know what you're thinking and you're wrong; PIG isn't staffed by
misogynists. Wrong again, this isn't damage control, because we
warned you that the previous section didn't apply to you, but you
took it personally, anyway. PIG refuses to apologize for self-inflicted
wounds to your egregiously fragile psyche. We don't hate women;
we don't even hate womyn, because it's not right to hate the mentally
challenged. Our attitude towards NO-NAD's is a lot like our attitude
toward the neighborhood canine pest. We've got nothing against the
mutt...we are willing to coexist, peacefully, if he would stop his
relentless yapping, and quit crapping in our yard.
that settled, we can move on the to the topic at hand: Politically
Incorrect Gals. Women by reason of the prenatal, genetic coin toss,
but individuals by choice, PIGALs don't need to politicize, publicize,
glamorize, or romanticize their hot flashes, ex-boyfriends, cramps
or menstrual cycles. PIGals refuse to march, unthinkingly, in lockstep
with the feminist movement's brainwashed Fembots. Head and shoulders
above their NO-GOOD counterparts, PIGals reject the dehumanizing
Fembot ideology. Instead, eschewing compulsory Sisterhood, PIGals
forge ahead as that American classic, the rugged individual.
now, you're wondering who these PIGals are and how can I tell if
you're one of them? When you're channel surfing, if you always skip
over Oprah, Dr. Phil, anything on Oxygen, Lifetime or The View,
but stop whenever Tammy Bruce, Michelle Malkin or Linda Chavez appears,
you're a PIGal. If you won't take any crap...If you have the right
stuff to tell Bubba Hothands to keep his damn paws off you or you'll
punt his nuts into the next county, you're a PIGal. If you enjoy
interacting with men...If you understand that boys will be boys,
but know where to draw the line, you're a PIGal.
feel insulted by Big Sisterhood's incessant intrusions into their
lives. Self-affirming, a PIGal takes pride in her accomplishments
and owns up to her mistakes. She spurns Big Sisterhood's heavy-handed
gender profiling and judges people - including men - as individuals.
Offended by Big Sisterhood's brazen assault on a man's right to
free speech, a PIGal can laugh at our jokes - especially our Hillary
jokes. She laughs with us when we make fools of ourselves and, unlike,
humor-challenged Fembots can even laugh at herself. A PIGal doesn't
want or need nanny government's special privileges; she only wants
Uncle Sam and Big Sister to get the hell out of her way and let
a woman do what a woman's gotta do.
that we bared our souls, we don't promise that we'll stop checking
out your boom-boom in those tight pants. We can't swear on a stack
of Playboys that our eyes won't tarry a tad too long on your hooters
when you wear that clinging top. We'd make the promise, but you
would probably laugh at such an obvious whopper. Unlike NO-NAD's,
you understand that it's a guy thing and you're confident that you
can handle it, without Big Sister's assistance.
See? We're not the mindless brutes you imagined. Ever the gentlemen,
we won't gloat, but before we roll out our Pam Anderson Sweater
Puppies welcome mat, we need do a Nixon and make something perfectly
clear. Your status as a PIGal won't earn you any special treatment
from PIG. Just because we respect you, doesn't mean we plan to coddle
you. Your sacred cows...your cherished notions are fair game, so
don't come running to us, teary-eyed, if we give you a boo-boo on
your fragile psyche. As long as you're in the PIG Zone, you're just
like any other individual. Believe it or not, it's the highest compliment
we can bestow on you. Now that we understand each other, we cordially
invite you to enjoy your visit to PIG and hope you'll come back
EXCEPT FOR MAYOR PETE, WHAT HAPPENS IF I DON'T SEE ANY REAL WOMEN?