"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer"

I Pledge Allegiance To The
Way Cool Dudes That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race



Give him an inch, and he'll take a mile. Just to keep him happy and shut him the hell up, we have a five page Hambo section but we suspect he'll demand more.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
• Hambo decided to save a few of his favorite rants, at least one of which has never been printed in PIG : Hambo's Greatest Hits
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• Hambo's Memorable Meltdowns: Hambo's Tantrums
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
• Hambo is so full of it that he started answering questions that nobody, exept him, would ask: Hambo's Theories
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
• Hambo is always making up his own theorems or rules. We preseved all those for your amusement here: Hambo's Laws
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
• Hambo's word-wrangling exploits are so out of control, he started making up his own words. We call these front assaults on English, 'Hamboisms'. We don't recommend it, but if you insist, you can find a starter set of Hamboisms here: Hamboisms

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

PIG's Editor, Hambo, is, we're compelled to admit, a raving lunatic with the sunny personality of a Tasmanian Devil. That, we regret to inform you, describes his occasional "good" days. When it comes to his bad days...don't ask. The problem with Hambo is this: when you manage to get him "focused" - Tasers, cattle prods and the essential "blunt instrument" - he can crank out some very PIG-worthy prose. Blinded by the possibility of getting more Hambo prose on the site, PIG's esteemed publisher, Porcus Maximus, ordered the staff to create this page for Hambo's ravings.

Since anything as rational as a Hambo schedule is a hopeless pipe dream - Tasers, cattle prods and blunt instruments have their limitations - we can't predict when, or how often, Hambo will tune into reality long enough to give us something printable. After intense negotiation - sweater puppy cleavage and brewskies played an essential role - we forged an agreement with Porcus. Under this tentative agreement, we'll dispatch Spike the Wonder Tyke to open the door to Hambo's steel reinforced dungeon, once a day. When - it never fails - Hambo responds with a profanity-laced tirade plus some paper wads, we'll gather up the paper, throw in a piece of raw meat, then see if any of the scribbles on the paper are ready for prime time. When Hambo's scribbles pass go, they'll be published on this page. We know what you're thinking, and we feel your pain.

Why did we name it 'Hambo's Hammer'? All our other ideas were shot down by our esteemed publisher because they're not suitable for a "family-friendly" publication. He's such a pain that way, but you don't want to get us started on...him.


My lovely bride got this and ask how I would answer it.

First Item:
Now, you're on the clock. In 9 minutes something will make you happy. Please share this with 15 girls you love. Remember, only for *girls*. If I don't get this back I'm obviously not a close friend.

My answer: The 15 girls requirement would be a slam dunk, if it wasn't for that [expletives deleted] Hooters restraining order.

Besides, in the requisite 9 minutes, the only meaningful change in my life is the malfunction of my other ride while my Paganmobile is in the shop.

Needless to say, neither of these fun facts makes me happy.

Second Item

Now, I have a game for you, it's been played since 1977.

My response: Why?

Once you read this, you have to send it to 15 people.

My response: Why would I alienate 15 of my friends with this drivel?

Your next 5 days will be like this:

Day 1 - you will wake up to the biggest shock of your life.

My response: If that means an unscheduled regime change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, count me in.

Day 2 - you will cross paths with an old friend you have missed.

My response: If you mean Iggy, give me time to reload.

Day 3 - you will find yourself with a lot of money.

My response: Iggy keeps saying this too, the lying bastard. That's why I shot at him the last time.

Day 4 - your day will be perfect.

My response: Obviously my time at the shooting range was well spent.

Day 5 - the love of your life will kiss you.

My response: Okay, but, if my lovely bride catches me there will be hell to pay.

....if you don't forward this, your next 5 days will be the exact opposite.

My response: The opposite? Been there, done that.

Don't break this. Send it to 14 friends in 10 minutes. It's not that hard. Whoever sent this to you must care about you.

My response: Don't hold your breath.

Hambo conclusion: For some reason, my lovely bride wasn't charmed by my responses. Win some, lose some.


Turkey Fryers

The season is upon us and that means everyone better make damn sure they have several fully loaded fire extinguishers at the ready. Why? How soon we forget. Tis the season when the male of the species decided to make a holiday meal memorable by cranking up the weapon of mass culinary destruction, the turkey fryer.

This years primer on this implement of male insanity will begin with a brief description of this annual pestilence. The newest household weapon of mass destruction is a cooking implement that had to be created by some deranged, real life Tim the Toolman: the turkey fryer. Essentially a deep fryer on steroids, it's the kind of toy that certain men can't resist, and, in too many cases can't be trusted to operate safely. This popular device is so fraught with peril that Underwriters Laboratories won't touch them with 10-foot toolman tongs.

To illustrate the thrill a minute potential of this infamous turkey charring inferno, here are a few of too, too true turkey fryer epics.

Jackson, Mississippi
Taking a page from Tim Allen's popular show, Mississippi denizen George Glenn staged a scene worthy of the toolman himself. His key props included a turkey, a plus-size pot filled with boiling oil, and two left feet.

'...After flambéing his bare hand on the turkey fryer's hot lid, Glenn flung the bird into the bubbling grease with a bit too much gusto. "It exploded like a cannon," said the Rankin County resident. "Grease shot up and I got second-degree burns on my forearms and hands."... (Sun Herald)

The Readers Digest version goes: oops, sizzle, expletive-replete 'ouch', splash, OUCH, extra crispy George. Don't try this at home.

ST. Cloud, Minnesota
He wanted to surprise his lovely bride by deep frying a turkey for her. She passed go on surprised and then some when the tally for his deep fried turkey adventure reached $14,000. His idea started when he borrowed the turkey fryer from a pal. After carefully reading the directions his friend provided, our hero purchased a thermometer to measure the oil temperature, because getting it too hot is not an option. Using his garage as turkey fryer central, he launched his gold d'oh adventure.

'...[Bill] Fickett said he was heating up about 3 gallons of oil before the fire started. He adjusted the temperature to the recommended 350 degrees, then stepped into the house to get the bird. Next thing he knew, smoke was pouring out of the garage...' (Fox News)

That's right, this flaming 'turkey frying' idiot managed to burn down his garage. Only a timely intrusion by the fire department saved the rest of his domicile from getting extra crispy. Am I the only one who questions the rationality of heating oil to the boiling point in an enclosed space like a garage?

Macon (Georgia)
Stop me if this sounds familiar: an unattended turkey fryer reached critical mass and "boom", it ignited the turkey fryer pinhead's house on fire. Fortunately, for the turkey fryer bright bulb, a neighbor, 21-year-old Brance Young, heard the damn thing explode. Running to the neighbor's house, he broke a window, then pulled a woman and her daughter out of harm's way.

The ultimate irony of this epic is the fact that Brance was turned down by the local fire department when applied for a firefighter job. Maybe the Macon-Bibb County Fire Department should take a long hard look at their hiring criteria, because PIG thinks Brance has the right stuff.

Chicago (Illinois)
Some bright bulbs decided to beat that wintery Windy City weather by setting up their turkey fryer in their garage. The unattended turkey fryer did what comes naturally, set the house on fire and resulted in a hefty $230,000 worth of damage to the turkey frying fatheads' abode.

Keizer (Oregon)
While heating up the peanut oil in the turkey fryer, the turkey fryer caught fire and might have done considerable damage, if a rational adult hadn't intervened. After trying to put out the inferno with a fire extinguisher, the rational adult tried to smother the flames by putting a garbage can over it. This worked will enough to confine the blaze until the fire department arrived to put out the stubborn blaze.

Fortunately, the home owner got off easily, with a mere $2,000 worth of damage.

The following triple dose of flaming turkey fryer insanity happened on the same day:

Euguene, Oregon: a newly completed house became a pile of well-done ashes when an unattended turkey fryer with a broken thermometer caught fire.

El Paso, Mexas: A turkey fryer was being used, inside the house and left unattended. Fire, plus boiling oil turned the domicile extra crispy.

Nolensville, Tennessee: A turkey fryer left unattended on the house's rear deck, overheats, catches fire and turns the log home into charcoal.

Finally, here are some warning signs that will SCREAM "Just say no" when your man suggests playing Ruskie Roulette, with your homestead:

You've been forced to hid the matches and lighters, because he's worse that your 3 year old when it comes to playing with fire.

His signature phrase is 'hold my beer and watch this'.

He's a Tim the Toolman 'more power' kind of guy.

His favorite BBQ has scorch marks from the last time he fired up the grill.

His most predictable comment when cooking is "I don't think this is hot enough".

Your insurance agent started sobbing uncontrollably when you told him that 'he' just bought a new, bigger, turkey fryer.

The fire department calls you by your first name, before you identify yourself, every time you call the station.

I've done my duty, PIGsters. I tried to warn you. If you persist in this turkey fryer insanity, Hambo will keep the appropriate parts of his body crossed. Don't hold your breath waiting for me to leave a light on for you, because it was YOU, not ME who let that fool fire up this implement of culinary destruction.


FTF Update

[Last year, I posted this dose of dialog.]

Christmas Eve [2013]

* FTF 1

While attending a Christmas Eve gathering with friends, I exchanged pleasantries with a dude whom I'll call FTF (First Time Father). He was holding his 11 month old son, while telling me about the tyke's memorable teething problems, including the noisy outbursts which the pain elicited.

Me: Noting the multicolored anklet on the tyke's leg, I asked: "What's that? Is it decorative or functional?"

FTF: "[FTM - First Time Mother] put it on him, to help with the teething pain."

Me: Noting the rolled eyes which accompanied his reply, I asked: "Does it work?"

FTF: "Uh, maybe. He's not crying today."

Me: "Perhaps, there's another explanation."

FTF: "Such as."

Me: "Maybe, by the time a tyke's otherwise rational parents get desperate enough to try something that irrational, the worst of the teething episode is over, giving the magic anklet credit it doesn't deserve.

FTF: "You might be right, but it stays on until he's done teething."

Me: "It can't hurt."

* FTF 2

Later, FTF had surrendered the Tyke to one of FTF's sisters. While she held the tyke, FTF entertained the nipper with a variety of objects.

FTF: He showed his sister some books the tyke had received as presents. "He likes books. He likes to turn the pages, even though he can't understand any of the words in it."

Me: "There are millions of government schooled inmates who have similar issues with their text books. Like your son, they turn the pages, while making inarticulate sounds about a book they're incapable of reading."

FTF: He stared, almost laughed out loud, then walked away to bask in my compelling wisdom in some quiet corner.

That's when I decided to dial it back a notch before he went into enlightenment overload.

Another Encounter [2014]

On Sunday, I attended another gathering of First Time Father's family. FTF was there with his offspring. First Time Mom, a young lady whom he brought back home with him, after spending a few years living in Japan, was with him.

The nipper, who turns 2 in January, isn't talking yet, leaving my burning question unanswered. What burning question? I'm very anxious to find out if the nipper will speak Japanese, English, or both. The jury is still out, but I did get a strong hint, on Sunday.

One of FTF's sisters was holding the nipper feeding him rice balls. She kept chatting with him - English, of course - but the kid didn't respond. On the other hand, the nipper was very responsive when mom showed up to reel off long bursts of Japanese.

FTF's Japanese bride is raising a Japanese son. In America. Bold New Concept.

I can't wait to see how that works out, over time.

Stay tuned.


Veterans Day

If you have friends or relatives who are combat veterans, you know that the experience changed them. In some instances, combat leaves physical scars. For most combats vets, it's the other, non physical changes that have the biggest impact.

One of my lovely bride's relatives is a WWII vet who survived the fiercest battles in the Italian Campaign. He was in one of those 'tip of the spear' outfits which put them in the hottest part of every battle. Eventually, his luck ran out. His wounds eventually healed, but his combat days were over, due to an arm rendered useless, in any meaningful way.

He returned home, and got on with his life, but he exhibited two traits I've encountered in other combat vets. He never complained about his combat-induced infirmities. Secondly, he never talked about his combat experiences.

Many members of my lovely bride's family served our country. One, a Marine, was severely wounded twice. Those wounds healed. The worst damage he incurred was caused by repeated dousing of Agent Orange that tormented him for decades, until he was given medication to control his demons. He, too, never complains about his combat-induced maladies and he never discusses his actions in combat.

Veterans Day is a day when we honor all our veterans, especially those living among us. It's important that we thank those who came back to resume their lives. They put themselves in harm's way, for us, and the experience forever changed their lives. Thanking them doesn't seem like it's enough, but it's all we've got.

It is with my deepest respect that I thank you for your service, veterans.


Another Take On Scapegoating

When it comes to scapegoating, this pernicious personality flaw is as old as humanity itself. Finger-pointing, blame-shifting, scapegoating and accountability avoidance are as venerable as the Garden of Eden where Adam pioneered it, by blaming Eve for making him eat the apple. Before you can say 'fig leaf', Eve pinned a 'scapegoat' tag on the snake. "The devil made me do it."

Not much has changed, since the infamous scapegoating exploits of Adam and Eve. Our excuses have evolved, otherwise, it's still "to err is human and so is blaming it on someone else". When it comes to the blame game, everyone gets to play. Need proof? No problem.

Are you having a terminally crappy day? No problem, Sunshine. "Everything was spiffy, until the dog pissed on my Wheaties."

Did you squander too much time on an awesome new electronic game, instead of studying? No problem. "The dog ate my homework."

Did your mom grab you by the ear for fighting with you brother? No problem. "He started it."

Did you come up short while paying your bills? No problem. "The check got lost in the mail."

Did your boss catch you porn surfing on your company computer? No problem. "Those I. T. slackers let this computer virus break through our firewall."

Does modern, 21st century life get on your last, raw, Islamikaze, nerve? No problem. "Everything was peachy, until those damn Crusades."

Did the proper authorities bust you for that kiddie porn on your computer? No problem. You can emulate a tragically real pervert and blame the family feline: "The cat jumped on my keyboard."

Did political setbacks make you snap, then murder the Blight by the Bay's Mayor and a County Supervisor? No problem, you can emulate the annoyingly real Dan White. "I ate too many Twinkies and the sugar shock warped my mind."

Did you rob a bank and kill several innocent people? No problem. "Poverty oppressed me into a life of crime."

Did you snap your back while participating in a refrigerator race? No problem. "Refrigerator manufacturer warning labels didn't tell me not to lift it."

Did you get fired for being HOURS LATE, every work day, for months on end? No problem. "My shrink says I've suffering from chronic lateness syndrome, which qualifies me for ADA disability protection."

Did you get busted for lurking in the ladies room, testosterone poisoned, Sparky? No problem. "According to the GLAAD BAAGS, I'm having a gender identity crisis."

Did the unflinching, you're not qualified, rules of marketplace engagement prevent you from getting that cushy job, that promotion, that raise, or the desk by the window, Melanin-Enriched Sparky? No problem. "It's blatant, 400 years of oppression, racism"

Are you so humongous that you set off earthquake detectors every time you move? No problem. "I'd be a lean, mean fighting machine, if Lard Burger put nutritional information on their menu and stopped FORCE FEEDING me transfats."

If all else fails, blame Bush 43. Why should Barry have all the fun beating that dead horse?



Today I met a young couple who stopped to thank us for our record-shattering pop corn adventure. They moved into a house one street over this April. Armed with a plastic garbage bag, the couple and their grade school age tykes were going through the neighborhood, picking up Halloween Night trash. That's a good neighbor. It's also setting an excellent example for their young 'uns.

We had at least 400 visitors on Halloween. We kept the pop corn machine going until we ran out of pop corn boxes. The good news is that, according to our pop corn clients, 'you're the best house in the neighborhood'. The bad news is that, according to our pop corn clients, 'you're the best house in the neighborhood'.

On behalf of the Free State of PIG, I'm delight to tell Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi: Welcome Home, Marine. Welcome Home.

On a related note, Montel Williams deserves our profound respect for his empassioned support for Andrew Tahmooressi. I am not a Montel fan, but that might change, after his unwavering quest to liberate our Marine from that Mexican prison.


The Walking Dead

I have a friend, who for reasons you'll soon understand, must remain anonymous. He lives somewhere in the USA. As far as his age goes, 'over 40' is the best I can do. Suffice it to say he's old enough to know better. Let's wrap this sketchy bio up by dubbing him 'Chalky'.

He called me over the weekend:

Me: Good afternoon.

Him: Do you have time to talk.

Me. Chalky!

Him: Chalky?

Me: For some reason, every time I see one of those chalk body outlines on a cop show, I think of you.

Him: So you think I'm living on borrowed time?

Me: [Laughing] I know it and so should you.

Him: I'm listening.

Me: True or false, you're married to an insanely jealous, notoriously homicidal woman?

Him: [Reluctantly] True, but you're exaggerating, as usual.

Me: Oh really? After another 'domestic disturbance' pitstop in response to a call from your wife, didn't a police officer of the female persuasion warn 'that woman is going to kill you'?

Him: Yes

Me: True or false, you have a girlfriend, and your wife knows all about her?

Him: True, but I won't own up to 'girlfriend'.

Me: Would you prefer Mistress?

Him: Girlfriend will suffice.

Me: True or false, your girlfriend is married to an 'old school' kind of dude who isn't buying the 'he's an old friend' fertilizer wifey is spreading?

Him: Yes, so what?

Me: So, now that we're on the same page, what's up, CHALKY?

Him: The Mormons are back.

Me: I thought you got rid of those dudes?

Him: I did. This time, a pair of Mormon women showed up and offered to do some chores for me. I'm seriously considering it.

Me: One of them must be a mega hottie, if you're willing to endure the standard LDS sales pitch, again.

Him: She's smoking hot, but her companion is there to protect her partner's virtue.

Me: [Laughing] 'Local Man Gunned Down By His Wife and Mistress, Who Teamed Up When He Boned a Mormon Hottie'

Him: She's worth the risk.

Me: Unless the LDS rules of engagement have changed, drastically, it's not going to happen.

Him: It can't hurt to try.

Me: What should I put on your tombstone?

Him: I can take care of myself.

Me: Let me write it down: He Said I Can Take Care of Myself

Me: Have someone make a video when you tell wifey how you promoted your married playmate to 'Mistress' to create an opening for a 'Girlfriend'.

Him: I'll look into that.

Me: Good man.

Him: About the Mormons...

Me: Same end game. Same sales pitch, but the huckster is much more enticing.

Him: I know...but she is so...

Me: You're hopeless. Instead of wasting time with you, I might cybersurf to Amazon and stream a movie.

Him: [Riddled with uncalled for suspicion] Ok, give me the punch line. What's the movie title?

Me: 'To Die For'.

Him: [Laughing] Nicely done, we're right back where we started.


Turning a blind eye to the law of unintended consequences, Libertards are much too eager to pull a half-baked, hair brained, notion out of their ass then inflict it on free ranging sovereign individuals. I think these Libertard brainfarts should go through a 'road testing' phase in a 'controlled' environment.

We need to create a special enclave - Progtopia - to road test these fetid Libertard notions. We must isolate it, then populate it with off the cliff lefties. Let them find out, the hard way, that CFL's become a mercury spilling biohazard when you break one. Let them figure out the downside of doing away with paper and plastic shopping bags. Let them get that special thrill when they convert two lanes of a busy byway into 'bikes only lanes'. Let them get those 'who knew that would happen' reality checks. I'm just sayin'.

Special Interests
With the chad-a-thon looming large, the airways are saturated with political ads. Predictably, supporters of a candidate or ballot initiative are vilifying the backer$ of the opposition as $pecial Interests. Don't get your knickers in a knot over THAT. $pecial Interests denote the deep pocketed individuals or organizations backing one's political opponents.

The deep pocketed individuals or organizations backing them are $upportive Constituents.

RINO Senate
If the Elephant Clan wins the Senate, don't get your hopes up for a rational adult revival. With Majority Leader Mitch in charge, only the rate of change will slow. It's like down-shifting from 5th gear to 4th. The engine will make more noise, and you'll slow slightly, but you're still going to be haulin' ass, and the gas pedal is a lot more responsive.


You Can't Make This Shit Up

[This is a very twisted tale, so I'll use this NRO posting to give you the big picture.]

A student who was born female felt perfectly comfortable identifying as a man at Wellesley College — until people said he shouldn't be class diversity officer because he is now a white male.

Timothy Boatwright was born a girl, and checked off the "female" box when applying to the Massachusetts all-women's school, according to an article in the New York Times. But when he got there, he introduced himself as a "masculine-of-center genderqueer" person named "Timothy" (the name he picked for himself) and asked them to use male pronouns when referring to him.

And, by all accounts, Boatwright felt welcome on campus — until the day he announced that he wanted to run for the school's office of multicultural affairs coordinator, whose job is to promote a "culture of diversity" on campus.

But some students thought that allowing Boatwright to have the position would just perpetuate patriarchy. They were so opposed, in fact, that when the other three candidates (all women of color) dropped out, they started an anonymous Facebook campaign encouraging people not to vote at all to keep him from winning the position.

"I thought he'd do a perfectly fine job, but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there," the student behind the so-called "Campaign to Abstain" said.

"It's not just about that position either," the student added. "Having men in elected leadership positions undermines the idea of this being a place where women are the leaders."

Boatwright told the Times that his high-school friends knew he was transgender, but he identified himself as female on the application to Wellesley because he didn't want his mom to know. Of course, Wellesley is also a female school, and "it seemed awkward to write an application essay for a women's college on why you were not a woman," he said.

Okay we have a biological female who had one of those trendy, 'I'm really a guy named Timothy' brain farts.

Since she/he hadn't copied mom on that memo, she/he checked off 'girl', on the relevant Wellesley College paperwork.

Once she/he got settled in at the Estrogen Tower, she/he went all in on Timothy. So far, so good.

Timothy's saga hit a speed bump when 'he' decided to run for the school's office of multicultural affairs coordinator.

Unwilling to sully themselves three other candidates dropped out.

A backlash movement 'Campaign to Abstain' made 'him' bow out, too. So be it.

And now we arrive at the 'punchline', courtesy of the NYT:

"It wasn't about Timothy," the student behind the Abstain campaign told me. "I thought he'd do a perfectly fine job, but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there. It's not just about that position either. Having men in elected leadership positions undermines the idea of this being a place where women are the leaders."

A white male? You're half right, cupcake, because she/he is melanin-challenged. BUT no matter what name she/he uses, Timothy is FEMALE

I asked Timothy what he thought about that argument, as we sat on a bench overlooking the tranquil lake on campus during orientation. He pointed out that he has important contributions to make to the MAC position. After all, at Wellesley, masculine-of-center students are cultural minorities; by numbers alone, they're about as minor as a minority can be. And yet Timothy said he felt conflicted about taking a leadership spot. "The patriarchy is alive and well," he said. "I don't want to perpetuate it."

"The patriarchy is alive and well. I don't want to perpetuate it." WTF! You're still FEMALE, gender-bender Sparky.

Everyone at Wellesley College is drinking the gender-bender Kool-Aid which is obviously TOXIC!


PIGish Wisdom

PIGish wisdom is everywhere, if you know where to look for it. This batch was harvested from t-shirts:

"I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me."

"My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work."

"Why do I have to press 'ONE' for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I don't understand anyway?"

"OOPS! Did I roll my eyes out loud?"

"If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees."

"You're about to EXCEED the limits of my MEDICATION."



* According to the gossip rags, Justin Bieber recently bedded one of Bruce Jenner's teenage daughters. If Bruce hasn't already decided to lop off his 'business', learning that this twerp is shagging his baby girl will have him chopping off his nads in record time.

* Another gossip rag gleefully reports that Pornstar Kardashian was in such a hurry to catch a plane that she dashed out of her hotel, leaving her nipper - North West - behind. I think we have our Mother of the Year.

* According to a news report, Uncle Sam is yammering about transferring the Secret Service from the Treasury Department to the Department of Homeland Stupidity. Does Barry want to do for presidential protection what transferring the Border Patrol to DHS did for border enforcement? Interesting! Maybe he's more anxious to get himself out of the Oval Office than we thought.
[Remember, Progtards, if BHS has an unscheduled 'eviction' it's not an 'assassination' it's 'regime change'.]

* It would be very refreshing if the Pachyderm Punk Establishment was as unremittingly hostile toward the Jackass Party and Obama as they are towards the TEA Party.



On Sunday, something odd happened on CBS. The viewership for '60 Minutes' plummeted 69% from the previous Sunday. According to MSM news reports, there's no way to explain this precipitous drop. Hmm.

What is it that they, know but won't...can't mention? If you're a rational adult, you already know the answer. Barry's minions made sure that everyone knew The One would be on the show yammering about ISIS. Do you suppose that Barry's face time nuked the show's viewership? Yup, but linking the two will prompt them to call you a racist. They'd much rather discuss that dude who invaded the White House.

Michael Brown became a household name, after he robbed a Ferguson (Missouri) store then had a fatal encounter with a local cop who shot and killed him. Since Mikey is black, you know what comes next.

What nobody wants to discuss is the fact that the cop who is vilified as a cold blooded killer, was severely beaten and ended up in the hospital with serious facial injuries. Holy self defense, Batman. You bet, but bringing this up is racist.

A standout on defense for the University of Missouri, Michael Sam probably knew he didn't have the right stuff to make an NFL roster via the 2014 draft. Nobody's fool, he wetted a finger and extended it to test the prevailing political winds and found what he needed. Days before the draft, he came out - I'm gay - hoping it would increase his chances. It worked, barely, since he was the last player picked.

He had his shot during the pre-season and he came up short. After nobody picked him up, he finally found a 'better than nothing' gig with the Dallas Cowboy's on their off the roster 'taxi squad'. Since he can only stay there 2-3 years, he shouldn't get too comfortable. Hired for being gay? Yup.

This year, there have been outbreaks of heretofore unknown diseases. One is concentrated in the Midwest where it has infected 300 people, most of them tykes. In Minnesota another disease is also targeting tykes. It's described as polio like, since it causes paralysis. There have been isolated cases of things like tuberculosis.

What's going on? I think these diseases were brought in by the border jumping 'refugees'. This is what happens when you don't subject 'visitors' [invited or not] to a health screening. It's no accident that nobody - MSM or government tool - has mentioned this likelihood.

In bygone days, we stopped disease spreaders at the border, but now we roll out the red carpet for them.

During his appearance on '60 Minutes' the Buckpasser in chief pinned the blame for ISIS on the American intelligence agencies who never saw them coming. What's he supposed to do about that now?

Lies! If he'd bothered to pay attention to his intelligence briefings, he'd have seen this shit coming, For at least two years, intelligence agencies sounded the warning. The report writers nailed it, on ISIS whose actions they predicted with compelling precision. What's going on? Here are a few possibilities:

He's lazy and never read the briefings.

Arrogant to a fault, he thinks he's smarter than the briefing authors, so he ignore their warnings of 'coming attractions'.

ISIS and its bloody rampage are just what he wanted, because it makes America look inept and he loves denigrating America.

Colleges do a lot of things, these days, but instilling knowledge isn't one of them. They tell you what you can, or can't say. They tell you when and where you're allowed to say it. They tell you what to think. As thrilling as that sounds, one school - University of Denver - kicked this intrusive crap up several notches.

As you'll read below, the University of Denver doesn't seem to trust students to form new ideas and relationships on their own.

Adam Kissel of Minding the Campus reports.

Freshmen: Here Are the Friends and Values We Want You to Have

For years, some colleges assigned new students roommates from different regions, races or classes. The idea, not very controversial, was to broaden the horizons of freshmen.

Now a more intrusive version of that plan has turned up via the University of Denver, where the chancellor believes a bit of social engineering will push students toward a diverse range of friendships. The chancellor, Rebecca Chopp, argued, "I don't think it is enough to leave new relationships to chance. … Let's cultivate practices in which students make friends not by chance but because we are cultivating friendships around community values."

In other words, 'we need to make these moves to maximize your Marxist indoctrination'.


Remembering James Traficant

James Traficant was a congressman from Ohio's17th district for17 years, until the feds sent him to the slammer for, 10 felony counts including bribery, racketeering, and tax evasion.

Demoncrat? Yup.

Worst hairpiece in history? Yup.

A bribe taking, tax evading racketeering crooked political hack? Yup.

Despite that, I liked him. Flawed or not, he was colorful and prone to serving up a PIG-worthy quote.

Here's one:

July 29, 1999

Mr. Speaker, John Hinckley shot President Reagan, James Brady, and two security guards with intent to kill. Hinckley also planned to kill President Carter.

Deemed insane, Hinckley was put in the hospital. And now that hospital says Hinckley has regained his health, he is no longer insane, and he should be entitled to and they are granting him `supervised leave.' And the Government will not appeal it. Unbelievable. What is next, Mr. Speaker? White House tours? Disney World? Beam me up.

If we can't have a government comprised of rational adults a dude like James Traficant does at least entertain us.

Rest in peace James, or as you'd say, "Beam me up, Saint Pete".



When Twerky (Miley Cyrus) was in Mexico, perpetrating whatever the fuck you call what she does, she pissed off the Sombrero Stomper officials. The offense had nothing to do with the peep show elements of her musical twitching. The offense was something else entirely: one of Twerky's gyrating tarts smacked Miley's twitching butt with the Mexican flag. That's a no-no, but what makes this foolishness memorable is the fun fact that it transpired on Mexico's Independence Day. Big, big fun.

I have an idea. Why doesn't Uncle Sam offer a straight-up trade. If they'll turn loose of Marine Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi, we'll give them Twerky. It's a winner all around, because Twerky would be a much more amusing Gray Bar Hotel guest than Sgt. Tahmooressi.

* Japan

I'm not likely to take a trip to another country, for a variety of reasons. But, if I did venture that far from the PIG Bunker, my destination would be Japan. Why Japan?

Here's one compelling reason:

KYOTO, Japan, Sept. 23 (UPI) -- Japanese police have seized hundreds of pairs of shoes with built-in upskirt cameras by visiting buyers' homes and asking them to voluntarily give up the items.

Kyoto Prefectural Police said they received a list of about 1,500 customers when they raided a company July 1 specializing in the voyeuristic footwear, known as "tosatsu shoes," and they have since been visiting the homes of customers and asking them to voluntarily give up the shoes.

Police said they believe they have collected nearly all pairs of the shoes in Kyoto Prefecture, save for some said to have been thrown away. The customers were asked to surrender the shoes and fill out a "disposal request" that asked them to state why they purchased them.

Police said the company, which also sold camera supplies, had sold about 2,500 pairs of tosatsu shoes between 2012 and 2014. A 26-year-old company manager was charged with "aiding voyeurism," a violation of the nuisance prevention ordinance, and fined about $4,500.

Hambo sez:

I love that bit in the 3rd paragraph where the police ask the shoe owners 'why did you buy these'. I get 'for the official record', but it's still an asinine question.

When I stumbled over this gem, I had a 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' reaction. In the middle of the last century - hormone gorillas deployed a very low tech version of the tosatsu shoe when they affixed mirrors to the top of their shoes.

Japan is so amusingly twisted that I might put a trip there on my bucket list.

* Jenner

I see that Bruce Jenner and Big Mama Kardashian are splitsville. It's about time.

I have unresolved issues with Jenner, none of which involve his rumored sex change. I chalk that one up to the stress of living with that shrew and her hellish horde.

Anyway, about those issues.

* He was, in his younger (Olympics) days, a good looking dude. Given that, why did he get all that unsightly cosmetic surgery?

* He got a horrifyingly close look at Big Mama's brood then reproduced with her anyway? Twice! If he gets his wang lopped off, I'd like to think it's his way of atoning for this frontal assault on the human gene pool.


Matthew Miller

He went to North Korea deliberately.

The American who tore up his own tourist visa on landing in North Korea and demanded to be arrested so that he could experience prison life in the communist nation has been sentenced to six years hard labor for entering the country illegally to commit espionage.

Matthew Miller, 24, of Bakersfield, California, looked thin and pale at his trial in Pyongyang on Sunday, as he was handed out his sentence. [Daily Mail]

Now, he wants out.

Earlier this month, Miller told CNN's Will Ripley that he "prepared to violate the law of DPRK before coming here. And I deliberately committed my crime."

But Miller didn't elaborate on what his "crime" was. He said he wouldn't learn of his charges until he went to trial.

It's unclear whether his statements were made freely or under coercion.

"My situation is very urgent," Miller told CNN. "... Very soon, I'm going to trial and I will directly be sent to prison. I think this interview is my final chance to push the American government into helping me." [CNN]

Uncle Sam is on the job.

Early Monday, the U.S. State Department demanded that North Korea release Miller and fellow American prisoner Kenneth Bae.

"The charges for which he (Miller) and the other detained U.S. citizens were arrested and imprisoned would not give rise to arrest or imprisonment in the United States or in many other countries around the world," said spokesman Darby Holladay. [CNN]


Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi

He's been a political prisoner in Mexico, since March 31st. The Mexican authorities are screwing with him. What passes for a judicial system in that pestilence keeps jerking him around. Making this particular circle of hell especially thrilling, his fellow prisoners are ready, willing, and eager to kill him.

What did he do to deserve this? Nothing. He landed in that hell hole for several reasons.

He made a wrong turn at the U.S. - Mexican border and ended up in Mexico.

He warned Mexican officials about the legally purchased and registered [in the USA] firearms in his truck.

He's an American.

He's a United States Marine.

Sgt. Tahmooressi did two tours of duty in Afghanistan, a service to his country that saddled him with PTSD. He deserves more from his nation than this crap.

Nobody in the Obama Regime has lifted a finger to help Sgt. Tahmooressi.

The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for Bowe Berghdal. a man who is, many believe, a deserter.

This same Oval Office Pussy won't lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only 'crime' is making a wrong turn at the U.S.-Mexican border. That just ain't right.

Parting shot: That fool, Miller asked for it, so I say let him rot, until Sgt. Tahmooressi is freed. Once that's done, maybe...but not a moment sooner.


Hysteria Channel Musings

[One of my lovely bride's social media chums risked crime statistic status, when they kept yammering about the so-called 'History Channel'. After she, ever so gently, tried to enlighten them, she pinned a 'lost cause' on the topic, and I don't blame her.

The incident prodded me into dredging up my scribblings on this cable blight, so here goes nothing.]

The History Channel

Long ago, We the PIGs dubbed this one the 'Hysteria Channel', due to its penchant for histrionics. It does poop out the occasional 'history' program, but even those are so replete with political correctness and self-serving bullshit that labeling it 'history' is erroneous in the extreme.

If you haven't made a pitstop at the Hysteria Channel lately, here are some hard core 'history' fare that you're missing:

American Pickers, Ax Men, The Bible Code: Predicting Armageddon, Big Shrimpin', Cajun Pawn Stars, Extreme Marksmen, Full Metal Jousting, Ice Road Truckers, Jurassic Fight Club, Life After People, Mega Disasters, Monster Quest, More Extreme Marksmen, Nostradamus Effect, Pawn Stars, Sharp Shooters, Swamp People, UFO Hunters

Two of the aforementioned programs deserve special attention:

'Life After People' is a humanity hating, tree boinking Greeniac's wet dream, since it makes them orgasmic with views of a world were all those pesky humans have been expunged. If you listen closely, you can hear the heavy breathing of all those people hating Greeniacs.

'Monster Quest' features some of the stupidest alleged humans ever born doing moronic things that make you nostalgic for the relative sanity of junk science. It might not be in the same universe as science, and it's perpetrated by morons, but it does have one redeeming element: Monster Quest is, unintentionally a real hoot.

My favorite episode deployed the Monster Quest 'Team' to New Guinea to track down a flying monster that's big enough to pluck a grown man off the ground and dump his carcass in the top of a very tall tree. Faster than you can say 'tinfoil hat zone' they decided it's a pterodactyl, one of those flying reptiles that's a fixture in dinosaur flicks.

During the show, several magic moments put my lovely bride on the floor, laughing like a mental patient. For some reason, elements of objective reality that perplexed the Monster Quest Team seemed perfectly obvious to us. For example, the Monster Quest Team seem shocked, dismayed and horrified by the evil New Guinea climate, not to mention all the insects, snakes and other vermin. If they'd bothered to ask a rational adult - one of us - we would have explained that New Guinea is an entomologist's wet dream that has three weather seasons: Sucks, Turbo Sucks, & Don't Even Think About It.

We'll finish our look at this episode by sharing two magic, Monster Quest, moments. The first involved their 'bought it on sale at eBay' heat signature camera which dazzled them by detecting a GIANT heat source. TA-DA? Not exactly. It was an 'elephant bug' which is a flying, self illuminating, June Bug size critter who took pity on these morons and decided to give them a thrill by landing on their camera lens.

The second laugh-inducing gem happened while the breathless narrator tried to ramp up the drama by describing how remote, treacherous and inhospitable the jungle trail up the side of a 'mountain' was. The prose, the tone, and the music might have worked, if the camera wasn't trained a rugrat size kid who was handling the trail effortlessly, while toting a large, white, plastic tub.

Isn't it 'false advertising' to operate as the 'History' Channel when you perpetrate this reality-insulated crap? Enquiring minds what to know.

* More Hysteria

The Hysteria Channel - some of you might insist on using its hilariously ironic name, the 'History Channel' - perpetrated an especially uplifting show this evening. The usual suspects, a sorry collection of slobbering sad sacks, were playing a rousing game of 'what if'. Regular viewers of this cable blight know that 'what if' is a Hysteria Channel favorite.

Today's what if was, in essence, a 'how to paralyze America' show that featured the chaos which would ensue if the Jihadikazes set off a small nuke in our nation's capitol. The talking heads were so over the top on this crap that they made the film 'Independence Day' seem like walk in the park.

Proving that great minds work alike, my lovely bride and I laughed together, when the 'experts' fretted over the untimely demise of our Elected Tormentors, job for life bureaucrats, plus assorted other D.C. dwelling pests. We almost said it in unison, but she got there first: "If there's a downside here, I'm not seeing it."

Setting aside the annoying - 'an Egghead's wet dream' - aspects of this piece, I still had issues with their scenario. For example, they didn't come close to resolving the Barry factor. The Barry factor? That's Hamboese for the incontrovertible fact that an alive and kicking Barry is the Jihadikazes' ace in the hole. The Jihadikazes don't dare kill him, because it's a virtual certainty that America would never find a useful idiot of his ilk to replace him. Admittedly, they could wait until he's on another personal appearance tour, before they nuke the botox induced smirk off San Fran Nan's face.



Barry: "No religion condones the killing of innocents,"

Therefore, according to The One, ISIS is not Islamic.

Oh Really!

The ISIS murderers call their blood-soaked domain a 'caliphate'.

I looked up 'caliphate' and got this:

Caliphate, n.
Dominon of a caliph.

Undeterred, I looked up Caliph and Yahtzee!

Caliph, n.
The chief Muslim civil and religious ruler, regarded as the successor of Muhammad

Since the butcher-in-chief for ISIS deemed himself 'the successor of Muhammad', AND since ISIS stands for ISLAMIC State (in) Iraq and Syria, it's GAME, SET, MATCH in Barryville

Barry is free to believe whatever thrills him spitless. BUT, if he tries to sell me on his "inexplicably cranky victims of American Imperialism who really just need a hug...maybe two hugs", he's delusional.

ISIS is whatever it says it is. If ISIS says it is motivated by Islam, THEOLOGICAL ISLAM, who the fuck is Barry to say no?

* Islam

'Hijacked one of the world's great religions'- This on harkens back to W, I think, but The One has used similar rheoric.

The other 'nothing to see here' canard opines that the 'Huggies' are just a small percentage of Muslims. Okay...let's look at that.

Using everyone's favorite bullshit figure - 10%- we'll do the math.

There are 1.6 billion [1,600,000,000] Muslims.

10% of 1.6 billion is 160 million [160,000,000]

That would put 160 million insane, toddler murdering, butchers loose on civilized society. Does that make anyone feel safe? If we made it 1% of Muslims that's still 16 million [16,000,000] raving, head lopping lunatics.


Regime Change Options

It probably won't thrill the Secret Service spitless, and I 'get' that. HOWEVER, they don't need to interrupt the next Colombian Hooker Mixer at Secret Service HQ to investigate it. What the hell am I talking about, this time? What indeed.

A critical mass of rational adults long for...pray for?...an earlier than normal regime change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. When their frustration peaks, some might even blurt out "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard". I understand their frustration and I share it, however I see 'unintended consequences' inexorably tied to "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard".

Option 1: "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard".

First and foremost, it would turn The One into a martyr. If, as many opine, Barry is, in his heart, an Islamist, martyrdom kind of works. BUT, his Obamunist minions would have a memorable hissy fit over The One's untimely demise.

Second, and equally problematic, his Jackass Party would 'honor' his memory, by ramming through Draconian legicrap that's so extreme it would make Marxist regimes like Stalin's, Mao's, and North Korea's seem tame, liberty-affirming, by comparison.

That's why death, even from natural causes, just won't get 'er done. The one exception to this assertion is covered in Option 4.

Option 2: "He went out for a pack of cigarettes and never returned."

Admittedly VERY unlikely, a disappearing act, would spare us martyrdom and the Draconian legicrap deluge martyrdom invites.

The downside is the obvious one. Since he'd still be on this planet, he might return at any time.

Option 3: "He's gone, Jim. The president is incurably insane."

This one sounds inviting, until you delve into those Devilish Details.

First, and foremost, given The One's erratic behavior, how would we know the difference between Erratic Obama and Insane Obama? Could anyone detect the difference.

Second, if he was incurably insane, would anyone in his POTUS Posse, do anything about it? Nope. Most likely, they would hide it from EVERYONE and continue their destruction of this once great nation.

Option 4: "INCOMING!"

This is the most practical, most efficient solution, since it puts D.C. - Elected Tormentors, bureaucracies, etc. - out of our misery. I'm talking about an asteroid strike on D.C. In theory, an asteroid strike would be ideal, but...

The Good:

If it's just the right size - about 50 meters wide and it hit, it would create a mile wide crater, and lay waste to suitably larger area beyond the crater.

The Bad:

Getting it to hit land is iffy, and having it hit D.C. is a longshot with nearly impossible odds.

The Ugly:

[A]n asteroid flies past Earth, on average, every 40 years, yet actually hits the planet once every 1200 years or so.

Option 5: "Beam him...them up...ET"

When I add it all up - Crop Circles, Cattle Mutilations, Their Joy Riding All Over Our Planet, Abducting Humans For Painful Prodding, Poking, and Puncturing - I conclude that E.T. has abused our hospitality. You owe us, Space Punks, and we're declaring your debt due, immediately.

We the PIGs are whipped with guilt that We the People are hogging all this Marxist Messiah joy. Suitably guilt-ridden, we're ready to mark your debt 'paid in full', if you take HIM off our hands. There are, however a few 'conditions':

* You must keep him. We don't want him back.

* We don't want him on this planet. He might come back.

* We don't want him left elsewhere in our solar system. Some Moonbat might go get him.

* If you must leave him elsewhere in our galaxy, the closest we'll tolerate is on the far side of the Milky Way Galaxy.

If you have the room, we have other potential 'passengers' in mind. If you want a full list, let us know.

Parting shot: My first choice is Option 4. Option 5 is my second choice, followed by Option 2.


Bitter Fruit

Being a rational adult in an increasingly irrational world is, at best, a serious pain in the ass. That's one of the fun-filled consequences of confronting objective reality with your eyes wide open. When you attempt this, with the shackles removed from your brain, it's not for the faint hearted.

I strongly suggest that you have an ample supply of your preferred adult beverage on hand, because the ride down reality street is a very bumpy one. You'll be sad, when you take stock of all damage that's been done. You'll get mad when you confront what lies ahead of you. You'll see things you don't want to see. You'll hear things you don't want to hear. You'll read things you don't want to read. Worst of all you'll reach conclusions you don't want to reach.

I've been converting oxygen into carbon dioxide for quite a while, so I'm painfully aware of where we are, where we've been and how we got our once great nation so completely fucked up. If my notions about where we're heading prove valid, the worst is looming large on the near horizon.

Because I'm a heartless bastard, I'm going to make a few stops on this highway to hell. Why? So we can look at some of the noteworthy features on Reality Street.

I might as well get this one out of the way, now, and be done with it. Using 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness' as your measurement criteria, the world, especially the USA, that you'll leave behind will be worse than the one which existed when you took your first breath. How much worse? That depends on your age. Why? Because your awareness of the degradation is increased or decreased by when you attended school and if certain turning point events occurred before or after your birth.

No matter when you were born, your life was changed, for the worse, by the anti-war movement of the 1960s.,which did a lot more than thrill Tricky Dicky spitless. It made LBJ a one-term (one full term) president, but that one full term was enough time to let him poop out that Victimhood steaming pile, Affirmative Action. Most important of all, for this discussion, the anti-war movement transformed colleges and universities from institutions of higher learning into political korrectness factories. For a variety of reasons, the anti-war movement's aftershocks are still felt half a century later. John Kerry, for example, jump started his political career with his back-stabbing anti-war antics.

As the anti-war movement wound down, a critical mass of the participants sought refuge in America's Ivory Towers, where many of them remain, to this day. Wielding considerable power, they are the prime movers who scuttled 'a free exchange of ideas' to make room for that mantra of the moment 'check your privilege'.

How do they impact your life? How indeed.

Those Korrectness Factories pooped out that Marxist Moonbat Educrat who is trying to brainwash your children into brain-dead Progtard.

Those relics from the 60's are taking jobs for life in the Nanny State bureaucracy, where they can impose their twisted notions via regulations.

America is losing its competitive edge, because our Ivory Towers have stopped teaching and started indoctrinating.

Before we leave the 1960s behind, I'm compelled to point out another event which produced shockwaves that still shape our political landscape. In 1964 the Elephant Clan nominated Barry Goldwater. His acceptance speech reasonates with bold visions of a government that would fulfill its obligations without straying beyond its Constitutionally mandated limits. Goldwater didn't deserve the character assassination that ensued. This great man deserved better, then, and he deserves better, now. His candidacy represents a missed opportunity to undo at least some of the damage inflicted by the Lunatic Left. His candidacy also marks the moment in time when the Elephant Clan's DC establishment began its on-going war with Conservatives and anyone else who espouses limited government.

In 1976, the Jackass Party had a memorable brain fart name Jimmy Carter. He's worth mention for two reasons. First and foremost, he's the harbinger of things to come: loves Islamikazes so much he refuses to put up an effective fight; hates Israel; does his best to destroy our military.

Jihad Jimmy's other 'accomplishment' is setting the stage for Ronald Reagan. Smoother than Goldwater, Reagan was close enough to Goldwater, politically, to scare the crap out of the Elephant Clan's DC establishment. Many rational adults persuaded themselves that Reagan could turn things around. Some kidded themselves into believing that Reagan was the new prototype for a pachyderm POTUS. His successor, Bush I, quicky dispelled such notions. Papa Bush made us face the bitter truth. Reagan, alas, was an anomaly

The End Game

The 2008 election cycle marks a key point in America's headlong plunge in to Marxist tyranny. When the pachyderm punks virtually conceded the election, by nominating a RINO fossil - Juan McCain - the Jackass Party seized the moment. With an overwhelming majority in both houses of Congress, the Jackass Party threw away the rule book (the U.S. Constitution), then put the pedal to the metal on the razing of American liberty.

In the 2010 Midterm, a new political force - The TEA Party - arrived on the scene and due primarily to their efforts, the Jackass Party lost control of the U.S. House of Representatives. Their margin in the U.S. Senate was also reduced, putting the pachyderm punks - theoretically - back in the game.

The One took this setback in stride, prompting him to blaze a new trail to a Progtard Holy Grail called an imperial presidency. By the 2012 Election Cycle, his rule by presidential decree was well established. Despite the best efforts of rational adults, he won, primarily, because Mitt Romney didn't put up much of a fight. Unwilling to take Obama to the woodshed, on any of Barry's glaring deficiencies, Mitt Romney lost an election that was his for the taking.

If you believe in the venerable political pendulum, the Obama regime's wild swing to the lunatic left should create a swing of equal intensity toward the right. We the People are up for that, but it won't happen, if the Pachyderm Establishment gets its way. The RNC is much more interested in obliterating the TEA Party than defeating the Jackass Party.

If you're drawing your inspiration from the fact that Jimmy made things perfect for a Reagan, I have troubling news for you, history repeats itself Sparky. Anyone with Reagan-like credentials would be eviscerated by Beltway Republicans. Additionally, if there's someone like that 'out there' he, she, heshe, or it is taking 'low profile' to new levels.

It's time to put this rambling rant out of my misery. So, here's my parting shot. As this rant indicates, The One isn't a one man wrecking crew who is destroying America. Obama is just an undertaker who is nailing the last few nails in America's coffin.


Labor Day Musings

In the pantheon of Americans who are singled out for special recognition we seemed to have covered all the bases.

The Irish get their due on St. Patrick's Day, when we get shit-faced on green beer and paste shamrocks on every flat surface.

The Italians get the due, when we celebrate the antics of a severely lost, directionally challenged Italian who blundered into the new world without knowing where he was. In fact, he never did understand where he'd been. Despite it all we honor his blunder on Columbus Day.

Lovers, and the relentlessly horny, get to strut their stuff for that special him, her, himher or it on Valentine's Day.

Presidents - good, bad and indifferent - get our attention on - DUH - Presidents Day.

Mom gets her own special day, not to mention that killer heartburn, when she chokes down the breakfast the tykes made for her.

America's honored dead, who died defending our liberty, get our heartfelt thanks on Memorial Day.

Dad earned his own day in the sun, plus another batch of ugly 'I wouldn't wear this on a bet' ties for his impressive collection.

The Founding Father's get the our richly deserved respect for our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness on Independence Day.

The Pilgrims get some TLC on Thanksgiving Day.

The properly-hyphenated, and assorted other chronic whiners, get to strut their stuff and make rational adults miserable with a plethora of 'pride', 'history' and 'appreciation' days, weeks or months.

Sally Steno has what was, in terminally inkorrect times, called Secretaries Day - later Secretaries Week.

On the first Monday in September, Larry Lunchpail gets his turn in the spotlight with the Labor Day festivities.

Everybody seems to get their turn in the spotlight, except those egregiously maligned achievers, who are vilified by the Neo-Marxist horde. All they did was turn an idea into a product or service, then expand it into the industries where we work to feed our families. When are these achievers - Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, Bill Gates, and countless others - going to be given the respect they deserve? When will the writers, thinkers, and scientists who entertain, enlighten, inspire and inform us going to be given their just reward with a day of their own? It's time for America to cut to the chase and honor such men and women with an Achievers Day, a day on which we salute excellence, in all its diverse forms?

I won't put words in your mouth, but this Labor Day, I'm going to take a moment to honor those unsung heros of excellence, who made this great nation what Ronald Reagan called 'the shining city on a hill'. After all they've given us, it's the least we can do to thank them.


F**K Labor Day

"The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money to spend."
Margaret Thatcher
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

If you've ever wondered why the Free State of PIG doesn't usually commemorate Labor Day with a Top Story, wonder no more. Quite frankly, especially in this second decade of the of the 21st century, the labor unions that exemplify this faux holiday aren't thrilling us spitless. No matter what essential topic you name, they're on the wrong side of it. Given organized labor's deleterious impact on a sovereign individual's life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, the FSOP won't set aside a picosecond on the first Monday in September to hoist a brewskie to honor BIG LABOR. Why? We refuse to give PIG props to the public employees unions, teachers unions, auto workers unions, or any other organized labor group which are key players in this increasingly oppressive Obamunist Error.

What, exactly, is Labor Day? If you cyber surf to the Department of Labor Internet speed bump, you'll learn that the American version of Labor Day dates back to 1882. You'll also find this high sounding, bureaucratic, bull crap to justify this salute to BIG LABOR:

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Social and economic achievements? Let's take a closer look at that.

Teachers unions are high on our list of groups that deserve to be nuked out of our misery. First, and foremost, being a tenured member of a teacher's union means you'll never have to hear the words "You're fired." No matter what you do, you'll never have to pay the piper for your incompetence. Hell, in most government cess schools, the only way you'll get in serious trouble with your union happens if you're foolish enough to educate your young charges instead of indoctrinating them.

In liberty-impoverished blights like Mexifornia, teachers unions are powerful political players who, routinely, impose their will on feckless Elected Tormentors and brain dead chad punchers. They shape the political landscape, with unrelenting advertising campaigns, which inhibit liberty and impoverish unwary achievers.

When it comes to unionized teachers, their primary social and economic achievements involve producing properly indoctrinated, neo-Marxist meatheads who can't read, write or compute but are brimming with inexplicable self-esteem.

As fun as the teachers unions are, they're bush league, when compared to the pernicious social and economic achievements of unionized, job-for-life, public employees. When it comes to memorable social and economic achievements, public employee unions, like the SEIU, are without peer. For example, at every level of government in Mexifornia - city, county, state - one budget-busting item is drowning them in a tidal wave of budgetary red ink. What is it? It's public employee retirement plans. Generous to a fault, these scams allow the union worker to retire at 50 with, at least, 90% of their pay, then return to their job, THE NEXT DAY, at, virtually, the same pay.

From sea to shining sea, public employee unions, like the SEIU, dictate public policy, using bought and paid for Elected Tormentors, including Prompter Punk himself. They say "jump" and their Elected Tormentor toadies bellow "how high". If those pesky sovereign individuals try to take back their government, the SEIU's merry band of thugs goose-step into peaceable public assemblies to shout, and/or beat, the sovereign individuals into compliance.

Don't wait for the FSOP to get warm and fuzzy over the social and economic 'achievements' of unionized teachers and public employees. Any alleged good they do is overwhelmed by their destructive impact on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Screw them, and the sorry nag they rode in on.

Jealous of the social and economic achievements perpetrated by unionized teachers and public employees, so-called 'civilian' unions made a compelling, annoyingly successful, bid for their piece of the taxpayer funded pie. Did it work? You better believe it, Sparky.

Eager to please, the Demoncrats doled out billions via make-work projects funded by the Porkulus Bill, all of which will reward labor unions.

The same Demoncrat horde worked feverishly, to pass the 'card check' bill which would make it much, MUCH, easier for union organizers to intimidate recalcitrant, rogue individuals into 'agreeing' to be unionized.

The auto industry bailout bill handed two of the Big Three automakers to the United Auto Workers Union on a Commie Red, Obamunist platter.

When Boeing built a new manufacturing plant in South Carolina, a right to work state, instead of the state of Washington, the company let its new employees decide if they wanted to unionize. When the South Carolina workers voted against unionization, union bosses whined to their Demoncrat lackeys in D.C. In record time, the Obamunist regime unleashed the National Labor Relations Board which accused Boeing of unfair labor practices. It took a while, but Boeing prevailed, however, it wasn't bloodless, since they had to give the union a few concessions.

When the grope-a-dopes in the TSA were allowed to join a public employee union, the TSA twerps responded by waging war on that individualist pestilence, the pay for performance evaluation system. Mediocrity triumphed over excellence. Now, passengers get to pay for the ineptitude of the public employee asshat who is assaulting them.

Marching to the beat of organized labor's drummer, the Nanny State has shackled business owning individuals with suffocating restrictions and unrelenting interference. In addition to complying with minium wage - and 'living' wage - laws, business owning individuals must eke out a profit, while the Nanny State second-guesses every staffing decision, then micro-manages the business' benefits package.

Our antipathy to labor unions goes beyond the aforementioned social and economic achievements. That's only half the story. Organized labor's underlying principles are, in the FSOP's considered opinion, diametrically opposed to the individual liberty on which this nation is built.

Under the union's 'collective' bargaining rules of engagement, longevity trumps individual excellence. It doesn't matter if you're the best at your job, your pay raise will be exactly the same as those three slackers who foist off their work on you. If, however you're a relative newbie, you'll always be earning less than those slackers, whose paycheck is based, exclusively, on longevity.

Union rhetoric is infused with anti-capitalist diatribes which denigrate the achiever(s) who rolled fate's dice by going all in on a new business. Instead of saluting the achiever for risking everything he had on his personal version of the American Dream, the union thugs vilify the achiever as an 'exploiter'. Instead of honoring the achiever who made their own job(s) possible, the union thugs do their utmost to bring the achiever down. For example: the biggest, noisiest union thug celebration I've ever witnessed happened after the union's insatiable demands and prolonged strike forced the company they targeted to close its doors, permanently. They were out of a job, but they called it a victory, because an achiever, a capitalist, went down for the count.

If you need the smoking gun on anti-capitalist union leaders, you're in luck. Exhibit 'A' is AFL-CIO president Richard Trumka, an FOB (Friend Of Barry) who proudly proclaims that he's a Communist. Furthermore, Trumka boldly declares his antipathy to America's inalienable individual liberty. He's ready, willing, and eager to sacrifice our liberty, our prosperity, and our property as a down payment on the Marxist America that he's working tirelessly to impose on us.

Summing it up, labor unions are anti-capitalist, anti-excellence, and anti-individual. Don't hold your breath waiting for us to salute THAT bull crap on Labor Day. Does that mean we won't take some time out from our summer ending festivities to honor America's working men and women? Hardly. The FSOP is ready, willing and eager to honor America's hard-working men and women. BUT, we insist on saluting the right hard-working people, for the right reasons.

On Labor Day, on many other days, we salute that dirt under the fingernails individual who keeps our ride in top working order, without sending us to the poor house. It's a dirty job - especially keeping Hambo's paganmobile functional - but it's accomplished with compelling expertise.

On Labor Day, we salute the food wrangler at our local deli who greets us by name, knows our preferences, and serves us with friendly efficiency.

On Labor Day, we salute the support we get from our web hosting service. We know we're small potatoes on their ledger sheet, but, no matter how busy they are, they take the time to answer our pesky questions and still manage to convince us that they appreciate our business.

On Labor Day, we hoist a brewskie to honor the computer gurus at our internet service provider, who spotted a problem we had with our e-mail, then sent us the answer to our question, before we had time to ask it.

On Labor Day, we give a shout out to the dude who toiled in the oppressive heat, on the hottest day of the year, to replace a fried component that shut down our air conditioner. He didn't complain, didn't gouge us, and he got the job done with compelling efficiency.

On Labor Day, we honor all the working men and women who understand our, occasional, financial limitations, prompting them to suggest a bang-for-the-buck solution, without making us feel like a charity case.

On Labor Day, we salute the working men and women who keep their outpost of capitalism open for an extra half hour, allowing us to meet our own pressing schedule.

On Labor Day, we take a moment to thank the working men and women who understand the importance of excellent customer service. This, in our estimation, is a major social and economic achievement, since it allows us to reward excellence with our continuing patronage.

On Labor Day, we send a heartfelt shout out to the working men and women who take the time to help us solve our pressing problem with a referral, when their outpost of capitalism doesn't offer the goods and/or services that we need.

What's the difference between these achievements by America's working stiffs and the overblown social and economic achievements attributed to organized labor? The actions the FSOP honors, salutes, and venerates are examples of individual excellence. It's the kind of individual pride in one's work, which is sorely lacking in a unionized environment. They're mundane examples of the individual excellence which helped forge the solid foundation on which this once great nation was built.

The Free State of PIG refuses to play killjoy, by ruining your Labor Day. If you still decided to hoist your brewskie to honor organized labor, so be it, but do it with your eyes wide open. If, like us, you choose to salute those real working stiff heroes who make your life a little bit more liveable, one transaction at a time, that's an utterly PIG-worthy idea.

Labor Day still isn't our idea of a good time, and it never will be. On the other hand, if we could create a Capitalism Rocks holiday, that's a whole new ball game.



The One's popular - self-serving - mantra spouts drivel about 'extremists' "hijacking a great religion". It's crap, but it serves a purpose for a POTUS who I suspect is, at heart, still a Mecca Maniac. The object of this exercise is obvious.

* Expunge the term 'terrorist' when used in conjunction with Jihadikaze bastards like al qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, and those fuzz ball Palestinians.

* Disassociate the Jihadikazes from Islam.

* Promote the notion that these inexplicably cranky fuzzballs, who just need a hug, were, in fact, 'oppressed' by dastardly Uncle Sam, into 'acting out'.

It was working, more or less, until ISIS/ISIL took butchery to obscene levels.

Confronted with this ISIS/ISIL savagery, Barry, and craven non-Islamikaze cowards scrambled for some politically expedient rhetoric. They need to convince John & Jane Q. Public that it's terminally savage SECULAR asshats who butchered their way through parts Syria and Iraq.

Barry and others of his ilk might fool themselves, and the myopic meatheads who swill their Marxist 'America Sucks' Kool-Aid, but I'm not impressed. Unlike al qaeda, Hamas, and the rest, ISIS/ISIL are old school Jihadikazes. Their savagery, the headless children, the women they gang rape to death, the zeal with which the butcher, and/or destroy anything/anyone who doesn't pass their Islamikaze purity test isn't something new.

ISIS/ISIL represents Islam, 7th Century Islam, Mohammad's Islam in its purist form. In other words, ISIS/ISIL is practicing the REAL Islam. If anyone has 'hijacked' Islam, it's all the pretenders who preceded ISIS/ISIL.

If ISIS/ISIL isn't properly Islamic, why aren't the 'real' Islamikazes condemning them.

An ISIS/ISIL butcher proudly holds up the headless body of a little girl. I listen carefully for a noisy condemnation from CAIR, that Islamikaze Congresspuke, Keith Ellison, or any of the Mecca Maniacs on Barry's payroll. The only sound I hear is crickets.

ISIS/ISIL is full tilt Mecca Mania. Islam wasn't hijacked by our enemy. Islam IS our enemy. The longer we ignore that inconvenient truth, the worse it's going to get.


For What It's Worth

[I found this gem on my favorite gossip site, The Superficial. He got it from Radar.

Is it true?

Is it based on some satire posting that fooled Radar?

Is it a clever hoax?

I don't know and I don't really care. Why? Because I like the level of writing at The Superficial. The last paragraph of this Superficial rant is a classic.

Here's the full text from The Superficial]

O.J. Simpson Is Obsessed With Kim Kardashian, Yesssssssssss

It's been a week of shitty news followed by shitheads capitalizing on said shit, so here's a ray of sunshine piercing through the storm: O.J. Simpson is sitting in jail obsessing over Kim Kardashian and could get out as early as 2017! Is anyone else doing the pee-pee dance? I'm doing the pee-pee dance. Radar reports:

"He has several sexy pictures of Kim hanging up in his prison cell from her 2007 Playboy shot and he isn't shy about showing her picture to fellow inmates," an insider told us.

Simpson joked to a pal, "She likes black ball players, I am a Hall of Famer — and I still have my Heisman award," a dig at Kardashian's former boyfriend Reggie Bush who gave back his college football Heisman trophy after it came to light of some unethical dealings he was involved during his college playing days.

Not creepy enough for you? Let me check in the back. Wait one second.

As far as her recent wedding to Kanye West, Simpson doesn't think that it's any big deal saying, "As long as I am in prison, I can't be with her so Kanye can have her for now.
"But when I get out she's mine."

And I also found these. They're a size murder.

"He reads every magazine he can about her and when she is on TV he demands silence from his fellow inmates so he can watch without interruption. He's even tried to get in contact with her, but so far she hasn't responded to him."

So anyone know how I can get in touch with the parole board and testify on O.J.'s behalf? Because I feel like he's truly rehabilitated himself and, I dunno, found Jesus. Also, I'm going to need his current glove size. For winter. Juice hates frostbite.


Wading In The Shallow End Of The Gene Pool?

[I heard some boom box babblers talking about indulgent parents who let their offspring misbehave in public eateries and it reminded me of this rant.

The following story is true and only moderately embellished. I still say it's proof that Old Ka-Boom's egregiously playful wife (the dreaded Mrs. Old Ka-Boom) has singled me out for special treatment. Or, to put it in words that my lovely bride will understand "A".]

Eating out isn't supposed to be an action/adventure, but for reasons known only to HER, that mean-spirited deity with the warped sense of humor, it usually turns out to be. Case in point...

It was feeding time on the 'farm', in this particular case, a popular eating establishment that serves the best breakfast in town. The baby factory was wearing that classically bovine expression that the tragically misguided, prospective fathers and grandmothers to be call 'radiant' or 'serene'. She had on one of those hideous, moronic 'I'm pregnant' t-shirts that say 'baby' and have an arrow pointing down towards her grotesquely distended belly. What the hell is so wonderful about a fat chick with a stupid look on her face? Radiant my ass!

Daddy was living proof that anyone can, and will, become a father. His so-called expression was glassy-eyed and vacant - nobody has a cute name for it when a man does it - which is about what I'd expect from a man wearing an Ozzy Osborne t-shirt. If Darwin is right, the gene pool is in deep doo doo!

Completing this poignant family ensemble was their last project, a brat of indeterminate age and sex - for the sake of this discussion we'll call it male - who used his strategically located high chair perch to shower all of the nearby tables with recycled food. The cow viewed her offspring from hell's antics with an indulgent smile while daddy was too zoned out for it to register. That all changed when this future Nolan Ryan started to zero in on dear old dad. Before long he'd found the range and scored several direct hits in succession, the final one of which hit dad right between the eyes.

Daddy un-zoned, took a brief side trip to reality and assessed the damage. After removing the food projectile - a partially chewed bit of syrup coated pancake - from his face, he studied it. Eventually, his lone synapse fired and he identified the projectile. That's when, daddy made his move and did the logical thing - a no shit first for this mutant - by impounding the kid's ammo.

In an instant, the brat's face clouded over and he started to build up to his usual response with a long series of deep breaths. Giving daddy a brat class 'eat shit and die' look, the little terror cut loose with a glass-shattering scream. While it reloaded for another blast, mama's pride and joy cleared the high chair's tray with a sweep of it's cubby arm. Water, food and dishes re-affirmed the laws of gravity, as they clattered to the floor.

Ready to give his voice and my ears a total workout, the little fiend cut loose with an impressive series of shrieks, each one being louder that the one before.

If I concede that children are 'necessary' and that this is all part of growing up, will you answer a question for me? Why do they seat these little horrors next to me? I swear, if there are 47 empty tables in a restaurant and one of these mega-brats shows up, they always seat it next to me. Someone up there doesn't like me, and I know who she is.


A Forgotten Man

The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for a man who is, many believe, a deserter.

This same Oval Office Pussy won't lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only 'crime' is making a wrong turn at the U.S.-Mexican border.

He has been in that Mexican hell hole since March 31st.

Enough already. Call your Elected Tormentor and demand that Uncle Sam forces Mexico to set this political prisoner free.


If Jesse Ventura wants to redeem himself, he'll use the money he whined out of Chris Kyle's widow and children to liberate Sgt. Tahmooressi from his Mexican cell.

Lesson Learned

If a two-star American General (U.S. Army) isn't safe among our 'allies' at an Afghan military academy, then it's time to face the facts.

We don't have any fully trustworthy Afghan allies.

Give the insane restrictions Barry imposes on our warriors, it's impossible for them to do what's necessary to get the job done.

All we're doing is pissing away the lives of brave men and women.

It's time to GTFO of that circle of Jihadikaze hell.



Only a state as willfully irrational as Mexifornia would elect a brain transplant donor as Governor.

Why do technological terrorists get orgasmic over each new expansion of 'high definition' [HD], when the screen they watch it on keeps getting smaller? HD makes sense on a wall-filling boob tube monitor. It still makes sense on a large desktop computer monitor. It's somewhat less nifty on a laptop. But a tablet computer isn't getting it done and watching it on a cell phone is asinine.

Why are legal immigrants subjected to a comprehensive screening which checks for contagious diseases and criminal or terrorist activity/affiliations, but the criminal, disease-ridden, border jumpers aren't screened at all?

If the asshats in La Raza, et al, get their way...if they drive whitey out, then seize control of some/all of America...if they import their critical mass of poverty-ridden, unskilled, born parasites, who is going to create the wealth to $upport them?

With Congresspukes like Gutierrez, Rangel, Cardenas, San Fran Nan, Jackson Lee and all the rest, the Jackass Party has the biggest collection of loathsome assholes in the known universe.

The Black Helicopter Club's High Commissioner for Human Rights accused Israel of war crimes, because, among other things, Israel didn't share its Iron Dome defense system with Hamas.

Diminishing Returns, Hambo Law
The definition of a video signal is inversely proportional to the size of the screen used to watch it. [As the definition of a video signal climbs higher and higher, the screen a technotard uses to view it gets smaller and smaller.]

The 'refugee' deluge might be a self-resolving problem. Why? Because, while they're isolated in 'detention' the ones who aren't taken out by MS-13 gangsters will be struck down by one of the nasty diseases they brought with them. That's the downside of bringing your problems with you when you run away from home.


This Is War

All you need to know is that, in my OTHER life, the life outside the FSOP, a group of Austrians succeeded in really pissing me off. I tried to cut them some slack, but they insisted on pushing it, again, and again.

I'm willing to let bygones be bygones, more or less, over their homeboy Adolph. I'm trying to 'be a man' about the steaming load who left Austria and ended up in Mexifornia's governor's mansion. BUT, I draw the line, when THEIR badly planned bullshit interferes with my duties here in the FSOP. As bad as that was, it got worse when they threatened the most important day of the year at Hambo's homestead: Halloween.

Enough was enough, so I declared war on Austria. That's right, PIGsters, Hambo is OFFICIALLY at WAR with this pissant, Eurotrash infested, pimple on humanity's butt.

Willing to wallow in the muck and the mire, I tried to enlist help. Where? I started at the top, by placing a call to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Red Shed: "White House switchboard, how may I assist you?"

Me: "This is Hambo. I need to yammer at Barry, so grab his Dumbo ears and drag his scrawny butt to the phone."

R.S.: "If you mean PRESIDENT Obama, I must demand an apology."

Me: "Don't give me that crap, I'm not one of Barry's leg-humping asshats like Chris Matthews. I need Barry and I need him now. Don't make me come over there."

R.S.: "If you don't change your tone, you'll be very sorry."

Me: "Don't hold your breath. I only need a minute of his time. How long can it take to declare war on Austria, then nuke them back to the stone age?"

R.S.: "Declare war on Austria? You must be insane. President Obama is much too busy for the likes of you."

Me: "Just put him on the phone, while he practices his putting in the Oval Office. I need Austria nuked, and I need it RIGHT NOW!"

R.S.: "You're INSANE! We are not going to declare war on Austria, period."

Me: "Would it help things along, if I told you that Austrians LOVE the Fox News Channel?"

R.S.: "It can't hurt, but I still can't connect you with President Obama. I might get you on Valerie's call back list."

Me: "I have no use for Jihad Jarrett, since she hasn't got her finger on the nuclear trigger."

R.S.: "She has the president's ear."

Me: "Barry's ear? Admittedly, that's quite a handful, but it's not much help. I don't want, or need, Barry's ear. I need his nuclear trigger finger so he can nail Austria for me. If he does this favor for me, I'll pretend to believe it when he blames the nuking of Austria on George Bush."

R.S.: "I will NOT connect you with President Obama, PERIOD. End. Of. Discussion!"

Me: I knew this was a waste of time. What's the point in making a Messiah president, if he's not up for a smiting, when a patriotic American of my caliber needs one pesky little favor? He's supposed to do his part to perpetuate our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Trust me when I tell you that, if he lobs a couple nukes at those Austrian bastards, I'm a happy camper."

R.S.: "I'm going to report this call to our Secret Service detail."

Me: "Whatever floats your boat, darlin'. By the way, do you have Messiah Al Gore's home phone number? I hear the Austrians are dastardly greenhouse gas spewing eco-terrorists. Maybe he can muster the right messianic stuff to smite those Austrian bastards for me."

R.S.: "You are INSANE."

Me: "Agreed, but I'm not answering the phones for a Dumbo-eared narcissist."

R.S.: "[Profane pleasantries.] Click. Dialtone.

I want to nuke Austria out of my misery and I want it NOW. If you have the right stuff to help me get the job done, put in a good word with the nuclear-armed smiter on your Christmas list.

MONDAY JULY 21, 2014

A Hambo Classic

[I wrote this as commentary on a company I worked in, for more than a decade. It explains, to my satisfaction, many improbable events I personally witnessed.

I think this rant also applies, in too damn many ways, to the Nanny State's modus operandi.]


Industrial Socialism is an amalgamation of tried and true business axioms which are being fitted together to form a new, revolutionary concept in business management. The cornerstone of this new concept is Sirrom's Theorem, a real world solution to the age old tug-of-war between a company's management and it's subordinates. Sirrom's Theorem, along with its supporting corollaries, is the solid foundation upon which Industrial Socialism and it's remarkable performance is built.

It is the purpose of Industrial Socialism to provide management with a stable, easy to control workforce with which to realize its corporate goals. The easiest workforce to manage is one person. Under Industrial Socialism, the entire workforce, no matter how large or small, can be reduced to a single entity. This entity, while made up of many individual components- the workers, has but one performance level and a single standard by which it is measured. Through the liberal application of the various techniques detailed in subsequent chapters, the workers will not only strive to achieve this single level of performance, they will fight to stay there. Already, we can easily see that changing the company's output level, is as easy as shifting the current level of performance for the workforce entity.

For all its wide-ranging implications, Sirrom's Theorem is remarkably straight forward: Promote from the bottom; trim at the top. This simple axiom is the foundation of successful management. Each manager applies this theorem to his direct subordinates. Promotion from the bottom means exactly what it says: take the greenest, least efficient member of a group reporting to you and make him a manger over the rest. Trim at the top is just as simple: any necessary reductions in the workforce should be done at the top. I.E., Fire or lay off the top workers of the group. Before you reject this proposition, let me explain how it works. Because, as unlikely as it seems, Sirrom's Theorem does work!

The key to fully understanding and appreciating Sirrom's Theorem is to keep the purpose of Industrial Socialism fixed in our minds: to provide management with a stable, easy to control workforce. Or, put another way, the goal of Industrial Socialism is to rid the manager of all those troublesome, employee-related aspects of his job: performance reviews, promotion, pay administration, discipline, and motivation. With Sirrom's Theorem, we put these bothersome tasks back where they belong: with our subordinates. Let the worker worry about these things, the manager has more important things to do with his valuable time.

Now that we've got our goal fresh in our minds, we can take a closer look at Sirrom's Theorem. Promotion from the bottom increases productivity by removing the poorest worker, the one who contributes the least while he drags down the his co-workers with is time consuming questions and mistakes. (Note: a cell is a group of workers performing the same or very similar tasks while reporting to the same manager. Companies using Industrial Socialism prefer the term 'cell' to team or group. From this point forward we shall employ this term.) Trimming at the top also promotes cell stability. By removing the over-achiever, we rid the cell of its chief complainer, the main source of the cell's discontentment. Top workers are not only very expensive, they are extremely difficult to manage, especially for a manager selected via Sirrom's Theorem. Not only are top workers eccentric, they have the uncanny knack of identifying the company's short-comings. These trouble makers finish their allotted work so quickly that they have plenty of time to spread the word about the company's problems to the rest of the cell. The only way to cure a diseased cell is to cut out the infected part: the top worker, the discontenter. Cell stability is now within your grasp.

There's a beautiful geometry to Sirrom's Theorem: If a worker slacks off, he's in danger of being promoted; if he speeds up, he's in danger of losing his job. The threat of promotion is a powerful one. Recent studies show that fully 95% of all average performers rated promotion into management as second only to being fired on their list of chief fears. Confronted with a choice of being fired or put into management if he alters his performance, the worker will strive to avoid being identified as at the bottom or the top. Moreover, he and the other members of his cell will struggle to be exactly alike, indistinguishable from each other. They will all settle in at the midpoint of the performance range, clinging to it for dear life! To give the cell even more incentive to stay exactly alike, the manager never defines what constitutes the top or bottom. Thus the boundaries of the center, safety zone are unknown to the elements of the cell, making the mid point all the more desirable. The desired cell attitude orientation is now achieved: the elements of the cell are too insecure to cause trouble or leave. With this stable workforce, production changes are a simple matter of moving the mid-performance point to the desired level; the workers will follow without question.

The benefits of cell stability are many and varied. Performance reviews, that time gobbling exercise that all managers dread, are no longer a problem. Since each element of the cell is performing alike, only one evaluation is called for. Once written, the review can be used for every cell element, review after review, without changes. Another benefit of cell stability is elimination of cell complaints. Complaints are widely recognized as a early warning sign of a top performer. Being identified as a top performer is the last thing a cell element wants; thus, complaints are non-existent. Once established, cell stability forces the cell elements to take care of troublesome tasks like motivation and discipline. Cell elements are so obsessed with maintaining their midpoint status, that a manager isn't required to interrupt his busy schedule of meetings and computer interfacing to bother with either motivation or discipline.

Industrial Socialism is much more than a management philosophy; it's a social system, a mind set under which a company and all its employees operate. This social system must be ruthlessly policed; any and all alien thinking must be tracked down then eliminated. Within this Industrial Socialist culture, the smallest addressable unit is the cell. Under no circumstances must the elements of the cell be dealt with individually. Discipline, when called for, must be administered to the cell, not the offending individual element. This dictates that a single punishment be applied to the entire cell, without identifying the guilty element. This tactic serves two purposes: it reinforces the concept of the workforce entity, plus it introduces a useful sense of paranoia into the cell. To further enhance this essential cell insecurity, the manager must never clearly identify the exact nature of the offense. In this way, each element of the cell is left to wonder what he did wrong. Each element of the cell will look at his co-workers with suspicion, wondering if he was the one who brought this punishment down on them.

Many enlightened managers periodically chastise their cell when no offense has been detected. Periodic reinforcement of the cell paranoia is strongly urged. The Industrial Socialist culture cannot tolerate individualism. Individualism and it's traveling companion, self-esteem, must be ruthlessly stamped out the moment they are detected. Unless this is done quickly, they will spread throughout the cell structure with lightning speed, destroying the smooth running mechanism of Industrial Socialism wherever it occurs. Only by purging the infected cells of it's diseased elements can the workforce entity be cured. The most reliable purge method is to eliminate entire cells, thus insuring that no diseased element remains undetected. Such purges serve a secondary purpose: they instill in the surviving cell elements the unshakable belief that they are merely one of a large number of identical, easily-replaceable cogs in a complex enterprise. If properly administered, Industrial Socialism can convince these elements that the company is doing him a big favor by letting him continue to work for them.


Sirrom gives a great deal of credit to his mentor who wrote the Peter Principle. Under Sirrom's Theorem, this principle must be altered, modified to fit an S.T.H. [Sirrom's Theorem Hierarchy] 'In an S.T.H. a manager will rise until he reaches a level of relative competence vis a vis his peers, whereupon he will likely be fired.' The truly successful managers in this scheme stay at the bottom all the way to the top.

Once Industrial Socialism is fully implemented, it is, literally, a turn-key management philosophy. Any element of the company's management team can be replaced, at any time, without the usual loss of efficiency inherent in such personnel changes. It is a prime example of 'even a child could do it'. However, a child is much too enlightened to put up with the intellectual drudgery of Industrial Socialism. It's much more efficient to work with jaded adults.

Industrial Socialism will be viewed as a 'new' philosophy of business. In reality, it's a gloves off view of the way all the lofty ideals management espouses are actually implemented. Industrial Socialism is a frank look at what is, not an Edenesque treatise on what 'ought to be'.

Parting Shots: 'Stay at the bottom all the way to the top'? Do 'we' know anybody who 'failed' his way into the Oval Office? Exactly.

The next time you deal with a Nanny State minion, look for tattletale signs of Sirrom's Theorem and Industrial Socialism. They're everywhere.



No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Laws of Selective Gravitation.

A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.

A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.

The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.

Assorted Murphy

You will always find something in the last place you look.

If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.

It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.

After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

The other line always moves faster

In order to get a persona loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.

If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.

Get the picture, PIGsters?


Fatal Flaws?

One of the most memorable lines from Martin Luther King, Jr.'s 'I Have A Dream' speech is, ironically, more venerated by 'whitey' than it is by the Melanin-Enriched. I refer, as if you haven't guessed, to this memorable prose:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Normally, whenever a scribbler builds a rant around that quote the topic under discussion is race. If you think we are going down that road, get over it. We've been there, done that, and we'll do it again, but not today. Instead, I am going to take a look at "the content of their character".

By and large, whenever this subject - 'character' - crops up, it involves a public official, or some other person in a position of authority, whose flawed character has created a newsworthy scandal. It also arises, whenever an election cycle reaches critical mass, and we're forced to punch a chad for the lesser of two evils.

All of that is still in play, but it isn't the primary focus of this rant. Given the sorry condition of this once great nation...given the precarious status of our inalienable individual liberty, I think it's time for some self evaluation. It's time to assess the American Character of that grinning fool in our mirror, We the People Sparky. It's time to confront our own character flaws, then evaluate the role they play in America's sorry condition.

If, as some afternoon drive boom box babblers proclaim, our government - local, state, and federal - is infested with 'liars, thieves, and whores', I wonder what that says about us. These liars, thieves and whores didn't find their job in government at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. If they're an Elected Tormentor, We the People put them in that position. If they're a bureaucrat, We the People punched a chad for the scumbag(s) who created their job for life position at the public trough.

'Liars, thieves, and whores' begs the question, "What are the descriptors that apply to rank and file Americans."

In this Obamunist Error, the American Character isn't a pretty sight. Self-reliance, voluntary cooperation between sovereign individual, individual accountability, the work ethic, and pulling yourself up by the bootstraps are on the wane, as rugged American individuals become the USA's newest endangered species. In too many cases, the American Character is tainted, by gullibility, envy, sloth, lies, thievery, dependency, self deception, and thuggish intimidation.

To illustrate what I view as a degradation of the American Character, I will discuss some of these character flaws in greater detail.

Gullibility: The healthy skepticism which was a vital part of the American Character has fallen into disfavor. When our Elected Tormentors, accompanied by a suitable fanfare, proclaim their devotion to fiscal discipline, this character flaw makes too many otherwise intelligent individuals believe them. Willfully myopic, gullible Americans ignore the tsunami of red ink poised to sweep over this land conceived in liberty. Instead, we swallow the budgetary bull crap, which, magically, transforms a slight decrease in the GROWTH of Nanny State spending into a Draconian budget cut.

When we're told that America has every scrap of energy producing fossil fuels in full production, too many of us believe it.

When we're assured that our porous borders are fully protected to an unprecedented degree, too many of us believe it.

Dependency: The inherent need to be self-sufficient has been government-schooled out of a depressingly large percentage of Americans. Why? Self-sufficiency means each individual is responsible for the conduct of their own life. For the properly-indoctrinated, government-schooled idiot with self esteem, making all your own decisions is much too hard. Why bother, when the Nanny State is willing to seize control of your life and micromanage it from the cradle to the grave.

Big Nanny State Daddy will 'protect' you from games you shouldn't play on the school playground. Big Nanny State Daddy will 'protect' you, by dictating what you should, and shouldn't, eat. Big Nanny State Daddy will take care of your loser ass, by providing food, shelter, free health care, and pay you for not working. Big Nanny State Daddy will, in short, attempt to remove 'failure' from a 'cooperative' person's life, but the price is high, since the process also removes 'success'.

Coercion/Intimidation: As envisioned by the Founding Fathers, America's national government's actions were strictly limited, by the U.S. Constitution. That fostered an environment where success often required cooperation - sovereign individuals teaming up, voluntarily, to achieve a mutually-beneficial purpose. It also made for the kind of friendly rivalry between competitors that leads to innovation and efficiency, both of which provide a customer with a better product at a lower cost.

When the Nanny State broke out of its Constitutional cage, and grew into the bloated behemoth it is today, it did what all overgrown asshats do, it started throwing its weight around. That bully boy side of Uncle Sam attracted the attention of certain businessmen, who didn't have the patience to compete in the marketplace. Instead, they 'rented' access to the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, then used Nanny State power to give them a competitive advantage. Why bust your ass to beat your competitor, when you can buy a Nanny State minion to 'regulate' your business rival out of the market? This obscenity is called 'crony capitalism' and it's what Ayn Rand meant when she stated that "Government regulation is corrupt and corrupting."

Envy: In a bygone era, America's sovereign individuals greeted an achiever's success with a measure of respect for a the ingenuity and hard word it involved. In many cases, an achiever's success would inspire others to strive for their own personal brass ring. You start with an idea, apply some hard work and long hours. When you do it right, you join the ranks of the achievers.

In this Obamunist Error, achievement, success, and a willingness to reap the rewards for your hard work, are viewed with jealousy, distrust, and hatred. Success is a cardinal sin that must be punished severely. If the achievement is academic, the punishment is denying one of our best and brightest a slot in a top university where he, she, heshe or it can flourish. If the achievement is in the business arena, the punishment is the outright theft of the achiever's rightful property, after which the spoils will be divided between the Nanny State 'collector' and the parasite who isn't bothered by receiving stolen goods.

Are America's sovereign individuals destined for history's scrap heap, and a brief footnote in some history book with a readership in the single digits? I hope not, but the possibility is too, too real.

Am I painting ALL Americans with this broad brush? Hardly. I am, however, confronting the reality that more than four decades of government cess-school indoctrination, cultural Marxism, and Political Korrectness have slowly, inexorably, eroded the American character. I'm also warning that the flaws become more widespread, more discernable, with each new generation.

Is this degradation of the American character a serious problem for America and its future? It played a significant role in putting an America hating, capitalism despising Marxist in the Oval Office, not once, but twice,so what do you think?

Our character is under attack and we aren't all that we once were. We are, I hope not so far gone that we can make things right again.

Hambo the Optimist? Holy crap, do I need a drink.


Random Notions

The genius of the Jackass Party is their ability to induce enough shame/guilt in otherwise rational adults to make them pony up the money that the Progtards use to coddle their horde of parasites.

If the Progtards are so hot and bothered over the fate of border jumping MS 13 gangsters, uh, children, I have a suggestion. Each border jumper coddling bleeding heart will be assigned a 'child'. The bleeding heart will hand over the deed to any/all property they own, as a guarantee that their border jumping 'child' will show up for their hearing.

Is there any level of Progtard induced suckage...can things in our country ever reach such hellish levels, that even the rank and file Jackass Party chad puncher will gasp, 'holy crap'?

How much more of this Progtard induced destruction of our once great nation will rational American adults take, before We the People get seriously, 'knock that shit off or it's going to get ugly', pissed?

Why has George Soros dropped off the radar? Has his Marxist Messiah managed to exceed George's wildest expectations, when it comes to destroying America?

Is there any way to prevent the USA from splintering into several mini nations, some rational, some Moonbat?

Given the unrelenting hostility inside the Beltway rat bastards shower on We the People and our inalienable individual liberty, will you be sad or glad when ISIS nukes it our of our misery?

Is the RNC stupid enough to run Mitt "I really don't want the job" Romney, again, in 2016?

SUNDAY JUNE 29, 2014

A Day Dedicated to Our Liberty

July 4th is the day we remember that this nation is founded on the bedrock called inalienable individual liberty. It's the day we remember America's core tenet: each individual is born with inalienable rights that no government, no group, no other individual has the right to infringe. It's the day we pause to honor the inalienable individual liberty that sets America apart from all other nations:

"WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness ."

July 4th is the day we stop to pay homage to that classically American creation - the rugged individual - by saluting the courage and wisdom of 56 classically-American individuals who, 230 years ago, wrote a timeless document called "The Declaration of Independence". This legendary Declaration is an exceptional document whose soaring prose still inspires us. On this day, we honor these 56 rugged American individuals for drawing the proverbial line in the sand and telling King George: "Listen up and listen good, Sporty. You're no better than we are and we're done letting you push us around. If you don't knock that crap off, right damn now, we're gonna kick royal punk butt."

PIG is more than a little smug about the fact that in their time, those 56 courageous Americans were the ultimate politically incorrect dudes. That's gotta get a rousing "Amen" from the American congregation. Did we call the Founding Fathers politically incorrect? You better damn believe it. For example:

Limited Government: Swimming against the authoritarian tide, the Founding Fathers promoted, and ultimately established a government that was, in essence, the agent of a sovereign people. The sole function of this limited government: maximize the inalienable liberty of the individuals it served.

Individual Liberty: These 56 exceptional individuals set individual liberty above, beyond, the reach of the government. They defied conventional wisdom and prevailing political philosophy by stating that our liberty is not a gift from government but is, in fact, each individual's birthright.

Respect for Authority: When it came to royalty, they were politically incorrect with a vengeance. They defied a king. They defied his tax collectors. They defied the most powerful military force on earth. This is mind-boggling political incorrectness.

What makes their achievement remarkable is that they were mere mortals. They were flawed individuals who, working together, managed to promulgate a government based on a lofty, untested idea: inalienable individual liberty. Unable to implement this ideal in their own lives, they nevertheless dared to build a new form of government based on this politically incorrect concept.

In the 238 years that followed this singular moment in human history, the nation they conceived at such great personal cost has lost its way. Our Founding Fathers and their timeless principles are politically incorrect again. If the Founding Fathers were alive today, they would be horrified by what their successors have done with the liberty they risked everything to create. They would be outraged by a Nanny State that steals an achiever's rightful property and gives it to parasites . They would be outraged that the elected tormentors don't even give lip service to the inalienable individual liberty that was established at such a high price. They would be outraged that the nation they built upon the bedrock of inalienable individual liberty has devolved into a neo-socialist blight. They would stand as one and reject this 21st century America with its class warfare, privileged minorities, and parasite coddling.

After enduring as much of this devolved America as they could stand, our Founding Fathers would repeat the politically incorrect feat that we celebrate on July 4th. They would send Thomas Jefferson back to his writer's loft and tell him to compose a new Declaration of Independence. The same broad concepts would take center stage, but this time around, the outrages cited in the new declaration would be addressed to the occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with a cc to the elected tormentors infesting Capitol Hill.

The Founding Fathers are, regrettably, long gone and they're never coming back. But, we can borrow a page from their playbook and seize the moment in the same politically incorrect spirit. We can tell the newest incarnation of King George , and his Marxist minions on Capitol Hill, to restore a properly Constitutional government, or else. We can demand an end to group think, parasite coddling and class warfare. We can demand that our elected tormentors get back to the basics as established by our Founding Fathers. If all else fails, we can find a 21st century Thomas Jefferson and get him started on that 21st century Declaration of Independence. There is nothing wrong with the Founding Fathers original concept; it's the long term execution that got us where we are. If at first, you don't succeed

SUNDAY JUNE 22, 2014

Arena Football

If you're drunk, or high, watching this sport will give you a headache.

If you're a football purist who enjoys a tense defensive struggle, it will piss you off.

If you hate the snail's pace of real football, you're going to love it.

It's the way real football would look if your DVR was stuck in fast forward.

The last game I watched had a final score of 83 to 47.

Call me names if you must, but I'm starting to like it.


Just Wondering

She's been hunkered down a few feet from my front door. She never makes a sound but she's always watching every move I make. She's been there for the better part of a month, always sitting, always watching.

I'm not sure what she wants, because we don't speak the same language. I'm not sure she speaks any language, but my lovely bride swears she heard her making the usual Mourning Dove sounds. That's right our 'guest' is a bird.

So what? So, my preliminary assessment is that she's a lesbian bird.

Item 1: She built a nest in a potted tree on our patio.

Item 2: She's been sitting on the damn thing for the better part of a month.

Item 3: Mourning Dove eggs hatch in14-15 days.

Item 4: There's no male Dove lurking near her nest.

Item 5: One night, I thought I saw a teeny pair of birkenstocks and a flannel shirt neatly folded on a lower branch. Do I need to spell it out for you?

Alternative Theory:

She is really a HE who has convinced himself that he's female. That's right it's a Transgender bird who is so deranged on this gender identity crap that heshe is incubating a pair of imaginary eggs. I hope heshe imagines them hatching and leaving the nest soon.

What do you think? Lesbo or Tranny?

UPDATE: The answer appears to be Lesbo, because I found her 2 almost flight ready young 'uns on the ground, after lesbian mom was the victim of a hate crime. Lesbo mom is gone, presumed dead (hawk or cat probably) and the young 'uns are on their own in the nest.

Am I the only one who didn't know that they make turkey basters that are user-friendly for Doves?


Gender Bending

Gender bending - transsexual fun and games - is the next big thing in Victimhood. It's so trendy, even the AMA jumped onto the bandwagon.

In other action Monday, the AMA said transgender people should be able to switch the sex designation on their birth certificates without having sex-change surgery.

Most states make the operations a prerequisite. But the new AMA policy acknowledges that gender identity doesn't always match a person's birth anatomy.

An AMA report says identification documents that are consistent with gender identity rather than anatomy is essential to basic social and economic functioning. …

The new policy won praise from the National Center for Transgender Equality.

How does this work in real life? How indeed.

This Daily Mail story will get you up to speed on gender bending:

An ABC news producer who changed gender three times has been fired for 'performance-related issues', according to reports.

Dawn Ennis, who was once known as Don Ennis, identified as both a man and a woman during a long career at the company.

The producer, from Danbury, Connecticut, lost her job in May just a few weeks after transforming from her male identity.

An industry source told the New York Daily News that Ennis losing the job was not because of gender-identity issues.

ABC News declined to comment to MailOnline on Tuesday.

In May 2013, Don Ennis appeared at work wearing a black dress and an auburn wig, and asked that co-workers call him Dawn.

She reportedly received a very public show of support from her longtime colleagues.

The father-of-three explained to colleagues that she believed her gender mix-up was linked to her mother giving her oestrogen as a child to prolong a childhood acting career.

Ennis said she ended up developing breasts and thinking as a woman.

Soon afterwards, the producer separated from wife Wendy after 17 years. Then three months after revealing her new identity to colleagues, the senior ABC employee returned to work as Don and claimed to have suffered from 'transient global amnesia'.

Ennis said he had believed it was 1999 and thought that his wife had tricked him into dressing up as a woman.

According to the New York Post, Ennis posted a memo on the newsroom bulletin board which read: 'I accused my wife of playing some kind of cruel joke, dressing me up in a wig and bra and making fake ID's with the name ''Dawn'' on it. Seriously.'

The journalist explained that while his memories of the last 14 years had returned, his female identity did not.

In the memo, first reported on gossip site NewsBlues, Ennis added: 'I am writing to let you know I'm changing my name . . . to Don Ennis. That will be my name again, now and forever. And it appears I'm not transgender after all.'

The producer thanked colleagues at ABC for their support and said that he hoped the experience would make it easier for the next transgender person at ABC.

In May, 49-year-old Ennis became Dawn again. She was let go from the company soon afterwards.

On May 31, she posted on Facebook: 'It is all going to work out.' On June 2, Dawn Ennis then published lines from Shakespeare's King Lear on her Facebook page, which read: 'No, I will weep no more. In such a night/ To shut me out? Pour on; I will endure.'

Even the hardcore leftists at ABC have their limits.

As usual, I have a couple questions.

Q: If Dawn Ellis is beset by serious, SERIOUS, prostrate problems will SHE consult HER gynecologist?

Q: What advice does the AMA have for Dawn?

A: [P]atients deserve medical care that is appropriate to their birth anatomy even if they self-identify as the opposite sex. [NBC]

Q: If gender is no longer immutable, and is now whatever a moonbat says it is, why can't the same rules of engagement apply to race? Why isn't my race as flexible as my gender? Why can't I be whatever I say I am?

I'm tired of gender bending. I think it's time for race bending. I'm just sayin'.


Fond Memories

For a long time, an Internet speedbump named Ananova was always my first stop when I launched my daily search for PIG-worthy material. Ananova always came through with gems like these:

Why Some People Make Fun of Kentucky:
One of my lovely bride's home boys made the news. He's from Ashland, a city that's within spitting distance of the Ms. Just Shoot The Bastard birthplace and historical landmark. How many dudes do you know that challenges a snowman to a quick draw contest and loses? His name is Bob Bowling. We're thrilled to report that we don't know him:

'...Bob Bowling suffered a wound to his right thigh. The embarrassed 32-year-old initially told state police his gun was in his holster and it went off when he sat down. But after being taken to hospital he told a state trooper the weapon went off while he was quick-drawing on a snowman...'

A tad higher on his 'thigh' and we could file this under human gene pool improvement, special circumstances. If at first you don't succeed...

From Our Home and Family File:
This one is too fun, so I'll let Ananova do the honors:

'...A man has banned his daughter from the family home after he saw her in a porn film. The unnamed Italian said he recognised her voice and bum. The film's director said her fiancé had also complained about her part in the film which was shot with amateur actors in the cities of Ferrara and Modena...'

Let me try to get this straight...Daddy doesn't mind watching somebody else's baby girl in a porn flick, but heaven forbid he'd be watching his own pride and joy. In the first place, what is this pillar of morality doing watching a porn flick? In the second place, would somebody explain why he'd be able to pick his baby girl's bare boom-boom out of a lineup? Enquiring minds want to know.

Naughty Romanian Knickers:
Source: Ananova
Romania is back on this pagan's wingnut country radar, after a prolonged spell of unscheduled rationality. A Bucharest lingerie shop scandalized the true believers by selling knickers - I am not making this up - with portraits of the cross dude himself and his cherry mommy on them. Needless to say, the bovine excrement hit the proverbial fan with a resounding 'splat'.

'...The underwear generated scores of calls from angry shoppers and landed the unnamed store in Bucharest's main shopping centre with a £200 fine. The Consumer's Protection Office was inundated with complaints after the new line of knickers, produced in Turkey, went on sale in Bucharest this week. The CPO has ordered the sale of the knickers to be stopped...' (Ananova)

Tasteless? You bet. A crime? Only in certain supernaturalist-coddling pest holes, but try to explain that to the god squad or humor-challenged bureaucrats. (Our top secret Stealth Wisdom research reveals that bureaucrats get a humor-ectomy, as part of the hiring process.) Okay, so maybe the sight of the cherry mama's mug shot spread across the vast, blubbery expanse of some wide-load Romanian wench's butt isn't exactly a delight to behold. Look on the bright side, packing the cross dude or cherry mama's image on her undies might remind an eager to get horizontal wench to take a rain check, the next time some horndog makes his move. Can I get a big amen from the congregation...

Celibacy...Once Removed:
Celibacy isn't the kind of gig where 'close, but no cigar' applies. Obviously, somebody forgot to pass this along to a certain Italian god squad padre. Being that kind of pagan, I'm more than a tad relieved to trip over a horndog priest who is getting eagerly horizontal with a female. A female! Now I've heard everything. His name is Father Ugo Moretto...and he's a 'father' in every sense of the word, or soon will be. While working on the broadcast images of the dirt kisser, plus traveling with our loam-loving holy father, Ugo found the time for various outside interests:

'...Father Ugo Moretto has been living in a Milan suburb since December with the woman, identified only as B B. The 45-year-old is the former head of the Vatican's CTV which distributes broadcast images of the Pope. He's leaving the priesthood. The Daily Telegraph quotes the Corriere della Sera, Italy's largest daily newspaper, as saying Father Moretto's girlfriend is a 35-year-old journalist who was been separated from her husband for a year. "My friend is three months pregnant. We are not married, but we are living together and as soon as we can we will marry," Father Moretto...'

Apparently, being an inmate of a butt monkey infested organization like the rosary true believer priesthood didn't make our dude, Ugo, forget that he was born Italian. Good for you, Ugo. This pagan hopes your love story has a happy ending.

Parting shot: Ananova got swallowed up by another publication which promised to keep up the Ananova tradition. They lied.


Oldie, But Goodie

[Stellar prose. What a shame my talent is so under-appreciated. I know...I know, I'm working on getting over myself. Some of these things take time.]

The Master Race, I Don't Think So, Tim:
Only Ananova could provide a story of this...magnitude. It appears, that when the rubber hits the...road, the kraut dudes just don't have...it:

Germany has demanded a rethink on EU guidelines on condom size after finding its average penis did not measure up. Doctors around Essen were ordered by the government's health department to check out the average size suggested by Brussels. Urologist Gunther Hagler, head of the team compiling the research, said: "By checking hundreds of patients we found German penises were too small for standard EU condoms."

Call me names all you want, but I way love this shit. According to the krauts, the EU has 'overestimated' the dimensions of the average winkie by a good 20%. The EU officials insist that none of the other countries have reported the same problem. Well duh! How many dudes do you know who would tell anyone that the average size condom was too big for their...gear? Exactly! For that matter, only a kraut would show up to let some quack measure his...business. I can't think of any inducement that would make me submit to that. No fucking way. Only the krauts, with their notorious fetish for precision would be stupid enough to set themselves up for ridicule like this. This has to be those pesky, Jerry Lewis worshiping frogs idea of a side-splitter. Do the misery mongers know about this?

Attention, misery mongers! Are you paying attention out there? If you want to make the krauts miserable, stop with all these misery shrines. If I were you, I'd be issuing a press release, right damn now, declaring that old thunderbolt is punishing the krauts for their many sins with this plague of pygmy winkies. This makes the alleged plagues he dished on Egypt look like kid stuff. Actually, now that I think about it, this is much too subtle for old ka-boom. This has all the earmarks of that sick celestial bitch, Mrs. Ka-boom. She's finally bested that way fun apple caper she pulled on the Eve wench.

SATURDAY, MAY 31, 2014

Things That Amuse Me

* Gender Studies, Out. U.S. Founding Documents, In

The Center for Women's and Gender Studies (CWGS) at the University of South Carolina Upstate (USCU) will close on July 1 and the funding, previously allocated for CWGS, will be used to teach the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and Federalist Papers.

The South Carolina House of Representatives wanted further cuts at both USCU and the College of Charleston, which had already seen budget cuts over mandated gay literature for freshmen students. However, the Senate was hesitant to cut funds for fear of academic censorship.

The chambers compromised by allotting the discussed funds toward teaching the provisions and principles of the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and Federalist Papers, as well as "the study of and devotion to American institutions and ideals.

The move puts South Carolina colleges back in compliance with a 90-year-old state law which requires colleges to teach students a year's worth of courses on the nation's founding documents. [College Reform]

Now that's funny.

* 'They' complain that I laugh at all the wrong things, the Human Gene Pool Improvement stories being a prime example. Product warning labels provide the same kind of holy crap moment, plus the laughter that goes with it.

Here are some prime examples of that:

Warning: Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is running or plugged into an outlet.
Craftsman Push Mower

Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Jonsreds Chainsaw

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Swedish Chainsaw

Description reads "WARNING – May cause cancer in California"

Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Unknown Hair Coloring

Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Hershey's Almond Bar

Caution: Ice cream is cold
Hagan Ice Cream

Instructions: Put on food
Heinz Ketchup

Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box).
Tesco's Tirimisu Desert

Things That Annoy Me

* Before you get on the expressway, you tune in to a traffic report. They tell you about two incidents on your expressway which are already in the clearing stages and not on the section you're using. They don't tell you about the pickup truck that smashed into the center divider and has traffic STOPPED on the section of that expressway you will be using.

* I was chatting with a woman who works for some kind of health insurance cabal (something nonprofit). During her yammering she mentioned that the firm was paying special attention to the 'income impaired'. Income impaired? When did 'poor' become a banned word? Do they think that those labeled income impaired don't know they are poor?

FRIDAY, MAY 23,2014

The Wave Sweeps Across America 2014.

I am convinced that America is in the throes of a stupidity plague. It's everywhere you look and it's getting worse. It appears to be highly contagious and has reached epidemic proportions in this land conceived in liberty.

If you need examples, I give you a few:

* The stupidity plague found fertile ground among the Elephant Clan fossils who infest D.C. It folded, spindled and mutilated their synapses into an insane belief that the fast lane to election cycle success turned likely Elephant Clan voters, the TEA Party into road kill.

* The stupidity plague makes allegedly sentient individuals, from sea to shining sea, seek wisdom from the bellowing buttheads on 'The View'. This stupidity plague pestilence is so powerful, it makes some watchers of 'The View' mistake the Howling Harpies for intelligent life. Stupidity plague of this magnitude is incurable, so we'll probably need to put this group down, for their own good.

* In Colorado's Boulder County, the stupidity plague has reached epic proportions:

Boulder County is considering adopting language to its comprehensive plan recognizing that nature — including plants and insects — has rights. The idea comes at the behest of a group called Boulder Rights of Nature, which is urging the planning commission to go even further and extend legal rights for humans to animals and trees.

* A college-age caller to a boom box show blurted out that he, she, heshe or it, and everyone this fool knows, get all their hard news from those icons of objectivity, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Instead of doing their own fact seeking, in books, news reports, and other reliable sources, this fool's primary connection with objective reality is Comedy Central. No need to put this group down, their stupidity plague will take care of it for us, sooner or later.

* In Mexifornia, where the stupidity epidemic is horrific, voters who were infected with this malady, gave unrestrained, budgetary power to the neo-Marxist Legicrats who are responsible for the states' 20 to 50 BILLION dollar debt. It's impossible to imagine a more virulent outbreak of the stupidity plague.

* Speaking of Mexifornia, Congressmoron Barbara Lee, D-Calif., said that she supports raising minimum wage in the state of California to $26 an hour, adding that she doesn't think such a hike would hurt small businesses.

We might need to quarantine Mexifornia, for a million years or so, until this stupidity plague has run its course and resolves our problem for us.

* On his MSNBC blight, Hardball, Chris "The Tingler" Matthews demonstrated the level of insanity this stupidity plague brings. He did it, when he blamed the Elephant Clan for "FORCING" Messiah Barry to move to the extreme left then implement a neo-Marxist, anti-capitalist, anti America philosophy. The Elephant Clan FORCED Mister "I Won" into making a hard left turn? That's gotta be the worst stupidity plague outbreak in human history. We need to put this fool down, stat.

How the hell did we get in this sorry 'stuck on stupid' state? How indeed. In too many cases, the infected individuals are born clueless and, for one reason or another never out grow it. Why? The answer to that question involves one of the great, underappreciated, truths. Little morons, if they survive a childhood infused with unrelenting, stupidity, grow up to become human gene pool improvement volunteer-class intellectual flatliners. Little Donny Dumbass becomes Big Donny Dumbass. He is, until fate stamps his human gene pool improvement volunteer application 'accepted', the gift that keeps on giving.

The snot gobbling tyke, whose first encounter with electricity happened, when the young Einstein stuck a paper clip into a wall socket, is destined for bigger and better things. Young Einstein will, if he, she, heshe, or it survives that initial electrifying encounter, become the alleged adult who improves the human gene pool, while trying to steal a copper wire that's packing 20,000 'kiss your ass goodbye, dumbass' volts.

The prepubescent genius, who began his quest for stupidity plague glory, by poking a rattlesnake with a stick, is destined for bigger and better things. If he lives in them thar hills, he might become a member of that outpost of snake handling Cross Cult supernaturalism, which places too much 'faith' in Old Ka-Boom's infuriating 'fools and drunks exemption'. Or, he might grow up to be the rain-soaked, Oregon, nitwit who got gassed to the gills, then thrilled his friends by shoving the head of his pet rattlesnake into his mouth. He nearly died, when the snake did what comes naturally and bit him.

Some of these young snake wranglers grab their rightful share of immortality by winning a Darwin Award. In one memorable adventure, an alleged adult got gassed to the gills, then decided to play with his pet cobra. A pet cobra? Who the hell in their right mind has one of those for a pet? In this case 'in his right mind' is the last thing we can say about a dude who manhandled the cobra, got bit several times, then decided that the cure to what ailed him could be found in a bar, not the local emergency room. Snake bit - literally - he headed to the local tavern for some booze to chase down that cobra venom. He hoisted a few, then got the thrilling, human gene pool improvement volunteer application accepted, news when he died with his brewskie boots on.

Believe it or not, this stupidity plague is contagious. We've already given you one example, those hillbilly, snake wrangling, Cross Cultists, who place too much faith in a fickle deity's fools and drunks exemption. Another, equally compelling, example of a mass stupidity plague outbreak is something called - we are not making this up - the William Tell Club.

What is it? Happy you asked. It's a group of card-carrying, bona fide boneheads, who stand against a tree, with an empty beer can on their head, then let some drunk as a skunk archer use him for target practice. How? The bleary-eyed archer picks up his trusty-dusty crossbow and attempts, with laugh-inducing ineptitude, to shoot the arrow though the can on the top of an even bigger fool's head. No harm, no foul? Perhaps, but this teenage dude class prank achieved critical mass, when one willing dope got shot with an arrow right through the forehead. Out of our misery? Nope, he, too, survived to spawn morons like himself.

Are Americans, in alarming numbers devolving into lumbering, brain dead brutes, due to this stupidity plague? Yup. Is this the dirty little secret that explains why government cess-schools keep graduating idiots with self-esteem? I'll get back to you on that one. Should we be doing something to cure these stupidity plague asshats? Yes, but not the way you think.

The way to put an end to the stupidity plague is obvious. Since stupidity - be it a plague or the plain vanilla variety - is a self-correcting problem, the solution is relatively simple. If we can persuade the Nanny State to stop saving the relentlessly stupid from themselves, the stupidity plague eventually resolves itself. Morons who get their hard news from Comedy Central...Mexifornia Meatheads who put the lunatics in charge of the asylum...Elected Tormentor Fossils with delusions of grandeur...all the intellectual flatliners, will evict themselves from the human gene pool, sooner or later. All we need to do is stand clear, then enjoy the carnage, when they do what comes naturally.

Like Hannibal Smith, I love it when a plan comes together



We've all heard the mantra that says we must be responsible for our own actions. This axiom means weighing our options, making our decision, then playing that hand until objective reality gives us our report card. How? Life grades us by rewarding, or punishing, us with the consequences for our own actions. Those consequences are a vital part of the ongoing learning process that's a thrill-inducing feature of life.

This repetitive cycle of actions and consequences is a great character builder. It's also a spiffy way to build your vocabulary, when you start learning - and deploying - all those highly expressive, cathartic, four-letter words. Like it or not, you're not in full blown character building mode until you start swearing. That's a sure sign that you've just added a whole new level to your character.

As painful as consequences can be, they are a necessary part of life. That's why it majorly pisses me off when the Nanny State interferes by softening the blow of adverse consequences, or bringing you down if the consequences are beneficial, enriching.

* I don't need some Fat Nazi wiener getting between me and what I choose to eat. I don't need their help on transfats, calorie counts or fat content. I know what's good and what isn't. I'll pick my own foods and let life's report card - those consequences - tell me how I did.

* I don't need some Smoke Nazi scumbag hounding me about those cancer sticks. The consequences of smoking are no secret, so they need to get the hell off my back and let me make my own life choices. As a non-smoker - MY CHOICE, not THEIRS - I'm tempted to start smoking, just to piss off the bastards.

* I don't need some job-for-life Elected Tormentors telling me that lying about my net worth to purchase a house in a market that reeks of 'bubble about to burst' is a crappy idea. If I'm that stupid, I deserve to lose my shirt, and my house. Their assistance is not wanted or needed.

* I don't need some Nanny State Nitwit to tell me that yammering on a cell phone, or texting, while driving is an accident waiting to happen. If I do either, or both, sooner or later I'm going to cause an accident, then the justice system, and my insurance, company will add several levels to my character with some very adverse consequences.

* I know what I'm willing to watch and can determine if a given program is acceptable for any tykes who might be in the room. I'll handle those decisions, and any adverse, 'they said a bad word' consequences. I don't need the Nanny State's help with my boob tube and boom box choices.

Where consequences are concerned, nobody eludes them like the same Elected Tormentors who keep intruding on the consequences, adverse or beneficial, of your life. They steal your rightful property, squander it on the most insane crap, then act shocked when they run up an ocean of red ink. Normally, life would mete out harsh punishment. Normally, but not when you're an Elected Tormentor. They blame it all on the 'the rich', rampaging TEA Party patriots, the Koch brothers, Rush Limbaugh, or George W. Bush, steal even more money, then do it all over again.

A lot of times, consequences suck. I get that, but they're my consequences and I'll deal with them, myself, without the Nanny State's help. Unhappily, too many Americans like letting the Nanny State soften life's blows. That's why this nation conceived in liberty is rapidly losing its competitive edge.

It's time to get back to basics. It's time to kick the Nanny State out of our lives. It's time to grow the stones to face life's ups and downs without some Elected Tormentor rat bastard sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Butt out, Elected Tormentor Sparky. That goes double for you, Prompter Punk.

Afterthought: While we're yammering about consequences, I'm compelled to give 'credit' where it is due. Barack Hussein Obama's entire adult life is one devoid of consequences. It's the dirty little secret behind his meteoric rise from richly deserved obscurity.

Admittedly, his actions spawn consequences, but, in this very special case, although the action is still his, the ensuing consequence is all ours.

MONDAY MAY 19, 2014


PIG tells tales that invariably end with 'you can't make this stuff up'.

Before we spend some quality time delving into those tales which made us do a double-take, there's one PIGster question we're going to preemptively answer:

PIGster Question: What's the difference between 'twisted' and 'wickedly twisted'?

PIGish Answer: 'Twisted' translates as "he, she, heshe or it has their head up their ass". 'Wickedly twisted' equates as "how the hell did he, she, heshe, or it shove their head THAT FAR up their ass?".

Putting it another way: 'Twisted' is the media whoring Kardashian clan which has turned 'famous for being famous' into a revenue stream. 'Wickedly Twisted' is E! Entertainment Television prolonging the Kardashian clan's assault on our sanity beyond their allotted 15 minutes of fame, with $40 million in dead presidents. 3 more years of that crap? Just shoot me.

We'll begin with a Wickedly Twisted classic.

Bubba & Monica

Twisted: Bubba frolicked in the Oval Office with a plumper named Monica Lewinski.

Wickedly Twisted: He used her nads as a cigar humidor.

Redeeming Elements: Unlike The One, at least Bubba found something useful to do in the Oval Office.

PIG Sez: Anyone who has seen Shrillary Clinton understands why Bubba was/still is perpetually unfaithful to her. Our only issue with Bubba's sexcapades is the 'quality' of his playmates. He was the most powerful man on Earth, so a bumper crop of toothsome wenches who are attracted to men in positions of power were throwing themselves at him. He could have, should have, gone through a myriad of hyper hotties (12s on a scale of 10), but he confined himself to an endless parade of trailer trollops. As taxpayers who funded his sexploits, We the PIGs are outraged that he squandered our money on one floozy after another.

Anna & Marek

Twisted: Mere days after dumping Anna for another woman, Marek shows up at Anna's dental practice with a tooth ache.

Wickedly Twisted: Alarmingly clueless to the danger, Marek allows his pissed ex-girlfriend to render him unconscious.

Redeeming Elements: Anna showed remarkable restraint. I think Marek is lucky that Anna only yanked out his teeth, all of them, one at a time. Given her mood, he's lucky that he woke up with a full set of nads.

PIG Sez: Did Marek 'deserve' it? Probably not. Did he put himself in harm's way, needlessly? You better believe it. If you tie yourself to the dental care tracks, when a train named Anna is bearing down at you, is it reasonable to pin all the blame on the Anna train? We the PIGs don't think so.

L.A. Bans ALL Bags

Twisted: Los Angeles is thisclose to banning single-use plastic bags in supermarkets and Stop & Rob outlets (convenience stores). If approved, the ban 'phases in' over a 6-month span after which it's permanent. Paper bags will be available, at the stores, for a nominal fee (10 cents, each).

Wickedly Twisted: After a year (two at the most) paper bags will be banned, too. It's going to get very noisy, very ANGRY, when the great unwashed wake up to that nightmare.

Redeeming Elements: When IT hits the fan with a resounding WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING bellow of pure rage, it will be somewhat amusing to watch the perpetrators of this insanity flee from culpability like it's tainted with the plague.

PIG Sez: The history of single use bags is pertinent. One of the primary reasons 'or plastic' joined the American lexicon is greeniac whining about the trees 'destroyed' to make all those grocery bags. They whined piteously, until 'or plastic' reached critical mass in the 1980s. Fast forward a couple decades and the unintended consequences chickens have come home to roost, so now the same greeniacs are whining about plastic bags destroying the environment. Are greeniacs and/or Elected Tormentors shouldering their part of the blame? You know better. Instead of 'oops, my bad', it's blame the bag wranglers and the retailers who hand out single-use shopping bags.

Mexifornia's High Speed Rail

Twisted: Pulling reality-challenged 'statistics' out of their butts, the usual suspects insist on building a high speed rail link between Los Angeles and San Francisco, which isn't wanted, or needed.

Wickedly Twisted: It's not the single, high-speed rail link that will whisk passengers from L.A. to Frisco in 2 hours or less. In fact, much of the 'high speed' system will be perpetrated at normal 'slow' train speeds.

Redeeming Elements: It's somewhat amusing, to watch the high speed rail perpetrators scramble every time objective reality punctures one of their hype balloons, exposing the whopper-intensive hot air inside.

PIG Sez: Mexifornia's High Speed Rail project has nothing to do with transportation, and everything to do with pocketing billions from Uncle Sam's stimulus slush fund.

Senator, And Aspiring POTUS Candidate Elizabeth Warren

Twisted: Using family 'lore' which said that Lizzie's great-great-great-grandmother was Siberian American (a Cherokee, in this case), Elizabeth put it on her personal pedigree to score brownie points with diversity bonkers Ivory Tower Eggheads. The Boston Globe reported that she proclaimed 'I'm hyphenated' in the Association of American Law Schools (AALS) deskbook for between 1985-1996, but never specified the nature of the hyphen (Siberian American).

Wickedly Twisted: Her smoking gun on "I'm Siberian-American"? You're going to love it:

The candidate said Wednesday that she had never asked her relatives for documentation of her lineage, but when questioned by reporters if she regretted self-identifying as Native American, she recounted a story about her family's history with the culture.

"No, as I said, these are my family stories. I have lived in a family that has talked about Native Americans, talked about tribes since I had been a little girl," she said. "I still have a picture on my mantel and it is a picture my mother had before that - a picture of my grandfather. And my Aunt Bea has walked by that picture at least a 1,000 times remarked that he - her father, my Papaw -- had high cheek bones like all of the Indians do. Because that is how she saw it and your mother got those same great cheek bones and I didn't. She that thought was the bad deal she had gotten in life." (CBS Affiliate)

High cheekbones = Siberian American? I'm shocked that a Libertard Moonbat would stoop to racial profiling.

Redeeming Elements: When I heard her 'high cheekbone' lunacy on Limbaugh, it made me laugh so hard I shot coffee out my nose.

PIG Sez: Wickedly twisted? Yup, but it worked, so Senator Fauxcahontis is now a 'contender' for POTUS in the 2016 election cycle.

Subway to the Sea

Twisted: This $5.6 billion transportation boondoggle is a 9-mile extension of L.A.'s Purple Line subway which will connect Koreatown to Westwood. Throwing good money after bad, the city's Elected Tormentors aren't dissuaded by low-ridership on existing subway lines.

Wickedly Twisted: Although all the perpetrators call it a 'Subway to the Sea', it doesn't go anywhere near the ocean.

Redeeming Elements: At best, this could make denizens of the Sanctuary City of Angels wake the hell up from their coma and smell the a city ruled by Moonbats SUCKS coffee.

PIG Sez: The only reason L.A. has a subway is bragging rights. Now, when some Big Apple punk touts their subway system, L.A.'s Moonbat Elected Tormentors can now reply "we have one, too". The primary difference is that people in New York City ride their subway.

As fun as these tales are, none of them is in the same universe as this Classic Wickedly Twisted Tale:

When: March 25, 2010
Where: House Armed Services Committee

Who: Congressman Hank Johnson, D-GA, Admiral Robert Willard, Commander of U.S. Pacific Command

What: While discussing moving 8,000 Marines from Okinawa to Guam, there was a memorably Moonbat moment:

Twisted: (Lifted from the transcript)

Hank: This is a [n] island that at its widest point what ... twelve miles from shore to shore? And at its smallest level ... uh, smallest location ... it's seven miles between one shore and the other? Is that correct?

Admiral: I don' t have the exact dimensions, but to your point, sir, I think Guam is a small island.

Hank: Very small island, about twenty-four miles, if I recall, long, twenty-four miles long, about seven miles wide at the least widest place on the island and about twelve miles wide, on the widest place on the island, and I don't know how many square miles that is. Do you happen to know?

Admiral: I don't have that figure with me, sir, I can certainly supply it to you if you like..

Hank: Yeah, my fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.

Wickedly Twisted: Understanding that Hank was deadly serious, Admiral Willard never lost his composure. Without a hint of derision, or WTF amazement, the Admiral replied:

Admiral: We don't anticipate that ... the Guam population I think currently about 175,000 and again with 8,000 Marines and their families it's an addition of about 25,000 to the population.

Redeeming Elements: Hank's subsequent excuses - "I was speaking metaphorically.", "I was just kidding." - were pure bullcrap, albeit very entertaining bullcrap.

PIG Sez: I'm glad I don't live in Hank's district. Why? Because in the 2012 election cycle, a wickedly twisted sister - Cynthia McKinney - is running against him.

We're on final approach to Objective Reality, so stow your items, fold up your trays and put your seats in the upright position. Thank you for traveling on the FSOP's Wickedly Twisted flight from reality.


Random Synaptic Activity


I like, and respect, Mark Levin. I listen to his show every day, while I'm working on PIG. I admit that Levin depresses me, but that's a risk I'm willing to take, because he sees the disintegrating road ahead very clearly. It's straight out of Hell, and that's the 'good' stuff.

Levin doesn't pull his punches and doesn't gloss over the tyrannical hell We the People have to pay. America is on the highway to hell and we have the GUTLESS RNC and the MARXIST DNC to thank for it.


It's budget time on the left coast. As usual, imaginary numbers took center stage. Mexifornia's unrepentant hippy governor did what the no longer Golden State's ruling elite always do. He shook his magic 8-Ball and it produced an entirely fictional, but very real sounding revenue surplus. He pretended it was real and based his budget on it

He'll send it to the Marxist legislature and they'll look it over, smile indulgently, then double up on the fictional revenue surplus. While grumbling about 'the old guy's pessimism, they'll accelerate their state's untimely demise, with another memorable spending spree.


It hit me while I was listening to the internet feed of a San Diego radio station. Too many fires were popping up and they were too widely spread. WTF!

I remembered something I'd heard and/or read about some Jihadikazes considering spreading terror inside the Great Satan, by setting off wild fires. Is someone testing it out in San Diego?

SUNDAY MAY 11, 2014

Mama Mia

Mothers Day isn't sufficiently PIGish, so we're perpetrating some PIG-Worthy Awards to make this annual outburst of sloppy sentimentality endlessly fun. Here are some of our initial award category ideas:

"Most Enthusiastic Mother Award"
The unrivaled queen of clown car nads is Michelle Duggar, that woman in Arkansas who has already spawned 19 times. Michelle has a big head start, but Octomom is just dumb enough o give her a run for her money. Stay tuned.

"Nightmare On Maternity Street"
Pornstar Kardashian (Kim) locked up this cringe-inducing yearly award, when lard ass let Kanye West knock her up. As if having Scowly and Pornstar for parents, not to meniton Nama like Kris Jennner, isn't enough grief, the poor wenchlet is named NORTH...North West.

"Media Whoring, Daughter Pimping, Mom of the Year"
Kris Jenner (AKA Big Mama Karkdashian) is the poster bitch for this one. Scowly seems to be keeping North out of Nama's clutches, so far.

"I Had E.T.'s Baby Award"
When we created this one, we had Tom Cruise's bride - Katie Holmes-Cruise - in mind. It's her just reward for reproducing with a couch-jumping Moonbat. The alleged daddy of the tyke is the best possible proof that E. T. really is living among us.

We are delighted to report that Katie came to her senses, dumped her 'spacey' hubby like a bad habit, then escaped to freedom with her daughter, Suri. By all reports, Suri is a bright, charming, delightful young lady who isn't tainted with daddy's well-documented lunacy.

"Stage Mommy of the Year"
Dina Lohan has a lock on this one. Dina played a vital role in securing a Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse slot for her daughter Lindsay. Refusing to rest on her laurels, Dina has 'mothered' Lindsay's sister, Ali, into the poster stick for anorexia.

"Show Me The Money Mommy of the Year"
This choice was easy. Our winner is Katherine Jackson, a woman who is still trying to cash in on her son, Meal Ticket Jackson (Michael), 4 years after his death. No wonder Mikey was twisted, with all his loser relatives leeching off him, all those years.

"Militant Moonbat Mommy of the Year"
Zubeidat Tsarnaeva the breeder who spawned the Boston Marathon bombers, Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, nailed this one. Why? Because she's an insane bitch.

"Egg Incubating Hen of the Year"
If you're not shouting Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson, you're not paying attention.

"Hot Mama Award"
This award is PIGish in the extreme. Needless to say, the heated PIG bunker debate over this one quickly devolved into one of our most memorable melees. I overruled everyone and gave it to Christina Aguilera.

The rules of engagement on this one are obvious, but we'll explain them anyway. If you could choose any 'mommy' on this planet to 'kiss' away that boo-boo, whom would you pick?

By now, you're raising your glass high to salute your friends in the Free State of PIG for another inspired idea. Okay, so maybe you're not dancing in the streets or shouting the thrilling news from your roof top, we know that an idea as great as this will grow on you



Sometimes a headline tells a complete story.

Headlines From Victimhood:

* Libs Demand Nintendo Allow Gay Marriage In New Life-Simulation Game…

* Dem Rep. James Clyburn Complains Black GOP Sen. Tim Scott Doesn't Vote According To The Color of His Skin…

* Dem Sen. Jay Rockefeller Says Racism Behind GOP Opposition To Obama's Policies, "Because He's The Wrong Color"…

Headlines From Reality Street

* Gov't Report: Total Number of Federal Workers Who Got Laid Off Because of Sequestration Cuts: ONE…

* Fed Chair: 'Deficits Will Rise to Unsustainable Levels'

Headline From The Twilight Zone

* Harry Reid Accuses The Media of Shilling For . . . Republicans…

Headline That Is Unintentionally Funny

* Big Dig Debacle: Monster tunnel machine stuck under downtown Seattle



Needing an excuse to destroy, for all time, the Western economy, in general, and the American economy in particular, the rabidly Marxist left searched for a suitable cudgel with which they would beat any residual traces of Capitalism into an early grave. It would need to be complicated, easily politicized, and scary enough to compel compliance from John & Jane Q Public.

In the beginning, there was Global Warming, which passed all three tests. As an added bonus, it had the Tennessee Tonnage, Al Gore, a horror that doubled down on scary. The problem with Global Warming is embedded in its name. What if there wasn't any warming? What indeed.

After years of 'warming' it finally happened: Mother Nature stopped cooperating [warming stopped] and some trouble making rational adults spilled the beans. They needed to retool with a new name that would embrace ALL kinds of weather/climatological patterns.

Eventually, Global Warming evolved into Climate Change. How did it measure up? Let's take a look.

Inclusive enough to work with any/all weather/climatological patterns? Yup.

Complicated enough to dazzle the rubes? Yup.

Easily politicized? Yup.

Scary? Hmmm. Not so much.

This week, the fear mongering rabid Marxist dogs jettisoned 'climate change' and replaced it with the new kid on the block: 'climate disruption'. Leaving nothing to chance, they're not going to wait for a public panic attack. Tsar Barry will terrify the crap out of everybody with Draconian decrees that will make the Great Depression seem like the good old days.


Pagan Musings

Before I 'get to the point, dude', I need to invoke a Tome concept, Original Sin.

Original Sin, as I understand it, is twofold. First, it refers to Adam's rebellion against Old Ka-boom in the Garden of Eden. Second, it refers to Adam's legacy of sin that he passed down to all his children - all of humanity (man's sinful nature sums it up nicely). The Cross Dude squared all that away, but there is some fine print tied to it.

All I need from the foregoing prose is an understanding that Original Sin is something you were issued at birth. It's just part of who, what, you are, putting it beyond your control.

Now, we switch our focus from Heaven to Hell - Korrectness as it exists in the 21st century. In Korrectnik theology, the real Original Sin is something called white privilege, therefore, the original sinner is each and every unhyphenated white male. For the lack of a better term, being white, male, and unhyphenated is something like the mark of the beast in Revelations: 666. Still with me? Good, here's the punch-line:

There isn't a Korrectnik savior who will 'lift the yoke of his sinful white privilege from whitey, but for a small percentage of white males there might be an escape clause. The ability to elude oppressordom, depends on how Korrectness answers these questions:

If the unhyphenated white male is the source of all that is evil in our Korrectnik Eden, how does being a GLAAD BAAG impact it?

Does the magic pink triangle obliterate whitey's Original Sin or merely mitigate it to some unknown extent?

Does it erase the mark of the beast, or simply fade it out to some undetermined level?

Enquiring minds want to know.



I was watching a news video on a Los Angeles boob tube staton's Web site when a Toyota ad popped up. The instant I noticed the Toyota tag line: "Toyota, We're On The Move.", it happened.

Without thinking, I made myself laugh by saying, "to Texas, we're on the move to Texas".

Explanatory Fact: A few days ago Toyota announced that it is moving it's Marketing HQ from Torrance (Southern California) to Plano (Texas).


If you need proof that I'm a twisted bastard, this should do it. While scanning my designated fishwrap, I spotted a headline that struck me as funny: Contractor Who Trains Dolphins For The Navy Drowns.

Not funny, you say?

Agreed, but it still made me laugh.


Fun Fact of the Week:

If you don't know about L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling, you're probably in a coma. If you want to know what he said that put him on the 'racist bastard' radar, you'll find it on the TMZ web site. For now, here's a sample:

TMZ Sports has obtained audio of Sterling making the racist declaration during a heated argument on April 9th with V. Stiviano … after she posted a photo on Instagram posing with Magic.

Sterling rails on Stiviano — who ironically is black and Mexican — for putting herself out in public with a black person (she has since taken the pic down). But it doesn't end there. You have to listen to the audio to fully grasp the magnitude of Sterling's racist worldview. Among the comments:

– "It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you're associating with black people. Do you have to?" (3:30)

– "You can sleep with [black people]. You can bring them in, you can do whatever you want. The little I ask you is not to promote it on that … and not to bring them to my games." (5:15)

– "I'm just saying, in your lousy f******* Instagrams, you don't have to have yourself with, walking with black people." (7:45)

– "…Don't put him [Magic] on an Instagram for the world to have to see so they have to call me. And don't bring him to my games." (9:13)

Everyone wants his head on a platter, but all this is just a build up for the fun stuff.

A lot of people are coming out of the woodwork, insisting that 'everyone' knows Sterling has been saying racist crap for years. That will give the L.A. NAACP outpost a real thrill. Why? Because in a few days, they were going to give Donald Sterling a lifetime achievement award.


Eye of the Beholder

Meet the Izumo, the newest ship in the Japanese Navy, uh Maritime Self Defense Force. With a length of 250 meters, it's about 46 meters shorter than a Midway class aircraft carrier (WWII). Is it what it appears to be? Depending on whom you ask, the answer changes.

Like you, the Chinese are thinking 'aircraft carrier'. I get that, but it would violate the Japanese constitution which limits the Japanese navy to 'defensive' weapons systems. Yes it can launch helicopters, or Harrier type vertical takeoff jets. But, since it lacks a catapult and is stricktly defensive, or for rescue operations, the Japanese classify the Izumo as a 'destroyer'.

Let's take a look at another Japanese destroyer, the Ashigara' which is 165 meters long and doesn't have a deck suitable for helicopters or Harriers.

Am I calling the Sushi Slammers liars? Perish the thought.


Campus Korrectness Twofer

University of North Dakota

UND's Gamma Phi Beta sorority's unforgivable sin against Korrectness had the properly hyphenated setting their hair on fire. In a heartbeat, school officials were in full blown outrage mode over the sorority's "insensitive", "offensive" display of school spirit. The dastardly deed was so vile, the ladies are on the fast track to sensitivity training and sanctions.

What, you ask, did they perpetrate? You're going to be thrilled:

The sorority sisters hung a banner outside their house that referenced the school's former "Fighting Sioux" nickname and logo; it stated: "You can take away our mascot but you can't take away our pride – Mens 2014 NCAA Frozen Four" – in support of the school's hockey team in the NCAA Frozen Four in Philadelphia this week.

But some on the campus quickly dubbed the banner "insensitive," including UND President Robert Kelley, who chided the young women for putting it up during the university's "Time Out Week," a campus-wide celebration of Native American culture and history. Making matters worse, the Gamma Phi Beta sorority house is next to the American Indian Student Services building. [College Fix]

The fun fact about 'Fighting Sioux' is this. When Mascot Mania reached critical mass, the NCAA was the prime mover. The Sioux tribe was fine with the nickname and logo.

University of Utah

With nothing better to do at the University of Utah, the Korrectniks in the student government [Associated Students of University of Utah Assembly] ASUU painted a Korrectnik bull's-eye on the Ivory Tower's fight song: "Utah Man".

Utah Man

I am a Utah man, sir and I live across the green.
Our gang it is the jolliest that you have ever seen.
Our coeds are the fairest and each one's a shining star.
Our yell, you hear it ringing through the mountains near and far.

Who am I, sir, a Utah man am I:
A Utah man, sir, and will be till I die: Ki! Ki!
We're up to snuff: we never bluff.
We're game for any fuss.
No other gang of college men dare meet us in the muss.
So fill your lungs and sing it out shout it to the sky.
We'll fight for dear old crimson for.....


And when we prom the avenue, all lined up in a row.
And arm in arm and step in time as down the street we go.
No matter if a freshman green, or in a senior's gown,
The people all admit we are the warmest gang in town.


We may not live forever on this jolly good old sphere,
But while we do we'll live a life of merriment and cheer.
And when our college days are o'er and night is drawing nigh,
With parting breath we'll sing that song:

A Utah Man am I!

Looks good to me, but 'they' insist it isn't inclusive enough.

The joint resolution was drafted by ASUU president Sam Ortiz and passed unanimously by both ASUU's Assembly and Senate. The bill does not make definite changes — it only stipulates that changes will be made, and that ASUU supports them. The actual changes will be proposed by the Academic Senate.[CI]

If you're looking for prime mover on this, ASUU president Sam Ortiz is the Korrectnik responsible.

This joint resolution is the latest attempt by Ortiz and his administration to create a more inclusive environment on campus to help foster diversity. Ortiz has worked on a diversity training program for staff and faculty to help cut back on comments that make students feel unwelcome.

"I knew without having to talk to another student that this would be a divisive issue," Ortiz said.


Hambo's Adventures In Wonderland

[After slogging through another table-pounding Top Story, I'm compelled to lighten things up. This posting fills the bill. For your edification, here are my Wonderland Classics. When you finish reading them, you'll know why I am invariably amazed, amused, and inspired by my regular sojourns in Wonderland. They lay heaping helpings of scribbler inspiration at my feet, plus they pay for the honor of feeding my inner scribbler beast. That's why Wonderland is near and dear to my heart.]

'Wonderland', in this context, is my primary client, a small 'high tech' firm whose managers are - when it comes to certain kinds of equipment - 'challenged'. How challenged? You can decided for yourself, based on these classic - I swear they're true - adventures.

Classic Episode 1

When they checked the company's voice mail on a Monday (March 15, 2010) several of the firm's managers were perplexed by the machine's introductory words on the first message: "Friday, two-seventeen".

For the next two days they tried to analyze/troubleshoot the voicemail technology to determine why it affixed a date - February 17 - on a message that was received in mid-March.

On the third day, the crisis was resolved, after a free ranging rational adult arrived on the scene. After listening patiently, the free ranging rational adult explained the obvious to them: "Two-seventeen is the TIME, not the date."

Classic Episode 2

With their first crisis resolved, the same Einsteins aimed the free ranging rational adult at their next crisis, a 'broken' FAX machine.

"It just stopped. No matter how many times I pushed the button, it wouldn't print my second incoming page." One of them caterwauled.

"It's an important message, and we've lost two days trying to recover it." Another manager complained.

Glancing at the FAX machine, the free ranging rational adult asked, "Did you try replacing the black cartridge?"

"Why?" The third manager asked, glaring at the machine.

Pointing to the FAX's blinking status window, the free ranging rational adult replied, "Because this says 'change black cartridge'."

"Oh." One of them replied. "But, what about all the FAXes we lost while it was broken?"

"It saves them in memory until it can print them out for you." The free ranging rational adult explained, while installing a new black cartridge.

Demonstrating heroism, above, and beyond, the call of duty, the free ranging rational adult resisted the urge to smirk and/or gloat, when the 'missing', 'lost', second page emerged from the 'BROKEN' FAX machine.

Now, we're ready for our next Adventure in Wonderland

Classic Episode 3

I wasn't shocked when I got a frantic call from Wonderland reporting that 'The Big Guy' was having trouble sending E-Mail. It's a regular occurrence in Wonderland. For example, last week, he rushed up to me telling me that he couldn't send his e-mail which needed to go out, before he left on his business trip.

"I'll take a look." I told him, knowing, that, as usual, his Outlook Express outgoing mail queue had a message it couldn't handle. The fun fact about Outlook Express is that it won't send any newer messages, until it gets rid of the oldest one. Anyway, I cleared the message - it was too big for our e-mail hosting service - and was, once again, given 'hero for a picosecond' status.

This week, the problem was more serious, since nobody - including the Resident Rational Adult - couldn't send any mail. They were in crisis mode and needed me to motor all the way across town - at least an hour, given the traffic - to fix it. Unwilling to go there, I told them I'd 'check into it' and get back to them.

Instead of getting in my ride, I got on my computer, cybersurfed to Earthlink, then accessed the support site, where they list known outages. The e-mail problem was easy to find, since it was the only outage on the list: a key mail server ate itself and they were working on it. Users could 'get 'er done' using Web Mail, but that wouldn't help 'The Big Guy', who isn't up to speed on that feature.

I looked at the estimated repair time, and concluded that it would be fixed before I could drive across town. What to do?

I called the Resident Rational Adult and said, "I found the problem. I think I can fix it from here."

"You're the best." She replied, telling me what I already knew.

I monitored the status on the Earthlink outage page and, as expected, they had their server off the critical list within the hour. Did I have the balls to take the credit for the fix? You better believe it, Sparky.

I called the Resident Rational Adult and told her. "It's fixed. Go ahead and try it."

"AWESOME! You're my hero." She exclaimed. "How did you do it?"

"It's a trade secret." I replied, trying to sound conspiratorial.

Don't ask, don't tell isn't only for GLAAD BAAGs. It's a good policy for certain consulting Test Engineers, too. I'm just sayin'.

Classic Episode 4

One of the irrational adults running my primary client, Wonderland, is the poster punk for 'Miser'. Since he pinches his pennies so hard he makes Honest Abe bleed, I'll call him 'Pincher' to protect the name of the guilty. I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. Pincher isn't cheap out of necessity. He's cheap because he's hard-wired for it.

There is, needless to say, a serious down side to Pincher's aversion to spending money. How serious? I'll let you be the judge. Before we get to the fun stuff, I need to bring you up to speed on one of Pincher's prime directives:

* Never hire a trained professional, when you hire someone who is relentlessly clueless for a fraction of the price.

The unwritten corollary for the foregoing Pincher mantra is this: when hiring the relentlessly clueless to wrangle something primal like electricity or plumbing, Pincher himself supplies the technical expertise. In all honesty, Pincher isn't a complete novice in such matters, but he is, bless his miserly heart, dangerously enthusiastic. Is that as thrilling as it sounds? You better believe it, Sparky.

When it comes his relentlessly clueless hired guns, Pincher has an impressive collection of them, but lately, his goto guy is a dude named Chico. I wouldn't call Chico 'relentlessly clueless'. I would, on the other hand, say that Chico knows just enough to be dangerous about a wide variety of Mr. Fixit tasks. Pincher could care less about that, because Chico's primary claim to fame for Pincher is 'works cheap'.

Now that we have all the players identified, it's time to get down to business.

For the past two weeks, Pincher and his goto guy, Chico, have been working on a pesky plumbing issue at Pincher's home. It started as a simple problem - a leaky pipe - but, after more than a week of Pincher's inspirational expertise, and Chico's 'works cheap' magic, this dynamic duo managed to seriously f**k things up. How seriously? Very:

* The toilets no longer flush.

* There is poop floating in the bathtub.

* As for the laundry room, you really don't want to know what happened, when they tried to run a load through the washer.

How did they manage all this in such a short period of time? I don't know, but along the way they ripped open walls, dug holes in the floor, crossed several pipes, and created a gap in the plumbing that neither Chico or Pincher knows how to close.

Today, after nearly two weeks of unrelenting, amateur plumber, fun, the novelty of toilets that won't flush and bathtubs filled with poop has worn off. Humbled, to say the least, Pincher swallowed his pride and summoned a trained, plumbing professional.

Has he learned his lesson, after turning a relatively inexpensive plumbing fix into a very costly plumbing nightmare? I doubt it.

Parting shot: Pincher just spend an obscene - for him - amount of money on new outdoor barbeque grill. It's BIG and it's GAS POWERED and it requires a solid foundation (preferably a cement slab). If Pincher and Chico start playing with GAS, it's going to be a very hot time in Pincherville. I can't wait to hear all about THAT ONE. Fire in the hole? You better believe it, Sparky.

Classic Episode 5

During a recent trip to the client I've named 'Wonderland', I was approached by another denizen of this reality-insulated realm. It was Typhoid Mary, a perpetually wheezing, sneezing and disease-ridden quasi-permanent 'guest' in Wonderland. Guest? You bet, because, although she doesn't draw a paycheck from Wonderland, she does have office space there. Why? Because she's the boss's live-in girl friend.

Anyway, Typhoid Mary is, like most denizens of Wonderland, technologically challenged to an alarming degree. This time, her problem was straightforward: her printer wasn't working. Since the boss was out of the building, her first move was to call him, and seek his technical advice. He gave her a checklist of items, all of which seemed to be okey dokey. That's when he aimed Typhoid Mary at me.

T.M.: "Can you help me with my printer? I called [Big Boss Man], but he couldn't help me and said I should ask you."

Me: "Ok."

T.M. On the way to her office, she rattled off a long list of things she did while trying to fix her printer.

I walked into her second floor office, then looked at her printer. Noting the red 'error' light, I opened the paper tray, then announced, "You're out of paper." Total elapsed time in her office: 15 seconds, maximum.

It took me more time to type this, than it did to go to her office, identify the problem and return to my work.

It's just another fun filled day in Wonderland.

The rest of the story...

I know what you're thinking and I might tend to agree. We've all been there, done that, at least once. But, I doubt that you've done it twice, in the same week.

That's right, PIGsters, two days earlier, Typhoid Mary asked Wonderland's resident Rational Adult to fix her printer for her. She was out of paper THAT TIME, too.

Classic Episode 6

A few years ago, I did a header into what has to be the gold standard for error message hooliganism. During a trip to Europe, Wonderland's fearless lead visited a French semiconductor firm. He wanted to check out a memory tester which the Surrender Monkey firm was willing to sell. He looked, he liked, he bought. When it arrived at Wonderland, he asked me to fire it up and check it out.

After fitting it with a 'works in the USA' AC power module, I powered it up, and immediately did a header into Gold Standard hooliganism. Made in Germany...purchased from a French semiconductor firm, the essential information from the system - user prompts and error messages - was in...German? Nope. 'French? Nope and you're ice cold. The aforementioned priority information from the tester's 'brain' were in - TA DA - Japanese. Now that's techno hooliganism on a mind-boggling scale. Eat your heart out blue screen of death.

Wonderland, The Saga Continues

Wonderland, is my primary client. It's a small 'high tech' firm whose managers are - when it comes to certain kinds of equipment - 'challenged'. 'Challenged' is an egregious understatement, when it comes to computers. In bygone years, I was their first line of defense on computers, even though it's not what they pay me to do for them.

I eluded that unwanted duty, when Wonderland's Designated Rational Adult enlisted help from some professional byte wranglers to resolve all those pesky computer-related issues. They're still lurking in the background, but there's a new player at Wonderland: the Byte Buster. He's a friend of the big guy who has - I'm assured - ample computer experience. Since he's between jobs, The Big Guy invited him to hang out at Wonderland, and try to make some sense of he Byzantine networking connections.

Byte Buster, earned his keep, when The Big Guy blundered into a very nasty computer virus/malware. After a couple days of wrestling with the infestation, Byte Buster hoisted the 'Mission Accomplished' banner. Game, set, match? Yes...and no.

Yes: He evicted the infestation, upgraded the virus protection, upgraded the e-mail program, and much, much more.

No: Byte Buster hit the road around noon. Around 1 p.m., Wonderland had one of its familiar power glitches. When the Big Guy's computer restarted, he made a thrilling discovery. Byte Buster had changed the Big Guy's computer password. BUT, Byte Buster didn't get around to telling the Big Guy about it.

When I fled Wonderland for Objective Reality, the Big Guy was frantically trying to get Byte Buster to answer his phone.

The bottom line on the high tech Wonderland is this: Alice, the Mad Hatter, and all the other characters created by Lewis Carroll (real name Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) would feel right at home there.

More than I wanted to know:

[It happened early - about 6:30 a.m. - while I was plying my trade at Wonderland. That's when I got a frantic phone call from Wonderland's Designated Rational Adult.]

DRA: "I'm so glad you're there. I need you to do me a favor."

Me: "That depends on the favor. If it involves being groped by airport security, count me out."


Me: "No doubt. What is it?"

DRA: "Go into my office and I'll tell you."

Me: "I'll put you on hold."

Me: "Okay, I'm at your desk, what's the fuss?"

DRA: "Is Instant Messenger activated?"

Me: "Yes."

DRA: "Are there any messages on screen?"

Me: "Just one, but it's...Great Balls of Fire...never mind. I'll shut down the program."

DRA: (Laughs nervously) "Uh...Thanks. I owe you."

Me: "You certainly do, because it's going to take something a lot stronger than coffee to make me forget...THAT."

DRA: "Do we need to discuss it?"

Me: "Nope. It never happened."

DRA: (Airs another nervous laugh) "Would I be pressing my luck to have you check my e-mail?"

Me: "Probably, but, after that thrill ride, I'm shock proof."

DRA: "Now I'm really curious about what you just saw."

Me: "Get over it. Like Sgt. Schultz, 'I saw NOTH-ING'."

DRA: "My e-mail..."

Me: "Right."

[What did I see? No comment, but she's now Designated Kinky Rational Adult.]



Life is so unfair, especially for the Korrectniks at CPCC (Central Piedmont Community College). First, the school painted a bull's-eye on a Gender Bender who got suspended and banished from campus for 'improper bathroom use'. HeShe used the Women's bathroom and the suits at CPCC said 'not no but hell no'.

Predictably, campus Korrectniks had a hissy fit about himher and planned an old fashioned protest march. There were a few devilish details that put a damper on the festivities.

For starters, student expression on CPCC's central campus is limited to "[t]he outdoor area by the landscape plantings on the wide sidewalk between the west end of Van Every Building and the front entrance of the Terrell Building." According to CPCC's website, students enjoy a "beautiful, tree shaded, 31-acre Central Campus." If students have access to 31 acres, why can they only protest in a tiny free speech zone? This map of CPCC's Central Campus shows its free speech zone occupies an embarrassingly small percentage of campus.

CPCC's registration requirements are even worse. Students must register to use their school's free speech zone at least three business days in advance. Students found to be in non-compliance with these requirements are subject to sanctions, including receiving "a trespass warning" and being "denied future access to College premises."

If the students planning to protest Williams' treatment tomorrow didn't request permission from their school on Monday, they could be given warnings or kicked off campus, just for exercising their First Amendment rights. Students cannot be required to wait three business days to respond to news—especially news that requires an immediate response, like the violation of a fellow student's rights—and CPCC should change its policy to allow for spontaneous student expression on campus immediately. [CI]

Free Speech Zones suck, and that's a fact. Despite that, I freely admit that I'm unforgivably smirky about the school muzzling the Korrectniks. Why? The Korrectniks created that circle of speech code hell, so it's only fair that they burn in it.


Some Notions About Mozilla

The Gay-KK got what they wanted, but now that they've lynched Mozilla co-founder Brendan Eich, the culture of the company is toxic. They created a hellish atmosphere where marauding properly-hyphenated gangs will engage in a non-stop turf war, which will be punctuated by more lynchings. If there are any rational adults in the company, the pressure of working in that insanely oppressive environment will quickly make them leave.

The only people who will seek employment in the circle of politically correct hell called Mozilla will be more lynch-minded zealots. It's just a matter of time, before the company self destructs. I should feel bad about that, but I don't. My attitude about Mozilla is best expressed by a raised middle finger.

If my browser and my email program must be perpetrated by progtard assholes, I might as well switch to Google. At least they've always been up front about their neo-Marxist political agenda.

BIll Maher

While discussing Mozilla's marauding mob, Bill Maher referred to a 'Gay Mafia'.

Gay Mafia? It's colorful and he's blundering in the proper general direction, but he didn't nail it.

What happened at Mozilla wasn't a 'hit' by a Gay Mafia.

It was a lynching by Mozilla's Gay-KK.


Borrowed From IMAO

This is attributed to Lactose the Intolerant who has vowed to give up politics. Instead, he's going to 'return to the thing he's most passionate about': writing greeting cards.

Here are what I consider to be his top 3:

3) I guess you are still pretty mad at me for sleeping with your wife. But, in my defense, you left her for almost a year and she was lonely. Happy Veteran's Day.

2) I just want to thank you for helping me believe in aliens again. There is no way on earth that thing is entirely human. Congratulations on your new baby!

1) Worried about you. We've enclosed the number for the suicide hotline. Please give them a call, and don't do anything rash on an empty stomach. You know how grumpy you get when you are hungry. We aren't only worried about you, but also about everyone in the potential blast radius. Happy Ramadan!


April Foolishness

There are, I believe, a few things that should be scheduled for April 1st:

* The Daylight Saving Switcheroo. If anything begs for a rousing APRIL FOOL, it's this pestilence.

* In Oval Office Sweepstakes years, this is the perfect day for Political Clans to poop out their official POTUS candidate.

* Government Schooled idiots with self-esteem should get their High School Diploma.

* Any MSM propagandist who wins an award with 'journalism' in the title should get it on April 1st.

* The wit and wisdom of Joe Biden - his greatest foot-in- mouth moments - should be 'shared' so everyone can see the fool who is 'a heartbeat away from the presidency'.

* Barry reads the Declaration of Independence and tries to act like he endorses its core concepts.

* Putin promises he won't use the Russian Army to 'liberate' any more of his neighbors.

* Iran declares the termination of its nuclear weapons program.

* Justin Bieber announces his retirement and immediate return to Canada.

* Miley Cyrus says she's converted to Islam, and will henceforth perform in a burka.

FRIDAY, MARCH 28, 2014

She Said, He Said

While chatting with a relative on the phone, my lovely bride was describing the latest Mexifornia State Senator to land in serious legal trouble - Leland Yee. She wrapped it up with thusly:

My lovely bride (MLB): "I'm sure that there must be a lot of good Democrats, but I don't know who they are or where to find them."

Me: "You'll find a LOT of GOOD Democrats in the cemetery."

MLB: Stared, shook her head, then laughed.



You had to be there.

Speaking of Leland Yee

At IMAO, Frank J's random thoughts included these Yee-related gems:

Pitching a wacky, gun-running buddy flick starring Eric Holder and Leland Yee.

Leland Yee has made a lot of news, but how many vocal gun control advocates are actually gun smugglers? Probably no more than a quarter.


"Baby Talk"

"The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant. He cannot rightfully be compelled to do or forbear because it will be better for him to do so, because it will make him happier, because, in the opinions of others, to do so would be wise, or even right. These are good reasons for remonstrating with him, or reasoning with him, or persuading him, or entreating him, but not for compelling him, or visiting him with any evil, in case he do otherwise."

-- John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

The news cycle is one relentless bit of 'joy' after another and it's enough to make a rational adult take his, her, hisher or its mind off the basics.

This great experiment in individual liberty is in trouble, big trouble, but the enemy isn't one of the usual suspects.

Yes, the Ruskies are feeling their oats and Putin is a seriously evil piece of shit.

Yes, Iranian Mullahs are thisclose to nuking the beanies off Israel, and we're next on his 'hit' list.

Yes, the Kim Jong Basementboy is borrowing Putin's 2014 playbook and making noises about 'annexing' South Korea.

Yes, Jihadikazes are on a rampage throughout the Middle East, Africa, and most of Asia.

Yes the economy is in the crapper, a paying job is on the endangered species list and the Nanny State Nitwits are making things worse, by pissing away your tax dollars on every reeking, libertard, brainfart they couldn't pass while quasi-rational adults were watching.

Yes, the same Marxist class warriors who never saw a business they didn't want to shut down, are cheering on the Red Shed's Marxist Messiah, while he props up - then seizes control of - one industry after another.

Yes, the neo-Marxist Demoncrats are feverishly rewarding parasites and punishing achievers.

Yes, the world is full of armed and dangerous asshats who want us dead.

All of the foregoing things are, regrettably, true, but none of them are the enemy who will bring us down.

We the people - not all of us, but enough of us - are the ones who are undermining this noble experiment in individual liberty. Too many of 'We the People' find liberty much too stressful, so they are begging, pleading and scheming to let a egregiously pumped up Nanny State baby them. We saw that play out in the last two Oval Office Sweepstakes.

Too many of 'We the People' are sucked in by the political din about class envy that makes them want to impoverish the achievers - the EVIL rich. Dreaming of their cut of the spoils, these babes want to give the proceeds of this Nanny State mugging to the chronically needy parasites. Earning money for yourself is too hard, they whine. I want my Big Bad Daddy to steal what I need then give me everything I want, without all that nasty work. That's the essence of Messiah Barry's popularity.

Too many of 'We the People' cheer when Nanny State nitwits save chronic losers from themselves, by infringing on the rights of food wrangling capitalists. Too many of 'We the People' don't understand that a wide load's self-destructive eating habits are NOT any of the Nanny State's damn business. It might make these sickeningly smug do-gooders feel good to FORCE food wranglers to post nutritional information, but it won't get the job done. At most, it might make some nagged to death lard ass order a diet coke with his THIRD heart attack on a bun. I don't want everybody to decide what's good to eat, the babies whine. I want my Big Bad Daddy to make all the bad food just go away.

Too damn many of 'We the People' think it's Uncle Sam's job to 'balance' the viewpoints presented on the 'airwaves'. They also opined that Uncle Sam should be empowered to apply a fairness doctrine like muzzle in cyberspace. That's right, blog punk Sparky. They want to shut you, all of us, up, too. They say things that make me feel bad, the babies whine, I want my Big Bad Daddy to make them all just shut up.

I want 'We the People' to pull their heads out of their asses. I want 'We the People' to stop whining for Big Bad Daddy. I want 'We the People' to remember the real meaning of 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness'.

* It's your life, 'We the People' Sparky, but you're the only one who can LIVE it.

* It's your liberty, 'We the People' Sparky, but you're the one who must exercise and vigorously defended it.

* It's your happiness, 'We the People' Sparky, but you're the one who has to pursue it.

It's not the government's job to hand them to you life, liberty and happiness on a silver platter. It's the government's job to keep everyone the hell out of your way, while YOU take care of that pressing life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness business.

Stop being a bunch of crybabies, America. Don't make me come over there."


Hambo's Moron-duh Warning for the Chronically Offended.

You have the right to remain silent, but we both know that shut the fuck up isn't your best move. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion, if I can resist my compulsion to strap your mutant ass to a rocket and launch you out of my misery.

You have the right to speak to an attorney, but you're probably way ahead of me on that. When the medical health professionals question you to try to find out 'what's your damage' your shyster should be there to save you from being gunned down like a rabid dog.

If you cannot afford a lawyer, that's tough darts, because I'm not going to pay for the son-of-a-bitch. Are we on the same page now, chronically offended Sparky?

When you steal that - and we both know you will - kindly remember where you found it.

MONDAY, MARCH 17, 2014


On March 17th, our Today In History included this entry:

1992 Gutless Cheesehead justice system gives serial killer Jeffrey "Who's for dinner" Dahmer a life sentence for his butchery.

On March 17th PIGster Ronbo set us (me) straight:

Are you saying that Wisconsin is gutless because there is no death penalty? Dahmer could have put in a Supermax prison under guard 24/7. Instead he was put in the general population at a regular prison where the State knew he would be murdered. That way the State wouldn't take any of the blame. To me. that's just as gutless.
Regarding your question "who's for dinner", with the addition of some onions, carrots, potato's and bay leaves the answer is "Stu".

Hambo sez:

I'm compelled to admit that, in my haste to finish my PIG tasks, I posted the wrong Today in History data on March 17th.

Despite that, RonBo's point is well taken, EXCEPT for this tidbit:

Upon sentencing, Dahmer was transferred to the Columbia Correctional Institution in Portage, Wisconsin.

For the first year of his incarceration, Dahmer was placed in solitary confinement due to concerns for his physical safety should he come into contact with fellow inmates. With Dahmer's consent, after one year in solitary confinement, he was transferred to a less secure unit within the Columbia Correctional Institution, where he was assigned a two-hour daily work detail cleaning the toilet block.
[Source: wikipedia]

Wisconsin isn't quite as bloodthirsty as PIGster Ronbo implied. BUT, his point is still valid.

FRIDAY, MARCH 14, 2014


According to the politically correct Word Nazis,'bossy' is out.

So be it.

Henceforth that bossy bitch will be deemed memorably magisterial.

Or...you're authorized to deem her definitively dictatorial.

We'll also stand up and salute 'obstreperously authoritarian'

Are we feeling better now, cupcake?


Flight 370

Premise: If the plane's transponder and another locator went offline at different times, minutes apart, that seems to indicate someone on the plane turned them off.

If these locator devices were deliberately switched off, there are two likely explanations: terrorism, or hijacking.

If it was terrorism, why fuss with locator devices if you're going to destroy the plane within seconds or minutes?

Reports that the plane flew for several hours seems to indicate hijacking. BUT, it's not your 'take me to Cuba' hijacker.

I think some Jihadikazes were after the plane itself. It's one of more than 1000 Boeing 777s in operation, so it would be easy to get lost in a crowd. Why waste it with an explosion over a remote stretch of ocean, when, if its properly disguised, it can be used to take out a high priority target in America, or some other outpost of the Great Satan?

Unfounded Hambo notion: With the locators off, the plane flew for several hours, why? It took that long to arrive at their destination: an isolated airfield, in a Jihadikaze friendly country.

I think they'll keep it under wraps, until everyone has forgotten about it. Then, when the time is right, they'll strike. The destructive power of a plane that size loaded with explosives or an Iranian/Korean nuke isn't my idea of a good time.

Alternative notion: When the plane is finally found, the truth about what happened to it will be a major letdown, after all the highly entertaining speculation.



Item: Jackass Party U.S. Senator's Unlikely Road Trip

[Senator] Cory Booker [D-NJ] actually begins to muse nostalgically about first getting his driver's license as a teen in New Jersey. His eyes turn misty as he remembers the "only trip" he ever took was to drive to Hawaii, and it was a beautiful – wait, what?! [Fox Nation]

Hambo Sez:

Barry thinks he can walk on water.

This fool thinks he can drive on water.

I think there's something IN the water...their drinking water.

Cue the Twilight Zone theme maestro.

Item: A New Hambo Gem

With nothing better to do, I deployed a one-size-fits-all blamism, which, in my not so humble opinion, pushes all the essential buttons.

"It's all George Bush's fault, because Haliburton's toady, Dick 'Darth' Cheney, made him do it on orders from the Tri-Lateral Commission as instructed by the Bilderberg Group, at a TEA Party meeting funded by the Koch brothers."
– Hambo's Universal Progtard Blamism

Item: Bieber Deposition

After watching some video of this punk's deposition, I realized that he's a charter member of this cabal:

Secret Society of Trolls, Twerps, Trollops, Twerkers & Thumb-suckers


This & That

Item: E-Cigarettes

In their vast ignorance, L.A.'s city council voted 14-0 to impose the same restrictions on E-Cigarettes that they impose on the real deal. Why did they ignore numerous reports which demonstrate, conclusively, that E-Cigarettes pose no health risk? They threw a lot of bullshit at the wall to justify this one.

Former police chief - now a councilman - Bernie Parks spouted demented drivel to excuse his antics. He worried that some day in the distant future some hidden danger would be exposed and experts would demand 'why didn't they do something'? Bullshit.

Another councilman gave a much more Orwellian answer. He bluntly stated that he didn't want 'the children' to see someone smoking an E-Cigarette and conclude that smoking is 'acceptable' behavior. Translation: YOU can't smoke that because, harmless as it is, I don't like it.

It sounds plausible enough, but I suspect there's more to it. I think it's money, as in tobacco taxes. The dirty little secret is this: the Nanny State might not want you to SMOKE cigarettes, but it does want you to BUY them...ka-ching. Is it possible that the growing popularity of E-Cigarettes is making a serious dent in cigarette sales? Is that the reason for this mindless bullshit?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Item: Headlines

Headline: Putin nominated for Nobel Peace Prize.

Hambo Sez: Nominated by who? The staff of the Onion?

Headline: University Study Says Racism To Blame For Black Women Having The Highest Obesity Rates.

Hambo Sez: I laughed at this one. Shame on me.

Headline: Islamic Countries Qatar, Bahrain, UAE Ban Film "Noah" For Violating Sharia Law.

Hambo Sez: Well, duh...Am I supposed to be surprized?


Shallow Thoughts

10 years ago, when we started PIG, we kept hearing the same shit, over and over: "Political Correctness? That's so '80s', man. It's over. It's dead."


A couple years ago, on Cinco de Mayo, some proud American lads wore shirts which showed Old Glory. The were told to remove them, or they'd be sent home. Why? Because and AMERICAN kid wearing a shirt with AMERICAN flag at an AMERICAN school might 'offend' the MEXICAN students. This week an AMERICAN judge ruled in the school's favor.

Does that sound dead to you?

In March 2012, NYC's Educrats decided to ban some words from standardized tests. Here they are:

Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological)

Alcohol (beer and liquor), tobacco, or drugs

Birthday celebrations (and birthdays)

Bodily functions

Cancer (and other diseases)

Catastrophes/disasters (tsunamis and hurricanes)


Children dealing with serious issues

Cigarettes (and other smoking paraphernalia)

Computers in the home (acceptable in a school or library setting)


Death and disease



Expensive gifts, vacations, and prizes

Gambling involving money



Homes with swimming pools


Junk food

In-depth discussions of sports that require prior knowledge

Loss of employment

Nuclear weapons

Occult topics (i.e. fortune-telling)





Rap Music


Religious holidays and festivals (including but not limited to Christmas, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan)

Rock-and-Roll music

Running away




Television and video games (excessive use)

Traumatic material (including material that may be particularly upsetting such as animal shelters)

Vermin (rats and roaches)


War and bloodshed

Weapons (guns, knives, etc.)

Witchcraft, sorcery, etc.

Why ban these words? Why indeed. City Educrats worry that these words might be upsetting or make an inmate feel unpleasant. Upsetting? Unpleasant? Seriously? That's utterly asinine.

The right that saves you from being offended has now devolved into a right that saves you from feeling unpleasant?

Does that sound like Political Correctness is dead, to you?

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. From sea to shining sea, Political Correctness is oozing into everything. We the PIGs have our work cut out for us, so we're not going anywhere.



With the Regime set to disband the military and leave us undefended, it appears that the Black Helicopter Club (United Nations) will - God help us all - become, by default, our first line of defense.

Keeping that in mind, you might want to memorize the following vital information:

For those of you who are newbies in the PIGdom, here is my legendary Hierarchy of U.N. Disapproval, which was obtained through our top secret sources.

1) Frown

2) Frown and finger shaking

3) Stern memo

4) Stern memo and frown

5) Stern memo, frown and finger shaking

6) Secretary General threatens to hold his breath until he turns blue.

7) After he passes out, the U.N. regroups by letting everyone vent at a General Assembly whine-a-thon.

8) Ignore the facts and/or change the subject, by serving up a Security Council resolution condemning Israel.

9) Thunder ominously about American imperialism when Uncle Sam vetoes the resolution.

10) Hold a press conference announcing "We did everything we could."

11) Reset disapproval meter back to "Frown".

Are we all up to speed on U.N. Disapproval now, new world order Sparky?

Hambo sez: WHEN you borrow my Stages of U.N. Disapproval, be a sport and tell THEM where you found it.


Muzzling America

[Given the ferocity of the Regime's frontal assault on any/all speech that Emperor Obamus doesn't want to hear, I decided to dust this one off and redeploy it...again.]

Since a word is nothing more than an ethically-neutral sequence of sound waves, it only has as much power for good or evil as the listener bestows upon it. There are no intrinsically 'offensive' sound waves, there are only hypersensitive listeners who are predisposed to being offended by them. (PIG Doctrine)

It's no accident that our inalienable birthright of Free Speech is enshrined in the 1st Amendment of the U. S. Constitution. Its primary purpose is to remind the Nanny State to back the hell off when it comes to our Free Speech. A secondary purpose, probably an unintentional one, is to remind each and every one of us that Free Speech involves other sovereign individuals who can, and will, say things that we don't want to hear. Unhappily, neither of these lofty purposes has been achieved.

From the dawn of time, humans have been trying snuff out speech that they didn't want to hear. Each of us is afflicted with this utterly human malady. We want our voice to be heard, without restriction, but few of us have the stones to tolerate an opposing point of view. The Free State of PIG calls this phenomenon the 'Sounds of Silence'.

The Sounds of Silence have a long, sorry history. For example, when Ugh the Apeman started to feel frisky and went searching for female companionship, he would, invariably have his trusty club resting on his shoulder. Why? When he meet a suitable playmate, the last thing he wanted to hear from Cuddles the Cave Cutie is 'Not tonight, Ugh, I've got a headache'. A little love tap from his club resolved the pesky issue by imposing the sweet Sounds of Silence.

Not much has changed since Ugh and Cuddles' time, and humans continue to do everything in their power to snuff out speech they don't want to hear. They prefer the Sounds of Silence, because they can't handle speech that makes them defend their views, makes them listen to an unfiltered dose of objective reality. These self-appointed censors, invariably, use the government's monopoly on the use of force, to impose their preferred Sounds of Silence.

* Over the centuries, supernaturalists - from every sect - imposed the Sounds of Silence with blasphemy laws criminalizing 'religious' speech they didn't want to hear. We regret to report that such laws persist, to this very day, in parts of Europe, and in most Jihadikaze infested nations.

* Over the centuries, tyrannical regimes imposed the Sounds of Silence by making it a "shut up or we'll kill you" class crime to criticize the current regime. That, too, persists in certain notorious liberty-nuking blights on our globe. It's also taking root here.

The Sounds of Silence's infamous history was one of the reasons that America's Founding Fathers did their best to protect our Free Speech birthright from a government-imposed Sounds of Silence. Unfortunately, human nature won't be denied and our 'shut the hell up' instincts seem to be winning this two centuries old battle to impose the Sounds of Silence from sea to shining sea.

Despite the 1st Amendment's protection of Free Speech, sovereign American individuals, on both sides of the political spectrum, do their utmost to silence speech they don't want to hear. Technically, the 1st Amendment is still the law of the land. Technically, it continues to tell the government to 'back off'. Technically, it continues to warn sovereign individuals to 'get over it', when it comes to hearing things they don't like. Technically, but 21st century reality tells a different story.

* In 2012, the fools on the Hill (U.S. Congress) banished the word 'Lunatic' from all official federal documents. 'Lunatic' follows in the footsteps of the so-called R-Word (Retarded) which got the bum's rush in 2010. Retarded has been banished - or is in the process of being ousted - in 45 of Barry's 57 states. If 'Lunatic' stays on the trail blazed by retarded, it, too, will be affixed with a 'hate speech' label by the usual 'activist' suspects.

* The most popular muzzle employed by the Ethnocrats involves branding seemingly innocuous words as racist. A few years ago, an Ethnocrat in Congress vilified 'tax cut' and 'budget cut' as 'racist Republican code words'. 'Founding Fathers', 'States Rights', Limited Government, the 'Declaration of Independence', all references to the TEA Party, Individualism, and support of a meritocracy are also deemed to be racist to the core.

* In 2003, a Los Angeles Lunatic took the Sounds of Silence into the Twilight Zone when it spewed Retarded drivel about the technical term 'slave drive' (a secondary hard disk drive which is subordinate to another hard drive in a computer) being - TA DA - racist:

Los Angeles officials have asked that manufacturers, suppliers and contractors stop using the terms "master" and "slave" on computer equipment, saying such terms are unacceptable and offensive. The request -- which has some suppliers furious and others busy re-labeling components -- came after an unidentified worker spotted a videotape machine carrying devices labeled "master" and "slave" and filed a discrimination complaint with the county's Office of Affirmative Action Compliance. (CNN)

* As fun as that sounds, recently, the word games went off the scale, when two fools on the Hill spouted this drivel:

Congresswoman Marcia Fudge, the leader of the Congressional Black Caucus and Chairwoman of the House Subcommittee on 40 Acres, an Obamaphone and a Mule denounced any attacks on Rice as "horridly and unspeakably racist."

While Fudge could not point to any single word that was racist, she insisted that every single word used to criticize Rice was a racist code word.

"If the language is being used to criticize a black person then we must deem such language to be irreparably and irrevocably racist," Fudge said. "Every word that is used to disguise the racist intentions of a racist political movement must be deemed a racist code word disguising the true racist intentions of the racists who make use of them."

Congressman Jim Clyburn went even further. "The entire English language was created by slaveowners as a means of oppression. You can't just say that one word is a racist code word or another. The whole language, every single word, letter and apostrophe in it is racist. It's a fact. If you speak English, you're a racist."

"All Republicans is racist," Congressman Clyburn said, "therefore whenever they use English, they are using it to hiddenly express racist ideas. Whenever they speak, they are speaking entirely in racist code words. But when Democrats like us speak English, we're using tolerance code words." (Front Page)

[We the PIGs are puzzled by an apparent contradiction. First Clyburn says that English is unfailingly 'racist', so anyone who speaks it is therefore a racist. Then Clyburn insists that despite every element of English being racists "...when Democrats like us speak English, we're using tolerance code words." Yeah right. You're a Lunatic, Clyburn and your comments are Retarded.

Another Clyburn fun fact: his daughter, Mignon - acting FCC Commissioner - is the one who is spearheading the FCC's frontal assault on America's news sources. The baby girl apple didn't land far from the daddy tree.]

* When it comes to the Sounds of Silence, Messiah Barry is without peer. In a daring, preemptive, strike, he took numerous items off the table. These include, but are not limited to: his supernaturalism, his middle name, his rogues gallery of friends and associates, his inexperience, his blatantly Marxist platform, his unrelenting flip-flopping, and his unsuitability for that Oval Office job. He snuffed out any comments on these, and other matters, with a Sounds of Silence weapon of mass destruction: the race card.

* The Elephant Clan is equally adept at imposing the Sounds of Silence. They, too, favor the preemptive strike and it's almost as good as Messiah Barry's race card. Determined to snuff out any free speech that exposes their sorry, government expanding, liberty nuking, antics, the Elephant Clan's Sounds of Silence trump card is their venerable mantra: We know that we really, really suck, BUT, the Demoncrats still suck more.

* Until President Reagan eradicated it, the Sounds of Silence were very successful in snuffing out political speech on radio and television with the 'Fairness Doctrine'. In the name of promoting Free Speech, this Draconian Nanny State stinker chased it off the 'public' airwaves. The instant the Sounds of Silence were dropped like a bad habit, talk radio exploded onto the scene, generating the robust political debate that the Fairness Doctrine promised, but never delivered.

The leftwing loons did their best to make this 'robust, wide-open political debate' work for them, but their primary success is on certain boob tube networks that were already dominated by lefties. The problem, as they soon found out, is that relentless liberal whining isn't viable in the marketplace. Whenever we the people are given a choice, we dump the liberal offering like a bad habit. That's why, depending on the outcome of the forthcoming election, this stinker could be disinterred, re-animated and used to restore the Sounds of Silence on the 'public' airwaves. If the libs can't make us listen, the next best thing is to use the Sounds of Silence to eliminate what rational adults want to hear.

* Juan 'Do You Want Salsa With That Citizenship, Chico' McCain succeeded in putting a muzzle on political speech, because Free Speech gives incumbent Elected Tormentors a boo-boo. His Campaign Finance Reform imposed the Sounds of Silence during the critical phase of any election cycle, by criminalizing the Free Speech of sovereign, chad-punching individuals.

* The neo-Marxist Eggheads, who dominate America's Ivory Towers, began imposing the Sounds of Silence, decades ago, with campus speech codes. Now, in the 21st century, roving gangs of Korrectniks intimidate any rational adult, who strays onto a college campus, into surrendering their Free Speech birthright. The vaunted 'free exchange of ideas' has been unceremoniously evicted from the campus, by these cultural Marxists.

* Mecca Maniacs have reset the Sounds of Silence bar to dizzying heights. Their zeal, in this regard, is off the charts. If you dare to exercise your free speech birthright about their prophet, their supernaturalism, their deity, or simply make them feel bad, THEY WILL KILL YOU. In their special circle of hell, free speech is a synonym for "death sentence".

* America's properly hyphenated horde has whined its way around the 1st Amendment and prodded the Nanny State into criminalizing any speech that gives them a rash. It's called 'hate speech' and it's so loosely defined that it applies to any speech they don't want to hear. The Sounds of Silence are the law of the land, in this land conceived in liberty.

* Elements of the Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy have - in the name 'of the children' worked tirelessly to impose the Sounds of Silence on entertainment fare. Because some breeders can't, or won't, properly supervise their tykes, the Nanny State imposed Sounds of Silence which, systematically, deny sovereign individuals adult-themed content. Anything more daring than a test pattern is too 'edgy' for the boob tube. Any movie DVD that is aimed at an individual older than 5 can't be sold in the local outpost of capitalism, because - GASP - a child might get his mitts on it. Music albums that contain adult lyrics must be exiled, affixed with warning labels, and, wherever possible, removed from a store because some tyke might find it.

Too many alleged adults are hooked on the Sounds of Silence. Too many alleged adults take the easy way out by snuffing out speech that they can't handle, or just plain don't like. Too many alleged adults seem to forget that the Sounds of Silence are the quiet that proceeds the thunder of jackboots goose-stepping over our liberty. It's time to flush the Sounds of Silence. It's time to grow a pair and confront that exercise in Free Speech that gets on your last raw nerve. It's time for each and every one of us to restore Free Speech - as the Founding Fathers intended it - to its rightful place in this land of the not as free as we're supposed to be.


Gender Under Attack?

From sea to shining sea, the GLAAD BAAGs are on the offensive. As far as I can tell, their immediate goal is the extermination of the two most common, most accurate, biologically based genders 'male', 'female'. The vehicle for their flight from objective reality is a Korrectnik gem called 'gender identity'. What the hell is that?

The Encyclopedia Britannica spells it out, this way:

gender identity

an individual's self-conception as being male or female, as distinguished from actual biological sex. For most persons, gender identity and biological characteristics are the same. There are, however, circumstances in which an individual experiences little or no connection between sex and gender; in transsexualism, for example, biological sexual characteristics are distinct and unambiguous, but the affected person believes that he or she is-or ought to be-of the opposite sex (see transsexualism). Gender identity is not fixed at birth; both physiologic and social factors contribute to the early establishment of a core identity, which is modified and expanded by social factors as the child matures.

PIGish translation: It's a 21st century incarnation of that icon of irrationality: mind over matter. I have some relevant experience with that. One fine day, my Uncle Jack woke up convinced that he's Confederate General Stonewall Jackson. He dressed up in a Confederate uniform, insisted on being addressed as 'general' and got pissy if we didn't salute him. Did we all dress up as Johnny Reb, to show that we accepted his 'self conception'? Nope, we locked his insane ass up, with the rest of the nut jobs, after he started talking about 'shelling enemy positions' with a homemade piece of artillery.

Under prevailing conditions, Uncle Jack would be welcomed into the gender bending Zip Code of the Victimhood, if he woke up, today, with the 'self conception' that he's Queen Victoria. In this Golden Age of Korrectness, he'd be given the red carpet treatment, a gold key to the victimhood and we'd all be compelled to call him 'your majesty', because 'crazy son of a bitch' is hate speech.

The best way to flesh out this Korrectnik assault on gender is via some examples.

Example 1:

If you scroll down to my February 14th posting, you'll find 56 GLAAD BAAG approved gender identities that they persuaded Facebook to use. That's right, they have 56 bullshit terms, 56 different ways to muddy the gender waters.

Somehow, Mother Nature populated the planet using just two...TWO genders 'male' and 'female'. Mother Nature manages just fine with those two, when it comes to human reproduction, because the plumbing is designed that way. But if you're on Facebook, you'll find the 56 approved ways to shove your head up your ass, in the name of politically correct gender myopia.

Example 2:

In Oregon, a gender bending moonbat named Valeria Jones rejects any/all genders. Mother Nature has no problem affixing a 'female' label on Valeria, but Valeria rejects it. Valeria refuses to be labeled as 'female' - or male, for that matter. Valeria insists that she's gender 'neutral'.

How serious is she?

Very, as shown in this story from our News Digest:

Valeria Jones must be a nonstop bundle of joy, a fact her former Oregon-based employer - Bon Appetit Management Company - is learning the hard way, now that Valeria is suing them for $518,000. What's Valeria's problem? Valria is a genderally confused twat, who does not want to be referred to with female terms.

That's right, Valeria is one of those gender identity freak-a-zoids, who flatly rejects 'he', 'she', 'heshe' and is mired in 'it'.

Valeria Jones alleges in a lawsuit that co-workers repeatedly called Jones "miss," "lady" and "little lady" despite explanations that Jones "was not a female or a male and that the term was unwelcome."

Workers also directly said Jones looked like a woman and made female celebrity comparisons, the suit states.

The lawsuit, filed this week in Multnomah County Circuit Court, says Jones preferred to be addressed by a general neutral pronoun. The suit doesn't identify the term.

The term "they" -- rather than "he" or "she" -- is sometimes used to refer to a gender-neutral individual in the LGBTQ communities. [Oregonian]

In a rational world, a black robe would tell Valeria "get over yourself, BITCH".

We the PIGs covered this shit in our PIG Doctrine: The exaggerated sensitivities of others are not my responsibility, nor do their hurt feelings empower them to abolish my right to free speech.

Example 3.

Gender Identity also includes transsexualism:

[Fox News] A California high school student who believes he is a girl trapped in a boy's body just made the girls' softball team.

Pat Cordova-Goff, 17, a strapping senior at Azusa High School, in Azusa, an hour east of Los Angeles, can play with and against girls because of a September change in state law went into effect last month. The law requires that, "a pupil be permitted to participate in sex-segregated school programs and activities, including athletic teams and competitions, and use facilities consistent with his or her gender identity, irrespective of the gender listed on the pupil's records."

Goff, who is a cheerleader at the school, played freshman baseball when he considered himself a boy. He found out Friday that he made the cut.

He made the cut? Yup, but he had some help from his lawyer.

The team roster was to be originally posted on Wednesday, but unnamed sources at the school told the Valley Tribune it was held up because Cordova-Goff was not going to make the team, and he only did so after meetings involving an attorney and school district officials. School officials denied this was the case.

He used a shyster to coerce his way onto the girl's softball team? What a scumbag. I'm not willing to call this clown a 'girl', but this shyster shit makes one thing clear: he's not a man!

Is Gender under attack? Yes, but I'm not clear on the motivation.


The Fabulous Facebook Fifty-Six

[When I heard about Facebook's latest adventure in Korrectness, I asked the obvious question. Mother Nature got 'er done with two genders - male and female - what I call poles and holes. How the f**k did the mutants at Facebook come up with 56?

Enquiring minds wanted to know, so I went looking for them. This list is what I found. Curiously, the obvious ones -'male' and 'female' - didn't make the list.

DISCLAIMER: I did not make this up and it does not appear to be satire.]

Identities In alphabetical order:

• Agender – no gender expression and/or no gender identity.

• Androgyne – possessing simultaneously masculine and feminine traits

• Bigender – someone who has two separate genders. Male and female are but one example of the two genders.

• Cis – abbreviation for cisgender (and cissexual)

• Cisgender – people whose gender identities match their birth-assigned gender

• Cis Female – sex is female and gender identity is female

• Cis Male – sex is male and gender identity is male

• Cis Man – same as cis male but more specifically references the person identifying as cis male

• Cis Woman – same as cis female but more specifically references the person identifying as cis female

• Cisgender Female – equivalent to cis female

• Cisgender Male – equivalent to cis male

• Cisgender Man – equivalent to cis man

• Cisgender Woman – equivalent to cis woman

• Female to Male – people who are assigned by a cultural authority (usually a medical professional) a female sex at birth but whose gender identities are male and who try in various ways to change their sex to match their gender identities.

• FTM – abbreviation for female to male

• Gender Fluid – a person who feels like a mix of traditional male and female genders but on some days feels more traditionally male gendered and others more traditionally female gendered

• Gender Nonconforming – appearing and behaving in ways that, according to society's expectations, are atypical for one's gender

• Gender Questioning – a person who is currently questioning or experimenting with gender identity

• Gender Variant – synonymous with gender nonconforming

• Genderqueer – the state of being beyond or between genders or a combination of genders. The term pushes back against the social construct aspect of the gender binary system, gender stereotypes, and gender itself.

• Intersex – a group of related medical conditions that present as a congenital deviation of the sexual and reproductive system. The external genitalia, internal reproductive systems, or sex chromosomes of an intersex person are not what is considered to be "standard" for females or males. The very existence of intersexuals proves that sex is constructed socially.

• Male to Female – a person who is assigned by a cultural authority (usually a medical professional) a male sex at birth but whose gender identity is female and who tries in various ways to change her sex to match her gender identity.

• MTF – abbreviation for male to female

• Neither – a gender identity that is non-binary, neither male nor female. Part of the genderqueer category

• Neutrois – a gender identity that is non-binary

• Non-binary – not part of the male/female gender binary (A binary is limiting because it has room for only two categories, and those categories must be opposites. In the gender binary, the categories are either male or female.)

• Other – of a gender identity that is not specified in the given selection

• Pangender – people who reject the male/female gender binary because they feel that they are all genders.

• Trans – an abbreviation of transgender

• Trans* – an umbrella term that includes all non-cisgender identities such as third gender, two-spirit, transgender, transvestite, transsexual, genderfluid, agender, non-binary, genderless, trans woman, trans man, genderfuck, bigender, and genderless. (Without the asterisk, trans refers to only trans women or trans men.)

• Trans Female – abbreviation for transgendered female

• Trans* Female – abbreviation for transgendered female but expanding the term trans by using the asterisk (see definition for trans* above)

• Trans Male – abbreviation for transgendered male

• Trans* Male – abbreviation for transgendered male but expanding the term trans by using the asterisk (see definition for trans* above)

• Trans Man – abbreviation for transgendered man

• Trans* Man – abbreviation for transgendered man but expanding the term trans by using the asterisk (see definition for trans* above)

• Trans Person – abbreviation for transgendered person

• Trans* Person – abbreviation for transgendered person but expanding the term trans by using the asterisk (see definition for trans* above)

• Trans Woman – abbreviation for transgendered woman

• Trans* Woman – abbreviation for transgendered woman but expanding the term trans by using the asterisk (see definition for trans* above)

• Transfeminine – an inclusive term for a transgendered person who is currently "feminine of center" in identity or presentation

• Transgender – people whose gender identity is not the same as societal expectations for their sex. People who feel the gender roles made by their society and their own internal gender are inharmonious, so they challenge, cross over, and move between the border that has been socially constructed between the genders.

• Transgender Female – a person who experiences her gender identity as female but who was assigned at birth to a male sex at by a cultural authority (usually a medical professional)

• Transgender Male – a person who experiences his gender identity as male but who was assigned at birth to a female sex by a cultural authority (usually a medical professional)

• Transgender Man – same as transgender male but more specifically references the person identifying as transgender male

• Transgender Person – a person who is trangender

• Transgender Woman – same as transgender female but more specifically references the person identifying as transgender female

• Transmasculine – an inclusive term for a person who is currently "masculine of center" in identity or presentation

• Transsexual – similar to a transgender but transsexuals feel that their correct sex aligns with their feelings and that their sex assignment at birth was incorrect. Transsexuals seek to align their gender with their sex.

• Transsexual Female – a transsexual assigned a male gender at birth by a cultural authority (usually a medical professional)

• Transsexual Male – a transsexual assigned a female gender at birth by a cultural authority (usually a medical professional)

• Transsexual Man – same as transsexual male but more specifically references the person identifying as a transsexual male

• Transsexual Person – a person who is transsexual

• Transsexual Woman – same as transsexual female but more specifically references the person identifying as a transsexual female

• Two-Spirit – an umbrella term used by indigenous North Americans to indicate a person who fulfills one of the mixed gender roles within First Nations and Native American tribes.

By Donna Westlund


Fun Valentine's Day Notions

[The unvarnished FACTS about Valentine's Day are, at best, elusive. Lacking them, I'll share some tidbits I found on the 'History.com' site.]

The Legend of St. Valentine

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first "valentine" greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor's daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine," an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

Origins of Valentine's Day: A Pagan Festival in February

While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial–which probably occurred around A.D. 270–others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to "Christianize" the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat's hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.

Valentine's Day: A Day of Romance

Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity and but was outlawed—as it was deemed "un-Christian"–at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine's Day should be a day for romance.



Located in Concord (Northern Mexifornia), Carondelet High School is a private school for Girls. Since it's in the Libertard heartland, the Educrats running the school should have known they were faced with a no-win situation.

The Korrectnik trap waiting to snare them is Black History Month, a minefield of race card retard meltdowns waiting to happen. School officials stepped in it, when they perpetrated their lunchtime celebration. Their menu - fried chicken, cornbread and watermelon - 'outraged and offended' inmates and their parents. If that's racist food, what would they prefer?

I view this as a no-win situation. Any food choice would elicit a similar response. If they picked racially 'neutral' food it would still be condemned as 'too white'. If they skipped the special meal and just went with the regular cafeteria menu, that would be 'disrespectful' and therefore RACIST. They should have known better, but they didn't so they're holding diversity assemblies and apologizing to anyone who will listen.

It was an obvious trap and the school officials stepped in it. Was there any way to avoid it? Yup. Make it a pot luck meal where melanin-enriched inmates would provide properly-ethnic foods. They'd find some way to deem it 'racist', but it would be harder than normal, making it a 'teachable moment'.

Maybe the officials at this school now have the big picture on Black History Month. It's a game of 'gotcha' which you are required to play, despite the fact that the rules make it impossible for you to win. Welcome to the Victimhood.


He Asked For It

A PIGster inquired about the kind of religion-themed items that grace our Holy Roller News page, and Hambo's Hammer. He seemed confused by what we post.

Here's what I explained:

I have a weakness for the absurd and the ironic, like the Brit preacher who was regaling his flock with a warning that you had to be ready for extraction because you never knew when his call would come. The words were still echoing when a bolt of lightning evicted him from the human gene pool. It made me laugh.

I also have a weakness for salvation hucksters like Benny Hinn and a, regrettably, dead flock wrangler named Gene Scott.

I have a problem with believers like Don Wildmon who wants to stop me from reading, watching and/or listening to things which offend HIM.

I REALLY have a problem with Evangelizing Atheists and their bullshit.

I can't resist a good exorcism, or a spiffy Virgin Mary sighting.

I can't resist religious weirdness, like Mormons being baptised for dead people, and almost everything Scientology does.

Intelligent Design sets me off, so does Creationism, but I haven't written about either in several years.

Religion is, admittedly, a meaningful factor in American society, and that's as it should be. I stopped writing about it because it's falling on deaf ears. We steer clear of religion - POLITICAL Islam is fair game - because with a POTUS like Barry, we have bigger fish to fry.


Thirdhand Smoke

[It hit the news cycle fan with a resounding splat, when a new study at UCR (University of California at Riverside) revealed the dastardly danger of Thirdhand Smoke. Blah, blah, blah. I wrote this item on this topic in 2010.]

In the beginning, there was firsthand smoke, a dastardly substance that limits its impact to the smoker, and only the smoker. Firsthand smoke was the health risk - a real one - which led to those increasingly Draconian health warnings on a pack of cancer sticks.

In the fullness of time, when it became clear that 'the public' was not suitably alarmed over the deleterious effects of firsthand smoke on smokers, the Smoke Nazis pulled a real stinker out of their butts. The name of this gem is secondhand smoke and it - allegedly - a BIGGER health risk than firsthand smoke. Why? Because, thanks to the numbers games played by Smoke Nazis, secondhand smoke is more deadly than firsthand smoke, PLUS, its primary victims are non-smokers who strayed too close to a smoker.

Secondhand smoke is still alive and well, as shown by the increasing popularity of smoking bans in public places. The problem, for Smoke Nazis, is that they haven't found a way to ban smoking in ALL private places. They made inroads in apartment buildings, and in some places, banned smoking in cars, when there's a child along for the ride. Despite that, there's no leverage available that might allow Smoke Nazis to stick their foot inside the door of a smoker's home sweet home. That's seems destined to change. How? You're going to be thrilled.

The new kid on the Smoke Nazi block is - TA DA - thirdhand smoke. That's right THIRDHAND SMOKE. What is it? According to the Smoke Nazis, it's the smoke 'contamination' which lingers long after a cancer stick is extinguished. It's the 'particulate matter' left over from tobacco smoke which sticks to clothes, hair, body parts, furniture, and everything else exposed to tobacco smoke. Big fun, but it gets better because, according to lab coated Smoke Nazi zealots, thirdhand smoke is a dire threat to - you gotta know what's coming - THE CHILDREN.

Does this necessarily hit you where you live? It will, if the primary lab coated Smoke Nazi zealot - he just twisted objective reality beyond recognition with a thirdhand smoke study - Jonathan Winickoff, assistant director of the MGHfC Center for Child and Adolescent Health Policy gets his way:

'..."The dangers of third-hand smoke are very real," says Winickoff, who is a professor of Pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics' Richmond Center. "Our goal was to find out if people who were aware of these harmful effects were less likely to smoke inside of their home."...'

'...Winickoff's study shows that increasing awareness of how third-hand smoke harms the health of children may encourage home smoking bans. It also will be important to incorporate knowledge about third-hand smoke contamination into current tobacco control campaigns, programs, and routine clinical practice...' (A Smoke Nazi blog)

History is about to repeat itself with another assault of 'public policy issue' liberty infringement. First, some Smoke Nazi zealot perpetrates a whopperthon and calls it 'a study'. Next, they ramp up their alarmist rhetoric to terrify as many people as possible. Once the hysteria reaches critical mass, the end game begins. Faster than you can say 'public policy issue', the Elected Tormentors, egged on by trail lawyers and Smoke Nazi zealots, willfully - for your own good - repeal more of your inalienable individual liberty.

Are smoking bans in private homes headed our way? You better believe it Sparky, but don't hold your breath waiting for this non-smoker to celebrate another assault on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

Junk Science Gibberish
Source: Hambo's Hammer [02/24/11]

The lab coated hooligans keep testing our gullibility. Here, for your edification are two of the latest junk science whoppers they pulled out of their butts.

* Thirdhand Smoke: This is the new 'threat' hyped by the Smoke Nazis. 'Thirdhand Smoke' refers to minute smoke particles which land on carpets, clothes, etc. These minute particles are, these lab coated hooligans insist, especially hazardous to the health of THE CHILDREN.

* Secondhand Television: A USA Today news story defined this steaming load this way:

A growing number of researchers are warning about the dangers of watching TV when very young children are nearby. Recent findings suggest that even casual exposure to TV can harm their development and undermine parent-child interactions.

The most recent warning came last week when the American Academy of Pediatrics for the first time included warnings about "secondhand television" in its guidelines for kids under age 2.

In addition to discouraging screen time for young kids, it warned against watching TV with them nearby, saying the practice hurts their language development. It pointed to several studies, including one from 2008 that found background TV reduced the length of time they played and caused their focus on play to stray.

Secondhand TELEVISION? Seriously? What's next? Secondhand Transfats? Will they say, just seeing food with transfats in it will make Little Johnny and Moonbeam lard up?


Role Model?

Justin Bieber is the icon/role model for a life without consequences.

Insulated from Objective Reality by his celebrity status, Bieber can do any damn thing he wants, because there are never adverse consequences, no matter what he does.

Insulated from Objective Reality by their victim status, Obamunists can do almost any damn thing they want, because there are rarely adverse consequences, no matter what they do.

Shielded from adverse consequences by a phalanx of imposing pay for play security guards, Bieber can piss on (literally and/or figuratively) anyone he meets and never have to pay the piper.

Shielded from adverse consequences by the intimidating might of the all powerful Nanny State, Obamunists can piss on any unhyphenated rogue individual they meet and never have to pay the piper.

Since their lives are devoid of adverse consequences too, it's no accident that government schooled idiots with self-esteem are the lion's share of Bieber's fans.

Justin Bieber isn't the 'cause' of this life without accountability tidal wave. He's a prime example of the life without consequences effect.


This Has To Be A Hoax

This is so wrong, on so many levels:

I've never heard of 'American Apparel' and couldn't pick them out in a line-up of capitalists. Their 'not a household name' status might explain why they fitted mannequins in their store window with merkins.

What, you ask, is a merkin? It's a 'wig' which actresses wear over their nads, when filming a nude (or semi-nude) scene. So what? So American Apparel affixed them to mannequins, giving the artificial wench a thick patch of faux pubic hair.

Why? For shock value, probably, and to make people talk about American Apparel? If that's the goal, they're cleared to deploy a 'mission accomplished' banner.


Troubling Stuff

I listened to a babbling VRWC boom box wench yammer about the latest round of bullshit from that obnoxious little turd Justin Bieber. This time, this twerp egged his neighbor's house, because he has nothing better to do. This wench seems willing to shrug it off, but her rant reeks of Class Warfare and a willingness to coddle the twerp.

Egging isn't a big deal - she's right about that - but in this case it's pricey, because the house is covered with Venetian Plaster. It will cost $50,000 to re-plaster the front of the house with that Venetian Plaster.

The right wing wench has no sympathy for the recipient of those Bieber eggs, because the recipient is rich, so he, she, heshe, or it 'can afford it'. She comes much too close to opining that the homeowner targeted by those Bieber eggs 'had it coming' for being rich. That reeks of the Libertards' 'class envy' bullshit.

The right wing wench misses the key point, completely. Justin Bieber is an obnoxious little shit who believes that the rules everyone else lives by, don't apply to him. His is a life without adverse consequences, because he is never held accountable for his actions. She seems okay with that.

I thought personal accountability was one of conservatism's core tenets. Is there some top secret list which contains those individuals who aren't bound by personal accountability?

Since I'm a regular listener of this VRWC wench's show, I can attest to her solidly conservative credentials. After today, I'm compelled to wonder what changed.

Has conservatism 'evolved' to exclude Justin Bieber from taking responsibility for his actions, or has this boom box wench drifted to the left?

Has conservatism evolved to disqualify 'the rich' from being crime victims, because they have it coming, or has this boom box wench drifted to the left?

No matter what evolved, it's not thrilling me spitless.


Stuff Some Americans - I Mean YOU, Whitey - Won't Do

[A couple years ago, I sounded the alarm on the shocking disparity between Graybar Demographics and U.S. Census data. I sounded the call to arms, but nobody listened. It wounded me deeply, but I'm not willing to back down from a challenge.

Now, we're hearing nearly identical arguments coming from such noteworthy Ethnocrats as Attorney General Eric Holder, but this time, the knickers knotting isn't over graybar demographics. This time, the Ethnocrats are setting their hair on fire over TA DA Zero Tolerance 'offender' demographics. Thus sayeth Eric: "Too many of MY PEOPLE are being suspended and/or expelled over Zero Tolerance infractions."

Lance in hand, Hambo Quixote, will, once again, tilt the infamous demographics windmill. Why? Because I can, and because, the Ethnocrats insist, this idea offers the young 'uns an early, action packed, start along a new career path in troublemaking. Among other things, it will give them a chance to do something "for the good of society as a whole".

On your mark. Get set. Go forth and perpetrate, newby ZTZ offender Sparky.]

Enough is enough! If I hear one more lefty pinhead blithering about America's egregiously unfair Zero Tolerance rule breaker demographics, I'm gonna go postal. The usual suspects whine always starts the same way: there are, quite simply, too many properly-hyphenated individuals being 'victimized' by Zero Tolerance Zombies in American cess-schools. By a wide margin, the Melanin-Enriched are horrendously over-represented, when it comes to being suspended or expelled for a Zero Tolerance infraction, the whiners thunder. To shut them up, albeit temporarily, PIG will play this silly game and stipulate that this Zero Tolerance offender disparity is, as so many 'activists' proclaim, an intolerable situation that must be resolved, immediately.

Channeling my legendary sensitivity, I am trying my best to be shocked, shocked I tell you, over this blatant ZTZ enforcement racism. Fearlessly pursuing my ultimate goal, to shut these whiners up, I will see if there are any terminally PIGish ways to 'get 'er done' on this shocking outburst of flagrant discrimination.

The good news here is that properly-hyphenated cess-school inmates are doing their part, and then some. The bad news is that, as usual, whitey isn't doing his fair share of rule breaking. The problem, in my PIGish view, isn't the fact that too many blacks, Latinos and Asians are racking up Zero Tolerance infractions. The problem is, as usual, that whitey is refusing to do his duty to his country: whitey isn't chalking up enough suspension or expulsion qualifying ZTZ offenses.

I am up to here with all the hand-wringing these lefties are doing over this bullshit...Hand-wringing is for sissies. I spit on this lefty hand-wringing. I demand that these nitwits stop this whining and get 'proactive' about whitey's shocking under-representation in our 'hit the road rule breaking Jack' student population. If this is such a big damn problem then let's fix it. Resolving our ZTZ perp population's shocking deviation from that Holy Grail of "fairness", U.S. Census data, isn't brain surgery. In fact, I can think of four steps that can be taken immediately, to restore ZTZ offender demographics fairness and make these whining, activist pinheads shut the hell up:

1) Educrats, at all levels, should be banned from citing properly-hyphenated individuals, especially Melanin-Enriched inmates, who differently obey a cess-school's rules of engagement. This ban must stay in force until the appropriate, census-driven ZTZ offender demographics are restored. This point is not negotiable.

2) Public service campaigns should be mounted, from sea to shining sea, to encourage oppressors to do their patriotic duty by committing - and confessing to - their fair share of America's Zero Tolerance rule breaking.

3) Uncle Sam must organize, finance and staff a special task force to guide young oppressors onto a ZeroTolerance offender path. Since so many whites don't have proper rule breaking role models, it might be necessary to 'draft' certain young oppressors and send them to one of those special school hell holes, where every inmate is a career troublemaker, for 6 months to a year. This allows them to learn their new trade from the experts then serve as role models for their friends when they return to thier regular school.

4) Properly-hyphenated individuals with a long track record of ZTZ expulsions should be enlisted for a "ZTZ Offender Mentor" program that would pair them up with rule obeying oppressor young 'uns. Each oppressor ZTZ offender trainee would be 'guided' through some starter infractions by their ZTZ Offender Mentor, allowing them to bag some hands-on training in becoming a 'known cess-school problem student. Since the "ZTZ Offender Mentor" has been nabbed, multiple times, it's a slam dunk that their offender trainee will get caught, allowing the trainee to graduate and help restore 'fairness' to ZTZ offender demographics.

I know what you're thinking PIGsters, and I appreciate your enthusiasm for this worthy, equality of results quest. But, it might not be the right time to yank Percy and Peaches out of that advance placement program and start using that tuition money to hire a pro as your whitey offspring's "ZTZ Offender Mentor". According to PIG's top secret study, there are plenty of oppressors who are thisclose to expulsion for a ZTZ infraction. The problem is that they're stuck in a rut doing petty class disruptions with silly things like the dread 'finger gun'. Before you start Percy and Peaches on the road to a expulsion, look up that sorry ass punk they called a friend - the one who makes you so miserable. He, she, heshe or it is the one who needs a rational adult to put him on the road to a politically-correct Zero Tolerance 'felony', in the name of proper cess-school troublemaker diversity. Go ahead and imagine the punk languishing in mom's basement...It's even okey dokey to laugh out loud. I promise not to tell anybody.

Are we all on the same page now, ZTZ offender fairness Sparky?


A Quote:

Kimberly Broyles
"Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked."

Getting Personal:

Today is a very special, a very important, day in my life.

It's the anniversary of the day when I made the best move of my life.

It's the anniversary of the day when I sealed the deal on a decision I have never second guessed.

It's the anniversary of the day I married my lovely bride.

There's something I need to say...something I should say to her much more often.


I love ya darlin'.

A Touch of Humor:


Stoneheads II

Conventional wisdom states that America's predominant religion is Christianity. I won't dispute the numbers, nor will I quibble about the recognized religions which come in second and third. I do, however, question if all the relevant forms of religion are properly counted. For example, I can think of two other belief systems which might also qualify as a religion: Obamunism and Global Warming.

The similarities between Christianity, Obamunism and Global Warming are striking:

* Each has its own Messiah.

* Each is based on a special wisdom that is revealed, by the Messiah.

* Each has its own gospel which contains this revealed truth.

* Each has a core group of acolytes who will not tolerate anything that questions, or disputes their belief.

* Each insists that the special wisdom, and the Messiah, accepted on faith, and not questioned.

* Each offers salvation, if you switch off your mind and 'go with the flow'.

Are Obamunism and Global Warming flavors of supernaturalism? It looks that way to me.

The Ten Cannots

[Written and published in 1916, by William John Henry Boetcker (1873–1962) who was an American religious leader and influential public speaker.]

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.

You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.

You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.

You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence.

And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves



There are some conversations that just aren't worth having. Why? It's not the subject matter, which, quite often, is compelling, and worthy of a spirited, but polite, exchange of views. The reason I steadfastly avoid some discussions is the simple fact that it's usually a waste of time.

A prime example is a true believer who has 'received' the revealed 'truth' from some Messiah - supernatural or secular. When someone who is eager to share 'the good news' brings up the subject of salvation - theological, political, or environmental - they aren't seeking an exchange of views. They aren't interested in anything I have to say. They only thing they want to hear from me is "AMEN". Anything else will be ignored.

I don't mind hearing their views, but I, respectfully, expect to get my turn at bat. In too many instances, my turn never comes. Instead, I am treated to a sermon on the stonehead's chosen Messiah and his gospel. I am told that thinking is the enemy of salvation. I am told that I must simply trust that their Messiah, Jesus, Barry Obama, or Al Gore, has all the answers worked out for me. I am told that I must shut off my synapses, say my "Amen" on cue, and stop trying to understand things that are, they claim, above my pay grade.

I enjoy a lively conversation about religion, politics and Global Warming, but I do have a few basic ground rules.

* Rule 1: I get to present my views, too.

* Rule 2: The true believer must know what they believe, and WHY. If you don't understand it, with a minimal degree of specificity, I don't want to hear about it. Warning! Knowing what you believe involves more than the tragically familiar: "He said it. I believe it. Amen."

* Rule 3: I won't tolerate anyone preaching at me. Start up with that crap, and Hambo will roll out his big rhetorical guns.

* Rule 4: If you start up with name calling and similar pleasantries. I will immediately terminate the conversation.

For a long time, my banned subjects - not worth the effort - were essentially related to religion and/or morality. Now, with the Lefties following Messiah Al and Messiah Barry off the cliff into utter and complete irrationality, I have found discussing Obamunism and Global Warming rarely worth the bother. Obamatons and Gorebatons want to preach their respective gospels, an exercise in futility which has me reaching for Old Betsy and her brother, Big Bang.

Until these stoneheads THINK through their beliefs, bugging me about their bull crap is the fast track to a Pagan Scribbler Smiting. Trust me, PIGsters, you really don't want to go there.

Parting shot: Am I referring to anyone in the Free State of PIG? Nope. Am I referring to anyone among the PIGsters? Nope. Am I referring to some glassy-eyed zombies whom I encounter much too often on the job, and other places in/around the PIG Bunker? You better damn believe it Sparky.

Admittedly it's a oddly enjoyable to watch an Obamaton reach critical mass when you point out the incontrovertible fact that Messiah Barry Obama is a MARXIST, or that Messiah Al is a bloated gasbag who pulls his 'alarming facts' out of his fat ass. It's very enjoyable, but you only get that kind of thrill the FIRST time you say it. Thereafter, it's rarely worth the trouble.


Deja Vu

I found this Walter E. Williams prose eerily familiar.

Here's a question that I've asked in the past that needs to be revisited. Unless one wishes to obfuscate, it has a simple yes or no answer. If one group of people prefers strong government control and management of people's lives while another group prefers liberty and desires to be left alone, should they be required to enter into conflict with one another and risk bloodshed and loss of life in order to impose their preferences on the other group? Yes or no. My answer is no; they should be able to peaceably part company and go their separate ways.

The problem our nation faces is very much like a marriage in which one partner has an established pattern of ignoring and breaking the marital vows. Moreover, the offending partner has no intention to mend his ways. Of course, the marriage can remain intact while one party tries to impose his will on the other and engages in the deviousness of one-upsmanship and retaliation. Rather than domination or submission by one party, or domestic violence, a more peaceable alternative is separation.

I believe our nation is at a point where there are enough irreconcilable differences between those Americans who want to control other Americans and those Americans who want to be left alone that separation is the only peaceable alternative.


Americans have several options. We can like sheep submit to those who have contempt for liberty and our Constitution. We can resist, fight and risk bloodshed and death in an attempt to force America's tyrants to respect our liberties and Constitution. A superior alternative is to find a way to peaceably separate into states whose citizens respect liberty and the Constitution. My personal preference is a restoration of the constitutional values of limited government that made us a great nation. ['Parting Company' on Town Hall site]

At least a year ago, I arrived at a similar conclusion:

Irreconcilable Differences

If America's political system is like a marriage, we seem headed for a bitterly contested divorce. The two sides only share one thing, an unrelenting hostility for each other. For the purposes of this rant, I'll call these warring parties Obamunists and Sovereign Individuals.

To show how far apart the two sides have drifted, here are a few bones of contention:

Item 1:
Sovereign Individuals believe that the primary purpose of government is to create an environment which maximizes individual liberty. Sovereign individuals call this 'an equality of opportunity'.

Obamunists believe that the primary purpose of government is to impose an equality of results through the coercive power of the Nanny State.

Item 2:
Sovereign Individuals believe in the U.S. Constitution, as the Founding Fathers intended it: a document which sets strict, non-negotiable limits on the Nanny State, by clearly delineating the government's limited powers.

Obamunists view the U.S. Constitution as an archaic relic of America's ignoble, white racist past which needs to be abolished, to unleash the full, coercive power of the Nanny State.

Item 3:
Sovereign Individuals, as their name implies, believe that the basic unit of American political life is the individual. America is/was created to maximize INDIVIDUAL liberty. Under this philosophy, all individuals are, in the eyes of the government, created equal.

Obamunists believe that the basic unit of American political life is the group. Under their scheme, the Nanny State pigeonholes Americans using immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices. Under this Orwellian scheme, some - depending on how the Nanny State ranks a given group - are more equal than others.

Item 4:
Sovereign Individuals believe that wealth is dynamic and is only limited by the intelligence and hard work put in by sovereign individuals who strive to maximize their potential.

Obamunists believe that wealth is a static commodity which must be controlled, redistributed, by the Nanny State.

Item 5:
Sovereign Individuals believe that each individual is, must be, accountable for his, her, hisher, or its own actions.

Obamunists are convinced that dark forces - racists, capitalist, sexists, homophobes - are constantly conspiring against them.

Item 6:
Sovereign Individuals believe that they, and they alone, are the best, the only, ones who have the right, the power, to decide how to conduct their own life and dispense with their own property.

Obamunists know how pathetic they are and have convinced themselves that they're too stupid, too inept to conduct their own life. Since misery loves company, they insist that the Nanny State run everyone's life, including those smartass Sovereign Individuals.

I could continue, but you get the idea.

The good news is that, if Sovereign Individuals prevail, the worst that will happen is that Obamunists will lose their bogus, group-specific, rights and will be forced to fend for themselves as GASP individuals.

The bad news is that Obamunists greatly outnumber the Sovereign Individual and are using Nanny State coercion to, systematically, strip Sovereign Individuals of their inalienable individual liberty birthright.

This Sovereign Individual thinks it's time for a political divorce, a nasty process which must, necessarily, divide the community property - America. Sovereign Individuals would move to their portion of America and restore the kind of government, the bastion of individual liberty, that the Founding Fathers created. The Obamunists would be free to devour each other, when they discover that all the achievers live in the Sovereign Individual part of America.


New Year's Eve Rituals

If you think that Times Square ball drop is the be-all, end-all of New Year's Eve rituals, get over it. Here are a few, PIG-Worthy alternatives:

Gainesville, Georgia: The "Chuck the Chicken" Drop started in 2009 to benefit the Humane Society of Northeast Georgia.

Tallapoosa, Georgia: An opossum drops on odd years."It kind of started out as a joke", according to organizer Kate Gardner. "But now it's grown to one of the biggest events we have".

Eastport, Maine: A sardine is dropped in a nod to the area's history in the herring fishing and canning industry.

Princess Anne, Maryland: A stuffed muskrat in a top hat and bow tie named Marshall P. Muskrat is dropped.

Traverse City, Michigan: A cherry is dropped at midnight.

New York City (rotating locations, Greenwood Heights for 2011): A giant lighted ukulele, dropped by "Sonic Uke" (a local ukulele playing duo), has been dropped each year in a different location since 2004–05.

Niagara Falls, New York: A ten-foot Gibson Guitar is dropped from a specially designed 120-foot scaffold at the stroke of midnight at the Hard Rock Cafe. It draws an anticipated crowd of 15,000 to 20,000.

Mt. Olive, North Carolina Pickle Drop

Eastover, North Carolina: A three-foot tall, thirty-pound wooden flea is dropped.

Mobile, Alabama: A 600-pound, lit Moon Pie is lowered from the RSA Tower. The drop is televised locally by WKRG-TV and by several Raycom Media stations in Alabama. Festivities

Elmore, Ohio: A sausage is dropped.

Marion, Ohio: A ball of popcorn is dropped.

Port Clinton, Ohio: A walleye fish named "Captain Wylie Walleye" is dropped.

Cincinnati, Ohio: A flying pig is "flown", not dropped, confirming there is at least one occasion "when pigs fly".
[When asked what he knew about this PIGster Swine Flew refused to discuss it. Hmm.]

Beavertown, Pennsylvania: A beaver is dropped.

Blain, Pennsylvania: A wooden cow is dropped from a silo.

Cleona, Pennsylvania: A pretzel is raised.

Falmouth, Pennsylvania: A stuffed goat is dropped.

Frogtown, Pennsylvania: A frog is dropped.

Lebanon, Pennsylvania: A 100-pound stick of Lebanon Bologna is dropped.

Red Lion, Pennsylvania: A wooden cigar held by a lion is raised.

Plymouth, Wisconsin: Plymouth drops an 80-pound decorated cheese wedge

Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin: A carp (real but dead) caught by local fishers and weighing between 25 and 30 pounds is lowered. A carp was chosen to represent the area's fishing industry and because the carp is considered one of the luckiest fish in Chinese culture. The carp, nicknamed "Lucky", is lowered onto a throne. Each "Lucky" has a tree planted where it is buried with a commemorative plaque listing the carp's name and year.

[A DEAD carp named LUCKY? Seriously?]


A 2013 Scorecard.

In January 2013, we wrote this:

We will attempt, in our notoriously charming way, to give you an advanced peek at the year ahead. We'll paint a PIGish bull's-eye on certain PIG-worthy individuals and topics, by serving up "What We'd Like to See" then following it up with "What We Expect to See".

Now, it's time to see how we did:

We'd Like to See: It would be nice if at least one charter member of the Barack sucking MSM broke ranks with their fellow press card packing Obumunist propagandists, then apologize for lying to We the People before ripping the mask off the Red Shed Marxist.

We Expect to See: A veneration of the Red Shed Marxist that's so shameless, so cult-like, that it makes Al Jazeera (new owner of Current TV) seem like a paragon of objective journalism.

Outcome: Aside from some inconsequential hints of journalistic integrity - the occasional spate of hard questions - the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade is still on its knees servicing The One. We called it.

We'd Like to See: The media whore Karka$hians hounded out of our misery for tainting American culture, forcing them to exit the public stage, forever.

We Expect to See: Big mama Karka$hian (Kris Jenner) exploiting the pregnancy of her daughter, Pornstar, with a 'second coming of the Cherry Mama (Virgin Mary)' class media blitz. Having the tyke photographed in a manger, is not out of the question.

Outcome: Missed this one by a mile. Aside from allowing one appearance on Big Mama's now defunct talk show, Kanye seems to be keeping his daughter out of Big Mama's manipulative clutches.

We'd Like to See: Blubbering John (House Speaker Boehner) growing a pair and acting like a MAN, for the first time in his miserable, tear-stained life.

We Expect to See: An endless string of betrayals (of We the People) which will have him challenging the French for the world surrender record.

Outcome: He pretended to have a spine on the 'sequester', but that was pure bullshit. In December, he perpetrated an unconditional surrender on EVERYTHING. We hate being this right.

We'd Like to See: Elected Tormentors compelled to pay more attention to We the People, by installing taxpayer controlled ejection seats in both chambers of Congress.

We Expect to See: Indifference and/or scorn for We the People from career political hacks who have been swilling from the public trough much too long.

Outcome: We're too right for our own good.

What We'd Like to See: Bieber Fever disappearing like a fart in a hurricane, when his 'career' is destroyed by a gay sex tape which shows him being 'serviced' by Twerpy Tommy (Cruise).

What We Expect to See: A continuing assault on our sanity, until a new 'flavor of the pop punk month' arrives on the scene, belatedly, putting this Canadian cretin out of our misery.

Outcome: He's still a punk, but he's been eclipsed by Miley "Twerking Slut" Cyrus. We didn't see Twerky on the horizon, but we did foresee Bieber being eclipsed. Mostly right on this one.

We'd Like to See: Someone giving future ghoul pool winning pick, Lindsay Lohan the reality check she needs, by sending LiLo to the slammer for a few months.

We Expect to See: More erratic LiLo behavior which will, at minimum, further erode her career until her antics forcibly evict her from the human gene pool.

Outcome: Since her mandatory stint in rehab, Lilo hasn't been the train wreck she was. We missed this one.

We'd Like to See: Uncle Sam order the United Nations to GTFO, immediately.

We Expect to See: The Obama Regime cede more of America's sovereignty to the Black Helicopter Club (U.N.)

Outcome: Boy did we NAIL this one.

What We'd Like to See: An American government which maximizes inalienable individual liberty, by tearing down all the artificial barriers that the Nanny State erected between sovereign individuals and their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

What We Expect to See: An unrelenting effort to transform sovereign individuals into slaves of an all powerful Nanny State.

Outcome: We have a POTUS whose government by imperial decree has more in common with Hugo Chavez' regime than it does with a 'government of, by, and for the people'. Tragically right on this one.

What We'd Like to See: A spirited debate between the proponents of statism and the proponents of capitalism, which deals, exclusively, with the core concepts which underlie each side.

What We Expect to See: Unrelenting name calling from the Marxist Moonbats and a hasty retreat from core principles by the jello-spined VRWC.

Outcome: We're so fucking right, it's enough to make me ingest adult beverages. In massive quantities. [We'd be remiss, if we didn't give kudos to Senator Ted Cruz and Senator Mike Lee, for their powerful statements of core principles on the Senate floor.]

We'd Like to See: Rodney Carrington get the recognition he deserves for bring people together with his relentlessly sensitive music. Songs like "The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend", "Titties & Beer" and "Put Your Clothes Back On" have performed such amazing feats of healing that Rodney deserves, at minimum, a Nobel Peace Prize and the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

We Expect to See: Continued denigration of this American cultural treasure by 'them'.

Outcome: Rodney is still egregiously under appreciated. We aced this one.

We'd Like to See: The privatization of Education, with the government, at all levels, kicked out of the schoolhouse.

We Expect to See: A vastly expanded indoctrination campaign which will turn cess-school inmates into brain dead Obamunists.

Outcome: "Vastly expanded indoctrination campaign" is a dead on description of a new universal brainwashing scheme called Common Core.

We'd Like to See: Since Congress has abandoned its sworn Constitutional duties and become nothing more than a sideshow attraction, the least they could do is make it entertaining. We think making a porn star Speaker of the House (perfectly legal, by the way) would get 'er done.

We Expect to See: More infuriating betrayals of We the People by our Elected Tormentor EMPLOYEES.

Outcome: We're so right on his one, it's disgusting. Why? Because both parties just declared war on the only weapon in our arsenal that really works: the TEA Party.

We'd Like to See: Uncle Sam treat our warriors with the proper respect, by declaring the U.S. Military a 'Korrectness Free Zone'.

We Expect to See: More affirmative action promotions, front line sensitivity training, and various other politically correct brainfarts which make not hurting the enemy's feelings, more important than killing the Jihadikaze bastards.

Outcome: Barry just cut our warriors' retirement benefits. We nailed another one, damn it.

We'd Like to See: Uncle Sam confront the reality that Islam, by its very nature, is the implacable enemy of inalienable individual liberty.

We Expect to See: A willful myopia, which will produce more Egypt-class Arab Springified disasters.

Outcome: Calling our Middle East policy 'willful myopia' is a gross understatement. When the Egyptian army restored sanity by kicking out the Muslim Brotherhood assholes, Barry sided with the Islamikaze assholes. His antics in Syria are at least as bad. Yes, Assad is a piece of crap, but the rebels are from al Qaeda. Willful myopia? I think 'head up his ass' is much more accurate. We got it right, but we didn't foresee how strong Barry's Islamikaze links are.

What We'd Like to See: Some courtesy - calling ahead would be nice - from a neighbor whom we barely know, before he shows up, without warming, to drink our beer, smoke our cigarettes, and 'occupy' the TV in our den, when we're trying to get some work done on the computer.

What We Expect to See: More of his badly timed visits and presumptive behavior, forcing us to bestow some painful - for him - enlightenment.

Outcome: He came. We enlightened. He hasn't been back. Nailed it.

What We'd Like to See: A 'call us if you need to talk' response from the door-to-door salvation selling True Believers who are so locked into 'preach' mode that they don't listen, when I try to tell them that I have my salvation well-in-hand.

What We Expect to See: More of these weekly visits from the salvation hucksters, until we unleash Hambo who will give them a long overdue dose of enlightenment.

Outcome: Hambo wasn't deployed, but otherwise we nailed it, because the visits continued until we got nasty, during the Summer.

What We'd Like to See: A public statement from the lab coated hooligans during which they confess that such Junk Science sins as Secondhand Television, Thirdhand Smoke and man-made Global Warming are blatant lies that they perpetrated, to denigrate capitalism and promote worldwide socialism/Marxism.

What We Expect to See: A new set of Junk Science bullcrap which stretches credulity to the breaking point.

Outcome: Nailed it. The latest hooligan outrage comes from a Canadian bastard who has shaken the Magic 8 Ball and deduced that a pedophile is hard-wired for their sick shit. In other words pedophile is a - TA DA - sexual orientation.

Our success rate is impressive, until you delve into the devilish details and realize that, we really wanted to be wrong.


Christmas Eve

* FTF 1

While attending a Christmas Eve gathering with friends, I exchanged pleasantries with a dude whom I'll call FTF (First Time Father). He was holding his 11 month old son, while telling me about the tyke's memorable teething problems, including the noisy outbursts which the pain elicited.

Me: Noting the multicolored anklet on the tyke's leg, I asked: "What's that? Is it decorative or functional?"

FTF: "[FTM - First Time Mother] put it on him, to help with the teething pain."

Me: Noting the rolled eyes which accompanied his reply, I asked: "Does it work?"

FTF: "Uh, maybe. He's not crying today."

Me: "Perhaps, there's another explanation."

FTF: "Such as."

Me: "Maybe, by the time a tyke's otherwise rational parents get desperate enough to try something that irrational, the worst of the teething episode is over, giving the magic anklet credit it doesn't deserve.

FTF: "You might be right, but it stays on until he's done teething."

Me: "It can't hurt."

* FTF 2

Later, FTF had surrendered the Tyke to one of FTF's sisters. While she held the tyke, FTF entertained the nipper with a variety of objects.

FTF: He showed his sister some books the tyke had received as presents. "He likes books. He likes to turn the pages, even though he can't understand any of the words in it."

Me: "There are millions of government schooled inmates who have similar issues with their text books. Like your son, they turn the pages, while making inarticulate sounds about a book they're incapable of reading."

FTF: He stared, almost laughed out loud, then walked away to bask in my compelling wisdom in some quiet corner.

That's when I decided to dial it back a notch before he went into enlightenment overload.

*A Knock on the door.

This happened after we returned home from the festivities at our friends' home.

We'd been home for a couple hours when someone knocked on the door. It was a neighbor with whom we have a nodding acquaintance. He greeted us with a smile, and a "Merry Christmas", then handed us a tin of cookies.

We thanked him profusely, wished him a 'Merry Christmas', then smiled. The Christmas Spirit is alive and well in our neighborhood.



Have you ever wondered why the food that's most closely identified with Christmas is the fruitcake? Wonder no more, shop-a-holic Sparky. The reason this alleged food - a virtually indestructible substance - is the food icon for Christmas is as close as your mirror. Need a hint? Look for these signs:

Sign 1: You find yourself buying gifts for people whom you never liked and wouldn't mourn if Old Ka-Boom made your day by smiting them.

Sign 2: You catch yourself humming along, when roving, musical terrorists show up at your front door, for the third time in a hour, to shriek out the tunes of the season.

Sign 3: You start scribbling notes for a book entitled, '101 Uses for Tinsel'.

Sign 4: You contemplate eating a piece of the fruitcake, which has been lurking in the universe since the Big Bang.

Are we catching on now, shocked and dismayed, PIGsters? I certainly hope so, but in case you still don't get it, we'll spell it out for you. The reason that fruitcake is the food icon for Christmas is obvious: There's something in the air which turns otherwise rational adults into raving, baying at the moon, lunatics! You know who you are, guilty as charged Sparky.

The Free State of PIG had identified this pernicious, seasonally bonkers, blight on an otherwise spiffy holiday. Why? Because we can. AND, because it might save you from that inexplicable craving for fruitcake.

Headed by the legendary Dr. Porcus Welby, PIG's crackpot medical staff has researched this malady, in great detail, and gave it a name: Christmas Derangement Syndrome (CDS).

Christmas Derangement Syndrome, n.
A pernicious, seasonal, malady which drives rational adults insane, its warning symptoms include an inexplicable craving for fruitcake

CDS makes people buying a gift for a holiday dedicated to the Cross Cult savior do many, un-Christian things to each other. It makes them go postal over that empty parking slot, the one closest to the mall. It makes them fly into a murderous rage, when someone takes the pick of the litter from the half price rack/table/display. If his name is Hambo, CDS makes him mutter darkly about 'Old Betsy', while enduring the mall's seasonally-correct elevator music.

Is CDS a dire threat that needs its own telethon? Not really, but thanks for the spiffy suggestion. If you're riddled with CDS and see hidden meaning in twinkling lights, or go postal over piety in the public square, you're not hopeless, but you might want to crank up the voltage on your shock treatments. If you must pay through the nose for this year's plastic Santa, you're not hopeless, but you might want to have that adage about 'a fool and his money' tattooed on your forehead. If you're so saturated with CDS that a string of WHITE lights seems as festive as you can handle, you're a sick bastard who deserves to be shot down like a dog. But, we're feeling generous, today, so we'll give you a temporary stay of execution. If you're one of those rare, rational, adults with a natural immunity to CDS, you're probably laughing your ass off, over this predictable outburst of seasonal lunacy. For you lucky few, CDS is the gift that keeps on giving.

It's Christmas, a form of temporary insanity, that, by and large, is no harm no foul. After a year like 2013, we think we've more than earned some controlled lunacy. If you have unresolved 'issues' with that, you can bite me, Grinch Breath Sparky.



It's that time of year again, and I'm not sure I'm sufficiently fortified with adult beverage to muddle through with my sanity intact. Make no mistake, I enjoy the way my neighbors decorate their homes. Great zot, I even enjoy making my own humble abode seasonably festive. I get warm and fuzzy over the lights, and the way the tykes light up whenever you mention Santa. Christmas is my favorite time of year and it brings back many fond memories of my childhood, so why am I worried about snapping and going postal?

Tis the Season

This annual holiday assault on my domestic tranquility begins with a deluge of family-oriented boob tube fare that will, as usual, have me on the ragged edge long before the fat guy slides down my chimney with care. 'It's a Wonderful Life', 'Miracle on 34th Street' and all 953,000 known versions of the Scrooge epic run so often that most hard core T.V. addicts confuse them with infomercials. Why do we torture ourselves this way?

Tis the Season

Roving bands of "musical" terrorists threaten to loosen my grip on sanity with their gleefully off key rendition of those ubiquitous Christmas Carols. Admittedly, "Jingle Bells", "Deck the Halls", "Here Comes Santa Claus" and "Silent Night" are tolerable, even cute, the first 50 or 60 times, but the cumulative effect is a nerve shredding experience.

Tis The Season.

We go out with money tightly clutched in our sweaty palms then proceed to buy over-priced items which have no useful purpose for people we hardly know and expect them to thank us. Gift giving also has us buying something for that Uncle, Aunt or In-law whose jokes were stillborn and whose hideous cackle gets on our last raw nerve. Buying for strangers I get, sort of, but buying for somebody I really don't like is mind-shredding. Why do I put myself through it?

Tis The Season

When the ACLU and assorted other secular pinheads have their annual hissy fit over manger scenes and menorahs in the public square...When the usual, Melanin-Enriched suspects go ethnically bonkers with their newly minted 'holiday', Kwanza...When some nostalgic pagan celebrates the original December 25th holiday, the feast honoring Mithra, don't let it stampede you into a straitjacket. Instead, take a belt of an adult beverage and chill, because:

Tis The Season.


Iggy Hits The Big Time

Some of you - the two hardy souls who read Hambo's Hammer regularly - are familiar with my personal financial guru, Iggy "The Grifter" Kowalski. He's the financial genius who has me on a first name basis with the entire auditing department of the IRS, including his dream girl, Sonia.

[Hambo note: Loyal readers will remember that, in a prior Iggy adventure, he expressed his admiration for Sonia, describing her as that: "hottie on their local auditing staff. You know the one, the tall, slender, brunette with the big cans and sexy accent." His unrestrained enthusiasm for Sonia, prompted her to get a restraining order to make him stop stalking her. Her testimony was instrumental in sending Iggy to a Federal Graybar Hotel for tax fraud, but Iggy has magnanimously forgiven her.]

Iggy: "It's about time, Hambo. I almost gave up on you."

Me: "What in Blue Fucking Blazes is Kowalski Statistical Services?"

Him: (Laughing.) "I knew you'd be like this? Who gave me up? My goody-goody brother, Ziggy?"

Me: "He refused to discuss it, or you and your mom hung up on me.

Him: "My new employer, uh, exclusive client, is very persuasive."

Me: "Obviously."

Iggy: "So who gave me up?"

Me: "After spending quality time with your graybar hotel suite neighbors, without any success, I was stumped, or so it seemed. It took a while, but I finally realized that there was one person who would always know how to reach you. You wouldn't let something as petty as a restraining order..."

Him: "SONIA! I offered her a job, but she's playing hard to get."

Me: "I guess we're headed back to the visitor's area of a graybar suite."

Him: "My, uh, client got me out from under her restraining order and got me off probation. If all goes as planned, they'll wipe out all traces of my criminal record."

Me: "Wow. Who's in charge of that? Eric Holder?"

Him: "He's involved, but indirectly."

Me: "I think that brings us full circle. What the fuck is Kowalski Statistical Services?"

Him: "I owe it all to you."

Me: "Iggy! What the fuck have you done to me, now?"

Him: (Laughing) "I told Barry you'd be like this. Anyway, my client was so impressed by the genius I demonstrated on your tax returns that they hired me to work my numerical wizardry to pull Healthcare Dot gov, otherwise known as 'Obamacare', out of the crapper, on paper, of course. That's right, dude, I've gone over to the dark side.

Me: "Does that mean you won't do my tax return, this year?

Him: "I grandfathered you in. You don't think I'd miss my chance to see MY Sonia, do you?"

Me: "And here I was worrying, needlessly. I'll alert Sonia, so she can schedule my audit."

Him: "Good thinking."


Banned In Huskerville

According to Student President Ed Reznicek, the resolution banning offensive speech which the University of Nebraska-Lincoln's student senate just passed isn't a ban on speech. He spouted this drivel on the subject:

"There was no ban of speech, rather, an encouragement to use more inclusive language and to encourage not using potentially offensive vocabulary," Reznicek stated.

One student senator, Cameron Murphy, who thrilled the snot out of his senatorial cohorts by citing a salty Chris Rock routine, sees the resolution for what it is:

In a Q&A interview also published Tuesday in The Daily Nebraskan, Murphy stood by his controversial speech.

"You should be able to say whatever you want, whether it be popular or unpopular," Murphy said. "And you shouldn't be punished, especially at the university, this is supposed to be the place of ideas, where people formulate their opinions and their beliefs and formulate new ideas. … If you're hurt by someone saying a word, I would say grow up."

Who has it right? I'll let you decide, after you read the resolution:

"Certain derogatory terms diminish the broadly inclusive and welcoming quality of our campus," states the resolution, approved by the student government Nov. 13. "We pledge to remove derogatory terms from our vocabulary (that may or may not be purposely directed as offensive) in regard to a person's gender, age, disability, genetic information, race, color, religion, pregnancy status, marital status, veteran's status, national or ethnic origin, gender identity or expression, place of residence, political affiliation, or sexual orientation." (Campus Fix)

By leaving the key words 'derogatory terms' undefined, this allows an individual student's sensitivity to make the call. Charles Sykes nailed it with this insight:

"Once feelings are established as the barometer of acceptable behavior, speech (and by extension, thought) becomes only as free as the most sensitive group [or student] will permit."


New Theory

I've hatched a new theory about Messiah Barry.

It starts with a good time loving, dope smoking, dude whose ambition is to spend his life getting high and getting laid. He dreams of a no pressure job, where nobody expects him to do anything but cash his checks and party hearty. His name was Barry.

His happily ever after hits a scowling speed bump, when a hellish, shrew of a woman sinks her hooks into what she considers a diamond in the rough, whom she marries. She polishes her diamond, hounding him into meeting her idea of the right people. When the shrew finished with him, Barry was gone and Barack had, reluctantly taken his place.

Profoundly unhappy, our hero doesn't have the stones to tell them all to piss off. Instead, he lets his shrew wife hound him into a series of increasingly stressful jobs, all of which he despises. Eventually, he's hounded into the most stressful job on Earth and he hates it.

Since he can't tell the shrew to STFU, he refocuses his anger on a nation that put him into that hellish job. He's taking out his shrew-directed anger on We the People and this land conceived in liberty because he's afraid to confront his wife and tell her: Leave me the fuck alone, bitch.

What Barack hates most of all isn't America. What he really hates is his life. He wants to be Barry again.



* Ben Affleck Told Playboy:

"…You can bifurcate your audience. When I watch a guy I know is a big Republican, part of me thinks, I probably wouldn't like this person if I met him, or we would have different opinions," Affleck told Playboy in a recent interview. "That sh-t fogs the mind when you should be paying attention and be swept into the illusion."

Stick to acting, dude.

Speaking of acting...the last time I saw Ben playing a MEANINGFUL role he was J. Lo's muffin-buttering fashion accessory. Just sayin'.

* Danish Dish

Her name is Helle Thorning-Schmidt and she's the Danish Prime Minister. She's also, it appears, the apple of Barry's eye. If, as it seems, he's 'chatting her up' as my Brit friend says, it's a momentous occasion. For the first time in his presidency, I unreservedly support his actions.

Whatever he was doing, his scowling FLOTUS put a stop to it.

You made that circle of Michelle Antoinette hell, dude, so it's only fair that you burn in it.


What's Wrong With This Picture?

The headline for the Washington Times piece, tells you everything you need to know about this pachyderm poop:

GOP launches candidate training: How to talk to women

Yes, Sparky, I do have 'issues' with it. For starters, the name of the brain fart - How to talk to women - is self-serving bullshit. A warts and all no bullshit name for it is: How to bullshit like a Demoncrat.

Furthermore, it means the Elephant Clan is digging themselves a deep hole, by tacitly accepting the Jackass Party's (J. P.) premise, a loser move.

J. P. Premise? Yup. Several of them.

J. P. Premise: The fundamental unit of society is the group, not the individual.

J. P. Premise: Each certified victim group is entitled to its own reality, its own 'truth'.

J. P. Premise: All the members of a given victim group (real women, in this instance) think alike.

J. P. Premise: Women (womyn) can't be treated (talked to) like rational adults. Hypersensitive to a fault, they can't cope with 'just the facts, ma'am'. To avoid offending them, you must tread carefully and address them like you would a child. In other words, coddle them with baby talk.

Since the Beltway-pachyderm punks lost their copy of just the facts ma'am about objective reality, I'll fire off a few of the essentials:

* The basic unit of society is the INDIVIDUAL

* Core concepts - our inalienable individual birthright, for example - are non-negotiable. They are the same for every individual, and are NOT altered in the slightest by the individual's race/ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation.

* The proper way to address a 'woman' isn't what your Jackass Party 'friends' are telling you. You address a woman, like you would address any other ADULT INDIVIDUAL: rationally, logically, consistently, with well reasoned concepts.

That should cover it, asshats. Is there anything else you wanted to know?

Parting shot: Attention Pachyderm punks...any woman who buys into group think (AKA we have our own special reality) is NEVER going to punch a chad for the GOP, no matter how hard you try to sound like a Demoncrat.



At the end of this week's Top Story, I wrote:

Maybe it's time to 'Hot Rod' the American Nanny State. We could start by ripping off all the unnecessary pieces, to make it lighter, more responsive, much more nimble. Once we've stripped it down to the bare essentials, we'll replace that unreliable engine - Socialism (aka crony capitalism) - with something much more powerful - laissez faire (Marketplace) Capitalism. We'll strip out that old gear box - the one that's stuck in reverse - and put in a beefed up transmission that will move us forward towards a more prosperous future.

How will we get that done? For starters, we'll need to kick all those Elected Tormentor lawyers to the curb and replace them with hot rod builders.

Before you shake your head and opine that I'm off my medication, let's consider the possibilities.

Unlike the egregiously sensitive Elephant Clan cretins, our hot rod builders have a well documented willingness to defy the prevailing conventional wisdom, which in this case is dictated by the MSM.

Unlike the fools on Capitol Hill, our hot rod builders learn from their mistakes, instead of trying to 'fix' it by making an even bigger blunder.

Competitive by nature, our hot rod builders would embrace the marketplace's fiercely competitive spirit.

Our hot rod builders have a knack for transforming a broken hulk that lost its luster and making something awesome, inspiring, and fully functional out of it.

Am I seriously suggesting with kick out the lawyers and replace them with hot rod builders?


Why the f**k not?


Exaggeration, Then...Moonbattery, Now

A dozen years ago, I wrote this tongue-in-cheek, fictional news item. It never landed in PIG, because I thought it was too detached from reality.

P.I.G. Wire
Provo, Utah
The Multicultural Heritage Federation has declared certain gender-based nouns and pronouns as divisive and proposes new, gender-neutral pronouns, carefully selected to be more 'inclusive' than the traditional, sexist, Euro-centric terms.

He/She becomes soun [social unit]
Him/Her becomes sount
His/Hers becomes soun's
man\woman becomes socon [social consciousness]

P.I.G.'s editorial staff is currently debating whether we should adopt this new standard. For now, P.I.G. shall continue the existing policy of deleting gender-based nouns and pronouns whenever possible. P.I.G offers our heartfelt apologies to our more socially sensitive readers, asking them to be patient with us, a little longer..

Twelve years later, it's uncomfortably close to this:

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) -- The weekly meetings of Mouthing Off!, a group for students at Mills College in Oakland, Calif., who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, always start the same way. Members take turns going around the room saying their names and the personal pronouns they want others to use when referring to them - she, he or something else.

It's an exercise that might seem superfluous given that Mills, a small and leafy liberal arts school historically referred to as the Vassar of the West, only admits women as undergraduates. Yet increasingly, the "shes" and "hers" that dominate the introductions are keeping third-person company with "they," `'ze" and other neutral alternatives meant to convey a more generous notion of gender.

"Because I go to an all-women's college, a lot of people are like, `If you don't identify as a woman, how did you get in?'" said sophomore Skylar Crownover, 19, who is president of Mouthing Off! and prefers to be mentioned as a singular they, but also answers to he. "I just tell them the application asks you to mark your sex and I did. It didn't ask me for my gender."

On high school and college campuses and in certain political and social media circles, the growing visibility of a small, but semantically committed cadre of young people who, like Crownover, self-identify as "genderqueer" - neither male nor female but an androgynous hybrid or rejection of both - is challenging anew the limits of Western comprehension and the English language.

Though still in search of mainstream acceptance, students and staff members who describe themselves in terms such as agender, bigender, third gender or gender-fluid are requesting - and sometimes finding - linguistic recognition.

Inviting students to state their preferred gender pronouns, known as PGPs for short, and encouraging classmates to use unfamiliar ones such as "ze,'"sie," `'e," `'ou" and "ve" has become an accepted back-to-school practice for professors, dorm advisers, club sponsors, workshop leaders and health care providers at several schools.

My alleged humor is based on gross exaggeration. The Moonbats have strayed so far into their insanity, it's getting much harder to deploy suitable exaggeration.


A New Hambo Law

Despite my best efforts to avoid it, I endured the Selena Gomez assault on my eyes and ears during the Dallas Cowboys-Oakland Raiders halftime festivities. I came away with these impressions:

Her singing isn't rocking my world.

All her songs sounded alike to me and were forgettable.

Her first outfit - some kind of pseudo grass skirt thing - made her look fat.

Her hot pants outfit wasn't much better, making her look chunky and flat chested.

Keep your clothes on darlin...You shouldn't flaunt it, if you haven't got it.

Finally, I wondered, why she had so many twitching tarts bumping and grinding all around her, on a very small stage? I think I understand that one.

Hambo's Warbler Law: The listenability of any singer is inversely proportional to the number of bumping and grinding guys 'n gals on stage with him, her, himher, or it. [The more 'distractions' a warbler deploys, the more their singing is likely to suck.]

Parting shot 1: Selena's primary claim to fame seems to be "Justin Bieber slept here".

Parting shot 2: Pop 'music' is annoyingly superficial. It's all about the tart's twitching, so much so that the so-called music becomes little more than background noise.


Thwarted Again

Some of you might wonder how we celebrate Thanksgiving in the top secret PIG bunker. I hate to disappoint you, but it's quite boring and annoyingly traditional. I tried to elevate the annual festivities, again, by suggesting that we stage a properly pagan holiday. Once again, these unimaginative trolls were very disagreeable about the whole subject.

What, I ask you, is so heinous about a pagan tradition from a bygone era, a virgin sacrifice? I 'get' the part about the Nanny State getting pissy about such things, and I freely admit that 'back in the day', my pagan homeboys got a tad carried away with the sacrifice part. I'm willing to forego all that murder, mayhem and bloodletting. Instead, I suggested that we lay the naked wench out and use her body as our appetizer tray. No harm, no foul, and it lends a spiffy pagan aura to the festivities.

The usual PIG staff whiners were down with the nudity part, but got very disagreeable about the 'virgin' requirement. "Do you know how hard it is to find an old enough to be street legal virgin?" Blah, blah, blah. I have an answer for that one too, the same answer you've heard from me elsewhere. I'm willing to downgrade from "virgin" to "virtual virgin". If the wench proclaims that "I only did it once, I swear, and I really, really hated it." That's close enough for this pagan scribbler. I'm willing to be flexible, but the pigheaded PIG staff won't even consider it.

On a more appropriate note, I have a simple request that has nothing to do with virgins. When you sit down to that dinner and start giving your thanks for all the blessings this nation conceived in liberty bestows upon us, don't forget to thank those who are putting it all on the line defending our liberty. On this day of giving thanks, give thanks to those who are far from home, defending America.

If you see one of our men or women in uniform, take the time to shake their hand, and thank them from the bottom of your heart for their service to our country. Given the attitude on Capitol Hill, they're probably feeling unappreciated, so take the time to thank them.

In a perfect world, you'd set an extra place at your table and invite them to join you, but that's your decision, your call. All we ask, is that you remember our fighting men and women on this day of giving thanks.

Parting shot: The good news is that the turkey coma will wear off. The bad news is that you only have 28 days to get ready for Turkey Coma II, the sequel on Christmas Day.


'Level Playing Field'

I was in my Paganmobile, with the radio on just for some noise, when Medved blundered into one of my hot buttons: "level playing field". As usual, he got on my last raw nerve, but that seems to be Medved's primary purpose in life.

Medved obsessed on the fact that life, by it's very nature, is 'unfair'. He's preaching to the choir, on that score, since that fact of existence is enshrined in our PIG Doctrine. Life's inherent unfairness begins with the random - chaotic - distribution of physical attributes, skills, and intellectual capacity. Some are blessed that way, while others are merely mortal. Life's inherent unfairness is amplified by the 'luck of the draw' nature of the environment into which each of us is born. Does all that mean some are fast tracked for 'success' while others are in the slow boat to nowhere? Not necessarily.

What, if anything, does life's inherent unfairness have to do with a level playing field? It's not as much as you think, nor are they as inexorably linked as Medved implied.

The leveling of the playing field, involves an equality of opportunity, not an equality of results (AKA 'fairness'). That means making the Nanny State's social engineers butt the hell out, because the only way for the playing field to get leveled involves removing all the artificial barriers. With the barriers gone, and the Nanny State out of the picture, each individual has the opportunity to go as far, and as high, as his, her, hisher, or its energy and intellect will take them.

When the playing field is 'leveled' by the removal of all barriers, the 'beneficiaries' of life's inherent unfairness aren't automatically guaranteed success, nor are those to whom life dealt a tough hand, doomed to failure. It's not what you were issued at birth, or what kind of environment that awaits you when you're born. Success is driven by what you do with it: your motivation, your work ethic, your character.

I'll let you explain all this to Medved


Hambo's Nutritional Guidelines

By now, it shouldn't shock you, when I announce that I hatched a theory. It rumbled around in my alleged brain for some time, before it finally reached critical mass.

Here are my legendary rules of nutritional engagement:

* If it tastes foul and you can't stand it, some killjoy, who claims to be a nutrition expert, probably thinks you don't eat enough of it.

* If it tastes good, this same food punk will probably whine that it's bad for you.

* If it tastes so spiffy that you go back for seconds, this killjoy and his Food Nazi cohorts are already trying to get the Nanny State to ban it.

* If you make a pig out of yourself over it, PETA will put you on their Ten Most Wanted List.

You know what all this means, or you should, by now. That's right, PIGsters, Hambo cranked out a law:

Hambo's Nutrition Theorem
A food's nutritional value is inversely proportional to how much you enjoy eating it. I.E., the better it tastes, the more likely it is that some Food Nazi wants to ban it.

Nutrition Theorem Corollary:
Your ranking on PETA's hit list is directly proportional to the number of helpings you eat

Culinary rules of engagement:

Ideally, you would wait to see if anyone dies a horrible death after eating the food, but that rarely plays out in a timely manner.

A better scheme involves avoiding that initial rush when the dinner bell sounds. If the eats are done buffet style, I suggest holding back and wait until some of the gluttons head back for seconds. The items that are taken, the second time around, are the ones that are safe to eat.

If you can't avoid that initial rush because of pressure from family and/or friends, there are a few simple guidelines that will keep you out of harm's way:

* Avoid ethnic dishes. Their spiciness starts at "blowtorch" (while entering and exiting) and culminates at the infamous HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WHAT THE F**K IS IN THAT?

* Approach sauces with extreme caution.

* Don't waste time loading up on veggies. If you want to eat crap that's good for you, you can do that at home.

* Treat casseroles as if they're tainted with ebola. You need to trust me when I tell you just say 'no' to that casserole.

* Unless you've got a death wish never eat anything you don't recognize, until someone else eats it and returns for seconds.

If you hear the hostess - the one who did all the cooking - say 'I tried out a new recipe', RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.



What I'd Really Like For Christmas

What do you get for a pagan scribbler who - whopper alert - has everything? What would put the HO, HO, HO back in Hambo's Christmas? On advice from my legal eagle, Iggy Kowalski - yes I mean the same Iggy who has me on a first name basis with every IRS auditor from sea to shining sea - I'm not going THERE.

I am allowed to tell you that I'd be thrilled spitless to get one, or more, of the following items in the stocking that's hung by the chimney with care:

* A sanity saving Christmas season during which nobody mentions The One's name, nobody broadcasts his voice, and nobody poops out his image.

* A YouTube video showing Senator Harry "Crypt Keeper" Reid being tarred and feathered by outraged rational Nevada adults.

* A newscast that, for a change, does NOT piss me off so majorly, that my neighbors implore the cops to send in a SWAT Team.

* A TMZ item which blabs the thrilling news that the Kardashian bitches Mom, Sasquatch, Porn Star and Kourtney have been abducted by E.T.

* The signed, sealed, and delivered, irrevokable resignation of every civilian federal employee from sea to shining sea..

* A Christmas devoid of the depressingly familiar Grinchiness from Evangelizing Atheists, Secularists, Torah True Believers, and all the other chronically offended, fringe-dwelling wingnuts.

* At least one boom box station which provides weekend programming which entertains, enlightens and/or inspires.

* A heretofore 'lost', final, quatrain by Nostradamus which reads, "If you believed any, or all, of that happy horse shit, I have this awesome bridge that I'd love to sell you", signed Michel 'Shecky' de Nostredame.

* A great meal in my favorite eatery which is NOT disrupted by some asshat's insane bellowing into his cell phone blight.

* A street legal 'get out of jail free' card which allows me to bitch-slap any Bluetooth butthead who gets in my face while talking into one of the damn things.

Is that too much to ask? Probably.


Evangelizing Atheists Pick On Small Fry

Nothing says 'Christmas'...nothing evokes the 'Spirit of Christmas' like the annual toy drive at your tyke's outpost of education. It's an honored - and deservedly so - part of the holiday season. So, unfortunately, is the lawsuit brandished by Atheist assholes like the ones at the American Humanist Association.

Possessing very deep pockets, the Atheist asshole group bludgeoned a small South Carolina school into submission. Todd Starnes [Fox News] reported it this way:

A South Carolina charter school has canceled its annual Christmas toy drive after a group of self-described humanists complained that the project violated the U.S. Constitution and accused them of bribing children to convert to Christianity.

Renee Mathews, the principal of East Point Academy in West Columbia, S.C., said the annual Operation Christmas Child project was halted because the American Humanist Association threatened to sue the school.

"We received a letter saying we had to cease and desist immediately or they would take legal action against us," Mathews told me.

The small charter school had been participating in Operation Christmas Child for the past two years without any controversy.

"This letter serves as notice to policymaking school officials of the East Point Academy's
unconstitutional conduct and as a demand that the school terminate all promotion, sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation with Operation Christmas Child immediately," read the letter from the American Humanist Association.

Mathews said their small school had no choice.

"We have a very small budget and very small legal budget. We felt that we could not risk using our school funding for classrooms and teachers to fight a court case."

The small charter school had been participating in Operation Christmas Child for the past two years without any controversy. The program is associated with Samaritan's Purse, an international Christian relief and evangelism organization.

For the past several weeks, students had been working with their parents to decorate shoe boxes and fill them with toys. They were supposed to deliver the boxes to the school Friday morning.

Even though Operation Christmas Child is connected to an evangelical Christian ministry, Mathews said there were no religious materials included in the boxes. She also pointed out the project was voluntary, non-religious, and not tied to any graded assignments.

Nevertheless, the American Humanist Association decided to intervene on behalf of a perturbed parent.

"The boxes of toys are essentially a bribe, expressly used to pressure desperately poor children living in developing countries to convert to Christianity, and are delivered with prayers, sermons, evangelical tracts and pressure to convert," read a letter the AHA sent to Mathews.

The AHA said a public school cannot affiliate itself with a group like Operation Christmas Child without violating the Establishment Clause.

"Because the purpose and effect of Operation Christmas Child is to induce impoverished children to convert to Christianity, the school's promotion of this program violates the Constitution," read a letter the AHA sent to Mathews.

Normally, this is where I'd spout off on related matters, such as, when was the last time these Atheist assholes took on a VERY intrusive religion: Islam? Normally, but not this time.

Instead, I'll defer to our Professor of Piety, PIGster J.

Saw an interesting article today about how these horrible, Godless humanists are at it again. (I'll let you look up the story yourselves instead of linking any one news source, here) Apparently, someone didn't like the fact that a school in SC was making up boxes of toys for needy kids in conjunction with Samaritan's Purse - an overtly evangelizing group that is known for including Bibles and salvation tracts in with the toys. The usual suspects are, of course, turning this into yet another "war on Christmas" story and setting their hair on fire, but I had a few different thoughts:

1. If an atheist group wanted to do the same but include tracts outlining their beliefs (or lack of it) in God and celebrating Christmas purely on a secular level, would that be o.k.?
2. Why didn't the school, instead of going gutless and girlie and cancelling the whole show, send out a letter saying "Hey, we had some complaints and so this year we're going to deal with Toys for Tots instead of a religiously-themed group"?

Something out of nothing? That's your call - for me, the issue is getting toys to kids in whatever way you can, not screaming about how this is some evil plot by those dastardly non-believers. That's what I can picture Jesus doing, anyway.



Obama has, once again, changed a law, by decree, without going through Congress. He did it to meet his urgent, political, need: turn down the political heat generated by the Deathcare debacle. Predictably, his antics were glossed over, by the MSM, Jackass Party Elected Tormentors and Obamunists.

He tried to get 'er done, by refusing to enforce certain insurance cover provisions of Deathcare. In essence, he won't let the feds punish you for having an illegal healthcare policy. He didn't do anyone a favor, because, he's punting the onus to the insurance companies. They would be required to break the Deathcare law by selling you an illegal policy. There's no guarantee that they won't be hauled into court by the feds, if they do that. No matter what the insurers decide to do, if it all goes according to plan, low information voters will, ta da, still blame the insurance company.

Has the Obama Regime debased the Presidency so much, that America's POTUS now spends every waking minute working as an insurance salesman?

Nobody seems to give a fuck that Barry believes he is, in every meaningful respect, above the law. Based on his actions, Barry doesn't think that any of America's laws - local, state, federal, or even Constitutional apply to him.

The bitter truth is that, as things now stand, he's right.

How does Barry break the law, repeatedly, and get away with it?

There are two reasons why Obamunist will defend/excuse any & all of Barry antics. First of all, The One is so far left that he makes Karl Marx look like a member of the VRWC. That's part of it, but not all. Primarily, it's because The One is black.

Some are more equal than others? Oh hell yes.


Core Principles

[WIth the U.S. Constitution on life support, I felt the need to get down to basics.]

Like the 'truths' which the Founding Fathers invoked so eloquently, in the Declaration of Independence, there are also - in our PIGish opinion - certain core principles which are, or ought to be, equally 'self-evident'. Am I that full of myself? Perhaps, but in this instance, I'm not full of 'IT'.

We hold the following core principles to be 'self-evident' and therefore essential components of the egregiously maligned American character:

There is no inherent, or Constitutional, right which protects you from being offended.
The coercive power of the Nanny State should not, MUST NOT, 'shield' you from things you don't want to see and/or don't want to hear. If it gives you a boo-boo, that's your personal, individual, problem and is not, never should be, an excuse for a Nanny State intervention.

If it bugs you, grow a pair. If it still bugs you, take your complaint directly to the perpetrator. A sovereign American individual does not run caterwauling to the Nanny State, every time, he, she, heshe, or it gets a boo-boo.

Failure and/or defeat play a vital role in the development of a sovereign individual's character.
Admittedly, the lessons learned from failure and/or defeat are painful ones. But, sooner or later, no matter how many safety nets the Korrectniks and Elected Tormentors build beneath you, your life is going to hit a speed bump. If you learned the proper lessons on the playing field as a tyke, you're going to cope with life's nasty little surprises with minimal difficulty.

On the other hand, if you played on little league teams where no score was kept and no winner declared...if you attended a school which passed everyone, regardless of an individual's scholastic deficiencies, you'll be devastated by life's first speed bump. Nanny State safety nets turn life's regulation prat falls into a shattering crisis.

Failure and defeat are great teachers which, among other things, help an individual, as Dirty Harry said so eloquently "know his limitations". Sovereign American individuals take failure and defeat in stride. After learning the relevant lessons from them, sovereign American individuals pick themselves up, dust themselves off, then, a little bit wiser, they get on with their lives.

Each individual is defined, for good or ill, by his, her, hisher, or its thoughts, words, and deeds.
Your immutable traits - gender, ethnicity and race - are not the be-all, end-all, of who, and what you are. They are, in the grand scheme of things, irrelevant, because they're issued at birth. It's that very irrelevancy which makes them so popular with the Nanny State, which has a pathological aversion to sovereign individualism.

Like it or not, you are defined, as an individual, by what you've said, what you've done, and the thoughts which motivate your words and deeds. You are, like it or not, defined by the VOLITIONAL elements of your life.

Each individual is judged, for good or ill, by his, her, hisher, or its thoughts, words, and deeds.
The One is the poster punk, when it comes to fleeing from taking personal accountability for his own actions. If you can stand to listen to his relentless bloviating, you'll learn that he isn't responsible for any of his own thoughts, words and/or deeds. Bart Simpson's "I didn't do it" sums up The One's attitude, perfectly. He's so terrified by the taint of personal failure that he's equally terrified to take credit for something that seems to be working. What if - GASP - it all goes wrong, down the road?

A sovereign individual accepts the blame for his, her, hisher, or its own mistakes. A sovereign individual also takes full credit for his, her, hisher, or its successes. It's this 'I did good, on this one' element of the American character which thrills the snot out of our international critics, who defame us as 'arrogant'. What the whiners overlook is the fun fact that, after a sovereign individual takes that victory lap, they immediately begin work on the next challenge on their agenda. That, too, is a core element of the American character.

Life is not a zero-sum game.
This is an especially bitter pill for the Nanny State class warriors, who spend every waking hour vilifying, punishing, and impoverishing achievers. In their fevered brains, the success of an American achiever comes 'at the expense of' that 'noble' ward of the Nanny State, the chronically-needy parasite.

Sovereign American individuals understand that the success of one achiever is the fertile, economic, soil which spurs the growth of other achievers. Bill Gates' legendary success at Microsoft spawned whole new industries. The same phenomenon is playing out in the area of telecommunications. Success, does not come at the expense of others. Success does not breed a wave of failure to achieve that 'zero sum'. Success, by its very nature, breeds more success. The Nanny State's role in this process involves staying out of the achievers' way.

Life is inherently unfair, but it is not, inherently unjust.
One of the primary elements in the Nanny State's on-going obsession to "transform America" involves negating - by artificial, Draconian, means - life's inherent unfairness. There's no room in this "transformed America" for life's unequal distribution of skills, aptitudes and intellect. That's why, in their mindless zeal to achieve an equality of results, the Nanny State has thrown out the single, objective standard which presents an identical hurdle for each individual. Instead, the Nanny State's social engineers give 'favored', but otherwise unqualified, individuals a much lower hurdle, while forcing 'undesirable' individuals to surmount an impossibly high barrier.

Sovereign American individuals welcome the challenge to test themselves against life's single, one-size-fits-all, standard. The only thing they want from their Elected Tormentors is a rational government that engenders an environment that maximizes each individual's inalienable liberty, allowing each individual to go as far as their skills, intellect, and hard work will take them.

I don't give a flaming f**k how many times The One spouts this mindless, "transforming American" drivel. I don't give a flaming f**k how often this malignant narcissist assaults my intelligence with his yammering. I will not surrender my sovereign individualism without a fight. I will not jettison the core principles I just set forth. Does that make me another Thomas Jefferson? No, it makes me what Obamunists hate most, that relic from a bygone era, a rugged American individual.

I will do everything in my power to promote the core elements of the American character. I will start by making them part an parcel of my daily life. If The One, and his Rabid Moonbat Marxist horde, have a problem with that, they can BITE ME.


Is This Why They Fought, Is This Why So Many Died?

It's Veterans Day, and I'm compelled to take a hard look at America. I'm compelled to ask if this is the kind of nation which inspired so many rank and file Americans to interrupt their lives, get geared up, and venture forth in harm's way, in defense of their country.

Did they fight...did they die, so Uncle Sam could seize a hard working American's life savings after he's dead, via a death tax?

Did they fight...did they die, so Uncle Sam could punish American achievers and reward America's parasites?

Did they fight...did they die, to defend a 'Free Press' which went through an entire election cycle without asking a single, probing, critical, question of the eventual winner, whose background is the only thing in America that's better guarded than Fort Knox?

Did they fight...did they die, so the Barack-sucking MSM and Demoncrat supporting union thugs could to drive a stake through the heart of free speech with a unrelenting campaign to silence the Tea Party patriots, by any means necessary.

Did they fight...did they die, on foreign shores, so the nation they served so valiantly could surrender national sovereignty without a fight by leaving its borders undefended?

Did they fight...did they die, to allow their nation to turn its back on the capitalism which powers our liberty, by nationalizing the banking industry, the auto industry and the healthcare industry?

Did they fight...did they die, for late night comedians who go gutless and girlie at the very thought of making Messiah Barry the butt of a joke?

Did they fight...did they die, for a nation which has never found the spine to admit that it is in a fight with Jihadikazes who are determined to erase America from the face of the earth?

Did they fight...did they die, for a nation whose schools, at all levels, jettisoned teaching and replaced it with America-eviscerating neo-Marxist indoctrination?

Did they fight...did they die, for a criminal injustice system where a person's thoughts elicit harsher punishment than his, her, hishe, Or or its illegal actions?

Did they fight...did they die, to allow an American's pedigree (race, gender) to absolve an individual from being accountable for his, her, hisher or its own actions?

Did they fight...did they die, for a POTUS whose imperial, Hugo Chavez-style, presidency has nothing in common with such liberty-promoting Presidents as Washington, Jefferson, and Reagan?

On this Veterans Day, each of us owes America's warriors, past and present, fallen or alive and kicking, an apology. While they were putting their lives on the line for each and every one of us, we got complacent and didn't do our part. We the people didn't guard the home front from the enemy who lurks among us. We didn't make sure that America continues to be a nation worthy of their service, worthy of their sacrifice.

Thanking a veteran for their service isn't enough; we need to show them that we really mean it. Veterans Day is the perfect day, to get our ass in gear and restore what we let slip away. After all they've done for us, it's the least we can do for our veterans.


Odds & Ends

Item: Apology Tour

The One is on another apology tour, but, this time out, he isn't apologizing because America doesn't suck. He's trying to douse the 'liar, liar, pants on fire' inferno in his britches.

As usual, it's all about him. That's right, he's playing the victim...again.

"I am sorry that [people who've lost their insurance] are finding themselves in this situation based on assurances they got from me."

Translation: You're too stupid to understand what I [really] meant, when I said this:

"If you like your plan, you can keep you plan. Period."

"If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. Period."

Bottom line: Barry's real attitude is epitomized by this gem from Frank J.:

"I'm sorry my awesomeness is so blinding and overwhelming that it confuses you."

Item: Mexifornia

I saw a disturbing item in left-leaning fishwrap which lands in my driveway each morning. An item, in the (official) opinion section, sounded a funeral dirge for any residual rationality in the no longer 'Golden' State.

According to the scribbler, political power is no longer centered in the Sanctuary City of Angels. It has moved North to the Blight by the Bay, where it took a hard left into progressive pissant insanity. That's right, the Frisco Moonbats are running things.

If you're a rational adult who still lives in Mexifornia, run for your life. The inmates have seized control of the asylum.

Item: TSA Day

I think we should pick some date at random, then deem it 'TSA Day'. From sea to shining sea, participants would take a plane trip, hoping that some checkpoint clown will go overboard with the patdown. When that happens, the participant will demonstrate what TSA Day means - Tyson Some Asshole Day - by punching the hot-handed scumbag's lights out.

TSA Day might not rock PIGster J's world, or yours, but it's going to give some TSA-hole with a black eye and/or a sore jaw a whole new perspective on his, her, hisher, or its grope-a-dope antics.

With the holiday travel season looming on the near horizon, it's time to 'git 'r done'.



It hit me, during my afternoon commute, and once it grabbed me, it wouldn't let me go. Unable to avoid it, I finally confronted this painful truth. Something very precious to me is gone and it's my fault. Admittedly, I didn't destroy it all by myself, but I'm partially to blame and I'm man enough to admit it.

I miss America.

I talked a good story, but I wasn't there when I was needed. Since I took it for granted, I didn't fully appreciate it until it was gone. Regrettably, its loss is irrevokable and it's a loss that's made much worse, now that a pale imitation has taken its place.

I miss America.

Admittedly, America wasn't perfect. It never lived up to its full potential, but it was a remarkable place populated by exceptional people nonetheless. The founding fathers deliberately set the bar for success very high, but that didn't stop America's rugged individuals from striving to meet, preferably exceed, those lofty ideals. Throughout our history, America, its denizens, showed flashes of brilliance.

I miss that America.

In America, men like Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Henry Ford and numerous others, transformed our world though hard work, ingenuity, plus an unshakable belief in themselves, and their ideas. Their success inspired others to pursue their own American Dream.

I miss that America.

The classic American success story, during America's golden age, often started in the family garage, where one of those American dreamers transformed their idea into a memorable outpost of capitalism.

I miss that America.

In America, the schools never tried to indoctrinate, but they did their utmost to educate the young minds which strolled in through the school's doors. In American schools, young scholars were given the fundamental building blocks of knowledge in the legendary 3-Rs, plus other essentials. Once the young scholars had a solid foundation of basic information, they were taught how to analyze it and form their own opinions about it. American schools taught young scholars how to think, how to defend their opinions. But, American schools never told the young scholars what to think.

I miss that America.

In America, even the political class produced, from time to time, a leader who understood that individual liberty is inversely proportional to the size and scope of government. These leaders include, but are not limited to, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Barry Goldwater, Ronald Reagan, and James Madison.

I miss that America.

In America, the rank and file American rose to the occasion, when the nation was in dire straits. For example, in December 1941, an unprepared America was jolted by a series of punishing attacks by the Imperial Japanese war machine. Sucking it up, Americans from sea to sea were up to the challenge. While American men put on the uniform, American women took jobs in factories, where they produced the weaponry which turned the tide of war in America's favor. There's a reason we call them 'the greatest generation'.

I miss that America.

That America didn't disappear overnight. It died incrementally, over a prolonged period of time. Now, in 2013, that America is gone forever. It only exists in my memory, and it's not enough to distract me from the red, white, and blue tyranny that took its place.

I miss that America.

Parting shot: Have I given up on bringing that America back? In the short term? Yes, because it will take time for objective 'this sucks' reality to batter its way into the moribund brains of all those idiots with self-esteem pooped out by government cess schools.

The long term outlook for restoring the America I miss, depends, in large part, on how many rugged, sovereign individuals are available, when the time comes.

Is my outlook egregiously gloomy? You bet, but I'm ready, willing and downright eager to be proven wrong.

I miss America.



Item: (The) Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse:

The original quartet, the one cited several times in PIG included Paris 'Skank' Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Tila Tequila. In all honesty, I was never satisfied with my selection for slot number 4: Tila Tequila. It took a VERY long time, but I finally found my elusive bimbo number four.

Who? Miley Cyrus.

Before we crown Miley, we need to discuss Tila. Tila's primary deficiency is lacking the tabloid credentials of the other three. She did, however, have one or more of the other qualifying criteria. Qualifiying criteria? Exactly, and, in addition to 'because Hambo said so', the Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse criteria include:

* Famous for being famous.

* No discernable talent.


A legitimate claim to fame that has been squandered

* A sex scandal and/or a sex tape.

* A history of legal problems.

* Substance abuse.

* A meaningful level of notoriety.

A contender doesn't need to have all of them, but she needs to have the essential ones,

Does Miley Cyrus have the right Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse stuff? Yup:

Qualification 1:
A legitimate claim to fame - Hannah Montana - is being squandered.

Qualification 2:
Her twerking antics meet my minimum 'sex scandal' criteria.

Qualification 3:
Based on numerous gossip rag reports substance abuse is in play.

Qualification 4:
She is off the scale on 'a meaningful level of notoriety'.

My Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse is now PIG-Worthy: Paris 'Skank' Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus.

Item: A Third Party

It's a frequent flier on talk radio, especially now with the RINO resurgence in D.C.. Its wording varies, but its essence doesn't. 'It' involves a listener who advocates a third party challenging the host - or his guest - to delineate the differences between Demoncrats and Republicans.

Whenever I hear it, the first thing that comes to mind is a quote I heard in passing. When asked about the need for a third party, a celebrity (I apologize for not scribbling down his name) said "We don't need a 'third' party. What we need is a second one." Truer words, PIGsters. Truer words.

Item: Understanding Demoncrats

I had a rare moment of clarity, recently, which allowed me to understand The One and his neo-Marxist Demoncrats. Suffering from a synaptic suffocating intellectual myopia, they exist in an alternative 'reality' where their actions never have consequences. From that twisted perspective, everything they do makes sense...more or less. Their deeds 'feel' good, and they never see anything bad happen as a result.


I Feel Like CLOCKING Somebody!

I hate Daylight Saving Time. I hated it last year. I hated it the years that preceded it. But, I REALLY hate it now, after those motherless rat bastards royally shafted me with it.

Back in the day, I would call time on those fateful 'Spring forward', 'Fall back' days then change all my clocks, manually, to match the new DST setting accordingly. It was a pain. It was asinine. It was, as far as my life is concerned, just one more annoyance that 'the man' inflicted just to bug me (It's very similar to baseball's infield fly rule, that way). The upshot is that I hated it, but I managed to muddle through without stressing myself out.

Eventually, technology rode to my rescue when I started replacing the old, low tech clocks with digital clocks that kept track of those devilish Daylight Saving Time details: they changed themselves, automagically (I know that automagically isn't a real word, nitpicker Sparky, but it works in this context.) By 2006 my clock resetting duty was limited to my lovely bride's digital watch, a duty I performed willingly, without any profane Hambo pleasantries.

I still hated this Daylight Saving Time crap, but the disruption it caused seemed to be minimized, until, those Elected Tormentor bastards screwed everything up. Their tinkering means that my automagically adjusting clocks are doing their thing on the WRONG DAYS. One clock was so stressed out by this change, it had a complete nervous breakdown. In fact, it became so depressed it committed suicide. We tried all the extreme lifesaving measures, but it was gone. GONE, and it was so YOUNG!

I could go out and buy a new set of automagically adjustable clocks, but that's probably what THEY want. I think that Big TIME - that damn clock-making capitalist cartel- bribed the Elected Tormentors to play these Daylight Saving Time games so they could make a killing on clock sales. They're going to sit back, sell a boatload of clocks with the new DST settings, then, after their clock sales peak, they'll bribe the Elected Tormentors to change it back again.

That's right, PIGsters, I'm coming right out with it. Daylight Saving Time is a dastardly capitalist plot. Point the bastards out to me and I'll give them a CLOCKING they'll never forget.



[I didn't write this, but I salute the person that did compose it.]

If we can have an affordable health care act why can't we have a Affordable Boat Act. Someone cleverly put this together and it is rather touching and funny for the time.

Affordable Boat Act

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the port starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...it's only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. I f they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.

Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else.

Yeah ... it's that stupid.



Am I the only one who remembers that the primary function of a telephone is to allow you to SPEAK to someone else who is well beyond effective bellowing distance?

Am I the only one who thinks strings of consonants in search of some vowels are GIBBERISH?

Am I the only one who thinks putting a microcomputer in charge of critical automotive functions like braking, shifting gears, and accelerating is a stupendously crappy idea?

Am I the only one who thinks it's asinine to surf cyberspace on a screen the size of a post-it note?

Am I the only one who remembers how pathetic boom box fare was BEFORE Internet radio served up all those nifty-shifty choices?

Obviously, modern technology is a mixed blessing.

Troubling Signs That You're Too Fat

Your ponderous plodding registers on Cal Tech's seismometers.

Your 'land mass' is so big you generate your own weather pattern. (Stolen from Boortz)

When you're near a body of water larger than a toilet bowl, your presence disrupts the tide tables.

"Something Seems Disturbingly Familiar"

From the time Barry O'Dumbo burst onto the political scene, I sensed something disturbingly familiar about this Obamaton phenomenon. Maybe I need to cite some of the primary elements, so we can solve this mystery together.

Charismatic leader
Despite his lack of meaningful accomplishments, this up from obscurity leader is adored.
His devotees hang on his every word, and give him unquestioning, unwavering, devotion.
The devotees forge an strong EMOTIONAL attachment, not an intellectual one.
His devotees are willing to give him complete control over every aspect of their lives.
His devotees treat him like a religious icon, a messiah.

Have you got it now? Obamanation isn't a political movement, it's a CULT. It's a cult which, like all cults will end badly and destroy everyone who gets sucked into it.


Pit Bull 101

Having hit a snag on my scribbling, I welcomed the interruption when the phone rang. Caller ID spilled the beans. It was my redneck pal, Softy.

Me: "Hello Softy, how are things in Kin-Tucky?"

Softy: "Rustic. Did I interrupt your scribbling for SOW?"

Me: "It's called PIG and the answer is no. I was just finishing up some research in advanced biology, not that it's any of your business."

Softy: [Laughs] "Which porn site was it?"

Me: "Speaking of natural wonders, how's your British Pit Bull?"

Softy: "Miranda is, I admit, a volatile woman. BUT she is not a Pit Bull."

Me: "I was there when she chewed the face off that bitch who lived next door."

Softy: "Which part of 'a volatile woman' didn't you understand?"

Me: "A Pit Bull by any other name."

Softy: "When you call her that to her face, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the show."

Me: "The ship already sailed, and you missed it."

Softy: "Where was I?"

Me: "Probably out making more money to squander on loans to your deadbeat alleged friends."

Softy: "I'm a guy who helps out a friend in need."

Me: "You're a sucker for anyone with a sad story and/or a sad expression. It's the reason I call you Softy."

Softy: "Liar. You started calling me that when I cried at the end of 'Old Yeller'."

Me: "Agreed, but that was then and I've upgraded you to 'stupid with his money' status."

Softy: "You're not exactly a miser"

Me: "Agreed, but, unlike you, I do what it takes to get repaid."

Softy: "I'm not like you, that way. I'm..."

Me: "Too nice, and entirely too generous, for your own good."

Softy: "I'm not THAT nice. I do expect to be repaid."

Me: "Hope springs eternal. I don't expect you to handle collections. That's a job for your Pit Bull. What's the point in having a Pit Bull on hand, if you don't turn her loose on your deadbeats to do what comes naturally."

Softy: "It's frightening how much you and Miranda think alike on that score."

Me: "You did your part, when you pissed away that money on deadbeats. Now, it's time to let your Pit Bull resolve that pesky issue."

Softy: "And what will I do in the meantime?"

Me: "Pack a cooler with adult beverage and a snack. Find a ringside seat. Crack open a cold one, sit back, and, as you said earlier,enjoy the show."

Softy: "You'll probably want me to get it all on video."

Me: "If it isn't too much trouble."

Softy: [Laughs] "I'm going to enjoy listening to her chew your face off."

Me: "I have a deadline to meet, after which I'll call you back. Tell her I said 'hello', or should I make that", [I do my award winning rabid dog impression.]

Softy: [Chuckles] "May I quote you?"

Me: "You'll do that anyway, Softy."

Softy: "Call me when you finish and I'll regale you with my Pit Bull Chronicles."

Me: "Pit Bull Chronicles! It would make a great name for a Web site dedicated to the stories told by men who married 'volatile women'."

Softy: "I thought SOW ate up all your spare time."

Me: "That's no way to talk about my lovely bride."

Softy gasped, laughed nervously then stammered, "I...I..You...Damn it!", before hanging up.



[I found this in my computer archives and decided to share it. It's too long for Tidbits, so I'm deploying it here.]


The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day....

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes ..

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!


Irreconcilable Differences

[I like to keep a pocket size book which contains the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution. I'm not sure why I treasure it in this Obamunist Error. My best guess is nostalgia.

I'd like to believe our founding documents they still meant something, but one look at the free for all in D.C. puts that fantasy in its proper perspective.

Mark Levin is going all in with a Constitutional fix found in Article V:

Article V

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as Part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided [that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and]{11} that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.

I hold Levin in very high esteem and hope his idea catches hold, but it seems like a 'Hail Mary'.

The following is also a Hail Mary, but it's all mine.]

If America's political system is like a marriage, we seem headed for a bitterly contested divorce. The two sides only share one thing, an unrelenting hostility for each other. For the purposes of this rant, I'll call these warring parties Obamunists and Sovereign Individuals.

To show how far apart the two sides have drifted, here are a few bones of contention:

Item 1:
Sovereign Individuals believe that the primary purpose of government is to create an environment which maximizes individual liberty. Sovereign individuals call this 'an equality of opportunity'.

Obamunists believe that the primary purpose of government is to impose an equality of results through the coercive power of the Nanny State.

Item 2:
Sovereign Individuals believe in the U.S. Constitution, as the Founding Fathers intended it: a document which sets strict, non-negotiable limits on the Nanny State, by clearly delineating the government's limited powers.

Obamunists view the U.S. Constitution as an archaic relic of America's ignoble, white racist past which needs to be abolished, to unleash the full, coercive power of the Nanny State.

Item 3:
Sovereign Individuals, as their name implies, believe that the basic unit of American political life is the individual. America is/was created to maximize INDIVIDUAL liberty. Under this philosophy, all individuals are, in the eyes of the government, created equal.

Obamunists believe that the basic unit of American political life is the group. Under their scheme, the Nanny State pigeonholes Americans using immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices. Under this Orwellian scheme, some - depending on how the Nanny State ranks a given group - are more equal than others.

Item 4:
Sovereign Individuals believe that wealth is dynamic and is only limited by the intelligence and hard work put in by sovereign individuals who strive to maximize their potential.

Obamunists believe that wealth is a static commodity which must be controlled, redistributed, by the Nanny State.

Item 5:
Sovereign Individuals believe that each individual is, must be, accountable for his, her, hisher, or its own actions.

Obamunists are convinced that dark forces - racists, capitalist, sexists, homophobes - are constantly conspiring against them.

Item 6:
Sovereign Individuals believe that they, and they alone, are the best, the only, ones who have the right, the power, to decide how to conduct their own life and dispense with their own property.

Obamunists know how pathetic they are and have convinced themselves that they're too stupid, too inept to conduct their own life. Since misery loves company, they insist that the Nanny State run everyone's life, including those smartass Sovereign Individuals.

I could continue, but you get the idea.

The good news is that, if Sovereign Individuals prevail, the worst that will happen is that Obamunists will lose their bogus, group-specific, rights and will be forced to fend for themselves as GASP individuals.

The bad news is that Obamunists greatly outnumber the Sovereign Individual and are using Nanny State coercion to, systematically, strip Sovereign Individuals of their inalienable individual liberty birthright.

This Sovereign Individual thinks it's time for a political divorce, a nasty process which must, necessarily, divide the community property - America. Sovereign Individuals would move to their portion of America and restore the kind of government, the bastion of individual liberty, that the Founding Fathers created. The Obamunists would be free to devour each other, when they discover that all the achievers live in the Sovereign Individual part of America.


Million Vet March on the Memorials

This Sunday, October 13, 2013, the Million Vets March is descending on Washington, DC. Here is what the organizer has to say:

I want you to circle the date of Sunday, October 13, 2013.

And then I want you to help "circle the wagons" on that day to help protect and defend our brave veterans who risked their lives for our freedom – and now are being barred from visiting the memorials erected to honor their deeds.

In a mean-spirited fit of selfish anger, Barack Obama has shut down our nation's war memorials. And he has declared open war on our honored veterans!

The World War II memorial … the Vietnam Veterans Memorial … the Korean War Veterans Memorial – Obama has shut them all down to force his will on the House of Representatives and frankly, to get revenge on the American people who oppose Obamacare and his other naked power grabs.

Let's put it plainly: Barack Obama is behaving like a vicious tyrant. And if he succeeds in this assault on the democratic system, the Republic we love is at mortal risk. It's just that simple.

That's why I am asking you now to take two decisive moves to show Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi – and all of their oppressive ilk in Washington – that "We the People" are still in charge. And we won't rest until we take back our memorials and monuments!


Sign of the Times?

I had just gotten home and was getting out of my Paganmobile, when I spotted her moving down the block. I'm not an expert, when it comes to pinpointing ages, but I'll try anyway. I put this wenchlet on the sunny side of 16. She was cute, but not remarkably so, which might make you wonder why I bring her up in the first place. Why indeed.

The only noteworthy thing about this wenchlet is her status as a Miley Cyrus clone. From the cropped bleached blonde mop to the short shorts, it was all there. Miley as a wenchlet's role model was, for some reason, a disagreeable bit of objective reality.

NO, I did not object to the wenchlet's attire. Aside from the Miley factor,.the outfit didn't scandalize me at all.

YES, I know wenchlets admire Miley's rebellious antics.

YES, I know its just a phase the clone is going through.

YES, I know she's not my daughter or my problem.

I know all that and more, but it still bugs me.

Parting shot: The phrase 'sunny side of 16' is unintentionally ironic. Why? When someone is 16 which side isn't sunny?


Pound Sand

Today, I was mired in traffic on the expressway - a state of affairs guaranteed to ruin my sunny disposition - when I heard the thrilling news. In a heartbeat, all that traffic-induced frustration disappeared. What, you ask, caused this miraculous transformation? What indeed.

A Los Angeles civil court jury, in a unanimous vote, told Michael Jackson's relentlessly greedy mother, Katherine, to go pound sand. She was, reportedly, 'devastated', because she was really counting on stealing hundreds of millions from AEG's deep pockets.

Now, poor mommy must try to tap into the bank account of one of her other sons, all of whom are at least as big a parasite as their mama Kate. Good luck with that, darlin

Speaking of Mikey...Here's an old dose of pagan scribbler wit.

(A tribute to Michael Jackson)

(VERSE #1)

(VERSE #2)

(VERSE #3)


*This lyric has been copywrited


MSM Word Games

Those on the right have AGENDAS.

Those on the left have CAUSES.

Those on the right call the Kenyan mall attackers MUSLIM TERRORISTS

Those on the left call the Kenyan mall attackers MILITANTS [whose motives are impossible to decipher].

Hambo Vents

I'm fed up with the Establishment Republicans who have a nervous breakdown whenever they encounter a MSM hit squad. The pachyderm pussies make the French seem fearless and resolute. Enough already.

It's time for a bold new approach. It's time to reboot the Party of Lincoln and Reagan as the ASSHOLE PARTY. We the People need to send a solid, no bullshit, core of SERIOUS ASSHOLES to D.C. Once there, they'd do what comes naturally, to RINOs, Jackass Party pukes and the MSM.

In the short term, they would make the Obamunists miserable. If/when they wrested control from the Commie Bastard, our ASSHOLE PARTY legicrats would fulfill their only campaign promise: when we're in charge, we'll make those Marxist shits our bitch. We'll show them why they never want to f**k with us in this, or any other lifetime.

Let's be real, trying to appease the Marxist bastards never works. It's a given that the Libertards will never like, or respect, the jellyfish who control the GOP. I get that, so let's go the other way and terrify the crap out of them with our SERIOUS ASSHOLES?


Missing In Action

When those Jihadikazes attacked the shopping mall in Kenya, I wondered aloud if our Commie Kenyan would have the balls to invoke the 'T' word(s): terrorists, terrorism. Based on tonight's CBS Network News report about the attack (soon to be downgraded to the unpleasantness), the answer is no, where the 'T' word is concerned.

At CBS, the official designation for the attackers is "militants". We're not told what they're militant about, and shame on you for shouting ISLAM. You'd be a bit testy, too, if you missed the half price sale on pickled pig's feet.

I think militants doesn't get 'er done. It reeks of compromise, moderation, and weasel words, much like John McCain. If they're going to insult our intelligence, why not use something properly PIGish, like: inexplicably cranky shoppers who just need a hug. Shame on us for oppressing them into this outburst of crankiness.

Skank II

Is Miley Cyrus turning into another Skank? It appears, to me, that she's already on the trail blazed by that eager flasher, Paris Hilton.

Certain other bunker dwelling know it all pest insist that Miley is on a different trail, the one blazed by Twatney Spears. I'll give that one the time of day, after Miley shaves her head.


Bits & Pieces

Today's Fabulous Fark Teaser

1 in 6 Canadians needed mental health care last year. The other 5 were probably just to drunk too show up at the clinic

Today's Tasty Tweet

I don't always talk to Obama voters. But when I do, I ask for large fries.
Tweet from Alex P Keaton ?@AlexPKeaton3

Stray Hambo Notion

Because 'she' is such a whiney little bitch, I'm thisclose to making Justin Bieber my 4th Bimbo of the Apocalypse.

My Favorite Headline

Why Is Kris Jenner In A Bikini? God Is Dead
(Source: The Superficial)



Item: Senate Amendment Would Give DOJ Power to Determine Who Is a 'Journalist'

An amendment is moving through the Senate Judiciary Committee that would essentially allow the government to determine who is a journalist for purposes of legal protection of sources. For purposes of protecting a source, a "journalist" under law would be anyone who:

* Works or worked for "an entity or service that disseminates news or information by means of newspaper; nonfiction book; wire service; news agency; news website, mobile application or other news or information service…news program; magazine or other periodical…or through television or radio broadcast…" These people would have to have the "primary intent to investigate events and procure material in order to disseminate to the public news or information." Opinion journalists might not be covered.

* Bloggers and citizen journalists – citizens who commit acts of journalists without working for such an outlet – would not be covered, unless it was determined that "at the inception of the process of gathering the news or information sought, had the primary intent to investigate issues or events and procure material in order to disseminate to the public news or information." In other words, the government – the Department of Justice – would now determine whether primary intent was news distribution or political concerns.

* Those explicitly excluded from protection include those "whose principal function, as demonstrated by the totality of such person or entity's work, is to publish primary source documents that have been disclosed to such person or entity without authorization." Glenn Greenwald, please contact your lawyer.

Who would decide who fell within these guidelines? A "judge of the United States" can "exercise discretion to avail the persons of the protections of this Act." But in the first instance, the DOJ would have the discretion to determine whether a person is a "journalist" for purposes of the law. Instead of focusing on acts of journalism, the law would identify people by employment status.


Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) launched into the proposed bill, which he said could "have the effect of excluding certain persons from enjoying the added First Amendment protections the bill would provide." Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) agreed, stating, "Essentially as I understand this amendment, it protects what I would characterize as the 'corporate media.'…But it leaves out citizen bloggers….I don't think any protection should treat citizen bloggers who are meeting the underlying test of being primarily engaged in gathering news to report it I don't think they should be excluded because they don't happen to work for a media corporation." He continued:

It strikes me that we are on dangerous territory if we are drawing distinctions that are treating some engaged in the process of reporting and journalism better than others. If we are advantaging those who happen to receive a paycheck from a corporate media entity over those who happen to be citizens….I for one would have deep troubles with legislation from Congress saying 'we will grant special privileges if you happen to work for a corporate media interest'….It seems to me the First Amendment protects the activity, not the employment status of the person engaging in it. (Breibart)

Hambo Sez: 'Opinion journalists might not be covered.'

Opinion Journalists? That would include most of the so-called reporters in the MSM, since everything they spew is Obama-scripted bullshit. If journalism was an honest professsion, every story in the NY Times would be labeled 'opinion'. I'm just sayin'.

Item: Excuses

* DC gunman was suffering host of mental issues prior to shooting, report says

Navy veteran Aaron Alexis, who killed people at a Navy building in Washington Monday morning, had been suffering a host of serious mental issues, including paranoia and a sleep disorder, law enforcement officials told the

* DC gunman obsessed with violent video games, reports say

Friends of the gunman in the deadly shooting spree Monday at a Washington Navy Yard remember him as a nice guy with flashes of a temper and an obsession with violent video games.

Aaron Alexis, the gunman who killed 12 in the rampage, was liked by neighbors, but he was known to immerse himself in violent video games for hours on end, one of his neighbors told the Dallas Morning News.

Hambo Sez:

Mental Issues? Violent Video Games? Why all these excuses? Is there an Inconvenient Truth (for lefties) that 'they' are trying to ignore? What is it that they don't want us to know?



Item 1: Breitbart Sez

A California bill to let undocumented immigrants become lawyers passed its last legislative hurdle on Thursday and will be sent to Governor Jerry Brown for his signature.

Hambo Sez

We have too many lawyers already. Why the f**k do we need to import more of them from Mexico?

Item 2: Motorcycle Riding Patriots

The motorcycle riders - at least one million of them - who filled D.C. with their patriotic thunder deserve our thanks for that classically American event. They deserve our thanks for reminding us that the American spirit isn't dead, despite the Obamunists' concerted efforts to kill it.

Maybe there's hope for us, after all.


Red County School District Korrectness

It's in the reddest part of the reddest county in the state. Despite that the proposed new school policies reek of Korrectness.

Item 1: E-cigarettes

Old Policy banned: "the possession and/or use of any tobacco substances by students, staff or non-student adults while on school grounds, in school buildings or at school-sponsored activities, or while under the supervision and control of school district employees."

New Policy bans: adds as "prohibited products" any "containing tobacco or nicotine, including, but not limited to, cigarettes, cigars, miniature cigars, smokeless tobacco, snuff, chew, clove cigarettes and betel." Also banned are "vaporizing delivery devices such as electronic cigarettes."

Hambo asks: WTF do E-cigarettes have to do with TEACHING inmates reading, writing, and math?

Item: Gender Identity, and more

Old non-discrimination policy: the "equal employment opportunity" policy listed "race, religious creed, national origin, ancestry, physical handicap, age or sex" as the banned basis for jobs or promotions.

New non-discrimination policy: a lengthier list includes "the person's actual or perceived race, religious creed, color, national origin, ancestry, age, marital status, pregnancy, physical or mental disability, medical condition, genetic information, veteran status, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sex or sexual orientation."

Hambo asks: "perceived race"? WTF is THAT, and what does it have to do with education?

Parting shot: If this is happening in a staunchly conservative area, I hate to think about the crap perpetrated in Libertard infestations.


More Word Games

After finishing Top Story, I'm still in 'word' mode.

Here is another word game people play:

They Say: Surprise Hit of the Year

They Want You to Think: I should be horse-whipped for missing out on this.

What They Really Mean: I can't believe anyone is watching this stinking pile of turds. I guess there's no accounting for taste.

They Say: Critically acclaimed.

They Want You to Think: It's a modern - Shakespeare-quality - classic.

What They Really Mean: Our bribes paid off.

They Say: Remaking A Classic

They Want You To Think: Wow. I loved that show/movie.

What They Really Mean: We're out of ideas, so we're going to tarnish the name of a classic show/movie.

They Say: Limited Release

They Want You To Think: They're only showing it in a few, top of the line, settings. I hope it's showing in my area.

What They Really Mean: 1) We've already poured too much money into this stinker, so we're cutting our losses. Or...2) We're cheap bastards. Or...3) We made this on a shoestring and with our tight budget, a 'limited' release is all we can afford.

She Says: I decided to emulate Marilyn Monroe by doing a tastefully classy 'Playboy' photo spread.

She Wants You To Think: Wow! What a courageous career move.

What she really means: My career is in the crapper, so I'm appearing nude in 'Playboy', while my talent is still 'perky'.

They Say: He's a free spirit.

They Want You To Think: He's that American classic, the rugged individual.

What They Really Mean: When he's not whoring around, he's getting drunk, or sleeping it off.

They Say: He's taking a nap.

They Want You To Think: Poor guy, he's working way to hard.

What They Really Mean: He's passed out on the floor.

They Say: He's not himself today.

They Want You To Think: Poor guy, he's stressed out.

What They Really Mean: He's got a hangover.

They Say: She's got a great personality.

They Want You To Think: Wow! A woman with a lively intellect and a charming demeanor.

What They Really Mean: She makes Medusa look like a hottie.

They Say: He's a really nice guy.

They Want You To Think: Wow, those guys are few and far between.

What They Really Mean: He gives bland a bad name, but he's $elf $ufficient.

They Say: She's not a raving beauty, but she has a certain something.

They Want You To Think: Wow. I love a mystery.

What They Really Mean: She's got big tits.

She Says: "FINE!"

She Wants You To Think: I'm glad she finally saw things my way.

What She Really Means: No jury in the world will convict me.

They Say: I'm trying out a new recipe.

They Want You To Think: Yum!

What They Really Mean: INCOMING!!! This bad boy will hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me.

They Say: It's a little spicy.

They Want You To Think: It's going to tingle my taste buds.

What They Really Mean: It's going to burn going in and burn 1000 times more coming out.

They Say: College is fine, but I really miss you, dad.

They Want You To Think: My little boy/girl is growing up, fast, but they're still my pride and joy.

What They Really Mean: Send me some money, dad.

They Say: I'm cutting back (on cigarettes).

They Want You To Think: Good for you, I wish I could quit smoking.

What They Really Mean: With cigarettes so damn expensive, I decided to let YOU buy cigarettes for both of us. You see, I don't plan to quit smoking. I do, however, hope to quit BUYING cigarettes.

They Say: I went 'green' by buying a Chevy Volt.

They Want You To Think: Doing what they can to help Mother Earth.

What They Really Mean: Why didn't they tell me the truth about this miserable fire trap on wheels, before I pissed away all that good money on it?


Labor Day Part II

Labor unions are anti-capitalist, anti-excellence, and anti-individual. Don't hold your breath waiting for us to salute THAT bull crap on Labor Day. Does that mean we won't take some time out from our summer ending festivities to honor America's working men and women? Hardly. The FSOP is ready, willing and eager to honor America's hard-working men and women. BUT, we insist on saluting the right hard-working people, for the right reasons.

On Labor Day, on many other days, we salute that dirt under the fingernails individual who keeps our ride in top working order, without sending us to the poor house. It's a dirty job - especially keeping Hambo's paganmobile functional - but it's accomplished with compelling expertise.

On Labor Day, we salute the food wrangler at our local deli who greets us by name, knows our preferences, and serves us with friendly efficiency.

On Labor Day, we salute the service we get from our web hosting service. We know we're small potatoes on their ledger sheet, but, no matter how busy they are, they take the time to answer our pesky questions and still manage to convince us that they appreciate our business.

On Labor Day, we hoist a brewskie to honor the computer gurus at our internet service provider, who spotted a problem we had with our e-mail, then sent us the answer to our question, before we had time to ask it.

On Labor Day, we honor all the working men and women who understand our, occasional, financial limitations, prompting them to suggest a bang-for-the-buck solution, without making us feel like a charity case.

On Labor Day, we salute the working men and women who keep their outpost of capitalism open for an extra half hour, allowing us to meet our own pressing schedule.

On Labor Day, we take a moment to thank the working men and women who understand the importance of excellent customer service. This, in our estimation, is a major social and economic achievement, since it allows us to reward excellence with our continuing patronage.

On Labor Day, we send a heartfelt shout out to the working men and women who take the time to help us solve our pressing problem with a referral, when their outpost of capitalism doesn't offer the goods and/or services that we need.

What's the difference between these achievements by America's working stiffs and the overblown social and economic achievements attributed to organized labor? The actions the FSOP honors, salutes and venerates are examples of individual excellence. It's the kind of individual pride in one's work, which is sorely lacking in a unionized environment. They're mundane examples of the individual excellence which helped forge the solid foundation on which this once great nation was built.

The Free State of PIG refuses to play killjoy, by ruining your Labor Day. If you still decided to hoist your brewskie to honor organized labor, so be it, but do it with your eyes wide open. If, like us, you choose to salute those real working stiff heroes who make your life a little bit more liveable, one transaction at a time, that's an utterly PIG-worthy idea.

Labor Day still isn't our idea of a good time, and it never will be. On the other hand, if we could create a Capitalism Rocks holiday, that's a whole new ball game.


Labor Day Part I

If you've ever wondered why the Free State of PIG has never honored Labor Day with a Top Story, wonder no more. Quite frankly, especially in this first decade of the of the 21st century, the labor unions who exemplify this faux holiday aren't thrilling us spitless. No matter what essential topic you name, they're on the wrong side of it. Given organized labor's deleterious impact on a sovereign individual's life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, the FSOP won't set aside a picosecond on September 7 to hoist a brewskie to honor BIG LABOR. Why? We refuse to give PIG props to the public employees unions, teachers union, and auto workers unions, or any other organized labor group which are key players in this increasingly oppressive Obamunist Error. What, exactly, is Labor Day? If you cyber surf to the Department of Labor Internet speed bump, you'll learn that the American version of Labor Day dates back to 1882. You'll also find this high sounding, bureaucratic, bull crap to justify this salute to BIG LABOR:

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Social and economic achievements? Let's take a closer look at that.

Teachers unions are high on our list of groups that deserve to be nuked out of our misery. First, and foremost, being a tenured member of a teacher's union means you'll never have to hear the words "You're fired." No matter what you do, you'll never have to pay the piper for your incompetence. Hell, in most government cess schools, the only way you'll get in serious trouble with your union happens if you're foolish enough to educate your young charges instead of indoctrinating them.

In liberty-impoverished blights like Mexifornia, teachers unions are powerful political players who, routinely, impose their will on feckless Elected Tormentors and brain dead chad punchers. They shape the political landscape, with unrelenting advertising campaigns, which inhibit liberty and impoverish unwary achievers.

When it comes to unionized teachers, their primary social and economic achievements involve producing properly indoctrinated, neo-Marxist meatheads who can't read, write or compute but are brimming with inexplicable self-esteem.

As fun as the teachers unions are, they're bush league, when compared to the pernicious social and economic achievements of unionized, job-for-life, public employees. When it comes memorable social and economic achievements, public employee unions, like the SEIU, are without peer. For example, at every level of government in Mexifornia - city, county, state - one budget-busting item is drowning them in a tidal wave of budgetary red ink. What is it? It's public employee retirement plans. Generous to a fault, these scams allow the union worker to retire at 50 with, at least, 90% of their pay, then return to their job, THE NEXT DAY, at, virtually, the same pay.

From sea to shining sea, public employee unions like the SEIU dictate public policy, using bought and paid for Elected Tormentors, including Prompter Punk himself. They say "jump" and their Elected Tormentor toadies bellow "how high". If those pesky sovereign individuals try to take back their government, the SEIU's purple-shirted thugs goose-step into peaceable public assemblies to shout, and/or beat, the sovereign individuals into compliance.

Don't wait for the FSOP to get warm and fuzzy over the social and economic 'achievements' of unionized teachers and public employees. Any alleged good they do is overwhelmed by their destructive impact on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Screw them, and the sorry nag they rode in on.

Jealous of the social and economic achievements perpetrated by unionized teachers and public employees, so-called 'civilian' unions made a compelling, annoyingly successful, bid for their piece of the taxpayer funded pie. Did it work? You better believe it, Sparky.

Eager to please, Demoncrats doled out billions via make-work projects funded by the Porkulus Bill, all of which will reward labor unions.

The same Demoncrat horde worked feverishly, to pass the 'card check' bill which would make it much, MUCH, easier for union organizers to intimidate recalcitrant, rogue individuals into 'agreeing' to be unionized.

The auto industry bailout bill handed two of the Big Three automakers to the United Auto Workers Union on a Commie Red, Obamunist platter.

Marching to the beat of organized labor's drummer, the Nanny State has shackled business owning individuals with suffocating restrictions and unrelenting interference. In addition to complying with minium wage - and 'living' wage - laws, business owning individuals must eke out a profit, while the Nanny State second-guesses every staffing decision, then micro-manages the business's benefits package.

Our antipathy to labor unions goes beyond the aforementioned social and economic achievements. That's only half the story. Organized labor's underlying principles are, in the FSOP's considered opinion, diametrically opposed to the individual liberty on which this nation is built.

Under the union's 'collective' bargaining rules of engagement, longevity trumps individual excellence. It doesn't matter if you're the best at your job, your pay raise will be exactly the same as those three slackers who foist off their work on you. If, however you're a relative newbie, you'll always be earning less than those slackers, whose paycheck is based, exclusively, on longevity.

Union rhetoric is infused with anti-capitalist diatribes which denigrate the achiever(s) who rolled fate's dice by going all in on a new business. Instead of saluting the achiever for risking everything he had on his personal version of the American Dream, the union thugs vilify the achiever as an 'exploiter'. Instead of honoring the achiever who made their own job(s) possible, the union thugs do their utmost to bring the achiever down. For example: the biggest, noisiest union thug celebration I've ever witnessed happened after the union's insatiable demands and prolonged strike forced the company they targeted to close its doors, permanently. They were out of a job, but they called it a victory, because an achiever, a capitalist, went down for the count.

Summing it up, labor unions are anti-capitalist, anti-excellence, and anti-individual. Don't hold your breath waiting for us to salute THAT bull crap on Labor Day.



Maine Governor Paul LePage

Governor LePage has a talent for 'launching Libs':

• (8/12/13) LePage talked about how Obama could have been the best president ever if he had highlighted his biracial heritage. LePage said the president hasn't done that because he hates white people.

• In September 2010, before he was elected, he told a group of fishermen at a forum: "As your governor, you're going to be seeing a lot of me on the front page, saying 'Governor LePage tells Obama to go to hell.'"

• In January 2011, shortly after he was sworn in, he declined an invitation to an event hosted by the NAACP in Portland. When asked what he would tell the group if it questioned his decision, LePage replied, "Tell them to kiss my butt."

• In July last year, he compared the Internal Revenue Service to the Gestapo, the Nazi police.

• In June of this year, he said Maine Assistant Senate Majority Leader Troy Jackson would be "the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline."

I really like this guy.


Required Reading

If you only read one thing today, this is it. I'll give you the first few bits then give you a link.

I Am An American Soldier

I am an American soldier. In 1776 I fought an enemy ten times my strength...in pursuit of a glorious dream. In that first winter an infant Congress could not feed or clothe me...so I spent the winter at Valley Forge eating grub worms and the barks off of trees, slept in mud and marched barefoot through the snow....because you asked me to.

I am an American soldier. In 1861 I donned the Blue or the Gray, slung my rifle over my shoulder, carried Apple Sauce Johnny-Cakes in my pack and set off to fight for "the glorious cause". I crouched knee-deep in blood at Cold Harbor as 7,000 of us died in twenty minutes. At Gettysburg I stood on Little Round Top, our ammo spent, as we watched Johnny Reb charge up the hill with fire and thunder. Our leader, an English professor from Maine, rallied our spirits and instilled in us the raw courage to counter charge with knife and bayonet...and we held our point and won the battle. And in the spring of '65, after 600,000 of us gave our lives, our generals met at Appomattox and signed a treaty of peace as the armies of victory and defeat stood outside. Emaciated and starved, the boys in gray were startled as the boys in Blue gave us rations and let us keep our horses and guns and set us on the road to home. As young as 12 and as old as 60, we served...because you asked us too.

Read the rest, here: send me



Something kept nagging me about San Diego's horndog mayor, Busy Fingers Bob Filner. Something didn't feel right. Yesterday, while I listened to the latest object of Filner's lust tell her story, I got it.

She said something like this: "He touched my bottom. His shocking behavior is very inappropriate."

"Touched my bottom?"

"...behavior is very INAPPROPRIATE?"

Who says crap like that?

IF Busy Fingers Bob tried that with the women I grew up with, he'd limp away with balls the size of Jupiter and at least one black eye. When she described it - probably at high volume - her account would sound like this:

"That dirty son-of-a-bitch grabbed my ass, so I kicked him in the balls then punched his f**king lights out. He won't try THAT shit again."

Where have all the REAL American women gone?


Good Intentions

My mother's favorite mantra warns "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It probably isn't a prime Jackass Party mantra, but it certainly should be. Why? Why indeed.

As far as I can tell, 'good intentions' is the driving force behind the Jackass Party's fondness for fatally flawed grandiose legicrap.

Good Intention: Affordable healthcare will make everyone healthier and live longer

Grandiose Legicrap: Obamacare

Fatal Flaw(s): Destruction of insurance industry; an alarming decrease in healthcare providers; deathrate soars when people with curable maladies, due to healthcare rationing.

Good Intention:Help transgender students mainstream. Any student can assert transgender status, and nobody is allowed to challenge them on it. A biological male who invokes 'transgender' can use girls restroom, girls locker room, and can participate in girls sports. Conversely, a biological female transgender will use the boys restroom and locker, plus participate in boys sports.

Grandiose Legicrap: Mexifornia AB 1266 Transgender Student Rights.

Fatal Flaw(s): Since a transgender claim can't be questioned or challenged, some non transgender students will take advantage of it. Boys faking transgender will destroy girls sports. Other boys who fake transgender will legally invade girls restrooms and locker rooms then send sexual assault statistics off the scale. Due to the antics of fake transgender students, real transgender students will face an increasingly hostile learning environment.

In both instance, Jackass Party pinheads will sigh, say 'at least we tried', then make matters much worse with a fix.

America's highway to hell is littered with the wreckage of Jackass Party good intentions.

San Diego's Horndog Mayor

Filner facts - glass half empty

Bob Filner is the poster punk for 'dirty old man'

His antics are crude, rude, and lewd.

Since his criteria is, presumably 'female and alive', no woman is safe around him.

He needs a cattle prod equipped NO NAD to follow him around

Filner facts - glass half full

His behavior is disgusting, but we must give him props for his enthusiasm.

His stamina is commendable, especially for a 70 year old pervert.

Progressives must be delighted by Bob's diverse group of lust objects. He's a relentlessly horny old bastard, but he's not perpetrating agism or racism.

Bob is an inspiration for seasoned citizens. Among other things he motivates them to go out and do something you love.


Oprah Did It Again

If you think that story about a clerk in a high brow European shop dissing Oprah sounds familiar, you might be remembering this June 2005 incident:

Oprah refused entry at Hermes store

Clerks at the Paris Hermes store must be kicking themselves. Page Six reports that employees of the pricey boutique in France refused to let mega-mogul Oprah Winfrey inside because they did not recognize her at the time. A spy who witnessed Oprah's dismissal said, "Oprah didn't have her hair done. When she tried the door, they refused her entry because they have been 'having a problem with North Africans' lately' and obviously had no clue who she was." Because of the slight, Hermes should not expect their infamous Kelly bag to be featured as one of Oprah's "favorite things" in her yearly Christmas episode. (By Kate Lanahan)

More Oprah

Here's how lard ass described the latest incident:

In recent interview with "Entertainment Tonight," Winfrey recalled a clerk at an upscale Zurich boutique refusing to show her a handbag. Winfrey said she was told she could not afford the $38,000 purse.

"I'm in a store and the person doesn't obviously know that I carry the black card and so they make an assessment based upon the way I look and who I am," said Winfrey, who earned $77 million in the year ending in June, according to Forbes magazine.

"I didn't have anything that said `I have money': I wasn't wearing a diamond stud. I didn't have a pocketbook. I didn't wear Louboutin shoes. I didn't have anything," said Winfrey on the red carpet. "You should be able to go in a store looking like whatever you look like and say `I'd like to see this.' That didn't happen." Swiss tourism officials and the boutique owner apologized for the incident last week, but Winfrey insists there's no need.

Hambo sez: in 2005 they wouldn't even let her into the store. Eight years later, they let her in, but refused to serve her. That sounds like progress to me. It's glass half full time in the PIGdom.



* Je$$e
Someone finally pinned down Je$$e long enough to ask about the beating of white kid by three black kids. Je$$e's response was underwhelming. First he blamed his silence on "I was in Africa." After a noticeably tepid note of concern for the white victim, he reeled off a load of Ethnocrat bilge about the real crimes.

It's only important to Je$$e, if the crime victim is black and the perpetrator is uh differently black. I'm glad he cleared that up for me.

* "Show me your papers."
If you looked at this week's Steaming Load you know that the TSA goons are expanding their antics beyond airports. Coming to a transportation hub near you? Yup.

The controversial government agency created in the wake of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack to protect American airports, has decided that it will dispatch its Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response (VIPR) officers to patrol other transportation hubs and other highly attended events including sporting games and concerts. The TSA hopes that the increased coverage will help thwart potential terrorist attacks in transportation portals other than airports.

"Our mandate is to provide security and counterterrorism operations for all high-risk transportation targets, not just airports and aviation," TSA Administrator John Pistole told The New York Times.

The TSA also plans to have VIPR teams accompanied by bomb-sniffing dogs and dressed in plainclothes to search for any "suspicious behavior" while on duty at transportation terminals nationwide. [Fox News]

I have another troubling notion. Remember all those stories about fed entities - including the TSA, and Homeland Stupidity - stocking up on guns, ammo and armored vehicles? I think I understand it now. It isn't for imposing martial law. If you expand 'transportation targets' to include our interstate highway system, the answer looms ominously on the near horizon.

It isn't necessarily martial law. It's something equally unAmerican: highway checkpoints manned by armed federal agents who will interrogate you. That's right America, "show me your papers has arrived".



Objective reality exists, whether I like it or not. I understand this...I even appreciate this fact of existence. My problem isn't with the 'ready or not, here I am' nature of objective reality. My beef is with all unnecessary bullshit that makes it much too hard to get an unobstructed view of it.

Much of this interfering bullshit is pooped out by the Marxist who infests 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. He's a malignant narcissist whose ego is so egregiously inflated that he puts himself at the center of the universe. In HIS universe, everything is about him, because of him and exclusively for him.

He's free to believe whatever he damn pleases. The problem arises because his views are amplified by his Nanny State minions, and his toadies in the MSM:

Nothing the Nanny State nitwits say, or do, can be taken at face value. For me, the only rational approach involves asking 'what are they up to now'.

I don't believe anything pooped out by the Obama worshiping MSM.

The One has two primary modes of operation. He's either taking credit for things he didn't do, or he's ducking responsibility for things he did do. Once I know which mode he's in, I use it as a filter to separate fact from fiction.

That brings me to the terror alert/embassy closures. I'm not sure how real, or serious, it is. So far I have two possibilities.

1) He's exaggerating a real, but minor, threat, as a shiny object to distract us from the Benghazi story that won't go away.

2) The threat is real and serious, so he's pre-emptively, making a show of preparedness. Afterwards, he'll claim: "I did everything I could."

I'm fed up with this Commie Narcissist.

I'm fed up with a national government perpetrated by the dregs of society.

I'm fed up with that asshole Chris Matthews and his man crush. Why can't they just get a room and get 'er done?

I'm fed up with George Soros goose-stepping on our liberty.

I want my country back and I want to send this Dumbo-Eared son of a bitch back to the circle of hell that spawned this bastard.


Something Fun

During oppression's golden age, Ivory Towers enjoyed an oppressor bumper crop, but those glorious times are long gone. Now, when they're needed more than ever, oppressors are a vanishing breed whose ranks are tragically, drastically, depleted. How can the Ivory Tower's new victim culture be sustained, without resident oppressors?

In oppression's golden age, all oppressors were prime specimens drawn from the swelling ranks of old ka-boomists who knew that 'the book' condemned homos to burn in hell, knew that old ka-boom himself demands bitches stay barefoot and pregnant, knew that 'the mark of Cain' refers to all non-white skin tones. Alas, they just don't make oppressors like that anymore, so Ivory Tower officials need to resort to desperate measures to replenish oppressor ranks. Ivory Tower eggheads call this cutting edge program, Affirmative Oppression.

I'm sad to report that new, relaxed, oppressor standards are in place. The following checklist demonstrates how bad things are. Under the -scandalously - lowered oppressor standards, you might earn the highly prized oppressor label if you:

Felt guilty when you fell asleep during that sensitivity training seminar.

Aren't sure what a 'sexual' is, but you're reasonably certain that you never harassed one.

Find egghead terminology baffling. The only time you 'affirmed action' happened that night you judged the wet t-shirt contest. 'Diversity' is even worse. The way they pronounce it, eggheads could mean Dever City, that wide spot on a south Georgia road, but they might be lousy spellers so it could stand for the local scuba shop, Diver City. Either way, it doesn't rate all the fuss.

Honored Caesar Chavez Day by purchasing table grapes - a food that gives you a rash - but didn't eat them.

Spared the feelings of spelling-challenged feminists, by spending an entire night correcting 'Womyn's Studies' posters to read, 'Women's Studies'.

Celebrated Black History Month by spanking the monkey, using grandpa's venerable National Geographic collection as visual aides.

Are still scratching your head over the incident with the busty coed in the grocery store. Admiring the new label on a tin containing Del Monte peaches you said, "Nice cans" and she slaps you! What's her problem?

Don't really understand anything he says, but like the way Jesse Jackson rhymes his words.

Were very confused by that first gay pride day parade until your roommate pioneered some advanced gender studies by organizing the first Annual 'Chicks With Dicks' porno movie marathon in your dorm.

Can't explain the uproar caused when you described your Uncle's job at the Agriculture Department. What do they think 'he's a beaner' means?

Still don't know why you got evicted from that Anthropology class film about those teenage, Apache, ceremonial dance girls. All you asked was, "Does anybody else want to bag some of these redskins?" and they go postal. Who knew it was forbidden to eat peanuts in class?
[Government schooled dolts: 'redskins' are a common peanut variety, named for their 'red' colored skin.]

If you know someone who fits these new criteria...If you fit these criteria, contact your local Affirmative Oppression Office, immediately. Step up to the plate and do the right thing during this national crisis because it's your patriotic duty to sustain properly-hyphenated victim identities. Your country is counting on you...Amerika's obnoxious, self-pitying whiners are counting on you, so go out there and oppress.


Bitter Fruit

How America's Parasite-coddling Culture Poisoned the Wellspring of Our Liberty.

A great president called it a 'shining city on a hill'. Other Americans called it a 'noble experiment'. Whatever you call it, it never quite managed to live up to its billing. It never seemed to realize its full potential. I speak, as if you haven't guessed, of America, a bold new concept in limited government that no longer shines and is a far cry from 'noble'.

Did the Founding Fathers set the bar too high for us? Was this nation conceived in liberty doomed to failure from the start by human nature? Or, were we Americans, we the people, not up to the challenge of keeping our own government confined to its limited, explicitly delineated, properly Constitutional, functions, duties and powers? The bar was not 'too high', but human nature was always a problem, right from the start. Like it or not, we the people did this to ourselves.

I hear what you're shouting, PIGsters and you're almost right. Yes, even in our current, sorry, condition, we're still head and shoulders above any other nation. Given the state of the world, that's not saying much. Like it or not, 'sucks less' isn't valid when comparing nations, either. The only legitimate comparison is between America 'THEN' and America 'NOW'.

Then: Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
America was a land whose ground rules gave each denizen the opportunity to succeed. Success was not guaranteed, but there were few artificial barriers in an individual's path. The way was clear for each individual to go has far, as high, as their energy, intellect and desire would take them. All an individual asked of the government was to set the stage for maximized liberty, then get the hell out of your way.

Now: Entitlement, envy, and dependency.
Why kill yourself getting ahead, when you can get an Elected Tormentor to rip off some poor, hardworking fool? Why work at all, when the Nanny State is ready, willing and eager to hand you everything you 'need', and more, on a silver, transfer of wealth, platter? We have become a nation of parasites, who have been indoctrinated into believing the answer to all our problems is another Nanny State program.

Then: Rugged individualism.
Being an American meant being accountable for your own actions. It meant that you were willing to accept blame for your failures. It also meant not being afraid to take credit for your successes. Being an American meant setting your own goals, taking stock of yourself, and taking the necessary steps to achieve them. In short, being an American meant accepting full responsibility for your own life.

Now: Group think and government-certified victimhood status.
You shed your individual identity like a bad habit and strap on a new group identity that is mired in chronic victimhood. Every speed bump in life is someone else's fault. Assuaging life's inevitable boo-boos is 'society's' responsibility. When you want something, there's no goal setting, no self assessment, no pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. Instead, there is only incessant caterwauling to the Nanny State which is tasked with giving you that college education you haven't earned, and handing you that job for which you're egregiously unqualified. 'They' owe you, and your only purpose in life is whining until they can't take it anymore, so they shut you up by giving you what you demand.

Then: The American Dream.
The American Dream meant working hard, owning your own home, and transforming that idea into a new business. It meant setting aside enough money and property to give the next generation a head start in life.

Now: The American Nightmare.
Being talented and hard-working is no longer enough, because racial bean counting trumps all that with your 'born that way' pedigree. Owning your own home is spiffy, until someone with deep pockets buys a local hack, who will steal it from you via Eminent Domain. Opening that new business has become mission impossible, thanks to mountains of intrusive, Nanny State regulations. That nest egg you amassed for the next generation will never get to them, because the Nanny State will steal every last penny of it via Death Taxes.

Then: Justice A.K.A., the level playing field.
Justice meant that all comers were evaluated by a single, one-size-fits-all, objective standard. Wether it was a courtroom, a classroom, or the personnel department of some firm, you were measured, weighed and evaluated on your merits, based on that objective standard.

Now: Fairness A.K.A., an equality of results.
The single objective standard has been abolished (too discriminatory) and replaced by subjectivity based on your immutable traits. Your skills are secondary to your race, gender and sexual orientation. Fairness dictates that the success of your assigned group matches, with 15 decimal point precision, the latest census data. If your group is 20% of the relevant population, then you are - qualified or not - ENTITLED to 20% of the jobs, school admissions, etc. Fairness, the equality of results it mandates, is so off the scale un-American that it can't be quantified.

Then: The melting pot.
Immigrants from around the world severed all ties with their past and made great personal sacrifices to become an American. They came with little more than their hope for a better life and their desire to forge their own piece of the American Dream. They were dreamers. They were builders. They were aspiring achievers. They contributed more to our nation than they took. They were a welcome addition to America.

Now: Invasion.
Border jumpers refuse to shed their former identity. Their primary allegiance is to another nation. They don't come here to become an American. They don't come here to forge their piece of the American dream. They come here to tear off a piece of what's left of American prosperity and take it back home with them. They are parasites who destroy everything they touch, from the deserts they cross while invading us, to the cities they infest while devouring us.

Then: Marketplace regulated capitalism.
All you need is an idea, and the energy to make it work. If financing is needed, an aspiring capitalist would pitch his idea to potential investors who would fund, or partner up, with him. You hire workers who suit your needs. You bargain with each worker on pay, and benefits. You get down to business without genuflecting to the Nanny State. You don't seek Elected Tormentor favor or frowns. All you want from them is to get out of the damn way while you give that new idea, that new business, your best shot. If you succeed everyone wins, including the government that did little more then stay out of your way.

Now: Nanny State suffocated regulation and restrictions.
The Nanny State, at every level, sets up roadblocks to keep you from starting that new business. You face zoning laws, licensing laws, building codes, relentless inspections, countless permits and edicts dictating every aspect of your business. You are told whom you can hire, whom you can fire, what you must pay and which employee benefits you must offer. You are plagued by Elected Tormentors and bureaucrats looking for a 'donation'. You do a header into artificial barriers erected to reward 'cooperative' firms and punish 'uncooperative' firms. Eventually, if you manage to succeed despite all this interference, the Nanny State will barge in and try to swallow the lion's share of what you worked so hard to build. Finally, when you're sick of it all, you'll close your American operation and set up shop overseas.

'Then' had its dark underbelly and it wasn't quite what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they created their noble experiment in government. I won't pretend that 'Then' was Eden. It had its flaws, but, despite its noteworthy shortcomings, 'Then' was sufficiently free of government to allow America, Americans, to flourish. 'Then' created a nation that the rest of the world envied. The primary problem with 'Then' and those rugged individuals who lived in those liberty-intensive times, is that we the people took our eyes off the prize. We the people let the Nanny State slip 'Now' past us, an element at a time. By the time we the people woke up and saw the danger, 'Now' was a done deal.

Is there any way to jettison 'Now' and get back to 'Then'? Perhaps, but it won't be easy. We'll leave that question for another day, another rant.



A 9th grade Mexifornia wenchlet thinks she's a guy, so she's demanding the 'right' to use the boy's restroom. Herhis hissy fit was so memorable that Eric the Red (Attorney General Holder) has declared this gender bending brain fart a 'civil rights issue'.

What's herhis damage? It's called Gender Identity Disorder and it's the cause celebre among Victocrats. Here's how Wikipedia describes it:

Gender identity disorder (GID), also known as gender dysphoria, is the formal diagnosis used by psychologists and physicians to describe persons who experience significant dysphoria (discontent) with the sex they were assigned at birth and/or the gender roles associated with that sex. It describes the symptoms related to transsexualism, as well as less extreme manifestations. Affected individuals are commonly referred to as transgender.

In real life, GID involves some wingnut who isn't thrilled spitless with their plumbing. I don't give a damn what THEY call it. I call it Mad [at my] Nads Disorder. Is it real? Probably, for 1 in 30,000 individuals. For the rest, Mad Nads is just one of those disorder of the month brain farts. It's hip...it's the in thing...it puts you on the cutting edge of victimhood.

It's primary 'perk' is a thrilling one: Mad Nads lets you use any locker room, any restroom, that the tranny wants to use.

If you're thinking this is strictly an adult brain fart guess again. School districts in Mexifornia and Massachusetts have done away with gender-defined restrooms. Anyone can use any restroom in any grade school, middle school or high school. Why? 'We' must coddle Mad Nad nitwits, by letting them swap gender roles, whenever the mood strikes them.

Mad Nads may, or may not, be real. Real or not, rational adults need to bitch slap Mad Nads coddlers and tell them to STFU. The solution to this restroom/locker room debacle isn't rocket science.

Your imaginary gender is irrelevant. If you've got a hole - original equipment or a tribute to modern medicine - you do your business in hole city - the women/ladies/girls facilities.

Your imaginary gender is irrelevant. If you've got a pole - original equipment or a tribute to modern medicine - you do your business in pole city - the men/boys facilities.

For consenting ADULTS, public, UNISEX, bathrooms and locker rooms could sooth those bruised Mad Nads egos. I doubt that Mad Nads 'victims' would go for it, but it's worth trying.

If you cut to the chase, you are what you're packing: a pole, or a hole. Why make it more complicated, when it's as easy as that?


Something Old, Oiginal, & Fun









(VERSE #1)

(VERSE #2)

(VERSE #3)




Here are some stray notions that popped into my brain, and kept bugging me, until I jettisoned them, here. If you sense a central theme, or an logical sequence, you really need to cut back on the adult beverage, AA candidate Sparky.

Q: Wouldn't a NYC Mayor Anthony "Would You Like To See My" Weiner be a marked improvement over Nanny Bloomberg?

Q: Why are they called the "public" airwaves when it's against the law for any member of the public to use them without Nanny State permission?

Q: Why do all the radio shows go to commercial at the exact same time?

Q: Which rat bastard do I THANK, for the boob tube commercials whose sound level is 10,000 times louder than the program I was just watching?

Q: Excluding her fat ass and that BORING sex tape, what, exactly is Kim Kardashian's 'talent'?

Q: Why are the Kardashians assaulting our senses with big mama's new show? Haven't we been punished enough for letting O.J. get away with murder?

Q. Is Barry so desperate for a distrction that he's willing to start a race war over Saint Skittles?

Q: Why does any random prose selected from my Al Bundy quote file make more sense than anything, everything, spouted by the Gang of Eight RINOS?

Q: Has anyone at the DNC read "The Peter Principle"?

Q: Have the Demoncrats faced the fact that making Messiah Barry POTUS is the epitome of the Peter Principle ("In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence")?

Q: Doesn't the aforementioned phrase "His level of Incompetence" describe Messiah Barry's job performance at any randomly selected point in his political career?

Q. Has anyone at the DNC read "The Communist Manifesto"?

Q. What, exactly, is the distinction between Messiah Barry's zeal to "spread the wealth around" and the Commie scumbag mantra, "From each according to his ability. To each according to his need."?

Q: Did Bubba surrender his 'the first black president' label, when Messiah Barry got elected POTUS?

Q: If, some time after Messiah Barry is forced to return the keys to the Oval Office, another Melanin-Enriched American - one with a Melanin-Enriched father AND mother - is elected POTUS, do the 'first black president' honors go to him, her, himher or it, based on a superior pedigree?

Q: Why do they call it 'news' when all of the MSM talking heads spout the same - word for word - DNC/Messiah Barry talking point bull crap?

Q: How can you give a tax 'cut' to a slacker who doesn't pay any taxes?

Q: What unforgivable sin did I commit to land in a special circle of hell where Speaker of the House John Uber RINO Boehner, Senator Majority Leader Dingy Harry Reid, and President/Messiah Barry "the boy blunder" O'Dumbo preside over my (allegedly) inalienable individual liberty?

Some of you - you know who you are - will feel compelled to answer some of these Hambo questions. So be it, but do both of us a favor and try to make them 'entertaining'.

FRIDAY JULY 19, 2013


The pitfalls of allowing your behavior to be programmed by someone else's expectations.

Stereotype, n.
A form of snap judgement shorthand that allows you to, instantly, define an individual, in great specificity, without really getting to know him, her, himher or it. [Related terms include pigeonholing and profiling.]

I am hard-wired for individualism. Admittedly, there are some glitches here and there but, for the most part, I stay true to my school and do my level best to make it hard for others to pigeonhole (stereotype) me. The downside of hard-wired individualism is training yourself to resist pigeonholing other people. I'm still working on that one, and I'm making some progress.

If, like me, you try to avoid pinning a stereotype on those individuals you meet, you set yourself up for some memorable moments. For example, what if, despite your best efforts, you catch yourself stereotyping someone - in your own mind - based on their immutable traits. Objective reality has a hot flash for you when you meet someone who quite simply doesn't fit your predefined stereotype for them.

Take, for example, the classic Asian stereotype. Let's suppose you're an Asian by reason of birth. If you're following your assigned stereotype, you're an obsessively good student, a menace behind the wheel, and speak in that sing-song accented English. That, at least, is how your designated pigeonhole is shaped. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

I learned the folly of stereotypical assumptions, the hard way, by doing a header into this familiar Asian stereotype. This especially memorable moment of my life happened, a few years ago, when I met a dude who was, obviously, Asian - I later learned that he's a Korean, ethnically, but 100% American in reality. I felt my jaw hit the floor when he spoke in that thick as molasses, South Carolina drawl. He read my mind - and my shocked expression, no doubt - smirked, then we both cracked up. He told me that it happens to him all the time and that he enjoyed the shocked expressions his home grown accent engendered. I later concluded that his accent, in and of itself, had the power to, instantly, dispel all the other Asian stereotype baggage.

Another stereotyping pitfall, one that can be equally problematic for a hard-wired individualist like me, happens when you meet someone who is the poster punk or punkette for their stereotype. Take, for example, the venerable Polack stereotype. They are, according to their designated pigeonhole, alleged to be dumber than a box of rocks.

I bumped heads with this stereotype too, but in this instance, the dude was matching his stereotype to a 'T'. He was not a dumbass. He was, however, one of the few people I've ever met who didn't have one iota of common sense. He was always coming in to work with another of his amazing adventures that would be deemed ridiculous, if you saw it on a television sitcom. Take, for example, the time he set off in a Rube Goldberg motorize half-assed Kayak rig, in the late afternoon and tried to sail across the Catalina Channel AT NIGHT, with no navigating lights, no compass, and, not a single functioning synapse in his head. He survived, of course, through some dumb luck, when he nearly got rammed by a bigger boat and followed them to safety. He was, in every possible way, the stereotypical Polack and that, PIGsters, really threw me.

I am, by my own confession, still wrestling with my own stereotyping impulses and I'm making headway. That's only half the battle. The real fight is against the stereotype wranglers whose label pinning, pigeonholing and stereotyping I can't hope to control.

Pigeonholing, AKA stereotypes, are seductive, even insidious, because they can make life so easy that you mail it in. Once you announce your assigned designator - label if you prefer - you have empowered all those around you to define who and what you are. Their expectations become your marching orders. They will mold you, reshape you, until you fit your assigned pigeonhole - adhere to your designated stereotype perfectly. If you've already had a Nanny State lobotomy in a government cess-school, you might even enjoy the fact that your life is mapped out for you in such ridiculous detail.

The dirty little secret about stereotypes is that, by and large, your assigned stereotype has nothing to do with you as an individual. It is driven by the expectations - prejudices, in some cases - of those around you. The worst thing you can do is make yourself an inviting target for stereotyping by affixing a pre-defined label onto yourself. The moment you pin that one-word descriptor on yourself, you seal your own fate with those who find stereotyping much easier than thinking. If, for example you say "I'm a conservative", "I'm a Christian", "I'm a Republican", or countless other descriptors, you, invariably, become whatever definition the listener has affixed to your label. He, she, heshe or it will discount you, everything you say, everything you have done in your life with a shrug while he assigns you to your designated - by him - pigeonhole. He may not say it out loud, but he's thinking it: "Oh, you're one of THEM."

"One of them" is a deep hole that's nearly impossible to escape. No matter how eloquently you try to differentiate yourself from the stereotype by citing your individual experiences, ideas and underlying philosophy, you can't get any traction, because the pigeonhole wrangler has stopped listening. The best way to avoid that trap is not to step in it, in the first place. Don't label yourself. Force them to do the heavy lifting and discover you, the individual.


Jobs Some Americans - I Mean YOU, Whitey - Won't Do

[A couple years ago, I sounded the alarm on the shocking disparity between Graybar Demographics and U.S. Census data. I sounded the call to arms, but nobody listened. It wounded me deeply, but I'm not willing to back down from a challenge.

Lance in hand, Hambo Quixote, will once, more tilt this graybar demographics windmill. Why? Because I can, and because, with so many 'oppressors' out of work, this idea offers them an action packed new career path which will, among other things, give them a chance to do something "for the good of society as a whole".

Why dredge this up now? It reached critical mass, during the post trial Saint Skittles whine-a-thon. An Ethnocrat opined that, in essence, whitey isn't doing his fair share when it comes to committing crimes. This Hambo rant resolves that pesky issue.

On your mark. Get set. Go forth and perpetrate, newby desperado Sparky.]

Enough is enough! If I hear one more lefty pinhead blithering about America's egregiously unfair prison population demographics, I'm gonna go postal. The usual suspects' whine always starts the same way: there are, quite simply, too many properly-hyphenated individuals in America's prisons. By a wide margin, the Melanin-Enriched are horrendously over-represented in America's prison systems the whiners thunder. To shut them up, albeit temporarily, PIG will play this silly game and stipulate that this graybar guest disparity is, as so many 'activists' proclaim, an intolerable situation that must be resolved, immediately.

Channeling my notorious sensitivity, I am trying my best to be shocked, shocked I tell you, over this blatant graybar guest racism. Fearlessly pursuing my ultimate goal, to shut these whiners up, I will see if there are any terminally PIGish ways to 'get 'er done' on graybar guest fairness.

The good news here is that properly-hyphenated criminals are doing their part, and then some. The bad news is that, as usual, whitey isn't doing his fair share of law breaking. The problem, in my PIGish view, isn't the fact that too many blacks, Latinos and Asians are committing crimes. The problem is, as usual, that whitey is refusing to do his duty to his country: whitey isn't chalking up enough graybar hotel guest qualifying felonies.

I am up to here with all the hand-wringing these lefties are doing over these prison demographics...Hand-wringing is for sissies. I spit on this lefty hand-wringing and demands that these nitwits stop this whining and get 'proactive' about whitey's shocking under-representation in our prison systems. If this is such a big damn problem then let's fix it. Resolving our prison population's shocking deviation from the that Holy Grail of "fairness", U.S. Census data, isn't brain surgery. In fact I can think of four steps that can be taken immediately, to restore prison demographics fairness and make these whining, activist pinheads shut the hell up:

1) Police, at all levels, should be banned from arresting properly-hyphenated individuals, especially Melanin-Enriched individuals, who differently obey our laws. This ban must stay in force until the appropriate, census-driven graybar demographics are restored. This point is not negotiable.

2) Public service campaigns should be mounted, from sea to shining sea, to encourage oppressors to do their patriotic duty by committing - and confessing to - their fair share of Amerika's felonious crimes.

3) Uncle Sam must organize, finance and staff a special task force to guide young oppressors into a life of crime. Since so many whites don't have proper criminal role models, it might be necessary to 'draft' certain young oppressors and send them to prison for 6 months to a year. This allows them to learn their new trade from the experts then serve as felonious role models for their friends when they hit the streets.

4) Paroled graybar guests should be enlisted for a "Crime Buddy" program that would pair them up with law-abiding oppressor young 'uns. Each oppressor criminal trainee would be 'guided' through some starter crimes by their Crime Buddy, allowing them to bag some hands-on training in crime. Since the "Crime Buddy" is on parole, it's a slam dunk that their criminal trainee will get caught, allowing the criminal trainee to graduate and help restore 'fairness' to our graybar guest demographics.

I know what you're thinking PIGsters, and I appreciate your enthusiasm for this worthy, graybar guest fairness cause. But, it might not be the right time to yank Percy and Peaches out of that Ivory Tower and start using that tuition money to hire a parolee as your whitey offspring's "Crime Buddy". According to PIG's top secret study, there are plenty of oppressors who are thisclose to graybar guest status. The problem is that they're stuck in a rut doing petty theft, shoplifting and garden variety vandalism. Before you start Percy and Peaches on the road to a felony conviction, look up that sorry ass punk they called a friend - the one who made you so miserable all through your kids' high school years. He, she, heshe or it is the one who needs a rational adult to put him on the road to a politically-correct felony, in the name of proper prison population diversity. Go ahead and imagine the punk in a prison cell...It's even okey dokey to laugh out loud. I promise not to tell anybody.

MONDAY JULY 15, 2013

Comparing Ethnocrat Antics to A Tyke's Tantrum

They usually have three behavioral stages that are used to get what they want, when they want. The first stage is to be charming and pleasing, to flatter those they wish to pamper them. Those adults who fail to be swayed by the charm are seen as mean and soon attacked verbally, often with false accusations. Every brat labels any spanking, or other discipline, he receives as abuse...

The second stage is the weeping and pouting; it is played whenever stage one has failed to secure the desired results. Brats know that many parents simply wilt when faced with the child's crying from 'hurt feelings.' In addition, once they have become successful as brats, most consider it demeaning to use flattery, which indicates the begging for boons; the brat at this stage is convinced that his desires are his inalienable rights....

The third stage is the temper tantrum, the violent outburst, the threats and eventually proof of doing harm to property, self, and others if demands are not met speedily. The spoiled brat inevitably blames everyone else for the tantrums. The brat is actually correct, but not as he thinks. If the adults had handled the bratty manipulating of stages one and two correctly with firm discipline, then stage three would not have been seen...

Is not virtually the whole of the recent 'civil rights' movement some form of this spoiled brat behavior? First comes the smiling charm, the praises for Good Whites who help uplift blacks and put those Bad Whites down into their rightful places. Then comes the parading of hurt feelings to prove that those who have spoken against preferential treatment for blacks are bad people who must not be allowed to inflict such emotional pain and to deny equality of result. Finally, we get the riots and the blaming of whites for black criminality, including the epidemic black on white violent crime rates, topped with warnings that failure to cough up for continued preferential treatment will mean more justified rioting, more crime caused by societal failure to squash Bad Whites...

Jesse Jackson is the master of stages one and two and is increasingly adept at stage three. Al Shapton and Louis Farrakhan are masters of stages two and three. Kweisi Mfume articulates all three, emphasizing two and three, as do the majority of elected black politicians; Maxine Waters is my favorite. Virtually all Afrocentric professors focus on stage three while using stage two to avoid being exposed as intellectual charlatans and postmodernist professorial versions of ambulance chasing shysters. Nothing better encapsulates the spoiled brat nature that defines 'civil rights' than the recent flap with Harvard's richly paid Afro-American Studies department forcing the new university president to soothe hurt feelings by announcing unqualified support for preferential treatment for blacks..

[A Timeless Quote From A Long Gone Gem, The Texas Mercury

While it lasted, The Texas Mercury was head and shoulders above other cyberspace speed bumps, when it came to the quality of its prose. This one is especially pertinent, given the on-going Saint Skittles hissy fit.]




Everywhere I look, I encounter alleged humans whose words and deeds make us conclude that they are a couple of tacos short of a combination plate. I see the disorders, dementia and malignant brainfarts on Obamunist MSM outlets like MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, and CBS, where their so-called news is saturated with dangerously deranged alleged humans who really need to increase the voltage on their shock treatments. I encounter them on the pages of our fishwrap. I encounter them on boom box talk shows. I encounter them on cyberspace speed bumps across the political spectrum.

Here are few of the newest maladies.

Traumatic Rhetorical Whiplash: You'll get a painful dose of this one, if you pay close attention to the public pronouncements of a Marco Rubio, Juan McCain or Barack Obama. Every time they speak, they shamelessly contradict themselves, giving rational adult listeners this painful, anger-inducing affliction.

You run the risk of getting Traumatic Rhetorical Whiplash if you pay too much attention to ads like this one:

It was a boob tube ad for a lawyer seeking clients for a dialysis-related class action suit.

The punchline: "If you suffered death, or a stroke, or paralysis, or a heart attack as a result of dialysis, call Sam Shyster at...."

If you suffered DEATH and are still making phone calls, screw the crumbs this shyster will handout. You're a room temperature gold mine: books, movies, the works. Who said room temperature fun was reserved, exclusively, for Chicago voters?

4-way Stop Derangement Disorder: This is a form of fear induced paralysis which can last for several minutes

Reality Re-attachment Trauma: Unless they delay it for a few years, by attending an Ivory Tower, Government schooled idiots with self-esteem get nailed with this one, soon after they get the diploma they can't read. They get up close and personal with it when they venture into the reality intensive realm of employment.

Junk Science Derangement Disorder: If you throw common sense out the window and rebuild your life completely every time some lab-coated hooligan poops out a new junk science brainfart, this one is all yours. Here are some new Junk Science gems for your collection:

Thirdhand Smoke:. What is it? According to the Smoke Nazis, it's the smoke 'contamination' which lingers long after a cancer stick is extinguished. It's the 'particulate matter' left over from tobacco smoke which sticks to clothes, hair, body parts, furniture, and everything else exposed to tobacco smoke. Big fun, but it gets better because, according to lab coated Smoke Nazi zealots, thirdhand smoke is a dire threat to - you gotta know what's coming - THE CHILDREN.

Secondhand Television: A USA Today news story defined this steaming load this way:

A growing number of researchers are warning about the dangers of watching TV when very young children are nearby. Recent findings suggest that even casual exposure to TV can harm their development and undermine parent-child interactions.


In addition to discouraging screen time for young kids, it warned against watching TV with them nearby, saying the practice hurts their language development. It pointed to several studies, including one from 2008 that found background TV reduced the length of time they played and caused their focus on play to stray.

Secondhand TELEVISION? Seriously? What's next? Secondhand Transfats? Will they say, just seeing food with transfats in it will make Little Johnny and Moonbeam lard up?

Digital Dementia. It's an alleged affliction confined to smart phone users.

"Over-use of smartphones and game devices hampers the balanced development of the brain," Byun Gi-won, a doctor at the Balance Brain Centre in Seoul, told the JoongAng Daily newspaper. "Heavy users are likely to develop the left side of their brains, leaving the right side untapped or underdeveloped," he said.

The right side of the brain is linked with concentration and its failure to develop will affect attention and memory span, which could in as many as 15 per cent of cases lead to the early onset of dementia. Sufferers are also reported to suffer emotional underdevelopment, with children more at risk than adults because their brains are still growing.

PIGish Assessment: Big fun, and it foreshadows new techno terror maladies. If 'texter's thumb' doesn't already exist, it will any minute now. I think 'touch screen finger' is another pick to click. But we think second hand digital dementia is a slam dunk.


What's Wrong With The Elephant Clan?

The Frontier Lab, a conservative market research group, answers that question, by applying scientific methods of qualitative research. I doubt that their findings will shock you:

The Frontier Lab study includes both conservative and moderate Republicans, and identified four key events that prompted individuals to "disaffiliate" from the party. One was the rejection of the "lesser of two evils" argument--the argument that voters had to support a bad Republican because the Democratic candidate would invariably be worse. Both conservatives and moderates are tired of the "two evils" argument, Sorock said.

A second event was a loss of hope in the Republican Party--a sentiment connected to the feeling that the party could no longer deliver on its promises because leaders had abandoned their principles. "The lack of perceived leadership by principle was strongly connected to this loss of hope," Sorock writes, noting that the GOP could reverse that perception through better communication and through actions more consistent with principles.

A third reason that Republicans had decided to detach themselves from the party label was "affiliation with a new community"--primarily the Tea Party, Sorock says, which offers the kind of "camaraderie" that the GOP itself no longer provides its members. Talk radio was another form of community, albeit one facilitated through electronic and social media, that provided what the Republican Party itself failed to offer.

Finally, a fourth reason Republicans identified for leaving was "perceived betrayal by the GOP establishment." Specifically, Sorock notes, respondents said that when party leaders attacked a candidate they supported, they experienced the attack as a personal slight and felt disconnected from the GOP itself as a result. Sorock told Breitbart News that Republicans "across the ideological spectrum" described similar experiences.

I sound off periodically on what they call 'lesser of two evils', but I pin a much more colorful label on it: we suck, but they suck more.

For example:

The dirty little secret about 'we suck, but they suck more' is that you end up in the same place, a cradle to grave Nanny State, but it takes a little bit longer with the pachyderm punk liberals in charge. When you're mired in statism...when you're a slave to the Nanny State and its chronically needy parasites, will you really give a rat's ass how long that trip took? Will you really give a flaming crap which political clan got you there? I doubt it.

Parting shot: The nifty thing about 'we suck, but they suck more' is the fact that it's such a piece of cake. With the Demoncrats stampeding off the cliff into outright Marxism, how hard can sucking slightly less be?

SUNDAY JULY 07, 2013

State Sanctioned Raperooms

Mexifornia's Jackass Party OWNS this shit, so the inevitable tsunami of sexual assaults in K-12 school locker rooms and restrooms is theirs, all theirs. In this case the 'shit' in question is a bill 'that would require public K-12 schools to let transgender students choose which restrooms they use and which school teams they join based on their gender identity instead of their chromosomes.'

There's already a state law that prohibits schools from discriminating against an inmate based on his, her, hisher, or its gender identity (a nads defying brainfart that, for example, makes a pole packer whine 'I'm really a chick').

California's bill would give students the right "to participate in sex-segregated programs, activities and facilities" based on their self-perception, regardless of their birth gender.

It sparked an impassioned debate on the Senate floor about when transgender students' right to expression might conflict with other students' discomfort and right to privacy.

Supporters said the bill is needed to protect students from bullying and other abuse. They also said it represents the next front in their effort to provide equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals, just days after same-sex marriages resumed in California.

"There should be certainty that every kid has the chance to go to school and be treated equally and fairly," said Sen. Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, who carried the bill in the Senate. "We know that these particular students suffer much abuse and bullying and denigration. We can't change that overnight, but what we can do is make sure that the rules are such that they get a fair shake."

Opponents said the state is going too far if it permits opposite-sex students to use restrooms and locker rooms.

"It is not all about discrimination. Elementary and secondary students of California — our most impressionable, our most vulnerable — now may be subjected to some very difficult situations," said Republican Sen. Jim Nielsen.

Parents, school administrators and school board members would have no say over students who identify themselves as transgender and enter shower rooms or bathrooms used by the opposite sex, Nielsen said, warning that the privilege could be abused by youthful sex offenders. [CBS]

In their mindless zeal to erase gender in the state's schools, Mexifornia's DEMOCRATS transformed school lockerooms and restrooms into raperooms. How many rapes and/or sexual assaults will it take to make these sick motherfuckers wake the fuck up?

Parting shot: Am I pinning a 'rapist' label on the 'transgendered'? Hardly. I am saying that some heterosexual inmates will view this 'use any restroom or locker room you want' as a 'take what you want' green light.



* Item:

If Old Ka-Boom won't smite this putrid pile of POTUS poop, so be it. I'm willing to dial it back, several notches, if PIGster J, Professor of Piety's deity would inflict a PROLONGED, bout of laryngitis on The One. I'm willing to accept this plan 'B' silencer, but I must insist that it last, at minimum, for 6 weeks.

* Item:

I've had it with bullshit artists from both political clans who seem to think that there are some secret clauses - written between the lines in invisible ink, no doubt - in the U. S. Constitution. Depending on which clan you believe, these secret clauses give Uncle Sam the power to: fund abortions; fund stem cell research; control schools; defend marriage; restrict what a broadcaster can air; seize control of the nation's health care system; steal money from the pockets or estates of American achievers and give those ill-gotten gains to perpetually-needy parasites; engage in social engineering using a confiscatory tax system; rip off companies that manufacture and sell legal products like cigarettes and cigars; take control of entire segments of the U.S. economy like auto manufacturing, mortgage lenders, banking.


Instead of getting buried under the D.C. Beltway bullshit, We the People need to immerse ourselves in objective reality. With America hurtling toward oblivion, it's time for rational adults to focus on the essentials:

We the People Are Our Own Worst Enemy

We the People need to set the bar much higher for those Elected Tormentors we support.

We the People need to clean house, in Washington D.C., in our state capitols, and in our local government.

We the People need to tell our Elected Tormentors to do the job we hired them to do and stop telling us what kind of lightbulb we're allowed to buy, what kind of toilet we're allowed to have, and how much transfat we're allowed to ingest when we get the urge for a lardburger.

We the People need to tell the chronically needy parasites that the Nanny State does not owe them a living.

We the People need to stop asking the Nanny State to do things FOR us, that we could, SHOULD, be doing for ourselves.

We the People need to remember that America is a vision of liberty of, by, and for INDIVIDUALS, not clumps of alleged humans who are grouped by immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices.

We the People need to revert back to that rugged American individual who made his own luck, shrugged off life's setbacks, and only had one thing to say to Uncle Sam: "Just stay the hell out of my way, Nanny State Sparky, because I'm the one who is in charge of my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness."

We the People deserve better than this, but if we expect the kind of government set forth in the U.S. Constitution, we need to elevate it from a request to a DEMAND, from We the People. If we want to restore that American which the Founding Fathers envisioned, then it's up to We the People to do the heavy lifting to get it done.

* Item

I am a sovereign individual.

I was not born with a shut up gene.

I was not born with a sacrificial lamb gene.

I was not born with a 'you can only go as high, as far, as I'll let you' gene.

I was not born with a remote-controlled shutoff switch on my life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

I was born with a full complement of unalienable rights and I spend every minute of my life defending them from hostile, outside, forces that want to shackle me to some higher authority.


Who's out to get Paula Deen?

Whomever it is, he, she, heshe, or it is relentless.

The bad news seems to never end for Paula Deen.

In the latest defection following her admission last week that she had used the N-word in the past and once planned a slavery-themed wedding, the country cooking queen's book publisher has jumped ship.

Ballantine Books canceled a deal with her for multiple books, including an upcoming cookbook that was the No.1 seller on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.

The publisher said Friday it would not release "Paula Deen's New Testament: 250 Favorite Recipes, All Lightened Up," which was scheduled for October and was the first of a five-book deal announced early last year.

Interest in it had surged as Deen, who grew up in Albany, Ga., and specializes in Southern comfort food, came under increasing attack.

Ballantine, an imprint of Random House Inc., said it decided to cancel the book's publication after "careful consideration." It had no comment beyond what was in its brief statement, spokesman Stuart Applebaum said.
[Fox News]

When a book publisher walks away from a book with pre order levels that make it #1 at Amazon, and Barnes & Noble. it makes me ask the obvious question. Why? Why indeed.

I don't have a satisfactory answer for 'why', yet, but I'm working on it.

I think somebody, someone with serious clout, is orchestrating the complete destruction of Paula Deen. You might suggest Je$$e or Sharpton, but I don't buy it. They aren't that intimidating. Their Race Card Extortion is nullified when the object of a purge enjoys the kind of popular support demonstrated by the presales figures of Deen's book.

It has to be a power broker inside the United States government. No, I'm not pinning it on him. I'd say that this one is the handiwork of Attorney General Eric "my people" Holder. His motive? Paula Deen is a white woman from Dixie.

Given the Obama Regime's, uh, enthusiasm for regulatory/bureaucratic intervention, my notion is a viable one.


Now That's Funny

Item 1:

Catch-22 is alive and well in L.A.

The breathless reporterette didn't see the humor, but I did.

The setup: The L.A. subway dweebs are giving away a new cellphone app which allows passengers to file an instantaneous report if they see someone or something suspicious.

The punchline: There's no cellular service in the tunnels. But if some cell company steps forward they'll fix that, in a year...or two.

Item 2:

It was a boob tube ad for a lawyer seeking clients for a dialysis-related class action suit.

The punchline: "If you suffered death, or a stroke, or paralysis, or a heart attack as a result of dialysis, call Sam Shyster at...."

If you suffered DEATH and are still making phone calls, screw the crumbs this shyster will handout. You're a room temperature gold mine: books, movies, the works. Who said room temperature fun was reserved, exclusively, for Chicago voters?



Porcus gave me a heads up on the newest techno terror: Digital Dementia. It's an alleged affliction confined to smart phone users. You can read about it in Wednesday's Tasty Tidbits or go to my source article in the June 26 edition of a Brit fishwrap, the Telegraph.

"Over-use of smartphones and game devices hampers the balanced development of the brain," Byun Gi-won, a doctor at the Balance Brain Centre in Seoul, told the JoongAng Daily newspaper.

"Heavy users are likely to develop the left side of their brains, leaving the right side untapped or underdeveloped," he said.

The right side of the brain is linked with concentration and its failure to develop will affect attention and memory span, which could in as many as 15 per cent of cases lead to the early onset of dementia.

Sufferers are also reported to suffer emotional underdevelopment, with children more at risk than adults because their brains are still growing.

It sounds like more lab coated hooliganism, but that's just me.

It did make me ask what's next in techno terror maladies? If 'texter's thumb' doesn't already exist, it will any minute now. I think 'touch screen finger' is another pick to click.

Clear the track for an inspired Hambo notion: second hand digital dementia.

SUNDAY JUNE 23, 2013

Hambo Salutes Ambrose Bierce

Here are some entries from his 'Devil's Dictionary'

A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

A number of persons appointed by a court to assist attorneys in preventing law from degenerating into justice.

A spiritual condition that goeth before the next morning.

An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy to comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

In politics a visionary quo given in exchange for a substantial quid.

Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.

A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

An Agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

An instrument for smashing the human thumb.

An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.

The condition of one who is known to have committed an indiscretion, as distinguished from the state of him who has covered his tracks.

A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

A stratagem to throw an offender off his guard and catch him red-handed in his next offense.

Invested with new and irresistible charm.

Unlucky in the execution of a courageous act.

A superior degree of dampness

A lie that has not city its teeth.

One of my offenses, as distinguished from your, the latter being crimes.

The condition of a philosopher after having considered human wisdom and virtues.

Conspicuously miserable.

A truth to which the facts are loosely adjusted to an imperfect conformity.

Believe without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

In morals, an indulgence that enforces by appropriate penalties the law of moderation.

The process by which higher organisms are gradually developed from the lower, as Man from the Assisted Immigrant, the Office-Holder from the Ward Boss, the Thief from the Office-Holder.

A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

The degree of favorable regard that is due to one who has the power to serve us and has not yet refused.

In politics, an imaginary condition in which skulls are counted, instead of brains, and merit is determined by lot and punishment by preferment.

A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

The patriotic act of lying for one's country.

The quality of being entitled to what somebody else obtains.

A charitable contribution to the support of a bank.

A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

A medicine for external application to the head and shoulders of a fool.

One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual accountability.

A household art and practice of making unpalatable that which was already indigestible.


This & That

Shameless Gun Haters

It happened at a guns suck gathering perpetrated in Concord, New Hampshire, by out-of-state supporters of Mike Bloomberg's Mayors Against Illegal Guns movement. Eager to exploit the Newton massacre, members of the guns suck cabal read the names of those "killed with guns" since the Dec. 14 Newtown shootings. So what? So plenty.

Shameless bastards that they are the Mayors Against Illegal Guns slime memorialized one of the Boston Marathon terrorists - Tamerlan Tsarnaev - ignoring the inconvenient fact that this murdering piece of shit was shot during a gunfight with the police.

Shameless Mexifornia Bastards

It started last year when the Jackass Party assholes, who are hellbent on flushing Mexifornia, down the crapper, were pimping Proposition 30, which was on the ballot in November 2012. They swore that ALL the money stolen via this impoverish the achievers tax increase was needed FOR THE CHILDREN.

Fast forward to the present and the children have been thrown under the school bus, because the Elected Tormentors wanted a raise. Did they get it? Hell yes, a nifty 5%.

[Jerry] Brown's current salary is $165,288 while pay for other constitutional officers ranges from $143,571 for the attorney general to $123,965 for the lieutenant governor and Board of Equalization members. Legislators make $90,526.

If they were paying attention, the state's low information voters who passed the tax would be thrilled by this:

Legislators will make at least twice as much as most California workers following the roughly $5,000 pay bump approved by the California Citizens Compensation Commission Wednesday, census figures show.

The median pay for full-time California workers was roughly $47,000 in 2011. Legislators will soon make $95,291 a year.

After getting their raises, California legislators will make more money than about 85 percent of full-time, year-round workers in California. They'll make more than about two-thirds of the state's full-time workers holding a bachelor's degree. (Those figures include only salary, not per diem stipends.) [Sac Bee]

They said it's 'for the children'. They meant that it's TOO GOOD 'for the children'.

MONDAY JUNE 17, 2013

Environmental Racism?

For a variety of reasons - economic and environmental - Los Angeles officials want to expand a railyard that's close to the Port of Los Angeles. When the expansion is finished, truckers will greatly reduce the distance they drive when picking up a load at the port then dropping it off at a railyard. Who could possibly object? Who indeed.

The Los Angeles City Council approved the rail company BNSF's $500 million project, the Southern California International Gateway (SCIG), which is located four miles from the ports in San Pedro, Calif.

BNSF claims that the project will cut the distance trucks have to travel between the cargo ships and the rail lines. Currently trucks must travel 24 miles on the constantly congested 710 Freeway.

The rail project will be built in Wilmington, a suburb located near the ports. The Natural Resources Defense Council and other environmental groups, however, claim that the project targets LA minority communities.

"The SCIG project typifies environmental racism," David Pettit, director of the NRDC's Southern California air program and urban program, said in a statement. "This project can be built away from where people live and children go to school, but the city of Los Angeles wants to put it in a low-income minority neighborhood because they think they can get away with it."

According to the environmentalists, 87 percent of Wilmington's 51,000 residents are blue collar and Latino. The BNSF project will also add 1 million truck and train trips through local neighborhoods which will increase cancer and asthma rates through increased chronic air pollution.

"This unnecessary project is not only dangerous to the health of the local working class, working poor communities of color but to the entire region," said Angelo Logan, executive director for East Yard Communities for Environmental Justice. [Daily Caller]

Environmental Racism? That's a new one on me.

FRIDAY JUNE 14, 2013

Fond Memories of My Dad

My dad passed a while back, but I still have numerous fond memories of him.

Memory 1: Great Balls of Fire

I made a vivid impression - not to mention a lasting mark on him - when I was a mere rugrat. He was outside doing something with a blowtorch, so I decided to help him. How? Armed with a stick, I ignored his warnings and waved it in the flame.

The good news is that his mustache and eyebrows grew back.

The bad news is that the spanking he gave me removed 'sitting' from my options for a few days.

Memory 2: Fan Wars

During the Summer, my mother liked to run a fan at night. My dad was differently enthusiastic about 'that damned fan'.. The sequence went like this:

She turns the fan on and falls asleep.

He gets up and turns it off then he falls asleep.

She wakes up, turns it on again, then goes back to sleep.

He wakes up, turns it off and goes back to sleep.

It goes on like that all night long.

BUT, the best is yet to come. The next morning, he complains that, because "she ran the fan all night, there wasn't enough electricity to heat the water for his coffee.

Did he think we were powered by batteries?

Memory 3: Gift Wars

My dad initiated this one, when he bought my mom something she didn't need, didn't want, and had no intention of using, for Christmas. Touting it as her extra special, personal, present, he gave her a DEEP FRYER. She was so unamused it can't be quantified.

The next year, she upped the ante, when it came to HIS personal, extra special, present. She gave him SOD for the front lawn. BUT, this wasn't just any sod, it was the kind of grass that's used on golf greens. It looked awesome - he got to put it in, of course - but it was VERY high maintenance, since it required a special lawnmower. Also, any blemish - be it a weed or an ant hill, stood out like a sore thumb.

From there, the gift war escalated, but I missed most of it, since I was out of the house and on my own, by then.

Memory 4: Eavesdropping

My Aunt and Uncle came to visit, so mom and dad were sleeping in the bedroom in the basement. After dad went downstairs, we were all chatting at the kitchen table, right next to the stairway. I don't know what we were saying, but it must have been about him, because mom said, "He's probably downstairs listening to us."

An instant later, from the bowels of the basement, his indignant voice filled the stairwell: "I AM NOT!"

We cracked up, of course, and, being a good sport, my dad laughed too.

Memory 5: Family Road Trips

By far, my fondest - in retrospect of course - memories of my dad involve our regular family road trips, with my dad at the wheel. His driving skills were first rate. Unhappily, his navigation skills left something to be desired. That's because, his rules of road warrior engagement were simple: "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

When he was at the wheel, there were certain givens:

* Despite the fact that your bladder was the size of Jupiter, my dad resisted the urge to make a pit stop. His excuses were variations on the same theme: "I don't like the looks of that one." I don't give a damn if it looks like the Black Hole of Calcutta. When you gotta go, beggers can't be choosers.

The closest he came to an untimely demise was when he tried that crap on my lovely bride. Her death threats were, to say the least, impressive. She had almost resolved the 'strangle him or just shoot him' issue, when he made that life saving pit stop. He never knew how close he came to becoming a crime statistic. Call me names if you must, but it was a clear case of justifiable homicide.

* He was obsessed with beating his personal driving record to a given destination. This one played out in a number of ways, the primary one being 'the new shortcut'. The moment he deviated from the well traveled path, you could bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that you were about to boldly go where you'd never gone before.

These shortcuts never failed to get my dad severely lost, a condition that he steadfastly denied. When we finally emerged, hours later, to hell and gone from our alleged destination, he would smile at my mom and say, "I knew where I was the entire time." It's not the kind of thing you say to a red-headed woman whose whole family is populated by legendary exploders.

I will, grudgingly, admit, that, despite his pathological hatred of pit stops and his proclivity for getting amazingly lost, my dad always got us there safely, and - according to his reality-challenged time keeping - he always beat his old record. I will also admit that there was an undeniable aura of adventure, when he decided to save time, by traveling on roads that even the hardiest local avoided at all costs. Hell, some of the places we visited don't appear on any map. Trying to find them would give Google Earth a nervous breakdown.

I know it's early, but I wanted, needed, to give him his due.

He was a great guy and I still miss him.

Happy Father's Day, dad.


Calendar Fun

June is under way, and, by now, you're already participating in 'Migraine Awareness Month'. It's an understandable response, all things considered, given these June observances:

June really started to stink, when it dredged up that painful era in your childhood. Why do 'they' kept yammering about 'Potty Training Awareness Month'?

You were still reeling from that, when you found out, the hard way, that June is also 'World Naked Bike Ride Month'. And you thought spandex was an eyesore...

If that doesn't make you add eye bleach to your shopping list, this will: June is also GLAAD BAAG Pride Month. You're gonna see things at the prance-a- thon that will make you pray for another group of naked pedal pumpers.

I hate to kick you while you're down, but, as much as you might want to run some naked bike rider off the road, you can't, because June is 'Lane Courtesy Month' .

That kind of stuff could drive you to drink, if it wasn't for 'Pharmacists Declare War on Alcoholism Month'. Why doesn't that pill pusher mind his own business?

I feel bad about this one, Sparky, but you need to know that June is also ' World Infertility Month' . You're shooting blanks, stud.

All things considered, it's lucky for all concerned that June is also 'Rebuild Your Life Month'.

SUNDAY JUNE 09, 2013


Item: Playing the Race Card

I had the boom box on as background noise, when the host - a Melanin-Enriched dude I'll call 'Brothah' - disinterred a golden oldie. Which one? The one where the Elephant Clan is cited for using 'code words' - tax cuts, balanced budget, etc. - which translate as the 'N-word', and assorted other racist pleasantries.

The sad fact about this bullshit is that low information voters - government schooled idiots with self-esteem - swallow it, hook, line & sinker.

Item: A gun buy back on acid.

According to the Daily Caller, Strobridge Elementary school in Hayward (Mexifornia) sponsored a gun trade-in for its inmates. I know what you're thinking and it's not THAT. It's much worse:

An elementary school in Hayward, Calif. will sponsor a toy gun trade-in, encouraging kids to swap their harmless toy weapons for a chance to win a new bicycle.

The purpose of the trade-in is to stop children from playing with toy guns, which may make them more likely to commit violence with real guns, said Strobridge Elementary principal Chris Hill.

"Playing with toys guns, saying 'I'm going to shoot you,' desensitizes them, so as they get older, it's easier for them to use a real gun," Hill said in a statement to Mercury News.

The trade-in will take place on Saturday during the school's "Safety Day," which will also feature talks on safety tips from police officers and firefighters. Authorities will offer to take pictures and fingerprints of children to be used to help locate them in case they go missing.

Any child who hands over his toy gun will receive a raffle ticket. The school will raffle off four bicycles, and also hand out books in exchange for the tickets.(Daily Caller)

Indoctrination is alive and well in Hayward's government cess-schools.

Item: Juan McCain still doesn't get it

Juan is bemoaning the fact that Hezbollah - the Iranian backed Jihadikazes fighting for Assad - are terminating wounded Al-Qaeda affiliated Jihadikzes fighting against Assad.

Juan, dude,whenever either side incurs a KIA, the end result is a dead terrorist. What's wrong with that?

Item: A request.

PIGster J, PIG's professor of piety, is having some serious health issues. I would appreciate it if you remembered him in your prayers. Trust me, when I assure you that he's one of the GOOD GUYS.


Odds & Ends

Item: Shiny Object

The usual press card packing punks are laying down covering fire on the IRS 'TEA Party' scandal. The public was starting to pay attention to the IRS's blatant intimidation of conservative groups, to help control the outcome of an election. The scope of the scandal was poised to spread to other federal agencies, until 'they' changed the subject.

The REAL scandal, manipulating election outcomes via voter intimidation, vanished like a fart in a hurricane. Thanks to a media blitz, an asinine IRS conference took center stage. That's all it took to 'redefine' the IRS scandal to something foolish, something frivolous. The worst thing about this crap is the willing complicity of inside the beltway pachyderm punks.

Item: Porcus Sighting

Based on this image, I arrived at the obvious conclusion:

Porcus has been watching old Village People videos...again. Nice globes, dude.


Justin Bieber Is Douchetastic

I saw this on the Dan Patrick Show and laughed so hard coffee shot out my nose. Once the pain in my nose subsided, I knew I had to share this joy.

Does he own a mirror? Does he know how it works?

SUNDAY JUNE 02, 2013


The alleged 'right' that protects hypersensitive cretins from being offended is THRIVING in the British Isles.

The Good: Outraged when those murdering Islamikaze pieces of shit butchered a Brit soldier on a London street, last week, a capitalist in South Wales exercised his free speech with this shirt:

Matthew Taylor, 35, the owner of Taylor's clothes store on Emlyn Walk in the city, printed up and displayed the T-shirt with the slogan: "Obey our laws, respect our beliefs or get out of our country" after Drummer Lee Rigby, 25, was killed in near Woolwich barracks in London last week. (South Wales Argus)

The Bad: Some chronically offended stain on humanity's skivvies whined to the so-called authorities, who paid Matt a visit:

Mr Taylor said: "I had a visit from two CSOs (community support officers) because it has been reported by someone who felt it was offensive.

"It's not meant to be offensive.

I didn't produce it to be offensive. It's what I believe.

"At the end of the day if you don't like the way a country is run and don't like our beliefs then go somewhere else, don't go killing people.

"I don't care if you Welsh, Scottish, English, go somewhere else if you don't like it."

Mr Taylor said obviously the killing of Drummer Rigby had been in his mind, but having lived in Chepstow close to Beachley barracks for a number of years the armed forces were particularly close to his heart.

He said the T-shirt seemed to have gone down well.

"I had one person shout that it was 'disgusting' but on the whole most people have reacted positively to it," Mr Taylor said.

"I think the person who reported me was a bit too sensitive and hasn't read it properly. I don't see it as racist. I took it down because it is meant to be a statement about any race. Any colour. I'm offended I have had to take it down. I can't see why I can't share my beliefs," he said.

The Ugly: The proper authorities are spewing the familiar mantra: "Of course I believe in free speech, as long as you say what the chronically offended are willing to hear."

A spokeswoman for Gwent police confirmed: " We did have a call from a member of the public. We visited the shop and asked him to remove it (the T-shirt) as it could be seen to be inciting racial hatred."

Newport city councillor, Majid Rahman said: "I believe in freedom of speech and defend his rights to say what he wants, but once it starts offending people then it's a police matter and it's up to them whether they think it's broken any laws."

Parting shot: Matthew Taylor, knows NOW that his speech is only as free as the most ridiculously hypersensitive listener will allow.

The following elements of the PIG Doctrine are in play:

The exaggerated sensitivities of others are not my responsibility, nor do their hurt feelings empower them to abolish my right to Freedom of Speech.

Since a word is nothing more than an ethically-neutral sequence of sound waves, it only has as much power for good or evil as the listener bestows upon it. There are no intrinsically 'offensive' sound waves, there are only hypersensitive listeners who are predisposed to being offended by them.


Worlds Apart

While toiling away at Wonderland, I got a call from a vendor whom I've known for years. After a relatively brief exchange of technology-related pleasantries, the yammering veered off into politics.

He got it rolling, when he noted how much more civilized his Arizona outpost of capitalism is than his primary capitalistic outpost in Mexifornia.

Him: "When it comes to taxes and regulations, Arizonia seems like another country."

Me: "Which country? Mexico?"

Him: "That too. Why is California so fucked up?"

Me: "A Jackass Party legislature. A Jackass Party governor. Plus, a critical mass of chad punching Moonbats who keep them in control."

Him: "That explains it. Arizona seems to have avoided that problem. I only remember one really bad governor - a woman named Napolitano - but she's long gone. I have no idea where she went."

Me: "She's the head of DHS."

Him: "Oh my god."

Me: "You'd know this stuff, if you read my scribblings at the Politically Incorrect Gazette. WWW DOT P I G A Z E T T E DOT COM."

Welcome to the PIGdom, Dave.




Too many people are setting their hair on fire over this. I don't get it.

The 'rebels': All of them are Jihadikazes. Most of them have strong links to Al Qaeda.

Assad: His biggest supporter is Iran, followed closely by Iranian funded Hezbollah.

So we have Iranian Jihadikazes killing Al Qaeda Jihadikazes. What's not to like? Why would anyone think of stopping that?

I say break out the pop corn, put your feet up, then sit back and enjoy the show.


Speaking of Syria, let's discuss Juan McCain's visit.The real reason for it isn't that complicated.

Syria's designated useful idiot got killed in a mortar attack.

They asked Barry to loan them one of ours.

Joe Biden was busy cataloging his navel lint.

Juan McCain was willing and available.

If they need him, I'm confident that no rational adults will miss him, here.




Fox News?


If Barry's regime is deploying that many shiny objects at once, what is it he's afraid we'll discover?

Enquiring minds want to know.


Enough Said?



When Steve O'Rourke and his new bride Hayley returned from their honeymoon, this is what they found:

Is this the work of artistically twisted vandals? Not exactly.

A newly-wed couple got back from honeymoon to find their home painted in the style of Mr Blobby - as part of a revenge prank by the groom's brother. Plasterer Russell O'Rourke, 35, spent two days on the makeover of his brother Steve's home in Hamstel Road, Southend. It was in retaliation to a joke six years ago when Russell was on honeymoon and Steve, a builder, put up a brick wall across his driveway.

Mr O'Rourke, 32, and his new wife Hayley, 31, arrived home at about 04:00 BST on Sunday to discover the house "glowing" pink, despite the early hour. Mrs O'Rourke, a mother of two, said: "It was pure shock to start with. We had a feeling he (Russell) might have done something because of the stunt Steve pulled, but we weren't expecting anything on the outside of the house. We were quite horrified, but then we just laughed and had to see the funny side of it. Everyone seems to love it and is taking pictures, they think it's hilarious. The neighbours have said it brightens up the street and we should keep it." (BBC)

When it comes to pranks, the O'Rourke brothers think big. Get ready for it Russell. It's YOUR turn.

SUNDAY MAY 19, 2013

A John 'Hannibal' Smith Moment

[I promoted this from the awards page for two reasons.

Reason 1: When I read about it online, I laughed out loud.

Reason 2: When my lovely bride read about it, online, she laughed out loud.]

Dr. Christopher Stone,associate professor of Arabic and head of the Arabic Programme at City University, is an Egghead whose Libertard Moonbat credentials are impeccable. He hates America. He's an Israel despising Palestinian supporter. He even signed a petition 'demanding that the NYPD commissioner step down for fighting Muslim terrorism'.

Mistaking his Moonbattery for a suit of armor, Dr. Stone tempted fate on the Jihadikaze infested streets of Cairo (Eqypt):

According to Al-Ahram, Stone told prosecutors the attack took place while he was on his way to the US Embassy to finish some paperwork for his wife. A young man enquired about his nationality and stabbed him in the neck after he said he was American.

Just in case there was any doubt whatsoever about the motive, Mahmoud Badr, the stabber, who has a bachelor's degree in commerce, clarified his motive…

The man who stabbed an American in Cairo on Thursday says he was motivated by a hatred of the United States. (Frontpage)

An Israel despising, America hating, Palestinian venerating, American liberal is stabbed by an America hating, Israel despising, Palestinian venerating Jihadikaze? Like John "Hannibal" Smith, I love it when a plan comes together.


Today's Bold New Concept

My lovely bride is annoyed over the pace of justice in Arizona. I refer, of course, to the Jodi Arias murder trial. In the good old days, Arizona officials would start building the gallows, before jury selection was completed. My Lovely Bride whipped up considerable enthusiam for this straight from the courtroom to the gallows style of justice, and therin lies the problem.

My efforts to explain to Ms. "Just Shoot That Bitch" that times have changed didn't thrill her spitless. Eager to make it right I gave her a 'gift'.

This is how she described it on Facebook:

My better half is a fun kind of a guy! He has an idea that no matter what happens to the two court appearances today of Jodi Arias and O.J. Simpson we should (somehow) get the two of them together. Perhaps even put one knife in the room w/them.

Let nature take its course and no matter how it goes, we win!

Hambo's parting shot: Here's my plan. Put Juice and Jodi alone in a room with a knife. No matter what happens, no matter which one get the sharp end of the knife WE WIN. Winner,winner, chicken dinner.

SUNDAY MAY 12, 2013

Gibberish Decoded

[I found this gem in my archives and decided to redeploy it.]

Today, I'll paint a PIGish bull's-eye on the synapse-suffocating tidal wave of gibberish, jargon, and 'coded' messages that bombard us from all sides, every waking minute of our lives. It's everywhere we go and it's getting worse, with each passing minute.

Food labeling: Most of us ignore this dose of Nanny State imposed gibberish, but that's destined to change, under the new DeathCare scheme. Aided and abetted by their toadies in Congress, Fat Nazis are determined to rub our noses in it.

Gibberish: Calories, Transfats, Sugars, Salt, blah, blah, blah.
PIGish Alternative: The nutrition label should show one, or more, Louisville Sluggers, along with the prose: "This is how many baseball bats your doctor will use to beat some sense in your lard ass, if you eat this."

The sneakiest outburst of food labeling gibberish that I ever encountered relates to 'serving size'. Normally, the nutritional information is 'per serving. On the off chance that you read the 'calories' and 'calories from fat' information, some shack food wranglers play games by tweaking the number of servings. For example, I recently purchased a snack which contained 4 mini cupcakes. The damage 'per serving' seemed acceptable, until I noticed the number of servings: 12. In other words, I had to multiply the nutritional information by 3 to compute the 'per mini cupcake' damage.

Programmable Electronic Devices: For a long time, this kind of gibberish was confined to your computer. Admittedly, computers (computer programs) are still a prime offender, but - as headline grabbing thrill rides demonstrate - it's now popping up in your car. It's also in your cell phone, and assorted other programmable items.

Computerized devices torture users with assorted beeps and bells, plus the processor-generated messages which accompany them. It's infuriating, because it doesn't tell you what went wrong. The FSOP favors something much more helpful.

"Oops - I forgot to carry my one, but I'm okay, now."

"D'Oh - Some random event made me lose my place, but it's obviously a one-time occurrence."

"Uh-oh - That random event happened again, so stop what you're doing and do something useful, like rebooting me."

"Damn It! - Rebooting didn't help, so it's time to bring in a trained, computer geek, professional."

"I see what you're doing and it won't work. Let me know how that works out, Einstein, because I am O-U-T of here."

Instead of those 'Error NNNNNN' messages, we favor something more descriptive like: "Your hard drive just ate itself", "My mind is going", or "I'm melting...I'm melting".

If you get a series of beeps when you boot up, here's a PIGish Translation: Demonic laughter, "YOU'RE SO SCREWED."

Boob Tube and Movie Ratings: When it comes to incomprehensible gibberish, this mess is at, or near, the top of the heap. I know 'they' are - allegedly - trying to be helpful, but this is ridiculous. As insane as movie ratings are, boob tube ratings with their expanded categories and subcategories take gibberish off the cliff.

Gibberish: "G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17". "TV-Y, TV-Y7, TV-Y7-FV, TV-G, TV-PG (D,S,L,V), TV-14 (D,S,L,V), TV-MA (S,L,V)

PIGish Alternative: Categories like: "You're getting sleepy", "Minor, clothes on, groping", "TITS!", "You're going straight to hell, pervert.", plus subcategories like: "Bang, you're dead", "Buckets of blood and gore", "Talk dirty to me".

Boom Box and Boob Tube Ads: On the radio, the warp speed shyster spew is where the action is. On television, that laundry list of possible side effects and/or the small, impossible to read, print is where the rubber hits the road. In both cases, the shyster spew is the functional equivalent of 'What we really mean to say is this: take everything we told you with a very LARGE grain of salt.'

PIGish Alternative: Since advertisers refuse to play it straight, we'll simply cite Hambo's Laws: The suckage of a product touted on the radio [or television] is inversely proportional to the speed and length of the shyster spew at the end of the ad. (The faster they talk, the longer it lasts, the more likely it is that the product reeks.)

Automotive Gibberish: With most cars infested with 5,000 kinds of hellish computerized functions - including breaking, accelerating, starting, shutting down, shifting gears - this category is alarmingly similar to 'Programmable Electronic Devices'. Aside from minor - essentially inconsequential - details, the same error message rants apply. For those who drive more traditional - yer outta here cyber punk - transportation, there is one example of automotive gibberish which demands our undivided attention.

Gibberish: "Check Engine."
PIGish Alternative: "Some government mandated, performance-degrading, piece of Smog Nazi crap is having a bad day. Go ahead, ask me if I care."

Admittedly, gibberish isn't a fate worse than death. At worst, it's an annoyance which is imposed on us by nerds, who never got over that daily wedgie he got in high school, and/or Nanny State Nitwits who love yanking our chain. It would be nice if they cut the crap and gave it to us, straight, simple, and direct. It would be very nice, and very out of character. If it's no frills doses of objective reality you crave, you're in the right place, because the Free State of PIG gives you all of THAT you can handle, on a daily basis.

FRIDAY MAY 10, 2013

Mama Mia

Mothers Day isn't sufficiently PIGish, so we're perpetrating some PIG-Worthy Awards to make this annual outburst of sloppy sentimentality endlessly fun. Here are some of our initial award category ideas:

"Most Enthusiastic Mother Award"
The unrivaled queen of clown car nads is Michelle Duggar, that woman in Arkansas who has already spawned 19 times. Michelle has a big head start, but Octomom is just dumb enough o give her a run for her money. Stay tuned.

"Nightmare On Maternity Street"
Pornstar Kardashian (Kim) locked up this cringe-inducing yearly award, when lard ass let Kanye West knock her up. Given her tendency to pork up, Pornstar is destined to be a single mom, when next year's Mama Mia Awards roll around.

"Media Whoring, Daughter Pimping, Mom of the Year"
Kris Jenner (AKA Big Mama Karkdashian) is the poster bitch for this one. We the PIGs predict that she'll sink to horror-inducing new lows, the instant her baby girl, Pornstar, delivers her spawn into Kris Jenner's greedy clutches.

"I Had E.T.'s Baby Award"
When we created this one, we had Tom Cruise's bride - Katie Holmes-Cruise - in mind. It's her just reward for reproducing with a couch-jumping Moonbat. The alleged daddy of the tyke is the best possible proof that E. T. really is living among us.

We are delighted to report that Katie came to her senses, dumped her 'spacey' hubby like a bad habit, then escaped to freedom with her daughter, Suri. By all reports, Suri is a bright, charming, delightful young lady who isn't tainted with daddy's well-documented lunacy.

"Stage Mommy of the Year"
Dina Lohan has a lock on this one. Dina played a vital role in securing a Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse slot for her daughter Lindsay. Refusing to rest on her laurels, Dina has 'mothered' Lindsay's sister, Ali, into the poster stick for anorexia.

"Show Me The Money Mommy of the Year"
This choice was easy. Our winner is Katherine Jackson, a woman who is still trying to cash in on her son, Meal Ticket Jackson (Michael), 4 years after his death. No wonder Mikey was twisted, with all his loser relatives leeching off him, all those years.

"Militant Moonbat Mommy of the Year"
Zubeidat Tsarnaeva the breeder who spawned the Boston Marathon bombers, Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, nailed this one. Why? Because she's an insane bitch.

"Egg Incubating Hen of the Year"
If you're not shouting Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson, you're not paying attention.

"Hot Mama Award"
This award is PIGish in the extreme. Needless to say, the heated PIG bunker debate over this one quickly devolved into one of our most memorable melees. We finally decided to let our PIGsters make this call.

The rules of engagement on this one are obvious, but we'll explain them anyway. If you could choose any 'mommy' on this planet to 'kiss' away that boo-boo, whom would you pick?

By now, you're raising your glass high to salute your friends in the Free State of PIG for another inspired idea. Okay, so maybe you're not dancing in the streets or shouting the thrilling news from your roof top, we know that an idea as great as this will grow on you.


Wading In The Shallow End Of The Gene Pool?

[I decided to take a break from my usual, table-pounding, tantrums and serve up a small slice of Hambo's life. The following story is true and only moderately embellished. It's proof that Old Ka-Boom's egregiously playful wife (the dreaded Mrs. Old Ka-Boom) has singled me out for special treatment. Or, to put it in words that my lovely bride will understand "A".]

Eating out isn't supposed to be an action/adventure, but for reasons known only to HER, that mean-spirited deity with the warped sense of humor, it usually turns out to be. Case in point...

It was feeding time on the 'farm', in this particular case, a popular eating establishment that serves the best breakfast in town. The baby factory was wearing that classically bovine expression that the tragically misguided, prospective fathers and grandmothers to be call 'radiant' or 'serene'. She had on one of those hideous, moronic 'I'm pregnant' t-shirts that say 'baby' and have an arrow pointing down towards her grotesquely distended belly. What the hell is so wonderful about a fat chick with a stupid look on her face? Radiant my ass!

Daddy was living proof that anyone can, and will, become a father. His so-called expression was glassy-eyed and vacant - nobody has a cute name for it when a man does it - which is about what I'd expect from a man wearing an Ozzy Osborne t-shirt. If Darwin is right, the gene pool is in deep doo doo!

Completing this poignant family ensemble was their last project, a brat of indeterminate age and sex - for the sake of this discussion we'll call it male - who used his strategically located high chair perch to shower all of the nearby tables with recycled food. The cow viewed her offspring from hell's antics with an indulgent smile while daddy was too zoned out for it to register. That all changed when this future Nolan Ryan started to zero in on dear old dad. Before long he'd found the range and scored several direct hits in succession the final one of which hit dad right between the eyes.

Daddy un-zoned, took a brief side trip to reality and assessed the damage. After removing the food projectile - a partially chewed bit of syrup coated pancake - from his face. After his lone synapse fired and he identified the projectile, daddy made his move and did the logical thing - a no shit first for this mutant - and impounded the kids ammo.

In an instant, the brat's face clouded over and he started to build up to his usual response with a long series of deep breaths. Giving daddy a brat class 'eat shit and die' look, the little terror cut loose with a glass-shattering scream. While it reloaded for another blast, mama's pride and joy cleared the high chair's tray with a sweep of it's cubby arm. Water, food and dishes re-affirmed the laws of gravity, as they clattered to the floor.

Ready to give his voice and my ears a total workout, the little fiend cut loose with an impressive series of shrieks, each one being louder that the one before.

If I concede that children are 'necessary' and that this is all part of growing up, will you answer a question for me? Why do they seat these little horrors next to me? I swear, if there are 47 empty tables in a restaurant and one of these mega-brats shows up, they always seat it next to me. Someone up there doesn't like me, and I know who she is.

SUNDAY MAY 05, 2013

Just Shoot Me

Since I went 'all in' on my DirecTV movie channels, I thought I'd seen it all.

Guess again, Hambo.

Last month HBO tested my self-inflicted pain threshold with "Battleship", a movie which is much better when the sound is muted.

I watched. I winced. I survived.

This month, HBO has sunk much, much, lower? How?

It's called "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter".

It is, quite simply the most asinine thing I've ever seen.

I tried to watch. I recoiled from the unrelenting stupidity of it. I survived, but my synapses are in intensive care. The prognosis for a full recover is grim.

Just say 'no' to this stinker.

Parting shot: I can't believe a film studio professional thought this pile of crap was a spiffy idea for a flick.

Barry's Road Trip

Barry went to Mexico to promote immigration reform.

Barry, dude, Mexico doesn't have an immigration problem. It nuked it with a multi-phase approach.

Phase One: Mexican officials are serious assholes when uninvited visitors invade.

Phase Two: Legal immigrants are SEVERELY restricted, despite their 'legal' status.

Phase Three: Mexican officials do everything in their power to export their poverty to the USA.

Barry, you vile piece of America hating scum, Mexico isn't part of the solution to our immigration woes. Mexico is the lion's share of the PROBLEM.

FRIDAY MAY 03, 2013

A Compelling Urban Myth

I have serious doubts about this one, but I'll share it anyway:

The owners of Collegno's Pizzeria say they refused to serve him more than one piece to protest Bloomberg's proposed soda ban,which would limit the portions of soda sold in the city.

Bloomberg was having an informal working lunch with city comptroller John Liu at the time and was enraged by the embarrassing prohibition. The owners would not relent, however, and the pair were forced to decamp to another restaurant to finish their meal.

Witnesses say the situation unfolded when as the two were looking over budget documents, they realized they needed more food than originally ordered.

"Hey, could I get another pepperoni over here?" Bloomberg asked owner Antonio Benito.

"I'm sorry sir," he replied, "we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit."
Stop and Tisk

Mayor Bloomberg, not accustomed to being challenged, assumed that the owner was joking.

"OK, that's funny," he remarked, "because of the soda thing ... No come on. I'm not kidding. I haven't eaten all morning, just send over another pepperoni."

"I'm sorry sir. We're serious," Benito insisted. "We've decided that eating more than one piece isn't healthy for you, and so we're forbidding you from doing it."

"Look jackass," Bloomberg retorted, his anger boiling, "I fucking skipped breakfast this morning just so I could eat four slices of your pizza. Don't be a schmuck, just get back to the kitchen and bring out some fucking pizza, okay."

"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do," the owner repeated. "Maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories."

Witnesses say a fuming Bloomberg and a bemused Liu did indeed walk down the street to a rival pizzeria , ordered another slice and finished their meeting. (Daily Currant)

I WANT this to be true, so I refuse to verify it.

Big Time Fun

Compelling Rumor of the Week: The men Progtards love to hate, the Koch brothers, are supposedly thinking about buying one, or more of the Tribune Company's media outlet. Tribune's media includes the L.A. Times.

The possibility of a Koch owned L.A. Times spawned the forthcoming award page entries:

Whopper of the Week: What we do know is that great papers publish credible, trusted journalism online and on the printed page. Whoever comes to own these mastheads needs to understand that protecting newsrooms from ideological taint is no small thing. The future of American journalism depends on the ability to print truth, not opinion. (The Newspaper Guild, Communication Workers of America)

Reality Check of the Week: Since when? There are no great papers left in America. Newspapers have not published credible, trusted journalism online or on the printed page for decades. They only print opinionated fiction. It is a sad state of affairs when the Onion has more credibility than established newspapers. They are honest. They tell us they are pulling our leg.

Newsrooms do not need to be protected from ideological taint. They are tainted and infected with ideology. Owners and the public need to be protected from newsrooms, especially those represented by the ideologically tainted Newspaper Guild, Communication Workers of America (NGCWA). The future of American journalism does depend on the ability to print truth, not opinion. Unfortunately that future is bleak. (Peter Bella, Washington Times)

Son of Whopper Award: "Three Los Angeles City Council members — including a candidate for mayor — asked their colleagues Tuesday to consider pulling city pension money from the investment firms that own the Los Angeles Times if they sell the publication to buyers who do not support "professional and objective journalism." (Los Angeles Times)

Son of Reality Check: Since "professional and objective journalism" is as rare as hen's teeth, they should pull the money out now. Who are these political poltroons kidding? They love the state of affairs. Journalists do what their political masters tell them to do. (Peter Bella)

Go Ahead Make My Day Award: Several staff members of the Los Angeles Times threatened to quit if the paper were sold to the Koch brothers.

Son of Make My Day Award: A Koch brothers purchase of the L.A. Times would be entertaining in the extreme. The Progtards would be setting their hair on fire. The unintended consequence of their hissy fit would be greatly increased readership for a Koch brothers times. If only...


Left Coast Moonbats

Here a few of the bills being perpetrated by Mexifornia's Marxist Moonbats.

AB 1266 -- Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, D-San Francisco
Would give transgender students the right to cite the gender with which they identify when using school restrooms or participating in activities such as choirs, sports or other sex-segregated activities.

AB 5 -- Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, D-San Francisco
Would enact bill of rights for homeless, making them a protected group that some fear would sanction behavior like public urination.

AB 158 -- Assemblyman Marc Levine, D-San Rafael
Would ban all single-use plastic bags in California grocery stores starting in 2015.

You're going to love this one:

The Buzz: Bill would require California state workers to brush up on civics

Quick: What are the federal government's three branches?

California state workers would study up on such matters if Senate Bill 619 becomes law.

Sen. Leland Yee's measure would require the state Department of Education to develop an online civics curriculum by Jan. 1, 2015.

Agencies would have to certify each year that employees hired, promoted or reclassified after July 1, 2015, completed the orientation. (Sac Bee)

Other Legicrap includes jury duty for border jumping scumbag invaders:

The California Assembly passed a bill on Thursday that would make the state the first in the nation to allow non-citizens who are in the country legally to serve on jury duty.

Assemblyman Bob Wieckowski said his bill would help California widen the pool of prospective jurors and help integrate immigrants into the community.

It does not change other criteria for being eligible to serve on a jury, such as being at least 18, living in the county that is making the summons, and being proficient in English.

The bill passed 45-25 largely on a party-line vote in the Democratic-controlled Assembly and will move on to the Senate. One Democrat - Assemblyman Adam Gray, of Merced - voted no, while some other Democrats did not vote. (Sac Bee)

I barely scratchedthe surface, but it's enough to explain why rational adults are fleeing the state like it's toxic.


Asinine Word Games

The Korrectniks in Washington (the state) got a wild hair up their ass and as usual the results are PIG-worthy:

Washington state's governor signed into law on Monday the final piece of a six-year effort to rewrite state laws using gender-neutral vocabulary, replacing terms such as "fisherman" and "freshman" with "fisher" and "first-year student."

Lawmakers have passed a series of bills since 2007 to root out gender bias from Washington statutes, though a 1983 state mandate required that all laws be written in gender-neutral terms unless a specification of gender was intended.

"This was a much larger effort than I had envisioned. Mankind means man and woman," said Democratic state Senator Jeanne Kohl-Welles of Seattle.

The new gender-neutral references, for example, include "journey-level plumber" instead of "journeyman plumber," "handwriting" in place of "penmanship," and "signal operator" for "signalman." (Reuters)

Fisher? Journey-level plumber? First-year student? Asinine, especially 'fisher'.

The one that gets me is "handwriting" in place of "penmanship". Handwriting is not the same as penmanship.

Handwriting, n.
Writing with a pen or pencil rather than by typing or printing.

Penmanship, n,
The technique of writing with the hand using a writing instrument

Unlike "handwriting", "penmanship" focuses on the precision with which the individual letters are formed.

If they'll shit-can penmanship, where does this crap end?

How do they make VICTORIA, VIRGINIA, MARYland, GEORGIA - all female names - gender neutral?

MANagement becomes?

How about GerMANy and RoMANia?

How about VietNAM (nam is man spelled backwards)?

How about TIMe (Tim is a dude name)?

How about name (nam =man spelled backwards)?

How about all the words containing HE (tHE and sHE) are prime examples?

How far up their butt do rainsoaked retards want to shove their noodles?

These whining, hypersensitive NONADs need to get over themselves and it.



Recently, during an Engineering adventure in Wonderland - one of my clients - I got a new flavor of robo call.

The canned message starts out as if I called them: "We're sorry, all our representatives are busy. Please be patient and one will be with you." That's right THEY ROBO CALLED ME to put me on hold

They wouldn't need to put me on hold, if they stop robo calling people at random and putting them on hold.

File this under BITE ME.

Unasked Questions

I heard a news report about a Congressional Hearing where the head of the FAA was on the hot seat concerning sequester-related flight delays. I have issues with the questions. I fine with the ones they asked. It's the ones they didn't ask that bother me.

Keep in mind the fun fact that the sequester made minor cuts to this year's spending increase.

Q1: How much did you have in your budget last year?

A1: The amount is just a starting point.

Q2: Did your department perform all its assigned functions last year?

A2: Yes.

Q3: After the sequester cuts, how much do you have in this year's budget?

A3: The amount will be more than the amount given in A1.

Q4: You have a bigger budget than last year?

A4: Yes...but...

Q5: If you performed all your assigned functions with less money, last year, why can't you perform them with MORE money, this year?

A5: Um, um, um...

The Obama Regime is fucking with us...it's punishing us to piss us off. Why? To make voters give him veto proof majorities in the House and Senate.


A Distinction Without A Difference

Islamikazes: Unwilling to tolerate any speech which gives them a boo-boo - the list is endless - these titans of tolerance try to intimidate the perpetrators (Danish Cartoonists, writers like Rushdie, South Park's Parker and Stone, the woman who instigated 'Everyone Draw Mohammed Day', Geert Wilders) into compliance with death threats.

Progtards: Unwilling to tolerate any speech which gives them a boo-boo - the list is endless - these titans of tolerance try to intimidate the perpetrators (TEA Party, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, bloggers, publishers, broadcasters) into compliance with death threats.

If there's a difference between the Islamikaze Rage-A-Holic death threats and the Progtard death threats, I don't see it. They are brothers in tyranny, brothers in terror.

Hambo's Terrorism Warning System

With the Boston Marathon horror topping the agenda in D.C., one item that needs simplification is Homeland Stupidity's terrorist warning system. I can save them the trouble. This Hambo warning system should get 'er done:

Lowest level: Nothing to see here, move along

Level 3: Uh Oh!

Level 2: Holy Crap

Level 1: We are SO SCREWED!

We need a simple, straightforward, and easy to understand, and I nailed it. It's time to deploy the 'Mission Accomplished' banner.


Hambo's Nutritional Guidelines

By now, it shouldn't shock you, when I announce that I've hatched a new theory. Well 'new' isn't quite accurate. It has been rumbling around in my alleged brain for some time. This week, it finally reached critical mass, so I am ready to launch it.

Here are my latest, greatest, rules of nutritional engagement:

* If it tastes foul and you can't stand it, some killjoy, who claims to be a nutrition expert, probably thinks you don't eat enough of it.

* If it tastes good, this same food punk will probably whine that it's bad for you.

* If it tastes so spiffy that you go back for seconds, this killjoy and his Food Nazi cohorts are already trying to get the Nanny State to ban it.

* If you make a pig out of yourself over it, PETA will put you on their Ten Most Wanted List.

V. J. Steve

I had a close encounter with V. J. "Steve", while I was at Wonderland - a customer site - today. My client - that legendary computer wrangler, The Big Guy - was out of the building and asked me to pick up the phone for him, because he was expecting an important call.

When the phone rang, I, foolishly, picked it up and got mouse-trapped into one of those phone surveys. I could tell by his tattletale accent that I was talking to V.J. Steve - real name = Ramalamadingdong - and he was a veritable pit bull, when it came to keeping me on the phone. I accidentally hung up on him once, when I meant to put him on hold, but he called me back. In fact, he called me back TWICE.

V. J. Steve shrugged it off, when I explained that I'm an independent contractor, not an employee of Wonderland. He shrugged it off, when I told him that I didn't have the information he needed. He was determined to fritter away 30 minutes (minimum of my life) and he wouldn't be denied.

I hope he enjoyed the answers I gave him, because, other than a rough estimate about the number of P.C. s at Wonderland, nothing I said was an on-going element of Objective Reality.

When I got done, I had a pressing need for a SMOKE 'EM, a MASH 'EM,plus assorted other items from our PIGco catalogue that didn't make the Top Story cut.

I know you're out there V. J. Steve. I'm going to track your miserable ass down and kick you in the nuts so hard, your whole family will feel it.


Understanding Demoncrats
I had a rare moment of clarity, today, which allowed me to understand The One and his neo-Marxist Demoncrats. Suffering from a synaptic suffocating intellectual myopia, they exist in an alternative 'reality' where their actions never have consequences. From that twisted perspective, everything they do makes sense...mo...re or less. Their deeds 'feel' good, and they never see anything bad happen as a result.

Nanny State Bureaucracies
If anyone still wonders why dealing with Nanny State functionaries, at all levels of government, are such a non-stop thrill ride, wonder no more. When you deal with the a Nanny State cubicle clown, you need to remember the three pillars of government bureaucracies:

Affirmative Action hiring


Government-schooled idiots with self-esteem


Job for life - once hired, never fired - positions of authority

If you must interact with these Nanny State nitwits, you might consider prayer - if you're so inclined. But, unless the deity of your choice intercedes, your fate is sealed, you're soooo screwed Sparky.

Timeless Quotes From A Long Gone Gem, The Texas Mercury

[While it lasted, The Texas Mercury was head and shoulders above other cyberspace speed bumps, when it came to the quality of its prose.

Here are some samples of its stellar prose from my archives.]

On Mecca Mania:

'...Being rather simple people, the Mohammedans have not yet developed the wit required to achieve the level of self-deception now common in the West, particularly among the intellectual class. Only an enlightened, western mind can accept the horsepuckey we call ecumenicism, which teaches that all faiths are equal. That western mind refuses to push on to the unavoidable fact that the only way all faiths can be equal is if they are all wrong. That is, each faith claims to hold the Truth, even the more tolerant strains like Unitarianism, Baha'iism and Reform Judaism do so in their own simpering manner. However, by definition, there can only be one Truth—or none, and that itself would be a truth. Why do we continue to hear this carping line that all faiths are equal? Because westerners are willing and able to invent a lot of self-serving, philosophical nonsense...'

On Terrorism:

'...Ending Islamic terrorism means ending the root cause of that terrorism, and that cause is Islam. Not radical Islam, just Islam. Islam is a danger because, unlike Christianity or Judaism, its adherents take it seriously. Can you imagine anyone marching out to die for the First Presbyterian Church of Duluth? Not without laughing. Islam needs to be reduced to this status. This doesn't mean nuking Mecca and Medina; rather, it means that those same haughty intellectuals who love to poke fun of the Bible—many of whom also oppose this war—should do something more concrete towards ending the violence than just bitching. They should get over their PC hang-ups and start looking at Islam's basic tenets and then rip them apart. Inquisitions and crusades threaten no one today, but people are dying from jihads because a large part of the world takes its Quranic crap seriously. The Muslims believe the Qur'an is divine. Fine, show them with undeniable textual evidence that it's a pack of contradictory and self-serving lies. It won't work instantly, but over time it'll have an effect...'


Back To Basics

A Is, And Always Will Be, A

I'm going to, once again, state the obvious. Why? Because it's income tax day, AND, because it's necessary.

* The government doesn't produce anything. It's essentially an armed and dangerous parasite that uses its monopoly on the legal use of force to take wealth OUT of the economy, so it can be redeployed to serve the political agenda of the Elected Tormentors in charge.

* Although the Elected Tormentors do their best to exempt themselves from the laws they pass, there's one law that they can't escape: The Law of Unintended Consequences.

* The Nanny State operates, for the most part, in the political equivalent of slow motion. By the time a situation registers on their radar, the window of opportunity for useful action has already closed. When they finally do act, their antics come much too late and, invariably, make matters worse, instead of better.

* It is not a proper function of government to save sovereign individuals from themselves. Individuals, in a properly constitutional nation, get to make their own decisions, then reap the rewards, or pay the price, for their actions. It's our life and the proper function of government is to let we the people live it, without relentless Nanny State interference.

* If you punish something, via regulations, taxes and relentless interference, you'll get less of it. This is especially true if 'it' is a business which is able to seek more business-friendly surroundings in another city, county, state or nation.

* It's impossible to conserve your way to energy independence. Unless you're willing to move into a cave where your energy footprint approaches, as a limit, zero, you'll never be able to conserve enough to make this work.

* Green energy firms are boondoggles which need a steady infusion of taxpayer funded subsidies to show a 'profit' on their balance sheet.

* That ethically challenged windbag, who pretends to be your best friend, at chad punching time, is, in reality, a used car salesman - the one who sold you that clunker - who finally hit the big time.

* The Elephant Clan and the Donkey Clan are, in reality, the two rival wings of what must be viewed as the GOVERNMENT PARTY.

* Term limits aren't a silver bullet that will, magically, cure what ails government. Kicking out the scumbags via term limits is attacking the symptom and ignoring the real problem. Term limits don't alter the fact that, on a daily basis, government, at all levels, exceeds the authority that we delegated to it.

* A Dumbo-eared, clueless, rookie whose idea of leadership is voting 'present' on hard issues is going to get us killed, because he thinks that a charm offensive will make our enemies stop trying to murder every damn one of us.

* The Nanny State can't spend us out of an economic meltdown. No matter how much money they print...no matter how much money the Chinese spend buying up our debt, it will never be enough. Sooner or later, the bill becomes 'now due and payable', and when it does it has your name on it, taxpayer Sparky.

* The only meaningful difference between the Obamunist SEIU head-breakers and the Nazi brownshirts is the swastika on the Nazi uniform.

* We have a POTUS who hates capitalism, seeks to suffocate free speech, wants to disarm Americans, swallows up one segment of the economy after another, wants to punish achievers via confiscatory taxes and wants to impose limits on an individual's pay. Those aren't the actions of a Messiah. They're unrelenting Marxist tyranny.

* Giving the 20,000,000 border jumping invaders in our midst 'amnesty' will set off a border jumping scumbag stamped that will flood this on great nation with 50 to 100 MILLION new mouths to feed.

* Iran's first nuke will be launched at Israel. Their second nuke will have OUR name on it, radioactive Sparky.

* You can't 'fix' the economy by putting more people on the government's payroll, because the Nanny State produces NOTHING. If the Nanny State REALLY wants to help Main Street, it can begin by taking the Tax Nazi's hand out of a struggling capitalist's pocket.

There! I doubt that any of you were motivated, informed or enlightened by that prose, but venting was very therapeutic for this pagan scribbler.


Any Way You Slice It

I saw a television ad for a company that sells packages of sliced cheese. The spokeshole was extolling their new product: lower calorie count = a healthier product. Happy Days are here again? Yeah, about that.

Same cheese? Check.

Same number of slices? Check.

Same price? Check.

Thinner slices? Checkmate!

In other words, when you cut through the crap, you're getting less (much less) cheese for the same price.


I have 'unresolved issues' with the hyphen.

Are we limited to just one?

If we get more than one - (Irish-Italian)-American, how do we know which to list first?

If we get more than one, is there a limit on them? I.E. (Left-handed) - Irish - Italian - Carnivorous - American).

These hyphens give me a headache. I think I'll drop them like a bad habit and continue to be that American classic: an individual.

I am not defined by my born with it pedigree. I am defined by my thoughts, words, and deeds over the course of my life.

Gun Control

The U.S. Senate voted to take up a bill that nobody has read. In fact, it may not exist in any written form. If this is a typical Whorehouse Harry adventure, the bill probably still won't exist in any tangible form, when the Senate passes it. Bold new concept.

If the hot air coming from Progtards has any merit - a longshot - there's one very inconvenient truth that the gun hating assholes won't own up to. If the gun control measures the Progtards advocate were in effect when Adam Lanza hatched his vile plan, the gun control measures would not have changed anything on 12/14/12. He would still murder twenty children and six adult staff members at Sandy Hook Elementary School

This venerable Hambo prose is chillingly accurate:

In too many instances, cretins who live in mommy's cellar - that popular culture punchline, the basement boy - are going on murderous rampages with mommy's gun. There ought to be a Draconian new gun control law disarming law abiding individuals? Nope. There ought to be rational adults who wake up and smell the 'that insane bastard needs to be locked up in a padded basement cell' coffee.



Dirty Little Secrets

America's rulers in D.C. view the United States Constitution as a pesky fact of life that could make their lives miserable, if they were compelled to comply with it. Thanks to a willing complicity on the part of Congress and the American court system, they are no longer required to adhere to all those pesky government restrictions that our Founding Fathers imposed on them when the U.S. Constitution was ratified in 1788 (The Bill of Rights were ratified in 1791).

From the onset, our Elected Tormentors and the army of bureaucratic trolls who do their dirty work chafed under the U.S. Constitution's unambiguous restrictions on the federal government. They understand, too damn well, that the Founding Father's Constitutional game plan was to establish an island of government surrounded by an ocean of inalienable individual rights. Gradually, inexorably, deliberately, generations of Elected Tormentors inverted this original concept until, today, we have a small, shrinking, island of besieged individual rights that's surrounded by a relentlessly rising ocean of government.

One of the most annoying elements of this Constitutional inversion is the Brave New World of individual rights. I know what you're thinking: what about the Bill of Rights? The Bill of Rights is comprised of amendments that were created to underscore the uncontested fact that the U.S. Constitution did not give the federal government any power to intrude in certain vital areas of inalienable individual liberty: freedom of speech, the right to keep and bear arms, the right to peaceably assemble. In the Brave New World of rights the preferred mantra goes as follows: "Where does the Constitution give two male individuals the right to marry? Where does the U.S. Constitution give an individual the right to smoke pot? Blah, blah, blah" The short answer is obvious: "It doesn't." We know that the Constitution does not contain an exhaustive list of individual rights. Why should it? The Constitution is, from start to finish, a document that places explicit restrictions on government. The better question about rights is this: "Where does the Constitution give the federal government - explicitly - the right to dictate when and how an individual can exercise his freedom of speech 30 days before an election? Where does the U.S. Constitution, explicitly, give the feds the right to tell a business how it should operate, what it can manufacture and whom it should hire?"

The Founding Father's views on rights - and the Bill of Rights - is contained in the egregiously neglected 9th Amendment:

Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Constitutional Inversion is the dirty Nanny State secret that turned an ocean of rights into a shrinking island of rights. It sucks and it utterly and completely pisses me off.

The preferred weapon employed by Nanny State nitwits who are eager to intrude into our lives is the Constitution's commerce clause. Willfully stretching the original meaning beyond recognition, the Beltway bozos give themselves the power to intrude in every aspect of our lives. For example, in a 2005, ruling the U.S. Supreme court ruled that, under the commerce clause, the Capitol Hill cretins had the right to impose federal marijuana laws on an individual who grew pot for his own use, on his own land and never tried to sell it. Why? Because some-damn-how his activities impacted the "current" of commerce.

For those who want a hint on the real purpose of the commerce clause, here's Hambo's far from scholarly assessment. During the Colonial period, each colony was a separate entity with its own ties back to the crown and the English government. The individual colonies were like mini nations with their own laws, charters, and trade practices. When they banded together to fight for independence, then form a new nation, the old mini nation concept had to be scrapped. The way to build a single nation out of individual colonies/states was to take down the barriers that made it difficult for citizens, goods and services to move from one state to the next. The commerce clause gave the new federal government the power to prevent an individual state from erecting trade barriers with its neighboring states. That, as I understand it, is the original meaning of the commerce clause.

In the ensuing centuries, the commerce clause was inflated to give the Beltway bozos the power to dictate such things as: auto design, broadcast content standards, educrap standards, regulate the hiring practices of private firms, dictate food content, restrict drug availability. The list is long and getting longer every damn day.

As far as I'm concerned, the "money quote" from this piece is this gem:

The authority to regulate trade is identical among the States as with foreign countries, and what you cannot regulate among foreign countries is equally prohibited among the States. If Congress cannot prohibit citizens of Moscow from growing pot in their backyards, then they are equally prohibited from outlawing backyard pot growing within the jurisdiction of local governments in the United States. (Interstate Commerce Myth)

The instant the federal court system stamped a seal of judicial approval on this expansive "if you can tie it to commerce, you can regulate it" interpretation, it opened a political Pandora's Box that unleashed an insatiable Nanny State on our individual liberty. This egregious misinterpretation of the commerce clause led to the liberty-nuking carnage that followed.

The Nanny State's extra-constitutional intrusion into the health care marketplace - Medicare, DeathCare, and assorted other welfare state crap - rolled out the red carpet for a gem that's the weapon of first resort for socialists and shysters. It's called "the public policy issue" scam and it gives these scumbags an excuse to plunder capitalists deep pockets and dictate, in great specificity, how they must run their business. A prime example is the on-going Tobacco Jihad.

The Tobacco Jihad is erected on the dubious "public policy issue" canard. The argument is crude, but heretofore effective. Smokers are endangering their health. By endangering their health with this legal, but unhealthy, product, they impose "costs" on the Nanny State. Therefore, when the smoker incurs these healthcare costs he "burdens" the Nanny State due to the Nanny State's extra-constitutional intrusion into the medical marketplace. The solution, according to the socialists and shysters, is to force the tobacco industry to "pay" the "costs" incurred when the Nanny State blatantly stuck it's nose where the U.S. Constitution says it doesn't belong. This public burden scamnailed tobacco growing and manufacturing capitalists for billions of dollars. Did this extorted money go to compensate the Nanny State for its expenses? Get real. The lion's share of it lined the pockets of shyster scumbags. The remainder went to various states to give them more ill-gotten boodle to spread around. Bottom line: the shysters get richer and the socialists get more power to intrude into our lives.

The "public burden" scam was so amazingly successful - and profitable for shysters - that the same scumbags are gearing up for another assault on American capitalists. This time, the target is "big food". They're using the game plan that worked so well in the Tobacco Jihad. First, they flood an eager to spread the bad news media with the health dangers of trans fatty acids, and assorted other fates worse than death. Next, they try to coerce "big food" into "voluntary" compliance. Finally, declaring that the situation is a national crisis, they invoke "public policy issue", trot out dubious studies and statistics about the dangers of trans fatty acids, then go to court to "recoup" the healthcare costs incurred by the Nanny State. Once the process is complete and "big food" is plucked clean, they'll start looking for another set of deep, capitalist pockets to pick. They won't stop until they've cleaned out every-damn-body.

The Beltway bozos are complete scumbags, but, they're not stupid and that last fact makes them especially dangerous. They devised a devilishly simple way to intrude into our daily lives. I like to call this gambit: "Our money, our rules". The plan is, as usual, crude but damn effective. First, they kindly "offer" to share the "costs" of certain activities that are, per the U.S. Constitution, beyond their control. Educrap is a prime example. Spouting drivel about their concern for the educational development of American tykes, these Beltway bozos are generous to a fault. HOWEVER, there's the fine print to consider. "Since you're taking our money" the Beltway bozos insist, "you are required to follow our Draconian rules about how you conduct your business". With that foot in the door, the Beltway bozos dictate, in great specificity how, what, where, and upon whom the educrap is perpetrated.

Setting aside the fun fact that it's not the Nanny State's money - it's your money that they stole from you - this "our money our rules" crap is depressingly effective. I'm compelled to admit that few, if any, Educrats can resist the Siren song of "free" money. Strings or no strings, they're ready, willing and downright eager to grab as much of it as they can. The same, is true for various other American entities who take "free" money from, or do business with the Nanny State.

The dirtiest Nanny State secret isn't that big a secret. I'm referring to the fact that the Nanny State willfully and deliberately neglects one of its legitimate functions: safeguarding our nation's borders. The Nanny State nitwits are so busy doing all the crap that the Constitution forbids them from doing, they can't/won't take the time to fulfill one of their primary, unambiguous functions: safeguarding our nation's borders.

Sometimes this willful neglect is driven by ulterior motives. In part, that's the case here. Key members of the Nanny State - Vincente W. Bush and Chico Obama come to mind - flat out do not want to secure our borders. Why? In W's case the reasons aren't clear. It does appear that he's obsessed with establishing a border erasing, American Union patterned, in part, after the European Union. There's probably more to it than that, but I'm not sure that it matters. In Obama's case, his willful neglect of our porous borders is part of his blatant bid for Hugo Chavez class perpetual, personal, politicial power.

The primary reason for willful neglect is political inertia. Quite simply, it's much easier to do nothing and hope that the problem will magically resolve itself or mutate to a form that's not politically radioactive. We saw this at work in the mid 60's when the Capitol Hill cretins perpetrated the first "final solution" to the border jumping scumbag problem. Twenty years later, the problem got radioactive again, so they perpetrated the "final solution II", an amnesty program that succeeded beyond their wildest dreams in making the trickle of border jumpers turn into a goddamn tidal wave. This same "if we ignore it long enough it will go away" thinking is starting to take hold on Capitol Hill concerning the Jihadikaze rat bastards who are so eager to destroy us. If ignoring our Jihadikaze problems works as well as ignoring the border jumping scumbag invasion, I’m house-hunting on Pluto.



Being A Rational Adult In An Irrational World Sucks

Life, for a rational adult, really starts to suck whenever he, she, heshe or it butts heads with his differently rational peers. In fact, political correctness is a direct, utterly predictable consequence of these collisions between rational and differently-rational individuals. You'd think that rational adults would be up to speed on this concept, because the world has worked this way since some stone age intellectual flat-liner burned his fingers in the cooking fire after a rational stone age adult told him not to touch the flames. Am I up to speed on this rational adult suckage? More or less, but it's still very damn annoying.

For your edification, here are some examples of this venerable concept in action:

When everyone insisted that "the world is flat", some rational adult observed reality through unclouded eyes and announced: "You're wrong about the Earth being flat and here's why". He was right. A was still A, even then, but the flat Earth pinheads probably killed him anyway. It sucked being a rational adult in an irrational flat Earth world.

When the Pope, the church and all of Christendom declared that the Earth is the center of the universe, a rational adult named Galileo observed reality and came to a different conclusion. After watching the moons circling Jupiter through a telescope and studying Venus, he told the whole world about his findings in a prescient tome called 'The Dialogues'. He was right. A was still A, but the Inquisition terrorized him into recanting his findings, jailed him for the rest his life and banned all his writings for the next two centuries anyway. It sucked being a rational adult in an irrational Christian world.

When Islamikaze cretins flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, rational adults chided the president that this isn't a war against some amorphous, disembodied entity called 'terrorism'. "World domination, by force if necessary, is a core Tenet of Islam.", they warned. They're right. A is still A, but Uncle Sam still dances to CAIR's tune and refuses to profile the most likely terrorists: young, Middle Eastern men. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Islamikaze world.

When the true believers disguised Creationism with wig, a beard and a lab coat, called it Intelligent Design then sold it to government cess-schools as a valid scientific concept that belongs in a science classroom, rational science degreed adults didn't buy it for a second. "Intelligent Design/Creationism isn't science and it never will be," they declared and they're right. A is still A, but the alleged scientists who shill for I.D. don't want to talk about that and the Educrats who give it their okey dokey don't want to hear about it. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Creationist world.

When Uncle Sam spends billions, trillions, more dollars than he's got, rational adults warn that it's a mistake because, sooner or later, that debt will come due. They're right. A is still A, but the big spending hacks don't want to talk about it and the Kool-Aid drinking VRWC apologists insist that a whopping debt run up by the Elephant Clan is okey dokey because, as out of control as the debt is, it's "an acceptable fraction" of Amerika's GNP. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational deficit spending world.

When some people get more money back from the IRS than Uncle Sam took from them, rational adults indict this tax return largesse as wealth redistribution with the IRS doing the welfare state's dirty work. They're right. A is still A, but the wealth redistribution "winners" don't care where the boodle comes from, as long as they get their cut. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational wealth redistribution world.

When multicultural meatheads blither that all cultures, especially obscure third world cultures, are equal - even superior - to Western Culture, rational adults put down their Shakespeare and wonder aloud what the hell these multicultural mutants are smoking. "The 'superior' Aztec culture practiced human sacrifice. Certain 'noble' third world cultures still enslave sovereign individuals. Certain 'noble' Islamic cultures murder women who 'sully the family name' while others stone to death women who were victims of rape. All cultures are not created equal." They're right. A is still A, but the Cultural Marxists who infest our Ivory Towers continue to indoctrinate college students with this multicultural bovine excrement. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational multicultural world.

Do we have the big 'why being a rational adult sucks' picture now, Sparky? "We" better, because a pop quiz is not out of the question.



'THEY' go out of their way to yank my chain.

'THEY' boldly, BRAZENLY, go where they don't f**king belong.

'THEY' insult my intelligence with an unrelenting stream of bullshit.

'THEY', are getting on my last raw nerve.

Although, at times like this, it seems that they are going out of their way to dick with me, personally, I'm not so full of myself, and IT, that I'm ready, willing, and eager to go there. My head isn't so swollen that I need to shoehorn it through a doorway. Anyway, back to 'THEY', 'THEM'. If it isn't something personal, what is it?

Life is, admittedly, one damn thing after another. I get that, and have, by and large, come to terms with life's unforeseen ups and downs. I have, to the best of my ability, absorbed objective reality's sucker punches and learned the requisite lessons from it. I have, from time to time, sown some seeds of success and reaped whatever rewards they yielded. I managed this with a minimum of complaining and/or gloating. I do my best to 'man up', but it's not always easy.

For good or ill, I'm coping with the dreaded specter of Obama's DeathCare.

For good or ill, I'm coping with the yawning black hole of Nanny State debt.

For good or ill, I'm coping with an Obamunist foreign policy which alienates our friends and appeases our sworn enemies.

For good or ill, I'm coping - most of the time - with the bitter reality that an America-hating COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH is leaving a stinking, Marxist, stain on the big chair in the Oval Office.

Has Hambo gone over to the dark side? You be the judge.

I'm tired of the relentless media whoring by the Slacker-in-Chief and the Sweathog he married.

I'm tired of watching of the Slacker-in-Chief and the Sweathog he married pissing away my hard-earned money on lavish parties and insanely expensive junkets and vacations.

I'm tired of assholes telling me that government is the solution, when, as the Gipper pointed out, "government is the problem".

I'm tired of nanny state scumbags whose insane spending make a drunken sailor look like a model of fiscal discipline.

I'm tired of lying rat bastards pinning a 'journalism' label on the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade's shameless promotion of, deification of, that Red Shed Marxist.

I'm tired of jackasses foisting off Rabid Tinsel Town Moonbats as brainiacs who will lead a clueless We the People out of our sovereign individualism misery and into Messiah Barry's Marxist Eden.

I'm tired of Obamunist shills denigrating We the People as 'racists' and/or 'extremists', whenever sovereign individuals set aside their personal lives, then band together to tell 'THEM' to KNOCK IT OFF!

I'm tired of the rabid Marxist Moonbats trying to bury the United States Constitution instead of adhering to its strict limitations on the proper functions of government.

I'm tired of watching the enemy in our midst - the union thugs, the MSM echo chamber, traitorous Black Robes like Chief Justice Roberts, the Jackass Party's unrepentant Marxists - systematically destroying my country.

Remember what I said about coping, near the start of this rant? On second thought...I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.


You Know You're A PIGster, If...

You laughed, when you realized Cesar Chavez speed bump on the calendar coincided with April Fools' Day, this year.

You cracked open a cold one to salute the MSM, when you learned that nobody is willing to hire Keith Olbermann.

Your assigned Elected Tormentor muttered darkly about 'harassment', the last time you told him a thrillingly real version of Landmine Lotto would resolve all our pesky border issues.

You were sentenced to sensitivity training, after calling the boss's secretary 'sweet cheeks'.

You got kicked out of sensitivity training, because you refused to stop laughing.

You're convinced that C-SPAN's live coverage of Congress is the most horrifying programming on television.

You think it's time to commute America's sentence, by limiting Barry's reign of terror to 'time served'.

Your rabid Libertard relatives have a panic attack, every time you show up at a family gathering.

Your legendary 'heckling' exploits got you permanently banned from your friends' and family's weddings.

You answered "The Congressional Record", when a pollster asked you to name the last work of fiction you read.


Here We Go Again

Juan "Let me drive you to the welfare office" McCain and the other rat fucking bastards who comprise the 'Gang of Eight' are at it again. They're rolling out the red carpet for every border jumping piece of crap that Mexico crapped over our alleged border. As expected, I have a few things to say about THAT.

* Insulting My Intelligence

I'm fed up with all these D.C. scumbags insulting my intelligence on this border jumping scumbag disaster. First, they set up a strawman by putting words in my mouth: "they" - that's me, I suppose - "want to deport 12 million 'undocumented' immigrants". First of all, the number is closer to 20 million. Furthermore, nobody in their right mind is talking about deporting each and every one of them. We are, however, discussing ways to make it less appealing for all of them to stay here and continue to colonize us. Finally, and most important, I want them to take meaningful steps to stop the tidal wave of border jumpers who keep swarming into our nation, un-damn- invited.

The best way to explain this is with a little parable. You come home one fine day and find that a water pipe has burst and your basement is flooded. You call up McCain's Plumbing to take care of the problem.

Juan: "It's just water and it serves a useful purpose. Why are you so irrational about it?"

You: "I have nothing against the water, however, I don't want the damn stuff here."

Juan: "You can't just toss that water out in one big dump. It can't be done. I'm very disappointed with your attitude."

You: "I want you to shut off the damn water, fix the broken pipe, and stop any more water from flooding into my basement."

Juan: "You're not thinking clearly. We need a comprehensive approach to this problem. If you want, I can start bailing out the water with a teaspoon, while we discuss strategies to deal with the broken pipe."

You: "Get the hell out of here, you moron. If you can't see that it's pointless to deal with the water BEFORE you fix the broken pipe, you're a bigger fool that I thought possible."

We've got a broken pipe on our border, PIGsters. I don't want to discuss how to cope with the water that filled our nation's basement until that broken pipe is fixed. Fixing that broken pipe is the only way to keep more water from flooding in faster than I can bail out my basement. If I can see that, why the hell can't those motherless rat bastards in our nation's capitol?

*Amnesty Sales Pitches

The most popular sales pitch starts with the whopper "this is not an amnesty". I know that all the border jumpers are made street legal with (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) "provisional" status the instant Barry signs the bill and it's not an amnesty? What a crock of shit.

Another highly favored spin is the tired canard that "if everyone across the political spectrum hates it, it must be a world class idea". It's safe to assume that you'd get the same reaction from "everyone across the political spectrum" if you tried to feed them a shit sandwich. The fact that everyone hates it won't make that turd burger a "world class idea".

Some sales pitches start with the admission that "yes it's an amnesty" then follow up with "we further stipulate that it sucks". With that crap settled, these spin doctors rush forward to castigate the current border jumper situation as utterly and completely unacceptable. Their conclusion, based on the foregoing assertions, is that doing something - even if it is, by their own admission, the worst possible thing - is better than doing nothing. That's like promoting suicide as the preferred cure for a toothache. If your tooth aches that badly, you don't shove the barrel of a loaded gun in your mouth, you yank that troublesome tooth.

By far the most infuriating sales pitch involves a boatload of sloppy sentimentality about the 'hardships of a life in the shadows', and a ton of bull crap about the border jumpers impoverished lifestyle. A dude breaks into my house, eats my food, drives my car until he wrecks it, makes me pay his doctor bills and finance his kids' schooling but I'm supposed to feel sorry for the bastard? I'm supposed to be whipped with guilt because I want to throw this uninvited 'guest' out of my house? I'm supposed to hang my head in shame because, the moment I kick his sorry ass out, I plan to change the locks, fence in my yard and buy a couple chronically cranky guard dogs? I damn sure don't think so, citizenship sellout Sparky.

The spin doctors are, tragically, doing what comes naturally to them, the lying bastards. So be it, but, if you're starting to buy into this 'spin', take a moment to consider this dose of bitter reality. If you reward bad behavior you'll get more of it. If, instead of punishing your mutt for using your carpet as a toilet, you petted him and gave him his favorite treat, what you do think would happen? You'd be deluged with 'gifts' from your mutt.

By the same token, when you reward illegal human behavior you get more of it. We rewarded the 10s of thousands of border jumping carpet crappers 'living in the shadows' in 1965 and we got 3,000,000 more carpet crappers barking for their reward by 1986. When we rewarded those 3,000,000 barking carpet crappers in 1986 we got an additional 20,000,000 barking carpet crappers by 2007, ;when We The People stopped another amnesty attempt. When the hell are the assholes in D.C. going to figure this shit out? If you reward these border jumping carpet crappers, again, you're begging for 100,000,000 more to barge in and use our nation's carpet as their toilet. This time, why don't we try something different? Why don't we do what I'd do with any carpet crapping mutt: throw his toxic ass out of my house and let him do his business in the back yard where he belongs.

The time for spin doctored excuses is over. If those rat bastards in D.C. want me to buy into their 'bring them out of the shadows' bull crap, they need to start with the basics. First, you enforce our borders and PROVE that you're getting the job done, then I might be willing to discuss the best way to deal with the 20,000,000 carpet crapping asshats who infest our once great nation.



By the time many of you read this April Fools Day will be in full swing. April Fools Day is the day when the government cess-schooled idiots with self esteem chickens come home to roost. Clueless cess-school graduates, and other self-made idiots, either can't read the calendar or they're so gullible that they believe everything they read see or hear during this annual whopper festival.

Nobody is quite sure who perpetrated this asinine speed bump on the calendar, but the leading contenders are, in no special order, the Brits, the Surrender Monkeys and the Dutch. I don't give a rat's ass who started it. It exists and it's a day dedicated, in large part, to morons who think they're funny.

As a public service to any rational adult who might have gotten severely lost and landed here in Hambo's corner of the Twilight Zone, I'll issue the usual Hambo warning to shield you from this unavoidable exercise in gullibility: On April Fools Day, don't take anything you read, see or hear at face value. A well-reasoned skepticism is the rational adult's best friend during this annual Whopper Festival.

Parting Shot: Here, from my scribbler archives are some April Fools Day classics:

Classic April Foolery
For your April Fools Day reading pleasure, here are some top April Fools Day hoaxes of all time per the Museum of Hoaxes.

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
Spaghetti Harvest. In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

#2: Sidd Finch
Sidd Finch. In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

#4: The Taco Liberty Bell
Taco Liberty Bell. In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

More April Foolery
My favorite April Fool stunt was pulled off by an outfit called 'Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing' (DRTM), located in a wide spot on a New Zealand road named - DUH - Rotorua. Among other things, their claim to fame is the Rotorua Museum, and the city's 'bubbling mud pools and geysers'.

Their April Foolery is based upon a recent 'finding' by a terminally horny, lab coat wearing hooligan from the University of Naples. This desperate to get laid test tube wrangler opined that the hydrogen sulphide, which spews from Rotorua's aromatic tourist attraction, could 'lead to the development of a male impotence drug to rival Viagra'.

Seizing on the magic word 'viagra', the DRTM posted some April Foolery about the King of Viagra junkies, Hugh Hefner. He was, they insisted, so 'motivated' by the magical properties of the Rotorua mud pools, he was planning to build a new set of digs there:

Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing (DRTM) and the Rotorua Museum Centennial Trust recently announced playboy legend Hugh Hefner would be converting a wing of the Rotorua Museum into his new holiday mansion.

The hoax included plans for Hugh Hefner to replicate his infamous grotto – Rotorua-style – complete with its own bubbling mud pools.

Thanks to their exceptional April Foolery, the DRTM scored free publicity, around this blue-green orb. That's outstanding April Foolery, and you can quote me.

Running a close second is spiffy dose of April Foolery from a Pennsylvania fishwrap, the Patriot News.

Gov. Ed Rendell is trying to do his part to aid the citizens of the commonwealth.
His latest plan is to use about $15 million from the federal stimulus funds pouring into the state to try and change the mood of Pennsylvanians.

The Patriot-News has learned that the money will be spent to hire clowns, mimes, magicians, street performers and comedians (nothing blue) who will be dispatched to malls, fairs and festivals across the state to boost morale.

The governor's idea is based on history: During World War II performers helped keep Americans' spirits up while they were faced with food and gas rationing.

The merriment will be conducted through a new Headquarters of Economic and Emotive Efforts, or HEEE.


By Any Other Name

With Easter upon us, I'm, once again, attempting to bestow enlightenment, with a few - GASP - facts.

Fact One: Easter is, in reality two observances, one religious, and one secular.

Fact Two: Easter marks what Christians consider, the most important sequence of events in human history:

Maundy Thursday: The day the Last Supper took place.

Good Friday: The day the Christian Savior was crucified.

Easter Sunday: The day the Christian Savior rose from the dead.

The events in question, especially the crucifixion and resurrection, are the cornerstone of Christian theology.

Fact Three: The word "Easter" has pagan roots that predate Cross Cultism's use of the word to denote its Spring rituals.

"Easter" is a bastardization of "Ostara" (Eostra), the name of the pagan goddess at the root of this spring holiday. Before everyone goes Kool-Aid club bonkers and runs off at the mouth about this egregious slight to an important Cross Cult holiday, take a deep breath, cool your jets and let a rational adult serve up some little known facts about the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs:

'...In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse them she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived. Ostara is identical to the Greek Eos and the Roman Aurora...' (Ostara, by Micha F. Lindemans, Encyclopedia Mythica)

Fact Four: For too many years, the usual suspects from sea to shining sea, rant, rave and rampage against another seasonal 'pestilence', the Easter Bunny. Unlike so many of these loony tune adventures, this one ferrets out secular wingnuts as often as it does Cross Cultists. The past few years, the secularist have led the charge. If you think this anti-Easter Bunny Jihad is all in my mind, do a Google Search for 'Spring Bunny' and/or 'Spring Egg Hunt' and you'll find out how pervasive this seasonal brainfart really is.

Fact Five: "Easter", the bunny and the eggs are not now and never have been Cross Cult in any damn way. They are strictly pagan goodies that don't do anything more sinister than give kids an excuse to have a good time. All these secular hissy fits are a waste of time because "Ostara's Bunny" (The Easter Bunny) is and always was a PAGAN concept. True Believer protests that this 'bunny' distracted the faithful from the true meaning of the season are equally delusional because, Ostara's Bunny and the bringing forth of eggs were a pagan springtime ritual so Spring Bunny and Spring Eggs are reasonably close to the original pagan concept.

Are we all on the same page now about Ostara's egg laying bunny, or are you going to make me come over there and EXPLAIN it to you, again?

Bottom line: Secularists should chill out and let the Cross Cultists honor the resurrection of their Savior. True Believers should chill out and let secularists, and assorted others, honor Ostara's gift to the children: her egg-laying bunny. As far as I'm concerned there's no reason why the True Believers and the Bunny bonkers crowd can't coexist peacefully. No harm, no foul sums it up nicely


Control Tower Closures

The FAA is the latest agency to play sequester games. Unless you're living in a cave, you've been pummeled by the MSM with 'we're all in danger' stories about the 149 airport control towers slated for closure as a cost-cutting move impose by the sequester.

Here are some interesting tidbits:

* The FAA must trim $637 million dollars from their annual budget.

* The FAA's annual budget is $58 billion dollars.

* $637 million is 1.1% of their annual budget.

* The 149 airports targeted handle a combined total of less than 150,000 flight operations per year, of which less than10,000 are commercial flights by passenger airlines.

* No FAA air traffic facilities - ones manned and staffed by FAA employees - are included in the 149 towers slated for closure.

* All 149 towers on the closure list are managed and staffed by private contractors. Not one of them is staffed up by the National Air Traffic Controllers Association union.

* There's nothing to stop the cities or counties which own many of these airports from hiring the soon to be terminated contract tower minions.

It's very fitting that the FAA will perpetrate this farce on April Fools' Day.


Whatever happened to that place called 'America'?

(I seem to be asking this question numerous times each day. I'll keep asking, knowing full well that I'll hate the answer.)

Given the direction our nation is headed, I feel like we've lost some vital part of what makes us who, what, we are. For the lack of a better word, I call it 'America', in this piece from my personal archives. This rant only identifies what we've lost.

In my current state of mind, I won't even pretend to tell how we'll ever get it back. We are, I'm afraid, in the 'things have got to get a lot worse' phase of an eventual, albeit a long way off, return to what we once were, that shining city on the hill.

I can tell you one thing, that's etched in stone. There's no room for that place called America in the brave new world that's being imposed on us by George Soros and his shill, a Marxist Messiah named Barack Hussein Obama.

America was a nation that one of its presidents called a 'shining city on a hill', a nation that showed the world what sovereign individuals working together, voluntarily, could accomplish.

It was a marvelous place that encouraged an individual to strive to achieve the maximum degree of success.

It was a land conceived in liberty where each individual was afforded the opportunity to go as high and as far as his talents, energy. and intelligence would take him.

It was a nation where an individual's great achievement and success were celebrated and cited as an example of what could be accomplished when a person focused all their energy, intellect and talent on a single goal.

It was a land where inalienable individual liberty reigned supreme and the government's primary function was to maximize each individual's birthright of unimpeded freedom.

It was the first nation that deliberately imposed limits on its own national government with a constitution that clearly defined the handful of legitimate functions the national government was allowed to perform.

It was a land that invited the free exchange of ideas, all ideas - noble and profane - a land whose inhabitants welcomed the vigorous debate that ensued.

It was a land where an individual had the inalienable right to decide how the fruits of his life's work would be distributed after his death.

It was a land where a man's rightful property could not be stolen by the government and handed over to another individual.

It was a nation whose inhabitants elevated self reliance, and individual accountability, to virtues.

It was a nation with a notoriously robust sense of humor populated by individuals who were famous for cracking a joke no matter how dire the situation.

It was a land where an immigrant arrived on its shores knowing that success wasn't guaranteed, but the opportunity to make something of yourself was available to anyone willing to put in the hard work.

It was a land where each newcomer added the best of himself to the land he now called home in exchange for the right to call himself an American.

It was a unique place, a nation the likes of which had never been seen before and hasn't been seen since.

What ever happened to that place called America?

If you spot America wandering aimlessly in the uncharted wastelands, tell it to phone home, because We the People are trying to bring it back where it belongs, as that shining city on the hill.



Why do we let Uncle Sam squander the lives of our incomparable warriors in a 'war' they're not allowed to win against an enemy our so-called leaders are afraid to name?

Am I the only one who thinks Larry Elder is on the right track when he facetiously opines that Mexifornia would be in much better condition if the state kept the illegals and deported the libertards, instead?

Why are Educrats and other Libertards afraid to let a dastardly non-lefty give a talk to high school inmates at a graduation ceremony? Are they afraid that a few minutes spent listening to a rational adult will erase 12 years of Korrectnik indoctrination?

Why do the properly hyphenated deem it okey dokey to be required to verify your identity with a photo I.D., when you're cashing your welfare check, but they bellow that it's RACIST to ask the same individual to verify their identity with a photo I.D. before they're allowed to vote?

When did America devolve into Imperial Rome? Was it before, or after the Narcissist-in-Chief proclaimed himself Obamunus Caesar?

Since our calender year is littered with days dedicated to supernaturalism - Easter, Yom Kippur, Kwanza, Christmas and assorted other religious observances - isn' it time for 'the rest of the story'? Isn' it time for an Objective Reality Day, since it counterbalances supernaturalist holidays and Messiah Al's 'Earth Day' in one fell swoop?

When it comes to alien abductions, why does E.T. take some rustic good old boy or gal, instead of poking, prodding, probing and puncturing the annoying asshats who deserve to be a medical experiment? Does E.T. need me to give him a list of eligible candidates?

Is Mecca Mania what it pretends to be - just another theological belief system - or is it exactly what it appears to be: a highly contagious form of insanity?


FRIDAY, MARCH 15, 2013

Holiday: St. Patrick's Day

What it is:
St. Patrick's Day honors a Rosary True Believer saint. On its face, St. Patrick's Day venerates one specific flavor of Cross Cultism to the exclusion of all others. This blatantly Catholic holiday is inherently offensive to the differently-Catholic, Buddhists, Torah True Believers, Hindus, Mecca Maniacs, Wiccans and last but not least, atheists. Admittedly, most of the aforementioned groups will suffer in silence. On a more ominous note, it's a slam dunk that, some-damn-how, St. Patrick's Day is "offensive to Islam" and we all know what that means.

Who gets heartburn from it:
Setting aside St. Patrick's Day's supernaturalist implications, we need to consider several other features of the day that will set off one hypersensitive pinhead or the other. The militantly sober neo Carrie Nation's will be offended because this holiday is celebrated by imbibing adult beverages in great quantities. The fact that the holiday honors a - gasp - male is certain to catapult NO-NAD harpies into a panty-twisting hissy fit. The differently-heterosexual will be caterwauling because homophobic organizers won't let GLAAD BAAGs march in certain St. Patrick's Day parades. Greenie weenies will spout drivel about the ecological devastation caused by countless millions of drunken peabrains despoiling the landscape in their frantic search for four-leaf clovers. Last, but far from least, the fact that St. Patrick's Day is celebrated by wearing green is a deliberate insult to colorblind-Americans.

Supplemental information:
Everyone knows about St. Patrick, but most of what you "know" is probably wrong. For starters, his name isn't "Patrick". His birth moniker was "Maewyn", but he changed it to Patrick after he shed his pagan ways and set off on the highway to heaven. If you're thinking Maewyn doesn't sound Irish, give yourself a cookie, because Ireland's favorite Saint was born in Wales. Last, but not least, the story that he chased the snakes from Ireland is Irish hyperbole, because, there weren't any snakes to evict.

The American St. Patrick's Day festivities started in Boston, in 1737, which explains why a day devoted to a Saint who converted pagans to Cross Cultism is celebrated by massive adult beverage infusions. Spend mid-March in Boston and you'll understand how it could drive an otherwise "saintly" man to drink. Bottoms up, Beantown Sparky

Hambo's Take:
St. Patrick's Day is that day of the year when we have our sanity assaulted by a bunch of inane nitwits, most of whom aren't Irish, couldn't find Ireland on a globe if their life depended on it, and have a pathological hatred for green every other day of the year.

Green beer? Leprechauns? Stupid looking hats? Family, friends, co-workers and strangers nagging you about the lack of green in your attire? A frontal assault on your sanity by musical terrorists who bellow out "Danny Boy" every 3 minutes? Is this the best Ireland, the Irish, have to offer? Give me a break.

We get the part about national/ethnic pride running amok. We get the fact that, for one day of the year, it's cool to be Irish. We get the fact that, after you cut through all the crap, St. Patrick's Day has nothing to do with snakes, or holy rollers who chased them from the storied isle. For most of us, St. Patrick's Day is an excuse to get blasted and slur our speech with a faux Irish accent. Ireland, the Irish, deserve better, and quite frankly, so do we. Besides, we already set aside a date on the calendar to get blasted, New Year's Eve.

Porcus' Take:
It's Porcus O'Publisher here, to give you some heads up on what being Irish is the other 364 days of the year.

Personally, I am complimented that people of all persuasions take the time to give a tip of the hat type props and celebrate an Irishman, who, allegedly chased the snakes out of Ireland.

But the wearing of the green every March 17? When I don't wear green, anything, on Saint Patrick's Day, and co-workers point that out, especially with my first name being...drum roll, please, Patrick...I simply reply with, "I prefer to let the wannabees do their thing." I've had Irish blood, much scotch, whiskey and beer pumping through my veins ever since my parents reluctantly claimed me from the maternity ward, and said, 'I guess he's ours, we'll take him.'

I don't need no stinking green to prove my heritage.


It's That Time of Year

Yep, break out the checkbook and put the pen, or crayon, in your hand, quit shaking and sweating, and volunteer to write a check to help support the Tax And Spend Rampant Runaway Nanny State. And by writing that check, and rushing to the nearest Post Office at 11:50 PM, April 15th - in the rain - of course, to meet the filing deadline, do you know you are aiding and abetting Congressional corruption and pork barrel spending, and sponsoring the ongoing smothering of your rights and liberties? Also, by writing that check, you are funding a Congress that on one hand says, "We support our troops", while being the two-faced scum they are, vote to cut off funding for our military. If you voluntarily pay for it, you have no place to complain. Just follow the herd to the slaughterhouse.

Now, if you paid too much into the system via payroll withholdings during the course of the year, you're lucky to get a few crumbs back in the form of a refund. How generous. Now before offering up your first born, or your left nut for payment, take a tip from my late brother, an All - Star on the Tax Dodgers Elite Team. When you get the required form(s) to fill out, and you know you owe, start at the bottom line, and simply enter "zero". From there, you best get very creative with deductions to justify not paying a dime into the bottomless pit. No matter what you try, they're going to steal you blind and piss it away.

The Nanny State does its level best to convince you that the money you earn is, by rights, THEIRS. That's why they used terms like 'resource" or "revenue" when they discuss the money they extort from each and every damn one of us. It's not a resource. It's our goddamn money and they're pissing it away on some infuriating crap.

Don't get us wrong, we don't mind paying for necessities, such as roads, streetlights, fixing potholes, libraries, cops, firemen, military and other legitimate, Constitutionally correct, Nanny State expenses. BUT, there's the other 99% of the crap where they piss away our hard earned greenbacks.

Let's take a look at some of the tax related outrages that bring us thisclose to organizing another American Revolution:

* Your extorted money funds the lavish lifestyles of those Elected Tormentors who pass laws to infringe YOUR liberty, but, find a way to exempt themselves.

* Your extorted money builds and staffs most of the Marxist-infested Ivory Towers that wouldn't admit you on a bet, because you don't have the proper racial pedigree.

* Your extorted money pays those Nanny State bureaucrats who micro-manage that innovative new adventure in capitalism that you worked so damn hard to make a success.

* Your extorted money pays some Nanny State rat bastard for permission (a license) before you're allowed to cut someone's hair, give them a tattoo, or sell them a sandwich.

* Your extorted money pays the Nanny State to dictate what you're allowed to hear on the boom box or watch on the boob tube.

* Your extorted money pays the salary of an Elected Tormentor scumbag whom you aren't allowed to criticize within 30 days of an election.

*Your extorted money pays for the medical care and schooling of chronically needy, disease-ridden, crime-infested border jumping scumbags who don't goddamn belong here in the first place.

As much as we hate those Nanny State assaults on our wallet, there are two especially vile aspects of the Nanny State extortion system (uh, tax policy) that really bugs us. In addition to stealing our money and squandering it on a boatload of infuriating, asinine crap, there's the real function of the American Extortion System: social engineering and behavior modification. The Nanny State coerces you into what it considers 'proper' behavior by taxing things that you like, but they don't, via 'sin' taxes on adult beverages and tobacco products. The Nanny State coerces you into purchasing a 'socially acceptable' ride by heaping taxes on that Hummer you love and giving tax credits on some clown mobile that uses crab grass for fuel. The Nanny State manipulates us in countless intolerable ways and it majorly pisses us off.

The second, equally pernicious element of the American Extortion System is through blatant, utterly un-goddamn-American wealth redistribution. American achievers who got where they are on the economic food chain through their own ingenuity and hard work are rewarded by socialist, Elected Tormentor rat bastards with stratospheric taxes, the most loathsome of which is the Death Tax. American parasites are rewarded for being such utter an complete losers though a gem called 'the earned income tax credit' which, invariably, pays them back A LOT MORE than the government took in the first place. They can call this largess whatever thrills them spitless but we dare to call a spade a spade: it's WELFARE that's laundered through the IRS.

Ever hear of the Boston Tea Party? The American Revolution? No Taxation Without Representation? It's about time Americans push, no, SHOVE Tax reform, revolt, and maybe abolition right up their stinky, skanky asses, sans lubricants, right now.

What if we all said, "I'm mad as hell, and won't pay anymore?" The elected officials would be like deer caught in the headlights. After all, without you - actually, your money - they would most likely be flipping burgers, dealing dope, selling used cars, or worse yet, practicing law. They need us to fund the big Government Tit more than we need them.

We're not tax experts, just dudes that can't justify paying for and subsidizing needless crap, programs and laws doled out by blow dried elected congressional punk weasel rat bastards, whose only goal in life is to separate you from your money. Don't take our word, ask Obama, Reid & Co. aka, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe. They're the 21st century version of the James Gang, the Dalton Brothers or Bonnie and Clyde, but there's a big difference. The James Gang, Dalton Brothers, Bonnie and Clyde, et al, freely admitted that they were thieves, crooks and scoundrels. It would be refreshing if once, just once, some Elected Tormentor bastard admitted, "I'm stealing you blind, go pound sand."

Well, we're off to work. Gotta subsidize the illegal Chico Taco's and family of 200, my elected officials, overzealous, gung-ho cops, school lunch programs, food stamps, section 8 housing, illegal admnesty crap and other Gimme Gimme bottom feeder types.

Don't get us wrong. We love our country, but despise our ever growing behemoth of a government. Rest In Peace, Thomas Jefferson. We're living the nightmare you predicted, but we have to keep that Big Wheel turning, ever so Goddamn slow. One taxable dollar at a time. Right, suckers?


Daylight Saving Time.

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

If you wonder whose bright idea it was, wonder no more.

Modern DST was first proposed by the New Zealand entomologist George Vernon Hudson, whose shift-work job gave him leisure time to collect insects, and led him to value after-hours daylight. In 1895 he presented a paper to the Wellington Philosophical Society proposing a two-hour daylight-saving shift, and after considerable interest was expressed in Christchurch, New Zealand, he followed up in an 1898 paper. Many publications incorrectly credit DST's proposal to the prominent English builder and outdoorsman William Willett, who independently conceived DST in 1905 during a pre-breakfast ride, when he observed with dismay how many Londoners slept through a large part of a summer's day. An avid golfer, he also disliked cutting short his round at dusk. His solution was to advance the clock during the summer months, a proposal he published two years later. (Wikipedia)

It's a good thing, for all concerned, that they're all dead, because DST make me want to clock somebody.


Top Story Leftovers

Government Conspiracies
If you listen to the yammering of the usual suspects, the government is a paragon of perfection, when it comes to keeping certain inconvenient truths from We the People. Allegedly, they've kept us in the dark, by hiding E.T. and his technology, out of sight in underground chambers at Wright-Patterson AFB, in Ohio, and similar installations at the infamous Area 51, in the Nevada desert. Allegedly, they played us for fools on the John F. Kennedy assassination, by pinning it all on a fall guy named Lee Harvey Oswald, while the real shooters (a two or three man team) continue to elude detection.

Paragons of secret keeping perfection? Yeah, right. Is this the same paragon of perfection that couldn't keep a lid on our atomic weapons secrets, despite Draconian security measures? Is this the same paragon of secret keeping perfection that elevated the insider leak to an art form? The closely guarded government held secret is a myth of epic proportions. I'm just sayin'.

MTV? In theory MTV stands for Music TeleVision. MUSIC Television? No shit? You can't prove it by me. The MUSIC at MTV died a long time ago. The closest they come, these days, is when a reality program pimple on humanity's butt plugs in their iPod. I'm just sayin'.

Airline Travel
There was a time when traveling by plane was not a ridiculously expensive, relentlessly intrusive, way to go from Point A to Point B. For a variety of reasons, those days a long gone.

If you can cope with being interrogated, insulted, then groped by thuggish TSA twerps, and don't mind going through that full body scan peep show, your hellish air travel adventure is far from over. If you have carry-on bags, some airlines will make you pay extra to stow them in the overhead compartments. If you want to use the lavatory, some airlines will make you pay before you go, for that, too. One airline is planning to sell 'standing room' on its flights. Another airline will kick you off a flight to make room for that double-wide load in the next seat. I won't put words in your mouth, but this pagan scribbler won't put up with that crap. Hell no, I won't go. I'm just sayin'.

Nigerian E-Mail Scam
This cyberspace blight continues to - so the story goes - entice kind-hearted, but foolish, individuals into pissing away their hard-earned money. In a few, newsworthy, instances, the targeted individuals ripped off their employer, and/or their clients, to feed the insatiable Nigerian scammer beast.

By and large, the 'victim' is deemed foolish, but otherwise blameless. Bullshit! The classic Nigerian scam's pot of gold is, invariably, a large sum of money whose rightful owner is MIA. In other words, some shifty character needs the 'victim's' help in STEALING money for which neither have a rightful claim. Since the 'victim' of a Nigerian scam is a differently-ethical individual who let mindless GREED get the better of them, I have no sympathy whatsoever for them. I'm just sayin'.



Hugo "Skipper" Chavez is headed for his final personal appearance, at his own funeral.

I wonder if they have Danny Glover and Sean Penn on suicide watch, yet.

I hope individual liberty makes a comeback in Venezuela.

I suspect it's gonna get ugly in Venezuela, in the short term.

The More Things Change

In some areas of our life, the changes to America aren't stark, or political. In some instances, the change isn't as profound as it seems. That's especially true, when it comes to popular culture, and assorted other elements of that elusive entity, 'America'. Here are some examples:

* In his time, Thomas Paine shared his ideas as in a popular pamphlet 'Common Sense'. In 2013, Thomas Paine would be sharing his ideas in a popular BLOG named 'Common Sense'.

* From January 1956 to October 1964, "Queen for a Day" tugged at viewer heartstrings with a steady stream of three hankie sob stories. In 2013, Dr. Phil performs the same function as heir to Oprah's sob sister throne.

* In 1968 Andy Warhol famously predicted "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." The only thing he got wrong was the 15 minutes part, otherwise he nailed it, because he predicted that bane of rational adults, the pernicious blight on humanity, the reality show 'star'. Check it out...Kim Kardashian's preggers-inflated butt is so humongous that its shadow reaches all the way back to 1968.

* MSNBC didn't invent spin doctored news. From 1962 thru 1981 Walter Cronkite abused his status as 'the most trusted man in America', with a 'news' program that was spewing out libertard claptrap.

* In the dawn of the television age, moms worried about young 'uns who turned their minds into mush by watching too much television. By the late 80's, Johnny and Moonbeam numbed their brains by sitting and staring at a compute monitor. In 2013, Little Johnny and Moonbeam achieve the same results, by spending every waking minute on the newest brain-numbing device, the iPAD

SUNDAY, MARCH 03 .2013

Reading Assignment

(This landed in my in box and mad a vivid impression.)

America's Kinder, Gentler Department Of Defense.
Cutting the military to fuel the welfare state doesn't instill fear in a nation's enemies
By Mackubin Thomas Owens.

The Department of Defense faces some stark choices in the future due to the threat of sequestration. But the continual sounds of shoes dropping at the Pentagon suggest that the sequester may be the least of its problems.

The first shoe was the announcement in December that Marine Gen. James Mattis would leave his post as commander of Central Command in March, well short of what would be expected of a combatant commander who has acquitted himself well since he was appointed in August 2010. Most observers were stunned. There seemed to be no logical reason for his being replaced early. Most unforgivably, he learned of the move when an aide read a Pentagon press release announcing the change.

According to recent reports (on journalist Tom Ricks's blog, for instance), White House officials, especially National Security Adviser Tom Donilon, weren't happy with Gen. Mattis's advice, in particular his effort to change the strategic framework regarding Iran. Gen. Mattis thought we should be planning for what Iran is capable of doing-such as closing the Strait of Hormuz or attacking Israel-not just what we assume Iran will do. In addition, Gen. Mattis and the White House clashed over the way ahead in Afghanistan, his concerns about Pakistani stability, and the response to the Arab spring.

Despite these policy disagreements, it is noteworthy that during Gen.Mattis's time as the commander responsible for one of the most volatile regions in the world, there were no manifestations of the unhealthy civil-military relations that characterized the tenure of Donald Rumsfeld as secretary of defense. There were no leaks to the press from within his command over policy disagreements and no reports of "slow rolling" or "foot dragging" in Gen. Mattis's implementation of the president's policy.

A president has every right to choose the generals he wants, but it is also the case that he usually gets the generals he deserves. By pushing Gen. Mattis overboard, the administration sent a message that it doesn't want smart, independent-minded generals who speak candidly to their civilian leaders. What other generals and admirals are likely to take from this is that they should go along to get along, a very bad message for the health of U.S. civil-military relations.

The second shoe to drop was the nomination of Chuck Hagel to be the next secretary of defense. Much of the opposition to Mr. Hagel has focused on his alleged hostility to Israel and his seeming indifference to a nuclear-armed Iran. As serious as these issues may be, the real problem is his likely
approach to the defense budget.

The Hagel nomination is a replay of President Harry Truman's appointment of Louis Johnson as secretary of defense in early 1949. Like Mr. Obama, Truman was committed to funding his domestic programs at the expense of military spending. When the incumbent defense secretary, James Forrestal, argued that cuts in the defense budget were too deep in light of emerging threats, Truman asked for his resignation and replaced him with Johnson, whom most
historians regard as a partisan hack.

Like Truman and Johnson before them, Messrs. Obama and Hagel are predisposed to look at the defense budget in the abstract, independent of the real world. Yes, the defense budget can and should be cut. But the danger is that President Obama has appointed Sen. Hagel for the same reason that Truman appointed Johnson: to take an ax to the Pentagon in order to free up money for the president's expanded welfare state. This is alarming. National security strategy-not budget cuts for their own sake-should drive defense spending and force structure.

The third shoe dropped on Jan. 24, when Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta announced the opening of most ground-combat billets to females. There are three reasons this is a terrible policy change.

First, there are substantial physical differences between men and women that place the latter at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to ground combat. Second, men treat women differently than they treat other men. This can undermine the comradeship upon which unit cohesion, and thus battlefield success, depends.

Finally, the presence of women also leads to lowered-or worse, double-standards that will have a serious impact on morale and performance. Secretary Panetta's statement that "if [women] can meet the qualifications for the job, then they should have the right to serve" is bunk, and everyone, especially infantrymen (and most women), knows it.

Indeed, Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, gave the game away when he said as the policy change was announced that, "if we do decide that a particular standard is so high that a woman couldn't make it, the burden is now on the service to come back and explain to the secretary, why is it that high?" Gen. Dempsey thereby guaranteed that politically appointed civilian officials will lower standards.

So we have a yes-man/hatchet-man as the likely next secretary of defense whose job is to do his worst at the Defense Department. And the firing of a general who did what he is supposed to do: provide advice forcefully. And women in the infantry, which undermines military effectiveness but pleases the diversity crowd.

With a secretary who doesn't care and generals who will now think it in their best interest to keep quiet, we are likely to see more such nonsense. The combined effect of these three events will degrade the readiness and effectiveness of the U.S. military far more than sequestration will.

Mr. Owens is editor of Orbis, the quarterly journal of the Foreign Policy Research Institute, and author of "US Civil-Military Relations After 9/11: Renegotiating the Civil-Military Bargain" (Continuum, 2011).


Gender Bending

In an 11-page decree, the Massachusetts Department of Education declared emphatically that transgender K-12 students are MUCH more equal than their male and female government cess-school inmates.

The annointed gender benders are individuals whose internalized sense of their gender doesn't match their issued at birth nads. What does this gender confusion get them? What indeed.

* Each gender bender inmate has an unimpeachable right to determine his, her, hisher or its own gender.

* Their gender choices include: male, female, some of both, none of the above.

* School officials can't tell the gender bender's parents the thrilling 'your kid's gender choice is' news,

* Gender bender inmates can use any bathroom they want.

* Gender bender inmates can play on sports teams which match their chosen gender.

* If a non gender bending inmate doesn't pucker up and kiss the gender bender's ass, the genderally unconfused inmate faces punishment.

Then there's this insanity:

The directive also calls on schools to implement gender neutral clothing rules.

"For example, some schools require students to wear gender-based garb for graduation or have gender-based dress codes for prom, special events and daily attire," the directive states. "Schools should eliminate gendered policies and practices such as these."

They pointed out on school that changed its dress code for the National Honor Society. The new policy does not require girls to wear dresses.

They also instructed schools to stop lining up students based on gender. Instead, they recommended lining up students using their birthdays or alphabetically. (Fox)

Several questions remain unanswered:

* Is the gender choice etched in stone?

* Can the Gender Bender change genders whenever the mood strikes them?

* Must they tell fellow cess school inmates, or is it a 'what am I now' guessing game where a wrong guess gets a gender non-bender suspended or expelled?

The Korrectnik Jihad against gender just reached critical mass in the Bay State.

Colonista Crap

* An immigration confab at Cal State Fullerton touts these stinkers:

Transnational Injustice and the Morality of Territorial Borders
Perpetrated by: Associate professor of philosophy (San Francisco State Univ) Shelly Wilcox

Undocumented: The World War on The Working Class
Perpetrated by a professor of American history (UCLA), Gary Nash

N.C. D.L.

Colonista knickers are knotted in North Carolina, because of a special new Driver's License.

A new driver's license expected to be issued to some illegal immigrants in North Carolina has prompted state lawmakers and immigrant rights groups to voice concerns over the proposal.

The proposed North Carolina Division of Motor Vehicles license has a bright pink stripe and the bold words "NO LAWFUL STATUS."

The North Carolina Division of Motor Vehicles announced last week they would begin issuing the licenses March 25 following a lengthy legal review. The Obama administration's Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program grants valid federal work permits to qualified applicants brought to the U.S. as children without legal authorization.


Now That's Funny

If you don't make a regular pit stop at People's Cube, you're missing out on big time fun.

For example:

Vatican insiders today report what is an apparent "testing the water" move by the White House to suggest President Barack Obama as a possible replacement for retiring Pope Benedict XVI.

Father Guido Sarducci, unofficial Vatican spokesman, confirmed that a "highly placed person" in the administration had floated the idea of naming Obama the Vicar of Christ on Earth when Pope Benedict steps down at the end of the month.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was quick to state that any talk of the President leaving his current office to assume the duties of the supreme pontiff was irresponsible. "We are quite sure that the President would be able to fulfill the duties of both roles simultaneously," Carney reassured reporters.

He admitted that, like assuming the mantle of the presidency, becoming pope would entail a step down for the Lightbringer, but in his well-documented humility the President would be willing to do so to set the Church straight on a number of vital issues.

"Internally, the Church needs a thorough reorganization, starting with assigning union representation for each diocese, and also this staunch resistance to the human right of abortion on demand has obviously got to stop," Carney said.

Read the rest: Here

Obama Whopper

When I read this Barry blather, I laughed out loud. Why? The world's most arrogant son-of-a-bitch is invoking humility of all things.

"You know, the one thing about being president is, after four years, you get pretty humble. You'd think maybe you wouldn't but actually you become more humble--you realize what you don't know," Obama said.

"You realize all the mistakes you made. But you also realize you can't do things by yourself. That's not how our system works. You've got to have the help and the goodwill of Congress, and what that means is you've got to make sure that constituents of members of Congress are putting some pressure on them, making sure they're doing the right thing." (Weekly Standard)


Reality 101 - 5 Easy Lessons

If you've gotten lost and somehow strayed from the safety and security of Sensitivity Street squalor...if you regained a shred of sanity when you found yourself here, stick around to sample some of the fun you've been missing as an ex-individual.

Crack open a brewskie, grab your crayons, kick back and take notes while I inform, enlighten, and amuse you. Don't panic over that tingling in your noodle; it's those moribund synapses shaking off the cobwebs.

You won't be graded, so don't feel like you need to sit next to the Asian kid. If you crave a test to measure your progress, we recommend our Incorrectness 101 page.


• Thespians are NOT smarter than the average bear. They're the dishwasher at your local eatery who caught a break. You'll probably get more meaningful insights from the dude who is still washing those dinner plates in the back room.

• Learn to read between the lines: Just because you heard it on the radio, saw something on TV or the internet, doesn't make it true. News Nitwits and Media Meatheads always put their own warped, maligned and sensationalized sense of self-important spin on any given subject. Media Meatheads and News Nitwits are ratings and revenue driven. Why do you think they tease the hottest story throughout the broadcast only to show you a 10 second clip at the tail end of the broadcast? To keep fools like us glued to our idiotic electronic opiate box.

• If you hear, read or see something that offends you, it's YOUR problem, Sparky.


• The Nanny State only gets money from two places. The can print it, making the money in your pocket worth less. Or, they can steal it from some hard working fool - like you, Sparky - and give it to those chronically-needy parasite.

• If you think for a nano-second the Nanny State gives a rip about you - or the children - by enforcing seat belt, motorcycle helmet, smoking and transfat laws, think again. Big Brother/Big Sister are way too busy rewriting the Constitution, catering to special interests and lobbyists, on top of conspiring to separate you from your money and freedom.

• Korrectniks are, by their very nature, humor-challenged asshats who use the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force to coerce the 'proper' behavior from you. You are not allowed to say things that offend them. You are not allowed to write things that offend them. You are not allowed to create images, or artwork that offends them. Their message is clear and inescapable: shut up, sit down, die in a fire you (pick your poison: racist, sexist, homophobe).

• Crime Pays: Ask any cop, correction officer, judge, criminal defense lawyer, parole officer or dope dealer. Without petty laws to keep courts and prisons filled, these occupations would be rendered obsolete.


• Al Sharpton and Je$$e Jackson got rich and powerful by hunting down and exposing that racist hiding in the woodpile. When America began to shed its racist past, these Ethnocrats worried about an untimely end to their race card waving enrichment.

Al and Je$$e want, need, rampant racism to stay in business and they've shown a willingness to create some, when none exists. The lesson here is obvious: we need to persuade these Ethnocrats surrender their race cards, close shop and get a real job for a change. Repeat after me, gentlemen, "Do you want fries with that?"


• If you tolerate an evil, it gets stronger. This was driven home, with telling clarity when rational adults laughed off political correctness as an insignificant Ivory Tower phenomenon and, decades later, it has embedded itself in every aspect of American life.

• A critical mass of rational adults - many of them in the top echelons of political power - turned a blind eye to the real enemy in our war on Jihadikazes. This is not, as W - and Barry - claim a war against some fringe wingnuts who 'hijacked a great religion'. We are at war with Islam itself, a belief system whose endgame involves world domination - forcible adherence to their supernaturalism - by any means necessary. In this battle for our very survival, tolerating this evil is not an option.

• When you reward undesirable behavior, you get more of it. We did that in 1986 by giving 4 million border jumping scumbags amnesty and we got 20 million more.

• Rewarding pachyderm punk Elected Tormentors who spend like The One on a stimulus binge, encourages them to spend even more and goads them into running up bigger deficits.

• Rewarding parasites with Nanny State freebies generated an explosive growth of the parasite horde.


• You can flirt, overtip and drool until the bovines answer the dinner bell, but that stripper or Hooters Hottie isn't going to throw herself into your arms for some "wham, bam, thank you ma'am", wishful thinking Sparky.

• When cell phone providers add more services to your cell blight, they're not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They're in the business of selling you MINUTES and the more crap they add to your cell blight, the more of the lucrative minute you'll consume.

• The real reason that the bra-burners in flannel shirts hate men is because dudes can take a whiz standing up.

• You probably won't find Sheriff Andy Taylor in rural America, but every town has its Barney Fife.

•A dude knows he's terminally hen-pecked when he's in a life-threatening situation and his life passes before her eyes.

Was that real enough for you Sparky?


Sequester Notions

Like too damn many things in D.C., the sequester is, by and large, political theater.

The first thing to understand is this: Uncle Sam will spend MORE money than he did last year.

The sequester is a slight reduction in the planned spending increase.

Billed as 'across the board', the slight reduction in the spending increase, hits our defense department harder than everyone else.

The sequester idea was pooped out by the Jackass Party.

It - the sequester - appears to be a poison pill that would stampede the pachyderm punks into voting for tax increases and rubber stamping future debt limit increases.

Everyone is full of shit on this one, so it's hard to determine what level of pain anyone will feel after the sequester.

The level of rhetorical sequester bullshit is epic.

Don't get your hopes up because, a slight reduction in this year's spending increase won't make the government shut down.


Stray Notions

* Joe Biden

Unless you're a low information voter, you've already deduced that the Vice Presidency isn't a good job fit for a loose cannon like Joe.

The problem is that the ideal job for Joe - court jester, royal fool - doesn't exist anymore.

Life is a real pain in the ass, that way.

* Deadly Menace

The Sandy Hook murderer was one.

The Orange County car jacking killer was one.

The new leader of North Korea was one.

They're all murdering bastards.


They're all basement boys.

That's why a basement boy's refuge in mom's basement should be locked - with him inside - from the outside.

* Curious Choices

Secretary of State John Kerry?

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel?

Is Barry trying to create the illusion of POTUS competence by selecting subordinates who TURBO SUCK? Apparently, but I'm not sure the bottom of the barrel is deep enough to yield appointees whose suckage vastly exceeds Obama's.



If you ever wondered what a nation run by NO NADS would look, wonder no more. It already exists and it's called Iceland. You'll know 'we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto' if you're in Iceland and go looking for a strip club. There aren't any:

Two years ago, the Icelandic Parliament – led by female prime minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir - successfully banned all strip clubs on the grounds that they violated the civil rights of the women who worked there and were harmful to society.

This year, titillation - Internet porn - is once more in the NO NAD Land bull's-eye:

Interior Minister Ögmundur Jónasson has set up working parties to find the best ways to stem the tide of online images and videos being accessed by young people through computers, games consoles and smartphones.

The Icelandic government's study suggested that children exposed to violent pornography at an early age showed similar signs of trauma to those who had been actually abused

Methods under consideration include blocking porn IP addresses and making it illegal to use Icelandic credit cards to access x-rated sites.

It's already a crime to print and/distribute porn in NO NAD Land. Why? It's for the children, of course. Furthermore porn violates the rights of the women who appear in it.

Iceland is proud to be one of the world's oldest parliament democracy. I'm not impressed. In NO NAD Land, there aren't any inalienable individual rights. There are only 'provisional' rights which the tyrannical majority hasn't abolished, yet.


Pieces of Hambo's Mind

I'm pissed. The fickle fates let me down. Yes, they managed to score a hit with a meteorite. BUT, the bull's-eye was Washington D.C., and they hit Russia, which is halfway around the world.

The second bite at the apple was an even bigger flop, since the asteroid missed the whole planet by 17,000 miles. Damn, damn, damn...

This Drudge teaser elicited laughter, followed by 'well, duh':

Russia's foreign minister STILL hasn't called Kerry back

The Ruskies aren't taking Lurch's calls? Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.

Is the vile condition of the Carnival cruise ship Triumph forever changing the meaning of the nautical term 'poop deck'?

Christopher Dorner was a vile, murdering son-of-a-bitch who wallowed in his feelings of oppression. He's dead and I say "good riddance".

My opinion is not shared by vicars of victimhood who seek to redefine reality by declaring this bastard an icon of victimhood.

Elsewhere, the usual suspects are taking a dump on the graves of Dorner's victims by worrying that the cops deliberately set the fire which ended this reign of terror.


Hits & Misses

Does the prospect of your future Mr. or Mrs, Right giving you that perfect Valentine's Day gift make your loins tingle, your heart flutter and your eyes moisten? If you answered ‘yes’, you’re in jeopardy, but we’ll snap you out of it with a ‘WAKE UP’ call from the FSOP’s reality taser...


We have no idea how a certain winged, arrow-packing, terrorist - Cupid - spends the ‘off season’ between Valentine’s Days, but you bet the cheesy Hallmark Card, that he isn’t taking care of essential business. Essential business? You better believe it, is it that time of year again, Sparky.

This rampaging runt needs to spend more time practicing his marksmanship and doing some in-depth research on his intended victims. In too many cases, his arrows hit the wrong people, at the wrong time, and spawn that pernicious pestilence, the unintended consequence.

Sometimes, that little winged devil in diapers gets it right, like in the case of long term marriages who take the "'Til death do us part" seriously and all the way to the grave. In other memorable instances, rational adults are compelled to ask: "What the hell was he smoking?" when he paired up certain unlikely individuals in a love mismatch.

If you think this is a new phenomenon, brought on by stampeding, winged runt, senility, get over it. History - written and unwritten - is littered with Cupid’s casualties. We’ll amplify this contention with two highly instructive examples.


After seducing her way up the prevailing political food chain, she hit the jackpot when she latched on to Julius Caesar, forming the ultimate power couple. Her impressive rise to power hit a speed bump, however, when some knife-wielding Romans perpetrated a bloody regime change on the Ides of March. That’s when Cupid, and his errant aim, mucked up the works.

He should have propelled Cleo up to the next level, by pairing her up with the next Roman power broker, Octavian - the man destined to be come Augustus Caesar. Instead, the winged runt forced Cleo to make a complete asp of herself with a drunken loser named Mark Antony.

PIG's Verdict: It's mixed bag. Cleo and Julius Caesar rates among Cupid's greatest HITS. On the other hand, Cleo and Mark Antony is a diastrous MISS.

Henn Pecki.

Never heard of him? I’m not surprised, but his disastrous encounter with the winged runt made every man on this planet, a Cupid Casualty. Who is Henn? For that tragic tale the FSOP liberates an excerpt from Hambo’s ‘Things A History Teacher Never Taught You’.

Contrary to feminist propaganda, the alleged state of bliss commonly called 'marriage' was not created by men to enslave women. In point of fact it was mistakenly created by a pelvically-driven Swede named Henn Pecki, a man who was suffering from the most severe case of unrequited ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ in all of recorded history.
A detailed study of this 'bone' head's life shows us that the actual instigator of this particular aspect of the female conspiracy was a scheming little trashbag by the name of Ingrid Applebottom. This manipulative, mind-warping, little tart went out of her way to excite poor Henn, until he couldn't take it anymore. That's when he came up with this marriage nonsense. Want to guess who gave him this stupid idea? Sounds to me like little Ingrid was begging to have her celebrated, boom-boom blistered with a two by four.

Aided and abetted by the rampaging winged runt, Ingrid used her vastly overrated boom-boom to manipulate poor Henn Pecki into this marriage scam, then made him spend the remaining decades of life in "not tonight, Henn, I’ve got a headach" hell.

PIG’s Veridict: If his real intention was hitting unsuspecting men, throughout history, with an arrow name ‘marriage’, this rates as Cupid's most infamous HIT.

Now that we've put this Cupid Caper in its proper, historical, perspective, we'll cover some love affairs that could be considered matches made in heaven (HITS), and/or matches made in hell (MISSES).

James Carville and Mary Matalin.

This matchup has us scratching our heads, wondering what Cupid was smoking on the day he hooked them up.

It's not his mutant looks that have us wondering, it's Jimmy's fingernails on a chalkboard, abrasive, obnoxious personality that have us wondering, what does he have that keeps her coming back to him?

PIG's Verdict: Cupid MISSED.

Messiah Barry and BHO.

Messiah Barry is, we freely admit, a man who is head over hells in love. His devotion to his one, true, love is impossible to ignore.

If you think his true love is named 'Michelle', get over it. The one, and only, love of Messiah Barry's life is the grinning, Dumbo-eared, fool in his mirror.

PIG's Verdict: A direct HIT.

Bill And Hillary Clinton.

Only an opportunistic, gravy train piggybacking woman like Hillary would tolerate a cigar dipping Bubba for personal and political gains.

Bubba is a dog who was born in heat, which explains why he's always spreading his joy, far and wide. Being balled and chained to a shrew like Shrillary would impel almost any man to persue extramarital satisfaction.

Admittedly, it's a match made south of heaven, but all things considered, they deserve each other.

PIG's Verdict: Cupid NAILED IT!

A very special case.

Try as we might, we can't bring ourselves to pair up Whoppi Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell with any human on the planet. Ideally, we'd match one, or both, with a 'near' human, but Sasquatch Kardashian is already taken, so we need to think outside the box.

In a PIGIsh bid to invoke 'mutally assured destruction', we think Cupid should aim his arrows at these two and make them fall for each other. In a perfect world, they'd trade one meaningful look and turn each other into stone. Holy double Medusa, Batman!

PIG's Verdict: A direct HIT.

Speaking of beastly match-ups, this winged terror-speading tyke has perpetrated a memorable interspecies hookup - it's two, if you count Chris Matthews and his leg tingles.

Lamar Odom & It.

What this winged runt did to Lamar is not now, and never was, the least bit funny. Throwing him into the arms of Sasquatch Kardashian and her relentlessly greedy family is one of the most vile things this arrow flinging menace has ever done. It calls for DRASTIC action.

PIG's Verdict: An unpardonable, criminal, MISS.

In addition to interspecies match-ups, the terror tyke enjoys matching up alleged humans with inanimate objects.

Gloria Allred & A Live Mic/Camera.

Gloria's unrelenting media slut antics are well documented by the FSOP. Does that mean she's a hopeless case? Not really.

Searching low, and lower, PIG found a perfect love match for her. Perfect? Oh, hell yes, because Sanctuary City of Angels Mayor Tony Villar is straight from the same media whore mould as Gloria.

PIG's Verdict: This match made south of heaven is a properly PIGish HIT.

Sean Hannity & His RNC Kool-Aid.

The Elephant Clan pours it and Sean swills it, making this another perfect, albeit sickening, match.

PIG's Verdict: HIT.

The FSOP thinks the winged terror tyke's annual 'love' jihad requires a properly PIGish solution.  What solution?  This aim-challenged archer needs to be impaled on one of his own arrows and slow-roasted over a roaring fire.  Now that's our idea of a perfect match.


Holiday Name: Valentine's Day

What it is:
Valentine's Day, as celebrated in the 21st Century, is an exercise in capitalism that is, at its core, by, about, and for chicks. It's not your day, "Is it February 14th again?" Sparky, so learn to live with it. For most dudes, Valentine's Day is about self preservation. Granted, a few horndog dudes manage to "work" this Cupid crap, but to every dude I know, it's all about survival. To preserve what passes for domestic tranquility in their lives, they follow the rules that chicks laid down for this terminally "girlie" holiday. That usually involves candy, flowers, a card and dusting off those rusty romantic moves. Annoying? Perhaps, but it's not a fate worse than death.

Who gets heartburn from it:
Valentine's Day majorly pisses off hard core womyn's studies class NO-NADs. In their synaptically dysfunctional alleged minds, this hearts and flowers stuff is an evil plot perpetrated by men so they can continue to victimize those delicate, helpless flowers of humanity: womyn. They call it "V" Day, and celebrate it with the brass ring of male bashing, "The Vagina Monologues". As nifty as this "Valentine's Day victimizes womyn" bovine excrement is, it gets better.

Foaming at the mouth Islamikazes bluster that Valentine's Day is a dastardly plot to subvert Islam. In the Sandbox, Saudi religious police terrorize Sandbox capitalists who defile Islam with their cupid crap wares. Elsewhere, roaming Islamikaze bands raid gift shops and destroy any cupid crap they find. We're amazed and amused to report that these hard core Islamikazes are at least as insane as our "V-Day" phobic NO-NADS.

The face, facts and figures about the enemy:

Description: Fat, chubby, arrow toting, diaper wearing, little sociopath that preys upon unsuspecting, rank amateur, P-whipped, rookie dudes.

Armed & Dangerous? You bet. He flies around, shooting arrows at unsuspecting dudes, sitting on park benches, holding their honey's hand, trying exercise a little amore, and injects them with guilt and crass, overt, commercialism.

When He's Active: Only annual sightings known to us, and his co-conspirators (advertisers) are February 14.

Hambo's Take:
Valentine's Day is that time of the year when that airborne, diaper-wearing rat bastard - Cupid - starts peppering unsuspecting moon-struck humans with his goddamn arrows. I have a suggestion or two about an alternative use for those damn arrows. Since this pernicious pest never leaves home without the damn things, I'm ready willing and eager to shove them up his...that's right PIGster, I think he needs to stick those damn arrows where the sun don't shine. If I ever catch that winged runt, I'll...

Is the infamous Hambo declaring war on love, romance and all that goes with it? Not exactly. However, I tend to get pissed when some pinheads mount a world-spanning ad campaign to coerce me into buying some flowers, a box of candy or some other whiz-bang that has a "void after February 14" warning label. At minimum, it's insulting to presume that I'm not taking care of business with my lovely bride 24/7/365. I don't need images of that airborne, arrow packing terrorist to make me do the right thing for my lady, so back the hell off, damn it!

The only 'up side' to this February blight is the fact that some womyn kick Cupid to the curb and devote the day to venerating their nads. I have nothing against these V-Day (Vagina Day) Harpies, aside from the fact that those most likely to celebrate their nads are the ones least likely to share that joy with you, horny as a ten-peckered owl, Sparky.

Porcus' Take:
Look, lovestruck PIGsters, the PIG staff humbly admits we are veterans when it comes to this subject. We're going to casually sit back and watch all amateurs fumbling around buying flowers, candy, ruin their credit at jewelry stores and, of course, make Hallmark some profits, while us real Valentinos, Casanovas, John Wayne's, and Clint Eastwood's are going to do what comes natural ALL 365 days of the year..We "Get 'Er Done".

PIGsters of all persuasions, take heed from the words of George Carlin; "Be excellent to one another" We'll add to that most excellent quotation by saying, All 365 days a year.


More On Zombies

There are numerous strains of 21st century zombies, but, for the most part, all of them share certain common traits. Each strain comes with its larger then life leader, and/or ideal, that has it all figured out for you, obviating you from doing your own thinking. Each strain is threatened by free ranging, synaptically active, rational individuals, who, invariably, refuse to accept the 'revealed' truth 'because we say so'. Each strain comes armed with its dire fate for humanity, and the world, if that strain doesn't become dominant. "Stop thinking; do as you're told or we're all going to die", sums it up nicely.

Admittedly, this utterly human compulsion to turn over the day-to-day decisions of your life to somebody else is nothing new. Jim Jones and his cult are a prime example of the supernaturalist strain of this zombie mindset. His followers checked their brains at the cult's door and stumbled after their leader into oblivion, leaving as their only lasting legacy, the term 'Kool-Aid drinker'. Since that horrific mass suicide, other cult leaders have lured sovereign individuals into checking their brains at the cult door and letting big, cult leader, daddy make all their choices, large and small. It's disturbing. It's zombihood. But, since these cult-joining automatons isolate themselves from the world, it's, by and large, no harm, no foul.

In the 21st century, the most dangerous supernaturalist zombies are everywhere. We know what you're thinking and, once again, you're probably wrong. The true believer zombies in question aren't those earnest young men on bikes whose disturbing cheerfulness is calculated to lure you into joining their mainstream cult, Mormonism. The true believer zombies in question aren't those 'Watch Tower' wrangling tag teams who do their best to 'guilt' you into joining their somewhat less mainstream cult, Jehovah's Witness. The true believers zombies in question aren't even the borderline bonkers, couch-jumping wingnuts, who want you to purge your soul, and jettison your brain, for a SciFi hack writer's final dose of reality-phobic fiction, Scientology.

The most dangerous true believers are found in mosques where braindead Islamikaze zombies around the world go to get their marching orders. Let's take a peek inside a mosque while an eager Islamikaze zombie, Mahmoud al-Meathead, gets his marching orders.

Imam: This week you're outraged at the Dutch.
Mahmoud: I am? Okay. Am I mad for a reason, or is this one of those generic 'they're infidels' things?
Imam: You're showing signs of residual synaptic activity, Mahmoud. Knock it off.
Mahmoud: I'm sorry, Imam.
Imam: You're so mad at the Dutch that you're going to go on a street rampage.
Mahmoud: Right away, or can I have lunch first?
Imam: Mahmoud!
Mahmoud: Sorry, Imam. What is it about the Dutch that outraged me, so I'll know which slogans to shout?
Imam: You're outraged because Dutch cartoonists defamed our holy prophet with their intolerable artwork.
Mahmoud: Okey dokey, Imam.
Imam: I think we need to send you to remedial righteous rage school, Mahmoud.
Mahmoud: Yes, Imam. Would it help if I promise to kick my camel?

Admittedly, our dialogue is silly, but it demonstrates how Islamikazes are so zombified that they need an Imam to tell them when they're outraged. Islamikazes are incapable of independent thought and that's probably a good thing, since unsanctioned synaptic activity can, quite literally, get them killed. Finally, Islamikaze zombihood explains why homicide bombers are sucked in by that 72 virgins bull crap.

As ubiquitous as supernatural zombies are, they aren't the only strain that you'll meet. Another familiar strain is equally threatening to your liberty, and, in many ways, equally militant about imposing their synapse suffocating brainfart on you. In bygone days, we called them 'environmental wackos'. They didn't really hit their stride until their Messiah, Al Gore, lumbered out of his Fat Cave clutching a leg of roasted ox in one chubby fist and his Globally Warmed Gospel in the other. Armed with Messiah Al's reality-insulated whopperthon, Global Warming zombies refuse to tolerate dissent, and have no patience whatsoever with unauthorized elements of objective reality. If you start responding with 'facts' that aren't blessed by Messiah Al, you'll be, essentially 'burned at the stake'.

The newest zombie outburst, and easily one of the most dangerous to your liberty, is playing out on the political stage. Dazzled by the empty rhetoric of an elephant-eared Messiah, the Obamatons are the closest thing we've found, to date, to those fictional zombies who stumbled around on the silver screen in low budget, 50s flicks. They swoon. They sigh. The march in lockstep. They mouth the Messiah's mantra "hope", "change", but don't have a clue when asked to explain what it all means. It's the definitive "jump", "how high" strain of 21st century zombihood and, easily, the most dangerous. Obamatonism is especially dangerous, since it's increasingly obvious that Messiah Barry isn't the order-spewing autocrat. Based on his unscripted stumbling and bumbling, he is just a shill who is fronting for the real, heretofore unidentified, zombie wrangler.

The fun fact about zombihood is this: once you're infected with a mild form of it, you're highly susceptible to its more powerful forms. For example, the two most dominant strains of 21st century zombihood - Obamatonism, and Gorebicide - are piggybacked on other forms of synaptic shutdown. Many of these zombies started out their journey to a mindless existence in America's Korrectnik-controlled Ivory Towers. That's where the properly-hyphenated were dehumanized by that initial victim group assignment. Those who adapted to that pre-programmed existence were slated for a career as an Ethnocrat 'activist'. From there, it was a short step into the zombie big leagues as a Nanny State promoting 'player'. Throughout the process, success was granted to those who achieved the greatest degree of synaptic shutdown, what we're calling zombihood.

If you think you're immune to this zombie plague, get over it. You're snuffing your synapses, every time you offload one or more elements of your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness to the ultimate purveyor of zombihood, the all powerful, social safety net deploying, Nanny State. Each time you turn to big, Nanny State daddy to resolve one of your personal problems, you're taking another stumbling step into zombihood. Every time you use the Nanny State to save individuals from themselves, you're no better than that movie monster zombie. Every time you silence free speech you don't want to hear...each time you outlaw consenting adult behavior that rots your socks...each time you outlaw something because you can't/won't control your own impulses, you are lurching deeper into the ultimate form of zombihood, as a mindless, powerless, slave of the Nanny State. Admittedly it's a tragically human compulsion. It might be the human thing to do, but it's utterly unAmerican, in every possible way.

America is the only nation that was created by rational adults, to maximize the liberty of rational adults. That's why it is utterly infuriating to watch the citizens of this nation conceived in liberty turn their backs on that legacy. One by one, Americans are switching off their brains, because it's much easier to live a "jump", "how high" existence where somebody else calls all your shots.

Here in the Free State of PIG, we have declared war on zombihood in all its diverse forms. We're dedicated to this fight. We will drag each and every one of you, screaming and kicking, to full synaptic functionality. We won't be satisfied until you willingly, eagerly, get down with those precious brain cells and light the damn things up. Why? Because THINKING is the best weapon in our arsenal when the zombies mass for each new assault on our liberty.


Hit The Road, Jack
(The Continuing Saga of Randy Quaid)

In the 2010, year ending Golden Oinks Awards, you'll find this gem:

Loveable Lunatics of the Year: When it comes to bizarre behavior, Randy and Evi Quaid are in a class all by themselves. Initially, the Quaids registered on PIG's radar, when they were arrested in Santa Barbara for breaking into the guest house of an estate that they sold, YEARS ago. Untroubled by that pesky 'we don't own it anymore, they set up housekeeping, without the rightful owner's permission. While 'homesteading' the home they once owned, the Quaids trashed the place so majorly that the proper authorities charged them with felony vandalism charges. Big, big, fun.

After the Quaids blew off the court hearing on the aforementioned charges, the relevant justice system officials issued a warrant for the Quaids. That warrant came back to bite Randy and Evi on the butt, when Canadian officials bagged, tagged, and dragged the Quaids to a Vancouver graybar. Game, set, match? Maybe, but the Quaids had another trick up their sleeve: they want political asylum. Why? You're going to be thrilled.

The couple told the immigration adjudicator they are being persecuted in the United States.

Evi Quaid begged a Canadian immigration adjudicator not to force them to return, saying on Friday that friends, such as actors David Carradine and Heath Ledger, have been "murdered" under mysterious circumstances and she worried something would happen to her husband next.

"We feel our lives are in danger," she said. "Randy has known eight close friends murdered in odd, strange manners ... We feel that we're next."

During a break in the proceedings, the Quaids' lawyer, Brian Tsuji approached the media to read a single-sentence statement from the Quaids. "We are requesting asylum from Hollywood star whackers," he read, declining further comment on the mental state of his clients. (Fox)

The Hollywood star whackers? Even if I give the Quaids the benefit of considerable doubt - 'star' seems like a stretch, in this case - this is NUTS! Attention Quaids! Please report to the Twilight Zone to pick up your Tinfoil Headgear.

UPDATE: This week, Canada took a giant step toward putting the Quaids out of their misery:

(NY Post) TORONTO — Canadian immigration officials have denied U.S. actor Randy Quaid's request for permanent resident status in Canada.

A Canadian government official confirmed late Saturday his request for permanent status has been denied. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly. Quaid can appeal the decision to the federal court.

US officials last year refused to seek extradition of the actor and his wife from Canada to face felony vandalism charges in Santa Barbara, California, but authorities in the coastal town say they'll still have the couple arrested if they return to the states.

Quaid has sought to stay in Canada, claiming he was being hunted by "Hollywood star-whackers" who had killed his friends David Carradine and Heath Ledger.

Canada doesn't want to keep him and Uncle Sam doesn't want him back? Randy Quaid is a gift who keeps on giving.


The Sanctified Schlong

Hailing from Apore, Goiás, Brazil, Toll Taker Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, took relentlessly horny bastard to a whole new level when he convinced certain low information members of his congregation that his schlong had been 'consecrated with "divine semen of the Holy Spirit."' How, exactly did he manage that? How indeed:

'He had an encounter with Jesus in a brothel and gave him the mission of spreading the sacred semen throughout the state, beginning with the faithful Apore Assembly, of which he is responsible'.

And, how, you ask, did he spread his sanctified swimmers?

A 23-year-old young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous said, "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth."

"Often, after worship, Pastor Valdecir take us to some of the funds back to the church and asked us to do oral sex on him until the Holy Spirit comes through ejaculation".

Denise Pinheiro, delegate of the region, said, "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid.

Holy HUMMERS, Batman!

Give me that old time religion...


Paying Homage To My Muse.

Saturday, February 2nd, is the 108th anniversary of Ayn Rand's birth. The least I can do is to thank her for helping me take my mind out of neutral. I give her credit for lifting the mental fog which clouded my thinking, when I was young, full of myself, and clueless.

Admittedly, my introduction to Ayn Rand was a painful one. It happened while I was working for a company that made a primordial form of computer memory devices. At the time, two of us shared a small test room, where we performed some mindless tasks that left ample time for conversations.

My co-worker was an Objectivist, who always managed to humiliate me during our discussions of various ideas and/or events. Eventually, I got the message. I was spouting drivel that had been jammed into my brain, unprocessed. Since I never fully analyzed my 'beliefs', I didn't have a snowball's chances in hell of defending them. Okay, let's be real...the mush that filled my brain at that time was indefensible.

Eventually, my co-worker took pity on me and gave me a guidebook to lead me out of my mental fog. It was 'Atlas Shrugged', a book which, in every possible way, rocked my world. Ayn Rand's wisdom still rocks my world, decades after she has shuffled off this mortal coil.

Thanks to Ayn Rand and her compelling wisdom, I know what I believe, and why. Admittedly, my understanding of, mastery of, her philosophy is imperfect, but I still have ample time to drag myself onward, upward, to a more complete understanding of her Objectivism.

I owe her, big time, for helping me switch on my brain. Before I thank her for that, I will do a Nixon and make one thing perfectly clear. Ayn Rand gets credit for my metal clarity, such as it is, but I do NOT blame her for my regular brain-farts. With that in mind I say, "Thank you Ayn, and Happy Birthday."



What Is A Sovereign Individual?
[If you’ve ever asked yourself "Who is this lunatic?", we’re not allowed to tell you. But this rant does help you answer another, closely related, question: What the hell is that fool’s damage? Here's how he sees himself. Adult beverages are optional, but strongly recommended.]

I am a sovereign individual.

My life does not belong to the state. It does not belong to that amorphous collectivist illusion "society". It does not belong some supernatural entity. My life is mine and mine alone, not the state's, society's, or a deity's. I demand no more...I demand no less...than the freedom to take those actions and act upon those thoughts that further the primary purpose of life: life itself. I grant no more...I grant no less...than the same consideration to every other sovereign individual. My life and the essential properties thereof - my intellect, my thoughts, my character, my integrity - are mine an mine alone. Since I am the sole owner of my life, the blame or credit for its conduct is entirely mine, not the state's, society's or a deity's. For good or ill, the buck stops here, Sparky.

As sole owner, stockholder and director of my life, I started my tenure by determining that reality is objective: the universe exists independently and is not a figment of my imagination. Objective reality is not a malleable, undefined, chaos that is subject to the whim and whimsy of a capricious supernatural entity. Objective reality is not determined by the unrequited needs of society. Objective reality is not enslaved, altered or changed by the insatiable demands of the Nanny State. Because objective reality is constrained by certain immutable scientific tenets, each and every object in this objective reality possesses - must possess - certain immutable properties which can be observed, measured and, ultimately, understood. A is A, so get over it, Sparky.

Reason, not revelation, chronic societal need or government decree, is the means by which I comprehend objective reality...the means by which I determine those actions required to sustain, conduct and/or improve my life.. Reason, not commandments from on high is the means by which I conduct my own life. Reason, not plaintive wails for the unearned fruits of my labor and/or intellect determines how I conduct my life. Unless coerced by the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, reason, not politically motivated hyperbole, determines how, when and why I conduct my life. Reason - not the Nanny State, society, or some deity - determines how, when and why I expend the fruits of my labors and/or intellect. It's my life, my call, so back the hell off, Sparky.

Whereas reality is objective and reason directs my life - my choices, my thoughts, my actions - the Nanny State, society and supernatural entities must butt the hell out, because I don't need their interference in my life. I will not, voluntarily, be enslaved by the Nanny State, "society" or a deity. I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my labor...I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my intellect to any individual or entity that hasn't earned them. Conversely, I will not demand, accept, or steal the unearned fruits of another individual's labor and/or intellect. When I require the services, the knowledge, and/or the skills of another sovereign individual, I will negotiate a voluntary, mutually beneficial, bargain to secure their cooperation. I will not exert force, or attempt to coerce a sovereign individual into surrendering his rightful property - real and/or intellectual.

My life and the products thereof are not commodities that must be manipulated, micro-managed, sacrificed to or redistributed by the Nanny State. My life and the products thereof are not public resources that must be plundered to placate any other individual's chronic need. My life is not a toy to be played with, twisted, and/or controlled by some perverse, supernatural entity. I will never, willingly, surrender reason's essential role in directing my own life to the state, society, or a disembodied supernatural entity. My life belongs to me, so if you plan to claim dominion over it, pack a lunch, because you're in for one hell of a fight, Sparky.

I am a sovereign individual.


Getting Down and Dirty with the REAL Hambo

Hambo claims to be a lot of things, the most believable of which is: noted freelance philosopher. He goes on to claim that International Society of Proper-Hyphenation (he made this group up) has, on three separate occasions, given him an award, in recognition of his ground-breaking efforts on behalf of diversity and social justice. He also claims to be an author, which isn’t as big a whopper as you’d expect. We’ve read his mini tome on Management Principles: Sirrom’s Theorem, but we don’t believe his bilge about writing a detailed history of the once prolific, nomadic WASP tribesmen who still can be found in such trackless American wilderness areas as: Grosse Pointe, Aspen, and Laguna Nigel. We can state, that when it comes to himself, Hambo has his way with the truth. On most other things, he’s alarmingly honest and truthful.

He’s a devotee of Orthodox Paganism, but is quick to point out that ‘regrettably’ it's not Classic Orthodox Paganism, which, as everyone knows, requires a sacrificial virgin. Tragically, in his mind, at least, modern society frowns on human sacrifice. Hambo decries this desecration of his beloved Paganism as ‘malignant Christian altruism and rampant God Squad sentimentality’. When pressed on this human sacrifice issue, he reluctantly concedes that the shocking decrease in the virgin population - an alarming decline so severe that virgins have been placed on the endangered species list - might have doomed this aspect of Orthodox Paganism, in any case. That said, Hambo quickly recovers with his patented ‘virtual virgin’ concept. He insists that his version of Paganism will accept a virtual virgin: a girl who vows that she only did it once and swears she didn’t enjoy it. Purists have denounced his resourcefulness, calling it Reformed Orthodox Paganism, a term which he has declared ‘cool’.

Hambo’s bogus business card lists ‘Commentary’ - his allegedly clever way of saying that he's very opinionated, on virtually any topic. His card further lists ‘Political’, his way of admitting that many of his endless opinions are subversive, hostile and generally antagonistic to anything and everything political. The third category on his card, ‘Satire’, is his dubious claim that, occasionally, parts of his endless outpouring of angry verbiage is funny, to a certain kind of reader. We’re alarmed to report that others have bought into this ‘humor’ claim and give him unwanted encouragement, when he goes off on one of his tangents. Okay, we admit it. He makes us laugh, too.

The most insidious thing about Hambo is his ability to bury his insanity beneath a cloak of convincing normality. If you met him on this street, while he's hiding behind this ‘just another forgettable dude’ disguise, you’d never realize the dangerous intellect which is analyzing your every word/action, plotting a way to vilify you in one of his infamous tirades. Doesn’t God Squad scripture warn of wolves in sheep’s clothing? Trust me, they had Hambo in mind when they wrote it.

In short, Hambo is dangerously disturbed...what a mental health professional would term ‘non-clinically bonkers’. Nothing, nobody, is safe from this self described freelance philosopher, so watch yourself. With Hambo on the loose, it's very scary out there.

© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette

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