Howard Stern’s PIGish Pageant
Source: Golden Oinks [03/05/10]

I’m please to welcome Decency Demon, Howard Stern, back to our Golden Oinks page. After a prolonged absence, Howard commanded our undivided attention with a relentlessly PIGish outburst of self-promotion.

If you’re thinking ‘beauty pageant’, you’re on the right track, but it’s not your plain vanilla, ‘been there, seen that’ booty parade.

Last week Howard Stern announced he had lined up four of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses to compete in a “beauty pageant” as part of his radio program on March 10, but Pop Tarts has learned exclusively that at least one of the women is causing problems.

“It’s all a bit chaotic at the moment, one of the girls pulled out, and Stern’s people are scrambling and doing everything they can to get her back,” an insider told Pop Tarts. “They’re offering her a black diamond (which was supposed to be just for the winner) and guaranteed prize money even if she doesn’t win.”

Pop Tarts has also been told a slew of companies are trying to get in on the action and “sponsor” the prize pool of the highly-anticipated showdown between the three (possibly four) mistresses who are yet to be identified, all of whom have already been named in the press as having had affairs with the married golf pro.

The women are slated to compete in various sections including “bikini,” “personality,” and “talent” in a bid to take home a $100,000 cash prize which was donated by - how surprising - infidelity-promoting agency AshlyMadison.com. (Fox 411)

It’s nice to know that Howard hasn’t lost his touch, since moving to satellite radio.

Dumas Film Knots French Knickers
Source: Daily Mail [02/19/10]

No doubt, most of you know the name "Alexandre Dumas", the 19th century French author who wrote ‘The Three Musketeers’ and ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’. What you might not know - I didn’t - is that Dumas was at least one-fourth Melanin-Enriched, due to a Haitian grandfather. This otherwise inconsequential genealogical tidbit left its mark - somewhat darkened skin and Afro-ish hair - on Dumas. So what? So plenty, thanks to the usual, sad sack assortment of Ethnocrat subjects.

In France Ethnocrat panties are wadded because French acting legend, Gerard Dapardieu, has been cast to play Dumas in a new flick, ‘The Other Dumas’. Determined to make his portrayal memorable Gerard knotted Ethnocrat knickers, by darkening his skin and putting on ‘a black wig’.

Patrick Lozes, President of the Council of Black Associations of France, branded the move 'extremely shocking and insulting', saying that Dumas's African heritage was deliberately being ignored for commercial reasons.

Although he was born in Paris, Dumas was the grandson of a Haitian slave and often referred to himself as a Caribbean 'negro' because of his distinctive African features. He became a French national hero because of his literary talent, but this did not stop him being widely mocked because of his colour.

Claude Schopp, a French historian, said: 'In caricatures and in sketches Dumas was always presented with big lips, with Afro hair - as a sort of monster.'

Mr Lozes said the film suggested 'we don't have any black actor who has the talent to play Alexander Dumas, which of course is not true.' Mr Lozes added: 'In 150 years time could the role of Barack Obama be played in a film by a white actor with a fuzzy wig? Can Martin Luther King be played by a white?' He said the new film should have been a perfect chance to celebrate ethnic diversity in a country that is frequently accused of having racist tendencies. (Daily Mail)

If these French Ethnocrats need some help, I’m sure America can spare two charter members of the Race Card Retard Hall of Shame: Je$$e Jack$on and Al $harpton. All you gotta do is ask, Frenchy.

Parting shot: After seeing Dumas' and Dapardieu's images, side by side, I'm compelled to ask: what's the problem? It appears to be case of superb casting, a contention supported by the film's prime movers:

'The vibrancy of Depardieu is the perfect embodiment of Dumas,' said producer Frank Le Wita.

Director Safy Nebbou said Dumas was only a quarter black, adding: 'It would have been a historic error to have chosen a mixed-blood actor - he had blue eyes like Depardieu.' (Daily Mail)

Cupid In The Crosshairs
Source: PIG News Wire [02/12/10]

Cupid Deemed Uncool for School In J.O.E.
Full of themselves, and IT, the pinheads running a Brit cess-school - Ashcombe Primary School in England - black-flagged the venerable tradition of passing out Valentines. Their reason is that favorite canard of unrepentant busybodies: it’s for the children. They claim that the inmates - ranging from age 4 to 11 - aren’t mature enough for romance.

"Some children and parents encourage a lot of talk about boyfriends and girlfriends,'' wrote head teacher Peter Turner in a monthly newsletter.

"We believe that such ideas should wait until children are mature enough emotionally and socially to understand the commitment involved in having or being a boyfriend and girlfriend,'' he said in the letter to parents. (AFP)

Romance? Boyfriends and girlfriends? What a steaming load. At those ages, any heart twinges are, at most, puppy love and therefore rate as no harm, no foul. Somebody needs to impale this Turner fool with a cattle prod and let ‘er rip. BZZZZZT! Sanity restored.

Ruskie Mecca Maniacs Paint an Islamikaze Bull’s-Eye on Cupid
Terrified that young men and women will do what comes naturally, when their hormones reach critical mass, those paragons of ‘fun’, Mecca Maniac ‘leaders’ have, once again, pinned an ‘enemy of Islam’ on Cupid and his Valentine’s Day antics:

Muslim leaders in Russia have called for believers to boycott Saint Valentine's Day, saying it "preaches universal permissiveness, amorality and nihilism."

A council of Muslim leaders in Russia's Nizhny Novgorod region released a statement Wednesday calling for a "ban" on celebrating Valentine's Day, which is growing in popularity in Russia although it is not an official holiday.

"We call on all believers and sensible people to say no to celebrating this day, since it contradicts not only the norms of Islam, but also recognised human morality," the statement said.

The Muslim leaders also appealed to head teachers at the region's schools to cancel celebrations for "moral and ethical reasons." (AFP)

If this Cupid crap does the Can-Can on their Islamikaze hypersensitivity, I have a suggestion that will make it all better, for them: Close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears, hum real loud, and GET OVER IT.

Decency Demon Touted For A New Gig
Source: New York Post [02/05/10]

Is that bane of Brent Bozell’s Morality Nazi existence, Decency Demon Howard Stern, ready to return to the ‘public’ airwaves, when Howard’s contract with Sirus XM Radio expires in January 2011? It’s too soon to tell, but this week, the NY Post’s Page Six served up an interesting possibility.

What if Howard Stern took Simon Cowell’s place on American Idol, when Simon leaves the show at the end of the current season? Bold new concept:

A source connected to "Idol" said, "It's one of the few shows that could compete with Stern's $100 million-a-year Sirius contract, and 'Idol' bosses think he'd be even nastier than Simon. "They know he would be great TV and would clash with the other judges such as Ellen DeGeneres and the contestants. 'Idol' will do what it takes to sign him."

But a second source told us Stern hasn't made the "Idol" talks easy, and has been giving out mixed messages about his intentions. "Despite what he's been saying on-air, Howard isn't ready to leave radio and would like to stay on at Sirius," the source said. "We believe this is a ploy to make Sirius pay up and keep him on his huge contract. But if Sirius can't pay him the money he wants, he may negotiate to film 'Idol' on the side."

Stern is also believed to be reluctant to commit to a show that would require him to tour the US as a judge and spend much of the year in Los Angeles. He recently said, somewhat cryptically, "I was approached by a major TV network to take over a TV show and leave here and do that next year -- and I did turn it down . . . I'm not even sure if I want to be working. I'm waiting to see what happens."

Would Howard Stern’s presence on ‘American Idol’ be enough to make this pagan scribbler start watching it? I don’t know, but it couldn’t hurt.

Governor Prince Fred?
Source: Hambo’s Hammer [01/25/10]

If you think Mexifornia’s action hero governor is as weird as things get in Golden State politics, get over it. Arnold doesn’t hold a candle to the new ‘kid’ on Mexifornia’s political block.

The last time our hero hit the headlines was when he tried to stake a claim to Anna Nicole Smith's bonus baby, by pretending to be the nipper's daddy. That's right, PIGsters, Prince Fred, the dude who purchased his title at a bargain basement price, with someone else's money, no doubt, is BACK.

This time around, Prince Frederick Von Anhalt, the greedy loser who married Zsa Zsa Gabor for her money, is seeking a promotion. Promotion? You bet, he wants to matriculate from ‘kept’ man, to Governor of Mexifornia. His resume is, admittedly, egregiously thin, but, if a German accent got Arnold the job, why won’t it work for Prince Fred?

The good news for a Governor Prince Fred is that he’ll qualify for booty calls from women younger than God.

The bad news for a Governor Prince Fred is daunting: the state is broke; he’ll have to live in Sacramento; and his paychecks will probably bounce.

The good news for Mexifornia denizens is the fun fact that a Governor Prince Fred promises badly needed comic relief. One of those gifts that keeps on giving, Prince Fred is a much more entertaining German-accented fool than the one they’ve got now.

Is it worth the effort for Prince Fred? Oh hell yes. Why? Life with Zsa Zsa is no picnic, besides, have you SEEN her, lately?

Compellingly-InKorrect In J.O.E.
Source: Golden Oinks [01/22/10]

From our ‘now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are’ news desk, I am delighted to bring you a magic moment of awe-inspiring incorrectness. Making this doubly satisfying is the fact that this happened in Korrectnik-infested J.O.E.

This memorable event started, during the morning commute, when a suicidal woman, literally, stopped traffic, by threatening to leap off a highway bridge on a main artery which rings the Brit city, Manchester. Understandably pissed over the gridlock, the commuters needed a way to vent their frustration. One viable outlet was the morning drive show on Revolution Radio hosted by its owner, disc jockey Steve Penk.

Eventually, one of the trapped commuters snapped, and in a blinding flash of inspiration, the commuter called the station and requested a song suitable to the occasion. What song was it? Van Halen’s "JUMP". Did Steve Penk comply? Oh hell yes, and he’s still hearing about it, from the usual suspects:

Penk refused to apologize for the decision, saying he was standing by his audience. He said he was stunned by the media coverage. The Sun newspaper quoted a listener saying that playing the song was “pathetic and nasty.”

Paul Farmer, who leads the Mind lobbying organization on mental health issues, said the DJ showed “a complete lack of compassion and sensitivity.” (Canoe.ca)

Did the woman take a hint from this timely musical nudge? Not exactly. She did jump, sustaining minor injuries, but the cops insist that she couldn’t possibly have heard the song. That’s all well and good, but I’m going to give Steve Penk an ‘assist’, anyway.

Korrecnik Word Games
Source: PIG News Wire [01/08/10]

Korrecting Joseph Conrad
If you spent quality time in an English class, working on your well-rounded education, you’re, no doubt, familiar with such well known Joseph Conrad tomes like "Heart of Darkness" and "Lord Jim". Depending on your teachers’ enthusiasm for Conrad’s scribblings, you may, or may not be familiar with his 1897 novel about a black man who takes the crew of a British sailing ship hostage: "The Nigger of the Narcissus".

In its original form, this novel is replete with the so-called ‘n-word’ - "nigger" - from start to finish. The key term here is ‘in its original form’, because the Korrecniks at WordBridge Publishing - Netherlands-based book wranglers - just put out a Korrected version of this Conrad classic under the asinine name "The N-Word of the Narcissus". Does that mean they went Korrectnik bonkers from start to finish? You better believe it, Sparky. Throughout the book, the reviled term "nigger" has been replaced with the kinder, gentler, suitably korrect, "n-word".

Is this Korrectness on steroids? That’s the fact, Jack.

Korrecting Kiddie Classics
According to a news story in the Daily Mail, those rampaging Korrectnik pests are up to their ususal ‘it’s for the children’ tricks, again. This time out, they’re painting a bull’s-eye on Little Red Riding Hood and Jack and the Beanstalk, by giving them Korrected endings:

In Tempar's version of Little Red Riding Hood (The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood by Agnese Baruzzi and Sandro Natalin) the Wolf is shooed away, makes friends with Little Red Riding Hood, and becomes a vegetarian. In the Usbourne Illustrated Fairy Tales the wolf discovers healthy eating and lives on boiled carrots.

In the original, by the Brothers Grimm, the fate of the wolf is perfectly clear. For those who can't get hold of some kind of Samizdat copy (mine comes from the Folio Society), it says: ‘Red Riding Hood brought some big stones and they filled the wolf with them, so that when he woke up and tried to spring away he couldn't move and fell down dead.’

When it comes to Jack and the Beanstalk one can no longer rely on the ogre saying: ‘Fee, fi, fo, fum.’ The phrase originated from Shakespeare's King Lear. You can't even assume Jack kills the ogre. In the Macmillan version by Nick Sharrat and Stephen Tucker he just gets buried in a compost heap. (Daily Mail)

If, like me, you’re wondering ‘Don’t they have anything better to do?’, the answer is ‘apparently not’.

Hottest, PIG-worthy Tiger Rumor of the Week
Source: The Superficial [12/16/09]

According to our Superficial scribe, Jessica Simpleton got down and dirty with Tiger, as reported in this Star Magazine excerpt:

Just days before Jessica's split with Tony Romo, she had a sizzling meeting with the fallen golf star at the AT&T National Pro-Am golf tournament in Bethesda, Md.

"Tiger liked what he saw and let her know it," a source tells Star.

Since Jess had been fighting with Tony -- who was Tiger's golf partner at the July tournament -- she gave as good as she got.

"Jessica said that she felt like Tony wasn't paying attention to her, so she was like, 'What the heck!' " says the source. "She decided to have fun with Tiger whether it bothered Tony or not."

Is it true? Jessica says no way. Tiger is too busy eating cereal, watching cartoons, and hitting golf balls at night to comment. Here in the FSOP we’re still on the fence. She’s his ‘big titted trailer trash blonde’ type, but we’re not THAT convinced that Tiger rings Jessica’s chimes.

It Didn’t Even Work In The Movie
Source: Golden Oinks [12/11/09]

It’s officially Christmas season in the PIGdom, now that two pinheads have played out that memorable flagpole scene from ‘A Christmas Story’. That’s right, PIGsters, two young ‘uns, willingly, eagerly, foolishly, got their tongue stuck to a metal pole.

Boise, Idaho
The fun hit high gear, when a woman spotted a thrill-seeking 10-year-old lad who had his tongue stuck to a metal fence pole. She called 911, after which, firefighters liberated the young adventurer with a glass of warm water. None the worse for wear - aside from some slight bleeding from his tongue - the lad was sent off the school, where he could regale his classmates with his stupidity.

Spokane Valley, Washington
With the temperature reading a bone-chilling 10 degrees, it was perfect weather for this brainfart, when a pair of wenchlets decided to play flagpole roulette. The first wenchlet managed to pucker up and smooch the metal pole at the old Pratt Elementary, and get away with it.

Suitably encouraged, our 13 year old heroine, refused to believe the ‘tongue sticks to a metal pole story’, so she wagged her tongue and got it stuck on the metal pole. She stayed up close and personal with the pole, until the firefighters arrived with the magic, liberating, elixir, a container of hot water.

Lesson learned? I certainly hope so.

Names In The News
Source: PIG News Wire [12/04/09]

Meredith Baxter
I’m trying to be thrilled that Meredith Baxter has, belatedly, figured out why she can’t make a marriage work. I’m trying to be thrilled that she’s finally discovered her inherent Y-Naut sexual orientation. I’m trying, but it isn’t working. You’re 62, darlin’, so, unless you have some ‘back in the day’ images of you in a clinch with Justine Bateman, putting a new spin on those ‘Family Ties’, I’m fresh out of thrilled spitless. If women ring your chimes, I’m happy for you, but I still don’t understand why you were compelled to share this joy, now.

Holy Huckabee
The nicest thing I can say about this loser is this: Mikey’s Harry Truman impression needs work. For Mike Huckabee 'the buck stops anywhere, but here'. Instead of accepting his part of the blame for commuting the sentence of that rat bastard who mowed down 4 police officers in Lakewood, Washington, Mikey is going gutless and girlie by blaming everyone else:

Mike Huckabee, who as Arkansas governor commuted the sentence of the man suspected of killing four Lakewood Police officers, said Monday night his "heart is broken" but insisted that prosecutors and judges were derelict in keeping Maurice Clemmons from returning to prison. (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

I’ve had my fill of gutless and girlie assholes with delusions of grandeur. I've had my fill of craven, finger-pointing, cowards who sleaze their way into the Oval Office. I’ve had my fill, to put it bluntly, of Mike Huckabee. With his abject failure to accept any responsibility for his own actions, Mikey has proven himself UNFIT for the presidency. Crawl back under your rock and STAY THERE, Mikey.

Gloria Allred
With media in a non-stop feeding frenzy over Tiger Woods and his late night, crash test dummy adventure, I suppose it was inevitable that SHE would find some way to get some face time on all those live cameras. ‘She’ is the media slut in red, Gloria Allred, and her intrusion into the Tiger Woods story is, to say the least, a real pisser.

As usual, when she’s unable to sink her hooks into one of the primary combatants, the Red Witch got one of the ‘featured’, but not central, players. Mrs. Tiger, Elin, isn’t likely to give Allred the time of day, but the same can’t be said for the gold digger who - reportedly - got horizontal and squishy with Tiger, Rachel Uchitel. For Rachel, Allred, is her entry pass into an enriching - ka-ching - payday for her fling with Tiger. Rachel and Gloria probably deserve each other, but we deserve better.

As usual, Allred will do what she always does, try to monopolize the spotlight. It would be nice, if, just this once, the news nitwits ignored this bitch.

Parting shot: Rachel, you mercenary slut, you can get that 'Playboy' spread, much easier, WITHOUT the media slut in red. Dump the bitch, Rachel. Dump the bitch.

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