PORK CHOPS | THE KINGS OF COMEDY

In the past, we published a Top Story about some of our comedic heroes. Unfortunately, due to space allowance on the page, we had to omit some classics.

After some discussion and even more beer, we decided to launch a page dedicated to those that have made us not only chuckle, but think, while peeing our pants from sheer laughter.

We hope to do justice with this page by including all of our comedic influences. If we leave anyone out, please alert us. We'll try to care.

Before we begin, we ought to give props to the late George Carlin and the late Bernie Mac. Both of them forged their own trail, and made our lives more tolerable with their brand of wit, intelligence and comedy.

Obnoxious types like Robin Williams don't make the cut.

Rosie O'Donell, who some refer to as a comedienne, actually had only two funny moments in her life. The first was her on-air bickering with Donald trump. The second is when she did a career ending swan dive, head first, into the unemployment line by bouncing her fat, hot aired, beached whale ass right off the View. Funny.

What we're going to do is break this page down to several categories

First up:

Door Busting Off The Hinges, Trailblazing, King's Of Comedy.

The Three Stooges. Is there really a need to explain? Hands down, the masters of physical and improvisational comedy. Who else could perform those classic "Don't Try This At Home" stunts, which have you rolling in laughter, and get away with it? We secretly think that Wile E. Coyote and the Acme Company directly stole from Moe, Larry, Curly and Shemp.

Famous Stooges Quote: "She was bred in old Kentucky, but she's just a crumb up here." - Jerome "Curly" Howard

Laurel And Hardy. If you thought the Stooges were violent, catch an episode of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. They did stuff with shotguns that has the most avid members of the NRA taking notes.

Hambo: Yes, that guy. He makes top ranking because of his inherent ability to cut through a ton of shit and ten dollar words with one phrase. Doesn't matter the subject. Whenever Porcus is complexed about a creative idea, guess who has his back with a gut busting, pee your pants funny suggestion?

Hambo, that's who.

Don't believe us? Read Hambo's Hammer...every day. Better yet, ask Mrs. Porcus. She has seen Porcus almost crack his skull falling off his chair, holding his ribs and falling off his chair with my phone in my hand, trying as I may to not soil myself due to sheer laughter.

That's Hambo, a one-of-a-kind, natural cut-up who can be read each and every day, here at The Free State Of PIG.

He's the type of person that says something so profound and funny with a poker face, watches you laugh until you need a bucket to catch those tears of laughter, and barely manages to crack a smile himself.

Don't know if he knows he's being funny with his no-holds barred honesty, and we don't care.

Why question genius?

Benny Hill: The Brits blessed us with Benny Hill, a friend of the lengendary Monty Python comedy troupe. Always a real sport, his trademark was chasing scantilly and panty-illy clad Brit babes, and smacking the old guy on the top of his bald head, while his unforgettable theme song played in the background.

Famous quote:

"I'm not against half naked girls, not as often as Id'e like to be."

Monty Python: Speaking of Brits, and one American, we would be guilty of sins of omission if we didn't mention Monty Python. Their two classic movies, Monty Python and The Holy Grail, and even funnier, Life Of Brian, are soooo inkorrect, they make Hambo and Porcus look like Girl Scouts.

With their brand of comedy, they, with surgical precision, dismantled any notions of traditional orthodoxy, especially, the Church and Western Civilization. They made you think that nothing was sacred.

Who can forget the lines from Michael Palin in "Life Of Brian" portraying some sort of Caesar, when Brian is dragged before the court, and Caesar's own soldiers start giggling when Caesar makes mention of his homo lover, "Bigus Dickus"

How about the end of the movie, "Life Of Brian" when Brian is crucified, and the Roman Legions demand for Brian to be released, all of a sudden, everyone crucified, claimed to be Brian, even saying, "I'm Brian, and so is my wife!" Then of course, Eric Idle, playing another crucified crook, says, "Cheer up, Brian." The entire ensamble of crucified start singing and whistling "The Bright Side Of Life." Written by Eric Idle.

One of their famous moments in "The Holy Grail," was when Michael Palin, playing an injured Sir Galahad, enters a castle of young virgins, in search of the Holy Grail. The Mistress in charge insisted upon giving him a thourough medical examination, but Sir Galahad, noble as he thought he was, declined, saying he was still on a quest to find the Holy Grail.

When the Head Mistress said she had a back problem that could only be cured by a spanking, all the other virgins piped in by saying, "Oh, I want a spanking, too.'

Sir Galahad still insisted, "No."

When the Head Mistress said that part of her therapy was to follow up with oral sex, Michael Palin, as Sir Galahad, said, "Well I suppose I can stay for a few minutes."

Richard Pryor: You had to know that he'd end up here. Who else could turn the word, "Motherfucker" into an art form, in the proper context.

Here's an outake from one of his concerts:

"You know, I had a heart attack, and it hurt like a motherfucker. I thought I was going to die. At that moment, I had thought about my grandaddy, who died making love to a beautful young lady, of a heart attack.

Now, if I had my choice of dying all alone, or on top of a beautiful naked woman, I'll be the dude in that long motherfucking line, waiting to die happy."

Jay Leno: How many of us have had Jay Leno act as sandman, and put us to sleep with some great humor?

One member of The PIG staff has had the opportunity to meet him twice, personally and check out one of his fine rides.

Some Late Night Leno tid-bits.

"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."

"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

With those PIG props given to Jay, we would be way out of line if we didn't mention the man responsible for Jay's current success...Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson: The Undisputed King Of Late Night ruled supreme and had a great way of bailing himself out of bad jokes during his openings by first admitting it was a bad joke, and second by his mannerisms.

Heeeere's Johnny:

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."

" Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

But his all-time classic was when Zsa Zsa Gabor guest-starred. She was sitting with a cat in her lap when she said, "Johnny, would you like to pet my pussy?" Johnny reportedly said, "Sure, if you move that damn cat out of the way!'

Rodney Dangerfield: The absolute master of self depreciating humor, Rodney, "I Don't Get No Respect" Dangerfield.

This guy iced the cake, and here are some samplings:

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand."

"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people".

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend."

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."

"When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up."

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it."

Looney Tunes Cartoons: With the likes of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, Foghorn Leghorn, Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote invading homes and imaginations, we have to give props to the creators of those cartoon legends. Funny thing. I always wanted to drop an Acme Co. anvil drop on my younger brother's head, but never found the right time or opportunity.

Chris Rock: This dude is worth the price of admission. Sheer genius, and gut busting laughter at every turn. Mrs. Porcus is way guilty of listening to his CD's in her car.

You want a dude that can toss a dart and hit the bullseye everytime? This dude does it every time he takes the stage.

"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot."

"I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson."

"If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty."

"I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity."

Chris Farley: You want to see a way overweight, physical comedic genius at work? Catch some old Saturday Night Live re-runs.

Chris Farley and Chris Rock cut their comedic teeth together on Saturday Night Live, doing skits together.

One classic skit happpend when Patrick Swayze was a guest host. He and Chris Farley were doing a scene where Chippendales, the male strip club, was holding auditions, and the two finalists for the job were Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze.

They did their thing, complete with gyrating pelvi, and Patrick Swayze, a professionally trained dancer, watched in awe as Chris Farley won the job.

Too funny, and too tragic on two levels. First David "Joe Dirt" Spade totally piggybacked off of Chris Farley and made a very Not Funny career of off Chris Farley.

Second, Chris Farley died much too soon. Guess God wanted an opening act.

Cheech and Chong: These two made some money off of the PIG staff with their LP's. As a matter of fact, one would be outcast to Dweebville if you didn't have at least Big Bamboo in your record collection. They re-wrote comedy, and made you laugh your ass off in the process, with the incarnations of Sister Mary Elephant, Sergeant Stedanko, Dave, Johhny Stash, Chebornek, Basketball Jones, Pedro and The Man, and the classic, Earache, My Eye.

Two Eskimo's wandering around the Arctic Tundra come across what looks to them as a pile of "something."

First one says, "Chebornik, pick that up."

After Chebornik picks it up, First dude asks, "Does that feel like dogshit?"

"Yeah, feels like dogshit."

First dude says, "Smell it."

After a healthy whiff, Chebornik says, "Wow, smells like dogshit, man."

First dude says to poor Chebornik, "Taste it."

After a quick taste, First Dude asks Chebornik, "Did it taste like dogshit?"

Chebornik replies, "Yeah man, it tastes like dogshit, man."

To that, First Dude says, "Good thing we didn't step in it."

John Belushi: We have to agree, nobody had more natural talent than John Belushi. He never read scripts and he always performed half loaded, but he always raised the bar in whatever skit he was doing. From his classic Joe Cocker, James T. Kirk, and Vito Corleone imitations, to his Bluto character in Animal House, he gets a big slice of PIG Props. We miss you, dude, but then, you are on a mission from God.

Blue Collar Comedy Tour: You want some home-spun fresh off the bayou and prarie humor? You got it with these guys.

Leading off is usually Jeff Engvall. Not really funny, but he is a part of the team, so he gets in by association.

Next up, Ron "You Can't Fix Stupid" White. Always with his trademark cigar and glass of Scotch on the rocks, casually cranking out funnies, like this:

"I was in an Atlanta hotel and got paged to the front desk for an emeregecy call, and while I was running to the front desk, I was thinking, 'Hot Damn, if my rich mother and father-in-law are dead, I'm rich!"

Turns out, it was his wife, who said, "The dog crapped on the rug, what do I do?"

Realizing he married a numbskull, he replied, "Put the dog on the phone, I'll discuss it with him."

Then there's Larry The Cable Guy, you know, the Git-R-Done dude.

One of his famous lines was this:

"Yeah, I was dating a midget girl" Gesturing toward his groin area, he indicated her height, and said "Yep, I sure was nuts over her."

To round out the Blue Collar Comedy Tour is Jeff "You Might Be A Redneck If..." Foxworthy.

He's got too many classics to list here. Look him up, or subscribe to your local cable piracy bandits and check them out on Comedy Central.

Andy Capp: Some of you may not recall our comic strip hero, Andy Capp, but he is the creation of Reg Smythe, another Brit. Andy Capp was always late with rent money, half, or all the way drunk, getting in fights, playing the 'orses. flirting with the lovely's, all the while his poor wife Flo tolerated his antics.

Jerry Lewis: Okay, the big picture would dictate he really is somewhat annoying, especially since the French regard him as a demi-god. But, that said, his "Nutty Professor" is a true classic.

He bankrolled it, directed it, and stretched his meager talents to the limit by playing two roles in it. He tickled our funny bone as the nerdy, klutzy, dweeby Professor Kelp, head over heals in love with the yum-liscous, Babe De Luxe, Stella Stevens, who play edone of his chemistry students, Miss Purdy. Lewis also portrayed the studley, Buddy Love.

What does he do to capture her affections? Being a chemist, he comes up with a concoction to transform him into a 1950's Superfly, He-Man, Macho -Stud, who has his way with the ladies, particularly, Miss Purdy.

When the effects of his Jeckyll And Hyde formula start to wear off while in the company of Miss Purdy, and he turns back to the Nutty Professor, he has to come clean by declaring his love for her. She in turn, reciprocated the same sentiments.

You scored, big time, dude.

Keith Moon: Yes, that Keith Moon, drummer for The Who. Why did he make the comedy section of PIG? He flat out was a unique character who had achieved financial and career success as the greatest drummer in the world. He also overindulged in women, drugs and booze, to the extent that it was no surprise to his bandmates that he he didn't wake up one morning, next to his Playboy Centerfold girlfriend.

What's so funny about him? Well, for starters, he was a certified nut, who got his band banned from major hotel chains in the U.S., including the Hilton and Sheraton chain of hotels, by flushing M-80's, Cherry Bombs and Roman Candles down the bloody toilet. Top that off with him defecating into a paper bag, and dropping it on unsuspecting pedestrians on the sidewalk below.

His shining moment came on The Who's Smother's Brothers variety show performance. The band's trademark was making splinters out of guitars and drumsticks and the audiences eardrums after a perfomance. They relied on pyrotechnics and explosive charges to further amplify their "Exit, Stage Left" departure from the stage.

The band agreed, we'll stick a charge in Keith's bass drum. When nobody was looking, Keith Moon, added another charge.

At the precise moment, after they finished thier set, the bass drum, filled with extra explosives, was detonated. Ka-Freaking-Boom!

If you get the chance to see the film footage, you can witness Tom and Dick Smothers covering their ears, almost blown off the stage from sheer force of the explosion. The other members of The Who were also damn near blown away too. One was rendered deaf in one ear as a result.

That was a classic, "Holy Shit, Don't Try This At Home" moment.

Moon The Loon, you were the life of the party.

Gene Wilder: You know him, with his whacked out hair-do and maniacal popped out eyballs from The Producers, Young Frankenstein, and as "The Kid" in Mels Brooks' classic, and Hambo's favorite, Blazing Saddles.

Later, he teamed with another legend, Richard Pryor and formed a great comedic collaberation, and lifelong friendship.

P. J. O'Rourke: He's our generation's version of Mark Twain, who is a noted satirist and major influence in the development of PIG. He's also a major force in the development of the original National Lampoon magazine.

O'Rourke is a prolific writer, who is funny as hell, on subjects ranging from test driving new cars, golf clubs. He's also filed some memorably prose as a war correspondent for Rolling Stone magazine. Here's one of our favorite P. J. O'Rourke quotes :

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."

Lenny Bruce: This guy didn't just break down doors with his no-holds-barred brand of comedy and commentary, he went chainsaw, and the knocked the door off it's hinges.

A troubled soul that died too young from a self-induced morphine over dose, offered his observations

"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."

"The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them."

"The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter."

"Screaming" Sam Kinison: The world lost a great gift when Sam Kinison was taken from us in a fatal car accident outside of Las Vegas. No wonder he's Hambo's favorite, as they have alot in common.

Here's a taste of his comic genius, from a 1984 Sam Kinison appearance on Rodney Dangerfield’s ‘It’s Not Easy Being Me’.

"I'm like anyone else on this planet -- I'm very moved by world hunger."

"I see the same commercials, with those little kids, starving, and very depressed. I watch those kids and I go, 'Fuck, I know the FILM crew could give this kid a sandwich!"

There's a director five feet away going, 'DON'T FEED HIM YET! GET THAT SANDWICH OUTTA HERE! IT DOESN'T WORK UNLESS HE LOOKS HUNGRY!!!'

"But I'm not trying to make fun of world hunger. Matter of fact, I think I have the answer. You want to stop world hunger? Stop sending these people food."

"Don't send these people another bite, folks. You want to send them something, you want to help? Send them U-Hauls. Send them U-Hauls, some luggage, send them a guy out there who says, 'Hey, we been driving out here every day with your food, for, like, the last thirty or forty years, and we were driving out here today across the desert, and it occurred to us that there wouldn't BE world hunger, if you people would LIVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!

YOU LIVE IN A DESERT! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! NOTHING GROWS OUT HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW OUT HERE! YOU SEE THIS? HUH? THIS IS SAND. KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA BE A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW? IT'S GONNA BE SAND! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! GET YOUR STUFF, GET YOUR SHIT, WE'LL MAKE ONE TRIP, WE'LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA -- WE JUST DON'T LIVE IN THEM, ASSHOLES!"

Animated Classics: We previously mentioned Looney Tunes, but we would be tarred and feathered if we didn't mention The Simpsons and South Park.

There is a Bart "Cowabunga" Simpson in every classroom. There is an Eric "Bite Me" Cartman lurking in every neighboorhood. There's a Homer "D'oh" Simpson pretty much...everywhere, especially at the local tavern.

Can you imagine the hernia operation you would need from a laughter overdose if you found yourself stuck in the same room with them?

Al Bundy: Don't think for a nano-scond that we would ever forget the great Al Bundy. Oh no. We would be court martialed for not mentioning our beloved Al. As a matter of fact, we're going to allow extra room for Al, Peg, Kelly and Bud to enlighten you in their own words.

This show, Married With Children, totally rocks our world. The creators and actors were a two ton wrecking ball in your living room, who made no apologies or excuses for the humor and subject matter they introduced.

Who else but a lowly women's shoe salesman could trod his way through life with a crappy job, an over-sexed (gorgeous) daughter, a testosterone raging, frustrated son, and a bon-bon eating credit crunching, way sexy wife? Only the one and only, Al Bundy.

Let's recall some of Al's classic antics.

His favorite show, Psyhco Dad was canceled. Bummer. He and his NO-MAAM gang are always, routinely seen at the famous Jiggly Room with a copy of Big 'Uns under his arm.

What was Al's marital aid? A bottle of Wild Turkey, a copy of Big 'Un's and a blindfold, that's how he coped with Peg's insatiable desires.

Quotes From Our Hero, Al:
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Peg: "Tell me you love me, Al."

Al: "I love football, I love beer, let's not cheapen the meaning of the word."
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Al, to his flat chested Feminist neighbor who he commonly refered to as a chicken: "Hey, Marcy, what's holding the towel up?"
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Al: Guys may come and guys may go, but daddy's always daddy...well, at least until he jumps a freight train.
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Al: "I'm jealous of everyone not married to you."
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Al: "Why is it that Elvis is dead but I'm in hell?"
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Al: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Since I'm not home, I won't have to."
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Al: "If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave, and if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave."

Redd Foxx: Redd Foxx had forged his career from the streets of East St. Louis as a very naughty stand up comedian. Later, he got some well-deserved attention and teamed up with Demond Wilson to star in the classic Sanford And Son.

What a show that was. Fred "G" Sanford was always calling his beloved son, Lamont a big dummy. Always on the verge of disaster, whenever Fred landed in trouble, he would clutch his heart area, look to the sky and call to beloved wife, "Elizabeth, I'm having the big one, honey and I'm coming to join you."

The classic characters he helped develop like, Grady, Bubba, Skillet, and Aunt Esther are etched in our minds, and part of Americana.

Bob Newhart : Did you think for a half heartbeat we would forget Bob? If you did, you must think we're retards.

"I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun."

We'd be remiss if we didn't mention how he ended his comedy series 'Newhart'. We were all put on the floor when at the very end, he woke up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette, his wife from his first boob tube comedy, 'The Bob Newhart Show'. When he told her, 'I had the strangest dream', it was, quite simply the greatest moment in sitcom history.

Somewhat Funny, Once, But Got The Money

By and large, the comic wits who land in this section were screamingly funny, in bygone days, but lost their comedic mojo when somebody called them a genuis.

Woody Allen: Never a source of side-splitting humor, his films were, once upon a time, very entertaining. The last time Woody made me laugh was when I heard he was boning his jailbait 'daughter'.

Eddie Murphy: If you need to get in the proper mood for a wake, watch one of Eddie's recent films.

Robin Williams: He can be spontaneously funny, during a live interview. Unhappily, he can't find a way to put that comic wit on the silver screen.

Dana Carvey: We loved 'Wayne's World', the rest of his work, not so much.

Heart Attacks Are Funnier Than You

Okay, these are the one's that just are just flat out not, we repeat NOT funny, at all, or ever, but get paid to be a "personality."

They are what proctologists are searching for when they snap those surgical gloves on and tell you to relax, while they do a cavity search, seeking that elusive turd

Tom Green: How the fuck did Tom Green ever make a penny, at his pathetic attempt at being "funny?"

I know morticians that are funnier than him, but then, I forgot, he's Canadian, and in the lonely Tundra, elk and polar bears need something to do and some amusement when they go to lounge acts like his.

Adam Sandler: Popular? You bet. Funny? Not in this, or any other lifetime.

Will Farrell: I'd rather have a root canal, without Novocaine than sit through a Farrell flick.

Sarah Bernhardt : Who the hell died, and let the Media Meatheads declare this Second Coming Of The Creature From The Black Lagoon funny? Forgot, she was friends with chipmunk toothed Madonna. If you have children, cover their ears and eyes if she, or it ever appears on your your TV screen.

Pauley Shore: Just shoot me.

Janeane Garofolo: Is it us, but does your name rhyme with buffalo? Wait, we don't mean to insult buffalo's.You somehow weasled your way into 15 minutes of fame status and somebody, hopefully committed to an asylum, found you amusing. Here's why you flat out, aint't funny:

"Our country is founded on a sham; our forefathers were slave-owning rich white guys who wanted it their way. So when I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.' That you can have a gay parade on Christopher Street in New York, with naked men and women on a float cheering, 'We're here, we're queer!' – that's what makes my heart swell. Not the flag, but a gay naked man or woman burning the flag. I get choked up with pride."

Memo From PIG To Jeaneane :
Yo, we got something you can really choke on, and it sure isn't the flag.

Vagina Monologes :
Who would pay hard earned money to listen to a pack of rampant, wannabe womyn, doing nothing more than whining, moaning, pissing and groaning about every petty problem in their lives?

Funny? Get real. That would be like being tied and gagged and forced to listen to fingernails on a chalkboard. Any dude that was forced to witness a henhouse full of squawking womyn bitch and moan about cramps, cats, boyfriends and why men suck is hereby exiled from The Free State Of PIG.

Howie Mandel: The non-funny skit he did with surgical gloves, putting them over his head and inflating them until they burst, is more like a clown stunt performed at a 5 year old's birthday party.

Jon Stewart: Who died and left him to monopolize the Comedy Central Network? He probably had to perform a Lewinsky on a network executive to nail that gig.

Steven Colbert: A spawn and spinoff of the Daily Report with Jon Stewart. He's about as funny as that stuff that dribbles down your leg after a few too many bad burritos. Or a back alley abortion.

Whoopi Goldberg: Hey, who's going to join us in that long line to the emergency room after looking and listing to THAT?

Wait! Hambo just made a goal line dash to the front of the line. Wait up, Porcus is right behind you with his seeing eye dog.

Rosie O'Donnell: We saved the worst for last. Who, who, who, ever said this lower than worm shit, hot aired mastadon was ever funny? Oh wait. There were those nightly televised arguements with Donald Trump.

That arsenic cocktail we're about drink is because we can't stand the sight or sound of Rosie. Bottoms up, Bitch.

Best Gut Busters, Ever!

The Founders of The Free State Of PIG, who else? Hambo and Porcus. You can get your daily dose of the best medicine in the world, laughter and sage wisdom, here, each and every day from the droolings of Porcus, and the supreme scribblings and insights of Hambo.

Now, pencils down, and time to go out there and exercise your birth given gifts, and inflict some Inkorrect brand of humor on some nutless zombies.

Always remember the old saying:

Baffle them with your bullshit, but dazzle them with your brilliance.
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Wait!!! Before class is dismissed, even though the bell rang, we could not, in good concsious, allow you to not arm yourselves with the knowledge of the all-time funniest.

Korrectniks and Lip-Flapping Liberals and Brain Dead Zombies of any persuasion could sure use a bite taken out of their easy target asses with some good old fashioned PIG philosophy: Truth, Humor, Facts, and Fun.

They lurk around every corner, every school, every store, every bank and especially, every TV set, and watching them in action can be quite entertaining.

Schooling them is like taking candy from a baby, and you can learn some valueable tips on how to get the greatest laughs in the world by tuning into The Free State Of PIG, and leave those Korrectniks smelling like the turds they are, after delivering an uppercut to their delicate, hypersensitive, manufactured nature.

Guaranteed to get you the last laugh.

 
 
© Copyright 1993-2012 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette


 

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PORK CHOPS
CONTENTS

PORK CHOPS
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PRIME CUTS
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O-CRAP!!!

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PIGALLERY
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BEEN CALIFORNICATED?
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PIGRAPHICS
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YANQUI PRIDE
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2ND GUESSING GOD
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KINGS OF COMEDY
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SEXIST HUMOR
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CLASSICS
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LINKS / SITES
FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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STRANGE POLITICS
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EHOWA
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NAT LAMPOON
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MODERN DRUNKARD
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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
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TEXAS FRED
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KING'S RIGHT SITE
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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A LITTLE MORE
TO THE RIGHT

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DRINK THIS
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SOCCER MOM:UNPLUGGED
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RIGHT IN PHILLY
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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HOMETOWN CONSERVATIVE
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CULT OF 7G
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ANTHONY'S SOAP BOX
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CHIP OFF THE OLD ROCK
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KREEPER'S KORNER
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WARRIORS FOR INNOCENCE
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