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Monday
June 27, 2016

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
• CUPCAKE NATION •
Too many Cupcakes, Basement Boys and preciuos Snowflakes invading your Safe Space? You're in the very most, PIGish Safe Space.

>>> Cupcakes >>>

• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
>> Caliphate This >>
ODE TO
BLACK LIES MATTER

There once was a thug named Brown,
Who bum-rushed a cop with a frown,
Six bullets later,
He met his creator,
Then his homies burnt down the town

GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
ART TIME!
EnjoyThe Art Of Danish Artist, Cirkeline Nilsson.
>> Cirkline >>
DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Right On >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Their Very Own, Self-Imposed Safe Space?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
Cry Bullies
Q. Tarantino
#BLM
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore
Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
COMPELLING PIGISH WISDOM
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Hambo answers questions you never thought of asking on topics that never crossed your mind .
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For a change of pace, I decided to 'get real', regarding some often neglected 'truths' about certain elements of your daily life. That's right, thrilled spitless Sparky, this week, the FSOP is going to 'fix' what ails YOU. Fear not, PIGsters, this one won't hurt, much, unless you laugh.

I know that you're too busy, scurrying to and fro to cope with the day to day essentials of your life, to just sit and 'think', so I'll do it for you. Giving until it hurts, the PIG Staff is hunkered down in the PIG Bunker (it's not located in mom's basement, as one Snarky PIGster sniped), doing all the heavy duty thinking on certain vital issues, which can make, or break, your quality of life. This one is for YOU, PIGsters.

Put on your thinking caps and have your pencils and paper ready, because a pop quiz is not out of the question.

Television wasn't really 'better' in the good old days. The passage of time cauterized those painful, "just shoot me", memories of "My Mother The Car" and "The Arsenio Hall Show". Admittedly, the cable dial is littered with numerous, unrelenting, circles of hell, but, with so many channels to choose from, this stampeding suckage appeals to a much smaller audience. If anything is better, it's the ample display of sweater puppy cleavage on your channel surfing pit stops. This source of optical delight is a distinct improvement over the 'mom and apple pie' shows of the 50s and 60s. Best of all, it is equally 'enlightening' with the mute switch 'on'.

Talking heads on the boob tube are not fonts of life-enhancing knowledge. Instead of feeding their ego, when you need sage advice, dial up an episode of South Park, The Simpsons, or a rerun of Married With Children. If you do that, you'll get all the real life 'wisdom' you can handle.

There's no happy ending when you get trapped in a cabal's automated "press '1' for..." call answering system. The odds of getting to a live person are so daunting that they make winning the lottery seem like a slam dunk. When you play the game correctly, after repeated trips back to 'square one', one of two things is destined to happen: the 'live' person you seek is 'out' and you get a voice mail box that he, she, or it never empties, or, you get the 'there are too many people in the queue ahead of you, please try again later', click, dial tone.

If a stranger shows up at your door selling salvation, magazine subscriptions, or some kind of unwanted professional services, you need to view it as an opportunity, not a pain in the butt. This clown has invaded your life, uninvited, so why not take this golden opportunity and run with it? After all this time sitting at the feet of those FSOP gurus, Porcus and Hambo, you should be filled to the brim with things you're dying to say to somebody, but never had the chance...until now. Go forth and spread that PIGish joy, no guts, no glory, Sparky.

All those whistles and buzzers on your favorite wireless communications device(s) are, in reality, the telecommunications equivalent of quicksand. Wireless communications capitalists aren't really in the communications business. They're in the business of enticing you into flushing a critical mass of MINUTES from your life down the drain, by using their 'service'. The more lures they deploy, the more likely you are to buy those pricey minutes from them. They really don't give a rat's ass how you spend them, as long as you squander those enriching - for them - minutes sinking deeper into their bottomless pit of telecommunications quicksand.

Impulsive, 'I could have her in a New York minute, given half a chance', notions are the express lane to an unpleasant justice system encounter. You may be convinced that Megan Fox is yours for the taking, if only she could meet you, in person, but that doesn't make following her around 'an idea whose time has come'. Those black robed killjoys have a word for that, "STALKING". If you go down that road, your next horizontal and squishy encounter will be in a cell as Bubba's Bitch.

It's not paranoia when 'they' really are plotting to get you. You're 'jumping' between several boob tube shows when all of them go to commercial AT THE SAME TIME. Or, you're sampling the yammering of several different VRWC boom box babblers while you're in your ride, when all of them go to commercial AT THE SAME TIME. The only radio show worth listening to on a weekend is, regularly, kicked to the curb for some asinine reason. Your weekend boob tube choices range from "sucks", to "just shoot me". Your phone, which has been silent for most of the day, ALWAYS rings when you're in the bathroom. Is someone out to get you? You better believe it, it's a plot against me personally Sparky.

Sucking in your belly to impress that hottie is a waste of time. The only reason she smiled at you is because she's too much of a lady to laugh out loud, in your face. If you catch yourself doing this one, we suggest that you make the best of the situation. How? You start by smiling back, letting it all hang out, then laughing at yourself. If she smiles again, she's sharing the joke 'with' you, not laughing at you.

It's never a spiffy idea to put all your electronic 'eggs' in one, cable provider basket. If it takes your cable provider a week, or more, to fix your boob tube connection, why would you entrust them with your phone and Internet service, too? Why not go for the gold and let them provide your gas and electricity, so your life can turbo suck?

Don't be a schnook, you know you're gonna look. One of Newton's least known laws, states that sweater puppies create their own gravity well, after they cross a certain 'size' threshold. Women, by and large, have a natural immunity, but men don't. That's why, no matter how hard a dude tries, no matter how gross the sweater puppy packer, the bigger they are, the more impossible it is for him not to stare. It's not bad manners, it's science, Sparky.

No matter which lane you pick, the other lanes are going to move faster. If you're in the checkout line at the store, or on the expressway, you'll be nailed by this one. I know what you're thinking, but you can't out think this one, no matter how hard you try. How does it work? I've discovered that, when you're in a lane, you exude a powerful force which slows down time, directly ahead of you. Its strength is directly proportional to your need for speed. I think this is covered in Einstein's VERY special laws of relativity, but don't bet the farm on it.

If some pinhead is determined to be offended, good manners - not to mention, good fun - dictates that you 'help them along'. If some self-defined victim is determined to be miserable, you might as well take advantage of this golden opportunity. This is especially true if you're dealing with a complete stranger who blundered into your life and will, quite probably, blunder out again, permanently. With strangers and family members, you can let it all hang out. When you're dealing with professional acquaintances or co-workers, you need to employ more subtle forms of expression, but that's outside the scope of this rant.

What we need to get our mind off 'things', is a Media Slut Olympics. The competition itself would be part obstacle course, and part survivor series. If we're going to crown a world champion media slut, we need to test the mettle of our competitors, to see which of them is really prepared to go the extra mile for some media face time.

If we're going to crown the Media Slut champion, Gloria Allred, and Messiah Barry are mandatory competitors. With them in the mix, my Media Slut Olympics becomes 'must see TV'. It has ratings gold written all over it.

Let's get real about Crop Circles. Crop circles? You better believe it, Sparky. Why? Because, after repeated assaults on my sanity by boob tube blights like the Hysteria Channel (you might be foolish enough to call it the History Channel), this one has finally reached critical mass. I'm up to 'here' with this crop circle crap, so I'm going to drive a PIGish stake through its heart.

Despite ample evidence - including 'yup, we did it' confessions, and demonstrations, by numerous HUMAN perpetrators - the Tinfoil Headgear Club insists that these intricate patterns are, in reality, the work of E.T. E.T., these THC twerps insist, is trying to tell us something, but we're too primitive to understand their message. Too primitive to understand it? Bullcrap!

If, for the sake of argument, any of these crop circles are the work of a marauding E.T., there's nothing complicated about the message. It's no different than the 'artwork' we find on freeways, and buildings, in gang infested outposts of humanity. The least irrational, THC-appeasing, explanation for crop circles is this: it's E.T.'s way of 'tagging' a blue green planet located in the boondocks of the Milky Way Galaxy. I'm just sayin'.

I had a rare moment of clarity, today, which allowed me to understand The One and his neo-Marxist Demoncrats. Suffering from a synaptic suffocating intellectual myopia, they exist in an alternative 'reality' where their actions never have consequences. From that twisted perspective, everything they do makes sense, more or less. Their deeds 'feel' good, and they never see anything bad happen as a result.

Boob tubes have parental controls to keep tykes from going where they don't belong. What, I ask, have boob tube purveyors done to establish meaningful communication with a dumber than a box of rocks pimple on humanity's butt? How can you make the thinking impaired understand, when a boob tube outlet is shoveling crap, instead of giving him, her, himher, or it, the 'straight poop'?

Just because, as a species, E.T. might be much more advanced than we are, it does NOT mean that E.T. is sending their best and brightest to pay us a visit. In fact, when you think about it, all these antics - crop circles, etc. - make perfect sense if, as I do, you assume the visiting E.T.'s are nitwits, morons, and joy riding 'teenagers'. We're not being visited, Art Bell fan Sparky. E.T. is, in essence, mooning us.

If anyone still wonders why dealing with Nanny State functionaries, at all levels of government, is such a non-stop thrill ride, wonder no more. When you deal with a Nanny State cubicle clown, you need to remember the three pillars of government bureaucracies:

Affirmative Action hiring

of

Government-schooled idiots with self-esteem

into

Job for life - once hired, never fired - positions of authority

If you must interact with these Nanny State nitwits, you might consider prayer - if you're so inclined. But, unless the deity of your choice intercedes, your fate is sealed, you're soooo screwed Sparky.

Here in the USA, we have two holidays which are, essentially, little more than an excuse to get gassed on adult beverages. I have some issues with them, but not the ones you might expect.

* Two drinking holidays for the whole year just isn't getting 'er done. We need more of them.

* Since we only have two drinking holidays, why are they located so close together? We get these two, within the first two and a half months, then we're expected to 'suck it up' for the next nine and a half months. Unacceptable!

* If we're going to have a holiday devoted to getting blitzed on adult beverages, it should be scheduled on the one day of the year when We the People need it: April 16th, the day after those Elected Tormentor scumbags raid our wallets.

* In addition to regularly scheduled drinking holidays, spread throughout the year, we should each be given one 'floating' drinking holiday, that we can use when the need arises.

We the People need to get this resolved, during the forthcoming election cycle, by endorsing a candidate who promises to get 'er done.

See, I told you that wouldn't hurt.

 

 

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• PIG's Revamped News Page
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of events.
Updated Any Time The News Is PIGish >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

HMMM

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
MLB
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WORD OF THE DAY

MILEAGE TAX, n.

An Orwellian Nanny State scheme to track our movements. [see 'Big Brother is Watching']

"In a nation of lazy thinkers, it's easy for the government to rationalize searching computers without a warrant as no different from police peering through a window with broken blinds, which also does not require a warrant. No such thing is true. Breaking into someone's computer is the same as breaking into someone's house. If we've reached the point where not only the Constitution, but the basic due process of law, is so unimportant that we ignore the requirement for governments to have a warrant, then we really are finished as a free society."
– M. J. Hurd

Tax us by the mile? What's their motto? Big Brother is Watching?

BIG BROTHER

[WAPO] A group of East Coast states wants to help overhaul the way America pays for its decaying roads, and it's starting with Monopoly money.

Delaware, Pennsylvania, Connecticut and New Hampshire are proposing pilots to figure out how they might charge motorists a fee for the miles they travel — rather than taxing their gas, as state and federal officials do today.

The I-95 Corridor Coalition, which represents transportation officials from 16 states and the District of Columbia, applied for a federal grant last month to test the idea.

Officials would stitch together the policies and technologies needed to count the miles driven by 50 recruits from each of the four states, including state legislators, transportation officials or other willing guinea pigs. They would send out "faux invoices" monthly. And they would collect the data that legislatures — and the driving public — would require to decide if the change makes sense.

Although California plans to launch a pilot in July, also with fake invoices, and Oregon has had success with a volunteer program collecting actual cash, the concept is not particularly well known — or well loved across the country.

The Mineta Transportation Institute, which has polled the public on a variety of tax questions, found that the mileage tax was "unwaveringly unpopular," but Asha Agrawal, Ph.D. who is thedirector of Mineta Institute's finance center, said that is not the end of the story. (Commonwealth Club of California)

The Mineta Transportation Institute, which has polled the public on a variety of tax questions for the past seven years, found that the mileage tax was "unwaveringly unpopular." In the latest survey, which covered 1,500 people and was released this month, the institute found that support ranged between 23 percent and 48 percent, depending on how the question was framed. More people liked the idea if the mileage tax varied by how much a car pollutes.

But Jennifer Cohan, Delaware's secretary of transportation and chair of the coalition, said states have no choice but to seek alternatives.

"Reliance on the gas tax as a major contributor to funding transportation is no longer a viable option," Cohan said.

The federal gas tax of 18.4 cents per gallon has not been raised since 1993, and many states have not indexed their own gas taxes to inflation, so those key funding sources have fallen far behind the nation's needs.

And efforts to raise gas taxes can hit a political wall, as one did in Delaware last year. "In general, it just leaves a bad taste in their mouth when you mention the words 'gas tax,' " Cohan said.

According to the latest Mineta survey report, authored by Asha Weinstein Agrawal and Hilary Nixon, which was presented this month at the Commonwealth Club of California, between 31 percent and 75 percent of people supported increasing the gas tax — the higher figure if it was dedicated to maintenance.

Delaware ended up raising DMV fees instead. But advocates said that there needs to be a more comprehensive approach to plugging the gaping hole in the nation's transportation funding, which is why the group of states is delving into the intricacies of "mileage-based user fees."

Gas prices have stayed low since late 2014. Here's why, how long it could last and who the winners and losers are. (Gillian Brockell/The Washington Post)

"It's kind of hard to wrap your head around it," Cohan said, adding that she hopes to tap would-be opponents as some of the test subjects if they are awarded the grant.

"Whatever it ends up being, at least we'll have data. We'll actually have something to show: This is what it will look like if we actually implement it," she said.

Privacy remains a key issue, including how the government can track miles traveled without raising fears of snooping on where people are going.

Backers say that they are sensitive to such concerns, particularly after Edward Snowden's revelations about data collection by the National Security Agency left many spooked about government overreach. At the same time, people readily allow their movements to be charted and their personal details to be broadcast via smartphone apps.

Louis Neudorff, an engineer at the firm CH2M Hill, helped manage Oregon's effort and would play a key role if the I-95 group secures federal funding. He said there are a range of technological tools that allow miles to be tallied without intrusion. Drivers can plug a counting device into a port already found on many cars, he said. Cellphone apps are another option, including one that calls for the driver to take periodic photos of the odometer. One firm promises to pull mileage data from cars through a device hooked to gas pumps at local service stations, Neudorff said.

Cheaters seeking to game the system are a challenge as well.

Of course, some people have no objections to one of the most straightforward solutions: using GPS to measure distances. Such a method would also help solve one of the big questions the East Coast pilot projects would seek to answer: how to divvy up all the miles (and money) based on which state the car is in.

"You can drive three or four hours in our part of the world and go through three or four states," said Neudorff, who lives on Virginia's Eastern Shore. Loads of toll data from E-ZPass transponders that are already in many cars could help, he said.

"You cannot mandate GPS or, politically, this will never go anywhere. You have to have choices," Neudorff said.

Patricia G. Hendren, executive director of the I-95 coalition, said that people could opt out. Any future approach "will offer the option to simply pay an annual fee," she said. But setting that fee could be sticky.

 

 

1652 New Amsterdam (NYC) spoilsports pass first US speed limit law.

1930 Future charts & graph wrangling Oval Office candidate, H. Ross Perot born; Doctor heard muttering, "I never thought we'd get those ears out of there".

1955 Illinois goes Nanny State bonkers with first seat belt legicrap in USA.

1979 In an utterly Orwellian 'some are more equal than others' decision, the U.S. Supreme Court green lights racism in hiring, by approving racial quotas.

GET YOUR SCOOP OF PIGISH POOP
If your Boob-Tube, News Nit-Wits or Social Media Meatheads aren't providing you with enough Caitlyn, Justin, Miley, The Donald, High Profile Race Hustlers
or anyone else that stops the presses and your world, well, OMG! and WTF! You're in the right place. Kulture Watch takes precision aim at anyone caught in our crosshairs and headlights and will give you, "The rest of the story."
Read More >>>

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>


Google


PIG CALENDAR

June Is
Geld Him Month

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If HE insists on using the ladies room 'nip' his unresolved 'issue' in the bud.
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BEAT THE BITCH •

Her Highness has officially declared her plans to run for Presidency. If your as giddy as we are, tune into our attempts to pull her panstuits all the way down to the ground.
VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
ALICE'S RESTAURANT
PIGsters! You don't have to wait until Schools Out to head into Alice Cooper'stown in Phoenix, AZ, an eatery founded by Alice Cooper and Randy Johnson. A place where Jocks and Rock meet. Try their specialty, The Big Unit.
>>> Menu >>>
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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NATIONAL REVIEW
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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HONOR 1778
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2016 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2015: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.