"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer"
– FRANK ZAPPA

 • PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance To The
Way Cool Dudes That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race

HAMBOISMS | PIG'S EDITOR MOLESTS ENGLISH

MORE HAMBO

Give him an inch, and he'll take a mile. Just to keep him happy and shut him the hell up, we have a five page Hambo section but we suspect he'll demand more.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
• Hambo decided to save a few of his favorite rants, at least one of which has never been printed in PIG : Hambo's Greatest Hits
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• Hambo's Memorable Meltdowns: Hambo's Tantrums
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• Hambo is so full of...it that he's planning a working trip to the D.C. Twilight Zone in January: Hambo for President?
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• Hambo is always making up his own theorems or rules. We preseved all those for your amusement here: Hambo's Laws

He's always raving about something so we'll sort through his lesser rants and ravings and post them here: Hambo's Hammer.
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By now, most of you know that I’m a relentlessly colorful pagan, who, routinely, takes the English language on undreamed of road trips. It’s a sovereign individual scribbler thing, so get over it.

If you’re going to spend some quality time in the Free State of PIG, sooner or later, you will stumble over the following Hamboisms. It’s just one of the nifty bonuses that you’ll receive, free of charge, here in the PIGdom.

Many of these terms are original. The others were ‘borrowed’ from outside sources then improved through a top secret Hamboization filtration system.

Unlike the more familiar words you’ll find on our PIG Glossary page, Hamboisms are insidious devils that will burrow into your brain and appear in your communications when you least expect it. Don't lose any sleep over that, because Hamboisms are highly infectious and will soon be popping up in comments and messages from your friends, family and co-workers. That’s why Hamboisms are a gift that keeps on giving.

There, are, I freely admit, many more Hamboisms waiting to trip you up, but this starter set should keep you in the game while you’re reading my peerless prose.

If you find one or more Hamboisms that belong on this list, let me know and I'll include it on this list.

 
ESSENTIAL HAMBOISMS
 


ASCENSION, (THE), Hamboism
The properly-PIGish term for the Messiah Barry elevating festivities which mark his arrival in secular Marxist heaven - the Oval Office - on January 20, 2009.

BESERKELEY, Hamboism
Infested by peace puke Marxists, this fetid brown streak on Uncle Sam’s crapper is ground zero for the unrelenting Korrectness that is eroding our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

BESTOW ENLIGHTENMENT, Hamboism
Two of the most terrifying words in the known universe, they’re a PIGish euphemism that Hambo tosses around when he’s ready to get "Hambo" in some pushy pinhead’s face who won’t quit while he, she, heshe or it can.

BLACK HELICOPTER CLUB, Hamboism
That caterwauling collection of International Pissants in the Big Apple, which is also known by the BORING name, the United Nations.

BOLD NEW CONCEPT, Hamboism
An outside the box solution to a pressing problem that sounds utterly insane when you first hear it, its compelling wisdom sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

BROADCAST BLOWJOB BRIGADE, Hamboism
A PIGish swipe at the Messiah Barry adoring media, a group which, apparently, never learned the folly of speaking when your mouth is full.

CELLIDIOT, Hamboism
A clueless cretin who, routinely, bellows details of his life into that pernicious technological blight, the cell phone, while you're trying to enjoy your dinner or a movie.

DESELECTION, Hamboism
A herd thinning game played by Mother Nature and Old Ka-Boom wherein they reward certain risk-taking retards by taking them out of the human gene pool, giving them a one-way ticket to oblivion.

ELECTED TORMENTOR, Hamboism
1) A special class of parasite who rewards voters for their support by extorting more money from them and infringing on their liberty.

2) A political parasite whose primary function is extorting taxpayer money and making it impossible to fire or replace him, her, himher or it.

EMERILIZE, Hamboism
A PIGish term that borrows Big Easy chef, Emeril's famous mantra, 'kick it up a notch'. See also 'taking it to the next level'.

(THE) FAT CAVE, Hamboism
A top secret refuge where Messiah Al Gore sequesters himself, whenever he has to ride out the slings and arrows of outrageous, real science fortune, like a record-shattering winter freeze.

FAT NAZI, Hamboism
A ubiquitous, 21st century killjoy who uses the Nanny State’s monopoly on the use of force to impose his, her, hisher or its food phobias on sovereign individuals.

FIDDLING, Hamboism
A ubiquitous Nanny State pastime during which Elected Tormentors obsess on the asinine, irrelevant and none of their damn business instead of focusing on their Constitutionally defined duties.

FRANKENIZE, Hamboism
Deciding the results of an election based on votes cast by dead people, votes ‘cast’ weeks after the polls have closed, and recounts where every Demoncrat vote wins a triple chad score.

GLAAD-BAG, Hamboism
Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Annoying Dykes Boys And Alleged Girls*. *Alleged Girls covers, bi, tri, quadra, poly and transsexuals, plus crossdressers.

GREAT NORTHWEST NITWIT, Hamboism
A, synaptically-challenged Evergreen State denizen who is so obsessively leftist, he, she, heshe or it won't make right turns.

HOT HOUSE FLOWER, Hamboism
A extremely appealing female whose dazzling appearance on the showroom floor quickly loses its charm after the ‘buyer’ discovers all the high priced maintenance and upgrades she requires.

HUGO "SKIPPER" CHAVEZ, Hamboism
A properly PIGish name for Venezuela’s steaming, Socialist, tyrant for life, load, a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to The Skipper of Gilligan’s Island fame.

J.O.E., Hamboism
Hambo shorthand for Jolly Old England, it’s his allegedly clever name for the country that spawned the USA and is now, tragically, suffocating under a mountain of politically correct bull crap.

KIM JONG-BASEMENT BOY, Hamboism
A properly-PIGish name for the Tiny Tyrant's heir-apparent, his youngest son, Kim Jong-un.

LAB COATED HOOLIGANS, Hamboism
Junk science perpetrating alleged scientists who sell their souls to a Nanny State devil, for research funding and/or to further their own political agenda.

MAHMOUD AL-GILLIGAN, Hamboism
Hambo’s name for Iran’s wacky wingnut who bears a striking resemblance to the title character in ‘Gilligan’s Island’.

MESSIAHISM, Hamboism
An inexplicable 21st century mental meltdown, which instills those so afflicted with a smugly sanctimonious conviction of being specially anointed to save the merely mortal from their political sins.

MESSIAH MATH, Hamboism
A 2 + 2 = 5 class numeric system, which calculates that the Nanny State can tax and spend a nation to prosperity, as long as the mint’s printing presses don’t self-destruct from the incessant use.

N. D. B. C., Hamboism
"Not Dynamite But Cute" is Hambo-speak for a fetching female who falls short of "you’d die to have it", but makes the "I wouldn’t slash my wrists if I got it" cut.

OBAMAGASM, Hambosim
An uncontrollable fit if knee-weakening rapture which shuts down all synaptic activity in any Obamunist the moment they hear Messiah Barry’s voice.

OBAMANESE, Hamboism
Trance-inducing rhetoric, which might majorly rock your world, until the spell wears off and you can smell the noxious stench of teleprompter generated bull shit.

OBAMANOMICS, Hamboism
It’s the same commie bullcrap that keeps failing - From each according to his ability. To each according to his need. - presented by glib fool with Dumbo ears.

OBAMATON, Hamobism
An alleged human afflicted with a trance-like condition that completely shuts down all higher brain functions, resulting in a mind-numbed zombie who is so enslaved by O’Dumbo that they applaud when he blows his nose.

OBAMA TRUTH SQUAD, oxymoron
A blatant example of doublespeak, it’s all the proof you need that, when it comes to the word twisting leftists, Orwell was an OPTIMIST. [See also Barry "Big Brother" Obama].

OBAMERICA, Hamboism
The misery-plagued remains of a once noble experiment in inalienable liberty, after its people surrendered it to Marxist tyranny, without a fight.

OBAMINABLE, Hamboism
The best description for the increasingly popular Obamunist notion that the 22nd Amendment must be scrapped to allow the Marxist Messiah to become Obamerica’s tyrant for life.

OBAMNUCOPIA, Hamboism
A magical font of Dumbo-eared beneficence which allows the Marxist Messiah to ‘spread’ more wealth than America’s achievers produce, as measured by the GNP.

OBAMUNISM, Hamboism
The newest kid on the political block, it’s essentially the same old "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need" tyranny, with a 21st century makeover.

(THE) OBAMUNIST ERROR, Hamboism
A period of American history during which rugged individualism, capitalism and a properly Constitutional, non-intrusive government were scuttled by mind-numbed asshats seeking slave of the Nanny State status under a Marxist Messiah.

PEACE AND QUIET, Hamboism
An glorious environmental condition that landed on the endangered list thanks to bellowing cretins who can't go five seconds without yammering on their damn cell phone.

PIGLISH, Hamboism
A insidious form of communication that includes unique terms, word combinations, acronyms, Hamboism and other word elements that burrow into your brain like that song you can’t stop humming.

PRAISE-A-THON, Hamboism
Any on-the-record encounter between a so-called journalists and Messiah Barry, it features carefully scripted answers to pre-screened questions. [Related terms: Broadcast Blowjob, Steaming Load]

REAGAN'S MANTLE, Hamboism
A mythical cloak reputed to give the wearer the Gipper’s powers of persuasion, it is donned by pachyderm punks of all stripes, but never seems to fit any of them.

RED SHED (THE), Hamboism
The properly-PIGish new name for the venerable structure at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, it denotes the alarmingly Marxist policies spewing out of the Oval Office.

SANDBOX, (THE), Hamboism
Hambo’s name for a differently rational realm where women are forced to wear head to toe opaque baggies because Saudi Arabian males have no control over their own sexual impulses.

SIBERIAN-AMERICANS, Hamboism
The 3rd or 4th wave of pre-Columbian, New World immigrants, they crossed into North America from Siberia about 11,000 years ago, then pretended they were "always" here by calling themselves "Native Americans".

SOVEREIGN INDIVIDUAL, Hamboism
A rugged American individual who understands that the Constitution places strict, non-negotiable limits on government in a valiant, but flawed, attempt to maximize his liberty.

STAINED GLASS TOWER, Hamboism
An institution of (alleged) higher learning that answers to a much higher, heavenly, power. [Related terms: Ebony Tower]

TOILET PAPER OFFSETS, Hamboism
A first cousin to the more familiar carbon offset, it involves tree hugging butt wipes paying corn cob using rustics for the toilet paper they don’t want or need.

TOLL BOOTH, Hamboism
Hambo’s allegedly clever shorthand for "a Toll Booth on the highway to heaven", it denotes any church building, or electronic ministry.

TOLL TAKER, Hamboism
The soul wrangler who accepts the true believers’ ‘fares’ (faith offerings) at a designated Toll Booth on the highway to heaven.

TRIPLE CHAD SCORE, Hamboism
A bold, new, vote tabulating, concept which reached critical mass in Minnesota, it allows any chad punched for a Demoncrat candidate to count as 3 votes in a hotly contested election.

VIRTUAL VIRGIN, Hamboism
A female - usually in her late teens or early 20's - who swears that she only did "it" once, but she really, really, didn't enjoy it.

NAME GAMES - RECURRING HAMBO CHARACTERS
 
Barack O’Dumbo
Refers to Barack O’Bamba and his oversized ears.

Barry, The Boy Blunder
Refers to Barack O’Bama, who tends to step in it, whenever he’s forced to speak, unaided by his teleprompter.

Bubba
Refers to the Demoncrat gift that keeps on giving, William Jefferson Clinton

Comrade Hillary
Refers to Bubba’s special circle of hell, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Crash Test Dummy
Refers to Tiger "My Wife Kicked My Ass" Woods.

Fat Cave Fathead
Refers to Al Gore who is reputed to brood about climate change in his top secret Fat Cave

Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse
Refers to four queens of the tabloids: Skank Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera.

Gavin The Terrible
Refers to Mexifornia's Lt. Governor, former Bllight by the Bay Mayor Gavin Newsome, a Libertard moonbat who wants to spread his special brand of 'joy' from Mexifornia's governor's office.

Hot Air Buffoon
Another label I pinned on that fatass fraud, Al Gore.

Mahmoud al-Gilligan
Refers to Hugo "Skipper" Chavez’s ‘little buddy’, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who bears a striking resemblance to Gilligan from Gilligan’s Island fame.

Messiah Al
Refers to Al Gore, the designated ‘savior’ for climate change chowderheads.

Messiah Barry
Refers to Barack (Barry) Hussein O’Bama.

Nightmare In Red
Refers to the world's most infamous, most annoying, media slut, Gloria Allred.

Skipper
Refers to Hugo Chavez who bears and uncanny resemblance to the Skipper of Gilligan’s Island fame.

(The) Tingler
Refers to bellowing Obamunist asshat, Chris Matthews, who gets that special sensation, whenever he sees, hears, or moons over, his Marxist Messiah.

(The) Tiny Terror
Refers to North Korea's tyrant for life, Kim Jong-il.


 
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