, you should learn Spanish it's going to helpful in the next let's say 100 years!

PIGish Response:
We're trying to be thrilled that you don't hate us, but it's probably going to take awhile. You can't rush these things.

We're pleased that you have something to look forward to - the end of whitey's oppressive "reign". It's a damn shame that properly-hyphenated pinheads tolerated the likes of Einstein, Shakespeare, Edison, Gates, Newton, and others of that ilk as long as they did.

It's interesting that your individual accomplishments - learning four languages and serving in the Corps - are, in your mind, secondary to your born that way ethnicity - Afro-Panamanian. It tells us a lot about your self image, more than we wanted to know, as a matter of fact.

Thank you for your helpful suggestion - "you should learn Spanish". We're taking that one under advisement, since we just upgraded from grunting to a barely functional, rudimentary form of what we laughingly call "English".

I don't want to ruin your whole life, but you just made our Publisher's day. He's always thrilled spitless when some whining, properly-hyphenated pinhead gets out the crayons and sends us some hate mail.

Follow-Up Response ( El Panamaniak's second message deemed "more of the same".)
First you SHOUT that you don't hate us.  I get that; it's my publisher that has his doubts.  You don't hate us but you think we're a bunch of racist rat bastards who lack the nads to wear our bedsheets and hood in public.  You don't hate us but you think we're a bunch of retards with delusions of intellectual grandeur.  Okay, we get that you don't hate us, but we also get that you don't like us at all.  We're crushed, but we'll get over it.  We usually do.

We don't care that you hyphenate your pedigree.  BUT, we really don't understand why an immutable trait is the be-all, end-all of who and what you are.  Being proud of your skin pigmentation, your gender, or your family's geographic origins makes as much sense as being proud of your shoe size or eye color. The pertinent question, in each case is: What the hell did you have to do with your assigned at birth, immutable traits? Not a damn thing, so why bring it up. No matter how thrilling they are - to you - your immutable traits don't tell us about you, the individual.  You, the individual, are more than an issued at birth DNA sequence.  Be proud over those elements of your life over which you exercise meaningful control. You speak four languages - that's very cool.  You served in the Corps - that's commendable.  You've probably contributed many more meaningful elements to your life, elements that make you, a unique, accept no substitutes individual.  You are more than your immutable traits, but if being Afro-Panamanian rocks your world, so be it.  Your life, your call, we accept it...We accept it, but we'll never understand it.

Mark F. Wrote:
Is this web site funded and/or endorsed by the American Nazi Party and the Ku Klux Klan? What a reservoir of hate!

PIGish Response:
Thank you for your your thoughtful, in depth, analysis of the Politically Incorrect Gazette. Receiving such erudite prose from a man of your lofty professional accomplishments is a refreshing change from our regular "you suck" and "drop dead, racist assholes" mail. We're so pleased with your word wrangling that we selected your compelling prose as our letter of the week. With your permission we'd like to share it with our readers on our PIGpen Forum.

You seem to be laboring under the tragic misconception that PIG is funded and/or endorsed by some group(s) or organization(s). Neither allegation is the case, although, to tell the truth, we had to look up "funded" because nobody at PIG knew what that meant. We're sorry to disappoint you, but no group or organization, public or private, has endorsed us. Furthermore, the closest we came to 'funded' happened last week, when the pizza delivery dude offered us $5 to shut the hell up.

Although it's been a thrill a minute communicating with you, it's time for me to crawl back under my rock and get busy on tomorrow's edition of our politically incorrect speed bump on the information superhighway.

Jennifer Wrote:
Thanks to you guys I now know what I am. I hate Lifetime and all those other crap that they call "television for women." WTF? What kind of woman watches that? Fifteen minutes into watching that dribble and I want to open a vein!

Thank you for recognizing that not all of us out there are whining, penis-envying, card carrying members of the NOW!

It's girls like that that give the rest of us women a bad name.

PIGish Response:
A woman with fully-functional synapses, Jennifer, obviously, liberated her own mind, without any shrill, NO-NAD hysterics. That's one of the reasons she's proud to be a PIGAL.

Jim H. Wrote:
I think that I have died and gone to heaven after reading your website---I am an unabashed PIG for now and forever! As an American Indian (yes, I are one) and a writer--I am constantly frustrated by having to dumb down my writing and constantly edit to make sure that I don't offend anyone (and thereby lose my job!)---Thank God there is a place where I can be my own piggish self!---

PIGish Response:
Nobody who has spent "quality time" in PIG's top secret bunker would mistake it for heaven, but we won't argue the point. Welcome to the Free State of PIG, Jim. Tell a friend.

Sonny P. Whined:
Seriously, I don't think I have laughed harder after I took a look at your website! I'm really, really hoping that it's all just a sad joke.

The homophobia mostly made me laugh, but not because I agree with your views on gays. GLAADBAG?!?! Jeez, how creative is that? I think a 10 year old could have thought of something a little better. And yeah, homophobia doesn't mean heterosexual. If anything, the more anti gay crap you spew proves how very gay you are. Maybe you just haven't had your semen this morning. I suggest you find a big ol' dick and have a nice long suckle. Maybe you'll lighten up.

PIGish Response:
GLAADBAG's creator - Spike the Wonder Tyke - is, I'll have you know, a venerable 6 and half, so show a little respect.

Homophobia? It's a petty, unimaginative, complaint - Spike the Wonder Tyke could do much better - but we'll deal with it anyway. PIG doesn't give a flaming damn which team you play for...PIG does have a problem with alleged individuals who define themselves as a race, an ethnicity, a gender or a sexual orientation. When you define yourself based on immutable traits, you're admitting that you haven't made a single, meaningful contribution to your own life since birth. If an immutable trait - including sexual orientation - is the be-all, end-all of who, what, you are, then you're pathetic.

Finally - and I hope this won't ruin your day - thank you for hating us enough to write. Like it or not, you just made our publisher's day. Now that's my idea of a sad joke.

Dominick F. Wrote:
I just wanted to thank you guy's for one of the best sites I have ever encountered. Your beginning article on educrap pleased me to no end. I'm a high-school student myself and am honestly baffled by the amount of scorn I receive for voicing such opinions as "Feminism started out well, Too bad its been taken over by a bunch of useless harpies who's only purpose is to dissect the English language as if it were the most important factor in equality". I honestly have trouble dealing with the amount of hippie propaganda thrown at me on a daily basis. Then again, Dealing with Korrectniks, Especially teenage ones isn't all that hard. Just smack them with some logic and they usually give up and walk away. I really appreciate what y'all are doing on this site and want to let you know that there are still some educated kids floating around in our public education system.

PIGish Response:
PIG is pleased to learn that there is intelligent life in Amerika's government cess-schools. In Dominic's case, PIG suspects that he gained his knowledge in spite of, rather than because of the Buckeye State Educrats' attempts to indoctrinate this proudly politically incorrect hormone gorilla.

Keep up the good work Dominick...PIG has your back.

Aaron G. Wrote:
It has come to our attention that you refer to the state of California as Kalifornia. The proper way to refer to this state is "The Peoples Republik of Kalifornia". This is an acceptable alternative to the longer official version "The Peoples republic of trans-gender bathrooms, formerly identified by the racist oppressors as California."

PIGish Response:
Your point about "Kalifornia" is well taken. However, "Kalifornia" was a phase we slogged through on our way to a new, more "enlightened" moniker for this outpost of left coast irrationality. At the end of our evolutionary journey we latched onto a term coined by Victor Davis Hanson: "Mexifornia". This term is now used ubiquitously, throughout all our prose and has even spawned a special section under that name in PIG News.

Why, you must be asking, did we cruelly, heartlessly, abandon a stellar word like "Kalifornia"?

Item 1: At one time, the top secret PIG bunker was located in ground zero of the border jumping scumbag invasion - Southern Mexifornia. The new location is classified.

Item 2: Hell-A has now fallen into enemy hands by electing a Colonista mayor.

For these and assorted other reasons, we're painfully aware of the reasons Mr. Hanson coined the term "Mexifornia".

For the record, PIG does agree that for the section of the state formerly known as California that is located between Monterey and the Oregon border - especially the Gulag (San Francisco), Santa Cruz and Beserkeley - "The People's Republik of Kalifornia" and "The People's republic of trans-gender bathrooms, formerly identified by the racist oppressors as California" are more appropriate than "Mexifornia".

PIG, humbly, suggests that the state motto be changed to: "Will the last rational adult leaving Mexifornia please turn out the lights."

And now, you know the rest of the story, nitpicker Sparky.

James S. Wrote:
I was referred to PIG by a friend of mine...I am a pretty typical right wing, conservative kid of guy, and enjoy your site a great deal. I have sent a link to your site, to everyone in my address book, to include my left leaning in-laws.

On another note, I would like to see more coverage of the Minutedudes project, as they establish themselves in Mexicas. I live in Mexicas, so the subject is very close to home.

Thanks again for keeping this site incorrect.

PIGish Response:
PIG encourages all its readers to emulate James. Thrill your lefty friends and relatives spitless by sending them a link to our relentlessly politically incorrect adventure in Internet publishing.

PIG readers from sea to shining sea might be interested to hear that PIG's crackpot staff is working on a new page for the Colonista section that will give readers a quick rundown on such major players in the fight to defend our borders as La Raza and the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps. As soon as it's locked and loaded we will shout it from PIG's top secret bunker's rooftop on Page One PIG.

On June 6, 2005 gibsonAV posted the following message on his blog:
PIG that I am :)

Allow me to introduce to you social wing nuts the new place to hang out (besides here of course...don't make me kill you)

If I had been much MUCH smarter, I would have come up with the POLITICALLY INCORRECT GAZETTE myself. Just to get you in the mood, check out their PIG PREAMBLE and you'll see what I mean. I can tell that between this site and TONGUE TIED, I'll always have some non PC stuff to rant on about :)

Thank the gods for goof balls like these!

(http://gibsonsgrotto.blogspot.com/)
[gibsonAV's blog posting is reprinted here with his express, written permission]

PIGish Reply:
The entire PIG staff thanks gibsonAV for his kind words about our irrational adventure on the information superhighway. If Al Gore knew that "his" brainchild would produce something as gleefully politically incorrect as PIG, he'd do the right thing and render himself room temperature.

For the record, "goof balls" is the nicest thing we've been called in a long, long time. Encouraged by this high praise, we promise to do our best to keep all our readers amply supplied with politically incorrect source material. It's a dirty job that we perform with considerable enthusiasm.

SSgt. John P. (United States Marines) Wrote:
I have some serious issues with your website. I love it one moment and hate it the next. I love it because it's right on the money. I hate it because every time I read about another mental midget politician, or border jumping scumbag lover, I get pissed off to no end. You provide entertainment, and wreck my whole freakin' day, all in one website. Who could ask for more? I often copy and paste comments from your site and email them to the jackass individuals they apply to (with some personal comments and terms of endearment of my own). I hope you don't mind, these people need all of the electronic bitch slapping that can possibly be sent their way. Keep up the good work.

PIGish Response:
First and foremost, PIG salutes SSgt. John P. for his service to our country. Call us names if you must, but, we're happier than a horndog at a pornstar convention that our nation's defense is in the capable hands of someone like SSgt. John, a dude who is perceptive enough to enjoy our PIGish prose.

Since SSgt. John is a Marine, we're loath to take him to task for his enthusiasm when he sends copies of our prose to those cringing cretins who stray into the PIG bull's-eye. On the other hand, when the proverbial black helicopters start circling the top secret PIG bunker, we're gonna call on SSgt. John and his Marine buddies to watch our back during the crisis. Lock and load, a few good men Sparky, because we're counting on you.

Gordon H. Wrote:
I agree with all of your credo statements but one, which I have to question. You say, "No good person ever turned evil from reading a book, watching television, listening to a song, watching a movie, playing a video game or surfing the Internet." I think that implies the opposite, that "No bad person ever turned good from reading a book, watching television, listening to a song, watching a movie, playing a video game or surfing the Internet." Considering the impact the Bible has had around the world, for quite a while, that can't be true. So, if a book can influence behavior in one direction, why not in the other?

PIGish Response:
The disputed tenet in the PIG Doctrine is a response to those Korrectniks who insist that the "wrong" books, television shows, songs, movies or games have an immediate and destructive impact on an otherwise virtuous individual. PIG reader, Gordon, has "issues" with that contention, because he apparently believes that certain "positive" influences, can, magically, transform an "evil" individual into a "virtuous" one. PIG insists that life just doesn't work that way, because acquiring, changing, or abandoning one's values is much harder than that.

Acquiring, changing or abandoning your values is time consuming because it involves a lot of thinking, learning, analyzing, discussing, then a lot more thinking. These changes don't happen in the blink of an eye because you read a certain book, heard a certain song, or watched a certain movie. A book, song, movie, etc. could slam dunk a new notion into your brain, the kind of notion that starts the long, laborious thinking process that might, in time, lead to a revision in one's values system. It's PIG's contention that the role of a book, song, movie, etc. is like the starter's gun in a race. All it does is set things in motion, but the race's outcome is determined by countless other factors. A book, song, movie, etc. doesn't change you. At best, it might make you consider the possibility.

The foregoing rant assumes, as a starting point, that a person's values system - for good or ill - is deeply ingrained in them. It does not apply to those frivolous alleged humans who change "values" like most people change a shirt. For the record, PIG is confident that Gordon does not fall into this category. Unlike Gordon, certain frivolous fatheads never do the hard work required to legitimately acquire a value system. Instead, the fatheads are perfectly content to fake it, so they can run with the 'in' crowd. If you fit into this category, stop acting like a meathead, Sparky.

PIG thanks Gordon for his thoughtful critique of our PIG Doctrine. Although we end up "agreeing to disagree" as the Old Larry Elder liked to say, PIG is pleased that readers like Gordon take the time to subject PIG's relentless prattle to such thoughtful analysis.

Agneta T. Wrote:
I am a new fan of your great site and am exploring it to its fullest. However, I could not find a way to get onto the Forum or read the "pork chops". What am I missing? Are these "premium" content, that is, pay-as-you-read (which I don't think they are), or what's the deal? All I see is the description of these offerings, but no way to hop on. The links on top (Letters, Hate Mail, Reader's Reply) are not really links...

Also, I noticed that you routinely spell America with a "k". What's that all about? I was not able to trace that, even though I read much of the site's contents.

Thanks again for your work - it is invaluable!

PIGish Response:
Thanks to Agneta's reality check, PIG, belatedly, whipped its PIGpen page into shape. It's thanks to loyal fans like Agneta that PIG keeps getting better. We're not sure why she's having problems with Pork Chops, but we'd like to take this opportunity to assure all our readers that PIG is delusional enough to consider every page in PIG "Premium" content. The good news for all our readers is that every page in PIG is available for one low, low price: FREE.

PIG doesn't blame it's readers for being confused about our pagan scribbler's penchant for "Amerika". Since he's incapable of giving a straight answer unless you get his undivided attention, we elicited the following information using the Editor's best friend: a cattle prod.

America = The Nation built upon the bedrock of inalienable individual liberty that the founding fathers established

Amerika = The liberty-infringing Nanny State into which America evolved.

He swears that he explained this, somewhere on the site, but he says so many things after a 'prodding'.

Maureen S. Wrote
Oh my God! Thank you for PIG. I want to join this prestigious group of my
peers.

What do I need to do? Do you have bumper stickers? If so, I want one now.
I'll gladly pay for the honor of putting this sticker on my Getta. Please,
please, please.

An eager PIG loyalist. Maureen S.

PIGish Response:
Our crackpot PIGear staff is thisclose to having some PIG goodies ready for prime time. PIG is working day and night to have PIGear open for business by this weekend (06/11/2005). As soon as we have it "good to go" we'll post an announcement on PIG's Prattle page. On behalf of the entire PIG staff, we thank you for your support and your patience.

Ken T. Wrote:
Just found your website AND I LOVE IT, you sick twisted freaks (courtesy Glenn Beck ). I even emailed the column on "Colonistas" to President Bush (...with all due respect, Mr. President.) I have not read all of your website (only "Colonistas" and "The Prattler"), but everyone and every subject you have skewered for BBQing richly deserved it. You all echo the sentiments of ALL THOSE WHO LOVE AMERICA

Sitting here reflecting on your comments re: "The Nuclear Option" , the respective party logos are well chosen; Dumb-ocrat ASSES and Republican Weenies (elephants are terrified by mice - Lib-ocrat Senators, regardless of party affiliation.)

Too bad the Pig Gazette isn't required reading in the House, Senate, White House and La Palacio de la Presidente de Mexico. But, then, we don't live in Perfection USA. Hey !! I got it !! Why not snail-mail complimentary hard copies of the Pig Gazette to them?

PIGish Response:
We're thrilled spitless that you like the site, Ken. We're trying to be thrilled that you sent our prose to President Bush. However, when those unmarked black sedans show up outside PIG's top secret bunker, we're gonna track you down, Sparky.

Steve H. Wrote:
I just happened to stumble across your site from a link on TongueTied.us I think it was. Within the first 15 minutes I was hooked and will definitely be a frequent visitor. It's hard to find ANYONE who can talk politics without including the trappings of their political party. For example, I used to enjoy listening to Rush Limbaugh until I slowly came to the realization that he was nothing more than a republican cheerleader when he refused to criticize Bush on his amnesty for illegal aliens plan. There are other examples too but I think the only other spot where I've found the amount of realism that I've found on this site would be Michael Savage's radio show, but you add an element that he cannot with your humorous and satirical style of writing. Savage is abysmally lacking in humor. Keep writing guys, and I'll definitely keep reading. You guys have earned yourselves a spot in my Favorites' List.

PIGish Response:
PIG, too, has certain unresolved 'issues' with Rush, but, that didn't stop us from saluting him in our Hall of Fame for "invigorated this nation's political debate by adding new voices (millions of them) to the political discussion". For unrelenting Elephant Clan cheerleading, PIG's vote goes to Sean "I'm a Karl Rove Kool-Aid Junkie" Hannity.

Dog Wrote:
I never dreamed I would find a website that I would agree with 100%. I have sent your link to all my PIG friends. Keep up the great work.

PIGish Response:
You agree with us 100%? Maybe we should hire you to referee our weekly staff meeting, melee and punchout.

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