THE PORCUS PITCHFORK | WTF!!!
PORCUS' PONDERINGS, DEEP THOUGHTS, FLASHBACKS
AND PET PEEVES
PIG's resident choirboy and publisher, the normally gun-shy Porcus comes out of the closet - kicking, clawing, scratching and screaming, "WTF!!!"
For some time now, the following notions have been gathering dust and cobwebs in the Porcus skull cavity, pretty much doing nothing but festering like an unlanced boil.
This stuff is not made up, but instead, is a compilation of observations and actual experiences, so before those most 'racist' and 'sexist' PIG slings and arrows come flying my way, consider that some of the following may have been experienced, witnessed or even thought of by you, too.
Some of the following examples have Porcus scratching his head. Some have Porcus laughing his ass off. Then there are some that just out and out piss Porcus off to no end.
But all of them, no doubt, have Porcus just saying, "WTF?!?"
Hang on to your hot dogs, as we venture forth into The Porcus Netherworld of Observations in Human Nature and Behavior.
WTF! Why is it that when a POS shoots up a school yard, the nation is in shock, rightfully, but when a cop gets shot, SILENCE from those of the manufactured outrage horde?
WTF! Well I hope everyone had a Happy Stormy Daniels Day. How heroic of her to lend her sterling reputation and credibility to stand up to Donald Trump. Symbolic? For her and her ilk, I suppose, but I remember, Rush Limabaugh used to have a saying about "symbolism over substance."
WTF! Most cities wouldn't even think about handing her the keys to their city, but when the Freakshow known as West Hollywood honors, it just makes too much sense.
Here is what TMZ reported:
WTF! Well, I won't bother to comment on that load, but I was just wondering. How does one celebrate a washed up, ragged out, torn up, attention starved, desperate c**k sucker? Bring the kids along for the festivities? Invite her to commencement speeches? Make her a poster child for young women seeking 'empowerment'? Buy some knee pads and break them in? Nah. Not even! I have some ideas, but PIG, being family friendly won't even go there.
WTF! If West Hollywood is going to honor a porn performer, why her?
WTF! The recent shooting tragedy in Florida has brought out the usual gun control worms and with the upcoming politically korrect platform known as The Academy Awards, will the Gun Control red ribbons and spot lights overshadow the predicted #MeToo! issue and steal their thunder?
WTF! Will Michael "The Maggot" Moore be planning to profit off of other peoples' misery and hope for another "Award?"
WTF! Will Rosie (along with the usual lip-flapping freedom hating Hollywood elite) blame Trump for the Florida massacre?
Enquiring minds want to know, and maybe so do Vegas odds makers, too.
• • • • • • • • • • •WTF! I read in the news that some schools are discouraging and some even banning students from having a - hold on your hot dogs – best friend. The reason? So all students can be programmed, oops, educated to be more inclusive, after all, we don’t need any Lone Wolf Little Johnny’s out there plotting and scheming the next Columbine. Some students and some Egghead Educrappers are Okey-Dokey with this notion of forcing children to associate with other students they wouldn’t normally hang with.
WTF! I’ll play along for a moment and start to be more “inclusive” by broadening my personal inner circle, if I were in high school.
WTF! I’ll begin with being more accepting of the Asian students, mainly because I need to ace those mid-terms and what better way than to copy from the Asian kid, in the hopes that the one(s) I choose aren’t the exception to the Asian norm and be total flunkies or retards.
WTF! If I need good weed and want to catch a cosmic wave (buzz), I’ll go with a Jeff “Dumber Than a Surf Board” Spicoli type. Added bonus to a “Spicoli” in the inner circle? Hot babes of all persuasions, dude.
WTF! I may need some protection so I’ll cozy up to the #BlackLives…Whatever. I can score an Uzi, a Glock or a cinder block in a heartbeat from the Brothas.
WTF! If I need my ride pin stripped or a bad ass tat, I’ll roll with the Vatos. Not only do they do great work, but their Mom’s are great cooks, too!
WTF! If I need fashion tips, I’ll go “Straight Eye For The Queer Guy” route to make me presentable. Plus, they have a great rapport with the ladies.
WTF! For financial or legal advise, I suppose my new Jewish friends will do.
WTF! If I need a discount on my beer and smokes, I’ll get close to the Middle-Eastern mafia. After all, their families seem to have monopolized liquor stores and tobacco shops.
WTF! You know, as it is right now, I’m cool with the friends of all persuasions I have now and I hope they’re OK with me. I don’t need no stinkin’ Educrats orchestrating my social life and if they themselves want to be more inclusive, they ought to consider the benefits of including Hambo and Porcus into their circle of friends. See how long that lasts.
• • • • • • • • • • •
WTF! Here’s an observation I had. Recently, my son and I went to a local animal shelter/Humane Society to adopt a rescue kitten. There was quite a line outside the shelter. Directly across the street was an indoor/outdoor homeless shelter and mission and guess what? There was no line outside or people wanting to lend a hand up to a fellow human who may be down on his/her luck.
WTF! I’m all for adopting a pet that would otherwise be put down, and I understand it’s one thing if Fido or Fifi take a dump on the carpet as opposed to a ‘rescued’ human doing the same thing, but I don’t blame folks for choosing animals over discarded human beings.
• Fido won’t rob you blind for his/her next fix.
• Fido won’t stink up your place or eat you out of house and home.
• Fido won’t order pay-per-view porn when you’re not looking.
• Fido won’t have his recently paroled homies over making your once quiet castle look like a flop house, prison cell, whore house, video (gaming) arcade or college dorm room.
• Fido (hopefully) won’t be the second coming of Cujo by going postal on you or your family when you are sleeping.
WTF! Personally, I can take the occasional puppy pile on the floor as opposed to putting up with a permanent household human parasite.
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WTF! The Free State Of PIG has recognized a problem of "epidemic" proportions with the rash of accusations and allegations of sexual misconduct or harassment on the part of wealthy, powerful men in high positions.
Well, we here at PIG have also been known to be about solutions, too, from time to time.
WTF! For all of the has-been, wanna be 'waitresses/actresses' that feel slighted, we do have a solution!!
WTF is it? It's the Cock Blocker and no aspiring actress should ever leave home or audtition without it...stuffed tightly down her pants.
WTF! If perpetrator gets one look, better yet, cops a feel of your 'artificial member' and doesn't keel over from fright, at least you'll have no more excuses for shit that happened 30 years ago.
WTF! Are you a washed up has-been-that-never-was actress, political aide, or always in the shadows of prominent men and your financial well dried up before it even started and you are two feet from the eviction curb? Worry no more! You need “The Finger.” That’s right. All you need to do is point, shoot and blame any allegation against any high profile man
Watch in amazement as careers are ruined, families shattered and reputations are tarnished forever because of something that happened 20-30 years ago based on youthful decisions you regret not making that would have skyrocketed your career into the stratosphere and sealed the deal…30 years ago.
Examples of “The Finger”:
Did HE ask for your phone number back when you were the nobody you were and still are? Time for “The Finger.”
Did HE dare to look at you while you’re wearing a low-cut form fitting and revealing outfit? You poor thing, Finger HIM!
Did HE spurn your overt advances in order to get the job/role you wanted but turned you down? Don’t finger HIM, Fist HIM.
So if you want one more minute of those fleeting 15, Finger HIM. You will get the role of your life. A desperate, long suffering woman whose tales of woe should be made into a Lifetime movie.
So what are you waiting for? Be creative, pick a famous, powerful man and Finger HIM today! He’s yours for the taking.
*Disclaimer: The Finger does not apply to porn performers, prostitutes, hot schoolteachers, Debra Wasserman-Schultz, Hillary, Bill and Chelsea, Chris Matthews, any so-called chick named “Butch” or hairdressers named Bruce.
WTF! Colin Kaepernick as GQ’s “Citizen Of The Year?” Sure. Makes total sense. He is a true martyr, giving up a lucrative contract in order to raise awareness of the epidemic rise in police brutality.
That is so noble I’m about to…PUKE MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT! Really Colin and sidekick Roger “I want 50 million dollars and a private jet for life” Godell?
WTF! The award was GQ’s call, not Kaeperick’s, but GQ could have picked J.J. Watts, All-Pro defensive end for the Houston Texans who raised a whopping $37 million dollars for Hurricane Harvey relief.
Oh shit, I forgot. These days hurt feelings trump actual pain and suffering, plus Watts is white, Kaepernick is…whatever victim of... fill in the blank.
WTF! The other day I handed someone my business card, which lists my first name, my wife’s first name followed by our last name.
The person I handed it to, asked, “Are you Patrick?”
To that obviously dumb question I said, “Today I am. Tomorrow I may identify as Margaretha, my wife, depending on my mood.”
I was of course being facetious and the person I handed it to was a good sport and we both had a little chuckle over that.
WTF! It dawned on me that today a remark like mine might be regarded as cute, tomorrow even hinting or implying at such sophomoric, insensitive locker room-style humor just might land me in court or even some half-assed, all the way serious Korrectnik type of tribunal or even Sensitivity Encounter Group.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WTF! Is the LGBT commiting the now unthinkable violation of Cultural Appropriation when 'He' identifies as 'She?'
WTF! Just wondering.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WTF! Oh shit! Is today O.J. is up for a parole hearing and no doubt our boob tube 'News' outlets will be sure to provide Team Coverageof O.J.'s parole hearing?
WTF! Inspired by a posting on Page One PIG about two Portland, Oregon women who opened a burrito shop and got their tortilla recipes from Mexican women, these women were eventually pressured, more like bullied into closing up shop for ‘Cultural Appropriation’ whatever that is.
Well, it just so happens, I have a long time friend who happens to be Mexican and she asked me to cook my brand of chili for her daughter’s birthday party. I have done this for her in the past and at that time the term ‘Cultural Appropriation’ wasn’t tossed around as it is these days.
WTF! ‘Cultural Appropriation’ or not, I’m cooking for my friend, completely aware that this time I may be breaking some sort of Social Justice Warrior code, law or edict. Yes, I am whiter than the Snowflakes who not only make this crap up, but pressure people out of their business and livelihood.
WTF! Just for kicks, I’m going to have some home made tortillas and salsa, too, even at the risk of being bullied or coerced for doing…no harm to anyone.
WTF! On a related note, why aren’t Social Justice Warriors up in arms over Koreans that open hamburger or pizza shops?
Story of American Burrito Bandits below.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WTF! Well, it's another, yawn, Valentines Day. Big whoop.
Pimp Cupid has his minions - advertisers, greeting card companies, jewelers, florists, confectioners, and others out in full force shoving guilt trips down hapless dudes throats if they come up short for her.
Years ago, I worked as an illustrator, still do, and one assignment was when Mr. Hapless buys the card, for her, of course, but doesn't know what to write or how to express himself. Pic Below.
This second one is dedicated with sympathy to guys that say, WTF! I'm not buying squat and what he should expect when he comes home to her empty handed but horny as hell.
Dude gets the sleep on the couch treatment for a night, maybe, probably longer.
In all honesty if you ladies can put up with lumps and slobs like us, the pic below will guarantee another year of romantic bliss with dudes like us.
WTF! I just got nailed by the big bad, all powerful boogiemen at Facebook.. They censored me for the following posting. Gosh and gee whiz. I feel like I just got sent to the pincipals office for a slap on the wrist session. They took down the image, but left the text:
WTF! Something just caught my attention, Big time. Seems as if another bunch of so-called female, Neadanderthals, Cro-Magnons invaded a beach in New Zealand demanding the right to go topless in public and on beaches. Fine, but when men showed up to take a look at their soggy and wrinkled up non-goodies the ex-women whined about MEN, of all creatures showed up to take peeks at that visual nightmare, the topless creatures whined about MEN ogling at them.
WTF! I’m all for free expression, but why do these primates have be so ugly and angry? You wanted attention for your cause and you got it. Men looked and now you’re pissed and act as if your were violated because a filthy, knuckle dragging man saw you in you naked, non-glorious, non-beauty. Yes, some women are as butt ugly as some men.
WTF! Why can’t women be like the ladies pictured? They are all smiling, have color coordinated undies and look like a friendly bunch of gals.
WTF! Just wonderin’ and just sayin’ like the ogling, mean spirited pig
WTF do those womyn expect!
WTF! Ever have the joy of dealing with a life insurance pirate? I have and they ask some very personal questions. For instance I have gotten used to their standard question, "Have you ever used any tobacco?"
Well being the choirboy I am, I lied and said, "Gee, I took a little puff once and got really ill and told pirate that I made the switch to mainlining heroin, smoking crack and chrystal meth, AND performing in adult movies unprotected, while riding a motorcycle in the opposite way on the freeway at over 100 MPH after I have my daily artery clogging Glutton's Delight of triple cheese greasy pizza and chase that with a bucket of The Colonel's deepest greasy goodies on my way to play Russian Roulette.
What does commision seeking shark say? "Oh, OK, but no tobacco, right?"
So, even if you don't care for tobacco this week, next week someone with a big mouth just might do some complaing and squawking about your personal habits.
Beware! Big Brother, Big Sister and Big Busybody are alive and well and are so souless, they'll drop the dime on you me and anyone else that ruffles their precious Safe Space.
WTF! No one day after last weeks elections, did California impose and enforce a piss ant ten cent tax on paper or plastic at supermarkets.
She said that the eco-retards passed the State Initiative.and went into effect immediately.
WTF! Classic illustration and demonstration of gubment in action, bleeding us dry with thier nickel and diming of John Q. Public's not so deep pockets.
WTF! Why is it the pirates in power can enact and enforce a more than silly law so fast, but they can't seem to find the time to fix a fucking pothole down the street?
WTF! Football at the High School level has been infected with Kaepernick-itis, or Kaepernicked.
Seems as if the strain has hit – where else – San Francisco’s Mission High. All the players except one, who has a family member in the Armed Forces, refused to stand for the Star Spangled Banner.
Limp wristed Principal Eric Guthertz told the San Jose Mercury News. “We’re a school that is focused on anti-racist teaching and social justice, and we have been that way for many years now,”
He added, “This is a school that is very engaged in both the Black Lives Matter movement and other issues of social justice. It’s been something that has been a part of the fabric of Mission High School for many, many, many years — this notion of social justice and equity.”
This whole Kaepernick load even had Donald Trump saying Kaepernick ought to ”…find a country that worked better for him.”
Team captain Niamey Harris,17: “This is for helping everybody else in the world to understand that black people and people of color are going though difficulties and they need help. It’s not going to take care of itself.”
WTF! Not honoring the flag is going to help everybody else in the world??? These kids need to get two feet on Reality Street.
WTF! This is a classic case of what Rush Limbaugh says, “Symbolism over substance.”
Good news? Mission High lost to San Mateo 28-25.
WTF! The LGBT horde and their sympathizers want special rights for those that self identify as girlie men, even for a day, to have access to women’s restrooms, locker rooms and showering facilities. Hmmm! Perverted as that sounds, WTF about female sports ‘reporters’ getting full access to male athletes’ locker rooms?
WTF! Shouldn’t those alleged ‘reporters’ be held to similar standards? Oh crap! I forgot! They consider themselves as ‘serious journalists’ whereas I consider them as highly paid, blow dried pecker peekers, and don’t kid yourself, they do sneak peeks at men’s junk.
WTF! In a sick but somehow acceptable way, I guess some perverts and sluts are more equal than others.
WTF! Well. I have been instructed to report for the noble obligation of jury duty. Part of my duties were to report with dark, pressed pants and dress shirt.
Dress codes? Really? Well, first off I want out of that civic duty, but the PIGish part enters the equation when I show up with WTF I decide to wear on that day..
Faded blue jeans, and a sleeveless PIG T-Shirt may call for immediate excuse, once the judge, D.A. and defence attorney get a look at me and hear WTF I have to say about cops, gangstas, lawyers and the system in general.
If anyone in authority has any objections, they can feel free to pull my finger and get a PIGish whiff.
WTF! Soooo, if rumors of Bruce/Caitlyn, whomever, are true that he/she regrets her/it’s gender bending choices and wants to live as a man again, will that be considered “Heroic” “Courageous” and “Ground breaking for the Hetero’s?
Will he be named “Man of the Year” by Sports Illustrated, GQ, Esquire, Road and Track, etc.
Nope. Not even welcome back on the team and not even room on the bench, ex-dude.
WTF! Here's an historical tid bit for race hustling repartionists and revionists:
WTF! Hate mornings? This may be a cure for those folks that aren't of the cheerful, early morning ilk until they've had their coffee, first thing.
We all know someone(s) that are fire breathing Tasmanian Devils until they get their caffeine fix. If you or someone you love need a kick start in the morning the place for you is Grumpy Fuckers' Coffee Shop, located in Cardiff, Wales.
Grumpy Fuckers caters to...grumpy fuckers, myself included, sometimes.
Their choices include the "Fuck You Frappuccino's and " Piss Poor Tea"
WTF! Forget Starbuck's and their limp wristed cafe latte, laptop crowd, Grumpy Fuckers' seems to be the cure for early morning, drive time torture and misery.
WTF! OK, It’s St. Patrick’s Day so here’s my annual rant.
I wish you all blessings, pot’s ‘o gold, rainbows, wearing ‘o the green, corned beef and cabbage, green beer, pee and puke and hopefully if you kissed the Blarney Stone, no drunk tank time. If you get drunk tank time, remember, do not call us.
WTF! I always catch shit on St. Patrick’s Day for not wearing green or going out and overdoing it with the green beer. I’m part Irish 365 days a year, and don’t need other’s to remind me of that. Not being a party pooper, I hope all are safe today, but the only reason I celebrate anything on St. Patrick’s Day is because it is my one and only son’s birthday.
Happy Birthday, Daniel!
WTF! It's National Pizza Day! Enjoy the Spicoli Special and make sure there's enough for everyone:
WTF! Is it me or does Ted Cruz seem a little to pre-fabricated and blow dried? I don’t know what it is about him, but I wouldn’t trust him to be the local stray dog catcher.
What really annoys me about him is his voice and association with his biggest cheerleader, Sean Hannity. Turn the volume up on your TV, leave the room and I swear, they both preach and pontificate to a choir of two and have the same whiney, obnoxious voices. I can’t tell the difference.
WTF! What a lovely couple they make. They ought to get a room and carry on their kiss-ass fest alone, in private and far away from the American public. Talk about a two man circle jerk.
Just my two cents worth and could sure use a pair of earplugs.
WTF! Yes, this is a double barrel hit piece.
P.S. All of these pirates, Republican or Democrat always use the words, “I, I, I’, or Me, me, me” and “The polls indicate that I’m leading in Podunk…” How about terms from the Gippers handbook like “We Americans” or “Us” or “Our country”
WTF! Looks like the No Fun, Zero Tolerance Nazi’s are at it again with banning another “dominant holiday” in a Minneapolis-St. Paul elementary school.
This time it’s Valentines Day at Bruce Vento Elementary School where the tradition of exchanging candies, cards and sweet nothings are forbidden as it may be leaving foreign students felt left out.
My heart is just all broken up about hurt feelings because some clown of a school administrator/dictator issuing this nonsense on behalf of foreign students.
WTF! As much as Hambo and I bag on Cupid and his now forbidden arrows every year, this really takes the f**king cake. So now, innocent little kids that want to be happy for a day and make others happy in the process now have to be as miserable as the cretins that issue this edict?
WTF! So Little Johnny and Little Becky have to have a clandestine meeting behind the baseball field after school to exchange cards, hold hands maybe even – GASP – sneak a peck on the cheek with out the proper authorities permission. There’s a Gulag waiting for them if caught.
WTF is next? St. Patrick’s Day? Just a prediction, but someone(s) are going to get mighty riled and have a manufactured microaggression moment the minute some kid shows up at first bell wearing anything that hints of Irish green. Guaranteed, the commandants of correctness will be out in full force banning the wearing o’ the green.
But good news for some of the oppressed and protected. Cinco De Mayo is way cool and those who wish to wear the colors of THAT country will be given two thumbs up and any American kid who dares show up with Old Glory on their shirt on Cinco De Mayo THAT day will be sent home.
WTF! Looks like Hallmark will be feeling the pinch more than me as Valentines Day is going to feel the pinch, and a lot of gals won't, from their suitor.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Now that the holidays representing "Good will" are over, is it business as usual? All that good cheer goes out the window and we go on to be assholes as usual? The downtrodden, homeless and hungry are still there.
WTF! Are the other 364 days a year an excuse to ignore folks that are down on their luck that could use a helping hand?
WTF! Just wondering why the Christmas spirit dies after all presents have been opened and why doesn't it last all year.
Chew on that, hypocrites and wannabe Christians.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Dedicated to the lead infested people of Flint.Michigan who need to get the lead out. Substitute Boston and replace it with the lead infested waters you consume in Flint.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! So Jeff Spicoli, oops, Sean Penn did what American and Mexican authorities couldn’t do by meeting El Chapo, the most wanted man in the world.
Under the guise as “journalist” Rolling Stone Magazine arranged for Spicoli to meet with fugitive El Chapo and conduct an interview with the drug lord/murderer. Not only did Spicoli meet with El Chapo, Rolling Stone published the article complete with pictures.
WTF! Spicoli had us all fooled for many years by acting as a total airhead going by the alias of Sean Penn, when the whole time, Spicoli was really an under cover international man hunter. Wow!
WTF! Next time I lose my car keys, sunglasses, or that kilo of cocaine, I guess I’ll call Spicoli. Seems as if he’s the dude for the job.
Good job, Mr. Hand
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Anyone remember Sandra Fluke, poster child for womyn demanding the government pay for her contraceptives and personal, intimate habits? No? Does Rush Limbaugh calling her a slut ring a bell?
Well, Mz. Fluke stated publicly she needs several hundred dollars a month of taxpayer’s money to pay for her birth control devices. Several hundred dollars a month?
WTF! Given Mz. Fluke’s resemblance to a warthog, I was wondering if it really does cost her/it hundreds a month to pay for date rape drugs and liquor for her male victims to get her jollies off? Well, The Free State Of PIG, being about solutions, thought the taxpayers would save those hundreds by buying her some evening wear in the form of a bag to be fit over her face(?) and show up at the nearest hole-in-the-wall dive just before last call where she can pick her next drunken sailor.
WTF! That’s a win-win-lose proposition.
Winner Number One: American taxpayers. We don't get "Fluked."
Winner Numer Two: Mz. Fluke. She gets to get her "Fluke" on.
Loser: Any/all dudes that happen to end up waking up next her with a pounding hangover and have a “Holy shit!” moment of regret and clarity, realizing he got "Fluked."
WTF! Did I mention that that bag over the head also prevents her from inflicting her inner and outer ugliness on the public?
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Getting your feelings hurt in New York can now net you,
WTF! I’m at a loss for words so read this load. I really don’t make this up.
WTF! So drawing cartoons of Mohammed is considered disrespectful and can sometimes lead to hurt feelings, even death to the cartoonists and their publishers. With that thinking (?) I was wondering what would happen to a teacher, students or school district for reading “Green Eggs and Ham” to Little Achmed?
• • • • • • • •
WTF! With recent outbreak of mass shootings and bombings, is the term “Going Postal” now out dated and to be replaced with “Going School Yard?”
WTF! So Netflix is contributing to the laziness of serial TV watchers and couch potatoes everywhere by devising a Smart Sock which will put your show on pause when it detects you have nodded off or in some cases, passed out during your TV watching binges.
The Smart Sock uses a sensor to send a signal to your TV when you either sit still for too long or just go nighty-night while binge watching and pause your show for you.
Sounds pretty neat, but if you’re a lazy load, it does require some DIY skills and even worse, when the LED light goes off indicating no physical activity on the viewers end and issue a warning. To continue watching, all you have to do is - and I know this is asking a lot from some - MOVE!
WTF! Why stop with Smart Socks to generate an external jolt to the body to activate a desired reaction. PIG’s R&D folks in our Top Secret Smart Department have come up with something so smart and practical based on the Smart Sock specs (above), do some tweeking, it will put Viagra, Cialis and the Ever Ready Bunny out of business for good.
WTF! PIG, (hold on to your hot dogs ladies and gentlemen) being "Family Friendly," we can only give you hints and clues as to what ought to be the gift that really spreads it’s own special brand of joy and is guaranteed to keep a smile on everyone’s face, especially hers.
For those with little or no imagination, here are a few hints about our Latest, Greatest Whiz-Bang, Just Gotta Have It Now! product.
Hint #1: It is Smart.
Hint #2: It is designed for a body part.
Hint #3: In essence, it is a “sock” for that body part.
Hint #4: It rhymes with sock.
WTF! Give up? Here’s our sales pitch:
WTF! Ladies, want a hand held device to “jump start” your love life and add some much needed voltage to your squishy time at the push of a button? Well you’ll need the revolutionary brand spankin' new, SmartC**k.
WTF! Being "Family Friendly" we'll just call it the SmartPlug.
SmartPlug will provide hours of pleasure for you and who/whatever you attach to the SmartPlug.
Not only can SmartPlug amplify your intimate time alone, you can also send him a jolt in public when his wandering eye strays away for a bit longer than you prefer. Or better yet, give him incentive to get “some” AFTER he washes the dishes and performs other mundane tasks and domestic chores.
Give yourself the high voltage gift and lift and go get yourself Plugged In!
Warning! If SmartPlug should last more than 4 hours, by all means, ride it until the batteries and sensors burn out and the hubcaps fall off.
WTF! Get one today for the Limpness in your life. It’s the gift that not just keeps going and going, it’s the gift that keeps giving and giving.
WTF! Guys, we haven't forgotten you, either. Need some squeeze time with that kitten that has you smitten and just gotta have some? Well, grab some SmartAss. Now fellas, unless you're married, you already have one, she's called SmartMouth, kneepads not included.
WTF! My apologies for that rant. I was drinking too much SmartBeer and smoking too much SmartCrack and probably OutSmarted myself.
WTF! Just kidding about the "Family Friendly" reference. Don't believe me? Check out what Hambo posted:
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Can't we all just sit down and have a meal in peace without the Indoctrinated Diversity Dickheads, Campus Crybullies and P.C.Pussies trying to ruin a festive occasion?
This Christmas, oops, holiday season, Harvard's College Office For Equity, Diversity & Inclusion (WTF does THAT have to do with wasting $50K/yr on an 'education?') are sending your precious Berkley Buzzkill and Cosmo Crybully home with these festive "Placemat For Social Justice" eyesores for the whiney, thumbsucking crybully who comes home for the holidays with this load designed exclusively for the 'Little Kiddie's' table:
The Harvard Republican Club countered with a "Placemat For Common Sense" to be placed at the 'Big Boys/Adults Only' tables:
WTF! I wonder how long the 'Social Justice' placemat would last when Mummy and Daddy figure out what that $50,000/year is paying for.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Is a "Man Cave" considered a "Safe Space" when "SHE" is on the warpath?
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Upon hearing the news of the terrorist massacre in San Bernardino, the first thing Los Angeles County Supervisor Mike Antonovich was heard to have said was, “The first thing I asked about this incident, was the guy named Muhammad?”
Close, but no Farookin’ cigar Mike.
Immediately, the usual “We demand an aplogy” suspects whined:
“That is an insensitive statement coming from somebody in power like the supervisor,” Kamal al-Khatib, president and co-founder of American Islamic Institute of Antelope Valley, in Palmdale, told the Los Angeles Times.
Al-Khatib said Muslims are fearful of backlash stemming from the attack.
“We are a victim too. Every time something happens, we are another victim,” he said.
In response to the criticism, Antonovich said, “Radical Islamists have declared war on the United States.”
“On July 16th, four United States Marines were attacked and killed by Mohammed Abdulazeez,” he said. “In November, four University of California students were attacked and stabbed by Faisal Mohammed. Last week in the Paris massacre, at least two of the 11 attackers and planners were named Mohammed.”
WTF! We don't blame Mike one bit, though. After all, if it declares Jihad like Mohammed, makes pipe bombs in his garage like Mohammed, kills innocents like Mohammed, well, chances are his name just might be...Mohammed.
WTF! Question to CAIR and other Islamic PR apologist outfits. What if Farook's name WAS Mohammed?
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Here’s some “Junk Journalism” from New York Daily News ranting retard and resident scribbler Shaun King regarding gun owners and their “manhood.”
King took issue with Erick Erickson, former Editor-In-Chief of RedState.com taking a copy of the New York Times, using it for target practice then posting a photo of it online with the heading:
"To Those Wetting Their Beds Over Erick Erickson's Shooting Holes In The NY Times: Grow Up"
Erickson, who is white, was the target of King's (racially, he claims he doesn't have a clue) tabloid-like tirade which King alludes to white males, guns and firearms ownership as “compensation for small penises & low sex drive,” basically, writing/fantasizing/coveting/and drooling over
WTF! Is that what "Inquiring Minds" really want or need to know? Considering the recent front pages the NY Daily News has published lately, a hack writer's opinions and obsession with the White man's (and his women's) toys are par for the course.
Here is his orginal rant, and feel free to read the replies. You'll be wiping the spittle from your monitor after reading this load:
Here’s more quotes and tweets from Glock Sucker Shaun King:
WTF! That's journalism? Writing about other (white) men's junk as compared to guns and a culture of white males being obsessed with guns. King sounds as if he's more qualified to write for a West Hollywood underground Fag Rag Fetish Forum while fantasizing of other men's "gear."
Hmm. I wonder if King ever reads or writes actual news about the glorified gun culture behind black-on-black shootings, where in those circles, openly carrying a gun and using it on innocents is akin to an urban rite of passage or even a status symbol, clearly, not for the purpose of defending one's family.
WTF! I was wondering just how much time, energy and research Shaun has spent away from his important Black Lies Matter leadership position to persue his in-depth knowledge of the White Man's obssession with guns and other, more personal "junk?"
WTF! Shaun. If the pseudo-writing thing doesn't work out, you can always apply for work at Trojan as a condom model because you're just a teenie weenie that needs to be wrapped up and drown in your own jizz.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! The University of Ottawa has just banned and declared Yoga as “Cultural genocide…due to colonialism and western supremacy.”
Enter genocidal colonizer Jennifer Schaf, a volunteer at the university who has been offering free yoga instruction to disabled (and able-bodied) students for several years.
In September she received an email from the university’s Centre for Students with Disabilities, stating her services were no longer welcome (sounds hostile, huh?) and added that “Yoga has been under a lot of controversy lately” because the activity has been “taken” from other cultures.
From Brietbart: The e-mail argued that such cultures “have experienced oppression, cultural genocide and diasporas due to colonialism and western supremacy”, therefore “we need to be mindful of this and how we express ourselves while practicing yoga”.
WTF! I always thought Yoga was a low-impact, non-contact activity until whiners complain about getting ‘hurt’ feelings of oppression.
WTF! I never knew that going Gumby and twisting and contorting one’s body like a pretzel was so damn destructive to those students’ precious psyche’s, who are obviously suffering from mental rug burn and wadded panties.
WTF! Ms. Schaf sums it up perfectly by saying “people are just looking for a reason to be offended by anything they can find.”
“There’s a real divide between reasonable people and those people just looking to jump on a bandwagon,” she added. “And unfortunately, it ends up with good people getting punished for doing good things.”
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Coming To A Campus Near YOU!
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Did Michael Moore go on a crack cocaine diet, lose several hundred pounds of flab, but keep the hot air, rhetoric and bloat and transform into Quentin Tarantino?
Seems like it. Just days after NYPD Officer Randolph Holder was murdered in NYC's garden spot, East Harlem, Quentin Tarantino appeared at a Rise Up October (anti-police) rally squealing, “I’m a human being with a conscience. And when I see murder I cannot stand by. And I have to call the murdered the murdered and I have to call the murderers the murderers.”
In this case, the "murderers" were not Holder's killer, it was police in general. It should be worth noting that the killing of Officer Holder (black) was perpetrated by Tyrone Howard (also black) and the 4th NYPD officer to be killed in the line of duty in the past 10 months. Had to add that, just in case Black Lies Matter conveniently forgot.
WTF! I’m no cop, but I would take Tarantino's hot air as possible incitation of a riot, given the low rent types he was addressing. Tarantino uses his status as a limo libtard to influence and maybe even incite the low-info types (thugs) into more acts of murder and mayhem. Top that off with him being a hypocrite, profiting from glorifying violence in his movies all the way to the bank.
Tarantino is now playing the 'First Amendment' Card andtrying to sneak in a feeble attempt at backtracking, stating, "I was under the impression I was an American and that I had First Amendment rights, and there was no problem with me going to an anti-police-brutality protest and speaking my mind ... Just because I was at an anti-police-brutality protest doesn't mean I'm anti-police."
“We’ll see what happens,” the filmmaker added. “Maybe it’ll dissipate. Maybe it won’t. But I have a 1st Amendment right to protest against police brutality as I see it. And I’m not backing down from that.”
Police Unions nationwide and the Fraternal Order of Police - FOP - 330,000 members strong, along with their family and friends plan on “A big surprise” for Tarantino between now and when his next 'cutting edge, tres chic' blood fest of a movie premiers December 25, which will no doubt include a boycott of his ‘film.’
WTF! I personally don't care if he apologizes or not, he has already painted a huge target on his own bank and you can bet dollars to cops' donuts, the cops have him in their crosshairs, and he'll have to live with his words and actions in the eyes of cops, nationwide. In short, I would not want to be him when I need a cop.
WTF! What Tarantino has demonstrated and exercised is his right to poor taste, poor choice of words and poor timing and no one denied him that.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Good F**king Grief! Variety’s Blockhead movie critic, Peter Debruge is whining that in the new “Peanuts” movie Charlie Brown doesn’t have a “non-white love interest” stating that the cartoon needs “a little modernization” in terms of interracial romance between eight-year-olds.
That’s such a precious and novel idea, but why stop there? If Bebruge had it his way and the “Peanuts” were to fast forward into the issues of the new millennium and Gen-Xer’s, why not focus on a cast of contemporary Peanuts characters, all dealing with modern day problems and issues.
Examples of topics the movie could focus on, if Debruge were in charge:
Is Peppermint Patty a GLAAD-BAAG (Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Annoying Dykes Boys And Alleged Girls*). D’uh. Ya think?
*Alleged Girls covers: bi, tri, quadra, poly, and transexuals, plus crossdressers.
Will Pig Pen face his hyper un-hygienic phobia’s on an episode of “Hoarders?”
Could Schroeder possibly be a strung out piano player that knocked up Lucy and is living on food stamps and playing piano on the sidewalk with a tin cup while Lucy trades in her “The Psychiatrist Is In” shingle for some fish net stockings and f**k me! pumps and hits the mean streets at night?
Will the movie address Linus’ latent homosexuality and potential of being a serial rapist and conduct an intervention due to his dependence on his security blanket disguised as a crutch along with underlying “Mommy” issues?
Will Charlie Brown, being the victim of Lucy’s bullying finally exact his revenge by cramming explosives into the football she always yanks from him, blowing her to smithereens or go on a school yard shooting rampage?
Will Franklin, the only “Person of Color,” rise up, break whitey’s shackles, quit shuckin’ and jivin’ to the white man’s tune and join a militant group like “Black Lies Matter?”
These issues and many more just have to be shoved down the throats of little kids and steal what innocence they have left through a cartoon that would be used as an indoctrination tool.
WTF! Is there nothing sacred that the P.C./M.C. mob hasn’t already infested and molested? What difference does it make what color Charlie Brown’s girlfriend is? Besides, I thought Charlie Brown had the hots for the elusive “Little Red-Haired Girl.”
In Debruge’s world, all theaters showing the “Peanuts” movie will no longer serve Coke or Pepsi, just the Kool Aid flavor of HIS choice.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Looks like either someone took out the trash or the cast of Monty Python.
WTF! I saw this on Jeopardy! the other night, and just had to post it. This contestant NAILS it with an In-Your-Face response to, and about Liberals.
WTF! I've been noticing with more frequency American flags being flown at half staff lately in front of police stations. The majority of the time, the flag is at half staff as a result of a police officer being murdered in the line of duty. Very sad. Very tragic.
But, why bother raising it back up to full staff with the terrorist/separatist/racist "Black Lives Matter" THUGS bellowing their slogan/rallying cry:
WTF! As if "Black Lives Matter" hasn't already painted a big fat bull's eye on potentially every cop in uniform in America, they already have the endorsement and stamp of approval of our Spineless Leader.
WTF! The name/title, "Black Lives Matter" really is misleading and a misnomer. Just ask victims of Black-On-Black crime the cops are trying to help and the only thanks the cops get are a bullet, funeral and bad reputation.
WTF! Was it just me, or did anyone else notice the glaring omission during that Warm-Fuzzy Fest known as the Democratic debate?
Hint #1: It happened during the introductions.
Hint #2: It had to do with her Highness, Hillary.
WTF! I’ll tell you what I noticed. While introducing themselves, Senator Webb mentioned his spouse, Hong. Governor O’Malley made mention of his wife, Katie. But when Hillary introduced herself, here’s what she said (and didn’t say):
WTF! No mention of Bill, her stepping stone of a ‘husband?’ I suppose she stood by her man as long as she felt the need, and now that she may be on the cusp of being the Democratic Presidential nominee, WTF does she need ‘him’ for?
WTF! Here is a question Al Bundy would have. Why oh why do women ask men to pick up personal female hygiene products, usually at night? ‘She’ had all damn day to pick up her stuff, but yet women seem to try to put their men’s love and loyalty to the test by making such an embarrassing request.
WTF! When we do succumb to that request, it’s never the right brand, size or scent, which means we have go back in and get humiliated all over again, usually by some sweetie that thinks it cute to go out of our way for our ladies.
OK. That said, I confess to doing that once. Once! Second time found me sleeping on the couch because I went in and bought some vinegar and strawberry’s and tossed her the bag of goodies and told her to not make ‘it’ smell like low tide on a hot day.
WTF! If I’m ever asked to do that again, I’m going to the Popsicle section and get a box of some cherry red. Hell, it’s got some flavor. Either that or a lifetime pass to Victoria’s Secret modeling sessions.
WTF! Is Porcus being naughty? No. Just honest and PIGish. Women should never ask a man to help her tend to her sperm bank janitorial duties when she can and should mop up on her own.
WTF! Porcus does not like the smell of Napalm in the morning.
WTF! Is this Ferguson, Baltimore or the future of America?
WTF! If anyone ever read George Orwell's "Animal Farm" there is a standout passage/quote that says, "All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others."
Let's fast forward to this whole "Black Lies...oops, Black Lives Matter" farce and excuse for THUGS to hit the streets, burn, loot and gun down whitey, especially the one's wearing badges. As Elizabeth Hasselbeck pointed out, why aren't these "Black Lives Matter" whiners and thugs charged with hate crimes on top of their otherwise felonious acts.
WTF! Here is the newest rant from the Sambo and Stymie type protesters. Goes as such, "Pig's in a blanket, fry 'em like bacon." Hmmm. If I were a cop, I would 'Blacklist" any calls to "The 'Hood" and let "Them" sort crap out for themselves.
WTF! What do the "Black LIES Matter" skid marks want. 80 more acres and two more mules and special prefernece to kill cops and whitey?
WTF! This is extra Crispy Time. Wanna know what that is, or was? That pathetic carcass used to be a wild parrot that took it upon itself to perch upon a live wire, chock full of enough voltage and amperage to kill itself, smoking hot style and knock out all the power in the nieghborhood all damn day, yesterday.
Well, those damn wild parrots, that one in particular, got what it deserved. High voltage payback for all the nasty noise they make and the crap they leave on my cars.
Oh well, bet it tastes like chichen when properly "volted."
WTF! This posting has to do with those all importatnt, Hurt Feelings. OKAY. Santa Clara Unviversity, located, where else, Mexifornia, is now encouraging it's inmates to dial 9-1-1 for, hold on Hambo, HURT FEELINGS AND INCIDENTS OF BIAS.
WTF! Hurt feelings take precedence over real, life threatening situations? Talk about special f**king rights. If I want strut my stuff across campus wearing a T-shirt with two pigs going at it with a caption that read "Makin' Bacon" and it offends a Jihadist or Wanna-be woman, their 'hurt feelings' supercede my right to free speech and more importantly, a real life emergency?
WTF! Gosh darn it. Do we all need to be sanitized so we don't hurt others' precious feelings. I feel sorry for the old ladies stuck in burning buildings whose 9-1-1 calls go ignored so grievance counselors justify their existance for a 'Hurt Feelings' incident.
WTF! With all of the media attention on Donald Trump and ‘What the hell is he going to say next’ hoopla, you have to admit, loose cannon that he is, he is bringing a lot of the Repulbic-tards out of the closet and forcing issues in an honest, outspoken way.
WTF! Don’t you just love it when career pirates/politicians sweat and squirm over issues, ‘We The People’ want solutions to?
WTF! Here’s more Trump stuff. He proposes building a wall on our southern border to keep the parasites the hell out, illegal and anchor babies included and targeted.
In his rantings, Trump cites the Great Wall of China as a model. Kept the Mongol Hordes out, right?
Well, seems as if one devil-may-care type, Danny Way, with his skateboard and a team of engineers to disprove the fact that yes, the Great Wall is not impenetrable.
So, Mr. Trump, if you think building walls are a deterrent, think about the tunnel system. Think about offshore fishing boats. Fast and Furious ring a bell?
Talk about balls to the wall and American ingenuity.
WTF! Seems as if one so-called hack 'journalist' is calling for the take down of the Viet Nam War era POW-MIA flag as this Girlieman claims it represents hate and racism.
Mao Loving punk's name is RICK PERLSTEIN AND WORKS FOR NEWSWEAK.
WTF! Thought I would post his name and place of employment for any Vets that take issue may want to pay him a visit.
Here's the article/propoganda/hit piece:
Here's some clips:
WTF! Gee 'Forking Whiz. Did someone or something in the Half-White/Half Black House located in the 'Hood, 1600 Pennsylvannia Avenue forget about the 3 branches of government? Someone whose middle initials are H-U-S-S-I-E-N, a former Chumer and pot smoking Marxist, Kenyan Islamakazi sympathizer and all around a-whipe excercise his exective privlige by overlooking and overriding the will of 'We The People' with a swipe of a pen.
WTF! Oh, shit! I forgot, he's a community organizer straight outta Chicago and we all know what kind of political Boy Scouts they ain't. What a great example of...nothing in action.
WTF! My bad. I suppose I'm racist for being critical of a half black C-I-C, Chimpanzee-In-Charge & Wife.
WTF! Since the Free State of Of PIG is all about solutions, how about H-U-S-S-I-E-N pack up his golf bags and take the low info voters that elected him TWICE and go on a permanent golf excursion, like to Iran.
WTF! Am I pissed. Naaaaw. Me??? I just don't like thugs and thug sympathizers occupying the White House. Hey! I'm a taxpaying, voting member of 'We The People' and don't appreciate my rights and will being stomped on by an egomaniacal asshole and skidmark named Obama.
WTF! I hope we have a loyal enough following to get your most humble publisher to bail him out of jail for this posting.
WTF! Forget paper cuts. Paper kills. Here's one for the 'Little Johnny's' with too much time on their hands AND want to piss off Zero Tolerance Educrap Eggheads.
WTF! Want a three-day suspension/vacation from school? Follow the steps in this video and guaranteed, you'll be hauled before the school board tribunal for the inquisition:
WTF! I forgot to mention. You really can put an eye out with one of these. That's my disclaimer.
WTF! Why do conservative talking heads and pundits insist on putting a label on Donald Trump as "Not Conservative enough" or "He's not a real Republican?"
WTF does it matter what he is? Are the status quo career politicians and pirates afraid of what he says and due to the fact that he is in no one's back pocket and doesn't cater to or play by the rule breakers (politicians) rules of engagement and speaks his mind with no regard to his "renegade" ideas and statements?
WTF! Maybe his statements will make Republicans re-examine their own side of the street and clean it the f**k up.
WTF! Note to Republicans: He's kicking YOUR asses in the polls, as of today, anyway. Wake up, wimps.
WTF! Saw a show called "Scared Straight" where the format involves at risk youth being giving a grand tour of a prison where the convicts get up close and personal with the juvenile delinquents. Seems to be effective.
WTF! Scared straight? I wonder if a program like that would work for the LBGTQRSTUVWXYZ GLAD-BAAGers and Alphabet Soupers about the ravages of unprotected, indiscriminate relations and one night stands and the consequences of HIV and AIDS.
WTF! Perhaps a wake up call would be a visit to a Hospice where terminal AIDS patients are cared for, but, wow, I'm such a pig for even suggesting such a show about scaring gays into getting a wake up call.
WTF! Have I been scared straight? So scared, I head for the "Hills" and seek the nearest jungle valley to seek refuge in.
WTF! My apologies to Frank Zappa*, but here's a "Shove It Up Your Poop Chute" related question. When men go in for colonoscopies, why don't the assisting and attending nurses have some lipgloss and a Sharpie, leave a lipstick mark and their phone number on your rear end after playing grabass?
WTF! They got a free feel, the least they could do after a free "Hey Sailor" moment and allow for some follow up care in the form of a phone call?
WTF! Whatever happened to TLC in the nursing profession? Candy stripers these days give Florence Nightingale a bad name.
WTF! Seriously, nursing is a noble profession. Just joking to all the non-nurse Ratchets. Thanks for all you do. Really
*Gentlemen, Frank Zappa passed due to mastastic prostate cancer, ironically. Get checked. Seriously.
WTF! OK, so the wimps at TV Land pulled re-runs of "The Dukes Of Hazzard."
WTF is next? Hee-Haw re-runs? Green Acres? Beverly Hillbillies?
WTF! Here's one for Hambo's Year End Awards as "Turd/Thug Of The Year"
This sub-human is going to get what he deserves in jail, hopefully State Prison.
From the Riverside Press Enterprise, where I worked for as an intern many moons ago:
WTF! Stealing from two 13 year old girls operating a lemonade stand? If the money he stole was for a crack habit, well, while inside I hope the other inmates develop a crack habit. His ass crack. I hope the other inmates make him take hits off of their pipes and make him drink their lemonade.
WTF! I forgot! In these most hypersensitive, racially charged times, I should not be showcasing a black thang/thug as a criminal. Shame on me for for bringing attention to the so-called disprortianate ratio of blacks going to jail.
WTF! Where the hell is Je$$e "Show Me The Money" Jackson?
WTF! Here's a novel concept, courtesy PIGstress Grammy:
WTF! Since it’s open season on burning and taking down flags, except the Gay-Pride Rainbow flag, which is now a hate crime, when the hell is this flag going to be Public Enemy Number One and stomped, pissed on, burned and used as a snot rag for some trendy “occupier.”
WTF! More from Kid "Kiss My Ass" Rock
WTF! Lifted From Page One PIG
"Good morning, we want to apply for a marriage license."
Judge: "Tim and Jim Jones?"
"Yes. We are brothers."
Judge: "Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
Judge: "Yes, thousands, but we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest? No, we are not gay."
Judge: "Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
Judge: "But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait just a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim." "And I want to marry Tim. Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
Judge: "All right. All right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green and June Johnson."
Judge: "Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
Judge: "But there are four of you?"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
Judge: "But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples.""So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
Judge: "No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
Judge: "Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
Judge: "All right. All right. Next."
"Hello. I'd like a marriage license."
Judge: "In what name?"
Judge: "And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
Judge: "Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have dual personalities, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
Judge: "That does it! I quit! You people are making a mockery of marriage!"
WTF! This chaps my hide, Big Time! It's Okey Dokey to burn an American flag, no questions asked. It's way OK to take down the Confederate flag and call it a so-called symbol of hate. But some dude burned a Rainbow colored Gay Pride flag (WTF is that anyway) and he gets charged with a petty ass hate crime and may face a 5 year prison term.
WTF! The Rainbow, Butterly, Pixie Dust brigade got it's collective leather diapers in a wad over being offended and gets charged for exercising his First Amenment Rights?
WTF! Go figure.
WTF! How long before the P.C. punks at You Tube takes down all of Kid "Kiss My Ass" Rock's videos in the name and guise of politically correctness and hurt f**king feelings because he uses a Confederate flag for a back drop at his venues?
If you note his video clips, he has a very enthusiastic black backup on stage with "That Flag"
WTF! Being discriminating is one thing. We all are, regardless of color.Being prejudiced is something else we all have by human nature. Being racist is light years from the aforementioned. Seems as if historically whites have bent over to amend for historical wrongs and now, the tables have turned against people of the Saltine persuasion, by, guess who?
WTF! Do the damn math! (Hint: Je$$e, and Al and their posses).
WTF! Isn't this load just so special? The White House, in the aftermath of the Supreme Courts same-sex marriage ruling decided to be raindow colored.
WTF! If you're not getting warm fuzzies, you're a BZZZZZZZZT!
What limp wrister and lisper orchestrated that? And why so fast? Did someone in the Rainbow House know in advance the SCOTUS ruling?
WTF! Just wondering as I make a deposit in my barf bag.
WTF! I found myself at a shopping plaza recently and there was a sea food eatery called “The Crab Shack.”
Went in and got a to-go menu. Walking out, I took note of the signage and had a moment of revelation. “Crab Shack?”
Being recently divorced, I thought, hmmmm. I lived in a Crab Shack during my marriage, I married a Crab Shack, even ate at her Crab Shack.
WTF! Yes. I am Crabby, but FYI, don’t have the crabs anymore.
WTF! Hey, good news! Racism has been eliminated by virtue of the Confederate flag being removed in South Carolina. Wow. That’s real neat. How P.C. is that?
South Carolina governor, Nikki “The Nympho” Haley ordered the Confederate flag taken down due to the hurt feelings of people that were not even born when that flag was raised and have no clue what it represents to Southern folks.
WTF! Gets better. Since racism is now eradicated by virtue of lowering a flag, Al Sharpton will be out of business. Je$$e,too. Yay!
So, that flag, being symbolically lowered puts the race hustlers out of business, right?
Not!!! Al and Je$$e will find new tactics in their off hours when they’re not selling pencils out of tin cups.
WTF! Poor babies
WTF IS THIS?!?
WTF! Choices, entitlements and identity. So some whiter than a snowflake or Saltine cracker chick filled with White Guilt Syndrome decides to become a local leader of the NAACP and decide she is black. Fooled everyone with her new identity with her new “Blackness”
The minute I heard that load, I chose to become “Black for a day” and got as pissed as a lot of blacks at that form of deception.
This floater is parallel to the whole gender identity farce. One day you’re a boy, next day a girl, complete with all access passes to Ladies rooms and locker rooms. I call it the Caitlyn Jenner clause.
Okay, if that’s going to be considered acceptable in some so-called peoples’ worlds, let’s expand on that “I wanna be” notion.
Taking a cue from her, I came up with the following things I could play the Identity Card with on a daily basis
WTF! Then, I thought I want to identify as a rock star for a day and be entitled to the “Money For Nothing, Chicks For Free” lifestyle, complete with a fat bank account and groupies that peel my grapes. Just for a day.
If I decide to piss on my neighbor’s bushes and get caught by Barney Fife, I can say “I choose to be a dog, tonight, therefore, I’m entitled to piss on any tree I choose” Just for a day. I’ll inform Fife with a wag of the tail and leg hump that “I’m entitled, I have my Identity Card.”
If I’m in South Central and encounter some hard core Bloods or Crips, all I gotta do is whip out the identity card and say, “Today I’m one of you, my brothas, just forgot my bandana, Glock, low rider and 40 and pass some Colonel’s wings.”
If I’m in Korea Town, I get to play the Identity Card even further and identify as a Korean, right, and get Korean Carte Blanc? Is this how this game is played?
WTF! Those were just examples of how to the Identity Card can and will be played. Wanna be some one else or take on a new identity?
WTF! When convenient, I’ll get, play and whip out my identity card. Membership has it’s special rights and privileges.
WTF! There seems to be an awful lot of uptight people up in arms of legalized marijuana. Are these the same people that pick up a 12 pack and a pack of smokes on the way home at their local liquor store and think that's OK, but smoking a joint isn't because a bunch of "someones" said it illegal and immoral.
WTF! Marijuana is a no-no but cigarettes and booze are cool? Alcohol and tobacco and contribute to more deaths than all other drugs combined. So to uptight A-Wipes, I say, if you have an objection to marijuana dispenseries, why stop there? Close down your liquor store and after that, torch your local libraries and start burning books.
WTF! Hit Starbucks, too. Caffiene is also a legal drug. I would suggest churches, too, after all, they are mind altering and do way more damage, but I like the spirit of the folks that are church going, so I'll stop there.
WTF! If the uptight "someone's" that already stigmatized tobacco and weed, just wait until Big Brother takes, taxes or regulates YOUR personal pleasures.
WTF! Are the Clinton's, Bill aka Slick Willie, Hitlery and even Chelsea so narcissitic and delusional that they think Hillary will be President?
WTF do they smoke, drink, snort or shoot in their Blue State veins that makes them think "Grandmother- F**ker Hillary will once again occupy the White House and turn this country inside out?
WTF! If I can contact their drug connection, shrink or future parole officer and take what they take (besides payoff money) maybe I too, can run for President.
WTF! On second thought, I wouldn't set foot in the White House after 8 years of Clintonian rule and the other 8 years of the train wreck the foolish low info voters put in office called Barak HUSSIEN Kenyan unless it were fumigated.
WTF! Ever want to meet a recent graduate of C&B University? Well, I’m him.
C&B stands for Cunt and Bitch, as in the one I just divorced who slurps money, invades my privacy and goes out of her way to make my life the Hell I wished I got into before marrying “It.” “It” meaning her.
WTF! Hell would have been Club Med compared to the tyrant I married and thankfully divorced. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, when you marry the wrong person, you end up in bed with a demon. If you’re lucky, you leave with your nads and half of your sanity.
WTF! I make no apologies to referring to the ex-thing as a cunt and/or bitch. I’m actually being a nice guy by using such tender words and terms to the fire breather I was married to.
WTF! You all have a wonderful and nice day. If she’s creeping around, I know I won’t.
WTF! This says it all:
WTF! Seems to be some rumblings on the Y-Naut/NO-NAAD front about replacing Andrew Jackson – “Old Hickory” and hero of the War of 1812, with a “powerful woman” on the $20.00 bill.
Well, WTF! That’s a nifty and noble idea, but not on my watch. I went back and forth with Pigstress Grammy and I suggested a $28.00 bill, symbolizing a woman’s 28 day menstrual cycle, leaving Andrew Jackson on the $20.00 and these most demanding pit bulls in the forms of humanoid females (Uglo-Tards With An Agenda) and Grammy liked my silly notion, and the question became whose image to best personify this whacked out notion.
Would it be Hillary? Consensus between Grammy and me, eliminated Hillary. Moochelle Obama? No. Barbara Streisand? No, never, and not even.
So, Grammy, out of the blue came up with Sandra (I’m the ugly poster child that demands taxpayers pay for me paying men to satisfy my sluttish activities) Fluke.
WTF! We both found ourselves on the same page.
WTF! Can’t wait for the Chinese and Russian reactions – when they get finished laughing at us – for this non-issue of a stunt.
WTFluke! I just thought of the temporary monetary value of the destined to be short-lived, in using the newly minted $28.00 bill as a coupon for sex to any woman on the desperate end of a Saturday night.
WTF! Just might work, I’ll keep you posted.
WTF! Now here’s some one not only with an axe to grind, but waaaaaay too much time on her hands:
Suing all Homosexuals on earth on behalf of God and Jesus Christ?
WTF do they stuff in their corn cob pipes in Nebraska?
I’m sure God & Son are having a good chuckle over this:
WTF! We all know what this sign indicates, I want to know, WHY? Why in the world would anyone want to make their 'business' a public issue. Is this a giant leap for the 'rights' industry?
WTF! It's bad enough the sign gives the green light for men to whip it out while women watch, and vice versa? Unless you're on a camping trip or a boat where the great outdoors is anyone's pit stop, WTF is the purpose of unisex restrooms.
WTF! The further perpetuation of perversion and common decency really goes out the window when the genderally-confused get in on the action. Do people of questionable gender get to puff out their chests and declare "I get to pee where I want, when I want and with who I want."
WTF! Let's cut out all the P.C. signage and explanations and just do it Roman style, complete with public troughs where anyone can sit or squat regardless of gender for the whole world to see.
WTF! This whole notion of anything goes bathroom etiquette is the floater that just refuses to be flushed.
WTF! Brian Moore, the NYPD officer shot in the face, died as a result of his injuries. Moore, a white cop was a victim of career black thug and felon, Demetrius Blackwell. Tragic in several ways.
First and predictibly, Al, Je$$e, Holder and the rest of the posse and their peeps somehow can't be found or heard for comment, naturally.
Second, why isn't this being covered nationwide by the media and why aren't the media making this a sensationalist 'breaking news' headlining top story like other white cop/black thug stories?
WTF! Here's the answer to that question. This will be front page news when the Demetrius supporters assemble outside the precinct chanting "Free Demetrius"
Third. How about if cops started buring and looting instead of reporting to calls to the black neighborhoods whose residents need them most?
WTF! I have a feeling PIG's Staff has a simple solution with her signature quote:"Just shoot the bastard."
Over and out.
WTF! Here we go again? The white cop/black suspect spotlight turns to North Charleston, South Carolina in the aftermath of the fatal shooting of Walter Scott (black) by Officer Michael Slager (white).
Footage of the shooting was caught by an eyewitness and show Scott, running away from Slager after being pulled over for a simple traffic violation. Scott was shot fatally 8 times in the back and Slager has been charged with murder and denied bail.
The only piece of video evidence in Slager’s favor is that in the footage, Slager seems to have dropped what may have been a taser, but even so, the overall scenario shows one man (who happens to wear a badge) shoot another man in the back. Cowardly under any circumstances, no matter what skin color either of them is/were, but more so because the shooter was a cop who will no doubt use the standard issue cop-out excuse, “I was in fear for my life.” Or “ He seemed like a threat.”
The cop is dead meat, doomed and no doubt will be held to a higher level of accountabilty, as there didn't seem to be any sign of a physical struggle or confronation. The minute the story hit the news, images and flashbacks of Ferguson, Mo. came to many, and this cop is going to pay, and pay dearly for the past "sins" of any and every white cop accused of beating, killing or even looking at a black suspect with apprehension.
With another Ferguson potentially on the horizon, Judy Scott, Walter Scott's mother said the following:
That's a very noble and Christian way of dealing with the loss of a son, but she could have taken her statement a step further and avoid another Ferguson by telling Al, Je$$e, Eric Holder and the rest of the pathetic "Hands up, don't shoot" posse to stay the hell out of North Charleston and let the locals deal with it, their way.
WTF! The headlines from Fox News read: "Judge Orders California To Pay For Inmate's Sex Change." Well, isn't that just swell, especially when many American's are feeling lighter in the checkbook at tax time. Myself included.
WTF! Why should taxpayer's foot the bill for this freak of a murderous felon? If the LGBT/GLAAD-BAAGs are still whining and wiping the pizza stains off their faces after the recent "Memories Pizza" back firing in their face, why don't they do some damage control on themselves and self-inflicted boo-boo's by demanding Big Brother butt out and start their own GoFundMe campaign?
Better yet, they ought to skip the GoFundMe idea altogether, put their money where there big mouths are, dig deep, and pay for it themselves?
WTF! Here's one more! How about the California taxpayers recall Judge Jon Tigar, run him/her/it out of the f**king state and have the estimated $100,000 cost for "Michelle's" conversion kit refunded back to the state coffers? If revolting Californians get revolted enough, they can also remember to pay ILONA TURNER, LEGAL DIRECTOR AT THE TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER IN OAKLAND, CA a visit, ala "Memories Pizza" GLAAD-BAAG protest outside her/it's office for good measure. If not, contact her/it at the following online address:
WTF! The geniuses at the State's Department of Corrections can get a little creative and have Norsworthy work off the cost within prison walls. How? Well, now that Michelle will get "her" operation, it/he/she/whatever, will be equipped to work the cell blocks pleasuring other inmates with her new "money maker." The revenues collected via prison commissary can be re-converted to legal tender to be deposited into trust fund accounts for:
1.) His victims family and
2.) The State of California.
WTF! Is California turning it's graybars into gaybars at taxpayers expense? You bet and only in California.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!!! Well, here’s a “Shove it up your poop chute” moment. The KKGaystapo in Indiana really dropped the soap with the signing of Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act - I’ll call it the Three Dollar Bill - particularly their meltdown in Walkerton, Indiana, home of Memories Pizza.
It all started after Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed the “Religious Freedom” law and Memories Pizza owner Crystal O’Conner was asked by a News Nit-Wit who was hell-bent on getting a certain answer/response to the hot button question of the moment regarding a private business owner’s right to refuse service(s) to anyone. In this case “anyone” refers to the less than tolerant and terminally pissed GLAAD-BAAGS* (PIGSpeak for Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Annoying Dykes Boys And Alleged Girls*. *Alleged Girls covers, bi, tri, quadra, poly and transsexuals, plus crossdressers.)
O’Connor told the News Nit-Wit reporter that she supported giving business owners the right to choose not to do business with people when it violated their religious beliefs. O’Connor, who is openly Christian, said she did not support gay marriage and would not lend her business to one, if asked.
That was the answer News Nit-Wit was lying in wait for and just like that, Memories Pizza became Ground Zero for the controversial Indiana law and leading to many threats against both O’Connor and the restaurant. Many people took to Facebook and Yelp with their manufactured outrage, flooding them with angry letters and poor reviews. There were death threats and a post on Twitter suggesting someone burn down the pizzeria.
None of this went unnoticed. A fund was started at GoFundMe and the GoFundMe dough keeps rolling in for the owners of Memories. Dough to the tune of $842,000+ and probably counting. That kind of money makes me think, “What would I, an obscure, out-of-the-way pizzeria owner do with that kind of money under these conditions?”
For starters, I would show my appreciation for the spirit of the countless anonymous donors and their benevolence by honoring their gestures by franchising Memories Pizza nation wide, and just for kicks, I would start in GLAAD-BAAG capital, San Francisco. After all, the GLAAD-BAAGS started this whole mess, why not acknowledge all the free publicity and new found fortune
In doing so, that would make a VERY loud, Patriotic statement and the owner of Memories a lot of money for years to come.
WTF! If you’re ever in Walkerton, Indiana, stop by Memories Pizza and tell ‘em some straight guys with PIG’s eyes sent you.
WTF! Here’s the happy ending part and memo to GLAAD-BAAGers: There is indeed a pot of gold at the end of this multi-colored rainbow. It’s just not for you, Mr./Mrs./Ms.differently-gendered. It seems the militant GLAAD-BAAGS and their News Nit-Wit accomplices failed to get Big Brother to enforce and impose their agenda.
GLAAD-BAAGS by nature are used to putting things in their mouths. This time it's their own feet. Frank Zappa couldn’t have said it any better then when he said/sang, “Shove it up your poop chute!”
WTF! In a related note on freedom of choice, rights and service, if I owned a bakery and Adam and Steve walked in and asked if I would cater to a gay wedding I would say yes, but the menu is limited to cream-filled Fruitcakes and tightly packed fudge brownies with all the nuts you can eat and 12” long éclair’s stuffed with all the cream one can swallow.
WTF! I consider myself open, tolerant and flexible enough to bend over (backwards, that is, and don’t get any prison shower scene ideas) to make the needed change for a $3.00 bill…when PIG’s fly, that is.
WTF! Looks like life is imitating art as Apple's new Apple Watch, iWatch, SmartWatch, whatever, announced an April 2015 debut. You won't be making actual phone calls, yet, but you can send and recieve messages - text and voice - pay bills, check the weather, store pics, check facbook status, your heart rate, open garage doors hail an Uber services.On top of that, it will alerts to remind you when you've been sitting around doing nothing (probably reading PIG) too long as well as other reminder-type alerts.
Imagine. All of those features and creature comforts condensed into one little wrist watch-size device. Seems like the only thing it can't do, right now anyway, is chew your food for you.
For the Fashionistas that absolutely have to keep up with the Kar-Trashians, it has an interchangeable face and for the mega-materialistic, $10K you can get one in 18-karat gold to either show off or advertise to and attract would-be muggers.
Apple's R&D team must have been fans of the old "Get Smart" TV show which was a spoof on the James Bond movies, complete with (then) high-tech, unheard of gadgets, gizmos, whatchamacallits, and other assorted widgets, like the Shoe Phone and the Cone of Silence*.
WTF! Knucke dragging sceptic that I am, I took some studious notes when Greg Guttfeld reviewed the watch and made the following observations, and I'll paraphrase:
"It's got a camera? That's not an iWatch, that's an 'I wanna watch.'"
"With all of those built in alerts and reminders, that's not a watch, that's a nag."
"Hell, slap an Apple logo on a dead cat and it will sell."
Apple begins taking deposits or reservations April 10 and will be avaiable for human consumption April 24.
WTF! Silly me. While mentioning all of the Apple Watch's built-in whiz-bang features, I forgot to mention. I tells time, too.
WTF! Comrade Hillary posed a question while giving a speech to female Democrats asking, "Don't you someday want to see a woman president?"
That question speaks volumes when you consider who asked it and moreso the way she asked it. She spoke as if a woman (her) has been waiting long enough and is entitled to be President.
Let's see. Is Hillary, if she really is a woman, uniquely qualified to be President and does she measure up to her political peers and past Presidents? You bet and here's why:
1.) She can lie through her teeth like the rest of them.
2.) Personal baggage and skeletons in her closet? Darn Tootin'
3.) Cover-ups and scandals?
4.) Recieving contributions for the Clinton Foundation from questionable sources that routinely brutalize women and remains silent on the issue? Check and double check.
5.) At this point, does Benghazi ring a bell, or even matter?
6.) Can she excercise Executive Privlege when asked about her questionable email server 'scandal.'
7.) Her husband (stepping stone) is the iconic 'Slick Willie' Clinton, and she has bigger huevos than him. (Makes me wonder if she really does pee while standing up.)
8.) She's ugly, arrogant, above it all, scandalous and contemptuous.
9.) She's white, rich and powerful.
10.) She's an out-and-out "Bitch" that makes Leona "The Queen Of Mean" Helmsley look like a Campfire girl.
WTF! Comrade Hillary will fit right in with the "Good Old Boys, Middle-Aged White Male Dominated Power Structure and Political Network" she rallies against and sell everyone out, male AND female alike, just like the rest of them. Hell, she probably plays footsies with members of the "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy."
WTF! In those regards, she is indeed "uniquely qualified" when measured against her male counterparts.
WTF! When Hillary posed the question, she neglected the fact that America currently has a woman for an excuse of a President
WTF! With all of that said, do I think it's about time we had a woman President? I don't know the time is now, or ever, but I would have to look to the late Margaret Thatcher as an ideal candidate, male or female. When measuring up to Thatcher, Hillary is in no way qualified to carry Thatcher's water bottle.
WTF! Barak Obama and his trusty poison pen, vetoed the Keystone Pipeline legislation, and in the process killed the prospect of more jobs and a home-grown oil-rich energy source. Chalk one up for the Greenie/Eco/Lib-Tards.
So, what do we do with the pipeline?
WTF! Silly me! We already have a high-speed pipleline that runs from south of the border straight into taxpayers' wallets in the form of illegals that get pumped across our borders. Thanks, Asshole!
WTF! How come people always have to give their dogs cool, exotic, unique, overly cute and sometimes predictable names like Rex, Jaws, Killer, Sweetie, Fifi, Princess, Cujo, etc. and not regular names like Dave, Pete, Howard, Sally or even Mortimer?
WTF! Perhaps some dog owners want their dogs’ names to reflect a part of their own secret alter-ego. However, if dogs’ names truthfully reflected their owners personalities, a lot of Pit Bull owners should call their dogs “Wanna Be” as in “I wanna be a bad ass but I’m not so I have a dog that is.” Or in the case of overly pampered, high maintenance special “Fifi” type breeds like Poodles, the owners ought to call the dog “Kardashian” or “Beyoncé” as in “I want to be a pampered attention-getting whore but I’m not, so I have a dog that is.”
WTF! As for me and my dog, nothing but the truth when I call her “Beer Drinking, Pot-Smoking, Potty-Mouthed Lazybones.”
WTF! Speaking of pot smoking, here’s every potheads worst nightmare. Imagine, if you will, when dude scores the most potent strain of Indica or Sativa that when smoked, eaten or even used as a suppository catapults him into another dimension and renders him motionless.
Well, the desired effect would be achieved, but what about those pesky munchies? Dude is so incapacitated that he is virtually paralyzed and can’t even get off his ass to amble on over to the refrigerator, leaving him helplessly attached to his couch.
WTF! That would be the ultimate buzz kill. Put that “food for thought” notion in your pipe and smoke it, dude.
WTF! What exactly does Barak Obama do on President’s Day that he does or doesn’t do any other day? Is President’s Day THE one day out of the year where he actually pretends to be or even acts like an actual American president?
WTF! Just wondering if he even cares.
WTF! I was watching an early morning weather report and a ‘Storm Watch’ News Nit Wit report live from Boston after getting hammered with another crippling snow storm and was asked how cold it was.
News Nit Wit told the anchor babe that it was about 10°F, but with the wind chill, felt more like -11°.
WTF! How did News Nit Wit come to minus 11° as opposed to minus 10°, or minus 12°?
Me thinks in order for News Nit Wit to arrive at such a precise temperature, he/she would have to have a well-calibrated rectal thermometer shoved waaaaaay up their you-know what.
WTF! From time to time, someone spots an image of Jesus either in a pancake, a crusty booger, mysterious cloud formation or any other place one could imagine or hallucinate or even fabricate. That’s all fine, but how come no one ever see’s Mohammed or any other prophet, messiah or deity?
Just why does Jesus always get top billing and all of the face time? Could it be that Mohammed has been seen but the image of an insane pedophile scared the shit out of the one(s) viewing it?
Wait! This just in!!! There has been a recent Mohammed sighting over at the bottom of an over flowed toilet in the men's room at Chuey's Drive-In Taco's and Upholstery Emporium.
WTF! Apparently, the sighting DID scare the shit out of someone.
WTF! I was wondering. How many Korrectnik Libsqueeks that are peeing their pants over "American Sniper" have actually seen the movie?My guess is that not as many as one would think. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Many won't go - but will still whine about it - based on principle. I'm just guessing, but the mere thought that bad guys need to be taken out of circulation, permanently, goes against their Kum-bah-ya, weak, whiney vision of a Utopian World were everyone plays nice. To them, it doesn't matter who our enemies are, if the U.S. military is involved in any way, that's reason enough for them to soil their diapers. In some instances, taking out grenade toting women and children are just another day at the office for any sniper, American or otherwise.
2. Many of those doing the loudest complaining are doing so because someone TOLD them the movie, the U.S. military, snipers and Chris Kyle in particular are evil bullies and cowards, thus setting the herd in 'parrot', 'lemming' or 'monkey see, monkey do' mode. These Kool-Aid swillers will drink any flavor of the month and jump on any 'bandwagon of the day.' In this case, the trendy thing to do is to villify snipers, and of course, Chris Kyle.
3. Can't afford it. The price of admission will cut into their weed budget and because they didn't get their chores done, Mommy won't give them their allowance.
WTF! So Michael Moore, Seth Rogen and the usual left-wing lip flappers have weighed in with their opinions on American Sniper, Chris Kyle. While bashing the film for it's violence and "unjustified glorification" of the late Chris Kyle, Kyle has been compared to a Nazi and a racist because he took out "brown skinned people."
Moore led the charge by calling snipers "cowards." Others have accused Kyle of relishing the chance to kill women and children. Kyle has also been called selfish by portraying himself as the victim due to the mental anguish he experienced while the real "victims" were the (Al-Qaeda) Iraqis.
WTF! The Iraqis in question were hell bent on killing U.S. troops and Kyle executed his job, saving American troops' lives regardless if the intended killers were men, women, children or bomb filled goats. Oh wait. Good Jihadists would never sacrifice a young, fertile female goat.
There is a key scene in the movie where Kyle takes out an RPG toting Al-Qaeda member and a little kid comes along and picks up the dead man's RPG. Kyle has the kid in his crosshairs and whispers to himself, "Put it down." Just as Kyle was going to pull the trigger, the kid drops the RPG and runs away and Kyle breaths a sigh of relief knowing he did NOT shoot the kid. (I hope I didn't play 'spoiler' by revealing that tid-bit.)
So much for the theory that Kyle was a blood thirsty killer that preys upon children. As far as being a "coward" Kyle was not a coward, the sub-humans he killed were the real cowards using grenade toting women and children and suicide bombers to do their dirty work.
Here are some Tweets supporting Kyle from actor James Woods @RealJamesWoods:
"Every time an American Armed Forces sniper pulls a trigger, those who would kill or maim an american warrior are no longer a threat."
"Michael Moore's criticism of a Clint Eastwood film about sacrifice and valor is a marketing department's wet dream."
"Michael Moore is doing for American Sniper what Obama did for gun sales..."
From actor Dean Cain @RealDeanCain:
"...Disparage #ChrisKyle to my face. We'll see who is a coward."
To Seth Rogen @Sethrogen: "Seth...I like your films, but right now I wanna kick your ass. Chris is an American Hero. Period. Go to war. Then we'll talk."
From Kid Rock: "F— you Michael Moore, you’re a piece of s— and your uncle would be ashamed of you. Seth Rogen, your uncle probably molested you. I hope both of you catch a fist to the face soon."
"God bless you Chris Kyle, Thank you for your service."
Country Music Singer Craig Morgan to Seth Rogen:
"You are fortunate to enjoy the privilege and freedom of working in and living in the United States, and saying whatever you want (regardless of how ignorant the statement) thanks to people like Chris Kyle who serve in the United States military. Your statement is inaccurate and insensitive to Chris and his family. I'm sick and tired of people like you running your mouth when you have no idea what it takes for this country to maintain our freedoms. If you and anyone like you don't like it, leave."
Singer Blake Shelton:
"Sickens me to see celebrities or anybody slam the very people who protect their right to talk s---.. #truecowards,"
Charlie Daniels @CharlieDaniels:
"Hey Michael Moore These are the guys who defend the right for you to say the stupid things U say U might say thanks."
And here's the best from Green Beret sniper Bryan Sikes:
To demonize a dead American Hero is beyond contempt or disgust Chris Kyle should not have to be defended for his heroic actions by carrying out his duties, but then again, consider the sources that are critical of him.
WTF! I'm not a movie critic nor do I lobby for movies, but this movie does not glorify war. It offers an insight to the mindset of one American going through his own hell.
One observation I noted was that every time Kyle hunkered down ready to get down to business, Kyle never wore a helmet. Always a turned around baseball cap. Just noticing.
Well worth the price of admission and my apologies to the Kyle family for including Michael Moore's and Seth Rogen's names in the same posting as Chris Kyle.
WTF! CNN was doing round the clock coverage of the current issue of Charlie Hebdo's new cover which is predicted to sell between 3 and 5 million copies.
Now, news folks like to pique the curiosity of it's viewers, and most viewers were probably waitint see the cartoon, but CNN totally wussed out by refusing to air the cover for fear of offending anyone. Such journalistic and Free Press spirit.
WTF! This decision to not publish a cartoon is hypocrisy on steroids. Journalists who make their career leaning on First Amendment rights are more concerned with hurt feelings over the First Amendment.
These blow dried News Nits just never seem to get it right. More concerned over pissing off agroupof extremists who live to kill? How can you piss off a group of people that were raised to be pissed off?
WTF! These so-called journalists are probably better qualified to run self-esteem and sensitivty seminars.
WTF! On this day, January 07, 2015 in the wake of the Paris massacres over cartoons, all I can say, OUT LOUD is WTF!
The subhumans that commited this horrible crime need to re-f**king regroup, get relocated to and find another planet in another galaxy, far, far the hell away from humanity.
That's it and I still love cartoons, of any kind. That's all folks.
WTF! In the wake of the post Ferguson Grand Jury fallout and massive media coverage (over-kill) of a white cop killing a black thug in the line of duty, would the media's omission and/or refusal to report on blacks robbing, beating, raping and killing whites be considered a "Black Out?
WTF! This one takes the cake. Icing, candles, crumbs and all and left me scratching my head saying WTF!
Seems as if one Iris Outlaw, a black Multicultural Studies Stooge at Notre Dame is introducing a course on ‘White Privilege’ all in the aftermath of the Michael Brown/Eric Garner grand jury decisions.
What’s wrong with this picture? Every ‘Forking thing.
First, Iris Outlaw, as if that’s her real name, is blacker than the lump of coal I get in my Christmas stocking every year. I suppose being black and a womyn are enough academic credential’s she’ll ever need in an Ivory Tower atmosphere to qualify her as an expert on ‘White Privilege’ at a major, heavy hitting university.
A Black woman (womyn) with an axe to grind qualifying itself about ‘White Privilege?’ C’mon. How many America’s Cup tournaments or polo matches has she ever attended? How many ‘White Man’s Conspiracy’ meetings has she ever taken part in? Has she infiltrated white country clubs to get the 411 on Whitey, of which not many white people belong to?
Is this going to be a seminar on how 'Whitey' by nature spends all of their spare time in-between tea socials, gun shows and NASCAR events conspiring to oppress and subjugate “People of Color” to the “White Man’s” whims?”
Probably…maybe, but my main bone of contention is WTF compelled anyone to spend so much time worrying about what Whitey has on his side of the street when blacks have enough issues and self-made messes of their own to clean up. Talk about a ‘Hood mentality.
Does Mz. Outlaw think that by virtue of being born white, white people are by default born into a “White Power Structure” that affords them special privileges and advantages? Does she and her icky ilk think that whites actually wake up every morning, armed with their ‘whiteness’ and use that to avoid speeding tickets or use their ‘whiteness’ to hail cabs that had previously driven past black fares.
We here at The Free State Of PIG encourage her to enlighten everyone to just WTF is wrong with Whitey and WTF is 'White Privilege.' We’re always open to open mic night at comedy clubs.
Unfortunately, the gullible, white-guilt infested (Intimidated) faculty at Notre Dame will give her Carte Blanc and two thumbs up while Kool-Aid drinking students will blindly follow her racist, separatist teachings as she further poisons the well with racist, divisive dialoge and further perpetrate a “Plantation” attitude that will no doubt set blacks back even further apart from whites and hinder their own 50+ years of racial progress.
On a serious note, there really is no ‘White Privilege’ but there sure is no shortage of white, spoiled brats on campus who will no doubt mindlessly parrot the current mantra’s of “Hands uP! Don’t Shoot!” and “I Can’t Breathe” without having ever been on the business end of any type of racial or economic disenfranchisement or even the business end of a cops nightstick.
Offering a useless course like this will also only further infuriate certain blacks with chips on their shoulders and basically paint a big fat bulls eye on whitey’s back.
Warning to Whitey’s on campus: Jump on that anti-‘White Privilege’ bandwagon, and you just may have your milk money and platinum card taken from you by force by the angry anti-white privilege mobs as they will see you as nothing but patronizing, condescending and actually the coddling, limousine-liberal-in-training racist you are.
One last thought: Will whiney Whitey's equate the term "White Privilege" the same way blacks react to whites dropping the 'N-Word?'
WTF! Enough of that. Even though it's open season on Whitey, and the perfect opportunity for 'People of Color' to scold and emasculate 'Whitey' for centuries of oppression (which these modern day protesters never experienced, I’m out to go exercise and celebrate my whiteness and the white privilege I never knew I had.
P.S. I'm not giving up my front seat on the bus, either. So there!
WTF! Why is it that when the Boob Tube talking heads and pundits speak of Michael Brown’s death as tragic one minute, the next minute, they state that Michael Brown was a common street thug who just strong armed a corner store market for some Cigarillo’s.
Fast forward to New York, where Eric Garner lost his life to cops for selling loose, untaxed cigarettes on the street.
WTF! Doesn’t anyone see the common thread of these two incidents? It’s not Michael Brown’s or Eric Garner’s fault. It’s not the police departments’ fault. It’s not Whitey’s or so-called White Privilege at fault, either. It’s the fault of Big Tobacco.
WTF! Seems like someone(s) took the time to produce a somewhat so-so satirical video "Racism Insurance." It has it's moments, but the underlying message just perpetuates the stereotype that it's always Whitey that's the "racist" and whenever the term "racist" is used, most ignorant and ill-informed F**ktards automatically associate racism and racists as white, as if Whitey invented racism.
WTF! Seems as if all the violent residual crap and fallout happening to Whitey as a result of the Ferguson Grand Jury's decision not to indict officer Wilson, maybe Whitey ought to not only get Racisim Insurance (as Whitey will no doubt be a target of Black racisim), maybe a life insurance policy might be in order, too.
Then again, nothing works better than a locked and loaded Old Besty for real insurance, but for arguements sake, I'll play along.
WTF does "Racism Insurance" cover? Does it cover Whitey from Black backlash when a Ferguson, Mo. Grand Jury or Simi Valley jury's verdicts and findings don't go their way and Blacks commence to rioting and violence? Do well-known Whitey's who make "Nappy-Headed Ho" comments get absolved and cleared of any fake and manufactured "Apology Tours" for such comments?
WTF! Watch the clip and all of you crackers best not enter The 'Hood without Racism Insurance, or Old Besty. That sage advise goes to all white, guilt ridden Liberals and Korrectniks, too.
WTF! We've all seen on TV or heard on the radio some pitchman use the expression, "Get the latest Gizmo 'everyone's talking about'" Or, "See the movie 'everyone's talking about'"
WTF! Id'e really like to know who "everyone" is. I never met anyone who knew "everyone." I would also like to know why, if "everyone" is talking about 'it' WTF are they wasting money on TV/Radio airtime for if "everyone" is talking about "it."
• • • • • • • •
WTF! In some states, one can legally obtain marijuana as long as they carry a medical marijuana card.
I was just wondering. If someone got pulled over with some weed in their possession and they show Barney Fife their permit to carry weed and the permit expired, would that person be ticketed for smoking on an expired license?
• • • • • • • •
WTF! Would the term “Go back to Africa” be considered racist when referring to the Ebola virus?
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WTF! Recently, Obama said he had no fear of catching Ebola last month when he visited Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, where doctors successfully treated three Americans who'd been infected in Africa.
WTF! That's another feather in his cap alright, but what about the nurses? Are they now being treated and quarantined after being exposed to Obama?
WTF! Just wondering.
• • • • • • • •
WTF! The gender identity and inclusiveness pissy-pants police are at it again by adding yet another letter to the alphabet soup that seems to identify them. They started as LGBT - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender. Now, they have become LGBTQIA - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex and Allies.
WTF! How many more 'closeted' sexual/gender indenties are needed to complete this looney, lexiconic alphabet soup of confusion, for the confused?
Why not take a que from another confused Educrat and simply label anyone and everyone another moronic monicker, "Purple Penguins?"
WTF! It seems as if organized religion has taken a cue from the advertising industries number one, age old standards and adages: Sex sells.
The Jehovah Witnesses and Mormon Militia has been for ages, notorious for sending young male missionaries to unsuspecting door steps to recruit prospective new members. Recently, I have had several female Mormons knock on the door. As pleasant and as pretty as they are, they're still pitching, peddling and pontifficating their religious product which usually ends up in a "No sale" on my end.
I'll give the Mormons an A for effort, but the Buddhists win this round, hands down. Here's why:
I was at a local car show checking out all the classic, vintage and restored rides as well as some of the vendors. The vendors were the usual lot. T-shirt, hot dog and hamburger peddlers. Also included were the occasional local realtor or car dealership. As I kept strolling, a Buddhist booth with some eye catching art work caught my attention. As I walked over there, two of the loveliest ladies of the Lotus persuasion all dressed in their tradtional gowns, robes whatever, approached from behind the curtain.
At first I wondered why a Buddhist Temple/Cultural Center would consider promoting themselves at a car show. It's elementary and I give the Buddhist's a lot of credit for doing their homework, which was simple. What attracts most men? Hot rods and hot women.
WTF! I don't know much about Buddhism - except that their art shows more T&A - nor did I wake up that day with a sudden interest in any religion, but what drew me to their booth were the two attractive women that actually had me asking a question or two about their religion, as if I cared about some stoned fat dude who always hangs around Asian restaurants and hotel lobbies wating to get his belly rubbed.
WTF! Sorry for the digression. The bottom line is that sex and/or sexuality at least got a slob like me to act interested and they could have easily turned up the charm to sell almost anyone else to their religion using Madison Avenue tactics as the (possible) path to my personal enlightenment.
WTF! Had I wanted true enlightenment, better yet, Nirvana, I coulda/woulda/shoulda have gotten at least one of those ladies' phone numbers. Oh well. Fork me!
WTF! Common Core Crapola? Yet another reason the Asians laugh at us:
WTF! I was just wondering. If a man is confronted by a very angry, violence prone woman/womyn in a dark alley who has the face of Rosie O'Donell, dresses like Larry The Cable Guy and is built like an NFL linebacker who has the intent to kick your ass, is it OK to hit it in self defense?
WTF! The following clip is from a live newscast where the reporter, Charlo Greene, KTVA Anchorage, Alaska says "F**k It, I Quit!"
As witnessed by the video, we can all see she's headed for greener pastures, for sure, dudes.
WTF! Why is it that when a Black or Hispanic comedian impersonate a white guy, they all seem to borrow or pass around the same efemminate, straight out of central casting atypical white guy.?
Usually and predictably, it's the same WASPY, uptight, monotone sounding, suburbanite white guy, or the same hayseed, rustic or redneck. Sure, they get their laughs, chuckles and high all around. Personally, I never knew that Black or Hispanics regard Whitey so one-dimensional. However, if a white comedian shows real diversity and had the nads to impersonate a ‘stereo typical’ Black or Hispanic, complete with either an ethnically sounding Hispanic with a Spanglish accent, a black with an Ebonic, ‘hood-like, or pimpish, Huggy Bear inflection, he would be given the tar and feather treatment, complete with an appearance and protest by Al $harpton and maybe even Eric Holder.
WTF! Speaking of Eric Holder, he made a speech in which ne called America (That really means you, Whitey) a “Nation of Cowards” and will stand by his words, which were:
“I wouldn’t walk away from that speech,” Holder told ABC News in an interview. “I think we are still a nation that is too afraid to confront racial issues,” he said, adding that Americans are still hesitant to reach out to “one another across the color line [to] talk about racial issues.”
In Feb. 2009, in his first speech after taking office, Holder told a crowd gathered at the Justice Department to celebrate Black History Month, “Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards.”
Well Mrs. Holder, here are some historical facts about “cowards”:
The Price in Blood!
At least 618,000 Americans died in the Civil War, and some experts say the toll reached 700,000. The number that is most often quoted is 620,000. At any rate, these casualties exceed the nation's loss in all its other wars, from the Revolution through Vietnam.
The Union armies had from 2,500,000 to 2,750,000 men. Their losses, by the best estimates:
The Confederate strength, known less accurately because of missing records, was from 750,000 to 1,250,000. Its estimated losses:
The leading authority on casualties of the war, Thomas L. Livermore, admitting the handicap of poor records in some cases, studied 48 of the war's battles and concluded:
Of every 1,000 Federals in battle, 112 were wounded.
Mortality was greater among Confederate wounded, because of inferior medical service. The great battles, in terms of their toll in dead, wounded, and missing is listed on this site:
Some of the great blood baths of the war came as Grant drove on Richmond in the spring of 1864- Confederate casualties are missing for this campaign, but were enormous. The Federal toll:
WTF! You gotta hand it Texas Governor Rick Perry when it comes to Nads with an attitude
Tuesday, after answering to 2 flimsy felony charges and turning himself in for booking and mug shots, Perry went out for ice cream cones with his staff.
What a way for a man of his position to basically say, “F**k You” to those that brought charges against him.
Ice cream cones? How damn cool is that? I’ll tell you. You can replace that old expression, “Cool as a cucumber” with “Cooler than a Rick Perry Ice Cream Cone On A Hot Texas Day.”
WTF! I guess ice cream cones are the new way to stay cool and say WTF! with attitude.
WTF! Once in a while The Free State Of PIG is about solutions and I just may have one for the folks in Ferguson, MO. Bear with me.
Remember when and how U.S. troops apprehended Manuel Noriega in Panama? If you don’t know, here’s what the commanding officer did. He wheeled in stacks of speakers and began playing the same heavy metal song over and over and over very loud until Noriega surrendered. Very effective.
Now about the Ferguson situation. I propose the same psychological tactic, but instead of adrenaline inciting music, they play – and don’t laugh – Christmas music. That’s right. Christmas music. Those songs have a very calming and soothing effect on people.
Perhaps one song can make a potential looter drop his/her brick and realize how screwed up it is to basically make their own neighborhood a war zone.
Once again about solutions, maybe that person will hang onto the brick and hurl it at Je$$e and/or Al $harpton in hopes of them and their mooching ways getting the hell out of town with their riot inspiring ways.
WTF! Just thoughts.
WTF! I was watching some late night TV on one of those sleepless nights and wished there was something, anything to just knock me out for the night.
Then a commercial comes on advertising what appears to be a great, all natural sleeping aid. I thought that that product just might work. I think I'll go out and get some. It then dawned on me that it was 1:00 am and the local pharmacy is closed for the night.
WTF! My beef isn't with the pharmacy, it's with the dumbshit media buyers that pick the midnight hour to advertise a sleep aid product. Talk about bad timing.
WTF! Next time I'm sleepless,I think I'll pay Chuey a visit for a bag of some 'medicinals.'
WTF! I turned on the TV news the other morning and saw what looked to be a Gaza-style scene complete with fire, explosions and much smoke. Then, I realized, that’s not the Gaza Strip, that’s Ferguson, Mo. Apparently, some protesters took it upon themselves to loot and vandalize their own neighborhood and toss rocks, bricks, bottles and Molotov cocktails and other assorted fire bombs at the cops.
WTF! Don’t some people know that when all hell breaks loose in the streets, cops with riot gear usually show up, locked and loaded. Well, it seems as if the cops’ best efforts aren’t really working in this case, so here is what I propose.
One: Drop leaflets urging the looters to kindly knock it the f**k off, or else.
Two: Since that won’t work, as if that silly notion ever would, drop job applications in an attempt at an outreach to help better themselves and their local community.
Three: Hire some lion tamers, complete with the red blazer, top hat, chair and whips and…Oops! I forgot the historical significance of whips. My bad.
Four: Here’s the “Or else.” Show up with bulldozers, assault vehicles, Guardsmen, bullhorns and Whoopi Goldberg in hopes of scaring the Be-Jesus out them.
WTF! Maybe option four would work. After all, they all have brand new Nikes that they just helped themselves to during their looting sprees that they can run with,
WTF! Just thoughts, OK?
WTF! With no disrespect to Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman, comedic kings of one-liners especially regarding marital issues, I thought I would toss my hat into the ring with some ball and chain zingers of my own.
Here is my most humble and feeble attempt at expressing some marital thoughts and observations:
"My wife is easy on the eyes, but dammit, she's murder on my ears, wallet, blood pressure, reputation, credit rating, sanity. and my girlfriend." - Porcus
"My father-in-law made a big mistake in raising my wife. I really wish he said it was OK to run around with scissors, sharp objects and just for kicks, encourage her to stick them in electrical sockets." - Porcus
"Why is it that when the Mrs. and me go shopping and a drop dead gorgeous woman gives me a flirtatious wink, wave and smile and I acknowledge the hottie in aisle 3, wife won't say a word...for about 3 weeks. Then, when you get home from work and wife who has stored this in memory banks erupts like a volcano and asks if I still think "She's" pretty. When I ask who is "She?" wife says you know godamned well who "She" is, "She" was that beautiful woman at the market. I reply, "Oh, now I remember! So you thought she was pretty too?" That's when the iron skillet comes out and I run for my life, to any hottie in aisle 3." - Porcus
"Saw a bumper sticker years ago that read "Life is a bitch, then you marry one." Well ladies, no offense, but some of you are and I'll do some 'splaining before you go Lorena Bobbit on me. See, by definition a bitch is a female dog. There are also two-legged bitches of the humanoid form and when you get in your moods, your man needs to build you an extra special residence called a dog house and keep you on a very short leash and toss you a bone. Just don't use us as your chew toys." - Porcus
"I guess I got lucky. My wife has never complained about me leaving the toilet seat up or down. See, in her eyes I pee in her bowl of Wheaties every day, metaphorically speaking, at least as far as she knows" - Porcus
"I always thought Motel 6 and Tom "We'll leave the lights on for you" Bodett should have a men's special. WTF is that? Well, Duh and double duh. It's for dudes who, when their sweetie is OTR (On The Rag) and they offer 4 days of a safe getaway complete with a safe haven, peace and quiet, all the sports a dude can ask for on cable, all at a dudes only discount rate, all for that time of month when a woman's only purpose is to inflict their special brand of misery to anyone within earshot or the same zip code or hemisphere. I would call it "The Great Escape" plan." - Porcus
"I have a nickname for my wife. It's "One Way." WTF is that, you ask? Well, her father bought her a ticket OUT of her country of origin. The ticket was one way in order to get her out of his hair and into mine." - Porcus
"I was speaking to one of my sister-in-laws about my wife and asked, "Why wasn't she stamped or tattooed with a cautionary warning sign for ANYONE she came in contact with?" Shit, they do that for cigarettes, booze, guns and explosives, why not her?" My sister-in-law just nodded in agreement." - Porcus
"If women were not so anatomically different, attractive and alluring most would be extinct." - Porcus
WTF! I'll save the best for last before I am admistered my last rites, a blindfold and cigarette. Here goes:
"The power of women is so strong, one pussy hair can drag the Titanic with all engines in reverse all the way across the Sahara Desert." Porcus
WTF! I have to go put my ball and chain back on, bow my head in a submissive manner, put on my apron and high heels and pray that I still have some chest hairs tomorrow morning. If you really need to find me, I'll be in aisle 3.
WTF! I don’t know what the Marvel Comics morons are smoking, drinking, shooting in their veins or inserting into intimate orifices, but someone(s) has made some crappy decisions regarding the identities and personas of comic book heroes. Cases in point are the characters of Thor and Captain America.
Thor is now going to be Transgender Thor, complete with a rack of bitch tits that will be drawn with comic book proportions, accentuating his/her/it’s gender identity all in the name of P.C. inanity in order to portray a, strong transgender presence. That’s just so sweet, thoughtful, trendy and….sorry, just got administered with a swift kick of reality.
WTF! When Little Johnny sees this boatload of bullshit, perhaps he too, will be transgenderally confused as Hormonal Thorazina or the idiots that conjured up this mess. The only upshot would be Thorazina would have enhanced superpowers only a he-she could have if he-she is taking it’s female hormones. Imagine the combination or male strength and female hormones when he-she wields it’s hammer in a blinding female hormonal rage and unleashes that angst against the evil-doers of the world.
Now about Captain America. He too will be reinvented or portrayed as a black man. That’s a novel thought, too, but why not have the ‘creatives’ over at Marvel simply create a new character?
WTF! I forgot, creativity and originality are a lost art, but I thought “Why not really bend over and call him Captain African-American Man in the name of political correctness?
WTF! This just goes to show that political correctness is much like water and electricity. It follows the path of least resistance, but unlike water and electricity, political correct seeks fly-by-night, trendy notions and approval.
WTF! Bend over, PIGsters, Burger King is introducing the Proud Burger, aimed at celebrating gayness, gay pride, and insatiable, carnivorous GLAAD-BAAGer’s.
Well WTF! Isn’t that delicious? Bun Rangers in the San Francisco (Surprise, surprise darlings!!!) area are probably marking this as a major milestone in their ‘struggle’ for equality and recognition. I guess their 'struggle' is now complete, now that GLAAD-BAGs can relish in sinking their teeth into a greasy piece of meat that’s been inserted between some soggy buns.
WTF! Let’s say some other well known fast food chains follow suit in the same spirit?
WTF! I guess all Burger King needs now is a nifty slogan for their new Proud Burger. “You Can’t Beat BK’s Meat.”
The way I see this whole thing is that the only major chain that would win this pissing contest would be Cinnabons. After all, everyone, gay, straight, confused or otherwise likes a nice, hot piece of sugary bun.
WTF! When a married couple, both working, decide to get a divorce and the wife is granted alimony or spousal support, does that make her a prostitute for services rendered even though she is fully capable of earning her own living?
Perhaps she is an extortionist, trying to squeeze HIM out of every nickel and dime he's got just for the sake of watching him suffer and squirm?
When the judge orders him to pay up, does that make the judge a pimp...oops, I mean advocate for a system that not only fosters legal and judicial prostitution/extortion but encourages women to wring him dry, even though she wants nothing more to do with him except his monthly check. Of course, she is free to take his money and spend it on the pool boy, golf pro or ski instructor for as long as she stays unmarried.
WTF! A system that rewards women just for being women is truly meant to suck...men dry of their money and manhood.
WTF! This one is from the Porcus Files listed under Neighbors From Hell. We've all had at least one inflict their special brand of joy for everyone within earshot.
WTF! We've all had friends or so-called friends that ask for personal loans for whatever reason. To some we say yes, to some we say no. Sometimes we have to admit that we would love to help but that we are currently strapped.
Then there are the types where you know in advance when they say they want to meet in person and we already know why. They want to put the pinch on us. They humbly ask, promising to pay the principle amount, plus interest back within two weeks.
The prospective borrowee already knows that ain't gonna happen, but I have a viable solution.
What one ought to do is check out their Facebook page and see how many 'friends' they have. If, in my case a certain person tries to borrow some money, I'll simply say, "Well you've got over 900+ 'friends' on Facebook, why don't you ask them. Plus your brother has 1,100 + 'friends', hit them up, too.
That's how to weed out real friends. When you say no to them, they will never even call you back, ever. In fact, by virtue of you saying no to them you become an all-time piece of shit tight wad.
WTF! a good indication of insecurity and desperation can be based on how many 'friends' another has on Facebook as opposed to the ones they have in the real world.
WTF! A Girl Scout gone wild on cookie sales? You bet.
Seems as if 13 year old Danielle Lei, and her mother, had the brilliant idea of driving up and exceeding her sales quota by setting up a Girl Scout cookie sales stand outside of a marijuana clinic where she sold 117 boxes of cookies within hours.
To make matters better for young Danielle, the Girls Scouts fully endorsed her most entreprenueurial idea and venue.
WTF! I suppose this is one of those "Why didn't I think of that" moments. A friend of a friend had told me of the appetite stimulating effects of marijuana, otherwise known as the munchies.
Talk about location, our hats are off to such an ambitious youngster like Danielle and the Girls Scouts.
WTF! I have a friend of mine that claims to be eco-friendly, not eco-tarded, but every time she sees me flick a cigarette butt in the gutter I get the usual "You know that goes straight to the ocean and harms the fish" type of lecture.
What she does to protect the environment is carry plastic bags in her purse to dispose of any thing from styrofoam containers to plastic wrap and toss the plastic bags into the nearest dumpster or trash can, All fine, but what eventually happens to crap in dumpsters end up in landfills, where real estate developers build tract homes or condos. All built on toxins, which eventually may harm the residents of the former landfill.
WTF! I further explained that everytime you flush a toilet or use Drano down the sink, that crap goes straight to the little fishies in the deep blue sea too, and is even more toxic than a tiny little cigarette butt. I went on to explain that some marine animals will eat anything. Alligators, crocodiles and sharks will eat anything from licence plates to beer cans, so WTF is the harm in a little shit cigarette butt.
WTF! I like nice clean air, healthy surroundings and clean drinking water like everyone else, but for someone to focus on something so minor as a cigarette butt is somewhat petty, considering all of the other major environmental violators that rountinely pollute rivers, lakes, oceans and the air we breathe.
WTF! Gotta go. I'm going to spark up a smoke. Cigarette butt, my ass!
WTF! There is a show on the Food Network called Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives starring Guy Fieri. Fieri travels the country in his Camaro and visits local eateries and samples their specialty dishes.
His usual comments after sampling the local cuisine are phrases like “That is the Bomb” or “This is so good it’s just out of bounds” or “Shut the front door.”
That’s all good and we like Guy Fieri, but just once after sampling a cook’s ‘specialty’ that is not quite palatable, I would to like to hear him say “WTF is this? I wouldn’t serve this crap to a starving Somalian.”
Or “WTF, dude. The only thing this slop is good for is to spackle the wall or bondo a car.”
Or, “Hand me the phone and get me the number to the local poison control center.”
Or, “This shit has so much grease on it, I can use it for my next oil change.”
Or, “Pass the barf bag and call the EPA.”
WTF! That would be brutal honesty and quite a critique.
WTF! PIGsters, don't take this the wrong way, but this has to do with a very serious medical issue.
Being diagnosed with Alzhiemers disease is no PIGish or laughing matter, either to the patient or their family. Horrible disease.
I was spending a little WTF! time in what's left of my brain and was wondering, with all of these ads for Viagra and ED, why doesn't the medical community call ED what it is, Ballzhiemers disease?
WTF! With all of the ads for beer, wine and other hard spirits on TV that have the usual, obligatory disclaimer that say "Be sure to drink responsibly," most likely for legal purposes, but what about dope dealers?
When they sell you their goodies on a street corner, do they ever say, "Shoot that heroin responsibly?"
Do they ever tell you to snort that cocaine responsibly?
Do they ever warn you to smoke that crack or crystal meth responsibly?
The thing is if these peddlers and pushers of any kind poison another chooses and wants that persons that continued business, they ought to consider telling prospective customers to shoot, snort or smoke, whatever, responsibly.
WTF! In this week’s Top Story PIG’s most esteemed executive editor made comments about Porcus’ Pinup Page and hinted that I’m violating my own editorial policy regarding PIG being family friendly by posting images of women in the nude.
Well, his comments are always welcome and appreciated, but all I’m doing by posting on that page is sharing artwork and photography of women in their natural beauty as captured by the artists and photographers.
WTF! Who am I kidding. I’m releasing and discovering my Inner Hugh Hefner and liking it… a lot and having fun doing it.
I make no apologies for posting that page and if anyone doesn’t like it, change your own channels and leave the page.
WTF! My question to anyone that over analyzes and drools on that page, but gets critical, is what the hell are you doing there in the first place?
WTF! California just passed a bill allowing border jumpers to obtain a drivers license. Real nifty, but why stop there?
Let's give them free get out of jail free cards for the times they get get nailed for getting into an accident without insurance? Speaking of insurance, why not give them free insurance, too?
WTF! Why stop there. Why not offer up pilots licenses, boating licenses, etc. I was just being silly, however, operating a vehicle is not a right, it's a f**king privlege which involves testing of basic motor skills.
WTF! The real issue is the fact that ILLEGALS are being permitted to drive our streets, legally. The other issue is that this was even considered in the first place and just who the hell died and voted for this load of shit.
WTF! If I had my way, illegals should be allowed to ride donkeys, magic carpets, rickshaws straight back to their country of origin.
WTF! When Thomas Jefferson wrote in the second paragraph of The Declaration Of Independence the following:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
I was wondering why he didn't include the pursuit of misery and making others miserable.
WTF! Maybe he knew that some people pursue their own version happiness by being miserable and spreading that brand of their happiness to all around.
WTF! Just wondering about the definition of "The pursuit of happiness."
WTF! We've all experienced some loudmouth armed with a cellphone they use in public to let the entire surrounding innocents verbally know as to what every intimate detail of their pathetic lives are, right?
The other morning, very early, someone took cell phone etiquitte to a new low. I'm loitering on my front porch after doing some household stuff and I hear a very loud voice about half a block away.
At first I dismissed it. Then the loud talking got louder and louder and the sound got closer and closer to my personal space. Naturally, the Gods of Peace and Quiet were either snoozing, texting or tweeting because Mr. Numbnuts On A Cell Phone had to, no, really had to stop right in front my place and get even louder. And louder. And louder with no regard or courtesy for anyone within earshot to hear about his stupid cell phone yammering.
Well, since he insisted unknowingly to disturb my peace, I took it upon myself to participate in his conversation. I ran out across my lawn and confronted the cell phone and the A-Wipe connected to it. At the top of my lung, I yelled, "Hey, say hello for me, too!!!!!"
He got the hint and crossed the street to avoid me. But not missing a beat, he kept on yapping away for all to hear as he continued walking and talking, again, with no regard for anyone around him.
WTF! Long story short, why do we need a license to drive a car, own a firearm, get married, even go fishing, but there are no tests or requirements for idiots and assholes to own and abuse cell phone privleges and inflict little shit, petty ass so-called personal dramas on a cell phone to an unsuspecting public?
WTF! Am I the only one that has noticed recent ads on TV pushing food stamps and free cell phone programs?
I suppose the New Nanny State is just getting their ball rolling by pushing and encouraging a nation of parasites and panhandlers to get "free" stuff.
WTF! Free stuff! Wow! Sounds nifty on the surface, but let's get real. There are no free lunches in my world, someone pays. Why stop at food stamps, subsidised housing, and cell phones, let's really put this in gear and offer up free day spa sessions, gift certificates, luxury cruises, a Moochelle wardrobe and staff, and all the gubment cheese and Top Ramen they can eat.
WTF! Free bling, huh? Well, I suppose I should get off my high horse and be a little more benevolent and quit squirming, kicking and screaming when I go to my CPA to get my taxes done. I guess I'm a real bad guy for complaining.
WTF! This is for dudes. Why the hell do women always point out a guy's most personal and intimate shortcomings when they do laundry?
Men and women know this ritual by heart. She does a total inspection of my 'friends' boxer shorts, sticks her nose in it and waves my 'friends' boxer shorts in front of her Oprahalic girlfriends like a victory flag and declares with sob sisters, "Look what he does, isn't that stinky?"
WTF! Dudes. Here's where you get way even. According to my 'friend' he got really fed up and got even. He did his own laundry hamper inspection, found her undies, complete with skidmarks and stains, and displayed them publicly for all to see.
Payback is a bitch, but vengeance is soooo sweet, according to my 'friend.'
WTF! We've all been at the mercy of being put on hold and listening to what passes for music/muzak/elevator tunes while on the phone, right?
The insomnia-inducing music is periodically interrupted with a recording that usually says: "Thank you for waiting. All of our customer service representatives are currently with another client. One will be with you shortly."
WTF! it's bad enough to be put on hold, but to be subjected to that droned out music is like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
WTF! Why not replace what passes for music with some comedic out takes, one liners, observations and WTF's! from George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Rodney Dangerfield, Cheech & Chong or Richard Pryor and his F-Bombs? Can you imagine the look on your Aunt Tillie's face when George Carlin recites "The Seven Dirty Words" while on hold waiting for an AARP customer service rep?
WTF! Why stop with just audio/phone service. Use a Skype type of hook-up to watch You Tube clips of your favorite funnymen and funnywomen while-u-wait.
WTF! If that ever happened, I would be on the phone on a daily basis to my new pal Singh in Calcutta to remedy my Verizon technical problems.
WTF! Wanna have some PIGish, infidel-style fun at a Mecca Maniacs expense?
The next time you're in a restaurant and spot a Muslim having a meal, simply walk up to their table, politely introduce yourself, point to his plate and shout, loudly, "I see Mohammed's image in the mashed potatoes on that plate! Quick, Little Johnny, get the camera and post it on Facebook or Ebay and sell it to the highest bidder!"
Let's not stop there.
Another way to ruin a Mecca Maniacs meal is to again, walk up to their table and ask, "Hey, how do you know that the last person to use that plate wasn't a pork chop eating infidel?"
PIGish fun for the whole family.
WTF! Sometimes I really do have too much time on my hands.
WTF! This week Mexifornia showed it's contempt for U.S. immigration laws and threw a bone at Illegal Border Jumpers by signing into law, SB 60, which will grant Illegals a chance to get a driver's license, thus becoming 'Street Legal Illegals.'
Just what California needs, huh? A four-wheeled MAD MAX-ICAN-style chaotic convoy further clogging and congesting the freeways and adding to the already shitty smog problem.
How long before Border Jumpers and Colonista Coddlers lobby for special exemptions from carrying basic insurance and registrations?
Hell, in Los Angeles, if any illegal gets it's car impounded, certain criteria that apply to everyone else to get their car out of impound are waived for Illegals.
Well, that's alright, really. In fact I'm practically doing cartwheels in the streets over this wilted worm in the tequila bottle.
WTF have I been smoking? I'll explain why there could be a silver lining in all of this.
First, Border Jumper has to take a test at the DMV, and you can bet your burritos that their test WON'T be administered in English.
Once they pass the written test, they have to demonstrate basic driving abilities and here's where the fun begins.
Instruct Border Jumper to drive to their residence where they round up their wife, army of kids, aunts, uncles, pregnant cousins, roosters, donkeys, etc., and load them into the vehicle.
Get on I-5 and head south for the border. Cross Mexican border and continue driving south until they arrive at THE END OF THE LEGAL IMMIGRATION LINE.
Have them exit the vehicle in the middle of nowhere, grab the keys and say "Adios. See you when you're street legal!"
WTF! Problem solved? probably not, but one can dream, huh?
WTF! At long last! The hiring criteria for Hooters revealed!
WTF! The other day I found myself in couch potato mode, parked in front of the TV. I flipped through the channels and came across The Jerry Springer Show. The format of the show is to display the lowest common denominator of a cross section of white trailer trash to wig wearing 'Afro-Can't-American Shanequas, all geared up for a fist fight over a lovers quarrel.
WTF! When Billy-Joe confesses to his shotgun bride Daisy May that he slept with their other cousin, Sandpaper Sally, Daisy-May usually cleans Billy-Joe's clock with a right hook. What if, when Daisy-May telegraphed her first punch, Billy-Joe summoned and utilized his inner-Chuck Norris and had the nads to block Daisy-Mays punch, resulting in Daisy-May getting a bruise on her forearm? Would he be busted for domestic battery for defending himself, on TV?
WTF! Just wondering and also waiting to see that on TV.
WTF! We've all seen those cooking segments on the morning news, or even tuned in to the Food Network from time to time. Featured are anyone from a world renowned chef to a backyard Bar-B-Que Grillmaster with their latest culinary concoctions.
When the finished product is displayed and then tasted, the taster, (guinea pig) usually rolls his or her eyes up in ecstasy, does cartwheels down the street or in the studio and declares the dish a rousing two thumbs up, "Yummy!"
WTF! Can you imagine if, on live TV, someone who suffers from Brutal Honesty Syndrome, takes a whiff, then a taste and says. "WTF is this s**tty gruel?!? This pile of crap on the plate is so rotten and unpalatable, I wouldn't even feed this to my in-laws."
WTF! If that ever happened, I would say, "Now we're cookin'."
WTF! I do not want this page to be a national police blotter, but with the recent outbreaks of violence throughout the U.S., I thought it was high time the Free State Of PIG weighed in.
Some of the incidents have made national and international headlines, and become all too common.
Item #1: An 89 year old WWII veteran, Delbert "Shorty" Belton was fatally beaten by two thugs while waiting for a friend in a Spokane, Washington parking lot. One thug, Demetrius Glenn turned himself in. The other, Kenan D. Adams-Kinard is still at large.
Item #2: In Duncan, Oklahoma, Australian collegiate student, Chris Lane was fatally shot by Chancey Allen Luna, 16 and James Edwards Jr, 15 who have been charged with first degree murder. A third accomplice, Michael Dewayne Jones, 17 was also charged with being an accessory.
Item #3: A Columbus, Ohio woman was brutally raped in her own home and left for dead after being stabbed 14 times by David Hudson.
Item #4: A Middleton, New Jersey woman was stabbed more than a dozen times while shopping at a Bed, Bath and Beyond by Tyrik Haynes.
Item #5: A 9 month old baby was gunned down in her stroller after the babies mother angered the killer by saying she had no money to give him.
Item #6: A 36-year-old Cobb, Georgia man was beaten to death by 4 attackers. Jekari Oshay Strozier, 19; Antonio Shantwan Pass, 18; and Johnathon Donald Anthony, 18 are all in the Cobb County Jail charged with murder and held without bond.
The list can go on, but can you guess what the similarities are in these attacks?
Another similarity is that there is no noise being made by black race baiters or even hard working black folks to keep their side of the street clean during the post-Treyvon verdict.
Lack of family structure, joblessness, lack of education, boredom and justice for Treyvon Martin have all been used as excuses toward this type of deplorable behavior.
Ain't gonna work. Murder is murder regardless of your past or pathetic pitiful sob stories and tales of woe at the hands of Whitey.
WTF! I wonder, where the hell are the all Hate Crime hacks and race hustlers with their manufactured outrage when a black beats and kills a white?
WTF! again! Why is it that the physical descriptions or skin colors of the attackers is never given when the attackers are black, but the media simply reports them as "teenagers" or "youths?" The media needs to grow a set and get used to calling a spade a spade.
As far as black on black crime goes, as tragic as it is, I say, stick to killing your own kind, you're doing a great job, and don't try to fix what's already working. Your Lord and Savior in the White House will see to that.
WTF! No one needs wonder any longer why there is a disproportionate ratio of blacks to non-blacks in prison or why little old ladies clutch their purses and cross the street in fear when they see suspicious looking "youths" approaching them.
WTF! Have you ever worked your ass off drafting, outlining and writing a paper, essay, thesis, personal or business letter, only to have some anal-retentive punk dismiss all of your hard work because you commited the felonious sin of not proof reading your own work for typographical or grammatical errors?
Seems as if the anal-retentive types with too much time on their hands will dismiss the point you were trying to make due to one or two errors, thus rendering your statement or arguement null and void in their petty, empty micro-world.
WTF! Your assignment if you really need a life and need to justify your existence, is to go over this entire site with a fine tooth comb and point out each and every typographical and grammatical hiccup and report back to me.
Once I get done reviewing your report and stop laughing my ass off, I'll see that you get back on your meds and recieve the proper care you deserve, punk.
I hope you read me loud and clear.
WTF! Why is it that when someone moves into a neighborhood near an airport, the first thing they do is squawk about the noise and get a petition to close the airport down?
Or, when someone buys a house next to a golf course, they complain about golf balls being line drived onto their property, sometimes through their windows?
Or, when someone gets their fancy car detailed and then parks under a tree. Leaves the car parked only to return to find the car blanketed in bird shit, then they feel the need to complain?
Or, someone buys a $400,000 townhouse situated right near the railroad tracks and shrieks about the blasted noise from the trains?
WTF! Porcus says, STFU! Those career, chronically complaining dolts knew full well in advance what they were getting into when they put themselves into those situations.
WTF! You get what you pay for, huh?
WTF! Every so often a new study comes out about the pros and cons of drinking coffee. This week revealed another negative side effect of people who drink more than four cups of coffee per day.
The new 'study' says that women under 55 are more likely to die of...anything (?!?) as a result of overdosing on coffee.
WTF! I'm no doctor and don't know a thing about this new 'study', but I do know that snobbish Starbucks addicts are more than likely to die in a car wreck from paying too much attention to their double latte topped with cinnamon and whipped cream and not enough time keeping their eyes on the road.
WTF! I do know of another health hazard for those of the snobbish Starbucks persuasion. They are more than likely to suffer from a broken nose, courtesy of a mere Joe Six-Pack mortal just for being a stuck up Starbucks slurper.
WTF! I was just wondering. If your name is Jack and you happen to be white, does that make you a Crackerjack, or a Cracker who happens to be named Jack?
Maybe Race Card Playah and Pimp Charlie "The Hustler" Rangel can answer that since he, Je$$e and Al know more about it and seem to be the authorities on "Crackers", Jews, oops, "Diamond Merchants" and white cops than anyone else.
While I'm on that subject, why is it that when high profile "Crackers" publicly drop N-Bombs have to go an apology tour, but when spearchuckin' and jivin' race baiting spooks make racial remarks in public, not a head is turned, and all one hears is the sound of crickets.
WTF! My Race Baiting Profiteers. You need to keep your side of the street clean before blaming "Crackers" for all of your "peeps'" ills. Also, keep in mind and be kind to the "Crackers" that sign your checks and keep you knee deep in KFC, ribs, watermelon and ugly white women with fat asses.
WTF! This one pissed off "Cracker" is signing off and saying nighty night to the Race Card Playing and Baiting real Cracker Jacks. After all this page just got really dark today.
WTF! Why I don't like Skittles.
Easy. They're bad for your teeth and if your are "friends" of Al and Je$$e, Inc., they can be fatal.
WTF! I'll stick with M&M's or 'Nilla Wafers and Wonder bread and mayonaisse sandwiches and Ranch dressing. Seems a lot safer.
WTF! I'm dying to know who came up with the term, "Yeah, right, that will happen when pigs fly."
Well, pigs and PIGs do fly. We don't have little fairy wings, but we do board aircraft, thus a PIG can and will fly. As far as our four legged porcine brethren go, stick them on a plane and they will be flying, too. Hell, bring a smoked ham or Porcus & Hambo if you dare, on a plane, get us airborn, and we're flying the friendly skies.
Proof that PIG's can fly.
Not only can we fly, we can also ride motorcycles, drive cars, operate heavy machinery and even develop the website you are currently loitering on.
WTF! We are out and among the general public, floating around. Oink!
WTF! The widow of former Navy SEAL, Chris Kyle is being sued by former human, WWF wrestler and Governor of Minnesota, Jesse "The Spineless" Ventura.
Kyle is credited as the most lethal sniper in U.S. military history and wrote a book titled, "American Sniper." In the book, he refered to someone as "Scruff Face."
Ventura read the book, knew who Kyle was refering to with the "Scruff Face" remark and encountered Chris Kyle in a California bar and began running his loose and loud mouth. Kyle in turn, with one punch, decked Mrs. Spineless.
Now Mrs. Spineless Ventura has filed a libel suit against Chris Kyle, his estate and young, grieving widow and just may pursue the lawsuit in court.
WTF! A big tough ex- human and wrestler got a well deserved punch in the face, has an emotional boo-boo and goes after a Navy SEALs wife is one hell of a subhuman, punk and pussy.
WTF! Some people really stoop new new lows, right Mrs. Spineless Ventura?
WTF! Porcus couldn't sleep the other night, so he stumbled into his living room, flicked on the remote, and "Holy Don't Touch My Dodge Or My Stuff," there's Al Bundy dispensing his pearls of wisdom with neighbor Jefferson about both of their wives impending pregnancies and how their wive's are nagging them to death.
Here is the dialoge that ensued, and if you don't hear from me, it's because Mrs. Porcus got wind of this posting, and is going to go Peg Bundy on your most humble publisher who is soon to have an address in The Dog House for this.
Ready? WTF! I'll post it and take one for the team with the following:
Jefferson: "Having sex with a pregnant woman is like putting gas in a car that was just wrecked."
Al: "Well, luckily Peg pulls into self service."
Dudes, you know exactly what I just posted, and I already know that you're looking over your shoulders with wife hovering, complete with hair rollers and rolling pins, and you're going to blame me for spreading the truth. WTF!
Don't blame me. Don't even blame a TV show.
Why? You all have had the same sentiments as just posted. However, if you happen to see a set of testicles on your front porch, kindly return them to me. Or, if you need a set, borrow what's left of mine and see how long they last.
WTF! Why is it that Satan gets demonized by us mere mortals, when he's really doing God's dirty work by providing a fiery Bed & Breakfast and baby sitting and pitchforking service for scumbags that deserve an eternal slow, slow roasting over the coals?
WTF! If you really believe in eternal life after a long and productive life, regardless of your faith would you want to have the likes of really (not) good neighbors like anyone involved from the instigators of the Spanish Inquistion to history's real Gummy Bears like Tojo, Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, Judas Iscariot, Mussolini, Jimmy Carter, Dr. Mengle, Charles Manson, Barak Obama, or even Rosie O'Donnel as your eternal roomates?
WTF! I can't speak for anyone but me, but I'll take those fluffy clouds any day and actually at the least, acknowledge Satan's service as evictor of human dirt and future landlord and babysitter of scum to accomodate those that will never get past The Pearly Gates.
WTF! Give Satan his due for doing the ultimate dirty job, all just for his old pal, God.
WTF! Why the hell is it that when you're a dude on the hunt, women can sniff your desperation a mile away and completely ignore you, but the minute you're seen walking hand in hand or arm in arm with a total babe, you become a hot commodity?
WTF, ladies can you answer me that? Why do I wonder? Damn glad you tuned in and I'll explain.
I like to sit on my front porch and enjoy my lawn and garden and say hi to the little old ladies, winos and other assorted neighbors and defects and ugly people of my ilk that pass by. That's when I'm by myself.
That's all fine. They are people too. But, the minute Mrs. Porcus shows up, the entire Swedish Bikini Team, Miss U.S.A., The Asian Mud Wrestling Team show up, walk by, wave, wink smile and use their female charms to make me look twice, all the time knowing I can look but no can touch? Talk about torture and dangling a piece of meat in front of a hungry tiger.
So, WTF ladies, please explain why is it that you pay no attention to men when they are alone, but when you spot them with a knockout, drop dead gorgeus woman like mine (had to say that to get me off the hook and out of the doghouse) we become desirable commodities on the meet/meat market?
WTF! Just wondering.
WTF! My last posting was about women, but here's an age old question for men and women whom I don't know who can answer this, but I have my suspicions.
Who the hell designs women's dresses and bras? Why do I wonder? Follow me on another notion, observation and comment.
Ladies. How many times have you gotten all dolled up for a special evening out with your man, with that stunning dress, wanting to look perfect only to ask, as usual, at the last damn minute to ask your man to zip you up from the back of your dress?
WTF, dudes. It's always everytime, right? Ladies and gentlemen, the men always do that and usually tell you how wonderful and beautiful you are and you end up having a great evening.
That's way cool, but here's the WTF! part.
You both come home, start getting hot and heavy and she asks you to unzip the back of her dress. You do that, happily, and then things begin to get on the romantic side and she lovingly asks if you can unhook her bra. You, dudes, are thinking holy smokes, this is going be the icing on the cake of a nice evening, but there's a little snag. It's called the bra hook.
WTF! You're thinking hot dog, I'm rounding third and about to slide into home but that pesky bra hook gets in the way. That's when you curse the person that invented the bra hook and scream, "Who the hell invented this damn thing."
Ladies, especially, and gentelmen, how often has that lttle bra hook hindered a nice evening of mutual amourous enjoyment?
Too many is the answer and can I get an amen for calling out the A-Wipe that invented that killjoy device?
But, WTF! Gotta ask the ladies. If you can somehow manage the one handed snapping on of the bra, why rely on clueless men when you are already holding the keys to the kindom and ultimate Man Cave and act as if you don't know how to take the damn thing off?
WTF! Just wondering, as I'm not even going to try and figure this mystery out.
WTF! Here's a real quick hit and run hit piece and question. WTF is a "minority" these days? Is it Whitey, Darky, Brownie, Slant Eye?
Nope. WTF! Wanna take a wild guess? It's the rare breed called an individual.
WTF! Chew on that, because that's real food for thought.
WTF! This is not a test! It's a real drill and public health concern and advisory.
Here's the news. Hambo is off his meds and escaped from his PIG confines, chewed through the short leash and has been spotted unsupervised rambling and wandering among the general public.
Before going into panic mode and saying, "The horror!" just remember, today is National Donut Day, and the aroma of a fresh donut in the hands of trained professionals and S.W.A.T. members, the lure alone may talk him off the ledge.
I provided the proper authorities with Hambo's most recent photos, pictured, and yes that's him on his meds when he's mellow, and have now been released to the public.
The image to the right indicates he's in a normal, Hambo mood.
He looks harmless enough...at first glance in that pic, but that's the "Before" shot.
Wanna see him in all of his glory when he's unsupervised? No? That's what I thought, but I'll show you anyway.
There he is, below, doing his annual cheesecake shot for the fellas at the garage in all of his glory.
He's pictured with his cherished Al Franken bunny rabbit suit and diapers and really enjoying his meds day off, just being Hambo, I guess.
Sorry, but that's the "After" shot of Hambo unleashed, spicing it up for the cameras in front of a car.
If seen, proceed with caution, don't call the cops, call me and I'll see to it that he gets proper attention and enough donuts to put him and an elephant into a sugar induced coma.
Wait! Whew. Lucky day. He was brought back safely and no one was hurt. Great! But I gotta ask before putting my fingers in front of him with a donut, "Hey Hambo, can I have those boots and bunny ears back?"
WTF! Visual vandalism seems to be everywhere these days and it's gotten to the point where not many people raise an eyebrow over that eyesore called graffiti.
When a Mom-and Pop corner store get gang-tagged with illegible chicken scrawlings that only low-life gang bangers/taggers can understand, no one seems to care and not a peep can be heard.
Recently however, at an Agoura Hills high school outside of Los Angeles, a News Nit-Wit breaking non-story alert interrupted my TV viewing to inform almost all of Southern California that someone spray painted racial slurs on campus.
WTF! We all know the usual Educrats, News Nit-Wits and students alike are going to express (either sincere or manufactured) concern over what is now considered 'Hate Speech' or a 'Hate Crime' and the situation is Code: Red!
WTF! Breaking news? For a racial slur spray painted on a wall?
Initial reactions and blame regarding 'Hate Speech' usually go to Disgruntled Whitey, but in this particular case, it was suspected that a black student scrawled the racially charged slurs in order to get transferred to a school with a better basketball program.
My apologies for the digression and back to our story:
In my humble opinion when the News Nit-Wits focus is turned on 'kids being stupid kids' at school, and NOT the hard working, taxpaying Mom-and-Pop store getting tagged and defiled, that is the crime in the form of a shame by NOT reporting that story. Mom-and Pop not only have to clean up the mess, but also risk retaliation from the taggers themselves if they untag the taggers.
WTF! I seriously doubt that if someone got shot as a result of some twerps armed with spray cans intent on marking 'their' territory, that a story like that wouldn't get a nano-fraction of the air time an incident of a 'Hate Crime' on campus would get.
I guess some forms of graffiti (and who the victims are) are more deserving of attention than others, huh?
WTF! Why is it that for every Ted Nugent, Gary Sinese or Charlie Daniels for example, there are a hundred Sean Penn's, Danny Glover's and George Clooney's crawling out from under their rocks, flapping their lips and publicly hating America on the TV?
WTF! Ooops! I forgot. That's what the mute button is for.
WTF! Why is it that whenever a cop gets killed or dies, there's a mile long funeral procession, but you never see such an outpouring for the real unsung heroes of public servitude...Garbagemen!
Garbagemen? Why not garbagemen?
Day in and day out, these hearty souls go out in their trucks at the crack of dawn and pick up our discarded crap, only to be looked down upon.
WTF! Have you ever heard a kid brag about his dad, the garbage collector during a Show-and-Tell session, or a Take Daddy To Work Day at school?
We've all heard plenty of Barney Fife-like Cop & Donut jokes, but have you ever heard the one about the garbageman that walks into a bar and...
Didn't think so. We here at the Free State Of PIG, who make those garbagemen earn every nickel whenever they make their rounds through our trash, salute those that make their living haulin' trash.
Thanks, dudes. You probably won't get a fancy funeral procession, but we'll pause for a moment the next time one of your brethren kicks the dumpster.
WTF! Have you ever wanted to purge your social life and connections and be the one person EVERYONE avoids? It's easy. Just get involved in a Multi-Level Marketing (pyramid) scam.
Upon meeting someone for the very first time, simply shove your business card in their face announcing your latest, greatest money making MLM/Pyramid scam and explain, fast talk, how you, too can cash in on "instant" wealth peddling repackaged and recycled crap no one wants, needs or uses.
As you continue your pitch, make sure you ask the person/potential victim their name...AGAIN.
The few friends you may have had will now go out of their way to avoid you and your fast talking sales pitch in a quest to seperate you from your money and put a notch in their belt at the same time.
WTF! In my book, MLMers rate about the same as spammers and robo-callers and more than likely have crawled out from under the same rock.
WTF! Is it just me, or do we all have one of those days when you feel as if you have a target on your back and any/every idiot with a cell phone glued to their ears or behind the wheel is oblivious to you.
They walk in front of you, or even block you on the sidewalk. While in their car, cut right out in front of you, or tailgate you without a care in the world to the damage and possible injury they could have caused.
Sound familiar? Thought so.
WTF is one to do? Outside of bursting a major artery while trying to be patient, you can equip your ride to be idiot proof, ala The Deathmobile, complete with a bullhorn that warns and invites anyone/thing in it's path to "Get The F**k Out Of My Way," or suffer the consequences.
WTF! I already know it won't work, because as Ron White says, "You can't fix stupid."I say, that may be so, but one can have a lot of fun trying.
WTF! Now that the Vatican has selected Francis I from Agentina as Pope, I had a question.
Since Francis I is the first Pope from a Latin American country, will he pimp out the Pope Mobile to attract a wider, more diverse following?
Think of the gangs of Low Riders flocking to Sunday morning mass just to check out the Pope's new ride complete with hydraulics, spinning rims, chromed out chain link steering wheel, fuzzy dice and sexy mudflaps, you know, the whole enchilada for the homeboys.
WTF! I have no ax to grind with Francis I, in fact, with a pimped out Pope Mobile, he can probably build some bridges between gangstas.
WTF! If you've ever tuned in to watch any of the Law And Order shows, it's always a middle to upper middle class, sometime even rich white guy that gets caught and goes to prison.
Now, if the writers actually took a stroll down Reality Street, they would find that the actual minority in State prisons are...Shhhhhhhh...NOT WHITE!
Who da thunk! I guess I let the cat out the bag.
WTF! Are the writers and producers so burdened with white guilt that they defy reality and perhaps write episodes that reflect the way they think things should be on TV and within the justice system?
Or are they under pressure from Ethnocrat watchdog groups?
WTF! Why don't they get real and show how things really are, warts and all.
WTF! Here's proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and the crumb doesn't fall far from the stale crust on a dirty, corrupt floor.
WTF am I referring to? A family consisting of an extortionist, a thief, and a tax cheat.
The Thief: Former U.S. Representaive Je$$e (High Roller) Jackson, Jr. pleading guilty to numurous felony charges including conspiracy, fraud and misappropriation and funneling of campaign funds to the tune of $750,000 for frivolous, personal luxuries.
Facing up to 57 months in the joint, we'll be glad (yeah, right) to hear about his 'rehabilitation', and even happier that he won't be roaming the streets and picking pockets.
The Tax Cheat: What's even sweeter is that Je$$e Jr's. wife, $andra is also pleading guilty to filing numerous false tax returns and is also facing some quality time behind bars. Yay!
That's the good news. The bad news is that The Extortionist, Je$$e Sr. will be on the prowl to extort more bling from corporations to help pay for legal expensenes, so be on the lookout, especially if you're white, rich and successfull.
WTF! It just goes to show, it really is all in the family.
WTF! This one has me scratching my head, or what's left of it.
For those of us that have a pet pooch or pussy (CAT you pervs, PUSSY CAT, dammit!), we're all concerned about their diets and the food we buy them and stick in their food dishes,
I was just wondering, when we see those ads on TV stating how delicious the pet food they're peddling is, how would any human know how delicious it is? Do they, after a hard day doing some R&D on pet food taste and quality bring home a doggie bag (pun intended) full of pet food and share it with their family?
WTF! Just who deems this pet food 'delicious'? And, who ever makes claims that it is, would they feed it to their own family? Probably not.
WTF! Have you ever seen those youths with purple mohawk hairdo's, body piercings, tattoos and Goth looking wannabe 'Dark' looking clothes, complete with faggy looking skinny jeans?
Well, they're all over the place. But when asked why they do that, which they have every right to do, they always reply, "Hey, man, I'm just expressing my individuality."
Expressing their individuality when they and their posse all look so identical that no body can tell one from the other?
WTF! If they're all looking the same, following the latest fad with a herd mentality and going out of their way to act different just to get attention, listening to the same lame music because the other 'individuals' are expressing themselves the same way, that's far from expressing individuality, you can bet they think(?) the same.
It's no wonder some wannabe individuals that look like outcasts, weirdos and freaks get their lunch money stolen and get wedgies on a regular basis.
WTF! We've all heard the the term "Universal Health Care," right? Noble and nifty idea, on paper at least. In essence, it mandates that those that have, have to pay for the have-nots' health care provisions.
In a benevolent, charitable and generous society such as ours, most folks have no issue with offering a hand up to those in need. "Universal" health care on the other hand, dictates, no, forces against one's will to 'contribute' to those that feel entitled to the spoils of the 'Haves' in the form of giving the 'Have-Nots' anything from free condoms, abortions and even elective, cosmetic surgery.
WTF! That's not cool. For the government to force Peter to pay for Paul because Paul can't or won't provide for him/herself is absolute political and fiscal piracy.
Enough of that. Back to the term, 'Universal.'
What f**king 'Universe' are these sticky fingered lawmakers living in? Most mere mortals live on a planet, where gravity keeps two feet on the ground and their heads out of the clouds trying to take care of their own needs. But along comes Big Brother, Big Sister, Big Lib and Big Bro, forcing and jamming their Marxist, utopian ideals down John and Jane Q. Public's throat with the intention of extorting hard earned money out of them.
WTF! There is a show on TV called Man vs Food.The format is that the chubby host, Adam Richman, waddles into a local eatery and is challenged to eat gargantuan amounts of food within a certain time frame. If he wins and wipes his face with his sleeve in an act of gluttoney, he gets his name on the restaurants wall of fame, and probably a token T-Shirt, that says something to the effect that "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
His menu consists of anything from a 6 lb. steak dinner, complete with sides to 4 foot long sub sandwiches, overflowing with all kinds of artery clogging condiments. If you thought Linda Lovelace could go the whole nine
WTF! One just has to wonder, where the hell does this dude find the room to accomodate all those carbs and calories while pile driving food through his piehole and into a gastronomic and possible cardiac hell?
Then, it dawned on me. The host, like me, probably has a friend that has a distant cousin who scores him some high grade Black Lebonese or Brown Turkish hashish, or maybe even some way tasty marijuana, stolen from a guy named Spicoli, which, I've heard, will strongly increase one's appetite, thus enabling him to make a pig of himself and not give a shit.
WTF! This posting was just food for thought. Gotta go. I was invited to my neighbors, the Flintstones for an extra large Bronto Burger.
WTF! Hey! With all of this Mayan Calandar Doomsday/Apocolypse crap going on, and the Kool-Ade drinking idiots that are storming hardware and grocery shops for necessities and provisions, why aren't they making out a last will?
WTF! If they are so hell bent on some supersticious myth that the world will end on 12/21/2012, why don't these airheads make a donation to the Free State Of PIG?
Well, we here at PIG have a way to releive True Believers of the Mayan Myth of any and all material and real property.
It goes as such: We will set up a 501c or, offshore account non-profit organization that will accept any/all real property which would include homes, Ferrari's, Lamborghini's, Maserati's, jewelry, furs, stocks, bonds, hot mistresses, retirement funds, pensions, sound systems, personal entertainment centers, electric guitars, pianos,- (Baby Grand preferred), hand, power and table tools, camping equipment, and whatever else is in your attic or basement.
WTF! Before you think we are scam artists, all proceeds go to the Hambo and Porcus retirement fund.
We'll see you, or maybe not on 12/22/2012, suckers.
WTF! "Actor" Jamie Foxx really stepped in it with his recent comments about white people on Saturday Night Live.
For those who don’t recall, Foxx is the man who recently told us that we should “honor” our “lord and savior” Barack Obama.
The really curious comments came soon after:
Hey Jamie, (by the way, Jamie is a girls name) have you ever thought about who signs your paychechecks, designs your pimped out Huggy-Bear looking clothes, your fancy imported sportscars, and of course the dumb-ass white women who are waaaay off my list, that you dump after a hot night.
Mr. Foxx, your idiotic and most RACIST comments are a disgrace to your GRANDMOTHER, who you claimed raised you.
For shame, you overpaid and overrated punk. I hope your Grandmother is turning in her grave and is experiencing buyers remorse over raising your sorry ass, punk.
Foxx, you suck in sooooooo many ways. If your whole identity is based upon a slave character, your media and PR people are forced to work overtime doing damage control. But hey, at least you showed your true colors, faggot.
As if we're going to take a paid clown seriously. Did I mention you suck, and I don't care what Aunt Jemima or Uncle Ben's color you are, you still suck, nigga.
WTF! Don't even bother to ask why I took time out of my day to comment on this two-legged turd.
WTF! During the Christmas season, we all hear the term, "Peace on earth and goodwill toward men."
Nothing wrong with that. But imagine if people actually put that into action the other 364 days of the year. Crime rates would dwindle, and when that happens, a lot of tin stars, correctional officers and lawyers would be out of work.
WTF! We all know that isn't going to happen, but one can dream of less cops, prisons and especially lawyers. That's what I call Peace on Earth.
WTF! Have you ever seen those TV commercials advertising a product called Rosetta Stone?
Rosetta Stone is a language-learning product that makes learning a foreign language easy, and that's all fine.
My gripe is that in the TV commercials, they always showcase someone wanting to learn anything from Russian, French, German, Cantonese, etc.
WTF! What they don't show is some English-phobic border jumper saying "I want to learn English."
I guess if the folks over at Rosetta Stone showed Chuey and Guadalupe expressing a desire to learn English, saying, "Si.Si. We want to learn a de Engleeesh," they would be bombarded with lawsuits and protests from MALDEF, Aztlan and other Colonista types.
WTF! English for Chuey and Guadalupe? They don't need no stinkin' English
WTF! What's up with Asian women and the way they try to curse in English? Have you ever heard their feeble and funny attempt at trying to swear like a truck driver or sailor when they get madder than a wet hen? It's hilarious.
If you've ever been on the recieving end of one of their verbal tirades, it's worth the price of admission to watch and listen to them fumble with the English language in the form of profanity.
WTF! I always wondered, what's the first English phrase they learn after they roll off the jet upon entering the United States, after buying a new Mercedes or BMW, autos they simply can't drive is "I don't give damn shit!"
"I don't give damn shit?" What does that mean and who taught them to say that? My first inclination, after laughing is to want to help them swear in the correct, current vernacular, but then if I did, the comic effect would fade.
WTF! It's not just what they attempt to say, it's the way they say it that has me holding my gut in laughter as they make utter fools of themselves butchering the English language.
*Publishers Note: Sorry for inflicting the most hideous visual, but hey, it's my damn page and everything stated above is way beyond true. The image above does not represent all Asian women, or at least any I know of, right Hambo?
WTF! Maybe I'm in the dark about all this flap about Mitt Romney's comment about Big Bird and PBS, but Sesame Street and the PBS pirates in particular, and their media cohorts had to go and politicize a complete non-issue.
First, for example, the creators of Sesame Street are not going to go hungry over Mitt Romney's proposed funding cuts to the NEA, NPR and PBS.
Why? WTF! I'll explain.
PBS has made astronomical amounts of money through licensing, branding and retail agreements to market, sell and brand any characters from Kermit The Frog, Tickle Me Elmo toys and Big Bird.
The creators and network rake in tens of millions of dollars annually due to sales and licensing agreements and they still have their hand out for your money to support them, claiming that if PBS is going to get a federal funding cut, all of a sudden, taxpayers who are sick and tired of their taxes going into an over filled money pit - due to the profits and commercialization of Sesame Street characters are "The Bad Guys"
WTF! The real thieves are the profiteers who pocket money from Big Bird, Ernie and Bert, and Tickle Me Elmo toys, then plead poverty upon the public for donations to keep the show on the air.
WTF! Where the hell is Oscar The Grouch when you need him most?
WTF! Ever hear the expression, "I'm going to rip you a new a**hole?" Sure, we've all heard that before.
Well, with the upcoming Vice Presidential debate between Paul Ryan and Joe Biden, and the pundits are predicting a bulldozing on Ryan's part with a hands down victory, and rip Biden a new one.
WTF! How can anyone rip someone else a new one, when the one on target, in this case Biden, is a born A**hole?
WTF! Just wondering.
WTF! Who said Monday mornings suck? Just when you roll up your sleeves and are ready to do battle with any/all idiots that cross your path outside of your door, along comes some folks that actually make your day.
Example: This morning I stopped at my local bakery, the owner, a very attractive woman, gives me a free Danish and a smile with my usual order.
Then, while entering a local market, along comes a dude on a bicycle on the side walk heading straight for me. I yielded, was going to let him have the the right of way, but he stops, says "Thank You" and he further remarked that he owns a very expensive Audi and SUV, but chose to ride a bike, instead, due to rising gas prices and said, "Fuck the Arabs and OPEC."
That was a 'Right on and Amen' moment for yours truely.
To really make my day was when I went into the local market, got my stuff, one of which included a Fosters Lager beer, and the cutie behind the counter came really close to asking for my I.D.
I asked if she was serious about the I.D. thing, and she gave me a yes/no answer, and said she was just kidding.
I thanked her for her compliment, and went about my usual, chipper way.
WTF! Moral of the story? Don't ever underestimate the knowledge and friendliness of your neighbors, even when you wake up with a chip on your shoulder.
WTF! The News Nit-Wits, as usual, are in overkill mode after the Romney-Obama debate.
It seems as if Fox, CNN and other major broadcast news outlets are analyzing and dissecting the debate into the dirt.
WTF! Don't these Nit-Wits have other news to report other than repeat what Romney said, or what Obama's body language indicated time after time after time?
WTF! Talk about overkill and redundancy.
WTF! We get it. We saw it. We don't need to hear over paid, blow dried, talking heads talk about it 24 hours a day.
Thanks News Nit-Wits and dunces for insulting our intelligence by continually yammering on and on about the debate.
WTF! The Ecotards are out in full force in San Antonio, Texas due to the recent finding of a rare spider on a $15.1 million dollar highway project on Texas 151.
The spider, an endangered species known as a Braken Bat Cave Meshweaver, the Texas Department of Transportation was called in and confirmed that the spider was indeed rare.
Construction on the project was halted because a teeny weeny little spider, thus, causing much frustration with commuters that used that particular route, not to mention everyone who was working on the project.
WTF! If these eco skidmarks care sooooo much about a damn, Braken Bat Cave Meshweaver spider, WTF, why don't they simply pick the little creature up, get the Boy Wonder and give it a ride home to the Bat Cave?
WTF! Most people like to squash spiders out of fear. In this case, I'm more afraid of the Eco Weenies. They need the squashing.
WTF! The following clip is a day in the life of Porcus and why I hate computers, geeks, dweebs, nerds and why I'm a total techno doof.
WTF! Before you laugh at me, watch the clip and ask yourself honestly if you've been there and done that.
And if any of you run across a dude named Hambo, ask him if the clip applies to me. He'll tell you it's true.
WTF! Can anyone please explain WTF is the fascination when there's a birth of a Chinese Panda bear?
Sure. They look cute and cuddly and some people just want to take them home, give them love and affection.
That's very humane, but, so many numbnuts don't realize that Panda bears are just that. They are bears.
The cute and cuddly stuff stops when some idiot visits the Panda on exhibition and gets a nifty idea that he/she can stick their finger in the Panda's face and expect warm fuzzies from the bear from a little nose tickle to the bear.
WTF! That's one of those 'Looks good on paper' ideas, but really doesn't work too well with the bear. See, bears really like stupid people - especially for lunch - and they see dumb asses as a picnic basket.
WTF! If you really want to play with a Panda bear, go get a stuffed bear, and if you like your fingers, don't stick them in a bears face.
Also, if you really like bears, consider an American bear. After all, we've got enough Made In China crap floating around here.
WTF! Do any of you hear the sounds of crickets echoing across our fruited plains emanating from the Half-White/Kenyan/Indosian/Hawaiian White House?
That sound is due to the pussies in charge not doing a God damned thing about what's happening globaly to our fellow Americans and allies.
WTF! How stupid of me. We need Punk-Ass In Charge to apologize and forgive the actions of his homeboys for killing our folks and burning our flags on foreign soil, right?
We also need to roll over and play dead too, huh, Mr. Messiah?
WRONG! The last thing we need is a nadless wimp that sits on his ass or spends quality time in front of a mirror admiring himself and patting himself on the back as Americans are in harms way.
WTF! Since you, Mr. Barry and your co-conspirators won't lift a finger in the current situation, We The People here in the PIGdom will lift a finger just for you.
Guess which finger, smartypants, and we know where you can stick it.
WTF! Why is it that whenever there's a 'Pro-Immigrant'- code for 'Pro-Illegal' rally or protest - the usual mantra is, "Without us, who's going to pick your fruit and vegetables? Who's going to cut your grass, clean your house and care for your kids?"
I've got an issue with that type of statement.
So, the illegals REALLY come here with strictly altruistic motives? To pick my fruits and vegetables? And they REALLY come here ILLEGALLY because they really DO care about my lawn and my kid?
How sweet! Those illegals are so charitable. Willing to risk their lives - JUST FOR ME - and work for almost nothing because THEY care about us 'lazy' Americans.
WTF! I can't speak for anyone but myself, but around our humble home, WE take care of our own lawn, garden, and domestic services like cooking, cleaning and looking after our own. Even if I had a palatial manor and was hemmorhaging money, I sure as hell wouldn't hire illegals to come near my home.
Oh, WTF! I am a softie at heart. I really do appreciate the gesture of illegals risking their lives to care for and piss in my rosebushes, spit in my food, and what the heck, maybe spread a disease or two in my own home, for pay.
On their day off, they then take to the streets and bite the hands that feed them by demonizing Americans and legal residents for not wanting to care for them, their kids, goats, roosters, etc., with American freebies and other imaginary 'entitlements.'
Gracious and adios my most benevolent border jumpers. We do appreciate your concern, though.
WTF! Today, August 7th is National Night Out Against Crime. Here in Porcusville, the following was posted on my local community website:
WTF! How dumb is that? Leaving your lights on and go out and rub elbows with the local Tin Stars? That may sound all warm and fuzzie, but while you're out of your house, with your lights left on sounds like an invitation for all the local meanies that are also aware of National Night Out and casing your house.
WTF! Might as well leave the damn door WIDE open with some lemonade and cookies for your unwanted 'guests' as they help themselves to your belongings, and laughing all the way out of town.
Shit, I almost forgot. McGruff The Crime Dog will be right around the corner to' help take a bite out of crime,' after the fact, of course.
WTF! Why is it that the older I get, the type size on anything from ceral box info and medication labels to sports scores and crossword puzzles in my fishwrap seems to get smaller and smaller?
Hell, I damn near need either the eyes of a hawk or a hubble telescope to read simple things.
WTF! They might as well put it in Braille.
WTF! We've all seen those hard news stories where someone claims to have seen an image of Jesus in the bark of a tree and people come from all over to get a glimpse, take pictures, worchip, etc.
These are not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill Jesus sightings (or hallucinations.)
See, Jesus is everywhere and really does get around.
Here are some examples:
Toast. This One Actually Sold On E-Bay
Dogs Rear End
WTF! These types of sightings occur quite often and I thought why not get enterprising and capitalize on the situation and sell concessions from a taco cart in order to help feed the masses?
It's a win-win propostion. Jesus would feed his flock AND bless me with a way to pick up a few bucks, in His name.
Now, I have to believe that is what Jesus would do.
WTF! When our current Pirate-In- Chief finally leaves the White House, and has to look for a place to shack up, Porcus suggests his old stomping grounds, Kenya.
In Kenya, he will probably be given what he thinks is his just due, to be treated as a real Messiah. Since he's been there before, technically his return would literally be the second coming of The Chosen one.
No doubt he will be pampered and serenaded by the unsuspecting locals who will bow down in awe just by his mere presence.
That treatment probably wouldn't last too long. The Kenyans will catch on to his scandalous ways in no time.
All that said, for once a white man can tell a black, oops, half black man to "GO BACK TO AFRICA!" without being called a racist.
WTF! I wanna be the first in line to tell him so. Hell, maybe even give him and Moochelle a ride to the airport, too.
WTF! With all of the mass murder shootings in Colorado since Columbine, and most recently early this morning at a theater showing The Dark Knight Rises, why doesn't Colorado simply change their State Motto to "Just Shoot Me?"
WTF! On a related side note to the shooting, Porcus has the following predictions:
1) All cinemas playing The Dark Knight Rises will have TSA style security goons posted outside of the theaters shaking down little kids and stealing their popcorn in the process.
2) The Shyster Scum are no doubt already drafting papers to bring Warner (Deep Pockets) Brothers to court to sue their pants off for inspiring and instigating violence.
WTF! Why is it that whenever a TV show conducts a 'Man On The Street' interview, asking 3rd grade level questions, 4 out 5 people can't answer elemenary school type questions?
Interviewer: Hi, I'm Jay Leno from the Tonight Show. Can I ask you a few questions?
Unsuspecting Dolt: Sure, Jay.
Interviewer: Great! What's your name and what do you do?
Unsuspecting Dolt: I'm Candi and I teach 6th grade school.
Interviewer: Great. Tell me, what year was the Declaration Of Independence signed?
Unsuspecting Dolt: Well, ah, um, I think it was 1964.
Interviewer: OK, then. Well, what was Lindsey Lohan wearing at her very first court hearing several years ago?
Unsuspecting Dolt: Oh, wait! Oh my God, I know this! It was a lavender designer blouse with....
WTF! So-called 'educators' (?) don't know 3rd grade basics, but can tell you what the lastest flavor-of-the-month Pop Tart had for dinner and who her date was 3 years ago at Spagos.
Just consider. You leave your kids in their charge for 8 hours a day getting a less than sub-par 'education.'
WTF! Did I just say WTF! Well I'll say it again. WTF!!!!
If anyone can find the United States Constitution, please do the following regarding the retarded Obama Care Confiscation Plan:
1) Walk into your local Congress Punks office and remind them about We The People and show them a copy of the Constitution and remind them who pays their handsome salaries and perks.
2) Email it to ALL branches of government. The House, Senate, the turds occupying the White House, and let's not forget the Sub-Supreme Sellout Court and if you really have a set of cast irons, the IRS.
We The PIGsters are in no way activists, but this one has Hambo cleaning Old Betsy. We don't want that now, do we?
WTF! This Obama Scam is going to take food off of hard working peoples' tables and money out of their banks to pay for...Whatever The Fuck the Sellouts want to do with it, including free medical for illegals, welfare cases, idlers, slackers, condoms, abortions, etc.
WTF! Is Porcus pissed? Aw, shucks no. I can just feel the warm fuzzies, rainbows and gummie bears from here at The Free State Of PIG...NOT! I don't know what way beyond pissed off is, but I suppose I'm in that mode.
See you at the trial.
WTF! Panderer-In Chief addressed the Lamestream Media by announcing that he would not deport children of illegal border jumpers under certain provisions.
That's just opening the door for more of the uninvited to storm the floodgates, and for the Panderer to gain the Hispanic vote in an election year.
But, during The Messiah's speech, someone...gasped, heckled him.
WTF! The nerve of someone to dare interrupt The Messiah's sermon with a pertinent question/statement.
Here's a partial transcript of what happened between the heckler, my new hero, and The Chief Jerk-Off-In-Charge:
WTF! The Free State Of PIG can be about solutions, once in a while. If The One gets his way by overstepping our system of checks and balances and The Constitution, which he usually does, here's what the Keeper Of The Fork proposes.
Number One: He and the spawn of illegal border jumpers are probably going to get their way. We'll concede that.
Number Two: Here's where this gets PIGish. Assuming that the children of illegals are granted immunity via Obama, we suggest that since they and their parents soaked Americans under false pretenses, well here's the deal.
You stay here but serve our country AND turn in your parents and have them D-F**KING ported. That's right. Be an El Rato and snitch on them. If not, get out and join your parents at the back of the legal line to get back into America.
WTF! Why is it, that when a woman can break off a romantic relationship, and end it with the phrase, "But we can still be friends, right?" but the dude is spotted the next day with a new hottie, by his new "friend."
WTF. So called "Friend' is furious that dude found a replacement so fast.
Wanna know how to really scald your new "friends" skillet?
Want some real revenge? Let her see you with her best girlfriend with your arms around her.
Your new "friend" will no doubt get in your face with a "How dare you! So soon?"
WTF! Simply reply to your ex-girlfiend, new "friend" that she made you a free agent and say, "How ya like me now, friend?"
WTF! There is no such thing as "Too soon" when it comes to breakups. Your new "friend" has probably been banging the pool boy way before the breakup.
WTF! Ads Gone Wild! PR stunts and ad campaigns that create 'controversy' and backfire always seem to be followed up with feeble and fumbling apology tours, and sometimes more money in the bank.
Recent case in point. An ad created by Belvedere Vodka that was posted on Facebook and Twitter depicting a young horndog trying to have his way by supplying a young woman with more than enough vodka for him to get 'some.'
Naturally, the ad incurred the wrath of the usual No-Nadsters, who are up in hairy armpits over the ad which may or may not imply an act of rape or sexual assault, AND may or may not be a calculated risk on the part of Belvedere Vodka to garner publicity and outrage.
Sure, the Belvedere execs probably had the whole campaign all mapped out.
First, create and post an attention getting ad that is sure to generate publicity.
Next, approach microphones and cameras in a groveling manner with a prefabricated apology in hand, explaing that you've been naughty and this will never happen again, and oh, here's a sizable donation for whomever was offended by our hijinx. The monetary 'donation' translated usually means STFU and go away.
Finally, head for the Board Room and slap each other on the back, all the way to the bank for pulling off a successful PR stunt.
WTF! Far be it for me to advocate rape or sexual assault, but the use of alcohol has been used to get folks, (that's right, men AND women) loose since the dawn of time, so what's the big deal about advertising the effects of overindulging? As a matter of fact, those shrill No-Nadniks ought to thank Belvedere Vodka for shedding light on the consequences of 'overdoing' it and having those 'morning after' regrets.
WTF! Whatever happened to the old saying, "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker?"
WTF! On a lighter, more PIGish note, while Googling info about the Belvedere Vodka 'controversy', I ran across this WTF! type of ad for Burger King's New Super Seven Incher ad.
Since I'm on the subject of Ads Gone Wild! I figured, WTF!, this one is just too good not to post.
The ad was part of an outdoor billboard campaign in Singapore.
You're a total 'Tard if you don't know what this suggests, visually. But if that isn't enough, the ad copy in the lower right corner reads like something out of a Penthouse Forum submission:
WTF! Seven inches and some sauce? Is that ALL she gets? Crap, if you gave her enough Belvedere Vodka, well, I'll bet she can take...never mind, and get your heads out of the sewer.
WTF does any of this have to do with anything? It has a lot to do with the Golden Rule of advertising. Sex sells. Period. Add some controversy into the mix, be willing to offer up a 'sincere' apology, and you've got yourself and your product some publicity, negative or otherwise.
WTF! A certain Ethnocrat persuasion takes issue to the term 'Boy.' Well, no grown man likes to be called a boy, white, black, brown or otherwise.
Like I said, no grown man, regardless of color.
WTF am I rambling on about? Well, how about grown men of any persusion that have job descriptions that include the word 'boy?'
Bat Boy, etc.
Do we now call them Bus Man, Towel Man, or even Bat Man?
WTF! How about terms like Whipping Boy or Atta Boy?
WTF! What about the term 'Boy' when it comes to white men? It seems to be not just politically correct, but socially acceptable (and hypocritical) for some to refer to grown white men as 'white boys' regardless of their age and get a free pass when tossing that term around and also because of their color, 'history' or ethnicity.
WTF! I'de really like to know what the age limit is, when a 'white boy' becomes a white man?
WTF! Just wondering.
WTF! Why is it, then when a little old lady gets murdered, or a minor gets kidnapped, raped and murdered and found in a ditch, or even worse, a little innocent kid catches a bullet as a result of a drive by shooting, that catches little attention? But when a cop catches one in the line of duty, eats hot lead, every law enforcement agency from the Texas Rangers to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police drop all other cases to catch a cop killer.
I thought cops were dedicated to serving the public and were aware of the occupational hazards, including death or disability.
And, when a memorial service is performed, every available cop from coast to coast shows up with dress uniforms and all the pomp and circumstance is rolled out, at taxpayers expense, of course.
WTF makes a sworn officer more special than the public they are sworn to "Protect and Serve?"
Next time I see a cop, I'll ask and let the PIGdom know what the Tin Star's response is, after I recover from the black and blue marks I'm sure to recieve.
WTF! What ever happened to cool names for cars?
Am I the only one to notice that the names of certain models of cars went panty-waist?
Limp wristed names like Leaf, Prius, Sonata, Genesis, Alero, Volt, Accord, have replaced the good old American names of real muscle cars like Cobra, Mustang, Barracuda, Challenger, Bearcat, Stingray, Cherokee, Thunderbird, Cougar, etc.
Those cars had the huevos and horsepower to haul ass and their makers didn't give a double carb or cracked engine block about toxic emissions.
Shit, even the Italians have cool names for their cars like a Diablo or Testarossa.
Those are all cars that also had automitive nads, too.
WTF! I guess by altering names and manufacturing hybrids, that's Madison Avenues' and the automotive industry's way of caving in to the Greenies and Eco-Punk Terrorists as a way of selling warm-fuzzies and I just wonder, when are they going to really wimp out and call the newest automotive sensation, something like the Pink Fairy, the Gummy Bear, the Unicorn, Easter Bunny or wait, how about the Rainbow, all Al Gore approved.
WTF next, are we going to resort to four roller skate wheels on a plywood board to get from point A to point B?
WTF! The following are some random WTF!-isms:
WTF! Most cities and towns have ordinances for people that walk their dogs to clean up the dogs' steaming loads and leavin's. That's fine and being a good citizen if you clean up after your pooch. But what if Fido or Fifi just take a squirt, is the dog walker expected to suck the dogs liquid leavin's with a straw?
WTF! What's up with term, "The Four Corners Of The Earth?" Last I checked, and I do recall my geometry and astronomy, that the earth is a sphere, which is round and therefore has no corners or squared sides, angles or edges. Chris "Wrong Way" Columbus proved it.
WTF! Why is it that a dude will spend years and lots of dollars to trick out, customize and/or restore a vintage auto or motorcycle only to warehouse it and only take it out to those "Hey, Look At My Rod" cars shows once a year to show off to other like minded "Hey, Look At My Rod" Weekend Warriors?
Small Penis Syndrome? You be the judge.
Again, just wondering.
WTF! More dude stuff. What the hell is up with some guys that absolutely must, no, GOTTA have, 5 Skil saws, 3 drill presses, 10 tool boxes, 4 power drill/drivers, an anal retentive, catagorized filing system for every screw, nut, bolt and washer that in all likelyhood, they'll never use?
I'm surpised that a 12 step group hasn't emerged to deal with dudes that feel the need to not just keep up with the neighbor's tool collection, but one-up every other dude on the block, but hoarding every tool in sight.
My diagnosis, Very Small Tool Syndrome - Ladies, you know what I mean.
Hey, I'm just wondering, but on a sidenote, those dudes come in handy when you need to borrow a tool or battery charger or paint brush.
WTF! Ladies, you're not off the hook, either. You know you practice the art of deception every time you purchase a push-up, cleaveage revealing bra, extra skin tight pants, Botox treatments, breast enhancement surgery, hit the makeup counter, go to tanning salons and all that other superficial shit, then hit the town for a night out in hopes of getting your claws into "Mr. Right," take him home, only to wake up the next morning finding him long gone, leaving you with only the pool boy.
You wonder, why did he leave?
He probably woke up with a hangover, took one look at you without all the warpaint, and your skidmarked panties, padded bra and gathered his gear and tiptoed right out the back door, never to be seen again. And guess what? He probably gave you a fake name because with all that fake shit you use to enhance your goodies, he probably read you like a book.
Question to female prowlers: I was wondering, WTF, why waste time and money enhacing yourself and pretending to be something you are obviously not, when you can simply be yourself and present the real package to Mr. Right?
Once again, just wondering.
WTF! Now, in case you're just wondering just how much spare time Porcus has on his hands to dwell on the previous trivial postings?
Pssst. I'll tell you. TOO MUCH!
DEMOLITION DERBY: JAPANE$E STYLE
WTF! We’ve all heard the jokes and stereotypes about Asian drivers, you know, like how do you blind an Asian? Simple, put them behind a windshield.
The following nails that stereotype on the head and hits it out of the park.
On Sunday, December 4th in Yamaguchi Prefecture, Japan a convoy of exotic, high end and high priced European automobiles met their doom in a pileup which included eight, that’s right, EIGHT Ferraris, a Lamborghini, three Mercedes Benz’s, and a couple of rice burning Toyotas were involved.
Apparently, some dolt went Kamikaze on the expressway by trying to pass another car, hit the median and spun out, causing the members of the convoy to crash while trying to avoid the chaos
WTF! Trying to pass and overtake a convoy of Ferrari’s, Lamborghini’s and Mercedes’ is one dumb ass move. I’d like to know who gave the keys to the idiot who initiated the pileup.
Here in America, we have NASCAR, but in Japan, they ought to have JACCAR: Japanese Association of Car Crashing Asshats and Retards. Smashing one Ferrari is bad enough, but EIGHT, is a tragedy, equivalent to pissing and puking on the Mona Lisa.
WTF! If Enzo Ferrari knew that his handmade creations would end up in the hands of CERTAIN PEOPLE that can’t even park a bicycle, he would have never allowed them in the hands of wreckless drivers that have no appreciation for automotive and artistic excellence.
As far as the Godzilla of Sunday drivers that caused the pileup, I would go Samurai on him by sending him to his room with no rice, sake, sushi or car keys…for life.
WTF! If you're tired of society's precious, protected 'people of color' and other self-proclaimed victim-hood dwellers blaming all of their ills on Whitey, you're not alone.
Let's take the two Homeys, pictured below, as an example and analyze the attitudes that seem to still be prevalent among certain 'communities' and sub-cultures.
WTF! These two poster boys are claiming that they can't get a job because the White man is holding them back. I disagree. The Bloods and Crips are always recruiting clowns with pants down to their knees.
WTF! When the Gangsta thing runs it's course in the form of a felony conviction AND a 5-7 year graybar guest, The Man will have no problems finding Homeboys like these some kind of prison job like making license plates or making little rocks out of big rocks on a chain gang.
WTF! Good honest, character building work, too.
WTF! Quit blaming Whitey for your socio-economic plight. Quit blaming The Man because you don't have the necessary or marketable skills needed to function in todays workplace.
WTF! When you have a 'You owe me' attitude, and dress like a circus clown, nobody, and I don't care what color they are, will take you seriously, except maybe, just maybe Je$$e Jack$on or Al $harton.
WTF! So-called people like you be illin'
Yo! Peace. Out. I got's to go to my monthly Conspiracy Club meeting. This months topic: STFU!
WTF! We've all seen those online dating services catering to certain demographics advertised on TV.
They've got dating sites for those over 50.
They advertise dating sites for Christians, Jews, Blacks, Hispanics, Cougars, MILFs, and even Gays, Lesbians and He/Shes. (Note: Not one exclusively for Whitey).
All that's fine and dandy, but what about those that are really hard up and just don't fit into any of the previously mentioned categories?
What about a hook up site for society's real misfits and unorthodox outcasts? You know, convicted felons, mental defects, lametards, those with certain fetishes, Punk, Heavy Metal and Goth types, Rednecks, Hillbillies, inbreds, spaztics, and even PIGsters all have needs too.
Now gosh darn it, it's high time society in general took note and catered to these lonely hearts, too.
WTF! If anyone with an entrepeneurial bone in his/her body, they would tap into those sub-cultures and make a few bucks in the process.
WTF!Burning question time. Why is it, that when I watch a Looney Tunes cartoon - and yes, I'm a grown man that still enjoys his Toon Time - that the Acme Company could send Wiley E. Coyote anvils, high powered sling shots and other 'Don't try this at home' stuff, but he could never catch that punk-ass, beep beep Roadrunner?
Better yet, how did Tweety Bird magically whip out a stick of dynamite and book of matches to toss to Sylvester The Cat?
What about Foghorn Leghorn, who, frequently tied his dog nemesis to skyrockets, lit the fuse and sent the poor dog into the next county?
WTF! How come Daffy Duck can get his hands on a combination of nitro glycerine and gun powder, complete with a lit match and make things really go boom?
The burning, WTF question is, why do they get to play with the neat stuff, while regular slobs like me get stuck with lawn mowers, shovels and computers?
WTF! Pass me an Acme anvil. I'll drop it on my own head...again.
WTF!Ever see a Rufus, LeRoy or Ray-Ray walk down the street with 10 pounds of fake gold bling with an NHL jersey on?
I have, and it's an oxymoron in action. Blacks generally don't play or watch ice hockey, so I don't know why some high profile rappers wear white man's sports gear.
Wait! I just had a stop the presses revelation!
Because any rapper named like One-Pac, P-Piddle or Ice Water wear one, all of a sudden it's a fashion statement and influencing young wannabees.
How insensitive of me. These youngsters need...wait, I just got a mental bitch slap.
Rufus, LeRoy and Ray-Ray couldn't tell the difference between a hockey puck and a job application, so, whats up you poser bros?
I'll wait for the hate mail on this one and face off with them.
WTF!Holy Jumping Jehovah!
We all get those monthly slickly produced community coupon and advertising rags in our mailbox from local merchants.
Here in the Porcus McPreacher War Room, we actually take advantage of a night out or a free car wash as a result of the coupons from time to time.
All good. All fine.But, this month, a local church came up with perhaps the most ridiculous advertising or PR campaign ever, published and mailed to my friends and nieghbors.
Before I comment further, simply examine the ad below.
Done laughing...yet? I'm not, and probably won't for quite a while.
WTF! Coupons for Christ? Wow! I had no clue that redeeming a coupon at a church would get me past The Pearly gates.
I guess I've been behaving like a blasphlemous buffoon by not realizing and feeling guilty for not opening my wallet and checkbook and redeeming coupons would guarantee my eternal salvation.
When Jesus $$$aves, who scores? The ka-ching church.
WTF! Talk about flagrant and funny Elmer Gantry-ism.
Seriously, please pray for me that I don't bust a major artery and die from laughter, because, according to this particular church's ad campaign, I just may need that cheesy and tasteless coupon.
Take care. God Bless, and use your own damn coupons to get to the promised land of your choice.
WTF!Have you ever, and I mean EVER had some some asshole, disguised as a mild mannered old lady approach you while your walking your dog when she/it/whatever claims SHE is afraid of dogs, with her hands on her hips declaring the sidewalk was her territory?
First, how the hell would I even know or care about the old miserable bat's fears and phobia's about dogs.
Second. If the old hag was really afraid of dogs, she had ample time and distance to cross the street instead of walking right up to me and my little pooch, with her hand on her hips, declaring my dog was causing her fear.
Third, I'm supposed to read the minds of every pedestrian that has a fear of dogs and dares to share the sidewalk with me, and sticks her stinky finger in my face?
Wow! Had I known that the Old Sack Of Crap's hypersensitivities superceded my right to walk down the street with my dog, well, I sure would have yielded rights to that soggy old, miserable sack..with a thick wad of spit.
WTF! Talk about someone that was in need of a flea bath. What if I had happened to be walking my pet Puerto Rican, or Pollack? Not that I have one, yet, but would she have had the same sanctimonious attitude?
WTF!Ever notice some of those early morning News-Babe Weather Girls and the way they dress...AT 5:00 AM?!?
I don't know where you live or what TV market you're in, but here in Southern Mexifornia, these 'Weather' girls look and dress more like teenage tramps than so-called professionals.
WTF! With their Hoochie-Mamma skin-tight mini skirts, five inch fuck-me stiletto pumps, hoop earrings, and caked on make up and their ultra-sheen lip gloss, when doing their weather reports at 5:00 AM, they don't look like their going out, they look like they've been out...all night, and the cat dragged them from a back alley to their assigned broadcast studio.
WTF! I'm far from prude and their's nothing wrong with waking up to some eye candy while getting the local weather, and I'm so used to the way they look, but I just have to wonder, WTF do these too-easy tramps and trollops smell like?
WTF! Why is it that a person that merely disagrees with, makes fun of, or doesn't particulary care for homosexuals or the homosexual lifestyle is unfairly labeled a "Hater," or more specifically, a "Homophobic?"
Let's crack open our dictionaries and dissect the newly coined and very politically correct, but mislabeled term, 'Homophobia.'
Before we begin, I'll sidetrack for a moment and cite the late, great comedian and master of misnomers and oxymorons, George Carlin for some examples of language butchery:
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"The term Jumbo Shrimp has always amazed me. What is a Jumbo Shrimp? I mean, it's like Military Intelligence - the words don't go together, man."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
Get the picture? Good. Now get back to the term in question, 'Homophobia.'
Homophobia - n. Irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals.
Let's get really anal (pun intended), and pick this term apart.
Homo- prefix. Same; Like: homophone. [Latin < Greek< homos, same]
I know. I know. In the context of contemporary vernacular, the prefix -homo refers to a sexual flavor, ala GLAAD-BAGs (Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Annoying Dykes Boys And Alleged Girls*. *Alleged Girls covers, bi, tri, quadra, poly and transsexuals, plus crossdressers.)
Phobia- suffix. An intense, abnormal, or illogical FEAR of a specified thing. [Latin < Greek < phobos, fear.]
Hence, we get Homo-Phobia, and taken literally would come to mean 'An irrational FEAR of the same.' In this case, it would mean 'An irrational FEAR of the homosexuals.'
The operative word here is fear, not hate, dislike or discrimination.
WTF! I can't speak for anyone but myself, but homosexuals don't exactly strike fear into my bones. On Gay Pride Parade Day, I'm actually very amused at grown men men prancing up and down the street dressed in drag or leather diapers, and just because an individual doesn't care for that lifestyle, does not make them, or me a hater of homos.
WTF! Since the term 'Homophobia' has crept into and has become an acceptable part of our vocabulary, we here at PIG can introduce a term of our own, 'Heterophobia.'
Heterophobia n. An irrational fear or hatred on the part of homosexuals toward heterosexuals.
Example of Heterophobia: "Hey Bruce, did you see those breeders* holding hands? Absolutely disgusting!"
*Breeders: A term used by Heterophobes to describe a heterosexual.
WTF! So now you see? Language swings both ways, and the next time, if ever, a GLAAD-BAGger calls you a Homophobe simply because you laughed at, or disagreed with them, tell them to either bend over or open wide as you gag them with the term, Heterophobic.
WTF! Why is it that every time I quit drinking, the price of my favorite beer seems to go down? Or even still, when I decide to go on a health food binge, pizza prices from coast to coast plummet? Are the breweries and pizza peddlers losing stock value because I'm not buying their products and they have to make up for their massive losses by lowering their prices?
It never fails, too, and maybe some of you have had the same experience. You drink your last brew, eat that last slice and decide to kick some unhealthy habits. You then look in the Sunday fishwrap coupon and supermarket insert and supplement section, and lo and behold, that case of beer that cost $15.00 last week, is now on sale for half price.
Same goes with pizza, for example. Your neighborhood pizzeria is now offering the same pizza you ordered just last week on a two for one basis.
WTF! Talk about torture and temptation. It's almost as if THEY know, and will do anything to get your business back.
In the words of Lloyd Bridges in Airplane!, "I guess I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."
That always seems to be the case with me.
WTF! It's correction time.
I dropped the ball in my previous posting regarding foreign born English speakers with thick accents as opposed to American born Ebonic speakers that sound like the Mushmouth character from the old Fat Albert And The Cosby Kids cartoon that seem to speak in a language and vernacular only a select few can understand.
Well, it was brought to my attention, and rightfully so, that I neglected to make mention of certain rustics, rubes and banjo toting inbreds of the Billy Joe Jim Bob Bo and Luke Duke persuasion (rednecks and hillbillies) that likewise were born here, but yet only a select few can understand WTF they're saying as well.
We all know the type. They're straight out of central casting with their pickup trucks, complete with the rebel flags, mullets, gun racks and one-toothed women.
So, in all fairness, I'll offer the following examples of Crackerspeak, found on Wikipedia:
Redneck: "J'ever done gone'n getted that thar thang you was gonna git from the catalog?"
Translation: "Did you receive the item which you ordered from the catalog?"
Redneck: "Makin da laf durn."
Translation: "We are guiding our automotive vehicle to the left."
Redneck: "Relo mah boomstick"
Translation: "Please place more of your ammunition into my firearm."
Redneck: "Gettin my cusin done 'n' watchin the daytona 5 hundrurd"
Translation: "I am taking my lovely wife on a honeymoon."
WTF! You get the picture. Ignorant illiterates come in all flavas, breeds and persuasions.
WTF! Several months ago, my wife and I were with someone of the black persuasion, and that person asked my wife who is from a foreign land and has a thick, exotic accent, "How long have you lived here?
My wife told her how long she has been here, LEGALLY, and our friend wondered, "Why, if living here in America all these years, haven't you dropped your accent?"
Wife replied that she took the time to learn to read, write and speak proper English before she came to America, but that her accent was from her native tongue.
I thought my wife defended herself, which she didn't have to do in the first place, quite politely.
However, a couple WTF thought's popped into my head.
WTF! Why is it that some people that come here with paperwork and pedigree in hand take the time to learn our language and assimilate while certain other's require, no, demand bi-lingual education, handouts, and other freebies, unlike my wife, who has played by the rules, never asked for anything from anybody.
Second WTF thought that seeped into my head, but being a gentleman, I zipped my lips, but could't help getting into Keeper Of The Fork mode by wondering, WTF, why is it that certain people come here, learn the language, still have a heavy accent and get an A for effort for taking the time learn proper English, but certain Ebonic types still can't grasp the simple linguistic skill of pronouncing the word "Ask" as opposed to "Axe" as in, "Axe me a question?
WTF! And this is addressed to illiterate American born's as well as foriegn borns. If reading, writing, speaking, pronouncing and articulating the English language, properly, regardless of accent, was good enough for my foreign born forefathers and wife, it damn well ought to be good enough for the homegrowns.
WTF! This one is not so much a WTF take as it is a "Where The Hell Was My Camera When I Needed It" moment, because this would have been a classic.
Driving down the street at a stoplight waiting to turn green, I had an epiphany that the Justin Bieber phenonemon has really done the cultural and musical crossover when I saw a hybrid of Buckwheat and Justin standing on the corner.
Same hairdo, darker skin. So f**King, piss your pants hilarious, you had to be there in order to believe it.
A black kid with a Justin Bieber combover hairdo? What's the world coming to?
Yes, I did say WTF, as I was laughing my ass off watching this kid. My hunches are that with a hairdo like that, he probably lives near the local country club as opposed to the hood, because with a ridiculous haircut like that, white, black, whatever, no one will last more than ten seconds in the hood, at least alive.
So, in essence, Justin Bieber has become as important as he thinks he is by mending racial and cultural fences by influencing not just gullible white boys by emulating his haircut, but also black kids, too.
WTF! Whatever happened to purple and orange dyed mowhawk haircuts?
WTF! This one is not so much a WTF take as it is a "Where The Hell Was My Camera When I Needed It" moment, because this would have been a classic.
Driving down the street at a stoplight waiting to turn green, I had an epiphany that the Justin Bieber phenonemon has really done the cultural and musical crossover when I saw a hybrid of Buckwheat and Justin standing on the corner.
Same hairdo, darker skin. So f**King, piss your pants hilarious, you had to be there in order to believe it.
A black kid with a Justin Bieber combover hairdo? What's the world coming to?
Yes, I did say WTF, as I was laughing my ass off watching this kid. My hunches are that with a hairdo like that, he probably lives near the local country club as opposed to the hood, because with a ridiculous haircut like that, white, black, whatever, no one will last more than ten seconds in the hood, at least alive.
So, in essence, Justin Bieber has become as important as he thinks he is by mending racial and cultural fences by influencing not just gullible white boys by emulating his haircut, but also black kids, too.
WTF! Whatever happened to purple and orange dyed mowhawk haircuts?
WTF! Hey all! MLK Day has come and gone. A day in which ALL Guvment workers and benefit recipients got paid to lay around the house or hood on our dime and really, do the equivelent of, pretty much nothing.
Almost as if they were at their 'jobs', huh? Heh, heh.
On a more somber note, it is a day we honor a way forward thinking man whose life was taken too early, yet left a great legacy and many lessons to learn as he helped bridge the racial divide in America.
Okay. That said, the WTF thought goes as such, and this is going to be a personal observation. WTF is up with The News Nit Wits not reporting on law enforcement not setting up sobriety checkpoints for MLK Day activitities? The News Nitwits sure don't have a problem reporting on the DUI arrest tally when it comes to St. Patrick's Day drinking festivities.
WTF! Racial profiling, lack of racial profiling, or both because Barney Fife caved into local political hack's bent, depending on the race or date of the ethnic or cultural occasion is no excuse to make some animals more equal than others in the name of political correctness.
WTF! You know, with all the blaming and finger pointing Obama has been doing, on a very constant basis, regarding the previous Bush Administration and the huge budget deficit and debt HE, "The One" claims he "inherited," the WTFer's just had to wonder.
Why did you take the job as President, asshole, if all you're going to do is blame the previous President for our country's financial problems and bury us in debt with your own underground printing press by devaluing the American dollar
WTF is Obama's successor as President going to claim when he or she takes the heat for inheriting Obama's red-inked multi-trillion dollar bill "We The People, Son's And Grandson's" have to pay for, for his corporate bailouts, golf trips and personal, family, exotic vacations and overall disregard for John Q. Public's personal earnings?
If that person, who assumes Commander-In-Chief status, and is willing and able to look forward, roll up their sleeves and look for solutions, and NOT play the finger pointing blame game, AND realize that they have a job to do, we salute the "New Boss."
WTF! We'll see who blames who in the long run as history judges America's worst President ever, oh, and of course, First lady, (wait, she's not a lady)...EVER!
Oh, another WTF! moment. How could I be so forgetful? About that finger you point Mr. Messiah to blame others whenever you excuse your massive tax, spend and Constitution trampling behaviors, should be shoved straight up your you-know-what.
WTF! Why are Bill Maher, Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell always referred to as 'Comedians?'
Not one of them has ever said anything that resembles humor in a long time, if ever. Collectively, with all of their empty headed, idiotic, uninformed lip flapping about the evils, faults and shortcomings of white men, past administrations(Bush), foreign policy, immigration, Afghanistan or the economy, the only thing of note that any of these do is contribute greatly to the depletion of the ozone while at the same time, demonstrating what utter imbeciles they are by virtue of opening their traps.
I guess when the 'Comedy' thing runs it's course on these washed-up Has-Beens-That-Really-Never-Were, it's only natural for them to segue and resort to adolescent name calling with a Know-It-All, Holier Than Thou attitude before resorting to fact checking and rational, adult behavior.
Since when has being a washed up 'comedian' been a qualification to be a military strategist, economic forecaster, Beltway insider or even an armchair social commentator? Hell, I'de much rather hear my auto mechanic's opinion on important matters than anything washed up blowhards like Bill Maher, Rosie O'Donnell or Whoopi Goldberg have to say.
WTF! What WILL be funny about them is when their soapboxes collapse and fold from underneath them from the weight of all the hot air they spew.
WTF! Remember back in 1991-1992, we had Hillary running on a Co-Presidential platform, Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein and Loretta Sanchez running for California seats, and to a lesser degree, the Anita Hill hoax, and the media called it 'The Year Of The Woman'?
But now in 2010 with such a huge surge of female candidates, many Republican or Tea Party, the same glorification or even repsect for women running for office is nowhere to be found?
WTF! Is the media jealous because some of these women actually look and act like ladies?
Is it because they're not as shrill as the Class of '92?
Perhaps in their cases, they really are 'uniquely qualified' to succeed where the current crop of incumbents have failed?
Could it be that - gasp - the current crop of female candidates aren't liberal Democrats that march lockstep with their parties' platform, Pro-Choice agendas and actually think outside the box, and the Beltway?
Methinks it's all of the above! One recent case in point. California Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman was overheard being referred to as a 'whore' by someone from Democratic candidtate, Jerry Brown's staff.
Where was the NOW - National Organization of Witches? They not only stand by Jerry Brown, but supported the use of the word 'whore' in Meg Whitman's case.
WTF! Equality for women is very selective and only extended to certain womyn...by certain womyn.
WTF! (x 4) Am I the only one that thinks that those skin-tight clad, brightly colored spandex wearing bicyclists are the epitome of arrogance?
You know the Asphalt Assholes I'm talking about. Their arroganance and piousness exceed even the most hard core, laptop toting, Art Garfunkle/White Bob Marley looking Starbucks frequenter.
First, these Pavement Punks travel in swarms, non-chalantly commandeering the entire road at times, crossing over THEIR official 'Bicycle Lanes' into the motorists lanes slowing down traffic, usually at a most critical time, like when you really need to use a restroom.
Those same cyclists however, will never let an opportunity slip by to let you know just how Holier Than Thou they are when one of us ignorant and merely mortal motorist's 'encroaches' upon their sacred and precious 'Bicycle Lane.'
Second, if you ever have the misfortune of getting into a conversation with one of them, somehow the discussion always leads to the superiority and craftsmanship of their imported, Tour De France caliber bicycle.
Titanium frame, aerodynamically engineered and made in France, complete with a $5,000 price tag. As if they would be seen on anything less?
Third, they also never miss an opportunity to discount the accomplishments of Lance Armstrong, probably because he's an American, which to them is outright bicycle blasphemy. The nerve. A Yankee Dog showing up the mighty French on their own turf. Why he ought to be flogged with an inner tube for even thinking an American is even remotely superior to or worthy of competing against the French.
Fourth, WTF is up with those ridiculous looking, form fitting outfits that they wear and inflict upon the rest of us. Personally, they look like a 1970's acid trip/discoteque nightmare.
If the cyclist is a weekend warrior, ex-couch potato and male, they insist on showing off their beer boobs, beer guts, baby Bobbit bulges and snow white, pasty complexions.
I have nothing against physical excercise, or bicycling in particular, but if these wannabe Tour De France eggheads really want to put their pedals to the metal, might I suggest they prove their mettle by participating in the Tour De 'Hood, a proposed tournament that rolls right through the PIGDome?
See how far those Cyclo-pathic Sissies get (without getting your fancy bike stolen and your ass kicked by Chuey or Rufus) with those hideous looking tights, Chad.
WTF! I’m sick and tired of being PIG's bearer of bad tidings whenever I post on all the good folks that pass away and make our Toe-Tagged page.
Not wanting to play God by wishing an early demise for anyone, (well, almost anyone) I really do wish that some sub-humans and other assorted scum and riff-raff would simply disappear from the public, for the public's good, of course.
Why is it that individuals that lead productive lives, contribute to the world, and make an impact on those around them either on a large or small scale, die way too early, while others overstay their welcome?
Why can't the takers, whiners, famous for being famous, oily politicians and related pirates and other well known scabs "kill" their public presence and just go away - far, far away and crawl under a damn rock and rot away?
WTF! I lied. I really do have a little, personal list of those I wouldn't mind posting on Toe Tagged, and the sooner the better.
WTF! I’m no Galileo, but I was wondering, if there are 360 degrees in a circle, and it takes one year for the earth to revolve around the sun, how come there aren’t 360 days in a year?
WTF ever happened to keeping it simple?
WTF! On a related astronomical note, why does everyone – News Nit Wit ‘Meteorologist's’ included - refer to the time of day known as ‘dusk’ as ‘sunset’ and dawn as ‘sunrise?’
Last I checked the sun is pretty much stationary and it’s the earth that rotates 360 degrees every 24 hours, thus causing what is referred to as sunrise and sunset.
WTF! Even a dude like me that hated any and all math classes figured that out.
WTF! Why is it that it's perfectly normal for a wife or girlfriend to rifle through a mans wallet, help themselves to however much money they want, and give the dude a third degree interrogation when she finds a strange phone number in dude's wallet, BUT, when a man needs a few extra bucks and looks in her purse, she fells offended and violated?
WTF ladies. If you're so fixated and fascinated by a mans wallet, go get your own!
WTF! WTF is with the obession some people have with Facebook?
I personally know someone whose sole mission in their so-called life is to be on Facebook from dawn til dusk, taking the occasional bathroom break, and a few hours of sleep.
How miserable or empty is your life when it's centered around meaningless cyberchat hour after hour, day after day?
I can see if these losers were communicating with each other to try and find a cure for cancer or put a man on Mars, but the enormous amount of time wasted yaking with other losers is close to sinful.
The problem escalates when you leave in the morning and your significant other is on Facebook. When you get home in the evening, they are still on Facebook with the dishes stacked to the ceiling, the kid is crying, the dog didn't get walked, and of course, NO F***ING dinner in sight.
Then of course, there are those that abuse their bosses computer privleges by Facebooking on the job. That's stealing the bosses time. Might as well drink on the job if you ask me, because both would be grounds for termination.
LOL? Not by a longshot. OMG, more like WTF!!!
The Facebook user will claim to have over 900 'friends' on Facebook that they absolutely MUST communicate with on a daily basis.
900 friends??? Who the f**k has 900 friends?. Who the f**k needs 900 'friends'?
I'm not advocating going overboard, dictating personal behavior or creating a Facebook Nazi movement, but these losers are addicts and they need help, so instead of getting a good Forking, and being about solutions from time to time, I thought that with the proliferation of self-help 12 step programs, let's add another one into the mix on behalf of chronic Facebook losers, users and abusers.
Instead of being predictable and calling our new support group Facebook Anonymous, let's keep it simple and real and just call it Faceless & Lifeless Anonymous, or F&L for short.
Better yet, in the spirit of the old opium dens and cocaine shooting galleries, Facebook users can, when the urge overwhelms them, disappear for days, weeks on end to an actual, not virtual, Facebook House, where they can chat until they are Facedown in the gutter.
I have nothing personal against using Facebook on a casual basis, in fact I have a page of my own. I check it once in a while, for entertainment purposes and to catch up on friends and family activities. Like I said, about once a week. But when a certain somebody becomes so fixated and mesmerized and has to call me into the room every two minutes to see how cute the new nephew is, or so and so just got married, I come ever so close to calling for an intervention before that certain someone gets the hint that I'm about to go nuclear.
WTF, get a real, not virtual life.
WTF! This one really crisps my crust.
Recently, on one of those estrogen inspired, Kleenex passing talk shows, one of the guests happened to be...Ta-Da, a self proclaimed "Adult Film Actress And Artist"
Wow. Your'e an "Actress" for removing your clothes and laying on your back and doing what comes natural to every woman and man?
Wonder what your "acting" qualifications are? Did you hone your "acting" craft studying Shakspearean acting like the great Alec Guinness, or perhaps at the Pasadena Playhouse like Gene Hackman?
If you did so, that would be very impressive, but the truth is, women like you make a lucrative living being performers, not the actresses and Prima Donnas you think you are.
More than likely, you, "Miss Self Proclaimed Actress" you honed your skills and talents in the backseat of a car, or bed of a pickup truck.
The reality is, you are nothing more than a trained performer, like a circus seal, you open every orifce of your body at the snap of a finger, the sound of a man's zipper opening and most important, the sound of a boatload of Benjamins you get for doing your thespian thing.
Enjoy your careers as "Actresses and Artists" laying on your back for a living, because I hope it works out for you when you turn 35 and the adult entertainment industry puts you out to pasture.
Oh, and I also hope your mommy and daddy swell with pride at their little girl's career choice.
WTF! (Another DMV adventure) I recently found myself at my local Mexifornia DMV branch to take care of some pressing business and found to my dismay that since my last excursion, they had completely streamlined their system and geared it towards – now hold on to your hot dogs – efficiency!
I had fully prepared myself for an afternoon of absolute misery, and got myself in the appropriate bad mood and was at the ready to snipe at the drones behind the counters, when to my surprise I was greeted with not only a short waiting time, but courtesy as well.
I thought I was in the Twilight Zone.
I went in, got my number, didn’t have long to wait, took care of my business, and left a satisfied customer. And to top it off and show that they’re really on the ball, they actually failed several non-Engrish/Ingles speaking applicants, proving that they stopped GIVING away licenses but are now requiring some level of competence and road skills in order to be licensed to operate a motor vehicle.
Let me repeat. This was in Mexifornia.
Now, one of two things could have happened. They tuned into this page and read my previous DMV rants (scroll down), which is unlikely, or, someone, something told those drones that due to Mexifornia’s budget mess and DMV furlough days, that they are expendable and can be replaced and better be on their best behavior.
WTF! This is one time I’m glad I was proven wrong.WTF! What is up with so-called dudes that still wear tighty-whitey's?
Ladies, at this point, you're highly encouraged to take notes on behalf of your man, as you're not quite off the hook if you're guilty of buying nut crunching undies for your 'man.'
Let's get down to nuts and bolts, pun intended.
OK, dudes, as children we're all at our mom's mercy when she purchases those Fruit Of The Looms, Hanes, Spiderman Underoos, whatever, that are sinfully skintight. However, when we develop and mature, and we know that means. It's time to ditch the Volkwagen and make room for the Cadillac.
WTF, Porcus. What are you getting at? Well, Madison Avenue and the advertising industry seems to have no problem with 'female' comfort, either pitching bra sizes or the the latest added comfort of panty liners.
That's fine, but what about the comfort of men, after all we're talking family jewels.
Solution? When necessary, wear boxers for your added comfort and freedom. When not necessary, let your nads and manhood float and dangle with the summer's breeze...
Oh, sure. Like our wives would allow us to show our goods without a support system?
I know I'm going to hear about this, but the entire posting was inspired by an early morning re-run of a Girls Gone Wild informercial.
God bless em.
WTF! What's up with these Bible Thumpers, trying to sell you on their "I'm all messed up on The Lord" guilt trips by saying, "Jesus died for your sins."
Jesus died for my sins? OK. That is a great, altruistic gesture he bestowed upon his fellow man and mankind. But, as far as I know, I never met him, and he took that cross to the hill as his own burden, so why should I feel guilty as a sinner? He was predestined to die for our sins, anyway.
Nifty. Nice, too, in concept, but did Jesus know me as a man? If he did, he would want nothing to do with the likes of me.
My issue with these well intended folks trying to "guilt" me into their church with initial acts of kindness, using Jesus' dying for me as a guilt factor only to ultimately say, "Oh, please make the check out to The Church Of P.T. Barnum"
Remember, there's a sucker born every minute.
But hey, I do want to thank Jesus, not the guilt peddlers, for carrying that cross on my behalf.
WTF!Why is it that when I take a road trip and find myself in a rural area and start fiddling around with the radio dial in hopes of finding some decent music or even talk radio, all the stations get fuzzy, distorted sounding reception EXCEPT for the Spanish language Cucaracha Crap-Ola, or the Beans 'N Rice 'N Jesus Christ Evangelical stations?
Naturally, those stations come in crystal clear.
Makes me want to pull over and pray that I don't puke.
WTF!Why is that when you encounter a "Stoned On Jesus With Blinders On" type, every one of life's problems or questions, according to them, can be found in the Bible and no where else?
Example: Ask them what 'Born again' means. They immediately reply, "According to the Bible..."
Or ask them why bad things happen to good people, and their answer usually begins with "Scripture tells us..."
You can even ask them how they think the Dodgers will do this year with addition of some left handed power hitters and you'll still get "Well, the bible says..."
There sure is a lot of truth in that old Cheech & Chong skit where the dude says, "Hey man, I used to be all messed up on drugs. Now I'm all messed up on Jesus!"
WTF! If the United States Coast Guard is considered a branch of the military for watching over our coastlines, catching drug smugglers and illegals, why isn't the U.S. Border Patrol elevated to the same status for doing essentially the same thing, except perhaps even more dangerous AND with their hands tied by polticians, bureaucrats and Colonista Coddlers? They are put in harms way, everyday, defending our borders, receive virtually no positive recognition, are shot at by snipers and smugglers, and on top of that, they are villified and get called mean, hurtful names, too.
WTF! Why is that you never see Koreans driving Korean imports like KIA or Hyundai, for example? Do the Koreans know something we don't, but should? I find that especially funny, since most Koreans can't tell a steering wheel from a windshield.
WTF! Ever notice that some prima donna assh***s with names that are spelled slightly different, and sound slightly different will stop and interrupt any conversation, no matter how important, to correct anyone with the misfortune of mispronouncing it? Example: A semi-celebrity type by the name of Jackée was being interviewed on TV, and several times stopped the discussion to inform the interviewer that her name was pronounced Ja-KAY. That's Ja-KAY!!! Not Jackee!
WTF! How would anyone know they were speaking to...I mean addressing such an important person? Sista pleeze!!! Sounds like an adult entertainer/stripper working name, if you axe me.
WTF! While watching one of those Sunday morning roundtable discussions here in SoCal recently, the topic was the upcoming elections, and the guests were some political insiders, and the facilitator (code for News Nitwit) asked the following, and I kid you not, was dead serious when she asked, "Illegal immigration. Why is that an issue, here?"
Stop the presses, Pedro!!! WTF kind of question is THAT to be asking here in Southern California?
News Flash for for News Nitwit! What part of M-E-X-I-F-O-R-N-I-A don't you understand?
WTF! Ever notice that those huge, mega Do-It Yourself hardware stores - Home Depot, Lowes, OSH, etc., always show commercials where the scenario is a couple shopping for the perfect kitchen tile, a truckload of sod for the new lawn or several gallons of paint for their nursery, getting it all loaded in their truck and supposedly, heading home.
There is one glaring omission from those commercials. They never show the husband take that detour about a block from Home Depot to pick up that one last item...an illegal invader day laborer, who, when not pissing on Old Lady Nusbaum's prize roses, is patiently loitering, drinking beer and distrubing the peace until he gets picked for the 'Do-It-Yourself-With-The-Help-Of-Chuey & Co.' job.
That, PIGsters, would be truth in advertising.
WTF! It just dawned on me why so many uninformed, ignorant a-holes are protesting or boycotting Arizona over Arizona Senate Bill 1070.
THE BILL WAS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH!!!
WTF!Why is that even after a revenue generating Barney Fife pulls over and issues a citation to someone for whatever petty reason, people always say "Thank you" to the cop? WTF are you thanking him for? Picking your pocket? Forcing you to write a check and mail it in? Taking time out of your day to go down to the courthouse to pay your ticket or attend traffic school?
If you've got nothing to lose and bowling ball sized cast irons, next time just play along and politely sign his little citation, smile and simply say, "Ahem. Sir, don't you think some thanks are in order on your end? After all, I am but yet another notch on your belt, a mere stepping stone on your path to that promotion, and of course, your inflated salary as a glorified hall monitor comes out of my pocket? Oh, and is it true about cops and donutshops...?"
See you in court, after the bruises fade, huh?
WTF! Ever wonder where clerks that work at gas stations or convenience relieve themselves, especially when you ask if you can use their restroom only to have them give you a look of contempt and telling you they don't have a bathroom? Hmmmmm. Just stop and think that if they have no working restroom, where do they do to get relief, and wash up afterwards.
You better think twice before ordering that Slurpee or chili dog.
WTF!This a good one. Ever have that special, absent-minded, lovable someone in your life that is always misplacing things like car keys, sunglasses or a cell phone, only to ask out loud, "Where did I leave my wallet? Have you seen my purse?"
Like I would know?
Well, Mrs. Porcus is the poster child of misplacing things. Sucker that I was, during the first few years of marriage, I would actually try and help her backtrack the damn lost item, and after a while, that crap got old.
Then it dawned on me! I would tell her I know exactly where it is. RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT!
She asked. I answered. Problem solved...on my end, anyway.
WTF! Why is it that one song stuck in my head can ruin an entire day? I'm not talking about run-of-the-mill cranium crunching crappy songs from Sinead O'Conner, Alanis Morrisette, or Mariah Carey. I'm talking about real annoying sounds that when played over and over, can make anyone go Bell Tower.
Ever get the theme from F-Troop, The Oscar Meyer Weiner jingle or a Barry Manilow song stuck in your head for an entire, tortuous day?
You've been there, too, huh? No matter what other song you try to replace it with, it somehow still finds a way to slowly, subliminally creep it's way back, at full tilt no less, to the forefront of the cranial sound system, playing itself over and over again in a continual, non-stop loop, driving you to the brink of insanity.
Gets worse, too. When the day is finally done, and you finally hit the sack and close your eyes for what you think is going to be a peaceful nights sleep, guess what? It's baaaack!
It's days like that that make the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard sound like harps from heaven.
Now go out there and have a great day and don't let the theme song from Facts Of Life ruin your day, over and over, and over...
WTF! Why is it that when Barney Fife has someone pulled over on a freeway, everyone slows down and all you see in front of you are brake lights?
Hell, he's already taken the time to pull someone else over, get out of the car, whip out his citation book and get busy writing a ticket, so why not take advantage of the situation and put the pedal to the metal and gun it? It's not like he's going to drop what he's doing to just to get you.
What are you waiting for? Go ahead and leave Ponch and John in the dust, go like Steve McQueen and floor it a like bat out of brakelight hell!
WTF! Why is it that getting older can be a confusing experience. For example, when guys get as old as some MILF's are, WTF do guys call them now? Since they can't call them The Babysitter, Mrs. Robinson or Schoolteacher anymore, and as a gester of being age-neutral, maybe they should refer to MILF's as...
CWILF's - Co-Workers I'de Like to...?
OHILF's - Older Hotties I'de Like to...?
F-PILF's - Female Peers I'de Like to...?
McHILF's - Irish Hotties I'de Like to...?
WFT! At my age, what's the use? I'll show them a little respect and simply say, 'Hey, Toots!' and wait for that much deserved slap in the face.
WTF! Why is it that I always fall for and plan my weekend around what a News Nitwit piece of eye candy weathergal or unfunny fatass weather dude "predicts?"
So many times "they" are dead wrong, but suckers like me always fall for their crystal ball predictions and end up either soaking wet when "they" predicted clear skies, or stuck at home after giving up tickets to a ball game because "they" predicted rain when it was a beautiful day.
That's my fault for putting stock in someone who's only real skill is looking good and reading a teleprompter.
But what really bends my 'Fork is that the following day, you never, EVER hear these assholes fall on their sword, eat some humble pie, apologize, or admit they were wrong for screwing up your weekend plans. At the very least, they could come out of the closet and admit they attended the Al Gore School of Meteorology Hype and Hocus Pocus.
For that, on behalf of those whose weekends were ruined, or will be ruined by a fucked up forecast, All News Nitwit Weather Drones will receive an Official Porcus Pitchfork Golden Shower Award, and if possible, administered by yours truely.
WTF! Why is it that it's perfectly legal to end the life of an unborn child at an abortion clinic, for say, whatever reason or mood the impregnated woman is in, but when a homicidal scumbag murders a pregnant woman, he's (rightfully) charged with two counts of murder? With that logic, shouldn't abortion be considered a so-called "Hate Crime?"
WTF! Why is it that when it rains in the dirt bowl called Southern Mexifornia, most everyone goes into panic mode and complains about the rain and the ensuing traffic tie ups, landslides and Storm Watch News Nit-Wits, only to have one asshole ALWAYS say, "Yeah, but we need it (the rain)." Never fails.
WTF! Why is it that when a wife or girlfriend insist (drag by the short ones) their man accompany them to the mall, the woman goes into rattlesnake mode when the man notices the hordes of head turning hotties?
What's even worse is three weeks later when the woman asks with her hands on her hips, "Do you still think she's (any good looking woman from the mall that you have long forgotten) pretty?"
As if he remembers, but you know he's cruisin' for a bruisin' when he naively replies, "Which one?"
WTF! Go figure.
WTF! Why is it people believe the fairy tale that all women are beautiful and underneath even the homeliest woman lies a pristine princess dying to get out? Not all women are cover girls, nor do they have to be to be beautiful, and that's OK. I just have a hard time believing monsters like Rosie O'Donnell, Nancy Pelosi, Lorena Bobbitt and the late Leona Helmsley having even a shred of beauty - either inner or outer. There are certain characteristics that can't be changed, not through plastic surgery, liposuction or dieting. Let's face it, some women are shrill bitches at birth. No amount of lipstick will ever make certain women beautiful, but a burlap sack over the head and a muzzle in the mouth are a good start.
WTF! Why is it that Pit Bull owners are ALWAYS uglier, meaner and dumber than their dogs? We've all seen the owners. They're usually wannabe bad-asses who use the poor beast as an extension of the "badness" they don't have. We've all heard the news reports of an innocent child or mailman being mauled by a viscious Pit Bull. The end result is that the dog is eventually put down. Putting the dog down is only half the solution. Why not put the irresponsible owner down with the dog? Now that's killing two birds with one stone. All those in favor...
WTF! Why is it that almost all new, or first generation immigrant groups to America, work their asses off to get out from under the low end of the immigrant totem pole and blend into our melting pot, while others - and you know who you are, Camel Crap - go out of their way to perpetuate and justify not just negative stereotypes of their herd, but generate out-and-out hatred, contempt and mistrust of YOU by everyone else, including some of your own kind, except for CAIR, of course.
WTF! Why is it that immediately following an attempted terrorist threat, Homeland Stupidity and TSA predictably impose even more punitive, invasive and asinine ways of making airline travel for the average airline passenger more miserable, but the News Nit-Wits always seem to get the reactions of some moron that just had a thorough body cavity search that always says something deep, like, "Well, we need to take these precautions."
WTF! Why is it that everyday personal items like lighters, pocketknives, nailclippers, and even shoelaces are not only on The Department Of Homeland Stupidity's list of implements of "Man Made Disasters" but are also on the top of every Educrat's Zero Tolerance Zombies' Shit List as well?
WTF!Why is it that whenever I settle in to watch a rare, half way decent TV show, it's always interrupted by a News Nit-Wit breaking story ALWAYS involving a car chase, preempting my daily Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood viewing time?
WTF! Why is it that Madison Avenue always portrays men as fumbling bufoons that can't turn on a light switch, use the automatic coffee maker, put down the toilet seat or even use a vacuum, when in reality, men are the innovators and inventors of such everyday household conveniences?
WTF! Why is it that when an American born Gringo wants to state his/her opinion on illegal border jumping scum, they always preface their statement with, "I'm not a racist, but..."?
WTF! Why is it that most one-named celebrities - Madonna, Sting, Cher, etc., are revered for their air-headed, fly-by-night causes and opinions by the Brain-Dead, but in reality, can be the world's biggest egomaniacal A-Holes?
WTF! (More Celebri-Trash) Why is it that when a well known person of questionable talent is asked a question on an important issue, they always begin with, "Well, Diane, as an artist, I feel..."?
Who died and made their self-important, "As an artist" opinions more important than my mechanics or butchers opinion?
As far as celebrities go, it should be more like, "Well, Katie, as a well-known A-Hole, I feel..."
WTF! Why is it, according to NO-NAD man-haters, that when a man proudly wields a large caliber, long barreled gun, he is, in Freudian terms, childishly playing with an extension of his phallus, but when a woman gets her hooks on a gun, she is somehow “empowered?”
WTF! Why is it that when a “Joe The Plumber” type, who earns over $100,000 a year merely has a job, but when someone with not even a High School diploma gets off welfare, takes a nine month course at a fly-by-night trade school (as seen on TV), graduates, lands a position earning slightly above minimum wage, they have a “career?”
WTF! Why is it that Orientals and Indians (the tomahawk kind) normally take offense to those terms and instead prefer to be called Asians and Native Americans, except when it comes to the almighty dollar?
The answers are $imple.
Take note of your local A$ian owned Oriental Dry Cleaner or Oriental Noodle Hou$e. They could care less what you call them as long as your money is good and you pay up.
Casino owning “Native American$” don't seem to have any problems perpetuating a tomahawk weilding redskin stereotype with their use of the term “Indian Gaming Ca$ino” all the way to the bank, in Mac trucks no le$$.
WTF! Why is it that the term 'Native American' is limited to Siberian-American's? Isn't ANYONE born on American soil considered a native...to America?
The facade of political correctness ends and hypocrisy begins whenever money is involved.
WTF! Speaking of race, why is it that should I refer to a black person as “African-American” especially when I don’t know where that person really came from?
Example: If I witness a crime by a black person, and am asked by Barney Fife for a physical description, I would say that person had a dark complexion, or, he/she was black. Whether that person is/was from Africa or Antarctica is of little consequence to a physical description.
WTF! Why is it that when Barney Fife pulls you over for suspicion of drunk driving, he makes you recite the alphabet backwards, has you close your eyes, extend your arms and touch your nose while walking a straight line at 2:00 AM?
Who the hell does any of that crap on a regular basis? He may as well have you perform the Nutcracker Suite while juggling chainsaws on roller skates.
Porcus’ advice: Don’t drink and drive unless you have mastered the alphabet backwards and are as agile as an Olympic gymnast.
WTF! Why is that when Pedro and/or Ping Pong are forced to answer a possibly incriminating question in English, all of a sudden, they answer “Me no speaka da Engrish,” but I would bet your bank account they could recite the Gettysburg Address for a million dollars.
WTF! Why is it that when a professional athlete gets caught using steroids, he/she is cheating, but when Pam Anderson surgically inflates her chest, that’s considered 'enhancement'?
WTF! Why is it that moments after the 9/11 attacks, the first group of people to display, uh, hide behind American flags where 7-11, liquor store and gas station owners named Achmed, who had nothing but contempt for America and American’s prior to the attacks, somehow miraculously took refuge in the American melting pot?
WTF! Why is that when approached by a wine soaked panhandler asking for some coin, I'm addressed as ' Kind sir...', but when I can't oblige Mr. "Can I Have Fitty Cent Fo' Some Bus Fare" I'm suddenly a cheap-ass, mo'-f***ing, racist skinflint?
WTF! Why is that some men, who are unwittingly marked as future 'Daddy' material, regardless of his CHOICE in the matter, are called Sperm Donors, but women with alterior motives are never called Sperm Robbers?
WTF! Why is it that when I purchase something at an Asian owned liquor store, the little Mama San behind the counter can calculate my purchase, the sales tax and change due in two seconds flat in her head, and if I’m a nickel shy, she'll demand, “You pay now!”
But when I win $200 from a lottery ticket purchased at the same store, same Mama San, suddenly, their mental calculators freeze up and they have to call in their family to analyze the ticket and call the state lottery commission and have me wait for an hour for my winnings?
WTF! Why is it that when a dude scopes out bare naked hotties in a Playboy Magazine, he is a drooling, knuckle dragging Cro-Magnon that has no respect for his wife or women in general, but when the same dude attends an art museum chock full of Old Master and Renaissance nude paintings and sculptures, he is now, somehow “cultured?”
Conversely, why is it okay for a woman to stand hypnotized for hours at Michelangelo’s David and not be called a pecker-peeking slut?
WTF! Why is it that when a mob of “inner-city” residents burn, loot, murder and riot while chanting “No justice, no peace”, that’s justified and brushed under the carpet as an uprising, or rebellion, but when taxpaying citizens take to the streets participating in peaceful Tea Party protests, that’s considered a Gestapo style lynch mob?
WTF! Why is it that when I need to make a right turn in downtown traffic, Lupe and her 6 kids leisurely take their sweet time crossing the street in ultra slow motion like a mother duck and her brood following in single file, causing me to wait, but the same Lupe can leave a Ferrari in the dust when she illegally crosses the border with Border Patrol Agents hot on her tail?
WTF! Why is it that you never see that urban eyesore, graffiti, scrawled on murals of the Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ, Cesar Chavez, Pancho Villa, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela or better yet, the graffiti vandals parents house?
WTF! Very Recent, Very True DMV Story: Why is it, that when I patiently wait for two long, tortuous hours at the DMV, and I'm 3 away from my number being called, THE F*****G POWER GOES OUT, THE COMPUTERS GO DOWN, AND EVERYONE IS TOLD TO EVACUATE ASAP?
Gets better. I returned the next day with my paperwork AND the number I was assigned the day before in hopes of bumping the line, only to be told I had to start at the end of the line by a high school dropout wearing a security guard uniform.
WTF! Speaking Of The DMV, why is it that I feel like a foreigner in my own country every time I visit the State supported Tower of Babel?
WTF! even more DMV Crapola: Why is it that my local DMV torture chamber has 1/2 inch thick bullet proof plexi-glass and posters on the glass alerting everyone that it's a felony, punishable of up to one year in state prison to threaten a DMV drone? Gee, you think it's because they're on the career fast-track into professional suckage?
WTF! Why is it that the 9/11 terrorist scum couldn't have flown solo (no innocent passengers) into IRS headquarters or better yet, the building that houses my student loan data on a Sunday morning when no one's there except the computers.
WTF! Why is it that whenever a new TV series or movie comes out and is hyped and hailed as "Critically Acclaimed", "The Best Movie of the Year" "Two Thumbs Up" or "A Sure Oscar Contender" how come I already know it's going to spew big, stinky chunks and flat out suck?
WTF! Why is it that a 15 year old girl can't remember what she had for lunch 3 hours earlier, but can remember what color panties Twatney wasn't wearing to the Pop Tarts Award Show 2 1/2 years before and who her date was?
WTF! Why is it that I always get stuck with the dullest knife in the drawer on the other end of the phone when dealing with government agencies and corporate America alike when I have a question or a problem that needs to be resolved?
WTF! Why is it that some folks get “offended” and somehow manufacture artificial outrage when a stereotype is justified? It truly can't be that there's a hell of a lot of truth in stereotypes?
WTF! Finally, why is it I know that you know where to send the hate mail?