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Islamikazi Twofer
Source: PIG News Wire [04/26/14]

Big Apple

One of the 'exhibits' at NYC's 9/11 Memorial Museum is a 7-minute film documentary 'The Rise of Al Qaeda'. You'll never guess who isn't thrilled spitless about the subject matter?

A prominent Muslim cleric is ripping the 9/11 Memorial Museum for planning to show visitors a short film on terrorists that will "greatly offend" members of his faith.

Sheik Mostafa Elazabawy, the imam of Masjid Manhattan, blasted the seven-minute documentary — narrated by NBC news anchor Brian Williams — in a letter to the museum's director.

After attending a screening of the film — "The Rise of Al Qaeda" — the religious leader objected to how it called the terrorists "Islamists" and described their killer mission as "jihad."

"The screening of this film in its present state would greatly offend our local Muslim believers as well as any foreign Muslim visitor to the museum," Elazabawy wrote in his letter.

Elazabawy immediately resigned from the Lower Manhattan Clergy Council, a group advising the museum, when officials rejected the group's suggestions to change the film.
[New York Daily News]

Imam, dude, get a grip. The Methodists didn't attack the twin towers. The Mormons didn't do it. The Buddhists didn't do it. The Jews didn't do it. It was your Islamikaze homeboys who did it. Are you listening, asshole?

Ghazni Province, Afghanistan

Our Big Apple Imam won't be thrilled with this epic, which involves some Taliban funsters who were INSIDE A MOSQUE when the IED (improvised explosive device) they were constructing blew them to the circle of hell they deserved.

A local Taliban commander was among five militants killed following an explosion inside a mosque in eastern Ghazni province of Afghanistan.

Local government officials said the militants were killed while they were making an improvised explosive device (IED) to carry out a roadside bomb explosion. [Khamma Press]

File this under "Sheik Mostafa Elazabawy unavailable for comment.

Toll Taker Resigns
Source: PIG News Wire [04/12/14]

I've never heard of a Fort Lauderdale based Toll Taker, Bob Coy - pastor of Calvary Chapel - so I couldn't pick him out of a line-up. Based on Bob's stunner, I'm guessing that a line-up might be one of the up coming events in Bob's life.

Bob's stunner? Yup. Without warning, resigned as Toll Taker, confessing a recent - and damn serious, obviously - "moral failing in his life". How serious is it? You be the judge:

"Pastor Bob will be focusing his full attention on his personal relationship with God and with his family," the church said in a statement Sunday. "The governing board of the church is providing counselors and ministers who will help guide him through the process of full repentance, cleansing and restoration."

Maybe it's my imagination, but that sounds like Holy Roller speak for, 'God may forgive you, and we'll give it our best shot, so good luck in your next career, sinner.'

I have my suspicions about Bob's moral failing, but I'll keep it to myself, for now.

MARCH 2014

Everyone's A Critic
Source: PIG News Wire [03/29/14]

It's called 'The 99' and it's an animated kid's show about Islamic superheros. The Islamikaze kids like it, including a Dumbo-eared tyke named Barack. Those fun-hating killjoys - Islamikaze clerics - don't share The One's views:

The television version of superhero comic book "The 99? is being aired by Saudi-owned satellite channel MBC3, based in Dubai in the neighbouring United Arab Emirates.

But in a religious decree carried by Saudi websites on Monday, the clerics ruled the series blasphemous because the superheroes of its title are based on the 99 attributes ascribed to Allah in the Koran.

"The 99 is a work of the devil that should be condemned and forbidden in respect to Allah's names and attributes," the clerics, led by the kingdom's mufti, Abdulaziz al-Sheikh, said. [AFP]

Is it just me, or is it 'fun' itself that gives Islam a boo-boo?

Fatwa of the Week: Buffets offered in eateries are Islamikaze uncool.

Perpetrator: A Saudi twerp named Sheikh Saleh bin Abdullah Al-Fawzan.

What makes him such a big deal: He's a member of the Standing Committee of the Council of Senior Scholars.

What's wrong with a buffet: buffet meals have a fixed price, but the quantity of food that can be consumed is unknown or unlimited. According to Sabq news, the senior scholar said that the quantity of food and the price of the meals must be clear and known.

Hambo sez: Iraq just made 9 year old wenchlets fair game, and this asshole sets his hair on fire over a buffet?

What's On His Dirty Mind?
Source: PIG News Wire [03/07/14]

From our 'perverts in the pulpit' news desk, we bring you this twisted tale that begs the question: what's on his dirty mind. Like too many holy roller WTF epics, this one happened on the African continent, Kenya in this case.

A local pastor has ordered all women who attend service at Lord's Propeller Redemption Church to refrain from wearing undergarments while attending so that they can more easily receive the spirit of Jesus Christ.

The Kenyan Daily Post is reporting that a pastor identified only as "Reverend Njohi" claimed bras and underwear are not godly. Additionally, the paper says Njohi wants women who attend service at the church to be "free," and that there would be consequences for those who do not comply.

According to the UK Metro, most women did, in fact, show up at the church, located in the eastern suburb of Dandora, the following Sunday without any undergarments on under their clothing. [CBS]

That's just plain weird.


Source: PIG News Wire [02/28/14]

A Titan of Tolerance named Hassan has a few issues about the city in which he works.

*He wants Sharia police patrols, because people are getting horizontal and squishy in local parks.

* He wants Sharia police to review/monitor literature before it is deployed in public libraries and the civic center, because too much free speech of this sort can "cause colossal damage to a child's health."

* He wants the proper authorities to put an end to rampant harassment of A-rabs and Mecca Maniacs.

If you think he's addressing his complaints to city officials in the Bible Belt, get over it. Hassan was bitching at the City Council meeting in Dearbornistan (Dearborn, Michigan). Believe it or not, the council told Hassan to pound sand.


A PIG Exclusive
by: PIGster J. PIG's Professor of Piety

Some time ago, my friend Hambo asked me, as Professor of Piety for PIG, to write him up a list of the different "types" of Christians. It's taken me a while, but I believe I finally have it. However, before we get into that, let me share some info by way of introduction. I am, as you all hopefully(!) know, a professing Christian. Given the confusion that seems to come from that, let me make a few things clear as to what that means and what it does NOT mean.

What does it mean?

1. It means, first and foremost, that I am saved ONLY by the unmerited, undeserved grace of God. It's not because I'm a great guy, or because I got a break, or because I was chosen from time immemorial. (We all were chosen - some choose to not accept the gift) It means I'm an unworthy beggar who found the Bread of Life, and wants to show others where to find it.

2. It means that my job is to show the love and grace of Jesus Christ to other people, and the let God do the rest. It's not up to me to "fix," "save" or "change" anyone. That's God's department.

3. It means that I believe the Bible is the Word of God, and what it says is right is right, and what it says is wrong is wrong. From that, it also means that in a contest between "the church," "church doctrine" and Scripture, Scripture wins, hands down. One is from God, the other from man. No contest.

4. It means I have an obligation to answer honestly when asked questions about sin, or how Scripture defines it; but it also means I have a responsibility to do it in a loving, kind way instead of a thundering, down from the mount, "YOU WILL BURN IN HELL!!!!" kind of way. (The Duck Dynasty guy, for example, might have been right in what he said, but I saw very little love or compassion in how he said it. Trust me on that one. I'm a master of being long on 'right' and short on love and compassion for a lot of years. Only God's grace and His patience with me has shown me a better way)

5. See #2. Yes, it's that important - and it's something we see very little of, today, from a great many people who call themselves followers of Christ.

What does it NOT mean?

1. It does not mean I am better, smarter, wiser, or more pious than anyone else. See #1 above.

2. It does not mean I understand all of Scripture and all the mysteries therein.

3. It does not mean that I am obligated to prove, explain, justify, or answer any other challenge to someone else's satisfaction. I didn't see Christ do that, so I'm not sure why we think we have an obligation to.

4. It doesn't mean that if I don't work "Jesus," "God," "the Bible" or something similar into every sentence, or shout my beliefs from the rooftop every time I refuse to do something that I consider wrong, that I'm somehow ashamed of my beliefs, or of God. That's a guilt trip, friends, and a nasty one, which I refuse to have laid on me.

5. It does not mean I am here to judge others, their standing with God or whether or not they are or will be saved. See #2 in the first section.

6. It does not mean that in order to be a Christian I have to check my brains at the door, fold my hands, and simply accept everything I am told as true. God isn't threatened by questions, doubts, or things we really don't understand. Thomas (John 20:24-29) got a bad rap from US, remember - not from Jesus.

Now, from that, we can come up with some different names for different kinds of Christians, PIG-style. I believe that most people we see who call themselves Christians can be divided into 5 categories:

1. CINO - Christian In Name Only: Best exemplified by the Westboro Baptist Church, these are people who claim that they are God-fearing, Christ loving people, and yet do things like picket funerals and assure people that "God Hates Fags", "Thank God for Dead Soldiers," and other assorted loving and kind things. I will go out on a limb and say there is NO way - NO way - they are anything even remotely resembling a follower of Christ. Grab a Bible and see for yourself. If anyone from Westboro reads this, you're welcome to challenge me. You'll lose, but you can try. These are also the people mentioned in the satirical poem, "Three Dollars worth of God." These are the people who want just enough of God to keep them out of Hell, but not enough to make them want to change or actually follow Him.

2. CSTG - Christians, Smarter Than God: These are the people who say they follow Scripture, but either forgot, missed, or conveniently ignore the parts that say there are some things that only God knows. This would include people like Harold Camping (end of the world predictor), the Jehovah's Witnesses (there are FAR too many failed predictions for me to list here. Google it and see for yourself) and various other people who have added to Scripture as a result of some new revelation or information ONLY given to them. In every case, it's some significant change to Scripture itself, generally to either give one person or group absolute power, or to change some pesky part of Scripture that they found unpopular. (Current churches reflect this when they change or ignore parts of Scripture that call things sin that aren't socially popular/politically correct)

3. CTABTY - Christians That Are Better Than You: These are, unfortunately, the majority of people we see today who call themselves Christians. Call it "predestination," call it "the elect," call it what you will, it all boils down to the same thing; in some way, shape or form, they are better than you are. Maybe they were chosen by God from the beginning of time to be saved, or maybe they feel that their being saved somehow elevates them above you, these are people who forget that salvation was offered, freely, to anyone who would accept it. It was a gift of God, not having anything to do with anything we did or could do to earn it. That provides a perfect segue into...

4. JWNEC - Jesus Was Not Enough: These are the people who, despite Christ's repeated assertions that HE was the way, Truth, and Life, and that salvation was freely given to all, still feel that there is something we need to do (or in a worst case scenario, MUST do) in order to get to Heaven. Closely related to both the CSTG and the CTABTY, they possess elements of both in that they, being so amazingly cool, are not only smarter than God but they are able to actually earn their salvation, whether by knocking on doors, witnessing, working with the poor, or whatever. Don't get me wrong - it is a belief supported by Scripture that works come FROM salvation, but they are not the way TO salvation, nor do they EARN your salvation.

5. CRC - Christians. Real Christians: These are the people who actually read the Bible, do their best to follow Christ, and wholeheartedly thank Him for His salvation because they realize what they were and who they were before they were saved. They are quick to point out that they are not perfect, and are only forgiven. These are the ones who, generally, won't get their faces plastered all over the TV (because the media wouldn't find them interesting or controversial enough), and who quietly go through their lives spreading as much hope, love and kindness as they can. They generally don't argue Scriptural matters because they realize that the Bible doesn't need them to defend it, and have no problem with non-Biblical ideas being taught because they realize that the Bible is not, and never was meant to be, a science textbook. They are the ones who will pray for you, even if you're the most vile, evil person in the world, and will meet a need that they see with little fanfare, and then quietly fade into the background because they don't do it "to be seen of men." They realize that even people who, to them, would be "sinners" still have a heart, a mind, and deserve respect and courtesy. To them, "no" is a complete sentence when you say that you don't want them to witness to you, and they go their way. (And they'll still pray for you and love you anyway)

Hopefully this helps. Thanks for reading it!

PIGster J, Professor of Piety

© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette

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