Every week, the PIG staff buries the hatchet - invariably in one another - and sits down for our weekly awards selection shouting match, punchout and melee. Battered, bruised, and amazed that we survived another contentious confab, we try to muster a some semblance of professionalism while we salute those Standup Guys and Gals and administer bitch-slaps on the richly deserving. Originally named Props And Chops we decided to give this awards page a more illustrious name: Golden Oinks 2013.

PIG's Golden Oinks Selection Committee singles out the following individuals and/or groups for special PIG attention.

Bitch-Slap of the Week: At least one New Yorker still has a spine. His name is Ron Bzdewk and he owns an outpost of Big Apple capitalism named 'House of Cupcakes'.

Using his pastry wrangling expertise, he thumbed his nose at Mike 'Food Nazi' Bloomberg.

Mayor Bloomberg's anti-caloric reign is being challenged in New York City, where the House of Cupcakes, located in Greenwich Village, has created a 36,000 calorie cupcake with a glowering Michael Bloomberg face on the top. "It's got over 12 pounds of sugar, five pounds of butter, four pounds of flour, six cups of cocoa powder, 24 eggs, and two cups of milk,...(Breitbart)

Did Mikey appreciate the joke? Nope:

Bloomberg couldn't resist tearing into the cupcake maker: "This is one of the dumbest things people have done, but if they can get some publicity [so be it]." Bloomberg then said that fatty foods kill people, so it isn't really funny.

We're pleased to report that Ron shrugged off Mikey's hissy fit.

John 'Hannibal' Smith Award: Dr. Christopher Stone, associate professor of Arabic and head of the Arabic Programme at City University, is an Egghead whose Libertard Moonbat credentials are impeccable. He hates America. He's an Israel despising Palestinian supporter. He even signed a petition 'demanding that the NYPD commissioner step down for fighting Muslim terrorism'.

Mistaking his Moonbattery for a suit of armor, Dr. Stone tempted fate on the Jihadikaze infested streets of Cairo (Eqypt):

According to Al-Ahram, Stone told prosecutors the attack took place while he was on his way to the US Embassy to finish some paperwork for his wife. A young man enquired about his nationality and stabbed him in the neck after he said he was American.

Just in case there was any doubt whatsoever about the motive, Mahmoud Badr, the stabber, who has a bachelor's degree in commerce, clarified his motive…

The man who stabbed an American in Cairo on Thursday says he was motivated by a hatred of the United States. (Frontpage)

An Israel despising, America hating, Palestinian venerating, American liberal is stabbed by an America hating, Israel despising, Palestinian venerating Jihadikaze? Like John "Hannibal" Smith, I love it when a plan comes together.

Bite Me Award: In theory the 'Conference on Disarmament' isn't part of the Black Helicopter Club (United Nations). Instead it's 'sponsored' by the black helicopter cabal. What's the difference between 'part of' and 'sponsored by'? I haven't got a clue.

As far as I'm concerned, they OWN it. That ownership was evident this week, when the Conference on Disarmament picked a newleader:

Iran will preside over the UN-sponsored Conference on Disarmament, tapped to chair the panel later this month despite longstanding accusations the Islamic Republic has a secret nuclear weapons program and has helped provide weapons to terrorists.

The 65-member nation forum, which picks its chairs by rotation, has previously been led by North Korea. It is charged with negotiating international regulations for biological and chemical weapons, among other things. Critics say having Iran lead the talks makes a mockery of a process designed to make the world more peaceful.

"We understand how the UN works, but they are allowing protocol to trump principle," said Hillel Neuer, executive director of UN Watch. "Iran has assisted in multiple mass murders. People have a moral obligation to speak out. Saying that, 'Hungary held the chair last time and now it's Iran's turn'…that just doesn't cut it." (Fox News)

Iran chairs a disarmament group? It's the kind of insult I expect from the Black Helicopter Club.

Excuses of the Week: The festivities started when a Flori-DOLT, Sakima Rashad Bracery, ran a stop sign, in Okaloosa County (Florida). His timing sucked, because a Sheriff's Deputy witnessed the infraction. During the pleasantries that ensued, there several PIG-worthy elements:

The 2004 Dodge Neon had been reported stolen. When asked about it, by the deputy, Sakima trotted out excuse one: "it belongs to my girlfriend." When that didn't get the job done, Sakima ran excuse two up flagapole: "I found it with the keys in it, and thought it was mine".

As fun as that sounds, it gets better. While searching Sakima, the Deputy found a red pill in our hero's pocket. If you're thinking 'more excuses', give yourself a cookie:

Pill Excuse 1: It's candy.

Pill Excuse 2: It's medicine.

Pill Excuse 3: I don't know what it is.

The proper authorities don't know what the pill is either, but they're working on it.

One incident yields 5 excuses. Very impressive.

Ripley's Saga of the Week: I'm taking this one with a grain of salt, and you should, too.

It's reported, by dubious sources, that Swaziland imposes some very unusual flight restrictions. If you're a witch, and you plan to spend quality time in Swaziland, think twice before you take the old broomstick out for a spin.

In Swaziland, witches are forbidden to fly their broomsticks higher than 150 meters, and if they do, they are subject to arrest and a fine of R500 000 ($55,000 USD).

Though it seems like a joke, witchcraft in the African country is taken seriously.

Civil Aviation Authority marketing and corporate affairs director Sabelo Dlamini forbid witches from flying high in the skies. He announced it in response to a question from the press about the arrest of Hunter Shongwe, who operated a remote-controlled drone with a video camera. He was using the drone to conduct a private investigation.

Witch doctors in the country pay an annual tax of $1.15, but last year, members of Swazi parliament argued that it should be raised to help the country's debt.

Flight restrictions on witches? Yeah, right.

Whine of the Week: He's been at his post in front of the venerable Loudoun County (Virginia) courthouse since 1908. I refer, of course, to the statue of a Confederate sentry, who is standing guard with his rifle ready. The inscription is simple and far from provocative: "In memory of the Confederate Soldiers of Loudoun County, Va. Erected May 28, 1908."

It's far from shocking that someone complained. It's equally predictable that the punk who fronts for certain unnamed whiner is a shyster.

Attorney John Flannery, who often has cases in the courthouse, wants the statue moved elsewhere. He says it's intimidating to some of his clients.

"It deters people. It chills them from believing they can get a fair shake in court," he says.

Flannery says he's actually had clients who are afraid they won't get justice in a courthouse after seeing the statue.

"It's a living, active courthouse, which already has challenges in terms of discrimination in terms of persons of color, and not only them."

The Civil War had a profound impact on the history of this nation. Trying to hide all traces of it is beyond stupid. It happened, and cost more than 750,000 lives. This statue remembers the men from Loudoun County who marched off to war. It happened. It must not be ignored, so this shyster and his whining clients need to get over it.

Golden D'oh!: Our heroine - let's call her 'Lucky' - had her caper going swimmingly, for a while.

Break into Chamberlain's Inn (Mackinaw County, Michigan)? Check.

Liberate food, dishes and silverware? Check.

Load her loot into her getaway vehicle? Check.

Get trapped inside her getaway ride? Oh hell yes.

Police say she loaded up the vehicle, which had broken interior door latches, and apparently lost the keys to the vehicle. She had locked herself inside, and police say she would have needed the keys to roll down a window and open a door using an exterior handle. (AP)

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

2nd Amendment Hero: The drama started, when three asshats invaded a Houston (Mexas) home around 2pm on a weekday. After roughing up the homeowner, the home invaders shoved him into an upstairs closet. Game, set, match? Not exactly.

There was just one pesky tidbit the asshats didn't know. The closet where they deposited the homeowner, is the one where he keeps his guns. After biding his time, the homeowner made his move:

When the homeowner thought the burglars had left, he went downstairs, carrying his gun in case the suspects were still around, the Houston Chronicle reported.

On the first floor, the man confronted one of his assailant and the two exchanged gunfire, according to police.

The resident, who shares the house with his parents, escaped unharmed, but the armed suspect was much the worse for wear after being struck in the shoulder and leg.

He fled on foot down the street, but did not get far before he collapsed. His two suspected accomplices took off from the scene in a Chevrolet Tahoe.

The wounded man, believed to be in his 20s, was heard crying out in pain as he lay bleeding on the pavement. He was taken to Ben Taub Hospital for treatment. (Houston Chronicle)

The right to keep and bear arms is alive and well in the Lone Star State.

P.T Barnum Award: It's hard to believe that this kind of crap works. I'm thinking that low information voters are easy to flimflam.

Somewhere in the Big Apple, a trio of female grifters painted a bull's-eye on a 72-year-old woman. Suitably persuasuve, they dazzled her with dose of supernaturalism:

Police say they told the victim that evil spirits would hurt her family unless she offered money to those spirits.

The victim returned to her home and placed money in a bag. She was instructed not to open the bag for several days to chase away the evil spirits. But when she opened the bag a couple of hours later, she found newspapers and a water bottle inside.

Believe it or not, I've written about this scam numerous times. It seems to be a 'gift' that keeps on giving.

Have you seen our 2012 Golden Oinks of the Year?