you had a problem with booze that was adversely affecting your
life and you wanted to change, you would go to A. A. for help.
Nasty little crack habit keeping you down? Go to Narcotics Anonymous.
Smoking, gambling, overeating, sex, or shopping out of control?
There's a support group for you out there, no matter what the
disorder. Alas, there is, we have discovered, a notable exception.
PIG's crack research team reports that Infectious Individualism
is the leading killer of group identity. Are you debilitated by
this noxious ailment, but too traumatized to get the help you
need? PIG feels your shame. PIG is proud to sponsor a new support
group, the first of its kind, Individual's Anonymous.
you properly-hyphenated, but feeling disturbing twinges of individuality?
We can help. Is your group identity under siege by terms like
'I', 'me', 'mine'? We can help. Let I. A. restore you to a life
of codependency, and blameless anonymity as a properly programmed
member of your assigned group. Act now, before it's too late.
Porcus Welby, M.D., a Senior Fellow at The PIG Institute of Incorrectness,
devised a simple test to determine your exposure to this silent
killer, a devastating affliction that's responsible for exterminating
millions of group identities each year.
the following questions with a simple 'yes' or 'no' to determine
if you are suffering from Infectious Individualism:
Have you ever deliberately refused to identify your victim group
on a document, form or application?
Do you impulsively take personal responsibility for your
you, secretly, suspect that your sensitivities are counterfeit,
Have you ever judged someone on their merits, instead
of their group
Do you, occasionally, resent self-appointed group spokesmen
they're speaking for you?
Do you REALLY practice what your group preaches?
regarded the Clintons as arrogant, overgrown teenagers, or
Do gay pride Prance-A-Thons make you laugh like a mental
Do group mantras such as 'racist', 'sexist', 'homophobe'
or 'no justice,
no peace' annoy you?
Do quotas, set-asides and special 'protections' based
on group identity
humiliate or enrage you?
Are you starting to resent Nanny government coddling
and the parasites
who feed off it?
Do terms such as 'racial profiling', 'diversity', 'hate
crime' and class envy
make you go postal?
Do you resent sharing the fruits of your labor with greedy,
Are you insulated from historic injustices because they
didn't happen to
you and, besides, the perpetrators turned into worm chow
you were born?
borderline felons? Better yet, ever catch yourself laughing
you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you're exhibiting
symptoms of Infectious Individualism. If left untreated, it poses
a mortal danger to your group identity. PIG's victimhood-restoring
strike teams feel your pain and stand poised to help you through
this crisis. Let us revitalize your sense of oppression before
it's too late.
help you crave is only one mouse click away - RE-HYPHENATE
click here to - DECLARE YOUR INDEPENDENCE-DEFECT
TO THE INCORRECT
P.K. Crowley and T.D. Treat