Environmental Racism?

For a variety of reasons - economic and environmental - Los Angeles officials want to expand a railyard that's close to the Port of Los Angeles. When the expansion is finished, truckers will greatly reduce the distance they drive when picking up a load at the port then dropping it off at a railyard. Who could possibly object? Who indeed.

The Los Angeles City Council approved the rail company BNSF's $500 million project, the Southern California International Gateway (SCIG), which is located four miles from the ports in San Pedro, Calif.

BNSF claims that the project will cut the distance trucks have to travel between the cargo ships and the rail lines. Currently trucks must travel 24 miles on the constantly congested 710 Freeway.

The rail project will be built in Wilmington, a suburb located near the ports. The Natural Resources Defense Council and other environmental groups, however, claim that the project targets LA minority communities.

"The SCIG project typifies environmental racism," David Pettit, director of the NRDC's Southern California air program and urban program, said in a statement. "This project can be built away from where people live and children go to school, but the city of Los Angeles wants to put it in a low-income minority neighborhood because they think they can get away with it."

According to the environmentalists, 87 percent of Wilmington's 51,000 residents are blue collar and Latino. The BNSF project will also add 1 million truck and train trips through local neighborhoods which will increase cancer and asthma rates through increased chronic air pollution.

"This unnecessary project is not only dangerous to the health of the local working class, working poor communities of color but to the entire region," said Angelo Logan, executive director for East Yard Communities for Environmental Justice. [Daily Caller]

Environmental Racism? That's a new one on me.

Fond Memories of My Dad

My dad passed a while back, but I still have numerous fond memories of him.

Memory 1: Great Balls of Fire

I made a vivid impression - not to mention a lasting mark on him - when I was a mere rugrat. He was outside doing something with a blowtorch, so I decided to help him. How? Armed with a stick, I ignored his warnings and waved it in the flame.

The good news is that his mustache and eyebrows grew back.

The bad news is that the spanking he gave me removed 'sitting' from my options for a few days.

Memory 2: Fan Wars

During the Summer, my mother liked to run a fan at night. My dad was differently enthusiastic about 'that damned fan'.. The sequence went like this:

She turns the fan on and falls asleep.

He gets up and turns it off then he falls asleep.

She wakes up, turns it on again, then goes back to sleep.

He wakes up, turns it off and goes back to sleep.

It goes on like that all night long.

BUT, the best is yet to come. The next morning, he complains that, because "she ran the fan all night, there wasn't enough electricity to heat the water for his coffee.

Did he think we were powered by batteries?

Memory 3: Gift Wars

My dad initiated this one, when he bought my mom something she didn't need, didn't want, and had no intention of using, for Christmas. Touting it as her extra special, personal, present, he gave her a DEEP FRYER. She was so unamused it can't be quantified.

The next year, she upped the ante, when it came to HIS personal, extra special, present. She gave him SOD for the front lawn. BUT, this wasn't just any sod, it was the kind of grass that's used on golf greens. It looked awesome - he got to put it in, of course - but it was VERY high maintenance, since it required a special lawnmower. Also, any blemish - be it a weed or an ant hill, stood out like a sore thumb.

From there, the gift war escalated, but I missed most of it, since I was out of the house and on my own, by then.

Memory 4: Eavesdropping

My Aunt and Uncle came to visit, so mom and dad were sleeping in the bedroom in the basement. After dad went downstairs, we were all chatting at the kitchen table, right next to the stairway. I don't know what we were saying, but it must have been about him, because mom said, "He's probably downstairs listening to us."

An instant later, from the bowels of the basement, his indignant voice filled the stairwell: "I AM NOT!"

We cracked up, of course, and, being a good sport, my dad laughed too.

Memory 5: Family Road Trips

By far, my fondest - in retrospect of course - memories of my dad involve our regular family road trips, with my dad at the wheel. His driving skills were first rate. Unhappily, his navigation skills left something to be desired. That's because, his rules of road warrior engagement were simple: "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

When he was at the wheel, there were certain givens:

* Despite the fact that your bladder was the size of Jupiter, my dad resisted the urge to make a pit stop. His excuses were variations on the same theme: "I don't like the looks of that one." I don't give a damn if it looks like the Black Hole of Calcutta. When you gotta go, beggers can't be choosers.

The closest he came to an untimely demise was when he tried that crap on my lovely bride. Her death threats were, to say the least, impressive. She had almost resolved the 'strangle him or just shoot him' issue, when he made that life saving pit stop. He never knew how close he came to becoming a crime statistic. Call me names if you must, but it was a clear case of justifiable homicide.

* He was obsessed with beating his personal driving record to a given destination. This one played out in a number of ways, the primary one being 'the new shortcut'. The moment he deviated from the well traveled path, you could bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that you were about to boldly go where you'd never gone before.

These shortcuts never failed to get my dad severely lost, a condition that he steadfastly denied. When we finally emerged, hours later, to hell and gone from our alleged destination, he would smile at my mom and say, "I knew where I was the entire time." It's not the kind of thing you say to a red-headed woman whose whole family is populated by legendary exploders.

I will, grudgingly, admit, that, despite his pathological hatred of pit stops and his proclivity for getting amazingly lost, my dad always got us there safely, and - according to his reality-challenged time keeping - he always beat his old record. I will also admit that there was an undeniable aura of adventure, when he decided to save time, by traveling on roads that even the hardiest local avoided at all costs. Hell, some of the places we visited don't appear on any map. Trying to find them would give Google Earth a nervous breakdown.

I know it's early, but I wanted, needed, to give him his due.

He was a great guy and I still miss him.

Happy Father's Day, dad.

Calendar Fun

June is under way, and, by now, you're already participating in 'Migraine Awareness Month'. It's an understandable response, all things considered, given these June observances:

June really started to stink, when it dredged up that painful era in your childhood. Why do 'they' kept yammering about 'Potty Training Awareness Month'?

You were still reeling from that, when you found out, the hard way, that June is also 'World Naked Bike Ride Month'. And you thought spandex was an eyesore...

If that doesn't make you add eye bleach to your shopping list, this will: June is also GLAAD BAAG Pride Month. You're gonna see things at the prance-a- thon that will make you pray for another group of naked pedal pumpers.

I hate to kick you while you're down, but, as much as you might want to run some naked bike rider off the road, you can't, because June is 'Lane Courtesy Month' .

That kind of stuff could drive you to drink, if it wasn't for 'Pharmacists Declare War on Alcoholism Month'. Why doesn't that pill pusher mind his own business?

I feel bad about this one, Sparky, but you need to know that June is also ' World Infertility Month' . You're shooting blanks, stud.

All things considered, it's lucky for all concerned that June is also 'Rebuild Your Life Month'.

Musings

Item: Playing the Race Card

I had the boom box on as background noise, when the host - a Melanin-Enriched dude I'll call 'Brothah' - disinterred a golden oldie. Which one? The one where the Elephant Clan is cited for using 'code words' - tax cuts, balanced budget, etc. - which translate as the 'N-word', and assorted other racist pleasantries.

The sad fact about this bullshit is that low information voters - government schooled idiots with self-esteem - swallow it, hook, line & sinker.

Item: A gun buy back on acid.

According to the Daily Caller, Strobridge Elementary school in Hayward (Mexifornia) sponsored a gun trade-in for its inmates. I know what you're thinking and it's not THAT. It's much worse:

An elementary school in Hayward, Calif. will sponsor a toy gun trade-in, encouraging kids to swap their harmless toy weapons for a chance to win a new bicycle.

The purpose of the trade-in is to stop children from playing with toy guns, which may make them more likely to commit violence with real guns, said Strobridge Elementary principal Chris Hill.

"Playing with toys guns, saying 'I'm going to shoot you,' desensitizes them, so as they get older, it's easier for them to use a real gun," Hill said in a statement to Mercury News.

The trade-in will take place on Saturday during the school's "Safety Day," which will also feature talks on safety tips from police officers and firefighters. Authorities will offer to take pictures and fingerprints of children to be used to help locate them in case they go missing.

Any child who hands over his toy gun will receive a raffle ticket. The school will raffle off four bicycles, and also hand out books in exchange for the tickets.(Daily Caller)

Indoctrination is alive and well in Hayward's government cess-schools.

Item: Juan McCain still doesn't get it

Juan is bemoaning the fact that Hezbollah - the Iranian backed Jihadikazes fighting for Assad - are terminating wounded Al-Qaeda affiliated Jihadikzes fighting against Assad.

Juan, dude,whenever either side incurs a KIA, the end result is a dead terrorist. What's wrong with that?

Item: A request.

PIGster J, PIG's professor of piety, is having some serious health issues. I would appreciate it if you remembered him in your prayers. Trust me, when I assure you that he's one of the GOOD GUYS.

Odds & Ends

Item: Shiny Object

The usual press card packing punks are laying down covering fire on the IRS 'TEA Party' scandal. The public was starting to pay attention to the IRS's blatant intimidation of conservative groups, to help control the outcome of an election. The scope of the scandal was poised to spread to other federal agencies, until 'they' changed the subject.

The REAL scandal, manipulating election outcomes via voter intimidation, vanished like a fart in a hurricane. Thanks to a media blitz, an asinine IRS conference took center stage. That's all it took to 'redefine' the IRS scandal to something foolish, something frivolous. The worst thing about this crap is the willing complicity of inside the beltway pachyderm punks.

Item: Porcus Sighting

Based on this image, I arrived at the obvious conclusion:

Porcus has been watching old Village People videos...again. Nice globes, dude.

Justin Bieber Is Douchetastic

I saw this on the Dan Patrick Show and laughed so hard coffee shot out my nose. Once the pain in my nose subsided, I knew I had to share this joy.

Does he own a mirror? Does he know how it works?

Censorship

The alleged 'right' that protects hypersensitive cretins from being offended is THRIVING in the British Isles.

The Good: Outraged when those murdering Islamikaze pieces of shit butchered a Brit soldier on a London street, last week, a capitalist in South Wales exercised his free speech with this shirt:

Matthew Taylor, 35, the owner of Taylor's clothes store on Emlyn Walk in the city, printed up and displayed the T-shirt with the slogan: "Obey our laws, respect our beliefs or get out of our country" after Drummer Lee Rigby, 25, was killed in near Woolwich barracks in London last week. (South Wales Argus)

The Bad: Some chronically offended stain on humanity's skivvies whined to the so-called authorities, who paid Matt a visit:

Mr Taylor said: "I had a visit from two CSOs (community support officers) because it has been reported by someone who felt it was offensive.

"It's not meant to be offensive.

I didn't produce it to be offensive. It's what I believe.

"At the end of the day if you don't like the way a country is run and don't like our beliefs then go somewhere else, don't go killing people.

"I don't care if you Welsh, Scottish, English, go somewhere else if you don't like it."

Mr Taylor said obviously the killing of Drummer Rigby had been in his mind, but having lived in Chepstow close to Beachley barracks for a number of years the armed forces were particularly close to his heart.

He said the T-shirt seemed to have gone down well.

"I had one person shout that it was 'disgusting' but on the whole most people have reacted positively to it," Mr Taylor said.

"I think the person who reported me was a bit too sensitive and hasn't read it properly. I don't see it as racist. I took it down because it is meant to be a statement about any race. Any colour. I'm offended I have had to take it down. I can't see why I can't share my beliefs," he said.

The Ugly: The proper authorities are spewing the familiar mantra: "Of course I believe in free speech, as long as you say what the chronically offended are willing to hear."

A spokeswoman for Gwent police confirmed: " We did have a call from a member of the public. We visited the shop and asked him to remove it (the T-shirt) as it could be seen to be inciting racial hatred."

Newport city councillor, Majid Rahman said: "I believe in freedom of speech and defend his rights to say what he wants, but once it starts offending people then it's a police matter and it's up to them whether they think it's broken any laws."

Parting shot: Matthew Taylor, knows NOW that his speech is only as free as the most ridiculously hypersensitive listener will allow.

The following elements of the PIG Doctrine are in play:

The exaggerated sensitivities of others are not my responsibility, nor do their hurt feelings empower them to abolish my right to Freedom of Speech.

Since a word is nothing more than an ethically-neutral sequence of sound waves, it only has as much power for good or evil as the listener bestows upon it. There are no intrinsically 'offensive' sound waves, there are only hypersensitive listeners who are predisposed to being offended by them.

Worlds Apart

While toiling away at Wonderland, I got a call from a vendor whom I've known for years. After a relatively brief exchange of technology-related pleasantries, the yammering veered off into politics.

He got it rolling, when he noted how much more civilized his Arizona outpost of capitalism is than his primary capitalistic outpost in Mexifornia.

Him: "When it comes to taxes and regulations, Arizonia seems like another country."

Me: "Which country? Mexico?"

Him: "That too. Why is California so fucked up?"

Me: "A Jackass Party legislature. A Jackass Party governor. Plus, a critical mass of chad punching Moonbats who keep them in control."

Him: "That explains it. Arizona seems to have avoided that problem. I only remember one really bad governor - a woman named Napolitano - but she's long gone. I have no idea where she went."

Me: "She's the head of DHS."

Him: "Oh my god."

Me: "You'd know this stuff, if you read my scribblings at the Politically Incorrect Gazette. WWW DOT P I G A Z E T T E DOT COM."

Welcome to the PIGdom, Dave.

Musings

Syria

Too many people are setting their hair on fire over this. I don't get it.

The 'rebels': All of them are Jihadikazes. Most of them have strong links to Al Qaeda.

Assad: His biggest supporter is Iran, followed closely by Iranian funded Hezbollah.

So we have Iranian Jihadikazes killing Al Qaeda Jihadikazes. What's not to like? Why would anyone think of stopping that?

I say break out the pop corn, put your feet up, then sit back and enjoy the show.

McCain

Speaking of Syria, let's discuss Juan McCain's visit.The real reason for it isn't that complicated.

Syria's designated useful idiot got killed in a mortar attack.

They asked Barry to loan them one of ours.

Joe Biden was busy cataloging his navel lint.

Juan McCain was willing and available.

If they need him, I'm confident that no rational adults will miss him, here.

Scandals

IRS?

AP?

Fox News?

Benghazi?

If Barry's regime is deploying that many shiny objects at once, what is it he's afraid we'll discover?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Brothers

When Steve O'Rourke and his new bride Hayley returned from their honeymoon, this is what they found:

Is this the work of artistically twisted vandals? Not exactly.

A newly-wed couple got back from honeymoon to find their home painted in the style of Mr Blobby - as part of a revenge prank by the groom's brother. Plasterer Russell O'Rourke, 35, spent two days on the makeover of his brother Steve's home in Hamstel Road, Southend. It was in retaliation to a joke six years ago when Russell was on honeymoon and Steve, a builder, put up a brick wall across his driveway.

Mr O'Rourke, 32, and his new wife Hayley, 31, arrived home at about 04:00 BST on Sunday to discover the house "glowing" pink, despite the early hour. Mrs O'Rourke, a mother of two, said: "It was pure shock to start with. We had a feeling he (Russell) might have done something because of the stunt Steve pulled, but we weren't expecting anything on the outside of the house. We were quite horrified, but then we just laughed and had to see the funny side of it. Everyone seems to love it and is taking pictures, they think it's hilarious. The neighbours have said it brightens up the street and we should keep it." (BBC)

When it comes to pranks, the O'Rourke brothers think big. Get ready for it Russell. It's YOUR turn.

A John 'Hannibal' Smith Moment

[I promoted this from the awards page for two reasons.

Reason 1: When I read about it online, I laughed out loud.

Reason 2: When my lovely bride read about it, online, she laughed out loud.]

Dr. Christopher Stone,associate professor of Arabic and head of the Arabic Programme at City University, is an Egghead whose Libertard Moonbat credentials are impeccable. He hates America. He's an Israel despising Palestinian supporter. He even signed a petition 'demanding that the NYPD commissioner step down for fighting Muslim terrorism'.

Mistaking his Moonbattery for a suit of armor, Dr. Stone tempted fate on the Jihadikaze infested streets of Cairo (Eqypt):

According to Al-Ahram, Stone told prosecutors the attack took place while he was on his way to the US Embassy to finish some paperwork for his wife. A young man enquired about his nationality and stabbed him in the neck after he said he was American.

Just in case there was any doubt whatsoever about the motive, Mahmoud Badr, the stabber, who has a bachelor's degree in commerce, clarified his motive…

The man who stabbed an American in Cairo on Thursday says he was motivated by a hatred of the United States. (Frontpage)

An Israel despising, America hating, Palestinian venerating, American liberal is stabbed by an America hating, Israel despising, Palestinian venerating Jihadikaze? Like John "Hannibal" Smith, I love it when a plan comes together.

Today's Bold New Concept

My lovely bride is annoyed over the pace of justice in Arizona. I refer, of course, to the Jodi Arias murder trial. In the good old days, Arizona officials would start building the gallows, before jury selection was completed. My Lovely Bride whipped up considerable enthusiam for this straight from the courtroom to the gallows style of justice, and therin lies the problem.

My efforts to explain to Ms. "Just Shoot That Bitch" that times have changed didn't thrill her spitless. Eager to make it right I gave her a 'gift'.

This is how she described it on Facebook:

My better half is a fun kind of a guy! He has an idea that no matter what happens to the two court appearances today of Jodi Arias and O.J. Simpson we should (somehow) get the two of them together. Perhaps even put one knife in the room w/them.

Let nature take its course and no matter how it goes, we win!

Hambo's parting shot: Here's my plan. Put Juice and Jodi alone in a room with a knife. No matter what happens, no matter which one get the sharp end of the knife WE WIN. Winner,winner, chicken dinner.

Gibberish Decoded

[I found this gem in my archives and decided to redeploy it.]

Today, I'll paint a PIGish bull's-eye on the synapse-suffocating tidal wave of gibberish, jargon, and 'coded' messages that bombard us from all sides, every waking minute of our lives. It's everywhere we go and it's getting worse, with each passing minute.

Food labeling: Most of us ignore this dose of Nanny State imposed gibberish, but that's destined to change, under the new DeathCare scheme. Aided and abetted by their toadies in Congress, Fat Nazis are determined to rub our noses in it.

Gibberish: Calories, Transfats, Sugars, Salt, blah, blah, blah.
PIGish Alternative: The nutrition label should show one, or more, Louisville Sluggers, along with the prose: "This is how many baseball bats your doctor will use to beat some sense in your lard ass, if you eat this."

The sneakiest outburst of food labeling gibberish that I ever encountered relates to 'serving size'. Normally, the nutritional information is 'per serving. On the off chance that you read the 'calories' and 'calories from fat' information, some shack food wranglers play games by tweaking the number of servings. For example, I recently purchased a snack which contained 4 mini cupcakes. The damage 'per serving' seemed acceptable, until I noticed the number of servings: 12. In other words, I had to multiply the nutritional information by 3 to compute the 'per mini cupcake' damage.

Programmable Electronic Devices: For a long time, this kind of gibberish was confined to your computer. Admittedly, computers (computer programs) are still a prime offender, but - as headline grabbing thrill rides demonstrate - it's now popping up in your car. It's also in your cell phone, and assorted other programmable items.

Computerized devices torture users with assorted beeps and bells, plus the processor-generated messages which accompany them. It's infuriating, because it doesn't tell you what went wrong. The FSOP favors something much more helpful.

"Oops - I forgot to carry my one, but I'm okay, now."

"D'Oh - Some random event made me lose my place, but it's obviously a one-time occurrence."

"Uh-oh - That random event happened again, so stop what you're doing and do something useful, like rebooting me."

"Damn It! - Rebooting didn't help, so it's time to bring in a trained, computer geek, professional."

"I see what you're doing and it won't work. Let me know how that works out, Einstein, because I am O-U-T of here."

Instead of those 'Error NNNNNN' messages, we favor something more descriptive like: "Your hard drive just ate itself", "My mind is going", or "I'm melting...I'm melting".

If you get a series of beeps when you boot up, here's a PIGish Translation: Demonic laughter, "YOU'RE SO SCREWED."

Boob Tube and Movie Ratings: When it comes to incomprehensible gibberish, this mess is at, or near, the top of the heap. I know 'they' are - allegedly - trying to be helpful, but this is ridiculous. As insane as movie ratings are, boob tube ratings with their expanded categories and subcategories take gibberish off the cliff.

Gibberish: "G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17". "TV-Y, TV-Y7, TV-Y7-FV, TV-G, TV-PG (D,S,L,V), TV-14 (D,S,L,V), TV-MA (S,L,V)

PIGish Alternative: Categories like: "You're getting sleepy", "Minor, clothes on, groping", "TITS!", "You're going straight to hell, pervert.", plus subcategories like: "Bang, you're dead", "Buckets of blood and gore", "Talk dirty to me".

Boom Box and Boob Tube Ads: On the radio, the warp speed shyster spew is where the action is. On television, that laundry list of possible side effects and/or the small, impossible to read, print is where the rubber hits the road. In both cases, the shyster spew is the functional equivalent of 'What we really mean to say is this: take everything we told you with a very LARGE grain of salt.'

PIGish Alternative: Since advertisers refuse to play it straight, we'll simply cite Hambo's Laws: The suckage of a product touted on the radio [or television] is inversely proportional to the speed and length of the shyster spew at the end of the ad. (The faster they talk, the longer it lasts, the more likely it is that the product reeks.)

Automotive Gibberish: With most cars infested with 5,000 kinds of hellish computerized functions - including breaking, accelerating, starting, shutting down, shifting gears - this category is alarmingly similar to 'Programmable Electronic Devices'. Aside from minor - essentially inconsequential - details, the same error message rants apply. For those who drive more traditional - yer outta here cyber punk - transportation, there is one example of automotive gibberish which demands our undivided attention.

Gibberish: "Check Engine."
PIGish Alternative: "Some government mandated, performance-degrading, piece of Smog Nazi crap is having a bad day. Go ahead, ask me if I care."

Admittedly, gibberish isn't a fate worse than death. At worst, it's an annoyance which is imposed on us by nerds, who never got over that daily wedgie he got in high school, and/or Nanny State Nitwits who love yanking our chain. It would be nice if they cut the crap and gave it to us, straight, simple, and direct. It would be very nice, and very out of character. If it's no frills doses of objective reality you crave, you're in the right place, because the Free State of PIG gives you all of THAT you can handle, on a daily basis.

Mama Mia

Mothers Day isn't sufficiently PIGish, so we're perpetrating some PIG-Worthy Awards to make this annual outburst of sloppy sentimentality endlessly fun. Here are some of our initial award category ideas:

"Most Enthusiastic Mother Award"
The unrivaled queen of clown car nads is Michelle Duggar, that woman in Arkansas who has already spawned 19 times. Michelle has a big head start, but Octomom is just dumb enough o give her a run for her money. Stay tuned.

"Nightmare On Maternity Street"
Pornstar Kardashian (Kim) locked up this cringe-inducing yearly award, when lard ass let Kanye West knock her up. Given her tendency to pork up, Pornstar is destined to be a single mom, when next year's Mama Mia Awards roll around.

"Media Whoring, Daughter Pimping, Mom of the Year"
Kris Jenner (AKA Big Mama Karkdashian) is the poster bitch for this one. We the PIGs predict that she'll sink to horror-inducing new lows, the instant her baby girl, Pornstar, delivers her spawn into Kris Jenner's greedy clutches.

"I Had E.T.'s Baby Award"
When we created this one, we had Tom Cruise's bride - Katie Holmes-Cruise - in mind. It's her just reward for reproducing with a couch-jumping Moonbat. The alleged daddy of the tyke is the best possible proof that E. T. really is living among us.

We are delighted to report that Katie came to her senses, dumped her 'spacey' hubby like a bad habit, then escaped to freedom with her daughter, Suri. By all reports, Suri is a bright, charming, delightful young lady who isn't tainted with daddy's well-documented lunacy.

"Stage Mommy of the Year"
Dina Lohan has a lock on this one. Dina played a vital role in securing a Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse slot for her daughter Lindsay. Refusing to rest on her laurels, Dina has 'mothered' Lindsay's sister, Ali, into the poster stick for anorexia.

"Show Me The Money Mommy of the Year"
This choice was easy. Our winner is Katherine Jackson, a woman who is still trying to cash in on her son, Meal Ticket Jackson (Michael), 4 years after his death. No wonder Mikey was twisted, with all his loser relatives leeching off him, all those years.

"Militant Moonbat Mommy of the Year"
Zubeidat Tsarnaeva the breeder who spawned the Boston Marathon bombers, Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, nailed this one. Why? Because she's an insane bitch.

"Egg Incubating Hen of the Year"
If you're not shouting Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson, you're not paying attention.

"Hot Mama Award"
This award is PIGish in the extreme. Needless to say, the heated PIG bunker debate over this one quickly devolved into one of our most memorable melees. We finally decided to let our PIGsters make this call.

The rules of engagement on this one are obvious, but we'll explain them anyway. If you could choose any 'mommy' on this planet to 'kiss' away that boo-boo, whom would you pick?

By now, you're raising your glass high to salute your friends in the Free State of PIG for another inspired idea. Okay, so maybe you're not dancing in the streets or shouting the thrilling news from your roof top, we know that an idea as great as this will grow on you.

Wading In The Shallow End Of The Gene Pool?

[I decided to take a break from my usual, table-pounding, tantrums and serve up a small slice of Hambo's life. The following story is true and only moderately embellished. It's proof that Old Ka-Boom's egregiously playful wife (the dreaded Mrs. Old Ka-Boom) has singled me out for special treatment. Or, to put it in words that my lovely bride will understand "A".]

Eating out isn't supposed to be an action/adventure, but for reasons known only to HER, that mean-spirited deity with the warped sense of humor, it usually turns out to be. Case in point...

It was feeding time on the 'farm', in this particular case, a popular eating establishment that serves the best breakfast in town. The baby factory was wearing that classically bovine expression that the tragically misguided, prospective fathers and grandmothers to be call 'radiant' or 'serene'. She had on one of those hideous, moronic 'I'm pregnant' t-shirts that say 'baby' and have an arrow pointing down towards her grotesquely distended belly. What the hell is so wonderful about a fat chick with a stupid look on her face? Radiant my ass!

Daddy was living proof that anyone can, and will, become a father. His so-called expression was glassy-eyed and vacant - nobody has a cute name for it when a man does it - which is about what I'd expect from a man wearing an Ozzy Osborne t-shirt. If Darwin is right, the gene pool is in deep doo doo!

Completing this poignant family ensemble was their last project, a brat of indeterminate age and sex - for the sake of this discussion we'll call it male - who used his strategically located high chair perch to shower all of the nearby tables with recycled food. The cow viewed her offspring from hell's antics with an indulgent smile while daddy was too zoned out for it to register. That all changed when this future Nolan Ryan started to zero in on dear old dad. Before long he'd found the range and scored several direct hits in succession the final one of which hit dad right between the eyes.

Daddy un-zoned, took a brief side trip to reality and assessed the damage. After removing the food projectile - a partially chewed bit of syrup coated pancake - from his face. After his lone synapse fired and he identified the projectile, daddy made his move and did the logical thing - a no shit first for this mutant - and impounded the kids ammo.

In an instant, the brat's face clouded over and he started to build up to his usual response with a long series of deep breaths. Giving daddy a brat class 'eat shit and die' look, the little terror cut loose with a glass-shattering scream. While it reloaded for another blast, mama's pride and joy cleared the high chair's tray with a sweep of it's cubby arm. Water, food and dishes re-affirmed the laws of gravity, as they clattered to the floor.

Ready to give his voice and my ears a total workout, the little fiend cut loose with an impressive series of shrieks, each one being louder that the one before.

If I concede that children are 'necessary' and that this is all part of growing up, will you answer a question for me? Why do they seat these little horrors next to me? I swear, if there are 47 empty tables in a restaurant and one of these mega-brats shows up, they always seat it next to me. Someone up there doesn't like me, and I know who she is.

Just Shoot Me

Since I went 'all in' on my DirecTV movie channels, I thought I'd seen it all.

Guess again, Hambo.

Last month HBO tested my self-inflicted pain threshold with "Battleship", a movie which is much better when the sound is muted.

I watched. I winced. I survived.

This month, HBO has sunk much, much, lower? How?

It's called "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter".

It is, quite simply the most asinine thing I've ever seen.

I tried to watch. I recoiled from the unrelenting stupidity of it. I survived, but my synapses are in intensive care. The prognosis for a full recover is grim.

Just say 'no' to this stinker.

Parting shot: I can't believe a film studio professional thought this pile of crap was a spiffy idea for a flick.

Barry's Road Trip

Barry went to Mexico to promote immigration reform.

Barry, dude, Mexico doesn't have an immigration problem. It nuked it with a multi-phase approach.

Phase One: Mexican officials are serious assholes when uninvited visitors invade.

Phase Two: Legal immigrants are SEVERELY restricted, despite their 'legal' status.

Phase Three: Mexican officials do everything in their power to export their poverty to the USA.

Barry, you vile piece of America hating scum, Mexico isn't part of the solution to our immigration woes. Mexico is the lion's share of the PROBLEM.

A Compelling Urban Myth

I have serious doubts about this one, but I'll share it anyway:

The owners of Collegno's Pizzeria say they refused to serve him more than one piece to protest Bloomberg's proposed soda ban,which would limit the portions of soda sold in the city.

Bloomberg was having an informal working lunch with city comptroller John Liu at the time and was enraged by the embarrassing prohibition. The owners would not relent, however, and the pair were forced to decamp to another restaurant to finish their meal.

Witnesses say the situation unfolded when as the two were looking over budget documents, they realized they needed more food than originally ordered.

"Hey, could I get another pepperoni over here?" Bloomberg asked owner Antonio Benito.

"I'm sorry sir," he replied, "we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit."
Stop and Tisk

Mayor Bloomberg, not accustomed to being challenged, assumed that the owner was joking.

"OK, that's funny," he remarked, "because of the soda thing ... No come on. I'm not kidding. I haven't eaten all morning, just send over another pepperoni."

"I'm sorry sir. We're serious," Benito insisted. "We've decided that eating more than one piece isn't healthy for you, and so we're forbidding you from doing it."

"Look jackass," Bloomberg retorted, his anger boiling, "I fucking skipped breakfast this morning just so I could eat four slices of your pizza. Don't be a schmuck, just get back to the kitchen and bring out some fucking pizza, okay."

"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do," the owner repeated. "Maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories."

Witnesses say a fuming Bloomberg and a bemused Liu did indeed walk down the street to a rival pizzeria , ordered another slice and finished their meeting. (Daily Currant)

I WANT this to be true, so I refuse to verify it.

Big Time Fun

Compelling Rumor of the Week: The men Progtards love to hate, the Koch brothers, are supposedly thinking about buying one, or more of the Tribune Company's media outlet. Tribune's media includes the L.A. Times.

The possibility of a Koch owned L.A. Times spawned the forthcoming award page entries:

Whopper of the Week: What we do know is that great papers publish credible, trusted journalism online and on the printed page. Whoever comes to own these mastheads needs to understand that protecting newsrooms from ideological taint is no small thing. The future of American journalism depends on the ability to print truth, not opinion. (The Newspaper Guild, Communication Workers of America)

Reality Check of the Week: Since when? There are no great papers left in America. Newspapers have not published credible, trusted journalism online or on the printed page for decades. They only print opinionated fiction. It is a sad state of affairs when the Onion has more credibility than established newspapers. They are honest. They tell us they are pulling our leg.

Newsrooms do not need to be protected from ideological taint. They are tainted and infected with ideology. Owners and the public need to be protected from newsrooms, especially those represented by the ideologically tainted Newspaper Guild, Communication Workers of America (NGCWA). The future of American journalism does depend on the ability to print truth, not opinion. Unfortunately that future is bleak. (Peter Bella, Washington Times)

Son of Whopper Award: "Three Los Angeles City Council members — including a candidate for mayor — asked their colleagues Tuesday to consider pulling city pension money from the investment firms that own the Los Angeles Times if they sell the publication to buyers who do not support "professional and objective journalism." (Los Angeles Times)

Son of Reality Check: Since "professional and objective journalism" is as rare as hen's teeth, they should pull the money out now. Who are these political poltroons kidding? They love the state of affairs. Journalists do what their political masters tell them to do. (Peter Bella)

Go Ahead Make My Day Award: Several staff members of the Los Angeles Times threatened to quit if the paper were sold to the Koch brothers.

Son of Make My Day Award: A Koch brothers purchase of the L.A. Times would be entertaining in the extreme. The Progtards would be setting their hair on fire. The unintended consequence of their hissy fit would be greatly increased readership for a Koch brothers times. If only...

Left Coast Moonbats

Here a few of the bills being perpetrated by Mexifornia's Marxist Moonbats.

AB 1266 -- Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, D-San Francisco
Would give transgender students the right to cite the gender with which they identify when using school restrooms or participating in activities such as choirs, sports or other sex-segregated activities.

AB 5 -- Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, D-San Francisco
Would enact bill of rights for homeless, making them a protected group that some fear would sanction behavior like public urination.

AB 158 -- Assemblyman Marc Levine, D-San Rafael
Would ban all single-use plastic bags in California grocery stores starting in 2015.

You're going to love this one:

The Buzz: Bill would require California state workers to brush up on civics

Quick: What are the federal government's three branches?

California state workers would study up on such matters if Senate Bill 619 becomes law.

Sen. Leland Yee's measure would require the state Department of Education to develop an online civics curriculum by Jan. 1, 2015.

Agencies would have to certify each year that employees hired, promoted or reclassified after July 1, 2015, completed the orientation. (Sac Bee)

Other Legicrap includes jury duty for border jumping scumbag invaders:

The California Assembly passed a bill on Thursday that would make the state the first in the nation to allow non-citizens who are in the country legally to serve on jury duty.

Assemblyman Bob Wieckowski said his bill would help California widen the pool of prospective jurors and help integrate immigrants into the community.

It does not change other criteria for being eligible to serve on a jury, such as being at least 18, living in the county that is making the summons, and being proficient in English.

The bill passed 45-25 largely on a party-line vote in the Democratic-controlled Assembly and will move on to the Senate. One Democrat - Assemblyman Adam Gray, of Merced - voted no, while some other Democrats did not vote. (Sac Bee)

I barely scratchedthe surface, but it's enough to explain why rational adults are fleeing the state like it's toxic.

Asinine Word Games

The Korrectniks in Washington (the state) got a wild hair up their ass and as usual the results are PIG-worthy:

Washington state's governor signed into law on Monday the final piece of a six-year effort to rewrite state laws using gender-neutral vocabulary, replacing terms such as "fisherman" and "freshman" with "fisher" and "first-year student."

Lawmakers have passed a series of bills since 2007 to root out gender bias from Washington statutes, though a 1983 state mandate required that all laws be written in gender-neutral terms unless a specification of gender was intended.

"This was a much larger effort than I had envisioned. Mankind means man and woman," said Democratic state Senator Jeanne Kohl-Welles of Seattle.

The new gender-neutral references, for example, include "journey-level plumber" instead of "journeyman plumber," "handwriting" in place of "penmanship," and "signal operator" for "signalman." (Reuters)

Fisher? Journey-level plumber? First-year student? Asinine, especially 'fisher'.

The one that gets me is "handwriting" in place of "penmanship". Handwriting is not the same as penmanship.

Handwriting, n.
Writing with a pen or pencil rather than by typing or printing.

Penmanship, n,
The technique of writing with the hand using a writing instrument

Unlike "handwriting", "penmanship" focuses on the precision with which the individual letters are formed.

If they'll shit-can penmanship, where does this crap end?

How do they make VICTORIA, VIRGINIA, MARYland, GEORGIA - all female names - gender neutral?

MANagement becomes?

How about GerMANy and RoMANia?

How about VietNAM (nam is man spelled backwards)?

How about TIMe (Tim is a dude name)?

How about name (nam =man spelled backwards)?

How about all the words containing HE (tHE and sHE) are prime examples?

How far up their butt do rainsoaked retards want to shove their noodles?

These whining, hypersensitive NONADs need to get over themselves and it.

Annoying

Recently, during an Engineering adventure in Wonderland - one of my clients - I got a new flavor of robo call.

The canned message starts out as if I called them: "We're sorry, all our representatives are busy. Please be patient and one will be with you." That's right THEY ROBO CALLED ME to put me on hold

They wouldn't need to put me on hold, if they stop robo calling people at random and putting them on hold.

File this under BITE ME.

Unasked Questions

I heard a news report about a Congressional Hearing where the head of the FAA was on the hot seat concerning sequester-related flight delays. I have issues with the questions. I fine with the ones they asked. It's the ones they didn't ask that bother me.

Keep in mind the fun fact that the sequester made minor cuts to this year's spending increase.

Q1: How much did you have in your budget last year?

A1: The amount is just a starting point.

Q2: Did your department perform all its assigned functions last year?

A2: Yes.

Q3: After the sequester cuts, how much do you have in this year's budget?

A3: The amount will be more than the amount given in A1.

Q4: You have a bigger budget than last year?

A4: Yes...but...

Q5: If you performed all your assigned functions with less money, last year, why can't you perform them with MORE money, this year?

A5: Um, um, um...

The Obama Regime is fucking with us...it's punishing us to piss us off. Why? To make voters give him veto proof majorities in the House and Senate.

A Distinction Without A Difference

Islamikazes: Unwilling to tolerate any speech which gives them a boo-boo - the list is endless - these titans of tolerance try to intimidate the perpetrators (Danish Cartoonists, writers like Rushdie, South Park's Parker and Stone, the woman who instigated 'Everyone Draw Mohammed Day', Geert Wilders) into compliance with death threats.

Progtards: Unwilling to tolerate any speech which gives them a boo-boo - the list is endless - these titans of tolerance try to intimidate the perpetrators (TEA Party, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, bloggers, publishers, broadcasters) into compliance with death threats.

If there's a difference between the Islamikaze Rage-A-Holic death threats and the Progtard death threats, I don't see it. They are brothers in tyranny, brothers in terror.

Hambo's Terrorism Warning System

With the Boston Marathon horror topping the agenda in D.C., one item that needs simplification is Homeland Stupidity's terrorist warning system. I can save them the trouble. This Hambo warning system should get 'er done:

Lowest level: Nothing to see here, move along

Level 3: Uh Oh!

Level 2: Holy Crap

Level 1: We are SO SCREWED!

We need a simple, straightforward, and easy to understand, and I nailed it. It's time to deploy the 'Mission Accomplished' banner.

Hambo's Nutritional Guidelines

By now, it shouldn't shock you, when I announce that I've hatched a new theory. Well 'new' isn't quite accurate. It has been rumbling around in my alleged brain for some time. This week, it finally reached critical mass, so I am ready to launch it.

Here are my latest, greatest, rules of nutritional engagement:

* If it tastes foul and you can't stand it, some killjoy, who claims to be a nutrition expert, probably thinks you don't eat enough of it.

* If it tastes good, this same food punk will probably whine that it's bad for you.

* If it tastes so spiffy that you go back for seconds, this killjoy and his Food Nazi cohorts are already trying to get the Nanny State to ban it.

* If you make a pig out of yourself over it, PETA will put you on their Ten Most Wanted List.

V. J. Steve

I had a close encounter with V. J. "Steve", while I was at Wonderland - a customer site - today. My client - that legendary computer wrangler, The Big Guy - was out of the building and asked me to pick up the phone for him, because he was expecting an important call.

When the phone rang, I, foolishly, picked it up and got mouse-trapped into one of those phone surveys. I could tell by his tattletale accent that I was talking to V.J. Steve - real name = Ramalamadingdong - and he was a veritable pit bull, when it came to keeping me on the phone. I accidentally hung up on him once, when I meant to put him on hold, but he called me back. In fact, he called me back TWICE.

V. J. Steve shrugged it off, when I explained that I'm an independent contractor, not an employee of Wonderland. He shrugged it off, when I told him that I didn't have the information he needed. He was determined to fritter away 30 minutes (minimum of my life) and he wouldn't be denied.

I hope he enjoyed the answers I gave him, because, other than a rough estimate about the number of P.C. s at Wonderland, nothing I said was an on-going element of Objective Reality.

When I got done, I had a pressing need for a SMOKE 'EM, a MASH 'EM,plus assorted other items from our PIGco catalogue that didn't make the Top Story cut.

I know you're out there V. J. Steve. I'm going to track your miserable ass down and kick you in the nuts so hard, your whole family will feel it.

Understanding Demoncrats
I had a rare moment of clarity, today, which allowed me to understand The One and his neo-Marxist Demoncrats. Suffering from a synaptic suffocating intellectual myopia, they exist in an alternative 'reality' where their actions never have consequences. From that twisted perspective, everything they do makes sense...mo...re or less. Their deeds 'feel' good, and they never see anything bad happen as a result.

Nanny State Bureaucracies
If anyone still wonders why dealing with Nanny State functionaries, at all levels of government, are such a non-stop thrill ride, wonder no more. When you deal with the a Nanny State cubicle clown, you need to remember the three pillars of government bureaucracies:

Affirmative Action hiring

of

Government-schooled idiots with self-esteem

into

Job for life - once hired, never fired - positions of authority

If you must interact with these Nanny State nitwits, you might consider prayer - if you're so inclined. But, unless the deity of your choice intercedes, your fate is sealed, you're soooo screwed Sparky.

Timeless Quotes From A Long Gone Gem, The Texas Mercury

[While it lasted, The Texas Mercury was head and shoulders above other cyberspace speed bumps, when it came to the quality of its prose.

Here are some samples of its stellar prose from my archives.]

On Mecca Mania:

'...Being rather simple people, the Mohammedans have not yet developed the wit required to achieve the level of self-deception now common in the West, particularly among the intellectual class. Only an enlightened, western mind can accept the horsepuckey we call ecumenicism, which teaches that all faiths are equal. That western mind refuses to push on to the unavoidable fact that the only way all faiths can be equal is if they are all wrong. That is, each faith claims to hold the Truth, even the more tolerant strains like Unitarianism, Baha'iism and Reform Judaism do so in their own simpering manner. However, by definition, there can only be one Truth—or none, and that itself would be a truth. Why do we continue to hear this carping line that all faiths are equal? Because westerners are willing and able to invent a lot of self-serving, philosophical nonsense...'

On Terrorism:

'...Ending Islamic terrorism means ending the root cause of that terrorism, and that cause is Islam. Not radical Islam, just Islam. Islam is a danger because, unlike Christianity or Judaism, its adherents take it seriously. Can you imagine anyone marching out to die for the First Presbyterian Church of Duluth? Not without laughing. Islam needs to be reduced to this status. This doesn't mean nuking Mecca and Medina; rather, it means that those same haughty intellectuals who love to poke fun of the Bible—many of whom also oppose this war—should do something more concrete towards ending the violence than just bitching. They should get over their PC hang-ups and start looking at Islam's basic tenets and then rip them apart. Inquisitions and crusades threaten no one today, but people are dying from jihads because a large part of the world takes its Quranic crap seriously. The Muslims believe the Qur'an is divine. Fine, show them with undeniable textual evidence that it's a pack of contradictory and self-serving lies. It won't work instantly, but over time it'll have an effect...'

Back To Basics

A Is, And Always Will Be, A

I'm going to, once again, state the obvious. Why? Because it's income tax day, AND, because it's necessary.

* The government doesn't produce anything. It's essentially an armed and dangerous parasite that uses its monopoly on the legal use of force to take wealth OUT of the economy, so it can be redeployed to serve the political agenda of the Elected Tormentors in charge.

* Although the Elected Tormentors do their best to exempt themselves from the laws they pass, there's one law that they can't escape: The Law of Unintended Consequences.

* The Nanny State operates, for the most part, in the political equivalent of slow motion. By the time a situation registers on their radar, the window of opportunity for useful action has already closed. When they finally do act, their antics come much too late and, invariably, make matters worse, instead of better.

* It is not a proper function of government to save sovereign individuals from themselves. Individuals, in a properly constitutional nation, get to make their own decisions, then reap the rewards, or pay the price, for their actions. It's our life and the proper function of government is to let we the people live it, without relentless Nanny State interference.

* If you punish something, via regulations, taxes and relentless interference, you'll get less of it. This is especially true if 'it' is a business which is able to seek more business-friendly surroundings in another city, county, state or nation.

* It's impossible to conserve your way to energy independence. Unless you're willing to move into a cave where your energy footprint approaches, as a limit, zero, you'll never be able to conserve enough to make this work.

* Green energy firms are boondoggles which need a steady infusion of taxpayer funded subsidies to show a 'profit' on their balance sheet.

* That ethically challenged windbag, who pretends to be your best friend, at chad punching time, is, in reality, a used car salesman - the one who sold you that clunker - who finally hit the big time.

* The Elephant Clan and the Donkey Clan are, in reality, the two rival wings of what must be viewed as the GOVERNMENT PARTY.

* Term limits aren't a silver bullet that will, magically, cure what ails government. Kicking out the scumbags via term limits is attacking the symptom and ignoring the real problem. Term limits don't alter the fact that, on a daily basis, government, at all levels, exceeds the authority that we delegated to it.

* A Dumbo-eared, clueless, rookie whose idea of leadership is voting 'present' on hard issues is going to get us killed, because he thinks that a charm offensive will make our enemies stop trying to murder every damn one of us.

* The Nanny State can't spend us out of an economic meltdown. No matter how much money they print...no matter how much money the Chinese spend buying up our debt, it will never be enough. Sooner or later, the bill becomes 'now due and payable', and when it does it has your name on it, taxpayer Sparky.

* The only meaningful difference between the Obamunist SEIU head-breakers and the Nazi brownshirts is the swastika on the Nazi uniform.

* We have a POTUS who hates capitalism, seeks to suffocate free speech, wants to disarm Americans, swallows up one segment of the economy after another, wants to punish achievers via confiscatory taxes and wants to impose limits on an individual's pay. Those aren't the actions of a Messiah. They're unrelenting Marxist tyranny.

* Giving the 20,000,000 border jumping invaders in our midst 'amnesty' will set off a border jumping scumbag stamped that will flood this on great nation with 50 to 100 MILLION new mouths to feed.

* Iran's first nuke will be launched at Israel. Their second nuke will have OUR name on it, radioactive Sparky.

* You can't 'fix' the economy by putting more people on the government's payroll, because the Nanny State produces NOTHING. If the Nanny State REALLY wants to help Main Street, it can begin by taking the Tax Nazi's hand out of a struggling capitalist's pocket.

There! I doubt that any of you were motivated, informed or enlightened by that prose, but venting was very therapeutic for this pagan scribbler.

Dirty Little Secrets

America's rulers in D.C. view the United States Constitution as a pesky fact of life that could make their lives miserable, if they were compelled to comply with it. Thanks to a willing complicity on the part of Congress and the American court system, they are no longer required to adhere to all those pesky government restrictions that our Founding Fathers imposed on them when the U.S. Constitution was ratified in 1788 (The Bill of Rights were ratified in 1791).

SECRET I: CONSTITUTIONAL INVERSION
From the onset, our Elected Tormentors and the army of bureaucratic trolls who do their dirty work chafed under the U.S. Constitution's unambiguous restrictions on the federal government. They understand, too damn well, that the Founding Father's Constitutional game plan was to establish an island of government surrounded by an ocean of inalienable individual rights. Gradually, inexorably, deliberately, generations of Elected Tormentors inverted this original concept until, today, we have a small, shrinking, island of besieged individual rights that's surrounded by a relentlessly rising ocean of government.

One of the most annoying elements of this Constitutional inversion is the Brave New World of individual rights. I know what you're thinking: what about the Bill of Rights? The Bill of Rights is comprised of amendments that were created to underscore the uncontested fact that the U.S. Constitution did not give the federal government any power to intrude in certain vital areas of inalienable individual liberty: freedom of speech, the right to keep and bear arms, the right to peaceably assemble. In the Brave New World of rights the preferred mantra goes as follows: "Where does the Constitution give two male individuals the right to marry? Where does the U.S. Constitution give an individual the right to smoke pot? Blah, blah, blah" The short answer is obvious: "It doesn't." We know that the Constitution does not contain an exhaustive list of individual rights. Why should it? The Constitution is, from start to finish, a document that places explicit restrictions on government. The better question about rights is this: "Where does the Constitution give the federal government - explicitly - the right to dictate when and how an individual can exercise his freedom of speech 30 days before an election? Where does the U.S. Constitution, explicitly, give the feds the right to tell a business how it should operate, what it can manufacture and whom it should hire?"

The Founding Father's views on rights - and the Bill of Rights - is contained in the egregiously neglected 9th Amendment:

Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Constitutional Inversion is the dirty Nanny State secret that turned an ocean of rights into a shrinking island of rights. It sucks and it utterly and completely pisses me off.

SECRET II: THE COMMERCE CLAUSE
The preferred weapon employed by Nanny State nitwits who are eager to intrude into our lives is the Constitution's commerce clause. Willfully stretching the original meaning beyond recognition, the Beltway bozos give themselves the power to intrude in every aspect of our lives. For example, in a 2005, ruling the U.S. Supreme court ruled that, under the commerce clause, the Capitol Hill cretins had the right to impose federal marijuana laws on an individual who grew pot for his own use, on his own land and never tried to sell it. Why? Because some-damn-how his activities impacted the "current" of commerce.

For those who want a hint on the real purpose of the commerce clause, here's Hambo's far from scholarly assessment. During the Colonial period, each colony was a separate entity with its own ties back to the crown and the English government. The individual colonies were like mini nations with their own laws, charters, and trade practices. When they banded together to fight for independence, then form a new nation, the old mini nation concept had to be scrapped. The way to build a single nation out of individual colonies/states was to take down the barriers that made it difficult for citizens, goods and services to move from one state to the next. The commerce clause gave the new federal government the power to prevent an individual state from erecting trade barriers with its neighboring states. That, as I understand it, is the original meaning of the commerce clause.

In the ensuing centuries, the commerce clause was inflated to give the Beltway bozos the power to dictate such things as: auto design, broadcast content standards, educrap standards, regulate the hiring practices of private firms, dictate food content, restrict drug availability. The list is long and getting longer every damn day.

As far as I'm concerned, the "money quote" from this piece is this gem:

The authority to regulate trade is identical among the States as with foreign countries, and what you cannot regulate among foreign countries is equally prohibited among the States. If Congress cannot prohibit citizens of Moscow from growing pot in their backyards, then they are equally prohibited from outlawing backyard pot growing within the jurisdiction of local governments in the United States. (Interstate Commerce Myth)

The instant the federal court system stamped a seal of judicial approval on this expansive "if you can tie it to commerce, you can regulate it" interpretation, it opened a political Pandora's Box that unleashed an insatiable Nanny State on our individual liberty. This egregious misinterpretation of the commerce clause led to the liberty-nuking carnage that followed.

SECRET III: THE PUBLIC BURDEN SCAM
The Nanny State's extra-constitutional intrusion into the health care marketplace - Medicare, DeathCare, and assorted other welfare state crap - rolled out the red carpet for a gem that's the weapon of first resort for socialists and shysters. It's called "the public policy issue" scam and it gives these scumbags an excuse to plunder capitalists deep pockets and dictate, in great specificity, how they must run their business. A prime example is the on-going Tobacco Jihad.

The Tobacco Jihad is erected on the dubious "public policy issue" canard. The argument is crude, but heretofore effective. Smokers are endangering their health. By endangering their health with this legal, but unhealthy, product, they impose "costs" on the Nanny State. Therefore, when the smoker incurs these healthcare costs he "burdens" the Nanny State due to the Nanny State's extra-constitutional intrusion into the medical marketplace. The solution, according to the socialists and shysters, is to force the tobacco industry to "pay" the "costs" incurred when the Nanny State blatantly stuck it's nose where the U.S. Constitution says it doesn't belong. This public burden scamnailed tobacco growing and manufacturing capitalists for billions of dollars. Did this extorted money go to compensate the Nanny State for its expenses? Get real. The lion's share of it lined the pockets of shyster scumbags. The remainder went to various states to give them more ill-gotten boodle to spread around. Bottom line: the shysters get richer and the socialists get more power to intrude into our lives.

The "public burden" scam was so amazingly successful - and profitable for shysters - that the same scumbags are gearing up for another assault on American capitalists. This time, the target is "big food". They're using the game plan that worked so well in the Tobacco Jihad. First, they flood an eager to spread the bad news media with the health dangers of trans fatty acids, and assorted other fates worse than death. Next, they try to coerce "big food" into "voluntary" compliance. Finally, declaring that the situation is a national crisis, they invoke "public policy issue", trot out dubious studies and statistics about the dangers of trans fatty acids, then go to court to "recoup" the healthcare costs incurred by the Nanny State. Once the process is complete and "big food" is plucked clean, they'll start looking for another set of deep, capitalist pockets to pick. They won't stop until they've cleaned out every-damn-body.

SECRET IV: STRINGS ATTACHED
The Beltway bozos are complete scumbags, but, they're not stupid and that last fact makes them especially dangerous. They devised a devilishly simple way to intrude into our daily lives. I like to call this gambit: "Our money, our rules". The plan is, as usual, crude but damn effective. First, they kindly "offer" to share the "costs" of certain activities that are, per the U.S. Constitution, beyond their control. Educrap is a prime example. Spouting drivel about their concern for the educational development of American tykes, these Beltway bozos are generous to a fault. HOWEVER, there's the fine print to consider. "Since you're taking our money" the Beltway bozos insist, "you are required to follow our Draconian rules about how you conduct your business". With that foot in the door, the Beltway bozos dictate, in great specificity how, what, where, and upon whom the educrap is perpetrated.

Setting aside the fun fact that it's not the Nanny State's money - it's your money that they stole from you - this "our money our rules" crap is depressingly effective. I'm compelled to admit that few, if any, Educrats can resist the Siren song of "free" money. Strings or no strings, they're ready, willing and downright eager to grab as much of it as they can. The same, is true for various other American entities who take "free" money from, or do business with the Nanny State.

SECRET V: WILLFUL NEGLECT
The dirtiest Nanny State secret isn't that big a secret. I'm referring to the fact that the Nanny State willfully and deliberately neglects one of its legitimate functions: safeguarding our nation's borders. The Nanny State nitwits are so busy doing all the crap that the Constitution forbids them from doing, they can't/won't take the time to fulfill one of their primary, unambiguous functions: safeguarding our nation's borders.

Sometimes this willful neglect is driven by ulterior motives. In part, that's the case here. Key members of the Nanny State - Vincente W. Bush and Chico Obama come to mind - flat out do not want to secure our borders. Why? In W's case the reasons aren't clear. It does appear that he's obsessed with establishing a border erasing, American Union patterned, in part, after the European Union. There's probably more to it than that, but I'm not sure that it matters. In Obama's case, his willful neglect of our porous borders is part of his blatant bid for Hugo Chavez class perpetual, personal, politicial power.

The primary reason for willful neglect is political inertia. Quite simply, it's much easier to do nothing and hope that the problem will magically resolve itself or mutate to a form that's not politically radioactive. We saw this at work in the mid 60's when the Capitol Hill cretins perpetrated the first "final solution" to the border jumping scumbag problem. Twenty years later, the problem got radioactive again, so they perpetrated the "final solution II", an amnesty program that succeeded beyond their wildest dreams in making the trickle of border jumpers turn into a goddamn tidal wave. This same "if we ignore it long enough it will go away" thinking is starting to take hold on Capitol Hill concerning the Jihadikaze rat bastards who are so eager to destroy us. If ignoring our Jihadikaze problems works as well as ignoring the border jumping scumbag invasion, I’m house-hunting on Pluto.

 

Being A Rational Adult In An Irrational World Sucks

Life, for a rational adult, really starts to suck whenever he, she, heshe or it butts heads with his differently rational peers. In fact, political correctness is a direct, utterly predictable consequence of these collisions between rational and differently-rational individuals. You'd think that rational adults would be up to speed on this concept, because the world has worked this way since some stone age intellectual flat-liner burned his fingers in the cooking fire after a rational stone age adult told him not to touch the flames. Am I up to speed on this rational adult suckage? More or less, but it's still very damn annoying.

For your edification, here are some examples of this venerable concept in action:

When everyone insisted that "the world is flat", some rational adult observed reality through unclouded eyes and announced: "You're wrong about the Earth being flat and here's why". He was right. A was still A, even then, but the flat Earth pinheads probably killed him anyway. It sucked being a rational adult in an irrational flat Earth world.

When the Pope, the church and all of Christendom declared that the Earth is the center of the universe, a rational adult named Galileo observed reality and came to a different conclusion. After watching the moons circling Jupiter through a telescope and studying Venus, he told the whole world about his findings in a prescient tome called 'The Dialogues'. He was right. A was still A, but the Inquisition terrorized him into recanting his findings, jailed him for the rest his life and banned all his writings for the next two centuries anyway. It sucked being a rational adult in an irrational Christian world.

When Islamikaze cretins flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, rational adults chided the president that this isn't a war against some amorphous, disembodied entity called 'terrorism'. "World domination, by force if necessary, is a core Tenet of Islam.", they warned. They're right. A is still A, but Uncle Sam still dances to CAIR's tune and refuses to profile the most likely terrorists: young, Middle Eastern men. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Islamikaze world.

When the true believers disguised Creationism with wig, a beard and a lab coat, called it Intelligent Design then sold it to government cess-schools as a valid scientific concept that belongs in a science classroom, rational science degreed adults didn't buy it for a second. "Intelligent Design/Creationism isn't science and it never will be," they declared and they're right. A is still A, but the alleged scientists who shill for I.D. don't want to talk about that and the Educrats who give it their okey dokey don't want to hear about it. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Creationist world.

When Uncle Sam spends billions, trillions, more dollars than he's got, rational adults warn that it's a mistake because, sooner or later, that debt will come due. They're right. A is still A, but the big spending hacks don't want to talk about it and the Kool-Aid drinking VRWC apologists insist that a whopping debt run up by the Elephant Clan is okey dokey because, as out of control as the debt is, it's "an acceptable fraction" of Amerika's GNP. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational deficit spending world.

When some people get more money back from the IRS than Uncle Sam took from them, rational adults indict this tax return largesse as wealth redistribution with the IRS doing the welfare state's dirty work. They're right. A is still A, but the wealth redistribution "winners" don't care where the boodle comes from, as long as they get their cut. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational wealth redistribution world.

When multicultural meatheads blither that all cultures, especially obscure third world cultures, are equal - even superior - to Western Culture, rational adults put down their Shakespeare and wonder aloud what the hell these multicultural mutants are smoking. "The 'superior' Aztec culture practiced human sacrifice. Certain 'noble' third world cultures still enslave sovereign individuals. Certain 'noble' Islamic cultures murder women who 'sully the family name' while others stone to death women who were victims of rape. All cultures are not created equal." They're right. A is still A, but the Cultural Marxists who infest our Ivory Towers continue to indoctrinate college students with this multicultural bovine excrement. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational multicultural world.

Do we have the big 'why being a rational adult sucks' picture now, Sparky? "We" better, because a pop quiz is not out of the question.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

'THEY' go out of their way to yank my chain.

'THEY' boldly, BRAZENLY, go where they don't f**king belong.

'THEY' insult my intelligence with an unrelenting stream of bullshit.

'THEY', are getting on my last raw nerve.

Although, at times like this, it seems that they are going out of their way to dick with me, personally, I'm not so full of myself, and IT, that I'm ready, willing, and eager to go there. My head isn't so swollen that I need to shoehorn it through a doorway. Anyway, back to 'THEY', 'THEM'. If it isn't something personal, what is it?

Life is, admittedly, one damn thing after another. I get that, and have, by and large, come to terms with life's unforeseen ups and downs. I have, to the best of my ability, absorbed objective reality's sucker punches and learned the requisite lessons from it. I have, from time to time, sown some seeds of success and reaped whatever rewards they yielded. I managed this with a minimum of complaining and/or gloating. I do my best to 'man up', but it's not always easy.

For good or ill, I'm coping with the dreaded specter of Obama's DeathCare.

For good or ill, I'm coping with the yawning black hole of Nanny State debt.

For good or ill, I'm coping with an Obamunist foreign policy which alienates our friends and appeases our sworn enemies.

For good or ill, I'm coping - most of the time - with the bitter reality that an America-hating COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH is leaving a stinking, Marxist, stain on the big chair in the Oval Office.

Has Hambo gone over to the dark side? You be the judge.

I'm tired of the relentless media whoring by the Slacker-in-Chief and the Sweathog he married.

I'm tired of watching of the Slacker-in-Chief and the Sweathog he married pissing away my hard-earned money on lavish parties and insanely expensive junkets and vacations.

I'm tired of assholes telling me that government is the solution, when, as the Gipper pointed out, "government is the problem".

I'm tired of nanny state scumbags whose insane spending make a drunken sailor look like a model of fiscal discipline.

I'm tired of lying rat bastards pinning a 'journalism' label on the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade's shameless promotion of, deification of, that Red Shed Marxist.

I'm tired of jackasses foisting off Rabid Tinsel Town Moonbats as brainiacs who will lead a clueless We the People out of our sovereign individualism misery and into Messiah Barry's Marxist Eden.

I'm tired of Obamunist shills denigrating We the People as 'racists' and/or 'extremists', whenever sovereign individuals set aside their personal lives, then band together to tell 'THEM' to KNOCK IT OFF!

I'm tired of the rabid Marxist Moonbats trying to bury the United States Constitution instead of adhering to its strict limitations on the proper functions of government.

I'm tired of watching the enemy in our midst - the union thugs, the MSM echo chamber, traitorous Black Robes like Chief Justice Roberts, the Jackass Party's unrepentant Marxists - systematically destroying my country.

Remember what I said about coping, near the start of this rant? On second thought...I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.

You Know You're A PIGster, If...

You laughed, when you realized Cesar Chavez speed bump on the calendar coincided with April Fools' Day, this year.

You cracked open a cold one to salute the MSM, when you learned that nobody is willing to hire Keith Olbermann.

Your assigned Elected Tormentor muttered darkly about 'harassment', the last time you told him a thrillingly real version of Landmine Lotto would resolve all our pesky border issues.

You were sentenced to sensitivity training, after calling the boss's secretary 'sweet cheeks'.

You got kicked out of sensitivity training, because you refused to stop laughing.

You're convinced that C-SPAN's live coverage of Congress is the most horrifying programming on television.

You think it's time to commute America's sentence, by limiting Barry's reign of terror to 'time served'.

Your rabid Libertard relatives have a panic attack, every time you show up at a family gathering.

Your legendary 'heckling' exploits got you permanently banned from your friends' and family's weddings.

You answered "The Congressional Record", when a pollster asked you to name the last work of fiction you read.

Here We Go Again

Juan "Let me drive you to the welfare office" McCain and the other rat fucking bastards who comprise the 'Gang of Eight' are at it again. They're rolling out the red carpet for every border jumping piece of crap that Mexico crapped over our alleged border. As expected, I have a few things to say about THAT.

* Insulting My Intelligence

I'm fed up with all these D.C. scumbags insulting my intelligence on this border jumping scumbag disaster. First, they set up a strawman by putting words in my mouth: "they" - that's me, I suppose - "want to deport 12 million 'undocumented' immigrants". First of all, the number is closer to 20 million. Furthermore, nobody in their right mind is talking about deporting each and every one of them. We are, however, discussing ways to make it less appealing for all of them to stay here and continue to colonize us. Finally, and most important, I want them to take meaningful steps to stop the tidal wave of border jumpers who keep swarming into our nation, un-damn- invited.

The best way to explain this is with a little parable. You come home one fine day and find that a water pipe has burst and your basement is flooded. You call up McCain's Plumbing to take care of the problem.

Juan: "It's just water and it serves a useful purpose. Why are you so irrational about it?"

You: "I have nothing against the water, however, I don't want the damn stuff here."

Juan: "You can't just toss that water out in one big dump. It can't be done. I'm very disappointed with your attitude."

You: "I want you to shut off the damn water, fix the broken pipe, and stop any more water from flooding into my basement."

Juan: "You're not thinking clearly. We need a comprehensive approach to this problem. If you want, I can start bailing out the water with a teaspoon, while we discuss strategies to deal with the broken pipe."

You: "Get the hell out of here, you moron. If you can't see that it's pointless to deal with the water BEFORE you fix the broken pipe, you're a bigger fool that I thought possible."

We've got a broken pipe on our border, PIGsters. I don't want to discuss how to cope with the water that filled our nation's basement until that broken pipe is fixed. Fixing that broken pipe is the only way to keep more water from flooding in faster than I can bail out my basement. If I can see that, why the hell can't those motherless rat bastards in our nation's capitol?

*Amnesty Sales Pitches

The most popular sales pitch starts with the whopper "this is not an amnesty". I know that all the border jumpers are made street legal with (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) "provisional" status the instant Barry signs the bill and it's not an amnesty? What a crock of shit.

Another highly favored spin is the tired canard that "if everyone across the political spectrum hates it, it must be a world class idea". It's safe to assume that you'd get the same reaction from "everyone across the political spectrum" if you tried to feed them a shit sandwich. The fact that everyone hates it won't make that turd burger a "world class idea".

Some sales pitches start with the admission that "yes it's an amnesty" then follow up with "we further stipulate that it sucks". With that crap settled, these spin doctors rush forward to castigate the current border jumper situation as utterly and completely unacceptable. Their conclusion, based on the foregoing assertions, is that doing something - even if it is, by their own admission, the worst possible thing - is better than doing nothing. That's like promoting suicide as the preferred cure for a toothache. If your tooth aches that badly, you don't shove the barrel of a loaded gun in your mouth, you yank that troublesome tooth.

By far the most infuriating sales pitch involves a boatload of sloppy sentimentality about the 'hardships of a life in the shadows', and a ton of bull crap about the border jumpers impoverished lifestyle. A dude breaks into my house, eats my food, drives my car until he wrecks it, makes me pay his doctor bills and finance his kids' schooling but I'm supposed to feel sorry for the bastard? I'm supposed to be whipped with guilt because I want to throw this uninvited 'guest' out of my house? I'm supposed to hang my head in shame because, the moment I kick his sorry ass out, I plan to change the locks, fence in my yard and buy a couple chronically cranky guard dogs? I damn sure don't think so, citizenship sellout Sparky.

The spin doctors are, tragically, doing what comes naturally to them, the lying bastards. So be it, but, if you're starting to buy into this 'spin', take a moment to consider this dose of bitter reality. If you reward bad behavior you'll get more of it. If, instead of punishing your mutt for using your carpet as a toilet, you petted him and gave him his favorite treat, what you do think would happen? You'd be deluged with 'gifts' from your mutt.

By the same token, when you reward illegal human behavior you get more of it. We rewarded the 10s of thousands of border jumping carpet crappers 'living in the shadows' in 1965 and we got 3,000,000 more carpet crappers barking for their reward by 1986. When we rewarded those 3,000,000 barking carpet crappers in 1986 we got an additional 20,000,000 barking carpet crappers by 2007, ;when We The People stopped another amnesty attempt. When the hell are the assholes in D.C. going to figure this shit out? If you reward these border jumping carpet crappers, again, you're begging for 100,000,000 more to barge in and use our nation's carpet as their toilet. This time, why don't we try something different? Why don't we do what I'd do with any carpet crapping mutt: throw his toxic ass out of my house and let him do his business in the back yard where he belongs.

The time for spin doctored excuses is over. If those rat bastards in D.C. want me to buy into their 'bring them out of the shadows' bull crap, they need to start with the basics. First, you enforce our borders and PROVE that you're getting the job done, then I might be willing to discuss the best way to deal with the 20,000,000 carpet crapping asshats who infest our once great nation.

THAT Day

By the time many of you read this April Fools Day will be in full swing. April Fools Day is the day when the government cess-schooled idiots with self esteem chickens come home to roost. Clueless cess-school graduates, and other self-made idiots, either can't read the calendar or they're so gullible that they believe everything they read see or hear during this annual whopper festival.

Nobody is quite sure who perpetrated this asinine speed bump on the calendar, but the leading contenders are, in no special order, the Brits, the Surrender Monkeys and the Dutch. I don't give a rat's ass who started it. It exists and it's a day dedicated, in large part, to morons who think they're funny.

As a public service to any rational adult who might have gotten severely lost and landed here in Hambo's corner of the Twilight Zone, I'll issue the usual Hambo warning to shield you from this unavoidable exercise in gullibility: On April Fools Day, don't take anything you read, see or hear at face value. A well-reasoned skepticism is the rational adult's best friend during this annual Whopper Festival.

Parting Shot: Here, from my scribbler archives are some April Fools Day classics:

Classic April Foolery
For your April Fools Day reading pleasure, here are some top April Fools Day hoaxes of all time per the Museum of Hoaxes.

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
Spaghetti Harvest. In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

#2: Sidd Finch
Sidd Finch. In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

#4: The Taco Liberty Bell
Taco Liberty Bell. In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

More April Foolery
My favorite April Fool stunt was pulled off by an outfit called 'Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing' (DRTM), located in a wide spot on a New Zealand road named - DUH - Rotorua. Among other things, their claim to fame is the Rotorua Museum, and the city's 'bubbling mud pools and geysers'.

Their April Foolery is based upon a recent 'finding' by a terminally horny, lab coat wearing hooligan from the University of Naples. This desperate to get laid test tube wrangler opined that the hydrogen sulphide, which spews from Rotorua's aromatic tourist attraction, could 'lead to the development of a male impotence drug to rival Viagra'.

Seizing on the magic word 'viagra', the DRTM posted some April Foolery about the King of Viagra junkies, Hugh Hefner. He was, they insisted, so 'motivated' by the magical properties of the Rotorua mud pools, he was planning to build a new set of digs there:

Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing (DRTM) and the Rotorua Museum Centennial Trust recently announced playboy legend Hugh Hefner would be converting a wing of the Rotorua Museum into his new holiday mansion.

The hoax included plans for Hugh Hefner to replicate his infamous grotto – Rotorua-style – complete with its own bubbling mud pools.

Thanks to their exceptional April Foolery, the DRTM scored free publicity, around this blue-green orb. That's outstanding April Foolery, and you can quote me.

Running a close second is spiffy dose of April Foolery from a Pennsylvania fishwrap, the Patriot News.

Gov. Ed Rendell is trying to do his part to aid the citizens of the commonwealth.
His latest plan is to use about $15 million from the federal stimulus funds pouring into the state to try and change the mood of Pennsylvanians.

The Patriot-News has learned that the money will be spent to hire clowns, mimes, magicians, street performers and comedians (nothing blue) who will be dispatched to malls, fairs and festivals across the state to boost morale.

The governor's idea is based on history: During World War II performers helped keep Americans' spirits up while they were faced with food and gas rationing.

The merriment will be conducted through a new Headquarters of Economic and Emotive Efforts, or HEEE.

By Any Other Name

With Easter upon us, I'm, once again, attempting to bestow enlightenment, with a few - GASP - facts.

Fact One: Easter is, in reality two observances, one religious, and one secular.

Fact Two: Easter marks what Christians consider, the most important sequence of events in human history:

Maundy Thursday: The day the Last Supper took place.

Good Friday: The day the Christian Savior was crucified.

Easter Sunday: The day the Christian Savior rose from the dead.

The events in question, especially the crucifixion and resurrection, are the cornerstone of Christian theology.

Fact Three: The word "Easter" has pagan roots that predate Cross Cultism's use of the word to denote its Spring rituals.

"Easter" is a bastardization of "Ostara" (Eostra), the name of the pagan goddess at the root of this spring holiday. Before everyone goes Kool-Aid club bonkers and runs off at the mouth about this egregious slight to an important Cross Cult holiday, take a deep breath, cool your jets and let a rational adult serve up some little known facts about the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs:

'...In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse them she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived. Ostara is identical to the Greek Eos and the Roman Aurora...' (Ostara, by Micha F. Lindemans, Encyclopedia Mythica)

Fact Four: For too many years, the usual suspects from sea to shining sea, rant, rave and rampage against another seasonal 'pestilence', the Easter Bunny. Unlike so many of these loony tune adventures, this one ferrets out secular wingnuts as often as it does Cross Cultists. The past few years, the secularist have led the charge. If you think this anti-Easter Bunny Jihad is all in my mind, do a Google Search for 'Spring Bunny' and/or 'Spring Egg Hunt' and you'll find out how pervasive this seasonal brainfart really is.

Fact Five: "Easter", the bunny and the eggs are not now and never have been Cross Cult in any damn way. They are strictly pagan goodies that don't do anything more sinister than give kids an excuse to have a good time. All these secular hissy fits are a waste of time because "Ostara's Bunny" (The Easter Bunny) is and always was a PAGAN concept. True Believer protests that this 'bunny' distracted the faithful from the true meaning of the season are equally delusional because, Ostara's Bunny and the bringing forth of eggs were a pagan springtime ritual so Spring Bunny and Spring Eggs are reasonably close to the original pagan concept.

Are we all on the same page now about Ostara's egg laying bunny, or are you going to make me come over there and EXPLAIN it to you, again?

Bottom line: Secularists should chill out and let the Cross Cultists honor the resurrection of their Savior. True Believers should chill out and let secularists, and assorted others, honor Ostara's gift to the children: her egg-laying bunny. As far as I'm concerned there's no reason why the True Believers and the Bunny bonkers crowd can't coexist peacefully. No harm, no foul sums it up nicely

Control Tower Closures

The FAA is the latest agency to play sequester games. Unless you're living in a cave, you've been pummeled by the MSM with 'we're all in danger' stories about the 149 airport control towers slated for closure as a cost-cutting move impose by the sequester.

Here are some interesting tidbits:

* The FAA must trim $637 million dollars from their annual budget.

* The FAA's annual budget is $58 billion dollars.

* $637 million is 1.1% of their annual budget.

* The 149 airports targeted handle a combined total of less than 150,000 flight operations per year, of which less than10,000 are commercial flights by passenger airlines.

* No FAA air traffic facilities - ones manned and staffed by FAA employees - are included in the 149 towers slated for closure.

* All 149 towers on the closure list are managed and staffed by private contractors. Not one of them is staffed up by the National Air Traffic Controllers Association union.

* There's nothing to stop the cities or counties which own many of these airports from hiring the soon to be terminated contract tower minions.

It's very fitting that the FAA will perpetrate this farce on April Fools' Day.

Whatever happened to that place called 'America'?

(I seem to be asking this question numerous times each day. I'll keep asking, knowing full well that I'll hate the answer.)

Given the direction our nation is headed, I feel like we've lost some vital part of what makes us who, what, we are. For the lack of a better word, I call it 'America', in this piece from my personal archives. This rant only identifies what we've lost.

In my current state of mind, I won't even pretend to tell how we'll ever get it back. We are, I'm afraid, in the 'things have got to get a lot worse' phase of an eventual, albeit a long way off, return to what we once were, that shining city on the hill.

I can tell you one thing, that's etched in stone. There's no room for that place called America in the brave new world that's being imposed on us by George Soros and his shill, a Marxist Messiah named Barack Hussein Obama.

America was a nation that one of its presidents called a 'shining city on a hill', a nation that showed the world what sovereign individuals working together, voluntarily, could accomplish.

It was a marvelous place that encouraged an individual to strive to achieve the maximum degree of success.

It was a land conceived in liberty where each individual was afforded the opportunity to go as high and as far as his talents, energy. and intelligence would take him.

It was a nation where an individual's great achievement and success were celebrated and cited as an example of what could be accomplished when a person focused all their energy, intellect and talent on a single goal.

It was a land where inalienable individual liberty reigned supreme and the government's primary function was to maximize each individual's birthright of unimpeded freedom.

It was the first nation that deliberately imposed limits on its own national government with a constitution that clearly defined the handful of legitimate functions the national government was allowed to perform.

It was a land that invited the free exchange of ideas, all ideas - noble and profane - a land whose inhabitants welcomed the vigorous debate that ensued.

It was a land where an individual had the inalienable right to decide how the fruits of his life's work would be distributed after his death.

It was a land where a man's rightful property could not be stolen by the government and handed over to another individual.

It was a nation whose inhabitants elevated self reliance, and individual accountability, to virtues.

It was a nation with a notoriously robust sense of humor populated by individuals who were famous for cracking a joke no matter how dire the situation.

It was a land where an immigrant arrived on its shores knowing that success wasn't guaranteed, but the opportunity to make something of yourself was available to anyone willing to put in the hard work.

It was a land where each newcomer added the best of himself to the land he now called home in exchange for the right to call himself an American.

It was a unique place, a nation the likes of which had never been seen before and hasn't been seen since.

What ever happened to that place called America?

If you spot America wandering aimlessly in the uncharted wastelands, tell it to phone home, because We the People are trying to bring it back where it belongs, as that shining city on the hill.

Questions

Why do we let Uncle Sam squander the lives of our incomparable warriors in a 'war' they're not allowed to win against an enemy our so-called leaders are afraid to name?

Am I the only one who thinks Larry Elder is on the right track when he facetiously opines that Mexifornia would be in much better condition if the state kept the illegals and deported the libertards, instead?

Why are Educrats and other Libertards afraid to let a dastardly non-lefty give a talk to high school inmates at a graduation ceremony? Are they afraid that a few minutes spent listening to a rational adult will erase 12 years of Korrectnik indoctrination?

Why do the properly hyphenated deem it okey dokey to be required to verify your identity with a photo I.D., when you're cashing your welfare check, but they bellow that it's RACIST to ask the same individual to verify their identity with a photo I.D. before they're allowed to vote?

When did America devolve into Imperial Rome? Was it before, or after the Narcissist-in-Chief proclaimed himself Obamunus Caesar?

Since our calender year is littered with days dedicated to supernaturalism - Easter, Yom Kippur, Kwanza, Christmas and assorted other religious observances - isn' it time for 'the rest of the story'? Isn' it time for an Objective Reality Day, since it counterbalances supernaturalist holidays and Messiah Al's 'Earth Day' in one fell swoop?

When it comes to alien abductions, why does E.T. take some rustic good old boy or gal, instead of poking, prodding, probing and puncturing the annoying asshats who deserve to be a medical experiment? Does E.T. need me to give him a list of eligible candidates?

Is Mecca Mania what it pretends to be - just another theological belief system - or is it exactly what it appears to be: a highly contagious form of insanity?

 

Holiday: St. Patrick's Day

What it is:
St. Patrick's Day honors a Rosary True Believer saint. On its face, St. Patrick's Day venerates one specific flavor of Cross Cultism to the exclusion of all others. This blatantly Catholic holiday is inherently offensive to the differently-Catholic, Buddhists, Torah True Believers, Hindus, Mecca Maniacs, Wiccans and last but not least, atheists. Admittedly, most of the aforementioned groups will suffer in silence. On a more ominous note, it's a slam dunk that, some-damn-how, St. Patrick's Day is "offensive to Islam" and we all know what that means.

Who gets heartburn from it:
Setting aside St. Patrick's Day's supernaturalist implications, we need to consider several other features of the day that will set off one hypersensitive pinhead or the other. The militantly sober neo Carrie Nation's will be offended because this holiday is celebrated by imbibing adult beverages in great quantities. The fact that the holiday honors a - gasp - male is certain to catapult NO-NAD harpies into a panty-twisting hissy fit. The differently-heterosexual will be caterwauling because homophobic organizers won't let GLAAD BAAGs march in certain St. Patrick's Day parades. Greenie weenies will spout drivel about the ecological devastation caused by countless millions of drunken peabrains despoiling the landscape in their frantic search for four-leaf clovers. Last, but far from least, the fact that St. Patrick's Day is celebrated by wearing green is a deliberate insult to colorblind-Americans.

Supplemental information:
Everyone knows about St. Patrick, but most of what you "know" is probably wrong. For starters, his name isn't "Patrick". His birth moniker was "Maewyn", but he changed it to Patrick after he shed his pagan ways and set off on the highway to heaven. If you're thinking Maewyn doesn't sound Irish, give yourself a cookie, because Ireland's favorite Saint was born in Wales. Last, but not least, the story that he chased the snakes from Ireland is Irish hyperbole, because, there weren't any snakes to evict.

The American St. Patrick's Day festivities started in Boston, in 1737, which explains why a day devoted to a Saint who converted pagans to Cross Cultism is celebrated by massive adult beverage infusions. Spend mid-March in Boston and you'll understand how it could drive an otherwise "saintly" man to drink. Bottoms up, Beantown Sparky

Hambo's Take:
St. Patrick's Day is that day of the year when we have our sanity assaulted by a bunch of inane nitwits, most of whom aren't Irish, couldn't find Ireland on a globe if their life depended on it, and have a pathological hatred for green every other day of the year.

Green beer? Leprechauns? Stupid looking hats? Family, friends, co-workers and strangers nagging you about the lack of green in your attire? A frontal assault on your sanity by musical terrorists who bellow out "Danny Boy" every 3 minutes? Is this the best Ireland, the Irish, have to offer? Give me a break.

We get the part about national/ethnic pride running amok. We get the fact that, for one day of the year, it's cool to be Irish. We get the fact that, after you cut through all the crap, St. Patrick's Day has nothing to do with snakes, or holy rollers who chased them from the storied isle. For most of us, St. Patrick's Day is an excuse to get blasted and slur our speech with a faux Irish accent. Ireland, the Irish, deserve better, and quite frankly, so do we. Besides, we already set aside a date on the calendar to get blasted, New Year's Eve.

Porcus' Take:
It's Porcus O'Publisher here, to give you some heads up on what being Irish is the other 364 days of the year.

Personally, I am complimented that people of all persuasions take the time to give a tip of the hat type props and celebrate an Irishman, who, allegedly chased the snakes out of Ireland.

But the wearing of the green every March 17? When I don't wear green, anything, on Saint Patrick's Day, and co-workers point that out, especially with my first name being...drum roll, please, Patrick...I simply reply with, "I prefer to let the wannabees do their thing." I've had Irish blood, much scotch, whiskey and beer pumping through my veins ever since my parents reluctantly claimed me from the maternity ward, and said, 'I guess he's ours, we'll take him.'

I don't need no stinking green to prove my heritage.

It's That Time of Year

Yep, break out the checkbook and put the pen, or crayon, in your hand, quit shaking and sweating, and volunteer to write a check to help support the Tax And Spend Rampant Runaway Nanny State. And by writing that check, and rushing to the nearest Post Office at 11:50 PM, April 15th - in the rain - of course, to meet the filing deadline, do you know you are aiding and abetting Congressional corruption and pork barrel spending, and sponsoring the ongoing smothering of your rights and liberties? Also, by writing that check, you are funding a Congress that on one hand says, "We support our troops", while being the two-faced scum they are, vote to cut off funding for our military. If you voluntarily pay for it, you have no place to complain. Just follow the herd to the slaughterhouse.

Now, if you paid too much into the system via payroll withholdings during the course of the year, you're lucky to get a few crumbs back in the form of a refund. How generous. Now before offering up your first born, or your left nut for payment, take a tip from my late brother, an All - Star on the Tax Dodgers Elite Team. When you get the required form(s) to fill out, and you know you owe, start at the bottom line, and simply enter "zero". From there, you best get very creative with deductions to justify not paying a dime into the bottomless pit. No matter what you try, they're going to steal you blind and piss it away.

The Nanny State does its level best to convince you that the money you earn is, by rights, THEIRS. That's why they used terms like 'resource" or "revenue" when they discuss the money they extort from each and every damn one of us. It's not a resource. It's our goddamn money and they're pissing it away on some infuriating crap.

Don't get us wrong, we don't mind paying for necessities, such as roads, streetlights, fixing potholes, libraries, cops, firemen, military and other legitimate, Constitutionally correct, Nanny State expenses. BUT, there's the other 99% of the crap where they piss away our hard earned greenbacks.

Let's take a look at some of the tax related outrages that bring us thisclose to organizing another American Revolution:

* Your extorted money funds the lavish lifestyles of those Elected Tormentors who pass laws to infringe YOUR liberty, but, find a way to exempt themselves.

* Your extorted money builds and staffs most of the Marxist-infested Ivory Towers that wouldn't admit you on a bet, because you don't have the proper racial pedigree.

* Your extorted money pays those Nanny State bureaucrats who micro-manage that innovative new adventure in capitalism that you worked so damn hard to make a success.

* Your extorted money pays some Nanny State rat bastard for permission (a license) before you're allowed to cut someone's hair, give them a tattoo, or sell them a sandwich.

* Your extorted money pays the Nanny State to dictate what you're allowed to hear on the boom box or watch on the boob tube.

* Your extorted money pays the salary of an Elected Tormentor scumbag whom you aren't allowed to criticize within 30 days of an election.

*Your extorted money pays for the medical care and schooling of chronically needy, disease-ridden, crime-infested border jumping scumbags who don't goddamn belong here in the first place.

As much as we hate those Nanny State assaults on our wallet, there are two especially vile aspects of the Nanny State extortion system (uh, tax policy) that really bugs us. In addition to stealing our money and squandering it on a boatload of infuriating, asinine crap, there's the real function of the American Extortion System: social engineering and behavior modification. The Nanny State coerces you into what it considers 'proper' behavior by taxing things that you like, but they don't, via 'sin' taxes on adult beverages and tobacco products. The Nanny State coerces you into purchasing a 'socially acceptable' ride by heaping taxes on that Hummer you love and giving tax credits on some clown mobile that uses crab grass for fuel. The Nanny State manipulates us in countless intolerable ways and it majorly pisses us off.

The second, equally pernicious element of the American Extortion System is through blatant, utterly un-goddamn-American wealth redistribution. American achievers who got where they are on the economic food chain through their own ingenuity and hard work are rewarded by socialist, Elected Tormentor rat bastards with stratospheric taxes, the most loathsome of which is the Death Tax. American parasites are rewarded for being such utter an complete losers though a gem called 'the earned income tax credit' which, invariably, pays them back A LOT MORE than the government took in the first place. They can call this largess whatever thrills them spitless but we dare to call a spade a spade: it's WELFARE that's laundered through the IRS.

Ever hear of the Boston Tea Party? The American Revolution? No Taxation Without Representation? It's about time Americans push, no, SHOVE Tax reform, revolt, and maybe abolition right up their stinky, skanky asses, sans lubricants, right now.

What if we all said, "I'm mad as hell, and won't pay anymore?" The elected officials would be like deer caught in the headlights. After all, without you - actually, your money - they would most likely be flipping burgers, dealing dope, selling used cars, or worse yet, practicing law. They need us to fund the big Government Tit more than we need them.

We're not tax experts, just dudes that can't justify paying for and subsidizing needless crap, programs and laws doled out by blow dried elected congressional punk weasel rat bastards, whose only goal in life is to separate you from your money. Don't take our word, ask Obama, Reid & Co. aka, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe. They're the 21st century version of the James Gang, the Dalton Brothers or Bonnie and Clyde, but there's a big difference. The James Gang, Dalton Brothers, Bonnie and Clyde, et al, freely admitted that they were thieves, crooks and scoundrels. It would be refreshing if once, just once, some Elected Tormentor bastard admitted, "I'm stealing you blind, go pound sand."

Well, we're off to work. Gotta subsidize the illegal Chico Taco's and family of 200, my elected officials, overzealous, gung-ho cops, school lunch programs, food stamps, section 8 housing, illegal admnesty crap and other Gimme Gimme bottom feeder types.

Don't get us wrong. We love our country, but despise our ever growing behemoth of a government. Rest In Peace, Thomas Jefferson. We're living the nightmare you predicted, but we have to keep that Big Wheel turning, ever so Goddamn slow. One taxable dollar at a time. Right, suckers?

Daylight Saving Time.

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

If you wonder whose bright idea it was, wonder no more.

Modern DST was first proposed by the New Zealand entomologist George Vernon Hudson, whose shift-work job gave him leisure time to collect insects, and led him to value after-hours daylight. In 1895 he presented a paper to the Wellington Philosophical Society proposing a two-hour daylight-saving shift, and after considerable interest was expressed in Christchurch, New Zealand, he followed up in an 1898 paper. Many publications incorrectly credit DST's proposal to the prominent English builder and outdoorsman William Willett, who independently conceived DST in 1905 during a pre-breakfast ride, when he observed with dismay how many Londoners slept through a large part of a summer's day. An avid golfer, he also disliked cutting short his round at dusk. His solution was to advance the clock during the summer months, a proposal he published two years later. (Wikipedia)

It's a good thing, for all concerned, that they're all dead, because DST make me want to clock somebody.

Top Story Leftovers

Government Conspiracies
If you listen to the yammering of the usual suspects, the government is a paragon of perfection, when it comes to keeping certain inconvenient truths from We the People. Allegedly, they've kept us in the dark, by hiding E.T. and his technology, out of sight in underground chambers at Wright-Patterson AFB, in Ohio, and similar installations at the infamous Area 51, in the Nevada desert. Allegedly, they played us for fools on the John F. Kennedy assassination, by pinning it all on a fall guy named Lee Harvey Oswald, while the real shooters (a two or three man team) continue to elude detection.

Paragons of secret keeping perfection? Yeah, right. Is this the same paragon of perfection that couldn't keep a lid on our atomic weapons secrets, despite Draconian security measures? Is this the same paragon of secret keeping perfection that elevated the insider leak to an art form? The closely guarded government held secret is a myth of epic proportions. I'm just sayin'.

MTV
MTV? In theory MTV stands for Music TeleVision. MUSIC Television? No shit? You can't prove it by me. The MUSIC at MTV died a long time ago. The closest they come, these days, is when a reality program pimple on humanity's butt plugs in their iPod. I'm just sayin'.

Airline Travel
There was a time when traveling by plane was not a ridiculously expensive, relentlessly intrusive, way to go from Point A to Point B. For a variety of reasons, those days a long gone.

If you can cope with being interrogated, insulted, then groped by thuggish TSA twerps, and don't mind going through that full body scan peep show, your hellish air travel adventure is far from over. If you have carry-on bags, some airlines will make you pay extra to stow them in the overhead compartments. If you want to use the lavatory, some airlines will make you pay before you go, for that, too. One airline is planning to sell 'standing room' on its flights. Another airline will kick you off a flight to make room for that double-wide load in the next seat. I won't put words in your mouth, but this pagan scribbler won't put up with that crap. Hell no, I won't go. I'm just sayin'.

Nigerian E-Mail Scam
This cyberspace blight continues to - so the story goes - entice kind-hearted, but foolish, individuals into pissing away their hard-earned money. In a few, newsworthy, instances, the targeted individuals ripped off their employer, and/or their clients, to feed the insatiable Nigerian scammer beast.

By and large, the 'victim' is deemed foolish, but otherwise blameless. Bullshit! The classic Nigerian scam's pot of gold is, invariably, a large sum of money whose rightful owner is MIA. In other words, some shifty character needs the 'victim's' help in STEALING money for which neither have a rightful claim. Since the 'victim' of a Nigerian scam is a differently-ethical individual who let mindless GREED get the better of them, I have no sympathy whatsoever for them. I'm just sayin'.

Hugo

Hugo "Skipper" Chavez is headed for his final personal appearance, at his own funeral.

I wonder if they have Danny Glover and Sean Penn on suicide watch, yet.

I hope individual liberty makes a comeback in Venezuela.

I suspect it's gonna get ugly in Venezuela, in the short term.

The More Things Change

In some areas of our life, the changes to America aren't stark, or political. In some instances, the change isn't as profound as it seems. That's especially true, when it comes to popular culture, and assorted other elements of that elusive entity, 'America'. Here are some examples:

* In his time, Thomas Paine shared his ideas as in a popular pamphlet 'Common Sense'. In 2013, Thomas Paine would be sharing his ideas in a popular BLOG named 'Common Sense'.

* From January 1956 to October 1964, "Queen for a Day" tugged at viewer heartstrings with a steady stream of three hankie sob stories. In 2013, Dr. Phil performs the same function as heir to Oprah's sob sister throne.

* In 1968 Andy Warhol famously predicted "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." The only thing he got wrong was the 15 minutes part, otherwise he nailed it, because he predicted that bane of rational adults, the pernicious blight on humanity, the reality show 'star'. Check it out...Kim Kardashian's preggers-inflated butt is so humongous that its shadow reaches all the way back to 1968.

* MSNBC didn't invent spin doctored news. From 1962 thru 1981 Walter Cronkite abused his status as 'the most trusted man in America', with a 'news' program that was spewing out libertard claptrap.

* In the dawn of the television age, moms worried about young 'uns who turned their minds into mush by watching too much television. By the late 80's, Johnny and Moonbeam numbed their brains by sitting and staring at a compute monitor. In 2013, Little Johnny and Moonbeam achieve the same results, by spending every waking minute on the newest brain-numbing device, the iPAD

Reading Assignment

(This landed in my in box and mad a vivid impression.)

America's Kinder, Gentler Department Of Defense.
Cutting the military to fuel the welfare state doesn't instill fear in a nation's enemies
By Mackubin Thomas Owens.

The Department of Defense faces some stark choices in the future due to the threat of sequestration. But the continual sounds of shoes dropping at the Pentagon suggest that the sequester may be the least of its problems.

The first shoe was the announcement in December that Marine Gen. James Mattis would leave his post as commander of Central Command in March, well short of what would be expected of a combatant commander who has acquitted himself well since he was appointed in August 2010. Most observers were stunned. There seemed to be no logical reason for his being replaced early. Most unforgivably, he learned of the move when an aide read a Pentagon press release announcing the change.

According to recent reports (on journalist Tom Ricks's blog, for instance), White House officials, especially National Security Adviser Tom Donilon, weren't happy with Gen. Mattis's advice, in particular his effort to change the strategic framework regarding Iran. Gen. Mattis thought we should be planning for what Iran is capable of doing-such as closing the Strait of Hormuz or attacking Israel-not just what we assume Iran will do. In addition, Gen. Mattis and the White House clashed over the way ahead in Afghanistan, his concerns about Pakistani stability, and the response to the Arab spring.

Despite these policy disagreements, it is noteworthy that during Gen.Mattis's time as the commander responsible for one of the most volatile regions in the world, there were no manifestations of the unhealthy civil-military relations that characterized the tenure of Donald Rumsfeld as secretary of defense. There were no leaks to the press from within his command over policy disagreements and no reports of "slow rolling" or "foot dragging" in Gen. Mattis's implementation of the president's policy.

A president has every right to choose the generals he wants, but it is also the case that he usually gets the generals he deserves. By pushing Gen. Mattis overboard, the administration sent a message that it doesn't want smart, independent-minded generals who speak candidly to their civilian leaders. What other generals and admirals are likely to take from this is that they should go along to get along, a very bad message for the health of U.S. civil-military relations.

The second shoe to drop was the nomination of Chuck Hagel to be the next secretary of defense. Much of the opposition to Mr. Hagel has focused on his alleged hostility to Israel and his seeming indifference to a nuclear-armed Iran. As serious as these issues may be, the real problem is his likely
approach to the defense budget.

The Hagel nomination is a replay of President Harry Truman's appointment of Louis Johnson as secretary of defense in early 1949. Like Mr. Obama, Truman was committed to funding his domestic programs at the expense of military spending. When the incumbent defense secretary, James Forrestal, argued that cuts in the defense budget were too deep in light of emerging threats, Truman asked for his resignation and replaced him with Johnson, whom most
historians regard as a partisan hack.

Like Truman and Johnson before them, Messrs. Obama and Hagel are predisposed to look at the defense budget in the abstract, independent of the real world. Yes, the defense budget can and should be cut. But the danger is that President Obama has appointed Sen. Hagel for the same reason that Truman appointed Johnson: to take an ax to the Pentagon in order to free up money for the president's expanded welfare state. This is alarming. National security strategy-not budget cuts for their own sake-should drive defense spending and force structure.

The third shoe dropped on Jan. 24, when Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta announced the opening of most ground-combat billets to females. There are three reasons this is a terrible policy change.

First, there are substantial physical differences between men and women that place the latter at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to ground combat. Second, men treat women differently than they treat other men. This can undermine the comradeship upon which unit cohesion, and thus battlefield success, depends.

Finally, the presence of women also leads to lowered-or worse, double-standards that will have a serious impact on morale and performance. Secretary Panetta's statement that "if [women] can meet the qualifications for the job, then they should have the right to serve" is bunk, and everyone, especially infantrymen (and most women), knows it.

Indeed, Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, gave the game away when he said as the policy change was announced that, "if we do decide that a particular standard is so high that a woman couldn't make it, the burden is now on the service to come back and explain to the secretary, why is it that high?" Gen. Dempsey thereby guaranteed that politically appointed civilian officials will lower standards.

So we have a yes-man/hatchet-man as the likely next secretary of defense whose job is to do his worst at the Defense Department. And the firing of a general who did what he is supposed to do: provide advice forcefully. And women in the infantry, which undermines military effectiveness but pleases the diversity crowd.

With a secretary who doesn't care and generals who will now think it in their best interest to keep quiet, we are likely to see more such nonsense. The combined effect of these three events will degrade the readiness and effectiveness of the U.S. military far more than sequestration will.

Mr. Owens is editor of Orbis, the quarterly journal of the Foreign Policy Research Institute, and author of "US Civil-Military Relations After 9/11: Renegotiating the Civil-Military Bargain" (Continuum, 2011).

Gender Bending

In an 11-page decree, the Massachusetts Department of Education declared emphatically that transgender K-12 students are MUCH more equal than their male and female government cess-school inmates.

The annointed gender benders are individuals whose internalized sense of their gender doesn't match their issued at birth nads. What does this gender confusion get them? What indeed.

* Each gender bender inmate has an unimpeachable right to determine his, her, hisher or its own gender.

* Their gender choices include: male, female, some of both, none of the above.

* School officials can't tell the gender bender's parents the thrilling 'your kid's gender choice is' news,

* Gender bender inmates can use any bathroom they want.

* Gender bender inmates can play on sports teams which match their chosen gender.

* If a non gender bending inmate doesn't pucker up and kiss the gender bender's ass, the genderally unconfused inmate faces punishment.

Then there's this insanity:

The directive also calls on schools to implement gender neutral clothing rules.

"For example, some schools require students to wear gender-based garb for graduation or have gender-based dress codes for prom, special events and daily attire," the directive states. "Schools should eliminate gendered policies and practices such as these."

They pointed out on school that changed its dress code for the National Honor Society. The new policy does not require girls to wear dresses.

They also instructed schools to stop lining up students based on gender. Instead, they recommended lining up students using their birthdays or alphabetically. (Fox)

Several questions remain unanswered:

* Is the gender choice etched in stone?

* Can the Gender Bender change genders whenever the mood strikes them?

* Must they tell fellow cess school inmates, or is it a 'what am I now' guessing game where a wrong guess gets a gender non-bender suspended or expelled?

The Korrectnik Jihad against gender just reached critical mass in the Bay State.

Colonista Crap

* An immigration confab at Cal State Fullerton touts these stinkers:

Transnational Injustice and the Morality of Territorial Borders
Perpetrated by: Associate professor of philosophy (San Francisco State Univ) Shelly Wilcox

Undocumented: The World War on The Working Class
Perpetrated by a professor of American history (UCLA), Gary Nash

N.C. D.L.

Colonista knickers are knotted in North Carolina, because of a special new Driver's License.

A new driver's license expected to be issued to some illegal immigrants in North Carolina has prompted state lawmakers and immigrant rights groups to voice concerns over the proposal.

The proposed North Carolina Division of Motor Vehicles license has a bright pink stripe and the bold words "NO LAWFUL STATUS."

The North Carolina Division of Motor Vehicles announced last week they would begin issuing the licenses March 25 following a lengthy legal review. The Obama administration's Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program grants valid federal work permits to qualified applicants brought to the U.S. as children without legal authorization.
(Fox)

Now That's Funny

If you don't make a regular pit stop at People's Cube, you're missing out on big time fun.

For example:

Vatican insiders today report what is an apparent "testing the water" move by the White House to suggest President Barack Obama as a possible replacement for retiring Pope Benedict XVI.

Father Guido Sarducci, unofficial Vatican spokesman, confirmed that a "highly placed person" in the administration had floated the idea of naming Obama the Vicar of Christ on Earth when Pope Benedict steps down at the end of the month.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was quick to state that any talk of the President leaving his current office to assume the duties of the supreme pontiff was irresponsible. "We are quite sure that the President would be able to fulfill the duties of both roles simultaneously," Carney reassured reporters.

He admitted that, like assuming the mantle of the presidency, becoming pope would entail a step down for the Lightbringer, but in his well-documented humility the President would be willing to do so to set the Church straight on a number of vital issues.

"Internally, the Church needs a thorough reorganization, starting with assigning union representation for each diocese, and also this staunch resistance to the human right of abortion on demand has obviously got to stop," Carney said.

Read the rest: Here

Obama Whopper

When I read this Barry blather, I laughed out loud. Why? The world's most arrogant son-of-a-bitch is invoking humility of all things.

"You know, the one thing about being president is, after four years, you get pretty humble. You'd think maybe you wouldn't but actually you become more humble--you realize what you don't know," Obama said.

"You realize all the mistakes you made. But you also realize you can't do things by yourself. That's not how our system works. You've got to have the help and the goodwill of Congress, and what that means is you've got to make sure that constituents of members of Congress are putting some pressure on them, making sure they're doing the right thing." (Weekly Standard)

Reality 101 - 5 Easy Lessons

If you've gotten lost and somehow strayed from the safety and security of Sensitivity Street squalor...if you regained a shred of sanity when you found yourself here, stick around to sample some of the fun you've been missing as an ex-individual.

Crack open a brewskie, grab your crayons, kick back and take notes while I inform, enlighten, and amuse you. Don't panic over that tingling in your noodle; it's those moribund synapses shaking off the cobwebs.

You won't be graded, so don't feel like you need to sit next to the Asian kid. If you crave a test to measure your progress, we recommend our Incorrectness 101 page.

LESSON #1: NEWS NITWITS/MEDIA MEATHEADS

• Thespians are NOT smarter than the average bear. They're the dishwasher at your local eatery who caught a break. You'll probably get more meaningful insights from the dude who is still washing those dinner plates in the back room.

• Learn to read between the lines: Just because you heard it on the radio, saw something on TV or the internet, doesn't make it true. News Nitwits and Media Meatheads always put their own warped, maligned and sensationalized sense of self-important spin on any given subject. Media Meatheads and News Nitwits are ratings and revenue driven. Why do you think they tease the hottest story throughout the broadcast only to show you a 10 second clip at the tail end of the broadcast? To keep fools like us glued to our idiotic electronic opiate box.

• If you hear, read or see something that offends you, it's YOUR problem, Sparky.

LESSON #2: BIG BROTHER & BIG SISTER ARE WATCHING YOU, TOO!

• The Nanny State only gets money from two places. The can print it, making the money in your pocket worth less. Or, they can steal it from some hard working fool - like you, Sparky - and give it to those chronically-needy parasite.

• If you think for a nano-second the Nanny State gives a rip about you - or the children - by enforcing seat belt, motorcycle helmet, smoking and transfat laws, think again. Big Brother/Big Sister are way too busy rewriting the Constitution, catering to special interests and lobbyists, on top of conspiring to separate you from your money and freedom.

• Korrectniks are, by their very nature, humor-challenged asshats who use the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force to coerce the 'proper' behavior from you. You are not allowed to say things that offend them. You are not allowed to write things that offend them. You are not allowed to create images, or artwork that offends them. Their message is clear and inescapable: shut up, sit down, die in a fire you (pick your poison: racist, sexist, homophobe).

• Crime Pays: Ask any cop, correction officer, judge, criminal defense lawyer, parole officer or dope dealer. Without petty laws to keep courts and prisons filled, these occupations would be rendered obsolete.

LESSON #3: RACE CARD

• Al Sharpton and Je$$e Jackson got rich and powerful by hunting down and exposing that racist hiding in the woodpile. When America began to shed its racist past, these Ethnocrats worried about an untimely end to their race card waving enrichment.

Al and Je$$e want, need, rampant racism to stay in business and they've shown a willingness to create some, when none exists. The lesson here is obvious: we need to persuade these Ethnocrats surrender their race cards, close shop and get a real job for a change. Repeat after me, gentlemen, "Do you want fries with that?"

LESSON #4: ENABLING

• If you tolerate an evil, it gets stronger. This was driven home, with telling clarity when rational adults laughed off political correctness as an insignificant Ivory Tower phenomenon and, decades later, it has embedded itself in every aspect of American life.

• A critical mass of rational adults - many of them in the top echelons of political power - turned a blind eye to the real enemy in our war on Jihadikazes. This is not, as W - and Barry - claim a war against some fringe wingnuts who 'hijacked a great religion'. We are at war with Islam itself, a belief system whose endgame involves world domination - forcible adherence to their supernaturalism - by any means necessary. In this battle for our very survival, tolerating this evil is not an option.

• When you reward undesirable behavior, you get more of it. We did that in 1986 by giving 4 million border jumping scumbags amnesty and we got 20 million more.

• Rewarding pachyderm punk Elected Tormentors who spend like The One on a stimulus binge, encourages them to spend even more and goads them into running up bigger deficits.

• Rewarding parasites with Nanny State freebies generated an explosive growth of the parasite horde.

LESSON #5: SOME BASICS

• You can flirt, overtip and drool until the bovines answer the dinner bell, but that stripper or Hooters Hottie isn't going to throw herself into your arms for some "wham, bam, thank you ma'am", wishful thinking Sparky.

• When cell phone providers add more services to your cell blight, they're not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They're in the business of selling you MINUTES and the more crap they add to your cell blight, the more of the lucrative minute you'll consume.

• The real reason that the bra-burners in flannel shirts hate men is because dudes can take a whiz standing up.

• You probably won't find Sheriff Andy Taylor in rural America, but every town has its Barney Fife.

•A dude knows he's terminally hen-pecked when he's in a life-threatening situation and his life passes before her eyes.

Was that real enough for you Sparky?

Sequester Notions

Like too damn many things in D.C., the sequester is, by and large, political theater.

The first thing to understand is this: Uncle Sam will spend MORE money than he did last year.

The sequester is a slight reduction in the planned spending increase.

Billed as 'across the board', the slight reduction in the spending increase, hits our defense department harder than everyone else.

The sequester idea was pooped out by the Jackass Party.

It - the sequester - appears to be a poison pill that would stampede the pachyderm punks into voting for tax increases and rubber stamping future debt limit increases.

Everyone is full of shit on this one, so it's hard to determine what level of pain anyone will feel after the sequester.

The level of rhetorical sequester bullshit is epic.

Don't get your hopes up because, a slight reduction in this year's spending increase won't make the government shut down.

Stray Notions

* Joe Biden

Unless you're a low information voter, you've already deduced that the Vice Presidency isn't a good job fit for a loose cannon like Joe.

The problem is that the ideal job for Joe - court jester, royal fool - doesn't exist anymore.

Life is a real pain in the ass, that way.

* Deadly Menace

The Sandy Hook murderer was one.

The Orange County car jacking killer was one.

The new leader of North Korea was one.

They're all murdering bastards.

And...

They're all basement boys.

That's why a basement boy's refuge in mom's basement should be locked - with him inside - from the outside.

* Curious Choices

Secretary of State John Kerry?

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel?

Is Barry trying to create the illusion of POTUS competence by selecting subordinates who TURBO SUCK? Apparently, but I'm not sure the bottom of the barrel is deep enough to yield appointees whose suckage vastly exceeds Obama's.

NO NAD LAND

If you ever wondered what a nation run by NO NADS would look, wonder no more. It already exists and it's called Iceland. You'll know 'we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto' if you're in Iceland and go looking for a strip club. There aren't any:

Two years ago, the Icelandic Parliament – led by female prime minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir - successfully banned all strip clubs on the grounds that they violated the civil rights of the women who worked there and were harmful to society.

This year, titillation - Internet porn - is once more in the NO NAD Land bull's-eye:

Interior Minister Ögmundur Jónasson has set up working parties to find the best ways to stem the tide of online images and videos being accessed by young people through computers, games consoles and smartphones.

The Icelandic government's study suggested that children exposed to violent pornography at an early age showed similar signs of trauma to those who had been actually abused

Methods under consideration include blocking porn IP addresses and making it illegal to use Icelandic credit cards to access x-rated sites.

It's already a crime to print and/distribute porn in NO NAD Land. Why? It's for the children, of course. Furthermore porn violates the rights of the women who appear in it.

Iceland is proud to be one of the world's oldest parliament democracy. I'm not impressed. In NO NAD Land, there aren't any inalienable individual rights. There are only 'provisional' rights which the tyrannical majority hasn't abolished, yet.

Pieces of Hambo's Mind

*
I'm pissed. The fickle fates let me down. Yes, they managed to score a hit with a meteorite. BUT, the bull's-eye was Washington D.C., and they hit Russia, which is halfway around the world.

The second bite at the apple was an even bigger flop, since the asteroid missed the whole planet by 17,000 miles. Damn, damn, damn...

*
This Drudge teaser elicited laughter, followed by 'well, duh':

Russia's foreign minister STILL hasn't called Kerry back

The Ruskies aren't taking Lurch's calls? Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.

*
Is the vile condition of the Carnival cruise ship Triumph forever changing the meaning of the nautical term 'poop deck'?

*
Christopher Dorner was a vile, murdering son-of-a-bitch who wallowed in his feelings of oppression. He's dead and I say "good riddance".

My opinion is not shared by vicars of victimhood who seek to redefine reality by declaring this bastard an icon of victimhood.

Elsewhere, the usual suspects are taking a dump on the graves of Dorner's victims by worrying that the cops deliberately set the fire which ended this reign of terror.

Holiday Name: Valentine's Day

What it is:
Valentine's Day, as celebrated in the 21st Century, is an exercise in capitalism that is, at its core, by, about, and for chicks. It's not your day, "Is it February 14th again?" Sparky, so learn to live with it. For most dudes, Valentine's Day is about self preservation. Granted, a few horndog dudes manage to "work" this Cupid crap, but to every dude I know, it's all about survival. To preserve what passes for domestic tranquility in their lives, they follow the rules that chicks laid down for this terminally "girlie" holiday. That usually involves candy, flowers, a card and dusting off those rusty romantic moves. Annoying? Perhaps, but it's not a fate worse than death.

Who gets heartburn from it:
Valentine's Day majorly pisses off hard core womyn's studies class NO-NADs. In their synaptically dysfunctional alleged minds, this hearts and flowers stuff is an evil plot perpetrated by men so they can continue to victimize those delicate, helpless flowers of humanity: womyn. They call it "V" Day, and celebrate it with the brass ring of male bashing, "The Vagina Monologues". As nifty as this "Valentine's Day victimizes womyn" bovine excrement is, it gets better.

Foaming at the mouth Islamikazes bluster that Valentine's Day is a dastardly plot to subvert Islam. In the Sandbox, Saudi religious police terrorize Sandbox capitalists who defile Islam with their cupid crap wares. Elsewhere, roaming Islamikaze bands raid gift shops and destroy any cupid crap they find. We're amazed and amused to report that these hard core Islamikazes are at least as insane as our "V-Day" phobic NO-NADS.

The face, facts and figures about the enemy:

Description: Fat, chubby, arrow toting, diaper wearing, little sociopath that preys upon unsuspecting, rank amateur, P-whipped, rookie dudes.

Armed & Dangerous? You bet. He flies around, shooting arrows at unsuspecting dudes, sitting on park benches, holding their honey's hand, trying exercise a little amore, and injects them with guilt and crass, overt, commercialism.

When He's Active: Only annual sightings known to us, and his co-conspirators (advertisers) are February 14.

Hambo's Take:
Valentine's Day is that time of the year when that airborne, diaper-wearing rat bastard - Cupid - starts peppering unsuspecting moon-struck humans with his goddamn arrows. I have a suggestion or two about an alternative use for those damn arrows. Since this pernicious pest never leaves home without the damn things, I'm ready willing and eager to shove them up his...that's right PIGster, I think he needs to stick those damn arrows where the sun don't shine. If I ever catch that winged runt, I'll...

Is the infamous Hambo declaring war on love, romance and all that goes with it? Not exactly. However, I tend to get pissed when some pinheads mount a world-spanning ad campaign to coerce me into buying some flowers, a box of candy or some other whiz-bang that has a "void after February 14" warning label. At minimum, it's insulting to presume that I'm not taking care of business with my lovely bride 24/7/365. I don't need images of that airborne, arrow packing terrorist to make me do the right thing for my lady, so back the hell off, damn it!

The only 'up side' to this February blight is the fact that some womyn kick Cupid to the curb and devote the day to venerating their nads. I have nothing against these V-Day (Vagina Day) Harpies, aside from the fact that those most likely to celebrate their nads are the ones least likely to share that joy with you, horny as a ten-peckered owl, Sparky.

Porcus' Take:
Look, lovestruck PIGsters, the PIG staff humbly admits we are veterans when it comes to this subject. We're going to casually sit back and watch all amateurs fumbling around buying flowers, candy, ruin their credit at jewelry stores and, of course, make Hallmark some profits, while us real Valentinos, Casanovas, John Wayne's, and Clint Eastwood's are going to do what comes natural ALL 365 days of the year..We "Get 'Er Done".

PIGsters of all persuasions, take heed from the words of George Carlin; "Be excellent to one another" We'll add to that most excellent quotation by saying, All 365 days a year.

More On Zombies

There are numerous strains of 21st century zombies, but, for the most part, all of them share certain common traits. Each strain comes with its larger then life leader, and/or ideal, that has it all figured out for you, obviating you from doing your own thinking. Each strain is threatened by free ranging, synaptically active, rational individuals, who, invariably, refuse to accept the 'revealed' truth 'because we say so'. Each strain comes armed with its dire fate for humanity, and the world, if that strain doesn't become dominant. "Stop thinking; do as you're told or we're all going to die", sums it up nicely.

Admittedly, this utterly human compulsion to turn over the day-to-day decisions of your life to somebody else is nothing new. Jim Jones and his cult are a prime example of the supernaturalist strain of this zombie mindset. His followers checked their brains at the cult's door and stumbled after their leader into oblivion, leaving as their only lasting legacy, the term 'Kool-Aid drinker'. Since that horrific mass suicide, other cult leaders have lured sovereign individuals into checking their brains at the cult door and letting big, cult leader, daddy make all their choices, large and small. It's disturbing. It's zombihood. But, since these cult-joining automatons isolate themselves from the world, it's, by and large, no harm, no foul.

In the 21st century, the most dangerous supernaturalist zombies are everywhere. We know what you're thinking and, once again, you're probably wrong. The true believer zombies in question aren't those earnest young men on bikes whose disturbing cheerfulness is calculated to lure you into joining their mainstream cult, Mormonism. The true believer zombies in question aren't those 'Watch Tower' wrangling tag teams who do their best to 'guilt' you into joining their somewhat less mainstream cult, Jehovah's Witness. The true believers zombies in question aren't even the borderline bonkers, couch-jumping wingnuts, who want you to purge your soul, and jettison your brain, for a SciFi hack writer's final dose of reality-phobic fiction, Scientology.

The most dangerous true believers are found in mosques where braindead Islamikaze zombies around the world go to get their marching orders. Let's take a peek inside a mosque while an eager Islamikaze zombie, Mahmoud al-Meathead, gets his marching orders.

Imam: This week you're outraged at the Dutch.
Mahmoud: I am? Okay. Am I mad for a reason, or is this one of those generic 'they're infidels' things?
Imam: You're showing signs of residual synaptic activity, Mahmoud. Knock it off.
Mahmoud: I'm sorry, Imam.
Imam: You're so mad at the Dutch that you're going to go on a street rampage.
Mahmoud: Right away, or can I have lunch first?
Imam: Mahmoud!
Mahmoud: Sorry, Imam. What is it about the Dutch that outraged me, so I'll know which slogans to shout?
Imam: You're outraged because Dutch cartoonists defamed our holy prophet with their intolerable artwork.
Mahmoud: Okey dokey, Imam.
Imam: I think we need to send you to remedial righteous rage school, Mahmoud.
Mahmoud: Yes, Imam. Would it help if I promise to kick my camel?

Admittedly, our dialogue is silly, but it demonstrates how Islamikazes are so zombified that they need an Imam to tell them when they're outraged. Islamikazes are incapable of independent thought and that's probably a good thing, since unsanctioned synaptic activity can, quite literally, get them killed. Finally, Islamikaze zombihood explains why homicide bombers are sucked in by that 72 virgins bull crap.

As ubiquitous as supernatural zombies are, they aren't the only strain that you'll meet. Another familiar strain is equally threatening to your liberty, and, in many ways, equally militant about imposing their synapse suffocating brainfart on you. In bygone days, we called them 'environmental wackos'. They didn't really hit their stride until their Messiah, Al Gore, lumbered out of his Fat Cave clutching a leg of roasted ox in one chubby fist and his Globally Warmed Gospel in the other. Armed with Messiah Al's reality-insulated whopperthon, Global Warming zombies refuse to tolerate dissent, and have no patience whatsoever with unauthorized elements of objective reality. If you start responding with 'facts' that aren't blessed by Messiah Al, you'll be, essentially 'burned at the stake'.

The newest zombie outburst, and easily one of the most dangerous to your liberty, is playing out on the political stage. Dazzled by the empty rhetoric of an elephant-eared Messiah, the Obamatons are the closest thing we've found, to date, to those fictional zombies who stumbled around on the silver screen in low budget, 50s flicks. They swoon. They sigh. The march in lockstep. They mouth the Messiah's mantra "hope", "change", but don't have a clue when asked to explain what it all means. It's the definitive "jump", "how high" strain of 21st century zombihood and, easily, the most dangerous. Obamatonism is especially dangerous, since it's increasingly obvious that Messiah Barry isn't the order-spewing autocrat. Based on his unscripted stumbling and bumbling, he is just a shill who is fronting for the real, heretofore unidentified, zombie wrangler.

The fun fact about zombihood is this: once you're infected with a mild form of it, you're highly susceptible to its more powerful forms. For example, the two most dominant strains of 21st century zombihood - Obamatonism, and Gorebicide - are piggybacked on other forms of synaptic shutdown. Many of these zombies started out their journey to a mindless existence in America's Korrectnik-controlled Ivory Towers. That's where the properly-hyphenated were dehumanized by that initial victim group assignment. Those who adapted to that pre-programmed existence were slated for a career as an Ethnocrat 'activist'. From there, it was a short step into the zombie big leagues as a Nanny State promoting 'player'. Throughout the process, success was granted to those who achieved the greatest degree of synaptic shutdown, what we're calling zombihood.

If you think you're immune to this zombie plague, get over it. You're snuffing your synapses, every time you offload one or more elements of your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness to the ultimate purveyor of zombihood, the all powerful, social safety net deploying, Nanny State. Each time you turn to big, Nanny State daddy to resolve one of your personal problems, you're taking another stumbling step into zombihood. Every time you use the Nanny State to save individuals from themselves, you're no better than that movie monster zombie. Every time you silence free speech you don't want to hear...each time you outlaw consenting adult behavior that rots your socks...each time you outlaw something because you can't/won't control your own impulses, you are lurching deeper into the ultimate form of zombihood, as a mindless, powerless, slave of the Nanny State. Admittedly it's a tragically human compulsion. It might be the human thing to do, but it's utterly unAmerican, in every possible way.

America is the only nation that was created by rational adults, to maximize the liberty of rational adults. That's why it is utterly infuriating to watch the citizens of this nation conceived in liberty turn their backs on that legacy. One by one, Americans are switching off their brains, because it's much easier to live a "jump", "how high" existence where somebody else calls all your shots.

Here in the Free State of PIG, we have declared war on zombihood in all its diverse forms. We're dedicated to this fight. We will drag each and every one of you, screaming and kicking, to full synaptic functionality. We won't be satisfied until you willingly, eagerly, get down with those precious brain cells and light the damn things up. Why? Because THINKING is the best weapon in our arsenal when the zombies mass for each new assault on our liberty.

Hit The Road, Jack
(The Continuing Saga of Randy Quaid)

In the 2010, year ending Golden Oinks Awards, you'll find this gem:

Loveable Lunatics of the Year: When it comes to bizarre behavior, Randy and Evi Quaid are in a class all by themselves. Initially, the Quaids registered on PIG's radar, when they were arrested in Santa Barbara for breaking into the guest house of an estate that they sold, YEARS ago. Untroubled by that pesky 'we don't own it anymore, they set up housekeeping, without the rightful owner's permission. While 'homesteading' the home they once owned, the Quaids trashed the place so majorly that the proper authorities charged them with felony vandalism charges. Big, big, fun.

After the Quaids blew off the court hearing on the aforementioned charges, the relevant justice system officials issued a warrant for the Quaids. That warrant came back to bite Randy and Evi on the butt, when Canadian officials bagged, tagged, and dragged the Quaids to a Vancouver graybar. Game, set, match? Maybe, but the Quaids had another trick up their sleeve: they want political asylum. Why? You're going to be thrilled.

The couple told the immigration adjudicator they are being persecuted in the United States.

Evi Quaid begged a Canadian immigration adjudicator not to force them to return, saying on Friday that friends, such as actors David Carradine and Heath Ledger, have been "murdered" under mysterious circumstances and she worried something would happen to her husband next.

"We feel our lives are in danger," she said. "Randy has known eight close friends murdered in odd, strange manners ... We feel that we're next."

During a break in the proceedings, the Quaids' lawyer, Brian Tsuji approached the media to read a single-sentence statement from the Quaids. "We are requesting asylum from Hollywood star whackers," he read, declining further comment on the mental state of his clients. (Fox)

The Hollywood star whackers? Even if I give the Quaids the benefit of considerable doubt - 'star' seems like a stretch, in this case - this is NUTS! Attention Quaids! Please report to the Twilight Zone to pick up your Tinfoil Headgear.

UPDATE: This week, Canada took a giant step toward putting the Quaids out of their misery:

(NY Post) TORONTO — Canadian immigration officials have denied U.S. actor Randy Quaid's request for permanent resident status in Canada.

A Canadian government official confirmed late Saturday his request for permanent status has been denied. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly. Quaid can appeal the decision to the federal court.

US officials last year refused to seek extradition of the actor and his wife from Canada to face felony vandalism charges in Santa Barbara, California, but authorities in the coastal town say they'll still have the couple arrested if they return to the states.

Quaid has sought to stay in Canada, claiming he was being hunted by "Hollywood star-whackers" who had killed his friends David Carradine and Heath Ledger.

Canada doesn't want to keep him and Uncle Sam doesn't want him back? Randy Quaid is a gift who keeps on giving.

The Sanctified Schlong

Hailing from Apore, Goiás, Brazil, Toll Taker Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, took relentlessly horny bastard to a whole new level when he convinced certain low information members of his congregation that his schlong had been 'consecrated with "divine semen of the Holy Spirit."' How, exactly did he manage that? How indeed:

'He had an encounter with Jesus in a brothel and gave him the mission of spreading the sacred semen throughout the state, beginning with the faithful Apore Assembly, of which he is responsible'.

And, how, you ask, did he spread his sanctified swimmers?

A 23-year-old young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous said, "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth."

"Often, after worship, Pastor Valdecir take us to some of the funds back to the church and asked us to do oral sex on him until the Holy Spirit comes through ejaculation".

Denise Pinheiro, delegate of the region, said, "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid.

Holy HUMMERS, Batman!

Give me that old time religion...

Paying Homage To My Muse.

Saturday, February 2nd, is the 108th anniversary of Ayn Rand's birth. The least I can do is to thank her for helping me take my mind out of neutral. I give her credit for lifting the mental fog which clouded my thinking, when I was young, full of myself, and clueless.

Admittedly, my introduction to Ayn Rand was a painful one. It happened while I was working for a company that made a primordial form of computer memory devices. At the time, two of us shared a small test room, where we performed some mindless tasks that left ample time for conversations.

My co-worker was an Objectivist, who always managed to humiliate me during our discussions of various ideas and/or events. Eventually, I got the message. I was spouting drivel that had been jammed into my brain, unprocessed. Since I never fully analyzed my 'beliefs', I didn't have a snowball's chances in hell of defending them. Okay, let's be real...the mush that filled my brain at that time was indefensible.

Eventually, my co-worker took pity on me and gave me a guidebook to lead me out of my mental fog. It was 'Atlas Shrugged', a book which, in every possible way, rocked my world. Ayn Rand's wisdom still rocks my world, decades after she has shuffled off this mortal coil.

Thanks to Ayn Rand and her compelling wisdom, I know what I believe, and why. Admittedly, my understanding of, mastery of, her philosophy is imperfect, but I still have ample time to drag myself onward, upward, to a more complete understanding of her Objectivism.

I owe her, big time, for helping me switch on my brain. Before I thank her for that, I will do a Nixon and make one thing perfectly clear. Ayn Rand gets credit for my metal clarity, such as it is, but I do NOT blame her for my regular brain-farts. With that in mind I say, "Thank you Ayn, and Happy Birthday."

Regime Change Options

It probably won't thrill the Secret Service spitless, and I 'get' that. HOWEVER, they don't need to interrupt the next Colombian Hooker Mixer at Secret Service HQ to investigate it. What the hell am I talking about, this time? What indeed.

A critical mass of rational adults long for...pray for?...an earlier than normal regime change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. When their frustration peaks, some might even blurt out "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard". I understand their frustration and I share it, however I see 'unintended consequences' inexorably tied to "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard".

Option 1: "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard".

First and foremost, it would turn The One into a martyr. If, as many opine, Barry is, in his heart, an Islamist, martyrdom kind of works. BUT, his Obamunist minions would have a memorable hissy fit over The One's untimely demise.

Second, and equally problematic, his Jackass Party would 'honor' his memory, by ramming through Draconian legicrap that's so extreme it would make Marxist regimes like Stalin's, Mao's, and North Korea's seem tame, liberty-affirming, by comparison.

That's why death, even from natural causes, just won't get 'er done. The one exception to this assertion is covered in Option 4.

Option 2: "He went out for a pack of cigarettes and never returned."

Admittedly VERY unlikely, a disappearing act, would spare us martyrdom and the Draconian legicrap deluge martyrdom invites.

The downside is the obvious one. Since he'd still be on this planet, he might return at any time.

Option 3: "He's gone, Jim. The president is incurably insane."

This one sounds inviting, until you delve into those Devilish Details.

First, and foremost, given The One's erratic behavior, how would we know the difference between Erratic Obama and Insane Obama? Could anyone detect the difference.

Second, if he was incurably insane, would anyone in his POTUS Posse, do anything about it? Nope. Most likely, they would hide it from EVERYONE and continue their destruction of this once great nation.

Option 4: "INCOMING!"

This is the most practical, most efficient solution, since it puts D.C. - Elected Tormentors, bureaucracies, etc. - out of our misery. An asteroid strike would be ideal, and there happens to be just what we need headed our way.

Fox News Reports:

An asteroid about half the size of a football field will zoom past Earth on Feb. 15, closer than the man-made satellites that power GPS, says NASA.

"This is a record-setting close approach," Don Yeomans of NASA's Near Earth Object Program at JPL said in a video released by NASA this week. Yeomans, however, emphasized that the asteroid, designated 2012DA14, won't hit Earth. "It will come interestingly close, closer than many man-made satellites," he said.

2012DA14 will thread the gap between low earth orbit, where the International Space Station and many earth observation satellites are located and the higher belt of geosynchronous satellites, which provide weather data and telecommunications.

At its closest point, the asteroid will only be 17,200 miles above our planet's surface.

The Good:

It's just the right size - about 50 meters wide. If it hit, it would create a mile wide crater, and lay waste to suitably larger area beyond the crater.

The Bad:

Getting it to hit land is iffy, and having it hit D.C. is a longshot with nearly impossible odds.

The Ugly:

[A]n asteroid flies past Earth, on average, every 40 years, yet actually hits the planet once every 1200 years or so.

Option 5: "Beam him...them up...ET"

When I add it all up - Crop Circles, Cattle Mutilations, Their Joy Riding All Over Our Planet, Abducting Humans For Painful Prodding, Poking, and Puncturing - I conclude that E.T. has abused our hospitality. You owe us, Space Punks, and we're declaring your debt due, immediately.

We the PIGs are whipped with guilt that We the People are hogging all this Marxist Messiah joy. Suitably guilt-ridden, we're ready to mark your debt 'paid in full', if you take HIM off our hands. There are, however a few 'conditions':

* You must keep him. We don't want him back.

* We don't want him on this planet. He might come back.

* We don't want him left elsewhere in our solar system. Some Moonbat might go get him.

* If you must leave him elsewhere in our galaxy, the closest we'll tolerate is on the far side of the Milky Way Galaxy.

If you have the room, we have other potential 'passengers' in mind. If you want a full list, let us know.

Parting shot: My first choice is Option 4. Option 5 is my second choice, followed by Option 2.

Here We Go Again

Amnesty...it's the political turd that won't flush.

Since the fossils on Capitol Hill insist on pissing us off with the same fucking shit they pooped out in 2007, I'm going to reply in kind by dusting off our PIGish alternatives:

PIG's Border Jumping Scumbag Solution
The Adios Chico Plan
• • • • • • • • •
1. Since "we can't deport 12 to 20 million people", we'll do the next best thing. We'll deport the scumbags in positions of authority who think that rolling out the red carpet for border jumping scumbag invaders is "an idea whose time has come".

2. MechA and La Raza must be re-classified as TERRORIST ORGANIZATIONS and treated accordingly.

3. Members of MS-13 who return after being deported will be re-classified as terrorists and/or enemy combatants and carted off to Club Gitmo.

4. If you're here illegally, you NEVER get to be an American Citizen.

5. No more goddamn anchor babies. If mom and dad are illegal, so are you, Sparky.

Optional Immigration: The Taco Plan
• • • • • • • • •
1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, and all government business will be conducted in our language.

2. Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote, no matter how long they are here.

3. Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office.

4. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, nor any other government assistance programs.

5. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.

6. If foreigners do come and want to buy land that will be okay, BUT options will be restricted. You are not allowed to own waterfront property. That property is reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.

7. Foreigners may not protest; no demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies. If you do you will be sent home.

8. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be hunted down and sent straight to jail.

Harsh, you say?...The above laws happen to be the immigration laws of MEXICO! Hey, it seems to me if it's good enough for them it should be good enough for us.

Jerry Doyle's 10 Commandments
for Legal Immigration
• • • • • • • • •
1. If you enter the United States of America illegally or overstay your visa, you will never be eligible to become a citizen of the us. No exceptions.

2. If you hire someone who is illegal, you and/or your business will be fined $50,000.00 per employee. 'Strict liability' will be the legal standard.

3. The policy of 'anchor babies' is no longer the law. You are only eligible to be a citizen of the United States if you are born 'of' a citizen of the United States of America.

4. 'Sanctuary cities and/or states' will receive no federal tax dollar revenue sharing or matching. Federal highway speed limit standards will be the template.

5. 'Sanctuary houses of worship', in direct violation of us law, will lose their tax exempt status.

6. Financial institutions, doing business in the United States, will be prohibited from offering and providing any incentive program(s), any discount loan(s), subsidized checking and/or savings account(s) or any 'special' offer(s) to anyone in this country illegally.

7. Public education, medical and dental services, housing, social services, food stamps, social security, medicare, SSDI and any other U.S. government program will be for the benefit of legal residents of the United States only.

8. Any person(s), charitable organization(s), or business entity that harbors any illegal alien(s) will be automatically be charged with a federal offense and lose their citizenship.

9. Guest worker visas will be issued on a 5 year trailing average of the aggregate number of visas issued with adjustments for projected GDP growth and/or contraction.

10. English will be the only language used in the public workplace, public education, federal government offices and facilities, hospitals and related medical facilities and the federal court system. All voting for federal offices will be done in English only.

The George Carlin Plan
• • • • • • • • •
The Greeniacs want us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to the war zone and tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military.

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot.

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.

If they refuse to serve, ship them out anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.

The End Of The Line Plan
• • • • • • • • •
Other Plans include the The End Of The Line Plan aka Amnesty For American's: All American born citizen's, regardless of race, gender, religion, socio-economic status, etc., get the Red Carpet, Cut To The Front Of The Line Treatment First. Legal residents, and those awaiting legal status, fall in behind citizens, no matter if Chico, Lupe and their 200 compadres were waiting there first. Back at ya, huh, Chico, because that leaves you at The End Of The Line.

ENGLISH: If you can't or won't learn English, we figure it's that you're either too good, too lazy or too dumb - we bet it's not because you're too good - therefore, you go to the End Of The Line.

EMERGENCY ROOMS/GOVERNMENT OFFICES/SOCIAL SERVICES/DMV: If an American Citizen or Legal Resident should walk into a standing room only, English is non-existant Emergency Room, DMV, or any other government office seeking their services, the American citizen goes to the front of the line, no questions asked. Illegals go to...The End Of The Line. (See how this game is played now?)

GUEST WORKER'S: End Of The Line. Why? Being a "guest" anywhere would imply having been asked or invited somewhere. I don't recall any ballot measure asking voters to invite you here to siphon our resources. But we will however, invite you to go to the END OF THE LINE. Take your anchor babies, diseases, piñata's, ungrateful, unassimilating attitudes, and the pack mule you sneaked in on and git.

And lastly and thankfully, because you and 12 miilion others will be forced to the End Of The Line there just might be an America still standing in the 8 years it will take you to get back and be street legal.

Wordplay

I'm not sure if Limbaugh coined the term 'LOW INFORMATION VOTER', and I doubt that it matters. Whatever the case, he played a significant role in popularizing it.

Here, for your edification is how PIG defines this Rushism:

LOW INFORMATION VOTER, Rushism
Voting age idiots with self esteem who inflicted The One on us for at least 4 more years, because they heard that the other guy was a stingy old poop from the 'evil' party.

Here, in the Free State of PIG, we also have this Hambo-perpetrated variant:

LOW INFORMATION VOTER, Hamboism
Elected Tormentors who vote for bills 100s (OR 1000s) of pages long, without knowing, or caring what it says, and/or does.

In the Hambo variant, the term defined might also be listed as 'LOW MOTIVATION VOTERS'.

You'll be jazzed, when I tell you that there are other times where the terms 'LOW INFORMATION,' and/or 'LOW MOTIVATION,' might be applicable.

A LOW INFORMATION DRIVER is that impatient, lane-jumpiing, bastard who doesn't know enough about the physics of large, heavy, moving objects. That tractor-trailer rig you just cut off can't stop on a dime, begging for it, Sparky.

A LOW MOTIVATION DRIVER is the chicken little who becomes paralyzed at 4-way stops. 'STOP' isn't the whole message, numb nuts. The sign means "STOP, LOOK, GO".

A LOW INFORMATION SHOPPER is that express checkout line pestilence whose meager brain activity can't cope with simple instructions like: 10 items or less, no checks, no coupons.

A LOW MOTIVATION SHOPPER is that parking lot pestilence who sits idling for 10 minutes waiting for a close spot to open. It won't kill you to walk a little farther, from that open slot in the same aisle, lardass.

A LOW INFORMATION SCHOLAR is that college grad whose degree in Sociology landed him, her, himher, or it a checkout line job at Target.

A LOW MOTIVATION SCHOLAR is the differently studious individual who purchased a college degree from a diploma factory. You'll find, him, her, himher, or it wrangling a cash register, in the checkout line next to Mister, Miss, or Ms. Sociology.

That's enough, for this rant, but a Part Deux isn't out of the question.

Promoted From Golden OInks

By now, you should be up to speed on what Rush calls 'low information voters'. Today, I will introduce you to what I call a 'low information tourist'.

While visiting a game park in South Africa, Chantal Breyer (age 24) listened to the wrong voice. It happened, when their safari vehicle stopped to observe a pair of white rhinos. When the game park owner, Alex Richter, assured his safari patrons that it was safe, Chantal joined the exodus from the vehicle.

At some point, her inner voice of reason told her to just say no, when Richter urged Chantal to pose for a picture with her husband, Sven, with the two rhinos standing a short distance away, behind them. Heeding the inner voice, our heroine resisted Richter's 'move closer to them' suggestions. Eventually, Chantal gave in and moved per Richter's instructions. Moments after the image was taken, the male rhino charged, inflicted serious injuries on Chantal, by goring her.

If I know that rhinos are short sighted and short tempered, this Richter fool should know it too. Your inner voice knew it and you should have paid attention, Chantal.

And now you know the rest of the story, PIGsters.

 

Winners & Losers.

[With asshole's inauguration looming ominously on the horizon, I delved into my archives for a suitable 2009 vintage rant. This is still on point, but I do have one quibble. As dark as it is, it is egregiously optimistic.]

Full of themselves and IT, the Demoncrats are frantically trying to change the rules of the game. Under their rules of engagement, certain things have been 'updated' and 'redefined' in this land conceived in liberty.

Old School:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,

New Rules:
1) You can take your 'endowed by their Creator' and stick it. We, and we alone, determine who gets 'rights', and who doesn't.

2) Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness? Not on our watch. We'll tell you how to live. We'll set non-negotiable limits on your liberty and we'll TELL YOU when you're expected to be happy.

3) Deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed? Bullshit. When we say 'jump', you better shout 'how high, MASTER'.

Old School:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

New Rules:
1) By all means exercise your supernaturalism, if you're an Atheist or a Mecca Maniac, but, if you're a Christian, you better keep a low profile, unless you want to be on the receiving end of a hate crime charge.

2) We wouldn't dream of abridging your freedom of speech, if you're a member of ACORN, SEIU, the UAW, the New Black Panther Party, or are any other Obamunist in good standing. If you're one of those LOSERS, who clings to your 'life, liberty and pursuit of happiness', you better STFU, or we'll come after you.

3) By and large, the press has nothing to fear from us, since we have nothing to fear from them. But, those bastards at Fox News are on borrowed time.

4) Of course the people have the right to peaceably assemble, as long as it's the proper kind of peaceable assembly, preferably one organized by US. If, however, your peaceable assembly is called a Tea Party, or you try to inject a badly needed dose of objective reality into one of our Town Hall meetings, we'll have our SEIU Purple Gang, beat you until your mama says 'ouch'.

5) We're giddy when OUR PEOPLE petition the Government for redress of grievances. In fact, when we don't get enough grievances to redress, we MAKE SOME UP, so we can redress them. From time to time, those LOSERS across the aisle accuse us of trampling on that pernicious pestilence, individual liberty, but we can't be bothered. Why? You can't make a Nanny State omelette without breaking some eggs.

Old School:
A government of, by, and for 'we the people', whose only legitimate function is creating a political environment which maximizes the inalienable individual birth right of each sovereign individual.

New Rules:
The Demoncrats are creating a tyrannical Nanny State which is seizing control of every element of your life and seizing every scrap of your rightful property. They don't give a rat's ass about inalienable individual liberty. Their only purpose is maximizing their own power, by enslaving each and every one of us.

Parting shot: The primary distinction between the winners (mind numbed Obamatons) and the losers (rational American adults) is their reaction to tyranny. Obamatons never had any use for life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, so they welcome those slave of the Nanny State chains. On the other hand, rational American adults welcome the challenges that life throws at them. They 'bitterly cling' to their individual liberty with all their strength, when the Demoncrat tyrants try to fit them with slave of the Nanny State shackles.

Reality 101 - 5 Easy Lessons

If you've gotten lost and somehow strayed from the safety and security of Sensitivity Street squalor...if you regained a shred of sanity when you found yourself here, stick around to sample some of the fun you've been missing as an ex-individual.

Crack open a brewskie, grab your crayons, kick back and take notes while swe inform, enlighten, and amuse you. Don't panic over that tingling in your noodle; it's those moribund synpses shaking off the cobwebs.

You won't be graded, so don't feel like you need to sit next to the Asian kid. If you crave a test to measure your progress, we recommend our Incorrectness 101 page.

LESSON #1: NEWS NITWITS/MEDIA MEATHEADS

• Thespians are NOT smarter than the average bear. They're the dishwasher at your local eatery who caught a break. You'll probably get more meaningful insights from the dude who is still washing those dinner plates in the back room.

• Learn to read between the lines: Just because you heard it on the radio, saw something on TV or the internet, doesn't make it true. News Nitwits and Media Meatheads always put their own warped, maligned and sensationalized sense of self-important spin on any given subject. Media Meatheads and News Nitwits are ratings and revenue driven. Why do you think they tease the hottest story throughout the broadcast only to show you a 10 second clip at the tail end of the broadcast? To keep fools like us glued to our idiotic electronic opiate box.

• If you hear, read or see something that offends you, it's YOUR problem, Sparky.

LESSON #2: BIG BROTHER & BIG SISTER ARE WATCHING YOU, TOO!

• The Nanny State only gets money from two places. They can print it, making the money in your pocket worth less. Or, they can steal it from some hard working fool - like you, Sparky - and give it to those chronically-needy parasite.

• If you think for a nano-second the Nanny State gives a rip about you - or the children - by enforcing seat belt, motorcycle helmet, smoking and transfat laws, think again. Big Brother/Big Sister are way too busy rewriting the Constitution, catering to special interests and lobbyists, on top of conspiring to separate you from your money and freedom.

• Korrectniks are, by their very nature, humor-challenged asshats who use the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force to coerce the 'proper' behavior from you. You are not allowed to say things that offend them. You are not allowed to write things that offend them. You are not allowed to create images, or artwork that offends them. Their message is clear and inescapable: shut up, sit down, die in a fire you (pick your poison: racist, sexist, homophobe).

• Crime Pays: Ask any cop, correction officer, judge, criminal defense lawyer, parole officer or dope dealer. Without petty laws to keep courts and prisons filled, these occupations would be rendered obsolete.

LESSON #3: RACE CARD

• Al Sharpton and Je$$e Jackson got rich and powerful by hunting down and exposing that racist hiding in the woodpile. When America began to shed its racist past, these Ethnocrats worried about an untimely end to their race card waving enrichment.

Al and Je$$e want, need, rampant racism to stay in business and they've shown a willingness to create some, when none exists. The lesson here is obvious: we need to persuade these Ethnocrats surrender their race cards, close shop and get a real job for a change. Repeat after me, gentlemen, "Do you want fries with that?"

LESSON #4: ENABLING

• If you tolerate an evil, it gets stronger. This was driven home, with telling clarity when rational adults laughed off political correctness as an insignificant Ivory Tower phenomenon and, decades later, it has embedded itself in every aspect of American life.

• A critical mass of rational adults - many of them in the top echelons of political power - turned a blind eye to the real enemy in our war on Jihadikazes. This is not, as W - and Barry - claim a war against some fringe wingnuts who 'hijacked a great religion'. We are at war with Islam itself, a belief system whose endgame involves world domination - forcible adherence to their supernaturalism - by any means necessary. In this battle for our very survival, tolerating this evil is not an option.

• When you reward undesirable behavior, you get more of it. We did that in 1986 by giving 4 million border jumping scumbags amnesty and we got 20 million more.

• Rewarding pachyderm punk Elected Tormentors who spend like The One on a stimulus binge, encourages them to spend even more and goads them into running up bigger deficits.

• Rewarding parasites with Nanny State freebies generated an explosive growth of the parasite horde.

LESSON #5: SOME BASICS

• You can flirt, overtip and drool until the bovines answer the dinner bell, but that stripper or Hooters Hottie isn't going to throw herself into your arms for some "wham, bam, thank you ma'am", wishful thinking Sparky.

• When cell phone providers add more services to your cell blight, they're not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They're in the business of selling you MINUTES and the more crap they add to your cell blight, the more of the lucrative minute you'll consume.

• The real reason that the bra-burners in flannel shirts hate men is because dudes can take a whiz standing up.

• You probably won't find Sheriff Andy Taylor in rural America, but every town has its Barney Fife.

•A dude knows he's terminally hen-pecked when he's in a life-threatening situation and his life passes before her eyes.

Was that real enough for you Sparky?

Food For Thought

Linda Chavez: School suspensions & feminization in school

"Part of the problem is we've sort of feminized schools. Little boys, their normal behavior is sort of outside the realm of what schools want to see and frankly I think it's a really problem because what you're doing is really teaching the wrong lesson. Your teaching that simple childs play is somehow aggressive, violent and that in some ways diminishes real violence. When you have a kid who really is aggressive. You could be suspended for simply playing cowboys and Indians or good guys and bad guys, cops and robbers and get thrown out of school for that if your 6-7 years old, then that really misses the opportunity to deal with real problems that exist…

"I think there's a problem that we somehow think we can socialize children into being different beings then they are. I'm a mother of three sons when my three year old- my first son was 3 years old, I was one of these people that said you know no G.I. Joes in the house, no guns- I;m not going to buy him any holsters or guns. And what I found was I gave him logos and he fitted the pieces together and went around the house saying bam bam bam. Boys will be boys…

"I think part of the problem is schools are very structured environments and frankly little girls behavior- the willingness to sit still, to pay attention, not necessarily to talk, to get up and run around the room is more conducive to a classroom setting and so I think what we've done is we've tried to turn little boys into different forms of little girls. And a lot of it has to do with the way schools are structured. The fact that you take a six year old and sit him a chair and expect that they are going to stay there it just isn't natural. Frankly it just isn't natural for a lot of the little girls either. It's more for the convenience of teachers than it is for the Childs needs.

Mark Levin:

"I'm not into imperial presidents who act imperial and speak imperial and Obama forgets there's a Constitution. Yeah he keeps telling us he won reelection. Congratulations. But guess what, the Constitution wasn't up for election. It's not up for a plebiscite or a referendum. He has to comply with it too. He was sent back to Washington but he's got a strict list of rules that he has to follow as president.

"So when he gets up there and he starts saying 'if Congress doesn't do this, I'm gonna do this unilaterally', it violates separation of powers a lot of the times. And this is a man who's been pushing the edge of the envelope as far as I'm concerned whether it's the appointment clause, whether it's his unilateral action on immigration, whether it's his trashing the commerce clause and the tax clauses on Obamacare. Now they're talking about executive orders on the 2nd amendment, they've issued regulations on the first amendment attacking religious liberty – this notion that he might be able to lift the debt ceiling unilaterally under the 14th amendment – what the hell is this? He was elected president, congratulations. This guy makes Richard Nixon look like a man who followed the law all the time.

"I think we have an imperial president. He sounds imperial, he's arrogant as hell. And so I'm furious about this and I'm gonna tell you why.

"We are a magnificent country. We don't need to be turned upside down, we don't need to run from crisis to crisis to crisis. He's bankrupting this country.

"He says we've had a discussion about the debt. When did we have a discussion about the debt? We've had a debate about taxes. The man's never around to have a discussion about anything. So yes, he causes me to be furious when I watch him and listen to him!"

More On Reality Avoidance

[This venerable rant also deals with the reality-avoidance targeted in this week's Top Story.]

Objective reality is - in many people's minds - annoyingly intransigent. It won't change to suit the latest wild hair someone gets up their butt. This is doubly true for those differently-rational pinheads who have a very large wild hair called political correctness lodged deep inside their butt.

Objective reality is an immutable core concept that doesn't come with a 'use by' date. Today, tomorrow or yesterday, its non-negotiable tenets remain unchanged. Immune to the ravages of time, it is indifferent to prevailing, transitory, political, cultural or supernatural whims. Those who willfully ignore it do so at their own peril, but don't take my word for it. Ask any Korrectnik who has survived - barely - a header into this painful fact of existence.

This conflict between reality and Korrectness is unavoidable, because, when you cut out all the crap, political correctness is a frontal assault on objective reality. Korrectness attacks objective reality relentlessly in an irrational, essentially futile, effort to reshape those pesky, intransigent "facts" to suit the Korrectnik's twisted agenda. Eventually, even the most pig-headed Korrectnik will deduce that objective reality won't simply cooperate and go away, so they do the next best thing. They indoctrinate tragically susceptible individuals into ignoring inconvenient facts and pretend that the universe operates the way they wish it did.

This "reality is whatever I say it is" notion means imagining that certain immutable traits - melanin content, gender, national origin - confer special powers, special privileges, on those "lucky" enough to be born "advantaged". It also involves using feel good, but erroneous terms to describe a world that exists solely in their dysfunctional brains. It also involves perpetuating certain myths that attempt to subvert objective reality by coercing sovereign individuals into compliance with this pseudo reality.

The following examples are offered for your thoughtful consideration:

Myth: "Group Rights". This cherished Korrectnik delusion imagines that a given group - especially those identified by certain immutable traits or sexual proclivities - has inherent rights, as a group, that supercede the rights of any individual who isn't in the group. The rights of a given group, any damn group, are limited to the inalienable individual rights of any given member of that group. Some are not now, and never will be, more equal than others. Inalienable individual liberty is a fact of nature; group rights are an invention of a tyrannical Nanny State. A is still A, group think breath and objective reality doesn't play favorites.

Myth: Celebrities have "special wisdom". Success in the entertainment field does not denote a superior intellect. No matter how much the Korrectniks try to wish it into objective reality, Martin Sheen was never president. No matter how many movie tickets he sells, Twerpy Tommy Cruise is nothing more than a cult-obsessed wingnut who is utterly and completely bonkers. A is still A and all stardom does is give a "no smarter than the average bear" clown a soap box and megaphone to proclaim his, her, hisher or its ignorance to the world.

Myth: Western Culture is nothing special. Ivory Tower infesting Korrectnik cretins proclaim that all cultures, especially obscure third world cultures, are equal - even superior - to Western Culture. Any rational adult who takes the time to examine this myth can easily deflate this brazen lie with a dose of objective reality: "The 'superior' Aztec culture practiced human sacrifice. Certain 'noble' third world cultures still enslave sovereign individuals. Certain 'noble' Islamic cultures murder women who 'sully the family name' while others stone to death women who were victims of rape. All cultures are not created equal." A is still A, Korrectnik Sparky and when you sweep away the Korrectnik smoke and mirrors a culture that promotes inalienable individual liberty is vastly superior to obscure pissant cultures based on human sacrifice, tyranny, oppression and female-phobic supernaturalism.

Myth: Anything that helps men, demeans womyn. The more you dig into NO-NAD (alleged) thinking, the more convinced you are that you've entered the estrogen-poisoned zip code of the Twilight Zone. Groups like the American Association of University Women sound the "rampant sexism" alert over anything and everything that a gives men a break. Single sex classrooms in elementary and middle schools are a prime example. Early data suggests that single sex classrooms enhance a lad's learning experience by building lessons around things that boys like. "Sexist"! "Blatant discrimination"! "Demeans womyn"! An alarmed, outraged AAUW howls. A is still A, Harpy whiners and a motivated, eager to learn lad is not an assault on womyn.

The list of myths keeps getting longer every day. Whether it's the whopper about the "public airwaves", or the Korrectnik notion that thought, "hate", is more important than the crime itself, these myths are at best a pain, and at worse hazardous to your mental health. Don't let the Korrectniks, the Nanny State nitwits, or anybody else try to cloud your mind with some alternative - better suited to their liberty-infringing needs - reality. A is still A, PIGsters, so you might as well hunker down and brace your self for the nonstop, action-packed, surprise-riddled adventure called "objective reality". You can bellow at it, protest it and ignore it, but no matter how much you huff and puff, A will never become B.

This & That

* Fool Me Once...Fool Me Twice

Despite all the tax money ear-marked for their upkeep/repair, the roads in the Sanctuary City of Angels (Los Angeles) are, at best, terminally shitty. So what, you ask, happened to all that money ear-marked for roads? It was seized by jackass party Elected Tormentors and used to pay the insane salary and benefits of public employee union members.

What to do? One of L.A.'s Elected Tormentors wants to put a special property tax increase on the ballot. As usual, he swears that it will be set aside for the upkeep/repair of those thrashed Sanctuary City of Angels streets.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

* Clueless

The one irrefutable given about North Korea is the fetid fact that the regime is deliberately starving its people. It's a fact that's beyond dispute.

So, when a jackass party hack, Bill Richardson, visits North Korea with the Socialist Moonbat who runs Google, what does he do? He bemoans the fact that North Koreans don't have high speed Internet access.

Can he really be THAT stupid? You better believe it.

Marital Bliss

Wedding 1: Don't Do It Johnny

It happened while I was visiting my brother. It's windy and cold outside, par for the course in WINTER. Despite that, my brother, who was paying his annual visit to a certain town that shall remain nameless, suggests that we walk to the beach and have a chat at one of the tables on the sand. With nothing better to do, I agreed.

We were exchanging pleasantries when Johnny and Moonbeam blundered into our region of the planet. Johnny and Moonbeam weren't exactly dressed for the beach, but we cut them some slack, because Johnny and Moonbeam were there to tie the knot. They had no idea how close we came to staging an intervention.

The minister 'begged' for it when he spouted drivel about "I only marry Christian couples". I considered giving him a pagan reality check, but resisted. I toyed with the idea of nailing him with a dreaded pagan curse that would give him a killer case of wang rash, but held back. Why? Seeing a man of the cloth grab his crotch and howl in agony might scare the crap out of the flower wenchlet and scar her for life. That's right, I did it for the children.

My brother and I road tested - out loud - suitable responses for that bit about "If anyone gathered here knows a reason why this man should not marry this woman, speak now or forever hold your piece."

Me: "Don't do it, Johnny."
Him: "Just say, no, Johnny."
Me: "Do a Bundy, Johnny. Go to the local nudie bar and do some comparison shopping."
Him: "Stick a fork in yourself, Johnny. Once you say "I do", you are DONE."

Our wives gave us the look, but didn't intrude on this brotherly bout of male bonding. That's right, PIGsters, despite our best efforts, Johnny strapped on a ball and chain named Moonbeam. Ignoring my well founded misgivings - don't forget I SAW Moonbeam - I'm willing to man up and wish Johnny and Moonbeam as much happiness as I've enjoyed with my lovely bride.

Wedding 2: A shock I so didn't need.

Speaking of shock-inducing weddings, I had the worst scare of my life at a wedding. I know what you're thinking, Sparky, and shame on you. This is not about MY wedding. It happened while my lovely bride and I attended the wedding of a neighbor's daughter. Since we weren't close friends of either family, we parked it in the rear pew of the Toll Booth and waiting for the festivities to begin.

Those festivities started with the most ungodly noise I've ever heard. HE snuck up behind us and standing at point blank range, this musical terrorist began doing god knows what with the bagpipes - that's right, BAGPIPES - that he held mere inches from my ears. I still get the shakes and my ears start to bleed whenever I have a bagpipes flashback.

Wedding 3: Happy Anniversary

Tomorrow, January 9, is a very special event on Hambo's calendar. It's the anniversary of the day I married my lovely bride. It's one decision I made that I never second guess.

I love ya, darlin'.

Happy Anniversary.

Educrap Moonbattery

Montgomery County (Maryland)

It's a cess-school's worst nightmare and it happened in Silver Spring. A cess-school inmate brought a - gasp - gun to school then terrorized everyone by brandishing it. Acting quickly, school officials removed the danger, by suspending the gun happy scholar.

The foregoing description is how the officials at Roscoe Nix Elementary School remember it. I don't blame them, because the truth makes them look like utter assholes.

What really happened? The six year old inmate's 'firearm' was a finger gun, a 'weapon' which has never, in all of human history, harmed anyone, or anything.

Predictably, the relevant school officials refuse to discuss it. Nice try assholes, but the lad's family has hired a lawyer, so like it or not, some black robe will pry your lips open.

West Jordan (Utah)

It started, when the American version of the infamous Brit Busybody caterwauled about the use of a certain infamous rock song. Deemed much too sexual for a high school play, the offending, allegedly offensive, song prompted Jordan School District officials to cancel the play.

If you're thinking Two Live Crew or some similar group, get over it. The singer whose song made a morality mutants set their hair on fire is Elvis. The song - as yet unnamed - had Educrats scrambling:.

Jordan School District officials announced plans Wednesday to scrap Herriman High School's production of All Shook Up, saying it could be offensive.

It was not immediately clear which song prompted the decision.

District spokeswoman Sandy Riesgraf says a person approached the district and complained about the play, which is loosely based on William Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. (The Star)

Elvis is dead, and so is Shakespeare, but, despite that, they're still knotting knickers in Utah.

Afterthoughts: Reportedly some parents have 'issues' with Shakespeare's Twelfth Night,too. Why? It 'promotes' transgenderism via 'crossdressing'.

Obviously they never read, or don't understand the play. Wikipedia provided this info:

Synopsis

Viola is shipwrecked on the coast of Illyria and she comes ashore with the help of a captain. She loses contact with her twin brother, Sebastian, whom she believes to be dead. Disguising herself as a young man under the name Cesario, she enters the service of Duke Orsino through the help of the sea captain who rescues her. Orsino has convinced himself that he is in love with Olivia, whose father and brother have recently died, and who professes to refuse to see any suitor till seven years have passed, the Duke included. Orsino uses Cesario as an intermediary to profess his passionate love before Olivia. Olivia, believing Viola to be a man, falls in love with this handsome and eloquent messenger, while Viola has fallen in love with the Duke who regards her as his confidant.

In the comic subplot, several characters conspire to make Olivia's pompous steward, Malvolio, believe that his lady Olivia has fallen for him. It involves Olivia's uncle, Sir Toby Belch; another would-be suitor, a silly squire named Sir Andrew Aguecheek; her servants Maria and Fabian; and her fool, Feste. Sir Toby and Sir Andrew engage themselves in drinking and revelry, thus disturbing the peace of their lady's house till late into the night, prompting Malvolio to chastise them. Sir Toby famously retorts, "Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?" (Act II, Scene iii) Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Maria are provoked to plan revenge on Malvolio. They convince Malvolio that Olivia is secretly in love with him by planting a love letter, written by Maria in Olivia's hand, asking Malvolio to wear yellow stockings cross-gartered, to be rude to the rest of the servants, and to smile constantly in the presence of Olivia. Malvolio finds the letter and reacts in surprised delight. He starts acting out the contents of the letter to show Olivia his positive response. Olivia is shocked by the changes in Malvolio, who has seemingly lost his mind. She leaves him to the contrivances of his tormentors. Pretending that Malvolio is insane, they lock him up in a dark chamber. Feste visits him to mock his "insanity", once disguised as a priest, and again as himself. At the end of the play Malvolio learns of their conspiracy and storms off promising revenge, but the Duke sends Fabian to pacify him.

Meanwhile, Sebastian (who had been rescued by a sea captain, Antonio) arrives on the scene, which adds to the confusion of mistaken identity. Mistaking him for Viola, Olivia asks him to marry her, and they are secretly united in a church. Finally, when Viola and Sebastian appear in the presence of both Olivia and the Duke, there is more wonder at their similarity. At this point Viola reveals she is really a female and that Sebastian is her lost twin brother. The play ends in a declaration of marriage between the Duke and Viola, and it is learned that Toby has married Maria.

The Utah busybodies need to lighten up. I've seen Twelfth Night and it's a hoot. It is not promoting anything but laughter.

Debt Ceiling Insanity

The Marxist motherfuckers whose symbol is the jackass are hell bent to turn this nation into a banana republic. Actually, the most corrupt banana republic official is a paragon of political virtue compared to anyone who proudly wears the jackass logo.

Take, for example, this titanic Demoncrat turd:

With President Obama having kicked off debt ceiling negotiations by vowing not to negotiate over the debt ceiling, a new option for paying off the nation's considerable tab is gaining momentum with cheeky fiscal and monetary wonks.

It goes like this: Should Congress fail to extend the U.S. debt limit — reached again on Dec. 31 — the president could ask the Treasury to begin printing trillion dollar coins (in a process explained mostly seriously by Jim Pethokoukis on his American Enterprise Institute blog), a number of which could then be put toward fulfilling debt obligations in the event new legislation stalls in Congress.

While there are laws in place to regulate how much paper, gold, silver or copper currency can be circulated by the government, there is nothing so clearly stated when it comes to platinum. That door open, the Treasury could have the U.S. Mint melt and mold a few trillion dollars of it, then ship the goods over to the Federal Reserve for safekeeping until the time comes to pay the bills. (ABC)

It's devilishly clever, but based on a fraud. At platinum's going price, $1500 an ounce, a REAL $1 trillion dollar platinum coin would require 670 million ounces of platinum. That's going to be a tough one, since the total weight of platinum mined, to date is less than 200 million ounces.

So here's how this scheme works.

The Treasury Secretary orders the mint to run off some platinum coins.

He'll say they're worth a cool trillion dollars each. (real value $10 to 20 thousand)

He'll deposit them in the U.S. Treasury which will credit Uncle Sam's account $1 trillion for each coin.

With these deposits, Uncle Sam now has trillions of dollars - theoretically - to spend and he doesn't need the debt limit raised by Congress.

That's something no self-respecting banana republic would try because it would destroy a nation's currency.

Will Barry do it? Of course, because impoverishing America is his end game. He wants to destroy us and he's much too likely to succeed.

HAMBO TAKES OVER

If You Ever Wondered What Would Happen If Hambo Ran The World, Wonder No More

I've reached my breaking point, PIGsters, and what's headed your way isn't going to be fun, or pretty. It promises to be another bumpy ride, so an adult beverage infusion is MANDATORY. I won't warn you again.

What set this pagan scribbler off this time? There are several possibilities. Maybe it's learning that Pornstar Kardashian has spawned, doing unimaginable damage to the human gene pool. Maybe it's an aftershock from the horrifying sight of Kathy Griffin nuzzling Anderson Cooper's crotch. Maybe it's the pathetic performance of the pachyderm punks whose jello spined election cycle antics snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Maybe it's the Dumbo-eared duffus who continues to campaign for a job that he already has, but doesn't know how to perform. Maybe it's none of the above, because everyone knows that I'm predisposed to 'explode' on a regular basis.

Whatever the reason, I have once again reached critical mass. That's why, I am ready to declare myself the world's stern, but inherently benevolent, dictator. That's right, I am once again playing that familiar tune, if Hambo ran the world. It's time for somebody to do it, and I'm ready, willing and eager to get started.

I feel the hostility, the doubt, out there, PIGsters, but I'm man enough to overlook it, this time. If you take off your blinders, you'll conclude that I'm right about this takeover. With the world besieged by Korrectniks, Jihadikazes, press card packing propaganda punks, caterwauling cretins, and a bumper crop of tinfoil hat wearing intellectual flatliners, even you must agree that something needs to be done. Humanity, on every part of this planet, is in crap up to its knees, thanks to ecological alarmists, major and minor tyrants, chronically needy and/or oppressed whiners and other forms of alleged life that get on our last raw nerve. It's a situation that calls for a generous dose of tough love, and, when it comes to that, I'm egregiously overqualified.

Admittedly, putting me in charge is fraught with peril, since my initial, nearly overpowering, urge is to nuke this blue-green planet back to the primordial ooze, hoping that the relentless forces of evolution will get it right, this time. Assuming that I achieve the requisite level of 'don't nuke me bro' self control, what, exactly, do I have in mind? What indeed.

I'll begin my glorious, benevolent dictator, tenure by painting a bull's-eye on the pernicious pest, the Brit busybody. Since they're prone to incessant caterwauling, and have the intellectual, and emotional, development of a newborn baby, I would require them to dress accordingly. Henceforth Brit busybodies [and their 'siblings' around the world] must venture forth wearing only a diaper, making it much easier for rational adults to see the crybabies coming.

Another 'problem' that begs for a Hambo solution involves those hard core greeniacs who want condemn everyone else to a primitive, subsistence level, back to nature lifestyle. They're adept at talking the talk, but rarely get around to walking the walk, because they refuse to give up all of their 21st century's perks. Henceforth, they will be compelled to 'walk the walk' to match their greeniac hot air. I could accomplish that, by rounding them up and dropping them, stark naked, in the world's most untamed wilderness areas, where they will take their rightful place in the food chain as LUNCH.

The cornerstone of my benevolent dictatorship is making it much easier to spot the 'players' at a distance. Elected Tormentors are a prime example, since they are adept at 'blending in', when they want to fly under a rational adult's radar. I would put an end to that stealthiness, by decreeing that henceforth, whenever an Elected Tormentor appears in public in his, her, hisher, or its official capacity, he, she, heshe or it must be dressed in a clown suit, so everyone can recognize them, for who, and what, they are.

It's necessary to put voters in the proper frame of mind, at the onset of each election cycle. This can be accomplished, quite easily, by a non negotiable benevolent dictator decree: No election related task including such things as candidate declarations, fund raising, debates or electioneering bloviating can be perpetrated before April 1st in the year the chads are punched. This date is specifically chosen to let rational adults see these April Fools for who, and what, the are.

News Nitwits are another group which should be forced to dress up to match the role they play. Since they have abandoned any pretense of objectivity, it's time to make them wear the appropriate costume so casual viewers will recognize them for what they really are. Henceforth, all News Nitwits must wear a mediaeval court jester's outfit, to warn rational adults that nothing they're seeing, or hearing should be taken seriously. To emphasize this point, 'news' broadcasts will be accompanied by music from the 'Benny Hill Show'.

Nanny State bureaucrats are another group that require some tough Hambo love. Once again, I will make it easy for them to stand out in a crowd, by making their attire, job-appropriate. Henceforth, all Nanny State bureaucrats will be wrapped - mummy style - in the red tape which they use to strangle our liberty.

Trial lawyers who use the law to pillage and plunder companies and/or individuals via frivolous lawsuits will be treated like any other vermin. Every year, a randomly selected group of the most egregious offenders will be released in a designated hunting area for a 'no limit' trial lawyer hunting season.

Entirely too much time, energy, and angst is expended over words and deeds taking place on 'the public square'. It could be an exhibit in a 'publically owned' museum. It could be a bakery which is located in a publically owned shopping center which refused to sell rainbow cupcakes to a GLAAD BAAG group. It could be a cross, menorah, or nativity scene. It could be a town's gala Christmas decor. It could be all this and more, but, whatever it is, I'm ready to put a stop to it. Henceforth, all 'public' property will be abolished and transformed into private property, giving the property's rightful owner the power to decide what will be allowed on his, her, hisher, or its property. [Exceptions, LIMITED exceptions, will be allowed for such essentials as military installations, but the list of such exceptions will be kept to a bare minimum.]

Henceforth, certified - by me - rational adults will be authorized to equip their rides with those miracles of modern weaponry: asshat-seeking missiles. [Rational adults will be pleased to hear that a similar device, the robocaller asshat seeking missile, is in the final stages of testing at PIG's top secret R & D center.]

Those paragons of tolerance, those perpetually pissed-off pinheads, the rage-a-holic Islamikazes will require entirely too much of my benevolent dictator attention. My initial impulse is to make each of these raving 7th century supernaturalist lunatics have an explosive surgically-implanted up their ass. That would allow a rational adult - or an irrational one, like me - to rectumfy their unresolved, 'Jihadikaze rampage' issues with the press of a button. It's a compelling idea, but a very messy one. I'll hold it in reserve, for the moment, and go with something slightly more elegant. I advocate subjecting the female-phobic Islamikaze alleged males to all the indignities they inflict on their women: burkas, genital mutilation, honor killing if the alleged male 'strays', and stoning if they do anything their MISTRESSES don't like. If that doesn't get 'er done, I've still got that explosive up the butt plan 'B' as in BOOM!

One of my most important benevolent dictator decrees is near, and dear, to my heart, since it involves sovereign individualism. By order of ME, each individual on Earth would be made legally accountable for their own life, for their own actions. Immutable traits, lifestyle choices, and/or your bad habits will not be, cannot be, used to as an excuse for your actions. This individual accountability includes any, and all, actions you perpetrate after you knowingly, of your own volition, ingest mind altering substances including drugs and/or adult beverages. It's your call. It's your life. It's your rewards to reap and your hell to pay.

Admittedly, I've barely scratched the surface, but space is limited so my tough love for Colonistas, Ethnocrats, GLAAD BAAGs, NO NADS, and numerous other richly deserving recipients of my undivided attention will just have to wait, until next time. Instead I'll close this out with some quick hits on a variety of benevolent dictator topics...targets.

Professional scolds like Donald Wildmon, Brent Bozell, plus the usual Morality Nazi subjects, would be required to wear a 'kick me' sign at all times, so they can get a richly deserved 'boot' out of their antics. Any Elected Tormentor who seeks re-election after serving two full terms would be subjected to a 'survivor series' class pre-candidacy screening ordeal. I would order manufacturers to install a 'blah, blah, blah' function on all electronic devices which are capable of broadcasting political punk bloviating. I'm tempted to put a limit on The One's publically broadcasted appearances, but he'd probably get suicidal, and a POTUS Joe Biden is UNTHINKABLE!

Want more? No problem. I still think we need more cleavage on our postage stamps. I am convinced that tasering bellowing cell idiots is an idea whose time has come. I think we should export the U.N. to Hugoland where another 'Tower of Babel' will fit right in. 5am will be redeployed between 9am and 10am, so I can get up at a civilized hour. Every radio station on the planet must play at least 30 uninterrupted minutes of AC/DC, Def Leppard and/or Black Sabbath every damn day, during morning drive AND afternoon drive. Henceforth, weekend radio must broadcast something worthwhile. Last but not least...uh...why are all you rat bastards cringing in abject horror about Hambo's World? I so don't deserve that crap from you...Bite me.

[Did we scare you? Poor babies. Don't worry, we just locked Horrible Hambo back inside his fortified - from the outside - office. You won't need that cannon, now, but feel free to finish off that brewskie.

Obviously, nobody in their right mind would give Hambo that kind of power. BUT, we like to think that a world under PIGish control would only be terrifying to those who get heartburn whenever somebody exercises their birthright of inalienable individual liberty. Let's face it, a world run by PIG would be a major improvement. We promise to be cool when you grovel at our feet.]

New Year's Eve Signs & Portents

* The News Nitwits are taking a walk down the 2012 block of Memory Lane. Like the three blocks which precede it, the 2012 block visited by the News Nitwits, has thousands of shrines venerating a Dumbo-eared Moonbat. If you look closely, you'll notice that all the graffiti reads "It's all Bush's (Bush 43) fault."

* Smugly sanctimonious talking heads preach their annual sermon about the too, too, real dangers of drinking and driving. But, in the next breath, they spout so much depressing, demented, drivel, that you're compelled to reach for that handy dandy Jack Daniels bottle.

* The cable pitstop with the asinine new name, The SyFy Channel, delighted my lovely bride by reanimating their venerable Twilight Zone Marathon.

* Pornstar Karda$hian's fat ass is going to reach epic proportions in the coming months because she's - cringe, shudder - pregnant. That sound you hear is the 4 horsemen saddling up.

* In Mexifornia, sovereign individuals will exercise their liberty, while they still can, by leaving the moonbat infested state which is circling the crapper bowl.

* If you were thrilled by Comrade Shrillary's ineptitude as Secretary of State, prepare to be rendered catatonic when John Kerry takes over.

Yup, all the signs and portents point the same thing: we've reached the magic moment in the year, when it's, once again, time to press the reset button on our calendar. We'll, once again, shake off the excess baggage left over from 2012.

Normally we would try our utmost to start off 2013 with the sincere, albeit misguided, conviction that the worst is behind us. We'd try to convince ourselves that 2013 offers us smoother ride through the twists and turns ahead of us. I'm not feeling any of that this year. I'm saddled with a feeling of impending "wow is this going to suck" doom, whenever I contemplate 2013.

Of course, by dinnertime on New Year's Day, our hangover will be gone and we'll once again face the thrills, chills, and spills of objective reality,with clear minds, and unclouded eyes.

Parting shot: Can 2013 be better than 2012? I doubt it, but we need to make the best of it. Like anything else worth having, we'll need to work at it. It's going to take a lot of work.

Freedom

Liberty is under assault around the world. In places like Iran, Indonesia, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Egypt, Libya, and Malaysia, the tyranny is motivated by supernaturalism. In places like China, North Korea, Myanmar, Cuba, Venezuela and Bolivia, the tyranny is strictly secular and, invariably, Marxist.

The citizens suffering from both types of tyranny, might find the following quote by an American free thinker named Robert G. Ingersoll a source of inspiration:

"When I became convinced that the Universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts, and bars, and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world - not even in infinite space. I was free - free to think, to express my thoughts - free to live to my own ideal - free to live for myself and those I loved - free to use all my faculties, all my senses - free to spread imagination's wings - free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope - free to judge and determine for myself - free to reject all ignorant creeds...free from the fear of eternal pain - free from the winged monsters of the night - free from devils, ghosts and gods."

"For the first time, I was free. There were no prohibited places in all the realms of thought - no air, no space, where fancy could not spread her painted wings - no chains for my limbs - no lashes for my back - no fires for my flesh - no master's frown or threat - no following another's steps - no need to bow, or cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words. I was free. I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously, faced all worlds."

There's one thing that sets this land conceived in liberty apart from the nations I cited earlier. If anyone stated the forgoing passage publically, in any of those blights on the globe, they would be tortured, jailed, or simply executed on the spot.

During his lifetime, Mr. Ingersoll butted heads with many Americans who vehemently disagreed with him, but, no matter how much they hated his ideas, nobody tried to have him jailed, tortured or killed. That critical distinction is what sets us apart from the rest of the world. It's the source of our strength and we must preserve it, by any means necessary.

Shrugging

For at least 4 more years, sovereign individuals will remain trapped in an unrelenting circle of hell called the Obamunist Error. It hasn't swallowed our rapidly shrinking liberty, yet, but it will, eventually.

After handing The One a second term, the parasites are clamoring for an increase in their handout from the Nanny State table, and they're going to get it.

Every action it takes, tells us what we already know: the administration is infested with capitalism-hating asshats who are fitting American achievers with slave of the Nanny State shackles.

The Demoncrat majority in congress continues to spew bills that will pick the bones of sovereign individuals clean.

If you earned it, they want it. If you saved it, they'll take it. If you built it, they will tear it down.

Like I said, the Obamunist Error SUCKS, and there's no way to stop it. The irony is that Ayn Rand envisioned this kind of America in her exceptional novel, 'Atlas Shrugged'. Her central characters were condemned to 'slave to the parasite horde' status by an out of control American Nanny State. Their solution was inspired, and one worth considering.

Refusing to be slaves to the Nanny State and its parasites, the achievers in her story went on strike. One by one, they made the reasoned decision to stop achieving. They flatly refused to support the parasite horde with their wealth, and their ingenuity. In other words, they shrugged off their parasite burden and let the greedy, mooching bastards suffer their richly deserved fate.

I think it's time for American achievers to take a long hard look at the sad fact that a large, chad-punching majority has given themselves a pay raise, at the achievers' expense. American achievers have to ask themselves if they want to bust their butts, then watch a parasite horde that vastly outnumbers them, steal the achievers' rightful property. American achievers need to think long and hard, then state emphatically, "Enough is enough." It's time for American achievers to dial back their pursuit of the American Dream. It's time for American achievers to do a John Galt and SHRUG, then sit back and watch while the greedy parasite bastards reap what the sowed when they ushered in this Obamunist Error.

It's time to stand up and let the parasites know the new rules of engagement. It's time to tell them, and their neo-Marxist Demoncrat Elected Tormentor majority the fun fact, that this circle of hell belongs to them. It's time to tell all these Obamunist bastards that the unrelenting misery that's headed our way has their name on it. There will be hell to pay and I want them to know that THEY F**KING OWN IT.

Hambo's Annual Holiday Meltdown

Tis the season, PIGsters and once again, our sanity will be assaulted by the usual suspects who willfully ignore certain doses of objective reality that don't match up with their seasonal delusions. It might help if you think of this rant as the holiday version of "A is still A".

The Jolly Old Elf making his rounds tonight, so Christmas has finally reached critical mass. This year, as usual, the Christmas season was replete with news items featuring the on-going turf wars which rage in cities wherever Christmas is celebrated. At stake is that coveted spot on the public square - a courthouse lawn, the grass in front of city hall, an airport terminal, etc. - where supernaturalists, and assorted other interested parties, want to deploy a tribute to their theology. As usual, the primary contenders are the Cross Cult nativity scene, the Torah True Believer Menorah, and those relentless funsters, the atheists who want to erect a sign which says, in essence 'bite me, true believer Sparky'. Admittedly, the exchange of heated, unholy, pleasantries is both amazing and amusing, up to point, but, eventually, it devolves into annoying. Put it up, then SHUT UP, or you'll make me GET UP and come over there. A is still A and there's room for everybody on the public square, so don't get your panties in a wad over it, because this public square turf war, while entertaining, is ruining the joyous spirit of 'the season'.

Speaking of the public square, it's time to lay some rhetorical chin music on those Korrectnik killjoys, the Elected Tormentors, who get that wild 'screw the season' hair up their asses which makes them erase anything, everything, that hints of Christmas. That means no Santa, no twinkling colored lights, no decorated tree, no supernaturalist display on the public square, no Christmas carols, and most important of all no use of the 'C' word, 'Christmas'. Their Grinchiness is legendary for its pettiness. For example, a cess-school in Florida banned the colors red and green because they're associated with Christmas and might give someone a boo-boo. A is still A, Grinch Breath, so take your 'Winter Festival' and the rest of your Korrectnik bull crap and stick it where the Sun don't shine.

I only have one hot button when it comes to decorations: the White Lightmare. Christmas lights come in a variety of colors, but that blinking rainbow of color does NOT include white. Strings of white lights are a dead giveaway that somebody needs a dose of Hambo enlightenment. If white lights are colorful and festive, why are these nitwits deploying those puny little bulbs? If small white lights whisper "Merry Christmas", why not shout it out, Tim The Toolman style, by deploying a sting of 200 watt lightbulbs?

Christmas songs are cool, especially if they're delivered eagerly, loudly, and cheerfully off-key by some stoned on Santa Claus tykes. HOWEVER, by the time I've heard "Deck the Halls" for the 800th time, in one day, I'm ready to put a whole new spin on "decking". You don't even want to know what I'm planning to do with that friggin holly. A is still A and Christmas songs are fine, in moderation. But if you keep bellowing them at me, eventually, I'm going to snap. You so don't want to go there.

Gift giving is another area where too much of a good thing ruins an otherwise spiffy holiday season. I like exchanging gifts with my lovely bride and that's a fact. I also like finding gifts for selected members of the human population. HOWEVER, we all need to get real about this "butt ugly tie from Aunt Thelma" crap. Gift giving is cool, most of the time, but some gifts test the limits of my meager acting ability. If you threatened me with Uncle Clyde's infamous fruit cake, I would admit that, for many years now, I have engaged in gift recycling. Among other things, it resolves numerous problematic gift buying dilemmas when the lucky recipient is someone I barely know. A is still A and gift giving is cool, until it becomes mandatory.

I know what you're thinking, PIGsters and it's not nice to have such dastardly thoughts about Hambo. I am not a Grinch, nor am I a Christmas hater. I like the decorations and I like many of the Hambo family traditions that have developed over the years. The plain vanilla, down and dirty bitter reality is that Hambo has a very low tolerance for stupidity. Having so much of it coming at me, relentlessly, for the last 6 weeks of the year gets on my last raw nerve. A is still A and Christmas is mostly cool, but too much of anything puts Hambo in a very ornery mood.

Name Changes, But The Game Is The Same

[News Nazis, Elected Tormentors, and assorted other hemorrhoids on humanity's asshole think We the People are stupid. They think new buzzwords like fiscal cliff will distract us from the fact that there's nothing new happening in that cesspool.

They can call it anything they want, if that thrills them spitless. When we cut through all the crap it's the same bullshit. Using his monopoly on the use of force, Uncle Sam plans to steal money from the hard working people who earned it (the egregiously maligned 'rich') then give it to the politically connected, chronically needy slackers who whine that they are 'entitled' to that hard working fool's money.

We call this parasite mindset the 'entitlement mentality', a noxious notion which is discussed in detail in this rant.]

ENTITLE THIS, PARASITE BREATH!
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Entitlement, n.
A class warfare based, Nanny State pyramid scheme which gives money stolen from achievers to the chronically needy to make the parasite scumbags stop caterwauling.
(PIG's Dictionary of Words and Phrases)
• • • • • • • • • • • • • •
A battle is raging for the heart, the soul, and the iconic character of America. It's a titanic battle which pits that American classic, the rugged individual, against a relative newcomer, the relentlessly greedy parasite. It's a battle which, based simply on that arch-enemy of Korrectness - merit - the rugged American individual should win. He should, so why is this American classic losing? Why indeed?

Rugged American individuals make few demands. All they need is a liberty-intensive environment that will allow them to strut their stuff in that impartial arbiter of individual merit, the marketplace. Ironically, this rugged American individualism is exemplified by legal immigrants, who arrive in this once great nation with little more than their hopes and dreams. Driven by their inherent work ethic, these legal immigrants, time, and time again, show native born Americans what one highly motivated individual can accomplish.

The other side of the immigration coin, the relentlessly greedy parasite, is best illustrated by another kind of immigrant, the kind who swarms over our undefended borders, uninvited. Unlike their legal immigrant counterpart, these parasites are burdened down by their insatiable need. Since their native land sucks, they feel entitled to be coddled, pampered, and supported by legal American denizens.

A Mexifornia Colonista, 17-year-old Gladys Castro, is a suitable example.

Since she arrived in Mexifornia as an 8 year old border jumper, Gladys has benefitted from American largess, as an outstanding scholar at a taxpayer funded cess-school. Is she thankful for the $100,000 American taxpayers shelled out for her education? Not exactly. Gladys is whining, because her border jumper status prevents her from getting more taxpayer dollars to pay for her tuition at UC Berkeley. In order to get a taxpayer funded student loan, Gladys needs something she doesn't have and can't readily obtain, a Social Security number.

I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. This isn't another border jumping scumbag tantrum. Gladys isn't singled out for her immigration status. She was singled out for her inherent feeling of 'entitlement'. Did she arrive her with that 'gimme because I'm entitled' chip on her shoulder? Perhaps, but I doubt it.

No dummy - her 4.09 GPA proves that - I think Gladys Castro learned her entitlement mentality, after she arrived here.

She learned it from a tenured teacher who is 'entitled' to a 'can't be fired, under any circumstances' job.

She learned it from Colonista 'activists' who indoctrinated Gladys, when they assigned her the holy hyphen.

She learned it from public employee union members who are 'entitled' to a job for life at an inflated rate of pay and a guaranteed retirement program which makes the highest paid CEO green with envy.

Last, but far from least, she learned it from Prompter Punk who made the entitlement mentality the cornerstone of his regime. In this case, I'm referring, of course, to those entitlements which are an Elected Tormentor's favorite tool. In this slacker-dominated era, entitlements are employed by Elected Tormentors who want to pay off these relentlessly needy parasites who will punch a chad for them if the price is right.

Entitlements have been around for decades, but there's a systemic problem that's getting worse: the demands of the relentlessly needy keep escalating.

• Minimum wage was cool, at first, but, too soon, the parasites were demanding a living wage.

• Unemployment checks were cool, at first, but, too soon, the parasites started demanding a promotion to the welfare check gravy train.

• Guaranteed healthcare in a hospital emergency room got it done, at first, but, too soon, the parasites wanted to graduate to a doctor's waiting room via Nanny State funded universal healthcare. They got their 'entitlement' and the taxpayers, many of them unborn, got Nanny State debt, which exceeds our annual GDP.

• 'Free' public Educrap was cool, except it's just too hard, so budding parasites in training demanded a high school diploma and a college scholarship just for showing up for roll call each morning.

• Public housing, rent control and housing subsidies are spiffy, but parasites feel entitled to much, much, more. They demanded, and got, a Nanny State mandated right to purchase a home, no matter how financially unsuited they are. As a result of their home ownership entitlement, a housing bubble developed, then burst, leading to an international financial collapse.

None of this is breaking news to rational adults who have been there, heard that, from the Free State of PIG for years. It's a tragically familiar part of America's parasite culture. None of that has changed, but there are troubling new hints that this culture of entitlement is creeping into unexpected places.

• CEOs of financial institutions are entitled to elude that nasty 'reaping what you sow' element of objective reality. Why? One of their homeboys is Secretary of the Treasury, plus, two of their bought and paid for Elected Tormentors (Barney Frank, Christopher Dodd) were in a perfect position to refill those empty, financial institution, coffers with taxpayer money.

• CEOs of American automakers are entitled to sidestep the richly deserved fate that ensues when you make catastrophically bad business decisions. Why? The unions, whose insane contract demands paved this highway to hell with red ink, are key Demoncrat constituents who played a critical role in ushering in the Obamunist Error.

If you have the stomach for it, you can shrug off a parasite's cacophony of caterwauling. If you can tolerate the stench, you can bulldoze your way through a parasite's barrage of self-serving bull crap. It's a dirty job, but a necessary one, if you want to get to the heart of the matter, where an essential question demands an answer.

Does a parasite's unrequited need place a mandate for the unearned on an achiever - our rugged American individual? For that answer, I defer to one of my muses:

'No man can have a right to impose an unchosen obligation, an unrewarded duty or involuntary servitude on another man. There can be no such thing as "the right to enslave."

A right does not include the material implementation of that right by other men; it includes only the freedom to earn that implementation by one's own effort.'
(The essay, 'Man's Rights' by Ayn Rand)

Ayn Rand's meaning is clear, but, if you need it spelled out for you, I'm up to the challenge.

Gladys Castro has the freedom to get a first rate education. She does not, however, have an inherent 'right' (she's not automatically entitled) to make me pay her $30,000 a year tuition at UC Berkeley.

If he's financially qualified, Peter Parasite has the freedom to try to purchase a home. He does not, however, have the inherent 'right' to coerce me into guaranteeing his mortgage with my tax dollars.

Sally Schoolmarm has the freedom to pursue a teaching career. She does not, however, have the inherent 'right' to make me keep her on the payroll when her job performance sucks.

Harry Hyphenated has the freedom to seek gainful employment, and make the best deal his skills merit. He does not, however, have the inherent 'right' to force an employer to hire him at an inflated wage that's dictated by the Nanny State.

Stan Slacker has the freedom to seek voluntary assistance in getting his life together. He does not, however, have the inherent 'right' to demand that I put food on his plate, a roof over his head, and money in his pocket because he's a ward of the taxpayer funded Nanny State.

Charlie CEO has the freedom to be as stupid, as reckless, as he wants with stockholder money. He does not, however, have the inherent 'right' to force the American taxpayer pay for his stupidity, by making good his losses.

Ernie Elected Tormentor has the freedom to be as generous as he wants with his friends and supporters. He does not, however, have the inherent 'right' to make the American taxpayer finance his pork barrel beneficence.

It's simply a matter of time, before the entitlement culture reaches critical mass during the Obamunist regime. Why? Because entitlement is based on immutable traits and/or group affiliation, instead of an individual's skills, experience and accomplishments. Group think, anti-individualism, is the cornerstone of Messiah Barry's political agenda.

The entitlement culture might rock Messiah Barry's world, but it doesn't rock mine. Nobody is entitled to the unearned fruits of another person's labor. Nobody is entitled to demand that Uncle Sam go out and mug an achiever, then give the parasite a cut because the slacker is unwilling, or unable, to EARN it for himself.

The only things you are entitled to are set forth in the Declaration of Independence: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If you want more than that, you're required to go out and EARN it. The United States Constitution is NOT a license to rob achiever Peter to pay parasite Paul.

Enough is enough! I'm fed up with the entitlement mentality. I'm fed up with parasites who demand that somebody else supply their unrequited needs. If they can't persuade another individual to INVEST in their future, VOLUNTARILY, then they need to polish up their sales pitch and Emerilize their qualifications. That might not be the Obama Regime's style. It might not be 'the Chicago way', but it's absolutely the American way.

It's time to condemn the entitlement mentality to history's scrap heap while we still have time. We the People need to get back to basics. We the People need to restore that iconic figure, that American classic, the rugged American individual, to his, her, hisher, or its rightful place in our nation. We the People need to act NOW, while there's still time.

You're ENTITLED? Not on my dime and never in my America, parasite pinhead Sparky.

Random Doomsday Notions

The Mayan Doomsday is finally here and, so far, I'm not impressed.

It's missing something, but it took me a while to pin it down. It needs a Moonbat to be its front man. Last year's doomsday double whammy rocked, because Harold Camping made it an absolute hoot. Obviously, the Mayan Doomsday crowd didn't think this through. It's not too late to sign up Pat Robertson, Benny Hinn or Art Bell.

I'm more than ready to roll those doomsday dice, if...

The cataclysm takes out D.C., including the fools on Capitol Hill, all those bureaucrats, plus the Red Shed Marxist.

Puts all those Jihadikazes, around the world, out of my misery.

Ideally, I'd like to last just long enough to see The One, Congress, Saudi Arabia's 'mullahs', and Mahmoud al-Gilligan get, uh, recycled into ashes.

My lovely bride asked the burning question: when Doomsday is a no show, how long will it take for Mayan Doomsday Moonbats to do a Camping: "Did I say 12/21/12? I meant to say..." I figure the 'rescheduled' Doomsday will be up and running by Sunday, at the latest.

What I'd Really Like For Christmas

What do you get for a pagan scribbler who - whopper alert - has everything? What would put the HO, HO, HO back in Hambo's Christmas? On advice from my legal eagle, Iggy Kowalski - yes I mean the same Iggy who has me on a first name basis with every IRS auditor from sea to shining sea - I'm not going THERE.

I am allowed to tell you that I'd be thrilled spitless to get one, or more, of the following items in the stocking that's hung by the chimney with care:

* A sanity saving Christmas season during which nobody mentions The One's name, nobody broadcasts his voice, and nobody poops out his image.

* A newscast that, for a change, does NOT piss me off so majorly, that my neighbors implore the cops to send in a SWAT Team.

* A front page National Enquirer story about Tingles (Chris Matthews) losing all control during a live interview with Barry. The front page of the Enquirer would show a sex crazed Tingles with his pants down, humping Barry's leg.

* A TMZ item which blabs the thrilling news that the Kardashian bitches Mom, Sasquatch, Porn Star and Kourtney have been abducted by E.T.

* A POTUS who spends all of his waking hours PRESERVING, PROTECTING, and DEFENDING the Constitution of the United States, instead of trying to flush it, and the nation he was elected to serve, down a socialist crapper.

* A PIG-worthy Elephant Clan national leadership that stops being pussies and takes the fight to the MSM, the Demoncrats and The One.

* The signed, sealed, and delivered, irrevokable resignations of all 535 members of the of the Capitol Hill Clown Posse.

* A Christmas devoid of the depressingly familiar Grinchiness from Evangelizing Atheists, Secularists, Torah True Believers, and all the chronically offended, fringe-dwelling wingnuts.

* A popular uprising - a Second American Revolution - with a single stated goal: restoring our birthright of INALIENABLE individual liberty. "We hold these truths to be self-evident"? You better f-ing believe it, it's about damn time, Sparky.

* At least one boom box station which provides weekend programming which entertains, enlightens and/or inspires.

* A heretofore 'lost', final, quatrain by Nostradamus which reads, "If you believed any, or all, of that happy horse shit, I have this awesome bridge that I'd love to sell you", signed Michel 'Shecky' de Nostredame.

* A final passage to the Mayan doomsday warning that says "If you swallowed that one, I can get you a sweet deal on some lunar beachfront property."

* A great meal in my favorite eatery which is NOT disrupted by some asshat's insane bellowing into his cell phone blight.

* A street legal 'get out of jail free' card which allows me to bitch-slap any Bluetooth butthead who gets in my face while talking into one of the damn things.

Is that too much to ask? Probably.

Incorrect Christmas Carols

[After our Elected Tormentors banished the word 'lunatic' from all federal documents, it bugged the crap out of me. Today, I'll 'repay' them with this Hambo's Hammer gem from my archives.]

Today's adventure in inkorrectness is one that has the entire PIG staff GREEN with envy because we didn't think of it.

At the center of our delightfully inkorrect story is a quarterly magazine named "Marooned". This publication is 'produced by users of the Cromwell House mental health facility in Eccles, Salford' (J.O.E.). In other words, the editorial board of this magazine is comprised, entirely, of the individuals who avail themselves of the mental health facility's services. Since it's Christmas time, even in the U.K., the perpetrators of this magazine decided to have some fun with a stellar dose of prose called "Christmas Carols for the Mentally Disturbed". The idea is devilishly clever and ingenious. First, the writers of the piece name a psychiatric condition, then they rename a familiar Christmas carol to suit the mental malady in question. Here are their 10, off the charts clever creations:

1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disorientated Are

3. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and...

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent Night, Holy, ooh look at the froggy - Can I have a chocolate? Why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

Did someone get a boo-boo from this? You bet, but it wasn't one of the mental health service users. They, quite rightly, think this piece is roll on the floor funny. Does this whiner's caterwauling make the health facility's 'suits' hang their heads in shame? That too, but the less said about that crap the better. The whiner and these cringing 'suits' can bite me, because this is very damn funny. Go ahead, Sparky, laugh out loud. It's the politically incorrect thing to do.

Musings

*R G III

Robert Griffin III is the talented quarterback for the Washington Redskins. A young man with a potent charisma, RGIII is the popular, public, 'face' of his team. For me, his performance is much more meaningful than his pedigree, but others view RGIII through race clouded glasses.

A Melanin-Enriched talking head, Rob Parker, who appears on ESPN opined that RGIII doesn't act black enough:

An African-American ESPN commentator is under fire for racially charged comments about Robert Griffin III, the charismatic rookie quarterback for the Washington Redskins who has been lauded for his talent, brains and even ability to unite partisan lawmakers on Capitol Hill.

Since being drafted out of Baylor University after winning the 2011 Heisman Trophy, Griffin, who graduated early with honors, has become the face of his NFL team. But Rob Parker, a veteran newspaper columnist who appears regularly on several ESPN television and radio shows, played the race card on ESPN's First Take on Thursday.

"Is he a brother, or is he a cornball brother?"

- Rob Parker, ESPN personality on RGIII

"Is he a brother, or is he a cornball brother?" Parker wondered. ""He's not real. Okay, he's black, he kind of does the thing, but he's not really down with the cause. He's not one of us. He's kind of black, but he's not really, like, the guy you want to hang out with because he's off to something else.

"We all know he has a white fiancee. There was all this talk about how he's a Republican ... Tiger Woods was like, 'I've got black skin but don't call me black.'" (Fox News)

Rob Parker, who thinks ALL blacks must conform to Rob's rules of 'act black' engagement is a fucking RACIST. Imposing a group think litmus test is more than insufferably asinine. It's irredeemably UNAMERICAN. At best, Rob Parker is the poster asshole for the vile nature of group think, a group identity.

* Harry Belafonte

Noted Libertard Moonbat, Harry "I LOVE Socialist/Marxist tyrants" Belafonte thinks being a Republican should be a 'go directly to jail' class crime.

What do you do when it has been a while since you made headlines? If you are Harry Belafonte, apparently you say the president should jail Republicans.

The American singer-songwriter, once considered the "Kind of Calypso," this week ignited outrage – and plenty of eye rolls – after speaking with MSNBC's Al Sharpton and saying President Obama should rule like a third-world dictator and toss his GOP opponents behind bars.

"That there should be this lingering infestation of really corrupt people who sit trying to dismantle the wishes of the people, the mandate that has been given to Barack Obama, and I don't know what more they want," he said. "The only thing left for Barack Obama to do is to work like a third world dictator and just put all these guys in jail."

Belafonte went on to claim that Republicans are "violating the American desire" by working to keep government limited, taxes low and the country solvent. Sharpton was clearly amused by the suggestion – and could be heard laughing in the background. (Fox News)

Harry Belafonte is an America-hating, liberty-despising, piece of shit who should have his citizenship revoked. Harry should be grabbed by the scruff of his tyranny loving neck and kicked the fuck out of America.

Musings

* Michigan

It looks like the neo-Marxist Obamunist juggernaut hit a nasty right to work speed bump in (blue state) Michigan. Based on the ensuing union thug hissy fit, it looks like the lefties never saw this one coming.

The Elephant Clan in Michigan played this one perfectly. There may be hope for that political clan after all.

Go figure.

* Hambo's diversions

I just started reading Mark Levin's 'Ameritopia'.

If you haven't read it, get with the program.

If you want the no frills, no bullcrap, straight shit, you need to make room for Mark's radio program on your daily schedule.

After spending quality time with Mark, you'll need a laugh and I have just what you need.

His name is Rodney Carrington and he's laugh like a mental patient funny.

On PIG's playlist page, you'll find a link to a YouTube video of my favorite Rodney song: 'Put Your Clothes Back On'.

I also recommend 'The day my wife met my girlfriend', and 'who put the dick on the snowman'.

I found all the Rodney videos VERY enjoyable.

Hambo's ThanksMas Holiday Survival Guide

Tis the season, PIGsters and it's time for this table pounding pagan to chill out and share some essential, suitably festive, wisdom with you. Am I up to the challenge? I have a feeling we'll find out the answer to that one together.

The best way to start out is to share some of Hambo's Rules of ThanksMas Engagement:

1) When cut to the appropriate dimensions, fruitcake makes a dynamite hockey puck. In fact, you'll soon discover that it's vastly superior to the real thing.

2) It's not the thought, it's the gift that counts, but you're required to smile anyway. You're obligated to grit your teeth and thank the clueless cretin who gave you another god-awful tie that you wouldn't wear on a bet.

3) Regifting is cool, but make sure you keep track of who gave you the gift from hell in the first place. Return to sender is spiffy, when you're dealing with errant mail, but nobody's idea of a good time if you accidentally give the horror back to the one who gave it to you.

4) I know you're going to pig out and so do you, so why torture yourself with all those guilt-induced delusions about the diet you're going to start the first thing next year? If you need an excuse, tell, whomever, that you're PIGing out to honor a certain infamous speed bump in cyberspace.

5) If the hostess fires one of those "try some of that, it's a new recipe" shots across your bows, wait for someone else to try it first. It's better to be a witness at their inquest than to be the guest of honor at yours.

6) If your hostess informs you that her personal pyromanic is going to be cooking the holiday bird in his new turkey fryer, you know what you've gotta do: on your way to her house, stop off at Home Depot and buy several fire extinguishers.

7) While attending the office Christmas party, make sure you know the full name of the hottie you selected for that dirty dancing exhibition. One poor bastard made that mistake and learned the hard way - you're so fired, bump and grind Sparky - that dirty dancing with the boss's wife can be the fast track to the unemployment office.

8) Speaking of the office party, watch your mouth, if you know what's good for you. Honest might be the best policy in most situations, but a notable exception is the Office Christmas party. It's not the time or place to ask your amply endowed co-worker if her sweater puppies are home grown or high tech. It's not the time to tell those above you in the chain of command how far they've got their head up their ass even if - especially if - it's too, too, true.

9) When it comes to gift giving, KISS is still the road to gift giving glory. Keeping it simple stupid means just saying no to any gift idea which will take more than 10 words to explain.

10) Don't be intimidated by the Grinches. It's Christmas time in this land of the not as free as we're supposed to be. That means, hitting every Grinch you meet with that seasonally-correct 'bite me', AKA "Merry Christmas".

Stay tuned to the Free State of PIG during this holiday season for more of Hambo's compelling wisdom, and advice. You're going to need all the help you can get to negotiate this ThanksMas Season minefield.

Greedy Fucking Assholes

Under legislation signed by Mexifornia's miserable COMMIE FUCKING ASSHOLE, Governor Jerry "Comrade" Brown, starting on January 1st, public employees will be required to pay into their own retirement plans. At Southern Mexifornia's Metropolitian Water District, it means the district will just pay its 7% employer contribution, and let the employees start paying their own 7% contribution, instead of paying both employer and employee contribution.

Horrified by the very thought of paying into their own retirement fun, the employees in question - the highest paid employees in the water district - joined a public employee union, letting them elude paying into their retirement fund. Who the fuck are these festering sores on humanities asshole?

The group of employees is mostly comprised of top executives, attorneys and managerial staff who were unrepresented by a collective bargaining unit. We don't have anything on paper outlining why the group decided to make the switch this week, but an anonymous tipster told the Watchdog that the group wanted to prevent the district from changing their retirement benefits.

<snip>

Public scrutiny of executive pay at the Metropolitan Water District has grown in recent years as the agency has hiked water prices that trickle down to ratepayers across southern California. Most unrepresented employees at the district earn more than $100,000 per year in salary. Top executives earn more than double that amount.

This new development appears to unilaterally schedule the same employees for raises, though it's unclear how much. Lynds said the group will fall under the union's existing contract, which includes across-the-board raises, step increases and possible merit-based raises over the next two years. (O.C. Register)

I think these greedy fucks deserve public recognition for their penny-pinching bullshit. At minimum, the Register should publish the name, salary, proposed pension contribution, and the picture of every damn one of them. Ideally, the fishwrap would include a phone number or e-mail address for each of them. I'm sure they'd LOVE to explain their antics to the taxpayers.

This & That

* Pearl Harbor Attack

I've been thinking about Pearl Harbor and all the brave men who died there 71 years ago.

What if today's civilian & military leadership were around, back then?

On Capitol Hill, Schumer, Pelosi, Reid, Hoyer, et al, would thunder about the inherent American racism and prejudice that oppressed the 'peace loving' Empire of Japan into 'acting out'.

The MSM would vilify the 'rampant American imperialism' which left peace loving Japan no other choice.

The top military brass would emit an outraged bellow over the term 'Jap', then order every member of the military to attend sensitivity training.

* Blubbering John

If you wonder how a gutless weasel like Blubbering John (Boehner) became House Speaker, join the club. It appears that 'it was his turn' isn't just for pachyderm POTUS wannabes. Due to longevity and attrition, all the qualified candidates were gone, so someone yanked this gutless wonder from richly deserved obscurity and put the fool in charge.

Although his tenure has greatly hastened the forthcoming demise of the Republican Party, Blubbering John isn't the cause of the party's death. At most, his speakership is just a symptom of the real problem: a political party devoid of core principles.

Musings

Intrusive Technology

According to a posting on a technology site, one day very soon, that box atop your television is about to go over to the dark side. In addition to presenting sound for you to hear and images for you to watch, boxes already in development will do some watching and listening of their own:

Verizon has filed a patent for a DVR that can watch and listen to the goings-on in your living room. In the application, the company proposes to use the technology to serve targeted ads appropriate to whatever you're doing in the, uh, privacy of your own home—fighting, cuddling, or hanging out with your cats.

Verizon is far from the first company to think of this unassailably creepy use for a set-top box. Comcast patented similar monitoring technology in 2008 for recommending content based on people it recognizes in the room; Google proposed yet another patent for Google TV that would use audio and video recorders to figure out how many people in a room are watching the current broadcast.

Verizon filed for the application in May 2011, and it was just published last week. (By law, all patent applications are published after 18 months.) In the document, which was first noticed by FierceCable, Verizon gives two examples of the context-sensitive DVR's use in a couple's living room: sounds of arguing prompt ads for marriage counseling, while sounds of "cuddling" prompts ads for contraceptives. Charming.

I found this on a reputable site, but I won't swear that it's true. In this Obamunist Error, I can't pin a 'bullshit' label on it, either.

Doomed

Lindsay Lohan's 27th birthday is July 2, 2013. I wouldn't bet the farm that she'll still be alive to blow out the candles, given her self-destructive antics.

Purged

Blubbering John (House Speaker Boehner) seems determined to destroy his party (and this nation). His purge of conservatives from House Committee positions puts him on the fast track to 'Mission Accomplished'. Blubbering John will go down in history as the useful idiot who helped a Marxist destroy this nation.

When did the pachyderm punks start reading the Communist Party playbook?

Doomsday Checklist

Media Bias

Q: Does any element of the news media - broadcast and fishwrap alike - get anything right...can any news outlet be trusted to be objective on any topic?

A: Yes, when it comes to the following news items:

Yesterday's stock market averages and closing stock values.

Yesterday's weather.

Yesterday's sports results and today's scheduled games.

Today's television listings. (Note: any inaccuracy here isn't spin, it's rampant ineptitude.)

Local meeting announcements: time, place, group's name. Wedding, anniversary, and engagement announcements.

Obituaries.

Want Ads. (Fishwraps)

Funny pages. (Fishwraps)

Everything else is suspect. It must be examined critically for overt or stealth spin doctoring. When you ingest a news item, always keep the warning signs uppermost in your mind. If you have Internet access, compare the news item to other news sources. If the subject is important to you, do your own research. Whatever you do, don't let your preferred news source spin you. This process is called thinking and it's one of those 'don't read, watch or listen to the news without it' things.

Q: Is Fox News 'fair and balanced'?

A: Compared to most of the other news outlets, the answer is yes. But, compared to objective reality, the answer is no.

Fox isn't as far gone as the NY Times or MSNBC, but it isn't hard core who, what, when, where, why either.

Q: How can you cut through the spin?

A: Find a news report on the story from each extreme: MSNBC and Fox. Whatever the two reports have in common are the facts. Everything else is spin

The primary problem with my last answer is this: hard core right-wing news sources are few and far between.

It does work much better, if you use El Rushbo on the right and Tingles (Matthews) on the left.

Iggy Is Available

[Based on the news reports, the Obama Regime is still wrestling with the infamous fiscal cliff. It's obvious that an innovative solution is needed. They need someone whose approach to taxes and financial matters is so far outside the proverbial box that you'd need the Hubble Telescope to see it. They need a keen financial mind whose solutions will leave everyone breathless. No problem. I have the man for the job: my financial guru, Iggy "the Grifter" Kowalski.

In lieu of his resume, I will present his stellar qualifications with two Hambo's Hammer postings.]

Smiting Congress

This week, while he was perpetrating my tax return, my personal financial guru, Iggy "The Grifter" Kowalski, sounded off on my pet theory for curing what ails Congress.

Me: "You're looking good, Iggy."

Iggy: "There's nothing like a two year stretch in a federal prison for tax fraud to make you a lean mean, spreadsheet molesting, machine."

Me: "You're in a very cheerful mood. You're not holding a grudge, because they made me testify at your trial, are you?"

Iggy: Aiming a toothy smile at me, he shook his head. "No harm done. It let me meet my hero, Bernie Madoff. Besides, everyone knows when it comes to finances, you're a blithering idiot."

Me: Still worried, I reminded, "The last time you were this cheerful at tax time, you told me the U.S. Mint would need to put on an extra shift to print enough money for my refund."

Iggy: Laughing, he rolled his eyes. "Whine, whine, whine. I wonder if they still have that same hottie on their local auditing staff? You know the one, the tall, slender, brunette with the big cans and sexy accent."

Me: "She was there when they audited me last year, and I have her penciled in for this year, just in case. Sonia is a big fan of your work. In fact, she called you the Michelangelo of fraud."

Iggy: "The Michelangelo of fraud! I love it. I'll have it printed on my business cards."

Iggy: After several minutes of nerve-wracking humming, he glanced at me over his shoulder. "I've been thinking about your pet theory."

Me: "Pet theory? Which one?"

Iggy: "The smiting one. The one where - what do you call him?"

Me: "Old Ka-Boom?"

Iggy: "Yeah, HIM. The one where HE wipes out Congress with an asteroid."

Me: "Oh, that one. What about it?"

Iggy: "It has a flaw, or two."

Me: "A flaw? What flaw?"

Iggy: "For starters, Old What's His Name..."

Me: "Old Ka-Boom."

Iggy: "Yeah, HIM. Anyway, you'd need to ask him for a smiting which might present a problem, since he stopped taking your calls when you started calling yourself 'A Pagan'."

Me: "I'm working on that one. One of my readers has a hotline to heaven, so I might be able to do an end run around the celestial disconnect."

Iggy: "PIGster J, your Professor of Piety, seems too serious about his supernaturalism to request a smiting, but I'll concede the point."

Me: "You conceded much too easily. What else have you got?"

Iggy: Gloating, he hit me with the dreaded Iggy Smirk. "Old What's His Name's well documented fondness for fools, drunks, scallywags and moonbats would, by definition, exempt everyone on Capitol Hill via HIS 'fools, drunks, scallywags and moonbats' exemption."

Me: "Good point, but I might catch a break and submit the smiting request when SHE is getting on HIS last raw nerve."

Iggy: "I won't let you trap me into dissing Mrs. Old What's His Name."

Me: "Coward."

Iggy: Gives me the finger. "That distraction would require precise timing. Based on my encyclopedic knowledge of your investment strategy, I'm here to tell you that nobody is going to accuse you of good timing."

Me: "Is that it? 'Pagan' and that asinine Old Ka-Boom smiting exemption?"

Iggy: "That's more than enough. However, you might want to consider the fact that America's chad-punching retards are so clueless that they might just kick over a few rocks and elect another bunch of fools, drunks, scallywags and moonbats to Congress."

Me: Feeling smug, I gave him the finger. "I won't argue the point, but, since they'd all be rookies, it would take them a few years to hone their craft to Iggy-class perfection."

Iggy: "A quasi-insulting compliment, but, considering it's YOU, I'll take it."

Me: "You're welcome."

Iggy: "Ideally, they should put me in charge. I'd have America showing a tidy profit, in record time."

Me: "President Iggy? Bold new concept."

Iggy: "You better believe it, Sparky. I couldn't do any worse than this Dumbo-Eared rookie who is the poster punk for losernomics."

When Iggy is right, he's right.

A Taxing Day

If you're wondering why I'm not keeping up with my assigned Editor of PIG duties, I can explain it in two words: Tax Time. As usual, this annual Hambo stress test is administered by my friend, Iggy "The Grifter" Kowalski.

Me: "You're humming to yourself again. I thought 'we' agreed that you'd put a damn sock in it, Iggy."

Iggy: "I'm in a good mood."

Me: "The last time you were this happy, you talked me into buying that 'oceanfront' property in Death Valley."

Iggy: Smirking, Iggy wagged his finger at me. "You'll be singing a different tune, after that super storm and its 40 days of torrential rain puts the rest of the state under water."

Me: "Bullshit! I did some homework and found that your 'you'll be high and dry' sales pitch didn't include the fact that Death Valley is 282 feet BELOW sea level."

Iggy: Still smirking, he dismissed my accusation with a wave of his hand. "Details, details. I don't allow petty details, like that one, bog me down. I deal in the big picture."

Me: "You get me gunned on adult beverage, weave your web of words, and the next thing I know, I'm pissing away money on your 'big picture'. So far, the only thing I've gotten from it is heartburn, and an annual IRS audit by Tax Nazis who keep nominating my tax returns - the ones perpetrated by you - for a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction."

Iggy: Frowning, he growled though clenched teeth. "Everybody on the cell block was pulling for me, last year."

Me: "I know. They keep sending their friends around, asking me for a copy of this years whopperthon. I thought I was done rubbing elbows with your criminal fan club, now that I don't have to perform this annual tax ritual in the visitor's room at that Federal Graybar hotel."

Iggy: "Whine, whine whine."

Me: "Why don't you just shoot me, instead of torturing me, like this, year after year?"

Iggy: "You're the one who keeps coming back for more."

Me: "Guilty, but I have my reasons."

Iggy: "Reasons? Are you trying to steal my Sonia? I'm shocked that she didn't mention THAT when she sent me that personal 'go ahead, you sexy thing, make scream with ecstasy' note."

[Hambo note: Loyal readers will remember that, in a prior Iggy adventure, expressed his admiration for Sonia, describing her as that: "hottie on their local auditing staff. You know the one, the tall, slender, brunette with the big cans and sexy accent."]

Me: "I never should have told you she called you the Michelangelo of Fraud. I know she'll make me pay, big time, when she takes personal charge of my IRS Audit, this year."

Iggy: "She adores me."

Me: "She's gobsmacked by the audacity of your 'big picture' schemes. That doesn't not mean she sobs on her pillow, calling out your name."

Iggy: Indignant, he gave me the finger. "Which part of 'go ahead, you sexy thing, make me scream with ecstasy' personal note didn't you understand?"

Me: "It was NOT a love note, Iggy. It was a RESTRAINING ORDER that contained an unambiguous message for you: STOP STALKING ME."

Iggy: Sticking his nose in the air, he muttered an impressive stream of profane pleasantries at, and about, me. "Sonia and I have a very complicated relationship."

Me: "Her testimony at your fraud trial put you in that Federal Graybar, and she's ready to sent you back, if you don't stop stalking her."

Iggy: "Does that mean you won't put a good word in for me, when she audits you, this year?"

Me: "Sonia specifically ordered me not to mention your name. If that sounds like sweet nothings to you, maybe you've been in that Graybar suite much too long."

Iggy: Humming again, he aimed that 'get ready, Hambo here it comes' look at me. Given your attitude, I shouldn't tell you about the golden opportunity I found that's perfect for you. I admit that my Death Valley plan has hit a snag, or two, so I'm going to make it up to you, with some Pacific island property investments where you can enjoy a glorious view of the ocean."

Me: Consulting my notes, I stared a challenge. "The moment I read about those atolls - the Tulun Islands, and the Takuu Islands - which are SINKING beneath the waves, I knew it was just a matter of time, before you tried to sucker me into 'investing' in them. No sale, Iggy. I mean it this time, so don't bother to pour that high octane persuasion into me, because I'm ON THE WAGON."

Iggy: "You're getting bitter in your old age, Hambo. I blame it on that PIG thing where you spew all your demented bullshit. This lack of...civility is very troubling. Like all clear thinking individuals, I know it's not your fault. It's that cow, Sarah Palin, who makes you spew all this vitriol about me, and my beloved Sonia."

Me: "Do I need to drag out the copy of the RESTRAINING ORDER that SHE gave me, so I can read it to you, AGAIN."

Iggy: Pretending to ignore me, he started humming again. "I'm going to thrill you with this year's refund, which is, once again, a new personal best. No wonder our National Debt is so out of control, if they give YOU a refund like this."

Me: "I'll call Sonia in the morning and schedule an appointment for the audit."

Early Gift Suggestions.

Tis the season when all you volunteer Santas might start 'making your list, checking it twice'.

In these turbulent times, you're much too busy to give that Christmas shopping list the undivided attention it deserves. With that in mind, I am going to do some of the heavy lifting for you on this one.

Obamunists
I have two spiffy gift suggestions for those glassy-eyed, Messiah Barry bonkers, Obamunists on your shopping list:

1) George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' is a must read for anyone who espouses "shared wealth".

2) A Peter Sellers film classic, "Being There", will tell the Obamunists the story of another man whose clueless prattle was misinterpreted as genius.

Evangelizing True Believers
I have a suggestion or two for that persistent pest on your list who, despite your assurances that your salvation is under control, still insists on saving your soul.

1) Thomas Paine's "Age of Reason" is without question the best eye-opener on 'the good news' that was ever written.

2) Mark Twain's "Letters From Earth" is a book that will give that true believer a new perspective on his relationship with Old Ka-Boom.

Quasi-suicidal Vast Right-Wing Conspirators
After the Moonbats gave their Marxist Messiah at least 4 more years at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the likelihood of another Socialism on steroids avalanche in Congress means those vast right-wingnut conspirators on your list will need something to snap them out of their 'better RHINO then dead' suicidal depression.

1) Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" will help them shed their blinders and confront the statist/collectivist America they helped perpetrate.

2) Peter Sellers' "Being There", with its "choose your leaders wisely" message, works for this group, too.

3) Mark Levin's "Ameritopia" will rub their noses in the mess the Moonbats inflicted on America.

4) Finally, they need to read the Marxist Moonbat playbook: Saul D. Alinsky's "Rules for Radicals".

Rational Adults
By now, the rational adults on your list are hoarse from trying to sound a warning that nobody wants to hear. The best medicine for them is some laughter therapy.

1) Mark Twain's "Diary of Adam", "Diary of Eve", are a pair of Garden of Eden classics which will have him, her, himher or it laughing like a mental patient.

2) The no Hambo crap funniest book you never heard of is a laugh riot written by Jeremy Pascall: "God, The Ultimate Unauthorized Autobiography".

3) Another laugh inducing book is Frank J. Fleming's (IMAO) "Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything".

Moderates, A.K.A., the Undecided
There's only one thing that will cure what ails that icon of indecisiveness, the moderate, and you should all know what this one is.

1) Industrial strength laxatives will teach them the virtues of that venerable concept: shit, or get off the pot.

Parting shot: In the coming days/weeks I'll be serving up more 'tis the season' wisdom.

Turkey Fryers

The season is upon us and that means everyone better make damn sure they have several fully loaded fire extinguishers at the ready. Why? How soon we forget. Tis the season when the male of the species decided to make a holiday meal memorable by cranking up the weapon of mass culinary destruction, the turkey fryer.

This year's primer on this implement of male insanity will begin with a brief description of this annual pestilence. The newest household weapon of mass destruction is a cooking implement that had to be created by some deranged, real life Tim the Toolman: the turkey fryer. Essentially a deep fryer on steroids, it's the kind of toy that certain men can't resist, and, in too many cases can't be trusted to operate safely. This popular device is so fraught with peril that Underwriters Laboratories won't touch them with 10-foot toolman tongs.

To illustrate the thrill a minute potential of this infamous turkey charring inferno, here are a few of too, too true turkey fryer epics.

Jackson, Mississippi
Taking a page from Tim Allen's popular show, Mississippi denizen George Glenn staged a scene worthy of the toolman himself. His key props included a turkey, a plus-size pot filled with boiling oil, and two left feet.

'...After flambéing his bare hand on the turkey fryer's hot lid, Glenn flung the bird into the bubbling grease with a bit too much gusto. "It exploded like a cannon," said the Rankin County resident. "Grease shot up and I got second-degree burns on my forearms and hands."... (Sun Herald)

The Readers Digest version goes: oops, sizzle, expletive-replete 'ouch', splash, OUCH, extra crispy George. Don't try this at home.

ST. Cloud, Minnesota
He wanted to surprise his lovely bride by deep frying a turkey for her. She passed go on surprised and then some when the tally for his deep fried turkey adventure reached $14,000. His idea started when he borrowed the turkey fryer from a pal. After carefully reading the directions his friend provided, our hero purchased a thermometer to measure the oil temperature, because getting it too hot is not an option. Using his garage as turkey fryer central, he launched his gold d'oh adventure.

'...[Bill] Fickett said he was heating up about 3 gallons of oil before the fire started. He adjusted the temperature to the recommended 350 degrees, then stepped into the house to get the bird. Next thing he knew, smoke was pouring out of the garage...' (Fox News)

That's right, this flaming 'turkey frying' idiot managed to burn down his garage. Only a timely intrusion by the fire department saved the rest of his domicile from getting extra crispy. Am I the only one who questions the rationality of heating oil to the boiling point in an enclosed space like a garage?

Macon (Georgia)
Stop me if this sounds familiar: an unattended turkey fryer reached critical mass and "boom", it ignited the turkey fryer pinhead's house on fire. Fortunately, for the turkey fryer bright bulb, a neighbor, 21-year-old Brance Young, heard the damn thing explode. Running to the neighbor's house, he broke a window, then pulled a woman and her daughter out of harm's way.

The ultimate irony of this epic is the fact that Brance was turned down by the local fire department when applied for a firefighter job. Maybe the Macon-Bibb County Fire Department should take a long hard look at their hiring criteria, because PIG thinks Brance has the right stuff.

Chicago (Illinois)
Some bright bulbs decided to beat that wintery Windy City weather by setting up their turkey fryer in their garage. The unattended turkey fryer did what comes naturally, set the house on fire and resulted in a hefty $230,000 worth of damage to the turkey frying fatheads' abode.

Keizer (Oregon)
While heating up the peanut oil in the turkey fryer, the turkey fryer caught fire and might have done considerable damage, if a rational adult hadn't intervened. After trying to put out the inferno with a fire extinguisher, the rational adult tried to smother the flames by putting a garbage can over it. This worked will enough to confine the blaze until the fire department arrived to put out the stubborn blaze.

Fortunately, the home owner got off easily, with a mere $2,000 worth of damage.

The following triple dose of flaming turkey fryer insanity happened on the same day:

Euguene, Oregon: a newly completed house became a pile of well-done ashes when an unattended turkey fryer with a broken thermometer caught fire.

El Paso, Mexas: A turkey fryer was being used, inside the house and left unattended. Fire, plus boiling oil turned the domicile extra crispy.

Nolensville, Tennessee: A turkey fryer left unattended on the house's rear deck, overheats, catches fire and turns the log home into charcoal.

Finally, here are some warning signs that will SCREAM "Just say no" when your man suggests playing Ruskie Roulette, with your homestead:

You've been forced to hid the matches and lighters, because he's worse that your 3 year old when it comes to playing with fire.

His favorite BBQ has scorch marks from the last time he fired up the grill.

His most predictable comment when cooking is "I don't think this is hot enough".

Your insurance agent started sobbing uncontrollably when you told him that 'he' just bought a new, bigger, turkey fryer.

The fire department calls you by your first name, before you identify yourself, every time you call the station.

I've done my duty, PIGsters. I tried to warn you. If you persist in this turkey fryer insanity, Hambo will keep the appropriate parts of his body crossed. Don't hold your breath waiting for me to leave a light on for you, because it was YOU, not ME who let that fool fire up this implement of culinary destruction.

CULINARY PRECAUTIONS

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO HAUTE CUISINE

Never eat anything that's served on those funny shaped little crackers.

Never refuse anything with ice cream in, on, or under it.

Be very careful with ethnic foods. The spiciness of authentic Thai food starts at towering inferno and can go up to "Holy Mother of God!!!!

Cocktail sandwiches only come in two varieties: Bland and Bad.

When eating out, don't waste your time on anything with veggies in it. If you're gonna eat food that is good for you, you might as well stay home.

Any food made from sugar, milk, flour and eggs (pastries, etc.) rates an automatic 3 'yums' on the celebrated Hambo Yum System. If it contains chocolate, it gets 4 'yums'

Sauces are, at best, a mine field. When in doubt, avoid them. If you're can't duck them, wait for someone else to eat it and live.

Never eat anything you don't recognize. Never eat a casserole whether you recognize it or not. (Casserole is Iranian for "The dreaded death curse of Mamoud".)

Never ask: "What's in it?" Someone might tell you!!

Beware of enthusiastic amateurs. The phrase "I'm trying out a new recipe" is the culinary equivalent of the military warning: "INCOMING!!!

The True Confessions of a Julia Child from Hell Survivor

[Official disclaimer: I no bull crap like the holidays. I do, however, have a few unresolved, holiday-related issues, some of which date back before the primordial ooze, when I was a mere lad.]

It's that time of year again, and I'm already going into shock from the massive onslaught of traditional family values mumbo jumbo that runs amok during the holidays. As usual, it started with the familiar deluge of nostalgic sentimental slop leading up to the annual Gluttony Olympics, Thanksgiving. Not to be confused with a pseudo sporting event called the Winter Olympics, the Gluttony Olympics features an impressive array of food-related events, all of which involve jamming, ramming, cramming, stuffing, squeezing, shoe horning, and/or slam dunking ridiculous, life-threatening, mountains of food into each participant. It's not for the faint-hearted, but, as long as I have Old Betsy on hand, I know that I can shoot my way out, if necessary.

Phase Two of this holiday assault on my sanity begins with a deluge of family-oriented drivel. 'It's a Wonderful Life', 'Miracle on 34th Street' and all 953,000 known versions of the Scrooge epic run so often that most hard core T.V. addicts confuse them with infomercials. The Fonz took a run at it. Vanessa 'Hubba Hubba' Williams took a run at it. Bill Murray took a hilariously dark run at it, but he spoiled it with a load of sentimental slop at the end. George C. Scott gave it a go. So did too many others to count, for all the good it did them. I prefer the real Scrooge, the CLASSIC Scrooge, Alistair Sim. He's it, period.

Knowing anything even remotely resembling family oriented holiday fare is welcomed like nymphomaniac at a bachelor party, so called celebrities crawl out of the woodwork to star in their own holiday epic. If the Olsen twins and Dolly Parton can land their own holiday themed T.V. movie, can a Charles Manson Christmas movie or a 'William Shatner sings the Christmas classics' music special be far behind?

All of this Phase One, Phase Two garbage is annoying, but ultimately ignorable, for the most part. However, there is one element of this family values-laced nostalgia rubbish that strikes terror in my heart...their grotesquely exaggerated, utterly bogus, version of 'mom' as some turbo charged Julia Child-class hash slinger. Given the fact that my mother was/is the most infamous culinary terrorist since Jeffrey Dahmer, I'm sure you can understand my attitude.

How bad was she? During my 'formative years' the state health officials imposed a 10 square mile quarantine around our house every time she unleashed one of her virtually indescribable casseroles. More alarming still, her latest attempt at a 'new recipe' sent up a toxic cloud so virulent that it caused a three-state wide evacuation and made the whole area unlivable for the next 15,000 years. Is it any wonder I get the screaming night sweats every time some family values moron starts babbling about 'one of mom's unforgettable home cooked meals'. Can anyone blame me for marrying a woman who hates to cook so much she'll do anything to avoid it?

It's enough to make you turn vegetarian, out of self defense. Let's be real...how can 'they' ruin crab grass and rice cakes. Mmmm. Rice cakes. No that's MY idea of culinary terrorism. I'm just sayin'.

Thanksgiving Musings

On behalf of the entire PIG staff, I want to wish all our PIGsters, each of whom we no bull crap consider part of our PIGish family, a very Happy Thanksgiving. We're sure that most of you will be spending the day with your friends and family, enjoying a sumptuous meal after which you'll grab a nap in the lazyboy while pretending to watch the football games. We'd tell you not to go back for that second piece of pie after gorging yourself on a third helping of turkey, but we doubt that you're in a mood for some PIGish advice, however well intentioned.

Some of you might wonder how we celebrate Thanksgiving in the top secret PIG bunker. I hate to disappoint you, but it's quite boring and annoyingly traditional. I tried to elevate the annual festivities, again, by suggesting that we stage a properly pagan holiday. Once again, these unimaginative trolls were very disagreeable about the whole subject.

What, I ask you, is so heinous about a pagan tradition from a bygone era, a virgin sacrifice? I 'get' the part about the Nanny State getting pissy about such things, and I freely admit that 'back in the day', my pagan homeboys got a tad carried away with the sacrifice part. I'm willing to forego all that murder, mayhem and bloodletting. Instead, I suggested that we lay the naked wench out and use her body as our appetizer tray. No harm, no foul, and it lends a spiffy pagan aura to the festivities.

The usual PIG staff whiners were down with the nudity part, but got very disagreeable about the 'virgin' requirement. "Do you know how hard it is to find an old enough to be street legal virgin?" Blah, blah, blah. I have an answer for that one too, the same answer you've heard from me elsewhere. I'm willing to downgrade from "virgin" to "virtual virgin". If the wench swears that "I only did it once, I swear, and I really, really hated it." That's close enough for this pagan scribbler. I'm willing to be flexible, but the pigheaded PIG staff won't even consider it.

Since those 'discussions' took place before election day, I might still have a shot at a pagan Thanksgiving. Yes, I lost out, again, in round one, this year, but here and there, I could see some of them starting to waver. For a variety of reasons, I am convinced that a last ditch, post election sales pitch can seal the deal. Why? The November 2012 election results has the entire PIGdom willing to seriously consider a ritual sacrifice to erase those painful memories. Stay tuned, PIGsters, Hambo has no yet begun to fight.

On a more appropriate note, I have a simple request that has nothing to do with virgins. When you sit down to that dinner and start giving your thanks for all the blessing this nation conceived in liberty bestows upon us, don't forget to thank those who are putting it all on the line defending our liberty. On the day of giving thanks, give thanks to those who are far from home, defending America.

If you see one of our men or women in uniform, take the time to shake their hand, and thank them from the bottom of your heart for their service to our country. Given the attitude on Capitol Hill, they're probably feeling unappreciated, so take the time to thank them.

In a perfect world, you'd set an extra place at your table and invite them to join you, but that's your decision, your call. All we ask, is that you remember our fighting men and women on this day of giving thanks.

Parting shot: The good news is that the turkey coma will wear off. The bad news is that you only have a tad over 30 days to get ready for Turkey Coma II, the sequel on Christmas Day.

Odds & Ends

When the Islamists are acting frightful
I've got an idea that's quite delightful
Send our nukes in to say "hello"
Make 'em glow
Make 'em glow
Make 'em glow

Military Planning, Pagan Style:
[Intended For Afghanistan, it's easily adaptable to Hamas (Gaza) or Hezbollah (Lebanon)]

The One seems to be looking for an end game, when it comes to the shooting war in Afghanistan. I have some ideas...some non-traditional ways to speed up the battle in Afghanistan:

Notion 1: Barry challenges Osama to a 'junk yard dog, Texas Chain match' a WWF-style cage match, winner takes all. No matter how this turns out, we win, especially if we kick it up to a 'death match', but we won't tell Barry until he's in the cage with Osama.

Notion 2: Agent Oink...yes, again. We use KC135 tankers to spray pig fat over all of Afghanistan. PIG would pioneer a campaign: eat your bacon every morning and save that pig fat...it's your patriotic duty. Even if this didn't 'get the job done', it's worth doing, because CAIR's hissy fit would be VERY entertaining.

Notion 3: PIG sponsors a 'preach-off' to settle this 'which side is god really on' question. The Mecca Maniacs can pick a dirty dozen of their top Allah spewers. We pick an equal number of fire-breathing evangelists (Hagee is a given for our side). It's made to order for pay-per-view. Can't you just see those 50-foot tall PIG banners?

Notion 4: Draft all the shysters and send them to Afghanistan to 'assist' the Taliban. If that doesn't make them suicidal, nothing will. At worst, all the shysters get offed. It's a win-win idea.

Notion 5: Round up all the gang bangers and send them to Kabul. Do we really care which side wins?

I'll give you a moment to bask in my awesomeness.

Done basking so soon? In that case here's another terrorism fighting idea for your edification.

How To Solve Two Pressing Problems:
This pagan has stumbled on a thrilling new tactic to find the terrorists living among us.

Fact: We have a wad of 'undocumented' melanin advantaged individuals among us, most of them Latino Clan.

Fact: Said individuals are way eager to be here legally.

Fact: We need help to find the terrorist scum that's wreaking havoc on Amerika

Given all that, I've brain stormed a solution. Any Colonista in our midst who identifies and turns in a Mecca Maniac clown who is here illegally gets elevated to 'guest worker' status. Any Colonista who identifies and turns in a Mecca Maniac terrorist gets a green card.

He Didn't Know The Half of It

In 1961 FCC Chairman said this about boob tube programming:

"When television is good, nothing — not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers — nothing is better.

But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite each of you to sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there, for a day, without a book, without a magazine, without a newspaper, without a profit and loss sheet or a rating book to distract you. Keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that what you will observe is a vast wasteland.

You will see a procession of game shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western bad men, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence, and cartoons. And endlessly commercials — many screaming, cajoling, and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you'll see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, I only ask you to try it."

If Minow called it a 'vast wasteland', then, I wonder what he'd call it now, in this Reality Television blighted era. I suspect that his response to gems like Jersey Shore, and Toddlers in Tiaras would be too salty for television.

This & That

During a network news break in the Mark Levin show, the MSM news reader spewed drivel about the FBI's investigation of the Petraeus sex scandal. After discussing the FBI raid on the home of the General's mistress, the news reader cited the Center for American Progress which is conferring kudos on the FBI for its diligence. Annoyed, I decided to verify the group's pedigree with a BING search.

The first search result was the Center for American Progress itself which served up this bit of deceptive labeling:

The Center for American Progress is an independent nonpartisan educational institute dedicated to improving the lives of Americans

The second result was Wikipedia which spilled the beans:

The Center for American Progress is a progressive liberal public policy research and advocacy organization.

I have 'issues' with Wikipedia, from time to time, but I think they nailed this one.

*

Speaking of Levin, I'm increasingly impressed with his ability to cut through the crap. I'm going to buy his book, 'Ameritopia: the unmaking of America.'

I like Levin, and I like his show...except when it comes to his callers. He has some of the most annoying callers on radio.

*

Why is the Petraeus sex scandal such a big f-ing deal? As far as I can tell, this Petraeus poop is a shiny object that is intended to bury the Benghazi Consulate debacle, which has Barry's fingerprints all over it.

The Obama Regime probably asked the General to lie about Benghazi. When he refused, they used this sex scandal to make him 'do the right thing'. When he resigned, instead, they punished him with this FBI snooping.

What A Bunch of Turkeys

PETA is at it again. This time out, they're painting a bull's-eye on the Thanksgiving turkey. Predictably, this notion is relentlessly twisted;

 

On Friday, the group announced it would be offering free tombstones emblazoned with the words: "Here Lies the Corpse of a Tortured Bird" for kids to place in the Thanksgiving turkey. PETA, which has a reputation for using sensationalist advertisements and commercials to convey its pro-animal stance, says kids who visit peta2.com/Tombstones and request a tombstone will get them in the mail for free.

All they have to do is tell PETA why they don't eat turkey.

"Kids love animals, and once they realize that turkeys feel pain and fear just as dogs and cats do, they want to switch out those drumsticks for Tofurky," PETA spokeswoman Marta Holmberg says on the organization's site. "This Thanksgiving, families can give turkeys something to be thankful for by choosing delicious vegan meals." (Sun News)

Tombstones for that holiday bird? What will they think of next?

Irreconcilable Differences

[In the wake of the 2012 election, there's talk of secession. Texas Fred's blog has at least two excellent rants about it. (You can read them here: Texas Fred )

At least one denizen of Louisiana has petitioned Barry to 'let my state go its own way'.

It's a hot topic at Teaparty.org.

With that in mind, I decided to repost this goodie.]

If America's political system is like a marriage, we seem headed for a bitterly contested divorce. The two sides only share one thing, an unrelenting hostility for each other. For the purposes of this rant, I'll call these warring parties Obamunists and Sovereign Individuals.

To show how far apart the two sides have drifted, here are a few bones of contention:

Item 1:
Sovereign Individuals believe that the primary purpose of government is to create an environment which maximizes individual liberty. Sovereign individuals call this 'an equality of opportunity'.

Obamunists believe that the primary purpose of government is to impose an equality of results through the coercive power of the Nanny State.

Item 2:
Sovereign Individuals believe in the U.S. Constitution, as the Founding Fathers intended it: a document which sets strict, non-negotiable limits on the Nanny State, by clearly delineating the government's limited powers.

Obamunists view the U.S. Constitution as an archaic relic of America's ignoble, white racist past which needs to be abolished, to unleash the full, coercive power of the Nanny State.

Item 3:
Sovereign Individuals, as their name implies, believe that the basic unit of American political life is the individual. America is/was created to maximize INDIVIDUAL liberty. Under this philosophy, all individuals are, in the eyes of the government, created equal.

Obamunists believe that the basic unit of American political life is the group. Under their scheme, the Nanny State pigeonholes Americans using immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices. Under this Orwellian scheme, some - depending on how the Nanny State ranks a given group - are more equal than others.

Item 4:
Sovereign Individuals believe that wealth is dynamic and is only limited by the intelligence and hard work put in by sovereign individuals who strive to maximize their potential.

Obamunists believe that wealth is a static commodity which must be controlled, redistributed, by the Nanny State.

Item 5:
Sovereign Individuals believe that each individual is, must be, accountable for his, her, hisher, or its own actions.

Obamunists are convinced that dark forces - racists, capitalist, sexists, homophobes - are constantly conspiring against them.

Item 6:
Sovereign Individuals believe that they, and they alone, are the best, the only, ones who have the right, the power, to decide how to conduct their own life and dispense with their own property.

Obamunists know how pathetic they are and have convinced themselves that they're too stupid, too inept to conduct their own life. Since misery loves company, they insist that the Nanny State run everyone's life, including those smartass Sovereign Individuals.

I could continue, but you get the idea.

The good news is that, if Sovereign Individuals prevail, the worst that will happen is that Obamunists will lose their bogus, group-specific, rights and will be forced to fend for themselves as GASP individuals.

The bad news is that Obamunists greatly outnumber the Sovereign Individual and are using Nanny State coercion to, systematically, strip Sovereign Individuals of their inalienable individual liberty birthright.

This Sovereign Individual thinks it's time for a political divorce, a nasty process which must, necessarily, divide the community property - America. Sovereign Individuals would move to their portion of America and restore the kind of government, the bastion of individual liberty, that the Founding Fathers created. The Obamunists would be free to devour each other, when they discover that all the achievers live in the Sovereign Individual part of America.

Musings

As far as I can tell, the difference between the two dominant political clans is as follows:

The Demoncrats stand for all the WRONG things...including Socialism/Marxism, class warfare and victimism.

The Republitards are so pathetically desperate to be liked that they don't stand for anything.

When it comes to the distinctions between 'conservatives' and the hard core lefties, one of my muses, Ayn Rand, nailed it with this timeless wisdom:

Politics is based on three other philosophical disciplines: metaphysics, epistemology and ethics—on a theory of man's nature and of man's relationship to existence. It is only on such a base that one can formulate a consistent political theory and achieve it in practice. When, however, men attempt to rush into politics without such a base, the result is that embarrassing conglomeration of impotence, futility, inconsistency and superficiality which is loosely designated today as "conservatism." . . .

Today's culture is dominated by the philosophy of mysticism (irrationalism) — altruism — collectivism, the base from which only statism can be derived; the statists (of any brand: communist, fascist or welfare) are merely cashing in on it—while the "conservatives" are scurrying to ride on the enemy's premises and, somehow, to achieve political freedom by stealth. It can't be done.
'The Objectivist Newsletter', January 1962 (Emphasis added)

The two political clans don't give sovereign individuals a rational choice. Whether you support the Donkey Clan's Marxist zealots or side with the Elephant Clan's political expediency-obsessed whores, your liberty is doomed.

****

Why did so many people punch a chad for Barry?

Did you really expect critical thinking from government schooled idiots with self-esteem?

It's a simple matter of 'drink the Kool-Aid and he'll give you free stuff'.

****

I predict that Barry will sucker Blubbering John (House Speaker Boehner) into supporting all of his 'if you hated DeathCare, wait until you see this' legislative horrors.

Desperate to be loved, the Republitards will be Barry's lap dogs.

When it all turns to shit, and it will, Barry will pin ALL the blame on the Republitards.

****
Ultimately, I am faced with 2 questions:

Q 1: Is there any level of Obamunist perpetrated suckage that will rouse a Kool-Aid swilling Obama Zombie from its trance, and make them admit 'this sucks'?

A 1: Perhaps, but don't count on it.

Q 2: If the suckage does register with an Obama Zombie, is there any deeper level of suckage that would compel them to blame their Marxist Messiah?

A 2: So far, the answer is 'nope'.

****

Mindful that Sunday is Veterans Day, I'm compelled to issue an apology to our warriors, past and present.

While you were/are going in harm's way, defending our freedom, We the People didn't mount a vigorous defense of the home front against the enemy in our midst.

From the bottom of my heart I no Hambo crap apologize for allowing this once great nation to sink so low that it is no longer worthy of your sacrifice.

Random Post-Election Impressions

I never managed to convince myself that Mitt could beat Chicago's elephant-eared Marxist, for several reasons:

Hannity predicted victory and, as usual, he got it wrong.

Dick Morris predicted a Mitt victory and, as usual, he got it wrong.

Karl Rove joined the Mitt chorus and he too got it wrong.

Elder got it wrong.

The only one who had it right was Roger Hedgecock. Go figure.

I look forward, with unabashed glee, to the day when that Chicago bastard shuts down the MSM, every last one of them, then perpetrates an official federal news outlet to replace them.

The Republican Party is no longer a viable force at the national (presidential) level.

The only way to beat the Demoncrats is to sink to their level. Mitt was too mild, McCain was too big a pussy. Jeb Bush (designated pachyderm loser in 2016) is more of the same lame shit.

The only viable (can beat the MSM-lefty machine) candidate must be an utter and complete asshole. We need a real rat bastard son-of-a-bitch who is likely to beat the snot out of any MSM scumbag who crosses him. I want the meanest mother f-er on this planet, the kind of asshole who would storm into Richard Trumka's office and punch his lights out, just for the hell of it. I want a candidate who hasn't got a 'nice guy' bone in his body, because, if he can intimidate the lefties, he'll scare the shit out of our enemies.

How utterly f**ked up is our election system when even the U.N. observers criticize our refusal to demand that voters produce a valid I.D.?

In a perfect world, some little old lady would walk up to Tingles (Chris Matthews) and kick him in the balls.

Promonted From Golden Oinks Because It Pisses Me Off

Thanks to the twisted twerps in positions of authority at Evergreen State College (state of Washington), a middle aged pervert (it is 45 years old) is allowed free access to a women's locker room. He CLAIMS to be transgender, a whopper he bolsters by calling himself Colleen Francis, and that's his free pass to flasher heaven.

Normally, I'd deem this bullshit no harm, no foul, since it involves college age women. BUT, the locker room is also used by wenchlets from nearby Olympia High School. Furthermore, it's used by the wenchlets from a local swimming club whose members can be as young as six years old.

This perverted asshole can't be told to GTFO, due to a steaming load of Ivory Tower Korrectness called a 'non discrimination policy'. The pervert could be asked to cover up the family jewels, but I seriously doubt that this pimple on humanity's butt would comply.

After a female swim coach threw the bastard out, she was forced to apologize, but this sick piece of shit wasn't in a forgiving mood:

Francis told KIRO-TV that he was born a man but chose to live as a woman in 2009. Francis said he felt discriminated against after he was told told leave.

"This is not 1959 Alabama," Francis told the television station. "We don't call police for drinking from the wrong water fountain." (Fox News)

Since nobody wants to put a stop to this sanctioned flashing, maybe it's time for some wenchlet's big brother to have a man to sick son-of-a-bitch chat. I envision big brother bestowing this kind of enlightenment: if you flash your junk at my sister, ever again, you won't need to wait for your sex change, because I'll rip them off.

I 'get' the transgender shit and I don't have any problems with it. I DO have problems with a 45 year old BIOLOGICAL male who sees nothing wrong with waving his dick and balls in the face of a six year old girl. Maybe the reason Colleen wants to be a woman is the sad fact that HE doesn't know the first thing about being a MAN.

Odds & Ends

* This was inspired by a boom box news break:

It's not news when a woman bails a man out of jail.

It's almost news when the man thanks her by robbing her.

It jumps to 'stop the presses' when it happens in Surprise, Arizona.

* More than I wanted to know:

[It happened early - about 6:30 a.m. - while I was plying my trade at Wonderland. That's when I got a frantic phone call from Wonderland's Designated Rational Adult.]

DRA: "I'm so glad you're there. I need you to do me a favor."

Me: "That depends on the favor. If it involves being groped by airport security, count me out."

DRA: "THIS IS URGENT."

Me: "No doubt. What is it?"

DRA: "Go into my office and I'll tell you."

Me: "I'll put you on hold."

Me: "Okay, I'm at your desk, what's the fuss?"

DRA: "Is Instant Messenger activated?"

Me: "Yes."

DRA: "Are there any messages on screen?"

Me: "Just one, but it's...Great Balls of Fire...never mind. I'll shut down the program."

DRA: (Laughs nervously) "Uh...Thanks. I owe you."

Me: "You certainly do, because it's going to take something a lot stronger than coffee to make me forget...THAT."

DRA: "Do we need to discuss it?"

Me: "Nope. It never happened."

DRA: (Airs another nervous laugh) "Would I be pressing my luck to have you check my e-mail?"

Me: "Probably, but, after that thrill ride, I'm shock proof."

DRA: "Now I'm really curious about what you just saw."

Me: "Get over it. Like Sgt. Schultz, 'I saw NOTH-ING'."

DRA: "My e-mail..."

Me: "Right."

[What did I see? No comment, but she's now Designated Kinky Rational Adult.]

PIGish Halloween Advice
No Halloween would be complete without the requisite sage words of advice. Spike The Wonder Tyke swears that this 'read them their rights' stuff is a law or something. We learned, long ago, that it's better to play along with him on this stuff.

PIGish words of wisdom that will help you survive Halloween

If you expect to survive Halloween, these PIGish rules of engagement must be memorized.

DON'T dress up as a Catholic Priest, if you're assigned to candy wrangling duty on Halloween Night.

DON'T eat the candy corn. It's vile stuff that predates the primordial ooze, which spawned the first self-perpetuating organism.

DON'T let yourself be tempted by that foxy thisclose to street legal wenchlet in the skimpy outfit. She's jailbait and thus off limits, she's young enough to be your granddaughter Sparky.

DON'T be afraid of the crazy guy who jumps out and scares you, PIGlets. Spike swears that he's got the best candy in the neighborhood.

DON'T let the paranoid ravings of caterwauling cretins spoil one of the great, kid-friendly days of the whole year.

DON'T forget to take some kind of light with you, PIGlets, to make it easy for drivers to see you.

DON'T forget to have a PIGishly good time, PIGsters and PIGlets, because Halloween is the best damn day of the entire year..

Here in the Free State of PIG, we dare to tell the nay-sayers who vilify Halloween for a host of asinine reasons to get over themselves. We're willing to admit that we like Halloween. We like it, because, despite its overly commercial trappings, Halloween is about much more than boatloads of candy, plastic witches, and glowering pumpkins.

At its core, Halloween is about kids and the enjoyment they get from dressing up as their favorite character. It's a day when children let their imaginations run free, something that's much too rare in this first decade of the 21st century. Finally, we like Halloween because, for now, it hasn't been destroyed by the all-powerful Nanny State.

From the bottoms of our PIGish hearts, everyone here in the Free State of PIG wishes each and every one of you a very Happy Halloween, PIGsters.

I Feel Like CLOCKING Somebody!

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I hated it last year. I hated it the years that preceded it. But, I REALLY hate it now, after those motherless rat bastards royally shafted me with it.

I know that we're still a week away from the appointed 'Fall back' date, November 4. I know it. You know it. We all know it. Unhappily, some of my clocks don't know it.

Back in the day, I would call time on those fateful 'Spring forward', 'Fall back' days then change all my clocks, manually, to match the new DST setting accordingly. It was a pain. It was asinine. It was, as far as my life is concerned, just one more annoyance that 'the man' inflicted just to bug me (It's very similar to baseball's infield fly rule, that way). The upshot is that I hated it, but I managed to muddle through without stressing myself out.

Eventually, technology rode to my rescue when I started replacing the old, low tech clocks with digital clocks that kept track of those devilish Daylight Savings Time details: they changed themselves, automagically (I know that automagically isn't a real word, nitpicker Sparky, but it works in this context.) By 2006 my clock resetting duty was limited to my lovely bride's digital watch, a duty I performed willingly, without any profane Hambo pleasantries.

I still hated this Daylight Savings Time crap, but the disruption it caused seemed to be minimized, until, those Elected Tormentor bastards screwed everything up. Their tinkering means that my automagically adjusting clocks are doing their thing on the WRONG DAYS. One clock was so stressed out by this change, it had a complete nervous breakdown. In fact, it became so depressed it committed suicide. We tried all the extreme lifesaving measures, but it was gone. GONE, and it was so YOUNG!

I could go out and buy a new set of automagically adjustable clocks, but that's probably what THEY want. I think that Big TIME - that damn clock-making capitalist cartel- bribed the Elected Tormentors to play these Daylight Savings Time games so they could make a killing on clock sales. They're going to sit back, sell a boatload of clocks with the new DST settings, then, after their clock sales peak, they'll bribe the Elected Tormentors to change it back again.

That's right, PIGsters, I'm coming right out with it. Daylight Savings Time is a dastardly capitalist plot. Point the bastards out to me and I'll give them a CLOCKING they'll never forget.

PIGish Halloween Advice

On Halloween, pay special attention to 'The Lessons We Learned From Horror Films'

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. It isn't.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of a group of people, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and leave NOW!!

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing. Even then, don't do it.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of a female. Even though you may be faster than the monster, you can be sure that it WILL catch you.

If your friends suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Meskatonic University, Camp Crystal Lake, Haddonfield, Illinois, one gas station desert towns or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, or band saws. This is especially true if they are wearing a hockey mask or one made of human skin.

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't...

1. So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!

Enlightenment

Still trying to recover from the major earthquake which leveled L'Aquila (Italy) in 2009, the survivors of the quake - many of them family, friends, and/or neighbors of the 300 (minimum) people killed - got their revenge, this week. The cheered as an Italian court convicted 6 Italian scientists and a government official of manslaughter, sending them to a Graybar Hotel for the next six years.

I wonder if they'll still be cheering this injustice, when the next quake is detected, or just suspected, and NO FUCKING SCIENTIST will even admit that he, she, heshe, or it knows about it?

If L'Aquila survivors wanted to stop ALL scientific inquiry in Italy, they can hang out the Mission Accomplished banner.

Two scientists resigned their posts with the government's disaster preparedness agency Tuesday after a court in L'Aquila sentenced six scientists and a government official to six years in prison. The court ruled Monday that the scientists failed to accurately communicate the risk of the 2009 quake, which killed more than 300 people.

Luciano Maiani, the physicist who led the National Commission for the Prediction and Prevention of Major Risks, resigned in protest of the verdict Tuesday afternoon, Italy's Civil Protection Agency announced.

"The situation created by the sentencing yesterday on the facts from L'Aquila is incompatible with a clear and effective performance of the functions of the commission and its role as a consulting bodies for the state," Maiani said in a statement released by the agency.

In addition, Mauro Dolce quit as director of the office that monitors volcano and earthquake threats, the agency said. Dolce will be given another post, it said.

Seismologists were aghast at the court's decision, noting that earthquakes remain impossible to forecast with any kind of accuracy.

"To predict a large quake on the basis of a relatively commonplace sequence of small earthquakes and to advise the local population to flee" would constitute "both bad science and bad public policy," said David Oglesby, an associate professor in the Earth sciences faculty of the University of California, Riverside.

"If scientists can be held personally and legally responsible for situations where predictions don't pan out, then it will be very hard to find scientists to stick their necks out in the future," Oglesby said in a statement. (CNN)

L'Aquila is headed for a reality check: when you punish/penalize something - Science in this case - you get less of it. Humanity tried that a few centuries back in a cheerful era of human history we call the Dark Ages.

Grow Up Cupcake

Who is this biscuit? Her name is Mandy Caruso, and she's a 23-year-old fashion designer who decided to go to New York Comic Con dressed as the super heroine Black Cat. Dressed in a skin-tight leather outfit, she garnered a lot of attention from the comic book, fantasy and SciFi fans. She was not, however, prepared for the hyper hormonal 'hey baby' response her outfit engendered.

Miss Caruso said she was 'not surprised' when some men began asking to pose for pictures when her when she showed up in her revealing costume.

Several of them, she said made 'WOAH LOOK AT THOSE KNOCKERS' faces as they stood with her.

However, later she was approached by a camera crew led by a overweight, middle-aged man, who said he was making a video about fans at Comic Con.

His by his questions, though, he didn't seem interested in the Marvel comic book super heroine she was portraying.

'Well let me ask you an important question then…what is your cup size?' the man asked.

Ms Caruso responded: 'That is actually none of your f****** business.'

When the interviewer, who Miss Caruso refused to name, refused to stop talking about her breasts, she simply turned and walked away. (Daily Mail)

 

She calls it sexual harassment. I call it Basement Boy's night out. She's in a gathering where terminally horny Basement Boys abound. Excluding mom, you're the first real women most of them have encountered since the last Comic Con. Cut the lads some slack, hot stuff.

Hambo's Warts & All Halloween Primer

Holiday: Halloween

What it is:

When the leaves change colors and there's a healthy autumn nip in the air, kids of all ages escape from reality one day a year. They dress up in costumes as someone/something they're not, visit haunted houses, watch slasher movies, and come to your front door with open bags, Trick or Treating, i.e. extorting candy and/or other edible goodies from you.

Halloween is/should be a day of harmless fun in which the little monsters pretend to be real monsters, or queens, witches, angels, vampires, superheroes, clowns, hobgoblins, trolls, ghosts, and even evil politicians.

It's innocent enough or it should be. Halloween is also the time of year when the usual whining Halloweenies get dressed in Girlie Man costumes then creep out of the woodwork.

Who perpetrated it:

Halloween started out as an ancient Celtic festival, Samhain, a day which marked the end of the 'lighter half' of the year and the beginning of the 'darker half' of the year. Since it's a significant moment on the Celtic calendar, it's also known as the Celtic New Year.

Many of our Halloween traditions can be traced back to Samhain, including the wearing of costumes. Believing the barrier between the afterlife and this world was especially thin on Samhain, the Celts welcomed the spirits of dearly departed family members, but warded off harmful spirits, by wearing scary costumes. The use of skeletons on Halloween also traces back to Samhain, since families would deploy them on their window sill to make friendly spirits feel welcome. Other elements, like the term Jack-O-Lantern (originating in Ireland), and the carved pumpkin (an American contribution), were added later.

The exchanging/sharing of food dates back to several of the pagan variants of this festive Fall occasion.

The most pernicious canard about Halloween is that pagans, Satanists, and Wiccans stole it from the Cross Cult. It's a popular whopper that, deliberately, abuses historical fact. The fact that Halloween - formerly All Hallows Even - occurs on the eve of the Cross Cult's All Saints Day is, as you might suspect, no accident, but the perpetrators aren't pagans. The perpetrators are Vatican players - Pope Gregory III and Pope Gregory IV - who deliberately tried to co-op this pagan festival by moving All Saints Day from May 13 to November 1. By the mid 800s A.D., the deed was done, and the assault on Halloween was going full speed ahead.

Wiccans and other, Johnny Come Lately, asshats have, belatedly, tried to horn in and do some holiday co-opting of their own, with mixed results. They're free to do whatever thrills them spitless, but the fact remains that Halloween doesn't belong to them. They didn't invent it. They don't own it. They need to STFU.

Who gets heartburn from it:

The list is long, and continues to get longer each year.

Many Cross Cultists, and Other Holy Rollers: They're convinced that Halloween is Satanic, demonic, and spreads a vile form of supernaturalism by luring unsuspecting tykes to the dark side with candy and other tasty treats.

Melanin-Enriched Noose Abuse Nitwits: For the past few years, the Melanin-Enriched were the most cacophonous caterwaulers in the 'Halloween is E-VIL' chorus. The focus of their rage is the noose used to hang a dummy in front of your 'haunted' house. It's RACIST they insist and therefore qualifies as 'hate speech'.

Wiccans: Every Halloween, tree kissers interrupt their howling at the moon to complain that seeing Moonbeam packing a broom, wearing her witch's garb and sporting a hooked nose gives them a boo-boo. It's 'demeaning' and qualifies - in their fevered brains as "hate speech".

Trans-fat obsessed Fat Nazis: The Fat Nazis are nearly catatonic over the fact that one night a year, every tyke from sea to shining sea gets gorged on free candy and sweets.

Child Advocates: On the one night that really is 'for the children', these child advocate bed wetters insist that mom and dad keep the tykes home. Why? They worry that the scary - fright night - aspects of Halloween might scar Little Johnny and Moonbeam for life. It's an unacceptable, unnecessary, assault on their fragile psyches.

Prudes, Decency Dimwits, and NO-NADS: These anal retentive retards complain that the costumes worn by Moonbeam and her wenchlet pals are egregiously skimpy and make them look like brazen hussies.

Marxists: These commie scumbags blubber that Halloween is just another excuse for dastardly capitalists to pick the pockets of unsuspecting consumers.

Tykes: The only ones who SHOULD get heartburn from Halloween are Little Johnny and Moonbeam, who 'don't feel so good' after they enjoy too much of that Halloween candy.

Some inconvenient truths about it:

The most pernicious canard about Halloween is that pagans, Satanists, and Wiccans stole it from the Cross Cult. It's a popular whopper that, deliberately, abuses historical fact. The fact that Halloween - formerly All Hallows Even - occurs on the eve of the Cross Cult's All Saints Day is, as you might suspect, no accident, but the perpetrators aren't pagans. The perpetrators are Vatican players - Pope Gregory III and Pope Gregory IV - who deliberately tried to co-op this pagan festival by moving All Saints Day from May 13 to November 1. By the mid 800s A.D., the deed was done, and the assault on Halloween was going full speed ahead.

Wiccans and other, Johnny Come Lately, asshats have, belatedly, tried to horn in and do some holiday co-opting of their own, with mixed results. They're free to do whatever thrills them spitless, but the fact remains that Halloween isn't about them, either.

Eventually, Moonbeam will reach 'that' age when her costume shows more of her dimpled charm than mom and dad can handle. Tarting it up is a phase wenchlets go through, so don't sweat it. It doesn't mean she's gonna be another Skank Hilton class bimbo.

The candy won't kill them, unless it's the stuff they got from someone like this:

If there's a dark underbelly to Halloween it's all about human nature, not demonic influences. It works this way: Painfully aware that daughter Moonbeam's sudden burning need for an iPod traces back to the fact that Moonbeam's best friend Susie just got one from her indulgent mommy, Moonbeam's mom plots her revenge. When little Susie shows up dressed as the Princess in some kid flick, Moonbeam's mom reaches for that special Susie treat, a 10,000 calorie candy bar that will put Susie's cholesterol into orbit, and give her a sugar high that will make her hyperactive for the next three weeks. It's not a perfect revenge, but it's damn close. Susie will survive, unscathed; the jury is still out on her mom's fate.

Once again, don't sweat it, mom and dad. Don't forget, next year it's your turn for payback, so start planning that extra special goodie for that magic moment when that 10,000 calorie treat mom's little darling shows up, next Halloween.

Attention true believers! There isn't any 'hidden', 'Satanic', meaning lurking on the dark underbelly of Halloween. In 21st Century America, Halloween is a night when tykes dress up in a costume and visit the neighbors in search of edible goodies, period. If that's 'Satanic' then you're the one with a serious problem. I'm just sayin.

Hambo's Take:

Halloween is my favorite day of the year for a number of reasons. First and foremost it's a day when kids are allowed to unleash their imaginations, something that is increasingly, deplorably rare in these Nanny State plagued times. Halloween is about fun. It's a day when rational adults get to experience unmitigated tyke excitement, joy and laughter. It's all that and more. It would be nice if once, just once, all the whiners, hand-wringers and other killjoys would shut the hell up and let kids have some harmless 'lets pretend' fun.

Why I Don't Tune In For The Debates

Somebody asked me why someone who writes about politics as much as I do didn't watch the political debate between Obama and Romney. Why indeed.

I knew that long before Barry 'ummed' his way through his first batch of whoppers - uh, finished answering his first question, I'd have Old Betsy and Big Bang locked and loaded.

Why don't I listen to/watch these debates? Here's why:

Fact: I HATE the SOUND of Messiah Barry's voice. Unlike his Obamatons, I DON'T want to hear anything he has to say. Excluding a miracle of Biblical proportions which had him call a press conference to admit that he's quitting, immediately, because he's egregiously unqualified to be POTUS, there's nothing Messiah Barry could say that I want to hear. He's not talking to ME, and I'm doing my best not to listen to him. The key phrase is 'doing my best'.

Fact: It's virtually impossible to turn on the radio or watch the boob tube without some breaking news spewing asshole playing a recording of the Marxist bastard's voice. They don't do it once, or twice, or three times. They do it again, and again, and again, and again, all day long. Worst still, if you're listening to a VRWC talk show, they play their own Messiah Barry blather. ENOUGH ALREADY.

Fact: It's so bad, I'm compelled to shut off the radio, switch off the boob tube, and play my music collection while I'm taking care of Hambo business. Why? Because I can't tolerate this endless Messiah Barry blather assault on my ears, on my sanity. I end up screaming at my radio and scaring the piss out of everyone around me. Holy Hampage, Batman!

That brings me to my simple request. Admittedly, I would prefer that Messiah Barry just STFU, permanently. I should live so long. If that's off the table, I'd go for one day a week, when Messiah Barry took off his Media Slut hat, then sat in his new office to DO THE JOB THE BRAIN DEAD ASSHOLES ELECTED HIM TO DO. That, too, seems beyond his meager capabilities. Hell, I'd settle for a tragic case of POTUS lockjaw or laryngitis. Dream on, Hambo.

Since I can't count on Messiah Barry doing the right thing, I need to seek a little help from one of my VRWC boom box host friends. Would it kill them to set aside at least one hour of their show, each week, of Barry-free bliss? No Barry blather...no Barry talk...no Barry-related reports...is that too much to ask? Probably, but I'm asking it anyway. I'm talking to you, El Rushbo...I'm talking to you, Laura...I'm talking to you Neal...I'm especially talking to you, Warrior Princess Monica. I'm talking to all of them. It's one simple request that will make me your most devoted fan, your most relentless promoter. Make no mistake, I'm not the ONLY one...I'm just one of the noisier ones who have had their fill of THAT Marxist Messiah's damn voice.

Give me a break! Give me a break from the most loathsome sound in the universe. Give me a break from Messiah Barry's voice.

Parting shot: As much as W got on my last raw nerve with his antics, he had one redeeming virtue. He would go days, weeks, at a time without making a public utterance while the cameras and recorders were running. Frequently, what he said bugged the crap out of me, BUT, he gave me weeks to get over it, before he launched me again. I'm starting to get nostalgic about that aspect of W's character as 'the good old days, when I could hear myself think'.

Fruitcake

A blogger spewed this hissy fit:

You Stay Classy, Chick-fil-A: "Only a Fruitcake Wouldn't Love Our Party Trays!"

It looks like someone over at Chick-fil-A is either completely naive about the double-meaning of the term "fruitcake," or Chick-fil-A is back to trolling the gays as part of its marketing strategy. An Atlanta-based Chick-fil-A is now proclaiming "Only a fruitcake wouldn't love our party trays!"

To be fair, though, as Simon Doonan has taught us, the gays would indeed probably steer clear of a party tray like this

His meltdown was triggered by this:

I have a hot flash for this fool who spouted drivel about Chick-fil-A being naive about the double meaning of 'fruitcake'. Let's look into that, shall we:

Definition from Dictionary.com
fruitcake, n.
1. a rich cake containing dried or candied fruit, nuts, etc.
2. Slang . a crazy or eccentric person; nut.

Definition from WordPerfect's embedded dictionary (Oxford University Press)
fruitcake, n.
1. A cake containing dried fruits and nuts.
2. Informal an eccentric or mad person

What that Chick-fil-A ad is saying is this: anyone who doesn't love our party trays has to be nuts!

Are we on the same page now, shocked and dismayed Sparky?

Who Won The 'Debate'?

I wouldn't call Thursday night's debacle a 'debate'. It looked like a mugging, to me. While that pathetic excuse for a moderator held Paul Ryan down, Jabbering Joe Jackass flailed away at Ryan.

Admittedly, Joe's condescending verbal barrage was largely ineffectual, but it didn't really matter, since he was going for 'style' points.

Joe's assigned task was simple:

First, he needed to make the Obamunists forget about Barry's horrendous performance in the first debate. He accomplished his mission.

Second, he needed to evict the Libyan disaster - and the Obama Regime's utter failure when faced with a threat - from the news cycle. He accomplished this too, by making himself the top story for the next few days.

Joe Biden didn't 'win' a debate.

Joe Biden did, however, do what he was sent out to do.

If there was a loser, Thursday night, it's We the People.

Halloween's Eager Beavers

For most adults, Halloween is about throwing a mild scare into the tykes who knock on your door, then getting them to forgive you with a candy bribe. Many adults channel their inner tyke and squeeze into a costume of their own. There's no harm in that, but here and there, some alleged adults got carried away with this Halloween spirit.

Certain relentlessly eager beavers jumped headlong into the Halloween spirit, way, way, WAY ahead of schedule. Here are my picks for the most memorable, Halloween Spirit run amok moments of 2012:

* From sea to shining sea Michelle Obama's Food Nazi antics turned school lunchrooms into an unrelenting horror that strikes terror in the hearts of the most dedicated splatter movie loving young 'un.

* An unholy demon when driving, LiLo turns highways and byways into a scream-inducing demolition derby.

* In 2012 every night is fright night, for TSA's gate goons who spent quality time terrorizing rugrat aged kids with an obscenely intrusive groping of the terrified tykes.

* The blood curdling, inhuman, howls emitted by its Moonbat hosts, makes every day of the year, a fright fest at MSNBC.

* Rational adults from coast to coast still wonder why Harry Reid never takes off that grotesque Halloween Mask. Holy Crypt Keeper, Batman!

* The deliberately misnamed 'Arab Spring', has produced very bitter Jihadikaze fruit, ushering in a changing of the season with Arab Winter

* Messiah Barry has embodied Halloween's frightening spirit, from day one, with an unrelenting tidal wave of terrifying incompetence.

* Judges at a Halloween costume contest took one look at the Southern end of a North bound Michelle Obama and awarded her first prize for her Hippopotamus costume. Her frightfully salty 'acceptance' speech was much too earthy for an allegedly family friendly endeavor like PIG.

* The likelihood of a second American Civil War became frightfully real, in the final months of 2012.

* A Messiah Barry victory has such horror-inducing implications that rational American adults view the Mayan Doomsday as an eagerly anticipated 'treat'.

* The most terrifying apparition of 2012 is the blood curdling sight of Messiah Barry's most relentless stalker, Chris 'The Tingler' Matthews, IN HEAT. Holy pass the eye bleach, Batman!

There are more, but I'll save them for another posting.

Enlightenment

I got this e-mail from my brother:

While I was gone this afternoon Ava (#2 cat) came in the door with a full grown chipmunk clamped firmly in her jaws. She went up to MA and dropped it at her feet. The only problem was the chipmunk wasn't dead or even hurt. As soon as it hit the ground it was off.....up the drapes.....onto the mantle.....over a chair.....under the tables and TV.....and finally avoiding the broom out the door. When MA was telling me about this I was doing my best not to laugh, but finally I couldn't contain myself any longer. I got a dirty look, then she joined in laughing with me. Video would have been a winner.

I went thru a similar escapade a year or so ago when she brought in a small squirrel.

Deeply troubled by the implications, I spread my special brand of joy with this reply:

I have VERY bad news about AVA.

Obviously, the feline in question is a bleeding heart LIBERAL.

How do I know?

She doesn't believe in the death penalty.

Just thought you ought to know.

Hambo's Annual Columbus Day Rant Part II

PIG Dares to Re-Write History:
What the New World would look like if Columbus had discovered, and claimed, it for Italy, not Spain. What changes might we expect to see? As usual, we came up with a few ideas:

The most obvious change is that everyone south of the Rio Grande who now speaks Spanish would be babbling away in Italian.

Every nation in Central and South America changes regimes every 20 minutes.

There would be a lot of reminiscing about the good old days when the Mayans, Aztecs and Incas kicked butt, staged human sacrifices and made everyone afraid to piss them off.

In Mexico, the Virgin of Guadalupe would be sporting cleavage and look suspiciously like Sophia Loren.

Instead of soccer and siestas, the national pastime would be the International 'Ciao Bella', Butt-Pinching Championship.

The food imported over the American border would be a major step up from refried beans, tacos and all that crap.

Granted, it would be chaotic, the highways would be egregiously dangerous, the governments would make a house of cards seem like icons of stability. On the other hand, the food would be cool, and the language spoken more harmonious to the untrained American ear. All things considered, this is an improvement.

Having maligned the Italians sufficiently, we moved on to other targets of opportunity. We briefly, wondered what would happen if a Polish Prince blundered into the New World and claimed these continents for the greater glory of Poland. A PIG staffer whose lineage traces back to Poland laughed, then opined: "Nothing would change, because the poor bastard would never find his way home again to share the glorious news."

We know what happened when the French decided to spend some quality time in Mexico, so we'll skip them and their snooty attitude. The Scandanavians had their shot for glory when the Vikings arrived 500 years ahead of that I-talian fella and they muffed it, so we'll skip them too.

Instead, we'll move on to the Germans who, despite a persistent problem when it comes to getting along with their neighbors, have some redeeming qualities.

Their most compelling contribution to the New World would be a festival devoted to brewskies: Oktoberfest.

Their least compelling contribution to the New World would be their cuisine, which is, in my opinion, several steps down from traditional Latin American eats.

The language issue is, at best, a mixed bag. I prefer the sound of German to Spanish, but it doesn't hold a candle to Italian.

Mexico's Virgin of Guadalupe would, in this case, be a slinky stunner who bears an uncanny resemblance to Claudia Schiffer.

After weighing the German option, we decided that it has its moments - Claudia Schiffer and Oktoberfest - but we still prefer the Italian variant with its compelling chaos and superior eats. All things considered an Italian Central and South America sounds spiffy. History needs a rewind function.

After I ran those alternative discovery notions up the flagpole, our legendary leader Porcus O'Publisher. He wanted to add his Irish homeboys to the list and, after thinking it over, we agreed.

My first order of business was to ask him about the likelihood that Paddy The Navigator could find his way home again after blundering into the New World. I pointed out that the ensuing celebration - and the drinking that it would entail - might make that return trip an insurmountable challenge. He gave me one of those "are you really that dumb" looks, then cast a few aspersions on my ancestry. A tad indignant, Porcus assured me that Paddy The Navigator, like every other gassed to the gills Irishman, is a veritable homing pigeon when it comes to finding his way home, no matter how much booze he's ingested.

His first point was that an 'Irish' New World would be chaotic. He stated "We would be too damn drunk to maintain and outhouse, much less a full fledged nation." (I suspect that Porcus' affinity for chaos stems from the fact that he's part Italian.)

His next contention is that the New World's Elected Tormentors would be "corrupt (mandatory) or impeached".

He did think that a New World edition of the IRA would make a spiffy counter-terrorism outfit.

He also opined that a likely motto for a New World nation would be "FEWDS: Fight. Eat. Work. Drink. Screw."

In this incarnation, the Virgin of Guadalupe would be a dark haired, dark-eyed wench holding a large adult beverage in one hand and a shamrock in the other.

We're compelled to admit that an Irish-dominated New World would have its moments - chaos and a nonstop party - but we're not sold on this option. As usual, when it comes to those fickle PIG Staff preferences, the deal breaker is 'food' which, as far as I can tell, is far from memorable when it comes to Irish eats.

For those keeping score our 'optional' New World discovery standings are 1) Italians, 2) Irish, 3) Germans. Everybody else was disqualified.

Hambo's Annual Columbus Day Rant Part I

Holiday: Columbus Day

What it is:
Columbus Day is the moment on America's calendar when whiner groups from sea to shining sea and assorted other places castigate Italy's favorite sailor by exaggerating the things he did and pinning the blame on him for things that happened long after he departed center stage. It's Columbus Day and Italians, along with many Italian Wannabes and Italians-For-a-Day, celebrate a larger than life Columbus because - and they probably won't admit it - Columbus (along with a map making Italian named Amerigo Vespucci) gave Italy the first thing to brag about since the Roman Empire collapsed into chaos. Finally, Columbus Day is a day that gives multicultural mutants a perfect excuse to castigate Western Culture and blame all of the worlds ills on it.

Who gets heartburn from it:
Siberian Americans and the usual sad sack assortment of multiculturalists whine that Columbus is the poster punk for a host of noxious notions. They caterwaul that he perpetrated personally, or was responsible for introducing into the pristine Eden of a Pre-Columbian new world: slavery, species extinctions, genocide, warfare, oppressing a weaker people/culture, robbing original inhabitants of their land. This view is exemplified by this prose from the American Indian Movement's Russell Means: "the Western Hemisphere [was] a virtual ecological and health paradise prior to 1492". Yeah, right, like you were there, Russell?

Some inconvenient truths about Columbus:
Contrary to Italian propaganda, Columbus was, all things considered, something of a lucky bungler. For starters, he egregiously miscalculated the size of the Earth. He estimated its circumference at about 25,000 kilometers when in fact it's twice that (about 40,000 kilometers). He based his core notion - sailing west to get to China, Japan and the Indies - on his calculation that the distance from the Canary Islands to Japan as 3,700 km when the actual distance is 19,600 km. Finally, he assumed that all that lay between the Canary Islands and Japan was this pesky stretch of ocean. The final irony is that, to the day he died, Columbus thought he had explored some uncharted regions on the east coast of Asia.

Speaking of Italian propaganda, why is Columbus such a source of Italian pride? Granted, he's one of their own and they want to bask in the glory of his accidental discovery of the New World. But, why is it worth all this fuss? He did, after all, hand over the New World and all its riches to SPAIN. The least he could have done is set aside a couple remote islands for his Italian homeboys. You'd think that somewhere in the fine, Italian, print about Columbus, they'd find room for that tidbit.

Contrary to popular myth, Columbus wasn't the first European to set foot on the new world. Around the year 1000 some Vikings landed here and set up a small colony in Newfoundland, but they abandoned it a few years later. Like Columbus, they were never quite sure where they landed.

Native Americans - "indigenous" people - did not originate here. The new world was colonized by nomads from Siberia who crossed the Bering Strait land bridge between 13,000 and 40,000 years ago. Therefore, contrary to all this "indigenous" people hot air, so-called native peoples are, in fact, the first immigrants.

Did Columbus enslave some of the natives? Yes. Did he introduce the vile practice to the new world? Hardly, "slave traders were among the most prosperous people in the Aztec empire" (Thomas Sowell 'Conquests and Cultures').

Did Columbus bring ritual human sacrifice and cannibalism to the new world? No, that practice was already here. "Captured enemy warriors were led back to the [Aztec] capital to be sacrificed by having their hearts cut out of their living bodies". "The particular Aztec warrior who had captured an enemy...was also awarded an arm or a thigh to take home and cook for a ceremonial meal for his family" ('Conquests and Cultures').

Did Columbus usher in a new form of warfare where the strong preyed upon the weak? No. There's a good reason why the Aztec and Inca's neighboring tribes were so eager to help the conquistadors. "Mayan civilization could hardly be considered humanitarian. One of its central priorities was war and one of its chief priorities in war was the capture, torture, and slaughter of enemy soldiers and leaders". "Many conquered peoples were reduced to being serfs tied to land controlled by their Aztec overlords. An even worse fate could await conquered areas that later rebelled, which could lead to a wholesale slaughter of the population". ('Conquests and Cultures')

Hambo's Take:
It's time to get real about Columbus Day. It's time to take off the blinders and face some bitter facts. We can start by admitting that the Spanish conquistadors were some serious asshats who looted the land, imposed their supernaturalism by force of arms and introduced new diseases that ravaged the locals. We should continue by noting that this "virtual Eden populated by noble peoples" whopper is a load of crap. The Aztecs and Incas perpetrated some of the vilest practices known to man. Does that mean they deserved killing? Not necessarily, but we shouldn't get weepy because ritual human sacrifice, cannibalism and assorted other atrocities were eradicated. The most important facts we must confront are about Columbus himself.

Christopher Columbus was a directionally challenged Italian who blundered into a continent, without understanding where he really was. He was no Boy Scout, but his fatal personal flaws miss the essential point. When we celebrated Columbus Day, we celebrate a core component of human nature. We celebrate our need to know what's around that next bend in the road, the need to discover what we'll find on the far side of that next hill. When we celebrate Columbus Day, we honor the courage it takes to cross a dangerous stretch of ocean in some barely seaworthy ships in the hope that we'll find something worthwhile on the far side. Finally, we celebrate Columbus Day because, without him, America, a nation conceived in liberty would not exist. Make no mistake PIGsters, it's that last tidbit that has multicultural mutants and indigenous people in a lather. What they hate about Columbus Day is the fact that this directionally challenged Italian made America, a land where inalienable individual liberty took root and ultimately flourished, possible.

Debate Aftermath

Wednesday's debate produced several memorable gems.

I'll begin with my pick for 'says it all' image. I found it on Jenn's blog:

While the VRWC breathed noisy sign of relief, the Meatheads, Moonbats and Bed-Wetters served up some 'you can't make this stuff up' excuses for the Messiah's pathetic performance:

These are the best ones, so far.

I'm going to say something controversial here. Uh, Obama arrived in Denver at 2 p.m. today, just a few hours before the debate started. Romney did his debate prep, in Denver. When you go to 5,000 feet, and you only have a few hours to adjust, uh — I don't know, maybe…
– Al Gore

"Look, I certainly am not going to bail out on the effort of the progressive movement in this country. This just makes it a little heavier lift than it is right now. It was just very frustrating to watch a guy lie to the American people and not be counter-punched because we're afraid he's going to be called an angry black man. When I see the president, I don't see a black man. I see a president who has inherited an untenable position and turned it around to a great positive to where we are right now. He has brought it down to 8 percent unemployment without any help from the Republicans."
– Ed Schultz

Debate Preview

Wednesday's Oval Office Derby debate is replete with certain givens:

* The Moderator is a card carrying Obamunist - Jim Lehrer

* The only candidate who will be harshly interrogated is Romney.

* Obama knows the questions - softball, every one of them - and is rehearsing his answers.

* If you want to see how Obama acts under pressure, you won't see it in Denver. When our Ambassador was murdered, on 9/11/2012, Barry ignored it and flew to Vegas, for a fund raising gig.

* Romney will reminded of his past positions on given issues then asked them why those positions seem to have changed.

* Obama be asked to affirm that grass is green.

Wednesday will be business as usual: an egregiously stage-managed Barry-biased debate conducted by a blatantly partisan host who will do everything in his their power to coddle the Marxist Messiah.

If Barry muffs this stage managed 'campaign appearance' where he knows the questions ahead of time and has worked out his response with the 'impartial' questioner, he knows it doesn't matter. His Barack sucking MSM toadies will proclaim him the winner anyway. It's a slam dunk that those stories have already been written.

UPDATE - PIG EXCLUSIVE!

Thanks to our top secret sources, PIG has obtained, at great risk, a few of the tough, probing questions Lehrer will unleash on Barry:

1) Paper or plastic?

2) How do you prefer your coffee? Cream, cream and sugar or black?

3) Do you want fries with that?

4) Leno or Letterman?

5) Ginger or Maryann?

"My Mind Is Going..."
- HAL, '2001: A Space Odyssey'

Zombie, n.
One who looks or behaves like an automaton.

In this second decade of the 21st century, rational adults are living a 1950s horror movie nightmare. We are surrounded by, besieged by, inundated by, zombies. That's right, zombies, what some horror flicks call the living dead. You see them every day, but you haven't made the intellectual connection with those stumbling, glassy eyed, the lights are on but nobody's home, creatures who wander around, in those old movies, with their synapses in the deep freeze.

Admittedly, our 21st century zombie isn't as easy to spot as the disheveled dipstick who roams aimlessly with his, her, hisher, or its arms held straight out. One reason our modern zombies are hard to spot is the fact that they come in many varieties. Depending on the variety you encounter, you'll find that modern zombies are either always smiling or always scowling. There is, alas, no happy medium when it comes to 21st century zombies.

The most disturbing tidbit about 21st century zombies is the amazing fact that every single one of them volunteered to put their brains in storage. They volunteered to stumble through life as what Rush Limbaugh so cleverly put it "mind-numbed robots". They are, believe it or not, zombies by choice. Initially, they were lured into zombihood, by a smooth talker, a rabble rouser, or a Messiah, who promised to do all that heavy, intellectual, lifting for the eager new zombie volunteer. Life, for a zombie is a series of pre-programmed responses. Reduced to its simplest terms, it's as easy as "jump" and "how high".

There are numerous strains of 21st century zombies, but, for the most part, all of them share certain common traits. Each strain comes with its larger then life leader, and/or ideal, that has it all figured out for you, obviating you from doing your own thinking. Each strain is threatened by free ranging, synaptically active, rational individuals, who, invariably, refuse to accept the 'revealed' truth 'because we say so'. Each strain comes armed with its dire fate for humanity, and the world, if that strain doesn't become dominant. "Stop thinking; do as you're told or we're all going to die", sums it up nicely.

Admittedly, this utterly human compulsion to turn over the day-to-day decisions of your life to somebody else is nothing new. Jim Jones and his cult are a prime example of the supernaturalist strain of this zombie mindset. His followers checked their brains at the cult's door and stumbled after their leader into oblivion, leaving as their only lasting legacy, the term 'Kool-Aid drinker'. Since that horrific mass suicide, other cult leaders have lured sovereign individuals into checking their brains at the cult door and letting big, cult leader, daddy make all their choices, large and small. It's disturbing. It's zombihood. But, since these cult-joining automatons isolate themselves from the world, it's, by and large, no harm, no foul.

In the 21st century, the most dangerous supernaturalist zombies are everywhere. We know what you're thinking and, once again, you're probably wrong. The true believer zombies in question aren't those earnest young men on bikes whose disturbing cheerfulness is calculated to lure you into joining their mainstream cult, Mormonism. The true believer zombies in question aren't those 'Watch Tower' wrangling tag teams who do their best to 'guilt' you into joining their somewhat less mainstream cult, Jehovah's Witness. The true believers zombies in question aren't even the borderline bonkers, couch-jumping wingnuts, who want you to purge your soul, and jettison your brain, for a SciFi hack writer's final dose of reality-phobic fiction, Scientology.

The most dangerous true believers are found in mosques where braindead Islamikaze zombies around the world go to get their marching orders. Conditioned to blindly obey, they must be told "you're outraged and here's why". By upbringing, Islamikazes are incapable of independent thought and that's probably a good thing, since unsanctioned synaptic activity can, quite literally, get them killed. Finally, Islamikaze zombihood explains why homicide bombers are sucked in by that 72 virgins bull crap.

As ubiquitous as supernatural zombies are, they aren't the only strain that you'll meet. Another familiar strain is equally threatening to your liberty, and, in many ways, equally militant about imposing their synapse suffocating brainfart on you. In bygone days, we called them 'environmental wackos'. They didn't really hit their stride until their Messiah, Al Gore, lumbered out of his Fat Cave clutching a leg of roasted ox in one chubby fist and his Globally Warmed Gospel in the other. Armed with Messiah Al's reality-insulated whopperthon, Global Warming zombies refuse to tolerate dissent, and have no patience whatsoever with unauthorized elements of objective reality. If you start responding with 'facts' that aren't blessed by Messiah Al, you'll be, essentially 'burned at the stake'.

The newest zombie outburst, and easily one of the most dangerous to your liberty, is playing out on the political stage. Dazzled by the empty rhetoric of an elephant-eared Messiah, the Obamatons are the closest thing we've found, to date, to those fictional zombies who stumbled around on the silver screen in low budget, 50s flicks. They swoon. They sigh. The march in lockstep. They mouth the Messiah's mantra "hope", "change", but don't have a clue when asked to explain what it all means. It's the definitive "jump", "how high" strain of 21st century zombihood and, easily, the most dangerous. Obamatonism is especially dangerous, since it's increasingly obvious that Messiah Barry isn't the order-spewing autocrat. Based on his unscripted stumbling and bumbling, he is just a shill who is fronting for the real, heretofore unidentified, zombie wrangler.

The fun fact about zombihood is this: once you're infected with a mild form of it, you're highly susceptible to its more powerful forms. For example, the two most dominant strains of 21st century zombihood - Obamatonism, and Gorebicide - are piggybacked on other forms of synaptic shutdown. Many of these zombies started out their journey to a mindless existence in America's Korrectnik-controlled Ivory Towers. That's where the properly-hyphenated were dehumanized by that initial victim group assignment. Those who adapted to that pre-programmed existence were slated for a career as an Ethnocrat 'activist'. From there, it was a short step into the zombie big leagues as a Nanny State promoting 'player'. Throughout the process, success was granted to those who achieved the greatest degree of synaptic shutdown, what we're calling zombihood.

If you think you're immune to this zombie plague, get over it. You're snuffing your synapses, every time you offload one or more elements of your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness to the ultimate purveyor of zombihood, the all powerful, social safety net deploying, Nanny State. Each time you turn to big, Nanny State daddy to resolve one of your personal problems, you're taking another stumbling step into zombihood. Every time you use the Nanny State to save individuals from themselves, you're no better than that movie monster zombie. Every time you silence free speech you don't want to hear...each time you outlaw consenting adult behavior that rots your socks...each time you outlaw something because you can't/won't control your own impulses, you are lurching deeper into the ultimate form of zombihood, as a mindless, powerless, slave of the Nanny State. Admittedly it's a tragically human compulsion. It might be the human thing to do, but it's utterly unAmerican, in every possible way.

In addition to established Zombie infestations, like the ones we just cited, there are other 'proto' zombie groups which are 'this close' to 'certifiably Zombie. Lacking only the larger than life leader, the Food Nazis are teetering on the bring of full-blown Zombiehood. Michelle Obama and Michael Bloomberg are the leading contenders, but neither has the requisite 'I'd follow you through the gates of hell' star quality. On the verge? You bet, but it hasn't arrived.

Here in the PIG Bunker, a pitched battle rages over the MSM which is, for many of us, Zombie to the core. We all agree on that, but other factors divide us. Many PIG staffers insist that the MSM falls under the Obamazombie umbrella, since they get their marching orders from the Red Shed. A smaller group insists that the mind numbing Kool-Aid that they swill is a unique favor. I get that, but I'm not fully convinced, because there's no larger than life press card leader, unless you think that bellowing Moonbat, Chris 'Tingles' Matthews gets 'er done.

America is the only nation that was created by rational adults, to maximize the liberty of rational adults. That's why it is utterly infuriating to watch the citizens of this nation conceived in liberty turn their backs on that legacy. One by one, Americans are switching off their brains, because it's much easier to live a "jump", "how high" existence where somebody else calls all your shots.

Here in the Free State of PIG, we have declared war on zombihood in all its diverse forms. We're dedicated to this fight. We will drag each and every one of you, screaming and kicking, to full synaptic functionality. We won't be satisfied until you willingly, eagerly, get down with those precious brain cells and light the damn things up. Why? Because THINKING is the best weapon in our arsenal when the zombies mass for each new assault on our liberty.

Pay Before You Pray

In the 19th Century church property in the Fatherland was 'nationalized'. Subsequently, Germany introduced a compensation scheme which requires Germans 'who are officially registered as Catholics, Protestants or Jews pay a religious tax of 8-9% on their annual income tax bill'. Big, big, fun.

Predictably, some Germans have 'issues' with the religious tax. For example, an impressive number of Germans are 'leaving' the Catholic Church to avoid the religious tax. HOWEVER, leaving the church for tax purposes, doesn't mean they're willing to give up communion, the confessional, and religious burial. Having it both ways? You bet.

Church officials stepped up to the challenge with a decree:

"This decree makes clear that one cannot partly leave the Church," Germany's bishops' conference said last week, in a decision endorsed by the Vatican.

Unless they pay the religious tax, Catholics will no longer be allowed receive sacraments, except before death, or work in the church and its schools or hospitals.

Without a "sign of repentance before death, a religious burial can be refused," the decree states. Opting out of the tax would also bar people from acting as godparents to Catholic children. (BBC)

As tough as it sounds, this decree stops short of 'get out of Dodge, miserly sinner':

While the decree severely limits active participation in the German Catholic Church, it does hold out some hope for anyone considering a return to the fold.

Until now, any German Catholic who stopped payment faced eventual excommunication. Although the measures laid out in the decree are similar to excommunication from the church, German observers say the word is carefully avoided in the decree.

And here you were worrying needlessly.

Understanding Obama's True Believers

Why are Obamunists so fanatically devoted to the one? Here are some reasons that come to mind:

For an Obamunist in Cleveland, he's Santa Claus. She will punch as many chads as she can for The One, because he gave her a phone. Pay for play? There's a name for that, but we won't stoop to calling you that...or will we, you pathetically cheap political whore.

For properly indoctrinated college grads, he's a charismatic celebrity who has this weird, but cool, job. Best of all, he's not hung up on his job, which he ditches often, to appear on Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, the View, and those lame, but watchable when he's on it, shows like Good Morning America, and Today.

For MSM assholes like Tingles, he's a Marxist Moonbat's wet dream.

For Demoncrat Legicrats he's a dream come true. They go through the motions, achieve nothing, then blame the Elephant Clan. After the process grinds to a halt, The One issues a presidential decree that implements the stalled Legicrap. He, not them, is on the hook, if, miraculously, the Elephant Clan ducks the blame.

For Border Jumping Scumbags, he's the welcome wagon who showers them with all the freebies they can handle, including a fast track to citizenship.

For Islamikazes he's the stealth Muslim who will implement Sharia in the Great Satan.

Barry is doing all this, and more, and we're paying for it.

More Hambo Word Games

Here are some PIG-worthy Hamboisms for your collection.

"Free spirit"
PC speak for "unreliable", "untrustworthy", "a loose cannon"

"Non-discretionary fragrance"
The noxious aroma that emanates from Urban Campers, Occutards, plus humanity's flotsam and jetsam

"Ethnically-Challenged". "Ethnically-Disadvantaged"
Whitey

"Sharing", "Opening Up A Meaningful Dialog"
Listening while he, she or it blames all his, her or its problems on you.

"Asymmetrically-Gaited "
Walks funny, or with a limp

"Re-channeling a child's energy into a more suitable form of expression"
Paddling the living shit out of the little brat

"Glutocentric"
A butthead

"Dynamic Reconfiguration" or "Instantaneous Reconfiguration"
An Explosion

"Uniquely Articulate"
A blithering idiot. Illiterate. [A Government cess-schooled graduate]

"Non-Verbal Exchange of Views"
Give somebody the finger

"Engage in exploitive, pre-victimization discourse"
He asks her for a date

Exporting our excess baggage:

One of the critiques of America is that we bitterly cling to our 'wealth'. I'm tired of arguing this point, so I won't even go there. Instead, in an unscheduled outburst of generosity, I identified some surplus items which I propose that we give to the richly deserving yammering yokels in far off places.

We have too many of the the following items which won't be missed:

Trial lawyers - If you don't realize that we have way too many, you're in a coma. These shyster asshats are like alligators, no matter where you dump them, they'll find something to eat.

NO-NADS - We have too many womyn and too few patriarchal oppressors. They'll have a lot all the fun they can handle, trying to tame the Saudi Sand Rats, honor killing-bonkers Mecca Maniacs...and womyn-stoning, Nigerian nitwits.

Liberals - Why should Uncle Sam have all this fun? With America on the slippery slope to Nanny State oblivion, these 'feel your pain' mutants have too much time on their hands. Why not send them where there are new victims to torture: Iran, Saudi Arabia, Ecuador, North Korea, China, Indonesia, Pakistan, Columbia...the list goes on and on...

Liberal Media - We have excess baggage, and then some, in this category:
The entire on air talking heads crew on the 60 Minutes payroll could be traded to Al Jazera for a future media hack draft choice to be named later.

As a signing bonus, if the Sand Monkey news network takes 60 Minutes off our hands, we'll throw in bellowing asshat, Chris Matthews, and that complete waste of breathable air, Rachel Madcow. They'll fit right in with the other America/W haters on that Sand Monkey news outfit.

Ethnocrat Activists - Wouldn't it be more efficient for them to do their activizing in all those from places where real - no shit - oppression runs rampant: Zimbabwe, Iran, Nigeria, Sudan, Ethiopia, Saudi Arabia, Haiti, Cuba and all those other fun 'from' places?

Ivory Tower Korrectniks: Given their unabashed adoration of Third World cultures, plus their hatred for free speech, they'll be as happy as a pig in a mud hole, in one of the Arab Springified shitholes. Don't worry about them getting homesick for their Ivory Towers, because Shira and most Ivory Tower codes of conduct have the same - STFU and do exactly what I tell you - mindset.

I'm sure there are many more, but I've given you enough info to take this idea and run with it.

What's Our Damage?

America has a serious problem, but we're not going to solve it as long as we live our lives with our heads stuck up our butts. It's time to get our brains in gear and use our heads for something more meaningful than a hat rack. It's time for rational adults to wake the hell up, because we're all stuck on stupid.

Congresspunks complain about high energy costs but won't expand domestic oil and natural gas production. Instead, they fritter away our money on alternative energy pipe dreams like Solyndra and make noises about taxing big oil into an early grave. Why do we let them get away with it?

We're stuck on stupid.

Elephant Clan hacks keep putting America deeper in debt by passing debt ceiling increases. But, we're told we must support them because, while they know they suck, they swear that the "other" guys suck more. Why does it work?

We're stuck on stupid.

Government schools give diplomas to graduates who can't read write or compute but the biggest Educrap food fight is over cramming Creationism into science classrooms. Why do we go along with it?

We're stuck on stupid.

Islamikazes behead schoolgirls, blow up weddings and are the match that lights brushfire wars around the world. Islam's stated goal is world domination, by force if necessary, but we still won't admit that Islam and individual liberty are fundamentally incompatible. What's our problem?

We're stuck on stupid.

The Nanny State loots the taxpayer so it can shower money, perks, and set for life retirement packages on unionized government employees. Local political punks steal our property and give it to somebody with deeper pockets. Why don't we do something to stop them?

We're stuck on stupid.

News Nitwits shill for a Dumbo-eared commie, by spewing The One's talking points and eviscerates The One's enemies with half truths, unfounded rumors and outright lies. Why do we tolerate it?

We're stuck on stupid.

Islamikazes go on a rampage and murder a U.S. Ambassador, plus 3 other Americans. Instead of a thunderous denouncement of this TERRORISM, our Elected Tormentors cower under their desks, apologizing for an obscure film which got too real about Mohammad. When that doesn't get it done the cringers try to appease the perpetually pissed off Islamikazes with thinly veiled threats about limiting our freedom of speech. Why don't We the People mount a vigorous defense of our freedom of speech birthright?

We're stuck on stupid.

How do we get unstuck from stupid? We start by giving these political punks a long overdue reality check. It's time to remind these political hack pissants: "You work for us, scumbag, and if you don't pull your head out of your butt, we'll fire you, elected tormentor Sparky. Shape up, now, because we're no longer stuck on stupid.

Feedback

[I asked PIGster J, PIG's Professor of Piety, for his thoughts about the on-going Jihadikaze meltdown.

Here is his Professorial Prose, with my responses.]

He Wrote:

You know, I have no words of wisdom to try and explain or describe the insanity that we see from the radical Islamic. In some part of my mind I like to believe that the radical portions of Islam no more represent the beliefs of the average Muslim than the people at Westboro Baptist represent mainstream Christianity. However, I also don't believe that the radical portion that is in the world is "in the minority," as the MSM and government would have us believe, or is some kind of fringe movement. The truth is, no doubt, somewhere in between.

I responded:

I agree that the Jihadikazes are more numerous than 'fringe movement' implies. Pulling a number out of thin air, lets say it's as high as 20%. But, that's only part of the story. I'm convinced that a much higher percentage of Islamists are easily provoked into perpetrating a public tantrum. I'd put this number at 40-50%, minimum.

He Wrote:

It's an old saw in the Christian belief to point back to when Hagar and Ishmael were cast out by Abraham and sagely say "There's the reason for Islam's existence today," but I don't believe that. I believe, and I also believe history would bear it out, that any religious belief has the potential to be twisted into something sinister and evil, when man gets his hands into it. When you consider how the name of God and Christ have been used to explain everything from segregation to psychotic murder, it becomes a point that bears considering.

I responded:

I don't care about the Hagar and Ishmael yarn.

I would dispute the notion that Islam's basic tenets have been twisted by Jihadikazes. I suspect that their version is the closest to the Koran and/or Mohammad's implementation of it. It's 'religion of peace' that's the lie.

He wrote:

I, personally, believe it matters less as to the "why" of Islam as it does to stop and say, honestly, "What does it mean for the future?" Let's say that, for sake of argument, I'm right and the Muslims that live here in the US or in other more civilized countries are, for the most part, not like the radical maniacs we see in the Middle East. What do we do about the ones that ARE maniacs? How do we, as a country and as a part of the world, protect the innocent from them and stand in the gap, so to speak, to keep the evil at bay while ensuring we don't wholesale trample the rights of the innocent? I surely don't have the wisdom to know, but this I DO know – I don't believe it will or even CAN be done diplomatically. Sooner or later, a line is going to be drawn; whether you believe it will be done by man or you believe that the Bible is true when it says Israel is attacked and God supernaturally intervenes – that day is coming. I believe it's inevitable.

I responded:

I think it's time for the willfully myopic meatheads in positions of authority to get real about Islam. It's a dangerous theology which poses a clear and present danger to our liberty. It's time for everyone to face the music: Islam and inalienable individual liberty cannot coexist peacefully. Therefore it's adherents in our midst must be treated accordingly. In this regard I'd put them in the same 'keep a close eye on them' category as the KKK was a few decades ago.

It's troubling that America dwelling Islamists, who seem like civilized individuals, go 'old school' by killing wives daughters, sisters, etc, to protect the honor of his family.

Until there's the Muslim equivalent of the Reformation, we must be wary, cautious, and vigilant regarding the Islamists in our midst.

He wrote:

It saddens me no end to see the senseless violence in the world, but it is even worse to see the absolute impotence of our current POTUS and the people in government who are so afraid of anything that may make others frown at them that they will, seemingly, sell our security wholesale just so that they can win points with voters. I say, with emphasis, may God truly help us all.

I responded:

The asshats in D.C. refuse to confront the inconvenient truth that Islam is more than a theology. It's a political philosophy whose end game is world conquest. If the radicalization of North Africa didn't make them wake the fuck up, what will?

Evangelism

(I posted a similar item several months ago, but my friend didn't heed my sage advice, and he's still under siege. He still wants my help...this pagan wisdom is all the help he needs.)

One of my friends is under siege, again, by door-to-door salvation hucksters. He asked me what I would do, so I told him.

"The Mormons are back. I spent a couple hours yammering with them. They just left."

Me: "I thought you kicked them out of Dodge, months ago?"

"Yup, they wouldn't leave me alone, until my neighbor talked to their bishop or something. It was okay, for a long time, but a new pair showed up tonight. I think they're after my money."

Me: "Money? Mormon Missionaries are wired for that. Their job is building the flock. They're like the local military recruiter, that way. Both are out to sign you up for their 'team'."

"So it isn't money?"

Me: "Nope. Oh, the Mormons will nail you for 10%, or so, but that's not the end game. It's all about growing the church, for the missionaries."

"Okay. So what should I do? My lovely bride invited them back, tomorrow night. What do I do,now?

Me: "For starters, Taser the woman, until her twitching stops making you laugh like a mental patient."

"She'd probably enjoy it. Any other ideas? How do you handle them?"

Me: "I have a built-in immunity where the Mormons are concerned."

"Immunity? Bullshit!"

Me: "I'm deeply wounded by your attitude. I may never recover from all this hostility."

"I'm whipped with guilt. Now, what's this built-in immunity crap."

Me: "I'll let you off with a warning. Anyway, about the immunity...I hit them with an inconvenient truth. 'I spent quality time at BYU. I wasn't a Mormon when I arrived and I wasn't a Mormon, when I left. They hit me with their best shot, but I prevailed. If the pros from Dover couldn't 'turn' me, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that you'll get 'er done. You're wasting your time and you're wasting mine.'

"And that works?"

Me: "Every time. I like Mormons. They're good people. They just have a problem, when it comes to accepting 'no' as your final answer. I suggest that you tell them politely, but firmly, that you're not interested. Maybe they'll get the message, if you Taser wifey poo during their visit."

"You're a sick bastard."

Me: "Thank you."

"You make it sound so easy, but I don't do that kind of stuff like you do."

Me: "Exactly, and that explains why door to door salvation salesmen and saleswomen steer clear of my infamous Enlightenment Zone."

"Do you make house calls, Mister Enlightenment?"

Me: "Not when it involves getting mauled by TSA asshats, as a pre-flight shakedown."

"No guts, no glory."

Me: "You better believe it, Sparky."

"Do you have any OTHER suggestions for me. I need something..."

Me: "Other suggestions? Only the obvious one."

"I know I'm going to myself, but I'll ask anyway. What is the 'obvious one'?"

Me: "SHE invited them back. Let HER talk to them, without your presence and participation."

Freedom of Speech

[The usual suspects are blaming an Islam pummeling film for the ongoing titans of tolerance rampage. It's, somehow, the film's fault that Islamikazes live - if you want to call it that - in a perpetual state of rage. I'm not buying it. Islamikazes - EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM - is a tantrum waiting to happen. It's who, and what, they are.

The finger pointers keep bellowing their contention that the U.S. Constitution gives the Nanny State the power to protect them from speech they don't want to hear - the Islamikazes don't want to hear, in this instance. They use the term 'free speech', because it implies that there is some speech which is NOT free. 'Free Speech' is term Korrectniks brandish when they are creating speech codes, promulgating thought crime laws (aka 'hate speech'). Free Speech, and its fellow traveler Restricted Speech are at the heart of political correctness.

If the term 'free speech' is a trap, what's the proper term for this inalienable individual liberty? That answer is enshrined in our First Amendment. Anyone who takes time to read the First Amendment, will notice that the Founding Fathers don't cite 'free speech', They use the unambiguous term 'freedom of speech', a term which does not give the eager censors any wiggle room. The opposite of freedom is tyranny, and nobody in their right mind thinks the Founding Fathers wanted any part of that.]

This venerable Hambo rant explores the following elements of the PIG Doctrine, in greater specificity:

The exaggerated sensitivities of others are not my responsibility, nor do their hurt feelings empower them to abolish my right to Freedom of Speech.

Since a word is nothing more than an ethically-neutral sequence of sound waves, it only has as much power for good or evil as the listener bestows upon it. There are no intrinsically 'offensive' sound waves, there are only hypersensitive listeners who are predisposed to being offended by them.

America And The Sounds of Silence

It's no accident that our inalienable birthright of Freedom of Speech is enshrined in the 1st Amendment of the U. S. Constitution. Its primary purpose is to remind the Nanny State to back the hell off when it comes to our Freedom of Speech. A secondary purpose, probably an unintentional one, is to remind each and every one of us that Freedom of Speech involves other sovereign individuals who can, and will, say things that we don't want to hear. Unhappily, neither of these lofty purposes has been achieved.

From the dawn of time, humans have been trying snuff out speech that they didn't want to hear. Each of us is afflicted with this utterly human malady. We want our voice to be heard, without restriction, but few of us have the stones to tolerate an opposing point of view. The Free State of PIG calls this phenomenon the 'Sounds of Silence'.

The Sounds of Silence have a long, sorry history. For example, when Iggy the Apeman started to feel frisky and went searching for female companionship, he would, invariably have his trusty club resting on his shoulder. Why? When he meet a suitable playmate, the last thing he wanted to hear from Cuddles the Cave Cutie is 'Not tonight, Iggy, I've got a headache'. A little love tap from his club resolved the pesky issue by imposing the sweet Sounds of Silence.

Not much has changed since Iggy and Cuddles' time, and humans continue to do everything in their power to snuff out speech they don't want to hear. They prefer the Sounds of Silence, because they can't handle speech that makes them defend their views, makes them listen to an unfiltered dose of objective reality. These self-appointed censors, invariably, use the government's monopoly on the use of force, to impose their preferred Sounds of Silence.

* Over the centuries, supernaturalists - from every sect - imposed the Sounds of Silence with blasphemy laws criminalizing 'religious' speech they didn't want to hear. We regret to report that such laws persist, to this very day, in parts of Europe, and in most Jihadikaze infested nations.

* Over the centuries, tyrannical regimes imposed the Sounds of Silence by making it a "shut up or we'll kill you" class crime to criticize the current regime. That, too, persists in certain notorious liberty-nuking blights on our globe.

* When it comes to censorship, when it comes to imposing the Sounds of Silence, America's true believers have a long, ignoble history. During the earliest phases of America's Colonial era, supernaturalist enclaves were imposing the Sounds of Silence on anyone who didn't spout the 'party line'. The differently-religious, along with true believers from the WRONG Cross Cult sect, got the Sounds of Silence bum's rush right out of town. Those who refused to comply were taught the errors of their ways.

The Sounds of Silence's infamous history was one of the reasons that America's Founding Fathers did their best to protect our Freedom of Speech birthright from a government-imposed Sounds of Silence. Unfortunately, human nature won't be denied and our 'shut the hell up' instincts seem to be winning this two centuries old battle to impose the Sounds of Silence from sea to shining sea.

Despite the 1st Amendment's protection of Freedom of Speech, sovereign American individuals, on both sides of the political spectrum, do their utmost to silence speech they don't want to hear. Technically, the 1st Amendment is still the law of the land. Technically, it continues to tell the government to 'back off'. Technically, it continues to warn sovereign individuals to 'get over it', when it comes to hearing things they don't like. Technically, but 21st century reality tells a different story.

* The Demoncrats imposed the Sounds of Silence on debates during the primary elections by refusing to appear at any debates hosted by Fox News. That 'liberated' them from listening to, from answering, any hard, challenging, questions that could expose their views to the chad-punching public.

* When it comes to the Sounds of Silence, Messiah Barry is without peer. In a daring, preemptive, strike, he took numerous items off the table. These include, but are not limited to: his supernaturalism, his middle name, his rogues gallery of friends and associates, his inexperience, his blatantly Marxist platform, his unrelenting flip-flopping, and his unsuitability for that Oval Office job. He snuffed out any comments on these, and other matters, with a Sounds of Silence weapon of mass destruction: the race card.

* The Elephant Clan is equally adept at imposing the Sounds of Silence. They, too, favor the preemptive strike and it's almost as good as Messiah Barry's race card. Determined to snuff out any Freedom of Speech that exposes their sorry, government expanding, liberty nuking, antics, the Elephant Clan's Sounds of Silence trump card is their venerable mantra: We know that we really, really suck, BUT, the Demoncrats still suck more.

* Believe it or not, even on the Internet, where Freedom of Speech is alive and well, the Sounds of Silence have gained a foothold. Last week, I spotted a news item about some Blogspot sites that were shutdown by the parent company, Google. The Sounds of Silence scheme is simple and very effective. A group of Daily Kossack Obamatons singled out sites that were critical of Messiah Barry, then complained to Blogspot/Google that the sites are 'offensive'. Armed with those complaints, Blogspot/Google locked out the perpetrator of that Blogspot site while the investigation was under way. The ensuing Sounds of Silence resulted in several of the bloggers moving their sites to a competing blog site provider, but it will take time for them to recover their lost readership. Many of the targeted blogs are run by disgruntled Comrade Hillary supporters, who refused to be dazzled by Barry's bullshit.

* Until President Reagan eradicated it, the Sounds of Silence were very successful in snuffing out political speech on radio and television with the 'Fairness Doctrine'. In the name of promoting Freedom of Speech, this Draconian Nanny State stinker chased it off the 'public' airwaves. The instant the Sounds of Silence were dropped like a bad habit, talk radio exploded onto the scene, generating the robust political debate that the Fairness Doctrine promised, but never delivered.

The leftwing loons did their best to make this 'robust, wide-open political debate' work for them, but their primary success is on certain boob tube networks that were already dominated by lefties. The problem, as they soon found out, is that relentless liberal whining isn't viable in the marketplace. Whenever we the people are given a choice, we dump the liberal offering like a bad habit. That's why, depending on the outcome of the forthcoming election, this stinker could be disinterred, re-animated and used to restore the Sounds of Silence on the 'public' airwaves. If the libs can't make us listen, the next best thing is to use the Sounds of Silence to eliminate what rational adults want to hear.

* Juan 'Do You Want Salsa With That Citizenship, Chico' McCain succeeded in putting a muzzle on political speech, because Freedom of Speech gives incumbent Elected Tormentors a boo-boo. His Campaign Finance Reform imposed the Sounds of Silence during the critical phase of any election cycle, by criminalizing the Freedom of Speech of sovereign, chad-punching individuals.

* The neo-Marxist Eggheads, who dominate America's Ivory Towers, began imposing the Sounds of Silence, decades ago, with campus speech codes. Now, in the 21st century, roving gangs of Korrectniks intimidate any rational adult, who strays onto a college campus, into surrendering their Freedom of Speech birthright. The vaunted 'free exchange of ideas' has been unceremoniously evicted from the campus, by these cultural Marxists.

* Mecca Maniacs have reset the Sounds of Silence bar to dizzying heights. Their zeal, in this regard, is off the charts. If you dare to exercise your Freedom of Speech birthright about their prophet, their supernaturalism, their deity, or simply make them feel bad, THEY WILL KILL YOU. In their special circle of hell, Freedom of Speech is a synonym for "death sentence".

* America's properly hyphenated horde has whined its way around the 1st Amendment and prodded the Nanny State into criminalizing any speech that gives them a rash. It's called 'hate speech' and it's so loosely defined that it applies to any speech they don't want to hear. The Sounds of Silence are the law of the land, in this land conceived in liberty.

* Elements of the Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy have - in the name 'of the children' worked tirelessly to impose the Sounds of Silence on entertainment fare. Because some breeders can't, or won't, properly supervise their tykes, the Nanny State imposed Sounds of Silence which, systematically, deny sovereign individuals adult-themed content. Anything more daring than a test pattern is too 'edgy' for the boob tube. Any movie DVD that is aimed at an individual older than 5 can't be sold in the local outpost of capitalism, because - GASP - a child might get his mitts on it. Music albums that contain adult lyrics must be exiled, affixed with warning labels, and, wherever possible, removed from a store because some tyke might find it.

Too many alleged adults are hooked on the Sounds of Silence. Too many alleged adults take the easy way out by snuffing out speech that they can't handle, or just plain don't like. Too many alleged adults seem to forget that the Sounds of Silence are the quiet that proceeds the thunder of jackboots goose-stepping over our liberty. It's time to flush the Sounds of Silence. It's time to grow a pair and confront that exercise in Freedom of Speech that gets on your last raw nerve. It's time for each and every one of us to restore Freedom of Speech - as the Founding Fathers intended it - to its rightful place in this land of the not as free as we're supposed to be.

Item: Heckler's Veto

The alleged "right" not to be offended is the only part of Western culture that Islamikazes find useful. As usual, they're putting their own spin on it. Just for fun, we need to compare their response to the usual response from some rank and file "victims".

Korrectniks: If, in my pissant mind, you offend me, I'll call you a "racist/sexist/homophobe", sue you for every penny you're worth, then make my Nanny State toadies nail you for a hate crime.

Colonistas: Don't play your "illegal immigration" game with me, Gringo. If you offend me, me and my barrio boys will track you down and beat on you until you shut the hell up.

Islamikazes: If you do, say or think anything we don't like, we'll go on a rampage, torch anything and everything "infidel", then we'll track you down and chop off your damn head.

Item: Finger Pointing

Four Americans, one of them our Ambassador to Libya, where slaughtered by rampaging Jihadikazes. The murder victims didn't have time to reach room temperature before the ususal suspects started making excuses for the Jihadikaze rat bastards.

The most popular culprit is Sam Bacile. Who's he? He's the dude who made Islamikazes set their hair on fire with his feature length film, 'The Innocence of Muslims'. As far as I can tell, it includes some 'warts and all' fun facts about Mohammed.

Another popular culprit is September 11th. They wanted to make it 'memorable' for us. This one is still in play, but it's not the REAL culprit.

Why did the Jihadikazes kill four Americans? Because they're inherently violent assholes who don't need an excuse to murder an Infidel, especially an American.

All this yammering about the movie is largely crap. Yes, they hate it, but their primary interest in it is as a bludgeon. If they beat us with it enough, they think they can impose their heckler's veto on us as an Islamikaze muzzle on our freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech allows us to inspire, enlighten, and entertain each other. Freedom of speech also allows us to annoy, infuriate, and outrage each other. In other words, freedom of speech can be a real pisser. BUT, no matter how much someone's freedom of speech exercise might piss you off, it's not - it never will be - an excuse to go on a murderous rampage.

The on-going Jihadikaze rampages are more proof - as if you need it - that individual liberty and Islam cannot coexist peacefully. THEY know this and that's the real reason for these Jihadikaze rampages.

Unfinished Business

On the 11th Anniversary of America's 2nd Day That Will Live in Infamy, We the People Aren't As Motivated As We Should Be, To Finish What the Jihadikazes Started on 09/11/2001.

Eleven years ago, on September 11, 2001, an implacable enemy that seeks nothing less than our destruction, struck at the very heart of America, by turning our own airliners into WMDs. Eleven years ago, 19 Jihadikazes drew first blood, civilian blood, in a clash of cultures which pits their 7th century supernaturalism against our unalienable individual liberty. Eleven years ago, our Jihadikaze enemy demonstrated their rules of engagement in this war for our very survival, but we didn't give their message - no prisoners, no quarter, no exceptions - the attention that it deserves. Eleven years after the attack on America, We the People still aren't giving the war for our very survival that attention it deserves.

For most Americans, each anniversary of the 9/11/2001 attacks is a time when we interrupt our daily lives to remember the events of another day which will live in infamy and honor the heros whose courage in the face of certain death continues to inspire us. Unhappily, while we're doing all this remembering, we are forgetting the most important thing that September 11, 2001 represents. When we look at the wound in the heart of New York City, it should jolt our memories with the realization that, like the new edifice rising from the ashes of the Twin Towers, the war on Jihadikaze rat bastards is unfinished business. Somewhere along the way, despite all our remembering ,We the People lost our focus on the one task which we don't dare leave unfinished.

At first, we had our heads on straight, when the events of 9/11/2001 were still fresh in our minds. Maybe this journey into our past will stir up those passions for a fight which our own government is showing no enthusiasm.

September 11, 2001 is a date which America has never, so far, been fully avenged, despite the extermination of Osama. It is a date that should burn in our minds, when we remember our horror, then our rage, while we watched Jihadikaze asshats fly those airliners into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. It is an infamous date that we vowed to honor by remembering the sacrifice of the courageous passengers on United Flight 93, who gave their lives to prevent another attack, by bringing the airliner down near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. September 11, 2001 is the infamous date when our world turned upside down and we were hurled into a prolonged war against a determined, Jihadikaze enemy.

When we watched the planes fly into the World Trade Center, the anger seared the image in our brains.

When we watched valiant members of the NYPD and NYFD put their lives on the line by entering those mortally wounded buildings, we vowed to remember. Afterwards, we vowed to avenge the deaths of the 411 emergency responders who died during that heroic rescue attempt.

When we watched those glorious monuments to capitalism collapse into rubble, we vowed to remember it, avenge it.

When we watched the Islamikaze horde take to the streets to celebrate the murder of 2,998 'Infidels', the image of their antics was burned into our memories. Enraged, we promised to remember, and make these bastards pay.

When the identities of the 19 Jihadikazes were revealed, it told us what we already knew. The hijackers - 15 Saudis, 2 from the United Arab Emirates, 1 Egyptian, and 1 from Lebanon - were all Mecca Maniac asshats on a quest for those 72 virgins. At that instant, we knew the identity of the enemy - Jihadikazes - and what motivated them - Mecca Mania. From that moment, we were hell bent on making both pay for what happen on this date which MUST live in infamy.

We got the message that the Jihadikazes sent on 9/11/2001 and, for a while, we seemed to give the war on Jihadikaze rat bastards our undivided attention. For a while, the unfinished business which this infamous day represents was uppermost in our minds. Unfortunately, even in the early moments of this war for our survival, there were warning signs that our national resolve to finish what the Jihadikazes started, wasn't as strong as we wanted, and needed. By ignoring the warning signs, We the People seem hell bent to prove the Jihadikazes right, when they accuse us of being soft. The more unfocused we become, the closer we get to affirming their contention that we aren't willing to pay the high price for victory.

Here are a few of the warning signs that popped up on our long road toward victory:

• The road to victory in this war we can't afford to lose became much longer, much more torturous, when Bush 43 - and all his minions - refused to state the obvious. Instead of painting a bull's-eye on Islam, our Elected Tormentors muddied the waters, with "A War on Terror". Terror? Seriously? Bullshit. Terror is a tactic. Our foe in this war is Islam itself, a philosophy whose end game is world domination, by force.

• The road to victory keeps getting longer, thanks to Uncle Sam's insistence on fighting a politically correct war. Under our own P.C. rules of engagement, we must turn a blind eye to the fact that Saudi Arabia is deliberately trying to undermine our liberty, by exporting its extreme form of Islam to America. This started under Bush 43 and continues under The One.

• The road to victory has become nearly impassible, under the appeaser-in-chief who shackles our men and women on the front lines in Afghanistan with impossible rules of engagement. This P.C. war, with all its relentless political tinkering, evokes memories of the Vietnam War which was lost due to the same kind of political interference.

• In 2009, when the 8th anniversary of September 11, 2001 loomed on the horizon, the new Obamunist Regime took a bold step, one which was nothing less than a scheme to redefine the importance, the meaning, of this day which will live in infamy. The One sealed the deal via a steaming Legicrap turd - the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act - which made September 11th a National Day of Service and Remembrance. A better name would be National Day of Nanny State Serfdom and Willful Amnesia. With the stroke of a pen, the Obamunists erased the deaths of 3,000 individuals and the destruction of the Twin Towers, by making September 11th a day devoted to Libertard activism.

• The effort to re-define 9/11 is thriving in 2011, thanks to The One, who wants to dilute the day's meaning by making it a generic "it sucks that inexplicably cranky Islamikazes who really just need a hug killed you in Kenya, Somalia, and India" INTERNATIONAL observance.

• In the Big Apple, there's a growing discontent with the term "Ground Zero". It's much too 'angry', plus it's a painful reminder of that infamous September day in 2001. Fronted by that asshat Bloomberg, 'they' want to replace "Ground Zero" with "The World Trade Center and the National September 11th Memorial and Museum". Nice try, asshole, but I'm sticking with 'Ground Zero', to keep the attack fresh in my mind.

• Just getting started, The One moved our unfinished business much farther away via a defeatist policy of appeasement which involved groveling at the feet of Islamikaze leaders. Determined to appease his Islamikaze masters, The One expunged 'terrorism' and 'terrorist' from his regime's official lexicon. After that Jihadikaze asshole murdered our warriors at Fort Hood, The One and his minions took their appeasement off the scale, by treating an act of terrorism on our own soil as a plain vanilla employee-employer dispute.

• The most infuriating obfuscation of all, is one that's still playing out on the home front, where the Islamikazes themselves are perpetrating an outrageous form of revisionist history. Spearheaded by the Quislings at CAIR - Council on American-Islamic Relations - the Islamikazes in our midst are painting themselves as tragic victims of hate and intolerance. For example, when an Islamikaze grocery store clerk refuses to touch pork products, CAIR calls it a crime against Islam when we admonish them. When an Islamikaze demands that a school or workplace cafeteria serve Halal food only, CAIR calls it a crime against Islam to tell them 'no'. If an America dwelling Islamikaze kills his wife, daughter, or sister for being too American, rational adults who call it murder invite a CAIR tantrum. In other words, when Islamikazes are called to account for their actions, CAIR plays the victim card, whining about religious discrimination, hate, and intolerance. It sounds like typical Ethnocrat whining, but make no mistake, this relentless CAIR carping serves a larger, more insidious, purpose. CAIR, and others of their ilk, are deliberately recasting Islamikazes as 'victims of infidel abuse' to disguise their real role as the aggressors who started this war on 9/11/2001.

• Despite the extermination of that rat bastard Osama bin Laden, our enemy is still pressing his attack. While the Obama Regime perpetrated its pathetic ploys to appease the unappeasable, the Jihadikazes expanded their foothold in the Middle East. Aided and abetted by the feckless fool in the Oval Office, the Jihadikazes swallowed Egypt, Tunisia and Lybia, so far, while their battles for control of Yemen and Syria continue unabated. While The One, along with others of his ilk, yammer about the 'Arab Spring', rational adults in Israel view the carnage with chilling clarity. These voices of reason warn that Arab Spring is already ushering in Jihadikaze Winter in newly radicalized Egypt, Tunisia and Lybia.

We ignore these signposts on our road to finishing what the Jihadikazes started on September 11, 2001, at our own peril. We cannot, must not, ignore the way our enemy hasn't let up. We must stay focused on our fight with an enemy who isn't distracted by the defeats he suffered at our hands. Our enemy is, as always, focused like a laser beam on his own unfinished business. He knows that this war with us is a marathon, not a sprint. He's counting on us to lose our focus, lose our motivation. He's waiting for us to hand him a victory that he can''t win, when we walk away from this fight.

Eleven years after the attack on America, our enemy senses our weakness and is pressing his attack. Our enemy is so confident, he is already laying the foundation for a victory monument on Ground Zero in New York City. Predictably, this Terror Temple is replete with Islamikaze hypocrisy. For example, they use our Constitutionally protected liberty - a liberty they would eradicate, given the chance - to justify their antics, citing religious liberty and property rights. It's a straw man argument, at best, since few rational adults question the Islamikazes' right to build a Terror Temple.

The Islamikazes hide the real issue - the reason they want to build the Terror Temple THERE, of all places - by using their toadies in the MSM to make opposition to the Terror Temple Islamophobia. Neither the Islamikazes nor their infidel dupes want to touch the 'why there' question, which is answered by the fact that the Terror Temple backers wanted to open this victory shrine on the 11th anniversary of their date that will live in infamy: September 11, 2011. Thanks to the relentless opposition of highly motivated rational adults, the Terror Temple didn't achieve their 'in your face' goal of opening on 09/11/2011, but their quest for a Ground Zero Victory Shrine continues, unabated.

It's time to dispense with all these impediments on the road to the victory we must achieve. It's time to confront the fact that Islam, as it is perpetrated in the 21st century, is a toxic belief system which presents a clear and present danger to this land conceived in liberty and the inalienable individual liberty that sets it apart from other nations. It's time to put the war against Jihadikazes on the front burner, where it belongs. It's time to keep it there, until we finish our unfinished business.

We all know what happened on September 11, 2001, but knowing, remembering, aren't enough. It's time for We the People to ask ourselves, when are WE going to do something about it?

OC...Whore? Seriously?

I submit, for your amusement this cover image for a new Orange County (Mexifornia) magazine.

If you think it looks like OC WHORE, don't feel like the Lone Ranger. A LOT of people got the same impression, when they saw this cover of OC WHERE.

As usual, I have a couple impressions.

Some editor needs to pay closer attention to those devilish details.

OC WHERE is an asinine name.l

Things I Can Do Without

* I hate the relentlessly annoying sound of The One's voice.

What America needs is at least one Nobama hour, EVERY DAY. Anyone who mentions his name, anyone who afflicts his voice or image on you, during Nobama WILL BE SHOT.

* The insane bullshit spewed by the Moonbats who addressed the Demoncrat Convention isn't in the same universe as objective reality. Most of them make Joe Biden seem sane and statesman like, by comparison.

After a week of that shit, the nauseating sights and sounds of the MSM humping Messiah Barry's leg is going to make me reach for Old Betsy.

* I despise the 'echo chamber' effect of VRWC talk radio.

All day long, one show after another, it's the same sorry soundbites. Even the commentary by the hosts reeks of the echo chamber.

Is it too much to expect - GASP - some originality? From the national shows, the answer is 'probably', but local shows do, from time to time, offer a refreshing change.

* I'm fed up with politicians (both parties), Eggheads, mainstream meatheads, boob tube and boom box hosts, plus the self-defined intelligentsia trying to play me for the fool.

Just because some legend in his, her, hisher, or its own mind says it, doesn't make it true. I prefer to seek out Just the Facts, on my own, so back off.

Dog Whistles

Exploring the hidden messages which allegedly lurk behind words like 'Chicago', 'Golf', 'Anger' and 'Experienced', to name a few.

Dog whistles? You better believe it, Sparky. According to the rabid Moonbats who infest the MSM in such large numbers, those dastardly bitter clingers are sending coded messages (dog whistles). With The One in a tough re-election battle, it shouldn't shock you to learn that the racist dog whistle is the most common type.

Before I delve into some specific examples, I'll put this bull crap in sharp focus, with this excerpt from a recent Mark Steyn commentary:

On the matter of those racist dog whistles all these middle-age white liberals keep hearing, the Wall Street Journal's James Taranto put it very well: "The thing we adore about these dog-whistle kerfuffles is that the people who react to the whistle always assume it's intended for somebody else," he wrote. "The whole point of the metaphor is that if you can hear the whistle, you're the dog." And a very rare breed at that. What frequency does a Mitch McConnell speech have to be ringing inside your head for even the most racially obsessed Caucasian NBC anchorman to hear the words "PGA tour" as "deep-rooted white insecurities about black male sexuality"? That's way beyond dog-whistling, and somewhere between barking mad and frothing rabid.

During a bygone era, when somebody unleashed a gas attack (farted), the rule of thumb said 'the smeller is the feller'. James Taranto covered the same ground, much more eloquently, when he wrote "if you can hear the whistle, you're the dog". Therefore, the MSM yappers cited in the following examples are the dog (the racist).

(Racist) Dog Whistle: "Chicago"

Whistle Blowhard: Tingles (Chris Matthews)

"(T)hey keep saying Chicago, by the way. Have you noticed?" Matthews sputtered. "That sends that message: This guy's helping the poor people in the bad neighborhoods and screwing us in the 'burbs." (Malkin Commentary)

(Racist) Dog Whistle: "Golf"

Whistle Blowhard: Lawrence O'Donnell

When Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell observed that Obama was "working to earn a spot on the PGA tour," O'Donnell brilliantly perceived that subliminally associating Obama with golf is racist, because the word "golf" is subliminally associated with "Tiger Woods," and the word "Tiger" is not-so-subliminally associated with cocktail waitress Jamie Grubbs, nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel, lingerie model Jamie Jungers, former porn star Holly Sampson, etc, etc. So by using the word "golf" you're sending a racist dog whistle that Obama is a sex addict who reverses over fire hydrants. (Mark Steyn commentary)

(Racist) Dog Whistle: "Angry"

Whistle Blowhard: MSNBC yapper, Toure

On the campaign trail this summer, President Obama has become — in the words of the mainstream Associated Press — more "aggressive." But don't you dare call him "angry." According to MSNBC host Toure, that's racist!

"You notice he said 'anger' twice," Toure fumed in response to a speech last week by GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney. "He's really trying to use racial coding and access some really deep stereotypes about the angry black man." Or maybe Romney is just accurately describing the singular temperament of the growling, finger-jabbing, failure-plagued demagogue-in-chief. It's about the past four years, not 400 years. Sheesh. (Michelle Malkin Commentary)

(Racist) Dog Whistle: "Constitution"

Whistle Blowhard: Fox News yapper, Juan Williams

"The language of GOP racial politics is heavy on euphemisms that allow the speaker to deny any responsibility for the racial content of his message," [Juan] Williams wrote. "References to a lack of respect for the 'Founding Fathers' and the 'Constitution' also make certain ears perk up by demonizing anyone supposedly threatening core 'old-fashioned American values.'"

(Racist) Dog Whistle: "Experienced"

Whistle Blowhard: Basil Smikle , The Century Foundation

Intoned Smikle: "Experienced? Does it really mean the time that he spent in the Senate, or does it mean, 'Well, does that guy have the same kind of experience in life that I have?' ... What does inexperience really mean?"

Maybe it just means what critics meant it to mean: "Does this guy have experience beyond the measly 304 days he served when the U.S. Senate was in session before he announced his first presidential bid?" I know: Racist!

Malkin, Steyn, along with assorted other VRWC blowhards, served up assorted other MSM-identified dog whistles, but I won't beat you over the head with it. Instead I'll snatch up this dog whistle notion and run with it.

Before I move on down the rhetorical road, I have a word or two I'd like to add/append to the examples I lifted from Steyn and Malkin. I'll start with 'Constitution'. If this is a (racist) dog whistle, does that make the word "Philadelphia" a (racist) dog whistle to, since that's where it was written then adopted on September 17, 1787, by the Constitutional Convention? Since 'convention' is Juan Willams' bundle of race-baiting joy, I guess he'll need to make the call.

Does 'qualified' make a racist Rover perk up his ears with the same enthusiasm as 'experienced' elicits? Enquiring minds want to know. Are you out there Basil, you race-baiting butthead?

When it comes to dog whistles, there's one that elicits a deafening howling from the Libertard canines. If you guessed 'TEA Party', you've been paying attention after all. Half the lefties in Washington have pinned a racist dog collar on TEA Party participants, so there's no point in belaboring the point.

If, as the libertard yappers insist, 'TEA Party' is a (racist) dog whistle, does that infamous canine caller make 'Boston' guilty by association? Whenever you say TEA Party, the word 'Boston' flashes through your brain, because, here in the USA "Boston" and "Tea Party" are inexorably linked inside our brains. Maybe I need to run this one up Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren's flagpole and see if she salutes it.

I'll conclude this rant, by asking the obvious question: are there any words which can't be impugned as some inkorrect genre of dog whistle? Let's try a couple seemingly bulletproof words - 'is' & 'the' - and see how it goes.

Word: "Is"

Our assessment: "Is" reeks of Fido. Why? "Is" evokes the Clintonism: "That depends on what the meaning of 'is' is." That leads us to the Lewinski sex scandal, which is the smoking, uh, gun on 'is' as a (sexist) dog whistle. Whenever a sexist says 'is' while discussing a female, is he secretly telling his sexist cohorts: "Hubba, hubba, I wonder if she'd like to be my personal cigar humidor."

Word: "The"

Our assessment: This also reeks of Fido. Why? "The" is inherently judgmental and elitist. It strikes at the very heart of society as a whole by placing whatever follows "the" in a class all by itself. For example, a seemingly harmless statement like "she's THE one" eliminates all other women from contention. It violates the core tenet of Korrectness which mandates an equality of results.

Yes, I know it's insane, but it makes as much sense as the examples Malkin and Steyn cited in their commentaries. When it comes to MSM Moonbats, this tenet from our very own PIG Doctrine applies.

Since a word is nothing more than an ethically-neutral sequence of sound waves, it only has as much power for good or evil as the listener bestows upon it. There are no intrinsically 'offensive' sound waves, there are only hypersensitive listeners who are predisposed to being offended by them.

Cretins like Tingles, Juan Williams, Lawrence O'Donnell, and others of their ilk are predisposed to detect racism, sexism, homophobia, classism where none exists. They're the ones with the problem. Like the man said, "if you can hear the whistle, you're a dog."

These dog whistles are nothing new. They're the same old 'win by intimidating the VRWC into silence' tactics they've use for years. Why do they keep it up? Because it works quite effectively, especially on the Nervous Nellies who lack the courage of their convictions.

When some Libertard tries to shove one of these dog whistles down your throat, tell him, her, himher, or it to stick it where the sun don't shine.

Highly Recommended Reading

Frank J. Fleming, of IMAO (a must visit daily site) fame, has written another book and today is the day it's finally available.

It's called 'How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome'

I just started reading it, so I'll let Amazon do the heavy lifting:

The United States of America is the greatest country on earth. That's not good enough. Frank J. Fleming, author of the satire Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything and a leading authority on America's awesomeness, strikes back against the doom and gloom about America's future with a plan to ensure the United States's greatness for years to come. Fleming's solution aren't the usual small-minded ideas you hear from politicians and pundits, but the bold, unique ideas that the greatest country on earth deserves—ideas that will solve all of America's problems, forever! Fleming offers simple, common sense ideas to make sure our best years are ahead of us, such as:

Simplify Supreme Court cases
Outlaw whining
Consolidate and reduce the number of countries worldwide
Conquer and dominate the environment
End border disputes by making sure no other country touches us
Launch a nuclear strike against the moon for world peace

These aren't solutions you'll find anywhere else. They're the outside the box thinking that America needs. Fleming hopes to make the United States so much more than a shining city on a hill: With How to Fix Everything in America Forever, Fleming helps us see the path towards making the US a blazing inferno on a mountaintop that will fill the world with fear and awe for generations to come.

When I finish it, I'll give you my assessment. I will say that, so far, it's another Frank J. classic.

Hambo On the Fine Points of Government Financing

[Since this involves 'shovel-ready' jobs for union workers, I deem it a suitable Labor Day rant.]

Based on the epidemic of 'cone zones' which are popping up everywhere I go, it appears to be 'that' time of year again. Despite oceans of red ink in states from sea to shining sea, the rush to empty those Nanny State coffers is in full swing. That's right, PIGsters, that action-packed time of year on the Nanny State calendar that I like to call 'move it or lose it' season is in high gear.

What, you ask, is "move it or lose it" season? Wonder no more, Sparky, because Hambo will explain it all to you. Due to the utterly irrational way the Nanny State budget process works, any Nanny State entity that uses the taxpayers funds wisely, by spending only what they need, is punished during the next budget cycle by having the bean counters allocate them less money. On the other side of the ledger, any Nanny State entity that squanders all the money allocated to it and runs up a ton of debt will be rewarded for their spendthrift ways with a larger budget allocation in the next fiscal year. This is the essence of Nanny State spending: you must use all of it, some damn how, or you'll lose money during the next budget cycle.

Road maintenance is a prime example of move it or lose it budgeting in action. In fact, move it or lose it, is the reason that road crews magically appear everywhere you go the make your trip/commute as difficult as possible. Right now, for instance, at every strategic spot along my travel corridor, road crews are in the process of destroying the road, so they can "use" that extra budget money to fix it. Move it or lose it season is in full swing.

To give you the big picture, here's a true story of move it or lose it in action. Early in the fiscal year, a city where I lived would dispatch road crews to "fix" roads that were, as far as I could tell, in excellent shape. In reality, they were digging holes in the road at random intervals, then filling them up again in a half-assed manner, thus transforming a smooth roadway into a terminally bumpy one. Later in the fiscal year, when "move it or lose it" season arrived, the same road crews would return to fix the damage they inflicted. The road would be smooth again, temporarily, after which the process would start all over again.

That PIGsters concludes today's lesson on the Nanny State financing.

Lies, Damn Lies, And Statistics

[I decided to pull this rant out of retirement, after I stumbled across a story on the O.C. Register site. The headline proclaimed that Hate Crimes had increased by 14% between 2010 and 2011. When I plowed through the story, I found IT. Hate crimes behind the Orange Curtain had increased from 56 in 2010 to 64 in 2011. With a population of 3.055 million, 45% of which is whitey, that's hardly an alarming statistic. Obviously a "14% increase" makes a more sensational headline than "increased by 8 from 56 to 64".]

Whether it's environmentalists citing data on so-called global warming, or the properly-hyphenated spouting numbers that prove their victimhood, the blizzard of numbers - statistics, if you will - can seem very compelling, at first glance. The following dose of pagan scepticism should be studied carefully, and employed whenever someone with an axe to grind uses the numbers game to promote their cause:

● Don't be afraid to ask questions. How objective is the study? Who perpetrated it? Did the researcher start with a ready-made solution then seek out data to confirm it?

● Is the change real, meaningful, or a result of better research and more accurate data?

● Never accept percentages at face value. Always examine them carefully, suspiciously. Anything trumpeted as an increase of (n)% is especially questionable. Going from 1 person doing (fill in the blank) to 4 people doing (fill in the blank) can be sensationalized as a 300% increase.

● Whenever possible look for hard numbers. How many people were in the sample group? What were the exact numbers in each category?

● Health Nazis like to dramatize real numbers - especially where death and disease are concerned - by using the following format: (n) people die of/suffer from (fill in the blank) every (n – insert unit of time...usually seconds or minutes). In this case, get out your calculator and do the math. What sounds alarming, can turn out to be smoke and mirrors when you reduce it to hard numbers. Another thing to consider is that the U.S. population numbered (311,591,917) in 2011 according to the Census Bureau. You might want to calculate what the total number of individuals incurring the dreaded malady represents as a percentage of the total population. [Key numbers to assist your calculations: 525,600 minutes/year; 8760 hours/year]

● Some of the most familiar statistics - the number of deaths from second hand smoke, for example - are utter bullshit. The science, such as it is, is warped until the desired results are achieved. If someone dies, from any cause, and they've been in the same universe as a smoker, second-hand smoke is cited as the cause of death. If you do the math on such statistics, you often find that we're killing off the entire U.S. population, every year or so. Houston, we have a problem.

Don't let the spew of numbers distract you. Take the time to dig deeper, and get what Paul Harvey calls, 'the rest of the story'.

Random Synaptic Activity

Ka-Boom

Yesterday, Tingles (Chris Matthews) stopped humping Barry's leg long enough to 'enlighten' us about the newest 'racist' slur. You'll be thrilled to learn that invoking "Chicago", in any way, shape, or form, while discussing Tingles' hunka, hunka, hunka burning Oval Office love, is racist.

I know you're eager for an explanation, but I don't have one. Expecting Tingles to make sense is as foolish as expecting Barry to take responsibility for his actions. It's never going to happen.

Ka-Boom

If you're like me, you'll be amazed to learn that the State Department pays someone to be their Chief Diversity Officer. Yeah, it thrilled the snot out of me, too. What, you ask, does a Chief Diversity Officer - John Robinson is his name - do?

Shit like this:

Robinson penned a column in the department's latest edition of "State Magazine" advising readers on some rather obscure Ps and Qs.

<snip>

For instance, Robinson warned, "hold down the fort" is a potentially insulting reference to American Indian stereotypes.

"How many times have you or a colleague asked if someone could 'hold down the fort?'" he wrote. "You were likely asking someone to watch the office while you go and do something else, but the phrase's historical connotation to some is negative and racially offensive."

He explained: "To 'hold down the fort' originally meant to watch and protect against the vicious Native American intruders. In the territories of the West, Army soldiers or settlers saw the 'fort' as their refuge from their perceived 'enemy,' the stereotypical 'savage' Native American tribes."

He singled out another phrase, "Going Dutch," as a "negative stereotype portraying the Dutch as cheap."

And "rule of thumb," he wrote, can according to women's activists refer "to an antiquated law, whereby the width of a husband's thumb was the legal size of a switch or rod allowed to beat his wife."

Further, he explained, "If her bruises were not larger than the width of his thumb, the husband could not be brought to court to answer for his behavior because he had not violated the 'rule of thumb.'"

He went on to urge caution over the word "handicap," as some disability advocates "believe this term is rooted in a correlation between a disabled individual and a beggar, who had to beg with a cap in his or her hand because of the inability to maintain employment." (Fox News)

I'm thrilled beyond words to know that my tax dollars pay this fool to shove his head that far up his ass.

Ka-Boom

Speaking of diversity running amok, I have thrilling news for you. South African Airways has decided its pilot demographics suck: 15% of pilots are non-white; the other 85% are,DUH, white, 91% of whom are - gasp - men. What to do?

If you're SAA, you immediately stop allowing white men to enter your cadet pilot training course. Racial/ethnic pedigree now reigns supreme. From now on, you don't need to be a skilled pilot, you only need to be the right color and they'll let you fly their plane.

A word to the wise seems in order. If you're thinking about hopping on a South African Airways flight, just say "hell no, I won' go".

This & That

Southern California's Sports Fan Code of Conduct

A sports fan code of conduct? You bet and the twerps behind it - Los Angeles Sports Council are making a big fuss over it:

LOS ANGELES (August 27, 2012) –- In an effort to create a more secure and enjoyable game-day experience for fans at local sports events, the Los Angeles Sports Council, in cooperation with sports venues, area teams, and law enforcement agencies, today announced the creation of the Southern California Fan Code of Conduct that has been approved by the Council's recently created Task Force on Fan Behavior.

The Task Force, which includes representatives of all local sports venues with a capacity of 10,000 or more, developed 10 easy-to-understand guidelines intended to foster a comfortable and safe atmosphere for spectators. Although most venues and teams already have their own codes of conduct, this is the first time a common code, which can subject violators to ejection or arrest, will apply to multiple sports facilities in the region.

What, exactly, did the Task Force on Fan Behavior poop out after yammering about this crap for more than a year? Prepare to be thrilled by this 'well, duh' code:

Southern California Fan Code of Conduct

The [Name of Team and/or Name of Facility and/or Los Angeles Sports Council] supports the area's outstanding collegiate and professional sports teams. In order to ensure a safe and celebratory environment, we ask that fans refrain from the following behavior at all events:

• Profanity or other offensive language, whether spoken or appearing on apparel
• Smoking, other than in designated areas
• Intoxication or excessive alcohol consumption
• Bringing prohibited items into the venue
• Throwing of items or liquids
• Entering the playing field or court at any time
• Fighting or other threatening behavior
• Failure to retain ticket and/or present it to event staff if requested to do so
• Resale of tickets at the venue
• Violation of state or local laws

Failure to comply may subject you to ejection or arrest.

That's it? You better believe it, 'this reeks of CYA-class shyster shit' Sparky.

GOP Rules changes

As far as I can tell, the Beltway Republitards don't really give a shit about defeating Barry in November. They are much too busy waging war on the TEA Party, sovereign individuals, and anyone else who won't drink the 'beltway bozo business as usual' Kool-Aid.

Change 1: 'The first rule to be proposed is one that would give the Republican National Committee the power to change rules between conventions with a three-quarters vote of the RNC. One source tells me, "With a Republican President, of course this is doable. Everybody will roll over if a President Romney asks them too. They'll be able to get Ben Ginsberg's proposal next year."...'

Change 2: 'The second rules change would front load winner takes all primaries. Grassroots conservatives point to both Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum as reasons to stop this rule. Had there been front loaded winner takes all primaries, neither the Gingrich nor the Santorum campaigns would have been able to get any traction...' (Red State)

As far as I can tell, the Beltway Republitards don't really give a shit about defeating Barry in November. They are much too busy waging war on the TEA Party, sovereign individuals, and anyone else who won't drink the 'beltway bozo business as usual' Kool-Aid.

Barry's 'Tribute' to Neil Armstrong

Neil Armstrong, a no Hambo shit American Hero is dead, but you wouldn't know it from Barry's 'tribute': a picture of Barry looking up at the night sky. Where's Neil? I can tell you where he isn't: in the 'tribute' image. As usual, Barry makes all about ME, ME, ME, ME, ME. It's disgusting. It denigrates the office of the presidency. It's a disservice to a great American. Neil Armstrong deserves better.

Things I'd like to see...

* I'd like to see Barry's college transcripts, to find out what he doesn't want us to know about him.

* I'd like to see Evangelizing Atheists take on the one religion with a long, bloody, track record of using government to impose - by force if necessary - their theology, Islam, as the official state religion.

* I'd like to see government schools cut the non-educational crap and start instilling knowledge, and a rational, fact-based thought process on their young minds full of mush. That means no more social engineering, no more behavior modification, no more bullshit indoctrination in the name of 'tolerance', sensitivity, and 'diversity'.

* I'd like to see Elected Tormentors who 'balance' a budget by pulling numbers out of their asses arrested and tried for defrauding the taxpayers.

* I'd like to see a REAL presidential debate for a change, instead of televised ambushes of a GOP contender in debates that are rigged by Libertards and moderated by Libertards.

* I'd like to see one of the major Libertard MSM outfits spit out the Obamunist Kool-Aid and expose Obama for the malevolent, dangerously incompetent, egomaniac he really is.

Finally, I'd like to see the Elephant Clan replaced by a new political party based on sovereign individualism and inalienable individual liberty

Yeah, I know. I won't hold my breath on any of these.

Hero of the PIGdom

In this week's Top Story I wrote:

I'd like to think that somewhere among the Republicans there's a individual with a full set of balls. When the MSM tries to entice him, her, himher, or it into an interview, this rugged individual would tell the News Nazi: "Giving you an interview is the same as spilling my guts to the DNC. You're a propaganda spewing shill for the Demoncrats who wouldn't know the truth if it fell on you. You're going to have to spin your pack of lies without my help. If you want a quote, try this on for size: 'Go f**k yourself'."

On Thursday, my wishful thinking got thrillingly real thanks to Michael Baumgartner (GOP U.S. Senate candidate in the state of Washington):

Local journalist Josh Feit wrote on Publicola that Baumgartner sent him an email late Monday night after Feit had interviewed the candidate earlier the same day. The topic of the interview, Feit said, was Akin's remarks about "legitimate rape" and abortion. During the interview, Baumgartner deemed the comment "inexcusable and stupid and ignorant," but said "he wanted a truce in the culture wars and his campaign was about jobs and ending the war in Afghanistan."

Then, at 10:45 p.m., Feit received an email from the candidate, which included a photo of Baumgartner with Pat Feeks, a Navy SEAL who recently died in Afghanistan. The email read:

"Josh, this is Pat Feeks, a Navy SEAL killed last week in Afghanistan. Take a good look and then go f*** yourself." (Fox Nation)

Odds & Ends

Item: You didn't make that

As usual Barry has his head up his ass on this one.

He opines that it's government that made an American Dreamer's success possible. In fact, it's government that throws one hurdle after another in the Dreamer's way with permits, licenses, inspections, and regulations regarding every aspect of the business, and those impediments are just the beginning.

If the Dreamer has the stamina and re$ource$ to plow through the bureaucratic red tape that allows the business to open, the bureaucrats reward the Dreamer, with an even bigger mountain of red tape.

Success isn't achieved because of government. Success is achieved in spite of government.

Item: Hasan must shave

Since the Fort Hood Jihadikaze refuses to shave, the option of forcibly shaving him was run up the Judicial flagpole. This week, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces gave its okey dokey to this line of reasoning:

"Forced shaving is not a novel concept in the military," military attorneys said in the judge's response filed with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces. "Army regulations expressly authorize nonconsensual haircutting and face-shaving for recalcitrant incarcerated soldiers. ... If the judge has authority to bind and gag a disruptive accused (soldier), then certainly he has authority to forcibly shave (Hasan)."

I wonder if they'll ask for volunteers to shave the bastard.

Item: Another reason I'm a registered Independent, not a Republican

Nevada voters are going to have to pick a candidate or stay home from the polls, now that a federal judge has struck down the Silver State's unique "none of the above" ballot option just in time for a crucial Senate election.

U.S. District Judge Robert C. Jones tossed the option, which has been on Nevada state election ballots since 1978. The protest vote had become a tradition in which disgusted voters vented their spleens and sent a message to candidates. But a GOP-linked law firm filed suit, claiming that the protest choice disenfranchises other voters, and Jones ruled Wednesday that because the "none" option can never win, even if it gets the most votes, it essentially makes those votes not count. (Fox News)

I happen to like 'none of the above'. Why? It says I'm politically active, but I'm disgusted with the choices you give me. 'None of the above' says "you both suck, better luck next time". Best of all 'none of the above' gives a serious voter a viable alternative to 'lesser of two evils'.

A Is, And Always Will Be, A

Today, I'm going to, once again, state the obvious. Why? Because I can, AND, because it's necessary.

* The government doesn't produce anything. It's essentially an armed and dangerous parasite that uses its monopoly on the legal use of force to take wealth OUT of the economy, so it can be redeployed to serve the political agenda of the Elected Tormentors in charge.

* Although the Elected Tormentors do their best to exempt themselves from the laws they pass, there's one law that they can't escape: The Law of Unintended Consequences.

* The Nanny State operates, for the most part, in the political equivalent of slow motion. By the time a situation registers on their radar, the window of opportunity for useful action has already closed. When they finally do act, their antics come much too late and, invariably, make matters worse, instead of better.

* It is not a proper function of government to save sovereign individuals from themselves. Individuals, in a properly constitutional nation, get to make their own decisions, then reap the rewards, or pay the price, for their actions. It's our life and the proper function of government is to let we the people live it, without relentless Nanny State interference.

* If you punish something, via regulations, taxes and relentless interference, you'll get less of it. This is especially true if 'it' is a business which is able to seek more business-friendly surroundings in another city, county, state or nation.

* It's impossible to conserve your way to energy independence. Unless you're willing to move into a cave where your energy footprint approaches, as a limit, zero, you'll never be able to conserve enough to make this work.

* Green energy firms are boondoggles which need a steady infusion of taxpayer funded subsidies to show a 'profit' on their balance sheet.

* That ethically challenged windbag, who pretends to be your best friend, at chad punching time, is, in reality, a used car salesman - the one who sold you that clunker - who finally hit the big time.

* The Nanny State can't spend us out of an economic meltdown. No matter how much money they print...no matter how much money the Chinese spend buying up our debt, it will never be enough. Sooner or later, the bill becomes 'now due and payable', and when it does it has your name on it, taxpayer Sparky.

* The only meaningful difference between the Obamunist SEIU head-breakers and the Nazi brownshirts is the swastika on the Nazi uniform.

* You can't 'fix' the economy by putting more people on the government's payroll, because the Nanny State produces NOTHING. If the Nanny State REALLY wants to help Main Street, it can begin by taking the Tax Nazi's hand out of a struggling capitalist's pocket.

There! I doubt that any of you were motivated, informed or enlightened by that prose, but venting was very therapeutic for this pagan scribbler.

Uncool For School

When a Tennessee high school - Hardin Valley Academy (West Knoxville) - assigned 'it' as a summer reading assignment for the incoming freshman class, Sam Lee wasn't ready to let his 14 year old daughter read anything like that. Deeming 'it' in appropriate, he said the profanity-laced tome, with its glut of violence had no place in a school curriculum.

What is 'it'? It's called "Robopocalypse" and it sounds like something a teenager might enjoy. Amazon describes it this way:

In this terrifying tale of humanity's desperate stand against a robot uprising, Daniel H. Wilson has written the most entertaining sci-fi thriller in years.

Not far into our future, the dazzling technology that runs our world turns against us. Controlled by a childlike—yet massively powerful—artificial intelligence known as Archos, the global network of machines on which our world has grown dependent suddenly becomes an implacable, deadly foe. At Zero Hour—the moment the robots attack—the human race is almost annihilated, but as its scattered remnants regroup, humanity for the first time unites in a determined effort to fight back. This is the oral history of that conflict, told by an international cast of survivors who experienced this long and bloody confrontation with the machines. Brilliantly conceived and amazingly detailed, Robopocalypse is an action-packed epic with chilling implications about the real technology that surrounds us.

If daddy thinks baby girl's high school is a profanity free zone, he's delusional and needs to spend some quality time with high school inmates.

For those who care, here's the cess-school's response to daddy's complaint:

Administrators with the school program told Lee's wife in an email that the intention, when teachers proposed "Robopocalypse" for the summer read, was not to counter any lessons.

Rather, the goal was to keep students engaged in the core aspects of the curriculum (science, technology, engineering and math) during the summer break, the station reported. (Fox News)

This pagan scribbler deems the book 'no harm, no foul'.

A PIGIsh Freedom of Speech Exercise

When it comes to politics, the owners of the Village Corner Deli (Davenport, Iowa) are poles apart. Ross Murty is a registered Republican who was, and still is, outraged by Barry's 'you didn't build that' outburst. His partner, Bret Dalton, is a registered Demoncrat who, during his college days, worked as a volunteer on Joe Biden's 1988 POTUS campaign.

When the infamous call came from Obama's campaign staff, Ross was attending a Cubs game in Chicago. When Bret fielded the offer to cater Barry's Davenport campaign stop, he jumped at the chance. If you think Ross would have turned the job down, guess again, because to Ross Murty "business is business".

While taking care of business at the Obama political event, Ross Murty exercised his Freedom of Speech, by performing his catering duties in a t-shirt which boldly proclaimed "Government didn't build my business, I did."

The Free State of PIG salutes Ross Murty for going behind enemy lines to give Barry a reality check. Nicely done, dude. Very nicely done.

Signs of Oppressions

Now that I've been enriched by cultures from such unlikely places as Rwanda, Sri Lanka, El Salvador and Kazakstan...Now that my mind has been liberated from the oppression of Euro-centric dogma...I'm constantly assaulted by the oppression that exists in American society. Nowhere is this more evident than on the roads and highways of our nation.

The following road signs are an insult to enlightened people and must be eliminated:

No Left Turn:
Militantly anti-progressive. For the good of society as a whole, especially the underclasses, movements to the left must be encouraged at all times. Those attempting turns to the right (reactionaries), those determined to go straight ahead (traditionalists) and especially those Rushing backwards (conservatives) must be made to yield to those moving left (progressives).

No Right Turn on Red:
Overtly reactionary. Movements to the right must be outlawed and violators put to death on the spot.

No U Turn:
Elitist. This forces a rational thought process on existentialists, progressives and other non-conceptual intellectuals who recreate reality as they go along, requiring frequent 180 degree changes in direction.

One Way Street:
Elitist and anti-democratic. This subjects the underclasses to the tyranny of those special interests who ignore the need of the masses to go in the wrong direction.

Loading Zone:
Materialistic. Elitist. Anti-democratic. Grants special privileges to powerful business interests who exploit the workers and underprivileged in the name of mindless greed.

Yield:
Demeans women. A blatant attempt to subject women to the oppressive yoke of those members of the chauvinist male horde who are impeding female progress by moving across her path.

The whole notion of road signs and traffic signals smacks of authoritarianism, and the naked aggression of a fascist police state. It's obscene to impose these Western values in this multi-cultural era. It's nothing short of tyranny to command blind obedience from everyone, when so many people may feel a need to move outside the meaningless conventions of our Euro-centric traffic customs. No justice...No peace!

Feedback

Our Professor of Piety, PIGster J., had issues with my Humanity 2.0 rant.

He wrote:

1. You've cherry picked JUST a bit in the whole "Begat vs. bellowing" argument, haven't you? God didn't "bellow" regarding sex with someone. In the Old Testament AND the New, He spoke out against sexual relations with someone you were not married to. That never changed. Let's also not forget that the "begatting all over the place" was also part of what brought about the following: "The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually." Genesis 6:5. After that came the whole flood business.

a. Reproduction (as well as pleasure) was the purpose of sex, my friend. The two are not mutually exclusive. Carelessness is what causes "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, oops!" not any fault of God's. Point the finger right at the people in the mirror for that. The idea of it was to exist between married couples – not this one and that one who decided they couldn't control their hormones. Again, don't blame the architect – blame the carelessness of the worker.

b. A third gender? Are you kidding? LaToya, Michael, and Charlie Manson are who they are because they chose to be. They weren't that way because of an accident of birth, or some flux up of their parents' genes.

2. No need for a self tucking wang. The only thing you need to prevent that instant erection is a little thing called "self control." Pretty girl does not automatically = full fledged hard-on. Again, not the Architect – the shoddy job done by the workman.

3. Self sizing ta-tas and baldness can be cured under one heading – "good self-esteem." A woman happy with herself could care less, also a man happy with himself could care less if he's bald or not. Yul Brynner was bald. I don't think it bothered him any J

4. I don't believe God has a soft spot for fools and drunks. You just keep hearing about the ones who make it through – and not all the ones who DON'T. Fools and drunks are subject to the same laws of the universe as we are, trust me J

5. Man in a woman's body/woman in a man's body implies God makes mistakes. BZZT. Wrong answer. If he does, he's not God.

6. No NADS can go pound sand. To give them what they want would be giving in. They can't whizz standing up and can bloody well DEAL with it.

7. Aging backwards? What a horrible thought J If we aged backwards, people would want to age the way we do now. You'd never be satisfied.

I responded:

Here are a few random responses to your critique of Humanity 2.0, the revised version:

Item : Remember, Humanity 2.0 is intended to be humor in the manner of Twain's 'Letters From Earth', since neither is/was intended to be a serious theological discussion.

Item: A self-tucking wang seems nifty to me. One man's opinion.

Item: Self-sizing ta-tas are part of what I call 'fix it, then STFU' trio. When 'she' whines 'they're too small', or 'they're too big', HE says, 'fix it, then STFU'.

Item: Gender Reset is another 'fix it, then STFU' item. When some genderally confused twerp whines 'I'm in the wrong body', a rational adult replies 'hit your reset switch to fix it, then STFU'.

Item: Standing whiz for NO NADS is the third of my 'fix it then STFU' items. When some womyn's studies wench whines about the long lines at the ladies room, a rational adult says, 'fix it with Humanity 2.0 then STFU'.

Item: Fools & Drunks. This one rocks my world. One man's opinion.

Item: Aging backwards. Youth is high energy, and powerful urges, without the experience and wisdom to use/control them properly. Maturity is experience and wisdom, without the high energy, the vigor, of youth needed to enjoy those greatly diminished urges. This 'trial balloon is one way to 'make things right', as I would like them. One man's opinion.

On this item, I think the 'Slaughterhouse Five' idea - living your life out of sequence, so you could re-experience various moments of your life, more than once' - sounds interesting. BUT, I'd want the ability to switch it on and off. I would not, however, want to select my random life moments. I think I'd rather have them selected at random.

Odds & Ends

Gender Segregation
The Sandbox (Saudi Arabia) has a surplus of talented, highly educated women whom they would like to add to the work force. But, their primordial brand of Mecca Mania makes that nearly impossible. What to do?

Their solution: build a new city for women only. Businesses - textiles, drug firms, food processors - will be run by, staffed by, women, exclusively.

Would it work in America? We'll know soon enough, because, in the USA similar women only enclaves are incrementally evolving at well-established institutions from sea to shining sea. In the USA, we call these forthcoming women only enclaves, the American university system.

Jihad Janet's Girls Gone Wild
As leader of the Homeland Stupidity Department Jihad Janet Napolitano is, according to a new lawsuit, more then a terrorist coddling, border jumper loving, incompetent. She's also a sexist bitch.

Her leadership has established cat house where the twats she put in positions of authority routinely humiliate, harass and terrorize their male counterparts. For example:

Napolitano's chief of staff Suzanne Barr repeatedly targeted men because of their gender and once called a male employee's hotel room to use sexually explicit language, the suit claims.

Napolitano's chief of staff at ICE, Suzanne Barr, of repeated 'sexually offensive behaviour' intended to 'humiliate and intimidate male employees'.

On one occasion, Barr called a colleague in his hotel room and screamed using sexually explicit language, telling him she 'wanted his c*** in the back of [her] throat'.

[Barr] 'created a frat-house type atmosphere that is targeted to humiliate and intimidate male employees', according to court papers.

In 2009 she 'removed the entire contents of the offices of three male employees, including nameplates, computers and telephones, to the men's bathroom at ICE headquarters'.

Once she took a male special agent's work phone and messaged his female supervise 'indicating that the male employee had a crush on the female supervisor and fantasized about her', it says.

Girls just wanna have fun? No doubt, but some of the girls are getting promoted by Jihad Janet because they're 'fun' and one of the guys has issues with that.

James T. Hayes Jr., a special agent in charge of New York City investigations for Immigration and Customs Enforcement, filed the lawsuit in Washington, the New York Post reported.

He claims Napolitano favoured Dora Schriro, who had worked as director of the Arizona Department of Corrections when Napolitano was governor of the state, for a job due to their relationship. (Daily Mail)

I have no use whatsoever for Jihad Janet or her girls gone wild, and that's a no shit fact. On the other hand, I'm not THAT sympathetic to James T. Hayes, Jr either. Why? He's a job for life bureaucrat, and I'm not choked up about one of THOSE either. He wants $335,000 in damages, paid for by We the People? Bite me!

Humanity 2.0 Revisited

Old Ka-Boom seems to be past the busiest part of his celestial agenda, so this might be a perfect time to fast track one of those back burner projects that he has neglected far too long. I am speaking, of course, about the long awaited upgrade of humanity from 1.0 to 2.0. It's time for Old Ka-Boom to git 'er done, as Larry The Cable Guy likes to say.

I know how hard it can be to get rolling on a new project, so I'll prime the pump by giving Old Ka-Boom a few pointers, then step back and let him run with the idea.

Sex:
He really needs to rethink his approach to 'begatting'. In one part of the Humanity 1.0 operator's manual - The Holy Tome - he has Humanity 1.0 begatting their butts off. In other parts of the operator's manual he's bellowing about the sinfulness of getting horizontal and squishy. I think he needs to leave sex alone, and re-engineer the begatting function.

Reproduction:
Perpetuating the human species should be a tad more involved that "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am, OOPS"? He needs separate the recreational aspects of sex from procreation. A third gender whose only biological function would be to facilitate reproduction would be one solution worth considering. Given that 'burden', such a gender wouldn't take reproduction lightly.

I am, as you probably already know, egregiously Darwinian in my approach to procreation. My Humanity 2.0 reproductive upgrade - one that I respectfully suggest is needed - is based on a very simple Hambo contention: Anyone can reproduce, and those who have no business doing so - Twatney Spears comes to mind - ALWAYS DO. In other words, my third gender whose function is transforming boinking into reproduction serves one vital purpose that amounts to "stop these people before they breed". Would a third sex let ma and pa Jackson produce a La Toya or Michael? Doubtful. Would this third gender allow ma and pa Manson unleash a Charlie? Nope. I rest my case.

Male Arousal:
I enjoy a good prank, a practical joke, as well as the next guy, but enough is enough. In Humanity 2.0, he really needs to do something about this blatant "HELLO THERE, SWEET CHEEKS" male arousal. Something a tad less hair-triggered and somewhat more subtle is needed.

I think a self-tucking wang that only comes out to play might be a nifty notion. We can work out the fine details.

Baldness:
Admittedly, being born nearly bald and dying with that same condition has a certain symmetry, but is it really necessary to punish all men because Adam stepped in it?

Women already outlive us, so letting us keep our full head of hair to the very end would let us accept that early checkout time with a smile on our face.

Self-Sizing Tatas:
Many women seem less than thrilled spitless with the original set of sweater puppies they are issued. Why not create a biological mechanism that will let her adjust the size of her 'girls' to suit her mood. In addition to making her much, much happier, it would give dudes an early warning system beacon that will let him know when there's an unscheduled 'chill' in the air. If she deflates them the moment he enters the room, that's a sure sign that he's stepped in it.

Intellectual Flat-Liners:
There was a time when Old Ka Boom allowed these dim bulbs to achieve room temperature through their own stupidity. Then, ever so gradually, he got bored and imposed this new rule that didn't make it into the Humanity 1.0 operator's manual. You know the rule I mean, the one about Old Ka-Boom having a soft spot for fools and drunks. Granted, he seems to have a sliding scale on who makes the fools and drunks cut, but he saves more of them than he should. I think we should revoke the fools and drunks protection in Humanity 2.0.

Gender Reset
The Humanity 2.0 upgrade should provide a built-in solution to transgenderism. I know that much of this sex change crap is nothing but a 'that might be cool' brainfart. HOWEVER, I believe there are genuine cases of 'a man in a woman's body' and 'woman in a man's body'. Instead of dooming the individual to a complex medical procedure, Old Ka-Boom should install a 'single use gender reset switch' that becomes viable, when the individual reaches physical maturity (I'm thinking no sooner than 18 years old). When activated - via a specific DNA sequence - the individual will become the 'other' gender', permanently.

Whizzy Business
The Humanity 2.0 upgrade should give NO NADS what they really want. Since their hostility to men is based on their envy of that one male perk - a standing whiz - Old Ka-Boom should tweak the female nads to allow them to pee standing up.

Resequencing The Aging Process
I don't remember the name of the movie, but I know it involved an individual who was aging 'backwards'. I think Old Ka-Boom should run some tests on this idea, in conjunction with the Humanity 2.0 upgrade. Born old and feeble, the newborn would be unable to get into too much trouble. By the time the individual had a body of a 20 year old, he, or she, would have ample life experience, enough to use their vigor wisely.

'Slaughterhouse Five' had a different, but equally interesting approach. Its main character lives his life, out of sequence. Jumping into and out of various moments in one's life might be very interesting, but I would suggest that Old Ka-Boom make that a user-selectable option.

That should be enough to send our celestial bio-engineer back to his drawing board, but if needs a few more hints, he should stay tuned for my next posting on this subject that is near and dear to my heart.

Thirdhand Smoke - A New Smoke Nazi Assault

In the beginning, there was firsthand smoke, a dastardly substance that limits its impact to the smoker, and only the smoker. Firsthand smoke was the health risk - a real one - which led to those increasingly Draconian health warnings on a pack of cancer sticks.

In the fullness of time, when it became clear that 'the public' was not suitably alarmed over the deleterious effects of firsthand smoke on smokers, the Smoke Nazis pulled a real stinker out of their butts. The name of this gem is secondhand smoke and it - allegedly - a BIGGER health risk than firsthand smoke. Why? Because, thanks to the numbers games played by Smoke Nazis, secondhand smoke is more deadly than firsthand smoke, PLUS, its primary victims are non-smokers who strayed too close to a smoker.

Secondhand smoke is still alive and well, as shown by the increasing popularity of smoking bans in public places. The problem, for Smoke Nazis, is that they haven't found a way to ban smoking in ALL private places. They made inroads in apartment buildings, and in some places, banned smoking in cars, when there's a child along for the ride. Despite that, there's no leverage available that might allow Smoke Nazis to stick their foot inside the door of a smoker's home sweet home. That's seems destined to change. How? You're going to be thrilled.

The new kid on the Smoke Nazi block is - TA DA - thirdhand smoke. That's right THIRDHAND SMOKE. What is it? According to the Smoke Nazis, it's the smoke 'contamination' which lingers long after a cancer stick is extinguished. It's the 'particulate matter' left over from tobacco smoke which sticks to clothes, hair, body parts, furniture, and everything else exposed to tobacco smoke. Big fun, but it gets better because, according to lab coated Smoke Nazi zealots, thirdhand smoke is a dire threat to - you gotta know what's coming - THE CHILDREN.

Does this necessarily hit you where you live? It will, if the primary lab coated Smoke Nazi zealot - he just twisted objective reality beyond recognition with a thirdhand smoke study - Jonathan Winickoff, assistant director of the MGHfC Center for Child and Adolescent Health Policy gets his way:

'..."The dangers of third-hand smoke are very real," says Winickoff, who is a professor of Pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics' Richmond Center. "Our goal was to find out if people who were aware of these harmful effects were less likely to smoke inside of their home."...'

'...Winickoff's study shows that increasing awareness of how third-hand smoke harms the health of children may encourage home smoking bans. It also will be important to incorporate knowledge about third-hand smoke contamination into current tobacco control campaigns, programs, and routine clinical practice...' (A Smoke Nazi blog)

History is about to repeat itself with another assault of 'public policy issue' liberty infringement. First, some Smoke Nazi zealot perpetrates a whopperthon and calls it 'a study'. Next, they ramp up their alarmist rhetoric to terrify as many people as possible. Once the hysteria reaches critical mass, the end game begins. Faster than you can say 'public policy issue', the Elected Tormentors, egged on by trail lawyers and Smoke Nazi zealots, willfully - for your own good - repeal more of your inalienable individual liberty.

Are smoking bans in private homes headed our way? You better believe it Sparky, but don't hold your breath waiting for this non-smoker to celebrate another assault on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

(FYI: I first posted this last Fall, but it's back in the news cycle, so I reposted this rant.)

This & That

Cat Fight

Elton John - a dude whose performance attire proves that he doesn't own, can't operate, or lost the directions to, a mirror - is in an eye-clawing cat fight with Madonna. I don't know what started it and I don't really care. All that matters is this: he bitch-slapped Madonna who has been begging for it.

The scribe at the Superficial wrote:

In a new interview with Australia's Channel 7, Elton John calls Madonna's current tour a "disaster" that "couldn't happen to a bigger cunt" which really isn't a polite thing to say to a woman who has to carry around an anti-death device just to make it past breakfast. — I'm joking. Let's hear more! Via Gossip Cop:

"If Madonna had any common sense, she would have made a record like Ray of Light, stayed away from the dance stuff, and just been a great pop singer and made great pop records, which she does brilliantly," says John. "But no, she had to prove that she [could do it all]… and she looks like a fucking fairground stripper."

When Madonna responds, I'll share it, if it's PIG-worthy.

Mars Rover

I'm shocked to learn that NASA does more than spout alarmist, Globally Warmed, whoppers that are infused with junk science. Apparently there is still a smattering of REAL SCIENCE taking place in NASA. How the hell did THAT happen?

The latest Mars landing was very impressive, doubly so given its complexities. By any standard it appears to be flawless. I do, however, think that they could have found room for a passenger. After all, The One hasn't apologized to E.T. yet.

Stranger Than Fiction

Item: Niggling.

Barry and his minions are acting huffy and indignant about the new unemployment figures. The unemployment rate is NOT 8.3%, they huff. It's 8.254%. So there...racist hate mongers.

Item: Who Said It?

"I think it's entirely legitimate for individuals to say, 'I don't want to eat there.' I don't think government should discriminate against Chick fil A because of the views of the owner. I wouldn't want to personally eat there. I wouldn't want to support a guy who thinks I shouldn't have my rights, but I don't think the government should do that."

Believe it or not, it's Barney Frank who said the Nanny State must not punish a firm - block them from operating in a given city - for the political views of its owners.

Item: The Shock Treatments Aren't Working.

No more 'Dogg' for the Snoopster. That got kicked to the curb, during a trip to Jamaica, along with his career in hip-hop. The 'Dogg' is dead, and he's reborn as a reggae artist named 'Snoop Lion'. Oh, by the way he's packing Bob Marley's spirt.

The Daily Mail explained:

The 40-year-old, whose real name is Calvin Broadus, Jr., believes that he is Bob Marley reincarnated and is embracing reggae instead of the culture of guns he once rapped about.

He has also renamed himself in the process, and now goes by Snoop Lion.

The artist said at a news conference on Monday in New York that he was 'born again' during a visit to Jamaica in February, and is ready to make music that his 'kids and grandparents can listen to.'

The former gangster rapper is releasing a reggae album called Reincarnated in the fall.

He said that in Jamaica, he connected with Bob Marley's spirit and is now 'Bob Marley reincarnated.'

Marley's son Rohan attended the conference and gave Snoop his blessing.

'I feel like I've always been Rastafarian,' Snoop said of the spiritual Jamaican movement.

While there, he said, he visited a temple, was renamed Snoop Lion and was also given the Ethiopian name Berhane, meaning 'light of the world.'

I'd ask what the Snoopster is smoking, but, if he's channeling Bob Marley, I already have the answer to that one.

"You're FIRED!"

On Wednesday, a steaming pile of turds named Adam Smith participated in Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day, but he wasn't there to confer kudos. He used the occasion to heap verbal abuse on the young woman at the drive-up window.

Yesterday at a Chick-Fil-A in Tucson, Ariz. a man named Adam Smith, who is reportedly an adjunct lecturer at the University of Arizona, made it a point to visit the restaurant so he could milk the company for a free water while verbally assaulting a nice young woman working there. He pulls up to the window, asks for the free water and the abuse begins. Ironically (or in typical liberal form), Smith claimed he's against hate, yet proceeds to tell the woman that the corporation she works for donates to hate groups and that he doesn't understand how she lives with herself. The video was re-uploaded to a second account after the original video was removed. (Townhall.com's Katie Pavlich)

His visit did not have the results he anticipated:

* The Chick-Fil-A employee never lost her composure, but endured his bullshit with typical Chick-Fil-A courtesy.

* The video he uploaded went viral, making him the most despised man in America.

* His attempt to bury the video didn't work, because someone reposted it: Video.

* Last but not least, this happened:

SOURCE: Vante, Inc.
Vante, Inc.

August 02, 2012 17:02 ET
Vante of Tucson, AZ Regrets Actions of Former CFO

Employee Has Left the Company

TUCSON, AZ--(Marketwire - Aug 2, 2012) - The following is a statement from Vante:

Vante regrets the unfortunate events that transpired yesterday in Tucson between our former CFO/Treasurer Adam Smith and an employee at Chick-fil-A. Effective immediately, Mr. Smith is no longer an employee of our company.

The actions of Mr. Smith do not reflect our corporate values in any manner. Vante is an equal opportunity company with a diverse workforce, which holds diverse opinions. We respect the right of our employees and all Americans to hold and express their personal opinions, however, we also expect our company officers to behave in a manner commensurate with their position and in a respectful fashion that conveys these values of civility with others.

We hope that the general population does not hold Mr. Smith's actions against Vante and its employees.

Parting shot: The left will make him a hero/martyr, and he'll probably enjoy that. BUT, I doubt that it will make him forget that CFO job he pissed away.

SHUT UP

If you couldn't pick Indiana University Southeast out of a line-up, join the club. Located 10 miles north of Louisville (Kin-Tucky) it is, like too many of America's Ivory Towers, suffocating its inmates with Korrectness. How? How indeed.

Instead of welcoming all ideas to the campus, to be debated, dissected and fully analyzed, IUS has clamped a muzzle on everyone, via a speech code. It's for the 'greater good', apparently to tell students to STFU. Besides, students can say whatever they want in a designated Free Speech Zone, at their assigned time, with the school's permission. That's right, a student must submit an application at least 5 days in advance, then, await the Ivory Tower's approval.

When challenged by FIRE (Foundation for Individual Rights in Education), IUS officials bloviated about freedom of speech 'disrupting other students' pursuit of politically correct indoctrination, uh, 'education'. In other words, freedom of speech at IUS is trumped by the mythical right that protects hypersensitive pinheads from being offended.

"[The guidelines] were intended to provide some guidance on the issue so that those wishing to gather and express an opinion could do so without endangering people or property," the school told FoxNews.com in a statement. "The guidelines also were intended to protect the rights of all students to have unfettered access to educational activities on campus (in other words, the exercise of free speech rights should not result in blocking access to buildings or disrupting classes or campus events)."

Translation: IUS will determine what students are allowed to hear. IUS will determine which ideas students are allowed to debate, dissect, and analyze, then accept or reject. IUS won't allow rogue notions, like inalienable individual liberty, or sovereign individualism to distract their students from this educrap cess pool's culturally Marxist indoctrination. A free exchange of ideas has no place at IUS, a school whose rules of engagement belong in North Korea, not this land conceived in liberty.

Parting shots: The IUS assholes aren't alone in this:

It's not just Indiana University Southeast. Colorado College, in Colorado Springs, prohibits "any act of ridicule...or embarrassment," and Northeastern University, in Boston, prohibits the use of university computer resources to "transmit or make accessible material, which in the sole judgment of the University is offensive."

"This gives the university carte blanche to censor any electronic communication of which it disapproves," [FIRE's Senior Vice President Robert] Shibley noted. "You're teaching [college students] that they're not equipped to live in a free society." (Fox News)

If you're looking for an Ivory Tower in America where you will be exposed to a broad spectrum of ideas, you're doomed to disappointment. If they still exist, they're few and far between.

This and That

* Oregon has claimed ownership of all water in the state, including rainwater. It's no joke, because an Oregon man got 30 days in a slammer, for collecting rainwater without permission. Given this self deification, what's to stop them from claiming ownership of the sunlight and imposing fines for anyone who gets a tan without written permission from the state?

* The flaming asshole that New Yorkers keep re-electing as their Mayor, that rat bastard Bloomberg, has just ordered city hospitals to coerce women into breast feeding their babies. If the mother insists on formula for her nipper, she gets a scream-a-thon from one, or more, of the hospital's minions. It's time to up the voltage on his shock treatments.

* Dick 'Darth' Cheney opined that the wrong person was nominated in 2008. He's referring to Sarah Palin. I get his point, by why stop there? The Elephant Clan's pick for POTUS was equally screwed. I don't think McCain wanted the job. He fought like hell for the nomination, then didn't even pretend to put up a fight for the job itself. The only one putting up a fight was Sarah Palin and she's still paying the price for that.

* The opening ceremony for the 30th Olympiad was, to put it bluntly, disgusting. It was a love letter to Socialism and it SUCKED.

* Speaking of unrelenting Olympic suckage, NBC's so-called coverage isn't thrilling me spitless either.

* My lovely bride insists that Barry will find some excuse to declare martial law and call off the election in November. I haven't gone there, yet, but I might, after I spotted a headline somewhere which quoted a Demoncrat who predicted 'an uprising' this Fall. Maybe she's on to something after all.

* I think we all need diversion and I have some ideas on that. Why not stage a 'greediest family in America' cage match between Mikey Jackson's siblings and the Kardashian Kunts. The winners get one-way tickets to Siberia, while the losers are exiled from this planet.

Smoke Nazi Intimidation
(Liberated from the forth-coming Golden Oinks Awards)

This goose-stepping bitch is a Cleveland Plain Dealer scribbler named Sarah Jane Tribble. In addition to being a Smoke Nazi piece of crap, she's a true believer in 'the right that protects her from being offended'.

Her adventure in goose-stepping reached critical mass during a pit stop at an outpost of grocery-wrangling capitalism. While languishing in the checkout line, she spotted them. Horrified by their very existence, she hounded and harangued the proprietor about allowing THEM in his store. How dare he put them where a CHILD could see them.

I know what you're thinking, but the cigarettes which outraged this bitch aren't made of tobacco. They're CANDY CIGARETTES and using her bully pulpit at the Plain Dealer as a WMD, she intimidated him into removing them from his store. Game, set, match? Not even close.

Spotting a delivery man, Jim Kwiatkowski, from B.A. Sweetie Candy Co., she harangued him, too, but he wasn't taking that crap from anybody:

The driver was mad. Angry words tumbled out of his mouth and he said that next, people would say Dave's couldn't sell cola drinks because of the sugar.

"It's not a good thing for kids to smoke, sure," he said his voice rising. "But we still live in the United States of America, and I don't like people saying you shouldn't do something that is a legal product. It's candy, for god's sake."

Kwiatkowski is certainly not alone in his sentiment.

Unimpressed, the goose-stepping cunt spewed this tyrannical bullshit:

It occurred to me then that this confrontation never would have happened if candy cigarettes were illegal in the United States.

You're entitled to your opinion BITCH, but not for long, if assholes like you manage to obliterate our inalienable individual liberty and replace it with your 'enlightened' neo-Marxist tyranny.

Another Take On Scapegoating

When it comes to scapegoating, this pernicious personality flaw is as old as humanity itself. Finger-pointing, blame-shifting, scapegoating and accountability avoidance are as venerable as the Garden of Eden where Adam pioneered it, by blaming Eve for making him eat the apple. Before you can say 'fig leaf', Eve pinned a 'scapegoat' tag on the snake. "The devil made me do it."

Not much has changed, since the infamous scapegoating exploits of Adam and Eve. Our excuses have evolved, otherwise, it's still "to err is human and so is blaming it on someone else". When it comes to the blame game, everyone gets to play. Need proof? No problem.

Are you having a terminally crappy day? No problem, Sunshine. "Everything was spiffy, until the dog pissed on my Wheaties."

Did you squander too much time on an awesome new electronic game, instead of studying? No problem. "The dog ate my homework."

Did your mom grab you by the ear for fighting with you brother? No problem. "He started it."

Did you come up short while paying your bills? No problem. "The check got lost in the mail."

Did your boss catch you porn surfing on your company computer? No problem. "Those I. T. slackers let this computer virus break through our firewall."

Does modern, 21st century life get on your last, raw, Islamikaze, nerve? No problem. "Everything was peachy, until those damn Crusades."

Did the proper authorities bust you for that kiddie porn on your computer? No problem. You can emulate a tragically real pervert and blame the family feline: "The cat jumped on my keyboard."

Did political setbacks make you snap, then murder the Blight by the Bay's Mayor and a County Supervisor? No problem, you can emulate the annoyingly real Dan White. "I ate too many Twinkies and the sugar shock warped my mind."

Did you rob a bank and kill several innocent people? No problem. "Poverty oppressed me into a life of crime."

Did you snap your back while participating in a refrigerator race? No problem. "Refrigerator manufacturer warning labels didn't tell me not to lift it."

Did you get fired for being HOURS LATE, every work day, for months on end? No problem. "My shrink says I've suffering from chronic lateness syndrome, which qualifies me for ADA disability protection."

Did you get busted for lurking in the ladies room, testosterone poisoned, Sparky? No problem. "According to the GLAAD BAAGS, I'm having a gender identity crisis."

Did the unflinching, you're not qualified, rules of marketplace engagement prevent you from getting that cushy job, that promotion, that raise, or the desk by the window, Melanin-Enriched Sparky? No problem. "It's blatant, 400 years of oppression, racism"

Are you so humongous that you set off earthquake detectors every time you move? No problem. "I'd be a lean, mean fighting machine, if Lard Burger put nutritional information on their menu and stopped FORCE FEEDING me transfats."

As much as we'd like to, and we'd REALLY like to, we can't blame all this crap on Messiah Barry. At most, by serving as a bad example, he's a facilitator, not the primary perpetrator. I can't begin to tell you how much it hurts to admit that.

We can state, with sanity-saving conviction, that decades of Korrectnik/Multicultural chickens have come home to roost, at the dawn of the Obamunist Error. Mere months into Messiah Barry's Red Shed tenure, scapegoating has reached epidemic proportions, empowering blame shifters to do what comes naturally. Chronic finger-pointers emulate America's Feckless Leader, Messiah Barry, who has elevated scapegoating into the new national pastime.

To understand this frontal assault on the American character, you need to get up close and personal with the three stages of Prompter Punk accountability:

Stage 1: Evoking his inner Elmer Gantry, Prompter Punk intoned his electoral sales pitch, with the compelling, religious, fervor, "Yes we can."

Stage 2: Channeling his inner Bart Simpson, Prompter Punk kicked "Yes we can" to the curb next to his white granny. The new Prompter Punk mantra became "I didn't do it. It's all Georgie Bush's fault."

Stage 3: Bart Simpson and "I didn't do it" have a limited shelf life in the Red Shed, so Prompter Punk kicked both to the curb. Cowering inside his reality-insulated cocoon, Prompter Punk reverted to his geek roots, by channeling the ultimate nerd, Urkel, making "Did I do that?" his new mantra.

Inspired by Prompter Punk's antics, our Elected Tormentors kicked their bull crap up several notches:

You're an Elected Tormentor who set the stage for a housing bubble disaster, by making lenders give subprime housing loans to properly-hyphenated paupers . No problem. "Those evil, greedy bankers should have risked jail terms by 'just saying no'."

You get blowback from your constituents, for passing 1,000 (plus) page Legicrap without reading, or properly debating, it. No problem. "It's much too complicated, so complicated that even our crackpot legal staff doesn't understand it, so why bother?"

Your legislative assaults on inalienable liberty have rational adults showing up at your town hall meeting to make you feel like a walking bull's-eye. No problem. "Swastika packing paid agitators in Brooks Brothers suits, "UnAmerican" extremists, are having a racist meltdown over a 'brother' living in the White House."

As fun as that sounds, it gets better. How? Rank and file Ethnocrats are willing to take scapegoating right into the Twilight Zone. Prove it? No problem.

In Yosemite National Park, Shelton Johnson - he bills himself as the only Melanin-Enriched park ranger at Yosemite - takes his Ethnocrat scapegoating to new levels. Bemoaning the dearth of Melanin-Enriched park visitors, Shelton evokes the specter of the great white bigot, with his claim that his home boys and girls avoid national parks, because exposure to nature in all its glory reminds them of America's slave-owning past:

"There's not a shortage of African Americans at Disneyland or Disney World. But when you visit these wild places, like Zion and Arches and Yellowstone, that's when you start seeing less cultural diversity." Johnson, 51, said he would like that to change, but he believes the disconnect between blacks and nature has deep roots. Slavery, he said, forever altered how African Americans view natural lands. "There's actual pain, physical and spiritual pain, tied to working the earth. There's just been this gradual loss of connection with the natural world." (ABC)

When it comes to finger-pointing Ethnocrats, the professionals who infest the Southern Poverty Law Center are in a class by themselves. Festooned in the faux garb of pseudo-rationality, they deftly sidestep the clownish antics of the rhyming race hustler, Je$$e Jackson, and the bloviating buffoonery of Reverend Al Sharpton.

Recently, the SPLC identified the homegrown terrorists who are poised to spread their vile villainy from sea to shining sea. Did they cite Islamikazes in our midst? Nope? Nanny State promoting, Socialists and Marxists who infest our great nation? Nope? An America-hating, unabashed, whiner in the Red Shed? Nope, and you're not even warm. Their prime candidate for deadly threat to our liberty is 'an alarming rise in militias'.

A while back, this PIGish prose from our Steaming Load page:

Suitably alarmed, the SPLC race mongers cite what they seem to view as a perfect storm of militia-nurturing factors: a crappy economy; a 'liberal' (Marxist is much more accurate) administration, and a Melanin-Enriched president. Faced with that triple threat, so-called militias are gearing up to promote such 'great white bigot' mainstays as lower taxes, reigning in our out of control Nanny State, enforcing our national sovereignty by stemming the border jumping scumbag invasion, and - GASP - sovereign individualism (the SPLC calls it "sovereign citizenship").

In the SPLC's fevered brains, you're an enemy of the state...you're the next Tim McVeigh, if you espouse, and hold dear, Thomas Jefferson's immortal words: "We hold these truths to be self-evident...".

When a race-monger blames 'slavery' for the dearth of Melanin-Enriched visitors to national parks, we can laugh it off, while wondering what the fool is smoking. But, when the SPLC declares 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness', and the sovereign individualism it inspires, as threats to the all-powerful Nanny State, they're taking scapegoating to dangerous levels. That kind of blame-fixing leads to a familiar, chilling, sound: the thunder of jackboots on the sidewalk leading to your home. That kind of scapegoating leads American liberty down the well-traveled road to a dead-end called tyranny.

The dirty little secret about scapegoating is how easy it is to fall into the habit. "The dog ate my homework" leads, inexorably to making scapegoats out of 'the rich', 'paid, Swastika packing agitators in Brooks Brothers suits', 'society as a whole', and/or 'whitey and his racist militia'. It's a well-traveled road that we prefer to avoid here in the Free State of PIG.

If you need someone to guide you along the right path, kick Bart Simpson and Urkel out of the way. Instead, you follow the lead of President Harry S. Truman whose mantra was "The buck stops here".

France Road Tests Law of Unintended Consequences

One of the Socialists' first act, after they were swept into power in France during the recently concluded election, involved painting a confiscatory tax bull's-eye on 'the rich'. In theory, the forthcoming 75% tax rate on earnings over a million Euros would balance France's books and provide ample funds for all those Socialist spending plans. Happily ever after? Not exactly.

Instead of doing the 'French' thing, many of the nation's rich are throwing aside their white flags and making serious plans to get out of Dodge. In J.O.E. (Jolly Old England) there's a sharp increase in sales of high ticket price properties to French buyers:

British estate agent Sotheby's said it's French offices sold more than 100 properties over 1.7 million euros between April and June this year - a marked increase on the same period in 2011.

Sotheby's French boss Alexander Kraft said: 'The result of the presidential election has had a real impact on our sales. 'Now a large number of wealthy French families are leaving the country as a direct result of the proposals of the new government. These properties are then bought up by foreign investors looking for a stable real estate market like France to invest in. It shows the high-end property market is holding up very well, even in these difficult times.'

Swiss tax consultant Gilles Martin also told his country's 20 Minutes newspaper: 'Since the socialists came to power in France, I have been deluged with inquiries from rich French people who would rather pay their tax in Switzerland.'

Inquiries from wealthy French for London homes worth more than £5million soared by 30 per cent in the first three months of this year, UK estate agency statistics showed.

And interest in homes worth between £1million and £5million rose by 11 per cent, it was found. (Daily Mail)

Eager to take advantage of France's faux pas, Brit P.M., David Cameron deployed the 'welcome' mat for rich French tax refugees, when he spoke at the B20 business summit in Mexico, last month:

'I think it's wrong to have a completely uncompetitive top rate of tax. If the French go ahead with a 75 per cent top rate of tax we will roll out the red carpet and welcome more French businesses to Britain and they can pay tax in Britain and pay for our health service and schools and everything else.'

And what, you ask, do the Surrender Monkeys think of Cameron's invitation to rich French tax refugees? After being shocked and dismayed, then angry, one of them spouted this drivel:

France's European Affairs Minister Bernard Cazeneuve also told Canal Plus television: 'What I can answer to this statement from the British prime minister is that French bosses are patriots...'

Tragically deluded? Perhaps, but it's a huge understatement for a dolt who calls letting the Nanny State steal you blind 'patriotic'.

More Left Coast Moonbattery

The Left Coast's most pernicious purveyor of Moonbattery, San Francisco, is at it again. After targeting Happy Meals and plastic grocery bags the city's Elected Tormentors have elevated plastic water bottles to public enemy number one. Why? Among other things they're clogging landfills, spawning greenhouse gases and are, it's claimed 'bad for the environment'.

What do the asshats in Moonbat Central plan to do about it? Ideally, they'd like to ban the plastic drinking bottle, or, failing that, impose a 'virtual ban' via a massive tax, but neither is politically viable, yet. Instead, the Elected Tormentors are 'raising awareness'.

City officials are considering an ordinance that would require owners of new and renovated buildings with water fountains to install special bottle-filling taps.

The law's designed to encourage thirsty people to refill containers instead of reaching for another bottle of Evian or Aquafina.

'This is the appropriate next step to make it easier for San Franciscans to get out of the bad habit of using environmentally wasteful plastic water bottles and into the good habit of using reusable water containers,' said Board of Supervisors President David Chiu, who introduced the legislation in June.

Bottle-filling taps like the ones that would be required if Chiu's measure passes already are found at San Francisco International Airport and at some city parks and schools.

Installed behind a drinking fountain's regular faucet, they dispense chilled water in a quick-streaming vertical jet that is high enough to accommodate most water containers. (Daily Mail)

If you're thinking this is only the first shot in a looming war to ban plastic water bottles, join the club.

Hambo's Product of the Week

Defying conventional wisdom, and shocking the crap out of this pagan scribbler, someone in the Elephant Clan developed a rudimentary sense of humor, when nobody was looking. The odds-defying wit is someone in the Delaware County (Indiana) GOP who, quite rightly, decided that it would be a hoot to deploy 'it' outside the Elephant Clan's tent at the Indiana state fair.

'It' is a punching bag which portrays Messiah Barry as a boxer with a black eye. It was deployed, on and off from Monday to Wednesday, until that pernicious, humor challenged, pest, the great American whiner, caterwauled it out of their misery.

'It's gone. It won't be there tonight,' [Tom Bennington, Delaware County GOP spokeshole] toldthe paper.

He said the bag was 'meant in fun' to illustrate that Republicans hope to defeat Obama in November.

Not everyone got the joke. Numerous fair visitors - including at least one Republican - voiced concerns.

Brad Oliver, a college administrator seeking an open state House seat on behalf of the GOP, left the fairground in protest over the punching bag.

The candidate said it was his duty to 'help our children learn the art of political civility and the need to listen and respect the diverse views of others.'

'Obama is somebody we want to defeat. It was all meant in fun. But in reality I considered it a little offensive myself,' Mr Bennington told the Star Press.

'I'm retired military and I respect the commander in chief.'

You can stand down from stun gun alert, the humor detected was just an anomaly. The Emperor still has no clothes and the Elephant Clan still has no balls. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Every Picture Tells A Story

This image - once you know who/what you're seeing - tells you everything you ever wanted to know about San Francisco but were too squeamish to ask.

Chief Heather Fong (left), is the first SFPD female, Lesbian chief of police.

Theresa Sparks (center), a former male, is president of the San Francisco Police Commission, CEO of a Multimillion-dollar sex toy retailer, and a transgender Woman (born with a wang, had it whacked off & replaced with a hole).

Sgt. Stephan Thorne (right), a former female, is the first transgender male (born with babely goods, had them yanked, filled in the hole and added a faux wang) SFPD police officer.

Their Representative in Congress is Nancy Pelosi (gender unknown, is very likely not from THIS planet.)

You have just been enlightened by the Free State of PIG.

(PIGish thanks to PIGster Grammy)

Collectivist Eden of the Week

It's called Greenbelt Homes, Inc., a collection of 1600 homes in Greenbelt (Maryland). Unlike your garden variety housing development, Greenbelt is a cooperative, so, when you buy place to live there, you aren't buying a house. Instead, you're buying 1/1600th of the entire development...you are joining 'the collective'.

What, if anything, does it mean? Among other things, it means your neighbors can tell you what you can, and can't, do in your domicile. For example:

Greenbelt Homes Inc., a cooperative that owns about 1,600 row houses in historic Greenbelt, is considering a rule that would allow residents to ban smoking in the properties if all of those living in a row of four to five homes are in agreement.

The ban would then be written into their mutual ownership contract, a document that outlines what members can and cannot do to their homes.

After a petition seeking an option to ban smoking, signed by 52 of the more than 1,600 co-op members, was submitted to the GHI board of directors in May, a committee headed by board president Susan Ready was formed to address the issue. The committee is working with legal advisers to draft a proposal that members could vote on at the annual meeting in May, Ready said.

The issue of smoking in GHI homes came to the fore after a resident brought a lawsuit against the co-op in March 2010, said General Manager Eldon Ralph. The resident alleged the co-op failed to protect him against the nuisance of his neighbors' cigarette smoke, which he claimed was drifting into his home. A judge ruled in favor of GHI in November because the resident could not prove damages, but the case led to the petition as residents look for ways to keep smokers and nonsmokers happy in the close quarters of GHI's row houses, Ralph said. (Washington Post)

In other words, Greenbelt Home is heaven on Earth for that pernicious pest, the free ranging American busybody. If one member of your collective doesn't like the way you live, all he, she, heshe, or it has to do is find a few willing asshats who will screw you over by changing the development's rules of engagement.

Musings

Item: Viacom vs DirecTV

DirecTV Sez:

When Viacom's contract came up for renewal, they demanded a 30% increase.

DirecTV countered with a suggestion that their customers have the option of paying for those Viacom channels they wanted.

Viacom insists on making it 'all or nothing', for 30% more.

When the 'drop dead' date arrived, Viacom yanked 2 dozen - give or take a few - channels from DirecTV's lineup.

Viacom Sez:
(The gutless wonders at Viacom are running DirecTV bashing radio ads, but they're doing it under an alias. At no time in the spot does anyone utter the word 'Viacom'.)

DirecTV 'kicked us off their lineup for no good reason'.

They keep making unreasonable demands.

All we want is 'pennies a day. Is that too much to ask?

Call DirecTV and demand that they restore our channels.

Hambo Sez:

F**k Viacom and the horse they rode in on.

Why should I pay more for your shitty channels?

I didn't like them at the OLD price. It isn't worth the extra money.

F**k Viacom and the horse they rode in on.

Item: Shiny Election Cycle Object

Nothing came close to the on-going, utterly moronic obsession with Mitt's alleged involvement with Bain Capital, when he took charge of the Winter Olympics in Utah. Who the f**k cares? Mitt is a lot of things, but only one of them matters: he's not Barry Obama.

Item: Canary In A Coal Mine

This one goes to the city of San Bernardino (Mexifornia) for declaring bankruptcy. It's just one of the first dominos to fall along the path to Mexifornia's bankruptcy.

Item: Well Duh

The breathless announcement that the brakes on Lilo's rented Porche were working flawlessly elicted yawns, here in the PIG Bunker.

Item: Race Card Retards

It's hardly a shock that Mitt got booed by the NAACP Ethnocrats. It's a risk you take when you make a speech to a hostile audience. What locked down this award was the Ethnocrat/Moonbat chorous which accused Mitt of getting booed on purpose, to appease the VRWC. Some even said he was blatantly pandering to the KKK and others of that ilk.

The Public Burden Scam

The public burden scam is an inevitable consequence of the welfare state and its Darwin-nuking 'safety net'. It says, in essence, since we're sticking our nose where it doesn't belong, anything you do that 'damages' you, puts a burden on our newly nationalized Deathcare system. The consequences of your stupidity are, the Nanny State Nitwits declare, a public policy issue, because they insist on butting in, whether you like it or not.

Gambling is a suitable example of the public burden scam, in action.

A shyster bellows that it's scandalous that heartless casino owners aren't 'feeling the pain' of compulsive gamblers. It is a public policy issue, he claims, one that is egregiously neglected and needs immediate attention. He demands that casino owners be forced to take measures to prevent clueless dolts from losing their shirts at the gaming tables. Casino owners must be forced to train their casino employees to spot intellectual flatliners who might piss away their last dime on a roll of the dice, or a spin of the roulette wheel. Failure to spot, browbeat and dissuade these high roller dolts would result in heavy fines, Draconian taxes and more shyster abuse from class action cockroaches. The loot extorted from casinos is intended to help the compulsive gambler victimized by evil casinos pick up the pieces of his shattered life, but if it works out like the infamous tobacco settlement, all the boodle will land in shyster or political hack pockets.

The 'public burden' argument leads us to strange places. One could make the case that unprotected butt monkey is a public burden, since it often leads to AIDS, a significant burden on the nation's health care system. Do we make rump rangers dig into their deep pockets to offset this public burden? Or, if we follow the ploy being perpetrated on the tobacco comp;anies, do we force condom makers to pay a heavy tax, because the ones who should use condoms, don't? What would we call this? How about 'the butt monkey tax'? Mountain climbers pose a public burden, due to the numerous rescues they impose on government agencies. Where are the deep pockets here? Do we impose a special tax on companies that manufacture climbing gear, forcing them to 'police' their clients, making sure they weed out the dolts who can't get out of their own way?

If fiscal stupidity is the trip-wire leading to punishing government-sanctioned extortion, it can be used against any business, from investment firms, to department stores, even your local grocery purveyor. Do we force Wall Street brokerage firms to 'educate their employees' to be on the alert for congenital morons who might be part of their client base? Do we tax the profits of these firms to pay for the 'public burden' cause by the brain-dead investor's self-induced bankruptcy? Are supermarkets, department stores, shopping malls to be penalized, financially, and required to screen all of their shoppers, lest some big spender, incur debt he can't repay? Where does this shyster-inspired extortion end?

This is nothing more than a shyster scheme to plunder an endless array of deep pockets because some individuals are f-ing morons. Calling something a public policy issue (a public burden) is the shyster equivalent of the god squad's favorite rant: The devil made him do it. Individual accountability, you say...they never heard of it. Welcome to parasite-infested Amerika, Sparky.

The Attack On Natural Selection

I'm up to here with this collectivist-inspired 'feel goodism' that seeks to protect the 'less fortunate' from themselves. It is thwarting one of the primary laws of nature: survival of the fittest, an inescapable fact of nature which condemns the incompetent, and the egregiously stupid to - as the God Squad Tribe says - 'reap what they sow'. In the good old days, before rampant feel goodism reared its ugly, altruistic head, the terminally incompetent were weeded out by the unflinching facts of life. The 'deselecting' of such people is what made the human race grow stronger, over these many centuries.

Tragically, the Federal alphabet soup - OSHA, EPA, FDA - which protects the incompetent from their own ineptitude violates this inescapable law of nature. They've been butting in, for a long time, but it's much, MUCH, worse, in the Obamunist Error. I shudder to think of what the rat bastards will do now that they have a ready-made excuse, like DeathCare.

Who the hell asked that obsessivly power crazed bastard Uncle F**king Sam to protect the chronically stupid from themselves? It is not/should never be the Government's business. When some mutant dies of cigarette induced cancer...When some intellectual flatliner grabs that gold ring to oblivion with a drug overdose...When some self-made alcohol saturated retard loses a game of automotive chicken with a cement wall...it's nature's way of shouting: "Congratulations dummy! You've just been deselected, because you're too stupid to live!"

It's time to dismantle the safety net which protects the chronically - one is inclined to say 'criminally' - stupid from the timeless retribution of Darwinian Justice. Unhappily, our so-called leaders are rushing headlong in the wrong direction, Darwin-wise. Instead - tragically - a lovely piece of fatally flawed legislation called the Americans with Disabilities Act gives the terminally stupid a powerful new tool to further shield them from their just, Nature-dictated, fate:

Darwinian Refugee Case Study #1:. Case in point, a school district employee is fired for consistently showing up late for work. His shyster cites 'chronic lateness syndrome', a 'handicap' which entitles this lazy bastard to the 'protection' of this Federal safety net. Thanks to our beloved government, this fool can't hear Mother Nature shouting, "Wake the fuck up, dummy!" This man is begging for 'nature to take its course' with him. An isolated case you say, read on and weep!

Darwinian Refugee Case Study #2: An FBI agent embezzles $2000 from the government then loses it in an afternoon of gambling. After being fired, he wins reinstatement after a court declares him handicapped (compulsive gambling) and thus protected under federal law. This FBI cretin - doesn't it make you feel 'safe' to know he, she or it is still on the job - can't hear the howls of Darwinian outrage which should be allowed to drop-kick this bozo into a richly deserved perpetual unemployment..

Our fundamental Darwinian Axiom demands, rightly, that the infamous woman in Arizona who tried to drink a cup of steaming coffee in a moving car deserved to be burned. Instead, our beloved legal system rewards her towering stupidity. Darwinian justice bellows that the mutant - a man of course - who injured himself in a refrigerator race deserved to have his spine snapped. Instead, our celebrated legal system allowed him to blame the refrigerator's manufacturer for not affixing a proper warning label to state what anyone with a brainwave knows: 'carrying a refrigerator on your back can be hazardous to your health'. This man is much too stupid to get off with a simple spinal injury. I say we should hunt the fool down and finish the job Nature started.

In what is called 'fly over' country, a group of teenage male mutants [the author willingly confesses that teenage male and mutant are redundant, so get over it] decided it would be great fun to imitate a scene from a popular movie and test their 'courage' by lying down on the centerline of a busy road. When several were killed and others seriously injured, countless so-called 'responsible adults' immediately blamed the movie. Bullshit! I'm amazed these jerks lived to be teenagers if this is an example of their alleged 'thinking'. They were no shit too stupid to live, so 'nature' put them out of their misery. To put it another way, natural selection, de-selected them.

This is not a difficult concept. If you take reckless, utterly brainless risks/chances...bad things happen, up to and including death. Nature has been working this way for millions of years. Deal with it!

Stranger Than Fiction

When I spotted the Daily Mail headline, I cracked up:

He's out of this world! Church of Scientology believe Tom Cruise has 'telekinetic and telepathic powers'

This cult is off the scale weird:

The Church Of Scientology allegedly believes it's most famous celebrity convert Tom Cruise has telekinetic and telepathic powers, it has been reported.

Tom, 50, is the most famous follower of the religion and an investigation by Rolling Stone back in 2006 revealed that he had reached an advanced level of Scientology and was known as an 'Operating Thetan' or an 'OT'.

The author of the investigation, Janet Reitman, explained that OTs 'have total control over themselves and their environment.

More than just a film star: The Church of Scientology believes convert Tom Cruise has 'telekinetic powers'

Following his split from Katie Holmes bizarre aspects of the church's beliefs have emerged but this latest revelation of Tom's relationship with Scientology is perhaps the strangest yet.

'OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behaviour of, both animals and human beings.'

Tom, who is understood to be at the advanced stage of OT VII, has practised the religion for 30 years and therefore has allegedly reached a rarefied state of enlightenment after travelling what is known as the Bridge to Total Freedom.

Reitman reported that OTs advance towards a God-like state.

She explained: 'At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.'

Nancy Meny, who worked with celebrities at Scientology's Sea Organization, revealed to Radar Online that Tom was in fact 'kid-gloved' into the religion.

She said: 'I knew some of the people who kid-gloved him into becoming a member. Everything was orchestrated and orientated. Tom has a problem reading so they don't have him doing the course on his own and paired him up one-on-one.'

As usual, I have a few pesky issues to resolve:

If this Couch Jumping Gnome is 'blessed' with all these god-like power, how did merely mortal Katie Holmes sneak up on him with this 'I'm divorcing you' stunner.

How will Messiah Barry take the news that Twerpy Tommy is on the fast track to godhood?

If Twerpy is 'all that', why do so many of his movies SUCK?

It's Enquiring Minds time, again.

This & That.

Item: A Moving Story

There's a story going around that Octomom might pack up her herd of young 'uns and move to Australia. Bold new concept. I know the Aussies are laid back, but I wonder how long their good humor will last after Octomom arrives to spread her special brand of joy Down Under.

I guess we all know what this means. Warm up Air Force One, because, sooner or later, the Aussies are going to demand an apology.

Item: It's a girl.

Several news outlets published a stunning photo. It shows North Korea's Kim Jong-Basemenboy with an attractive female...that's right he's with a GIRL. How the hell did that happen?

Does this mean that basementboys, everywhere, have a glimmer of hope that, someday they might meet a REAL girl. Yes, and no.

Yes: You have reason to hope, if you've been promoted from the basement to dictator of a pissant country.

No: If you're not a dictator of a pissant country, you better hang onto your Bud Bundy class inflatable girlfriend.

Remembering A Different America

[If the American Dream isn't dead, yet, it's a miracle, in light of the Obama Regime's frontal assault on capitalism, sovereign individualism, and inalienable individual liberty. This rant salutes an utterly American phenomenon.]

The American Dream means different things to different people. In fact, by its very nature, the American Dream is, of necessity, defined by the dreamer. Each of us has his, her, hisher or its own dream, a dream that can't be...must never be...dictated by some outside entity. I can't tell you what to 'dream'. The Nanny State can't tell you what to dream. That pernicious pest 'the majority' can't tell you what to dream. Your preferred flavor of supernaturalism can't tell you what to dream. It's your American Dream, Sparky, and you're the one who must define it for yourself.

The essence of the American Dream is the unbridled liberty to make your own choices, set your own goals, and define your own criteria for 'success'. The American Dream gives you the freedom to conduct your life and exercise your liberty as you pursue your happiness. The American Dream is a highly personal thing and that's why it is derided as 'selfish'. Of course it's selfish and who said that being selfish is, invariably a bad thing? Like it or not, altruistic Sparky, a rational self interest is an inherently human trait. The American Dream is built upon this fact of existence.

In a larger sense, the American Dream involves creating a political and social environment wherein a sovereign individual has the inherent right to determine the course of his, her, hisher or its life, unimpeded by outside forces. The American Dream is, to borrow a familiar phrase, the freedom "to be all that you can be". But, it's more than that. The American Dream doesn't demand that you reach for the stars when you determine the course of your life. The American Dream is the freedom to become as MUCH, or as LITTLE as you want.

For some, an American Dream might be an utterly altruistic life that seeks to make the world a better place by helping others. For others, it might mean banding together with like minded sovereign individuals to create something meaningful to each of you (a new invention, a product, an outpost of capitalism, or simply a book). For certain rugged American individuals, the American Dream means striving to test your limits in some specific endeavor. Your dream could be as simple as being the first member of your family to get a college degree. Maybe your dream is to get married, buy a home and raise a family. The nature and scope of your personal American Dream is only limited by your imagination.

The essential point about the American dream is that, by the nature of your inalienable individual birthright, it's your call. It's up to you to determine how to utilize your inalienable right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. You are free to make this monumental, life-defining choice, without the permission of the Nanny State, the tyrannical majority, or some flavor of supernaturalism. The Nanny State, the 'majority' and the true believers need to butt out because nobody asked them to make this call. In this land conceived in liberty, the momentous decision to define your personal version of the American Dream is all yours. You can dream as big and as grand as you want, but how well you do is dictated by the amount of energy, talent and intellect you have at your disposal.

The American Dream involves giving an individual the liberty to make his own choices about the course his life will take. But, since it's your personal choice, your individual American Dream, it comes with certain baggage. In your pursuit of your American Dream, you must be free from outside coercion. By the same token, the American Dream does not allow you to coerce others into handing you that American Dream on a silver platter. You are free to enlist others who choose to join your quest, but you can't force them into it. The dark underbelly of the American Dream is that it's your intellect, your energy, and your talent that seal the deal. If you expect to reap the rewards when you realize that American Dream, you need to do the heavy lifting.

There's one more thing you need to know, need to accept, about the American Dream. No matter how you define your American Dream, you're going to be second-guessed, criticized, and, in some cases, vilified. Depending on the nature of your dream, you'll be impugned as "selfish", "materialistic", "hedonistic", "arrogant", and of course "doomed to failure". You'll need to develop a tough hide if you expect to see your personal version of the American Dream all the way to that finish line. You must learn to ignore the naysayers, the critics and the parasites who can't wait to steal a piece of your success. Nothing worth having comes easy, Sparky.

There have always been barriers, traps and unexpected consequences lurking between an American and his dream. Back in the day, many of the barriers were dictated by an untamed environment and the prevailing level of technology. In the 21st century, the Nanny State shoves its greedy mitt into your pocket at regular intervals. If, by sheer force of willpower and talent, you achieve your dream, the Nanny State will do its level best to crush you with bureaucracy, regulations, taxes, intrusive laws and assorted other obscenities. Does that mean the American Dream isn't worth the effort? Nobody can make that call but you, Sparky. If you've got the right stuff, you'll shrug off the Nanny State nitwits, the naysayers and all the other pests who want to keep you from achieving that dream.

The bottom line about the American Dream is this: success is not guaranteed and there are more barriers in your way than you want, need or deserve. All this land conceived in liberty gives you is the opportunity. But, when you cross that finish line and achieve that American Dream, you are entitled to gloat and mete out the relevant 'neener, neener, neener'. Once you're done with that, don't rest on your laurels. Set a new goal, and start striving for that next American Dream, because there's no limit on how many American Dreams you can have in your lifetime.

Are we all up to speed on the American Dream now, Sparky?

This & That

My newest addition to Hambo's Laws

Hambo's First Inconvenient Truth:
The time interval between your purchase of an item and its loss - or destruction - is inversely proportional to the price you paid. In other words, the more you pay, the shorter the time you'll have it: I.E., those $300 sunglasses won't last a fortnight, but that $10 pair will be with your forever.

PIG's Playlist

My favorite new additions are these:

Ditty: "Pretty Good At Drinkin' Beer"
Sung by: Billy Currington
Sin Against Korrectness: Advocating alcohol abuse and decadant behavior.
Who's gonna whine: Not the guy named Porcus with lot's of beer under his arm heading your way.

Ditty: "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"
Sung by: Joe Nichols
Sin Against Korrectness: Objectifying "innocent" women by predatory men.
Who's gonna whine: Well...let's see. Um, well, I guess some sort of party pooper or stick in the mud.

View the whole list, here: PIG's Playlist

Toddlers And Tiaras

TLC's 'Toddlers and Tiaras' is little more than softcore porn for pedophiles, it features wenchlets barely out of diapers in a talent contest from hell. Tarted up with whorish makeup and outfitted in skimpy costumes, by their fame seeking mommies, the wenchlets gyrate like strippers while belting out innuendo laced lyrics.

Since it's on 'The Learning Channel', what, if anything, are you learning? Among other things, you'll learn why certain attention-whoring mommies should never have been allowed to spawn.

Parting shot: The only thing that keeps 'Toddlers And Tiaras' from being a perfect horror, is the lack of a Kardashian connection. That's easily rectified, by making the Queen of attention-whoring mommies - big mama Kardashian (Kris Jenner) - the hostess of this vile exercise in wenchlet exploitation.

Scientology - Assorted notions

* Defined:

SCIENTOLOGY, n.
A notoriously paranoid pseudo-religion that is based on the insane ravings of mediocre science fiction writer, its beliefs are so irrational that they seem like outtakes from a Monty Python skit.

* It's the Gold Standard for the most loathsome, heavy-handed, antics associated with cults.

* It IS a steaming pile of insane bullshit, but it is NOT, in my opinion, a religion.

* Given the way it treats its members...given its penchant for intimidation...given the way they make it nearly impossible to get out...Scientology has much more in common with organized crime organizations like the Mafia and drug cartels than it does with mainstream religions. Even Mecca Mania - as vile as it tends to be - is much more 'civilized' comparatively speaking.

* Its so-called 'theology' doesn't even rise to the level of stupendously shitty science fiction.

Inconvenient Reality - 2012

[With everyone frantically fleeing reality like it's tainted with ebola, the time is right for this pagan to throw one of his legendary scribbler tantrums. Don't give me your attitude, Scooter, because I'm so not in the mood for that crap.]

Unflinching reality is a pain-in-the-ass that, no matter how diligently you attempt to ignore it, just won't go the hell away. As a public service - okay, so maybe that isn't going to fly, coming from me - this pagan scribbler will share a few reality bytes with those who need to hear them.

Ka-Boomists Need To Confront The Following:

The U.S. Constitution, not the Blood-Soaked Tome, is this nation's defining document. All rights privileges and legal constraints stem from this Constitution, not allegedly 'holy' scripture.

Homosexuals exist and are, per the aforementioned Constitution, entitled to the same rights and privileges as any other Amerikan. The nature or nurture question thrills GLAAD BAAGs and holy rollers, but it's irrelevant and has no bearing on any individual's inalienable Constitution rights.

Protecting the sanctity of marriage and strengthening traditional family values are not legitimate government functions.

The popularity of your chosen supernaturalism doesn't give you a government-mandated veto power over an individual's choices regarding music, literature, movies, art, television fare, or any other element in Amerikan culture.

The individual, not the family, is the basic social unit granted liberty in our Constitution.

Evolution is science. Creationism in all its forms - including Intelligent Design - is mythology.

Multiculturalists and Other Neo-Marxists Will Hate Hearing:

Some nations - cultures if you prefer - are superior to others. Cultures practicing human sacrifice, ritual genital mutilation and the like are inherently inferior to a culture based on the ethical bedrock called inalienable individual liberty.

Dead white males made - continue to make - essential, inspiring, contributions to art, music, literature, philosophy, and science. Get over it already.

Saving individuals from themselves is not a proper government function.

Success in life is not a capital offense and does not, automatically, enslave the competent to the parasite horde.

Property rights are enshrined in our Constitution. This means that an individual property owner is entitled to discriminate against other individuals for whatever reasons thrill him spitless. Punishment for such discrimination is a proper function of the marketplace, not the government.

The individual, not the group, is the basic societal unit addressed by Amerika's Constitution.

Vast Right-Wing Conspirators Must Contend With:

Twenty-first century conservatism bears no resemblance to the tightly-constrained government created by this nation's founding fathers.

The Donkey Clan understands that politics is a no-holds-barred blood sport. Until you develop some backbone, the craven cowards you keep electing will always get their butts kicked, even when they control both houses in congress.

When it comes to politics, you are the political equivalent of the French army. The instant you detect any resistance, you reach for the white flag.

"It that loser's turn now" is no way to pick your Oval Office contender. The last few times you tried it, we got President Bubba and President Barry. Enough already.

Unfettered Nanny State growth is doubly reprehensible when you perpetrate it.

Donkey Clan Clowns Must Acknowledge:

Achievers aren't public enemy number one. Their 'greed' didn't create our Mt. Everest-size debt. That was caused by two fisted Demoncrat spenders.

George Bush (43) isn't president anymore. He's been gone for 3 and ½ years. Grow the fuck up and put the blame where it belongs: your Moonbat Elected Tormentors in Congress and your Marxist Messiah. Grow a pair, assholes.

Stand up and proudly announce that your utopian vision for this nation is a liberty-abolishing Marxist state called The People's Republic of Amerika.

The United States Constitution means exactly what it says and nothing more. Its gameplan to impose strict, non-negotiable limits on government hasn't changed since our Founding Father's wrote the damn thing. It is what it is...It is what it always has been, so take your "Living Constitution" bovine excrement and stick it where the sun don't shine.

Are we all on the same page now, Scooter, or do I need to explain this to you again, much more forcefully?

Ronald Reagan's Address to the Nation on Independence Day

July 4, 1986

My fellow Americans:

In a few moments the celebration will begin here in New York Harbor. It's going to be quite a show. I was just looking over the preparations and thinking about a saying that we had back in Hollywood about never doing a scene with kids or animals because they'd steal the scene every time. So, you can rest assured I wouldn't even think about trying to compete with a fireworks display, especially on the Fourth of July.

My remarks tonight will be brief, but it's worth remembering that all the celebration of this day is rooted in history. It's recorded that shortly after the Declaration of Independence was signed in Philadelphia celebrations took place throughout the land, and many of the former Colonists -- they were just starting to call themselves Americans -- set off cannons and marched in fife and drum parades.

What a contrast with the sober scene that had taken place a short time earlier in Independence Hall. Fifty-six men came forward to sign the parchment. It was noted at the time that they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honors. And that was more than rhetoric; each of those men knew the penalty for high treason to the Crown. ``We must all hang together,'' Benjamin Franklin said, ``or, assuredly, we will all hang separately.'' And John Hancock, it is said, wrote his signature in large script so King George could see it without his spectacles. They were brave. They stayed brave through all the bloodshed of the coming years. Their courage created a nation built on a universal claim to human dignity, on the proposition that every man, woman, and child had a right to a future of freedom.

For just a moment, let us listen to the words again: ``We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.'' Last night when we rededicated Miss Liberty and relit her torch, we reflected on all the millions who came here in search of the dream of freedom inaugurated in Independence Hall. We reflected, too, on their courage in coming great distances and settling in a foreign land and then passing on to their children and their children's children the hope symbolized in this statue here just behind us: the hope that is America. It is a hope that someday every people and every nation of the world will know the blessings of liberty.

And it's the hope of millions all around the world. In the last few years, I've spoken at Westminster to the mother of Parliaments; at Versailles, where French kings and world leaders have made war and peace. I've been to the Vatican in Rome, the Imperial Palace in Japan, and the ancient city of Beijing. I've seen the beaches of Normandy and stood again with those boys of Pointe du Hoc, who long ago scaled the heights, and with, at that time, Lisa Zanatta Henn, who was at Omaha Beach for the father she loved, the father who had once dreamed of seeing again the place where he and so many brave others had landed on D-day. But he had died before he could make that trip, and she made it for him. ``And, Dad,'' she had said, ``I'll always be proud.''

And I've seen the successors to these brave men, the young Americans in uniform all over the world, young Americans like you here tonight who man the mighty U.S.S. Kennedy and the Iowa and other ships of the line. I can assure you, you out there who are listening, that these young are like their fathers and their grandfathers, just as willing, just as brave. And we can be just as proud. But our prayer tonight is that the call for their courage will never come. And that it's important for us, too, to be brave; not so much the bravery of the battlefield, I mean the bravery of brotherhood.

All through our history, our Presidents and leaders have spoken of national unity and warned us that the real obstacle to moving forward the boundaries of freedom, the only permanent danger to the hope that is America, comes from within. It's easy enough to dismiss this as a kind of familiar exhortation. Yet the truth is that even two of our greatest Founding Fathers, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, once learned this lesson late in life. They'd worked so closely together in Philadelphia for independence. But once that was gained and a government was formed, something called partisan politics began to get in the way. After a bitter and divisive campaign, Jefferson defeated Adams for the Presidency in 1800. And the night before Jefferson's inauguration, Adams slipped away to Boston, disappointed, brokenhearted, and bitter.

For years their estrangement lasted. But then when both had retired, Jefferson at 68 to Monticello and Adams at 76 to Quincy, they began through their letters to speak again to each other. Letters that discussed almost every conceivable subject: gardening, horseback riding, even sneezing as a cure for hiccups; but other subjects as well: the loss of loved ones, the mystery of grief and sorrow, the importance of religion, and of course the last thoughts, the final hopes of two old men, two great patriarchs, for the country that they had helped to found and loved so deeply. ``It carries me back,'' Jefferson wrote about correspondence with his cosigner of the Declaration of Independence, ``to the times when, beset with difficulties and dangers, we were fellow laborers in the same cause, struggling for what is most valuable to man, his right to self-government. Laboring always at the same oar, with some wave ever ahead threatening to overwhelm us and yet passing harmless . . . we rowed through the storm with heart and hand . . . .'' It was their last gift to us, this lesson in brotherhood, in tolerance for each other, this insight into America's strength as a nation. And when both died on the same day within hours of each other, that date was July 4th, 50 years exactly after that first gift to us, the Declaration of Independence.

My fellow Americans, it falls to us to keep faith with them and all the great Americans of our past. Believe me, if there's one impression I carry with me after the privilege of holding for 5\1/2\ years the office held by Adams and Jefferson and Lincoln, it is this: that the things that unite us -- America's past of which we're so proud, our hopes and aspirations for the future of the world and this much-loved country -- these things far outweigh what little divides us. And so tonight we reaffirm that Jew and gentile, we are one nation under God; that black and white, we are one nation indivisible; that Republican and Democrat, we are all Americans. Tonight, with heart and hand, through whatever trial and travail, we pledge ourselves to each other and to the cause of human freedom, the cause that has given light to this land and hope to the world.

My fellow Americans, we're known around the world as a confident and a happy people. Tonight there's much to celebrate and many blessings to be grateful for. So while it's good to talk about serious things, it's just as important and just as American to have some fun. Now, let's have some fun -- let the celebration begin!

Spreading My Special Brand of Joy.

Questions, as I've stated more than once, fall in two broad categories. There are the ones you shouldn't answer - "Does this dress make me look fat?" is a prime example. There are also the questions you shouldn't ask - "Did you see the tits on that broad?" being a suitable example, if you're addressing your wife/girlfriend. I'll leave the ones you shouldn't answer for another rant, and concentrate on those questions which you shouldn't ask me.

I'm always up for a rousing discussion, but, I hate it when someone asks me one of those asinine, conversation starter questions like "How are you?" We both know that the asker doesn't give a rip how I am. We both know that I'm supposed to spew some mindless, insincere drivel like "fine". The exchange is, invariably, annoying, especially when it goes according to the prevailing rules of engagement for polite, mindless, prattle.

From time to time, I throw the rule book out the window, especially when the asker is a stranger who has intruded into my life, uninvited. Chances are they're trying to sell me something that I don't want or need. In that case, all bets are off, and polite conversation goes out the window.

Intruder: "How are you?"

Me: "I've got a hemorrhoid so big they assigned the damn thing its own zip code. My paganmobile is making disturbingly demonic noises, and I've still got a restraining order after that unpleasantness with the last salespunk who came around asking me damn fool questions. How am I? If you really want to know, I'll tell you. Otherwise, spew your demented sales drivel so I can get on with my life."

If the asker is someone you know, but you don't mind throwing them off their game, there's another answer that will have them talking to themselves.

Co-worker, acquaintance: "How are you?"

Me: "Nominal."

For some reason, 'nominal' is a response that gives them fits. I can't explain it, but, when I serve up, 'nominal', the results are very amusing. Best of all, in 9 cases out of 10, it sends them on their merry way, scratching their heads.

In some cases, the question is perfectly reasonable and not the least bit annoying. The problem doesn't arise, unless you serve it up to ME. A door to door sales dude - he was very cool, so I had nothing against him - stumbled into this trap by serving up a question that begged for a Hambo response.

Essential fact: The license plate holder on my paganmobile reads "Orthodox Pagan".

Him: "What does 'Orthodox Pagan' mean?"

Me: "Not as much as it use to. Due to rampant sentimentality and malignant Cross Cult altruism, modern society has unresolved issues with that classic pagan ritual, the virgin sacrifice. We're willing to cut the cherry wench some slack, if we could find a real one, who is over the age of consent. The last time we staged the ritual, we had to settle for a virtual virgin who swore she only 'did it' once, but she really, really, hated it. Bambi is a real sweetheart, but pure as driven snow, she's not."

For some reason, he turned around and left, before I could finish enlightening him. Life is so unfair that way.

Another utterly reasonable question is not, in and of itself, annoying. I refer to the ubiquitous 'What do you do?'. It's not the question which bugs me, it's the fact that my answer will, probably, leave the questioner sorry they asked in the first place. My profession is hard to explain. Even if I'm on my game, it's hard to make it sound interesting, a fact that bugs the crap out of a word wrangler like me. I see no reason to torture both of us with the truth.

Them: "What do you do?"

Me: "It depends on the public defender and the black robe, but it's usually 3 to 5 years with time off for good behavior."

In most cases, the questioner laughs and moves on to a more interesting - for both of us - topic of conversation.

The most pertinent question, is the one I won't answer, because it takes all the fun out of the conversation. What question do I mean? This one: "Which of his personalities am I talking to? Is it that lunatic Hambo, or his slightly more civilized Clark Kent-esque alter ego?" That, PIGsters is the ultimate question, one whose answer will come as a spiffy surprise for both of us, because I have been known to go Hambo without any advanced warning.

PIGish Homework

We the PIGs decided to kick it up a notch by giving our PIGsters some ideas for spreading our special brand of joy.

How? Why not reach out and thrill the snot out of the richly deserving.

For example:

Tom Cruise
Given the hole Katie Holmes' escape left in his life, Tommy's most pressing need is new 'beard'. He'll probably want to wear it when he succumbs to nostalgia and remembers this golden moment of lunacy:

You know what would be great? Track down that sofa - Oprah isn't using it - and send it to Tommy.

PIGish aside: some of you might want to send him jumper cables so he can administer his own shock treatments to cure him of his L. Ron Hubbard brain fart. He's not going to use them any more than he's going to use that closet key some of you plan to send him, but I like the way you're thinking.

Gloria Allred
Make this Media Slut a happy camper, by giving her what she really needs:

A Newscrew Playset

 

Our kid-pleasing playset features an authentic-looking chipboard camera and microphone, plus everything children need for a nationwide weather report—including an 11" x 16" U.S. map with 6 stick-on weather symbols.

Thanks to you, whenever Gloria feels the need to get some news nitwit face time, she can get 'er done right in her own office.

Welcome To Hell

It's ironic that Chief Justice John Roberts plunged his traitorous dagger into inalienable individual liberty's back 6 days before we celebrate the 236th birthday of our individual liberty. Make no mistake John Roberts was judge jury and executioner in the untimely demise of this nation conceived in liberty.

John Roberts' betrayal, ripped the heart out of the Declaration of Independence, especially this oft repeated passage:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed...

His betrayal did much more:

* John Roberts pounded the final nail in the American Republic's coffin.

* John Roberts forged, and attached the shackles which turned Sovereign Individuals into powerless slaves of an all-powerful State.

* John Roberts personally condemned all of us to unrelenting tyranny by turning the U.S. Constitution into a meaningless scrap of paper.

Eventually, long after John Roberts is as dead as our inalienable individual liberty, when the history of this noble experiment is finally written, John Roberts will be remembered as the Judas who betrayed Lady Liberty for the political equivalent of 30 pieces of silver.

Why, you ask, did Chief Justice Judas Roberts do it? I think he lacked the balls to rule against Obamacare. He didn't have the balls to withstand the forthcoming MSM assault.

Congratulations, Justice Judas, you're the top contender for Girlieman of the Year.

Intervention Needed

From sea to shining sea, the Nanny State is out of control.

The problem with the Nanny State is twofold. In too many cases, government - at all levels - refuses to do what it is supposed to do, as set forth in its defining document. At the same time, government - at all levels - vastly exceeds its proper authority, as set forth in its defining document.

Put simply, what the fuck do We the People do when the government won't do what it's required to do, but does do what it isn't empowered to do? In this context 'We the People' denotes rational adults who bitterly cling to the Founding Fathers' vision of a limited government which maximizes individual liberty.

When the Nanny State refuses to do its prime functions:

* The debacle in Arizona is caused by Uncle Sam's steadfast refusal to perform one of its primary functions: safeguard our nation's borders. Instead of keeping border jumping scumbag invaders out of Arizona, Uncle Sam virtually ceded a large piece of Arizona to drug gangs. How? Uncle Sam made that piece of sovereign American land off limits to legal American residents.

Unwilling to let the Border Jumping Scumbag invaders take over the state, Arizona officials passed laws like SB1070, which empowered Arizona law enforcement officers to perform the job - immigration enforcement - which Uncle Sam still refuses to do. This week, the Supreme Court nukes 3 elements of SB1070 because the state was doing Uncle Sam's job.

* Tasked with protecting American citizens from our sworn enemies, Uncle Sam willfully refuses to even identify the Jihadikaze enemy in our midst. For example, although Major Nidal Hassan's murderous Fort Hood rampage was motivated by his Mecca Mania and he repeatedly bellowed "Allah akbar" during the attack, the Obama Regime refuses to pin a 'terrorist' label on this rat bastard.

When the Nanny State exceeds its authority:

* The war on sugary drinks started, when Mayor Bloomberg stuck his fucking nose where it doesn't belongs, by outlawing sugary drinks in containers larger than 16 ounces. Now, the war on sugary drinks is showing up Cambridge (Massachusetts), Los Angeles (Mexifornia), and elsewhere.

* Middleborough (Massachusetts) imposed a ban on swearing in public.

* The Delaware assembly passed a bill that makes it a crime for a parent to spank their children.

* The FCC's assigned function was limited to the engineering elements of a transmission: i.e. keeping broadcasters' transmissions from interfering with each other. Content? None of the FCC's business, but the Siren song of power has this blight on the freedom of speech, spending all its time dictation content, not the specifications of the signal itself.

This pagan scribbler thinks it's time to stage an intervention.

Title IX Rant

[Yesterday, June 23, 2012, was the 40th anniversary of the NO NADs depressingly successful frontal assault on male collegiate sports. The goal is, quite simply the Gender Cleansing - the expulsion of all men - of the American College campus, through the systematic extermination of all male collegiate sports. It's a bold, ambitious, plan which is working much too well.]

What Title IX Says: "No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance."

As written...as defined by the legicrats who wrote the bill, Title IX imposed an even-handed, gender justice - equality in educational opportunity - for American women. This noble purpose changed, the instant the feminist zealots tasked with administering Title IX skewed the rules to paint a bulls-eye on male collegiate sports. The infamous proportionality rule - female and male athletes must match, exactly, their proportion of their college's enrollment data - threw equality of opportunity out the window and imposed a take no prisoners, ruthlessly-enforced equality of results. To obtain the proper proportionality, male collegiate teams are falling like dominos, so much so that some college coaches sought relief in the American courts system, a legal challenge that prodded the Bush (43) Administration to appoint a blue ribbon commission to 'study Title IX implementation'. Needless to say, feminist zealots didn't take this challenge lightly.

Unable to offer compelling reasons to maintain or strengthen the fervently feminist, gender Nazi extermination of male collegiate sports, feminist zealots appointed to the Title IX Commission throw a fit over anyproposed change, however minor, that might give male collegiate sports a fighting chance for survival. Most of the time, their irrational outbursts succeed, which means that the Title IX Gestapo can continue goose-stepping toward the coveted Final Solution for the pesky 'man' problem - the utter and complete elimination of all male sports in America's schools.

The irony is that male collegiate sports are already doomed, but these shrieking zealots want to speed up the process. Male college enrollment continues its relentless, precipitous decline - in 2009 the male graduation rate was 25% below the female graduation rate - and no force in the universe can stop it. In time, the remaining, token, college attending males will lack sufficient numbers to justify any male team, in any sport. Feminist Gender Nazis know this, but seek ways to render all higher educrap exclusively female, immediately, and recognize that sports is the key. Since sports inspires many males to attend one of America's feminist dominated colleges, the solution is obvious: destroy the incentive and the men stop enrolling in college. In this context, exterminating male collegiate sports advances the Gender Nazi cause.

Buckeye State Korrectness

Forest Thomer is a denizen of Cold Spring (Kin-Tucky) whose liberty hit a speed bump, last month, during a visit to Ohio. The charge? Disorderly conduct. The crime? Asking visitors to a Cincinnati park if they wanted to "laugh at the crippled girl". Is he a heartless 'making fun of the handicapped' brute? Not really?

In fact, our hero was helping a wheelchair bound comedian, Ally Bruener, promote her forthcoming comedy show, and her website:

Bruener, who is in a wheelchair because of the degenerative muscle disorder, said she would approach people after Thomer asked them the question, tell a joke and talk about her next performance. Thomer also would record some of the public's responses for use on Bruener's website, showing people saying: "I laughed at the crippled girl."

Thomer, 25, was cited May 23 on a disorderly conduct charge alleging that he walked into people and shouted obscenities at them, according to court records. Thomer was asked to stop his behavior but "persisted in yelling and shouting, causing annoyance and alarm to others," according to the complaint in Hamilton County Municipal Court. Thomer could face up to 30 days in jail if convicted of the fourth degree misdemeanor charge, a court official said.

"We were just going up to people and asking the question, said Thomer, who denies all of the allegations.

"You can't just arrest people or have them arrested just because you don't like what they are saying," Thomer said. (AP)

Nobody in a position of authority in Cincinnati wants to discuss it, but I think Ally Bruener nailed it when she opined: "people are trying to be too politically correct and force us to be as well...I don't think words have power until you react negatively to them."

Truer words, PIGsters, and they evoke this element of our PIG Doctrine:

Since a word is nothing more than an ethically-neutral sequence of sound waves, it only has as much power for good or evil as the listener bestows upon it. There are no intrinsically 'offensive' sound waves, there are only hypersensitive listeners who are predisposed to being offended by them.

This & That

Item 1: Burkini

I saw a news item about a woman who is shielding women from their own sexuality, by making, and selling, them burkinis. So what? A fair question.

The woman promoting the burkinis is an American.

Furthermore, she's not a Mecca Maniac. She's an evangelical Christian.

Obviously the pathological fear of female sexuality is no longer, exclusively, an Islamikaze dude thing. Learn something new every day.

Item 2: Home Grown

From sea to shining sea, America citizens - Occutards, Union members, Ivory Tower inmates, and other, like-minded twerps – openly clamor for the death of capitalism and the imposition of Marxism. What's their damage?

Admittedly, American liberty is a mere shadow of its former self. BUT...Even in its greatly diminished state, American liberty is still light years ahead of any other existing political system.

How the hell did these Moonbats get so fucked up, in this land conceived in liberty?

Item 3: Echo Chamber

It's no secret that the MSM, along with their Libertard Moonbat talking heads are all on the same page. That makes perfect sense, since the Media Meathead, and their Demoncrat guests are all working from the same talking points. As the day progresses, each succeeding show spews the same talking points, making the MSM coverage seem like an echo chamber. If you've seen one, you've seen them all.

Unhappily, VRWC talk radio, with very few exceptions, have a similar problem. Each show uses the same sound bites, then condemn it in nearly identical words. Like the MSM which they, quite rightly, vilify, the VRWC talker sound like an echo chamber. When you hear one, you hear them all, so pick the one with the most entertaining host.

That's why I never watch MSM news shows, and am greatly curtailing the time I spend listening to VRWC talk shows.