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Tuesday
July 29, 2014

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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TOP STORY
CULTURE QUEST
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The FSOP takes a properly PIGish look at popular culture.

After giving our table a memorable pounding for several weeks in a row, we decided to lighten things up, this week. Regrettably, the Obamunist Error makes us so pissed, we need a distraction to help us chill out before we snap.

Instead of grabbing Old Betsy and Big Bang for a Progtard hunting expedition, we seek our brain chilling solace in popular culture. There's no way that's going to rile us up.

Our first instinct is to reach for that TV remote, but we're not ready to go there, so we seek our refuge in the compelling fantasy worlds portrayed in comic books. It's a place that's insulated from Korrectness, or is it? What we find is far from encouraging.

* Archie Andrews: Dies taking a bullet for his gay friend.

Back in April, Archie Comics broke the news to the world that they will be killing off their titular character, Archie Andrews, in the final issues of their Life With Archie series, which follows the lives of the Riverdale gang after college.

Archie will stop an assassination attempt on his best friend, Kevin Keller, who is also Archie Comics' first openly gay character. Keller first appeared in the comic in 2010, and is now a married military veteran and a newly elected senator who is pushing for better gun control after his husband was involved in a shooting. Archie will take a bullet for Kevin and ultimately die from the gunshot wound. [E! Online]

Gun control? Gay marriage? I'll pass.

* Thor: Rewriting Norse Mythology, Thor is now a woman.

"The inscription on Thor's hammer reads 'Whosoever holds this hammer, if HE be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.' Well it's time to update that inscription," said Marvel editor Wil Moss in a statement. "The new Thor continues Marvel's proud tradition of strong female characters like Captain Marvel, Storm, Black Widow and more. And this new Thor isn't a temporary female substitute – she's now the one and only Thor, and she is worthy!"

Wait, there's more.

"This is not She-Thor. This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR," said writer Jason Aaron. "This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it's unlike any Thor we've ever seen before." [Fox News]

What's next? Thor gets knocked up? If Thor can be female, doesn't 'fair play' require a Wonder Woman who is, at minimum, a Tranny?

* Spiderman: Got hyphenated and emerged as black & Latino.

Miles Morales is a fictional comic book superhero who appears in books published by Marvel Comics, in particular the monthly series Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man. The character was created by writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Sara Pichelli, with Bendis and Marvel editor-in-chief Axel Alonso drawing inspiration from both U.S. President Barack Obama and American actor Donald Glover.

Miles Morales first appeared in Ultimate Fallout #4 (August 2011), following the death of Peter Parker. A teenager of Black Hispanic descent, Miles is the second Spider-Man in the Ultimate Marvel continuity. Although Morales features in the Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man comic book series, he is not the lead character in the Ultimate Spider-Man animated TV series that debuted in April 2012 on Disney XD. Reaction to the character varied, with some, including Spider-Man's creator, Stan Lee, approving the creation of a positive role model for non-white children, to displeasure at the replacement of Peter Parker, with some decrying it as a publicity stunt motivated by political correctness, a charge Alonso denied. [Wikipedia]

This reeks of Korrectness.

*Spiderman: While researching the foregoing data, I found a YouTube of Spiderman & Superman liplock.

*Green Lantern: He got re-deployed as a GLAAD BAAG.

The original Green Lantern - a DC Comics mainstay for the past 70 years - will be revealed to be a gay man in next week's issue of "Earth 2."

Alan Scott - formerly a married father of two who first appeared in 1940 - tips readers off to his sexuality early on in the comic when he gives his boyfriend a welcome home kiss.

"He's very much the character he was. He's still the pinnacle of bravery and idealism. He's also gay," "Earth 2" writer James Robinson told The Post. [Fox News]

What's the point?

There are ominous rumblings about Captain America, but I've had all I can take in the comic book universe. I need a good laugh, so I tune in to the Tonight Show for some snarky comments on the Obamunist debacle. What a letdown! Jimmy Fallon isn't getting it done, because he's not allowed to go 'there'. Obviously, standup comedy is a risky business, in Korrected America.

I remember Johnny. I also remember Jay whose departure was weird, given his high ratings.

Why did NBC get rid of the funniest man on late night TV? Here's one compelling possibility:

News is leaking out from Hollywood executives in-the-know that the Obama White House had been leaning on, pressuring executives at NBC for the last two years to replace Jay Leno because the comedian was criticizing President Obama every night. Obama didn't like it and considered it a racist attack on him.

Since his inauguration in Jan. 2009 Obama had enjoyed three years of very, very friendly routines from all the late night comics on ABC, CBS, and Leno at NBC - there was no criticism at all.

But after data came to light that $100's of millions had been spent on First Family vacations during a recession, Mrs. Obama's unpopular new laws that changed food in America's schools and other negative news including the disastrous Obamacare rollout & website mess, Jay Leno took his comedy to a different level and his ratings skyrocketed - none of the other comics were so bold.

GOLDEN OLDIES FROM JAY:

"I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS."

On NSA surveillance: "We wanted a president who listens to all Americans - now we have one."

On closing the Guantanamo prison for terrorists: "If he really wants to close it, turn it into a government-funded solar power company. The doors will be shut in a month."

Concerning the Benghazi, Associated Press, and IRS scandals: "Remember in the old days when President Obama's biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden?"

On Obama saying he didn't know about the IRS scandal: "He was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about the IRS."

"It is not looking good for President Obama. Today his teleprompter took the fifth."

"These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. It's gotten so bad that People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American."

Between Obamunists like Fallon and Colbert, late night laughs are few and far between.

So far, my flight from reality has been a monumental waste of time, although it did produce a gem from The Superficial.

* Kanye West: He's finding out, the hard way, that OWNING Kim "Pornstar" Kardashian isn't as much fun as simply hooking up from time to time to bone her.

The Superfical put it this way:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have only been married 46 days and already he hates being in the same room with her. In fact, they've only spent nine days together since their honeymoon where shit immediately began falling apart. Radar reports:

"Kim complained and sulked the entire time they were in Ireland on their honeymoon," an insider revealed. "She didn't like the cooler damp climate, and the lack of high-end designer stores. Kanye tried to arrange tours of local museums, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Only Kim would go to Ireland and be bored, and go to two separate movies in the same day in a foreign country!"

Eventually they bailed on Ireland after Kim talked Kanye into taking her to Joe Francis' mansion in Mexico where she spent their now second honeymoon posing for wet T-shirt pics to sell to very same people who rape her husband, so really it's a miracle these two aren't destined for a lifetime together:

"Kanye was miserable and brooding," the insider claimed. "He isn't really the 'lounge by the pool kind of guy.'"

"Kanye now recognizes that Kim's main interest are shopping and lounging around a pool," the insider said. "It's really concerning to Kanye that Kim doesn't even want to try to experience new things."

While being caught cashing in on another fake marriage should be embarrassing, we're talking about a den of vipers with no souls whose iPhone app is on track to make $200 million. She could be photographed drowning her baby in a tub because she had to spend five minutes with it and still not give a fuck. "Is money still pouring into my bank account? Then we're good here. Now how's my makeup? Stupid thing kept splashing."

I should try and muster some sympathy for Scowler (Kanye), but he had to know that a lifetime pass for unrestricted access to Short and Porny's (Kim's) naughty bits isn't worth the high price. High price: Mama Kardashian and her hellish brood; a fetchingly f**kable dunce like Kim; and the inevitable fleecing when this marriage falls apart...any moment now.

Playing it safe, I seek my solace in the world of sports, where never is heard a Korrectnik word. Well, almost never.

* University of Missouri Defensive End Michael Sam: A few days before the 2014 NFL Draft, he 'came out', telling the whole world 'I'm gay.' My initial reaction was 'so what', and it didn't change after the MSM went GLAAD BAAG bonkers over it. After thinking it over, and looking at some evaluations of Sam's football prowess, I hatched a PIGish theory.

I suspect that Sam was hedging his bets, by coming out. His 'gay' status gave him a weapon - homophobia - to wield against the league if he didn't get drafted. Unwilling to go there, the league worked privately to see that someone drafted him. His ploy worked, because, in the 7th round, the Rams made him the 249th overall pick.

Did he deserve it, or did his 'if you don't draft me it's because I'm gay' ploy work? I'll let you make the call.

* L.A. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling: He's not going to win a Mr. Congeniality prize and that's as it should be, I suspect. Despite that, I think his 'racism' is nothing of the kind. He's a geezer with a young hottie mistress and his real concern is preventing her from embarrassing him, publically, at Clippers games.

Although the latest recording claims that Sterling was jealous, the tapes released last month by TMZ purportedly reveal Sterling being OK with Stiviano sleeping with black men.

Referring to [Magic] Johnson, Sterling purportedly said: "Admire him, bring him here, feed him, f**k him, but don't put (Magic) on an Instagram for the world to have to see so they have to call me. And don't bring him to my games." [CNN]

Nothing to see here, move along.

* Washington Redskins: 'Redskins' and the team logo that goes with it, have the usual suspects setting their hair on fire. This follicle incineration encompasses Elected Tormentors, professional sports prattlers and press card packing Korrectniks [I.E. The Washington Post won't use the term 'Redskins'.] One Nanny State cabal - the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board (TTAB) of the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) - nuked the Skins' federal trademark registration on June 18, 2014.

Support for continued use of the name has come from the team's owners and a majority of fans, which include some Native Americans. They say that the name honors the achievements and virtues of Native Americans, and that it is not intended in a negative manner. Supporters also assert that a majority of Native Americans themselves are not offended, based upon a public opinion poll in 2004 in which 90% of those who identified as American Indians answered that they were "not bothered" by the name "Redskins" being used for the Washington football team. Some, such as team president Bruce Allen, also point to the use of Redskins by three high school teams, two on reservations, that have a majority of Native American students. [Wikipedia]

I'm fed up with the dark underbelly of popular culture, which is really starting to suck. Does that mean my quest is an abject failure? Far from it. I still have several never fail alternatives:

* My iTunes music library, where Twerky (Miley Cyrus) and Jerky (Justin Bieber) need not apply.

* The Velocity Channel, where shows like 'Chasing Classic Cars', 'Overhaulin' and 'Wheeler Dealers' get 'er done for me.

* My Kindle Book Library, where hours of entertainment can be found in a P.D. James or Nero Wolf mystery.

It's time, better late than never, to deploy the 'Mission Accomplished' banner, PIGsters. That sound you just heard is that table in our bunker breathing a sigh of relief.


• PIG's Weekly News Digest
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

A Useful Nan

• EYE OPENERS:
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WORD OF THE DAY

BOTOX, n.

A substance whose miraculous properties are just as deficient as lipstick when it comes to beautifying a pig, even when the porcine princess is a former Speaker of the House.

"[W]e have to confer with the Qataris, who have told me over and over again that Hamas is a humanitarian organization."
– San Fran Nan

Why did I smirk, when I learned Best Korea wants to nuke D.C.?

Hmmm

Seoul (AFP) - A top-ranking North Korean military official has threatened a nuclear strike on the White House and Pentagon after accusing Washington of raising military tensions on the Korean peninsula.

The threat came from Hwang Pyong-So, director of the military's General Political Bureau, during a speech to a large military rally in Pyongyang Sunday on the anniversary of the armistice that ended the 1950-53 Korean War.

Hwang, who holds the rank of vice marshal in the Korean People's Army, said a recent series of South Korea-US military drills, one of which included the deployment of a nuclear-powered US aircraft carrier, had ramped up tensions.

"If the US imperialists threaten our sovereignty and survival... our troops will fire our nuclear-armed rockets at the White House and the Pentagon -- the sources of all evil," Hwang said in his speech broadcast Monday on state television.

It is not the first time that North Korea's bellicose rhetoric has included threats of nuclear strikes on the continental United States and US bases in the Pacific.

But most experts believe it is still a long way from developing a viable intercontinental ballistic missile with the required range.

The North has conducted three nuclear tests, but is not thought to have mastered the miniaturisation techniques necessary for mounting a warhead on a missile.

It does possess a range of short-and mid-range missiles capable of striking South Korea and Japan, and has conducted a series of test firings into the Sea of Japan (East Sea) in recent weeks.

The latest test on Saturday -- guided by the leader Kim Jong-Un -- simulated a short-range missile strike on South Korea where 28,500 US troops are stationed, the North's state media said.

It defied censure by the UN Security Council which officially condemned Pyongyang on July 17 over the recent tests as violations of UN resolutions prohibiting the North from using ballistic missile technology.

The News in Zingers
July 28, 2014
By Argus Hamilton

• The New York Post said Bill Clinton is seeing a blonde lady on Long Island when Hillary is gone. Comedians are happy to see he'll never change. Last night, Bill Clinton went into a bar in Chappaqua and asked the waitress for the usual, and so she brought him a restraining order.

• President Obama's motorcade route in L.A. Thursday prevented a pregnant woman from crossing the street to give birth. He stays at the Beverly Hilton and it screws up traffic for hours. Pregnant women in Los Angeles learn quickly that crossing the border was the easy part.

• The White House is considering letting Honduran kids into the U.S. as refugees from being recruited into drug cartels down there. It's no different up here. Dodger Stadium is the only baseball stadium in the U.S. where concession stands sell foam fingers in the shape of gang signs.

• USA Today attacked CEO salaries, bonuses and stock options Tuesday. A CEO's monetary worth to his company shareholders is arithmetic, not morality. Still, it will be interesting to see if the CEO of Malaysian Airlines takes his bonus this year the same way an American CEO would.

• Joe Biden encouraged Ukrainians to vote in their upcoming parliamentary elections this coming month. He offered U.S. millions to help Ukraine as long as Ukrainian leaders tackle corruption. Let's face it, if anything will stop corruption, it's bribing someone to stop corruption.

• President Obama was reported set Thursday to purchase a home in Rancho Mirage. This barely made the local news there. Every year they have a President's Day sale in Rancho Mirage where you get fifty percent off any mattress if you can prove you are a former president.

• Vladimir Putin continued to deny Russia's responsibility for last week's airliner downing by pro-Russian rebels in Eastern Ukraine. The Russian president has reverted to the role of Cold War villain. The Russians now accuse Malaysian Airlines of stealing one of their missiles.

• Vladimir Putin addressed reporters in Russia Friday and offered to personally mediate the conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians raging in Gaza. Hopefully, he'll negotiate from Moscow and stay out of the Mideast. Vladimir Putin hates to visit countries he can't keep.

• NSA leaker Ed Snowden revealed Monday U.S. military personnel in the NSA routinely pass around nude photos which American couples e-mail to each other. Strike up the band. Ladies, if you can't think of any reason to send a nude photo of yourself to your guy, do it for the troops.

~ ~ ~

More The News in Zingers

• The White House boasted that nine million people enrolled in Obamacare Sunday. That's three percent of the country. It's amazing what you can achieve when you make something mandatory and fine people if they don't do it, and then keep extending the deadline for months.

• President Obama flew to the West Coast for fundraisers during war in Gaza and tensions with Russia over Ukriane and the airliner shootdown. He refuses to deviate form his everyday routine. The Obama Doctrine states that a president should speak softly and carry a Big Bertha.

• President Obama was reported by California realtors Thursday to be negotiating to buy a house in Rancho Mirage near Palm Springs and within miles of seventy golf courses. He will just love it there. There are as many holes in Rancho Mirage as there are in the Mexican border.

• The White House denied House charges that Barack Obama knew the IRS was targeting conservatives in 2012. He also knew nothing of Benghazi, the AP spying scandal and the VA scandal. They took Don't Ask, Don't Tell out of the Pentagon and moved it into the White House.

• Russian leader Vladimir Putin polled at an eighty percent approval rating among Russians Monday. His powers border on the paranormal. Vladimir Putin can accurately predict who's going to die of radioactive polonium poisoning in London next week just by picking up the phone.

• ISIS of Iraq read out new laws Tuesday ordering all Christians in Iraq to convert to Islam or die. Under strict Islamic law, adultery is a capital offense. The warning labels on Cialis prescriptions in the Mideast read that side effects may include nausea, dizziness or decapitation.




1805 Alexis de Tocqueville author of "Democracy in America" born in France.

1858 US perpetrates a Faustian bargain with Japan when it signs commercial treaty.

1899 First motorcycle race conducted in Manhattan Beach, New York.

1914 Two lefty enclaves, NYC and SF, hook up with first transcontinental phone link.

1920 Six years after New York and Frisco hook up by phone for first time, someone perpetrates the first transcontinental airmail flight between these lefty enclaves..

1936 The vast wasteland begins when RCA airs first real TV program (dancing, film on locomotives, Bonwit Teller fashion show, monologue from Tobacco Road & comedy).

1957 Jack Paar makes his gala debut as host of the Tonight Show.

1968 A man sworn to celibacy - Pope Paul VI - spouts off about artificial birth control in some holy roller hot air called the 'Humanae Vitae' encyclical.

1981 Lady Diana Spencer marries a Dumbo-eared dipstick named Prince Charles.

1986 A Big Apple jury has some good news and bad news for the USFL. Good: The NFL violated antitrust laws. Bad: We're giving you $1 in damages. Don't spend it all in one place.

1988 Horndogs from sea to shining sea mourn closing of last US Playboy Club.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
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INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
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PIG CALENDAR

July Is
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They poured the solid foundation for our liberty. Upkeep is our job.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2013: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.