HAMBO'S HAMMER | THE INSANE RAVINGS OF PIG'S EDITOR
PIG's Editor, Hambo, is, we're compelled to admit, a raving lunatic with the sunny personality of a Tasmanian Devil. That, we regret to inform you, describes his occasional "good" days. When it comes to his bad days...don't ask. The problem with Hambo is this: when you manage to get him "focused" - Tasers, cattle prods and the essential "blunt instrument" - he can crank out some very PIG-worthy prose. Blinded by the possibility of getting more Hambo prose on the site, PIG's esteemed publisher, Porcus Maximus, ordered the staff to create this page for Hambo's ravings.
Since anything as rational as a Hambo schedule is a hopeless pipe dream - Tasers, cattle prods and blunt instruments have their limitations - we can't predict when, or how often, Hambo will tune into reality long enough to give us something printable. After intense negotiation - sweater puppy cleavage and brewskies played an essential role - we forged an agreement with Porcus. Under this tentative agreement, we'll dispatch Spike the Wonder Tyke to open the door to Hambo's steel reinforced dungeon, once a day. When - it never fails - Hambo responds with a profanity-laced tirade plus some paper wads, we'll gather up the paper, throw in a piece of raw meat, then see if any of the scribbles on the paper are ready for prime time. When Hambo's scribbles pass go, they'll be published on this page. We know what you're thinking, and we feel your pain.
Why did we name it 'Hambo's Hammer'? All our other ideas were shot down by our esteemed publisher because they're not suitable for a "family-friendly" publication. He's such a pain that way, but you don't want to get us started on...him.
WHAT'S ON HAMBO'S MIND, TODAY
SATURDAY AUGUST 01, 2015
What's worse than a President Barry? I can only think of one thing and it isn't President Shrillary, although she runs a very close second.
The only thing worse than President Barry is a President FOR LIFE Barry. Unlikely? Perhaps, but given America's sorry state, it's far from impossible. Why would he take the risk such a move entails? Why indeed.
If, as now seems to be the case, Barry's primary objective involved destroying - or degrading - America to render it powerless, he isn't there yet. He knows, now, that it will take longer than the two terms the Constitution allows. He won't admit to himself, or anyone else, that he underestimated the resilience of We the People.
How would he do it? Tinfoil Tilly, my lovely bride, serves up a conspiracy theory which predicts a national emergency - a major terrorist attack, here in the USA, for example - which would allow Barry to declare Martial Law. Part of his edict would suspend the national elections, until the emergency is over. It's destined to a very long running emergency.
President for life, Barry? Just shoot me.
THURSDAY JULY 30, 2015
[If you detect some deep meaning in the sequence of the following questions, you're a sick puppy.]
Is there some compelling reason - don't even think of hitting me with that "Thou shalt not kill" stuff - why I can't forcibly expel those technical magazine hawking telemarketers from the human gene pool?
Are they born with a natural immunity to the word 'no', or do they learn it at 'how to be a relentless asshole on the phone' school?
Don't they feel guilty about the damage all those magazines are inflicting on the mailman's back?
Has some dastardly dark power inflicted a checkout line curse on me that condemns me to that special circle of hell behind a PPPWC (penny pinching pinhead with coupons)?
Do those dithering, indecisive, dipsticks who create gridlock in an eatery's drive-up queue understand the unambiguous meaning of FAST food? Would it help if Old Betsy and I explained it to them?
I know that my bank has my e-mail address, so why are they still clogging my snail mail, several days a week, with junk mail offering me perks/upgrades that I don't want and don't need?
Is there some compelling reason why the stores where I shop on a regular basis keep moving things around?
Do these 'hide and seek' asshats think shopping should be a treasure hunt?
Red celery? Is insanity a prerequisite for aspiring Food Nazis?
Why do Food Nazis insist on deploying those data intensive nutritional label that nobody - except me - reads?
Why don't Food Nazis replace nutritional labels with a series of statements (compliments to threats) ranging from "your mother would be proud" to "if this doesn't kill you, I'll track you down and finish the job personally"?
Why are women punished for going topless in public, when the real criminals against my sensibilities are those MOOBS baring, Bubba Beer Bellies who should be horse whipped if they go out in public shirtless?
If Uncle Sam kicks don't ask, don't tell to the curb, will they reconfigure units along sexual orientation lines? In other words, will all dude seekers - straight women and bun-ranger dudes - be sharing a barracks, while all women seekers - straight dudes and lesbians - be sharing another barracks?
Wouldn't it be easier to replace don't ask, don't tell with something much simpler like 'don't flaunt it' (GLAAD BAAGs) and 'get over it' (straight shooters)?
If you made it this far, you need help; have you considered increasing the voltage on your shock treatments?
[I have lots more of these quirky questions, but I'll be merciful and let you have your life back.]
FRIDAY JULY 24, 2015
Heard Levin talking to, and about, Ted Cruz, today. Based on the clips Levin played, and Ted's own yammering, I deduce that Ted laid into McConnell and elements of the Republitard establishment. He did his talking on the floor of the Senate. Give 'em hell, Ted.
My designated water provider has decided to elevate our base water rate by 148%. FYI, a base water rate is the extortion I must pay for the honor of doing business with our local state sanctioned water monopoly. All usuage charges are piled on top of the base water rate. Big, big, fun.
My designated electrical power monopoly decided to thrill me spitless with a 'planned' all day power outage. They were, allegedly, 'upgrading' the existing system. If it's better, I can't tell the difference.
Speaking of public utilities, I'm also on a collision course with my phone company. My landline is NOISY and then some. I'll call them, but not today. Two public utilities at a time is my limit.
Don't even get me started on my Satellite TV hookup. Neither of us wants to go there.
MONDAY JULY 20, 2015
Spreading The Joy
While visiting my brother, recently, I was entertained by the energetic antics of his great grandchildren. The tykes - fraternal twins: one male, one female - are on the sunny side of two [they'll be 2 in November.] and very entertaining.
While sitting with my nephew, his daughter [twins' mom, T-Mom] and his son-in-law [twins' dad, T-Dad], I watched the little dude flail at the boom box which was playing some memorably bad CD.
Me: [To nobody in particular] "He's destined for a memorable career in entertainment."
T-Dad [Rising to the bait] "He loves his music."
Me: "I can see it all now, known by one and all as 'Sparks', he'll be the road manager for Justin Bieber's comeback tour."
T-Dad laughed, watching his daughter hang on to a post holding up the retractable awning while she bounced up and down.
Me: "She'll be in show business too. Plying her trade under the name 'Bubbles', she'll be a pole dancer at the club where Sparks and his crew relax after the show."
T-Mom: [Not amused in the least] "Bubbles! A pole dancer."
Me: [Watching Bubbles bounce up and down] "She obviously has a natural talent for it."
My Nephew: "Bubbles? I like it."
T-Mom: [Frowns at her dad]
Me: [Smiling at her] "Give it time. It'll grow on you."
FRIDAY JULY 17, 2015
One of Life's Mysteries
'They' can't figure out why he did it.
His name, Mohammod Youssuf Abdulazeez, doesn't help.
Born in Kuwait, raised in the USA, his recent visits to Jordan and Yemen don't get them any closer.
His regular attendance at a local Mosque, recently, don't even give them a glimmer.
His family's disapproval over his Americanization aren't even considered.
His family's donations to certain Islamikaze affiliated groups don't get them there, either.
They'll blame it on the TEA Party, if they can.
They'll kick it up a notch by blaming America's anti-immigrant bias.
Welcome to the Twilight Zone.
THURSDAY JULY 16, 2015
It's nearly impossible, these days, to take the pachyderm punks seriously. Yes, they're highly motivated to win/maintain majorities in both houses of Congress. BUT, that doesn't mean that they want to be in charge. Being in charge means being responsible for what happens on their watch and they want no part of that,
If you listen to the Progtard-infested MSM, the disastrous Iran nuke deal is the crown jewel on Barry's presidential legacy. Let's give them that one, then add an inconvenient truth, by serving up what Paul Harvey liked to call 'the rest of the story'.
With Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and others in the region fast-tracking their own nuke programs, Barry's real legacy is World War III. It will be a nuclear war and it will be fought in the Middle East. Thanks Barry.
[With Iran going nuclear and ISIS on our very doorstep, this timely reminder seems in order.]
PIG's Terrorism Warning System
Lowest level: Nothing to see here, move along
Level 3: Uh Oh!
Level 2: Holy Crap
Level 1: We are SO SCREWED!
Given this week's events, Level 1 is now in play.
If you're drunk, or high, watching this sport will give you a headache.
If you're a football purist who enjoys a tense defensive struggle, it will piss you off.
If you hate the snail's pace of real football, you're going to love it.
It's the way real football would look if your DVR was stuck in fast forward.
One game I watched had a final score of 83 to 47.
Call me names if you must, but I'm starting to like it.
FRIDAY JULY 10, 2015
* POTUS Succession
I hear a lot of people wishing Barry would leave office early, or become incapacitated, making it impossible for him to perform his duties. Before you revel in that pipe dream, consider this sobering bit of objective reality:
Order of succession (partial): Vice President, Speaker of the House, Secretary of State.
VP = Joe Biden
Speaker of the House = Blubbering John Boehner
Secretary of State = John "Old Boltneck" Kerry
It's not an inspiring list, and it doesn't get much better as you delve deeper: the members of the President's cabinet, based on the date their department was created.
The Progtards are obsessed with 'fairness', a concept which in their twisted noggins is a code word for 'an equality of results'.
Once you start down that fairness road, you arrive at some very strange places. One such place is something I'll call 'geographic fairness'. What the hell is that? What indeed.
A brief glance at a map will reveal that Tennessee is much too wide, and so is Oklahoma. When you compare one or both to geographically deprived Rhode Island, you're horrified by this glaring example of geographic injustice. We need geographic 'wealth redistribution'. In this instance, geographically (excessively) rich states -Tennessee and Oklahoma - must give some of their excessive width to width-impoverished states like Rhode Island.
Admittedly, it's, uh, challenging, but that's a Progtard problem, since Fairness is their fetid notion. Besides, instilling geographic justice just FEELS like the right thing to do, so don't bother me with any of those pesky details.
Once you start looking, you'll see geographic injustice everywhere. For example:
Why is Colorado excessively rich, when it comes to their soaring mountains, while nearby states like Nebraska and Kansas are topographically impoverished. We need Geographic Affirmative Action to right this ancient wrong.
I could go on, and on, but I'm just too choked up by this unfairness to continue.
SATURDAY JULY 04, 2015
It was the first time in years that my lovely bride's 6 surviving siblings and THEIR extended families had come together. For once, there wasn't a funeral to attend. The reason for the reunion, was my lovely bride's arrival in their midst.
By and large, it was an unremarkable gathering, but, here and there, it had some quasi PIG-worthy moments.
RevKev: Pole climbing city minion by day, he's also a soul wrangler, a pastor of the Cross Cult ilk. He's a good natured fellow, who took my pagan pleasantries in stride.
Honey Foo Foo: an otherwise unremarkable girl, she's what passes for a 'star' in this clan. In a move that I never saw coming, she began the festivities with a tone deaf rendition of our national anthem. Later, she warbled another song, but, mercifully, I couldn't hear her.
Uncle PIGster J P: He's one of my lovely bride's brothers and he's a PIGster.
A missed opportunity: I sat there, minding my own business, hoping someone would ask me the relevant question. It should have gone like this:
Them: "Who are you?"
Them: "WHO ARE YOU?"
Me: "I'm not allowed to tell you. They might be watching."
Them: "Who are you and why are you here?"
Me: "My death will be on your head."
Them: [Growing impatient] "Don't make me ask you again."
Me: [Sighing] "I live at the end of the road. I was out for a walk, when a trio of ruffians grabbed me. They made me put on this shirt [the official reunion shirt] then ordered me to sit here and keep my mouth shut. Can I go home, now?"
Fair warning: Two attendees said things to/about my lovely bride that were unkind, unnecessary, and begging for Hambo retribution. I have a few choice for them: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
THURSDAY JULY 02, 2015
Hambo Visits Real America
Here are some recent encounters with rational adults in real America.
* He's a retired railroad worker, a Vietnam vet, who spends quality time mentoring boys who have tangled with the juvenile justice system and don't have a dad of their own to show them the way out. He hates what's happening to America but is powerless to change it, so he's creating new rational individuals, by being a surrogate dad to young men who need one.
* He's another Vietnam vet, a Marine, who was seriously wounded, twice, and doused with Agent Orange, multiple times. The wounds healed, but the Agent Orange nearly drove him insane. Despite it all, this tough as nails real American, has that classically American sense of humor which makes him one of the funniest individuals you'll ever meet. When I met him, he was still recovering from a heart surgery that occurred earlier this year, but he didn't allow it to keep him down.
There's one more thing you need to know about these men. They are brothers. Since the family arrived in 1619, their family tree has sunk its roots deep into real American soil.
WEDNESDAY JULY 01, 2015
I'm not big on nostalgia, an attitude that's demonstrated by the fact that I never attend high school reunions. High school was cool, for the most part, but it is ancient history, now, so why revisit it?
One of my classmates is my lovely bride's cousin, so my attempts to distance myself from high school are only partially successful. Through him, my best friend in high school - a team mate on the school's football team - contacted me. Initially, he tried to lure me to last year's reunion. When that failed, he asked that we get together, somewhere.
Since my road trip to America took me near his place, I let curiosity get the best of me. My expectations weren't unreasonably high. High school was a long time ago, and we've both evolved in many ways over the years. I knew it would be different, so I wondered if the 2015 me and the 2015 him would still get along.
We did. I was pleased to see him, and he seemed equally pleased. We got caught up and may even stay in touch, if it's up to him.
If it's up to him?
Yup! His life is not his own; it belongs to his wife. For example, when we met, she defined her political genre as "LIBERAL", then, leaving noting to chance, she defined his as "moderate".
We're not HER kind of people. Why?
We're so common.
We're so vulgar.
We're so beneath her lofty station in life.
My old chum's 'you should stay here some time' was greeted by an icy stare from his horrified bride.
She's probably a nice woman, but we are not her idea of a good time. So be it.
Did I make a mistake, when I went to meet my high school chum? The jury is still out. I was pleased by his success. I was pleased by his friendly demeanor. I enjoyed our visit. Despite that, I wonder if going there was a good idea.
Like I said, nostalgia sucks.
MONDAY JUNE 29, 2O15
Another Field Trip Report
The Good: I'm surrounded by rational adults.
The Bad: They're all Cell Phone Bonkers.
The Ugly: They're obsessed with the damn things.
At a gathering of such people, this kind of thing could happen;
Cell Psycho I: "I'm hungry."
Cell Psycho 2: "Me too."
Cell Psycho 3: "I could go for a sandwich."
Cell Psycho 1: "I'll have it for you in a minute. There must be an app for that."
Seriously, they are so addicted to cell idiocy, that they were texting each other while standing a few feet apart, at a social gathering.
Hambo's shame: Many of the aforementioned cell psychos are kinfolk.
SUNDAY JUNE 28, 2015
Field Trip Report
Greetings From America
When my lovely bride started packing for our road trip through randomly selected parts of America, I expressed some heartfelt alarm over the vast array of items she laid out. Eventually, I felt compelled to issue a long overdue reality check.
Me: "You realize, of course, that this isn't a one-way trip. We will be coming back."
Her: She smiled indulgently, then sighed. "Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear." , in this case translates as 'trust me, I know what I'm doing."
Did she know what she's doing? Yes, in many instances. No, in many others.
I am delighted to report that, the 'real' America is still out there, and most of the inhabitants of real America are pissed over the wanton destruction of our beloved country. In that Marxist infested safe haven for disease-ridden Border Jumping Scumbag Invaders which I call home, I often feel like I'm the last rational adult left standing. That might be true, there, but not out here, in real America.
During my travels, I met rational adults all along the way:
There was a man riding his Harley who was returning to his paper-pushing job, after attending a motorcycle rally.
There were the construction crews whom we met at some of our hotel stops.
There was the eager young man who was making made to order omelettes for a restaurant's breakfast buffet. He was looking forward to attending an air show where the Blue Angels were slated to perform.
There were the helpful ladies at the road side state travel centers who defied the prevailing perception that snarling DMV cretins represent the gold standard for Nanny State worker bees.
There was the computer software wrangler who was riding herd on his rambunctious brood of frolicking tykes. Devoted fathers do exist in real America.
Real America has its share of devoted mothers, too, here in real America. One delightful young mom hugged her crying daughter, kissing away the wenchlet's pain. After, restoring the girl's joy of life, she sent her daughter on her way with an affectionate spank. Nobody called the childhood services Nazis, because rational adults know the difference between being a good 'mom' and child abuse. Even editors of notorious on-line publications recognize and salute good parenting.
Here in real America, all that rational adults want from the Nanny State is breathing room. They want government, at all levels, to back the f**k off, so they can live their own lives, exercise the unalienable rights which is their birthright, and pursue their own brand of happiness.
The flame of liberty burns bright in real America.
I'm pleased to report that the Spirit of 1776 is out here, despite Barry's persistent Jihad against it.
I'll have more for you in my next report.
THURSDAY JUNE 18, 2015
Murder is Murder, Period
The Libs are utterly giddy - hallelujah he's a no shit white racist - because some gun-packing redneck strolled into a church and gunned down nine strangers. He's a murdering piece of crap, period. I don't need to know any more than I just told you.
THEY - Protards, Ethnocrats, etc. - obsess on other things:
The murderer is a WHITE MALE.
The South Carolina Toll Booth is a BLACK CHURCH.
The murder victims are - TA DA - BLACK.
When THEY add it all up they hit a victimhood jackpot named HATE CRIME.
Hate crime laws promote the notion that a criminal's thoughts are more important that his actions. Such laws contend that, when a murder, non-negligent manslaughter, rape, aggravated assault, simple assault, intimidation, arson, vandalism or property destruction stems from a bias due to the victim's race, religion, sexual orientation or ethnicity, it is especially heinous. The same crime, if perpetrated for any other reason - or, no reason at all - is, according to this hate crime mindset, less contemptible...more commendable. Hate crime zealots don't give a damn about the crime itself, as long as the criminal committed the crime for the right reason.
To put this matter in it's proper perspective, I'll quote from our Pin The Tail page in PIG's Ethnocrat section:
A quick look at certain notorious Amerikan crimes brings this hate crime irrationality into sharp focus. James Earl Ray killed Martin Luther King, for racial reasons. Lee Harvey Oswald killed John F. Kennedy for political reasons. I find it impossible to say one murder is worse than the other, simply because of the assassin's motives. Hate crime advocates advance the notion that politically-motivated assassins like Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan and John Wilkes Booth are more honorable, more praiseworthy, and less guilty than a racially-motivated assassin like James Earl Ray. Are the Kennedy brothers and Abraham Lincoln less dead than Martin Luther King? Did their friends and family find solace in the assassin's political motives? What about mass murderer Tim McVeigh? Would his actions be more vile if his motives were racial, rather than political?
Let's make sure I understand hate crime as defined by Ethnocrats and other hate crime zealots. If I burn down my white neighbor's house because his dog used my lawn as a toilet, I'm hate crime cool and, probably, the victim of a bad childhood. Conversely, if I burn down my black neighbor's house because he's black, I'm public enemy number one, and nobody gives a rip about my crappy childhood. Asinine? You bet, but hate crime zealots love this bovine excrement. A person who burns down someone else's property is an arsonist, period; it doesn't matter why the firebug did it. Arson is arson, whether it was motivated by a fondness for flames, where a dog does its 'business', or some form of bigotry.
A 'hate crime' is a politically motivated red herring specifically created to placate the whining victim groups. Instead of creating new crime definitions just to make 'victim' groups feel better, why don't these whining zealots simply punish all criminals to the full extent of the law? We could start by abolishing all the excuses America's bleeding hearts use to shift blame away from the criminal, but the excuse abuse, shyster-shrink cabal won't allow that. This Ethnocrat, Don Quixote-like tilting of the hate crime windmill is much easier, and much more enriching than doing something about the epidemic of real crime.
America must flush this hate crime legicrap and impose a justice system that adjudicates a crime based on the criminal's actions, instead of the criminal's thoughts. The foundation for this new system rests on this non-negotiable concept: Any individual who initiates force against another individual or that individual's property is guilty, period.
Parting Shot: If you're still confused about the right and wrong motives for perpetrating a senseless criminal act, some examples might help.
The easiest way to dodge the hate crime bullet involves picking the right motive. Cutting to the chase: you are free to victimize anyone, as long as your motive passes muster. A useful rule of thumb states that the more irrational the motive, the higher the approval rating. Utterly random victim selection affords you maximum protection from a hate crime rap.
A few examples should illustrate this point.
"On the spur of the moment, I decided to shoot (rob, assault) the next person I met."
"On the spur of the moment, I decided to shot (rob, assault) the next beaner (homo, spade, chink) I met."
"His dog took a dump in my front yard."
"That beaner's dog took a dump in my front yard."
"Her shoes made a very annoying sound."
"That dyke's shoes made a very annoying sound."
"He (or she) wore yellow and I'm off yellow, today."
"That chink wore yellow and I'm off chinks in yellow today."
FRIDAY JUNE 12, 2015
Before I 'get to the point, dude', I need to invoke a Tome concept, Original Sin.
Original Sin, as I understand it, is twofold. First, it refers to Adam's rebellion against Old Ka-boom in the Garden of Eden. Second, it refers to Adam's legacy of sin that he passed down to all his children - all of humanity (man's sinful nature sums it up nicely). The Cross Dude squared all that away, but there is some fine print tied to it.
All I need from the foregoing prose is an understanding that Original Sin is something you were issued at birth. It's just part of who, what, you are, putting it beyond your control.
Now, we switch our focus from Heaven to Hell - Korrectness as it exists in the 21st century. In Korrectnik theology, the real Original Sin is something called white privilege, therefore, the original sinner is each and every unhyphenated white male. For the lack of a better term, being white, male, and unhyphenated is something like the mark of the beast in Revelations: 666. Still with me? Good, here's the punch-line:
There isn't a Korrectnik savior who will 'lift the yoke of his sinful white privilege from whitey, but for a small percentage of white males there might be an escape clause. The ability to elude oppressordom, depends on how Korrectness answers these questions:
If the unhyphenated white male is the source of all that is evil in our Korrectnik Eden, how does being a GLAAD BAAG impact it?
Does the magic pink triangle obliterate whitey's Original Sin or merely mitigate it to some unknown extent?
Does it erase the mark of the beast, or simply fade it out to some undetermined level?
Enquiring minds want to know.
THURSDAY JUNE 11, 2015
Why I Hate The News
They needed $105 to buy dad a present. Instead of asking mom for a handout, the wenchlets discussed ways to earn the money. Eventually our two enterprising young ladies decided to open a lemonade stand. In the first hour they made $25.
Things looked promising, until City Hall deemed them public enemy #1.
* A cop said they were too close to the curb.
* A code enforcement Nazi...uh...officer demanded that they pay $150 for a city permit - a peddler's permit.
* The city health department insisted on performing a health inspection and demanded that they get a health permit [ka-ching].
As bad as that sounds, it gets worse. It didn't happen in some Progtard infested state, it happened in Overton, TEXAS!
Here are the dastardly capitalists, Andria and Zoey Green:
If, like me, you believed Texas was more enlightened about such things, we both know better now.
TUESDAY JUNE 09, 2015
Stranger Than Fiction
This epic serves several useful purposes, which I will enumerate after you read this:
[Fox Affil] "I'm a business man; I don't care if you're black, white, green, gay, it's all green to me. Money is money, and any businessman will tell you that," said Tempe Tavern Manager Robert Tasso.
Tasso is the manager of the bar that Briana Sandy, a transgender woman, was kicked out of on Saturday while trying to order a drink. She and civil rights activist Rev. Jarrett Maupin held a press conference about the incident.
"We won't allow drug dealing in here, and we won't allow people who are known to be dealing in prostitution. Was this person doing that? Apparently not, but it's a mistake in judgement that was made by our bartender and this person was asked to leave," said Tasso.
But it was how Sandy was asked to leave is what Tasso says is being twisted.
"This person claimed that my 20-year-old Mormon bartender said 'we don't serve your kind here' and there are a handful of people who were at the bar when this incident happened, who are more than willing to tell the story that that's not what was said. It's unfortunate because that's the statement that is driving a lot of the hate that is going out there on Facebook," said Tasso.
Tasso said the bartender said this instead.
"She goes I'm sorry, but I can't serve you, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, and just repeated that statement," he said.
Sandy says it's still discrimination and not true.
1) When you read about a Transgender Woman, they mean a creature like THIS:
2) If that is an example of a Tempe hooker, you really don't want to go that road.
FRIDAY JUNE 05, 2015
I spotted something that made me cringe, in my assigned fishwrap. It was an ad for - I wish I was making this up - 'Tarzan', the MUSICAL!
I know they're running out of ideas, but I had no clue that they'd sunk this low. Why not 'Jack the Ripper', a screwball comedy? They could bill it as 'cutting edge entertainment'.
The Three Stages of Prompter Punk Accountability
Stage 1: Evoking his inner Elmer Gantry, Prompter Punk intoned his electoral sales pitch, with the compelling, religious, fervor, "Yes we can."
Stage 2: Channeling his inner Bart Simpson, Prompter Punk kicked "Yes we can" to the curb next to his white granny. The new Prompter Punk mantra became "I didn't do it. It's all Georgie Bush's fault."
Stage 3: Bart Simpson and "I didn't do it" have a limited shelf life in the Red Shed, so Prompter Punk kicked both to the curb. Cowering inside his reality-insulated cocoon, Prompter Punk reverted to his geek roots, by channeling the ultimate nerd, Urkel, making "Did I do that?" his new mantra.
When I was a mere lad, the family road trip was a highly entertaining adventure. In that bygone era, GPS wasn't even a gleam in an engineer's mind. Besides, we didn't need GPS we had something much more action-packed - DPS aka Dad's Positioning System.
Dad's belief in his highly tuned sense of direction was unshakeable. Once he dialed in his DPS heading, nothing would deter him. He assurance that 'I know where I'm going' resonated with confidence, a confidence that remained unshaken when 'where I'm going' was to hell and gone from 'where I ended up'.
I've purchased a Garmin for my forthcoming road trip. I'm sure it's a fine bit of technology, but deep down, I know I'll wish we had that DPS, instead.
MONDAY JUNE 01, 2015
I watched Greg Gutfeld's new show on the Fox News Channel, Sunday night. It was more than a letdown. It was so bad it made me wince. Painfully bad? You better believe it.
I like Gutfeld, but I didn't like his hour-long debacle which was part Colbert, part John Stewart, and part twilight zone. I suspect he was trying to be funny. The only things that put a smile on my face were the closing credits.
You're better than this, Greg.
I noticed it tucked away on the far right end of the Task Bar. It wasn't there yesterday. It's on all my Windows PCs.
It's a 'gift' from Microsoft: a free copy of Windows 10 that they'll download to my computer, as soon as it's available. It's just one click away.
Hmm. Windows 10?
Obviously the stench wafting up from Windows 8 made them skip 9 and move on down the road to 10.
I don't blame them for fleeing from Windows 8. Windows 8 only has one redeeming quality, it makes Windows Vista seem much better, by comparison.
Will I plunge headlong into Windows 10 sight unseen? Nope. As usual, I won't do anything until Microsoft releases Service Pack 1 for Win 10.
Rumblings from Kardashia report that Porn Star Kardashian-West is urped again. Yawn.
I think it's safe to assume that step daddy Bruce/Caitlyn isn't the one who knocked her up. Bummer.
SUNDAY MAY 31, 2015
I saw a news headline about Bolt Neck [John Kerry] breaking his leg in a bicycle accident. It made me laugh...shame on me.
Murders in the Big Apple have spiked [4 people were killed in one 5 hour period this weekend], since the NYPD terminated their crime deterring 'stop and frisk' policy. Families of the latest murder victims are yammering at the Big Apple's Commie mayor, asking him to re-instate the policy.
Don't hold your breath, Big Apple Sparky. You should have seen this crap coming, when you elected this hard core lefty.
File this under 'elections have consequences'.
Baltimore had 40 murders, in May, setting a new, single month record. Keep this up and you'll be another Chicago.
How's that whole, 'we'll police ourselves' thing working out for you?
File this under 'be careful what you ask for'.
SATURDAY MAY 30, 2015
In a few weeks, I'll emerge from the bunker, climb into a suitably stealthy conveyance, then begin a damage assessment trip into the American heartland, and beyond. I need see for myself what the Progtard horde has done to this once great nation.
Living, as I do, in a disastrously BLUE state, I will be looking for signs of intelligent life in isolated rational adult enclaves, when I travel many of America's highways and byways. If I encounter anything, anyone, noteworthy, I will post a report of my findings, here on the Hammer.
After lurking in a Blue State for too many years, I'm hoping to find meaningful signs that the America I remember, the America I venerate, still exists. Given the desperate nature of this quest, you might as well call me Hambo Quixote.
THURSDAY MAY 28, 2015
At Last An Answer
In 1984, Wendy's took dead aim at burger wrangling rival McDonald's by intimating that a Big Mac was more bun than burger. Using a feisty seasoned citizen named Clara Peller Wendy's hit one out of the park with its iconic "Where's the beef?" ad campaign.
Clara's question still resonates, 28 years after her passing.
Thirty-one years after Clara asked, "Where's the beef?", we have an answer. It comes via a Cincinnati McDonald's franchise that is thisclose to the spot where a bovine that escaped from a nearby slaughterhouse was terminated.
"Where's the beef?"
"It's outside in the parking lot, where slaughterhouse minions gunned it down."
FRIDAY MAY 22, 2015
Candy Store Update
Oops, he did it again.
That's right, yesterday, another free-ranging Asian wench set off his Self-Activating Hubba Hubba System [SAHHS], when she blundered inside its event horizon. I don't have any specifics, yet, aside from the fact that she seemed to detect his SAHHS before she triggered it. It's not supposed to happen that way.
What went wrong? I'm not sure, so I'll serve up a few possibilities:
1) She's equipped with a heretofore unknown SAHHS detector.
2) He has the power on his SAHHS set too high.
3) Greeting her with his tongue hanging out was a dead give away.
WEDNESDAY MAY 20, 2015
Other than his name, the facts I'm about to present are too true.
His Name: Candy Store.
His Age: Way past old enough to know better.
His Marital Status: confused.
His Romantic M.O. The world is one big candy store and he's compelled to try and 'taste test' every scrumptious Asian sweetie that he meets.
Bottom Line: His life is crammed with unnecessary drama.
* His wife (second wife) divorced him nearly 6 months ago, but she emerged empty-handed. Determined to torture him, she refuses to move out of the house, which is leased in HIS name. That's right they're still living together.
A 'tropical' woman, his ex has, repeatedly, threatened to carve him up, but he refuses to send her packing.
She has dropped his name, but continues to view him as exclusively hers.
* He has a girlfriend who predates his divorce. Pedigree: Japanese. Complicating factor: her husband isn't the sharing type.
* He has another female in his life, but all I know about her is 'Asian' and 'hot'. Complicating factor: Unknown, but, given his track record, and some cryptic remarks, there has to be a BIG one.
* This week, a Chinese hottie strayed too close, activating his automatic 'hubba hubba' system.
He chatted her up for a while after which she asked him out. When he showed up for his date early, at the outpost of capitalism she owns/runs, he did a header into another complication.
Complication: his Chinese hottie has a significant other. It's another woman. That's right his new 'toy' is a lesbian whose girlfriend isn't the sharing type.
Why did she ask him out? Why is she trying to string him along? I don't know, but he's nuts, if he decides to hang around to find out.
Candy Store's theme song: Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Inconvenient Truth: At this moment, an insanely jealous, murderously hostile ex-wife who wants to Bobbitt him is the high water mark of his romantic life.
TUESDAY MAY 19, 2015
Will History Repeat Itself?
Last Sunday, my lovely bride and I attended an engagement party for the son of one of our friends. It's quite possible we will be invited to the wedding. Oh boy! It's decision time. Will history repeat itself? Or, will Hambo put a sock in it? Hmmm.
If you wonder what the hell I mean...wonder no more:
Wedding 1: Don't Do It Johnny
It happened while I was visiting my brother. It's windy and cold outside, par for the course in WINTER. Despite that, my brother, who was paying his annual visit to a certain town that shall remain nameless, suggests that we walk to the beach and have a chat at one of the tables on the sand. With nothing better to do, I agreed.
We were exchanging pleasantries when Johnny and Moonbeam blundered into our region of the planet. Johnny and Moonbeam weren't exactly dressed for the beach, but we cut them some slack, because Johnny and Moonbeam were there to tie the knot. They had no idea how close we came to staging an intervention.
The minister 'begged' for it when he spouted some irrelevant drivel. I considered giving him a pagan reality check, but resisted. I toyed with the idea of nailing him with a dreaded pagan curse that would give him a killer case of wang rash, but held back. Why? Seeing a man of the cloth grab his crotch and howl in agony might scare the crap out of the flower wenchlet and scar her for life. That's right, I did it for the children.
My brother and I road tested - out loud - suitable responses for that bit about "If anyone gathered here knows a reason why this man should not marry this woman, speak now or forever hold your piece."
Me: "Don't do it, Johnny."
Him: "Just say, no, Johnny."
Me: "Do a Bundy, Johnny. Go to the local nudie bar and do some comparison shopping."
Him: "Stick a fork in yourself, Johnny. Once you say "I do", you are DONE."
Our wives gave us the look, but didn't intrude on this brotherly bout of male bonding. That's right, PIGsters, despite our best efforts, Johnny strapped on a ball and chain named Moonbeam. Ignoring my well founded misgivings - don't forget I SAW Moonbeam - I'm willing to man up and wish Johnny and Moonbeam as much happiness as I've enjoyed with my lovely bride.
Wedding 2: A shock I so didn't need.
Speaking of shock-inducing weddings, I had the worst scare of my life at a wedding. I know what you're thinking, Sparky, and shame on you. This is not about MY wedding. It happened while my lovely bride and I attended the wedding of a neighbor's daughter. Since we weren't close friends of either family, we parked it in the rear pew of the Toll Booth and waiting for the festivities to begin.
Those festivities started with the most ungodly noise I've ever heard. HE snuck up behind us and standing at point blank range, this musical terrorist began doing god knows what with the bagpipes - that's right, BAGPIPES - that he held mere inches from my ears. I still get the shakes and my ears start to bleed whenever I have a bagpipes flashback.
There have been other magic Hambo moments at weddings, but I'll save them for another time. Suffice it to say, I am disagreeably Hambo at wedding ceremonies. I'm a relentlessly fun guy that way.
FRIDAY MAY 15, 2015
A Sinking Ship
It looks like the L.A. Clippers are poised to perpetrate one of most memorable collapses in NBA playoff history. After playing two dominating games that put them up 3 games to 1 in their 7 game series, they didn't show up for game 5 in any meaningful way. Last night they played well for 3 quarters then phoned in the 4th quarter.
When they lose game 7 - as sure a thing as you'll ever find - the Clippers will become only the 9th team to lose a playoff series after going up 3 games to 1.
That demonic laughter you hear in the Sanctuary City of Angels is Donald Sterling laughing all the way to the bank where he keeps Steve Ballmer's money.
SATURDAY MAY 09, 2015
Mom's Most Important Lesson
I think a love of - affinity for, if you prefer - learning begins at home. Before you start casting aspersions on Hambo, let me explain my contention. During my formative years, my mother - a teacher, by the way - successfully road tested a very innovative parenting ploy. Whenever I was home and up to no good - watching television, playing games, and the like - she would aim my idle mind at more suitable pastimes. Taking me away from those unworthy distractions, she would sit me down where she could see me, then reach for a volume of the extensive encyclopedia set we had in our home. It started, as such things should, with the "A" book. "Read this." After the usual "Aw mom, do I really have to read that?" and other pointless prattle, I started reading the "A" book. Believe it or not, there were a lot of nifty things in the "A" book to entertain and enlighten the young Hambo. Eventually she didn't need to tell me. When I had nothing to occupy my time, I'd reach for the next volume of the encyclopedia and started discovering more of the hidden treasures it contained.
Thanks to that "read this" ploy, my mother instilled a love of reading/learning in me that persists to this very day. That's why I insist that teaching a child to love reading/learning, is one of those core "it begins at home" things. By the time the child gets to school, that love of learning should be locked and loaded. If the school doesn't satisfy that inherent craving for new knowledge, then it's up to you, the child's parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, big brother, big sister, or family friend to find new, innovative ways to kick start those eager young synapses into action.
It's not as hard as you think. When Rocket Boy or Moon Beam hits you up for money, make them earn it. My mom had her own ideas about that too. Once she determined how much money I wanted, we'd get out a volume of "America's Best Loved Poems". After a bit of Hambo and mom negotiating on which poem merited the desired amount of money, I would begin to memorize the damn thing. When I could recite it, unaided by the book or a cheat sheet, she would hand over the money. To this day, I still catch myself reciting passages from "Casey At The Bat" and for that I say: thanks, mom.
THURSDAY MAY 07, 2015
That's Funny, You Don't Look White
(An Inspired Solution to the Racial Divide)
The relentless quest for plunder - the 'slavery reparations' extortion scheme - continues to resonate among American parasites of the whining, melanin-enriched persuasion. Countless well-intentioned individuals seek to reason with these greedy dolts, hoping, no doubt, to make them see the error in their thinking. Obviously, these 'lets sit down and reason together' types don't get the big picture: these slavery reparations extortionists, whiners who cling to their 'great white bigot behind every tree' bovine excrement, aren't speaking from intellectual conviction. They're basing their spew on emotion. Nobody, no matter how intelligent...no matter how polished their debating skills...no matter how well reasoned their views, can win an argument with emotion. It can't be done, because feelings, by their very nature, are irrational, thus beyond the reach of well-reasoned persuasion.
I, on the other hand, know better than resort to a calm, reasoned discussion. I know, too damn well, that these greedy obnoxious, lazy dolts will persist, until they set off a race war, or get their plunder. Extortion? You better believe it, Sparky. Unlike civilized individuals who seek to resolve this through relentless yammering, I only want one damn thing. I want these reparations-extorting assholes to shut the (expletive deleted) up and get the hell out of my face about this race baiting bovine excrement.
Among other things, the howling mobs in Baltimore, Ferguson, and elsewhere, keep demanding reparations.
Fact: Paying reparations is an asinine notion that will set back race relations in America by decades. That said, I'm all for it, if it will make these ethnocrat whiners shut the (expletive deleted) up. I say, let's dangle a wad of money (at least $500,000 in dead presidents, but I'm willing to make it a cool $1 million, if needed) in front of their bellowing, self-pitying faces. Let's tell these whiners that the money is theirs for the taking, however, we want something in return. No, I'm not spouting any 'send them back to Africa' drivel. The only requirement is as follows:
You're free to take the money and use it any way you want, tax free. In return, you, personally, and all of your descendants to the end of time, must absolve the American government of any/all historical 'sins'. In other words, from the instant you take this money, you and your family are, in the eyes of the government 'unhyphenated white males'. This means no more racial set asides, no more 'protected minority' status, no raced-based government largess, ever again. As an unhyphenated white male, you lose your race card privileges. White males, by their very nature, are incapable of being subjected to racism. By the way, former ethnocrat, that's not the white man's rules, it's yours. So, there you have it. The choice is yours. The money in exchange for your protected minority status.
In other words, take the god damn money and shut your god damn yaps, for god damn ever! If they won't accept the money on those terms, they can bellow about reparations and racism till our sun explodes, because they're not getting jack. This offer is a one-time, take it or leave it gig. End of discussion.
I wrote that YEARS ago, and tucked it away in my files, until now. Aside from the reference to Baltimore and Ferguson, it's just the way I wrote it, way back when.
It 'came out of the shadows', when I mentioned it to Porcus. Together, we brain-stormed some consequences of this plan. Here are some obvious ones which will impact a reparations recipient:
* His race card is invalidated, but that's cool because he's issued a 'Cracker Card'.
* The newly minted cracker loses his, her, hisher, or its Ebonics privileges. He must talk 'white' because he, she, heshe, or it IS white, now.
* The newly minted cracker won't be waylaid by the cops for 'driving while black', because, melanin-content is trumped by 'I took the money, honey'. All he needs to do is flash his Cracker Card.
* If he stumbles and lands in jail, he helps improve graybar hotel demographics because he's not another brother in the slammer, he's just another whitey, paying his debt to society.
* If he's walking on the street at night, whitey won't panic, because his reparations recipient status makes him 'one of us'. One flash of his Cracker Card will get 'er done.
* If he decides to start his own business, live in the burbs, or get an education, he has a ready response for the losers who chide him for 'acting white'. Brandishing his Cracker Card, he will proudly proclaim: "I'm not ACTING white. I AM white."
* His Cracker Card entitles him to vote for anyone he wants, including Conservatives and -GASP - Republicans.
There are, of course, some devilish details to iron out, but it's no big deal. Winner, winner, chicken dinner? Oh, hell yes.
WEDNESDAY MAY 06, 2015
Stranger Than Fiction
"Evidence shows that the difference between those who get bedtime stories and those who don't — the difference in their life chances — is bigger than the difference between those who get elite private schooling and those that don't," British academic Adam Swift told ABC presenter Joe Gelonesi.
Gelonesi responded online: "This devilish twist of evidence surely leads to a further conclusion that perhaps — in the interests of leveling the playing field — bedtime stories should also be restricted."
Daily Telegraph (Aussie)
I have two notions.
It's interesting how Progtards react to a naturally occurring difference in results. If reading to your tyke at bedtime gives the nipper a leg up, how should we react? If you're a rational adult, you think, 'we need to encourage all parents to start reading bedtime stories to their nippers, because it will reduce the difference in outcomes, by lifting the underachievers up'.
A Progtard never tries to lift anyone up. The instinctive lefty response is to impose an equality of misery, by tearing the achiever down. There's never a pot of 'gold' at the end of their rainbow, only a cesspool of suffering.
This Brit egghead has his head up his ass on 'leveling the playing field'. Like all Progtards, he defines a 'level playing field' as one which produces equal results. A rational adult knows how asinine this is.
A level playing field is one wherein all comers are confronted with identical conditions. This level playing field also measures their performance using a one size fits all, criteria for success.
If you still don't get it, this venerable pagan prose will get 'er done:
Life is inherently unfair. That's why condoms come in different sizes.
Fairness vs. Justice
In the good old days, those heady days of my youth before it became politically incorrect, justice was a respectable concept. Bowing to the 'gimme whether I deserve it or not' sentiments of the great unwashed, a new word has come into vogue: 'fairness'. Both words - fairness, justice - apply whenever a person is being measured, tested, evaluated, or judged. The primary difference is one of implied emphasis.
'Justice' places the emphasis on the measurement standard being used. At the very least, the standard must be objective, and equally applied to all who are tested, measured, evaluated or judged. I.E. Justice is when the most qualified individual, based on an objective, equally applied standard, is selected to fill a job opening, gains college admission, qualifies for a scholarship, receives an award, etc.. This is what the euphemism, 'the level playing field' is supposed to mean.
'Fairness', on the other hand, betrays an obsession with the results. Devotees of 'fairness' would - and have - willingly sacrificed the objective, equally-applied standard in order to achieve the desired result. Affirmative Action programs are 'fairness' oriented, since they seek to achieve an equality of results, by using a relaxed standard for 'underrepresented groups' (based on race, gender, ethnicity, etc) while employing an impossibly difficult standard for 'overrepresented groups'.
Fairness usually involves some irrational, irrelevant, criteria. The most popular one is U.S. Census data. I.E. Fairness in college admissions is when the incoming freshman class reflects the population distribution in such erroneous factors as race, ethnicity and gender, no matter how this result was achieved. If too many Asians - based on their percentage of the population - meet the entrance standards, the entrance criteria for Asians applicants will be raised until the proper balance is achieved. If too few Latinos qualify for admission, the criteria for Latinos will be lowered, until enough of them are included.
The contrast between justice and fairness goes deeper than the primary focus. Justice involves an individual who is being evaluated against an objective standard. Fairness, on the other hand, is a comparative term which involves analyzing the results achieved by two or more people. In other words justice pertains to an individual while fairness carries an implicit 'group' orientation. It's this last fact which makes fairness the darling of the multiculturalists who are so busy promoting group think in every aspect of our society.
Multiculturalists refuse to face the unalterable fact that life, by its very nature, is inherently unfair. However, not even these group think morons can realistically claim that life is, inherently, unjust. Should I go around bemoaning the fact that I can't play basketball like a Kobe Bryant, can't throw a football with the skill of a Peyton Manning, can't shoot a hockey puck like Wayne Gretsky? Should I protest this inequity as 'unfair'? Or, should I accept the fact that, when evaluated by an objective standard of performance I'm just not good enough?
Oppressor-Americans - heterosexual white males - aren't usually given a choice in these things, but should some multicultural mutant ask me, I'd choose justice over fairness...every time. Unlike those who define their alleged lives by their victim status, I prefer to succeed or fail on my individual merits, thank you very much.
SATURDAY MAY 02, 2015
The list of infuriating bullshit that MAJORLY pisses me off is getting longer.
* I'm fed up with Kim Kardashian, whose only claim to fame is a pathetic sex tape on which her flopping and moaning evoked images of the frantic final moments of a beached whale's life.
* I'm fed up with the Marxist assholes pretending to be objective journalists. They seem to be the ONLY ones who don't know that they'll be the first ones rounded up, if/when Marxism reigns from sea to shining sea: goodbye newsroom; hello gulag.
* I'm fed up with the lab coated hooligans who whore themselves out for Nanny State bribes, by spewing junk science whoppers like Global Warming, and Secondhand Smoke.
* I'm fed up with the "no justice, no peaceniks" whose only 'accomplishment' is turning American cities, from sea to shining sea into open sewers which are infested by rapists, muggers, drug dealers, disease-ridden urban campers, and property destroying assholes.
* I'm fed up with celebrity 'justice' which talks tough, then wimps out when it comes to making the legend in his, her, hisher, or its own mind reap what he, she, heshe, or it sowed.
* I'm fed up with the bait and switch bullshit that the Republican Party calls a presidential primary.
* I'm disgusted with the Republican Party scam artists who perpetrate this sham of a primary, making voters think they have a choice, when it comes to picking the Oval Office candidate.
* I'm infuriated that the Republicans will play 'it's his turn', by ramming another liberal loser - Jeb Bush - down the throats of Elephant Clan primary voters.
* I'm outraged by Elected Tormentors, who feign shock and dismay over America's sorry condition, then brazenly pretend that they didn't play a critical role in flushing this once great nation down the crapper.
* I'm beyond pissed when it comes to a Dumbo-earred Commie who obviously despises the job he was elected to do, but refuses to get out of the damn way so somebody with legitimate POTUS credentials can take over then put America back on the right track.
* I'm infuriated by the Gaystapo's goose-stepping over the inalienable rights of small business owners who won't knuckle under to their intimidation.
* I'm fed up with Ivory Towers that foist off "micro aggression", "trigger warnings", and "white privilege" and other Korrectnik Krap as higher education.
Enough already...it's time for Old Betsy, Big Bang, and I to load up then go do what we gotta do.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 29, 2015
The 'Hail Mary'
A Hail Mary pass is a very long forward pass in American football, made in desperation with only a small chance of success, especially at or near the end of a half. The term became widespread after a December 28, 1975 NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Minnesota Vikings, when Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach (a Roman Catholic) said about his game-winning touchdown pass to wide receiver Drew Pearson, "I closed my eyes and said a Hail Mary."
The expression goes back at least to the 1930s, being used publicly in that decade by two former members of Notre Dame's Four Horsemen, Elmer Layden and Jim Crowley. Originally meaning any sort of desperation play, a "Hail Mary" gradually came to denote a long, low-probability pass attempted at the end of a half when a team is too far from the end zone to execute a more conventional play, and that it took divine intervention for it to happen.
A Political 'Hail Mary'
[I contend that where POTUS is concerned, the Pachyderm Punks are losing with time running out on them. They need a miracle...they need a political Hail Mary. Maybe this will do.]
I'm fed up with the Establishment Republicans who have a nervous breakdown whenever they encounter a MSM hit squad. The pachyderm pussies make the French seem fearless and resolute. Enough already.
It's time for a bold new approach. It's time to reboot the Party of Lincoln and Reagan as the ASSHOLE PARTY. We the People need to send a solid, no bullshit, core of SERIOUS ASSHOLES to D.C. Once there, they'd do what comes naturally, to RINOs, Jackass Party pukes and the MSM.
In the short term, they would make the Obamunists miserable. If/when they wrested control from the Commie Bastard, our ASSHOLE PARTY legicrats would fulfill their only campaign promise: when we're in charge, we'll make those Marxist shits our bitch. We'll show them why they never want to f**k with us in this, or any other lifetime.
Let's be real, trying to appease the Marxist bastards never works. It's a given that the Libertards will never like, or respect, the jellyfish who control the GOP. I get that, so let's go the other way and terrify the crap out of them with our SERIOUS ASSHOLES.
MONDAY APRIL 27, 2015
[Chalky, not his real name, is a friend who is no Hambo shit a future crime statistic. Late last year, he divorced his wife after nearly two decades of wedded 'bliss'. Ka-Boom, his ex-wife, is a tropical female with an evil temper and a very short fuse whose more memorable eruptions registered on the seismometer at JPL.
More than 4 months after the split in which she got one of the family cars and nothing else, she's still living with Chalky. Why? Good question, given the fact that she has, repeatedly, threatened to Bobbitt him. The latest incident happened this weekend.]
Me: "How's my favorite future crime statistic?"
Him: "I've been better. She's insane and getting steadily worse."
Me: "More threats about chopping off your business?"
Him: "That, too. She was very convincing, so convincing that I almost called the cops."
Me: "Why didn't you, since the police station is across the street?"
Him: "She stormed out, so I decided to call you, instead."
Me: "The lease for the house is in your name, isn't it?"
Him: "Yes. Why?"
Me: "Kick the insane bitch out, immediately change all the locks."
Him: "The landlord..."
Me: "You told me he knows, and understands, your situation."
Me: "The important step involves changing the locks. If you need to go through him, do it, but do it right now."
Him: "I don't know. I want her out, but not like that."
Me: "She's playing you, dude. She knows that, where she's concerned, you can't get out of your own way."
Him: "I...After all this time together..."
Me: "She knows you won't evict her, so she feels free to do anything...say anything she wants."
Him: "I gave her until July 1st."
Me: "At this rate, she'll still be torturing you like this for another 20 years."
Him: "I put my foot down, this time."
Me: "I'm not impressed. Every morning that she wakes up in that house, SHE WINS. Be a man while you still have your gear. You're living on borrowed time. It's not a question of if she'll Bobbitt you, but when."
Him: "You make it sound so easy."
Me: "Admittedly, the next move, the obvious and necessary next move, is up to you. The fact that it's obvious doesn't automatically mean it's easy."
Him: "I'll think about it."
Me: "Let me know which hospital you're in and I'll send you a 'see I told you so' card."
Him: "That's not funny,."
Me: "It wasn't meant to be funny."
[I share this real life drama as a warning to other men in a similar situation. Don't be a Chalky. Get away from the insane, vengeful, bitch, before it's too late.
For more Chalky fun, scroll down to December 27, 2014.]
FRIDAY APRIL 24, 2015
When it comes to picking our nation's leaders, We the People can't seem to get it right. Blinded by idealism and optimism, we've elected reprobates, retards and rank amateurs. While searching for the second coming of a Founding Father, we've elected meatheads, morons and Moonbats. In our zeal who pick someone to represents the best in us, we've elected Caesars and appeasers.
Our motives were noble and the underlying idea was a good one, in the abstract. We reasoned that someone who represented the very best in us, would inspire our friends and favorable impress our foes with their dignity, intellect and inner strength. It should have worked, but it didn't.
We, quite rightly, tried to elect a rational adult, but it's a bigger challenge than we realized, because no self-respecting rational adult wants any part of that three-ring circus we call our nation's capitol. After giving this some thought, I decided We the People need to adjust our thinking.
In these troubled times...in this dangerous world, I'm no longer convinced that a rational adult is what we need. If our nation is going to come out of its malaise, we need to pick a leader who makes a the right kind of impression. We don't need the second coming of Thomas Jefferson. I think we need the second coming of inspiringly insane lunatic like Sam Kinison. Why? If you were leader of a nation like Iran or North Korea, how secure would you feel knowing that an explosively unstable, terminally fun, guy like Sam has his finger on the nuclear trigger? Given his explosive nature, the last thing you want to do is attract his attention.
There are at least two things that make this idea viable. First of all, by picking an irrational adult we have a much better chance of finding one that fits the bill. Moreover, an irrational adult is so easy to spot, he, she, heshe, or it won't try to baffle us with a load of political bullshit.
The dark underbelly of this pagan notion is obvious. There are a lot of irrational adults, but most of them are the wrong kind of irrational: Congress is infested with them. We need to find the right one. It's no piece of cake, but, not impossible, because we have a large pool of certifiably irrational adults. The other obvious problem is the fact that Sam Kinison is dead. That's a tragedy, because he always made me laugh.
Sam's gone, but I'm not discouraged. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free? Nah. Give me your ranters, your ravers, and your Kinisons, yearning to set us free. The sooner we get started on this search, the sooner we get 'er done.
Come out...come out, wherever you are, while there's still time to save America from a Harpy named Shrillary.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 22, 2015
No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.
Constitution of the United States Article II, Section 1, Clause 5
How does Shrillary match up with these qualifications?
Resided within USA for 14 years? Yup, and then some.
Attained the age of 35 years? Yup, and then some.
Natural born Citizen? I have issues with this one, where Shrillary is concerned. I won't dispute the 'born' part, but I doubt that there was anything 'natural' about it. This Harpy is to put it bluntly the proverbial bat out off hell.
I doubt that any of the low information voters who are eager to punch a chad [or two or three or four ] for Shrillary know, or care about the requirements in Article II, Section 1, Clause 5. In fact, I doubt that they've ever heard of the Constitution of the United States.
For Shrillary loving intellectual flatliners, the Harpy has the two overriding qualifications for office: she's [allegedly] female and she's alive. I know they get giddy over her [presumed] gender, BUT I seriously doubt that any of them is a stickler for details, when it comes to 'she's alive'. Based on recent images of Shrillary, I have my own reasonable doubt concerning 'alive'.
Will she raise her hand and intone the Oath of Office?
"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."
Preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States? Yes, she'll say it, but she won't mean it. She got this far, by ignoring our founding document, why would she change that, now?
Can she win? You bet, and here's why:
"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgement to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Barack Obama, who is, after all, merely a fool. It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools such as those who made him their president."
– Vaclav Klaus (former Premier of the Czech Republic)
MONDAY APRIL 20, 2015
The Ten Cannots
[Written and published in 1916, by William John Henry Boetcker (1873–1962) who was an American religious leader and influential public speaker.]
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence.
And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves
Liberty is under assault around the world. In places like Iran, Indonesia, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, and Malaysia, Kenya, Iraq, Libya, and Somalia the tyranny is motivated by supernaturalism. In places like China, Myanmar, Cuba, North Korea, Russia, Venezuela and Bolivia, the tyranny is strictly secular and, invariably, Marxist.
The citizens suffering from both types of tyranny, might find the following quote by an American free thinker named Robert G. Ingersoll a source of inspiration:
"When I became convinced that the Universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts, and bars, and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world - not even in infinite space. I was free - free to think, to express my thoughts - free to live to my own ideal - free to live for myself and those I loved - free to use all my faculties, all my senses - free to spread imagination's wings - free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope - free to judge and determine for myself - free to reject all ignorant creeds...free from the fear of eternal pain - free from the winged monsters of the night - free from devils, ghosts and gods."
"For the first time, I was free. There were no prohibited places in all the realms of thought - no air, no space, where fancy could not spread her painted wings - no chains for my limbs - no lashes for my back - no fires for my flesh - no master's frown or threat - no following another's steps - no need to bow, or cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words. I was free. I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously, faced all worlds."
There's one thing that sets this land conceived in liberty apart from the nations I cited earlier. If anyone stated the forgoing passage publically, in any of those blights on the globe, they would be tortured, jailed, or simply executed on the spot. During his lifetime, Mr. Ingersoll butted heads with many Americans who vehemently disagreed with him, but, no matter how much they hated his ideas, nobody tortured, dismembered, crucified, burned at the stake or beheaded him. That critical distinction is what sets us apart from the rest of the world. It's the source of our strength and we must preserve it, by any means necessary.
FRIDAY APRIL 17, 2015
Am I the only one who remembers that the primary function of a telephone is to allow you to SPEAK to someone else who is well beyond effective bellowing distance?
Am I the only one who thinks strings of consonants in search of some vowels are GIBBERISH?
Am I the only one who thinks putting a microcomputer in charge of critical automotive functions like braking, shifting gears, and accelerating is a stupendously crappy idea?
Am I the only one who thinks it's asinine to surf cyberspace on a screen the size of a post-it note?
Am I the only one who remembers how pathetic boom box fare was BEFORE Internet radio served up all those nifty-shifty choices?
Obviously, modern technology is a mixed blessing.
Troubling Signs That You're Too Fat
Your ponderous plodding registers on Cal Tech's seismometers.
Your 'land mass' is so big you generate your own weather pattern. (Stolen from Boortz)
When you're near a body of water larger than a toilet bowl, your presence disrupts the tide tables.
TUESDAY APRIL 14, 2015
The Bitch is Back
Shrillary is back for another run at the Presidency. I'm trying to be thrilled spitless, but I left it in my other pants. I hate it when that happens.
So Shrillary Clinton thinks she deserves to be president...isn't that special. I think I deserve 15-inch wang. It looks like we both came up short.
Her primary qualification is she's female and we've never had one of those as POTUS. I'm a male and I've never had a monster wang. We're still tied bitch.
She's deserving because her hubby was POTUS, so she has proximity going for her. I have proximity too, since my dad was hung like a Clydesdale. Still tied.
Call me names if you must, but, so far, I have a stronger case for John Holmes' class nads than Shrillary does for being POTUS. Maybe we need to try harder.
Let's look at her resume.
She was little more than a seat warmer, during her unremarkable stint in the U.S. Senate. We need to keep looking.
As Secretary of State, she was more than unimpressive. In fact, her foreign policy antics look more like a blooper reel than a stepping stone to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Nothing here either, so we'll move along.
A hard core Marxist, with no meaningful leadership experience, her 'best' case for high office is an immutable trait (gender). That sounds alarmingly familiar. We've traveled down that road for more than 6 years, now and it SUCKS.
Like that Marxist in the Red Shed, Shrillary has a badly kept secret. In Barry's case, we're not supposed to notice - or mention - that he's an Islamikaze. Similarly, we're not supposed to notice -or mention - that Shrillary is a lesbian. Ironically, 'first lesbian' POTUS is slightly less frivolous than 'first female' POTUS. Lesbians are a much smaller demographic - thus more exclusive - than 'female'.
It's time to get real about a President Shrillary.
"My husband was President." So what?
"I am woman hear me roar" is equally irrelevant as a valid qualification for POTUS.
"It's my turn." It was your turn in 2008 and you muffed it by losing to a Dumbo-eared rookie.
Lesbian isn't a valid qualification either, but campaigning under a dyke banner does have some salacious potential.
Shrillary is too much like Barry for comfort. America can't endure 4 or 8 more years of that.
I could do without the mental image generated by a Porcus vow to pull down Shrillary's pants and expose her.
Equally disturbing is the fun fact that, as First Dude, career horndog Bubba will have a clear shot at the wives and daughters of visiting heads of state.
If Shrillary is trying for Obama in drag, it will be a tough row to hoe since she's just a vile, foul tempered Harpy who doesn't have Barry's well documented Malignant Narcissism to hide behind.
Is it too soon to run 'just shoot the insane bitch' up the flag pole? Probably, besides which she's such a hard core Harpy that bullets might just bounce off.
Last word: Shrillary is going 'all in' on her Oval Office run, and so is PIG, because you know the Pachyderm Punks don't have the balls to put her feet to the fire.
SATURDAY APRIL 11, 2015
One of the primary consequences of Political Correctness is the lionizing of the 'what' and the demonizing of the 'who'. Did I just lose you? Don't sweat the small stuff.
The 'what', in this context, denotes the immutable traits which are the foundation of the group identity: race, gender, ethnicity/national origin. All of them are issued at birth, and are thus beyond a person's control. Maybe it's that lack of control over it which makes an immutable trait based identity so enticing. Someone who obsesses on immutable traits is saying, in essence, that they haven't made a single meaningful contribution to their own life, since a doctor slapped them on the butt in the delivery room. The only significance, and/or virtue, they find in themselves is what they were 'issued' at birth
The 'who' ,in this context, includes the unique combination of thoughts, words, and actions which make each of us a 'one of' entity. Unlike the 'what', the 'who' includes all those elements over which a person has exercised control. The 'who' is all about individuals.
When I meet someone, I don't give a rat's ass what they are, because it's essentially irrelevant. I am, however, very interested in who they are.
I hate all these word games whose only purpose is tricking you into pigeonholing yourself, making it easy for someone to dismiss you with a sneering, 'Oh, you're one of them'. That's why I refuse to be pigeonholed. I am not a gender. I am not a race. I am not an ethnicity. I am the sum total of all my experiences, choices, and thoughts so, if you ask me "what are you", bring a lunch because the answer to that question is a stem-winder.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 08, 2015
Today, Chiquita, Wonderland's English-challenged receptionist, explained the new phone answering rules of engagement to me. I'll let you imagine how that went.
Essential fun phone facts:
Wonderland has 4 phone lines.
The big guy, Mister Fix It, Wonderland's fearless leader, personally wired up the phone connections.
Wonderland's phone technology is older than God and may predate the big bang.
* Line 1: if it rings, it's usually for Wonderland.
* Line 2: if line 1 is lit when it rings, it should be for Wonderland. But, if line 1 isn't in use when it rings, there's a 50% chance it's for Wonderland.
* Line 3: if lines 1 & 2 are lit when it rings, it might be for Wonderland. But, if lines 1 & 2 aren't in use when it rings, there's a 25% chance it's for Wonderland.
* Line 4: If the other 3 lines are in use when it rings it's rarely for Wonderland, but just in case, answer it anyway. If no lines are in use when it rings, the chances of it being for Wonderland are too low to measure. Answering it is optional.
SUNDAY APRIL 05, 2015
We've all heard the mantra that says we must be responsible for our own actions. This axiom means weighing our options, making our decision, then playing that hand until objective reality gives us our report card. How? Life grades us by rewarding, or punishing, us with the consequences for our own actions. Those consequences are a vital part of the ongoing learning process that's a thrill-inducing feature of life.
This repetitive cycle of actions and consequences is a great character builder. It's also a spiffy way to build your vocabulary, when you start learning - and deploying - all those highly expressive, cathartic, four-letter words. Like it or not, you're not in full blown character building mode until you start swearing. That's a sure sign that you've just added a whole new level to your character.
As painful as consequences can be, they are a necessary part of life. That's why it majorly pisses me off when the Nanny State interferes by softening the blow of adverse consequences, or bringing you down if the consequences are beneficial, enriching.
* I don't need some Fat Nazi wiener getting between me and what I choose to eat. I don't need their help on transfats, calorie counts or fat content. I know what's good and what isn't. I'll pick my own foods and let life's report card - those consequences - tell me how I did.
* I don't need some Smoke Nazi scumbag hounding me about those cancer sticks. The consequences of smoking are no secret, so they need to get the hell off my back and let me make my own life choices. As a non-smoker - MY CHOICE, not THEIRS - I'm tempted to start smoking, just to piss off the bastards.
* I don't need some job-for-life Elected Tormentors telling me that lying about my net worth to purchase a house in a market that reeks of 'bubble about to burst' is a crappy idea. If I'm that stupid, I deserve to lose my shirt, and my house. Their assistance is not wanted or needed.
* I don't need some Nanny State Nitwit to tell me that yammering on a cell phone, or texting, while driving is an accident waiting to happen. If I do either, or both, sooner or later I'm going to cause an accident, then the justice system, and my insurance company, will add several levels to my character with some very adverse consequences.
* I know what I'm willing to watch and can determine if a given program is acceptable for any tykes who might be in the room. I'll handle those decisions, and any adverse, 'they said a bad word' consequences. I don't need the Nanny State's help with my boob tube and boom box choices.
A lot of times, consequences suck. I get that, but they're my consequences and I'll deal with them, myself, without the Nanny State's help. Unhappily, too many Americans like letting the Nanny State soften life's blows. That's why this nation conceived in liberty is rapidly losing its competitive edge.
It's time to get back to basics. It's time to kick the Nanny State out of our lives. It's time to grow the stones to face life's ups and downs without some Elected Tormentor rat bastard sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Butt out, Elected Tormentor Sparky. That goes double for you, Prompter Punk.
FRIDAY APRIL 03, 2015
Here are some random notions on the Indiana pizza parlor.
* This battle is being waged under the wrong banner. The primary issue is not and should not be religion and/or religious beliefs. As Larry Elder, and other rational adults, explained, the primary issue is, in fact, property rights. In reality, it's a simple matter of a business owner being free from Nanny State coercion when it comes to deciding whom he, she, heshe, or it will serve. If they get it wrong, the marketplace will teach them the errors of their ways.
* The real measure of public sentiment isn't reflected in the MSM, or in the caterwauling of the Gay KK. A better measure of public sentiment is the gofundme pot of gold which adults from sea to shining sea had elevated to at least $550,000. Those donations speak much louder than all the MSM bellowing.
* Yesterday, the owners were talking about closing the business, forever. Today, bolstered by the generosity of strangers, they're vowing to reopen.
* I wonder how high the gofundme pot of gold needs to get, before the MSM reports it?
WEDNESDAY APRIL 01, 2015
Inalienable Individual Liberty
It can be, and frequently is, downright ugly.
It's guaranteed to piss you off, sooner or later.
It allows individuals to discriminate, even when they have their head shoved up their ass.
Cutting to the chase, it allows individuals to act like utter and complete assholes.
I warned you it's ugly.
It's not for the thin skinned or faint hearted...I guess that's why Progtards can't handle it.
They don't...won't confront the fact that we are born with our full compliment of rights which are not a gift from a benevolent Nanny State. Inalienable individual liberty is our birthright. Even when Progtards understand that, they don't want to hear it.
For me, inalienable individual liberty is a mixture of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The bad and the ugly are the price we pay for the good. Is it worth it? You better believe it.
MONDAY, MARCH 30, 2015
Scientology Exposed In HBO Special
Here, in no particular order are a few impressions.
* L Ron Hubbard had the instincts of a grifter. That's why he perpetrated his 'Auditing' scheme. First, you get the 'mark' to rat themselves out while being audited. Next, you use the 'dirt' to sign the mark up for an endless sequence of future sessions, each of which costs slightly more than the last.
* L Ron was a bat shit crazy son of a bitch and his 'religion' is about what you'd expect from a dude who belonged in a padded cell.
* Scientology has some of the characteristics of a cult. It was founded by a 'charismatic' leader. It's reflexively secretive to the point of paranoia. It's much, much, easier to bring Scientology into your life than it is to completely evict them from it, after an adherent decides to quit Scientology. If you do extricate yourself, and leave family members behind, they will disown you.
* I had the impression that some of the former leaders who were featured in this special, while utterly truthful in what they said, would still be shilling for Scientology, if they hadn't been deposed in an internal power struggle.
* Over the years Scientology has been exposed as a dangerously manipulative, oppressive, organization. If, knowing that, someone gets involved with it, they only have themselves to blame.
Bottom line: If you get the chance, watch this show.
SUNDAY MARCH 29, 2015
I watched the Kentucky - Notre Dame game, yesterday. I 'knew' U.K. would probably win, but I dared to root for an upset. The only thing that got upset, was me, when the Irish gave up their first turnover in 29 minutes, at the worst possible time. They lost ugly and I hate that.
My lovely bride who hails from the Bluegrass State didn't gloat, that much, so I'm thankful for small favors.
Speaking of my lovely bride, she's more convinced than ever that Barry is getting ready to pull something. In this case, 'something' translates as a tyrannical ploy to keep himself in power, indefinitely.
Is she on to something? I'm not certain. There are, I admit, signs that something is up.
Barry's actions keep getting more outrageous, more infuriating, more indefensible, with each passing day. What's up?
Some Barry watchers think he has a screw loose, and his erratic actions are tangible signs of a mental disorder.
Some Barry watchers think he's a petulant child having a tantrum. What he needs, they opine, is a stern parent to smack him hard and order him to 'knock it off'.
It appears to this Pagan scribbler that Barry will ratchet up his antics until he gets the desired response from We the People. When the people reach their boiling point - he's hoping they'll take to the streets - he will use the ensuing civil unrest as a justification for declaring martial law from sea to shining sea. One of the first casualties will be the 2016 election cycle.
Probable? Don't know yet, but it's in play.
FRIDAY MARCH 27, 2015
Answering the Call
[When I'm visiting Wonderland - a small high tech firm which is one of my clients - I do more than play consulting engineer. Much too often, I'm asked to handle incoming calls for them. Why, because Chiquita - their official phone monkey - isn't as proficient in English as that task, being the receptionist, requires.
When she has a language breakdown, she usually asks me to find out what's on the caller's agenda.]
* Going Schultz "I Know Nothing..."
[This happened on Wednesday and it prompted me to put together this posting.]
Chiquita seemed a tad frantic when she asked me to take the call.
Her: "You talk please? I no understand."
Me: "Good afternoon, how may I assist you."
Female Caller: Obviously irritated. "Who are you?"
Me: I identified myself.
Her: Still pissed. "What do you do there?"
Me: "I'm an engineer."
Me: "Mom was thrilled too."
Her: "Yeah. I'm Liz, your landlord, and I need to speak with [Wonderland's fearless leader]".
Me: "He's out of the building, but I'll make sure he gets your message, as soon as he returns."
Her: "Ok. What's the point of having a receptionist who can't take messages."
Me: Silence, fighting an urge to say "Chiquita has other talents."
Her: Laughs "Never mind."
[Here are a few memorable calls I answered over the past few years.]
* V. J. Steve
I had a close encounter with V. J. "Steve", while I was at Wonderland - a customer site - today. My client - that legendary computer wrangler, The Big Guy - was out of the building and asked me to pick up the phone for him, because he was expecting an important call.
When the phone rang, I, foolishly, picked it up and got mouse-trapped into one of those phone surveys. I could tell by his tattletale accent that I was talking to V.J. Steve - real name - Ramalamadingdong - and he was a veritable pit bull, when it came to keeping me on the phone. I accidentally hung up on him once, when I meant to put him on hold, but he called me back. In fact, he called me back TWICE.
V. J. Steve shrugged it off, when I explained that I'm an independent contractor, not an employee of Wonderland. He shrugged it off, when I told him that I didn't have the information he needed. He was determined to fritter away 30 minutes (minimum of my life) and he wouldn't be denied.
I hope he enjoyed the answers I gave him, because, other than a rough estimate about the number of P.C. s at Wonderland, nothing I said was an on-going element of Objective Reality.
When I got done, I had a pressing need for a SMOKE 'EM, a MASH 'EM, plus assorted other items from our PIGco catalogue that didn't make the Top Story cut.
I know you're out there V. J. Steve. I'm going to track your miserable ass down and kick you in the nuts so hard, your whole family will feel it.
* Worlds Apart
While toiling away at Wonderland, I got a call from a vendor whom I've known for years. After a relatively brief exchange of technology-related pleasantries, the yammering veered off into politics.
He got it rolling, when he noted how much more civilized his Arizona outpost of capitalism is than his primary capitalistic outpost in Mexifornia.
Him: "When it comes to taxes and regulations, Arizonia seems like another country."
Me: "Which country? Mexico?"
Him: "That too. Why is California so fucked up?"
Me: "A Jackass Party legislature. A Jackass Party governor. Plus, a critical mass of chad punching Moonbats who keep them in control."
Him: "That explains it. Arizona seems to have avoided that problem. I only remember one really bad governor - a woman named Napolitano - but she's long gone. I have no idea where she went."
Me: "She's the head of DHS."
Him: "Oh my god."
Me: "You'd know this stuff, if you read my scribblings at the Politically Incorrect Gazette. WWW DOT P I G A Z E T T E DOT COM."
Welcome to the PIGdom, Dave.
* Life in the Fast Lane
I was plying my trade [consulting Test Engineer] at Wonderland when my phone rang. It was Chiquita and she needed my assistance with an incoming call. I'm her 'go to' choice, when her faltering English isn't up to the challenge.
I answered the call and blundered into the fast lane of Progtard Politics.
Eager and ernest, the caller identified herself as Tiffany and explained that she was calling from far off Massachusetts on behalf of some Progtard activist group. [I think it was Progressive Change Campaign.] Since Wonderland is in a notoriously lefty metropolis in a VERY lefty state, Tiffany made the rash assumption that I would be sympathetic to her cause.
Wrong, but I let her yammer about the corporate Demoncrats who lost the 2014 election. I listened to her trot out all those sad stories of tykes who aren't getting supper, and assorted other egregiously emotional Progtard pleas. I listened to her entire pitch, waiting for the punchline.
Eventually, she cut to the chase. The whole sob story was a pitch for a donation to Fauxcahontis - Senator Elizabeth Warren. For 'as little as $150' I could help the Jackass Party plunge America much farther into the Progtard abyss.
I'd heard enough, so I told her, "I wouldn't give your Jackass Party a penny if my life depended on it."
She asked "Why?"
"Because you Progtards inflicted that Dumbo-eared Kenyan Marxist on us to help you finish destroying this nation. Enough is enough." I replied, before hanging up.
THURSDAY MARCH 26, 2015
I have 'unresolved issues' with the hyphen.
Are we limited to just one?
If we get more than one - (Irish-Italian)-American, how do we know which to list first?
If we get more than one, is there a limit on them? I.E. (Left-handed) - Irish - Italian - Carnivorous - American).
These hyphens give me a headache. I think I'll drop them like a bad habit and continue to be that American classic: an individual.
I am not defined by my born with it pedigree. I am defined by my thoughts, words, and deeds over the course of my life.
Today, I'll paint a PIGish bull's-eye on the synapse-suffocating tidal wave of gibberish, jargon, and 'coded' messages that bombard us from all sides, every waking minute of our lives. It's everywhere we go and it's getting worse, with each passing minute.
Food labeling: Most of us ignore this dose of Nanny State imposed gibberish, but that's destined to change, under the DeathCare scheme. Aided and abetted by their toadies in Congress, Fat Nazis are determined to rub our noses in it.
Gibberish: Calories, Transfats, Sugars, Salt, blah, blah, blah.
PIGish Alternative: The nutrition label should show one, or more, Louisville Sluggers, along with the prose: "This is how many baseball bats your doctor will use to beat some sense in your lard ass, if you eat this."
The sneakiest outburst of food labeling gibberish that I ever encountered relates to 'serving size'. Normally, the nutritional information is 'per serving. On the off chance that you read the 'calories' and 'calories from fat' information, some shack food wranglers play games by tweaking the number of servings. For example, I recently purchased a snack which contained 4 mini cupcakes. The damage 'per serving' seemed acceptable, until I noticed the number of servings: 12. In other words, I had to multiply the nutritional information by 3 to compute the 'per mini cupcake' damage.
Programmable Electronic Devices: For a long time, this kind of gibberish was confined to your computer. Admittedly, computers (computer programs) are still a prime offender, but - as headline grabbing thrill rides demonstrate - it's now popping up in your car. It's also in your cell phone, and assorted other programmable items.
Computerized devices torture users with assorted beeps and bells, plus the processor-generated messages which accompany them. It's infuriating, because it doesn't tell you what went wrong. The FSOP favors something much more helpful.
"Oops - I forgot to carry my one, but I'm okay, now."
"D'Oh - Some random event made me lose my place, but it's obviously a one-time occurrence."
"Uh-oh - That random event happened again, so stop what you're doing and do something useful, like rebooting me."
"Damn It! - Rebooting didn't help, so it's time to bring in a trained, computer geek, professional."
"I see what you're doing and it won't work. Let me know how that works out, Einstein, because I am O-U-T of here."
Instead of those 'Error NNNNNN' messages, we favor something more descriptive like: "Your hard drive just ate itself", "My mind is going", or "I'm melting...I'm melting".
If you get a series of beeps when you boot up, here's a PIGish Translation: Demonic laughter, "YOU'RE SO SCREWED."
Boob Tube and Movie Ratings: When it comes to incomprehensible gibberish, this mess is at, or near, the top of the heap. I know 'they' are - allegedly - trying to be helpful, but this is ridiculous. As insane as movie ratings are, boob tube ratings with their expanded categories and subcategories take gibberish off the cliff.
Gibberish: "G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17". "TV-Y, TV-Y7, TV-Y7-FV, TV-G, TV-PG (D,S,L,V), TV-14 (D,S,L,V), TV-MA (S,L,V)
PIGish Alternative: Categories like: "You're getting sleepy", "Minor, clothes on, groping", "TITS!", "You're going straight to hell, pervert.", plus subcategories like: "Bang, you're dead", "Buckets of blood and gore", "Talk dirty to me".
Boom Box and Boob Tube Ads: On the radio, the warp speed shyster spew is where the action is. On television, that laundry list of possible side effects and/or the small, impossible to read, print is where the rubber hits the road. In both cases, the shyster spew is the functional equivalent of 'What we really mean to say is this: take everything we told you with a very LARGE grain of salt.'
PIGish Alternative: Since advertisers refuse to play it straight, we'll simply cite Hambo's Laws: The suckage of a product touted on the radio [or television] is inversely proportional to the speed and length of the shyster spew at the end of the ad. (The faster they talk, the longer it lasts, the more likely it is that the product reeks.)
Automotive Gibberish: With most cars infested with 5,000 kinds of hellish computerized functions - including breaking, accelerating, starting, shutting down, shifting gears - this category is alarmingly similar to 'Programmable Electronic Devices'. Aside from minor - essentially inconsequential - details, the same error message rants apply. For those who drive more traditional - yer outta here cyber punk - transportation, there is one example of automotive gibberish which demands our undivided attention.
Gibberish: "Check Engine."
PIGish Alternative: "Some government mandated, performance-degrading, piece of Smog Nazi crap is having a bad day. Go ahead, ask me if I care."
Admittedly, gibberish isn't a fate worse than death. At worst, it's an annoyance which is imposed on us by nerds, who never got over that daily wedgie he got in high school, and/or Nanny State Nitwits who love yanking our chain. It would be nice if they cut the crap and gave it to us, straight, simple, and direct. It would be very nice, and very out of character. If it's no frills doses of objective reality you crave, you're in the right place, because the Free State of PIG gives you all of THAT you can handle, on a daily basis.
TUESDAY MARCH 24, 2015
Insulting My Intelligence
Admittedly Barry is trying to 'settle' the immigration debacle by Imperial Decree. He's getting his way, more or less, but the Boehner-McConnell-McCain wing of the Elephant Clan hopes that Federal judge in Mexas will put them back in the game. If that happens, it will be business as usual in fantasyland.
Once again all the D.C. scumbags will start insulting my intelligence on this border jumping scumbag disaster. First, they set up a strawman by putting words in my mouth: "they" - that's me, I suppose - "want to deport 20 million 'undocumented' immigrants". First of all, the number is closer to 40 million. Furthermore, nobody in their right mind is talking about deporting each and every one of them. We are, however, discussing ways to make it less appealing for all of them to stay here and continue to colonize us. Finally, and most important, I want them to take meaningful steps to stop the tidal wave of border jumpers who keep swarming into our nation, un-damn- invited.
The best way to explain this is with a little parable. You come home one fine day and find that a water pipe has burst and your basement is flooded. You call up RINO Plumbing to take care of the problem.
RINO: "It's just water and it serves a useful purpose. Why are you so irrational about it?"
You: "I have nothing against the water, however, I don't want the damn stuff here."
RINO: "You can't just toss that water out in one big dump. It can't be done. I'm very disappointed with your attitude."
You: "I want you to shut off the damn water, fix the broken pipe, and stop any more water from flooding into my basement."
RINO: "You're not thinking clearly. We need a comprehensive approach to this problem. If you want, I can start bailing out the water with a teaspoon, while we discuss strategies to deal with the broken pipe."
You: "Get the hell out of here, you moron. If you can't see that it's pointless to deal with the water BEFORE you fix the broken pipe, you're a bigger fool that I thought possible."
We've got a broken pipe on our border, PIGsters. I don't want to discuss how to cope with the water that filled our nation's basement until that broken pipe is fixed. Fixing that broken pipe is the only way to keep more water from flooding in faster than I can bail out my basement. If I can see that, why the hell can't those motherless rat bastards in our nation's capitol?
You Know You're A PIGster, If...
You laughed, when you realized Cesar Chavez speed bump on the calendar coincided with April Fools' Day, this year.
You cracked open a cold one to salute the MSM, when you learned that nobody is willing to hire Keith Olbermann.
Your assigned Elected Tormentor muttered darkly about 'harassment', the last time you told him a thrillingly real version of Landmine Lotto would resolve all our pesky border issues.
You were sentenced to sensitivity training, after calling the boss's secretary 'sweet cheeks'.
You got kicked out of sensitivity training, because you refused to stop laughing.
You're convinced that C-SPAN's live coverage of Congress is the most horrifying programming on television.
You think it's time to commute America's sentence, by limiting Barry's reign of terror to 'time served'.
Your rabid Libertard relatives have a panic attack, every time you show up at a family gathering.
Your legendary 'heckling' exploits got you permanently banned from your friends' and family's weddings.
You answered "The Congressional Record", when a pollster asked you to name the last work of fiction you read.
SUNDAY MARCH 22, 2015
Quotes Worth Repeating
* David Zirin
If you've never heard of David Zirin, don't feel like the Lone Ranger. According to 'informed' internet sources, he's a sportswriter...a sportswriter for that way lefty rag, The Nation.
During a stint on MSNBC he spouted this drivel about March Madness [the NCAA Tounament]
DAVID ZIRIN on NCAA Tournament: "It's an incredible spectacle. It's absolutely narcotic. It's a national obsession.
"Who is wearing the corporate logos as they run up and down the court? It's players who we are watching and yet they don't get paid for it and we all become party to this rank exploitation.
"When we stop trying to speak in politically correct language, what we're looking at is the organized theft of black wealth. And if we want to talk about it more broadly, the organized theft of youth wealth."
On one of the Sunday interview shows, McCain ripped into The One:
[Fox] Sen. John McCain said Sunday that President Obama is letting his personal issues with newly re-elected Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu affect his decision-making and shared policy goals.
"It's time that we work together with our Israeli friends and try to stem the tide of ISIS and Iranian movement throughout the region, which is threatening the very fabric of the region," McCain, R-Ariz., said on "State of the Union."
During the interview, McCain called out Obama and told him: "Get over your temper tantrum, Mr. President."
McCain went on to call out the administration's Middle East policies and said Obama's priorities are "so screwed up that it's unbelievable."
Question: Where was this attack dog shit in 2008?
THURSDAY MARCH 19, 2015
Dick 'Darth' Cheney?
Interviewed for Playboy Magazine?
Interviewed by James Rosen of -GASP - FOX News?
Here's a sample:
Playboy Interview: Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney likes lattes. Seated in his favorite brown-leather chair in the sunlit study of his home in McLean, Virginia, the former vice president of the United States can toss back two of the warm java blasts in an hour…
At different points, President Barack Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder have suggested that racism is a factor in criticism of them. Is there any truth in that?
I think they're playing the race card, in my view. Certainly we haven't given up—nor should we give up—the right to criticize an administration and public officials. To say that we criticize, or that I criticize, Barack Obama or Eric Holder because of race, I just think it's obviously not true. My view of it is the criticism is merited because of performance—or lack of performance, because of incompetence. It hasn't got anything to do with race.
Do you feel Obama, either intentionally or inadvertently, has undone your and President Bush's work?
Oh absolutely. Where do you start? I think with respect to the situation in Iraq, his precipitous withdrawal and refusal to leave any stay-behind forces, to negotiate a Status of Forces Agreement with the Iraqis, was a huge mistake; we are paying a price for it now. He's having to go back in now, and the guy who campaigned on the basis of bring the boys home and get out of Iraq is now redeploying forces to Iraq. I think his apology tour, when he went to Cairo in the summer of 2009 and said the U.S. overreacted to the events of 9/11, was a huge mistake. I don't think he ever bought into the notion that we're at war, in terms of a war on terrorism; I think he always wanted to treat it as a law-enforcement problem.
CLICK HERE FOR FULL INTERVIEW
TUESDAY MARCH 17, 2015
St. Patrick's Day
St. Patrick's Day is that day of the year when we have our sanity assaulted by a bunch of inane nitwits, most of whom aren't Irish, couldn't find Ireland on a globe if their life depended on it, and have a pathological hatred for green every other day of the year.
Green Beer? Leprechauns? Stupid looking hats? Family, friends, co-workers and strangers nagging you about the lack of green in your attire? A frontal assault on your sanity by musical terrorists who bellow out "Danny Boy" every 3 minutes? Is this the best Ireland, the Irish, have to offer? Give me a break.
I get the part about national/ethnic pride running amok. I get the fact that, for one day of the year, it's cool to be Irish. I get the fact that, after you cut through all the crap, St. Patrick's Day has nothing to do with snakes, or holy rollers who chased them from the storied isle. For most of us, St. Patrick's Day is an excuse to get blasted and slur our speech with a faux Irish accent. Ireland, the Irish, deserve better, and quite frankly, so do we. Besides, we already set aside a date on the calendar to get blasted, New Year's Eve.
FRIDAY MARCH 13, 2015
I am a 'stockholder' of one of the largest enterprises in the world. I am one of approximately 320 million stockholders of this enterprise. I take my ownership seriously, as do millions of other stockholders. The enterprise is in trouble, serious trouble, and something needs to be done.
A little over 6 years ago, there was a change in the top leadership. Over my strenuous objections, a man with no meaningful leadership experience was given a 4-year contract. It turned out about as well as you think. He was/still is a complete and utter disaster who has run this enterprise into the ground. Believe it or not, when his contract came up for renewal in 2012, they gave him a 4 year extension. Unbelievable!
I believe he should be fired, but that's not a slam dunk. It's not that hard to demonstrate his unsuitability for his position, because his duties are set forth, explicitly, in the enterprise's founding document. He hasn't performed any of them even minimally. In fact, the only thing he has done that's above the norm, is rack up his expense account with an endless series of trips, and vacations. He's one of the most glib, shameless, liars in human history, a fact which has badly tarnished the enterprise's reputation.
So what's keep him on the job? His contract, which was written by the enterprise itself, is damn near 'ironclad'. It takes overwhelming voting majorities in two different 'councils' to get him out, and neither of them has the balls to even discuss the prospect.
This fool is going to destroy this venerable enterprise and nobody is willing to stop the bastard.
THURSDAY MARCH 12, 2015
Actions Have Consequences
Thanks to the race mongering agitators who infest the Obama Regime, Ferguson (Missouri) is back in the news. Holder and Barry have, once again, whipped the Melanin-Enriched - near and far - into a frenzy. As a result, two police officers were shot by a sniper, in Ferguson.
The Obama regime has convinced the factually challenged that Ferguson police are racist. True or not, the accusation will have consequences. The most likely result is obvious, to me. If the protesters, the cop shooters, want a less aggressive police force, they might get it.
Let's say I'm a Ferguson cop and doing my sworn duty endangers my life and gets me nothing but grief from the citizens I'm sworn to protect and serve. Given that, I'm going to do as little as possible, without losing my job.
In other words, if you're demanding less law enforcement, don't be shocked...don't you dare whine, when you get it.
The same is true, when it comes to Ferguson's local businesses. If you keep, looting, burning, and robbing local businesses, eventually, the store owner will close up shop and move his business to a more hospitable town. Actions have consequences.
The Obama Regime will vilify these consequences as racist, so what else is new. The correct term is 'cause and effect'.
A Few Things Talya Needs To Know
It's coming from all points of the political spectrum and we're fed up with it.
Few days pass without a news report, from somewhere in the world, that shows it's alive, well, and EVERYWHERE.
I've had my fill of whining, whimpering, bitching, blubbering, complaining, and caterwauling.
I've had my fill of alleged humans who think their hypersensitivity gives them the right to dictate what sovereign individuals can say, write, do, read, watch on the boob tube, see in a movie theater, or listen to on the radio.
They can't, or won't, wrap their mind around a non-negotiable element of objective reality: there is no inherent right which prevents you from being offended. No matter how bitter that pill is to swallow, you must cope with the fact that the right not to be offended DOES NOT EXIST.
Since so many of the world's alleged humans aren't paying attention, I'll, once again, give you the non-negotiable facts about your inalienable individual liberty birthright:
* There is no Constitutional "right" that protects you from being offended.
* You don't have the right to criminalize all speech, all images, all activities that you deem inappropriate for your rugrat.
* You don't have the right to silence others because you don't want to hear what they say.
* You don't have the right to stop others from creating and displaying certain images because you don't want to see them. (Are you paying attention, CAIR? Am I coming through loud and clear Donny?)
* You don't have the right to stop consenting adults from engaging in private, consensual, sexual activities because you disapprove of them.
* You don't have the right to invoke the government's monopoly on the use of force to coerce other individuals to surrender their inalienable right to their own life, their own liberty or the pursuit of their own happiness.
* You do not have the right to use coercive Nanny State power to force them to adhere to your narrow, puritanical, view of propriety.
Inalienable individual liberty in general, and freedom of speech in particular, is a real pisser. It's an unrelenting thrill ride during which all concepts - including your sacred cows - are tested, molested and denigrated. The ensuing free exchange of ideas - all ideas...sacred to profane and everything in between - is an equal opportunity offender, especially for certain notoriously thin-skinned individuals. Like it or not, it's part and parcel of inalienable individual liberty.
Blah, blah, blah. I'm putting myself to sleep with this abstract bull crap. It's time to kick it up several notches and deal with some specifics:
If you're an Atheist in the Freedom From Religion Foundation who got a painful boo-boo over the USPS' Mother Theresa stamp, that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, banning it to 'make it all better' isn't an option. Just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a stoned on Old Ka-Boom supernaturalist who goes postal because a Mexifornia landmark, Mt. Diablo, is named after the Devil, that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, forcing a name change on rational adults who like 'Mt. Diablo' is not an option. Just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a 'ginger' who lives down under and got a boo-boo over an Aussie zoo's advert about 'rangas' (Aussie speak for orangutans AND slang for red-heads), that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, making them pull the advert is not an option. If 'ranga' is too much to bear, just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're so pathetic that a brief glimpse of Janet Jackson's coco-colored hooter during a Super Bowl broadcast makes you queasy, that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, using it as an excuse to dictate what I can watch is not an option. If peek-a-boob makes you catatonic, just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you detect hidden - from any rational adult - GLAAD BAAG imagery in a character on a lame kiddie program, Teletubbies, that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, trying to have it banned from the tube is not an option. If you're too stressed to handle it, just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a slacker who gets huffy over job adverts which ask for applicants who are 'reliable' and 'hard working', that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, demanding that the Nanny State slap a 'discriminatory' label on it is not an option. It's time to do what you gotta do: cower in mom's basement, close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a properly pious pinhead who has a memorable meltdown, when you encounter a bikini or lingerie clad wench at your local coffee kiosk, that's your personal problem. I don't give a dam how much it offends you, dictating a coffee barista's dress code is not an option. If you can't handle a coffee wrangler's dangerous curves, just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a gutless wonder who has a hyperventilating hissy fit over shock jocks whose standard fare is Frat Boy prattle and locker room humor, that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, using the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force to drive them off the airwaves is not an option. If you can't handle it, and you're too technologically challenged to change the station, just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a Morality Nazi who is outraged that the Merriam Webster dictionary in Moonbeam's or Testeronny's classroom defines "oral sex" as "oral stimulation of the genitals", that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, having an essential learning tool like a dictionary pulled from the classroom is not an option. If you can't handle the fun fact that your precious snowflakes discussed this topic, in much more graphic terms, on the playground, just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT.
If you're a Colonista who thinks it's racist, when an American proudly declares that the USA has one flag, and one language, that's your personal problem. I don't give a damn how much it offends you, replacing the Stars & Stripes with another flag and/or replacing English as the language of this land, is not an option. If you don't like it, then slither back to that beloved blight on the globe where you can GET OVER IT, under the flag of your choice, in any language that thrills you spitless.
Admittedly, the preferred solution - just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, hum REAL LOUD, and GET OVER IT - has its limitations. There are some cases where a more drastic solution, one specifically tailored for a given situation, is required.
For example, what about certain alleged humans who have turned being chronically offended into their life's work? In some cases - those paragons of tolerance who make 'the Arab street' so thrilling - the answer is simple. Since these liberty phobic Islamikazes are perpetually offended, the solution is obvious. Fit them all out in their finest homicide bomber explosive vest, entice the entire insane Islamikaze mob into those precious Arab streets, then blow them to the hell they deserve, simultaneously. No closed eyes needed. No fingers in the ears. No loud humming. LOTS OF GETTING OVER IT.
There are, I'm compelled to admit, other charter members of the professionally offended, for whom there is no cure. Why isn't there a cure? Because for them, being chronically offended is their profession. I refer to Ethnocrats who make a nifty living from being offended: Je$$e, Al Sharpton, Calypso Louie, and others of that ilk. I also refer to Morality Nazis who have carved out a lucrative market niche while being offended, on behalf of the children and/or 'for the Lord'. For all of them 'getting over it' is not an option, so it's time to bring out the FSOP's heavy artillery: STFU, asshole...Don't make us come over there.
You have the right to be a chronically offended, caterwauling piece of crap. It's no skin off my nose. You do NOT have the right to force me to change MY life, because my choices as a sovereign individual are 'offensive' to a hypersensive asshat like you. If you can't wrap your mind around that, I'll simplify it for you: sit down, STFU, and GET OVER IT.
SATURDAY MARCH 7, 2015
Bait & Switch
During the 2014 Midterms the Pachyderm Punks talked the talk. They said, in essence: 'Give us control of the Senate, plus a bigger majority in the House and we'll rein in Obama'. We the People had our doubts, but, hoping for the best, we gave the Elephant Clan control of the Senate.
Most of us rationalized it, looking forward to a Senate where Harry Reid wasn't in charge. Did we get our wish? Not exactly. Harry Reid isn't Senate Majority Leader anymore, but he's still in control, because McConnell isn't willing to play hardball.
In the House, Speaker Boehner has a sizeable chunk of his fellow Republicans out for his scalp. Is he about to be deposed? Nope, because he cut a deal with Pelosi, who has promised to deliver the Demoncrat votes needed to keep Republican Boehner as Speaker.
The upshot of all this is interesting. In a Congress led by Boehner and McConnell, the Jackass Party calls the shots and sets the legislative agenda. BUT, when it hits the fan, when We the People get riled up, it's the Pachyderm Punks who get the blame.
Drilling Round The Clock
Porn Star Kardashian and hubby Scowly are humping relentlessly so they can give daughter Nori a brother or sister. So what? Good question.
Shorty and Porny [Kim] is quoted as saying she's having her furrow plowed "500 times a day". I think that's amazing. Do the math and you'll agree:
500 humps divided by 24 [hours in a day] equals 20.8 boinkings PER HOUR.
If Scowly has that much stamina, I'm VERY impressed. I suspect that he's engaged the services of a team of pros to help him with the drilling.
FRIDAY FEBRUARY 27, 2015
[In the wake of recent events - legalizing border jumpers, Net Neutrality, banning AK-47 ammo - this rant is more on point than ever.]
If America's political system is like a marriage, we seem headed for a bitterly contested divorce. The two sides only share one thing, an unrelenting hostility for each other. For the purposes of this rant, I'll call these warring parties Obamunists and Sovereign Individuals.
To show how far apart the two sides have drifted, here are a few bones of contention:
Sovereign Individuals believe that the primary purpose of government is to create an environment which maximizes individual liberty. Sovereign individuals call this 'an equality of opportunity'.
Obamunists believe that the primary purpose of government is to impose an equality of results through the coercive power of the Nanny State.
Sovereign Individuals believe in the U.S. Constitution, as the Founding Fathers intended it: a document which sets strict, non-negotiable limits on the Nanny State, by clearly delineating the government's limited powers.
Obamunists view the U.S. Constitution as an archaic relic of America's ignoble, white racist past which needs to be abolished, to unleash the full, coercive power of the Nanny State.
Sovereign Individuals, as their name implies, believe that the basic unit of American political life is the individual. America is/was created to maximize INDIVIDUAL liberty. Under this philosophy, all individuals are, in the eyes of the government, created equal.
Obamunists believe that the basic unit of American political life is the group. Under their scheme, the Nanny State pigeonholes Americans using immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices. Under this Orwellian scheme, some - depending on how the Nanny State ranks a given group - are more equal than others.
Sovereign Individuals believe that wealth is dynamic and is only limited by the intelligence and hard work put in by sovereign individuals who strive to maximize their potential.
Obamunists believe that wealth is a static commodity which must be controlled, redistributed, by the Nanny State.
Sovereign Individuals believe that each individual is, must be, accountable for his, her, hisher, or its own actions.
Obamunists are convinced that dark forces - racists, capitalist, sexists, homophobes - are constantly conspiring against them.
Sovereign Individuals believe that they, and they alone, are the best, the only, ones who have the right, the power, to decide how to conduct their own life and dispense with their own property.
Obamunists know how pathetic they are and have convinced themselves that they're too stupid, too inept to conduct their own life. Since misery loves company, they insist that the Nanny State run everyone's life, including those smartass Sovereign Individuals.
I could continue, but you get the idea.
The good news is that, if Sovereign Individuals prevail, the worst that will happen is that Obamunists will lose their bogus, group-specific, rights and will be forced to fend for themselves as GASP individuals.
The bad news is that Obamunists greatly outnumber the Sovereign Individual and are using Nanny State coercion to, systematically, strip Sovereign Individuals of their inalienable individual liberty birthright.
This Sovereign Individual thinks it's time for a political divorce, a nasty process which must, necessarily, divide the community property - America. Sovereign Individuals would move to their portion of America and restore the kind of government, the bastion of individual liberty, that the Founding Fathers created. The Obamunists would be free to devour each other, when they discover that all the achievers live in the Sovereign Individual part of America.
THURSDAY FEBRUARY 26, 2015
Why won't the FCC release any detailsCONTAINED in the Net Neutrality edict it just passed?
What's in it that they don't want We the People to know?
How far have they exceeded their authority, this time?
Is, as many have reported, this a George Soros assault on our liberty?
Is, as seems likely, Net Neutrality a ploy by the Obama Regime to muzzle any/all vestiges of Freedom of Speech in cyberspace.
Now that Obama has gutted the First and Second Amendments, what's next?
When will he disband congress and declare himself Dictator/Tyrant for Life?
Does his agenda for the 'last' two years of his presidency include cancelling the 2016 election?
When will the FCC banish the following items from OBAMA'S INTERNET?
* Criticism of the One
* -We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,--That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
* Criticism and/or inconvenient truths about Obama's ISIS cohorts?
When will the fucking Republicans grow a set of balls and mount a vigorous, unrelenting defense of the Republic against this despot's systematic destruction of our nation?
Why hasn't the militantly Marxist Jackass Party been identified for what it is: a TERRORIST organization?
MONDAY FEBRUARY 23, 2015
Life in the Fast Lane
I was plying my trade [consulting Test Engineer] at Wonderland when my phone rang. It was Chiquita and she needed my assistance with an incoming call. I'm her 'go to' choice, when her faltering English isn't up to the challenge.
I answered the call and blundered into the fast lane of Progtard Politics.
Eager and ernest, the caller identified herself as Tiffany and explained that she was calling from far off Massachusetts on behalf of some Progtard activist group. [I think it was Progressive Change Campaign.] Since Wonderland is in a notoriously lefty metropolis in a VERY lefty state, Tiffany made the rash assumption that I would be sympathetic to her cause.
Wrong, but I let her yammer about the corporate Demoncrats who lost the 2014 election. I listened to her trot out all those sad stories of tykes who aren't getting supper, and assorted other egregiously emotional Progtard pleas. I listened to her entire pitch, waiting for the punchline.
Eventually, she cut to the chase. The whole sob story was a pitch for a donation to Fauxcahontis - Senator Elizabeth Warren. For 'as little as $150' I could help the Jackass Party plunge America much farther into the Progtard abyss.
I'd heard enough, so I told her, "I wouldn't give your Jackass Party a penny if my life depended on it."
She asked "Why?"
"Because you Progtards inflicted that Dumbo-eared Kenyan Marxist on us to help you finish destroying this nation. Enough is enough." I replied, before hanging up.
SATURDAY FEBRUARY 21, 2015
I love the America of my birth.
Its solid foundation of capitalism and the inalienable individual liberty it fosters rocks my world.
It's a country where an individual can climb as high as his intellect, skills and work ethic will take him.
It's a country where an individual is evaluated based on his thoughts [beliefs], words, and deeds, not immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices.
I've stumbled many times in my life, but the America of my birth let me get up, dust myself off and keep trying, until I got it right.
The America of my birth fostered an environment that encouraged individuals to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.
At one point in my life, I put on the uniform in its defense. Despite the passage of years, I would do so again, because the country of my birth, the America I love, is being destroyed by the enemy in our midst.
The enemy in our midst is winning.
The America of my birth is being destroyed, piece by piece.
Can it be saved?
I'm not sure, but as far as I can tell Levin's Article V solution will get it done, a long shot, a best.
I need a drink!
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 18, 2015
You Can't Make This Up
* Baby it's cold outside
A Global Warming protest was cancelled at Yale University because of the cold weather and snow. Such cancellations seem to be rather frequent, as the weather just does not seem to cooperate with the Global Warming promoters. [LI]
According to the Ruskies, they've got it all wrong:
Russian scientists are now predicting that a major Ice Age of several hundred years duration has now begun. Colder winters and later springs seem to support their prediction.
When the Islamic Brotherhood Jihadikazes ruled Egypt Obama got them new F-16 s in record time.
Now that al-Sisi is using those same F-16s to kill ISIS, Obama is refusing o send Egypt spare parts.
That seems to answer the oft asked question: whose side is he on?
Obama is doing everything in his power to give our mortal enemy, Iran, nukes.
Obama is doing everything in his power to give our best friend in the region, Israel, the shaft.
THURSDAY FEBRUARY 12, 2015
A Handy-dandy Guide to All Those Pesky Political Labels.
A moribund political philosophy that was the big kid on the block for a short span of time. Its decline came quickly, after it was mortally wounded by neglect then thrown over the side by a political clan that put politics ahead of principle.
The primary problem with conservatism is that there's nobody around to articulate its core tenets since its two foremost promoters, Ronald Reagan and Barry Goldwater shed this mortal coil, years ago.
A political philosophy that was so demonized by rational adults that it tried to recreate itself by renaming itself "progressive".
Everything that rational adults said about liberals applies to progressives. No longer saddled by the legacy of those 'classical liberals', progressives can give free rein to their inner Socialist. The cutting edge of this movement is so far ahead of the pack, they are eagerly stampeding over the cliff into unabashed Marxism.
The popular myth about "moderate" states that this is an indecisive individual who can't or won't choose between the two political options: conservative, liberal. That might be true in some cases, but many who call themselves "moderate" are seeking political cover. Mexifornia's Action Hero former governor is a prime example. He's a liberal, but admitting that in public might have damaged his plans to run for the U.S. Senate - as a Republican. "Moderate", he insists, applies to "thoughtful" people. Bull crap. Moderate applies to stealth liberals who need conservatives to punch a chad for them in some future election.
Often confused with a "moderate" an Independent is a politically-savvy rational adult who has taken a long hard look at both of America's political clans. Seeing through all the political smoke and mirrors, the Independent issues a non negotiable "Bite Me, Nanny State punks" to both clans. An Independent is the political equivalent of the Rugged American Individual.
Depending on the individual, a Centrist will, by and large, find a perfect fit among either Moderates or Independents. It's a matter of core convictions. If he, she, heshe, or it has them, "Independent" is a better political label. If he, she, heshe, or it is a Juan McCain class 'whichever way the political wind blows' twerp, "Moderate" is the appropriate political label.
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 11, 2015
[The two dominant mantras which are all the rage among Elected Tormentors are "civility" and "keep an open mind". We'll set aside 'civility' for now, and concentrate on "keep an open mind". Why? Because, "keep an open mind" is, invariably, pair up with another popular Capitol Hill mantra: bipartisanship, a political ploy which reaches critical mass, whenever Demoncrats feel their power slipping away.
With "keep an open mind" on the political agenda, I decided to disinter this Hambo rant which will serve as a refresher course on this mission critical concept.]
One of the most overused mantras - Lefties and Righties are equally guilty - is that noxious canard: "You need to keep an open mind." Whenever I hear that, the infamous Hambo bullshit alarm starts blaring inside my head. Why? Because 'keep an open mind', is zealot code for "I have this nifty political/intellectual Kool-Aid that you'll learn to love as much as I do."
In this Obamunist Error, the primary Kool-Aid dispensing clowns are the Nanny State Nitwits, who have some Socialized Medicine flavored Kool-Aid they're eager to force-feed 'open minded' Americans.
Before you drink anyone's 'open mind' Kool-Aid, do yourself a favor and spend a few moments consulting Hambo's primary muse, Ayn Rand:
"Open Mind" and "Closed Mind"
[There is a] dangerous little catch phrase which advises you to keep an "open mind." This is a very ambiguous term—as demonstrated by a man who once accused a famous politician of having "a wide open mind." That term is an anti-concept: it is usually taken to mean an objective, unbiased approach to ideas, but it is used as a call for perpetual skepticism, for holding no firm convictions and granting plausibility to anything. A "closed mind" is usually taken to mean the attitude of a man impervious to ideas, arguments, facts and logic, who clings stubbornly to some mixture of unwarranted assumptions, fashionable catch phrases, tribal prejudices—and emotions. But this is not a "closed" mind, it is a passive one. It is a mind that has dispensed with (or never acquired) the practice of thinking or judging, and feels threatened by any request to consider anything.
What objectivity and the study of philosophy require is not an "open mind," but an active mind—a mind able and eagerly willing to examine ideas, but to examine them critically. An active mind does not grant equal status to truth and falsehood; it does not remain floating forever in a stagnant vacuum of neutrality and uncertainty; by assuming the responsibility of judgment, it reaches firm convictions and holds to them. Since it is able to prove its convictions, an active mind achieves an unassailable certainty in confrontations with assailants—a certainty untainted by spots of blind faith, approximation, evasion and fear.
Ayn Rand, 'Philosophy: Who Needs It'
Open Mind = Kool-Aid! Everyone loves Kool-Aid. I never say 'no' to Kool-Aid. Fill me up, Sparky.
Closed Mind = Not no, but hell no. I don't give a rat's ass what flavor it is, or who made it.
Active Mind = Why are you pushing it so obsessively? Who made it? What are its side effects? What are its long term impacts? Where can I find out all about it? I'll need a lot more information, before I drink it.
For those who still don't get it, try this:
Open Mind: Susceptible to peer pressure it's a 'go with the flow' mindset, AKA 'civility'.
Closed Mind: "Bite me, I'm right, end of discussion."
Active mind: A rational individual who dares to deploy an 'active mind' gives opposing ideas thoughtful consideration. After evaluating the opposing idea the rational adult might integrate some, or all of it into his, her, hisher, or its knowledge base. On other occasions, he, she, heshe, or it will challenge the flawed idea, before politely rejecting them. It's called 'thinking' and/or 'reasoning' and it can be a painful pitstop on the road to enlightenment.
When it comes to the Nanny State Nitwits, set your reason free and make an active mind your first line of defense against political/intellectual poison festooned in deceptive packaging.
MONDAY FEBRUARY 09, 2015
This Made Me Laugh
Why I'll never win on Wheel of Fortune
Apparently, the correct answer is "LUCK BE IN THE AIR TONIGHT"…
(Come on! Get your mind out of the gutter!)
Was my mind in the gutter? You better believe it.
SATURDAY FEBRUARY 07, 2015
When I spotted this headline on Fox News, for one giddy moment my hopes soared.
"Kenyan lawmaker shot and killed by masked gunmen"
Alas, the room temperature Kenyan isn't our Kenyan.
I finally got real about our News Digest. Instead of waging a losing battle trying to breathe new life into it, I created our Headliners page, which is easier to manage and thus amenable to frequent updates.
Unlike the Digest, Headliners is very 'of the moment'. It's user friendly for images and links to especially compelling You Tube videos.
The old News Digest became much too time consuming, for a variety of reasons, the main one being the loss of several essential news sources.
Although it still needs refining, the Headliners page is up and running now. To access it, click on the News banner at the top of page one.
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 04, 2015
Poles & holes.
[Now that Bruce Jenner is in 'transition' from male to whatever, I decided to bring him up to speed on the perks of being genderally confused. Lord knows, after 'servicing' a Harpy like big mama Kardashian, I can understand why he'd be so disgusted by where his wang has been, that he'd want to lop it off. Decades in that Kardashian hell would emasculate the most macho dude, 'most macho' being a term I wouldn't apply to this cupcake.
I do have one issue to raise. After seeing the Harpy's daughters - Sasquatch, Urpy, and Pornstar - why the f**k would you even consider spawning with her TWICE? No wonder you want to chop it off.
Anyway, Bruce, here is some information that might guide you over some forthcoming speedbumps.]
A 9th grade Mexifornia wenchlet thinks she's a guy, so she's demanding the 'right' to use the boy's restroom. Herhis hissy fit was so memorable that Eric the Red (Attorney General Holder) has declared this gender bending brain fart a 'civil rights issue'.
What's herhis damage? It's called Gender Identity Disorder and it's the cause celebre among Victocrats. Here's how Wikipedia describes it:
Gender identity disorder (GID), also known as gender dysphoria, is the formal diagnosis used by psychologists and physicians to describe persons who experience significant dysphoria (discontent) with the sex they were assigned at birth and/or the gender roles associated with that sex. It describes the symptoms related to transsexualism, as well as less extreme manifestations. Affected individuals are commonly referred to as transgender.
In real life, GID involves some wingnut who isn't thrilled spitless with their plumbing. I don't give a damn what THEY call it. I call it Mad [at my] Nads Disorder. Is it real? Probably, for 1 in 30,000 individuals. For the rest, Mad Nads is just one of those disorder of the month brain farts. It's hip...it's the in thing...it puts you on the cutting edge of victimhood.
It's primary 'perk' is a thrilling one: Mad Nads lets you use any locker room, any restroom, that the tranny wants to use.
If you're thinking this is strictly an adult brain fart guess again. School districts in Mexifornia and Massachusetts have done away with gender-defined restrooms. Anyone can use any restroom in any grade school, middle school or high school. Why? 'We' must coddle Mad Nad nitwits, by letting them swap gender roles, whenever the mood strikes them.
Mad Nads may, or may not, be real. Real or not, rational adults need to bitch slap Mad Nads coddlers and tell them to STFU. The solution to this restroom/locker room debacle isn't rocket science.
Your imaginary gender is irrelevant. If you've got a hole - original equipment or a tribute to modern medicine - you do your business in hole city - the women/ladies/girls facilities.
Your imaginary gender is irrelevant. If you've got a pole - original equipment or a tribute to modern medicine - you do your business in pole city - the men/boys facilities.
For consenting ADULTS, public, UNISEX, bathrooms and locker rooms could sooth those bruised Mad Nads egos.
If you cut to the chase, you are what you're packing: a pole, or a hole. Why make it more complicated, when it's as easy as that?
MONDAY FEBRUARY 02, 2015
Paying Homage To My Muse.
Saturday, February 2nd, is the 110th anniversary of Ayn Rand's birth. The least I can do is to thank her for helping me take my mind out of neutral. I give her credit for lifting the mental fog which clouded my thinking, when I was young, full of myself, and clueless.
Admittedly, my introduction to Ayn Rand was a painful one. It happened while I was working for a company that made a primordial form of computer memory devices. At the time, two of us shared a small test room, where we performed some mindless tasks that left ample time for conversations.
My co-worker was an Objectivist, who always managed to humiliate me during our discussions of various ideas and/or events. Eventually, I got the message. I was spouting drivel that had been jammed into my brain, unprocessed. Since I never fully analyzed my 'beliefs', I didn't have a snowball's chances in hell of defending them. Okay, let's be real...the mush that filled my brain at that time was indefensible.
Eventually, my co-worker took pity on me and gave me a guidebook to lead me out of my mental fog. It was 'Atlas Shrugged', a book which, in every possible way, rocked my world. Ayn Rand's wisdom still rocks my world, decades after she has shuffled off this mortal coil.
Thanks to Ayn Rand and her compelling wisdom, I know what I believe, and why. Admittedly, my understanding of, mastery of, her philosophy is imperfect, but I still have ample time to drag myself onward, upward, to a more complete understanding of her Objectivism.
I owe her, big time, for helping me switch on my brain. Before I thank her for that, I will do a Nixon and make one thing perfectly clear. Ayn Rand gets credit for my metal clarity, such as it is, but I do NOT blame her for my regular brain-farts. With that in mind I say, "Thank you Ayn, and Happy Birthday."
MONDAY JANUARY 26, 2015
The other day, Mark Levin went off on liberals and their asinine ideas. Eventually, he hit upon a familiar sounding notion.
Levin said a 40% hunk of the USA's landmass should be set aside for them. Inside their Utopian real they would be free to inflict all of their asinine brainfarts on their fellow, Utopia dwelling libs.
Mark fumbled for a name, then settled on Libtopia.
I like his idea. In fact, I liked it at least as much, more than a year ago, when I wrote something very similar.
I called mine 'Progtopia'.
Turning a blind eye to the law of unintended consequences, Libertards are much too eager to pull a half-baked, hair brained, notion out of their ass then inflict it on free ranging sovereign individuals. I think these Libertard brainfarts should go through a 'road testing' phase in a 'controlled' environment.
We need to create a special enclave - Progtopia - to road test these fetid Libertard notions. We must isolate it, then populate it with off the cliff lefties. Let them find out, the hard way, that CFL's become a mercury spilling biohazard when you break one. Let them figure out the downside of doing away with paper and plastic shopping bags. Let them get that special thrill when they convert two lanes of a busy byway into 'bikes only lanes'. Let them get those 'who knew that would happen' reality checks. I'm just sayin'.
SATURDAY JANUARY 24, 2015
How The Government Should Work
Whenever someone proposes a new government program, a rational adult in a position of authority should demand answers for questions like these:
1) What is this program and what, precisely do you expect it to accomplish?
2) Is this a proper [Constitutional] function of government? Prove it.
3) Could the marketplace accomplish your objective more efficiently than the government? Has it been attempted? Did unwarranted government interference - red tape, regulations, taxes & fees - doom the effort?
4) Even if the government can do it [is allowed Constitutionally], is it something the government should do? In other words, is this 'problem' merely one possible consequence of a free people exercising their liberty?
Parting Shot: A rational approach to government? When hell freezes over.
FRIDAY JANUARY 23, 2015
Hambo's Annual Tax Season Tirade.
[Spawned by Barry's soak the rich tantrum at his State of the Union whine-a-thon.]
If you watch any Capitol Hill Clown Posse debate about pending tax legislation, you're destined to hear one of the Demoncrat Elected Tormentors say 'it'. They'll launch a lengthy, high volume, self-righteous tirade about 'tax cuts for the rich' and spout bull crap that 'the rich don't pay their fair share'.
Whenever I hear that crap, it's, instantly, obvious that the bloviating Elected Tormentor - like all the class warfare punks in congress - thinks everyone's rightful property, including yours and mine, really belongs to the Nanny State. In their alleged minds, the Elephant Clan steals the government's money and gives it to the undeserving fat cats. That twisted attitude stands reality on its head, because, when you steal a guy's wallet then hand him back two dollars for bus fare, you're not giving him any damn thing. You're returning a small portion of the wealth that you stole from him.
Some rational adult needs to grab these greedy, public trough swilling, pissants by the scruff of the neck and lay some unvarnished facts on them. Since there aren't any rational adults available, I'll administer this reality check:
* Contrary to popular parasite-coddling myth, money earned by sovereign American individuals is not government property. It's not the government's damn money; it belongs, first and foremost, to those individuals who earned it. The government likes to gloss over this fact by calling an individual's hard-earned money a 'resource' or 'revenue'.
* You need to get real about tax refund checks. When you 'get money back', you didn't put one over on Uncle Sam's Tax Nazis. That refund means that THEY STOLE TOO MUCH MONEY FROM YOU, the prior year. It means that they stole it, used it, then returned it, WITHOUT PAYING ONE DAMN PENNY OF INTEREST.
* The only thing that stands between Uncle Sam and an armed revolt by outraged taxpayers is the withholding scam. They take it a little at a time, and they get THEIR cut of your hard earned money FIRST. They've got you so distracted that you don't even count that part of your check as YOUR MONEY. If every American taxpayer had to write a check on April 15th for the FULL AMOUNT that Uncle Sam is stealing from you, those tax revolt barricades would be manned in a New York minute.
* A tax cut, by definition, goes to those who pay taxes. Since the top 10 percent of wage earners pay the lion's share of taxes collected [the data on this contention has been widely distributed and remains unrefuted] they will, quite rightly, get a bigger tax cut than those who pay little or nothing.
* Giving a tax cut to those who don't pay taxes is not a tax cut, it's a wealth transfer scheme. We need to call this by its proper name: WELFARE. The 'earned income tax credit' is a prime example. Let's say a family of four earning $29,000 pays $1,500 in withholding. When they file their taxes, they will get a $3,200 refund, thanks to this earned income scam. In other words, this welfare payment scheme gives them all of their withholding back, plus and additional $1,700 'donation' from kindly Uncle Sam. When you cut through all the bovine excrement, the EITC works this way: If you earn less than $33,000 a year and have kids, the IRS will give you back 2 or 3 times what they withheld for taxes. Ka-ching! When you get back more than you paid - double or triple what you paid - it's not a tax refund, it's a welfare check that was 'laundered' by the IRS.
* America's tax system punishes, criminalizes, achievement and rewards failure. If you're a born parasite, a loser who can't get out of his own damn way, kindly Uncle Sam will steal somebody else's hard earned money and give it to you. All you need to do is whine for it. If you're an achiever, Uncle Sam will tax you into the poorhouse. If, by some miracle you leave a sizeable estate, Uncle Sam will snatch it away from your rightful heirs, sell it and give the proceeds to the parasites who are feeding off the rotting corpse of the American dream. Stealing money from the one who earned it and giving it to someone who didn't isn't 'class warfare'; it's an old fashioned mugging, with Uncle Sam's Tax Nazis doing the dirty work.
* Achievers who transform ideas and hard work into big bucks aren't the parasites. The real parasites are the political punks who spend decades swilling at the public trough. The real parasites are congressional class warfare cretins who steal the rightful property of America's achievers and use it for their own benefit, by distributing it to their friends, supporters and the chronically-greedy losers who keep re-electing them to congress.
My hard-earned income is not a government resource. My hard-earned money belongs first, last and always to me. You're not doing me any favors when you announce that the next time you mug me, you're going to steal a little less of my money. Class warfare and the transfer of wealth scheme these congressional class warriors perpetrate is straight out of the Marxist playbook: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." That might thrill the Capitol Hill class warrior clowns spitless, but it has this pagan scribbler seriously contemplating a second American Revolution. Enough is enough!
'No man can have a right to impose an unchosen obligation, an unrewarded duty or involuntary servitude on another man. There can be no such thing as "the right to enslave."
A right does not include the material implementation of that right by other men; it includes only the freedom to earn that implementation by one's own effort.'
(The essay, 'Man's Rights' by Ayn Rand)
THURSDAY JANUARY 15, 2015
At War with Islam?
It's interesting, to say the least, to hear professional yammer jammers - talking heads, plus their boombox counterparts - tie themselves in knots over Jihadikazes. Today, I heard three radio prattlers, running off at the mouth about the toxic phrase 'at war with Islam'. Ironically, the prattlers are as leery of the phrase, as the Elected, Selected, and Appointed Tormentors in positions of authority who also take great pains to steer clear of it.
Q: Are 'we', Uncle Sam if you will, at war with Islam?
Yes, and no.
Yes, our enemy in the on going war is motivated by the well-documented militant elements of the religion. They follow their prophet's actions in this matter.
No. Our government isn't taking their self-professed motivation into consideration. If our enemy is downgraded to 'inexplicably cranky individuals who probably just need a hug',then we are a much greater threat to our own inalienable individual liberty than the Islamikazes. It's the same as us fighting an old fashioned - pistols at 10 paces - duel, blindfolded, while our opponent's vision is unimpeded.
Q: Are we - Uncle Sam - at war with 'terror'?
No. Terror is a tactic.
Once again, I am compelled to state the obvious.
Point One: Obama and all the other assholes of his ilk may not like it, but the inconvenient truth is that millions of Islamikazes, inspired by their flavor of Islam, are at war with us. It is a religious war BECAUSE THEY SAY SO. We ignore that at our peril.
Point Two: Islam - any and all flavors of it - is, inherently incompatible with inalienable individual liberty. Islam means - and requires - submission, surrender, of control over one's life. It micromanages all aspects of a believer's and unbelievers life via Shariah Law. There's no way to make that coexist, peacefully, with inalienable individual liberty.
This willful myopia is what causes vile bullshit, like the murders in France, and elsewhere, in the name of Islam.
WEDNESDAY JANUARY 14, 2015
[PIGster J sent this to me. It's long - I'll post it over several days.]
Media Fear Tactics
BY Gavin De Becker
"Officials admit that the incident could have developed into a full-fledged riot…" In this context, admit means that when a reporter asked, "If police had never reached the scene, and if a hundred other factors had fallen into place in an extraordinarily unlikely way, couldn't this have developed into a full-scale riot?" Yes, it could have – an admission.
It may seem you are getting expert advice on the news, but that's far from so. The moment you edit what an expert says, it's just words you might as well put in the blender. Would you let a TV news crew mediate your doctor's advice? Imagine being challenged by a difficult illness and your doctor's compassionate and complete 30-minute presentation was edited down to 23 seconds.
That's what the local news brings you: expert opinion edited, mediated, and minimized by non-experts who ask questions designed to elicit the most alarming responses. "Yes, yes, Dr. Stevens, but if it did happen, it would be terrible wouldn't it?
When the news media assign a nickname to a wanted criminal (e.g., The Night-stalker, The Hillside Strangler) or to a disease (Legionaire's or Flesh-Eating Diseases), it is indicative of a hoped-for series of reports. When it's a type of crime (Follow-home Robberies), a trend is not far behind.
For example, freeway shootings and "Road Rage" led to all these headlines: "AGGRESSIVE DRIVERS TURN FREEWAYS INTO FREE-FOR-ALLS," "ROAD RAGE: DRIVEN TO DESTRUCTION," "HIGHWAY VIOLENCE SPREADING LIKE AN EPIDEMIC."
Next comes "Officials are concerned," and soon enough –as with Road Rage, you've got hearings before the House Subcommittee on Surface Transportation, and somebody (in this case, committee staff member Jeff Nelligan) calling the issue, "A national disaster." Presumably, Mr. Nelligan would tone that down a bit today – all of us having found a new meaning for the words "national disaster."
I TOLD YOU SO…
An NBC News story quotes a member of a university task force on weapons of mass destruction: "We've been talking about this for years and people in general have not been interested." Is there some surprise there – that someone on a task force about weapons would be talking about weapons? The intended implication of these stories is that if someone had just listened, this could all have been prevented. How could discussions at some college task force have been used to prevent anthrax scares? If we had listened, what would be different? This is like an earthquake happening and earthquake experts saying, "We warned you." Yes, you did; you said there'd be an earthquake sometime. If only we'd listened.
These are stories where TV news people cannot lose. They ask hospitals or public health officials or the utility company or the fire department if they can handle a disaster of X magnitude. If the response is yes, they just keep upping the disaster magnitude until the response is no.
Here's an example from NBC News: "A survey of 30 hospitals in four states and Washington, D.C., found them ill-equipped to handle a widespread biological disaster." A guaranteed fear-inducer, pokes right at our insecurity. First off, just asking the question implies that a "widespread disaster" is coming, and it's even better if the survey was part of a "new study," because that implies that the question itself is well founded.
Either way, the basic premise of the story is true: If hospitals currently able to handle 500 patients an hour get 5000 patients in some terrible hour, they will be unprepared. The standard of care will drop. Is there something surprising about that? Do TV news writers think Americans assume there is some extra team of 200 doctors and an extra 5000 fully-equipped hospital beds waiting in their community somewhere just out of sight?
Indeed, hospitals are unprepared for that which they have never had to be prepared. Being able to deal with what predictably comes down the pike and putting your resources where they are most likely to be needed is good planning. An emergency room would have to trade some daily-used resource to be ready for mass casualties that don't appear to be coming. Yes, as the world changes and events change, so does preparation – but expecting hospitals to be fully prepared, for example, to treat thousands of inhalation anthrax casualties when there's been a few lethal cases in 30 years would constitute bad planning.
One can make an "unprepared" story about anything; America's police are unprepared for a "widespread crime disaster;" our supermarkets are unprepared for a "widespread food shortage." It all depends upon how you define the word widespread. Put a microphone in some official's face and ask if he's adequately prepared for an attack on the harbor by Godzilla, and you've got an unreadiness story.
WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN…
"Being stuck in the elevator for six days is an experience Betty Hamilton will never forget." This is used as a measure of how serious an incident it was, but did anyone imagine she was going to forget it? "I think I was stuck in an elevator for six days, but I can't quite remember."
Pay attention to the very last line in news reports. They are rarely summaries, but rather are designed to keep the story open for more reports. Most often, the closing line takes a last bite at the fear apple, one final effort to add uncertainty and worry. "Many here are left wondering if it will ever be safe." "Fear continues its tight grip on this tiny community." "Whether more will die remains to be seen." In the world of TV news, frightening stories never end. We never hear the words "And that's that."
Let's put a few of these newsroom strategies together into a story and see how it looks. As the basis for our mock TV news report, I'll draw on something that actually happened to my assistant. Earlier this year, her wrist was injured when a dog bit her.
"NEXT UP: DOGBITES! THE BONE-CRUSHING POWER OF DOGS. Experts warn that even friendly dogs can bite, sometimes without provocation. And they're everywhere. A new Government study estimates as many as 300 dogs per square mile, with the numbers climbing each year. How many backyards in your neighborhood are hiding a deadly menace? We'll tell you what experts say – when we come back.
A shocking bite from the dog everyone described as "a little angel" leaves one area woman nursing her wounds. Dog-jaw experts say that even a small dog can produce as much as 500 pounds of biting force, and given the rate at which dogs breed, it's just a matter of time before more people are placed at risk. A former employee with the Department of Health says hospitals are unprepared for a major increase in dogbites, and officials are closely monitoring this situation that could pose a deadly threat to our nation's neighborhoods. Disturbing questions have been raised about loopholes in the licensing system, and observers point out that dogs who bite can receive licenses and be released into neighborhoods.
THE WRAP UP:
It's no surprise that many local residents are living in fear: "You never know when somebody is walking their dog right behind you. We're scared." Officials say links between the recent dogbite and one that occurred in the tiny town of Ames, Iowa have not been confirmed, but either way, it's a nightmare few will ever forget. And one that many fear will not be over in the morning."
Coming to understand these popular phrases and strategies, and being able to see around them has made me appreciate those news reports that are direct, clear, and informative. Since many news people use these tricks, those who do not stand out as all the more special and valuable.
If you watch TV news, you're probably going to spot lots of sensationalizing tactics I've missed, and maybe even start a list of your own. If finding them becomes an occasionally enjoyable part of your news-viewing experience, that in itself will be great news.
MONDAY JANUARY 12, 2015
[PIGster J sent this to me. It's long - I'll post it over several days.]
Media Fear Tactics
BY Gavin De Becker
OFFICIALS ARE CLOSELY MONITORING…
Implies that something is imminent, and worthy of being closely monitored. "Closely monitoring" is like "Officials are on the lookout for…" Both phrases suggest that something bad is surely coming, as if officials are standing outside looking around with binoculars.
"NASA reports that a large piece of space junk -PERHAPS as big as a freighter– COULD enter the Earth's atmosphere sometime tonight over North America. Experts warn that it is could potentially slam into the earth."
What are we to do with this report? Move a little to the left or right? They don't say, of course, that every night, thousands of pieces of space junk enter the Earth's atmosphere and completely burn up before ever hitting the ground, or that no person on Earth has ever been struck and killed by a piece of space junk. Or that if something's as big as a freighter before entry, it might end up as small as a grain of sand – but it could potentially hit your house, I suppose.
AN ALARMING PERCENTAGE…
15%, 20%, 25%…
"15% of Americans are at risk of being seriously injured in car accidents on our nation's highways this year." Whenever you see a percentage cited, reverse it and think about the other share in the equation. For example, from the story above you can conclude that 85% of Americans are not at risk of being seriously injured in car accidents this year. Sort of good news, all things considered. Also, phrases such "a sizeable percentage," or "an alarming percentage" can be applied to just about any percentage. Get the actual number, and then you decide if it's sizeable or alarming to you.
AS MANY AS:
"Experts warn that as many as 25,000 people in America may be carrying the deadly gene…" or "As many as twenty states may be susceptible to radiation leakage disasters."
"As many as" means somewhere between zero and the number given.
"IN A DEVELOPING STORY…"
A phrase used when they don't really have the story yet.
"But one former employee at the doomed refinery reveals shocking new information…"
What does he reveal? That they fired him because he was too ethical, or because they didn't want to hear the truth? Or that he knew all along? Anyway, he wasn't there the night of the fire, so is he the best source of information? Truth in advertising would require the reporter to say: "We interviewed one man who hasn't been to the refinery in three months – his opinion, next."
LANGUAGE FROM ONE STORY BEING USED IN ANOTHER:
As certain words and phrases become symbolic or evocative from one type of story, they'll use them in another. In the days after 9/11 I saw a TV news report about a tropical storm making "a direct hit" on a tiny coastal community, as if the hurricane were aiming. (And the word tiny is used because it implies vulnerability. Storms that make direct hits on tiny places are frightening bullies.) A story about a flight that experienced extreme turbulence is headlined "Terror in the Sky."
As in the popular "deadly virus;" this word is used to imply that everyone who gets the virus perishes, when the truth is that very few people die from the virus. If a really serious virus ends up being fatal for 20 percent of the people who contract it, then truth in advertising would require language such as: "Next up, a local man is stricken with a highly survivable virus."
It's quite a bit shy of deadly when someone tests negative for anthrax, yet in the weeks after 9/11, even a negative test for a "deadly" virus was presented as a frightening thing.
To put this into perspective, flu-related disorders killed 5000 times as many people as anthrax in 2001. Is anthrax still scary? Yes, and all the more so because of the implication that it was everywhere (colored maps showing the places in the U.S. where anthrax was found or suspected). It wasn't everywhere. Reports were everywhere. And the same report repeated seventy-five times is still the same report. But you wouldn't know that by the excited delivery: "New details emerge in that anthrax case." Details maybe, but not new – far more likely when you watch TV news, they'll be the same "new" details for the tenth time that day.
A storm is described as deadly: "We'll have new information on that deadly hurricane that's heading up the coast." A hurricane qualifies for the word "deadly" when someone, somewhere on the hurricane's round-the-hemisphere journey dies as a result of the storm. That does not mean the hurricane tries to kill all people it encounters, but that's the implication – that something dangerous is coming. You'll note that the people who die are usually in a situation far different than yours: They are on a small fishing boat at night off the coast of Peru, and you're at home 1200 feet above sea level.
"IN A LAST MINUTE DEVELOPMENT…"
"IN A SURPRISE DEVELOPMENT…"
Usually means they didn't get a news crew there in time. Or they didn't warn you about it yet, which actually is interesting, since there's only two or three possible awful outcomes involving human beings and they haven't warned us about yet.
As in "Disturbing questions have been raised about the safety of our nation's…" Yes, the questions are disturbing. They're disturbing everyone. Please stop raising them.
"A NEW STUDY REVEALS…"
"A NEW REPORT WARNS…"
Yes, reports and experts do seem to warn, fear, and worry a lot.
"EXPERTS SAY IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE…"
They sure do.
BUT NEW YORKERS FEEL…
Global conclusions drawn from man-on-the-street interviews represent literally nothing. You can edit a story into "New Yorkers feel terrified," or "New Yorkers are ready to move on" – and it all depends upon which of the five interviews you cut into the piece broadcast.
Here are two quotes brought back by one NBC News crew:
"I think if you change your life, they're winning," says Captain Frank Carver. "So the more we continue our daily routine, better off we all are."
At Pat's Country Bakery nearby, Joann Charters concedes she's still apprehensive. "It's a really scary feeling with kids in school. You don't know what's gonna happen," says Charters."
To accurately summarize these quotes you'd have to say: "Some people feel one way and some other people feel another way. Back to you, Tricia."
Joann Charters citing that it's scary because "you don't know what's going to happen" is right on. That's why it's scary: because you don't know what's going to happen – not because you do know, not because danger is advancing toward you, but because it is not.
TV news stories like this are filler, background, static, irrelevant. You don't need a reporter and a video crew to bring you man-in-the-street opinions. There are men on your street you can get opinions from. Or you could just talk to your friends and family.
Any list of warning signs implies great risk. I recall a rash of reports about car-jacking in Los Angeles, and this list of warning signs:
Armed stranger approaches car;
Taps on closed window;
Looks around suspiciously.
And then they offered the checklist of precautions, given by an "expert on car-jacking." (Is there a college course on that?) The checklist:
Keep doors locked;
Don't let strangers into your car;
This is tantamount to:
"NEXT UP: CRIMINALS WHO HIDE OUT IN YOUR PURSE AND ROB YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME!"
Purse feels extra heavy;
Strange noises coming from purse.
TUESDAY JANUARY 06, 2015
[PIGster J sent this to me. It's long - I'll post it over several days.]
Media Fear Tactics
BY Gavin De Becker
It would be interesting if the standards of Truth in Advertising were applied to television news as they sometimes are to television commercials. In that unlikely situation, TV news writers would be required to use phrases and words that convey accurate information – as opposed to the phrases and words they use today.
I want to help you break the code of alarming newspeak so that you can more easily find the valuable information that may (or may not) be part of a story.
Given the disturbing reasons we've all been watching so much TV news, it would be understandable to overlook the sheer ridiculousness that is inherent in some of the sensationalism. Occasionally, the way TV news is delivered can be downright funny, and indeed, the ability to laugh at something indicates that we are beginning to gain perspective on it. Accordingly, some of what follows is funny, and I have a very clear purpose in offering it: I want to help change your experience of television news, help you actually watch it differently. I want to provide some tools you can use to ensure that when you watch TV news, only actual information gets through.
Though not offered as a comprehensive glossary, here are some examples of words and phrases I think you'll quickly recognize:
POSSIBLE: As in "Next Up: Possible links between Saddam Hussein and tooth decay…"
The word "possible" doesn't really have the specificity one hopes for in journalism, given that it is completely accurate when applied to anything anyone can possibly imagine. "A possible outbreak of…" means there has been no outbreak. "A possible connection between memory loss and the air you breathe…" means there is no confirmed connection.
"Officials are worried about possible attacks against…" means there have been no such attacks.
Anytime you hear the word possible, it's probably not happening right now.
"Next up: Possible links between convicted murderer Charles Manson and yesterday's traffic jams in the downtown area."
Are these two things linked? Absolutely, if you loosen your criteria enough, everything is linked by its presence on the same planet at the same moment in time – but only a very few links are instructive or meaningful.
Links are a great news trick, because you can tie a remote, unconfirmed, or even unimportant story to something that's really pushing buttons. "Next up: Possible links to Bin Laden" is all you have to say to get attention these days.
Almost always when you hear the word link, there is no confirmed link.
"...our Nation's water supplies…"
"...our Nation's roadways…"
"...our Nation's shipping ports…"
They use this trick to imply some large scale to a story. "A new threat to our nation's water supplies" won't be a threat to our nation's anything. Our nation is enormous. Nothing, not even nuclear bombs, poses a threat to all of any system in our society at the same time. When they say "our nation's" anything, they are usually trying to give grand significance to something that doesn't have grand significance. We might not perk up as much if they said, "A new threat to Klopp County's water supply…" The incident in which old Doc Ames truck leaked oil into the reservoir just isn't gonna scare up enough ratings. But it could: "Next up, a new threat to our nation's water supply. An alarming incident that experts say could happen anywhere!"
SHOCKING NEW DETAILS:
"Shocking new details when we come back." Well, first of all, the details are not likely to be new, and if so critical, why are we waiting till after the commercial, and anyway, what does shocking mean at this point? Unless the news anchor reaches through the screen and pulls my hair, I don't imagine he could shock me. They've ruined another word for themselves.
"Auditors cite loopholes in security at our nation's libraries."
That's right, anytime you have an audit or an inspection, you're going to find something. Auditors are people who've been hired to write reports identifying deficiencies. Have you ever heard of a one-line audit report? "The auditors didn't a find one damn thing that could possibly be improved." Did you ever hear of an inspector who said: 'We've wasted six months on this inspection, because the place is bloomin' perfect. Whoever's running this show sure thought of everything."
The implication projected in a story about a security loophole is that someone will come crashing through the loophole – but that is not necessarily so. They tell you (and the terrorists) about the loophole because it is frightening, not because it's enlightening.
"IN A CAREFULLY WORDED STATEMENT…"
"In a carefully worded statement, the President said…" Is this as distinct from those statements that world leaders just have the kids throw together? "Carefully worded" is often used to imply that something is being hidden.
"Officials consider the threat to be serious." Is that to distinguish this threat from the threats they laugh about over lunch? Taking something seriously does not mean the risk is great or imminent. It just means officials are doing what anyone would do.
"Officials here are taking no chances when it comes to school safety." Sort of. More likely, they're taking no chances that reporters will broadcast a report accusing them of taking chances.
READ IT ALL HERE
SATURDAY JANUARY 03, 2015
Things I'd Like To See, in 2015
Another new year? So f-ing what? I asked the same question, and the answer I got isn't suitable for our - so sayeth Porcus - 'family-friendly' publication. My laughter and a not so subtle reference to his prescious 'Pinups Page' elicited a memorable outpouring of publisher profanity. Unfortunately, THAT isn't FSOP street legal either...sigh.
With the onset of a new year, there are certain 'givens'. The most important 'given' is a time-honored PIG ritual. What ritual? You'll love it. Once again, I ushered in this annual speed bump on our agenda, by hanging a new 'Hotties Who Hit Us With A Restraining Order' calendar on the wall of the top secret PIG bunker.
Out in 'the world', the usual suspects are disinterring old dirt, with those 'year in review', stories. Blah, blah, blah. Other News Nitwits swim in the shallow end of the journalism pool, by posting a list of socially acceptable New Year's resolutions.
Will I join this pathetic parade? You should know better, by now. If you expect me to take a long, fond, look back at 2014, get over it. I've been there, done that and have no interest in running that up the flagpole one last time.
Instead I'll indulge in wishful thinking. For me, a 'happy' 2015 will include one, or more, of the following items:
I'd like to see Uncle Sam cut Hawaii loose and grant them nationhood/sovereignty, IF...they agree to keep Obama.
I'd like to see Miley Cyrus' career flame out due to a drug-fueled scandal that involves a sex tape and farm animals.
I'd like to see Bieber get his lights punched out, when he gets snarky with some seriously badass dude.
I'd like to see my friend Chalky WTFU and let his BIG head do the thinking for a change.
I'd like to see: A "you first" amendment to all state and federal constitutions which would require the Elected Tormentor sponsor of any/all 'intrusive/Nanny' legicrap to 'road test' the proposed law, personally, for 6 to 12 months. If he, she, heshe, or it still thinks it's spiffy, after living it, the bill can be considered by the full legislature. [You first would also apply to regulation spawning government bureaucrats.]
I'd like to see an Elephant Clan that was more afraid of We The People than they are of the MSM.
I'd like to see Food Nazis forced to eat only the tasteless slop that they try to cram down our throats.
I'd like to see: A Rapture-like event which beams all those rabid, rampaging, Marxist Moonbats (Jackass Party & its low information chad punchers) to their own, off planet, circle of hell.
I'd like to see: Tuesday TA TAs. On the first Tuesday of each month, the women named by the TA TA Selection Committee [the PIG staff] would, as a patriotic gesture, lift American uh spirits by publically baring their TA TAs.
I'd like to see: The chronically offended [believes the Constitution protects them from being offended] must wear a sensory deprivation helmet which will block out all outside sights and sounds.
I'd like to see: Rational adult commuters get some firepower. Certified - by PIG - rational adults will be authorized to equip their rides with those miracles of modern weaponry: asshat-seeking missiles.
Have a Happy New Year PIGsters
SATURDAY DECEMBER 27, 2014
Chalky - my friend who is destined to be immortalized as a chalk outline on his living room floor - called me this week.
Me: Chalky! You're still alive.
Him: That's my preliminary assessment, too, but it's subject to change, any minute now.
Me: Speaking of insanely murderous females, congratulations on your divorce. Are you still co-habitating?
Him: In theory, she's looking for her own place, but I'm not pressuring her.
Me: Chalky! Don't even think about it, or I'll take my show on the road and kill you myself.
Him: [Guilty laugh] It's a phase I'm going through, on two fronts.
Me: Let me give my coffee a jolt of character before I go down THAT road with you.
Me: I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Him: I had a dinner with both my ex-wives plus my offspring. Both women had gone all out and were looking fine, especially ex-wife the first, who was really coming on to me.
Me: So Hell 1, the mother of your child, is making a play for you in front of Hell 2, the woman who just divorced you, who is also making a play for you?
Him: [Sounding too smug] That's the joy of it. She...Hell 1 looked damn good.
Me: When I do the math on your 'social' life, it doesn't add up: Hell 1 plus Hell 2 equals HELL NO. And, that doesn't even include your girlfriend who is still married. Three is a full dance card dude.
Him: You're taking this better than I thought. My Armenian hottie will be thrilled.
Me: Hell 1 is Asian. Hell 2 is an Exotic of another stripe. Girlfriend is a Sushi Slammer. Now there's an Armenian in the picture?
Him: Wanna hear about it?
Him: No guts, no glory.
Me: Your love life is a line from a movie.
Him: Go ahead, hit me with your best shot.
Me: "DEAD MAN WALKING."
Him: Good one.
MONDAY DECEMBER 22, 2014
Odds & Ends
PIG's Terrorism Warning System
Lowest level: Nothing to see here, move along
Level 3: Uh Oh!
Level 2: Holy Crap
Level 1: We are SO SCREWED!
People asked for simple, straightforward, and easy to understand, and I nailed it. It's time to deploy the 'Mission Accomplished' banner.
When the Islamists are acting frightful
I've got an idea that's quite delightful
Send our nukes in to say "hello"
Make 'em glow
Make 'em glow
Make 'em glow
O Give Me A Home Where The Colonistas Roam
Where The Coyotes And Anchor Babies Play
Where Seldom Is Heard A Single English Word
And the Password Is Always 'Ole'
Moonbats, Socialists, Nitwits, Blowhards & Cretins
If you're blissfully unaware of this steaming cable pitstop load, I can give you the BIG, MSNBC, picture with three statements:
If it's liberal, they admire it.
If it's socialist, they love it.
If it's Marxist, they worship it.
Back To Basics
A Is, And Always Will Be, A
Today, I'm going to, once again, state the obvious. Why? Because I can, AND, because it's necessary.
* The government doesn't produce anything. It's essentially an armed and dangerous parasite that uses its monopoly on the legal use of force to take wealth OUT of the economy, so it can be redeployed to serve the political agenda of the Elected Tormentors in charge.
* Although the Elected Tormentors do their best to exempt themselves from the laws they pass, there's one law that they can't escape: The Law of Unintended Consequences.
* The Nanny State operates, for the most part, in the political equivalent of slow motion. By the time a situation registers on their radar, the window of opportunity for useful action has already closed. When they finally do act, their antics come much too late and, invariably, make matters worse, instead of better.
* It is not a proper function of government to save sovereign individuals from themselves. Individuals, in a properly constitutional nation, get to make their own decisions, then reap the rewards, or pay the price, for their actions. It's our life and the proper function of government is to let we the people live it, without relentless Nanny State interference.
* If you punish something, via regulations, taxes and relentless interference, you'll get less of it. This is especially true if 'it' is a business which is able to seek more business-friendly surroundings in another city, county, state or nation.
* It's impossible to conserve your way to energy independence. Unless you're willing to move into a cave where your energy footprint approaches, as a limit, zero, you'll never be able to conserve enough to make this work.
* Green energy firms are boondoggles which need a steady infusion of taxpayer funded subsidies to show a 'profit' on their balance sheet.
* That ethically challenged windbag, who pretends to be your best friend, at chad punching time, is, in reality, a used car salesman - the one who sold you that clunker - who finally hit the big time.
* The Elephant Clan and the Donkey Clan are, in reality, the two rival wings of what must be viewed as the GOVERNMENT PARTY.
* Term limits aren't a silver bullet that will, magically, cure what ails government. Kicking out the scumbags via term limits is attacking the symptom and ignoring the real problem. Term limits don't alter the fact that, on a daily basis, government, at all levels, exceeds the authority that we the people delegated to it.
* A Dumbo-eared, clueless, rookie whose idea of leadership is voting 'present' on hard issues is going to get us killed, because he thinks that a charm offensive will make Jihadikaze asshats stop trying to murder every damn one of us.
* The Nanny State can't spend us out of an economic meltdown. No matter how much money they print...no matter how much money the Chinese spend buying up our debt, it will never be enough. Sooner or later, the bill becomes 'now due and payable', and when it does it has your name on it, taxpayer Sparky.
* The only meaningful difference between the Obamunist SEIU head-breakers and the Nazi brownshirts is the swastika on the Nazi uniform.
* Giving the 20,000,000 border jumping invaders in our midst 'amnesty' will set off a border jumping scumbag stamped that will flood this on great nation with 50 to 100 MILLION new mouths to feed.
* Iran's first nuke will be launched at Israel. Their second nuke will have OUR name on it, radioactive Sparky.
There! I doubt that any of you were motivated, informed or enlightened by that prose, but venting was very therapeutic for this pagan scribbler.
MONDAY DECEMBER 15, 2014
Breaking Wonderland News
For you rookies I'll set the stage, by defining some terms for you.
Fact One: I'm self-employed as a Test Engineer
Fact Two: One of my primary clients is a semiconductor firm I call Wonderland.
Fact Three: One of Wonderland's top dogs is a miserly dude whom I will call "Pincher".
Fact Four: Typhoid Mary is a perpetually wheezing, sneezing and disease-ridden quasi-permanent 'guest' in Wonderland. Guest? You bet, because, although she doesn't draw a paycheck from Wonderland, she does have office space there. Why? Because she's Pincher's live-in girl friend.
This blast from the past will get you up to speed:
[Classic Episode 4
One of the irrational adults running my primary client, Wonderland, is the poster punk for 'Miser'. Since he pinches his pennies so hard he makes Honest Abe bleed, I'll call him 'Pincher' to protect the name of the guilty. I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. Pincher isn't cheap out of necessity. He's cheap because he's hard-wired for it.
There is, needless to say, a serious down side to Pincher's aversion to spending money. How serious? I'll let you be the judge. Before we get to the fun stuff, I need to bring you up to speed on one of Pincher's prime directives:
* Never hire a trained professional, when you hire someone who is relentlessly clueless for a fraction of the price.
The unwritten corollary for the foregoing Pincher mantra is this: when hiring the relentlessly clueless to wrangle something primal like electricity or plumbing, Pincher himself supplies the technical expertise. In all honesty, Pincher isn't a complete novice in such matters, but he is, bless his miserly heart, dangerously enthusiastic. Is that as thrilling as it sounds? You better believe it, Sparky.
When it comes to his relentlessly clueless hired guns, Pincher has an impressive collection of them, but lately, his goto guy is a dude named Chico. I wouldn't call Chico 'relentlessly clueless'. I would, on the other hand, say that Chico knows just enough to be dangerous about a wide variety of Mr. Fixit tasks. Pincher could care less about that, because Chico's primary claim to fame for Pincher is 'works cheap'.
Now that we have all the players identified, it's time to get down to business.
For the past two weeks, Pincher and his goto guy, Chico, have been working on a pesky plumbing issue at Pincher's home. It started as a simple problem - a leaky pipe - but, after more than a week of Pincher's inspirational expertise, and Chico's 'works cheap' magic, this dynamic duo managed to seriously f**k things up. How seriously? Very:
* The toilets no longer flush.
* There is poop floating in the bathtub.
* As for the laundry room, you really don't want to know what happened, when they tried to run a load through the washer.
How did they manage all this in such a short period of time? I don't know, but along the way they ripped open walls, dug holes in the floor, crossed several pipes, and created a gap in the plumbing that neither Chico or Pincher knows how to close.
Today, after nearly two weeks of unrelenting, amateur plumber, fun, the novelty of toilets that won't flush and bathtubs filled with poop has worn off. Humbled, to say the least, Pincher swallowed his pride and summoned a trained, plumbing professional.
Has he learned his lesson, after turning a relatively inexpensive plumbing fix into a very costly plumbing nightmare? I doubt it.
Parting shot: Pincher just spent an obscene - for him - amount of money on new outdoor barbeque grill. It's BIG and it's GAS POWERED and it requires a solid foundation (preferably a cement slab). If Pincher and Chico start playing with GAS, it's going to be a very hot time in Pincherville. I can't wait to hear all about THAT ONE. Fire in the hole? You better believe it, Sparky.]
Why did I make you slog through all that? Because, once again, Pincher is molesting the plumbing in his home.
Today, during a pitstop at Wonderland, I was approached by Pincher's live-in squeeze,Typhoid Mary. The fun hit high gear, after I resolved her technical issue.
Among other things, she reported that the plumbing in Pincher's home was out of commission, a situation which is now into its second week (9 days, to be exact). She had my undivided attention when she said Pincher is 'fixing' it himself, with a trio of helpers we'll call Larry, Curley and Moe. I don't know if they're an upgrade from Chico, who is no longer on Pincher's radar.
According to Typhoid Mary, the Stooges have excavated an impressive ditch, so they can replace the main drain pipe running from the house to the main line in the street. I'm sure the local water department will be thrilled, when Pincher and his 'crew' spread their special brand of 'no functional plumbing' joy to the entire neighborhood. Since Pincher assured Typhoid Mary that it would be 'fixed' today, I'm guessing the Stooges are on final approach. Their date with destiny might be delayed, however, because the weather hooligans are spouting drivel about rain.
I could, maybe should, give the water department a heads up, but I'd hate myself if I denied them the thrill of 'he's and idiot' discovery. Stay tuned for more 'he did WHAT' fun.
One final tidbit seems in order. While Pincher and his Stooges molest the plumbing in Pincher's home, Pincher and his squeeze are hunkering down with Typhoid Mary's ex-husband. Don't even ask, because I'm not going to touch that one.
SATURDAY DECEMBER 06, 2014
The Hambo Awards
(Awards that recognize tragically neglected areas of human achievement.)
Award Title : Vlad The Impaler Sacrificial Lacky Award
Award : The Golden Pike
Recognizes : Those faithful lackeys whose job it is to fall on the sword for their masters
Past Recipient : Carl Douglas, of O.J's dream team
Nominee : Julia Pierson, Lois Lerner
Award Title : Edward M. Kennedy Alcoholic Has Been Award
Award : Silver Swizzle Stick
Recognizes : Someone who has drunk/drugged themselves into obscurity
Past Recipient : Robert Downey Jr.
Nominee : Lindsay Lohan
Award Title : Damian Williams, I Was Framed Award
Award : Bloody Brick
Recognizes : The Most Notable Victim of Society
Past Recipient : Everyone's favorite double murderer, O.J. Simpson
Nominee : Nidal Hasan, Tsarnaev brothers
Award Title : Leslie Abramson Abuse Excuse Award
Award : Platinum Shotgun
Recognizes : A so-called criminal forced into the illegal act by their victim
Past Recipient : Famous feminist heroine and cover wench, Lorena Bobbitt
Nominee : Jodi Arias
Award Title : Roy Bean Madam Justice Award
Award : Crystal Blindfold
Recognizes : A Judge, shyster or Justice System official who takes the law where it was never intended to go.
Past Recipient :U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Roberts (Obamacare ruling)
Nominee :Eric Holder
Award Title : Charles Darwin Thwarting Deserved Extinction Award
Award : Diamond Dodo
Recognizes : A person or group which gives aid and comfort to the terminally incompetent
Past Recipient : Those who perpetrated the Americans with Disabilities Act, which made chronic lateness syndrom a recognized disability, The U.S. Congress
Nominee : The Trial Lawyers of America who perpetrate obesity lawsuits, tobacco lawsuits
Award Title : Nathan Bedford Forest Diversity Award
Award : White Cowl
Recognizes : A person or group which has the greatest effect on race relations
Past Recipient : Rodney King, Saint Skittles
Nominee(s) : Mike 'Gentle Giant' Brown
Award Title : James T. Kirk Spirit of Star Trek Award
Award : Bronze Toupee
Recognizes : A person or group who boldly goes where no 'man'(or woman) has gone before in their zeal to the expand the limit of human stupidity
Past Recipient : Hank 'Guam Capsizes' Johnson.
Nominee : Joe Biden - Lifetime Achievement Award
Award Title : George B. McClellan Leadership Award
Award : Tin Saber
Recognizes : A person or group who has snatched defeat from the jaws of certain victory
Past Recipient : Mitt Romney for his epic fail in 2012.
Nominee : "Line in the Sand" Barry for his pathetic CIC performance in the Middle East
Award Title : Andy Warhol's Fleeting Fame Award
Award : The Ruby Soup Can
Recognizes : A person or group whose 15 minutes of fame is up, whether they know it or not
Past Recipient : Kendra Wilkinson
Nominee(s) : Twerky & Jerky
MONDAY DECEMBER 01, 2014
Hate Speech Revisited
Objective reality exists whether we like it or not. Its properties don't change because we aren't thrilled spitless with one or more elements of it. Daring to improve on a stellar dose Ayn Rand's wisdom, I boldly proclaim that "A is still A, whether we like it or not". These days, those who insist that A is actually B will accuse you of hate speech when you dare to set them straight.
Hate speech is an entirely subjective concept. When you shrug off all the panty wadding caterwauling and get to the heart of the matter, you find out that 'hate speech' is anything that the listener doesn't want to hear. Wrapping themselves in the mythical 'right not to be offended', the hypersensitive listener impugns anything that gives them a psychological boo-boo as 'hate speech'. In other words, 'hate speech' is any speech that the hypersensitive listener thinks is 'too real'. When did calling a spade a spade become 'hate speech'?
If you tell a liberal (progressive) that Messiah Barry, the Botox Bitch, and Dingy Harry are 'Marxists', you'll be hammered for hate speech. They might forgive you for the last two, but don't you dare say it about Messiah Barry. Is it really hateful to call him a Marxist? Not really, because his bloviating about "spreading the wealth" and "leveling the playing field" are nothing more than the 21st century equivalent of "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need".
If you tell a conservative that the political brain-farts espoused by Bush I, Bush II, Karl Rove, Juan McCain, and the RINO horde are promoting The Great American Nanny State in disguise, you'll get a boatload "that's hateful" blowback from VRWC Kool-Aid drinkers. The speech is "hateful" because they really don't want to hear about it. You'll get the same "that's hateful" blowback when you tell them that two-fisted spending, Nanny State promoting conservatives are no better than their big spending, Nanny State adoring liberal counterparts.
If you tell an Islamikaze that their Mecca Mania is fundamentally incompatible with inalienable individual liberty, you'll be slammed for "hate speech". Don't even bother to point out all the ways that Sharia law drives a stake through the heart of your inalienable individual liberty birthright, because it's a complete waste of time. Your speech is hateful, because they really don't want to hear about it.
When you cut through all the self serving, "stop saying that" bull crap, you get to this dose of pagan scribbler reality: If the truth hurts, it's hate speech.
[What brought this on? This item from our awards page:]
Braying Jackass of the Week
Zach Traynor is an inmate at Dartmouth, and that fun fact raises numerous questions. For example, how is he able to function in an educational environment with his head shoved up his ass. How did he qualify for Dartmouth if he can't wrap his synapses around this unambiguous prose:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech...
I don't know how Zach feels about religion, and I don't care. When it comes to freedom of speech his attitude is
very simple: STFU.
In an editorial in The Dartmouth titled " Fixing Free Speech," Traynor claims the extent in which the First Amendment protects American's right to express their views and ideas is "distasteful."
"[T]his country has gone too far in allowing people to say whatever they want, and should curtail speech that is obviously harmful to society, such as hate speech."
"[T]his country has gone too far in allowing people to say whatever they want, and should curtail speech that is obviously harmful to society, such as hate speech," writes Traynor. "This kind of speech, despite being clearly distasteful, has long been upheld as legal in America because of the First Amendment."
"[G]iven America's deeply-held cultural norms and the power of the Internet and social media, such a scenario is highly unlikely," writes Traynor. "We need only small but significant change to the freedom of speech in this country: namely, the prohibition of unambiguously destructive, hateful speech." [Campus Reform]
MORON! Hate Speech laws criminalize THOUGHT.
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 26, 2014
I have a simple request that Id like you to consider. When you sit down to that dinner and start giving your thanks for all the blessings this nation conceived in liberty bestows upon us, don't forget to thank those who are putting it all on the line defending our liberty. On this day of giving thanks, give thanks to those who are far from home, defending America.
If you see one of our men or women in uniform, take the time to shake their hand, and thank them from the bottom of your heart for their service to our country. Given the attitude at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, they're probably feeling unappreciated, so take the time to thank them.
In a perfect world, you'd set an extra place at your table and invite them to join you, but that's your decision, your call. All we ask, is that you remember our fighting men and women on this day of giving thanks.
Parting shot: The good news is that the turkey coma will wear off. The bad news is that you have less than tad over 30 days to get ready for Turkey Coma II, the sequel on Christmas Day.
Where's Gloria Allred? Given the number of women involved, she should have reeled one in by now.
If the destructive tantrum continues to destroy the town piece by piece, Ferguson will turn into another urban wasteland, like Detroit.
MONDAY NOVEMBER 24, 2014
My lovely bride got this and ask how I would answer it.
Now, you're on the clock. In 9 minutes something will make you happy. Please share this with 15 girls you love. Remember, only for *girls*. If I don't get this back I'm obviously not a close friend.
My answer: The 15 girls requirement would be a slam dunk, if it wasn't for that [expletives deleted] Hooters restraining order.
Besides, in the requisite 9 minutes, the only meaningful change in my life is the malfunction of my other ride while my Paganmobile is in the shop.
Needless to say, neither of these fun facts makes me happy.
Now, I have a game for you, it's been played since 1977.
My response: Why?
Once you read this, you have to send it to 15 people.
My response: Why would I alienate 15 of my friends with this drivel?
Your next 5 days will be like this:
Day 1 - you will wake up to the biggest shock of your life.
My response: If that means an unscheduled regime change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, count me in.
Day 2 - you will cross paths with an old friend you have missed.
My response: If you mean Iggy, give me time to reload.
Day 3 - you will find yourself with a lot of money.
My response: Iggy keeps saying this too, the lying bastard. That's why I shot at him the last time.
Day 4 - your day will be perfect.
My response: Obviously my time at the shooting range was well spent.
Day 5 - the love of your life will kiss you.
My response: Okay, but, if my lovely bride catches me there will be hell to pay.
....if you don't forward this, your next 5 days will be the exact opposite.
My response: The opposite? Been there, done that.
Don't break this. Send it to 14 friends in 10 minutes. It's not that hard. Whoever sent this to you must care about you.
My response: Don't hold your breath.
Hambo conclusion: For some reason, my lovely bride wasn't charmed by my responses. Win some, lose some.
SUNDAY NOVEMBER 23, 2014
The season is upon us and that means everyone better make damn sure they have several fully loaded fire extinguishers at the ready. Why? How soon we forget. Tis the season when the male of the species decided to make a holiday meal memorable by cranking up the weapon of mass culinary destruction, the turkey fryer.
This years primer on this implement of male insanity will begin with a brief description of this annual pestilence. The newest household weapon of mass destruction is a cooking implement that had to be created by some deranged, real life Tim the Toolman: the turkey fryer. Essentially a deep fryer on steroids, it's the kind of toy that certain men can't resist, and, in too many cases can't be trusted to operate safely. This popular device is so fraught with peril that Underwriters Laboratories won't touch them with 10-foot toolman tongs.
To illustrate the thrill a minute potential of this infamous turkey charring inferno, here are a few of too, too true turkey fryer epics.
Taking a page from Tim Allen's popular show, Mississippi denizen George Glenn staged a scene worthy of the toolman himself. His key props included a turkey, a plus-size pot filled with boiling oil, and two left feet.
'...After flambéing his bare hand on the turkey fryer's hot lid, Glenn flung the bird into the bubbling grease with a bit too much gusto. "It exploded like a cannon," said the Rankin County resident. "Grease shot up and I got second-degree burns on my forearms and hands."... (Sun Herald)
The Readers Digest version goes: oops, sizzle, expletive-replete 'ouch', splash, OUCH, extra crispy George. Don't try this at home.
ST. Cloud, Minnesota
He wanted to surprise his lovely bride by deep frying a turkey for her. She passed go on surprised and then some when the tally for his deep fried turkey adventure reached $14,000. His idea started when he borrowed the turkey fryer from a pal. After carefully reading the directions his friend provided, our hero purchased a thermometer to measure the oil temperature, because getting it too hot is not an option. Using his garage as turkey fryer central, he launched his gold d'oh adventure.
'...[Bill] Fickett said he was heating up about 3 gallons of oil before the fire started. He adjusted the temperature to the recommended 350 degrees, then stepped into the house to get the bird. Next thing he knew, smoke was pouring out of the garage...' (Fox News)
That's right, this flaming 'turkey frying' idiot managed to burn down his garage. Only a timely intrusion by the fire department saved the rest of his domicile from getting extra crispy. Am I the only one who questions the rationality of heating oil to the boiling point in an enclosed space like a garage?
Stop me if this sounds familiar: an unattended turkey fryer reached critical mass and "boom", it ignited the turkey fryer pinhead's house on fire. Fortunately, for the turkey fryer bright bulb, a neighbor, 21-year-old Brance Young, heard the damn thing explode. Running to the neighbor's house, he broke a window, then pulled a woman and her daughter out of harm's way.
The ultimate irony of this epic is the fact that Brance was turned down by the local fire department when applied for a firefighter job. Maybe the Macon-Bibb County Fire Department should take a long hard look at their hiring criteria, because PIG thinks Brance has the right stuff.
Some bright bulbs decided to beat that wintery Windy City weather by setting up their turkey fryer in their garage. The unattended turkey fryer did what comes naturally, set the house on fire and resulted in a hefty $230,000 worth of damage to the turkey frying fatheads' abode.
While heating up the peanut oil in the turkey fryer, the turkey fryer caught fire and might have done considerable damage, if a rational adult hadn't intervened. After trying to put out the inferno with a fire extinguisher, the rational adult tried to smother the flames by putting a garbage can over it. This worked will enough to confine the blaze until the fire department arrived to put out the stubborn blaze.
Fortunately, the home owner got off easily, with a mere $2,000 worth of damage.
The following triple dose of flaming turkey fryer insanity happened on the same day:
Euguene, Oregon: a newly completed house became a pile of well-done ashes when an unattended turkey fryer with a broken thermometer caught fire.
El Paso, Mexas: A turkey fryer was being used, inside the house and left unattended. Fire, plus boiling oil turned the domicile extra crispy.
Nolensville, Tennessee: A turkey fryer left unattended on the house's rear deck, overheats, catches fire and turns the log home into charcoal.
Finally, here are some warning signs that will SCREAM "Just say no" when your man suggests playing Ruskie Roulette, with your homestead:
You've been forced to hid the matches and lighters, because he's worse that your 3 year old when it comes to playing with fire.
His signature phrase is 'hold my beer and watch this'.
He's a Tim the Toolman 'more power' kind of guy.
His favorite BBQ has scorch marks from the last time he fired up the grill.
His most predictable comment when cooking is "I don't think this is hot enough".
Your insurance agent started sobbing uncontrollably when you told him that 'he' just bought a new, bigger, turkey fryer.
The fire department calls you by your first name, before you identify yourself, every time you call the station.
I've done my duty, PIGsters. I tried to warn you. If you persist in this turkey fryer insanity, Hambo will keep the appropriate parts of his body crossed. Don't hold your breath waiting for me to leave a light on for you, because it was YOU, not ME who let that fool fire up this implement of culinary destruction.
TUESDAY NOVEMBER 18, 2014
[Last year, I posted this dose of dialog.]
Christmas Eve 
* FTF 1
While attending a Christmas Eve gathering with friends, I exchanged pleasantries with a dude whom I'll call FTF (First Time Father). He was holding his 11 month old son, while telling me about the tyke's memorable teething problems, including the noisy outbursts which the pain elicited.
Me: Noting the multicolored anklet on the tyke's leg, I asked: "What's that? Is it decorative or functional?"
FTF: "[FTM - First Time Mother] put it on him, to help with the teething pain."
Me: Noting the rolled eyes which accompanied his reply, I asked: "Does it work?"
FTF: "Uh, maybe. He's not crying today."
Me: "Perhaps, there's another explanation."
FTF: "Such as."
Me: "Maybe, by the time a tyke's otherwise rational parents get desperate enough to try something that irrational, the worst of the teething episode is over, giving the magic anklet credit it doesn't deserve.
FTF: "You might be right, but it stays on until he's done teething."
Me: "It can't hurt."
* FTF 2
Later, FTF had surrendered the Tyke to one of FTF's sisters. While she held the tyke, FTF entertained the nipper with a variety of objects.
FTF: He showed his sister some books the tyke had received as presents. "He likes books. He likes to turn the pages, even though he can't understand any of the words in it."
Me: "There are millions of government schooled inmates who have similar issues with their text books. Like your son, they turn the pages, while making inarticulate sounds about a book they're incapable of reading."
FTF: He stared, almost laughed out loud, then walked away to bask in my compelling wisdom in some quiet corner.
That's when I decided to dial it back a notch before he went into enlightenment overload.
Another Encounter 
On Sunday, I attended another gathering of First Time Father's family. FTF was there with his offspring. First Time Mom, a young lady whom he brought back home with him, after spending a few years living in Japan, was with him.
The nipper, who turns 2 in January, isn't talking yet, leaving my burning question unanswered. What burning question? I'm very anxious to find out if the nipper will speak Japanese, English, or both. The jury is still out, but I did get a strong hint, on Sunday.
One of FTF's sisters was holding the nipper feeding him rice balls. She kept chatting with him - English, of course - but the kid didn't respond. On the other hand, the nipper was very responsive when mom showed up to reel off long bursts of Japanese.
FTF's Japanese bride is raising a Japanese son. In America. Bold New Concept.
I can't wait to see how that works out, over time.
TUESDAY NOVEMBER 11, 2014
If you have friends or relatives who are combat veterans, you know that the experience changed them. In some instances, combat leaves physical scars. For most combats vets, it's the other, non physical changes that have the biggest impact.
One of my lovely bride's relatives is a WWII vet who survived the fiercest battles in the Italian Campaign. He was in one of those 'tip of the spear' outfits which put them in the hottest part of every battle. Eventually, his luck ran out. His wounds eventually healed, but his combat days were over, due to an arm rendered useless, in any meaningful way.
He returned home, and got on with his life, but he exhibited two traits I've encountered in other combat vets. He never complained about his combat-induced infirmities. Secondly, he never talked about his combat experiences.
Many members of my lovely bride's family served our country. One, a Marine, was severely wounded twice. Those wounds healed. The worst damage he incurred was caused by repeated dousing of Agent Orange that tormented him for decades, until he was given medication to control his demons. He, too, never complains about his combat-induced maladies and he never discusses his actions in combat.
Veterans Day is a day when we honor all our veterans, especially those living among us. It's important that we thank those who came back to resume their lives. They put themselves in harm's way, for us, and the experience forever changed their lives. Thanking them doesn't seem like it's enough, but it's all we've got.
It is with my deepest respect that I thank you for your service, veterans.
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 08, 2014
Another Take On Scapegoating
When it comes to scapegoating, this pernicious personality flaw is as old as humanity itself. Finger-pointing, blame-shifting, scapegoating and accountability avoidance are as venerable as the Garden of Eden where Adam pioneered it, by blaming Eve for making him eat the apple. Before you can say 'fig leaf', Eve pinned a 'scapegoat' tag on the snake. "The devil made me do it."
Not much has changed, since the infamous scapegoating exploits of Adam and Eve. Our excuses have evolved, otherwise, it's still "to err is human and so is blaming it on someone else". When it comes to the blame game, everyone gets to play. Need proof? No problem.
Are you having a terminally crappy day? No problem, Sunshine. "Everything was spiffy, until the dog pissed on my Wheaties."
Did you squander too much time on an awesome new electronic game, instead of studying? No problem. "The dog ate my homework."
Did your mom grab you by the ear for fighting with you brother? No problem. "He started it."
Did you come up short while paying your bills? No problem. "The check got lost in the mail."
Did your boss catch you porn surfing on your company computer? No problem. "Those I. T. slackers let this computer virus break through our firewall."
Does modern, 21st century life get on your last, raw, Islamikaze, nerve? No problem. "Everything was peachy, until those damn Crusades."
Did the proper authorities bust you for that kiddie porn on your computer? No problem. You can emulate a tragically real pervert and blame the family feline: "The cat jumped on my keyboard."
Did political setbacks make you snap, then murder the Blight by the Bay's Mayor and a County Supervisor? No problem, you can emulate the annoyingly real Dan White. "I ate too many Twinkies and the sugar shock warped my mind."
Did you rob a bank and kill several innocent people? No problem. "Poverty oppressed me into a life of crime."
Did you snap your back while participating in a refrigerator race? No problem. "Refrigerator manufacturer warning labels didn't tell me not to lift it."
Did you get fired for being HOURS LATE, every work day, for months on end? No problem. "My shrink says I've suffering from chronic lateness syndrome, which qualifies me for ADA disability protection."
Did you get busted for lurking in the ladies room, testosterone poisoned, Sparky? No problem. "According to the GLAAD BAAGS, I'm having a gender identity crisis."
Did the unflinching, you're not qualified, rules of marketplace engagement prevent you from getting that cushy job, that promotion, that raise, or the desk by the window, Melanin-Enriched Sparky? No problem. "It's blatant, 400 years of oppression, racism"
Are you so humongous that you set off earthquake detectors every time you move? No problem. "I'd be a lean, mean fighting machine, if Lard Burger put nutritional information on their menu and stopped FORCE FEEDING me transfats."
If all else fails, blame Bush 43. Why should Barry have all the fun beating that dead horse?
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 01, 2014
Today I met a young couple who stopped to thank us for our record-shattering pop corn adventure. They moved into a house one street over this April. Armed with a plastic garbage bag, the couple and their grade school age tykes were going through the neighborhood, picking up Halloween Night trash. That's a good neighbor. It's also setting an excellent example for their young 'uns.
We had at least 400 visitors on Halloween. We kept the pop corn machine going until we ran out of pop corn boxes. The good news is that, according to our pop corn clients, 'you're the best house in the neighborhood'. The bad news is that, according to our pop corn clients, 'you're the best house in the neighborhood'.
On behalf of the Free State of PIG, I'm delight to tell Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi: Welcome Home, Marine. Welcome Home.
On a related note, Montel Williams deserves our profound respect for his empassioned support for Andrew Tahmooressi. I am not a Montel fan, but that might change, after his unwavering quest to liberate our Marine from that Mexican prison.
TUESDAY OCTOBER 28, 2014
The Walking Dead
I have a friend, who for reasons you'll soon understand, must remain anonymous. He lives somewhere in the USA. As far as his age goes, 'over 40' is the best I can do. Suffice it to say he's old enough to know better. Let's wrap this sketchy bio up by dubbing him 'Chalky'.
He called me over the weekend:
Me: Good afternoon.
Him: Do you have time to talk.
Me: For some reason, every time I see one of those chalk body outlines on a cop show, I think of you.
Him: So you think I'm living on borrowed time?
Me: [Laughing] I know it and so should you.
Him: I'm listening.
Me: True or false, you're married to an insanely jealous, notoriously homicidal woman?
Him: [Reluctantly] True, but you're exaggerating, as usual.
Me: Oh really? After another 'domestic disturbance' pitstop in response to a call from your wife, didn't a police officer of the female persuasion warn 'that woman is going to kill you'?
Me: True or false, you have a girlfriend, and your wife knows all about her?
Him: True, but I won't own up to 'girlfriend'.
Me: Would you prefer Mistress?
Him: Girlfriend will suffice.
Me: True or false, your girlfriend is married to an 'old school' kind of dude who isn't buying the 'he's an old friend' fertilizer wifey is spreading?
Him: Yes, so what?
Me: So, now that we're on the same page, what's up, CHALKY?
Him: The Mormons are back.
Me: I thought you got rid of those dudes?
Him: I did. This time, a pair of Mormon women showed up and offered to do some chores for me. I'm seriously considering it.
Me: One of them must be a mega hottie, if you're willing to endure the standard LDS sales pitch, again.
Him: She's smoking hot, but her companion is there to protect her partner's virtue.
Me: [Laughing] 'Local Man Gunned Down By His Wife and Mistress, Who Teamed Up When He Boned a Mormon Hottie'
Him: She's worth the risk.
Me: Unless the LDS rules of engagement have changed, drastically, it's not going to happen.
Him: It can't hurt to try.
Me: What should I put on your tombstone?
Him: I can take care of myself.
Me: Let me write it down: He Said I Can Take Care of Myself
Me: Have someone make a video when you tell wifey how you promoted your married playmate to 'Mistress' to create an opening for a 'Girlfriend'.
Him: I'll look into that.
Me: Good man.
Him: About the Mormons...
Me: Same end game. Same sales pitch, but the huckster is much more enticing.
Him: I know...but she is so...
Me: You're hopeless. Instead of wasting time with you, I might cybersurf to Amazon and stream a movie.
Him: [Riddled with uncalled for suspicion] Ok, give me the punch line. What's the movie title?
Me: 'To Die For'.
Him: [Laughing] Nicely done, we're right back where we started.
MONDAY OCTOBER 20, 2014
Turning a blind eye to the law of unintended consequences, Libertards are much too eager to pull a half-baked, hair brained, notion out of their ass then inflict it on free ranging sovereign individuals. I think these Libertard brainfarts should go through a 'road testing' phase in a 'controlled' environment.
We need to create a special enclave - Progtopia - to road test these fetid Libertard notions. We must isolate it, then populate it with off the cliff lefties. Let them find out, the hard way, that CFL's become a mercury spilling biohazard when you break one. Let them figure out the downside of doing away with paper and plastic shopping bags. Let them get that special thrill when they convert two lanes of a busy byway into 'bikes only lanes'. Let them get those 'who knew that would happen' reality checks. I'm just sayin'.
With the chad-a-thon looming large, the airways are saturated with political ads. Predictably, supporters of a candidate or ballot initiative are vilifying the backer$ of the opposition as $pecial Interests. Don't get your knickers in a knot over THAT. $pecial Interests denote the deep pocketed individuals or organizations backing one's political opponents.
The deep pocketed individuals or organizations backing them are $upportive Constituents.
If the Elephant Clan wins the Senate, don't get your hopes up for a rational adult revival. With Majority Leader Mitch in charge, only the rate of change will slow. It's like down-shifting from 5th gear to 4th. The engine will make more noise, and you'll slow slightly, but you're still going to be haulin' ass, and the gas pedal is a lot more responsive.
THURSDAY OCTOBER 16, 2014
You Can't Make This Shit Up
[This is a very twisted tale, so I'll use this NRO posting to give you the big picture.]
A student who was born female felt perfectly comfortable identifying as a man at Wellesley College — until people said he shouldn't be class diversity officer because he is now a white male.
Timothy Boatwright was born a girl, and checked off the "female" box when applying to the Massachusetts all-women's school, according to an article in the New York Times. But when he got there, he introduced himself as a "masculine-of-center genderqueer" person named "Timothy" (the name he picked for himself) and asked them to use male pronouns when referring to him.
And, by all accounts, Boatwright felt welcome on campus — until the day he announced that he wanted to run for the school's office of multicultural affairs coordinator, whose job is to promote a "culture of diversity" on campus.
But some students thought that allowing Boatwright to have the position would just perpetuate patriarchy. They were so opposed, in fact, that when the other three candidates (all women of color) dropped out, they started an anonymous Facebook campaign encouraging people not to vote at all to keep him from winning the position.
"I thought he'd do a perfectly fine job, but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there," the student behind the so-called "Campaign to Abstain" said.
"It's not just about that position either," the student added. "Having men in elected leadership positions undermines the idea of this being a place where women are the leaders."
Boatwright told the Times that his high-school friends knew he was transgender, but he identified himself as female on the application to Wellesley because he didn't want his mom to know. Of course, Wellesley is also a female school, and "it seemed awkward to write an application essay for a women's college on why you were not a woman," he said.
Okay we have a biological female who had one of those trendy, 'I'm really a guy named Timothy' brain farts.
Since she/he hadn't copied mom on that memo, she/he checked off 'girl', on the relevant Wellesley College paperwork.
Once she/he got settled in at the Estrogen Tower, she/he went all in on Timothy. So far, so good.
Timothy's saga hit a speed bump when 'he' decided to run for the school's office of multicultural affairs coordinator.
Unwilling to sully themselves three other candidates dropped out.
A backlash movement 'Campaign to Abstain' made 'him' bow out, too. So be it.
And now we arrive at the 'punchline', courtesy of the NYT:
"It wasn't about Timothy," the student behind the Abstain campaign told me. "I thought he'd do a perfectly fine job, but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there. It's not just about that position either. Having men in elected leadership positions undermines the idea of this being a place where women are the leaders."
A white male? You're half right, cupcake, because she/he is melanin-challenged. BUT no matter what name she/he uses, Timothy is FEMALE
I asked Timothy what he thought about that argument, as we sat on a bench overlooking the tranquil lake on campus during orientation. He pointed out that he has important contributions to make to the MAC position. After all, at Wellesley, masculine-of-center students are cultural minorities; by numbers alone, they're about as minor as a minority can be. And yet Timothy said he felt conflicted about taking a leadership spot. "The patriarchy is alive and well," he said. "I don't want to perpetuate it."
"The patriarchy is alive and well. I don't want to perpetuate it." WTF! You're still FEMALE, gender-bender Sparky.
Everyone at Wellesley College is drinking the gender-bender Kool-Aid which is obviously TOXIC!
THURSDAY OCTOBER 09, 2014
PIGish wisdom is everywhere, if you know where to look for it. This batch was harvested from t-shirts:
"I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me."
"My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work."
"Why do I have to press 'ONE' for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I don't understand anyway?"
"OOPS! Did I roll my eyes out loud?"
"If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees."
"You're about to EXCEED the limits of my MEDICATION."
MONDAY OCTOBER 06, 2014
* According to the gossip rags, Justin Bieber recently bedded one of Bruce Jenner's teenage daughters. If Bruce hasn't already decided to lop off his 'business', learning that this twerp is shagging his baby girl will have him chopping off his nads in record time.
* Another gossip rag gleefully reports that Pornstar Kardashian was in such a hurry to catch a plane that she dashed out of her hotel, leaving her nipper - North West - behind. I think we have our Mother of the Year.
* According to a news report, Uncle Sam is yammering about transferring the Secret Service from the Treasury Department to the Department of Homeland Stupidity. Does Barry want to do for presidential protection what transferring the Border Patrol to DHS did for border enforcement? Interesting! Maybe he's more anxious to get himself out of the Oval Office than we thought.
[Remember, Progtards, if BHS has an unscheduled 'eviction' it's not an 'assassination' it's 'regime change'.]
* It would be very refreshing if the Pachyderm Punk Establishment was as unremittingly hostile toward the Jackass Party and Obama as they are towards the TEA Party.
FRIDAY OCTOBER 03, 2014
On Sunday, something odd happened on CBS. The viewership for '60 Minutes' plummeted 69% from the previous Sunday. According to MSM news reports, there's no way to explain this precipitous drop. Hmm.
What is it that they, know but won't...can't mention? If you're a rational adult, you already know the answer. Barry's minions made sure that everyone knew The One would be on the show yammering about ISIS. Do you suppose that Barry's face time nuked the show's viewership? Yup, but linking the two will prompt them to call you a racist. They'd much rather discuss that dude who invaded the White House.
Michael Brown became a household name, after he robbed a Ferguson (Missouri) store then had a fatal encounter with a local cop who shot and killed him. Since Mikey is black, you know what comes next.
What nobody wants to discuss is the fact that the cop who is vilified as a cold blooded killer, was severely beaten and ended up in the hospital with serious facial injuries. Holy self defense, Batman. You bet, but bringing this up is racist.
A standout on defense for the University of Missouri, Michael Sam probably knew he didn't have the right stuff to make an NFL roster via the 2014 draft. Nobody's fool, he wetted a finger and extended it to test the prevailing political winds and found what he needed. Days before the draft, he came out - I'm gay - hoping it would increase his chances. It worked, barely, since he was the last player picked.
He had his shot during the pre-season and he came up short. After nobody picked him up, he finally found a 'better than nothing' gig with the Dallas Cowboy's on their off the roster 'taxi squad'. Since he can only stay there 2-3 years, he shouldn't get too comfortable. Hired for being gay? Yup.
This year, there have been outbreaks of heretofore unknown diseases. One is concentrated in the Midwest where it has infected 300 people, most of them tykes. In Minnesota another disease is also targeting tykes. It's described as polio like, since it causes paralysis. There have been isolated cases of things like tuberculosis.
What's going on? I think these diseases were brought in by the border jumping 'refugees'. This is what happens when you don't subject 'visitors' [invited or not] to a health screening. It's no accident that nobody - MSM or government tool - has mentioned this likelihood.
In bygone days, we stopped disease spreaders at the border, but now we roll out the red carpet for them.
During his appearance on '60 Minutes' the Buckpasser in chief pinned the blame for ISIS on the American intelligence agencies who never saw them coming. What's he supposed to do about that now?
Lies! If he'd bothered to pay attention to his intelligence briefings, he'd have seen this shit coming, For at least two years, intelligence agencies sounded the warning. The report writers nailed it, on ISIS whose actions they predicted with compelling precision. What's going on? Here are a few possibilities:
He's lazy and never read the briefings.
Arrogant to a fault, he thinks he's smarter than the briefing authors, so he ignore their warnings of 'coming attractions'.
ISIS and its bloody rampage are just what he wanted, because it makes America look inept and he loves denigrating America.
Colleges do a lot of things, these days, but instilling knowledge isn't one of them. They tell you what you can, or can't say. They tell you when and where you're allowed to say it. They tell you what to think. As thrilling as that sounds, one school - University of Denver - kicked this intrusive crap up several notches.
As you'll read below, the University of Denver doesn't seem to trust students to form new ideas and relationships on their own.
Adam Kissel of Minding the Campus reports.
Freshmen: Here Are the Friends and Values We Want You to Have
For years, some colleges assigned new students roommates from different regions, races or classes. The idea, not very controversial, was to broaden the horizons of freshmen.
Now a more intrusive version of that plan has turned up via the University of Denver, where the chancellor believes a bit of social engineering will push students toward a diverse range of friendships. The chancellor, Rebecca Chopp, argued, "I don't think it is enough to leave new relationships to chance. … Let's cultivate practices in which students make friends not by chance but because we are cultivating friendships around community values."
In other words, 'we need to make these moves to maximize your Marxist indoctrination'.
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 27, 2014
Remembering James Traficant
James Traficant was a congressman from Ohio's17th district for17 years, until the feds sent him to the slammer for, 10 felony counts including bribery, racketeering, and tax evasion.
Worst hairpiece in history? Yup.
A bribe taking, tax evading racketeering crooked political hack? Yup.
Despite that, I liked him. Flawed or not, he was colorful and prone to serving up a PIG-worthy quote.
July 29, 1999
Mr. Speaker, John Hinckley shot President Reagan, James Brady, and two security guards with intent to kill. Hinckley also planned to kill President Carter.
Deemed insane, Hinckley was put in the hospital. And now that hospital says Hinckley has regained his health, he is no longer insane, and he should be entitled to and they are granting him `supervised leave.' And the Government will not appeal it. Unbelievable. What is next, Mr. Speaker? White House tours? Disney World? Beam me up.
If we can't have a government comprised of rational adults a dude like James Traficant does at least entertain us.
Rest in peace James, or as you'd say, "Beam me up, Saint Pete".
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 25, 2014
When Twerky (Miley Cyrus) was in Mexico, perpetrating whatever the fuck you call what she does, she pissed off the Sombrero Stomper officials. The offense had nothing to do with the peep show elements of her musical twitching. The offense was something else entirely: one of Twerky's gyrating tarts smacked Miley's twitching butt with the Mexican flag. That's a no-no, but what makes this foolishness memorable is the fun fact that it transpired on Mexico's Independence Day. Big, big fun.
I have an idea. Why doesn't Uncle Sam offer a straight-up trade. If they'll turn loose of Marine Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi, we'll give them Twerky. It's a winner all around, because Twerky would be a much more amusing Gray Bar Hotel guest than Sgt. Tahmooressi.
I'm not likely to take a trip to another country, for a variety of reasons. But, if I did venture that far from the PIG Bunker, my destination would be Japan. Why Japan?
Here's one compelling reason:
KYOTO, Japan, Sept. 23 (UPI) -- Japanese police have seized hundreds of pairs of shoes with built-in upskirt cameras by visiting buyers' homes and asking them to voluntarily give up the items.
Kyoto Prefectural Police said they received a list of about 1,500 customers when they raided a company July 1 specializing in the voyeuristic footwear, known as "tosatsu shoes," and they have since been visiting the homes of customers and asking them to voluntarily give up the shoes.
Police said they believe they have collected nearly all pairs of the shoes in Kyoto Prefecture, save for some said to have been thrown away. The customers were asked to surrender the shoes and fill out a "disposal request" that asked them to state why they purchased them.
Police said the company, which also sold camera supplies, had sold about 2,500 pairs of tosatsu shoes between 2012 and 2014. A 26-year-old company manager was charged with "aiding voyeurism," a violation of the nuisance prevention ordinance, and fined about $4,500.
I love that bit in the 3rd paragraph where the police ask the shoe owners 'why did you buy these'. I get 'for the official record', but it's still an asinine question.
When I stumbled over this gem, I had a 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' reaction. In the middle of the last century - hormone gorillas deployed a very low tech version of the tosatsu shoe when they affixed mirrors to the top of their shoes.
Japan is so amusingly twisted that I might put a trip there on my bucket list.
I see that Bruce Jenner and Big Mama Kardashian are splitsville. It's about time.
I have unresolved issues with Jenner, none of which involve his rumored sex change. I chalk that one up to the stress of living with that shrew and her hellish horde.
Anyway, about those issues.
* He was, in his younger (Olympics) days, a good looking dude. Given that, why did he get all that unsightly cosmetic surgery?
* He got a horrifyingly close look at Big Mama's brood then reproduced with her anyway? Twice! If he gets his wang lopped off, I'd like to think it's his way of atoning for this frontal assault on the human gene pool.
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 16, 2014
He went to North Korea deliberately.
The American who tore up his own tourist visa on landing in North Korea and demanded to be arrested so that he could experience prison life in the communist nation has been sentenced to six years hard labor for entering the country illegally to commit espionage.
Matthew Miller, 24, of Bakersfield, California, looked thin and pale at his trial in Pyongyang on Sunday, as he was handed out his sentence. [Daily Mail]
Now, he wants out.
Earlier this month, Miller told CNN's Will Ripley that he "prepared to violate the law of DPRK before coming here. And I deliberately committed my crime."
But Miller didn't elaborate on what his "crime" was. He said he wouldn't learn of his charges until he went to trial.
It's unclear whether his statements were made freely or under coercion.
"My situation is very urgent," Miller told CNN. "... Very soon, I'm going to trial and I will directly be sent to prison. I think this interview is my final chance to push the American government into helping me." [CNN]
Uncle Sam is on the job.
Early Monday, the U.S. State Department demanded that North Korea release Miller and fellow American prisoner Kenneth Bae.
"The charges for which he (Miller) and the other detained U.S. citizens were arrested and imprisoned would not give rise to arrest or imprisonment in the United States or in many other countries around the world," said spokesman Darby Holladay. [CNN]
Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi
He's been a political prisoner in Mexico, since March 31st. The Mexican authorities are screwing with him. What passes for a judicial system in that pestilence keeps jerking him around. Making this particular circle of hell especially thrilling, his fellow prisoners are ready, willing, and eager to kill him.
What did he do to deserve this? Nothing. He landed in that hell hole for several reasons.
He made a wrong turn at the U.S. - Mexican border and ended up in Mexico.
He warned Mexican officials about the legally purchased and registered [in the USA] firearms in his truck.
He's an American.
He's a United States Marine.
Sgt. Tahmooressi did two tours of duty in Afghanistan, a service to his country that saddled him with PTSD. He deserves more from his nation than this crap.
Nobody in the Obama Regime has lifted a finger to help Sgt. Tahmooressi.
The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for Bowe Berghdal. a man who is, many believe, a deserter.
This same Oval Office Pussy won't lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only 'crime' is making a wrong turn at the U.S.-Mexican border. That just ain't right.
Parting shot: That fool, Miller asked for it, so I say let him rot, until Sgt. Tahmooressi is freed. Once that's done, maybe...but not a moment sooner.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2014
Hysteria Channel Musings
[One of my lovely bride's social media chums risked crime statistic status, when they kept yammering about the so-called 'History Channel'. After she, ever so gently, tried to enlighten them, she pinned a 'lost cause' on the topic, and I don't blame her.
The incident prodded me into dredging up my scribblings on this cable blight, so here goes nothing.]
The History Channel
Long ago, We the PIGs dubbed this one the 'Hysteria Channel', due to its penchant for histrionics. It does poop out the occasional 'history' program, but even those are so replete with political correctness and self-serving bullshit that labeling it 'history' is erroneous in the extreme.
If you haven't made a pitstop at the Hysteria Channel lately, here are some hard core 'history' fare that you're missing:
American Pickers, Ax Men, The Bible Code: Predicting Armageddon, Big Shrimpin', Cajun Pawn Stars, Extreme Marksmen, Full Metal Jousting, Ice Road Truckers, Jurassic Fight Club, Life After People, Mega Disasters, Monster Quest, More Extreme Marksmen, Nostradamus Effect, Pawn Stars, Sharp Shooters, Swamp People, UFO Hunters
Two of the aforementioned programs deserve special attention:
'Life After People' is a humanity hating, tree boinking Greeniac's wet dream, since it makes them orgasmic with views of a world were all those pesky humans have been expunged. If you listen closely, you can hear the heavy breathing of all those people hating Greeniacs.
'Monster Quest' features some of the stupidest alleged humans ever born doing moronic things that make you nostalgic for the relative sanity of junk science. It might not be in the same universe as science, and it's perpetrated by morons, but it does have one redeeming element: Monster Quest is, unintentionally a real hoot.
My favorite episode deployed the Monster Quest 'Team' to New Guinea to track down a flying monster that's big enough to pluck a grown man off the ground and dump his carcass in the top of a very tall tree. Faster than you can say 'tinfoil hat zone' they decided it's a pterodactyl, one of those flying reptiles that's a fixture in dinosaur flicks.
During the show, several magic moments put my lovely bride on the floor, laughing like a mental patient. For some reason, elements of objective reality that perplexed the Monster Quest Team seemed perfectly obvious to us. For example, the Monster Quest Team seem shocked, dismayed and horrified by the evil New Guinea climate, not to mention all the insects, snakes and other vermin. If they'd bothered to ask a rational adult - one of us - we would have explained that New Guinea is an entomologist's wet dream that has three weather seasons: Sucks, Turbo Sucks, & Don't Even Think About It.
We'll finish our look at this episode by sharing two magic, Monster Quest, moments. The first involved their 'bought it on sale at eBay' heat signature camera which dazzled them by detecting a GIANT heat source. TA-DA? Not exactly. It was an 'elephant bug' which is a flying, self illuminating, June Bug size critter who took pity on these morons and decided to give them a thrill by landing on their camera lens.
The second laugh-inducing gem happened while the breathless narrator tried to ramp up the drama by describing how remote, treacherous and inhospitable the jungle trail up the side of a 'mountain' was. The prose, the tone, and the music might have worked, if the camera wasn't trained a rugrat size kid who was handling the trail effortlessly, while toting a large, white, plastic tub.
Isn't it 'false advertising' to operate as the 'History' Channel when you perpetrate this reality-insulated crap? Enquiring minds what to know.
* More Hysteria
The Hysteria Channel - some of you might insist on using its hilariously ironic name, the 'History Channel' - perpetrated an especially uplifting show this evening. The usual suspects, a sorry collection of slobbering sad sacks, were playing a rousing game of 'what if'. Regular viewers of this cable blight know that 'what if' is a Hysteria Channel favorite.
Today's what if was, in essence, a 'how to paralyze America' show that featured the chaos which would ensue if the Jihadikazes set off a small nuke in our nation's capitol. The talking heads were so over the top on this crap that they made the film 'Independence Day' seem like walk in the park.
Proving that great minds work alike, my lovely bride and I laughed together, when the 'experts' fretted over the untimely demise of our Elected Tormentors, job for life bureaucrats, plus assorted other D.C. dwelling pests. We almost said it in unison, but she got there first: "If there's a downside here, I'm not seeing it."
Setting aside the annoying - 'an Egghead's wet dream' - aspects of this piece, I still had issues with their scenario. For example, they didn't come close to resolving the Barry factor. The Barry factor? That's Hamboese for the incontrovertible fact that an alive and kicking Barry is the Jihadikazes' ace in the hole. The Jihadikazes don't dare kill him, because it's a virtual certainty that America would never find a useful idiot of his ilk to replace him. Admittedly, they could wait until he's on another personal appearance tour, before they nuke the botox induced smirk off San Fran Nan's face.
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 11, 2014
Barry: "No religion condones the killing of innocents,"
Therefore, according to The One, ISIS is not Islamic.
The ISIS murderers call their blood-soaked domain a 'caliphate'.
I looked up 'caliphate' and got this:
Dominon of a caliph.
Undeterred, I looked up Caliph and Yahtzee!
The chief Muslim civil and religious ruler, regarded as the successor of Muhammad
Since the butcher-in-chief for ISIS deemed himself 'the successor of Muhammad', AND since ISIS stands for ISLAMIC State (in) Iraq and Syria, it's GAME, SET, MATCH in Barryville
Barry is free to believe whatever thrills him spitless. BUT, if he tries to sell me on his "inexplicably cranky victims of American Imperialism who really just need a hug...maybe two hugs", he's delusional.
ISIS is whatever it says it is. If ISIS says it is motivated by Islam, THEOLOGICAL ISLAM, who the fuck is Barry to say no?
'Hijacked one of the world's great religions'- This on harkens back to W, I think, but The One has used similar rheoric.
The other 'nothing to see here' canard opines that the 'Huggies' are just a small percentage of Muslims. Okay...let's look at that.
Using everyone's favorite bullshit figure - 10%- we'll do the math.
There are 1.6 billion [1,600,000,000] Muslims.
10% of 1.6 billion is 160 million [160,000,000]
That would put 160 million insane, toddler murdering, butchers loose on civilized society. Does that make anyone feel safe? If we made it 1% of Muslims that's still 16 million [16,000,000] raving, head lopping lunatics.
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 06, 2014
Regime Change Options
It probably won't thrill the Secret Service spitless, and I 'get' that. HOWEVER, they don't need to interrupt the next Colombian Hooker Mixer at Secret Service HQ to investigate it. What the hell am I talking about, this time? What indeed.
A critical mass of rational adults long for...pray for?...an earlier than normal regime change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. When their frustration peaks, some might even blurt out "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard". I understand their frustration and I share it, however I see 'unintended consequences' inexorably tied to "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard".
Option 1: "I wish somebody would shoot that bastard".
First and foremost, it would turn The One into a martyr. If, as many opine, Barry is, in his heart, an Islamist, martyrdom kind of works. BUT, his Obamunist minions would have a memorable hissy fit over The One's untimely demise.
Second, and equally problematic, his Jackass Party would 'honor' his memory, by ramming through Draconian legicrap that's so extreme it would make Marxist regimes like Stalin's, Mao's, and North Korea's seem tame, liberty-affirming, by comparison.
That's why death, even from natural causes, just won't get 'er done. The one exception to this assertion is covered in Option 4.
Option 2: "He went out for a pack of cigarettes and never returned."
Admittedly VERY unlikely, a disappearing act, would spare us martyrdom and the Draconian legicrap deluge martyrdom invites.
The downside is the obvious one. Since he'd still be on this planet, he might return at any time.
Option 3: "He's gone, Jim. The president is incurably insane."
This one sounds inviting, until you delve into those Devilish Details.
First, and foremost, given The One's erratic behavior, how would we know the difference between Erratic Obama and Insane Obama? Could anyone detect the difference.
Second, if he was incurably insane, would anyone in his POTUS Posse, do anything about it? Nope. Most likely, they would hide it from EVERYONE and continue their destruction of this once great nation.
Option 4: "INCOMING!"
This is the most practical, most efficient solution, since it puts D.C. - Elected Tormentors, bureaucracies, etc. - out of our misery. I'm talking about an asteroid strike on D.C. In theory, an asteroid strike would be ideal, but...
If it's just the right size - about 50 meters wide and it hit, it would create a mile wide crater, and lay waste to suitably larger area beyond the crater.
Getting it to hit land is iffy, and having it hit D.C. is a longshot with nearly impossible odds.
[A]n asteroid flies past Earth, on average, every 40 years, yet actually hits the planet once every 1200 years or so.
Option 5: "Beam him...them up...ET"
When I add it all up - Crop Circles, Cattle Mutilations, Their Joy Riding All Over Our Planet, Abducting Humans For Painful Prodding, Poking, and Puncturing - I conclude that E.T. has abused our hospitality. You owe us, Space Punks, and we're declaring your debt due, immediately.
We the PIGs are whipped with guilt that We the People are hogging all this Marxist Messiah joy. Suitably guilt-ridden, we're ready to mark your debt 'paid in full', if you take HIM off our hands. There are, however a few 'conditions':
* You must keep him. We don't want him back.
* We don't want him on this planet. He might come back.
* We don't want him left elsewhere in our solar system. Some Moonbat might go get him.
* If you must leave him elsewhere in our galaxy, the closest we'll tolerate is on the far side of the Milky Way Galaxy.
If you have the room, we have other potential 'passengers' in mind. If you want a full list, let us know.
Parting shot: My first choice is Option 4. Option 5 is my second choice, followed by Option 2.
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 04, 2014
Being a rational adult in an increasingly irrational world is, at best, a serious pain in the ass. That's one of the fun-filled consequences of confronting objective reality with your eyes wide open. When you attempt this, with the shackles removed from your brain, it's not for the faint hearted.
I strongly suggest that you have an ample supply of your preferred adult beverage on hand, because the ride down reality street is a very bumpy one. You'll be sad, when you take stock of all damage that's been done. You'll get mad when you confront what lies ahead of you. You'll see things you don't want to see. You'll hear things you don't want to hear. You'll read things you don't want to read. Worst of all you'll reach conclusions you don't want to reach.
I've been converting oxygen into carbon dioxide for quite a while, so I'm painfully aware of where we are, where we've been and how we got our once great nation so completely fucked up. If my notions about where we're heading prove valid, the worst is looming large on the near horizon.
Because I'm a heartless bastard, I'm going to make a few stops on this highway to hell. Why? So we can look at some of the noteworthy features on Reality Street.
I might as well get this one out of the way, now, and be done with it. Using 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness' as your measurement criteria, the world, especially the USA, that you'll leave behind will be worse than the one which existed when you took your first breath. How much worse? That depends on your age. Why? Because your awareness of the degradation is increased or decreased by when you attended school and if certain turning point events occurred before or after your birth.
No matter when you were born, your life was changed, for the worse, by the anti-war movement of the 1960s.,which did a lot more than thrill Tricky Dicky spitless. It made LBJ a one-term (one full term) president, but that one full term was enough time to let him poop out that Victimhood steaming pile, Affirmative Action. Most important of all, for this discussion, the anti-war movement transformed colleges and universities from institutions of higher learning into political korrectness factories. For a variety of reasons, the anti-war movement's aftershocks are still felt half a century later. John Kerry, for example, jump started his political career with his back-stabbing anti-war antics.
As the anti-war movement wound down, a critical mass of the participants sought refuge in America's Ivory Towers, where many of them remain, to this day. Wielding considerable power, they are the prime movers who scuttled 'a free exchange of ideas' to make room for that mantra of the moment 'check your privilege'.
How do they impact your life? How indeed.
Those Korrectness Factories pooped out that Marxist Moonbat Educrat who is trying to brainwash your children into brain-dead Progtard.
Those relics from the 60's are taking jobs for life in the Nanny State bureaucracy, where they can impose their twisted notions via regulations.
America is losing its competitive edge, because our Ivory Towers have stopped teaching and started indoctrinating.
Before we leave the 1960s behind, I'm compelled to point out another event which produced shockwaves that still shape our political landscape. In 1964 the Elephant Clan nominated Barry Goldwater. His acceptance speech reasonates with bold visions of a government that would fulfill its obligations without straying beyond its Constitutionally mandated limits. Goldwater didn't deserve the character assassination that ensued. This great man deserved better, then, and he deserves better, now. His candidacy represents a missed opportunity to undo at least some of the damage inflicted by the Lunatic Left. His candidacy also marks the moment in time when the Elephant Clan's DC establishment began its on-going war with Conservatives and anyone else who espouses limited government.
In 1976, the Jackass Party had a memorable brain fart name Jimmy Carter. He's worth mention for two reasons. First and foremost, he's the harbinger of things to come: loves Islamikazes so much he refuses to put up an effective fight; hates Israel; does his best to destroy our military.
Jihad Jimmy's other 'accomplishment' is setting the stage for Ronald Reagan. Smoother than Goldwater, Reagan was close enough to Goldwater, politically, to scare the crap out of the Elephant Clan's DC establishment. Many rational adults persuaded themselves that Reagan could turn things around. Some kidded themselves into believing that Reagan was the new prototype for a pachyderm POTUS. His successor, Bush I, quicky dispelled such notions. Papa Bush made us face the bitter truth. Reagan, alas, was an anomaly
The End Game
The 2008 election cycle marks a key point in America's headlong plunge in to Marxist tyranny. When the pachyderm punks virtually conceded the election, by nominating a RINO fossil - Juan McCain - the Jackass Party seized the moment. With an overwhelming majority in both houses of Congress, the Jackass Party threw away the rule book (the U.S. Constitution), then put the pedal to the metal on the razing of American liberty.
In the 2010 Midterm, a new political force - The TEA Party - arrived on the scene and due primarily to their efforts, the Jackass Party lost control of the U.S. House of Representatives. Their margin in the U.S. Senate was also reduced, putting the pachyderm punks - theoretically - back in the game.
The One took this setback in stride, prompting him to blaze a new trail to a Progtard Holy Grail called an imperial presidency. By the 2012 Election Cycle, his rule by presidential decree was well established. Despite the best efforts of rational adults, he won, primarily, because Mitt Romney didn't put up much of a fight. Unwilling to take Obama to the woodshed, on any of Barry's glaring deficiencies, Mitt Romney lost an election that was his for the taking.
If you believe in the venerable political pendulum, the Obama regime's wild swing to the lunatic left should create a swing of equal intensity toward the right. We the People are up for that, but it won't happen, if the Pachyderm Establishment gets its way. The RNC is much more interested in obliterating the TEA Party than defeating the Jackass Party.
If you're drawing your inspiration from the fact that Jimmy made things perfect for a Reagan, I have troubling news for you, history repeats itself Sparky. Anyone with Reagan-like credentials would be eviscerated by Beltway Republicans. Additionally, if there's someone like that 'out there' he, she, heshe, or it is taking 'low profile' to new levels.
It's time to put this rambling rant out of my misery. So, here's my parting shot. As this rant indicates, The One isn't a one man wrecking crew who is destroying America. Obama is just an undertaker who is nailing the last few nails in America's coffin.
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 01, 2014
Labor Day Musings
In the pantheon of Americans who are singled out for special recognition we seemed to have covered all the bases.
The Irish get their due on St. Patrick's Day, when we get shit-faced on green beer and paste shamrocks on every flat surface.
The Italians get the due, when we celebrate the antics of a severely lost, directionally challenged Italian who blundered into the new world without knowing where he was. In fact, he never did understand where he'd been. Despite it all we honor his blunder on Columbus Day.
Lovers, and the relentlessly horny, get to strut their stuff for that special him, her, himher or it on Valentine's Day.
Presidents - good, bad and indifferent - get our attention on - DUH - Presidents Day.
Mom gets her own special day, not to mention that killer heartburn, when she chokes down the breakfast the tykes made for her.
America's honored dead, who died defending our liberty, get our heartfelt thanks on Memorial Day.
Dad earned his own day in the sun, plus another batch of ugly 'I wouldn't wear this on a bet' ties for his impressive collection.
The Founding Father's get the our richly deserved respect for our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness on Independence Day.
The Pilgrims get some TLC on Thanksgiving Day.
The properly-hyphenated, and assorted other chronic whiners, get to strut their stuff and make rational adults miserable with a plethora of 'pride', 'history' and 'appreciation' days, weeks or months.
Sally Steno has what was, in terminally inkorrect times, called Secretaries Day - later Secretaries Week.
On the first Monday in September, Larry Lunchpail gets his turn in the spotlight with the Labor Day festivities.
Everybody seems to get their turn in the spotlight, except those egregiously maligned achievers, who are vilified by the Neo-Marxist horde. All they did was turn an idea into a product or service, then expand it into the industries where we work to feed our families. When are these achievers - Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, Bill Gates, and countless others - going to be given the respect they deserve? When will the writers, thinkers, and scientists who entertain, enlighten, inspire and inform us going to be given their just reward with a day of their own? It's time for America to cut to the chase and honor such men and women with an Achievers Day, a day on which we salute excellence, in all its diverse forms?
I won't put words in your mouth, but this Labor Day, I'm going to take a moment to honor those unsung heros of excellence, who made this great nation what Ronald Reagan called 'the shining city on a hill'. After all they've given us, it's the least we can do to thank them.
FRIDAY AUGUST 29, 2014
F**K Labor Day
"The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money to spend."
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
If you've ever wondered why the Free State of PIG doesn't usually commemorate Labor Day with a Top Story, wonder no more. Quite frankly, especially in this second decade of the of the 21st century, the labor unions that exemplify this faux holiday aren't thrilling us spitless. No matter what essential topic you name, they're on the wrong side of it. Given organized labor's deleterious impact on a sovereign individual's life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, the FSOP won't set aside a picosecond on the first Monday in September to hoist a brewskie to honor BIG LABOR. Why? We refuse to give PIG props to the public employees unions, teachers unions, auto workers unions, or any other organized labor group which are key players in this increasingly oppressive Obamunist Error.
What, exactly, is Labor Day? If you cyber surf to the Department of Labor Internet speed bump, you'll learn that the American version of Labor Day dates back to 1882. You'll also find this high sounding, bureaucratic, bull crap to justify this salute to BIG LABOR:
Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.
Social and economic achievements? Let's take a closer look at that.
Teachers unions are high on our list of groups that deserve to be nuked out of our misery. First, and foremost, being a tenured member of a teacher's union means you'll never have to hear the words "You're fired." No matter what you do, you'll never have to pay the piper for your incompetence. Hell, in most government cess schools, the only way you'll get in serious trouble with your union happens if you're foolish enough to educate your young charges instead of indoctrinating them.
In liberty-impoverished blights like Mexifornia, teachers unions are powerful political players who, routinely, impose their will on feckless Elected Tormentors and brain dead chad punchers. They shape the political landscape, with unrelenting advertising campaigns, which inhibit liberty and impoverish unwary achievers.
When it comes to unionized teachers, their primary social and economic achievements involve producing properly indoctrinated, neo-Marxist meatheads who can't read, write or compute but are brimming with inexplicable self-esteem.
As fun as the teachers unions are, they're bush league, when compared to the pernicious social and economic achievements of unionized, job-for-life, public employees. When it comes to memorable social and economic achievements, public employee unions, like the SEIU, are without peer. For example, at every level of government in Mexifornia - city, county, state - one budget-busting item is drowning them in a tidal wave of budgetary red ink. What is it? It's public employee retirement plans. Generous to a fault, these scams allow the union worker to retire at 50 with, at least, 90% of their pay, then return to their job, THE NEXT DAY, at, virtually, the same pay.
From sea to shining sea, public employee unions, like the SEIU, dictate public policy, using bought and paid for Elected Tormentors, including Prompter Punk himself. They say "jump" and their Elected Tormentor toadies bellow "how high". If those pesky sovereign individuals try to take back their government, the SEIU's merry band of thugs goose-step into peaceable public assemblies to shout, and/or beat, the sovereign individuals into compliance.
Don't wait for the FSOP to get warm and fuzzy over the social and economic 'achievements' of unionized teachers and public employees. Any alleged good they do is overwhelmed by their destructive impact on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Screw them, and the sorry nag they rode in on.
Jealous of the social and economic achievements perpetrated by unionized teachers and public employees, so-called 'civilian' unions made a compelling, annoyingly successful, bid for their piece of the taxpayer funded pie. Did it work? You better believe it, Sparky.
Eager to please, the Demoncrats doled out billions via make-work projects funded by the Porkulus Bill, all of which will reward labor unions.
The same Demoncrat horde worked feverishly, to pass the 'card check' bill which would make it much, MUCH, easier for union organizers to intimidate recalcitrant, rogue individuals into 'agreeing' to be unionized.
The auto industry bailout bill handed two of the Big Three automakers to the United Auto Workers Union on a Commie Red, Obamunist platter.
When Boeing built a new manufacturing plant in South Carolina, a right to work state, instead of the state of Washington, the company let its new employees decide if they wanted to unionize. When the South Carolina workers voted against unionization, union bosses whined to their Demoncrat lackeys in D.C. In record time, the Obamunist regime unleashed the National Labor Relations Board which accused Boeing of unfair labor practices. It took a while, but Boeing prevailed, however, it wasn't bloodless, since they had to give the union a few concessions.
When the grope-a-dopes in the TSA were allowed to join a public employee union, the TSA twerps responded by waging war on that individualist pestilence, the pay for performance evaluation system. Mediocrity triumphed over excellence. Now, passengers get to pay for the ineptitude of the public employee asshat who is assaulting them.
Marching to the beat of organized labor's drummer, the Nanny State has shackled business owning individuals with suffocating restrictions and unrelenting interference. In addition to complying with minium wage - and 'living' wage - laws, business owning individuals must eke out a profit, while the Nanny State second-guesses every staffing decision, then micro-manages the business' benefits package.
Our antipathy to labor unions goes beyond the aforementioned social and economic achievements. That's only half the story. Organized labor's underlying principles are, in the FSOP's considered opinion, diametrically opposed to the individual liberty on which this nation is built.
Under the union's 'collective' bargaining rules of engagement, longevity trumps individual excellence. It doesn't matter if you're the best at your job, your pay raise will be exactly the same as those three slackers who foist off their work on you. If, however you're a relative newbie, you'll always be earning less than those slackers, whose paycheck is based, exclusively, on longevity.
Union rhetoric is infused with anti-capitalist diatribes which denigrate the achiever(s) who rolled fate's dice by going all in on a new business. Instead of saluting the achiever for risking everything he had on his personal version of the American Dream, the union thugs vilify the achiever as an 'exploiter'. Instead of honoring the achiever who made their own job(s) possible, the union thugs do their utmost to bring the achiever down. For example: the biggest, noisiest union thug celebration I've ever witnessed happened after the union's insatiable demands and prolonged strike forced the company they targeted to close its doors, permanently. They were out of a job, but they called it a victory, because an achiever, a capitalist, went down for the count.
If you need the smoking gun on anti-capitalist union leaders, you're in luck. Exhibit 'A' is AFL-CIO president Richard Trumka, an FOB (Friend Of Barry) who proudly proclaims that he's a Communist. Furthermore, Trumka boldly declares his antipathy to America's inalienable individual liberty. He's ready, willing, and eager to sacrifice our liberty, our prosperity, and our property as a down payment on the Marxist America that he's working tirelessly to impose on us.
Summing it up, labor unions are anti-capitalist, anti-excellence, and anti-individual. Don't hold your breath waiting for us to salute THAT bull crap on Labor Day. Does that mean we won't take some time out from our summer ending festivities to honor America's working men and women? Hardly. The FSOP is ready, willing and eager to honor America's hard-working men and women. BUT, we insist on saluting the right hard-working people, for the right reasons.
On Labor Day, on many other days, we salute that dirt under the fingernails individual who keeps our ride in top working order, without sending us to the poor house. It's a dirty job - especially keeping Hambo's paganmobile functional - but it's accomplished with compelling expertise.
On Labor Day, we salute the food wrangler at our local deli who greets us by name, knows our preferences, and serves us with friendly efficiency.
On Labor Day, we salute the support we get from our web hosting service. We know we're small potatoes on their ledger sheet, but, no matter how busy they are, they take the time to answer our pesky questions and still manage to convince us that they appreciate our business.
On Labor Day, we hoist a brewskie to honor the computer gurus at our internet service provider, who spotted a problem we had with our e-mail, then sent us the answer to our question, before we had time to ask it.
On Labor Day, we give a shout out to the dude who toiled in the oppressive heat, on the hottest day of the year, to replace a fried component that shut down our air conditioner. He didn't complain, didn't gouge us, and he got the job done with compelling efficiency.
On Labor Day, we honor all the working men and women who understand our, occasional, financial limitations, prompting them to suggest a bang-for-the-buck solution, without making us feel like a charity case.
On Labor Day, we salute the working men and women who keep their outpost of capitalism open for an extra half hour, allowing us to meet our own pressing schedule.
On Labor Day, we take a moment to thank the working men and women who understand the importance of excellent customer service. This, in our estimation, is a major social and economic achievement, since it allows us to reward excellence with our continuing patronage.
On Labor Day, we send a heartfelt shout out to the working men and women who take the time to help us solve our pressing problem with a referral, when their outpost of capitalism doesn't offer the goods and/or services that we need.
What's the difference between these achievements by America's working stiffs and the overblown social and economic achievements attributed to organized labor? The actions the FSOP honors, salutes, and venerates are examples of individual excellence. It's the kind of individual pride in one's work, which is sorely lacking in a unionized environment. They're mundane examples of the individual excellence which helped forge the solid foundation on which this once great nation was built.
The Free State of PIG refuses to play killjoy, by ruining your Labor Day. If you still decided to hoist your brewskie to honor organized labor, so be it, but do it with your eyes wide open. If, like us, you choose to salute those real working stiff heroes who make your life a little bit more liveable, one transaction at a time, that's an utterly PIG-worthy idea.
Labor Day still isn't our idea of a good time, and it never will be. On the other hand, if we could create a Capitalism Rocks holiday, that's a whole new ball game.
FRIDAY AUGUST 22, 2014
The One's popular - self-serving - mantra spouts drivel about 'extremists' "hijacking a great religion". It's crap, but it serves a purpose for a POTUS who I suspect is, at heart, still a Mecca Maniac. The object of this exercise is obvious.
* Expunge the term 'terrorist' when used in conjunction with Jihadikaze bastards like al qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, and those fuzz ball Palestinians.
* Disassociate the Jihadikazes from Islam.
* Promote the notion that these inexplicably cranky fuzzballs, who just need a hug, were, in fact, 'oppressed' by dastardly Uncle Sam, into 'acting out'.
It was working, more or less, until ISIS/ISIL took butchery to obscene levels.
Confronted with this ISIS/ISIL savagery, Barry, and craven non-Islamikaze cowards scrambled for some politically expedient rhetoric. They need to convince John & Jane Q. Public that it's terminally savage SECULAR asshats who butchered their way through parts Syria and Iraq.
Barry and others of his ilk might fool themselves, and the myopic meatheads who swill their Marxist 'America Sucks' Kool-Aid, but I'm not impressed. Unlike al qaeda, Hamas, and the rest, ISIS/ISIL are old school Jihadikazes. Their savagery, the headless children, the women they gang rape to death, the zeal with which the butcher, and/or destroy anything/anyone who doesn't pass their Islamikaze purity test isn't something new.
ISIS/ISIL represents Islam, 7th Century Islam, Mohammad's Islam in its purist form. In other words, ISIS/ISIL is practicing the REAL Islam. If anyone has 'hijacked' Islam, it's all the pretenders who preceded ISIS/ISIL.
If ISIS/ISIL isn't properly Islamic, why aren't the 'real' Islamikazes condemning them.
An ISIS/ISIL butcher proudly holds up the headless body of a little girl. I listen carefully for a noisy condemnation from CAIR, that Islamikaze Congresspuke, Keith Ellison, or any of the Mecca Maniacs on Barry's payroll. The only sound I hear is crickets.
ISIS/ISIL is full tilt Mecca Mania. Islam wasn't hijacked by our enemy. Islam IS our enemy. The longer we ignore that inconvenient truth, the worse it's going to get.
THURSDAY AUGUST 14, 2014
For What It's Worth
[I found this gem on my favorite gossip site, The Superficial. He got it from Radar.
Is it true?
Is it based on some satire posting that fooled Radar?
Is it a clever hoax?
I don't know and I don't really care. Why? Because I like the level of writing at The Superficial. The last paragraph of this Superficial rant is a classic.
Here's the full text from The Superficial]
O.J. Simpson Is Obsessed With Kim Kardashian, Yesssssssssss
It's been a week of shitty news followed by shitheads capitalizing on said shit, so here's a ray of sunshine piercing through the storm: O.J. Simpson is sitting in jail obsessing over Kim Kardashian and could get out as early as 2017! Is anyone else doing the pee-pee dance? I'm doing the pee-pee dance. Radar reports:
"He has several sexy pictures of Kim hanging up in his prison cell from her 2007 Playboy shot and he isn't shy about showing her picture to fellow inmates," an insider told us.
Simpson joked to a pal, "She likes black ball players, I am a Hall of Famer — and I still have my Heisman award," a dig at Kardashian's former boyfriend Reggie Bush who gave back his college football Heisman trophy after it came to light of some unethical dealings he was involved during his college playing days.
Not creepy enough for you? Let me check in the back. Wait one second.
As far as her recent wedding to Kanye West, Simpson doesn't think that it's any big deal saying, "As long as I am in prison, I can't be with her so Kanye can have her for now.
"But when I get out she's mine."
And I also found these. They're a size murder.
"He reads every magazine he can about her and when she is on TV he demands silence from his fellow inmates so he can watch without interruption. He's even tried to get in contact with her, but so far she hasn't responded to him."
So anyone know how I can get in touch with the parole board and testify on O.J.'s behalf? Because I feel like he's truly rehabilitated himself and, I dunno, found Jesus. Also, I'm going to need his current glove size. For winter. Juice hates frostbite.
FRIDAY AUGUST 08, 2014
Wading In The Shallow End Of The Gene Pool?
[I heard some boom box babblers talking about indulgent parents who let their offspring misbehave in public eateries and it reminded me of this rant.
The following story is true and only moderately embellished. I still say it's proof that Old Ka-Boom's egregiously playful wife (the dreaded Mrs. Old Ka-Boom) has singled me out for special treatment. Or, to put it in words that my lovely bride will understand "A".]
Eating out isn't supposed to be an action/adventure, but for reasons known only to HER, that mean-spirited deity with the warped sense of humor, it usually turns out to be. Case in point...
It was feeding time on the 'farm', in this particular case, a popular eating establishment that serves the best breakfast in town. The baby factory was wearing that classically bovine expression that the tragically misguided, prospective fathers and grandmothers to be call 'radiant' or 'serene'. She had on one of those hideous, moronic 'I'm pregnant' t-shirts that say 'baby' and have an arrow pointing down towards her grotesquely distended belly. What the hell is so wonderful about a fat chick with a stupid look on her face? Radiant my ass!
Daddy was living proof that anyone can, and will, become a father. His so-called expression was glassy-eyed and vacant - nobody has a cute name for it when a man does it - which is about what I'd expect from a man wearing an Ozzy Osborne t-shirt. If Darwin is right, the gene pool is in deep doo doo!
Completing this poignant family ensemble was their last project, a brat of indeterminate age and sex - for the sake of this discussion we'll call it male - who used his strategically located high chair perch to shower all of the nearby tables with recycled food. The cow viewed her offspring from hell's antics with an indulgent smile while daddy was too zoned out for it to register. That all changed when this future Nolan Ryan started to zero in on dear old dad. Before long he'd found the range and scored several direct hits in succession, the final one of which hit dad right between the eyes.
Daddy un-zoned, took a brief side trip to reality and assessed the damage. After removing the food projectile - a partially chewed bit of syrup coated pancake - from his face, he studied it. Eventually, his lone synapse fired and he identified the projectile. That's when, daddy made his move and did the logical thing - a no shit first for this mutant - by impounding the kid's ammo.
In an instant, the brat's face clouded over and he started to build up to his usual response with a long series of deep breaths. Giving daddy a brat class 'eat shit and die' look, the little terror cut loose with a glass-shattering scream. While it reloaded for another blast, mama's pride and joy cleared the high chair's tray with a sweep of it's cubby arm. Water, food and dishes re-affirmed the laws of gravity, as they clattered to the floor.
Ready to give his voice and my ears a total workout, the little fiend cut loose with an impressive series of shrieks, each one being louder that the one before.
If I concede that children are 'necessary' and that this is all part of growing up, will you answer a question for me? Why do they seat these little horrors next to me? I swear, if there are 47 empty tables in a restaurant and one of these mega-brats shows up, they always seat it next to me. Someone up there doesn't like me, and I know who she is.
TUESDAY AUGUST 05, 2014
A Forgotten Man
The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for a man who is, many believe, a deserter.
This same Oval Office Pussy won't lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only 'crime' is making a wrong turn at the U.S.-Mexican border.
He has been in that Mexican hell hole since March 31st.
Enough already. Call your Elected Tormentor and demand that Uncle Sam forces Mexico to set this political prisoner free.
If Jesse Ventura wants to redeem himself, he'll use the money he whined out of Chris Kyle's widow and children to liberate Sgt. Tahmooressi from his Mexican cell.
If a two-star American General (U.S. Army) isn't safe among our 'allies' at an Afghan military academy, then it's time to face the facts.
We don't have any fully trustworthy Afghan allies.
Give the insane restrictions Barry imposes on our warriors, it's impossible for them to do what's necessary to get the job done.
All we're doing is pissing away the lives of brave men and women.
It's time to GTFO of that circle of Jihadikaze hell.
FRIDAY AUGUST 01, 2014
Only a state as willfully irrational as Mexifornia would elect a brain transplant donor as Governor.
Why do technological terrorists get orgasmic over each new expansion of 'high definition' [HD], when the screen they watch it on keeps getting smaller? HD makes sense on a wall-filling boob tube monitor. It still makes sense on a large desktop computer monitor. It's somewhat less nifty on a laptop. But a tablet computer isn't getting it done and watching it on a cell phone is asinine.
Why are legal immigrants subjected to a comprehensive screening which checks for contagious diseases and criminal or terrorist activity/affiliations, but the criminal, disease-ridden, border jumpers aren't screened at all?
If the asshats in La Raza, et al, get their way...if they drive whitey out, then seize control of some/all of America...if they import their critical mass of poverty-ridden, unskilled, born parasites, who is going to create the wealth to $upport them?
With Congresspukes like Gutierrez, Rangel, Cardenas, San Fran Nan, Jackson Lee and all the rest, the Jackass Party has the biggest collection of loathsome assholes in the known universe.
The Black Helicopter Club's High Commissioner for Human Rights accused Israel of war crimes, because, among other things, Israel didn't share its Iron Dome defense system with Hamas.
Diminishing Returns, Hambo Law
The definition of a video signal is inversely proportional to the size of the screen used to watch it. [As the definition of a video signal climbs higher and higher, the screen a technotard uses to view it gets smaller and smaller.]
The 'refugee' deluge might be a self-resolving problem. Why? Because, while they're isolated in 'detention' the ones who aren't taken out by MS-13 gangsters will be struck down by one of the nasty diseases they brought with them. That's the downside of bringing your problems with you when you run away from home.
WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2014
This Is War
All you need to know is that, in my OTHER life, the life outside the FSOP, a group of Austrians succeeded in really pissing me off. I tried to cut them some slack, but they insisted on pushing it, again, and again.
I'm willing to let bygones be bygones, more or less, over their homeboy Adolph. I'm trying to 'be a man' about the steaming load who left Austria and ended up in Mexifornia's governor's mansion. BUT, I draw the line, when THEIR badly planned bullshit interferes with my duties here in the FSOP. As bad as that was, it got worse when they threatened the most important day of the year at Hambo's homestead: Halloween.
Enough was enough, so I declared war on Austria. That's right, PIGsters, Hambo is OFFICIALLY at WAR with this pissant, Eurotrash infested, pimple on humanity's butt.
Willing to wallow in the muck and the mire, I tried to enlist help. Where? I started at the top, by placing a call to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Red Shed: "White House switchboard, how may I assist you?"
Me: "This is Hambo. I need to yammer at Barry, so grab his Dumbo ears and drag his scrawny butt to the phone."
R.S.: "If you mean PRESIDENT Obama, I must demand an apology."
Me: "Don't give me that crap, I'm not one of Barry's leg-humping asshats like Chris Matthews. I need Barry and I need him now. Don't make me come over there."
R.S.: "If you don't change your tone, you'll be very sorry."
Me: "Don't hold your breath. I only need a minute of his time. How long can it take to declare war on Austria, then nuke them back to the stone age?"
R.S.: "Declare war on Austria? You must be insane. President Obama is much too busy for the likes of you."
Me: "Just put him on the phone, while he practices his putting in the Oval Office. I need Austria nuked, and I need it RIGHT NOW!"
R.S.: "You're INSANE! We are not going to declare war on Austria, period."
Me: "Would it help things along, if I told you that Austrians LOVE the Fox News Channel?"
R.S.: "It can't hurt, but I still can't connect you with President Obama. I might get you on Valerie's call back list."
Me: "I have no use for Jihad Jarrett, since she hasn't got her finger on the nuclear trigger."
R.S.: "She has the president's ear."
Me: "Barry's ear? Admittedly, that's quite a handful, but it's not much help. I don't want, or need, Barry's ear. I need his nuclear trigger finger so he can nail Austria for me. If he does this favor for me, I'll pretend to believe it when he blames the nuking of Austria on George Bush."
R.S.: "I will NOT connect you with President Obama, PERIOD. End. Of. Discussion!"
Me: I knew this was a waste of time. What's the point in making a Messiah president, if he's not up for a smiting, when a patriotic American of my caliber needs one pesky little favor? He's supposed to do his part to perpetuate our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Trust me when I tell you that, if he lobs a couple nukes at those Austrian bastards, I'm a happy camper."
R.S.: "I'm going to report this call to our Secret Service detail."
Me: "Whatever floats your boat, darlin'. By the way, do you have Messiah Al Gore's home phone number? I hear the Austrians are dastardly greenhouse gas spewing eco-terrorists. Maybe he can muster the right messianic stuff to smite those Austrian bastards for me."
R.S.: "You are INSANE."
Me: "Agreed, but I'm not answering the phones for a Dumbo-eared narcissist."
R.S.: "[Profane pleasantries.] Click. Dialtone.
I want to nuke Austria out of my misery and I want it NOW. If you have the right stuff to help me get the job done, put in a good word with the nuclear-armed smiter on your Christmas list.
MONDAY JULY 21, 2014
A Hambo Classic
[I wrote this as commentary on a company I worked in, for more than a decade. It explains, to my satisfaction, many improbable events I personally witnessed.
I think this rant also applies, in too damn many ways, to the Nanny State's modus operandi.]
WHAT IS INDUSTRIAL SOCIALISM?
Industrial Socialism is an amalgamation of tried and true business axioms which are being fitted together to form a new, revolutionary concept in business management. The cornerstone of this new concept is Sirrom's Theorem, a real world solution to the age old tug-of-war between a company's management and it's subordinates. Sirrom's Theorem, along with its supporting corollaries, is the solid foundation upon which Industrial Socialism and it's remarkable performance is built.
It is the purpose of Industrial Socialism to provide management with a stable, easy to control workforce with which to realize its corporate goals. The easiest workforce to manage is one person. Under Industrial Socialism, the entire workforce, no matter how large or small, can be reduced to a single entity. This entity, while made up of many individual components- the workers, has but one performance level and a single standard by which it is measured. Through the liberal application of the various techniques detailed in subsequent chapters, the workers will not only strive to achieve this single level of performance, they will fight to stay there. Already, we can easily see that changing the company's output level, is as easy as shifting the current level of performance for the workforce entity.
For all its wide-ranging implications, Sirrom's Theorem is remarkably straight forward: Promote from the bottom; trim at the top. This simple axiom is the foundation of successful management. Each manager applies this theorem to his direct subordinates. Promotion from the bottom means exactly what it says: take the greenest, least efficient member of a group reporting to you and make him a manger over the rest. Trim at the top is just as simple: any necessary reductions in the workforce should be done at the top. I.E., Fire or lay off the top workers of the group. Before you reject this proposition, let me explain how it works. Because, as unlikely as it seems, Sirrom's Theorem does work!
The key to fully understanding and appreciating Sirrom's Theorem is to keep the purpose of Industrial Socialism fixed in our minds: to provide management with a stable, easy to control workforce. Or, put another way, the goal of Industrial Socialism is to rid the manager of all those troublesome, employee-related aspects of his job: performance reviews, promotion, pay administration, discipline, and motivation. With Sirrom's Theorem, we put these bothersome tasks back where they belong: with our subordinates. Let the worker worry about these things, the manager has more important things to do with his valuable time.
Now that we've got our goal fresh in our minds, we can take a closer look at Sirrom's Theorem. Promotion from the bottom increases productivity by removing the poorest worker, the one who contributes the least while he drags down the his co-workers with is time consuming questions and mistakes. (Note: a cell is a group of workers performing the same or very similar tasks while reporting to the same manager. Companies using Industrial Socialism prefer the term 'cell' to team or group. From this point forward we shall employ this term.) Trimming at the top also promotes cell stability. By removing the over-achiever, we rid the cell of its chief complainer, the main source of the cell's discontentment. Top workers are not only very expensive, they are extremely difficult to manage, especially for a manager selected via Sirrom's Theorem. Not only are top workers eccentric, they have the uncanny knack of identifying the company's short-comings. These trouble makers finish their allotted work so quickly that they have plenty of time to spread the word about the company's problems to the rest of the cell. The only way to cure a diseased cell is to cut out the infected part: the top worker, the discontenter. Cell stability is now within your grasp.
There's a beautiful geometry to Sirrom's Theorem: If a worker slacks off, he's in danger of being promoted; if he speeds up, he's in danger of losing his job. The threat of promotion is a powerful one. Recent studies show that fully 95% of all average performers rated promotion into management as second only to being fired on their list of chief fears. Confronted with a choice of being fired or put into management if he alters his performance, the worker will strive to avoid being identified as at the bottom or the top. Moreover, he and the other members of his cell will struggle to be exactly alike, indistinguishable from each other. They will all settle in at the midpoint of the performance range, clinging to it for dear life! To give the cell even more incentive to stay exactly alike, the manager never defines what constitutes the top or bottom. Thus the boundaries of the center, safety zone are unknown to the elements of the cell, making the mid point all the more desirable. The desired cell attitude orientation is now achieved: the elements of the cell are too insecure to cause trouble or leave. With this stable workforce, production changes are a simple matter of moving the mid-performance point to the desired level; the workers will follow without question.
The benefits of cell stability are many and varied. Performance reviews, that time gobbling exercise that all managers dread, are no longer a problem. Since each element of the cell is performing alike, only one evaluation is called for. Once written, the review can be used for every cell element, review after review, without changes. Another benefit of cell stability is elimination of cell complaints. Complaints are widely recognized as a early warning sign of a top performer. Being identified as a top performer is the last thing a cell element wants; thus, complaints are non-existent. Once established, cell stability forces the cell elements to take care of troublesome tasks like motivation and discipline. Cell elements are so obsessed with maintaining their midpoint status, that a manager isn't required to interrupt his busy schedule of meetings and computer interfacing to bother with either motivation or discipline.
Industrial Socialism is much more than a management philosophy; it's a social system, a mind set under which a company and all its employees operate. This social system must be ruthlessly policed; any and all alien thinking must be tracked down then eliminated. Within this Industrial Socialist culture, the smallest addressable unit is the cell. Under no circumstances must the elements of the cell be dealt with individually. Discipline, when called for, must be administered to the cell, not the offending individual element. This dictates that a single punishment be applied to the entire cell, without identifying the guilty element. This tactic serves two purposes: it reinforces the concept of the workforce entity, plus it introduces a useful sense of paranoia into the cell. To further enhance this essential cell insecurity, the manager must never clearly identify the exact nature of the offense. In this way, each element of the cell is left to wonder what he did wrong. Each element of the cell will look at his co-workers with suspicion, wondering if he was the one who brought this punishment down on them.
Many enlightened managers periodically chastise their cell when no offense has been detected. Periodic reinforcement of the cell paranoia is strongly urged. The Industrial Socialist culture cannot tolerate individualism. Individualism and it's traveling companion, self-esteem, must be ruthlessly stamped out the moment they are detected. Unless this is done quickly, they will spread throughout the cell structure with lightning speed, destroying the smooth running mechanism of Industrial Socialism wherever it occurs. Only by purging the infected cells of it's diseased elements can the workforce entity be cured. The most reliable purge method is to eliminate entire cells, thus insuring that no diseased element remains undetected. Such purges serve a secondary purpose: they instill in the surviving cell elements the unshakable belief that they are merely one of a large number of identical, easily-replaceable cogs in a complex enterprise. If properly administered, Industrial Socialism can convince these elements that the company is doing him a big favor by letting him continue to work for them.
Sirrom gives a great deal of credit to his mentor who wrote the Peter Principle. Under Sirrom's Theorem, this principle must be altered, modified to fit an S.T.H. [Sirrom's Theorem Hierarchy] 'In an S.T.H. a manager will rise until he reaches a level of relative competence vis a vis his peers, whereupon he will likely be fired.' The truly successful managers in this scheme stay at the bottom all the way to the top.
Once Industrial Socialism is fully implemented, it is, literally, a turn-key management philosophy. Any element of the company's management team can be replaced, at any time, without the usual loss of efficiency inherent in such personnel changes. It is a prime example of 'even a child could do it'. However, a child is much too enlightened to put up with the intellectual drudgery of Industrial Socialism. It's much more efficient to work with jaded adults.
Industrial Socialism will be viewed as a 'new' philosophy of business. In reality, it's a gloves off view of the way all the lofty ideals management espouses are actually implemented. Industrial Socialism is a frank look at what is, not an Edenesque treatise on what 'ought to be'.
Parting Shots: 'Stay at the bottom all the way to the top'? Do 'we' know anybody who 'failed' his way into the Oval Office? Exactly.
The next time you deal with a Nanny State minion, look for tattletale signs of Sirrom's Theorem and Industrial Socialism. They're everywhere.
TUESDAY JULY 15, 2014
No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Laws of Selective Gravitation.
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.
It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster
In order to get a persona loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
Get the picture, PIGsters?
THURSDAY JULY 10, 2014
One of the most memorable lines from Martin Luther King, Jr.'s 'I Have A Dream' speech is, ironically, more venerated by 'whitey' than it is by the Melanin-Enriched. I refer, as if you haven't guessed, to this memorable prose:
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
Normally, whenever a scribbler builds a rant around that quote the topic under discussion is race. If you think we are going down that road, get over it. We've been there, done that, and we'll do it again, but not today. Instead, I am going to take a look at "the content of their character".
By and large, whenever this subject - 'character' - crops up, it involves a public official, or some other person in a position of authority, whose flawed character has created a newsworthy scandal. It also arises, whenever an election cycle reaches critical mass, and we're forced to punch a chad for the lesser of two evils.
All of that is still in play, but it isn't the primary focus of this rant. Given the sorry condition of this once great nation...given the precarious status of our inalienable individual liberty, I think it's time for some self evaluation. It's time to assess the American Character of that grinning fool in our mirror, We the People Sparky. It's time to confront our own character flaws, then evaluate the role they play in America's sorry condition.
If, as some afternoon drive boom box babblers proclaim, our government - local, state, and federal - is infested with 'liars, thieves, and whores', I wonder what that says about us. These liars, thieves and whores didn't find their job in government at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. If they're an Elected Tormentor, We the People put them in that position. If they're a bureaucrat, We the People punched a chad for the scumbag(s) who created their job for life position at the public trough.
'Liars, thieves, and whores' begs the question, "What are the descriptors that apply to rank and file Americans."
In this Obamunist Error, the American Character isn't a pretty sight. Self-reliance, voluntary cooperation between sovereign individual, individual accountability, the work ethic, and pulling yourself up by the bootstraps are on the wane, as rugged American individuals become the USA's newest endangered species. In too many cases, the American Character is tainted, by gullibility, envy, sloth, lies, thievery, dependency, self deception, and thuggish intimidation.
To illustrate what I view as a degradation of the American Character, I will discuss some of these character flaws in greater detail.
Gullibility: The healthy skepticism which was a vital part of the American Character has fallen into disfavor. When our Elected Tormentors, accompanied by a suitable fanfare, proclaim their devotion to fiscal discipline, this character flaw makes too many otherwise intelligent individuals believe them. Willfully myopic, gullible Americans ignore the tsunami of red ink poised to sweep over this land conceived in liberty. Instead, we swallow the budgetary bull crap, which, magically, transforms a slight decrease in the GROWTH of Nanny State spending into a Draconian budget cut.
When we're told that America has every scrap of energy producing fossil fuels in full production, too many of us believe it.
When we're assured that our porous borders are fully protected to an unprecedented degree, too many of us believe it.
Dependency: The inherent need to be self-sufficient has been government-schooled out of a depressingly large percentage of Americans. Why? Self-sufficiency means each individual is responsible for the conduct of their own life. For the properly-indoctrinated, government-schooled idiot with self esteem, making all your own decisions is much too hard. Why bother, when the Nanny State is willing to seize control of your life and micromanage it from the cradle to the grave.
Big Nanny State Daddy will 'protect' you from games you shouldn't play on the school playground. Big Nanny State Daddy will 'protect' you, by dictating what you should, and shouldn't, eat. Big Nanny State Daddy will take care of your loser ass, by providing food, shelter, free health care, and pay you for not working. Big Nanny State Daddy will, in short, attempt to remove 'failure' from a 'cooperative' person's life, but the price is high, since the process also removes 'success'.
Coercion/Intimidation: As envisioned by the Founding Fathers, America's national government's actions were strictly limited, by the U.S. Constitution. That fostered an environment where success often required cooperation - sovereign individuals teaming up, voluntarily, to achieve a mutually-beneficial purpose. It also made for the kind of friendly rivalry between competitors that leads to innovation and efficiency, both of which provide a customer with a better product at a lower cost.
When the Nanny State broke out of its Constitutional cage, and grew into the bloated behemoth it is today, it did what all overgrown asshats do, it started throwing its weight around. That bully boy side of Uncle Sam attracted the attention of certain businessmen, who didn't have the patience to compete in the marketplace. Instead, they 'rented' access to the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, then used Nanny State power to give them a competitive advantage. Why bust your ass to beat your competitor, when you can buy a Nanny State minion to 'regulate' your business rival out of the market? This obscenity is called 'crony capitalism' and it's what Ayn Rand meant when she stated that "Government regulation is corrupt and corrupting."
Envy: In a bygone era, America's sovereign individuals greeted an achiever's success with a measure of respect for a the ingenuity and hard word it involved. In many cases, an achiever's success would inspire others to strive for their own personal brass ring. You start with an idea, apply some hard work and long hours. When you do it right, you join the ranks of the achievers.
In this Obamunist Error, achievement, success, and a willingness to reap the rewards for your hard work, are viewed with jealousy, distrust, and hatred. Success is a cardinal sin that must be punished severely. If the achievement is academic, the punishment is denying one of our best and brightest a slot in a top university where he, she, heshe or it can flourish. If the achievement is in the business arena, the punishment is the outright theft of the achiever's rightful property, after which the spoils will be divided between the Nanny State 'collector' and the parasite who isn't bothered by receiving stolen goods.
Are America's sovereign individuals destined for history's scrap heap, and a brief footnote in some history book with a readership in the single digits? I hope not, but the possibility is too, too real.
Am I painting ALL Americans with this broad brush? Hardly. I am, however, confronting the reality that more than four decades of government cess-school indoctrination, cultural Marxism, and Political Korrectness have slowly, inexorably, eroded the American character. I'm also warning that the flaws become more widespread, more discernable, with each new generation.
Is this degradation of the American character a serious problem for America and its future? It played a significant role in putting an America hating, capitalism despising Marxist in the Oval Office, not once, but twice,so what do you think?
Our character is under attack and we aren't all that we once were. We are, I hope not so far gone that we can make things right again.
Hambo the Optimist? Holy crap, do I need a drink.
TUESDAY JULY 08, 2014
The genius of the Jackass Party is their ability to induce enough shame/guilt in otherwise rational adults to make them pony up the money that the Progtards use to coddle their horde of parasites.
If the Progtards are so hot and bothered over the fate of border jumping MS 13 gangsters, uh, children, I have a suggestion. Each border jumper coddling bleeding heart will be assigned a 'child'. The bleeding heart will hand over the deed to any/all property they own, as a guarantee that their border jumping 'child' will show up for their hearing.
Is there any level of Progtard induced suckage...can things in our country ever reach such hellish levels, that even the rank and file Jackass Party chad puncher will gasp, 'holy crap'?
How much more of this Progtard induced destruction of our once great nation will rational American adults take, before We the People get seriously, 'knock that shit off or it's going to get ugly', pissed?
Why has George Soros dropped off the radar? Has his Marxist Messiah managed to exceed George's wildest expectations, when it comes to destroying America?
Is there any way to prevent the USA from splintering into several mini nations, some rational, some Moonbat?
Given the unrelenting hostility inside the Beltway rat bastards shower on We the People and our inalienable individual liberty, will you be sad or glad when ISIS nukes it our of our misery?
Is the RNC stupid enough to run Mitt "I really don't want the job" Romney, again, in 2016?
SUNDAY JUNE 29, 2014
A Day Dedicated to Our Liberty
July 4th is the day we remember that this nation is founded on the bedrock called inalienable individual liberty. It's the day we remember America's core tenet: each individual is born with inalienable rights that no government, no group, no other individual has the right to infringe. It's the day we pause to honor the inalienable individual liberty that sets America apart from all other nations:
"WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness ."
July 4th is the day we stop to pay homage to that classically American creation - the rugged individual - by saluting the courage and wisdom of 56 classically-American individuals who, 230 years ago, wrote a timeless document called "The Declaration of Independence". This legendary Declaration is an exceptional document whose soaring prose still inspires us. On this day, we honor these 56 rugged American individuals for drawing the proverbial line in the sand and telling King George: "Listen up and listen good, Sporty. You're no better than we are and we're done letting you push us around. If you don't knock that crap off, right damn now, we're gonna kick royal punk butt."
PIG is more than a little smug about the fact that in their time, those 56 courageous Americans were the ultimate politically incorrect dudes. That's gotta get a rousing "Amen" from the American congregation. Did we call the Founding Fathers politically incorrect? You better damn believe it. For example:
Limited Government: Swimming against the authoritarian tide, the Founding Fathers promoted, and ultimately established a government that was, in essence, the agent of a sovereign people. The sole function of this limited government: maximize the inalienable liberty of the individuals it served.
Individual Liberty: These 56 exceptional individuals set individual liberty above, beyond, the reach of the government. They defied conventional wisdom and prevailing political philosophy by stating that our liberty is not a gift from government but is, in fact, each individual's birthright.
Respect for Authority: When it came to royalty, they were politically incorrect with a vengeance. They defied a king. They defied his tax collectors. They defied the most powerful military force on earth. This is mind-boggling political incorrectness.
What makes their achievement remarkable is that they were mere mortals. They were flawed individuals who, working together, managed to promulgate a government based on a lofty, untested idea: inalienable individual liberty. Unable to implement this ideal in their own lives, they nevertheless dared to build a new form of government based on this politically incorrect concept.
In the 238 years that followed this singular moment in human history, the nation they conceived at such great personal cost has lost its way. Our Founding Fathers and their timeless principles are politically incorrect again. If the Founding Fathers were alive today, they would be horrified by what their successors have done with the liberty they risked everything to create. They would be outraged by a Nanny State that steals an achiever's rightful property and gives it to parasites . They would be outraged that the elected tormentors don't even give lip service to the inalienable individual liberty that was established at such a high price. They would be outraged that the nation they built upon the bedrock of inalienable individual liberty has devolved into a neo-socialist blight. They would stand as one and reject this 21st century America with its class warfare, privileged minorities, and parasite coddling.
After enduring as much of this devolved America as they could stand, our Founding Fathers would repeat the politically incorrect feat that we celebrate on July 4th. They would send Thomas Jefferson back to his writer's loft and tell him to compose a new Declaration of Independence. The same broad concepts would take center stage, but this time around, the outrages cited in the new declaration would be addressed to the occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with a cc to the elected tormentors infesting Capitol Hill.
The Founding Fathers are, regrettably, long gone and they're never coming back. But, we can borrow a page from their playbook and seize the moment in the same politically incorrect spirit. We can tell the newest incarnation of King George , and his Marxist minions on Capitol Hill, to restore a properly Constitutional government, or else. We can demand an end to group think, parasite coddling and class warfare. We can demand that our elected tormentors get back to the basics as established by our Founding Fathers. If all else fails, we can find a 21st century Thomas Jefferson and get him started on that 21st century Declaration of Independence. There is nothing wrong with the Founding Fathers original concept; it's the long term execution that got us where we are. If at first, you don't succeed
SUNDAY JUNE 22, 2014
If you're drunk, or high, watching this sport will give you a headache.
If you're a football purist who enjoys a tense defensive struggle, it will piss you off.
If you hate the snail's pace of real football, you're going to love it.
It's the way real football would look if your DVR was stuck in fast forward.
The last game I watched had a final score of 83 to 47.
Call me names if you must, but I'm starting to like it.
SATURDAY JUNE 21, 2014
She's been hunkered down a few feet from my front door. She never makes a sound but she's always watching every move I make. She's been there for the better part of a month, always sitting, always watching.
I'm not sure what she wants, because we don't speak the same language. I'm not sure she speaks any language, but my lovely bride swears she heard her making the usual Mourning Dove sounds. That's right our 'guest' is a bird.
So what? So, my preliminary assessment is that she's a lesbian bird.
Item 1: She built a nest in a potted tree on our patio.
Item 2: She's been sitting on the damn thing for the better part of a month.
Item 3: Mourning Dove eggs hatch in14-15 days.
Item 4: There's no male Dove lurking near her nest.
Item 5: One night, I thought I saw a teeny pair of birkenstocks and a flannel shirt neatly folded on a lower branch. Do I need to spell it out for you?
She is really a HE who has convinced himself that he's female. That's right it's a Transgender bird who is so deranged on this gender identity crap that heshe is incubating a pair of imaginary eggs. I hope heshe imagines them hatching and leaving the nest soon.
What do you think? Lesbo or Tranny?
UPDATE: The answer appears to be Lesbo, because I found her 2 almost flight ready young 'uns on the ground, after lesbian mom was the victim of a hate crime. Lesbo mom is gone, presumed dead (hawk or cat probably) and the young 'uns are on their own in the nest.
Am I the only one who didn't know that they make turkey basters that are user-friendly for Doves?
THURSDAY JUNE 19, 2014
Gender bending - transsexual fun and games - is the next big thing in Victimhood. It's so trendy, even the AMA jumped onto the bandwagon.
In other action Monday, the AMA said transgender people should be able to switch the sex designation on their birth certificates without having sex-change surgery.
Most states make the operations a prerequisite. But the new AMA policy acknowledges that gender identity doesn't always match a person's birth anatomy.
An AMA report says identification documents that are consistent with gender identity rather than anatomy is essential to basic social and economic functioning. …
The new policy won praise from the National Center for Transgender Equality.
How does this work in real life? How indeed.
This Daily Mail story will get you up to speed on gender bending:
An ABC news producer who changed gender three times has been fired for 'performance-related issues', according to reports.
Dawn Ennis, who was once known as Don Ennis, identified as both a man and a woman during a long career at the company.
The producer, from Danbury, Connecticut, lost her job in May just a few weeks after transforming from her male identity.
An industry source told the New York Daily News that Ennis losing the job was not because of gender-identity issues.
ABC News declined to comment to MailOnline on Tuesday.
In May 2013, Don Ennis appeared at work wearing a black dress and an auburn wig, and asked that co-workers call him Dawn.
She reportedly received a very public show of support from her longtime colleagues.
The father-of-three explained to colleagues that she believed her gender mix-up was linked to her mother giving her oestrogen as a child to prolong a childhood acting career.
Ennis said she ended up developing breasts and thinking as a woman.
Soon afterwards, the producer separated from wife Wendy after 17 years. Then three months after revealing her new identity to colleagues, the senior ABC employee returned to work as Don and claimed to have suffered from 'transient global amnesia'.
Ennis said he had believed it was 1999 and thought that his wife had tricked him into dressing up as a woman.
According to the New York Post, Ennis posted a memo on the newsroom bulletin board which read: 'I accused my wife of playing some kind of cruel joke, dressing me up in a wig and bra and making fake ID's with the name ''Dawn'' on it. Seriously.'
The journalist explained that while his memories of the last 14 years had returned, his female identity did not.
In the memo, first reported on gossip site NewsBlues, Ennis added: 'I am writing to let you know I'm changing my name . . . to Don Ennis. That will be my name again, now and forever. And it appears I'm not transgender after all.'
The producer thanked colleagues at ABC for their support and said that he hoped the experience would make it easier for the next transgender person at ABC.
In May, 49-year-old Ennis became Dawn again. She was let go from the company soon afterwards.
On May 31, she posted on Facebook: 'It is all going to work out.' On June 2, Dawn Ennis then published lines from Shakespeare's King Lear on her Facebook page, which read: 'No, I will weep no more. In such a night/ To shut me out? Pour on; I will endure.'
Even the hardcore leftists at ABC have their limits.
As usual, I have a couple questions.
Q: If Dawn Ellis is beset by serious, SERIOUS, prostrate problems will SHE consult HER gynecologist?
Q: What advice does the AMA have for Dawn?
A: [P]atients deserve medical care that is appropriate to their birth anatomy even if they self-identify as the opposite sex. [NBC]
Q: If gender is no longer immutable, and is now whatever a moonbat says it is, why can't the same rules of engagement apply to race? Why isn't my race as flexible as my gender? Why can't I be whatever I say I am?
I'm tired of gender bending. I think it's time for race bending. I'm just sayin'.
THURSDAY JUNE 12, 2014
For a long time, an Internet speedbump named Ananova was always my first stop when I launched my daily search for PIG-worthy material. Ananova always came through with gems like these:
Why Some People Make Fun of Kentucky:
One of my lovely bride's home boys made the news. He's from Ashland, a city that's within spitting distance of the Ms. Just Shoot The Bastard birthplace and historical landmark. How many dudes do you know that challenges a snowman to a quick draw contest and loses? His name is Bob Bowling. We're thrilled to report that we don't know him:
'...Bob Bowling suffered a wound to his right thigh. The embarrassed 32-year-old initially told state police his gun was in his holster and it went off when he sat down. But after being taken to hospital he told a state trooper the weapon went off while he was quick-drawing on a snowman...'
A tad higher on his 'thigh' and we could file this under human gene pool improvement, special circumstances. If at first you don't succeed...
From Our Home and Family File:
This one is too fun, so I'll let Ananova do the honors:
'...A man has banned his daughter from the family home after he saw her in a porn film. The unnamed Italian said he recognised her voice and bum. The film's director said her fiancé had also complained about her part in the film which was shot with amateur actors in the cities of Ferrara and Modena...'
Let me try to get this straight...Daddy doesn't mind watching somebody else's baby girl in a porn flick, but heaven forbid he'd be watching his own pride and joy. In the first place, what is this pillar of morality doing watching a porn flick? In the second place, would somebody explain why he'd be able to pick his baby girl's bare boom-boom out of a lineup? Enquiring minds want to know.
Naughty Romanian Knickers:
Romania is back on this pagan's wingnut country radar, after a prolonged spell of unscheduled rationality. A Bucharest lingerie shop scandalized the true believers by selling knickers - I am not making this up - with portraits of the cross dude himself and his cherry mommy on them. Needless to say, the bovine excrement hit the proverbial fan with a resounding 'splat'.
'...The underwear generated scores of calls from angry shoppers and landed the unnamed store in Bucharest's main shopping centre with a £200 fine. The Consumer's Protection Office was inundated with complaints after the new line of knickers, produced in Turkey, went on sale in Bucharest this week. The CPO has ordered the sale of the knickers to be stopped...' (Ananova)
Tasteless? You bet. A crime? Only in certain supernaturalist-coddling pest holes, but try to explain that to the god squad or humor-challenged bureaucrats. (Our top secret Stealth Wisdom research reveals that bureaucrats get a humor-ectomy, as part of the hiring process.) Okay, so maybe the sight of the cherry mama's mug shot spread across the vast, blubbery expanse of some wide-load Romanian wench's butt isn't exactly a delight to behold. Look on the bright side, packing the cross dude or cherry mama's image on her undies might remind an eager to get horizontal wench to take a rain check, the next time some horndog makes his move. Can I get a big amen from the congregation...
Celibacy isn't the kind of gig where 'close, but no cigar' applies. Obviously, somebody forgot to pass this along to a certain Italian god squad padre. Being that kind of pagan, I'm more than a tad relieved to trip over a horndog priest who is getting eagerly horizontal with a female. A female! Now I've heard everything. His name is Father Ugo Moretto...and he's a 'father' in every sense of the word, or soon will be. While working on the broadcast images of the dirt kisser, plus traveling with our loam-loving holy father, Ugo found the time for various outside interests:
'...Father Ugo Moretto has been living in a Milan suburb since December with the woman, identified only as B B. The 45-year-old is the former head of the Vatican's CTV which distributes broadcast images of the Pope. He's leaving the priesthood. The Daily Telegraph quotes the Corriere della Sera, Italy's largest daily newspaper, as saying Father Moretto's girlfriend is a 35-year-old journalist who was been separated from her husband for a year. "My friend is three months pregnant. We are not married, but we are living together and as soon as we can we will marry," Father Moretto...'
Apparently, being an inmate of a butt monkey infested organization like the rosary true believer priesthood didn't make our dude, Ugo, forget that he was born Italian. Good for you, Ugo. This pagan hopes your love story has a happy ending.
Parting shot: Ananova got swallowed up by another publication which promised to keep up the Ananova tradition. They lied.
THURSDAY JUNE 5, 2014
Oldie, But Goodie
[Stellar prose. What a shame my talent is so under-appreciated. I know...I know, I'm working on getting over myself. Some of these things take time.]
The Master Race, I Don't Think So, Tim:
Only Ananova could provide a story of this...magnitude. It appears, that when the rubber hits the...road, the kraut dudes just don't have...it:
Germany has demanded a rethink on EU guidelines on condom size after finding its average penis did not measure up. Doctors around Essen were ordered by the government's health department to check out the average size suggested by Brussels. Urologist Gunther Hagler, head of the team compiling the research, said: "By checking hundreds of patients we found German penises were too small for standard EU condoms."
Call me names all you want, but I way love this shit. According to the krauts, the EU has 'overestimated' the dimensions of the average winkie by a good 20%. The EU officials insist that none of the other countries have reported the same problem. Well duh! How many dudes do you know who would tell anyone that the average size condom was too big for their...gear? Exactly! For that matter, only a kraut would show up to let some quack measure his...business. I can't think of any inducement that would make me submit to that. No fucking way. Only the krauts, with their notorious fetish for precision would be stupid enough to set themselves up for ridicule like this. This has to be those pesky, Jerry Lewis worshiping frogs idea of a side-splitter. Do the misery mongers know about this?
Attention, misery mongers! Are you paying attention out there? If you want to make the krauts miserable, stop with all these misery shrines. If I were you, I'd be issuing a press release, right damn now, declaring that old thunderbolt is punishing the krauts for their many sins with this plague of pygmy winkies. This makes the alleged plagues he dished on Egypt look like kid stuff. Actually, now that I think about it, this is much too subtle for old ka-boom. This has all the earmarks of that sick celestial bitch, Mrs. Ka-boom. She's finally bested that way fun apple caper she pulled on the Eve wench.
SATURDAY, MAY 31, 2014
Things That Amuse Me
* Gender Studies, Out. U.S. Founding Documents, In
The Center for Women's and Gender Studies (CWGS) at the University of South Carolina Upstate (USCU) will close on July 1 and the funding, previously allocated for CWGS, will be used to teach the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and Federalist Papers.
The South Carolina House of Representatives wanted further cuts at both USCU and the College of Charleston, which had already seen budget cuts over mandated gay literature for freshmen students. However, the Senate was hesitant to cut funds for fear of academic censorship.
The chambers compromised by allotting the discussed funds toward teaching the provisions and principles of the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and Federalist Papers, as well as "the study of and devotion to American institutions and ideals.
The move puts South Carolina colleges back in compliance with a 90-year-old state law which requires colleges to teach students a year's worth of courses on the nation's founding documents. [College Reform]
Now that's funny.
* 'They' complain that I laugh at all the wrong things, the Human Gene Pool Improvement stories being a prime example. Product warning labels provide the same kind of holy crap moment, plus the laughter that goes with it.
Here are some prime examples of that:
Warning: Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is running or plugged into an outlet.
Craftsman Push Mower
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Description reads "WARNING – May cause cancer in California"
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Unknown Hair Coloring
Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Hershey's Almond Bar
Caution: Ice cream is cold
Hagan Ice Cream
Instructions: Put on food
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box).
Tesco's Tirimisu Desert
Things That Annoy Me
* Before you get on the expressway, you tune in to a traffic report. They tell you about two incidents on your expressway which are already in the clearing stages and not on the section you're using. They don't tell you about the pickup truck that smashed into the center divider and has traffic STOPPED on the section of that expressway you will be using.
* I was chatting with a woman who works for some kind of health insurance cabal (something nonprofit). During her yammering she mentioned that the firm was paying special attention to the 'income impaired'. Income impaired? When did 'poor' become a banned word? Do they think that those labeled income impaired don't know they are poor?
FRIDAY, MAY 23,2014
The Wave Sweeps Across America 2014.
I am convinced that America is in the throes of a stupidity plague. It's everywhere you look and it's getting worse. It appears to be highly contagious and has reached epidemic proportions in this land conceived in liberty.
If you need examples, I give you a few:
* The stupidity plague found fertile ground among the Elephant Clan fossils who infest D.C. It folded, spindled and mutilated their synapses into an insane belief that the fast lane to election cycle success turned likely Elephant Clan voters, the TEA Party into road kill.
* The stupidity plague makes allegedly sentient individuals, from sea to shining sea, seek wisdom from the bellowing buttheads on 'The View'. This stupidity plague pestilence is so powerful, it makes some watchers of 'The View' mistake the Howling Harpies for intelligent life. Stupidity plague of this magnitude is incurable, so we'll probably need to put this group down, for their own good.
* In Colorado's Boulder County, the stupidity plague has reached epic proportions:
Boulder County is considering adopting language to its comprehensive plan recognizing that nature — including plants and insects — has rights. The idea comes at the behest of a group called Boulder Rights of Nature, which is urging the planning commission to go even further and extend legal rights for humans to animals and trees.
* A college-age caller to a boom box show blurted out that he, she, heshe or it, and everyone this fool knows, get all their hard news from those icons of objectivity, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Instead of doing their own fact seeking, in books, news reports, and other reliable sources, this fool's primary connection with objective reality is Comedy Central. No need to put this group down, their stupidity plague will take care of it for us, sooner or later.
* In Mexifornia, where the stupidity epidemic is horrific, voters who were infected with this malady, gave unrestrained, budgetary power to the neo-Marxist Legicrats who are responsible for the states' 20 to 50 BILLION dollar debt. It's impossible to imagine a more virulent outbreak of the stupidity plague.
* Speaking of Mexifornia, Congressmoron Barbara Lee, D-Calif., said that she supports raising minimum wage in the state of California to $26 an hour, adding that she doesn't think such a hike would hurt small businesses.
We might need to quarantine Mexifornia, for a million years or so, until this stupidity plague has run its course and resolves our problem for us.
* On his MSNBC blight, Hardball, Chris "The Tingler" Matthews demonstrated the level of insanity this stupidity plague brings. He did it, when he blamed the Elephant Clan for "FORCING" Messiah Barry to move to the extreme left then implement a neo-Marxist, anti-capitalist, anti America philosophy. The Elephant Clan FORCED Mister "I Won" into making a hard left turn? That's gotta be the worst stupidity plague outbreak in human history. We need to put this fool down, stat.
How the hell did we get in this sorry 'stuck on stupid' state? How indeed. In too many cases, the infected individuals are born clueless and, for one reason or another never out grow it. Why? The answer to that question involves one of the great, underappreciated, truths. Little morons, if they survive a childhood infused with unrelenting, stupidity, grow up to become human gene pool improvement volunteer-class intellectual flatliners. Little Donny Dumbass becomes Big Donny Dumbass. He is, until fate stamps his human gene pool improvement volunteer application 'accepted', the gift that keeps on giving.
The snot gobbling tyke, whose first encounter with electricity happened, when the young Einstein stuck a paper clip into a wall socket, is destined for bigger and better things. Young Einstein will, if he, she, heshe, or it survives that initial electrifying encounter, become the alleged adult who improves the human gene pool, while trying to steal a copper wire that's packing 20,000 'kiss your ass goodbye, dumbass' volts.
The prepubescent genius, who began his quest for stupidity plague glory, by poking a rattlesnake with a stick, is destined for bigger and better things. If he lives in them thar hills, he might become a member of that outpost of snake handling Cross Cult supernaturalism, which places too much 'faith' in Old Ka-Boom's infuriating 'fools and drunks exemption'. Or, he might grow up to be the rain-soaked, Oregon, nitwit who got gassed to the gills, then thrilled his friends by shoving the head of his pet rattlesnake into his mouth. He nearly died, when the snake did what comes naturally and bit him.
Some of these young snake wranglers grab their rightful share of immortality by winning a Darwin Award. In one memorable adventure, an alleged adult got gassed to the gills, then decided to play with his pet cobra. A pet cobra? Who the hell in their right mind has one of those for a pet? In this case 'in his right mind' is the last thing we can say about a dude who manhandled the cobra, got bit several times, then decided that the cure to what ailed him could be found in a bar, not the local emergency room. Snake bit - literally - he headed to the local tavern for some booze to chase down that cobra venom. He hoisted a few, then got the thrilling, human gene pool improvement volunteer application accepted, news when he died with his brewskie boots on.
Believe it or not, this stupidity plague is contagious. We've already given you one example, those hillbilly, snake wrangling, Cross Cultists, who place too much faith in a fickle deity's fools and drunks exemption. Another, equally compelling, example of a mass stupidity plague outbreak is something called - we are not making this up - the William Tell Club.
What is it? Happy you asked. It's a group of card-carrying, bona fide boneheads, who stand against a tree, with an empty beer can on their head, then let some drunk as a skunk archer use him for target practice. How? The bleary-eyed archer picks up his trusty-dusty crossbow and attempts, with laugh-inducing ineptitude, to shoot the arrow though the can on the top of an even bigger fool's head. No harm, no foul? Perhaps, but this teenage dude class prank achieved critical mass, when one willing dope got shot with an arrow right through the forehead. Out of our misery? Nope, he, too, survived to spawn morons like himself.
Are Americans, in alarming numbers devolving into lumbering, brain dead brutes, due to this stupidity plague? Yup. Is this the dirty little secret that explains why government cess-schools keep graduating idiots with self-esteem? I'll get back to you on that one. Should we be doing something to cure these stupidity plague asshats? Yes, but not the way you think.
The way to put an end to the stupidity plague is obvious. Since stupidity - be it a plague or the plain vanilla variety - is a self-correcting problem, the solution is relatively simple. If we can persuade the Nanny State to stop saving the relentlessly stupid from themselves, the stupidity plague eventually resolves itself. Morons who get their hard news from Comedy Central...Mexifornia Meatheads who put the lunatics in charge of the asylum...Elected Tormentor Fossils with delusions of grandeur...all the intellectual flatliners, will evict themselves from the human gene pool, sooner or later. All we need to do is stand clear, then enjoy the carnage, when they do what comes naturally.
Like Hannibal Smith, I love it when a plan comes together
.WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY AND WHAT'S HIS DAMAGE?
What Is A Sovereign Individual?
[If you've ever asked yourself "Who is this lunatic?", we're not allowed to tell you. But this rant does help you answer another, closely related, question: What the hell is that fool's damage? Here's how he sees himself. Adult beverages are optional, but strongly recommended.]
I am a sovereign individual.
My life does not belong to the state. It does not belong to that amorphous collectivist illusion "society". It does not belong some supernatural entity. My life is mine and mine alone, not the state's, society's, or a deity's. I demand no more...I demand no less...than the freedom to take those actions and act upon those thoughts that further the primary purpose of life: life itself. I grant no more...I grant no less...than the same consideration to every other sovereign individual. My life and the essential properties thereof - my intellect, my thoughts, my character, my integrity - are mine an mine alone. Since I am the sole owner of my life, the blame or credit for its conduct is entirely mine, not the state's, society's or a deity's. For good or ill, the buck stops here, Sparky.
As sole owner, stockholder and director of my life, I started my tenure by determining that reality is objective: the universe exists independently and is not a figment of my imagination. Objective reality is not a malleable, undefined, chaos that is subject to the whim and whimsy of a capricious supernatural entity. Objective reality is not determined by the unrequited needs of society. Objective reality is not enslaved, altered or changed by the insatiable demands of the Nanny State. Because objective reality is constrained by certain immutable scientific tenets, each and every object in this objective reality possesses - must possess - certain immutable properties which can be observed, measured and, ultimately, understood. A is A, so get over it, Sparky.
Reason, not revelation, chronic societal need or government decree, is the means by which I comprehend objective reality...the means by which I determine those actions required to sustain, conduct and/or improve my life.. Reason, not commandments from on high is the means by which I conduct my own life. Reason, not plaintive wails for the unearned fruits of my labor and/or intellect determines how I conduct my life. Unless coerced by the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, reason, not politically motivated hyperbole, determines how, when and why I conduct my life. Reason - not the Nanny State, society, or some deity - determines how, when and why I expend the fruits of my labors and/or intellect. It's my life, my call, so back the hell off, Sparky.
Whereas reality is objective and reason directs my life - my choices, my thoughts, my actions - the Nanny State, society and supernatural entities must butt the hell out, because I don't need their interference in my life. I will not, voluntarily, be enslaved by the Nanny State, "society" or a deity. I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my labor...I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my intellect to any individual or entity that hasn't earned them. Conversely, I will not demand, accept, or steal the unearned fruits of another individual's labor and/or intellect. When I require the services, the knowledge, and/or the skills of another sovereign individual, I will negotiate a voluntary, mutually beneficial, bargain to secure their cooperation. I will not exert force, or attempt to coerce a sovereign individual into surrendering his rightful property - real and/or intellectual.
My life and the products thereof are not commodities that must be manipulated, micro-managed, sacrificed to or redistributed by the Nanny State. My life and the products thereof are not public resources that must be plundered to placate any other individual's chronic need. My life is not a toy to be played with, twisted, and/or controlled by some perverse, supernatural entity. I will never, willingly, surrender reason's essential role in directing my own life to the state, society, or a disembodied supernatural entity. My life belongs to me, so if you plan to claim dominion over it, pack a lunch, because you're in for one hell of a fight, Sparky.
I am a sovereign individual.
OFFICIAL PIG STAFF REBUTTAL
Getting Down and Dirty with the REAL Hambo
Hambo claims to be a lot of things, the most believable of which is: noted freelance philosopher. He goes on to claim that International Society of Proper-Hyphenation (he made this group up) has, on three separate occasions, given him an award, in recognition of his ground-breaking efforts on behalf of diversity and social justice. He also claims to be an author, which isn’t as big a whopper as you’d expect. We’ve read his mini tome on Management Principles: Sirrom’s Theorem, but we don’t believe his bilge about writing a detailed history of the once prolific, nomadic WASP tribesmen who still can be found in such trackless American wilderness areas as: Grosse Pointe, Aspen, and Laguna Nigel. We can state, that when it comes to himself, Hambo has his way with the truth. On most other things, he’s alarmingly honest and truthful.
He’s a devotee of Orthodox Paganism, but is quick to point out that ‘regrettably’ it's not Classic Orthodox Paganism, which, as everyone knows, requires a sacrificial virgin. Tragically, in his mind, at least, modern society frowns on human sacrifice. Hambo decries this desecration of his beloved Paganism as ‘malignant Christian altruism and rampant God Squad sentimentality’. When pressed on this human sacrifice issue, he reluctantly concedes that the shocking decrease in the virgin population - an alarming decline so severe that virgins have been placed on the endangered species list - might have doomed this aspect of Orthodox Paganism, in any case. That said, Hambo quickly recovers with his patented ‘virtual virgin’ concept. He insists that his version of Paganism will accept a virtual virgin: a girl who vows that she only did it once and swears she didn’t enjoy it. Purists have denounced his resourcefulness, calling it Reformed Orthodox Paganism, a term which he has declared ‘cool’.
Hambo’s bogus business card lists ‘Commentary’ - his allegedly clever way of saying that he's very opinionated, on virtually any topic. His card further lists ‘Political’, his way of admitting that many of his endless opinions are subversive, hostile and generally antagonistic to anything and everything political. The third category on his card, ‘Satire’, is his dubious claim that, occasionally, parts of his endless outpouring of angry verbiage is funny, to a certain kind of reader. We’re alarmed to report that others have bought into this ‘humor’ claim and give him unwanted encouragement, when he goes off on one of his tangents. Okay, we admit it. He makes us laugh, too.
The most insidious thing about Hambo is his ability to bury his insanity beneath a cloak of convincing normality. If you met him on this street, while he's hiding behind this ‘just another forgettable dude’ disguise, you’d never realize the dangerous intellect which is analyzing your every word/action, plotting a way to vilify you in one of his infamous tirades. Doesn’t God Squad scripture warn of wolves in sheep’s clothing? Trust me, they had Hambo in mind when they wrote it.
In short, Hambo is dangerously disturbed...what a mental health professional would term ‘non-clinically bonkers’. Nothing, nobody, is safe from this self described freelance philosopher, so watch yourself. With Hambo on the loose, it's very scary out there.
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