PIG News Digest

MARCH 2011

Tis The Season
Source: PIG News Wire [03/31/11]

With Easter a mere 2 weeks away, it's that time of year when the Korrectniks have their seasonal brain-fart over the word 'Easter' It's the time of year when the usual suspects perpetrate what Boortz calls 'rectal-cranial inversion'. How? You're going to be thrilled.

In Munson, Ohio, the cringing cretins followed a well-beaten path which flees from 'Easter' and eagerly embraces 'Spring'. In this case, the Easter Egg Hunt was Korrected into a 'Spring Egg Hunt'. Why? Because 'Easter' is, allegedly 'CHRISTIAN', and we can't have any of that.

Proving how paranoid the Munson Korrectniks are, the county prosecutor is 'reviewing' a decision that would allow a privately sponsored EASTER Egg Hunt.

Once again, I am compelled to put 'Easter' in its proper historical context. Once again, I am obligated to explain why it's asinine to banish 'Easter' due to supernaturalist sensitivity. They insist that we can't have a "Christian" flavor taint these annual Spring festivities, so "Easter" and its alleged Cross Cult origins have to go. BUT, that's asinine because the word "Easter" has pagan roots that predate Cross Cultism's Spring rituals.

"Easter" is a bastardization of "Ostara" (Eostra), the name of the pagan goddess at the root of this Spring holiday. Before everyone goes Kool-Aid club bonkers and runs off at the mouth about this egregious slight to an important Cross Cult holiday, take a deep breath, cool your jets and let a rational adult serve up some little known facts about the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs:

'...In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse them she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived. Ostara is identical to the Greek Eos and the Roman Aurora...' (Ostara, by Micha F. Lindemans, Encyclopedia Mythica)

"Easter", the bunny and the eggs are not now and never have been Cross Cult in any damn way. They are strictly pagan goodies that don't do anything more sinister than give kids an excuse to have a good time. Munson's antics are a waste of time because "Ostara's Bunny" (The Easter Bunny) is and always was a PAGAN concept.

Any Munson dwelling true believers who protest about the city's slight against Cross Cultism are equally delusional because, Ostara's Bunny and the bringing forth of eggs were a pagan Springtime ritual so a Spring Bunny and Spring Eggs are reasonably close to the original pagan concept.

Are we all on the same page now about Ostara's egg laying bunny, or are you going to make me come over there and EXPLAIN it to you, again?

Isn't it about time everybody chilled out about the damn Easter Bunny? This egg laying Easter Bunny has nothing to do with the Cross Cult. It has everything to do with a pagan goddess named Ostara who changed her pet bird into an egg laying bunny to delight the children. The Easter bunny (Ostara's Bunny) has been delighting tykes ever since and if the usual whining rat bastards don't clean up their act, once and for all, I'm going to so someSpring cleaning with a damn baseball bat until they get with the Ostara's Bunny program. Don't make me come over there.

Attention Munson Meatheads. Do NOT make me come over there.

Names In The News
Source: PIG News Wire [03/25/11]

Glenn Beck
Rumors are flying, fast and furious, that the dynamic duo - Glenn Beck and Fox News Channel - is splitsville. There’s no smoking gun, and December (when Glenn’s contract with FNC ends) is still a just a blip on the far horizon, but some observers see hints that Glenn wants to be his own boss. The latter - be his own boss - contention is bolstered by the fact that Glenn’s media company - Mercury Radio Arts - is adding staff and generating new content (his Internet publication, The Blaze, is generating a lot of traffic).

Do I think Glenn will leave FNC so he can launch his own Boob Tube channel? I’m still thinking that one over. Do I think Glenn will leave FNC, for other reasons? Yup, because his show is losing viewers at an impressive rate. Also, FNC is in the crosshairs - WARNING, HATE SPEECH, HATE SPEECH - at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, at Moonbat infested Media Matters, the DNC, and in the halls of Congress. Whenever the Moonbats launch a tirade against the FNC, Glenn Beck is cited as their greatest sin against The One, The One’s puppetmaster (Soros), and the entire progressive movement.

Parting shot: Fox News Channel is, in many ways, going soft. The one notable exception is Glenn Beck, who marches to the beat of his own drummer.

Katie Couric
If the headlines on the news sites that I visit can be believed, Katie Couric is done as the host of CBS Evening News. It’s far from official, and the story is driven, in large part, by the fact that her contract is up in June 2011.

Idle speculation has her trying her hand at a daytime gig, but that’s just hot air. The rumor is out there and it’s worth serious consideration, given her pathetic performance on the tube and in the ratings.

Lindsay - Don’t Call Me Lohan
Henceforth LiLo is no more. The drunken slut formerly known as Lindsay Lohan has finally taken off her blinders and, better late than never, concluded that "Lohan sucks". Which alleged humans with that banished last name rate a resounding SUCKS?

The smart money pins the ‘sucks’ label on Lindsay’s daddy Michael, who is, once again, in hot water with the justice system. Maybe Lindsay thinks she can avoid guilt by association in her forthcoming court appearance, if she distances herself from her loser daddy. It’s a nifty plan, but it only solves half of Lindsay’s problem.

If Lindsay - as she now wants to be known - wants to get rid of those bad ‘Lohan’ influences, she needs to cut the ties to the stage mommy bitch who played a key role in turning Lindsay into a perpetual tabloid headline.

Will ‘from now on I’m just Lindsay’ change the wench’s luck? Probably not, but at this point, it can’t do any harm. Good luck from the Free State of PIG, Lindsay. You’re probably going to need it.

Sammy Hagar
The stunner, for most rational adults, isn’t Sammy’s "E.T. and I spent quality time together" admission, it’s the fact that - you better sit down - this rock & roll star - GASP - wrote a book. It’s titled "Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock". If you need to crack open a cold one to cope with that, go for it, PIGster Sparky.

During an interview with Hagar, the interrogator focused on the part of Sammy’s book wherein he mentions his dreams about UFOs. That’s when the interrogator broached the ‘UFO abduction’ question, by asking if Sammy had been singled out for such attention from E.T. When Sammy answered in the affirmative - "I think I have" the interview strayed into the Art Bell region of the Twilight Zone:

The reporter seemed surprised. "What? Really? I was kidding. You seriously believe that?" he asks.

Hagar laughs and goes on to explain that a passage in the book described as a dream in which he is contacted by aliens from outer space in California was, in fact, reality.

The tale describes how the beings tapped into his mind through a wireless connection.

"It was real," Hagar told the reporter, according to the story on MTV's Hive website. "They were plugged into me. It was a download situation ... Or, they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment." (Reuters)

Sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll and E.T.? I’m not sold, but it’s an interesting yarn, and a spiffy way to sell some copies of his tome.

Charlie Sheen
Speaking of improbable tales, that’s a perfect description for the rumor of the week, which had Sheen returning to his Two And A Half Men gig on CBS. Everybody was talking about it, citing the familiar ‘unnamed insiders’ at CBS, who knew for a fact that the network wanted Charlie back. Radar OnLine was one of the first out of the gate, but, before reality set in, NBC News and the Hollywood Reporter, plus Boom Box news nitwits from sea to shining sea were reporting it.

Eventually, the truth spoiled the fun, and the rumor was dumped like a bad habit. Even if CBS CEO Les Moonves wanted Charlie back, the fact remains that it’s not his call. Warner Brothers is the outfit that fired Charlie, and they are the ones who would have to hire him back. Unless there’s a new Ice Age in Hell, this 'we want Charlie back' story is crap, and, by now, everybody knows it.

As rumors go, this one is strictly ‘no harm, no foul’. What’s next for Charlie? Nobody, including Charlie, knows that answer. Will he land on his feet, or has he, as many opine, flushed his career down the crapper? I guess we’ll find that out, together.

Panty-Wadding Dance Routine
Source: Golden Oinks [03/18/11]

We the PIGs, belatedly, salute the Robert Morris University competitive dance team for its top 10 finish at the United Performing Association's national competition in late February. Why? Their costumes - straitjackets, unkempt hair and black-rimmed eyes - have ‘mental health advocates’, plus assorted other Korrectniks, setting their hair on fire.

If you think this sounds familiar, you’re right. A few weeks ago, we saluted a dance team from a Wisconsin high school, Waunakee High School, whose costumes included shirts resembling straightjackets which bore the words "Psyche Ward".

This time, the noisiest whine about the Robert Morris dance team comes from Chrisa Hinkley, a woman whose son has something called schizoaffective disorder. When she saw photos of the Robert Morris University dance team in their competition outfits, she set fire to her follicles, which were already extra crispy from her hair torching response to Waunakee High’s "Psyche Ward" antics. Did her caterwauling accomplish anything - other than locking up this award for Robert Morris U’s dancers? You better believe it:

Robert Morris President Michael Viollt said the costumes were inappropriate and will not be worn again. Outfits for the dance team, which until now have not been approved by the school, will go through the same committee that approves the uniforms of sports teams, he said. He said mental health awareness at Robert Morris is conducted mostly in classes dealing with the subject but added that the university will consider any changes that might help increase sensitivity toward people with the disorders. (Chicago Tribune)

Ivory Tower President Mikey’s knee-jerk Korrectness sealed the deal for the school’s competitive dance team, whose costumes and performance are, in our considered opinion, inspirationally inKorrect and inventive.

A ‘Go Figure’ Moment
Source: PIG News Wire [03/11/11]

At best, it’s marginally PIG-worthy, when BBC Two, in J.O.E. decides to perpetrate a series about the Tome called ‘The Bible’s Buried Secrets. Why is it here, if it’s ‘marginally PIG-worthy? It’s here, because it has a couple PIGish twists.

The prime mover behind the show is an egghead, Dr. Francesca Stavrakopoulou, whose credentials are impressive. Among other things, she is a senior lecturer in the Hebrew Bible at a Brit Ivory Tower, the University of Exeter. Her academic accomplishments include a doctorate in theology from Oxford.

You’ll be interested to learn that her ‘buried’ Tome secrets include:

* A wife for Old Ka-Boom named Asherah.

* An assertion that Eve was not the first woman.

* An assertion that Eve did not cause the Fall of Man.

* An assertion that the Garden of Eden story is misplaced in the Tome and doesn’t belong in the first book of the Old Testament.

Her overall view of the Tome is a mixed bag. She does call the Bible ‘work of religious and social literature that has a huge impact on Western culture’. BUT...She draws the line at making the Tome "our primary reference for understanding the past" because it is NOT "a reliable historical source". Bold new concept.

By now, some of you are wondering "what kind of Christian is she". The short answer is that "she’s not a Christian". In fact, this Tome scholar with the impressive academic pedigree is - TA DA - an Atheist. That brings up another question. Who the hell thinks giving an Atheist a boob tube series on the Tome is a spiffy idea? The short answer is another thriller. BBC’s head of religion and ethics, it’s overseer of religious output on the network, is Aaqil Ahmed who, in case you haven’t guessed, is a Mecca Maniac. That, devoted PIGsters, is how an Atheist Tome scholar landed a religious series on BBC Two. Aren’t you glad you asked?

A Tale of Two Oprahs
Source: Golden Oinks [03/04/11]

What, you ask, do the two life forms in the accompanying image have in common? It’s a lot more than you think. The life form on the left is a sacred cow named Oprah. Ironically, but not accidentally, the life form on the right is also a bovine which is named Oprah, and therein lies a tale.

The bovine on the right belongs to Diana Waterman, a woman who, among other things, is the newly elected First Vice Chairman of the Maryland Republican Party. So what? So nothing, in my considered opinion, but a braying jackass, a blogger named Sveinn Storm, is setting his hair on fire over it.

When this jackass does the math - Elephant Clan official + a BLACK bovine named Oprah - it adds up to - TA DA - racism. I’m shocked, shocked, I tell you. I’m shocked that this clown manages to feed himself without dribbling all over his highchair.

Before he makes a complete fool of himself, Sveinn needs to get up close and personal with the rest of the story.

Waterman defends the name. In a response to the Sun she said her children named the family’s three cows. Oprah was named for a person they admire. The other two, Ferdinand and Isabella are named after the Spanish monarchs who approved Christopher Columbus’s trip to the New World. (I Hate the Media)

If THIS is Sveinn’s ‘smoking gun’ on endemic Elephant Clan racism, he just set a new world record for distance, in the coveted rectal-cranial inversion category.

FEBRUARY 2011

Pot vs Kettle
Source: Hambo’s Hammer [02/24/11]

This pot vs kettle wiz-a-thon would be hilarious, if it wasn’t so f-ing serious. It pits international media mogul, Rupert Murdoch, whose holdings include the Fox News Channel, against the man whose money funds ALL the Marxist Moonbat madness on this planet: George Soros.

Feeling this sting of Glenn Beck’s unrelenting attacks, George Soros didn’t trust his paid stooges at Media Matters, or his hand-picked Marxist Messiah to get it right, so he ventured forth to do his own mud slinging. Among other things, George is pissed off about Beck’s charge that a shadow government runs America via puppets like Messiah Barry. He’s pissed about that, but what really has him setting his hair on fire is Beck’s claim that none other than George Soros is the puppet master who pulls all of those Marxist Moonbat strings.

During a Sunday appearance on CNN, puppet master George teed off on Fox, Murdoch, and assorted other targets of opportunity. News Max provided these pot vs kettle quotes:

“Well, I would be amused if people saw the joke in it, because what he is doing, he is projecting what Fox — what Rupert Murdoch is doing, because he has a media empire that is telling the people some falsehoods and mis — and leading the government in the wrong direction,” Soros said. “But, you know, by accusing me of doing that, it’s kind of — it makes it rather hard to see that it’s really — he is working for the man who is doing it which is Fox News.”

“Fox News makes a habit — it has imported the methods of George Orwell, you know, newspeak, where you can tell the people falsehoods and deceive them,” Soros said. “...They succeeded in — in Germany, where the Weimar Republic collapsed and you had a Nazi regime follow it. So this is a very, very dangerous way of deceiving people. And I would like people to be aware that they are being deceived. Now, I — because I saw it as a child, I immediately react that way. But the people in America, they are innocent. They haven’t had the experience. They’re having the experience now. And I hope they wake up and they realize that they are being deceived.”

George isn’t thrilled spitless about tea parties, either.

“Look, I think the people in the tea party are very decent people, hard-working. They have been hit by a force that they — that comes from somewhere which they can’t fully understand. And they are being misled. And they are misled by people who are using it for their selfish purposes, namely to remove regulations and reduce taxation. So reduce taxation and regulation and they are being used and deceived.”

We the People aren’t his kind of people, unlike the union thugs who are rampaging in several Midwestern cities, including Madison (Wisconsin). How do I know that he likes THEM? I know, because the labor thugs’ well-choreographed antics are, most likely, funded by the real Big Brother, that America hating, capitalism hating, Marxism loving son-of-a-bitch: George Soros.

Rupert Murdoch didn’t amass his fortune, he didn’t build his empire, by being a boy scout. BUT, no matter what Rupert might be, when it comes to being downright evil, he’s not even in the same universe as that loathsome rat bastard, Soros.

South Park Duo Thrills Mormons
Source: PIG News Wire [02/18/11]

The insane dudes who created "South Park", Matt Stone and Trey Parker, are taking their humor to another venue, later this month - February 24 - when preview performances of their new play begin in Broadway’s Eugene O’Neill Theatre. As expected, despite the fact that the debut hasn’t happened yet, there are some humor-challenged scolds who aren’t the least bit amused.

Who is setting their hair on fire over a play? I’ll give you a hint: the name of the play is "The Book of Mormon". In the play, Matt and Trey wring comedy gold out of a story about two Mormon Missionaries who are spreading their special brand of supernaturalism joy in Uganda.

The Mormons fail to see anything funny about this idea:

“The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening,” says a statement on the church’s newsroom website, lds.org, “but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people’s lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ.” (Salt Lake Tribune)

For the other point of view, I’ll cite a woman who attended a special ‘sneak peek’ at the play on January 31, when Matt and Trey let their guests watch the play’s first 25 minutes:

“It’s not nearly as harsh on Mormonism as you might expect,” writes Cinema Blend’s Katey Rich, who attended the abbreviated showing. “The two central Mormon characters are goofy but also relatable, and though Parker and Stone are having fun with the notion of an omnipotent God, it also seems that religious and nonreligious folks will be able to walk out thinking the show is on their side." (Salt Lake Tribune)

If you watch ‘South Park’, you know that Matt and Trey take now prisoners, when it comes to puncturing sacred cows. You’ll also know that they are wickedly funny.

Kulture Quick Takes
Source: PIG News Wire [02/11/11]

AOL Goes To The Dark Side
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around AOL’s acquisition of The Huffington Post for $315 million dollars. What the hell were AOL’s executives thinking when they bought this Moonbat pit stop in cyberspace, then put Arianna Huffington in charge of ALL AOL content?

Maybe AOL CEO Tim Armstrong can’t resist a woman with a strange accent. Maybe Tim Armstrong is off his medication. Maybe, Tim Armstrong is exactly what he appears to be, an utter, and complete, moron.

Whatever Tim’s damage might be, it’s MASSIVE, because he put his red-ink soaked balance sheet much deeper into the red, when he shelled out $315 million in dead presidents to the Queen of the cyberspace-based Moonbats, Arianna Huffington. In theory, he purchased the Huffington Post, its contents, and its large, loyal, readership. In practice, Tim sold his soul into bondage to this Greek born Siren who will become the Czarina for ALL of AOL’s content.

I wish Tim good luck with his Greek-accented Moonbat, because I suspect that he’ll need it. I’ll be watching from a safe distance, because AOL News, once a regular news source, is now much too unreliable for me to use, unless I’m looking for a Marxist Moonbat perspective on a given news event. As far as I’m concerned, AOL content is, henceforth. about as objective as the editorial page of your designated fishwrap.

Lilo Has Another Day in Court
The teflon tart, Lindsay Lohan, is, once again, doing the heavy lifting for the Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse. This time around, Lindsay moved up the justice system pecking order, by - ‘allegedly’ - stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice (Mexifornia) jewelry store: Kamofie and Co.

At her arraignment, Lilo was suitably respectful, when the presiding judge admonished her, trying to impress the wench with the seriousness of the charges. Playing her role perfectly, Lilo responded with a commendably somber ‘yes sir’. It was nicely done, and I’m trying to take it seriously. I’m trying, but it’s deja vu all over again.

Admittedly, between security video showing Lilo boosting the necklace, and the eye witness testimony, it looks bad for Lilo. Grand theft is serious shit, and it brings with it a serious shit stretch in a Graybar Hotel. I get all that, and I’m trying to believe in the Mexifornia justice system. BUT, it’s Lilo, and as far as I can tell, her Teflon Tart coating is fully functional.

I predict this one will either disappear, or, it will be shystered down to another wrist slap.

A Very PIGish Race
It’s called the ‘Krispy Kreme Challenge, and it’s PIGish in the extreme. You’ll be thrilled to learn that it sandwiches a doughnut eating interlude between two running events. If you’re ready, willing, and eager to give it a go, you missed your chance, because the 7th edition of this event took place on February 5th, in Raleigh, North Carolina.

For those beechwood aged sports-a-holics, who want to start training for next year’s Challenge, here are the ground rules. First, you need to run two miles from the North Carolina State Belltower to a Krispy Kreme outlet on Peace St. in Raleigh. Once there, you must wolf down a dozen doughnuts. After you finish your snack, you must run the 2 miles back to your starting point, at the North Carolina State Belltower.

This year, 6,000 runners consumed 72,000 doughnuts, raising more than $100,000 for the North Carolina Children’s Hospital in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. We the PIGs congratulate all the participants who survived this ordeal.

Parting shot: When the Red Shed’s resident Food Nazi hears about this, it’s going to get ugly. You heard it here, first.

PIG-Worthy Celebrity News
Source: PIG News Wire [02/01/11]

Palin Derangement Syndrome
It happened, when the MCT Community Theatre (Missoula, Montana) fine tuned their production of Gilbert and Sullivan’s iconic work, "The Mikado". That’s when the show’s perpetrators decided to embed a shout out, of sorts, to the arch villainess of Moonbat nightmares, Sarah Palin. How? How indeed.

One legendary scene in "The Mikado’ has Ko-Ko, the Lord High Executioner, reeling off a list of people whose eviction from the human gene pool was long overdue. One of the Lord High Executioner’s ‘individuals who wouldn’t be missed’ was - TA DA - Sarah Palin.

As far as I’m concerned, this ‘shout out’ rates an unambiguous ‘no harm, no foul’. You won’t need a Nostradamus quatrain to predict that some people didn’t see the humor in it.

The issue was raised Friday in a letter to the newspaper from a reader who said he was offended by the reference, especially in light of the shooting of Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, of Arizona. Several bloggers criticized MCT. (Fox News)

In his own defense, MCT Community Theatre’s executive director, Michael McGill, noted that the executioner’s - he’s a pacifist - list is often used this way to give a shout out to notable contemporary figures. Nobody’s fool, Michael McGill freely admitted that he’d stepped in it: "Oh man, we made a mistake."

I doubt that this local theater’s version of "The Mikado" is going to make some assassin seek out Sarah Palin. If anything is going to put that idea in some deadly dipstick’s alleged brain, it’s going to be spouted by one of MSNBC’s resident Moonbats.

Booing The Bieber
It happened in Madison Square Garden, when a lively crowd of die hard NBA fans showed up to cheer on their New York Knicks. Watching their team losing to the Dallas Mavericks put them in a cranky mood, a fortuitous circumstance, in my opinion. Why? Why indeed.

The cranky crowd needed to vent, and right on cue, the fickle fates gave them a target for their hostility when Justin Bieber showed up. The minute his image flashed on the overhead screens, the hairbag punk got a rousing response: a thunderous outburst of booing.

If you want to see the magic moment, you’ll find it preserved for posterity in a YouTube video, which includes the game’s commentators laughing about the rousing Bronx cheer. The world might be Justin’s oyster, but he’s not ‘all that’ in the Big Apple.

Attention Big Apple denizens. THANK YOU. We owe you one.

JANUARY 2011

Jersey Shore Wads I-Talian Panties
Source: Golden Oinks [01/28/11]

In the fullness of time, future historians will mark 2011 as the year when America invaded Bella Italia, for the second time. Admittedly, the 2011 invasion is much smaller, but the weaponry the invaders wield is just as formidable as all of Uncle Sam’s WWII firepower.

The ‘landing at the Italian beaches’ hasn’t happened, yet, but, despite that, some I-talians, are already whining about the inevitable wanton destruction of Italy and its venerable culture:

"We are disappointed that this irresponsible programming will be brought to Italy because it affects the image of all Americans, not only Italian-Americans."

"There is a perverse curiosity in wanting to watch the show, and the Italian audience, like the American audience, may be attracted to the show out of curiosity. But we know that the Italians' good taste will immediately recognize this genre of programming for what it's worth.
Joseph Del Raso, president of the National Italian American Foundation.

Confused? Don’t be. Our next quote gets you where you need to go.

"Whether filmed in Italy or on the moon, the characters of 'Jersey Shore' do not reflect a realistic image of the Italian-American community."
Richard Pellegrino, president of the Italian American Political Coalition.

I’d like to feel their pain, but I can’t, because, I’m a sovereign individual. Richard and Joseph are proudly ‘Italian’, and, by and large, there’s nothing wrong with that. In this case, they are so wedded to their ethnicity, they are tied to the antics of all other I-talians. That, they’re horrified to admit, includes the likes of Snooki and Deena. Since they insist on being first, last, always ‘ITALIAN’ instead of an individual, Richard and Joseph suffer from a self inflicted wound. They made this circle of hell, so I’m content to let them burn in it.

Parting shot: I understand their attitude, even though I don’t share it: Italy isn’t ready for, and doesn’t deserve, this Jersey Shore invasion. So be it.

What do I think? I think that ‘Jersey Shore’ is all the proof this pagan scribbler needs that Old Ka-Boom (the Biblical deity) has a twisted (dare I say Hamboesque) sense of humor. Snooki? Deena? Now THAT’S funny I don’t care who you are.

Comcast, NBC, Strings, and Olbermann's Ouster
Source: PIG News Wire [01/18/11]

If you need a prime example of Uncle Sam’s intrusion into the marketplace, Comcast’s acquisition of NBC is it. The news nitwits gloss over the painful particulars, by putting the emphasis on the fact that Uncle Sam ‘approved’ the deal. That's important, as far as it goes, but, as usual there's more to this story.

The real story, an egregiously underappreciated one, involves all the ‘strings’ Uncle Sam attached to the deal, not to mention the hurdles Comcast had to leap over.

String 1: Comcast must provide high speed Internet access to 2.5 low-income households (Obama voters?).

String 2: Comcast must ‘maintain at least the current level of news and other programming among Telemundo owned and operated stations, and increase the amount of children's programming it provides.’

String 3: Comcast can’t deny rival cable systems, satellite operators, and/or Internet-based video services access to NBC programs.

String 4: Comcast must worship at the altar of diversity and protect local concerns, by, among other things, ‘carrying public interest content’.

As usual, Uncle Sam, via his FCC goons, is sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. If these are the ‘strings’ they’re willing to discuss, I’m compelled to wonder about the other ‘unspecified’ strings that the Nanny State attached to this deal.

Parting shot: The deal was approved 4-1, but it’s the holdout whose antics are PIG-worthy. Why? Rabid Moonbat Commissioner, Michael J. Copps has his knickers in a knot because Uncle Sam didn’t go far enough, when it came to ‘strings attached’. He insists that the entirely mythical ‘public interest’ isn’t coddled nearly enough, by the agreed upon Comcast deal.

Update: On Friday night - January 21, 2011 - MSNBC’s ‘highest rated’ host, Keith Olbermann, announced his immediate departure from the Rabid Moonbat Ground Zero, on your boob tube dial. Given the timing - right after the Comcast acquisition of NBC was approved - the usual suspects opine that it’s Comcast’s doing. Did they attach a string, or two, of their own to the NBC deal? It’s too soon to tell.

So far, nobody knows the whole story. As a direct result, several theories are in play:

Theory 1: Comcast wanted Keith gone and asked NBC to do the deed, before the Comcast takeover.

Theory 2: Olbermann was a pain in the ass who got on everyone’s nerves. So, after Jeff Zucker - he was Olbermann’s primary protector at NBC - left the company, Olbermann became expendable. That's why one of NBC's last, pre-Comcast, acts involved putting Olbermann out of their misery. I consider this the 'if it's the last thing I do' theory.

Theory 3: Olbermann decided he was egregiously underpaid - $7 million a year isn’t enough for a man of his towering ‘talent’ - so he asked for a raise. NBC said ‘no’, then, keeping in mind Comcast’s attitude about Olbermann, asked him "how much money will it take to make you GTFO?"

Theory 4: A legend in his own mind, Olbermann has - this theory opines - wanted to strike out on his own, to create his own news operation. For a variety of reasons, he decided to make his move, now. At present, nobody seems to know what form his news operation would take. Internet-based is doable - Hot Air is a prime example - but a cable speed bump is still in play, but it would take big buck$.

Which one, or ones, are true? I don’t know and don’t really care.

Party shot: Does Olbermann's ouster mean that Ed Shitz, Rachel Madcow, and The Tingler are headed for pink slip city? Not necessarily. BUT, it might mean - using Olbermann's ouster as a 'warning' - that the new owners might have the Rabid Moonbats tone it down a notch or two.

Names In the News
Source: PIG News Wire [01/14/11]

Arianna Huffington
A perpetual bundle of laughs, Arianna Huffington managed to make the express shuttle flight from Washington D. C. to the Big Apple memorable. She passed "GO", when she - reportedly - refused to comply with the airline’s rules of ‘shut down your electronic toys’ engagement.

It started when the flight attendant asked Arianna to turn off her BlackBerry phone. Although Arianna seemed to comply, another passenger got pissy with Huffington, accusing her of using the cell blight longer than necessary. By the time the plane landed, Huffington and her tormentor were in a full tilt shouting match which prompted the air crew to have the Big Apple’s Port Authority cops waiting at the gate.

I’d like to tell you that they bagged, tagged, and dragged Arianna, but it didn’t get that thrilling. After a stern ‘don’t do that again lecture’ Arianna and her tormentor were sent packing.

Tiger Woods
After his sorry performance on the PGA Circuit, Tiger Woods should be a seasoned veteran, when it comes to losing. He’s certainly getting ample opportunities to become a gracious loser. Despite that wealth of experience, Tiger is not a ‘just get over it’ kind of guy, in one noteworthy particular.

Apparently, he isn’t even close to being over the woman he humiliated with his marathon infidelity. According to a National Enquirer story, Tiger is even worse as an ‘ex’ husband, than he was as a philandering hubby.

Fox News shared these, Tawdry Tiger facts:

Golf great Tiger Woods reportedly is still obsessed with his gorgeous ex-wife, Swedish stunner Elin Nordegren—allegedly resorting to ransacking her home to read her diary.

The National Enquirer reports that Nordegren told friends that Woods snuck into her Florida home over Thanksgiving last year, with the sole intent of finding her journals to find out details about her love life.

“I feel violated!” the Enquirer reports Nordegren as saying. “I’m totally creeped out by it. He has absolutely no right to be in my home! I don’t want him sneaking around, searching through my drawers and cupboards and trying to find my diaries.”

Woods was able to sneak into his ex’s home by doing some fast-talking with the household staff, according to the magazine. Nordegren allegedly told her friend, “He used the excuse that their kids had left some things that he had to pick up.” (Fox News)

According to that bastion of urban myth - a family ‘friend’ - Tiger still has the warmies for the woman he cheated on, with a long list of women. Those ‘warmies’, the friend reports, have evolved into a possessiveness and jealously.

You had it made and YOU screwed it up, Tiger. It’s time to get over it, get over HER, and get on with your life.

Names In The News
Source: PIG News Wire [01/07/11]

Glenn Beck
From our ‘for what it’s worth’ news pile, I bring you news from talk radio land. It involves that relentlessly fun guy, that mercurial man who oscillates between Howard Beale and Elmer Gantry: Glenn Beck.

According to AOL News, a New York radio station, WOR, is dropping Glenn’s show due to unsatisfactory ratings. Glenn, program director Scott Lakefield explained, simply didn’t live up to WOR’s expectations. Does that mean their ‘expectations’ were unrealistic? Perhaps, but, since Scott didn’t share any details, it’s impossible to say.

Starting on January 17, WOR’s suits will replace Glenn Beck with Mike Gallagher, a move ‘down’ in my opinion, not that anybody asked for my help on their programming schedule. Will there be joy in high places at WOR, once Mikey steps in? We’ll find that out, together, when the ratings start rolling in.

Jacob Volkmann
If you couldn’t pick Jacob out of a lineup, don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. All we need to know is that he’s in the ‘lightweight’ class in the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). If you’re trying to be thrilled about Jacob’s UFC exploits, don’t bother, because it isn’t what propelled him into the PIG spotlight.

Jacob made the PIG-worthy cut, during an interview with MMAFighting.com, after he posted a UFC 125 victory over Antonio McKee. During the exchange of pleasantries, the interviewer asked Jacob who he’d like to fight next. For that fabulously fun tidbit, I’ll let MMAWeekly.com do the heavy lifting:

Volkmann first requested Clay Guida, then said “Actually, Obama. He’s not too bright … Someone needs to knock some sense into that idiot. I just don’t like what Barack is doing.”

We the PIGs know that Jacob’s comments are harmless, but other, humor-challenged, officials weren’t willing to shrug it off:

“It happened on Tuesday, I was coaching youth practice, and then two guys came up and one of the other coaches that was helping me out, they said there was a cop and another guy out there waiting for me,” Volkmann told MMAWeekly.com. “I went out there and the guy introduced himself and said he was from the Secret Service and he wanted to ask me some questions about UFC 125 and my quote. He said there were people calling in to D.C. telling them that somebody, me, was threatening the President.”

“This guy had the whole interview on a piece of paper and it had my picture and everything,” said Volkmann. “He was like ‘is this what you said?’ and I said, ‘yes it is.’ He’s like ‘I want to let you know I’m a little embarrassed for coming here and doing this because obviously nothing happened.’ He actually apologized for coming, but he had to come. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to D.C to hurt the President." (MMAWeekly.com)

Eventually, Jacob was given a clean bill of health by the proper authorities, who were acting on a tip from an Obamunist woman. In the 2008 election cycle, she toiled for The One, as a member of Barry’s election committee. Another day, another Obamunist BITCH who needs to get over herself and IT.

Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin is a legend in her own mind, whose dubious ‘talent’ doesn’t measure up to her ambition. She’s not funny. She’s not demonstrably witty, insightful, or clever. She’s not pretty. With all that dragging her down, Kathy needs some way to attract attention.

Eventually, she did what many others in her position have done. She’s trying to attract attention to herself, by linking herself, for good or ill, to someone who is much more famous. In Kathy’s case, she decided to hitch her star to the Palin clan. She got snarky with Sarah. She got snarky with Sarah’s hubby, Todd. During the ‘Dancing With the Stars’ debacle, she got snarky with Sarah’s daughter, Bristol. Each time, the episode ran its course. Each time, after a minor blip or two in the ‘media’, Kathy sank back into relative obscurity.

Has Kathy moved on with her life? Nope. She’s making menacing noises about picking on Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter, Willow, who, unlike her sister Bristol, is not a ‘public figure’. Will this talentless loser, Kathy Griffin get snarky with Willow? Probably, because it fits into her modus operandi which is, as far as I can tell: "if I can’t get famous by making people like me, I’ll setting for getting infamous by making them hate me". If that’s Kathy’s plan, it’s working like gang-busters.

DECEMBER 2010

Kobe Steps In It
Source: AOL News [12/20/10]

For L.A. Lakers superstar, Kobe Bryant, it’s just another endorsement to add to his collection. The newly inked deal will make Kobe the face of Turkey’s top airline, Turkish Airlines, giving him added exposure around the world. It’s one of the ‘perks’ that goes with his new role as Turkish Airlines’ "global brand ambassador". Who could possibly object to that?

The answer to the foregoing question should be obvious. Whenever the subject of Turkey comes up, it’s usually followed by a reference to, or a discussion of, the "Armenian genocide", in 1915. That’s when the Ottoman Turks butchered thousands (according to Turkey) or 1.5 million (according to the Armenians) of Armenian men, women, and children. Since that bloody moment in world history, the Turks and the Armenians have been in a pissing contest over the events of 1915. Periodically, Americans of Armenian lineage make a run at Uncle Sam, trying to get some branch of the government to officially recognize the events of 1915 as ‘genocide’.

So far, due to Turkey’s importance as an ally, Uncle Sam has resisted ‘insulting’ our strategically located ‘friend’. If, as seems likely, Turkey is going to the dark side as a full tilt Islamikaze regime, Uncle Sam might, eventually, conclude that pissing off the Turks is ‘no harm, no foul’. In my opinion, getting what they want is just a matter of time, for America dwelling Armenians. Happy days are here again? Not really, because my personal experience with Armenians has convinced me that patience is not a core Armenian trait.

What does this have to do with Kobe? More than you think, because, according to my L.A. dwelling friend, Tommy Trojan, the Sanctuary City of Angels is home to a large, thriving, Armenian community. If you think they are taking this ‘Kobe struck a deal with the Turks’ news lightly, guess again. The Armenians are not happy campers and when they’re pissed, everyone knows about it. Kobe has to know, but does he care? For that matter, should Kobe care?

The good news for Kobe is that he’s going to have a nice, two-year payday on Turkey’s dime. The bad news for Kobe is that, by pissing off L.A.’s Armenians, he probably lost his chance to boldly go where so may other brothers have gone before him. That’s right, Kobe fans, your hero lost his place in the long ‘I want to bone Kim Kardashian too’ line. Win some, lose some, Kobe.

Korrectnik Games
Source: PIG News Wire [12/14/10]

All the perpetrators of this Korrectnik bull crap belong to the Society for Professional Journalists (SJP), but the prime movers are members of the SJP’s Diversity Committee. If you’re thinking ‘racial bean counting at news outlets’, get over it. This hair incinerating outburst of Korrectness focuses on a term which is promoted as ‘good to go’ in AP’s Stylebook. What term? What indeed.

These SJP Korrectniks have their knickers knotted because the AP Stylebook advises news nitwits to call a border jumping scumbag invader an "illegal immigrant". For the pertinent flaming hair tidbits, I’ll defer to a posting by the Culture and Media institute:

The label “remains offensive to Latinos, and especially Mexicans, and to the fundamentals of American jurisprudence,” wrote Leo E. Laurence, a member of the SPJ Diversity Committee and the editor the San Diego News Service (which appears to be this blog that was last updated in August, 2009.

Seeing as most Latinos in the U.S. are not illegal immigrants – and since the term has no racial or ethnic connotation – it’s hard to see how it would cause offense to this group. In fact, the only people who should really be put off by the term are illegal immigrants themselves (or their advocates), who don’t believe unlawful residency in the U.S. should be a crime.

Laurence argues that the terms “undocumented immigrant” or “undocumented worker” should replace “illegal immigrant,” because the U.S. legal system presumes that one is innocent until proven guilty.

“One of the most basic of our constitutional rights is that everyone (including non-citizens) is innocent of any crime until proven guilty in a court of law,” wrote Laurence, whose bio notes that he holds a law degree. “Simply put, only a judge, not a journalist, can say that someone is an illegal.”

These SJP Colonista coddlers can take their Korrectnik word games and shove it. If they have their way, the news will be so full of spin doctored euphemisms that it will be nothing but gibberish. What’s the point of a news story that is Korrected into something that doesn’t communicate those venerable news nitwit facts: who, what, when, where, why?

The SJP might not be all that’s wrong with what passes for journalism, but they’re no shit a major contributing factor.

Parting shot: If you can handle the truth, then FIND ANOTHER LINE OF WORK, doublespeak Sparky.

Names In The News
Source: Golden Oinks [12/10/10]

Kathy Griffin
While ‘entertaining’ our men and women in uniform at VH1's ‘Divas Salute the Troops’, an alleged comedienne, Kathy Griffin, perpetrated an award winning feat of marksmanship. It happened when she shot off her mouth and wounded her career.

Don’t get your hopes up, PIGsters, because the wound to her career, while painful, isn’t fatal.

AOL News served up these PIG-worthy particulars:

By now, you know that comedienne Kathy Griffin put her foot in her big mouth again over the weekend, getting booed by the troops at VH1's 'Divas Salute the Troops' event for telling fat jokes about Bristol Palin. Now, after the ensuing fallout, I've learned that any hope she had of getting her old job back on CNN's New Year's Eve special has been seriously diminished.

An insider at the cable network tells me that executives had recently softened on Kathy after initially shunning her after her F-bomb-throwing gaffe on last year's special, co-hosted by Anderson Cooper.

The good news for Kathy is that, after last year’s New Year’s Eve debacle, CNN suits were inching towards ‘let bygones be bygones’ where Kathy is concerned. The bad news is that Kathy’s latest outburst shocked them back to their senses, by reminding them what a menace she is, every time she opens her mouth. Nice, uh, shooting, Kathy.

Michael "The Maggot" Moore
Destroying any chance he might have to land the coveted title ‘America’s Official Lardass’, Michael Moore turned his back on Lardass posterpunk, when he decided to shed a ton or two. We the PIGs suspect that The Maggot made his move, after a free ranging physicist told Mikey that his tonnage created its own gravity well which could, if he got any bigger, disrupt Earth’s orbit. We need proof for that, so we’re hoping the Wikileaker will stop torturing Uncle Sam and seek the smoking gun on this alarming ‘human black hole’ development.

Whatever his motivation, The Maggot seems willing to put his money where his hyperactive mouth is, by shelling out $4,500 a week to be abused by the Fat Nazis who lurk at the Pritikin Longevity Center and Spa in Miami (Flori-DUH). We’re obligated to inform you that this isn’t The Maggot’s first visit to Pritikin. In bygone years, his visits shaved a paltry 30 pounds off his tonnage, which would be laudable, if he didn’t weigh more than the planet Jupiter.

We’re willing to go ‘glass half full’ on this one. Granted, we don’t give a rat’s ass how much The Maggot tips the truck scales. We’re just pleased as punch that he’ll be out of circulation for a while. Enjoy it while it lasts, PIGsters.

Grinches Foreign and Domestic
Source: PIG News Wire [12/03/10]

Grinchiness Down Under
The unknown bureaucrat’s memo set off a firestorm, when this junior level manager in the Aussie health department decreed that, throughout Centrelink and Medicare offices, nativity scenes were, henceforth, banned from offices and desks. Other Christmas decor was still okey dokey, but that nativity...had to go.

The ensuing furor sent this hot button item flying up the chain of command, until it landed on the desk of the Minister for Human Services and Social Inclusion, Tanya Plibersek. Utterly unamused, Tanya ordered that the grinch be tracked down, then counseled (screamed back to his, her, hisher, or its senses). Furthermore, Minister Plibersek set the record straight, where holiday decor was concerned:

"It is perfectly reasonable for departmental staff to display Christmas decorations, including nativity scenes, in their workplaces. I also support staff who wish to celebrate Eid, Hanukkah, Deepavali, the Lunar New Year or any other occasion of religious or cultural significance."

"The kids and I have started to decorate our home already, including setting up a nativity scene in our lounge room. I will be wishing everybody a very merry Christmas and I expect that a lot of Centrelink and Medicare staff will be doing the same." (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

A rational adult in charge of a Nanny State Ministry? How the hell did THAT happen?

Southern Fried Grinchiness
Rational adults in New Hanover County (North Carolina) reached critical ‘thar she blows’ mass after they took a look at the new 2011-2012 school calendar that was perpetrated by the steaming loads who infest the North Hanover County Board of Educrap. They were not amused by their findings.

The word "Christmas" has been thrown off the school bus and replaced with the word "holiday". Further examination revealed that "Easter" suffered the same fate. It, too, had been downgraded to "holiday". Big fun, but there’s more.

New Hanover’s Korrectniks are following a well traveled road, because other Tar Heel State cess-schools are playing similar word games:

Wake County - all holidays are designed with the letter "H".

Durham - Christmas is "winter holiday" and Good Friday is "spring holiday".

Orange County - Christmas has been downgraded to "winter vacation".

The Korrectnik grinches are running amok in North Carolina. We the PIGs might need to gear up and mount a rescue mission.

Sunshine State Grinchiness
It’s no longer breaking news, when an American cabal black flags ‘Christmas’. It’s still not breaking news, when the cabal is a government cess-school. What elevated this epic to PIG-worthy status is the asinine antics these Educrats are perpetrating in their mindless zeal to expunge all traces of ‘Christmas’.

At Heathrow Elementary School, expelling all traces of the Jolly Old Elf from classrooms was just the beginning. The Grinches in charge have also ejected the colors red and green. Why? Because they’re colors that are ‘associated with Christmas’ and they won’t sit still for that at Heathrow Elementary.

Cess-school officials spout drivel about keeping their indoctrination institution "holiday neutral", by simply adopting an unfocused ‘winter theme’. Blah, blah, blah. This ‘winter theme’ leaves me cold, but I’m still willing to give them the help they obviously need. If any of the perpetrators want my assistance with this fatuous Flori-DUD cerebral flatulence, I’m up to the challenge. If they want to know where to stick their "holiday neutral" policy, all they need to do is ask me.

Philadelphia Grinches
If you’re infused with the spirit of the season and live in or near Philly, you already know about the German Christmas Village which sets up it’s collection of Christmas shops in Dilworth Plaza. This year, everything started out as planned, when the vendors set up their wooden booths for business behind the archways which read ‘Christmas Village’. That ‘business as usual’ aura hit a speed bump, after somebody removed the word ‘Christmas’ from the archway. Vandalism? It’s something like that.

What happened? Some free ranging Killjoys whined to city officials about the word "Christmas" appearing on the entrance of this seasonal outpost of capitalism. To shut ‘them’ up, the relevant city officials had the offending word removed, and made plans to replace it with "Holiday".

Proving what weasels they are, city officials tried to pin the blame on the German Village’s managing director, Richard Negrin, since he’s the one who had the word "Christmas" removed. Nice try, scumbags, but he only did it after you got all those complaints then pressured him into ‘volunteering’ to change his sign. This one is all on YOU and the chronically offended cretins who keep bending your ear.

While the perpetrators of the German Christmas Village gave lip service to the change, the blowback reached memorable levels. Within a few days, the blowback from outraged, Christmas venerating adults became impossible to ignore. Doing the math, the weasels in city hall realized that the outraged rational adults vastly outnumber the chronically offended, so they backed down on the sign which now proudly invokes the ‘C’ word - Christmas.