SHUT UP! SIT DOWN!

Her name is Kate Green. She's a Member of Parliament from the Labour Party (LIBERTARD). In Labour Party terms, her claim to fame is her role as the party's 'equalities' spokesdolt. In FSOP terms, her claim to fame is being a hypersensitive twat, who embodies everything We the PIGs despise about NO-NADS.

This week, she got her knickers in a NO-NAD knot over a new beer 'Top Totty' which had been added to the adult beverages served in the House of Commons bar. Full of herself and it, this Titanic Twat, vilified the beer and demanded that it be banished from the House of Commons bar. Why? The cartoon on the pump plate shows a bikini clad wench and THAT according to Korrectnik Kate 'demeans women'.

It demeans women? How the F**K would you know, since you've never seen the allegedly 'offensive' image in question? Furthermore, if the pump plate image is THAT offensive, why are YOU the only one who complained?

I'm pleased to report that there are a few relatively rational adults who disagree with Korrectnik Kate

Tory Tracey Crouch asked on Twitter: 'Why is a beer called Top Totty offensive & now banned from Commons?'

Fellow Conservative MP Nadine Dorries tweeted: 'Westminster = sense of humour-free zone. Banning of the Top Totty beer was weak PC decision and gives sensible pro-women advocates a bad name.'

The ban was also denounced by Mike Nattrass, Stafford's UKIP MEP, and Claire Fox, director of think-tank the Institute of Ideas.

Mr Nattrass said: 'Miss Green really is a humourless sort. This sort of knee-jerk puritanism does more to damage the cause of equality than a thousand beer labels.'

And Miss Fox said: 'What really demeans women is the idea that we've no sense of humour – and MPs acting as sanctimonious killjoys in our name.' (Daily Mail)

There are signs of intelligent life in J.O.E. Bold new concept.

Paying Homage To My Muse.

The government has no source of revenue, except the taxes paid by the producers. To free itself—for a while—from the limits set by reality, the government initiates a credit con game on a scale which the private manipulator could not dream of. It borrows money from you today, which is to be repaid with money it will borrow from you tomorrow, which is to be repaid with money it will borrow from you day after tomorrow, and so on. This is known as "deficit financing." It is made possible by the fact that the government cuts the connection between goods and money. It issues paper money, which is used as a claim check on actually existing goods—but that money is not backed by any goods, it is not backed by gold, it is backed by nothing. It is a promissory note issued to you in exchange for your goods, to be paid by you (in the form of taxes) out of your future production."
– Ayn Rand

Thursday, February 2nd, is the 107th anniversary of Ayn Rand's birth. The least I can do is to thank her for helping me take my mind out of neutral. I give her credit for lifting the mental fog which clouded my thinking, when I was young, full of myself, and clueless.

Admittedly, my introduction to Ayn Rand was a painful one. It happened while I was working for a company that made a primordial form of computer memory devices. At the time, two of us shared a small test room, where we performed some mindless tasks that left ample time for conversations.

My co-worker was an Objectivist, who always managed to humiliate me during our discussions of various ideas and/or events. Eventually, I got the message. I was spouting drivel that had been jammed into my brain, unprocessed. Since I never fully analyzed my 'beliefs', I didn't have a snowball's chances in hell of defending them. Okay, let's be real...the mush that filled my brain at that time was indefensible.

Eventually, my co-worker took pity on me and gave me a guidebook to lead me out of my mental fog. It was 'Atlas Shrugged', a book which, in every possible way, rocked my world. Ayn Rand's wisdom still rocks my world, decades after she has shuffled off this mortal coil.

Thanks to Ayn Rand and her compelling wisdom, I know what I believe, and why. Admittedly, my understanding of, mastery of, her philosophy is imperfect, but I still have ample time to drag myself onward, upward, to a more complete understanding of her Objectivism.

I owe her, big time, for helping me switch on my brain. Before I thank her for that, I will do a Nixon and make one thing perfectly clear. Ayn Rand gets credit for my metal clarity, such as it is, but I do NOT blame her for my regular brain-farts. With that in mind I say, "Thank you Ayn, and Happy Birthday."

His Home Is THEIR Castle?

Today, I'll spend a few moments exploring the plight of a FOP, a friend of PIG whom we'll call Good Neighbor Sam. He's an inherently sociable dude, who lives in a venerable house that's near the 'main drag' of a small American town. Located next to the town library, and less than a block from a popular strip mall, our FOP's abode is ground zero for uninvited 'I was just in the neighborhood' visitors. What to do?

If you're thinking 'hunker down' and 'play dead', it's a non-starter. Why? When he's not relaxing on the screened in porch in front of his home, he's working on his computer, which is also visible from the street. So what? So plenty. The minute they see him, they make their move why? Because they know he won't say 'no'.

For example, a couple days ago, a toddler - approximate age = 4 - showed up to 'play with Sam's dog. Six hours later, after feeding and tending a stranger's tyke, his neighbor - the tyke's grandmother - showed up to collect him. Did she thank Sam, or apologize for inflicting the lad on our FOP? Nope. It never crossed her mind.

Another abuser of his hospitality is a dude who makes regular pitstops at Sam's home, on the way to, or from, the strip mall. This virtual stranger makes a habit of dropping in, unasked, unannounced, to watch Sam's television, drink his beer, and empty his refrigerator. Does he ask if Sam is busy? Nope. Does he thank Sam afterwards? Nope. Does he ever show up with beer, or snacks? Nope, because none of those things cross his mind.

Our FOP, Sam, is, in my opinion, too nice for his own good. He needs to go against his instincts and tell any/all uninvited guests to 'buzz off', at least once, instead of fuming, and fussing, afterwards.

Enquiring minds what to know where being sociable stops and being a doormat, patsy, begins. Wherever the line is, Sam is on the wrong side of it.

Terrors of Technology

My Kindle Touch 3G is a nice bit of technology, when it works.

Lately, 'when it works' has become increasingly elusive:

* It freezes up.

* It loses my place in the book I'm reading.

* It tries to reset, with mixed results.

* On Saturday, it appeared to give up the ghost, when it got locked in a death spiral of endless reset cycles.

Annoyed, to put it mildly, I fired off an e-mail flare in the direction of Amazon's support group.

I received a prompt reply which advised me to try resetting the brute. After a burst of demonic laughter, I read the rest of the response from Kindle Support at Amazon. It was not my idea of a good time.

They wanted me to go to the support site, then leave my phone number so a support staff dweeb could call.

I wasn't in the mood to talk to Amazon support guru, V. J. Steve - real name Ramalamadingdong - in India, so I sought a solution elsewhere.

I found a possible fix on the Kindle support chat page.

Since my Kindle Touch 3G was one of the initial batch, it had the OLD firmware. There was, apparently, an upgrade for the firmware.

I downloaded it onto my PC as instructed, then confronted the real problem: In order to load the firmware file onto my Kindle, it had to be - TA DA operational.

Could I make it work long enough to install the updated firmware file?

I could and did, eventually, after the beast glutted itself on reset cycles.

It worked long enough for the file to move from my PC to the Kindle. It kept working long enough to install the firmware update after which it performed another reset cycle to activate the update.

This time, the reset cycle did the trick. Last time I checked, my Kindle Touch 3G was still in remission, and performing its assigned tasks, without any unwanted drama, delays, or resets.

Happy days are here again? It's too soon to tell.

If you're having 'issues' with your Kindle and reset doesn't get it fixed, make sure you have the latest firmware (you'll find the latest firmware revision listed in Amazon's Kindle Support pages). It could cure what ails the beast. It worked for me.

A Simple Request

I managed to avoid this week's Messiah Barry Whopperthon - AKA, the State of the Union speech - but I got hit with more than I wanted, or needed, of it on VRWC talk radio.

By the time that started to abate, The One set off another deluge of Barry sound bites, when he, bogusly painted a bull's-eye on Arizona Governor Jan Brewer.

Then, he unleashed another sound bite tidal wave with his verbal assault on Ivory Tower tuition increases.

Why won't this rat bastard STFU?

Fact: I HATE the SOUND of Messiah Barry's voice. Unlike his Obamatons, I DON'T want to hear anything he has to say. Excluding a miracle of Biblical proportions which had him call a press conference to admit that he's quitting, immediately, because he's egregiously unqualified to be POTUS, there's nothing Messiah Barry could say that I want to hear. He's not talking to ME, and I'm doing my best not to listen to him. The key phrase is 'doing my best'.

Fact: It's virtually impossible to turn on the radio or watch the boob tube without some breaking news spewing asshole playing a recording of the Marxist bastard's voice. They don't do it once, or twice, or three times. They do it again, and again, and again, and again, all day long. Worst still, if you're listening to a VRWC talk show, they play their own Messiah Barry blather. ENOUGH ALREADY.

Fact: It's so bad, I'm compelled to shut off the radio, switch off the boob tube, and play my music collection while I'm taking care of Hambo business. Why? Because I can't tolerate this endless Messiah Barry blather assault on my ears, on my sanity. I end up screaming at my radio and scaring the piss out of everyone around me. Holy Hampage, Batman!

That brings me to my simple request. Admittedly, I would prefer that Messiah Barry just STFU, permanently. I should live so long. If that's off the table, I'd go for one day a week, when Messiah Barry took off his Media Slut hat, then sat in his new office to DO THE JOB THE BRAIN DEAD ASSHOLES ELECTED HIM TO DO. That, too, seems beyond his meager capabilities. Hell, I'd settle for a tragic case of POTUS lockjaw or laryngitis. Dream on, Hambo.

Since I can't count on Messiah Barry doing the right thing, I need to seek a little help from one of my VRWC boom box host friends. Would it kill them to set aside at least one hour of their show, each week, of Barry-free bliss? No Barry blather...no Barry talk...no Barry-related reports...is that too much to ask? Probably, but I'm asking it anyway. I'm talking to you, El Rushbo...I'm talking to you, Laura...I'm talking to you Neal...I'm especially talking to you, Warrior Princess Monica. I'm talking to all of them. It's one simple request that will make me your most devoted fan, your most relentless promoter. Make no mistake, I'm not the ONLY one...I'm just one of the noisier ones who have had their fill of THAT Marxist Messiah's damn voice.

Give me a break! Give me a break from the most loathsome sound in the universe. Give me a break from Messiah Barry's voice.

Parting shot: As much as W got on my last raw nerve with his antics, he had one redeeming virtue. He would go days, weeks, at a time without making a public utterance while the cameras and recorders were running. Frequently, what he said bugged the crap out of me, BUT, he gave me weeks to get over it, before he launched me again. I'm starting to get nostalgic about that aspect of W's character as 'the good old days, when I could hear myself think'.

A Caption I Wish I'd Written

"Show me your green card Barry or get your scrawny ass back on the plane, we don't mess around in Arizona."

Questions

Am I the only one who is 'troubled' by the fact that the 50% of the citizens who don't pay taxes, are allowed to go to the polls to vote on how much more money the Nanny State will steal from those individuals who do pay taxes?

Am I the only one who is outraged that the Nanny State nitwits consider it a government 'expense' when you are allowed to keep some of the money you earn?

Am I the only one who thinks its disgusting when assholes like The One label money you earned and are keeping as government 'spending'? Spending my ass. It was, and is, MY money, first, last and always.

Am I the only one who is horrified, when a Pachyderm Punk like Newt, stoops to class warfare rhetoric to gain a political advantage over Mitt Romnety?

Has anyone else reached the conclusion that an egregiously 'flawed' Moonbat like Ron Paul is, all things considered, still the least irrational Oval Office candidate, in either party?

Is The One desperate enough to start a war with Iran, to secure 4 more years of Red Shed Marxism?

Given the way things are going, will there still be a Republican Party when the 2014 midterm elections roll around?

Given the way things are going, will there still be elections in the USA, if The One wins in 2012?

Given the way things are going, have events gone so far that a second American Civil War/American Revolution is unavoidable?

You take the gun barrel out of your mouth. I'm done depressing you.

This & That

Item: Who's Your Daddy

For some reason, the gossip rags are obsessed with Khloe Karda$hian's parentage.

One source - it might be the National Enquirer - made my day by making O. J., mister slice and dice himself, her daddy.

Today, an item on the Fox News site had another source naming Big Mama Karda$hian's hairdresser. BORING.

Who do I think the daddy is? Which part of SASQUATCH Karda$hian don't you understand.

Item: Bruins' Goalie In The Hot Seat

When Boston Bruins's star goalie, Tim Thomas, turned down The One's invite to the Red Shed, he did so for utterly PIG-worthy reasons.

I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.

This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.

Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.

This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic. TT

Tim Thomas might be done talking about it, but the usual suspects won't STFU about it. How dare he diss THE ONE? How dare he say 'no' to the Marxist Messiah? Blah, blah, blah.

If a player did that to an pachyderm punk POTUS, the Barack Sucking MSM would nominate the player for secular socialist sainthood.

This pagan scribbler gives props to Tim Thomas for putting his principles ahead of a photo op with The One.

Nicely done, Tim. Very nicely done. You did it. You explained it. You moved on.

Item: Oinking around in France.

In the broadest sense, what happened in France, is freedom of speech, as far as I'm concerned. Predictably, some killjoys don't agree with that assessment:

A complaint called 'public insults to religion' was filed after the discovery of two pig heads on the construction site of a mosque in Nanterre, said police sources.

The first pig's head was found freshly cut Thursday morning at the door of the building site and another was thrown behind the fence," said the source. The mayor of Nanterre (leftie) Patrick Jarry expressed in a statement Friday "his emotions following the malicious and provocative act which targeted the construction site of the mosque. Those who committed this act of racism should be investigated and punished...[reaffirming] the commitment of the municipal team to live together and the freedom of worship in dignity." " (Bare Naked Islam)

Apparently, some French citizens are, belatedly, seeing the big picture on the Islamikaze colonization of their country. If they want to save their country, lobbing pig heads won't do it. They need to insist that liberty, not Shariah is the foundation for all their laws. That's a steep hill to climb, but it's the only way to get 'er done.

Playing Favorites

The prime mover in this southern-fried epic is Tar Heel State mother, Ginger Strivelli, whose 12 year old son is an inmate at North Windy Ridge intermediate school (Buncombe County, North Carolina). To the news nitwits at Fox News, the most important tidbit about Ginger is PAGAN MOTHER. That's right, Ginger is a practicing Wiccan, a fun fact that isn't the be-all, end-all, which the news nitwits proclaim.

First, the Tome wranglers at Gideons International showed up at this North Carolina cess-school with several boxes of Tomes. Why? Don't know, don't care. So what? So plenty, because the North Windy Ridge Educrats, passed them out to their young scholars. You won't need a quatrain from Nostradamus to predict that PAGAN MOTHER Ginger was not amused, when baby boy brought a Tome home from school.

When Ginger yammered about it with the school principal, the Educrat assured her that ANY flavor of supernaturalism could drop off religious texts. It was a nice try, but Ginger wasn't born yesterday, so she called the Educrat's bluff, by showing up at the cess-school with 'pagan spell books'. You won't die of shock to learn that her books were rejected. Obviously, at North Windy Ridge, some Tomes are more equal than others.

Due to the ensuing turmoil, the Buncombe County Board of Educrap is meeting to find a way out of the mess:

"Buncombe County School officials are currently reviewing relevant policies and practices with school board attorneys," the district announced in a written statement. "During this review period, no school in the system will be accepting donations of materials that could be viewed as advocating a particular religion or belief." (Fox News)

Their choices are, according to legal experts, limited to one of two options, due to the First Amendment:

"You can either open your public school up to all religious material, or you can say no religious material," Michael Broyde, a professor and senior fellow at Emory University's Center for the Study of Law and Religion said. "You can't say, 'You can distribute religious material, but only from the good mainstream faiths.'" (Fox New)

As usual, I have a few comments:

* I agree that 'everybody' or 'nobody' should be the way this works. A school is supposed to EDUCATE, not INDOCTRINATE, and this comes thisclose to the latter.

* The only way this works for me would involve a 'comparative religions' class of some kind, where the young scholars would get a 'taste' of numerous religions. It would be a 'here's what they believe and why' kind of thing.

* It would be interesting to track down the relevant cess-school's test scores, graduation rate, etc. If they're stellar, this kind of distraction is somewhat more tolerable.

* Young 'uns should be introduced to religion by their parents. If that doesn't happen and they are still interested, any local Toll Booth would be delighted to bring them up to speed.

Last, and far from least, let's deal with Fox News and PAGAN MOTHER. The mother's Pagan beliefs are, in this instance, the proverbial shiny object whose purpose is distracting whomever, from the core issue: playing favorites, when it comes to religion.

You Can't Make This Up

In Draper, Utah, the Educrats in the Canyon School District are getting everything ready for a new cess-school, Corner Canyon High School, which will be open for business in 2013. While the Educrats dealt with assorted devilish details, they let the school's future inmates take care of one very special detail: choosing the school mascot.

After considering various options, Corner Canyon High's future inmates emulated nearby Brigham Young University, by picking the wild, North American, feline, the cougar, as their mascot. No harm, no foul? Uh, nope.

Believe it or not, the Moonbats who infested positions of power in the Canyon School District, overruled the students' choice. Why? Because 'cougar', according to a Moonbat named Mary Bailey (the designated school principal), 'carries an ugly connotation that is disrespectful to women'.

What the f**k is on Mary's twisted mind? What indeed. In her warped world, a cougar isn't a wild, North American, feline. It's a predatory middle-aged woman who has a well-serviced lust for younger men.

After vetoing the students' choice, this Moonbat sensed the rational adult recoil from her brainfart headed her way. Wanting no part of it, Moonbat Mary tried to deflect it with demented, self-serving, drivel about the new school's proximity to BYU. Blah, blah, blah.

For those who care, Corner Canyon High School's mascot is the charger, a name which hasn't set off alarms, yet, in Mary Bailey's alleged mind.

Just for fun, let's look at 'chargers' and run it through the Corner Canyon High School Korrectness filter.

Chargers? Nope. It denotes those who use credit cards, an activity which is - GASP - CAPITALISTIC. That, PIGsters, is insensitive and disrespectful to OCUTARDS. Shame on you Mary Bailey. Shame, shame, shame.

Chargers? Nope. It denotes the use of batteries, which are notoriously hostile to the environment when they're discarded. That means 'chargers' is insensitive and insulting to greeniacs. Shame on you, Mary Bailey. Shame, shame, shame.

Chargers? Nope. It denotes horses ridden by knights and calvary men, an activity which often gets the steed injured and/or killed. That means 'chargers' is insensitive and insulting to the critter coddlers at PETA. Furthermore, the role chargers play in warfare makes the name insensitive, insulting, and demeaning to peace pukes. Shame on you Mary Bailey. Shame, shame, shame.

While you're here, let's check some other popular sports team names and see if any of them could pass Moonbat Mary Bailey muster.

Giants? Nope. It's insensitive: demeans little people.

Beavers? Nope. It's demeaning and disrespectful to womyn.

Ducks? Nope. It's insensitive: demeans cowards.

Dodgers? Nope. It's insensitive: demeans pacifists.

Packers? Nope. It's insensitive: demeans bun rangers.

The votes have been tabulated, PIGsters, and, by a landslide, Mary Bailey is the poster wench for Korrectnik Moonbattery.

Now THIS Is FUNNY...

I don't care who you are.

This & That

Item: That sinking feeling.

I'm not the least bit surprised that the sinking of the Italian cruise ship, Costa Concordia, has everyone asking questions. I am, admittedly, surprised that nobody is asking the RIGHT questions.

* Given the speed that Captain Francesco Schettino covered the distance from his ship to Giglio island, how close did he come to the world record for the 100 yard dash?

* How did a fool like Francesco become Captain of any ship larger than kayak?

* Given the chaos which passes for government in Italy, why would anyone think that an Italian cruise ship would be operated with greater efficiency?

* Now that he's demonstrated his unique way of coping with a crisis, is Francesco Schettino destined to become Italy's next prime minister?

* Given this utter and complete breakdown in professionalism by the stricken ship's crew, why would anyone with a hint of synaptic activity roll fate's dice by taking a cruise aboard and Italian cruise ship?

* Captain Schettino abandoned his command faster than a General in the French Army. Is there a French surrender monkey hiding in the family tree?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Item: More questions.

* Why is anyone shocked that Paula Dean has Diabetes? If she eats her own cooking, it's a miracle that Diabetes is her ONLY malady.

* Is the Elephant Clan trying to deliberately lose the 2012 Oval Office Derby?

* Will the Elephant Clan, once again, snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in November?

* How much longer will rational American adults tolerate a two party system, in which neither party espouses - with compelling conviction - a dedication to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"?

* Is there a rational adult left in the USA who is willing to suffered the relevant indignities to run for POTUS?

* If such a rational adult did run, would America's chad punching rational adults vote for him, her, himher, or it?

* Am I the only one who is dragged screaming and kicking to the realization that, despite his asinine views on foreign policy, Ron "Moonbat" Paul is the only Elephant Clan candidate whose domestic policy will put an end to runaway government growth?

* Is anyone else struck by the irony that the scariest thing about Ron Paul is the fact that we know that he means everything he says?

Loaded Questions

When is a Peach State elementary school math test not a math test? When it's infused with slavery-oriented word problems that look like something you'd find on PIG's Dumpster Diving page.

"Each tree had 56 oranges. If 8 slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?"

"If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in 1 week?"

This panty-wadding fun reached critical mass at Beaver Ridge Elementary School (Norcross, Georgia) when and Educrat handed out THAT math test in a school where the majority of students are properly-hyphenated.

The ensuing backlash forced the cess-school's Educrats to circle the school busses in a protective, defensive perimeter around the usual 'administrative' solutions and/or excuses:

* The math worksheet wasn't properly reviewed and approved, before it was handed out.

* The school principal will work with teachers to help them devise more appropriate lesson plans

* The incident gives school officials opportunity to do some additional staff development.

* The angst inducing work sheet was a noble, well-intentioned attempt to incorporate history into 3rd grade math lessons, in which the teachers "did not do as good of a job as they should have done."

* The teachers didn't intentionally try to offend students with the questions. Their 'sin' is limited to perpetrating "a poorly written question".

It's a nice try, but it didn't get the job done. Outraged parents want their pound of flesh:

* Official reprimands for the teacher(s) involved.

* Mandatory diversity training for the teachers and school officials deemed 'responsible'.

* An official apology.

* A believable explanation to determine "how could something like this happen".

I can't tell the angry parents who perpetrated this work sheet, but I can eliminate the Free State of PIG. If we had a hand in it, the questions would be MUCH funnier.

Another Obama Regime Power Grab

Barry's latest scheme is a real jaw dropper. The megalomaniac who is occupying the Oval Office brazenly asked for much greater latitude, when it comes to re-organizing the bloated federal bureaucracy. The man who is overseeing the biggest expansion of government in American history now claims that he wants to make the federal beast leaner, meaner, more responsive, by 'consolidating several 'overlapping' federal agencies to increase efficiency. Seriously? Wow!

It all sounds plausible enough, but this is Barry 'government can't be too big' Obama. Trusting him to make government smaller, more efficient, makes as much sense as putting a kleptomaniac in charge of a retail store's security. This reeks of 'putting the fox in charge of the henhouse'.

The idea - consolidating federal agencies whose functions overlap - is an excellent one. It needs to be done, but I don't trust Barry to do it right. Why? His track record of growing government speaks for itself. It appears to be his natural instinct. Furthermore, this is an election year, and this proposal must be viewed in that context.

Barry's modus operandi is well documented. He always seeks more personal power. He always perpetrate a bigger, more intrusive government. Why should this be any different? We need to 'just say no to Barry's scheme.

Parting shot: Even if I gave Barry the benefit of the doubt on this one...even if I thought he could be trusted, that's only half the story. He'd still need the okey dokey from the Congressional Clown Posse on Capitol Hill. I don't trust them, when it comes to shrinking the size of government, either.

A Memorably PIGish Moment

After viewing the images of the Marines taking a whiz on the corpses of some room temperature Taliban, I still don't understand the fuss. Maybe it's a flaw in my character.

Trying to understand, I looked at a couple factors.

First, I look at the so-called 'victims'. It's nearly impossible to get choked up over anything done to THEM. We're talking about the Taliban, some serious assholes whose idea of 'fun' is throwing acid in the faces of Afghan wenchlets whose only crime is going to school. We're talking about the Taliban, allegedly human turds who are the most barbaric rat bastards on Earth.

Next, I look at who has their panties in a wad over them. The first out of the box was CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations). They are outraged...hardly a shock. Comrade Shrillary has her knickers in a knot over it and is huffing and puffing as only she can. Last, but far from least, there are the Moonbats in the MSM who are ramping up for an Abu Ghraib class scandal which will give them an excuse to vilify the United States Marines.

Finally, the incident has been called "inhumane", "indefensible", and "reprehensible", plus much, much, more, by the usual suspects. They are entitled to their opinion, even when it's dead wrong. Given the infamous, inhuman, actions perpetrated by the Taliban, the scumbags no shit deserve ANYTHING that is done to them. Reaping what they sow? You better believe it, Sparky.

Some critics say that OUR warriors should take the high road. Some critics insist that OUR warriors must be held to a higher standard. BULLSHIT. We're fighting a brutal, sadistic, enemy who make the Marquis de Sade look like Mother Theresa. That, in my opinion, disqualifies them for 'the high road', and 'a higher standard'.

I say it's time to hit them where it hurts. How? Their weakness is their unwavering adherence to OLD SCHOOL Islam. It's about time we use that belief against them. As far as I'm concerned, pissing on their corpse is a suitable beginning. Why? This quote from a friend says it all: "The least we can do is send them on their way to their 72 virgins reeking of hot American piss." Truer words, PIGsters. Truer words.

As far as the Taliban are concerned, I say PISS ON THEM!

Hambo's Liberty Agenda
* Letting the Nanny State control education invites social engineering that is geared to turning out easily enslaved sheep instead of those damn sovereign individuals. For the sake of our liberty, education needs to be privatized.

* The Nanny State must be forcibly evicted from the marketplace. The current practice of 'buying' a competitive regulatory advantage and using government largesse, tax policy and regulations to pick 'winners', 'losers', must be eliminated so capitalism can flourish.

* It is not the Nanny State's job to save sovereign individuals from themselves and/or their bad decisions. The social safety net must be dismantled, allowing private, uncoerced generosity (charity) to flourish.

* Parents, not the Nanny State, should control what their underage offspring eat, what they watch on television, which movies they attend, what books they read, and where they travel in cyberspace.

Distinctions
If you listen to VRWC talk radio, you've hear some caller ask the host to delineate the differences between Demoncrats and Republicans. The first thing that comes to mind is a quote I heard in passing. When asked about the need for a third party, the celebrity (I apologize for not scribbling down his name) said "We don't need a 'third' party. What we need is a second one." Truer words, PIGsters. Truer words.

After giving the party particulars some thought, I found more similarities than differences:

Taxes:
Political hacks from both parties have show a demented zeal for using this nation's punitive taxes, fees and assessments to perpetrate social engineering on the American populace.

Border Jumpers:
Political hacks from both parties seem poised to legalize the 12 to 20 million border jumpers who infest our nation. Some talk tough, but when you shovel aside the rhetoric, it's just hot air covering up their unwillingness to boot these invaders out of our country.

Jihadikazes:
Nobody seems willing to man up and face the facts that - like it or not - Islam is the enemy that we're fighting. Neither party confront the inconvenient truth that Islam is a flavor of supernaturalism that preaches world conquest.

Nanny State Growth:
Both operate under the conviction that 'bigger is always better', but each feels compelled to add, "it works best when we're in charge".

What's the difference between Americas two political clans?

One is backward-looking, is plodding toward a cradle to grave Nanny State, and believes you need to be saved from your sinful impulses by the coercive power of the Nanny State. Its patron saints are Ronald Reagan and Barry Goldwater. Its symbol is the elephant, a plodding creature with a long memory.

The other is sprinting toward a cradle to grave Nanny State and is convinced that you're too stupid to run your own life so you must be saved from your intellectual shortcomings by the coercive power of the Nanny State. Its patron saints are John F. Kennedy and Franklin D. Roosevelt. Its symbol is the jackass (ok, I know it's a donkey, but 'the jackass party' rocks my world), a creature that is almost as annoying as the members of this party.

What's the difference between the Demoncrats and the Republicraps? One group of statusts puts a 'D.' after their names, the other group of statists puts 'R' after their names.

This & That

Item: Kim Jong-Basement Boy

I saw some images of North Korea's new leader trying to look macho while seated in a tank. It reminded me of those infamous photos that sealed Michael Dukakis' fate, in the Oval Office Derby.

When I looked at North Korea's roly poly moonfaced leader, I was compelled to wonder:

Why do North Korea's fearless leaders always look like the Pillsbury Doughboy?

Item: The ABC Republican Debate

What the f**k is wrong with the Elephant Clan?

How do they expect to make their case, when the assholes firing questions at them, are Barack-sucking Socialist rat bastards like George Stephanopoulos?

Why do they let these Obamunists set the tone, with loaded questions which are full of outright lies? Why do the Republican Oval Office contenders allow themselves to be forced into giving the partisan questioners a reality check? Tough questions from an 'impartial' interrogator are one thing, but this ABC 'debate' was BULLSHIT. Why does any candidate go along with it, instead of stating his her, hisher, or its own positions on the issues which matter to Republican Primary voters?

Why does the Elephant Clan tolerate this bullshit?

Item: Near and very dear to my heart

She shrugged off 'Q. Ralston'.

She's coping very nicely with 'Hambo'.

She's proven to be shock proof.

She's always there to give me a reality check, when I need it.

She's my greatest treasure.

She's my lovely bride and this is my way of saying, "Happy Anniversary, my love."

Another Decency Jihad

Nicole Weider - Fox411 bills her as a 'model' - has unresolved 'issues' with Cosmo. It's sexual-charged articles - "75 Sex Moves", "Foreplay Men Crave", "His Best Sex Ever", "Too Naught To Stay Here: But You Have To Try This Sex Trick", to name a few" - offend HER, so she is determined to make it much harder for YOU to see them. Yes, it's presumptuous, but you'll feel better about her intrusion into your life, when I tell you that Nicole is 'doing it for the children'.

Doing IT? You bet. 'It', in this case is sparing you the ordeal of looking at a Cosmo cover:

Cosmopolitan magazine released its February issue this week featuring 17-year-old Dakota Fanning as the cover girl, surrounded by article captions such as "His Best Sex Ever," "Too Naughty To Stay Here: But You Have to Try This Sex Trick."

The cover was the perfect example of what for model Nicole Weider wants banned from grocery stores and newsstands.

"As a former reader of the magazine, I happened to pick up an issue and was reading it and was completely shocked at how pornographic and explicit the content had become. I immediately thought of my young teenage brothers and it horrified me to think that they and their friends could be reading this material, and the damage it would do to them if they did," Weider told FOX411's Pop Tarts column. "So I decided to do something about it."

So, in August 2011, Weider started a Change.org petition to have the magazine sold in a non-transparent wrapper.

Weider wants to make sure nobody under the age of 18 sees the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine on newsstands or at their grocery stores, and that no one under 18 can buy the top-selling title. (Fox News)

Nicole Weider is offended. That should be her PERSONAL problem. It should be, but it isn't. She's a Morality Nazi who is ready, willing, and eager to exploit her hypersensitivity, so she can tell you what you're allowed to read. I'm no sure when she was given this power over what I'm allowed to read, because I never got copied on the memo.

What's up with Barry?

[It's 2012, a pivotal year in America's history. This year, in November, We the People will be required to make a very straightforward choice. No matter what names appear on the ballot, the choices remain the same. We'll be going all-in on our future when we choose between Liberty and Tyranny. Tyranny? That's what it 'feels' like.

Am I being too harsh? I don't think so, but if you insist, we'll, once again, seek the answer to the question: What's up with Barry?]

Is he, as many believe, dumber than a box of rocks, when it comes to the intricacies of the job he holds? Perhaps, but I doubt it.

Is he, as others believe, so convinced of his own infallibility that he actually expects his insane antics to live up to his Narcissistic bullshit? This one deserves SERIOUS consideration.

Is he, as conspiracy theorists opine, an Islamikaze Quisling, who is using the position that brain dead chad punchers gave him, to further the world conquering cause of his REAL religion, Mecca Mania? Until recently, this seemed laughably loony, but I'm not so sure, now.

Is he, as his actions seem to indicate, an unwavering enemy of the United States who has been put in a position where he can destroy it from within? This, too, seemed hopelessly paranoid, but it becomes more plausible, with each passing day.

If Barry is a Quisling who is serving his Islamikaze masters, there should be signs of it. Here are a few which popped into my mind:

He takes appeasement to insane levels, by ignoring the inconvenient truth that the Jihadikazes who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks were motivated by Mecca Mania. Instead, he insists that we must grovel at the feet of Islamikazes and APOLOGIZE for oppressing them into attacking us.

He flatly refuses to identify the philosophy that motivates our sworn Jihadikaze enemies: Mecca Mania. (Quibble: In this, he's following the lead of his predecessor, Bush 43.)

He gives Cross Cultism a cold shoulder, and doesn't say a single word about the systematic extermination of Cross Cultists - in Islamikaze nations - by his Mecca Maniac homeboys. At the same time, he goes to ridiculous lengths to facilitate sharia's relentless advance, from sea to shining sea. (Quibble: Bush 43 did this to a lesser extent.)

He refuses to confront the inherent danger posed by a militant, fundamentalist, nuclear armed Iran. Instead of isolating Iran to reduce the danger it poses, he rolled out the red carpet for the bloodless, Iranian conquest of the Middle East in a process that the relentlessly clueless call democratization.

He yammers about the flowering of Democracy during this "Arab Spring", while refusing to discuss the reality that this "Arab Spring" is, in reality, "Liberty's Winter".

He has done his best to deliver Israel into the hands of the hostile nations which surround it, by making the Jewish State essentially defenseless.

So what's up with Barry? I'm still thinking it over.

Whatever Barry is - a Quisling, a secret Mecca Maniac, a self-deluded Narcissist, or the world's biggest fool, there's one thing that's certain. We the People must stop him, before he completes the destruction of this nation conceived in liberty, and paves the way for the world-spanning Islamikaze caliphate.

I think we need to pink slip Barry, immediately, if not sooner, while we still can. Once that is a fait accompli, We the People will have ample time to ponder the burning question: What's up with Barry.

[Parting shot: There is a growing concern among rational adults that Barry will contrive a national emergency, then suspend elections, for the duration of the 'crisis'. Given Barry's well documented aversion to our Constitution, and everything it represents, the notion that The One would preserve his power by suspending elections isn't that far fetched.]

Mexifornia

Serving the same function as the proverbial canary in a coal mine, the no longer 'Golden' State serves as a warning of the deadly danger posed by unmitigated Marxist Moonbattery. Already past the point of no return, the state's Marxist Moonbat Elected Tormentors persist in accelerating the state's demise.

Every year, on January 1st, Mexifornia's Elected Tormentors/ Elected Executioners proudly display their handiwork - a big batch of new laws, each one of which is quite simply, another nail in the state's coffin.

Here are some of this year's 'nails':

SB746 - Makes it illegal for anyone under 18 to use tanning beds.

AB376 - Makes it illegal to sell, trade, or possess shark fins. What's shark's fin soup without the shark fin? Broth.

AB144 - Makes it illegal to carry an exposed, unloaded, handgun.

SB657 - Requires businesses to report the risks of human trafficking and inhumane working conditions during the manufacture of the goods it sells.

SB39 - Bans caffeinated beer products.

AB22 - Makes it illegal for employers to use consumer credit reports when screening applicants for a job opening.

SB929 - Children must use booster seats in vehicles until they're 8 years old or grow taller than 4-foot-9.

AB353 - Bans local police from impounding a vehicle if the driver is unlicensed. (Perpetrated by a notorious Colonista Elected Executioner named Gil Cedillio, who knows its primary beneficiaries will be Border Jumping Scumbags.)

SB514 - Bans anyone under age 18, from buying cough syrup which contains DXM (dextromethorphan).

These are just a few of the 2011 vintage nails that the state's Elected Executioners pounded into Mexifornia's coffin.

Parting shot: Feel free to gloat over Mexifornia's noisy death rattle. BUT, do it quickly, because where Mexifornia leads, Uncle Sam follows. If you have a ghoulish urge to see the walking dead, visit Mexifornia.

Stray Synaptic Activity On a New Year's Eve

Item: A Presidential Restore Point

What America really needs is the functional equivalent of the Microsoft Windows 'Restore Point' for the Presidency. When a dangerous political virus - Marxism, for example - invades the Oval Office in the form of a Dumbo-eared Moonbat, we could immediately, 'restore' the presidency to an earlier, more stable, condition, one where rational adults inhabited the White House.

I know what you're thinking and you're right, more or less. YES...Technically, we already have something similar, a presidential election every four years. That's all well and good, but it has a dark underbelly: the Oval Office invading virus gets to eat away at our liberty for 4 years, before we can eject him, her, himher, or it.

Inalienable individual liberty can be a serious BITCH about shit like this.

Item: Rick Santorum's priorities

According to a news report, Rick Santorum is crisscrossing Iowa on his "Faith, Family & Freedom" tour. I don't have any PIG-worthy issues with the concepts underscored by his three keywords: FAITH, FAMILY, FREEDOM. I do, however, feel compelled to ask if they are listed in the proper order.

Are the three words listed in alphabetical order, deliberately? Perhaps, but given Rick Santorum's beliefs, I suspect he listed them in the order of their importance, to him. I get that, but, the quasi rational adult in me won't let it slide.

Rick, dude, you're not running for PASTOR of the United States. You're not running for FAMILY COUNSELOR of the United States. You're running for PRESIDENT of the United States. Your focus is/ought to be the POLITICAL realm.

In the POLITICAL realm, FREEDOM must come first. Why? Because without FREEDOM, you can't exercise your FAITH. Without FREEDOM, your FAMILY will be born, live, and die as slaves to an all-powerful state. FREEDOM is the foundation upon which everything else in your life is built. Life, like houses, must begin with a solid foundation. If you don't get that right, everything else falls apart.

If Rick's number one, overriding, concern is FAITH, then why bother with FREEDOM at all? Why even bother running for POTUS, a job that is supposed to maximize the individual liberty (FREEDOM) of each American? A President's job is to establish a solid foundation of individual liberty so each American has the FREEDOM to practice his, her, hisher, or its FAITH. A President's job is to establish a solid foundation of individual liberty so each American can raise a new generation of sovereign individuals...AKA raise their own family.

I think Rick should know this stuff, and maybe he does. Maybe politics dictates that you open with the FAITH card. So be it.

Parting shot: Much ado about nothing? Perhaps, but, like so many things in life, the Devil is in the details.

Signs & Portents

* The News Nitwits are taking a walk down the 2011 block of Memory Lane. Like the two blocks which precede it, the 2011 block visited by the News Nitwits, has thousands of shrines venerating a Dumbo-eared Moonbat. If you look closely, you'll notice that all the graffiti reads "It's all Bush's (Bush 43) fault."

* Smugly sanctimonious talking heads preach their annual sermon about the too, too, real dangers of drinking and driving. But, in the next breath, they spout so much depressing, demented, drivel, that you're compelled to reach for that handy dandy Jack Daniels bottle.

* The cable pitstop with the asinine new name, The SyFy Channel, delighted my lovely bride by reanimating their venerable Twilight Zone Marathon.

* In Hollywood (Mexifornia), person, or persons, unknown, decided to dabble in Urban Renewal. For the third night in a row, an unknown firebug torched cars parked in the carports next to apartment complexes.

* Underscoring the epic decline in American culture, a Las Vegas watering hole shelled out a reported $600,000 to Pornstar Karda$hian to parade her fat ass around at their party, on Saturday, December 31, 2011.

* In Mexifornia, sovereign individuals will exercise their liberty, while they still can, by strapping an unloaded firearm to their hip then chowing down on a bowl of Shark's Fin Soup. Tomorrow, both activities join such things as governmental fiscal discipline, and a veneration for American sovereignty on the banned in Mexifornia scrapheap.

*The One has flown off to the cuckoo's nest (Hawaii), where he's living LARGE, on our dime.

Yup, all the signs and portents point the same thing: we've reached the magic moment in the year, when it's, once again, time to press the reset button on our calendar. We'll, once again, shake off the excess baggage left over from 2011. We'll try our utmost to start off 2012 with the sincere, albeit misguided, conviction that the worst is behind us. We'll convince ourselves that 2012 offers us smoother ride through the twists and turns ahead of us.

Of course, by dinnertime on New Year's Day, our hangover will be gone and we'll once again face the thrills, chills, and spills of objective reality,with clear minds, and unclouded eyes.

Parting shot: Can 2012 be better than 2011? You bet, but it's not going to just fall into our lap. Like anything else worth having, we'll need to work at it.

Terrors of Technology

There's something VERY nasty lurking out there in cyberspace. I know about it, because it hammered me hard on Sunday night. It blew past firewall and antivirus programs like they weren't even there, then started pumping out windows filled with dire warnings of impending doom. Its primary tool is a window which claims to be a Windows (Insert your version, here) Antivirus 2012 program. Immediately, it starts spewing erroneous data about all the malware it's finding. In reality, it's trying to stick those on your system. Next, you'll get an especially persistent Adobe download window which is nearly impossible to get rid of.

If you try to access your REAL Antivirus program, it will block you. It also blocks task manager, Windows Defender, and won't let you access any sites on the Internet.

If you get your system to reboot and you bring it up in SAFE MODE, you'll discover that even SAFE MODE has been compromised. It works, sort of, when you first boot, but after a few minutes, it goes to hell and gone. PISSER.

The real pisser is trying to separate fact from Malware produced fiction. In other words, there's no way to tell which of the pop up warning windows can be trusted. For me, the safest way was to distrust everything my system threw at me.

Eventually, I managed to start it up in safe mode, but I accessed my restore points without letting the beast load Windows. That worked, so far, but I'm playing it safe by limiting my online access.

As thrilling as this sounds - it was a two hour thrill ride through hell - it got better. How? How indeed.

Using a second, untainted computer, I accessed my antivirus provider's Web Site where I found and downloaded a Malware Removal Tool. After storing it on a memory stick, I inserted the memory stick on the thrashed computer and, despite the chaos all around it, it got the job done, when I ran it.

Following the removal tool's suggestion, I sent a message to the customer service (customer care) group at my antivirus software provider's patch of cyberspace.

By the time I heard from them, a couple days later, I had the brute under control, but I still wanted to have them take a look at the data their Malware Removal Tool generated. I hoped it would help them tell me what the hell hit me so hard.

Today, I got their answer. What was it? My report was deemed 'invalid'. In other words, according to the maker of my Antivirus program, I simply imagined the whole thing.

It was all in my mind? Seriously? I don't think so. I have a very VIVID imagination, but even my imagination isn't capable of perpetrating THAT.

Where do I go from here? I'm still thinking that one through.

Parting Shots: For your edification, here are a few additional, pertinent, facts

* I had a similar albeit greatly diminished episode about a month ago. That's why I had the name and location of the malware removal tool.

* This evening, a friend of my lovely bride called her to report that her computer was down. Based on the information she provided, it sounds like the same crap that hammered me.

* I blundered into this nastiness while I was reading an article on American Thinker - a very reliable site.

* I run a virus scan when I turn my computer on in the morning, then again, in the afternoon. Some days, I run a third scan, before I shut it down at night.

* I have Windows 7 set to automatically download all priority updates to windows.

* These days, I limit my travels in cyberspace to mainstream news sites, search utilities like Bing and Google, commercial sites like Amazon, plus PIG.

* I set my e-mail program to download the 'headers only' for all incoming messages. If the sender is a stranger, I access the body of the message directly from my provider's e-mail server via a web mail portal. If there are 'attachments' in a message from a stranger, I delete it, while it's still on the Web Mail portal's server..

* I stopped using Zone Alarm, a couple years ago, because it imposed too much overhead on my system and never seemed to be in the right place, when I blundered into a virus, or malware.

* Right now, I'm using ESET's Security Suite 5, which is, I admit, a very user friendly program. It has a lot of nifty tools and it does, more often than not, catch incoming nastiness. Based on past experience with several rival Antivirus programs, I consider the ESET Antivirus Software to be the one that's the least flawed.

* I didn't want, or expect, a silver bullet from ESET. I did want, and expected a few answers concerning:

? What the f**k hit me?

? Do the settings on my computer make me vulnerable to such attacks?

? Is there something wrong with the settings for my system, which allows these attacks to bypass your program?

? What steps do I need to take to ward off similar attacks in the future?

The e-mail message from their customer care folks proclaims: ESET provides full support for our users should their systems become infected.

Based on this week's events, "full support for our users should their systems become infected" REALLY MEANS: We assigned you case number to make you think we're doing something. BUT, in reality, you're on your own. If you get it fixed and feel like discussing it, send us an e-mail, it's all in your mind Sparky, and we'll pretend that we give a damn.

System Security 5? On balance, it's better than the other Antivirus Software I've used.

ESET's Customer Care? They'll tell you were to find a suitable tool, and poop out a few basic instructions, but that's were it ends. In a perfect world, their Antivirus program would be up to the challenge, when some malware nastiness paints a bull's-eye on my system. I'm not holding my breath on THAT. I'm jaded enough to deem it 'okey dokey' if the ESET program slows the invading nastiness down.

A 2011 Scorecard

In January 2011, we wrote this:

We will attempt, in our notoriously charming way, to give you an advanced peek at the year ahead. We'll paint a PIGish bull's-eye on certain PIG-worthy individuals and topics, by serving up "What We'd Like to See" then following it up with "What We Expect to See".

Now, it's time to see how we did:

What We'd Like to See: The One emulating Harry "the buck stops here" Truman, by accepting full responsibility for the things - the good, the bad, and the ugly - that happen on his watch.

What We Expect to See: A lot more Bart "I didn't do it" Simpson, with one minor change. In addition to his 'Bush did it' finger pointing, The One will also insist that his failures are due to the 'obstructionist' Republicans on Capitol Hill.

Outcome: We nailed it.

What We'd Like to See: The Slacker-In-Chief spending a lot more time in the Red Shed DOING his job, instead of whining about how hard it is, during one of his many road trips.

What We Expect to See: The Slacker-In-Chief on a nonstop series of ego-stroking road trips to stage managed, 'spontaneous' events where everyone in attendance is an Obama Zombie.

Outcome: We nailed this one, too.

What We'd Like to See: A church-state class separation between the Nanny State and the American economy.

What We Expect to See: More thinly disguised Marxism, wherein the Obama Regime uses its regulatory power to seize control of more segments of the American economy.

Outcome: With increasing frequency, The One is using decrees to the bureaucracy, to further erode our liberty.

What We'd Like to See: A large, heavily armed, "cleared to use deadly force" contingent securing our border with Mexico, putting an end to the tidal wave of drugs, violence, and chronically needy parasites that keep flooding into our country.

What We Expect to See: An amnesty by presidential decree, using executive orders and/or bureaucratic regulations to bypass opposition from We the People and Congress.

Outcome: Jihad Janet says the border is 'secure' and The One just ordered the National Guard to end their border posts. The One issued several pertinent decrees which move us closer to outright amnesty.

What We'd Like to See: A TSA reality check which involves having them profiling those most likely to be terrorists - Islamikazes - and a cessation of the overtly intrusive, intimidation called 'gate rape'.

What We Expect to See: A myopic TSA which ignores Islamikazes and focuses all its efforts on seasoned citizens, nuns, and rug rats.

Outcome: Aside from some badly staged 'we're harmless little fuzzballs' PR stunts, and some self-serving hot air, grope-a-dope is still the standard operating proceedure.

What We'd Like to See: A comprehensive, marketplace-powered, campaign to put all of America's domestic energy reserves - oil, natural gas, coal - into production, giving America the power to control its own destiny on energy.

What We Expect to See: Taxpayer money poured down alternative energy rat holes, while energy prices skyrocket, due to Uncle Sam's stranglehold on domestic energy production.

Outcome: The coal industry is on the brink of a POTUS-mandated premature death and alternative energy boondoggles are still promoted and lavishly funded.

What We'd Like to See: An Uncle Sam who cuts the war on terror crap, by confronting the unambiguous fact that our enemy is Islam, Sharia law, and Mecca Mania's unrelenting quest to impose a worldwide Islamikaze caliphate.

What We Expect to See: More willful myopia concerning the nature of Mecca Mania, and a politically-motivated effort to pin a 'terrorist' label on We the People, in general, and the Tea Party participants, in particular.

Outcome: The Obama Regime's gushing over the 'Arab Spring' while the hard core Islamikazes seize power in country after country, plus the relentless demonizing of the Tea Party proves how right we were on this one.

What We'd Like to See: A Nanny State which does the properly-constitutional thing, by obeying the First Amendment's 'hands off' decree regarding the freedom of speech.

What We Expect to See: Freedom of speech muzzling, FCC-perpetrated, assaults on talk radio, Fox News, and a comprehensive campaign to seize control of the Internet, then exterminate any freedom of speech exercise which doesn't venerate The One.

Outcome: We didn't 'nail' this one, but we weren't dead wrong, either. Internet seizure is being finalized on Capitol Hill. The assault on talk radio is on-going.

What We'd Like to See: An American government which maximizes inalienable individual liberty, by tearing down all the artificial barriers that the Nanny State erected between sovereign individuals and their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

What We Expect to See: An unrelenting effort to transform sovereign individuals into slaves of an all powerful Nanny State.

Outcome: The effort to make all Americans wards of the Nanny State is on-going.

What We'd Like to See: A spirited debate between the proponents of statism and the proponents of capitalism, which deals, exclusively, with the core concepts which underlie each side.

What We Expect to See: Unrelenting name calling from the Marxist Moonbats and a hasty retreat from core principles by the jello-spined VRWC.

Outcome: We regret to report that we got this one right, too.

What We'd Like to See: A rational adult POTUS candidate, who champions inalienable individual liberty, the American Dream, capitalism, and achievement, with compelling, easy to understand eloquence.

What We Expect to See: A sorry collection of politically ambitious sad sacks, whose only core political principle is achieving personal, political, power, virtually guaranteeing 4 more years of Messiah Barry Marxism.

Outcome: If there's a VRWC 'rational' adult in the Elephant Clan POTUS Primary, he, she, heshe, or it, is very will hidden.

What We'd Like to See: A political environment which focuses like a laser beam on the primary dangers which imperil this land conceived in liberty: Islamikaze terrorism, the border jumping scumbag invasion, the unrelenting liberty-infringing growth of the Nanny State.

What We Expect to See: A deluge of shiny political objects - GLAAD BAAG marriage, class warfare, social engineering on a nationwide scale, abortion, sneaking supernaturalism into government schools, group think, the mythical right that protects you from being offended, state-sponsored political correctness, etc - to distract We the People from the essentials: life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness.

Outcome: Tragically, we nailed this one, too.

What We'd Like to See: A public statement from the lab coated hooligans which admits that man-made Global Warming is a blatant lie they perpetrated, to denigrate capitalism and promote worldwide socialism/Marxism.

What We Expect to See: A new round of Globally Warmed bullcrap which blames human perpetrated 'Climate Change' for everything from acne to earthquakes.

Outcome: Instead of 'confessing' their sins, the lab coated hooligans unleashed a pair of junk science whoppers: thirdhand smoke, secondhand television.

What We'd Like to See: Our men and women in uniform allowed to accomplish their mission, with a bare minimum of Nanny State interference.

What We Expect to See: Our warriors hobbled by an unrelenting deluge of restrictions which have everything to do with political correctness and political expediency and nothing to do with taking the fight to our sworn enemies.

Outcome: We were horrifyingly right about this one. I.E., 'sensitivity training' on the front lines; a move to implement affirmative action on promotions- especially within the higher echelons of the officer ranks.

Our success rate is impressive, until you delve into the devilish details and realize that, we really wanted to be wrong.

Hambo's Annual Holiday Meltdown, 2011 Edition.

Tis the season, PIGsters and once again, our sanity will be assaulted by the usual suspects who willfully ignore certain doses of objective reality that don't match up with their seasonal delusions. It might help if you think of this rant as the holiday version of "A is still A".

The Jolly Old Elf making his rounds, tonight, so Christmas has finally reached critical mass. This year, as usual, the Christmas season was replete with news items featuring the on-going turf wars which rage in cities wherever Christmas is celebrated. At stake is that coveted spot on the public square - a courthouse lawn, the grass in front of city hall, an airport terminal, etc. - where supernaturalists, and assorted other interested parties, want to deploy a tribute to their theology. As usual, the primary contenders are the Cross Cult nativity scene, the Torah True Believer Menorah, and those relentless funsters, the atheists who want to erect a sign which says, in essence 'bite me, true believer Sparky'. Admittedly, the exchange of heated, unholy, pleasantries is both amazing and amusing, up to point, but, eventually, it devolves into annoying. Put it up, then SHUT UP, or you'll make me GET UP and come over there. A is still A and there's room for everybody on the public square, so don't get your panties in a wad over it, because this public square turf war, while entertaining, is ruining the joyous spirit of 'the season'.

Speaking of the public square, it's time to lay some rhetorical chin music on those Korrectnik killjoys, the Elected Tormentors, who get that wild 'screw the season' hair up their asses which makes them erase anything, everything, that hints of Christmas. That means no Santa, no twinkling colored lights, no decorated tree, no supernaturalist display on the public square, no Christmas carols, and most important of all no use of the 'C' word, 'Christmas'. Their Grinchiness is legendary for its pettiness. For example, a cess-school in Florida banned the colors red and green because they're associated with Christmas and might give someone a boo-boo. A is still A, Grinch Breath, so take your 'Winter Festival' and the rest of your Korrectnik bull crap and stick it where the Sun don't shine.

How many f-ing versions of 'A Christmas Carol' Do we need? Vanessa Williams did one. Susan Lucci did one. George C. Scott did one. Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart) did one. Albert Finney did one. Kelsey Grammar did one. Bill Murray did one (this one has moments). Even Fonzi did one! There were, at last count, well over 200 of the damn things and virtually off them will be shown during the looming holiday boob tube blitz. Isn't it about time for someone to declare that the Alistair Sim version, is THE superior version of this classic and ditch all these pretenders? Do we really need to have someone perpetrate a 'Snooki' plays Scrooge epic before we finally put this insane holiday tradition out of its misery? A is still A and Alistair Sim is still the one and only Scrooge.

Christmas songs are cool, especially if they're delivered eagerly, loudly, and cheerfully off-key by some stoned on Santa Claus tykes. HOWEVER, by the time I've heard "Deck the Halls" for the 800th time, in one day, I'm ready to put a whole new spin on "decking". You don't even want to know what I'm planning to do with that friggin holly. A is still A and Christmas songs are fine, in moderation. But if you keep bellowing them at me, eventually, I'm going to snap. You so don't want to go there.

Gift giving is another area where too much of a good thing ruins an otherwise spiffy holiday season. I like exchanging gifts with my lovely bride and that's a fact. I also like finding gifts for selected members of the human population. HOWEVER, we all need to get real about this "butt ugly tie from Aunt Thelma" crap. Gift giving is cool, most of the time, but some gifts test the limits of my meager acting ability. If you threatened me with Uncle Clyde's infamous fruit cake, I would admit that, for many years now, I have engaged in gift recycling. Among other things, it resolves numerous problematic gift buying dilemmas when the lucky recipient is someone I barely know. A is still A and gift giving is cool, until it becomes mandatory.

I know what you're thinking, PIGsters and it's not nice to have such dastardly thoughts about Hambo. I am not a Grinch, nor am I a Christmas hater. I like the decorations and I like many of the Hambo family traditions that have developed over the years. The plain vanilla, down and dirty bitter reality is that Hambo has a very low tolerance for stupidity. Having so much of it coming at me, relentlessly, for the last 6 weeks of the year gets on my last raw nerve. A is still A and Christmas is mostly cool, but too much of anything puts Hambo in a very ornery mood.

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's HAMBO CLAUS!

It's time to get real about Christmas. It's time to admit that, despite its wondrous elements, Christmas is fully of petty annoyances. You know it's true, and so do I, but I have an idea or two that might put the fun back in your Christmas.

Admittedly, I can't help you with such relentless pains as the 10,000th remake of "A Christmas Carol". There's nothing I can do about the sanity shredding holiday music that gets on your last raw nerve long before the Jolly Old Elf slides down your chimney. When it comes to that stuff, you're on your own, Sparky. Regular visitors to Hambo's Hammer already know what I think of things like that.

Whipped with guilt over my limitations when it comes to the Christmas Season's many petty annoyances, I am locked and loaded with ideas about one especially annoying element of this "joyous" season. I refer, of course, to the most pernicious element of Christmas, buying gifts for people who, routinely, get on your last, raw, nerve. If you're like your devoted PIG perpetrators, you approach this pain in the butt with a mixture of grim resolve, laced with a generous dose of dread. It's time for you to dump that evil frame of mind like a bad habit and let me show you how to have some fun with your gift buying for a change. For the purposes of this rant, you might as well call me Hambo Claus.

Christmas shopping is an exercise in psychological warfare, which, if you perform this annual ritual properly, can afford you countless hours of fun on Christmas morning. It might help if you think of it as playfully PIGish form of payback. It's a small way to get a badly needed outlet for all the stress you endured at the local mall, where you were forced to rub elbows - and assorted other body parts - with every form of mutant, retard, moonbat and wingnut in the known universe. Hambo Claus-style gift giving can make you shake off that damn Christmas elevator music and put some "Ho, ho, ho" back in your Ho, Ho Holiday.

I know what you're thinking and that's no way to speak about Hambo Claus when there's a reasonable chance that he can hear what you're saying. Actually, in this instance, Hambo Claus gift giving has its bright side. Imagine the thrill your knee-jerk liberal brother, uncle, friend or neighbor will feel when he opens his gift and sees a PIG sweatshirt bearing the phrase "Insensitive Liberal Bashing? You Bet, and Plenty of It" He'll want to kick your butt, but under the venerable Christmas rules of engagement, he's required to smile, act delighted and thank you, because the whole family is watching. Your response is much more sincere: that annoying smirk you've been practicing for this glorious occasion.

Do you have a friend, acquaintance or family member who is driving you crazy with their foaming at the mouth Elephant Clan carping? Do you wish that once, just once, he, she, heshe or it would talk about something, anything, else? Why not make a modest donation to Demoncrat Party in the annoying pest's name? Better yet, make a donation to Bubba Clinton's boondoggle, uh, Presidential Library. That will put them on the mailing list for every liberal group from sea to shining sea. It's the gift that keeps on giving and you'll have a front row seat to all the fun when the lucky recipient blows a gasket.

Is someone on your gift recipient list a diehard, card-carrying union loving dweeb whose tirades against those evil bastards at Wal-Mart get on your last raw nerve? Why not test their mettle with a gift card from Wal-Mart? Be damn sure to keep your camera handy, because the look on their face will make great wallpaper for your PC.

Do you have a friend, acquaintance or relative that is being a pain-in-the-butt about their non-negotiable eating regime? Is Aunt Blabby running off at the mouth about her "blankety-blank" vegan diet? Are you itching to hit him, her, himher or it where they live? Why not buy them a gift card for the FSOP's favorite burger joint, Dr. Jon's Heart Attack Grill?. I strongly suggest that you give them a gift card for the king of all burgers, the 8,000 calorie behemoth, the Quadruple Bypass Burger. Take a brief moment to imagine how much fun you'll have describing that gargantuan gastronomic gem in lavish detail. That's Hambo Claus gift giving at its best.

Do you have a brother, uncle, aunt, cousin or friend who never saw a gun they didn't want to ban? I have the perfect gift for you. Sign them up for a National Rifle Association membership. It's a gift that keeps on giving, because it will put them on all those 'save the Second Amendment', gun lover, mailing lists. He, she, heshe, or it, will be getting that stuff in their mailbox, month in, month out, for YEARS.

Is one of your gift recipients a Stoned-On-Old-Ka-Boom, salvation monkey who can't resist trying to share the "joyous news' despite the fact that you've found your own path to a Celestial reward in the hereafter? Do they get on your last raw nerve with their relentless religious fervor? I feel your pain and have a suggestion. You need to give them a free pass to Hell. It's not THAT Hell, Sparky, I'm suggesting that you buy them a gift certificate from those paragons of Kiwi incorrectness, the devilishly clever dudes who run Hell Pizza. In addition to the joy you'll get from the recipient's shocked expression, you'll get that extra special bonus of knowing that they'll never get to use it since the nearest Hell Pizza outlet is in J.O.E.

If you're not snarky enough for those classically Hambo notions, why not go for some plain vanilla mind bending with some deliberately hideous gifts that can't be returned? Or, why not use your imagination and give them an utterly useless set of items that mirror certain memorable (ones you remember and they might want to forget) episodes in the recipient's life. Hambo calls this a "This is Your Life" gift pack. The idea is quite simple and very inexpensive, since none of the items need to cost more than $2 or $3. The best part of this is the hours of big time fun you'll have finding the right item for each memorable moment. Once you have all those memorable episodes represented, you pack up the whole mess then wait for Christmas Day when you get to explain each item's significance in front of the whole family.

The bottom line on my PIGish gift suggestions is this: gift giving can be perversely fun, for you, if you approach it with imagination and a sense of humor. I feel compelled to warn those who want to follow Hambo Claus into the dark side of gift giving that it requires some acting ability and a poker-faced "sincerity". Some of you might think that my suggestions reek of "revenge", but I categorically refute that allegation. I prefer to think of Christmas gift giving as a once a year opportunity to bestow some enlightenment on certain richly deserving family members, friends, acquaintances and co-workers. On your mark, get set, go forth and spread some PIGish "joy".

Parting shot: I know what you're wondering, and the answer is a provisional 'yup'. Yes, Sparky, the FSOP had its own close encounter with prankish gifts.

It happened, when some never identified PIG staffer - Agent Oink was suspiciously furtive and smirky - left a gift-wrapped Hooters hottie under the PIG bunker's Christmas tree. We were THRILLED, until Spike removed the gag and Hooters hottie gave us an earful of differently-joyful verbal abuse.

We don't get in a lather over anyone's method of enjoying this festive season, so why, we ask, are so many people trying to rain on our parade? Our enchanting Hooters wench's lawyer bitch really hurt our feelings at the arraignment when she kept using the term "hogtied". We're still getting her nasty grams - f-ing restraining order spawning shyster bitch. We're thisclose to having our legal eagle, Sleezy Sid, sue that lawyer bitch.

I will smack the shyster bitch if she sneers "hogtied" one more time.

This & That

Item: Where did THEY come from?

It's the week before a major holiday, which usually means a lot of people are on vacation.

In theory, that means fewer cars to annoy me during my jaunt to a customer site. How did this theory play out, this week? How indeed.

The good news is that my morning commute was much shorter, time-wise.

The bad news is that my afternoon commute was gridlock, from start to finish.

Question: Who the hell are all these asshats?

Question: Where the f**k were they in the morning?

Question: Is this - laugh if you must - a plot against me, personally. (Personal aside to my lovely bride...A..A..A..A.)

Item: Ziggy

I got a call from my pal Ziggy "The Brain" Kowalski

Ziggy: "Rumor has it that you're attacking our justice system from the inside."

Me: "They keep bugging me about jury duty, so I decided to enlighten them."

Ziggy: "You're planning to teach them the errors of their ways, by answering their questions as Hambo, instead of your allegedly more rational alter ego."

Me: "Something like that. I am the proverbial monkeywrench jamming the gears of justice."

Ziggy: "I wondered about that grinding noise coming from your vicinity.

Me: "Speaking of noises, you're going to hear a primal scream, any minute now, thanks to that sorry band of losers who are eager to face off with The One, in the Oval Office derby.

Ziggy: (Laughs) The problem with the Republicans is obvious: there isn't a full set of balls or a suitably rigid spine in the whole party."

Me: "I appears, to the casual observer, that the rational adults who will admit to being a Republican, in public, without wearing a disguise, are too smart, too principled, so they won't tolerate the gutless antics of the party leadership.

Ziggy: "Exactly, and the ones whom party leaders give the green light, are too stupid to 'just say no', when party officials come calling.

Me: "You're not helping me decide which pile of pachyderm poo I will, reluctantly, support."

Ziggy: "That's the easy part, given your volatile demeanor."

Me: "You better explain that."

Ziggy: "We both know that your default response is 'just shoot the bastards'."

Me: "Guilty. So what?"

Ziggy: "There must be one who evokes a very low level of sympathy, instead of your usual 'gun the Moonbat down like a dog'. That's your man, woman, or mutant."

Me: "Does 'maybe I'll just wound him, her, himher, or it' count?"

Ziggy: "For you? Yes. Move over Mother Theresa and make room for Saint Hambo."

Me: "Saint Hambo? How much will that cost me?"

Ziggy: "If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it. Good luck with that gear jam gig. I promise to testify for you at your trial."

Me: "It's a minor miracle I haven't used you for target practice."

Ziggy: "You're forgetting that legendary Christmas when you got blitzed on your redneck brother-in-law's moonshine. You were blazing away at everybody, including me."

Me: "I don't like the direction this conversation is taking. Merry Christmas, Ziggy."

Ziggy: "Merry Christmas, gear jam Sparky."

Christmas: a One-size-fits-all Holiday

[This rant is a year or two old, but I decided to revive it, because the Grinches are getting on my last, raw, nerve. Enough already.]

This rant originated as an e-mail response to a message from my friend, PIGster PIGster J.. The essential fact you need about PIGster J. is that he is a devote Christian. As a result of our divergent philosophies, PIGster J. and I have perpetrated many spirited - but invariably respectful - debates on a variety of theological subjects. In one instance, in addition to an exchange of views on atheist 'activism' , we veered off onto the subject of Christmas and its true meaning.

Here, to the best of my meager ability, are my views on this recurring hot-button issue.

As far as I can tell, Christmas has evolved into a one-size-fits all holiday that has something for everybody. For PIGster J. and those who share his Christian philosophy, it is, essentially, a celebration of the birth of a savior. For Hambo, it is an excuse to decorate his top secret bunker with various items depicting that Jolly Old Elf of secular folklore. For capitalists, it's a time of year when, they hope, cash registers ring out the year with rousing profits. For Grinches, it's a time to throw brickbats at PIGster J., Hambo and the capitalists. Like I said, it has something for everybody.

Ideally, everybody should step back, and take several deep breaths. Ideally, we should each honor this one-size-fits all holiday in the manner that thrills us spitless and give other sovereign individuals the space to do the same. If my neighbor puts out his manger scene and honors the birth of a savior, that's his right. If another neighbor is working 16 hour days at his outpost of capitalism, raking in those profits, that's cool too. I won't paint a bull's-eye on their manger or cash register, but I would appreciate the same consideration about my veneration of a Jolly Old Elf.

If you put a gun to my head and demanded my opinion - as if anyone ever had to coerce an opinion from Hambo - I would opine that this one-size-fits-all approach to Christmas is utterly, classically, American. Nobody is coerced into accepting one manner of celebrating this holiday. Instead, each individual is allowed deal with it as he, she, heshe or it sees fit. For PIGster J., Jesus is the reason for the season. For Hambo, Christmas is a time of year when he, like many others, brighten up their neighborhood with twinkling multicolored strings of lights, a tree decorated with tinsel, lights and ornaments, plus depictions of Santa's jovial self. For capitalists, it's a time to reduce that inventory and fill their cash register by selling PIGster J. the decorative elements that flesh out his holiday, and selling more Santa stuff to Mrs. Hambo. These highly individual approaches to the same event are the essence of this great nation.

The upshot of all this is that, despite our different approaches to this one-size fits-all Christmas holiday...despite our various motives for celebrating it, we all end up with that same feeling of joy...that same smile on our face. To this pagan scribbler, the real Christmas miracle is the fact that, for diverse reasons, this one-size-fits-all holiday brings a lot of joy and happiness to everybody. Well, everybody but the Grinches and the less said about them, the better.

I congratulate PIGster J. on the birth of his savior with a heartfelt Merry Christmas. I congratulate the capitalists for their full to overflowing cash registers with an equally heartfelt Merry Christmas. All I ask in return is the same consideration for my Jolly Old Elf approach, but I won't get suicidal if you throw in a Merry Christmas.

To get things off on the right foot, here's a heartfelt Merry Christmas from Hambo for everybody, even those damn Grinches.

[PIGster J. is on board - within reason - with my notion of a one-size-fits-all Christmas, but he, quite rightly, points out that the 'right not to be offended' pinheads aren't willing to live and let live:

"Unfortunately, I'm seeing more and more indications (as I would guess you are, too) that the one size fits all holiday in which everyone is welcome to celebrate it how they wish is rapidly becoming a thing of the past, thanks to the "victims" out there who are forced to either see Santa (horrors!) and so they complain, or are forced to see those dastardly, subliminal Christmas lights and/or manger scenes, and so they complain. More's the pity, says I."

More's the pity indeed. Damn Grinches!]

Howard Stern

I have thrilling news for fans of 'America's Got Talent'. The show's suits have picked a replacement for outgoing judge, Piers Morgan. Predictably, some of the usual VRWC suspects aren't exactly giddy over the selection of Decency Demon, Howard Stern. The loudest primal scream is emanating from L. Brent Bozell III and his boob tube baby sitters, the Parents Television Council.

The Parents Television Council released a statement today blasting the NBC network and criticising the station for losing its way with young viewers.

Stern is 'a performer who is synonymous with shock, profanity and obscenity,' the PTC said in the statement to TMZ.

It went on: 'The once-proud broadcast network has lost its way and has made it clear it holds no concern whatsoever for children and families.

'Not coincidentally, in just over three weeks the network will be standing before the United States Supreme Court arguing for the right to use the F-word at any time of the day, even in front of children.' (Daily Mail)

Is Bozell's cacophony of caterwauling resonating at NBC? I'll let you be the judge.

NBC alternative programming chief Paul Telegdy said in a statement: 'Howard Stern's larger-than-life personality will bring a thrilling new dynamic to America's Got Talent starting this summer. "He's a proven innovator and his track record in broadcasting is truly remarkable. Howard is very passionate about this show and is fully committed to its future."

What do I think? What indeed:

* I think Bozell is obsessed with Howard Stern

* I think Bozell should STFU.

* I think Stern is an INSPIRED choice. He's an excellent judge of talent, plus, he'll breathe some life into the show.

* I think Stern will attract new viewers...I'll be one of them.

Howard Stern is back on the so-called 'public' airwaves? No wonder Bozell is having hissy fit.

PIGster J, PIG's Tenured Professor of Piety, Isn't Amused By St. Matts

Item: They claim that their billboards are "to avoid the sentimental and trite" and "to spark thought and conversation." I call BS on that one. The way to achieve those goals is not with inflammatory rhetoric and/or images. That doesn't get people talking - it gets them angry and arguing. I submit that they could have, just as easily, done it with examples like the following:

"Does it make a difference if Jesus wasn't born to a literal virgin?"
"Virgin birth - is it necessary for Christ to be the Son of God?"
A scene showing the nativity, and a caption stating "Born in a manger? Yes. Born to a literal virgin? Let's talk."
Follow either or any of those with a simple statement - "Think about it." and then the name of the church.

They could make their point without using unnecessarily provocative and yes, insulting, images that are guaranteed to do just exactly what they do - be a source of amusement to the "oh you need to lighten up" and a source of insult to those who take their faith and belief seriously. Like "in your face atheism," these signs are designed to simply be as offensive and demeaning as possible. I wonder how quickly it would be decried if they used wounded soldiers to get their points across? Or perhaps another group, feeling it's o.k. to make fun of the disabled, the infirm or the elderly, started deploying billboards? Here's a better one - about your local chapter of NAMBLA started deploying "provacative" or "thought provoking" billboards, seeking to "spark thought and conversation" on THEIR particular brand of beliefs? I mean, hey, fair is fair, right? Free speech is free speech, no matter how much we may not like it.

Bottom line is, this little church in the middle of nowhere did it once and got all kinds of press. Their 15 minutes of fame died out, and so they've done it again. Good for them. As long as we keep giving it to them, they'll keep doing it.

Am I, personally, offended?

As a Christian, no. My faith is not so weak, nor my God so small that I need to get upset on His behalf.

As a human being who bemoans a society in which anything, it seems, is up for grabs in the name of "humor"? Yes. Despite the fact that childish, juvenile humor disguised as "jokes" or "thought provoking satire" and the like stopped bothering me when the likes of the Simpsons, Kathy Griffin and South Park became popular, I feel genuinely sorry for those who feel they have to take what is important, even sacred, to others and use it as a springboard to further their own beliefs or to try and get a laugh. Does that make me humor challenged? Not hardly. I "get" why people would find this funny, just as I "get" why people would find shows like the ones I named, as well as jokes about blacks, Jews, women, fatal car accidents, disabled people and partial birth abortions funny.

My stance makes me a rational adult who realizes that some things, no matter how we dress them up and try to disguise them, simply indicate one very important lack -

a sense of class, or in many cases, even common decency. Just because something CAN be said doesn't mean it needs to be, or should be. Lipstick on a pig doesn't change the pig. What is tasteless, banal, obvious and vulgar isn't made not so because someone says "Oh gee, it was JUST a joke..." or claims to be trying to be with it, edgy, satirical, or "to make you think."

The question was posed by Hambo, for which I give him credit - " ...I'm compelled to wonder if these humorous (my response) billboards undermine their message of salvation?" In truth, I don't believe it does. Salvation through Christ's redemptive sacrifice is not so small that a group like this could undermine it so easily. What it DOES do, however, is undermine this church's claim that they follow the path of compassion, caring, respect and love for others. I find it hard to believe that any "Christian" group could post images like that and still make that claim, knowing full well what the reaction is going to be. If nothing else, Christ respected and loved his mother and father, and advocated that we do the same. I can't imagine Him finding those billboards funny, either.

Those who feel free speech comes with no requirements, responsibilities or consequences (or SHOULD, anyway) will write me off.

Those who don't, will understand.

PIGster J, Professor of Piety

My Response

Here are some random impressions about St. Matts

* I suspect that, on some level, St. Matts is trying to be 'hip'. I'm not sure that approach works when you're in the salvation business.

* I still don't see how St. Matts can delve into a serious subject, salvation, after they've treated it in such an UNserious manner.

ON THE OTHER HAND...

* The second image has some redeeming value, in my opinion. It puts Mary's story, her plight, in a context that might resonate with teenage girls. A skillful Toll Taker could emphasize Mary's tender age at the time, and use this billboard image to illustrate how courageous Mary had to be to handle such a stress-inducing event (her pregnancy). A skillful Toll Taker could use the image as a starting point for a discussion of Mary's all too human moments of self doubt, and her courage in overcoming it. That opens the door to discuss self-doubt with teenage wenches, then promote faith as one means of handling it.

* I think the second image's potential as a way to reach teenagers vastly exceeds its tastelessness.

* The second image, for me, perfectly illustrates the likely reaction of a young woman who has never had sex when she finds out she's pregnant. It's caption, for me should be: "Pregnant? Seriously? WTF!"

Bottom line: the second image has redeeming value, in the hands of a skillful Toll Taker. I doubt that St. Matts intends to use it that way, but I think someone should.

Here We Go Again

The images embedded in this pagan scribbler tidbit will elicit one of two reactions.

If you're a glass 'half full' PIGster, you'll probably conclude that a Kiwi Toll Booth - St Matthews-in-the-City Church - has what can best be described as a PIGish sense of humor.

If you're a glass 'half empty' PIGster, you'll castigate St. Matt's Toll Takers as sensation seeking dolts who use sacrilegious images to garner notoriety by shocking their fellow Cross Cultists.

In 2009, St. Matt's deployed this image, which shows Mary and Joseph in bed, with the tag line, "Poor Joseph, God was a hard act to follow", on a billboard in front of the Toll Booth.

As expected, it elicited raves or rants and very little in between.

This week, St. Matts rolled out a new billboard featuring this gem, which shows Mary's reaction to a home pregnancy test. This time, St. Matts didn't add a caption, allowing each viewer of the image to compose their own.

Is it funny? It made me laugh. Is it sacrilegious? That seems to be the conclusion of many Cross Cultists.

I think the one conclusion we ALL share is that St. Matts is, once again, stirring things up to get publicity. Is it worth the effort? Probably, but I'm compelled to wonder if these humorous (my response) billboards undermine their message of salvation? I'll let our Professor of Piety, Emeritus, PIGster J, make that call.

This & That

Item: Henderson County (Mexas) Nativity Scene

As I wrote on the Grinch Report, the Nativity scene has been deployed on the lawn of the Henderson County courthouse, for at least 35 years. This year, a local whined to the Freedom From Religion cabal in Wisconsin, with predictable results.

I wrapped up the Grinch Report item on this Grinchmas, with this prose:

I'd like to tell you that there's something new here, but I can't. It's the same True Believers Vs Atheists fiasco that PIG News reports every damn year. I'm not even going to bloviate, because I've been there, done that, time after time.

A PIGster had issues with "True Believers VS Atheists" and aired them out. I enlightened him with this pagan scribbler prose:

True Believers vs Atheists is not intended to be judgemental.

True Believers vs Atheists simply denotes the prime movers.

True Believers - the defense if you will - surmounted all the regulatory hurdles mandated by the relevant county bureaucrats before deploying their Nativity display.

Atheists (Freedom From Religion) - the attackers - don't give a damn about the regulatory hurdles, they want the True Believers' freedom of religious speech exercise expunged from the public square.

That's it - True Believers vs Atheists = Defenders vs Attackers.

I don't pin a 'Grinch' label on the individuals (groups) who deployed the Nativity.

I DO pin a 'Grinch' label on the Evangelizing Atheists from Wisconsin who 'traveled' all the way to Mexas, to get their knickers in a knot.

I DO wish EVERYONE would GROW UP.

I DO wish EVERYONE with a Grinchy agenda, would SUFFER IN SILENCE.

I mean...

A couple school bus drivers hang a few decorations? What's the harm? It pales when compared to the damage inflicted by cess-schools.

A Nativity scene has been deployed on the courthouse lawn for at least 35 years and NOW it's a problem? If Freedom From Religion has something to say let them surmount the regulatory hurdles and deploy their own freedom of speech exercise.

Schools have seizures over Santa, Christmas carols, etc? Instead of squandering so much time and effort on that, they should devote all that time and energy to instilling KNOWLEDGE in eager young minds.

I sometimes wonder if there are any RATIONAL adults out there.

Item: The One is spouting Korrectnik drivel about 'FAIRNESS'

Here are some stray pagan scribbler notions about 'fairness':

In the 'bad old days', when rational adults were presiding over life's rules of engagement, rugged American individuals venerated the 'level 'playing field'. In that bygone, more enlightened era, the 'level playing field' denoted a single, objective standard/criteria, against which all individuals were measured, tested, evaluated and/or judged.

In this Obamunist Error, the 'level playing field', with it's one-size-fits all comers, has fallen into disfavor. The new kid on the block - it's the pampered darling of Libertard Moonbats - is 'fairness', a flawed concept which mandates an equality of results. Devotees of 'fairness' willingly, eagerly, dumped 'the level playing field' and its objective standard like a bad habit. Instead 'deserving' individuals are subjected to a relaxed standard while 'undeserving' (competent, qualified, and or exceptional) individuals are penalized by subjecting them to a nearly impossible standard. Fairness is a 100 yard dash, wherein a VERY slow runner is given a 50-yard head start, so he, she, heshe, or it will finish at the same time as the faster runner(s).

Somebody needs to tell The One the thrilling news about fairness. If he read PIG, he'd know:

"Life is inherently unfair. That's why condoms come in different sizes." (The PIG Doctrine)

Item: Quick Take

I spotted this headline, on a news site:

"U.S. Proposes Unmanned Border Entry With Mexico"

I IMMEDIATELY laughed, telling nobody in particular:

"An unmanned border entry with Mexico? We already have one. It's called Arizona."

Curse of the Karashians?

After narrowly eluding a trade from the L.A. Lakers to the NBA's New Orleans franchise, Lamar Odom has been exiled to the Dallas Mavericks, for a future draft pick. Why are the Lakers so eager to unload Lamar? Why indeed.

Reason 1: Given the size of Lamar's contract - $8.9 million this year and all or part of $8.2 million, next year - the Lakers are trimming the size of their payroll.

Reason 2: The Daily Mail served up this PIG-worthy possibility:

Rumours have spread across the web that his decision to do E!'s Khloé and Lamar reality show had something to do with the trade.

Odom, who has spent eight years as a Laker, addressed the whispers in a telephone interview with ESPN presenter Stephen A. Smith.

On Thursday after it was revealed that the Lakers wanted to send him to New Orleans, the emotional NBA player called into Smith's radio show.

As he fought back tears, Lamar said: 'Maybe I rubbed people the wrong way with doing the show.

'When things come up you start to wonder and second guess, I don't know.'

Has that reality show vermin - the Kardashian clan - torpedoed Lamar Odom's career? It's a distinct possibility.

START YOUR PRIVATE WAR ON P.C.

When we started down the Information Superhighway in a rattletrap named 'The Politically Incorrect Gazette' we were told, repeatedly, that political correctness is anachronistic or, to put it bluntly, "Political Correctness is so '80's, dude". I don't know what planet these "get over it" cretins are inhabiting, but our objective reality is stuffed to bursting with political correctness. Words like "fat", "retard", "handicapped", "fireman", and "illegal alien" are banished from our vocabulary, because using them might give some hypersensitive cretin a boo-boo on his, her, hisher or its fragile psyche. Everywhere we turn, some dolt wears hypersensitivity like a badge of honor. Whiners from sea to shining sea are determined to slam dunk "the right not to be offended" into the Bill of Rights. Political correctness isn't remotely anachronistic. In fact, it's more potent than ever, now that it has escaped its Ivory Tower breeding grounds and moved into American society's mainstream.

How politically correct is America? Why don't you decide for yourself. America has become so infested with political correctness that simple demonstrations of patriotism are, routinely, condemned because "nationistic" outbursts give Colonistas and other alleged "immigrants" a boo-boo. America is so warped by political correctness that the EEOC issued workplace guidelines that list "English Only" as a potentially discriminatory policy. In this bastion of individual liberty certain utterances - and by extension, thoughts - are criminalized as "hateful" when the subject of your tantrum is properly-hyphenated. In this "land of the free", expressing the wrong views (Cross Cultism is a prime "offender"), or promoting the wrong books will condemn you to a special circle of hell called "sensitivity training".

We're living in a nation where you can be granted special privileges based on certain immutable traits like gender, race and/or ethnicity. Our schools teach that all non-western cultures are, at minimum, equal to, if not superior to the western culture that we venerate. If you dare to bring up honor killings, beheadings, and the egregious obliteration of individual liberty in these "noble" third world cultures, you're branded a racist and on the fast track to expulsion and/or sensitivity training hell. Call us names if you must, be we see political correctness everywhere we look. We see it eating away to the inalienable individual liberty that comprises American's solid foundation.

We hear those wheels turning out there, PIGsters, and for the record, we're not promising to, single-handedly, abolish America's political correctness plague with this cyberspace speed bump. We do think it's time to, motivate our readers to start fighting back, to stop taking it and start dishing it out. How? As usual, we have a few properly-PIGish notions that might get you started. We call this exercise in liberty "Celebrating Your InKorrectness".

• Declare a "National Smokers Day". This day is celebrated by parading through all the places where smoking is banned with an unlit cancer stick, pipe, or cigar clenched in your teeth. The ritual greeting of the day - one reserved for those Smoke Nazis who get in your face - is: "Bite me, Smoke Nazi Breath".

• If you're in a government cess-school or an Ivory Tower, start referring to "Native" Americans as "Siberian-Americans". When challenged, you'll cite the spiffy fact that so-called Native Americans are, in fact, the New World's first "known" immigrants. Since they came to the Americas over the land bridge to Siberia, "Siberian-Americans" is the most historically accurate moniker for them. Complete your triumph by proclaiming the primacy of "historical correctness" over political correctness.

• When you're stuck socializing with the local - or family - Korrectnik, thrill him, her, himher or it by injecting your favorite PIGisms into the conversation. It won't take many "Mecca Maniacs", "GLAAD BAAGs", or "NONADs" to help the Korrectnik reach escape velocity. If that doesn't do the trick, you might try reading him, her, himher or it the questions from PIG's Incorrectness 101 page.

• Launch that lefty who keeps bugging you with all that liberal, victim coddling claptrap by telling this bleeding heart that all cultures are not created equal. Insist that western culture - Shakespeare, Newton, Einstein, Edison, the Founding Fathers, et al - is second to none. Tell them that individual liberty and honor killings are not now and never were, equals. Finally, make PIG the homepage on the lefty's browser.

• If the Fat Nazis have turned the school lunchroom into a house of horrors, strike a blow for empty, child-friendly calories by packing Larry or Lulu's lunch with chips, cookies, candy and most important of all, a fully-loaded, sugar-packed soft drink. Be sure and pack extra, so your offspring can learn the joy of "sharing".

Don't just sit there complaining, PIGsters. Start your own one-PIGster war against this pernicious politically correct plague. Stop censoring yourself and resume that uniquely colorful form of expression that is the hallmark of the rugged American individual. Dare to be real...dare to tell that wideload blocking your path to get their fat ass out of your way. Thrill a NONAD by calling her a "wench", then stand back and enjoy the fireworks. Refuse to pigeonhole those you meet based on immutable traits. Instead, treat each person as the one thing every Korrectnik refuses to be, an individual.

Take back your identity. Take back America. Celebrated your inkorrectness, and do it now!

This & That

Item: Hambo's new toy.

A longstanding Hambo custom involves giving myself a present for my birthday. It's usually something that 'they' can't (or won't) give me, so I give it to myself.

This year, I bought myself a Kindle Touch 3G. I 'flirted' with kicking it up to a Kindle Fire, but I thought better of it. Why? It isn't the price which is beyond reasonable. Bang for the buck, the Kindle Fire is a STEAL. So why didn't I get it? Because it's exclusively Wi-Fi and I suspected that would cause me problems. I was right, on that score, because my Kindle Touch 3G can't find a 'open' Wi-Fi connection, in my normal haunts. BUT, it has no trouble operating in 3G in those same locations.

The 'touch' aspect of my Kindle was a issue, briefly, but I quickly mastered it.

If you're looking for an e-Reader, I recommend the Kindle line of readers without reservations. If your Wi-Fi access is robust, you might want to go for the gold with a Kindle Fire.

Parting shot: As usual, my lovely bride was moderately stoic about this 'Happy Birthday to me' bit of gift giving. She'll get over it...she usually does...eventually.

Item: Tis the season.

During the past couple of days, I blundered into at least 6, perhaps as many as 10, Grinchy stories. Don't the asshats have anything better to do?

Why can't 'they', get over themselves, and it? If Christmas rots someone's socks, nobody is forcing them to join this seasonal outburst of altruistic insanity. Enough already with this Grinchy bull crap.

Item: Election cycle blues.

If you read this week's Top Story, you know that I have unresolved, unresolvable, issues with the contenders in this year's Oval Office Derby. The sad -potentially tragic - fact is that The One is stinking up the Red Shed so badly that, he's on the fast track to a one term presidency. He should be trounced in 2012 because he can't perform any aspect of the job he was - foolishly - elected to do.

He SHOULD be a one term president and he WOULD be a one term president, if the Elephant Clan wasn't so damn determined to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I mean Mitt Romney's only meaningful qualification is hurricane proof hair which helps him 'look' presidential.

Newt Gingrich is the only candidate whose love life is more sordid, tangled, and tawdry than Herman Cain's.

Ron Paul's cost cutting ideas, his and domestic policy, is very PIG-worthy. On the other hand, his foreign policy, especially his ideas about Iran , is proof that, when nobody is looking, he can shove his head up his ass to an alarming degree.

Rick Perry looked good on paper, and he came off as suitably presidential, in when it came down to his appearance. Everything changed, when he opened his yap and proceeded to step on his tongue, repeatedly.

Santorum and Bachmann seem to be much too interested in saving our souls, instead of saving our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness from rampaging neo-Marxists who infest the upper echelons of the Obama Regime in overwhelming numbers.

We the People deserve better than this. We deserve someone who will no shit INSPIRE us to vote for him, her, himher, or it. It's now or never and I'm smelling the sickening stench of another Elephant Clan election cycle debacle.

 

What I'd Really Like For Christmas

What do you get for a pagan scribbler who - whopper alert - has everything? What would put the HO, HO, HO back in Hambo's Christmas? On advice from my legal eagle, Iggy Kowalski - yes I mean the same Iggy who has me on a first name basis with every IRS auditor from sea to shining sea - I'm not going THERE.

I am allowed to tell you that I'd be thrilled spitless to get one, or more, of the following items in the stocking that's hung by the chimney with care:

* A sanity saving Christmas season during which nobody mentions The One's name, nobody broadcasts his voice, and nobody poops out his image.

* A YouTube video showing Senator Harry "Crypt Keeper" Reid being tarred and feathered by outraged rational Nevada adults.

* A newscast that, for a change, does NOT piss me off so majorly, that my neighbors implore the cops to send in a SWAT Team.

* A front page National Enquirer story about Barney Frank being caught in his chaps, uh, taking it like a man from terminally horny, blind as a bat, moose with very low standards.

* A TMZ item which blabs the thrilling news that the Kardashian bitches Mom, Sasquatch, Porn Star and Kourtney have been abducted by E.T.

* A POTUS who spends all of his waking hours PRESERVING, PROTECTING, and DEFENDING the Constitution of the United States, instead of trying to flush it, and the nation he was elected to serve, down a socialist crapper.

* A PIG-worthy Elephant Clan Oval Office contender who is deadly serious about shutting down at least 5 federal departments before he breaks for lunch on his first day in office.

* The signed, sealed, and delivered, irrevokable resignation of every civilian federal employee from sea to shining sea..

* A Christmas devoid of the depressingly familiar Grinchiness from Evangelizing Atheists, Secularists, Torah True Believers, and all the other chronically offended, fringe-dwelling wingnuts.

* A popular uprising - a Second American Revolution - with a single stated goal: restoring our birthright of INALIENABLE individual liberty. "We hold these truths to be self-evident"? You better f-ing believe it, it's about damn time, Sparky.

* At least one boom box station which provides weekend programming which entertains, enlightens and/or inspires.

* A heretofore 'lost', final, quatrain by Nostradamus which reads, "If you believed any, or all, of that happy horse shit, I have this awesome bridge that I'd love to sell you", signed Michel 'Shecky' de Nostredame.

* A great meal in my favorite eatery which is NOT disrupted by some asshat's insane bellowing into his cell phone blight.

* A street legal 'get out of jail free' card which allows me to bitch-slap any Bluetooth butthead who gets in my face while talking into one of the damn things.

Is that too much to ask? Probably.

"Making Excuses"

[I blundered into a story with lurid title 'The Bloody Truth About The Bible'. After watching the alleged Journalist and her guest - he's touting a book about the Bible - I jotted down the impressions I got from watching the piece:

* Jihadikazes aren't THAT bad, because Christians are murdering assholes, too.

* The Koran's 'murder everybody' prose isn't THAT bad, because the Old Testament -The Book of Joshua - is a non-stop genocidal thrill ride

* You shouldn't diss Jihadikazes, because Christians are just as bad.

The two participants are, in my opinion Jihadikaze apologists.

After watching it, I had that annoying 'been here, done this' feeling. Why? Both were making points that I addressed, in broad strokes, in this vintage pagan rant. This vintage pagan prose is especially appropriate on these occasions, when the usual Mecca Maniac apologists tie themselves in verbal knots trying - with little success - to separate terrorism from Islam, in the minds of rational adults. The excuse is, invariably, the same one that we've heard a million times before: Islam is inherently peaceful. To prove this whopper, they, invariably say "read our holy book". That notion and several others are address by the following pagan scribbler pontificating.]

It's human nature to present your brand of supernaturalism in the best light possible. It's the spiritual equivalent of showing someone your 'best side'. In the 21st century, favored supernaturalism descriptors include: peaceful, loving, forgiving, understanding and everyone's runaway favorite, tolerant. Each sect seeks the moral high ground as a religion of tolerance, but some do so with such deafening fervor that I"m compelled to invoke Shakespeare: "Methinks, thou dost protest too much."

What, precisely, is the most accurate way to assess a given flavor of supernaturalism? The three criteria offered by most supernaturalists are: the sect's professed theology; the sect's holy scripture; the sect's history, as demonstrated by their most significant historical figure(s)...a founder, a patriarch, a prophet, or a savior/messiah. The best way to understand this is by examining each criteria individually.

Each major supernaturalist sect traces its inception back to one specific individual. Torah true believers cite a patriarch who initiated the 'covenant' with Old Ka-Boom. Mecca Maniacs cite their prophet, Mohammad. Mormons cite their leader, Joseph Smith. The Cross Cult cites a god in human form, their savior, the Cross Dude. In each case, this individual has a hotline to his version of Old Ka-Boom. In each case, this individual gets the straight from Old Ka-Boom skinny on certain essentials relating to deity-human issues: codes of conduct, rules of engagement, rituals, etc, always in considerable detail. This leads directly to the next criteria: holy scripture.

All scripture is reputed to be divinely inspired, but at least one, the Mecca Maniac tome, is Old Ka-Boom speaking directly to one individual, Mohammad, with the angel Gabriel translating God-speak into a language Mohammad understood. Others, like the Book of Mormon, were written centuries before the sect's principle prophet, Joseph Smith, was tasked by Old Ka-Boom to translate them. Still others, the Torah and the Tome, are filtered through selected third parties - usually several of them - documenting the lives of important individuals, including their chats with their deity. The single source (author/translator) model, usually written/transcribed during one, prolonged period of divine inspiration, appears to be more coherent, but the chaos stemming from the multi-authored Tome doesn't seem to bother Cross Cultists, so who am I to quibble? The downside of the single author model is the time it takes - 23 years, in Mohammad's case.

The final criteria - theology - evolves from specific tenets laid out in their scripture. The Cross Cult needed to perform an extra step, since they were loaded down with a vast selection from which to choose. In their case, armed with the provenance attached to each scripture candidate, they performed a selection process during which each book offered for consideration got voted in or out of the Tome. In all supernaturalist sects, once the final scriptural version is formally adopted, the approved scripture door is closed, permanently, preventing any future - potentially disruptive - scriptural outbursts.

Although the scripture is locked in place, theology continues to evolve, due, in large part, to the fog of time that renders certain historical facts, events and individuals indistinguishable from pious myth. It's this theological evolution that caused (continues to cause) the relentless fracturing within Cross Cultism. Although Islam appears to be monolithic, it, too, has its internal fractures, with two primary sects: Sunni and Shia, plus assorted other subsects. Torah true believers come in several subflavors, and there are at least two versions of Mormonism. Theology, it seems, is mercurial, and subject to wildly conflicting interpretation. That's hardly a commendable pedigree for an evaluation criteria.

Armed with this overview, we can, finally, address the essential question: What, precisely, is the most accurate way to assess a given flavor of supernaturalism? Sect history? Sect scripture? Sect theology? All three? It's 'none of the above', because, the answer lies elsewhere. In the 21st century, the only meaningful measure poses this question: How do a supernaturalist sect's adherents implement the theology derived from their sect's scripture and history? Beliefs are irrelevant. Ancient words and deeds are equally irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what the believer does with them. That is the only pertinent measurement criteria for any supernaturalist sect.

The actions that matter are those involving the adherent's existing political environment. All sects stray into the political realm, to some extent, but Mecca Maniacs are, by far, the most egregious offenders. Bottom line: When supernaturalists make their sales pitch - spouting bovine excrement about their sect's amazing tolerance - don't let them distract you with their theology, scripture and ancient history. Ignore all this self-serving hot air and evaluate their 21st century actions. Force them to justify the actions taken in the name of their sect, here, now, today. Hold their feet to the fire over their infringement of individual liberty. Make them answer for imposing their quaint supernaturalism on those who don't share their pious delusions. Are they legislating morality? Are they practicing supernaturalist indoctrination in their nation's schools? Do they impose freedom of speech-infringing laws concerning journalism, and/or popular culture? Do they perpetrate the WMD of liberty infringement via blasphemy laws? If the answer to any of these and other, similar, questions is 'yes', then tolerant, they aren't. Before you buy into a supernaturalist sales pitch, ask the hard questions.

[What the two 'apologists' I mentioned in the intro to this rant didn't address my contention the a sects history, theology and scripture aren't the most pertinent criteria for evaluating a given flavor of supernaturalism. They never found time to mention the kind of things 21st century Jihadikazes do:

* Honor killings: Unlike Jihadikazes, Christians aren't wrapping themselves in the Bible to excuse their 'honorable' murder of a daughter, sister, wife, etc.

* Punish the victim: Unlike Jihadikazes, Christians don't punish women who were raped by convicting the women of adultery then send her to jail, and/or the gallows.

* Pedophilia: Unlike Jihadikazes, Christians don't invoke their beliefs as a green light that allows sick dirty old bastards to wed, and BED prepubescent girls, some of them as young as 6, 7 and 8.

* World conquest: Unlike the Koran, The Bible doesn't command Christians to conquer the world, by any means necessary]

This & That

Item: It's a BLOWIN'

Southern Mexifornia is getting hammered by hurricane force Santa Ana winds.

It's just a matter of time before some lab coated hooligan blames it on - TA DA - Global Warming.

Item: Herman Cain

What is it about Dixie Dudes?

Is there something in the water that turns them into skirt-chasing horndogs?

Is Herman a womanizer?

OR

Is he emulating Bubba Clinton, hoping some of that 'I did not have sex with that woman' teflon will rub off?

I'm not convinced that ALL the women are telling the truth.

I'm also not 'beyond a reasonable doubt' certain that they are ALL lying bitches.

Item: Bold New Concept

Turn about is fair play.

Ashton Kutcher boned Charlie Sheen out of that ku$hy 'Two and a Half Men' gig.

Charlie has one coming, so he should make things right by boning Ashton's soon to be 'ex' wife, Demi Moore.

Fair is fair.

Item: Occupy L.A.

Nobody in their right mind is sorry to see the L.A. Occutards get booted off their open sewer in front of City Hall.

My only quibble is 'what took you so long', Mayor Tony?

I'm glad they're gone, but given the long time they lurked, there, I regret that the LAPD didn't hold off for a couple more days.

Why?

It would have been VERY entertaining to see the Occutards get blown out of town by those raging, Santa Ana winds.

Win some, lose some.

Tis The Season

When it comes to Christmas, it's the devilish details that count the most. Yes, the 'big' stuff - the Christmas tree, the twinkling lights which festoon your home, all the decorations, the presents under the tree - sets the tone, but it's the little things that personalize it for you, your family.

In this pagan scribbler rant, I'll serve up some of the devilish details which make Christmas very special, for the participants.

Phased Decoration Deployment
Unlike most of us, who deploy our Christmas decorations in one concentrated burst, one woman found a way to let the excitement build. Starting on Thanksgiving, she would put out one item of Christmas decor each night, after her kids went to bed. Each morning, her children would arise brimming with excitement and anticipation, wondering which item had been added during the night. They'd race from room to room, until they found it. They examined it, enjoyed it, then started to wonder what mom would deploy next.

Thanks to her phased decoration deployment, this woman's children got a daily dose of the excitement associated with Christmas morning, for an entire month.

Foolish Presents
My mother's family put a very special spin on the familiar drawing exchanging names gift ritual. Each August, during the annual family reunion, they would put their names - plus a short list of gift wishes - in a bowl. Each member of my mother's family would pull a name out of the bowl, then buy a present for them. So far, it's nothing special, but this is only phase one.

Next, everyone puts their name in the bowl again - without a list of gift wishes. This is the 'foolish present' drawing. Unlike the other gift, this one has non-negotiable rules of engagement. First, and foremost, the gift must be given anonymously. Equally important, the gift must be 'foolish', something frivolous and hopefully humorous. Finally, there was a mutually agreed upon spending limit.

Most of the time, the identity of the foolish gift's sender remained unknown. That's the magic of a foolish present, not knowing - never knowing, in many cases - who sent it to you.

In practice, this foolish present tweaked the gift giver's imagination. In one special case, my uncle extended the foolish present more than one Christmas season. Each year, he would go to great lengths to send his sister a small statue of a bovine, along with a typed out poem. Each year, his sister looked forward to his gift, and each year, she tried to discover which of her relatives was sending her this special gift. It's a prime example of the small things that can make Christmas especially enjoyable.

Personally, I find this foolish present tradition very intriguing, because it requires imagination and a degree of stealthiness.

The Paper
THE PAPER is a special sheet of gift wrapping. It's comprised from numerous scraps of the ugliest wrapping paper you've ever seen. It wrinkled, ragged around the edges and patched up too many times to count. It's and eyesore. It's also a treasure.

THe PAPER is a decades long tradition of two women - very close friends - who take turns safeguarding THE PAPER, during the rest of the year, before they use it to wrap a special present for their friend. When the gift buying season starts, the first question each of them asks is 'who has THE PAPER this year'?

THE PAPER is a horror and a treasure. As such, it's one devilish detail that makes each Christmas a bit more enjoyable for these good friends.

Mood Music
If you're like me, you quickly tire of hearing the same old Christmas songs. For me, a little of THAT goes a long way. There is, however, some Christmas music that never gets old. Why? Because this is Christmas music with a properly PIGish twist.

The name of its perpetrator is Bob Rivers. The name of this CD is "Twisted Christmas". It is, as PIGster J promised, entertaining in the extreme. There are several other Bob Rivers Christmas CDs, and I have them all, but Twisted Christmas is the pick of the litter.

Parting shot: I like Christmas, for a variety reasons, not the least of which are the small, special rituals and/or enhancements, that many people use to put their own, special, spin on it.

The Evictor

His name is Father Gabriel Amorth and he's the Vatican's Chief Exorcist. Now 85, he has banished 70,000 demons in his 25 year career. Given his memorable career stats, he should be up to speed on things that go bump in the night. I have serious doubts, on that score.

Recently, Father Amorth thrilled the snot out of some rational - and many irrational - adults during his speech at a fringe event at the Umbria Film Festival in Terni. While yammering about 'People And Religion', Father Amorth painted a bull's-eye on two utterly unrelated targets: Harry Potter, and Yoga:

"'Practising yoga brings evil as does reading Harry Potter. They may both seem innocuous but they both deal with magic and that leads to evil. Yoga is the Devil's work. You thing you are doing it for stretching your mind and body but it leads to Hinduism. All these oriental religions are based on the false belief of reincarnation."

"People think [Harry Potter] is an innocuous book for children but it's about magic and that leads to evil. In Harry Potter the Devil is at work in a cunning and crafty way, he is using his extraordinary powers of magic and evil."

"Satan is always hidden and the thing he desires more than anything is for people to believe he does not exist. He studies each and everyone of us and our tendencies towards good and evil and then he tempts us. My advice to young people would be to watch out for nightclubs because the path is always the same: alcohol, sex, drugs and Satanic sects." (Daily Mail)

When it comes to The Evictor, Father Amorth, the nicest thing I can say about him is that he's a relentlessly 'fun' dude. I think I'll leave it at that.

PIG's One-Stop, No Waiting Period, Oppression Rating Test

Be the first one on your block to get your official PIG-certified Oppression Rating. Don't just sit there, Sparky. It's so easy a child could do it, but he, she, heshe or it probably isn't that gullible. Can't wait to get started? That's the spirit, Sparky! Grab a crayon and some construction paper, answer PIG's Oppression Rating Test and you'll soon have exclusive bragging rights to your very own oppression rating. Think of all the fun you'll have after you're armed with this incontrovertible proof of your victimhood. Thanks to your oppressor rating, you can dazzle your homies, torture the neighborhood oppressor and make everyone's life as miserable as yours.

Crayons ready? Let's get started with an easy one:

Q1: Are you female?

Y=Give yourself 75 points.
N=Give yourself 50 points.

Q2: Are you Asian?

Y=Score doesn't change; skip to Q10.
N=No points on this one, Sparky...better luck on the next question.

Q3: Are you an Amerikan-Born Hispanic?

Y=Add 5 points; skip to Q10.
N=Hang in there Sparky.

Q4: Are you a foreign born and Melanin-Enriched (Korrectniks prefer African-American)?

Y=Add 10 points; Skip to Q10.
N=Don't give up on yourself, Sparky.

Q5: Are you a Green Carded or Naturalized Hispanic?

Y=add 15 points; Skip to Q10.
N=No points on this one, Sparky, but you're heading for the Oppression Rating stratosphere.

Q6: Are you in this country illegally?

Y=We're shocked, shocked I tell you. Add 20 points; Skip to Q10.
N=It's make it or break it time Sparky.

Q7: Are you Amerikan born and Melanin-Enriched?

Y=Jackpot! Add 25 points; Skip to Q10.
N=Bummer! You were thisclose to the oppression index winner's circle.

Q8: Are you a caucasian female?

Y=Subtract 45 points; skip to Q10.
N=You're skating on thin ice, Sparky.

Q9: Are you a caucasian male whose name ends in 'ski'?

Y=Subtract 50 points.
N=If you're an unhypenated, straight, white male your ass is outta here, oppressor breath. Tear up your scorecard and leave quietly. Don't make us come over there.

Q10: Are you a conservative?

Y=Divide score by 2 and let that be a lesson to you.
N= Score unchanged, Comrade Sparky.

Q11: Are you a GLAAD BAAG (PIG-speak for the differently-heterosexual)?

Y=Add 10 points.
N=What's your problem, Sparky? Isn't it about time you took a walk on the wild side?

Q12: Are you a known "race traitor", "sellout" and/or any other type of "self-hating" ethnic dweeb?

Y= The PIG Oppression Rating central committee hereby declares you an oppressor. Tear up your score card and leave the room quietly.

N= Still with us, Sparky? Find a rational adult to help you total your score, then get ready to thrill everyone on your block with your Oppression Rating.

Scoring:

Below 25 - Pathetic. How do you stand yourself, Sparky?

25 to 49 - No cigar, Sparky, but you're in the victimhood hunt.

50-74 - Now you're talking, Sparky!

75 and Up - You're so damned oppressed it makes us puddle up. Go forth and make those oppressors miserable.

Messiahs

[Tis the Season, again. Tis the Season when, as many Cross Cultists proclaim - with chest-beating fervor - the reason for the season is the birth of a Messiah. I don't have anything PIG-worthy to say about THAT Messiah, but I am willing to have some PIGish fun with a certain self-proclaimed Messiah.]

In Obamunist folklore, as bellowed forth by the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade, Barry Obama is the Marxist Messiah. In their mind, and in Barry's mind, he's infused with messianic magic. I get that, but I do have one pesky question. What, exactly, are this Marxist Messiah's powers?

Q. Can he change water into wine?

A. Nope, but he turned the U.S. Mint's printing press into a tidal wave of budgetary Red Ink.

Q. Can he drive the moneychangers from we the people's temple on Capitol Hill?

A. Nope, but he did manage to piss off rational adults so badly that they drove the money grubbing Demoncrats out of their dominant position in the House of Representatives.

Q. Can he raise the dead?

A. Nope, but he did reanimate an egregiously unworkable political philosophy, Marxism, and tailor it for another abject failure in America. Also, in his old stomping grounds, room temperature patriots, routinely, crawl out of their grave to vote in a Chicago election.

Q. Can he feed the multitude with a few loaves and a handful of fishes?

A. Nope, but he did cram a record shattering pile of teleprompted bull shit down the throats of the Americans who punched a chad for him. Besides, his Fat Nazi bride's all the crab grass and rice cakes you can stand, eating plan doesn't allow loaves and fishes.

Q. Can he heal the sick?

A. Nope, but, if he won't STFU, he's going to make rational adults puke their guts out.

Q. Can he walk on water?

A. Nope, and I'm bummed out that he didn't given this the old college try when French president Sarkozy offered him unrestricted use of the English Channel for Messiah Barry's personal use.

Is this game, set, match for the Marxist Messiah? Perhaps, but he still has a chance to dazzle this pagan scribbler with his Marxist Messiah powers. For example, I ask you to hold your fire, until we know the answers to these burning Marxist Messiah magic powers questions:

Q. Can he transform a victory in into a defeat?

A. He didn't do it in Iraq, yet, but he's getting 'er done in Afghanistan.

Q. Can he, with a few strokes of his magic wand, his POTUS pen, transform American prosperity into abject poverty?

A. An incurable spend-a-holic, he is racking up a crushing tidal wave of red ink, that has the once robust American economy on life support, and a full blown economic meltdown looming large on the near horizon.

Q. Can he with his honeyed prompter punk words, yammer sovereign individuals into trading in their inalienable individual liberty for slaves of the Nanny State chains?

A. You better believe it, Sparky, and all he needs is a 2nd term to get 'er done.

Q. Can he hope to change America from a tower of super power strength into a pile of quivering, unarmed jello?

A. He's done more than hope, he's single-handedly turned Uncle Sam into a paper tiger, despite the fact that our men and women in uniform are second to none.

I hear what you're saying and tend to agree. Compared raising the dead and feeding the multitude, his antics are pathetic. On the other hand, he did pull off one legit miracle worthy of a Messiah. Despite his complete lack of leadership ability/experience...despite the fact that he has never, at any moment in his entire life, accepted responsibility for his own actions, he fooled enough of the people, enough of the time to turn the White House into the Red Shed.

Speed Bumps On Life's Highway

The dark forces tried their best to make this one of 'those' days, but I refused to cooperate.

Moments after I stumbled out of the rack, my day veered into the tall 'Oh Crap' weeds. The a flashing red light on the PIG Bunker's router didn't rock my world. Admittedly, my Morse Code isn't anything to shout about, but I'm sure it was flashing an S-O-S.

This technology turmoil wandered dangerous close to Old Besty and Hambo in a Bell Tower, when I called the Internet provider and got one of those infuriating automated answering gizmos. It's, at minimum, annoying, especially at THAT hour of the morning, BEFORE my first cup of coffee.

During the long, torturous trek through the automated answering system jungle, I had an unwanted WTF moment. It started at step 10, when I informed Robo Responder that my Internet is DEAD. It reached critical WTF mass 10 or 12 steps later, one step before the Robo Responder handed me over to an actual living, breathing, human. That's when a marginally snarky Robo Responder informed me - ever so gently - that I was wasting its time, because the answer to my problem was waiting for me in cyberspace, at the Internet provider's Website. I told Robo Dolt: "If I could access your Website, I wouldn't need to call you."

Eventually - despite my outpouring of PIGish pleasantries - Robo Responder connected me to a human - presumably one residing in Banglador - whom I'll call V. J. Stella. V. J. Stella was very helpful and commendably patient, when I tried, at her behest, to bring the router back to life. Eventually, she aimed me at one of the Internet provider's outposts within driving distance of the PIG Bunker where I could obtain a new power supply to replace the old, defective, one.

Moving out in the usual convoy of heavily armed vehicles, I headed for the aforementioned outpost, where they had the dumbest lump of protoplasm in the known universe.

First, Einstein couldn't find the PIG Bunker on the list of customers. He kept typing in the wrong customer information. Encouraged by liberal doses of PIGish persuasion, he finally 'found' us...but not really. He found something, but it was located at least 20 miles from the PIG Bunker, in a town where nobody on the PIG staff had ever resided.

He would still have his head up his ass, if a female staffer hadn't intruded and bitch slapped him into a more rational region of the Twilight Zone. Belatedly, he entered the correct customer info and viola, the PIG Bunker magically appeared on his computer screen. Happily every after? More or less, but I almost reached for Old Betsy, AGAIN, when he kept trying to sell me crap I don't want or need, instead of the $10 power supply that I required.

Clutching the new power supply,I ordered the PIG Bunker convoy to move out. We completed the round trip without coming under enemy fire. Given a new lease on life by a working power supply, the router came out of its coma and reconnected the PIG Bunker to Al Gore's Information Superhighway.

Despite some speed bumps along the way, my header into my Internet provider's Robo Responder customer service was, on balance, a positive one. Given that, I guess I should call off the tactical nuclear strike on Robo Responder's duty station.

The Great American Road Trip

Holiday's are, by their very nature, replete with nostalgia. That's especially true during phase two of the annual Gluttony Trifecta ,Thanksgiving. [Gluttony Trifecta = Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas]

For me, Thanksgiving brings back vivid memories of all those road trips with my dad at the wheel. His driving skills were first rate. Unhappily, his navigation skills left something to be desired.

When he was at the wheel, there were certain givens:

* Despite the fact that your bladder was the size of Jupiter, my dad resisted the urge to make a pit stop. His excuses were variations on the same theme. "I don't like the looks of that one." I don't give a damn if it looks like the Black Hole of Calcutta. When you gotta go, beggers can't be choosers. [The closest he came to an untimely demise was when he tried that crap on my lovely bride. Her death threats were, to say the least, impressive. She had almost resolved the 'strangle him or just shoot him' issue, when he made that life saving pit stop. He never knew how close he came to becoming a crime statistic. Call me names if you must but it was a clear case of justifiable homicide.]

* He was obsessed with beating his personal driving record to a given destination. This one played out in a number of ways, the primary one being 'the new shortcut'. The moment he deviated from the well traveled path, you could bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that you about to boldly go where you'd never gone before.

These shortcuts never failed to get my dad severely lost, a condition that he steadfastly denied. When we finally emerged, hours later, and to hell and gone from our alleged destination, he would smile at my mom and say, "I knew where I was the entire time." It's not the kind of thing you say to a red-headed woman whose whole family is populated by legendary exploders.

I will, grudgingly admit, that, despite his pathological hatred of pit stops and his proclivity for getting amazingly lost, my dad always got us there safely, and - according to his reality-challenged time keeping - he always beat his old record. I will also admit that there was an undeniable aura of adventure when he decided to save time by traveling on roads that even the hardiest local avoided at all costs. Hell, some of the places we visited don't appear on any map and would give my brother's beloved Garmin (he calls it 'The Bitch') a nervous breakdown.

Hambo's ThanksMas Holiday Survival Guide

Tis the season, PIGsters and it's time for this table pounding pagan to chill out and share some essential, suitably festive, wisdom with you. Am I up to the challenge? I have a feeling we'll find out the answer to that one together.

The best way to start out is to share some of Hambo's Rules of ThanksMas Engagement:

1) When cut to the appropriate dimensions, fruitcake makes a dynamite hockey puck. In fact, you'll soon discover that it's vastly superior to the real thing.

2) It's not the thought, it's the gift that counts, but you're required to smile anyway. You're obligated to grit your teeth and thank the clueless cretin who gave you another god-awful tie that you wouldn't wear on a bet.

3) Regifting is cool, but make sure you keep track of who gave you the gift from hell in the first place. Return to sender is spiffy, when you're dealing with errant mail, but nobody's idea of a good time if you accidentally give the horror back to the one who gave it to you.

4) I know you're going to pig out and so do you, so why torture yourself with all those guilt-induced delusions about the diet you're going to start the first thing next year? If you need an excuse, tell, whomever, that you're PIGing out to honor a certain infamous speed bump in cyberspace.

5) If the hostess fires one of those "try some of that, it's a new recipe" shots across your bows, wait for someone else to try it first. It's better to be a witness at their inquest than to be the guest of honor at yours.

6) If your hostess informs you that her personal pyromanic is going to be cooking the holiday bird in his new turkey fryer, you know what you've gotta do: on your way to her house, stop off at Home Depot and buy several fire extinguishers.

7) While attending the office Christmas party, make sure you know the full name of the hottie you selected for that dirty dancing exhibition. One poor bastard made that mistake and learned the hard way - you're so fired, bump and grind Sparky - that dirty dancing with the boss's wife can be the fast track to the unemployment office.

8) Speaking of the office party, watch your mouth, if you know what's good for you. Honest might be the best policy in most situations, but a notable exception is the Office Christmas party. It's not the time or place to ask your amply endowed co-worker if her sweater puppies are home grown or high tech. It's not the time to tell those above you in the chain of command how far they've got their head up their ass even if - especially if - it's too, too, true.

9) When it comes to gift giving, KISS is still the road to gift giving glory. Keeping it simple stupid means just saying no to any gift idea which will take more than 10 words to explain.

10) Don't be intimidated by the Grinches. It's Christmas time in this land of the not as free as we're supposed to be. That means, hitting every Grinch you meet with that seasonally-correct 'bite me', AKA "Merry Christmas".

Stay tuned to the Free State of PIG during this holiday season for more of Hambo's compelling wisdom, and advice. You're going to need all the help you can get to negotiate this ThanksMas Season minefield.

Spreading My Special Brand of Joy

A friend - she's an unrepentant Libertard of the Obamunist ilk - called with some breaking news from her neighborhood.

Her: "It's been one hell of a day around here."

Me: "Anything wrong, aside from your Marxist Messiah's approval ratings?"

Her: "We're not going THERE, so knock it off."

Me: "If that's not it, what else is wrong?"

Her: "What's wrong? How does 8 fire trucks, half a dozen cop cars, plus chainsaws strike you?"

Me: "Were they plying their trade at your house?"

Her: "No. There was a major fire in the apartment house right across the street."

Me: "That big multi-story job?"

Her: "That's right. It was a mad house around here."

Me: "That's much too close for comfort."

Her: "Tell me about it. I posted a picture of the fire on my Facebook page."

Me: "My lovely bride is looking for it, right now."

Her: "I feel sorry for the poor people who lived there."

Me: "A glass half full dude like me would lift your spirits by noting that your Thanksgiving dinner guests won't have to park in another time zone, this year."

Her: "You're a sick bastard."

Me: "Thank you."

Her: "Did you look at the picture, yet?"

Me: "Very impressive. If you look closely you'll see a skinny Kenyan wearing a Bush 43 mask, trying to hang a 'Mission Accomplished' banner on the smoldering building."

Her: Click. Dial tone.

Why, I wonder, do so many of my phone calls end that way? Enquiring minds want to know. In this case, I'm sure that the day's unscheduled excitement was too much for her.

Atheist Evangelism 2011

Tis the season and that means it's time for those relentless funsters, the Evangelizing Atheists, to do what they can to thrill the snot out of religionists, in general, and Cross Cultists, in particular. In many ways, this year's atheist evangelism is business as usual. That means that, once again, the primary method of atheist/agnostic evangelism involves signs, billboards and strategically placed advertisements on public transportation. It has been happening for several months, but seems to be following a well-established pattern, by reaching a peak, during the Christmas season.

Admittedly, the pattern is playing out in a familiar fashion. It's familiar, but there are some new wrinkles, this year. A couple years ago, the following Hambo prose summed up the tone of 2008 vintage atheist evangelism:

Depending on the group, and/or individual, behind the sign, it can be as benign as the one shown in the accompanying image - "Reason's Greetings" says it all, for this pagan. In some places another, slightly more assertive, sign, which appeared on billboards and busses, reads "Imagine No Religion". These 'in your face' statements of non-belief can also be as provocative as the one that has true believer panties wadded from sea to shining sea: "Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds." (A sign by the Freedom From Religion Foundation which was set up next to a nativity in Washington's state capitol.)

Since 2008, the evangelizing atheist pleasantries became 'in your face' and snarky. For example, this year, some evangelizing atheists living behind the Orange Curtain (Mexifornia's conservative bastion, Orange County) got an early start (late October), when they deployed a billboard invoking Thomas Jefferson via this quote: "I do not find in Christianity one redeeming feature. It is founded on fables and mythology."

There's just one devilish detail that the evangelizing atheists didn't pin down, before they deployed their billboard. According to the minions at the Jefferson Library Collection at Monticello it's not a legitimate Jefferson quote. In fact, if the evangelizing atheists had asked them about it, the Jefferson Library Collection minions would have informed them that it's enshrined on its page of 'spurious Jefferson quotes'.

So far this year, the evangelizing atheists haven't rocked my world, like they did in 2010 with a sign that Canada's evangelizing atheists deployed on busses in British Columbia: "Extraordinary Claims Require Extraordinary Evidence. Allah, Bigfoot UFOs, Homeopathy, Zeus, Psychics, Christ".

WOW! When you lump those who worship Allah and/or Jesus in the same category as someone who believes in Bigfoot, that's throwing down the gauntlet.

Admittedly, evangelizing atheism is, on occasion, 'fun'. Despite that, I, too, wonder 'what's the point'? What, exactly are these 'religion sucks' adherents trying to accomplish? There are, I think, several viable possibilities:

• It's a plaintive wail by atheists/agnostics that "We're people too." It's, in essence, similar to the GLAAD BAAG mantra: "We're here. We're queer. We're in your face."

• It's a blatant frontal assault on supernaturalism, in essence, a throwing down of the philosophical gauntlet. If it's a debate on the merits of supernaturalism vs reason, "Bite me, supernaturalism breath" strikes me as the wrong opening move.

• It's their way of getting into the Christmas spirit, which, in this case, involves pissing off as many true believers as possible. If that's the goal, it's time to bring W's "Mission Accomplished" banner out of mothballs.

• It's nothing more than an exercise in free speech. In this instance, the atheists/agnostics would seem to be saying, "You're promoting your supernaturalism" in the public square which was paid for, in part, with my non-believer dime. It's only fair that I promote my philosophy in that same public square, which was paid for, in part, with your true believer dime."

• It's nothing more, nothing less, than a plea by otherwise unremarkable individuals, for everyone's attention.

What, you ask, does a pagan scribbler named Hambo think of all this theist vs atheist panty-twisting angst? I'm as ambivalent to these atheist 'tis the season' antics as I am to a Nativity scene in the public square. Neither of them rocks my world. Neither of them rots my socks. I do, however, like many things about the Christmas season:

• I like the Christmas music - taken in small, manageable doses - and that includes secular and holy roller carols alike.

• I like the decorations.

• I like the way tykes get giddy over Santa Claus.

• I like that sappy movie, 'A Christmas Story'.

• I like everything about the Santa Claus part of Christmas. If the Cross Cultists, the Kwanza Klub, the Torah True Believers and, yes, the atheists, have their own agenda at this time of year, so be it. I will enjoy Christmas for my own reasons, in my own way, and that's final.

Parting shot I: I am compelled to admit that the bus sign that invoked Bigfoot made me laugh. Is it snarky? Yup. Is it insulting? Probably. Is it an stunning example of political incorrectness on an epic level? You better believe it, Sparky.

Parting shot II: This year, the evangelizing atheists dazzled me with a jaw-dropping outburst of hubris. How? How indeed:

Atheists and humanists serving in the U.S. military are leading an organized push for official recognition of their own chaplains, or something akin to chaplains. They contend that they are being left out, even though they say they outnumber participants in established religions. (CNSNews)

An Atheist Chaplin? Seriously? Holy Oxymoron, Batman! If you think this is evangelizing atheist flummery, get over it:

Former Army Capt. Jason Torpy, president of the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers, contends the number of humanists in the military is between 10,000 and 40,000 and argues that many who do not claim a religious preference are likely atheists.

His organization, which he said has been a 501(c)(3) organization for five years, is leading the charge to install humanist clergy in the military.

Torpy said that under current rules, Catholic chaplains refer Muslims to Muslim military clergy, while a Muslim clergy is obligated to direct Jewish members of the military to a Jewish military clergy and so on. But, he said, humanists are left out when it comes to a support system.

"Those are all putting them in touch with their people," Torpy told CNSNews.com. "So in that way, humanists can provide that same service and just as important, all the currently serving chaplains who are Jewish or Hindu or Muslim need to provide that connection and that support and that recognition and affirmation to humanists as well."

Under the current practice, he said, the Department of Defense is using a religious test for public office, something that is specifically prohibited in the Constitution, and a standard that is biased toward theistic religions.

"The Department of Defense has kind of a definition of religion, but they only have one kind of religious test for public office," Torpy said. (CNSNews)

Atheist Chaplins takes 'edgy' evangelizing atheism to a whole new level.

Talking 'Turkey' At PETA

Has PETA developed a sense of humor? Has PETA decided to indulge in self-parody to brighten up our Thanksgiving festivities? Or, has someone pulled a fast one and perpetrated a hoax of epic proportions? Questions, questions, questions. Personally, I think this is a hoax, because even PETA can't be this asinine.

If this story is true, PETA is in rare form this year, because it's alleged that they wrote a letter to the Mayor of Turkey, Texas, asking him to change the town's name to 'Tofurky', for Thanksgiving:

Dear Mayor Carson,

I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 3 million members and supporters, including thousands in Texas, with an idea that will boost Turkey into the spotlight and promote compassion: Rename your town "Tofurky" for Thanksgiving. If you agree to adopt this moniker for just one day, we'd be happy to provide a delicious, healthy vegan holiday feast for all the town's residents.

Tofurky is a savory, flavorful, "meaty" vegan entrée with wild-rice and bread-crumb stuffing that is 100 percent cruelty-free. In contrast, virtually all turkey meat sold in the U.S. comes from factory farms, where birds are confined by the thousands to filthy, barren sheds. They are drugged and bred to grow such unnaturally large upper bodies that their legs often become crippled under the weight. These bright and social animals are denied everything that is natural and important to them, and at the slaughterhouse, turkeys are still conscious when their throats are slit. Changing the town's name to Tofurky will remind people around the country that we each can have a delicious, protein-packed, and satisfying Thanksgiving meal without supporting animal abuse.

PETA's feast would feature Tofurky with mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes (made with vegan margarine), and vegan apple pie topped with vanilla dairy-free ice cream. Introducing vegan cuisine to your residents would help improve their health: A vegan diet is free of the saturated animal fats and cholesterol found in meat and dairy products, and according to the American Dietetic Association, a vegan diet reduces the risk of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity.

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to rename your town and give turkeys, as well as your town's citizens, something to gobble about! Please let me know of your decision.

Sincerely yours,

Tracy Reiman
Executive Vice President

Truth? Fiction? I say 'fiction', concerning the letter. If it proves to be 'true', I'm compelled to ask: "What the hell are they smoking?"

Random Synaptic Activity

Ka-Pow
I heard that some wingnut squeezed off a few rounds at the Red Shed.

One news story said the sharpshooter wanted to put a hole in Prompter Punk.

Okay, let's see...he wants to shoot Barry. Check.

He gets close enough to get 'er done, leaving a bullet or two embedded in the structure at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Check.

He does all this while Barry is half way around the world. Check.

Andy Oakley HAS to be a Libertard Moonbat, because only a Lib would be THAT stupid.

Ka-Pow
Kim Kaboose, uh, Kardashian is still squeezing publicity whoring gold out of her faux stunt marriage and divorce.

Hey, FATASS! Pay attention. According to our official timekeeper, your allotted 15 minutes of media whoring fame is all used up.

Step away from the microphone and return to the richly deserved obscurity from whence you emerged.

Enough already!

Ka-Pow
On Wednesday, some Big Apple Occutard was spouting off, in front of news crews. Among other things, he threatened to burn down Macy's, plus other parts of Bloomberg's Blight.

Isn't that what the justice system officials call "making a terroristic threat"? Why wasn't he arrested?

How much longer are the relevant officials going to allow the Occutards to terrorize law abiding individuals who stray too close to a Occutard infestation?

It's Enquiring minds time, in the PIGdom.

Ka-Pow
Many of you PIGsters will be heading out on that annual Thanksgiving Day trip, so, on behalf of PIG, I'll take this opportunity to wish you a safe, and enjoyable journey. To those of you who will be traveling this weekend, I want to wish you, wish all our PIGsters, each of whom we no bull crap consider part of our PIGish family, a very Happy Thanksgiving.

We're sure that most of you will be spending the day with your friends and family, enjoying a sumptuous meal after which you'll grab a nap in the lazyboy while pretending to watch the football games. We'd should tell you not to go back for that second piece of pie after gorging yourself on a third helping of turkey, but we refuse to save you from yourself.

If it's PIGish advice you need here's this: Do your best to resist that overpowering urge to punch out that brain dead TSA screener. Punching is so last year, so do us proud by kicking the gate groper in the nads, instead.

We'll be here, holding down the fort and, as usual, we'll do a Tom Bodet and keep a light on for you.

Leftovers

During a Top Story spawning FSOP Think Tank session a few things ended up on the cutting room floor. Here are a few samples.

* Mexifornia is a lost cause.

We the PIGs consider Mexifornia a lost cause. Can it be saved? Perhaps, but we only see two ways of getting 'er done.

Plan A: Some deranged Ivory Tower researcher at Cal Beserkeley, inadvertently, develops a plague which only snuffs out libertard moonbats.

Plan B: The neo-Marxists in the state's politburo - uh, legislature - finally spends the state into declaring bankruptcy.

There was a Plan C, but certain PIG staffer killjoys started whining about the unintended consequences of a massive, state-wide nuking of this festering sore on Uncle Sam's butt. Nag, nag, nag.

* Boob Tube Enhancements

Boob tubes have parental controls to keep tykes from going where they don't belong. What, we ask, have boob tube purveyors done to establish meaningful communication with a dumber than a box of rocks pimple on humanity's butt? How can you make the thinking impaired understand, when a boob tube outlet is shoveling crap,... instead of giving him, her, himher, or it, the 'straight poop'?

The OBVIOUS answer: smell-o-vision. Straight poop smells like roses. A load of crap smells like a stockyard.

* Homicide Bombing

Mecca Maniacs never get tired of blowing themselves up, but they seldom want to make their explosive exit, alone. They don't give a damn how many non-combatants they exterminate, when they go for that 72 celestial virgins brass ring. The homicide bomber code does, however, seem to require that they take somebody, anybody, with them when they head for that heavenly booty call. Personally, I don't give a flaming rip how many Mecca Maniacs want to achieve room temperature...explosively. That's not the problem...snuffing out innocent life is. Fear not, we have a plan.

What we need, for this to succeed, is some nifty way to pick the Homicide Bombers out of the general Islamikaze herd. It could work, almost as well, if we snatched up all the rage-a-holics who 'take to the streets' whenever someone farts off key. Whichever method we choose, the next step is straightforward. After rounding them up, we relocate them to an isolated place (an unused part of Area 51, perhaps) where there aren't any non combatants. After making sure they can't get out, we fit each Islamikaze guest with a non-removable homicide bomber vest, then wait for nature to take its course. Nature in this instance is a pay-per-view ka-boom-a-thon, which will ensue, if we make certain that our guests include both Sunni and Shiite. Mix those two groups together and a ka-boom-a-thon is guaranteed, but, just in case, we'll take steps to keep them in a ka-boom frame of mind. How? We'll keep them 'motivated' by showing the infamous South Park episodes featuring Mohammad on giant viewing screens. Between showings, we'll thrill them with those Jihadikaze favorites, the Danish Mohammad cartoons.

It sounds like big time fun, but there's nothing like 'viewer participation' to keep our viewers interested. Viewer participation? Yup. we're considering letting our pay-per-view audience join the fun via a remote control with 'ka-boom' button that will help one of our homicide bomber guests improve the human gene pool. Unfortunately, the remote control is still tied up in the damn rules committee. Those rules committee retards are a royal pain, they way they keep pissing on my parade with one legal technicality after another. If it isn't some bull crap about 'kidnaping', it's mindless crap about 'false imprisonment', 'murder', and assorted other devilish details. If they keep this up, we'll be strapping a homicide bomber vest on each of them...Damn killjoys.

Foreign Policy, Pagan Style:
The One seems to be looking for a suitable strategy to pull Iran's nuclear fangs. I have some ideas...some non-traditional ways to get 'er done, Hambo style:

Notion 1: Barry challenges the Iranian Ayatollah Ali Khamenei to a 'junk yard dog, Texas Chain match' a WWF-style cage match, winner takes all. No matter how this turns out, we win, especially if we kick it up to a 'death match', but we won't tell Barry until he's in the cage with this 7th century Moonbat.

Notion 2: Agent Oink...yes, again. We use KC135 tankers to spray pig fat over all of Iran's nuclear installations and missile facilities. PIG would pioneer a campaign: eat your bacon every morning and save that pig fat...it's your patriotic duty. Even if this didn't 'get the job done', it's worth doing, because CAIR's hissy fit would be VERY entertaining.

Notion 3: PIG sponsors a 'preach-off' to settle this 'which side is god really on' question. The Mecca Maniacs can pick a dirty dozen of their top Allah spewers. We pick an equal number of fire-breathing evangelists (Hagee is a given for our side). It's made to order for pay-per-view. Can't you just see those 50-foot tall PIG banners?

Notion 4: Draft all the shysters and environmentalists then and send them to Tehran to 'assist' the Mahmoud al Gilligan and his homeboys. If that doesn't make them suicidal, nothing will. At worst, all the shysters and greeniacs get offed. It's a win-win idea.

Notion 5: Round up all the gang bangers, tell them Iran's hard core Mecca Maniacs plan to invade their turf, then transport them to Iran. Do we really care which side wins?

Notion 6: Screw diplomacy and go with our strength, as explained in this Hambo ditty:

When the Islamists are acting frightful
I've got an idea that's quite delightful
Send our nukes in to say "hello"
Make 'em glow
Make 'em glow
Make 'em glow

I'll give you a moment to bask in my awesomeness.

Done basking so soon? In that case here's another terrorism fighting idea for your edification.

How To Solve Two Pressing Problems:
This pagan has stumbled on a thrilling new tactic to find the terrorists living among us.

Fact: We have a wad of 'undocumented' melanin advantaged individuals among us, most of them Latino Clan.

Fact: Said individuals are way eager to be here legally.

Fact: We need help to find the terrorist scum that's wreaking havoc on Amerika

Given all that, I've brain stormed a solution. Any Colonista in our midst who identifies and turns in a Mecca Maniac clown who is here illegally gets elevated to 'guest worker' status. Any Colonista who identifies and turns in a Mecca Maniac terrorist gets a green card.

This & That

Item: Troubling Signs That You're Too Fat

Your ponderous plodding registers on Cal Tech's seismometers.

Your 'land mass' is so big you generate your own weather pattern. (Stolen from Boortz)

You're required to file an environmental impact report, before you roll over in bed.

Your ass is so humongous that the post office assigned it its own Zip Code.

When you're near a body of water larger than a toilet bowl, your presence disrupts the tide tables.

You're getting 'fat', financially, as the 'before' example in Michelle Antoinette's obesity advertisements.

When you travel to visit relatives, all the fast food joints in the visited town put on an extra shift.

Traveling by motor vehicle is problematic, because you exceed the weight limit on numerous byways.

Item: A Compelling Hambo Notion

For a long time, the L.A. Mayor Tony Villar was the unchallenged Media Whore of the Moonbat Infested Sanctuary City of Angels. This year, two women are coming on strong, threatening to steal Tony V's Media Whore crown.

One contender - Gloria Allred - is no stranger to PIG readers. Earlier this year she carved out a Media Whore role in the Terminator's sex scandal. In the past week, she whored for the spotlight, by fronting for one of Herman Cain's sexual harassment accusers.

Another Hell A Media Whore - Kris "Big Mama Kardashian" Jenner - is milking the Media Whoring potential of the 'made for television marriage and divorce' she stage managed for her daughter Kim. It remains to be seen if Big Mama K has Gloria Allred's staying power.

What we need to get our mind off 'things', is a Media Whore Olympics. The competition itself would be part obstacle course, and part survivor series. If we're going to crown a World Champion Media Whore, we need to test the mettle of our competitors, to see which of them is really prepared to go the extra mile for some media face time.

If we're going to crown the Media Whore champion, Tony V, Gloria, Big Mama K will need to face a Media Whore legend: Messiah Barry. With them in the mix, my Media Whore Olympics becomes 'must see TV'. It has ratings gold written all over it.

A Media Whore Olympics might take time to organize, so, in the short term, I'll be naming one of these Media Whore contenders, PIG's Media Whore of the Year, when I post my Golden Oinks for 2011.

Hambo's Pop Quiz II

1) Which is the most frightening?

A: Barry's Messiahcare scheme which lets a DMV class Nanny State minion decide if you should be treated/cured or allowed to die.

B: The stomach churning realization that one of the Elephant Clan Oval Office Derby contenders will be the party's nominee.

C: The unwanted 'view' you get when the office plumper sits facing you without crossing her legs.

D: The southern exposure of a North-bound Barney Frank dressed only in his chaps.

2) Which is bigger?

A: Hugo 'Skipper' Chavez's ego.

B: Messiah Barry's narcissism.

C: Kim Kardashian's butt.

D: It's a tie between The Tennessee Tonnage and Jupiter.

3) Which of the following is the biggest media slut in the known universe?

A: Big Mama Kardashian (Kris Jenner).

B: Gloria Allred.

C: That Dumbo-earred guy who lives in the Red Shed.

D: It's a dead heat between Skank Hilton, L.A. Mayor Tony Villar, and Octomom.

4) Which of the following is the biggest lie?

A: Comrade Hillary, when she insists that Mecca Maniacs are wizards when it comes to democracy: "The suggestion that faithful Muslims cannot thrive in a democracy is insulting, dangerous and wrong,"

B: Bubba's "I did not have sex with that woman".

C: Every single word that Messiah Barry spouts.

D: Mitt Romney's Flip-Flop whopper: "I've been as consistent as human beings can be."

5) Which of these romances always makes you puddle up?

A: Romeo & Juliette.

B: Barry and his teleprompter.

C: The Tingler and his Red Shed love god.

D: Your deranged mutt and anyone who will let him hump their leg.

6) Which of the following is the most painful?

A: A hemorrhoid big enough to have its own zip code.

B: The 'I can't believe I ate the whole thing' heartburn you got after you ate two KFC Double Down sandwiches on a double dog dare.

C: That dent your kid put in your egregiously babied ride, when you were dumb enough to let them drive it.

D: Messiah Barry's incessant, America-denigrating, bloviating.

7) Which of the following epitomizes 'strange bedfellows'?

A: Whoopi Goldberg or Rosie O'Donnell and any human, living or dead.

B: You and that coyote ugly beast who didn't look that hideous after you 'drunk that poor thing pretty', at the bar, last night.

C: A Kiwi rustic and his ovine hottie.

D: Lamar Odom and Sasquatch Kardashian.

Scoring: In this kinder gentler era, I'll dispense with scoring. There are no 'wrong' answers, but some are more correct than others. Holy Orwell, Batman!

Hambo's Megalomania Is Showing...Again

I've reached my breaking point, PIGsters, and what's headed your way isn't going to be fun, or pretty. It promises to be another bumpy ride, so an adult beverage infusion is MANDATORY. I won't warn you again.

What set this pagan scribbler off this time? There are several possibilities. Maybe it's the predictable aftershocks from an especially legendary commute to Wonderland. Maybe it's the stench of an open sewer in the towns from sea to shining sea that the Occutards infest. Maybe it's the well-orchestrated bimbo eruption smear campaign mounted against Herman Cain. Maybe it's the pathetic performance of the pachyderm punks whose jello spined election cycle antics threaten to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Maybe it's the Dumbo-eared duffus who continues to campaign for a job that he already has, but doesn't know how to perform. Maybe it's none of the above, because everyone knows that I'm predisposed to 'explode' on a regular basis.

Whatever the reason, I have once again reached critical mass. That's why, I am ready to declare myself the world's stern, but inherently benevolent, dictator. That's right, I am once again playing that familiar tune, if Hambo ran the world. It's time for somebody to do it, and I'm ready, willing and eager to get started.

I feel the hostility, the doubt, out there, PIGsters, but I'm man enough to overlook it, this time. If you take off your blinders, you'll conclude that I'm right about this takeover. With the world besieged by Korrectniks, Jihadikazes, press card packing propaganda punks, caterwauling cretins, Moonbats, and a bumper crop of tinfoil hat wearing intellectual flatliners, even you must agree that something needs to be done. Humanity, on every part of this planet, is in crap up to its knees, thanks to ecological alarmists, major and minor tyrants, chronically needy and/or oppressed whiners and other forms of alleged life that get on our last raw nerve. It's a situation that calls for a generous dose of tough love, and, when it comes to that, I'm egregiously overqualified.

Admittedly, putting me in charge is fraught with peril, since my initial, nearly overpowering, urge is to nuke this blue-green planet back to the primordial ooze, hoping that the relentless forces of evolution will get it right, this time. Assuming that I achieve the requisite level of 'don't nuke me bro' self control, what, exactly, do I have in mind? What indeed.

I'll begin my glorious, benevolent dictator, tenure by painting a bull's-eye on the pernicious pest, the Brit busybody. Since they're prone to incessant caterwauling, and have the intellectual, and emotional, development of a newborn baby, I would require them to dress accordingly. Henceforth Brit busybodies [and their 'siblings' around the world] must venture forth wearing only a diaper, making it much easier for rational adults to see the crybabies coming.

The next item in my priority queue reached critical mass, when I read a news item about a World War II museum which was hounded into taking down an utterly appropriate - given the theme of the museum - Nazi flag. The flag's removal was prompted by that ubiquitous pestilence, an alleged human who thinks he, she, heshe or it, has the inherent individual right to be protected from things that offend them. Henceforth, the chronically 'offended' must wear a sensory deprivation helmet which will block out all outside sights and sounds.

Another 'problem' that begs for a Hambo solution involves those hard core greeniacs who want condemn everyone else to a primitive, subsistence level, back to nature lifestyle. They're adept at talking the talk, but rarely get around to walking the walk, because they refuse to give up all of their 21st century's perks. Henceforth, they will be compelled to 'walk the walk' to match their greeniac hot air. I could accomplish that, by rounding them up and dropping them, stark naked, in the world's most untamed wilderness areas, where they will take their rightful place in the food chain as LUNCH.

The cornerstone of my benevolent dictatorship is making it much easier to spot the 'players' at a distance. Elected Tormentors are a prime example, since they are adept at 'blending in', when they want to fly under a rational adult's radar. I would put an end to that stealthiness, by decreeing that henceforth, whenever an Elected Tormentor appears in public in his, her, hisher, or its official capacity, he, she, heshe or it must be dressed in a clown suit, so everyone can recognize them, for who, and what, they are.

It's necessary to put voters in the proper frame of mind, at the onset of each election cycle. This can be accomplished, quite easily, by a non negotiable benevolent dictator decree: No election related task including such things as candidate declarations, fund raising, debates or electioneering bloviating can be perpetrated before April 1st in the year the chads are punched. This date is specifically chosen to let rational adults see these April Fools for who, and what, the are.

News Nitwits are another group which should be forced to dress up to match the role they play. Since they have abandoned any pretense of objectivity, it's time to make them wear the appropriate costume so casual viewers will recognize them for what they really are. Henceforth, all News Nitwits must wear a mediaeval court jester's outfit, to warn rational adults that nothing they're seeing, or hearing should be taken seriously. To emphasize this point, 'news' broadcasts will be accompanied by music from the 'Benny Hill Show'.

Nanny State bureaucrats are another group that require some tough Hambo love. Once again, I will make it easy for them to stand out in a crowd, by making their attire, job-appropriate. Henceforth, all Nanny State bureaucrats will be wrapped - mummy style - in the red tape which they use to strangle our liberty.

Trial lawyers who use the law to pillage and plunder companies and/or individuals via frivolous lawsuits will be treated like any other vermin. Every year, a randomly selected group of the most egregious offenders will be released in a designated hunting area for a 'no limit' trial lawyer hunting season.

Entirely too much time, energy, and angst is expended over words and deeds taking place on 'the public square'. It could be an exhibit in a 'publically owned' museum. It could be a bakery which is located in a publically owned shopping center which refused to sell rainbow cupcakes to a GLAAD BAAG group. It could be a cross, menorah, or nativity scene. It could be a town's gala Christmas decor. It could be all this and more, but, whatever it is, I'm ready to put a stop to it. Henceforth, all 'public' property will be abolished and transformed into private property, giving the property's rightful owner the power to decide what will be allowed on his, her, hisher, or its property. [Exceptions, LIMITED exceptions, will be allowed for such essentials as military installations, but the list of such exceptions will be kept to a bare minimum.]

Apparently, I'm not as 'over' my memorable commute to Wonderland as I thought, because my next benevolent dictator decree paints a bull's-eye on road warrior retards. Henceforth, certified - by me - rational adults will be authorized to equip their rides with those miracles of modern weaponry: asshat-seeking missiles. [Rational adults will be pleased to hear that a similar device, the robocaller asshat seeking missile, is in the final stages of testing at PIG's top secret R & D center.]

Those paragons of tolerance, those perpetually pissed-off pinheads, the rage-a-holic Islamikazes will require entirely too much of my benevolent dictator attention. My initial impulse is to make each of these raving 7th century supernaturalist lunatics have an explosive surgically-implanted up their ass. That would allow a rational adult - or an irrational one, like me - to rectumfy their unresolved, 'Jihadikaze rampage' issues with the press of a button. It's a compelling idea, but a very messy one. I'll hold it in reserve, for the moment, and go with something slightly more elegant. I advocate subjecting the female-phobic Islamikaze alleged males to all the indignities they inflict on their women: burkas, genital mutilation, honor killing if the alleged male 'strays', and stoning if they do anything their MISTRESSES don't like. If that doesn't get 'er done, I've still got that explosive up the butt plan 'B' as in BOOM!

One of my most important benevolent dictator decrees is near, and dear, to my heart, since it involves sovereign individualism. By order of ME, each individual on Earth would be made legally accountable for their own life, for their own actions. Immutable traits, lifestyle choices, and/or your bad habits will not be, cannot be, used to as an excuse for your actions. This individual accountability includes any, and all, actions you perpetrate after you knowingly, of your own volition, ingest mind altering substances including drugs and/or adult beverages. It's your call. It's your life. It's your rewards to reap and your hell to pay.

Admittedly, I've barely scratched the surface, but space is limited so my tough love for Colonistas, Ethnocrats, GLAAD BAAGs, NO NADS, and numerous other richly deserving recipients of my undivided attention will just have to wait, until next time. Instead I'll close this out with some quick hits on a variety of benevolent dictator topics...targets.

Professional scolds like Donald Wildmon, Brent Bozell, plus the usual Morality Nazi subjects, would be required to wear a 'kick me' sign at all times, so they can get a richly deserved 'boot' out of their antics. Any Elected Tormentor who seeks re-election after serving two full terms would be subjected to a 'survivor series' class pre-candidacy screening ordeal. I would order manufacturers to install a 'blah, blah, blah' function on all electronic devices which are capable of broadcasting political punk bloviating. I'm tempted to put a limit on The One's publically broadcasted appearances, but he'd probably get suicidal, and a POTUS Joe Biden is UNTHINKABLE!

Want more? No problem. I still think we need more cleavage on our postage stamps. I am convinced that tasering bellowing cell idiots is an idea whose time has come. I think we should export the U.N. to Hugoland where another 'Tower of Babel' will fit right in. 5am will be redeployed between 9am and 10am, so I can get up at a civilized hour. Every radio station on the planet must play at least 30 uninterrupted minutes of AC/DC, Def Leppard and/or Metallica every damn day, during morning drive AND afternoon drive. Henceforth, weekend radio must broadcast something worthwhile. Last but not least...uh...why are all you rat bastards cringing in abject horror about Hambo's World? I so don't deserve that crap from you...Bite me.

Enough Already

The list of infuriating bullshit that MAJORLY pisses me off is getting longer.

* I'm fed up with Kim Kardashian, whose only claim to fame is a pathetic sex tape on which her flopping and moaning evoked images of the frantic final moments of a beached whale's life.

* I'm fed up with the Marxist assholes pretending to be objective journalists. They seem to be the ONLY ones who don't know that they'll be the first ones rounded up, if/when Marxism reigns from sea to shining sea: goodbye newsroom; hello gulag.

* I'm fed up with the Herman Cain bimbo eruption that sucks up all the air time on VRWC talk radio. How many times, every f**king day, must I listen to the same reports, the same commentary, the same boring bullshit, before I grab Old Betsy and head for the nearest bell tower?

* I'm fed up with the occutards whose only 'accomplishment' is turning American cities, from sea to shining sea into open sewers which are infested by rapists, muggers, drug dealers, disease-ridden urban campers, and property destroying assholes.

* I'm fed up with celebrity 'justice' which talks tough, then wimps out when it comes to making the legend in his, her, hisher, or its own mind reap what he, she, heshe, or it sowed.

* I'm fed up with a court system that's teaching thespian bimbos like Lindsay Lohan, that, for her, no matter what she does...no matter how many laws and/or court rulings she violates, there are NOT any adverse consequences.

* I'm fed up with the bait and switch bullshit that the Republican Party calls a presidential primary.

* I'm disgusted with the Republican Party scam artists who perpetrate this sham of a primary, making voters think they have a choice, when it comes to picking the Oval Office candidate.

* I'm infuriated that the Republicans will play 'it's his turn', by ramming another liberal loser - Mitt Romney - down the throats of Elephant Clan primary voters.

* I'm outraged by Elected Tormentors, who feign shock and dismay over America's sorry condition, then brazenly pretend that they didn't play a critical role in flushing this once great nation down the crapper.

* I'm beyond pissed when it comes to a Dumbo-earred Commie who obviously despises the job he was elected to do, but refuses to get out of the damn way so somebody with legitimate POTUS credentials can take over then put America back on the right track.

* I'm fed up with a certain publisher's dithering, when it comes to replacing his seizure-prone computer.

* I'm fed up with the motherless rat bastards whose idea of a joke is this ASININE Daylight Savings Time bullshit.

Enough already...it's time for Old Betsy, Big Bang, and I to load up then go do what we gotta do.

Inconvenient Reality

[With everyone frantically fleeing reality like it's tainted with ebola, the time is right for this pagan to throw one of his legendary scribbler tantrums. Don't give me your attitude, Scooter, because I'm so not in the mood for that crap.]

Unflinching, objective, reality is a pain-in-the-ass that, no matter how diligently you attempt to ignore it, just won't go the hell away. As a public service - okay, so maybe that isn't going to fly, coming from me - this pagan scribbler will share a few reality bytes with those who need to hear them.

Ka-Boomists Need To Confront The Following:

The U.S. Constitution, not your Holy Tome, is this nation's defining document. All rights privileges and legal constraints stem from our Constitution, not scripture.

Homosexuals exist and are, per the aforementioned Constitution, entitled to the same rights and privileges as any other American. The nature or nurture question might thrill you and your GLAAD BAAGs adversaries spitless, but it's irrelevant and has no bearing on any individual's inalienable Constitution rights.

Protecting the sanctity of marriage and strengthening traditional family values are not legitimate government functions.

The popularity of your chosen supernaturalism doesn't give you a government-mandated veto power over an individual's choices regarding music, literature, movies, art, television fare, radio broadcasts or any other element in American culture.

The individual, not the family, is the basic social unit granted liberty in our Constitution.

Evolution is science. Creationism in all its forms - including Intelligent Design - is theology.

Multiculturalists and Other Neo-Marxists Will Hate Hearing:

Some nations - cultures if you prefer - are superior to others. Cultures practicing human sacrifice, ritual genital mutilation and the like are inherently inferior to a culture based on the ethical bedrock called inalienable individual liberty.

Dead white males made - continue to make - essential, inspiring, contributions to art, music, literature, philosophy, and science. Get over it already.

Saving individuals from themselves is not a proper government function.

Success in life is not a capital offense and does not, automatically, enslave the competent to the parasite horde.

Property rights are enshrined in our Constitution. This means that an individual property owner is entitled to discriminate against other individuals for whatever reasons thrill him spitless. Punishment for such discrimination is a proper function of the marketplace, not the government.

The individual, not the group, is the basic societal unit addressed by America's Constitution.

Vast Right-Wing Conspirators Must Get Real About:

Twenty-first century conservatism bears no resemblance to the tightly-constrained government created by this nation's founding fathers.

The Donkey Clan understands that politics is a no-holds-barred blood sport. Until you develop some backbone, the craven cowards you keep electing will always get their butts kicked, even when they control one of the houses in congress and have a cloture busting presence in the other..

When it comes to politics, you are the political equivalent of the French army. The instant you detect any resistance, you reach for the white flag.

Unfettered Nanny State growth is doubly reprehensible when you perpetrate it. You no longer have the right to spout rhetoric about being the party of smaller government, so put a sock in it and shut the hell up.

Donkey Clan Clowns Must Pull Their Head Out of the Butt About:

No matter how you feel about him, Bush 43 isn't president anymore. Your narcissistic commie has been POTUS for nearly 3 years. So stop whining about Bush 43 and admit that your narcissistic commie played a leading role in putting America in the crapper.

Derailing the Elephant Clan legicrap passed by the House, whining about the RICH, slandering the Tea Party and inciting a no shit class WAR are no substitute for offering your own political vision for enhancing the inalienable individual liberty of each American.

Stand up and proudly announce that your utopian vision for this nation is a liberty-abolishing Marxist state called The People's Republic of Amerika.

The United States Constitution means exactly what it says and nothing more. Its gameplan to impose strict, non-negotiable limits on government hasn't changed since our Founding Father's wrote the damn thing. It is what it is...It is what it always has been, so take your "Living Constitution" bovine excrement and stick it where the sun don't shine.

Are we all on the same page now, Scooter, or do I need to explain this to you again, much more forcefully?

PIGish Poster of the Week

As the name proclaims, Nonmacher's Bar-B-Q (Katy, Mexas) is a food-wrangling outpost of capitalism. Curiously, the eatery's most memorable claim to fame/infamy is that knicker knotting poster which hangs on the wall.

As shown in the accompanying image, the poster shows a group of armed men surrounding a man hanging from a tree. As arresting as that is, it's the caption which thrills the snot out of the chronically offended: "Let's play cowboys and Iranians." How offended? VERY, thanks to a customer who started a Facebook group named: "Nonmacher's BBQ racism towards Iranians.

Thanks to that Facebook hissy fit, the eatery's owner, John Nonmacher, is being vilified by humor challenged asshats from sea to shining sea:

Now hundreds of users of the social networking site have vented their anger on the page and vow to stage a protest at the restaurant this Saturday.

Hundreds have also signed an online petition to remove the poster.

Thanks to the websites, Nonmacher's is receiving scores of phone calls each day.

'This thing has spread like wildfire and we are getting phone calls from New York and everywhere else,' Mr Nonmacher told KHOU-Channel 11. (Daily Mail)

As fun as this sounds, there's one more thing you need to know about this egregiously vilified poster: it's been hanging in the eatery for more than 3 DECADES.

Mr Nonmacher said the poster, which was taken in 1979 by photographer Mark McGarr, went on the wall when Americans were held hostage during the Iranian Revolution 30 years ago.

The 52 hostages, who were held at the American Embassy in Iran for 444 days, were all released without harm by their Islamist captors in 1981. (Daily Mail)

I'm pleased to report that John Nonmacher isn't backing down: "It's my choice to have it up. It's your choice to go where you want to go. But I'm not going to take it down."

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's HAMBO CLAUS!

[I know what you're thinking and I tend to agree, that the REAL Christmas shopping season starts on Black Friday (November 25th this year). I'm not telling you to run to your nearest outpost of capitalism and buy, buy, BUY. I AM saying, that in the coming days (weeks) when you compile your Christmas gift list, that you need to keep the following gift suggestions in mind.]

It's time to get real about Christmas. It's time to admit that, despite its wondrous elements, Christmas is fully of petty annoyances. You know it's true, and so do I, but I have an idea or two that might put the fun back in your Christmas.

Admittedly, I can't help you with such relentless pains as the 10,000th remake of "A Christmas Carol". There's nothing I can do about the sanity shredding holiday music that gets on your last raw nerve long before the Jolly Old Elf slides down your chimney. When it comes to that stuff, you're on your own, Sparky. Regular visitors to Hambo's Hammer already know what I think of things like that.

Whipped with guilt over my limitations when it comes to the Christmas Season's many petty annoyances, I am locked and loaded with ideas about one especially annoying element of this "joyous" season. I refer, of course, to the most pernicious element of Christmas, buying gifts for people who, routinely, get on your last, raw, nerve. If you're like your devoted PIG perpetrators, you approach this pain in the butt with a mixture of grim resolve, laced with a generous dose of dread. It's time for you to dump that evil frame of mind like a bad habit and let me show you how to have some fun with your gift buying for a change. For the purposes of this rant, you might as well call me Hambo Claus.

Christmas shopping is an exercise in psychological warfare, which, if you perform this annual ritual properly, can afford you countless hours of fun on Christmas morning. It might help if you think of it as playfully PIGish form of payback. It's a small way to get a badly needed outlet for all the stress you endured at the local mall, where you were forced to rub elbows - and assorted other body parts - with every form of mutant, retard, moonbat and wingnut in the known universe. Hambo Claus-style gift giving can make you shake off that damn Christmas elevator music and put some "Ho, ho, ho" back in your Ho, Ho Holiday.

I know what you're thinking and that's no way to speak about Hambo Claus when there's a reasonable chance that he can hear what you're saying. Actually, in this instance, Hambo Claus gift giving has its bright side. Imagine the thrill your knee-jerk liberal brother, uncle, friend or neighbor will feel when he opens his gift and sees a PIG sweatshirt bearing the phrase "Insensitive Liberal Bashing? You Bet, and Plenty of It" He'll want to kick your butt, but under the venerable Christmas rules of engagement, he's required to smile, act delighted and thank you, because the whole family is watching. Your response is much more sincere: that annoying smirk you've been practicing for this glorious occasion.

Do you have a friend, acquaintance or family member who is driving you crazy with their foaming at the mouth Elephant Clan carping? Do you wish that once, just once, he, she, heshe or it would talk about something, anything, else? Why not make a modest donation to Demoncrat Party in the annoying pest's name? Better yet, make a donation to Bubba Clinton's boondoggle, uh, Presidential Library. That will put them on the mailing list for every liberal group from sea to shining sea. It's the gift that keeps on giving and you'll have a front row seat to all the fun when the lucky recipient blows a gasket.

Is someone on your gift recipient list a diehard, card-carrying union loving dweeb whose tirades against those evil bastards at Wal-Mart get on your last raw nerve? Why not test their mettle with a gift card from Wal-Mart? Be damn sure to keep your camera handy, because the look on their face will make great wallpaper for your PC.

Do you have a friend, acquaintance or relative that is being a pain-in-the-butt about their non-negotiable eating regime? Is Aunt Blabby running off at the mouth about her "blankety-blank" vegan diet? Are you itching to hit him, her, himher or it where they live? Why not buy them a gift card for the FSOP's favorite burger joint, Dr. Jon's Heart Attack Grill?. I strongly suggest that you give them a gift card for the king of all burgers, the 8,000 calorie behemoth, the Quadruple Bypass Burger. Take a brief moment to imagine how much fun you'll have describing that gargantuan gastronomic gem in lavish detail. That's Hambo Claus gift giving at its best.

Do you have a brother, uncle, aunt, cousin or friend who never saw a gun they didn't want to ban? I have the perfect gift for you. Sign them up for a National Rifle Association membership. It's a gift that keeps on giving, because it will put them on all those 'save the Second Amendment', gun lover, mailing lists. He, she, heshe, or it, will be getting that stuff in their mailbox, month in, month out, for YEARS.

Is one of your gift recipients a Stoned-On-Old-Ka-Boom, salvation monkey who can't resist trying to share the "joyous news' despite the fact that you've found your own path to a Celestial reward in the hereafter? Do they get on your last raw nerve with their relentless religious fervor? I feel your pain and have a suggestion. You need to give them a free pass to Hell. It's not THAT Hell, Sparky, I'm suggesting that you buy them a gift certificate from those paragons of Kiwi incorrectness, the devilishly clever dudes who run Hell Pizza. In addition to the joy you'll get from the recipient's shocked expression, you'll get that extra special bonus of knowing that they'll never get to use it since the nearest Hell Pizza outlet is in J.O.E.

If you're not snarky enough for those classically Hambo notions, why not go for some plain vanilla mind bending with some deliberately hideous gifts that can't be returned? Or, why not use your imagination and give them an utterly useless set of items that mirror certain memorable (ones you remember and they might want to forget) episodes in the recipient's life. Hambo calls this a "This is Your Life" gift pack. The idea is quite simple and very inexpensive, since none of the items need to cost more than $2 or $3. The best part of this is the hours of big time fun you'll have finding the right item for each memorable moment. Once you have all those memorable episodes represented, you pack up the whole mess then wait for Christmas Day when you get to explain each item's significance in front of the whole family.

The bottom line on my PIGish gift suggestions is this: gift giving can be perversely fun, for you, if you approach it with imagination and a sense of humor. I feel compelled to warn those who want to follow Hambo Claus into the dark side of gift giving that it requires some acting ability and a poker-faced "sincerity". Some of you might think that my suggestions reek of "revenge", but I categorically refute that allegation. I prefer to think of Christmas gift giving as a once a year opportunity to bestow some enlightenment on certain richly deserving family members, friends, acquaintances and co-workers. On your mark, get set, go forth and spread some PIGish "joy".

Parting shot: I know what you're wondering, and the answer is a provisional 'yup'. Yes, Sparky, the FSOP had its own close encounter with prankish gifts.

It happened, when some never identified PIG staffer - Agent Oink was suspiciously furtive and smirky - left a gift-wrapped Hooters hottie under the PIG bunker's Christmas tree. We were THRILLED, until Spike removed the gag and Hooters hottie gave us an earful of differently-joyful verbal abuse.

We don't get in a lather over anyone's method of enjoying this festive season, so why, we ask, are so many people trying to rain on our parade? Our enchanting Hooters wench's lawyer bitch really hurt our feelings at the arraignment when she kept using the term "hogtied". We're still getting her nasty grams - f-ing restraining order spawning shyster bitch. We're thisclose to having our legal eagle, Sleezy Sid, sue that lawyer bitch.

I will smack the shyster bitch if she sneers "hogtied" one more time.

Presumed Guilty

[This rant is at least a decade old, but the points it makes are still valid. A 10 year old rant is very appropriate, since the sexual harassment smear campaign centers on alleged incidents that are a few years older than his rant.]

Sexual Harassment is "unwanted sexual attention that makes a person feel uncomfortable. It may result from a conscious or unconscious action and can be subtle or blatant." From the Princeton University guide defining sexual harassment.

"What constitutes sexual harassment or an intimidating, hostile, offensive environment is to be defined by the person harassed in his/her own feeling of being threatened or compromised." A sign posted in the Princeton University Terrace Club.

Sexual Harassment is "any sexual related activity that is unwelcome, offensive or which fails to repect the rights of others." It includes: "unsolicited suggestive looks or leers or pressures for dates." United Methodist Church definition of sexual harassment.

"Sexual harassment is notoriously ill-defined and almost infinitely expandable, including everything from rape to unwelcome neck massaging, discomfiture upon witnessing sexual overtures directed at others, yelling at and blowing smoke in the ears of female subordinates, and displays of pornographic pictures in the workplace." Ellen Frankel Paul, Society Magazine.

Originally, correctly, sexual harassment involved forcing an employee to perform sexual favors as a condition of employment or professional advancement. (i.e. 'Bed me or you're fired.') Then, thanks to our favorite feminist bitch, Catherine MacKinnon, the sexual harassment definition - in the government's eyes - was expanded to include a wonderfully vague, deliberately undefined, pseudo concept called 'hostile working environment'.

Since the onset of 'hostile working environment', sexual harassment has expanded alarmingly, until it now includes virtually anything a man does, no matter how innocent or unintentional, that a woman doesn't like. A recent survey of female physicians in Ontario, Canada showed 75% claimed they had been sexually harassed by their male patients. One-half cited 'suggestive looks' and 'sexual remarks'. One-fourth cited 'suggestive gestures', 'offers of dates', or 'inappropriate gifts'. Only four percent cited 'grossly inappropriate touching' such as fondling a breast.

Classic sexual harassment involves a man in a position of power, imposing himself on a subordinate female. However, in a doctor-patient relationship, the doctor holds all the power. But, according to our feminist revisionists, the inherent male power puts a female doctor in a subordinate position. What a load of crap! When was the last time you felt 'in control' at a doctor's office, or a hospital? Okay! Okay! You're right, Canada is a weird place that has gone full on MacKinnon bonkers, so you must expect this garbage up there.

Now, children, settle back while Uncle Ralston tells you a true story, and entirely American story. Once upon a time, an IRS agent (male) asked a co-worker (female) out for a drink after work. The co-worker suggested having lunch together 'next week'. Subsequently, the woman changed her mind about lunch and so informed the man. After some interval, the man tried again, via a couple notes, notes which both parties agree were 'very polite'. After two more rebuffs, the man informed the woman, politely, in the last note that he was giving up. The woman sued her co-worker (he wasn't her boss, just a co-worker) for sexual harassment on the grounds of 'creating a hostile working environment' and she actually won the case!

Faced with this entirely subjective 'hostile working environment' standard, a man must constantly adjust his every word and gesture to the shifting, unpredictable emotional state of each woman he encounters. Since each woman's feelings are the only measure of a hostile working environment, a man's behavior and/or speech is only as free as the most sensitive woman present will allow (no matter how exaggerated, irrational, or bizarre her sensitivity). It goes without saying that no 'liberated' woman would allow her own behavior or speech to be similarly restricted. Try that and she'll have every feminist shyster bitch on the planet after you.

So far, we've been concentrating on alleged sins of commission...male actions perceived by the 'victim' as sexual harassment. Sins of commission can be summed up as 'being noticed/asked out by the wrong man'. Given the geometric expansion of what constitutes a 'hostile working environment' and taking into account the fact that said hostile working environment is entirely subjective, determined by the emotional state of the victim, the next escalation of this 'crime' will embrace what the god squaders call sins of omission, actions not taken by a man. When sexual harassment evolves to include sins of omission it will encompass an entirely new type of crime.

Let's imagine Valerie Victim has the 'warmies' for Stanley Stud. Let's further imagine that Stanley could care less, that Stanley wouldn't give Valerie the time of day if he owned a watch factory. Although Stanley never looks at, speaks to, or otherwise has a thing to do with Valerie, he has, in her sick little mind, subjected her to a 'hostile working environment'. Trust me, there's nothing more hostile to a woman than a man she desires who pointedly ignores her. Using the 'hostile working environment' standard, as perceived by a now emotionally stressed Valerie Victim, Stanley has sexually harassed her. You're dead meat, Stanley!

No doubt, you're wondering if there's any way to escape the feminist Sword of Damocles poised precariously over our necks - not to mention other, highly sensitive, areas of male anatomy. Remember, that woman at the next desk could be a Lorena Bobbitt wannabe. For all you know, she could be sizing you up for an involuntary sex change, right this second! That jury in Virginia did more than kick Lorena loose, they made your manhood the newest endangered species. Thanks to them, any feminist with a grudge can slice off the family jewels, your family jewels, and get away with it!

What, if anything, can a dude do to protect himself? Not much, because, when it comes to this sexual harassment bull crap, he's presumed guilty, unless he can prove, conclusively, that it never happened. Unfortunately - Herman Cain is finding this out the hard way - no matter how vigorously you defend yourself, just the charge has the potential of derailing a man's career.

Snarky Snippets

Item: Justin Bieber is the bull's-eye in a paternity suit.

Seriously?

This swishy little weiner?

Nah.

Item: Kim Kardashian's marriage was a sham.

A sham? So what else is new?

It was perpetrated to give Kim and Kompany a big pay day? How, exactly, is this breaking news?

The Kardashians are a greedy, grasping family whose ONLY measurable talent is media whoring. When it comes to that, they're at least as successful as Gloria Allred.

The lie of the year comes from Mama Kardashian - Kris Jenner - who did a marvelous acting job when she claimed that Kim and Kompany didn't make a dime out of her wedding.

Item: Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson is urped.

Jessica Simpleton is urped? I think that elevates the Human Gene Pool Threat Level to HOLY CRAP!

Item: Herman Cain is the bull's-eye in sex scandal.

Apparently, somebody is taking Herman Cain's Oval Office candidacy VERY seriously, if they're willing to dredge up a couple sexual harassment claims from the 1990s.

I'm thinking it's coming from the Elephant Clan, but I can't prove it.

Whatever the case, it's going to be unavoidable, because an Elephant Clan scandal, no matter how minor, will set off a media feeding frenzy.

Big Sister Is Watching?

Too clever by half, the Obama Regime is funding a new breed of street lights which do much more than shed light on the subject. Jihad Janet's Homeland Stupidity is cramming these Big Brother Lighting Systems with such things as: speaker systems, motion sensors plus video surveillance gear. Equipped with a mini computer and a wi-fi link allowing the Big Brother Lighting System to report back to Big Sis - Jihad Janey Napolitano - at the Department of Homeland Surveillance, Harassment & Suppression.

In terms of Homeland Security applications, each of the light poles contains a speaker system that can be used to broadcast emergency alerts, as well as a display that transmits "security levels" (presumably a similar system to the DHS' much maligned color-coded terror alert designation), in addition to showing instructions by way of its LED video screen.

The lights also include proximity sensors that can record both pedestrian and road traffic. The video display and speaker system will also be used to transmit Minority Report-style advertising, as well as Amber Alerts and other "civic announcements". (Infowars.com)

If you live in Farmington Hills (Michigan) you'll be thrilled to learn that Uncle Sam paid a firm named Illuminating Concepts to install their first Big Brother Lighting System - they call theirs 'Intellistreets' - in your fair city. As fun as this sounds, it gets better, because it's merely the tip of the Big Brother is Watching iceberg.

Infowars.com documented more deeply troubling details about Uncle Sam's scheme to turn the 'shining city on the hill' into that icon of tyranny, a police state:

The ability of the government to use street lights to transmit "emergency alerts" also dovetails with the ongoing efforts to hijack radio and television broadcasts for the same purpose, via FEMA's Emergency Alert System.

The federal government is keen to implement a centralized system of control over all communications, with the recent announcement that all new cell phones will be required to comply with the PLAN program (Personal Localized Alerting Network), which will broadcast emergency alert messages directly to Americans' cell phones using a special chip embedded in the receiver. The system will be operational by the end of the year in New York and Washington, with the rest of the country set to follow in 2012.

The notion of using the street lights as communication tools to broadcast "alerts" directly from the federal government is also consistent with Homeland Security's program to install Orwellian 'telescreens' that play messages by Janet Napolitano and other DHS officials in Wal-Mart stores across the country. (Infowars.com)

If this headlong dash from Uncle Sam to 'Big Brother' America doesn't trouble you, you're not paying attention.

 

Random Synaptic Activity

Item: Banning Halloween Costumes

If you read this week's Golden Oinks Awards, you'll find an prime example of Korrectnik whining over Halloween costumes. With that in mind, I offer a few more costumes that will give the Korrectniks a rash.

Given the long, infuriating history of frontal assaults against our favorite holiday, we're now forced to ask, "what's next". As usual, we have a few ideas on the subject. Sooner or later, a hypersensitive horde of bed-wetting buttheads will have some new grievances and issues with Halloween, then demand a ban on the following Halloween costumes:

Costume: Ghosts. All you need is a white sheet and some scissors, and Moonbeam or Thunderboy is good to go.

Offended Group(s): Ethnocrats don't take kindly to white sheet wearing youths knocking on their doors after dark. A ghost is also a "Spook.", a term Ethnocrats call a racial slur. R.I.P. Casper.

Costume: Skeleton

Offended Group(s): Anorexics…

Costume: Military Commando/G.I. Joe

Offended Group(s): Peace Pukes, Cal Berkeley's Staff and Student Body, Cindy Sheehan.

Costume: Incandescent Light Bulb

Offended Group(s): Al Gore, Eco-Terrorists, Polar Bears, & Chicken Littles

Costume: Tea Party Protesters/Patriots

Offended Group(s): Class Warriors, Commies, & Obamunists

Costume: The Joker

Offended Group(s): Obama Zombies, Bicycle Playing Card Company, Race Card Waving Retards

Costume: Russian Czar

Offended Group(s): Obama Appointed "Psuedo-Czars"

Costume: Big Block, 454, V-8, Fossil Fuel Burning Internal Combustion Engine

Offended Group(s): Prius Owners, Green Meanies, Ed Begley, Jr., Bill Maher, Polar Bears (again)…

Costume: Leather Jacket Wearing, Hamburger Eating 1950's Era Fonzie Type

Offended Group(s): PETA, Vegans…

Costume: Zombies

Offended Group(s): Obama Disciples, Real Zombies…

Item: Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse

When the time came, I went with Christina Aguilera. Unlike Snooki, who has peaked, Christina has ample potential on the up side. I have the utmost confidence that Christina will evolve into a full tilt bimbo of the apocalypse, so, I'm going to give her a chance to strut her stuff.

It's now official. These are Hambo's Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse: Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera.

Recommended Reading

I just heard about a new book that I'm anxious to read. It's called 'The Secret Life of Barack Hussein Obama' and, from what I've heard, and read, about it, it's an utterly PIG-Worthy read.

Amazon.com's description includes this prose:

In The Secret Life of Barack Hussein Obama, uncompromising journalist and political commentator Mondo Frazier raises unsettling questions about the man elected to the highest position in this country. Frazier takes what he calls The Obama Narrative™, the crowd-pleasing myths perpetrated by Team Obama and the CMM [Corporate Mainstream Media] to market and sell their Messianic savior, and fearlessly rips it to shreds. He explores the many mysteries of Obama's past, including his ever-shifting religious affiliations and political leanings, the facts of his mother's background, and Obama's suspiciously "missing" laundry list of records and licenses—including college, marriage, medical, and many, many more. He lays out the facts regarding Obama's shady associations with such negligible headliners as the controversial Reverend Jeremiah Wright, ACORN, and former domestic terrorist Bill Ayers—and Obama's actual relationships with those who stumbled into his creepy inner circle. He sheds light on Obama's personal "Hate List," and the man's dark deceptions, broken promises, and the hypocrisies of his current administration.

Frazier also reveals four years of Obama's outrageous, egregious, sometimes hilarious, and always very telling public gaffes that the CMM conveniently and deliberately chose to ignore.

Mondo Frazier described his book to me, this way:

If you're skeptical of Obama, I'm fairly sure you'll find it a fun, interesting read.

It's a "bathroom book"--that is, all 21 chapters (although arranged in a sequence) are fairly independent of the others and can stand on their own.

I always say: "Write the truth. That's always a good way to do it."

Mondo Frazier's resume is impressive:

Mondo Frazier is a graduate of West Liberty State University. Mondo Frazier is founder/editor/writer at Death By a Thousand Papercuts and has published over 2,000 articles online in the last 29 months. Frazier also writes at Andrew Breitbart's BigJournalism, Bloggers News Network and RadarOnline. (Amazon.com)

Parting shot: I should have my copy shortly and will give you my assessment, after I read it. Despite that, I strongly urge you to get a copy - a Kindle version is available - so you can evaluate its merits personally.

Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse:

The original quartet, the one cited several times in PIG included Paris 'Skank' Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Tila Tequila. In all honesty, I was never satisfied with my selection for slot number 4: Tila Tequila. I'm in the final stages of replacing her with someone more qualified.

Tila's primary deficiency is lacking the tabloid credentials of the other three. She did have one or more of the other qualifying criteria. Qualifiying criteria? Exactly, and, in addition to 'because Hambo said so', the Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse criteria includes:

* Famous for being famous.

* No discernable talent.

OR

A legitimate claim to fame that has been squandered

* A sex scandal and/or a sex tape.

* A history of legal problems.

* Substance abuse.

* A meaningful level of notoriety.

A contender doesn't need to have all of them, but she needs to have the essential ones, which brings us to Tila's primary shortcoming. Her fatal flaw is the last item 'a meaningful level of notoriety'. She doesn't have it, and she's not likely to get it.

If Tila is on the way out, who will replace her? Who indeed. I'm still working on a new 'bimbo' for slot four and so far, I have two prime contenders: Snooki, Christina Aguilera.

Snooki's qualifications are impressive:

*Famous for being famous? You bet.

*No discernable talent? Hell yes.

* A history of legal problems? Yup.

* Substance abuse? Yup.

* A meaningful level of notoriety? Yup.

Christina Aquilera is making amazing strides toward a promotion to Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse:

Her relentless boozing has put her career in the crapper and transformed a head turning hottie into a bloated horror.

Her drinking has landed her in legal hot water and it's just a matter of time before she kicks it up a notch.

She doesn't have a sex tape, but the tabloids and gossip sites are replete with stories of her hijinks with women she encounters in clubs.

When she dumped the troll she'd married and replaced him with a minion from the her film 'Burlesque', she set the tabloids ablaze.

I'm going to mull my two choices and post my final answer on Friday, so stay tuned.

PIGifying The Calendar

[While researching prior Hambo rants, before going off on my Top Story tangent, I stumbled over this pagan scribbler prose which approaches calendar-related issues from another, equally PIGish, perspective. Here's a lengthy sample.]

Just for fun, we're going to take a look at some of these recurring speed bumps on our calendar that give us a pain:

We have a day dedicated to a winged runt who terrorizes unsuspecting individuals with his bow and arrows. We think Cupid needs to be ordered to take a long overdue timeout. The only 'up side' to this February blight is the fact that some womyn kick Cupid to the curb and devote the day to venerating their nads. I have nothing against these V-Day (Vagina Day) Harpies, aside from the fact that those most likely to celebrate their nads are the ones least likely to share that joy with you, horny as a ten-peckered owl, Sparky.

We have a day dedicated to a directionally challenged Italian - Christopher Columbus - a day that allows the Italians - and Italian wanna bes - to be as annoying as the Irish, and Irish wanna bes, are on St. Patrick's Day. If there's a legitimate source of Italian pride, it's not a man who didn't know where he was going, didn't know where he landed, and never accepted the fact that he'd visited 'the New World' instead of the Far East. If Italians want to celebrate someone who gives us the warmies for Italians, it should be someone like Sophia Loren or Giada De Laurentiis.

America lumps together the good, the bad and the ugly with a generic, one-size-fits-all "Presidents Day" that opines 'all Oval Office denizens are created equal'. What a steaming load. Jimmy the Meek, a man who was terrified by a swimming rodent, is one POTUS I'd like to forget. America needs to get real, by honoring the best presidents on their birthday and dumping the losers like a bad habit.

In Colonized parts of America, a faux Mexican holiday - Cinco de Mayo - stains the May calendar. It's a day venerated by swilling insect-packing adult beverages and doing your best to get Montezuma's revenge by downing impressive quantities of suitably ethnic eats. Why do we celebrate it? I haven't got a clue and neither do the folks who live in Mexico where there's no such thing as a Cinco de Mayo holiday.

One of the most politically correct days on the calendar is "Administrative Professionals Day". Back in the day, before "secretary" was deemed 'demeaning' by the NO-NADs, it was Secretaries Day, which occurred sometime during - TA DA - Secretaries Week. Everything was spiffy, until womyn got their panties in a wad over it and rammed through this change which did not thrill the socks off those office professionals who took great pride in being a 'secretary'.

Even Mother Earth has her own day, Earth Day, but we hear rumblings that it will be completely transformed to venerate Earth's foremost - self proclaimed - champion, Messiah Al Gore. Instead of honoring Mother Earth on April 22nd, Messiah Al's disciples want to change it to March 31st, the day when Messiah Al first stained humanity's skivvies. Move over, Easter.

In these diversity bonkers times, some elements of the Caterwauling Coalition have kicked it up a notch by devoting an entire month to themselves. In addition to the familiar ones - Black History Month, Women's History Month, and Gay Pride Month - other groups have staked a claim on entire months of the calendar. In addition to Hispanic Pride Month (there's also a Latino Pride Month), there's a new kid on the block, one devoted to Islamikazes: Islamic Pride Month. Islamic pride? Bite me.

We have days devoted to severely lost Italians, a winged runt, an Irish saint who was - gasp - a Brit, a rainbow coalition of the properly-hyphenated and a bogus Mexican holiday, so there is, obviously, work to be done, to make things right. As usual, we have some notions about resolving this deplorable situation.

Channeling our elusive sensitive side, your devoted PIG staff wonders why so many of these blights on our calendar are 'exclusive' rather than 'inclusive'. We think there's room for improvement. Let's take, for example, everyone's favorite, directionally-challenged Italian, Christopher Columbus. If we can dedicate a day to him, why not give that intrepid Polish explorer, Boris The Navigator, equal time?

Boris set forth from Poland looking for a suitable shortcut to Paris, but, due to the fact he was got his east mixed up with his west, Boris ended up in Siberia. Determined to put an end to those vicious jibes about Boris "Wrong Way" Kowalski, Boris set sail for his native Poland and blundered into Alaska, adding a new name to his collection "Klondike Kowalski". We like Boris's 'never say die' spirit and think he deserves his own day on our calendar. At least Boris, unlike Columbus, had the good sense to know where he was when he got there.

We have a Mothers Day, a Fathers Day (AKA ugly tie day) and a Grandparents Day. Thanks to out of control Elected Tormentors, we have 365 days that are "for the children". What we don't have...what we need, in the worst way, is a Rational Adults Day, to honor those besieged individuals who make what's left of America work.

We think it's time to salute those humanitarians who, on a daily basis, give oppressors the will to carry on, when faced with unrelenting caterwauling from the properly-hyphenated. PIG wants to spearhead the campaign to make National Sweater Puppy Day a permanent fixture on our calendar. If the womyn can have a day dedicated to their nads, horndogs demand equal time via a National Sweater Puppy Day, with Pam Anderson has our poster wench.

Speaking of oppressors, isn't it time to dedicate a day to those DWM (dead white males) who inspire, entertain and inform us? Why don't we celebrate a William Shakespeare Day? Why isn't a man who gave us the facts on the true nature of the universe honored with a Nicolaus Copernicus Day? Why don't we honor one of the greatest minds in human history with an Albert Einstein Day? Why don't we devote a day to a great American writer with a Mark Twain Day? Why? Why? Why?

If dead white males aren't your style, what about some alive and still kicking white males? PIG thinks we need to expand our cultural festivities by honoring our favorite rock band with an AC/DC Appreciation Day. Speaking of inspirational rockers, we REALLY think there needs to be a Motor City Madman Day honoring our top Oval Office choice, Ted "Cat Scratch Fever" Nugent.

PIG also thinks it's time to get real. From start to finish, our year is littered with days dedicated to supernaturalism. We have no problem with Easter, Yom Kippur, Kwanza, Christmas and assorted other religious observances. We do, however, believe that there's a pressing need for 'the rest of the story'. An Objective Reality Day would do the job nicely, since it counterbalances supernaturalist holidays and Messiah Al's 'Earth Day' in one fell swoop.

Last, but far from least, PIG dares to suggest that we set aside at least one day - a whole month would be better - dedicated to political incorrectness. On this day - we think PIG Heritage Day has a nice ring to it - all those annoying P.C. niceties get kicked to the curb and everyone is 'empowered' to be as real as they want, need or dare to be.

In other words, on that day - March 1st, our birthday, would be ideal - everyone, from sea to shining sea, would be an honorary PIG staffer. PIG snouts and curly tails are optional, but the PIG Heritage Day kegger and melee would be MANDATORY. Are we that full of ourselves and 'it'? You better believe it, Sparky.

By now, depending on your pedigree, you're simmering nicely. If that's the case, this gloating smirk - GRIN - is for you.

Junk Science Gibberish

The lab coated hooligans keep testing our gullibility. Here, for your edification are two of the latest junk science whoppers they pulled out of their butts.

* Thirdhand Smoke: This is the new 'threat' hyped by the Smoke Nazis. 'Thirdhand Smoke' refers to minute smoke particles which land on carpets, clothes, etc. These minute particles are, these lab coated hooligans insist, especially hazardous to the health of THE CHILDREN.

* Secondhand Television: A USA Today news story defined this steaming load this way:

A growing number of researchers are warning about the dangers of watching TV when very young children are nearby. Recent findings suggest that even casual exposure to TV can harm their development and undermine parent-child interactions.

The most recent warning came last week when the American Academy of Pediatrics for the first time included warnings about "secondhand television" in its guidelines for kids under age 2.

In addition to discouraging screen time for young kids, it warned against watching TV with them nearby, saying the practice hurts their language development. It pointed to several studies, including one from 2008 that found background TV reduced the length of time they played and caused their focus on play to stray.

Secondhand TELEVISION? Seriously? What's next? Secondhand Transfats? Will they say, just seeing food with transfats in it will make Little Johnny and Moonbeam lard up?

[While we're on the subject of THE CHILDREN, here's one of my better rants for you to peruse.]

Suffer The Children

I've been too hard on the Nanny State, so I am obligated to make things right. I have, for example, deliberately ignored all thing things it does 'for the children'. For example, did you ever take a moment to think about all special 'rights' that the 'generous' to a fault Nanny State bestows on tykes? I didn't think so, but I'm going to enlighten you:

In many government cess-schools, a 'child' has a right not to fail. No matter how pathetic their scholastic performance, they matriculate to the next grade because leaving them behind would give them a major boo-boo on their self-esteem. The Nanny State gives them the right to skip an essential life lesson: 'Failure' teaches you that nothing comes easy and success takes hard work.

A child has the right to ingest putrid slop in the school lunchroom, because he's being saved from sugar, transfats, and anything else the would delight his taste buds. They have the right to learn that eating is a job, a chore like taking out the garbage and cleaning your room. You're not supposed to enjoy it. You're only supposed to do it.

A child has the right to stand around on the school playground because he's being saved from dastardly politically incorrect things like tag, dodgeball, running, chasing, and anything else that might be fun. They have the right to be liberated from all those playground lessons that help build a pernicious blight called 'character'.

A child has the right not to be assaulted by 'damaging' hugs from his friends and classmates during school hours. Why, if that was allowed it might lead to - GASP - friendship.

In Korrectnik-infested enclaves, the 'child' has the right not to lose when playing in an organized kids sports league. Losing would damage their self-esteem, so they have the right to run around and go through the motions of playing a 'game', but the outcome is never in doubt because nobody is allowed to keep score. Here, again, the child has the right to be saved from those horrendous 'character building' episodes.

A child has the right not to see anything on the tube that might 'shock' him, her, himher or it. He has the right to watch boob tube fare that won't assault him with all those bad words that dad says when he's channeling his inner Tim the Toolman. He has the right to watch boob tube fare won't 'enlighten' him with wardrobe malfunction peep shows, like the ones put on by Mrs. Miller who really should learn to close the damn drapes when she's changing clothes.

If all goes according to the Nanny State's plan, a child has the right to enter adulthood utterly unprepared for one of objective reality's sucker punches. A child has the right to enter adulthood utterly unprepared for success through their own hard work, because they never endured failure, and losing, as part of growing up. A child has the right to enter adulthood as an emotional zombie because they were never allowed to have fun. A child, in short, has the right to enter adulthood equipped to become one thing, and one thing only, a parasite. The child has the right become a parasite who will let the Nanny State make all their decisions, big and small, because they are incapable of conducting their own life.

Suffer the children? You better damn believe it, let's nuke the damn Nanny State Sparky.

 

 

Halloween Party

[Yes, this is one of those 'what costume should they wear' rants. Yes, this idea has been done to death. I get all that, but don't really give a rat's ass. I think you'll agree that, this one has a worthwhile 'moment', or two.]

If, on behalf of America, the Free State of PIG threw a Halloween Party, here are some of the horrors who might show up. You see them at a safe distance, on the boob tube or the Internet. You hear them on the radio. You see them leave a stinking stain in your fishwrap. Now, imagine your 'thrill', when they show up at our Halloween Party, trying to prove that you really can fool some of the people all of the time.

We predict that, like it or not, the following Halloween costumes will etch themselves in your memory:

Dressed in a baseball uniform, Harold Camping would portray the title character of Ernest Lawrence Thayer's poem: 'Casey at the Bat'. It's a compelling choice, since, like the Mighty Casey, Harold Camping is best known for 'striking out' as a doomsday prophet.

Mitt Romney wouldn't fool anyone, when he arrived dressed as a flipflop. It might be a joke to him, but I'm not laughing.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz should arrive, dressed up as a giant Kotex. I don't know why she made that call, but it's very appropriate, since she's always on the rag.

Dressed as a court jester, Joe Biden would keep hopping around on one foot, because the other foot would be lodged in his mouth. This would save us the trouble of slapping a muzzle on this yammering idiot.

Sarah Palin would arrive dressed as Joan of Arc, a costume which we deem very appropriate, since the press punks and disgruntled Palinistas like Tammy Bruce, who would be dressed as Catholic clerics, keep trying to burn Sarah at the stake.

Angelina Jolie would wow us, when she arrived dressed as the Pied Piper. Things would get touchy, later, after she got too close to her role and tried to make off with the pick of the tyke litter.

Messiah Barry Obama would demonstrate his usual lack of imagination, by showing up dressed in his Jesus robes. We'd need to keep fishing Barry out of the swimming pool, when he tried, repeatedly, to prove that he really can walk on water. No matter how hard we would try, we probably couldn't make him understand the difference between flip-flops and water wings.

Congressman Barney Frank's costume wouldn't really be a costume at all, since it's the outfit he wears on weekends, when he's wandering on the docks trolling for sailors: a pair of chaps. Trust me, the sight of Barney's flabby butt flapping the breeze will haunt you for YEARS.

Crammed into a pair of terrifyingly tight pants, Kim Kardashian would appear, at first glance, to be dressed as a piece of fruit. It would take us a while to realize that we are looking at her Jupiter size butt, not a costume shaped like an over-ripe, over-size, peach.

The attendees would have one very anxious moment, when a Sasquatch crashed the party. About the time I finally unlimbered Old Betsy, I would realized that it wasn't a free-ranging yeti, after all. It would be, in fact, Lamar Odom's beastly bride, Sasquatch Kardashian.

The festivities would hit another, fun killing, speed bump, when some guests arrived at the PIG Bunker dressed as cops. They would be very convincing, especially, when they nailed us for making too much noise. We, belatedly, would realize, that, once again, our humor challenged neighbors had called the cops to complain about our high volume PIGish fun.

Life is just one damn thing after another.

How America's Parasite-coddling Culture Poisoned The Wellspring of Our Liberty

A great president called it a 'shining city on a hill'. Other Americans called it a 'noble experiment'. Whatever you call it, it never quite managed to live up to its billing. It never seemed to realize its full potential. I speak, as if you haven't guessed, of America, a bold new concept in limited government that no longer shines and is a far cry from 'noble'.

Did the Founding Fathers set the bar too high for us? Was this nation conceived in liberty doomed to failure from the start by human nature? Or, were we Americans, we the people, not up to the challenge of keeping our own government confined to its limited, explicitly delineated, properly Constitutional, functions, duties and powers? The bar was not 'too high', but human nature was always a problem, right from the start. Like it or not, we the people did this to ourselves.

I hear what you're shouting, PIGsters and you're almost right. Yes, even in our current, sorry, condition, we're still head and shoulders above any other nation. Given the state of the world, that's not saying much. Like it or not, 'sucks less' isn't valid when comparing nations, either. The only legitimate comparison is between America 'THEN' and America 'NOW'.

Then: Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
America was a land whose ground rules gave each denizen the opportunity to succeed. Success was not guaranteed, but there were few artificial barriers in an individual's path. The way was clear for each individual to go has far, as high, as their energy, intellect and desire would take them. All an individual asked of the government was to set the stage for maximized liberty, then get the hell out of your way.

Now: Entitlement, envy, and dependency.
Why kill yourself getting ahead, when you can get an Elected Tormentor to rip off some poor, hardworking fool? Why work at all, when the Nanny State is ready, willing and eager to hand you everything you 'need', and more, on a silver, transfer of wealth, platter? We have become a nation of parasites, who have been indoctrinated into believing the answer to all our problems is another Nanny State program.

Then: Rugged individualism.
Being an American meant being accountable for your own actions. It meant that you were willing to accept blame for your failures. It also meant not being afraid to take credit for your successes. Being an American meant setting your own goals, taking stock of yourself, and taking the necessary steps to achieve them. In short, being an American meant accepting full responsibility for your own life.

Now: Group think and government-certified victimhood status.
You shed your individual identity like a bad habit and strap on a new group identity that is mired in chronic victimhood. Every speed bump in life is someone else's fault. Assuaging life's inevitable boo-boos is 'society's' responsibility. When you want something, there's no goal setting, no self assessment, no pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. Instead, there is only incessant caterwauling to the Nanny State which is tasked with giving you that college education you haven't earned, and handing you that job for which you're egregiously unqualified. 'They' owe you, and your only purpose in life is whining until they can't take it anymore, so they shut you up by giving you what you demand.

Then: The American Dream.
The American Dream meant working hard, owning your own home, and transforming that idea into a new business. It meant setting aside enough money and property to give the next generation a head start in life.

Now: The American Nightmare.
Being talented and hard-working is no longer enough, because racial bean counting trumps all that with your 'born that way' pedigree. Owning your own home is spiffy, until someone with deep pockets buys a local hack, who will steal it from you via Eminent Domain. Opening that new business has become mission impossible, thanks to mountains of intrusive, Nanny State regulations. That nest egg you amassed for the next generation will never get to them, because the Nanny State will steal every last penny of it via Death Taxes.

Then: Justice A.K.A., the level playing field.
Justice meant that all comers were evaluated by a single, one-size-fits-all, objective standard. Wether it was a courtroom, a classroom, or the personnel department of some firm, you were measured, weighed and evaluated on your merits, based on that objective standard.

Now: Fairness A.K.A., an equality of results.
The single objective standard has been abolished (too discriminatory) and replaced by subjectivity based on your immutable traits. Your skills are secondary to your race, gender and sexual orientation. Fairness dictates that the success of your assigned group matches, with 15 decimal point precision, the latest census data. If your group is 20% of the relevant population, then you are - qualified or not - ENTITLED to 20% of the jobs, school admissions, etc. Fairness, the equality of results it mandates, is so off the scale un-American that it can't be quantified.

Then: The melting pot.
Immigrants from around the world severed all ties with their past and made great personal sacrifices to become an American. They came with little more than their hope for a better life and their desire to forge their own piece of the American Dream. They were dreamers. They were builders. They were aspiring achievers. They contributed more to our nation than they took. They were a welcome addition to America.

Now: Invasion.
Border jumpers refuse to shed their former identity. Their primary allegiance is to another nation. They don't come here to become an American. They don't come here to forge their piece of the American dream. They come here to tear off a piece of what's left of American prosperity and take it back home with them. They are parasites who destroy everything they touch, from the deserts they cross while invading us, to the cities they infest while devouring us.

Then: Marketplace regulated capitalism.
All you need is an idea, and the energy to make it work. If financing is needed, an aspiring capitalist would pitch his idea to potential investors who would fund, or partner up, with him. You hire workers who suit your needs. You bargain with each worker on pay, and benefits. You get down to business without genuflecting to the Nanny State. You don't seek Elected Tormentor favor or frowns. All you want from them is to get out of the damn way while you give that new idea, that new business, your best shot. If you succeed everyone wins, including the government that did little more then stay out of your way.

Now: Nanny State suffocated regulation and restrictions.
The Nanny State, at every level, sets up roadblocks to keep you from starting that new business. You face zoning laws, licensing laws, building codes, relentless inspections, countless permits and edicts dictating every aspect of your business. You are told whom you can hire, whom you can fire, what you must pay and which employee benefits you must offer. You are plagued by Elected Tormentors and bureaucrats looking for a 'donation'. You do a header into artificial barriers erected to reward 'cooperative' firms and punish 'uncooperative' firms. Eventually, if you manage to succeed despite all this interference, the Nanny State will barge in and try to swallow the lion's share of what you worked so hard to build. Finally, when you're sick of it all, you'll close your American operation and set up shop overseas.

'Then' had its dark underbelly and it wasn't quite what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they created their noble experiment in government. I won't pretend that 'Then' was Eden. It had its flaws, but, despite its noteworthy shortcomings, 'Then' was sufficiently free of government to allow America, Americans, to flourish. 'Then' created a nation that the rest of the world envied. The primary problem with 'Then' and those rugged individuals who lived in those liberty-intensive times, is that we the people took our eyes off the prize. We the people let the Nanny State slip 'Now' past us, an element at a time. By the time we the people woke up and saw the danger, 'Now' was a done deal.

Is there any way to jettison 'Now' and get back to 'Then'? Perhaps, but it won't be easy. We'll leave that question for another day, another rant.

Taking His Bows

Barry's toadies are giving The One credit for the capture and summary execution of Libyan strongman, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi. At best, this point is debatable, but I'm willing to give Barry this one. Why? A couple reasons:

* Perhaps it will teach this feckless fool how to take responsibility for something, ANYTHING.

* If The One takes credit for Gaddafi's death, then he's also responsible for the forthcoming 7th century tyranny which is destined to follow.

It's ironic - in the extreme - that The One is so ready, willing, and able to take credit for something he didn't do - kill Gaddafi - when he's notoriously unwilling to take the blame for those things he DID do. If he needs a slogan for his 2012 Oval Office campaign, "I didn't do it" would be ideal.

Lilo Up To Her Old Tricks

Lindsay Lohan is poised for another trip to, and through, the revolving door of justice. Like Barry, Lilo has a pathological aversion to taking responsibility for her own actions. For some reason, the relevant court system lets her get away with it.

Yes, the judge is talking tough, but, somehow, someway, Lilo will come through it essentially unscathed. Lilo thinks the rules of engagement don't apply to her and she's right, because the legal system refuses to punish her, the way it would anyone else.

Another Campenning

(A) CAMPENNING, Hamboism
A 'religious' observance popular with secularists, it starts each time the math-challenged prophet, Harold Camping, predicts the end of the world and ends with Harold's 'nothing to see here' the day after the predicted doomsday passes without any celestial pyrotechnics.

By the time you read this, Harold Camping's doomsday will all be over but the shouting. If the day passes uneventfully - it's already doomsday in the Far East - I wonder how Harold will spin this one. He already played his 'invisible' judgement day, so he's going to need a new excuse.

Question: Is Harold resorting to the old than dirt, 'shit on the wall' tactic? Will he keep throwing 'this is doomsday' shit against the wall hoping that, eventually, some of it will stick? It's Enquiring Minds time again.

Halloween's Eager Beavers - 2011.

For most adults, Halloween is about throwing a mild scare into the tykes who knock on your door, then getting them to forgive you with a candy bribe. Many adults channel their inner tyke and squeeze into a costume of their own. There's no harm in that, but here and there, some alleged adults got carried away with this Halloween spirit.

Certain relentlessly eager beavers jumped headlong into the Halloween spirit, way, way, WAY ahead of schedule. Here are my picks for the most memorable, Halloween Spirit run amok moments of 2011:

* Looking - and in many cases, smelling - like extras from a zombie movie, the hippie horde in the Occupy Wall Street assault on America wanders the city streets with vacant, living dead stares.

* Lamar Odom who scared the crap out of us, when he took a walk on the wildlife side, by marrying Sasquatch Kardashian, kicked the horror up several notches when the couple announced their intention to - GASP - breed.

* In 2011 every night is fright night, for TSA's gate goons who spent quality time terrorizing rugrat aged kids with an obscenely intrusive groping of the terrified tykes.

* San Fran Nan Pelosi spent the entire year scaring the snot out of tykes with her hurricane-proof, botox-induced fright mask.

* The Elephant Clan establishment got in the Halloween spirit, earlier this month, when an RNC minion scared the crap out of rational adults, by announcing that Mitt Romney is their presumptive POTUS candidate.

* The blood curdling, inhuman, howls emitted by its Moonbat hosts, makes every day of the year, a fright fest at MSNBC.

* Operating under the deliberately misleading label 'Arab Spring', the Jihadikaze rampage in the Middle East and North Africa, evoked the ghosts of Muslim hordes who swept across the same area like a plague in the 7th century

* Messiah Barry has embodied Halloween's frightening spirit, from day one, with an unrelenting tidal wave of terrifying incompetence.

* Bearing a striking resemblance to a horror movie villain, a notoriously math-challenged prophet named Harold Camping, took great delight in scaring the hell out of certain susceptible true believers with not one, but TWO doomsday predictions.

* The likelihood of a second American Civil War became frightfully real, in the second half of 2011.

* The most terrifying apparition of 2011 is the blood curdling sight of Messiah Barry's most relentless stalker, Chris 'The Tingler' Matthews, IN HEAT. Holy pass the eye bleach, Batman!

There are more, but I'll save them for another posting.

Hambo's Warts & All Halloween Primer

Holiday: Halloween

What it is:
When the leaves change colors and there's a healthy autumn nip in the air, kids of all ages escape from reality one day a year. They dress up in costumes as someone/something they're not, visit haunted houses, watch slasher movies, and come to your front door with open bags, Trick or Treating, i.e. extorting candy and/or other edible goodies from you.

Halloween is/should be a day of harmless fun in which the little monsters pretend to be real monsters, or queens, witches, angels, vampires, superheroes, clowns, hobgoblins, trolls, ghosts, and even evil politicians.

It's innocent enough or it should be. Halloween is also the time of year when the usual whining Halloweenies get dressed in Girlie Man costumes then creep out of the woodwork.

Who perpetrated it:
Halloween started out as an ancient Celtic festival, Samhain, a day which marked the end of the 'lighter half' of the year and the beginning of the 'darker half' of the year. Since it's a significant moment on the Celtic calendar, it's also known as the Celtic New Year.

Many of our Halloween traditions can be traced back to Samhain, including the wearing of costumes. Believing the barrier between the afterlife and this world was especially thin on Samhain, the Celts welcomed the spirits of dearly departed family members, but warded off harmful spirits, by wearing scary costumes. The use of skeletons on Halloween also traces back to Samhain, since families would deploy them on their window sill to make friendly spirits feel welcome. Other elements, like the term Jack-O-Lantern (originating in Ireland), and the carved pumpkin (an American contribution), were added later.

The exchanging/sharing of food dates back to several of the pagan variants of this festive Fall occasion.

The most pernicious canard about Halloween is that pagans, Satanists, and Wiccans stole it from the Cross Cult. It's a popular whopper that, deliberately, abuses historical fact. The fact that Halloween - formerly All Hallows Even - occurs on the eve of the Cross Cult's All Saints Day is, as you might suspect, no accident, but the perpetrators aren't pagans. The perpetrators are Vatican players - Pope Gregory III and Pope Gregory IV - who deliberately tried to co-op this pagan festival by moving All Saints Day from May 13 to November 1. By the mid 800s A.D., the deed was done, and the assault on Halloween was going full speed ahead.

Wiccans and other, Johnny Come Lately, asshats have, belatedly, tried to horn in and do some holiday co-opting of their own, with mixed results. They're free to do whatever thrills them spitless, but the fact remains that Halloween doesn't belong to them. They didn't invent it. They don't own it. They need to STFU.

Who gets heartburn from it:
The list is long, and continues to get longer each year.

Cross Cultists, and Other Holy Rollers: They're convinced that Halloween is Satanic, demonic, and spreads a vile form of supernaturalism by luring unsuspecting tykes to the dark side with candy and other tasty treats.

Melanin-Enriched Noose Abuse Nitwits: For the past few years, the Melanin-Enriched were the most cacophonous caterwaulers in the 'Halloween is E-VIL' chorus. The focus of their rage is the noose used to hang a dummy in front of your 'haunted' house. It's RACIST they insist and therefore qualifies as 'hate speech'.

Wiccans: Every Halloween, tree kissers interrupt their howling at the moon to complain that seeing Moonbeam packing a broom, wearing her witch's garb and sporting a hooked nose gives them a boo-boo. It's 'demeaning' and qualifies - in their fevered brains as "hate speech".

Trans-fat obsessed Fat Nazis: The Fat Nazis are nearly catatonic over the fact that one night a year, every tyke from sea to shining sea gets gorged on free candy and sweets.

Child Advocates: On the one night that really is 'for the children', these child advocate bed wetters insist that mom and dad keep the tykes home. Why? They worry that the scary - fright night - aspects of Halloween might scar Little Johnny and Moonbeam for life. It's an unacceptable, unnecessary, assault on their fragile psyches.

Prudes, Decency Dimwits, and NO-NADS: These anal retentive retards complain that the costumes worn by Moonbeam and her wenchlet pals are egregiously skimpy and make them look like brazen hussies.

Marxists: These commie scumbags blubber that Halloween is just another excuse for dastardly capitalists to pick the pockets of unsuspecting consumers.

Tykes: The only ones who SHOULD get heartburn from Halloween are Little Johnny and Moonbeam, who 'don't feel so good' after they enjoy too much of that Halloween candy.

Some inconvenient truths about it:

The most pernicious canard about Halloween is that pagans, Satanists, and Wiccans stole it from the Cross Cult. It's a popular whopper that, deliberately, abuses historical fact. The fact that Halloween - formerly All Hallows Even - occurs on the eve of the Cross Cult's All Saints Day is, as you might suspect, no accident, but the perpetrators aren't pagans. The perpetrators are Vatican players - Pope Gregory III and Pope Gregory IV - who deliberately tried to co-op this pagan festival by moving All Saints Day from May 13 to November 1. By the mid 800s A.D., the deed was done, and the assault on Halloween was going full speed ahead.

Wiccans and other, Johnny Come Lately, asshats have, belatedly, tried to horn in and do some holiday co-opting of their own, with mixed results. They're free to do whatever thrills them spitless, but the fact remains that Halloween isn't about them, either.

Eventually, Moonbeam will reach 'that' age when her costume shows more of her dimpled charm than mom and dad can handle. Tarting it up is a phase wenchlets go through, so don't sweat it. It doesn't mean she's gonna be another Skank Hilton class bimbo.

The candy won't kill them, unless it's the stuff they got from someone like this:

If there's a dark underbelly to Halloween it's all about human nature, not demonic influences. It works this way: Painfully aware that daughter Moonbeam's sudden burning need for an iPod traces back to the fact that Moonbeam's best friend Susie just got one from her indulgent mommy, Moonbeam's mom plots her revenge. When little Susie shows up dressed as the Princess in some kid flick, Moonbeam's mom reaches for that special Susie treat, a 10,000 calorie candy bar that will put Susie's cholesterol into orbit, and give her a sugar high that will make her hyperactive for the next three weeks. It's not a perfect revenge, but it's damn close. Susie will survive, unscathed; the jury is still out on her mom's fate.

Once again, don't sweat it, mom and dad. Don't forget, next year it's your turn for payback, so start planning that extra special goodie for that magic moment when that 10,000 calorie treat mom's little darling shows up, next Halloween.

Attention true believers! There isn't any 'hidden', 'Satanic', meaning lurking on the dark underbelly of Halloween. In 21st Century America, Halloween is a night when tykes dress up in a costume and visit the neighbors in search of edible goodies, period. If that's 'Satanic' then you're the one with a serious problem. I'm just sayin.

Hambo's Take:
Halloween is my favorite day of the year for a number of reasons. First and foremost it's a day when kids are allowed to unleash their imaginations, something that is increasingly, deplorably rare in these Nanny State plagued times. Halloween is about fun. It's a day when rational adults get to experience unmitigated tyke excitement, joy and laughter. It's all that and more. It would be nice if once, just once, all the whiners, hand-wringers and other killjoys would shut the hell up and let kids have some harmless 'lets pretend' fun.

He Did THAT, Too?

PIG's favorite, directionally-challenged I-talian, Christopher Columbus, can't seem to catch a break. More than 500 years after he died in 1506, he's still being blamed for things he didn't do. This week, an Egghead from Stanford University - geochemist Richard Nevle - hit Columbus with another cheap shot: climate change.

I know what you're thinking, but it's not THAT. In this case, Columbus is blamed for 'the Little Ice Age', a prolonged period of cooling (1550 AD to 1850 AD) which made life especially thrilling in Europe and North America:

The European conquest of the Americas decimated the people living there, leaving large areas of cleared land untended. Trees that filled in this territory pulled billions of tons of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere, diminishing the heat-trapping capacity of the atmosphere and cooling climate, says Richard Nevle, a geochemist at Stanford University.

"We have a massive reforestation event that's sequestering carbon . . . coincident with the European arrival," says Nevle, who described the consequences of this change October 11 at the Geological Society of America annual meeting.

Tying together many different lines of evidence, Nevle estimated how much carbon all those new trees would have consumed. He says it was enough to account for most or all of the sudden drop in atmospheric carbon dioxide recorded in Antarctic ice during the 16th and 17th centuries. This depletion of a key greenhouse gas, in turn, may have kicked off Europe's so-called Little Ice Age, centuries of cooler temperatures that followed the Middle Ages.

By the end of the 15th century, between 40 million and 80 million people are thought to have been living in the Americas. Many of them burned trees to make room for crops, leaving behind charcoal deposits that have been found in the soils of Mexico, Nicaragua and other countries. (Science News )

There are, as usual some devilish details omitted by sciencenews.org. For starters, this reforestation notion isn't a new notion. The only wrinkle Nevle added is the link to Columbus:

William Ruddiman has proposed that somewhat reduced populations of Europe, East Asia, and the Middle East during and after the Black Death caused a decrease in agricultural activity. He suggests reforestation took place, allowing more carbon dioxide uptake from the atmosphere, which may have been a factor in the cooling noted during the Little Ice Age. Ruddiman further hypothesizes that a reduced population in the Americas after European contact in the early 16th century could have had similar effect

Furthermore, there are numerous other factor which played role in creating the Little Ice Age:

* Solar Activity
During the period 1645–1715, in the middle of the Little Ice Age, there was a period of low solar activity known as the Maunder Minimum. The Spörer Minimum has also been identified with a significant cooling period between 1460 and 1550. (Wikipedia)

* Increased Volcanic Activity
Throughout the Little Ice Age, the world experienced heightened volcanic activity.[64] When a volcano erupts, its ash reaches high into the atmosphere and can spread to cover the whole Earth. This ash cloud blocks out some of the incoming solar radiation, leading to worldwide cooling that can last up to two years after an eruption. (Wikipedia)

Columbus is, routinely, portrayed as the Devil incarnate, by his critics. I get that, but nobody in their right mind is going to convince rational adults that his 'demonic' powers included tinkering with solar cycles, causing volcanic activity, or causing the plague which killed off so much of the population in Europe.

The dude is dead, so let him rest in peace.

Questions:

What the f**k was Obama smoking, when he decided to send 100 of our warriors into the African nightmare of roving, heavily armed, murdering rat bastards?

Instead of naming all the places we've sent our troops, wouldn't it be easier to name the hot spots where we aren't putting our warriors in harm's way?

Why are so many states playing election cycle leapfrog?

Do they really plan to hold Republican Primaries during the first week of December?

Is this, as many keen observers noted, a scheme by pachyderm punk hacks to ram Mitt Romney down the Elephant Clan's throat?

Do they want to nominate a clown who has, at one time or another, taken all the possible positions on every given issue?

Is the owner of Zuccotti Park - ground zero for the Big Apple's hippie infestation - out of his, her, hisher, or its f-ing mind?

Is the owner of Zuccotti Park so delusional that he thinks the hippies have any respect for something as utterly American as property rights?

Does he think that rat bastard Bloomberg, or any other person in a position of power in NYC, will, eventually, boot the hippies out of Zuccotti Park?

Which building will the hippie horde invade when real winter arrives in the Big Apple?

Is there any Elected Tormentor with a full set of balls left in America who will send the hippie horde packing?

Am I the only one who KNOWS that it's just a matter of time, before the hippies start their destructive rampage?

Are the 'Occupy Wall Street' hippies, the last gasp of 60's radicals, or, are they the predictable legacy of 50 years of politically correct educrap?

Finally, I'm compelled to ask a very important, very troubling, question:

Is a second American Civil War as inevitable as it appears?

Road Testing My Elusive Glass Half Full Side

I heard from my Southern Mexifornia dwelling friend, Tommy Trojan.

Him: "It's hotter than the Hell which has a place reserved for you."

Me: "I told you, a long time ago, that L.A. is one of the circles of Hell."

Him: "You say so many things. Sooner or later, you were destined to blunder into the truth."

Me: "I'm an egregiously underappreciated American philosopher."

Him: "You're a legend in your own mind. Did that holy roller who reads your Internet ravings organize a triple-digit heat smiting on the City of Angels at your behest?"

Me: "He's tight with Old Ka-boom, but his ability to lock in a smiting isn't anything to write home about."

Him: "It's 150 thousand degrees in the shade, here, and there isn't any shade. Ask him to remove the smiting. You owe me that much, after all the abuse I get from you on that Web Site of yours."

Me: "I owe you nothing, but in the spirit of friendship, I'll dust off my 'glass half full' side on this heat wave."

Him: "You don't have a glass half full side."

Me: "Do you want my silver lining or not?"

Hi: "Hit me with your best shot, glass half full Sparky."

Me: (Laughing) "If your boss catches you reading PIG, he'll impound your computer."

Him: "GLASS HALF FULL....NOW!"

Me: "If it's too hot for you, INSIDE an AIR CONDITIONED office, imagine how thrilling it has to be for all those Occupy L.A. hippies. They'll be dropping like flies, then turning extra crispy on the hotter than the fires of Hell pavement. That's a glass half full even you can appreciate."

Him: "Extra crispy hippie? I can live with that, especially tomorrow, when it's supposed to be a few degrees hotter."

Me: "Speaking of hot, is your high school team still undefeated, unlike your TROJANS?"

Him: "Regarding my high school team...the answer is yes. On that other subject, BITE ME."

Me: "No thanks, I'm trying to shed a ton or two. Elvis has now left the building."

Hambo's Class Warfare Primer

[The old adage warns "The more things change, the more they stay the same". That's especially true when you take a look at the public tantrum being perpetrated in cities across America. They're marching under the 'Occupy Wall Street' banner but make no mistake, this hissy fit by the chronically needy is Karl Marx-inspired Class Warfare on a nationwide scale.

The Demoncrats think it's their ticket to legislative power, and they might be right about that. Whatever the case, here are some Hambo thoughts on the subject from my scribbler archives.]

The American welfare state is founded on the inherently unstable collectivist axiom: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. This Marxist mantra isn't cited in those exact words by American collectivists, but their 'erecting a social safety net' and "shared responsibility" drivel amounts to the same damn thing. Two salient words in this mantra are 'ability' and 'need', so it's instructive to examine each in turn.

In class warfare, transfer of wealth, terms, 'ability' relates to wealth...the property, real and personal, earned by American achievers. Wealth is a dynamic - not fixed, as collectivists claim - commodity, due to the fact that an individual or firm might, at any moment, create a new invention, process, application, or some other marketplace element that actually creates new wealth, where none existed. The Internet, the personal computer, and cell phones, are items that created new wealth. For all its dynamism, wealth, at any given moment in time, has limits, if one confines it mean the real, personal property amassed by achievers, and real property is where the action is, because it's the 'wealth' class warfare clowns seek to transfer. At a given moment in time, 'real' wealth is finite, so, in theory, it's possible for the class warriors to take all of it.

The other key element in the Marxist mantra, need, is also dynamic, but, unlike wealth, need is infinite. If America's social engineers plundered every scrap of wealth from American achievers and gave it to America's chronically needy parasites, it still wouldn't be enough. Like a black hole, their need grows stronger, the more you feed into it. In fact, caving in to parasitic need accelerates its growth. Worst of all, the more you try to satisfy a parasite's need, the more obnoxious...the more demanding he gets.

Ultimately, no matter how much you give them, parasites will continue to play their 'need' card. It's the way lifelong parasites function. Contrarily, if you take everything he's got, the looted down to his last dime achiever will immediately amass more wealth, because that's the way achievers function. So, go ahead, class warfare assholes, steal every last dime. It won't do you a damn bit of good, because you'll finish right back were you started. But, be warned, the achievers may not play patsy the next time you come to impoverish them.

Wonderland Update

Two weeks ago, I posted this tidbit:

Wonderland, my primary client, the one staffed by Twilight Zone refugees, is making my life much too...interesting.

The good: They're upgrading the internet connection to a T-1 line.

The bad: The new router has a built-in Net Nanny feature.

The ugly: The damn thing is programmed by the Amish.

The new wireless router works like gang-busters, unless you want to visit two-thirds of the sites in cyberspace. Its 'you can't go there' brainfarts are...so prudish they make Queen Victoria seem like a wanton woman.

It will be interesting to see which denizen of Wonderland finally complains.

Fun Fact: Wonderland's designated rational adult blundered into the dreaded Amish Filter. On the same day, one of the gurus trying to resolve a problem with Wonderland's fiber optic feed did a header into it. Is this curtains for the Amish filter? It looks that way, but I know from personal experience, that nothing at Wonderland is that easy or straightforward. Stay tuned.

More Wonderland Fun

Any day now, Wonderland will play host to an Engineer who is such a serious rat bastard, nobody at his place of work can stand him. He spies and snoops. He intimidates. He blackmails. He sabotages their server, other people's computers, and production units that are ready to ship. I know what you're thinking, because I asked he same question: Why don't they fire the bastard? Nobody knows...or if they do, they're not talking.

Instead of firing the bastard, they're poised to send him into exile. He'll still be working for THEM, but he'll be doing it from Typhod Mary's old office at - TA DA - Wonderland. Why? It has something to do with Wonderland's Big Boss Man. I think he's on the other firm's board of directors or something..

With this rat bastard headed for Wonderland, Designated Rational Adult and I spent more than 2 weeks, installing new locks on office doors, locking away essential files, upgrading security on all of Wonderland's computers, and assorted other things. Is it enough? I doubt it, but Designated Rational Adult insists that she has the Rat Bastard's number.

The bad news is that I'll be forced to work around this Rat Bastard. The good news is that his special brand of joy-spreading will give me ample material for Hambo's Hammer.

Hambo's Columbus Day Primer

What it is:
Columbus Day is the moment on America's calendar when whiner groups from sea to shining sea and assorted other places castigate Italy's favorite sailor by exaggerating the things he did and pinning the blame on him for things that happened long after he departed center stage. It's Columbus Day and Italians, along with many Italian Wannabes and Italians-For-a-Day, celebrate a larger than life Columbus because - and they probably won't admit it - Columbus (along with a map making Italian named Amerigo Vespucci) gave Italy the first thing to brag about since the Roman Empire collapsed into chaos. Finally, Columbus Day is a day that gives multicultural mutants a perfect excuse to castigate Western Culture and blame all of the world's ills on it.

Who gets heartburn from it:
Siberian Americans, and the usual sad sack assortment of multiculturalists, whine that Columbus is the poster punk for a host of noxious notions. They caterwaul that he perpetrated personally, or was responsible for introducing into the pristine Eden of a Pre-Columbian new world: slavery, species extinctions, genocide, warfare, oppressing a weaker people/culture, robbing original inhabitants of their land. This view is exemplified by this prose from the American Indian Movement's Russell Means: "the Western Hemisphere [was] a virtual ecological and health paradise prior to 1492". Yeah, right, like you were there, Russell?

Some inconvenient truths about Columbus:
Contrary to Italian propaganda, Columbus was, all things considered, something of a lucky bungler. For starters, he egregiously miscalculated the size of the Earth. He estimated its circumference at about 25,000 kilometers when in fact it's twice that (about 40,000 kilometers). He based his core notion - sailing west to get to China, Japan and the Indies - on his calculation that the distance from the Canary Islands to Japan as 3,700 km when the actual distance is 19,600 km. Finally, he assumed that all that lay between the Canary Islands and Japan was this pesky stretch of ocean. The final irony is that, to the day he died, Columbus thought he had explored some uncharted regions on the east coast of Asia.

Speaking of Italian propaganda, why is Columbus such a source of Italian pride? Granted, he's one of their own and they want to bask in the glory of his accidental discovery of the New World. But, why is it worth all this fuss? He did, after all, hand over the New World and all its riches to SPAIN. The least he could have done is set aside a couple remote islands for his Italian homeboys. You'd think that somewhere in the fine, Italian, print about Columbus, they'd find room for that tidbit.

Contrary to popular myth, Columbus wasn't the first European to set foot on the new world. Around the year 1000 some Vikings landed here and set up a small colony in Newfoundland, but they abandoned it a few years later. Like Columbus, they were never quite sure where they landed.

Native Americans - "indigenous" people - did not originate here. The new world was colonized by nomads from Siberia who crossed the Bering Strait land bridge between 13,000 and 40,000 years ago. Therefore, contrary to all this "indigenous" people hot air, so-called native peoples are, in fact, the first immigrants.

Did Columbus enslave some of the natives? Yes. Did he introduce the vile practice to the new world? Hardly, "slave traders were among the most prosperous people in the Aztec empire" (Thomas Sowell 'Conquests and Cultures').

Did Columbus bring ritual human sacrifice and cannibalism to the new world? No, that practice was already here. "Captured enemy warriors were led back to the [Aztec] capital to be sacrificed by having their hearts cut out of their living bodies. The particular Aztec warrior who had captured an enemy...was also awarded an arm or a thigh to take home and cook for a ceremonial meal for his family" ('Conquests and Cultures').

Did Columbus usher in a new form of warfare where the strong preyed upon the weak? No. There's a good reason why the Aztec and Inca's neighboring tribes were so eager to help the conquistadors. "Mayan civilization could hardly be considered humanitarian. One of its central priorities was war and one of its chief priorities in war was the capture, torture, and slaughter of enemy soldiers and leaders. Many conquered peoples were reduced to being serfs tied to land controlled by their Aztec overlords. An even worse fate could await conquered areas that later rebelled, which could lead to a wholesale slaughter of the population". ('Conquests and Cultures')

Hambo's Bottom Line:
It's time to get real about Columbus Day. It's time to take off the blinders and face some bitter facts. We can start by admitting that the Spanish conquistadors were some serious asshats who looted the land, imposed their supernaturalism by force of arms and introduced new diseases that ravaged the locals. We should continue by noting that this "virtual Eden populated by noble peoples" whopper is a load of crap. The Aztecs and Incas perpetrated some of the vilest practices known to man. Does that mean they deserved killing? Not necessarily, but we shouldn't get weepy because ritual human sacrifice, cannibalism and assorted other atrocities were eradicated. The most important facts we must confront are about Columbus himself.

Christopher Columbus was a directionally challenged Italian who blundered into a continent, without understanding where he really was. He was no Boy Scout, but his fatal personal flaws miss the essential point. When we celebrated Columbus Day, we celebrate a core component of human nature. We celebrate our need to know what's around that next bend in the road, the need to discover what we'll find on the far side of that next hill. When we celebrate Columbus Day, we honor the courage it takes to cross a dangerous stretch of ocean in some barely seaworthy ships in the hope that we'll find something worthwhile on the far side. Finally, we celebrate Columbus Day because, without him, America, a nation conceived in liberty would not exist. Make no mistake PIGsters, it's that last tidbit that has multicultural mutants and indigenous people in a lather. What they hate about Columbus Day is the fact that this directionally challenged Italian made America, a land where inalienable individual liberty took root and ultimately flourished, possible.

Misplaced Priorities

Apparently, I have it all wrong, when it comes to the presidency of this nation conceived in liberty. I had the silly idea that the Oval Office is a seat of secular power, the qualifications for which are set forth in Article II of the United States Constitution. Apparently, I'm tragically deluded on that score.

Somewhere along the line, the Oval Office stopped being the seat of secular power and became an outpost of supernaturalism. When, exactly, did the Oval Office become the Oval Pulpit? When did the White House stop being the president's domicile and start being a Toll Booth on the Highway to Heaven? When, exactly, did the United States of America become a Theocracy whose ruler must pass a rigid, no exceptions allowed, theology exam that delves into every conceivable element of the Evangelical flavor of Cross Cultism? I haven't got a clue.

In a rerun of the 2008 election cycle, some Cross Cultists, are painting a rhetorical bull's-eye on Mitt Romney's Mormonism. Yes, again! If you're thinking 'here we go again', join the club. Instead of Mike Huckabee, the mud-slinging supernaturalist is a Toll Taker (Man of the Cloth) who is, some 'insiders' opine, doing Rick Perry's dirty work:

On Friday, Robert Jeffress, a senior pastor at First Baptist Church in Dallas who supports Texas Gov. Rick Perry and introduced him at the Values Voters Summit, called Mormonism a "cult" in remarks to reporters.

When Perry took the stage, he said Jeffress "hit it out of the ballpark" with his introductory remarks in which he called the Texas governor a "proven leader, a true conservative and a committed follower of Christ."

But Perry's camp said later that Perry disagreed with Jeffress description of Mormonism as a "cult" and that the Values Voters Summit organizers chose the pastor to introduce the Texas governor. (Fox News)

Robert Jeffress must have a different version of the United States Constitution than the one I use: the pocket-size book put out by the Cato Institute. Unlike my copy, Toll Taker Bob's contains a religious litmus test that, automatically, disqualifies a pagan like me. His special copy makes a Mormon like Mitt Romney equally unsuitable. Why? Because neither of us conforms to Toll Taker Bob's brand of religiosity.

I have a hot flash for Toll Taker Bob and his Evangelical homeboys. Religiosity isn't high on my list of hot button Oval Office qualifiers. I don't care how a candidate views the Trinity, the virgin birth and assorted other things that rock Roberty Jeffress' world. I'm much more interested in silly things like:

*What is the candidate's track record on minimizing government and maximizing individual liberty?

*How will the candidate handle our sworn, Jihadikaze enemies who seek nothing less than our utter and complete destruction?

*What is the candidate's track record on defending this nation's sovereignty by rolling up the 'welcome' mat and smacking the border jumping scumbags with it?

*What has the candidate done to remove the Nanny State from the marketplace?

*Which government departments and programs will be the first ones that the candidate will eradicate if he, she, heshe or it is elected.

*What has the candidate done to prove that they have a healthy respect for, and mounted a rousing defense of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"?

The next Oval Office occupant already has a full plate with those legitimate presidential functions set forth in Article II of the U.S. Constitution. Isn't about time they paid attention to the president's real job, instead of playing 'gotcha' with the Evangelical's theological litmus test?

There are more than enough chinks in Romney's political armor without all this "Did you know that - GASP - he's a MORMON?" bull crap.

Parting Shots: Here is some additional information on this bull crap:

Item: Why is Hambo so forceful on this matter?
I consider this 'is Romney the right kind of Christian' stuff an unnecessary distraction while we are in the process of selecting our next president. I have a very short fuse when it comes to stupidity and this crap screams MORONS.

Item: What set me off?
While listening toVRWC radio. I kept hearing one true believer after another sounding off on the fine points of Mormonism and why it's a 'cult'. Those pesky details were, for them, the be all, end all of presidential politics. Those devilish details seem to rock their world. They don't rock mine. Why? See the next item.

Item: What, exactly, do I know about Mormons?
More than you think. I spent some quality time in Utah...back in the day. I don't pretend to be an expert, but I do have more than a basic understanding of their faith. Are they weird? You bet. Are they 'deal breaker' weird? Not even close, despite magic underwear and getting baptized for the dead. I liked them then, and I like them now. Good people sums it up nicely.

Item: Is Mormonism a cult?
Not in the commonly accepted sense of the word, but I'm the wrong person to ask. Why? I consider all religions to be 'cults' - in the broadest possible sense of the word - in many ways. Is that a slam against all religions? Not necessarily. It simply recognizes certain underlying facts about supernaturalism. I won't elaborate, unless you press me for those dastardly details.

Item: Does character matter to a pagan scribbler?
You bet, but I don't measure an individual's moral fiber by the flavor of supernaturalism they profess. For me, 'actions speak louder than words' still rules the day. I don't care what Romney professes. I don't care about the details of his theology. I do care about the way he has conducted his life, and on that score, he seems to pass my personal 'character' criteria with flying colors.

Conclusion:
I keep remembering Ronald Reagan and his term in the Oval Office. He was a devout Christian, and I respected him for that. More important, to me, was his clear vision of what our government IS and how far it has strayed from what it OUGHT TO BE. I want more of that, and less of this "Mormonism is a cult" crap.

He's BACK

PIG's favorite math-challenged prophet - Mister Doomsday himself - Harold Camping is back for another bite at the 'Beam Me Up, Celestial Scotty' apple. Mere mortals would keep a low profile, after the spectacular failure of his 'May 21, 2011 is doomsday' prediction, but not Harold.

Despite health problems, and a stint in the hospital, Harold tuned into those yammering pests in his head and came out swinging. Once again, he's going all in with his doomsday prediction. May 21st was what Harold calls an 'invisible judgement day', an elusive gem that only Harold found in Cross Cult scripture.

Shaking off the effects of a recent stroke, Harold is back in top form:

Here's the message Camping is putting out on the website for his Family Radio organization:

Thus we can be sure that the whole world, with the exception of those who are presently saved (the elect), are under the judgment of God, and will be annihilated together with the whole physical world on October 21, 2011, on the last day of the present five months period. On that day the true believers (the elect) will be raptured. We must remember that only God knows who His elect are that He saved prior to May 21.

More recently, he told followers in a recorded message:

I do believe that we're getting very near the very end…. If [God] had not kept us from knowing everything that we didn't know, we would not have been able to be used of Him to bring about the tremendous event that occurred on May 21 of this year, and which probably will be finished out on October 21, that's coming very shortly. That looks like it will be at this point, it looks like it will be the final end of everything. (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

Harold Camping is a gift who keeps on giving. I look forward to his 'recap' on October 22, 2011.

This & That

Item: Election Cycle Leapfrog
Nevada joined the fun, today, when impatient pachyderm punks leapfrogged their caucus to January 14th (a Saturday).

Instead of all this drama, why don't they cut to the chase. How? Hold their primaries on the day after Inauguration Day (January 21st)? With that out of the way, We the People would be free of election cycle bull crap until the nominating conventions, more than 3 years in the future.

If that's too much bother, do away with the primaries completely. The Elephant Clan would conduct "it's finally your turn" business as usual, when it comes to picking their candidate. The Donkey Clan would simply ask George Soros "Who's next?"

Either way, it would end all this asinine Election Cycle Leapfrog.

Item: Steve Jobs
On behalf of the Politically Incorrect Gazette, I send PIG's condolences to Steve Jobs' family.

He left his mark on the world, with iTunes, the iPod, the graphical user computer interface, and the MAC, to name a few.

Steve Jobs was an achiever, and we can't have too many of those.

Item: Sarah Palin
I'm not shocked that she decided not to run. I guess the relentless pounding, the vile character assassination, from the Palin-despising Libertard Moonbats finally wore her down. Everyone has their limits and I suspect she reached hers, when that Bun Ranger verbally assaulted her daughter Bristol, in that L.A. club.

Sarah may, or may not, be ready for prime time, politically. I certainly have doubts on that score. Doubtful or not, I believe that Sarah Palin's suitability for the Oval Office should be decided by We the People, not the off the cliff Libertards in the MSM.

Item: Death Watch
Porcus' PC is still a steaming pile of techno turds, but, as far as I know, there were no new seizures, today.

He's still sidelined, and there's no glimmer of 'I have a new computer to torture' hope on the horizon.

Glass half full PIGsters will point to the fact that the Marquis de Sade of computing, isn't condemning a new, unsuspecting computer to its own circle of hell.

Glass half empty PIGsters will mutter darkly about the FSOP's on-going manpower shortage.

If anything changes, I'll let you know.

Question: Is there a support group for Porcus-ized computers? Enquiring minds want to know.

Terrors of Technology - Porcus' Neverending Computer Crisis

I decided to bring you up to speed regarding the ENDLESS death throes of Porcus' computer. That's right, PIGsters, Pocus O'Publisher has tortured another computer into an untimely demise.

The Rotten Apple is long gone, but it didn't take Porcus' lethal impact on computers with it. The glass half full crowd will celebrated the fact that Porcus' dark, computer obliterating, powers work equally well on a P.C. Like the Rotten Apple of PIGish myth, Porcus' PC has developed similar symptoms:

* Seizures which become more frequent as time marches on.

* In addition to becoming more frequent, the seizures are becoming more powerful, as time marches on. Only heroic measures make it functional again.

* The last seizure was a Lulu! It wiped out the operating system, and all his program files, while leaving his user files unmolested.

As things now stand, Porcus has a computer with an operating system and his user files, but the only programs he has are Firefox and Thunderbird. He downloaded a 30-day trial version of Adobe's CS 5.5 suite, which included DreamWeaver. Unhappily, Porcus didn't have time to make DreamWeaver work, before his trial period ran out.

When last seen, Porcus has a computer which only allows him to read his e-mail and surf the Internet. That brings us to the obvious question. Is Porcus planning to replace his computer with something better? Yes, but I'm obligated to question the use of the term 'better' when it comes to the computer he keeps threatening to buy.

That's right, PIGsters, Porcus O'Publisher is going to do IT again. He's threatening to buy a new system "any minute now". Yeah, right. We've been down that road, numerous times and it's a dead end. For those of you who haven't guessed, he's making noises about the new system being an Apple. Stay tuned for a new chapter in the on-going saga of Porcus, the computer owner version of the Marquis de Sade.

I've already started a betting pool for the date of his Rotten Apple II's first seizure. If you want a piece of the action, that can be arranged.

Political Leapfrog Strikes Again
Once again, Political Leapfrog has reared its ugly head. Like 2008, states are jostling for a prime place ahead of the pack.

This year, it started when, Flori-DUH leapfrogged its presidential primary to January 31, 2012.

Next, determined to defend its 'first in the land' status, New Hampshire geared up for a move to 2011, if necessary. Iowa will probably move its caucuses accordingly, since both states to vigorously defend their status as the official opening of the Oval Office Derby Nominating process.

Today, South Carolina Republican Party Chairman, Chad Connelly moved the South Carolina Pachyderm Presidential primary to January 21, 2012.

With leapfrog in full swing, it's time to take a closer look at its impact on the election.

This rush to cram all the Oval Office political primaries in the first weeks of 2012 is destined to have some unintended consequences. That, at least, is the view expressed by some political insiders. The problem appears to center on the fact that the qualifying round is compressed into a few short action-packed weeks that are followed by months of dead time before the nominating conventions signal the start of the decisive final round.

The problem is exemplified by Ronald Reagan's gap closing heroics that almost succeeded in wresting the 1976 nomination from President Gerald Ford. Reagan's comeback bid was made possible by the protracted campaign that gave him time to get out his message. Granted, he lost out to Ford in 1976, but the name recognition he achieved during his comeback bid served him well 4 years later. That's when he appeared to come 'out of nowhere' to grab the nomination and, ultimately the highest office in this land of the not as free as we're supposed to be.

The other problem with the front-loaded primaries is that it favors the candidates with deep pockets who can buy the necessary name recognition in a very short period of time. The compressed primary season means that a candidate must have the money to mount what is, essentially, a nationwide campaign to have a chance in all those front-loaded presidential primaries. The old fashioned campaign that built support slowly, over that long grueling primary season grind, is at a distinct disadvantage since such campaigns are, invariably, underfunded. In bygone years, a dark horse candidate had the opportunity to attract attention by winning or placing much higher than expected in some early primaries, then using the time between primaries to raise cash for the next primary. With the shortened primary season, he, she, heshe or it, is knocked out early, ending the campaign before it gets rolling.

When leapfrog broke out in 2008, former Elephant Clan Oval Office aspirant, Gary Bauer explain the downside of leapfrog this way:

"Front-loading the primaries is a terrible negative for the conservative grass roots of the GOP. It virtually guarantees that the candidate who can raise money early... the establishment candidate or the independently wealthy, will prevail. Conservative grass-roots rebellions will be harder, if not impossible, to put together." (Washington Times)

I'm not Gary Bauer's biggest fan, but I tend to agree with him on this one. A grass-roots rebellion takes time to get going. Under the current scheme of things, by the time that rebellion hits its stride, the party will already be over. .

The sad fact is that the first round of the Oval Office derby could be over very early in February of 2012. After that, despite the candidates' best efforts, America's rational adults will shrug off these political punk games and get on with their lives. That's not going to be a happy moment for those cash starved finalists, but I'm hard pressed to give a damn. They made this compressed primary season hell, so it's beyond fair that the burn in it.

Snarky Snippets

Item: Talking Points
I'm tired of talking points and buzz words. I think it's time to make the spin doctors who abuse them suffer. How? How indeed.

If, individually or collectively, the usual talking head suspects use the same phrase and/or buzzword three times in one 24 hour news cycle, they enter the penalty phase. On the 4th use of it - same person or a different person - he, she, heshe, or it must pay a $5,000 fine. The 5th time it's used, the perpetrator will be caned, on national TV. The same fate awaits anyone else who uses it during the penalty. The penalty phase ends when 72 hours have passed without any further usage of that buzzword.

Item: Class War
Roseanne Barr has been taking 'can't we all just get along' lessons from the Titans of Tolerance. Unlike Van Jones who dreams of a massive Marxist Moonbat uprising this month, Roseanne had an Alice in Wonderland 'Off with their heads' moment:

The comedienne and self-proclaimed presidential candidate appeared on the RT television program "Keiser Report" and said if she were president, she would bring back the guillotine as a form of capital punishment for the "worst of the worst of the guilty."

"I, first, would allow the guilty bankers to pay back anything over $100 million (in) personal wealth, because I believe in the maximum wealth of $100 million," Barr said. "If they're unable to live on that amount, they should go to re-education camps. And if that doesn't work, they should be beheaded." (KGO)

To whom it may concern: Roseanne is off her medication again. Don't make me come over there.

Item: Reaping What They Sowed
Rev. Robert Schuller started his ministry in the parking lot of a drive-in movie theater, then through his organizational and sales skills built a mega-church whose crown jewel was the fabled Crystal Cathedral. He had it all and his fame spread far and wide, thanks to his Hour of Power television show.

After decades in the staring role, Rev. Schuller started to lose his grip on the ministry. His offspring - especially one of his daughters - thought dear old dad had his head up his ass, so she worked, schemed and plotted to oust him and she finally did it. Now, it was her turn...she'd show everyone how to...pile up at least $50 million dollars in red ink and land the church in bankruptcy court.

She told the court she'd raise the $50 million from the people in the pews. The Judge said, in essence, 'knock yourself out, but if you don't have it by Thanksgiving, the Crystal Cathedral will be sold. On July 31, 2011 she shared the 'dig deep to save the church' news.

Senior Pastor Sheila Schuller Coleman, daughter of founding Pastor Robert Schuller, declared from the pulpit on July 31 that the cathedral was not for sale. She then announced the campaign to repay creditors.

Although the Judge said 'Thanksgiving' the real deadline is much sooner than that:

The Schullers and their congregation, however, are in a race against a courtroom clock. Although Coleman set a Thanksgiving deadline for raising $50 million, creditors could decide the cathedral's fate weeks earlier.

On Oct. 24, creditors will vote on selling the cathedral, as their attorneys recommend, to get back what they're owed. If they approve that step, the attorneys will recommend a buyer to Bankruptcy Judge Robert Kwan on Oct. 31. Kwan will decide whether to approve the sale two weeks later, on Nov. 14. (O.C. Register)

And how, you ask, is Sheila doing with her save the Cathedral fundraising? Wonder no more: On August 31, 2011, when the ensuing tidal wave of greenbacks was counted, it added up to: $4,737.

Sheila, darlin, you created this circle of 'I'm in charge now' hell, so it's only fair that you burn in it.

Leftovers

[The following items didn't make the final, Top Story cut, but they are still PIG-worthy.]

In some areas of our life, the changes to America aren't as stark, or as political. In some instances, the change isn't as profound as it seems. That's especially true, when it comes to popular culture, and assorted other elements of that elusive entity, 'America'. Here are some examples:

* In his time, Thomas Paine shared his ideas as in a popular pamphlet 'Common Sense'. In 2011, Thomas Paine would be sharing his ideas in a popular BLOG named 'Common Sense'.

* From January 1956 to October 1964, "Queen for a Day" tugged at viewer heartstrings with a steady stream of three hankie sob stories. In 2011, Dr. Phil performs the same function as heir to Oprah's sob sister throne.

* In 1968 Andy Warhol famously predicted "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." The only thing he got wrong was the 15 minutes part, otherwise he nailed it, because he predicted that bane of rational adults, the pernicious blight on humanity, the reality show 'star'. Check it out...Kim Kardashian's butt is so humongous that its shadow reached all the way back to 1968.

* MSNBC didn't invent spin doctored news. From 1962 thru 1981 Walter Cronkite abused his status as 'the most trusted man in America', with a 'news' program that was spewing out libertard claptrap.

* In the dawn of the television age, moms worried about young 'uns who turned their minds into mush by watching too much television. By the late 80's, Johnny and Moonbeam numbed their brains by sitting and staring at a compute monitor. In 2011, Little Johnny and Moonbeam achieve the same results, by spending every waking minute on the newest brain-numbing device, the cell phone.

Reality 101 - 5 Easy Lessons

If you've gotten lost and somehow strayed from the safety and security of Sensitivity Street squalor...if you regained a shred of sanity when you found yourself here, stick around to sample some of the fun you've been missing as an ex-individual.

Crack open a brewskie, grab your crayons, kick back and take notes while swe inform, enlighten, and amuse you. Don't panic over that tingling in your noodle; it's those moribund synpses shaking off the cobwebs.

You won't be graded, so don't feel like you need to sit next to the Asian kid. If you crave a test to measure your progress, we recommend our Incorrectness 101 page.

LESSON #1: NEWS NITWITS/MEDIA MEATHEADS

• Thespians are NOT smarter than the average bear. They're the dishwasher at your local eatery who caught a break. You'll probably get more meaningful insights from the dude who is still washing those dinner plates in the back room.

• Learn to read between the lines: Just because you heard it on the radio, saw something on TV or the internet, doesn't make it true. News Nitwits and Media Meatheads always put their own warped, maligned and sensationalized sense of self-important spin on any given subject. Media Meatheads and News Nitwits are ratings and revenue driven. Why do you think they tease the hottest story throughout the broadcast only to show you a 10 second clip at the tail end of the broadcast? To keep fools like us glued to our idiotic electronic opiate box.

• If you hear, read or see something that offends you, it's YOUR problem, Sparky.

LESSON #2: BIG BROTHER & BIG SISTER ARE WATCHING YOU, TOO!

• The Nanny State only gets money from two places. The can print it, making the money in your pocket worth less. Or, they can steal it from some hard working fool - like you, Sparky - and give it to those chronically-needy parasite.

• If you think for a nano-second the Nanny State gives a rip about you - or the children - by enforcing seat belt, motorcycle helmet, smoking and transfat laws, think again. Big Brother/Big Sister are way too busy rewriting the Constitution, catering to special interests and lobbyists, on top of conspiring to separate you from your money and freedom.

• Korrectniks are, by their very nature, humor-challenged asshats who use the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force to coerce the 'proper' behavior from you. You are not allowed to say things that offend them. You are not allowed to write things that offend them. You are not allowed to create images, or artwork that offends them. Their message is clear and inescapable: shut up, sit down, die in a fire you (pick your poison: racist, sexist, homophobe).

• Crime Pays: Ask any cop, correction officer, judge, criminal defense lawyer, parole officer or dope dealer. Without petty laws to keep courts and prisons filled, these occupations would be rendered obsolete.

LESSON #3: RACE CARD

• Al Sharpton and Je$$e Jackson got rich and powerful by hunting down and exposing that racist hiding in the woodpile. When America began to shed its racist past, these Ethnocrats worried about an untimely end to their race card waving enrichment.

Al and Je$$e want, need, rampant racism to stay in business and they've shown a willingness to create some, when none exists. The lesson here is obvious: we need to persuade these Ethnocrats surrender their race cards, close shop and get a real job for a change. Repeat after me, gentlemen, "Do you want fries with that?"

LESSON #4: ENABLING

• If you tolerate an evil, it gets stronger. This was driven home, with telling clarity when rational adults laughed off political correctness as an insignificant Ivory Tower phenomenon and, decades later, it has embedded itself in every aspect of American life.

• A critical mass of rational adults - many of them in the top echelons of political power - turned a blind eye to the real enemy in our war on Jihadikazes. This is not, as W - and Barry - claim a war against some fringe wingnuts who 'hijacked a great religion'. We are at war with Islam itself, a belief system whose endgame involves world domination - forcible adherence to their supernaturalism - by any means necessary. In this battle for our very survival, tolerating this evil is not an option.

• When you reward undesirable behavior, you get more of it. We did that in 1986 by giving 4 million border jumping scumbags amnesty and we got 20 million more.

• Rewarding pachyderm punk Elected Tormentors who spend like The One on a stimulus binge, encourages them to spend even more and goads them into running up bigger deficits.

• Rewarding parasites with Nanny State freebies generated an explosive growth of the parasite horde.

LESSON #5: SOME BASICS

• You can flirt, overtip and drool until the bovines answer the dinner bell, but that stripper or Hooters Hottie isn't going to throw herself into your arms for some "wham, bam, thank you ma'am", wishful thinking Sparky.

• When cell phone providers add more services to your cell blight, they're not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They're in the business of selling you MINUTES and the more crap they add to your cell blight, the more of the lucrative minute you'll consume.

• The real reason that the bra-burners in flannel shirts hate men is because dudes can take a whiz standing up.

• You probably won't find Sheriff Andy Taylor in rural America, but every town has its Barney Fife.

•A dude knows he's terminally hen-pecked when he's in a life-threatening situation and his life passes before her eyes.

Was that real enough for you Sparky?

GLAAD BAAG Calls for Boycott of Southwest Airlines

Victim: Leisha Hailey

Her Claim To Fame: 'Former "L-Word" (A moribund Showtime series) star'.

Victim Category: GLAAD BAAG.

Heartless Oppressor: a Southwest Airlines flight attendant.

The panty-wadding incident:

Hailey and her girlfriend were travelling from Baltimore to St. Louis Monday when they started smooching mid-flight and were told to cool it.

They were pulled aside by an attendant when the plane landed, Hailey said, and told their public display of affection was unacceptable on a "family" airline. (N.Y. Daily News)

Southwest Airlines sez:

"We received several passenger complaints characterizing the behavior as excessive," the statement said.

"Our crew, responsible for the comfort of all customers on board, approached the passengers based solely on behavior and not gender," it added. "The conversation escalated to a level that was better resolved on the ground, as opposed to in flight."

Hambo sez:

I've seen the 'L-Word' and she's in it, but, since it was a fairly large ensemble cast, she shared the spotlight as one of a dozen (give or take) key players. I wouldn't call her THE star of the series.

She could have whined 'sexism', I suppose, but she knows that GLAAD-BAAG (Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Annoying Dykes, Bun-rangers, And Alleged Girls) is several notches higher on the victimhood scale.

I am not 'offended' when two individuals – any two individuals – swap spit, and grope each other in public. I AM annoyed by it, in certain instances, no matter what the gender(s) of the participants, because, when I'm trapped inside that flying cigar tube, there's no way I can avoid seeing it.

That flying cigar tube is, in my opinion, the exclusive property of the airline – Southwest, in this case. As far as I'm concerned, 'their airliner, their rules of engagement' says it all. If you don't like their attitude, take your business elsewhere.

Parting shot: When I examined the poll question, I discovered something utterly PIG-worthy.

In the main story, this is the way the poll is worded:

Kissing controversy

Do you think Hailey got kicked off the flight for kissing her girlfriend, as the actress claims?
Yes. I wouldn't put it past the airline.
No. Something about this sounds bogus.
I don't know.

When I clicked through to the results page, the poll choices were worded this way:

Do you think Hailey got kicked off the flight for kissing her girlfriend, as the actress claims?
Yes. I wouldn't put it past the airline.
No. Something about this sounds fishy.
I don't know.

FISHY? It's a minor miracle - given the snarky use of 'fishy' when describing female nads - that it didn't read this way:

Yes. I wouldn't put it past the airline.
No. Something about this SMELLS fishy.
I don't know.

It appears that someone caught, and changed, 'fishy' to 'bogus' on the page with the story, but they missed it in the results table.

Snarky Snippets

Item: Another POTUS Road Trip

I see The One is fleeing the scene of the crime (the Red Shed) again. Why, exactly, did he run for the Oval Office, in the first place, if he never spends any quality time there? Dude, if the job is too much for you. GTFO.

Right now, Prompter Punk is in Los Angeles. Do you know what that means?

You don't? Broaden your horizons, and think of the possibilities. It's a golden opportunity, if Mother Nature is in a cooperative mood. All she needs is a bit of encouragement.

"M.N., darlin', this is Hambo. I know how busy you are, but this will only take a moment or two. You know that big quake that's long overdue? I'm referring to the one that's supposed to flatten L.A.?"

"Anyway, is RIGHT DAMN NOW good for you? There's a very SPECIAL someone who really needs that kind of wake-up call."

"I'm not asking you to off him, unless you have your own reasons for that. All I want is to have you terrify the smirk off that narcissistic bastard's face."

Item: Terrors of Technology

Wonderland, my primary client, the one staffed by Twilight Zone refugees, is making my life much too...interesting.

The good: They're upgrading the internet connection to a T-1 line.

The bad: The new router has a built-in Net Nanny feature.

The ugly: The damn thing is programmed by the Amish.

The new wireless router works like gang-busters, unless you want to visit two-thirds of the sites in cyberspace. Its 'you can't go there' brainfarts are...so prudish they make Queen Victoria seem like a wanton woman.

It will be interesting to see which denizen of Wonderland finally complains.

Enquiring Minds

Mere mortal that I am, there are numerous things that just don't compute. Every single day I do a header into things that majorly degrade the inalienable individual liberty of each and every sovereign American individual. I so don't get it, where some concepts are concerned, that all I can do is ask the relevant, pointed questions.

Confused? Don't be, because Hambo is going to share some of these persistently pesky questions with you. I know you're thrilled, but don't thank me, unless that "thank you" is delivered by some hottie wearing next to nothing.

Here, are some of the things that elicit those persistently pesky questions:

It's a Nanny State censorship cabal that shuts down radio stations, restricts speech and, essentially, forces certain people to shut the hell up. Why is this speech silencing cabal called the Federal COMMUNICATIONS Commission? Enquiring minds want to know.

It's a political clan that spits on the First Amendment and shuts down political speech during the critical phase of an election cycle with an incumbent coddling gem called "Campaign Finance Reform". It rammed through the largest entitlement in American history. It imposed the largest federal intrusion into educrap with a steaming load called "No Child Left Behind". It squandered record-setting mountains of our money on bull crap like the bridge to nowhere and other pork barrel stinkers. The Elephant Clan has taken a giant, stinking crap on the founding fathers' dream of a small, unintrusive, liberty-promoting government, so what exactly, are these conservative clowns trying to "conserve"? Enquiring minds want to know.

Why must I tolerate a Nanny State that tells a business owner whom he must hire, whom he's banned from firing, and how much he must pay them? That's between the business owner and the employee. Diversity training? Mandatory family leave? Minimum wage? A "living" wage? Red tape and bureaucratic interference every step of the way? Who the hell is the retard that made the Nanny State God? Enquiring minds want to know.

Why do I need the government's permission to make a few extra bucks by cutting someone's hair, taxiing them from point 'A' to point 'B', or educating my own child in my own home? Why is any of this crap the Nanny State's damn business? Enquiring minds want to know.

Which clause in the United States Constitution - or any state constitution for that matter - gives them the power to micro manage my life to save me from - cue the goddamn kazoo orchestra - myself? Who the hell asked them to save me from transfats, secondhand smoke, playing poker online and/or turning myself into a hood ornament for a bus, because I'm in an electronic daze and not paying attention when I cross a busy street? Who the hell gave them the power to butt the hell into my life with all this petty bull crap? Enquiring minds want to know.

When I sit down for some mindless adult entertainment, I'm regaled with mind-numbing pablum that's aimed at someone egregiously unsupervised 4 year old. Why are my entertainment choices reduced to this kid friendly crap because someone else is afraid that it will warp their little Thunder Boy or Moonbeam's tender young mind? Why are their parenting "issues" dictating my boob tube viewing choices? Enquiring minds want to know.

Why have my viable political choices devolved to a party that admits that it sucks (the Elephant Clan) and the party which the pachyderm punks, quite rightly, insistst "sucks even more" (the Demoncrats)? Enquiring minds want to know.

Why is a gun packing, hunting bonkers aging rocker named Ted Nugent the only rational adult on the public stage? Enquiring minds want to know?

Why are we chasing these unreasonably expensive, pie in the sky by and by, alternative energy pipe dreams when we have boatloads of domestic oil reserves that our Elected Tormentors refuse to develop? Enquiring minds want to know.

Why am I being hammered with a tidal wave of junk science about "human caused global warming", when an objective look at history reveals that this warming is part of a natural cycle that's driven by changes in solar activity? Why are we listening to a proven liar like Al "I invented the Internet" Gore, when trained climatologists have systematically dismantled his environmental house of cards? Enquiring minds want to know.

Why must our brave men and women in uniform watch their sacrifices for our nation get vilified by our lily-livered Elected Tormentors, who aren't fit to spit-shine their combat boots? Enquiring minds want to know.

Last, but far from least, why are we tolerating, for one more minute, the Great American Nanny State? Why aren't each and every damn one of us demanding that the nation conceived in liberty get back to those self-evident truths that Thomas Jefferson delineated so masterfully. Enquiring minds DEMAND to know?

Race Card Retard of the Week: A Whining Ethnocrat Named Morgan Freedman

Retarded Racist Raving: (Politico) — Morgan Freeman says that the Obama presidency has made racism in the U.S. more apparent.

CNN's Piers Morgan asked the actor, "Has Obama helped the process of eradicating racism or has it, in a strange way, made it worse?"

"Made it worse. Made it worse," Freeman replied. "The tea partiers who are controlling the Republican party . . . their stated policy, publicly stated, is to do whatever it takes to see to it that Obama only serves one term. What underlines that? Screw the country, we're going to do whatever we can to get this black man out of here."

PIGish Response: According to Morgan, voting for Barry because, and only because, he's BLACK isn't racist. BUT, if a voter ignores Barry's race then votes against Barry's in his 2012 re-election bid because he TURBO SUCKS as POTUS that rational adult voter is, somehow, racist? If you're looking for a racist, Morgan, maybe it's time to take a long hard look at that blithering 'Re-elect Barry because he's BLACK' idiot you see in your mirror.

Rabid Moonbat of the Week: Tony Bennet

Magic Moonbat Moment: [Shock jock Howard Stern] asked Bennett about how America should deal with terrorists, specifically those responsible for the 2001 attack on the World Trade Center.

"But who are the terrorists? Are we the terrorists or are they the terrorists? Two wrongs don't make a right," Bennett said.

In a soft-spoken voice, the singer disagreed with Stern's premise that 9/11 terrorists' actions led to U.S. military involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"They flew the plane in, but we caused it," Bennett responded. "Because we were bombing them and they told us to stop." (Moonbatttery)

PIGish Response: Tony's signature hit claims he left his heart in San Francisco. Anyone care to guess which Mosque has custody of his brain?

Compelling PIGish Wisdom

For a change of pace, I decided to 'get real', regarding some often neglected 'truths' about certain elements of your daily life. That's right, thrilled spitless Sparky, this week, the FSOP is going to 'fix' what ails YOU. Fear not, PIGsters, this one won't hurt, much, unless you laugh.

I know that you're too busy, scurrying to and fro to cope with the day to day essentials of your life, to just sit and 'think', so I'll do it for you. Giving until it hurts, the PIG Staff is hunkered down in the PIG Bunker (it's not located in mom's basement, as one Snarky PIGster sniped), doing all the heavy duty thinking on certain vital issues, which can make, or break, your quality of life. This one is for YOU, PIGsters.

Put on your thinking caps and have your pencils and paper ready, because a pop quiz is not out of the question.

Television wasn't really 'better' in the good old days. The passage of time cauterized those painful, "just shoot me", memories of "My Mother The Car" and "The Arsenio Hall Show". Admittedly, the cable dial is littered with numerous, unrelenting, circles of hell, but, with so many channels to choose from, this stampeding suckage appeals to a much smaller audience. If anything is better, it's the ample display of sweater puppy cleavage on your channel surfing pit stops. This source of optical delight is a distinct improvement over the 'mom and apple pie' shows of the 50s and 60s. Best of all, it is equally 'enlightening' with the mute switch 'on'.

Talking heads on the boob tube are not fonts of life-enhancing knowledge. Instead of feeding their ego, when you need sage advice, dial up an episode of South Park, The Simpsons, or a rerun of Married With Children. If you do that, you'll get all the real life 'wisdom' you can handle.

There's no happy ending when you get trapped in a cabal's automated "press '1' for..." call answering system. The odds of getting to a live person are so daunting that they make winning the lottery seem like a slam dunk. When you play the game correctly, after repeated trips back to 'square one', one of two things is destined to happen: the 'live' person you seek is 'out' and you get a voice mail box that he, she, or it never empties, or, you get the 'there are too many people in the queue ahead of you, please try again later', click, dial tone.

If a stranger shows up at your door selling salvation, magazine subscriptions, or some kind of unwanted professional services, you need to view it as an opportunity, not a pain in the butt. This clown has invaded your life, uninvited, so why not take this golden opportunity and run with it? After all this time sitting at the feet of those FSOP gurus, Porcus and Hambo, you should be filled to the brim with things you're dying to say to somebody, but never had the chance...until now. Go forth and spread that PIGish joy, no guts, no glory, Sparky.

All those whistles and buzzers on your favorite wireless communications device(s) are, in reality, the telecommunications equivalent of quicksand. Wireless communications capitalists aren't really in the communications business. They're in the business of enticing you into flushing a critical mass of MINUTES from your life down the drain, by using their 'service'. The more lures they deploy, the more likely you are to buy those pricey minutes from them. They really don't give a rat's ass how you spend them, as long as you squander those enriching - for them - minutes sinking deeper into their bottomless pit of telecommunications quicksand.

Impulsive, 'I could have her in a New York minute, given half a chance', notions are the express lane to an unpleasant justice system encounter. You may be convinced that Megan Fox is yours for the taking, if only she could meet you, in person, but that doesn't make following her around 'an idea whose time has come'. Those black robed killjoys have a word for that, "STALKING". If you go down that road, your next horizontal and squishy encounter will be in a cell as Bubba's Bitch.

It's not paranoia when 'they' really are plotting to get you. You're 'jumping' between several boob tube shows when all of them go to commercial AT THE SAME TIME. Or, you're sampling the yammering of several different VRWC boom box babblers while you're in your ride, when all of them go to commercial AT THE SAME TIME. The only radio show worth listening to on a weekend is, regularly, kicked to the curb for some asinine reason. Your weekend boob tube choices range from "sucks", to "just shoot me". Your phone, which has been silent for most of the day, ALWAYS rings when you're in the bathroom. Is someone out to get you? You better believe it, it's a plot against me personally Sparky.

Sucking in your belly to impress that hottie is a waste of time. The only reason she smiled at you is because she's too much of a lady to laugh out loud, in your face. If you catch yourself doing this one, we suggest that you make the best of the situation. How? You start by smiling back, letting it all hang out, then laughing at yourself. If she smiles again, she's sharing the joke 'with' you, not laughing at you.

It's never a spiffy idea to put all your electronic 'eggs' in one, cable provider basket. If it takes your cable provider a week, or more, to fix your boob tube connection, why would you entrust them with your phone and Internet service, too? Why not go for the gold and let them provide your gas and electricity, so your life can turbo suck?

Don't be a schnook, you know you're gonna look. One of Newton's least known laws, states that sweater puppies create their own gravity well, after they cross a certain 'size' threshold. Women, by and large, have a natural immunity, but men don't. That's why, no matter how hard a dude tries, no matter how gross the sweater puppy packer, the bigger they are, the more impossible it is for him not to stare. It's not bad manners, it's science, Sparky.

No matter which lane you pick, the other lanes are going to move faster. If you're in the checkout line at the store, or on the expressway, you'll be nailed by this one. I know what you're thinking, but you can't out think this one, no matter how hard you try. How does it work? I've discovered that, when you're in a lane, you exude a powerful force which slows down time, directly ahead of you. Its strength is directly proportional to your need for speed. I think this is covered in Einstein's VERY special laws of relativity, but don't bet the farm on it.

If some pinhead is determined to be offended, good manners - not to mention, good fun - dictates that you 'help them along'. If some self-defined victim is determined to be miserable, you might as well take advantage of this golden opportunity. This is especially true if you're dealing with a complete stranger who blundered into your life and will, quite probably, blunder out again, permanently. With strangers and family members, you can let it all hang out. When you're dealing with professional acquaintances or co-workers, you need to employ more subtle forms of expression, but that's outside the scope of this rant.

See, I told you that wouldn't hurt.

Whatever happened to that place called 'America'?

[I decided to repost this, after the immigrant bride of a friend asked her husband: "What happened to the America we heard about, dreamed about? What happened to the American Dream that we came here to pursue? This isn't THAT America. Where did it go?"

Maybe she'll find a clue regarding America's whereabouts, from this venerable rant.]

Given the direction our nation is headed, I feel like we've lost some vital part of what makes us who, what, we are. For the lack of a better word, I call it 'America', in this piece from my personal archives. This rant only identifies what we've lost.

In my current state of mind, I won't even pretend to tell how we'll ever get it back. We are, I'm afraid, in the 'things have got to get a lot worse' phase of an eventual, albeit a long way off, return to what we once were, that shining city on the hill.

I can tell you one thing, that's etched in stone. There's no room for that place called America in the brave new world that's being imposed on us by George Soros and his shill, a Marxist Messiah named Barack Hussein Obama.

America was a nation that one of its presidents called a 'shining city on a hill', a nation that showed the world what sovereign individuals working together, voluntarily, could accomplish.

It was a marvelous place that encouraged an individual to strive to achieve the maximum degree of success.

It was a land conceived in liberty where each individual was afforded the opportunity to go as high and as far as his talents, energy, and intelligence would take him.

It was a nation where an individual's great achievement and success were celebrated and cited as an example of what could be accomplished when a person focused all their energy, intellect and talent on a single goal.

It was a land where inalienable individual liberty reigned supreme and the government's primary function was to maximize each individual's birthright of unimpeded freedom.

It was the first nation that deliberately imposed limits on its own national government with a constitution that clearly defined the handful of legitimate functions the national government was allowed to perform.

It was a land that invited the free exchange of ideas, all ideas - noble and profane - a land whose inhabitants welcomed the vigorous debate that ensued.

It was a land where an individual had the inalienable right to decide how the fruits of his life's work would be distributed after his death.

It was a land where a man's rightful property could not be stolen by the government and handed over to another individual.

It was a nation whose inhabitants elevated self reliance, and individual accountability, to virtues.

It was a nation with a notoriously robust sense of humor populated by individuals who were famous for cracking a joke no matter how dire the situation.

It was a land where an immigrant arrived on its shores knowing that success wasn't guaranteed, but the opportunity to make something of yourself was available to anyone willing to put in the hard work.

It was a land where each newcomer added the best of himself to the land he now called home in exchange for the right to call himself an American.

It was a unique place, a nation the likes of which had never been seen before and hasn't been seen since.

What ever happened to that place called America?

If you spot America wandering aimlessly in the uncharted wastelands, tell it to phone home, because We the People are trying to bring it back where it belongs, as that shining city on the hill.

Going Postal In J.O.E.

It happened on the Brit Channel Island of Jersey, when the island's postal workers flatly refused to deliver some CDs which they deemed 'offensive material'. I know what you're thinking but the item in question isn't anything like THAT. It's not a porn flick. It's not even a promotional copy of Kim the Kaboose's vastly over-rated sex tape. So what is it? You're going to be thrilled.

Church groups on the island wanted to commemorate the 400th anniversary of - TA DA - the King James Bible. After discussing it, they ponied up enough money to produce 45,000 CDs which contain recordings of St. Mark's Gospel. Why 45,000 copies? That's how many households there are on the Channel Island of Jersey.

Long after they'd paid for the 45,000 CDs, the organizers of this effort got the thrilling news from the postal punks: not 'no', but 'hell no'.

As expected, the people behind the effort are differently-thrilled:

"Initially Jersey Post seemed quite positive about helping us deliver the CDs. But then a couple of weeks ago somebody from their marketing department phoned to say they would be unable to deliver them on the grounds that they could be deemed offensive. They said there were guidelines about mass material that is sent out across the island and that religious recordings could offend people. This is not openly aggressive evangelism it was just a nice idea to give everyone a CD which they can chose to listen to if they wish." ( Rev Liz Hunter of St Helier Methodist Centre, as quoted in the Daily Mail)

For those who care, here's the self-serving drivel spouted by a postal pinhead:

"I understand that one of my colleagues did say the material was offensive. This decision was made on the basis of our terms and conditions which states that we have the right to refuse to distribute something that falls under the category of 'promotional material which could cause offence'. Clearly this was interpreted in the wrong way. I have spoken to the person involved and have written to all of my colleagues asking that they come to me if there is any doubt in their mind in the future." (Jersey Post Chief Executive Kevin Keen, as quoted in the Daily Mail)

The churches sucked it up and enlisted a cadre of volunteers to deliver the CDs.

Parting shot: It's a damn shame that the Channel Island of Jersey can't vote that rancid asshole, Kevin Keen, off their island. Life is so sucky, that way.

Attack Watch

Updating a totalitarian mainstay - rat out thy neighbor - Barry's 2012 re-election campaign pooped out a stinker named 'Attackwatch.com'. Throwing 'just the facts ma'am under the bus, Barry's toadies urge loyal, card carrying Obamunists to 'submit rumors and attacks by any of his detractors, from GOP presidential candidates to next-door neighbors'. If you've got an Obamunist Moonbat relative, co-worker, fellow student, or neighbor who doesn't appreciate your attitude about The One, stand by to be the subject of an Attackwatch rat-o-gram.

Its intent is no laughing matter, but its implementation is, because some rational adults are using it as a forum to have fun at Barry's expense:

Tea partiers, or at least people who share sympathies with them, have used #attackwatch to joke — and at times, vent — about their dissatisfaction with the Obama administration.

A separate group has turned #AttackWatch into a punchline for mundane observations and funny non-sequiturs, using it to "report" everything from rude neighbors to NFL teams. Few if any have actually used #AttackWatch so far in the way the Obama campaign intended.

Right-wing pundits took a particular glee in appropriating the hashtag, with Jonah Goldberg, Michelle Malkin, and Tim Carney firing off sarcastic tweets by the minute. "Some RWNJ [Right Wing Nut Job] said Obama set up a website to track all criticism of him. But I know you're not that creepy," tweeted Carney.

Even nonpartisan novelty accounts jumped on the bandwagon: @depresseddarth, a Twitter feed imagining the Star Wars villain Darth Vader on Xanax, tweeted that "Obama launched a program to track attack threats. We had a similar program on the Death Star, but that didn't stop Luke." (Yahoo News)

It's worrisome that Barry and his minions, instinctively, look for a totalitarian solution to their 'problems'. It reminds me of that song "When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail". Obamunists weild the POTUS hammer, whenever someone exercises their freedom of speech to point out The One's glaring deficiencies when it comes to leadership, judgement and doing what's best for the United States of America.

It's refreshing to see proof that the American sense of humor is thriving, in these challenging times.

Parting shot: AttackWatch does serve one useful purpose. It reminds us that there's a Marxist asshat stinking up the Oval Office at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

'What's Their Damage?'.

Everywhere I look, I encounter alleged humans whose words and deeds makes me conclude that they are a couple of tacos short of a combination plate.

I see the disorders, dementia and malignant brainfarts on Obamunist MSM outlets like MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, and CBS, where their so-called news is saturated with dangerously deranged alleged humans who really need to increase the voltage on their shock treatments. I encounter them on the pages of our fishwrap. I encounter them on boom box talk shows. I encounter them on cyberspace speed bumps across the political spectrum.

Here are some Moonbat maladies that show no sign of fading away.

Bush Derangement Syndrome: 'This is a loss of the capability for rational thought. This loss is often displayed over a period of hours, days or even months and years. The sufferer in all cases blames President George W. Bush for any and all types of disasters, human maladies, etc. despite abundant evidence of contrary causal effects. BDS is also manifested in many sufferers by a determination to label President Bush as the greatest single threat to democracy and freedom in the United States... (Urban Dictionary)

PIGish Assessment: George Bush didn't pass the trillion dollar stimulus bill debacle. He didn't pass the DeathCare bill. He didn't kick the budget deficit so high that it swallows up 90(+)% of our GDP. He didn't give Jihadikazes a green light by putting a drooling incompetent like Janet 'Man Caused Disasters' Napolitano in charge of Homeland Stupidity.

Status: Thriving. Given the way Messiah Barry, and his cohorts on Capitol Hill, flee from taking responsibility for their Elected Tormentor actions, Bush Derangement Syndrome shows no sign of waning.

Palin Derangement Syndrome: Palin Derangement Syndrome is similar to Bush Derangement Syndrome. When it comes to Palin, the Rabid Moonbats are incapable of 'getting over it'.

PIGish Assessment: Sarah Palin is a private citizen whose primary sin is her continuing popularity. She's a VRWC superstar and that fun fact bugs the crap out of Rabid Libertard Moonbats.

Status: Thriving. As long as Palin is turning oxygen into carbon dioxide, it will be a fixture on the American political landscape.

You'll be thrilled to learn that our crackpot team of experts have identified some new maladies. We're pleased as punch to present them for your thoughtful consideration.

Phantom Swastika Syndrome: Pinning a 'Nazi' label on your political, philosophical, opponents, because you can't, or won't, confront 'just the facts' about him, her, himher, or it.

Example: A Sanctuary City of Angels city council punk detects distinct, troubling, phantom swastikas in Arizona's SB 1070. In his fevered brain, the Grand Canyon State is goose-stepping towards its own 'final solution' for border jumping scumbag invaders.

Example: Jerry 'Moonbeam' Brown detects phantom swastikas festooning the person, and the campaign, of his rival for Mexifornia Governor, Meg Whitman. In Jerry's fevered brain, Meg is the second coming of infamous Nazi propagandist, Joseph Goebbels.

PIGish Assessment: Invoking the Nazis to vilify someone with whom you disagree is no substitute for a thoughtful, well-reasoned response/critique of someone whose words and/or actions rots your socks.

Status: Thriving. More than six decades have passed since its richly deserved demise, but the Third Reich still casts a long, ominous shadow. Given that, Phantom Swastika Syndrome will continue to be a viable option for anyone who prefers taking a cheap shot to a reasoned discourse.

Phantom Linen Syndrome: Pinning a 'racist' label on your political, philosophical, opponents, because you can't, or won't, confront 'just the facts' about him, her, himher, or it.

Example: Lunatic Libertard Moonbats detect phantom linen (sheets and hoods) whenever a rational adult opposes Messiah Barry's political policies, work ethic, and his relentless denigration of America. Since Barry is, for Libertard Moonbats, THE ONE, any opposition to him has to be racism.

Example: Colonistas detect phantom linen, whenever a rational adult, through word and/or deed, advocates a vigorous defense of American sovereignty, by stemming the border jumping scumbag tide.

PIGish Assessment: It's much too easy, and much too popular, to vilify someone with whom you disagree. Obviously, when your own ideas are indefensible, it's much easier to 'settle the matter', by playing the race card.

Status: Thriving. When someone called this a 'post racial era' to salute Messiah Barry's ascension to the Oval Office, they were yanking our chain. In reality, 'post racial era' translates as 'even if you grovel at Messiah Barry's feet and worship his every thought, word, and deed, you're still a racist honky'.

Our crackpot staff is also vetting at least two more, up and coming maladies. Here are their provisional findings:

Tea Party Paranoia: It's an irrational fear of sovereign American individuals who exercise their right to peaceably assemble and petition their government.

Provisional PIGish Assessment: This malady is closely related to two other maladies which we've already discussed: Phantom Swastika Syndrome, Phantom Linen Syndrome. It's also closely related to another provisional malady, Phantom Fife & Drum Syndrome.

Phantom Fife & Drum Syndrome: It's an irrational fear of We the People, who are fed up with the Nanny State's assault on our liberty. Whenever We the People invoke the U.S. Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, or the Founding Fathers, the usual Libertard suspects detect those phantom fifes and drums.

PIGish Assessment: A Second American Revolution, perpetrated by We the People? I'm not THAT sure this one can be written off as a product of a vivid imagination.

When you sweep aside all the bullcrap, and get down to 'just the facts', the on-going popularity of disorders, dementia, and malignant brainfarts is easily understood. For those alleged individuals with a flabby intellect, defending the notions they espouse involves entirely too much heavy lifting. Since their ideas were 'issued' to them, it's impossible for them to defend something they really don't understand. Since the largely mythical 'free exchange of ideas' isn't a viable option, they take the easy way out. Traveling the intellectual 'low road', they resort to name calling.

It's time to evict these disorders, dementia, and malignant brainfarts from our misery and get back to basics. If you bump heads with someone who espouses concepts that you don't like, put on your thinking cap and show them the errors of their ways. It's called persuasion and it's as American as mom, apple pie and the infamous Hooters' restraining order.

Laying Down The Law

"There ought to be a law." We've all heard it. Many of us, in a moment of supreme frustration, have said it. By and large, it's what we spew when we want to put some annoying, intolerable, element of objective reality out of our misery. For a moment, we want some big bad 'daddy' to step in and kick some ass for us.

The question we're going to address in this PIGish seminar is this: Do we really want and/or need MORE laws? Don't we have all the laws we need, already?

* We have physical laws that govern the nature of the universe in which we live.

* We have immutable laws - like the law of unintended consequences - that make life a thrill a minute.

* We have all those 'been there, done that' laws which perceptive pests like 'Murphy' wrote to put the banes of our existence into words.

* Even our resident lunatic, the one and only Hambo, has written his own laws.

* The worst laws, the laws that produce the most misery, are the ones perpetrated by the Nanny State.

It's utterly human to complain 'there ought to be a law' in a moment of frustration. We don't have a problem with that. BUT, we draw the line, when some whining piece of crap goes running to the nearest Elected Tormentor every time objective reality bites him, her, himher or it on the ass.

America wasn't built by whining asshats, who went running to big Nanny State daddy when life kicks some asshat butt. America wasn't built by cringing cretins, who demand laws banning hate speech, laws banning 'indecent' boob tube shows, laws banning punks who yammer on a cell phone while driving, and laws banning sovereign individuals, who don't mind customers lighting up a cancer stick in their outpost of capitalism. America was built by those rugged, I solve my own problems, individuals who take on those sources of frustration, personally.

How, you ask, does that work in real life? Good question, front of the class Sparky. Here are a few PIGish solutions to some of life's thrills, spills and chills.

Offender 1: Nonentities like Kim "My Butt is Bigger Than Jupiter" Kardashian, Dina "Stage Mother From Hell" Lohan, Denise "People Still Want to See Me Naked" Richards, plus assorted other pimples on humanity's butt, are rewarded for their lack of meaningful talent with their own reality show. There ought to be a law? Nope. There ought to be at least one producer who is willing to 'just say no' to no-talent pissants. Since that's too much to ask, it's up to you, channel surfer Sparky, to avoid these blights on the cable dial like they're tainted with ebola.

Offender 2: Television shows, Internet sites, movies, music, and magazines have content that is created by adults, for the use of other adults, but no meaningful steps are taken to keep this out of the hands of 'children'. There a ought to be a law 'for the children'? Nope. There ought to be parents, who take the lifelong task for which they volunteered seriously. There ought to be parents, who refuse to repeal the rights of sovereign adult individuals to protect their own, egregiously unsupervised offspring.

Offender 3: A cellidiot asshat is ruining your dinner out, by bellowing details of his boring as hell life into some cellular piece of crap. There ought to be a law? Nope. There ought to be a taser/cattle prod dispenser in every public place. That way, all a rational adult needs to do to restore order, is grab one and zap that fool into a quieter frame of mind. Trust us, watching him twitching on the floor will do wonders for that dining experience.

Offender 4: A woman who is way past 'old enough to know better' - we'll cut her some slack by calling her middle aged - is on a quest to recapture their former, youthful beauty. How? By going out to bars, cruising for some blind drunk stud, armed with high tech hooters and lowrider jeans, that - UGH - exposes her thong undies. There ought to be a law? Nope. There ought to be one dude with the stones to walk up to her and say "Why the f**k don't you act your damn age, granny."

Offender 5: You're walking down the street and the punk in front of you has his drawers hanging so damn low that you're getting a view of his, her, hisher or its personality that only a proctologist could love. There ought to be a law? Nope. There ought to be a rational adult with sense enough to smack the fool on the back of his head and say, "Pull up your f-ing pants, shit for brains."

Offender 6: Your local incarnation of Barney Fife is making life miserable, by writing tickets for j-walking, skateboarding, smoking, or deploying your garbage can a little too early. There ought to be a law outlawing Barney? Nope. There out to be one citizen willing to impound Barney's bullet, tape it to that damn ticket book, then shove them up Barney's butt.

Offender 7: Bloated, technically female, wide loads in stretch pants and beer guzzling dudes whose bare brewskie belly has its own zip code are an unrelenting source of eye pollution. There ought to be a law that forces them to slim down, by banning fast food outlets and transfats? Not no, but hell no, although a mandatory burkas for bloated behemoths (male and female) edict is very tempting. There ought to be a critical mass of rational adults, who are willing to let these human hippos burn in the hell they created for themselves.

Offender 8: Celebrities, who want to keep their name recognition high while between gigs, spawn, then pimp out, their newborn offspring, by selling the baby pictures for a 7-figure payday. There ought to be a law? Nope. You need to admit that, by and large, all crying poopers look alike and refuse to shell out that hard earned folding green for the rag featuring those 'look what I did' pictures

Offender 9: Gutless, telemarketing, scumbags tie up your phone, at the most inconvenient time, with pre-recorded crap calls, pitching something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. There ought to be a law? Nope. There ought to be some techno geek with ample time on his hands, who strikes it rich with an invention that lets victims of telemarketing abuse nuke the rat bastard's phone out of commission.

Offender 10: Public employee unions, teachers' unions and Elected Tormentor fronted political action committees, use your stolen money to browbeat you into letting them steal more of your liberty and/or your rightful property. There out to be a law banning these tax-funded ad campaigns? Nope. There ought to be a taxpayer revolt that introduces them to a character building gut check called UNEMPLOYMENT.

There ought to be a law? Nope, and our attitude won't change, as long as we have a spine, a full compliment of nads, and enough ammo to keep Old Betsy well fed for a long siege. Life is what it has always been, one damn thing after another. How do you plan to handle it? That's your call.

Here in the Free State of PIG, we plan to emulate those legendary rugged American individuals, by taking care of life's speed bumps the old fashioned way, even if it means kicking ass and taking names.

Setting The Record Straight

[Two years ago, We the People scared the crap out of the entrenched asshats who infest Washington D.C. Like a warning shot across the bow of a ship, the events of 09/12/2009 sent an unambiguous message to the Elected Tormentors: stop, right damn now.

Fast forward to the present and the Elected Tormentors have resorted to name calling, in an effort to stem the rising TEA Party Tide that pink slipped so many richly deserving Elected Tormentors in last year's mid-term elections.

To counteract this frontal assault on We the People, I am reposting the Top Story I posted about the 09/12/2009 demonstrations.]

ANSWERING THE CALL

On 9/12/09 a critical mass of sovereign American individuals demonstrated their resolve to defend their inalienable liberty.

In the wake of an event which the Obamunist media tried to ignore, attempted to minimize, then decided to denigrate - the 9/12/09 march on Washington - the FSOP feels the need to set the record straight. It wasn't a temper tantrum by Republicans who lost their mojo. It wasn't an assemblage of redneck rustics who had a racist hissy fit over a black president. It wasn't a faux protest funded by dark right-wing forces with deep pockets. It wasn't any of them.

If 9/12/09 wasn't any of those things, what was it? It was a mobilization, an initial marshaling, of liberty-venerating forces in the war for America. Both sides know that the stakes are high. Both sides know that the winner of this war gets to determine the fate, the future, of this land conceived in liberty. Both sides understand that only two outcomes are possible: inalienable individual liberty, or Nanny State slave shackles.

The first to take the field, the enemies of liberty staked out the high ground at the pinnacles of our government, in the middle decades of the 20th century. Entrenched inside their Beltway Bastion, the statists have done everything in their power to make their federal fortress impregnable.

Once secure in their Capitol Hill citadel, the two dominant elements within the enemy camp engaged in internecine warfare, a king-of-the-hill battle for the right to impose their will upon the clueless masses outside the citadel. Snake-fascinated, the masses deluded themselves into thinking that one side, or the other, had their best interests at heart, a brain-fart for which they paid dearly, as both sides fleeced the masses of their liberty and property.

On January 20, 2009, the final battle for America began, when an unrepentant, America hating, capitalism despising, Marxist was inaugurated as President - Messiah for Life - of the United States. Full of themselves, and 'it', a tidal wave of glassy-eyed Obamunists threw down the gauntlet on that day, daring any free ranging rational adults to come and pick it up. Would any sovereign individuals dare to invade the Beltway Bastion?

On September 12, 2009, the largest assemblage of sovereign American individuals in the history of the USA - realistic estimates range from 500,000 to 1,500,000 - invaded the Beltway Bastion to accept the challenge thrown down on January 20, 2009.

For the first time, since 1776, the battlelines are clearly defined. For the first time, since 1776, the stakes are so high, that sovereign individuals are motivated to set aside business as usual, to defend the core principles which make America that beacon of liberty, the Shining City on the Hill.

The statist enemy is led by a malignant narcissist, a man who believes everything the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade spews about him. The weapons at his disposal are formidable. He enjoys a captive, power-obsessed, congress that is led by Elected Tormentors who have spent decades embedding themselves in their seats of power. He has a slavishly subservient mainstream media which will warp objective reality into any shape the Narcissist-In-Chief wants or needs. He has millions of fanatically devoted foot soldiers who will unwaveringly, unquestioningly, follow his every order.

Opposing the intimidating power of the statist enemy is an aspiring tyrant's worst nightmare. It's a venerable force in American history which takes uphill battles against powerful, entrenched enemies in stride. It's a force of such renown, that it is honored - by name - with the opening words of the United States Constitution: We the People of the United States.

On 9/12/09, unlike the statists opposing them, America's sovereign individuals didn't gather under the banner of some POTUS wannabe, a legend in his own mind cable news clown, or a boom box host with a devoted, nationwide audience. Energized by their own, personal, motives, the sovereign individuals gathered together, voluntarily, for a common purpose. They don't need a standard bearer to lead them, because they understand that voluntary cooperation between sovereign individuals who are pursuing a common goal is the limitless source of American strength and resilience.

The meaning of 9/12/09 is clear. The battle for America has been joined, and it promises to be a prolonged, bruising, battle, where no quarter will be given, and surrender is not an option. The lines of battle are clearly defined and the fierce battles waged along them aren't for the fainthearted.

Limited, Properly-Constitutional Government vs Unrestrained Nanny State Growth
Statists view the U.S. Constitution as an archaic relic of America's ignoble, white, racist, past which needs to be abolished, to unleash the full, coercive power of the Nanny State. Ideally, it should be abolished completely, since its devilish details prevent the Narcissist-In-Chief from achieving Hugo "Skipper" Chavez class, tyrant for life status. On the other hand, if they simply ignore it, that gets them there, too.

Sovereign individuals are, belatedly, confronting the fact that, for at least a century, Elected Tormentors have willfully, deliberately, exceeded their legitimate, Constitutional authority. Fed up with these Elected Tormentor power plays, sovereign Individuals mobilized to restore the U.S. Constitution, as the Founding Fathers intended it: a document which sets strict, non-negotiable limits on the Nanny State, by clearly delineating the government's powers.

Individualism vs Group Think
Statists have dazzled their glassy-eyed devotees with a steaming load of crap called the group identity. Under this fetid folly, each member of the statist horde is hounded into trading in his, her, hisher or its individual identity (and the accountability that goes with it), in exchange for one, or more, group labels. The most popular labels are based on immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices, but many seek a false sense of security in one of the approved political labels, like 'progressive', 'moderate', or 'liberal'.

Sovereign individuals know that the greatness of America lies in the untapped potential that resides inside each of its sovereign individuals. They realize that this powerful force is much too valuable to squander for the sake of a label based on immutable characteristics, or culturally-derived affiliations. Individual liberty, the kind immortalized by Thomas Jefferson's historic tribute to sovereign individualism - The Declaration of Independence - requires that each of us refuses to be diminished by a group identity. It requires that each of us refuses to be pigeonholed by a one-size-fits-all label. Sovereign individuals understand that, if you want to be counted, you must put yourself on the line as that utterly American entity, an individual.

Capitalism vs Nanny State Restrictions
Statists are like a tyke using a magnifying glass to torch ants on an ant hill. They're endlessly amused by the way their victims struggle to overcome the artificial barriers that they put in their path. Statists find an American dreamer's resolve to crawl up the ladder of success through hard work and applied intelligence laughable. If the poor fool is willing to pay the fare at each Nanny State toll gate...if he's willing to keep going with the Nanny State's hand in his pocket, so be it. The joke is on that dreamer. If he succeeds, the Nanny State will pick him clean, before, and after, he dies.

Sovereign individuals took to the streets to demand that the greedy Nanny State bastards "knock it off". They have their hands full going toe to toe with the marketplace, trying to build a better life for themselves, and their family. They busted their butt to earn their keep and all they demand from the Nanny State is their birthright to dispense with their own property, wealth, as they see fit.

Equal Opportunity vs Equality of Results
The statists turn reality on its head when they invoke a stinker called the level playing field. Instead of deploying a single, objective standard, statists use different criteria for each recognized group label. They believe that the primary purpose of government is to impose an equality of results through the coercive power of the Nanny State.

Sovereign individuals trust in their own ability, and view Nanny State 'assistance' as an insult. They welcome the challenge of testing themselves against an impartial standard like the marketplace and scholastic exams like the SATs. They believe that the only purpose of government is to create an environment that maximizes individual liberty, then gets the hell out of the way. Sovereign individuals call this 'an equality of opportunity'.

The events of 9/12/09 are replete with irony. The last time rank and file Americans took to the streets in vast numbers, the issues, then, as now, were profound. Many marched for racial justice, a goal they achieved when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed into law. Elsewhere, during the middle decades of the 20th century, 'students' marched in the street to end an unpopular, tragically bungled, war. They, too, got what they wanted. The irony is that those 20th century protesters who waged battle with 'the establishment', have traded places with their enemy. In 2009, the civil rights marchers, the peace at any price pukes, have become the establishment. Now, the individuals marching in the streets of the nation's capitol - and in locations from sea to shining sea - are protesting THEM, the NEW establishment. Call me names if you must, but I suspect that the humor of the situation, the irony on steroids, eludes them.

What, you ask, does any of this have to do with the FSOP and political correctness? If you can't see that, we'll spell it out for you. The events of 9/12/09, and the battle they represent, are motivated by sovereign individuals who demand nothing less than their inalienable right to conduct their lives without unwanted Nanny State intrusions, plundering and/or safety nets. In this first year of the Obamunist Error, there's nothing more politically incorrect than a sovereign individual who stands up, in the center of the Beltway Bastion, and shouts, "Leave me the hell alone, you statist scumbags."

Was 9/12/09 a flash in the pan, or a declaration that America's sovereign individuals are finally prepared to fight for their liberty? That's your call, sovereign individual Sparky. Make that call now, because the statists are anticipating an uncontested victory.

This & That

Item: Stray Thoughts On Mecca Mania

* It's not just a religion.
Unlike most other religious belief systems, Islam - henceforth Mecca Mania - is unabashedly POLITICAL when it comes to implementation. It masquerades as a religious belief system, a facade that comes in useful when it comes to silencing its critics. Protected by its religious facade, Mecca Mania whips its adherents into a mindless frenzy - during the infamous Friday services. Once the Islamikazes are properly conditioned they are unleashed on the society at large to accomplish the Imam's utterly secular, political goals. It's very successful, as demonstrated by the Islamikaze conquest of Egypt, Libya, and Tunisia, to name few.

* Creeping Sharia
In places like England - it's also starting here - Islamikaze rage-a-holics perpetrate some outrage - like the flag burning in front of our London embassy on 9/11/11 - then retreat behind the deplorably effective protective shield called 'Islamophobia' when a rational adult challenges their antics. Over time, through repeated outrages, they manage to move the bar of 'acceptable' Islamikaze behavior. Depending on the level of political correctness in a given society, Sharia's ability to erode individual liberty is alarming. Londonstan is a prime example. So, regrettably, is Deabornstan.

* Victimhood
In Western Countries, like Canada, the USA, and the EU nations, Islamikazes play the libertard Moonbats like a bass fiddle. First, the Islamikazes find a reason to be outraged, then when they're suitably provoked, they kick up a stink, stage a public titans of tolerance hissy fit, then wait for the blowback. When rational adults rally to defend freedom of speech (a prime target of Mecca Maniacs), the Islamikazes play the victim card, whining about mean old rational adults 'unfairly' indulging in hate speech against the harmless Islamikazes and their notoriously fuzzball religion.

It's a very successful strategy, doubly so, since Western Moonbats are so steeped in neo-Marxism that the last thing they're likely to do is defend their nemesis: inalienable individual liberty. Victimhood - albeit a load of crap in the Islamikazes' case - is a very powerful weapon for one simple reason: the rational adults who populate Western nations were asleep at the switch and let this faux victimhood crap reach critical mass.

Lesson: Islamikazes are a bunch of 7th century assholes, but they're not stupid.

Item: Hard Sell Evangelism

(I posted this several months ago, but my friend didn't heed my sage advice, and he's still under siege. He still wants my help...this pagan wisdom is all the help he needs.)

One of my friends is under siege by two different Cross Cult flavors. Both are engaging in that old school door to door sales gig which is akin to sticking a foot in the door. He asked me what I would do, so I told him.

Me: "One pair of tormentors is the Mormons?"

"Yup, they wouldn't leave me alone, until my neighbor talked to their bishop or something. It's okay, for now, but I think they'll be back, eventually."

Me: "Excellent. The other is fundamentalist Evangelicals?"

"That's right."

Me: "No problem. You need to get them fighting with each other."

"How?"

Me: "Eternity is the key. The Mormons don't believe in a 'hell' per se. They believe in three stages of heaven. They told me 'hell' is knowing you could have been in a higher heaven. That means, if they have it right, you're still going to heaven. Worst case puts you in heavens boondocks...not a fate worse than death."

"That sounds pretty cool. Are you sure about that three stages of heaven?"

Me: "Sure enough for our purposes. When the Evangelicals return, tell them that, when it comes to eternity, the Mormons made you a better offer. With the Mormons, you still get to heaven, even if it's the boondocks of heaven. All the Evangelicals have for your 'uncooperative' soul is an extra crispy eternity. I'd tell them you're still thinking it over. Ask them if they have something better to offer. When they get pissy about that, and they will, you tell them that, until the various Cross Cult sects settle their differences, get their stories straight, and settle on one happy ending for all eternity, you don't want to hear about it."

"You make it sound so easy, but I don't do that kind of stuff like you do."

Me: "Exactly, and that explains why door to door salvation salesmen and saleswomen steer clear of my infamous Enlightenment Zone."

"Do you make house calls, Mister Enlightenment?"

Me: "Not when it involves getting mauled by TSA asshats, as a pre-flight shakedown."

"No guts, no glory."

Me: "You better believe it, Sparky."

More Of Hambo's Politically Incorrect Playlist

I've been putting together some iTunes playlists. Inadvertently, while compiling a playlist for my lovely bride, I noticed how utterly PIGish many of the selections are. I am, however amused by the utterly PIGish sentiments exhibited in the following songs.

Ditty: "Get Out of My Car"
Sung by: Toby Keith
Sin against Korrectness: Rampant sexism

Ditty: "Alcohol"
Sung by: Brad Paisley
Sin against Korrectness: Promotes alcoholism.

Dittty: "A Boy Named Sue"
Sung by: Johnny Cash
Sin against Korrectness: Homophobic, since it 'mocks' transgenderism, and gender identity problems.

Ditty: "Johnny Are You Queer?"
Sung by: Josie Cotton
Sin against Korrectness: Homophobic

Ditty: "The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun"
Sung by: Julie Brown
Sin against Korrectness: Glorifies gun violence, by a student, at a SCHOOL

Ditty: "Taliban Song"
Sung by: Toby Keith
Sin against Korrectness: Islamiphobia

Ditty: "Midnight Choir (Mogen David)"
Sung by: Gatlin Brothers
Sin against Korrectness: Celebrates alcoholism among Urban Campers, Denigrates the homeless

Ditty: "Beat on the Brat"
Sung by: The Ramones
Sin against Korrectness: Glorifies child abuse

Ditty: "Weed with Willie"
Sung by: Toby Keith
Sin against Korrectness: Glorifies drug abuse

Ditty: "Destroy All Lawyers"
Sung by: Mojo Nixon
Sin against Korrectness: Promotes violence against a key Demoncrat constituency.

Ditty: "Ballad of Balad"
Sung by: Toby Keith
Sin against Korrectness: Islamophobia

Ditty: "Mercedes Benz"
Sung by: Janis Joplin
Sin against Korrectness: Promotes the destruction of Mother Earth via conspicuous consumption.

Ditty: "Fat Bottomed Girls"
Sung by: Queen
Sin against Korrectness: Promotes obesity.

Ditty: "You Can Dress 'Em Up (but you can't take 'em out)"
Sung by: Mojo Nixon
Sin against Korrectness: Rampant sexism.

Ditty: "I Like 'Em Big And Stupid"
Sung by: Julie Brown
Sin against Korrectness: Mocks individuals with learn disabilities

What do these songs have in common, aside from their InKorrectness? They're funny, and fun.

Equally fun, equally InKorrect, in a 'strap yourself down and get ready to rock' manner, are these recent additions to my personal playlist:

Ditty: "Crazy Bitch"
Sung by: Buckchery
Sin against Korrectness: Rampant sexism.

Ditty: "Cold Hard Bitch"
Sung by: Jet
Sin against Korrectness: Rampant sexism.

This is not intended to be a comprehensive list. It's a work in progress. If, after looking it over, you have some ideas for additions to this playlist, let me know what I'm missing.

Parting shot: the following songs may or may not be InKorrect. BUT...They are guaranteed eradicate the residual effects of hearing The One bloviating:

Group: Nazareth
Ditty: "Hair of the Dog"

Group: Metallica
Ditties: "Enter Sandman", "Nothing Else Matters", "Unforgiven", "Seek And Destroy"

Group: Black Sabbath
Ditty: "Heaven And Hell"

Group: Beastie Boys
Ditty: "Fight for Your Right"

It's Turning Into A Real Pisser

It looks like the usual and some unusual suspects are doing their best to turn the 10th Anniversary of 9/11/01 into a pissing contest.

Big Apple Bullshit

Predictably, that asshole who sits in the Big Apple mayor's office, Michael Bloomberg, is spreading his special brand of joy.

* The emergency responders - 411 of whom died in a heroic effort to save those trapped in the mortally wounded Twin Towers - were specifically banned, thanks to that rat bastard Bloomberg.

* Since the Big Apple is - so sayeth Bloomberg - the religious capitol of the world, it would be wrong/unfair to invite some religious leaders to the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and not invited others. Therefore, Mikey decided to ban all Toll Takers from the commemoration.

* This week, that steaming piece of shit, Bloomberg kicked it up a notch, when he whined about the term 'Ground Zero': "We will never forget the devastation of the area that came to be known as 'Ground Zero' -- never," Bloomberg told the Association for a Better New York at a breakfast appearance, adding that the "the time has come for us to call those 16 acres what they are: The World Trade Center and the National September 11th Memorial and Museum." (Yahoo News).

"We will never forget"? That's very true, for many of us, but I'm not convinced that Bloomberg is one of them. I suspect he'd like to erase that memory - especially the role Mecca Mania played in this attack on America - from everyone's mind. As far as I can tell, Bloomberg might be the only Elected Tormentor who has his head shoved farther up Islam's collective ass than Messiah Barry.

Mark Steyn cut through the crap with "Our absurdly Politically Correct 9-11 Memorial: "Let's Roll Over".

Waiting to be interviewed on the radio the other day, I found myself on hold listening to a public-service message exhorting listeners to go to 911day.org and tell their fellow citizens how they would be observing the tenth anniversary of the, ah, "tragic events." There followed a sound bite of a lady explaining that she would be paying tribute by going and cleaning up an area of the beach.

Great! Who could object to that? Anything else? Well, another lady pledged that she "will continue to discuss anti-bullying tactics with my grandson."

Marvelous. Because studies show that many middle-school bullies graduate to hijacking passenger jets and flying them into tall buildings?

You should never feel left out

You are a piece of a puzzle

And without you

The whole picture can't be seen.

And if that message of "healing and unity" doesn't sum up what happened on Sept. 11, 2001, what does? A painting of a plane flying into a building? A sculpture of bodies falling from a skyscraper? Oh, don't be so drearily literal. "It is still too soon," says Midori Yashimoto, director of the New Jersey City University Visual Arts Gallery, whose exhibition "Afterwards & Forward" is intended to "promote dialogue, deeper reflection, meditation, and contextualization." So, instead of planes and skyscrapers, it has Yoko Ono's "Wish Tree," on which you can hang little tags with your ideas for world peace.

What's missing from these commemorations?

Firemen?

Oh, please. There are some pieces of the puzzle we have to leave out. As Mayor Bloomberg's office has patiently explained, there's "not enough room" at the official Ground Zero commemoration to accommodate any firemen. "Which is kind of weird," wrote the Canadian blogger Kathy Shaidle, "since 343 of them managed to fit into the exact same space ten years ago." On a day when all the fancypants money-no-object federal acronyms comprehensively failed — CIA, FBI, FAA, INS — the only bit of government that worked was the low-level unglamorous municipal government represented by the Fire Department of New York. When they arrived at the World Trade Center the air was thick with falling bodies — ordinary men and women trapped on high floors above where the planes had hit, who chose to spend their last seconds in one last gulp of open air rather than die in an inferno of jet fuel. Far "too soon" for any of that at New Jersey City University, but perhaps you could reenact the moment by filling out a peace tag for Yoko Ono's "Wish Tree" and then letting it flutter to the ground.

(Snip)

And so we commemorate an act of war as a "tragic event," and we retreat to equivocation, cultural self-loathing, and utterly fraudulent misrepresentation about the events of the day. In the weeks after 9/11, Americans were enjoined to ask, "Why do they hate us?" A better question is: "Why do they despise us?" And the quickest way to figure out the answer is to visit the Peace Quilt and the Wish Tree, the Crescent of Embrace and the Hole of Bureaucratic Inertia.

You can read the whole thing, here: Mark Steyn 9/11 commentary

Some Are More Equal in D.C

Michael "Islam's Toady" Bloomberg isn't the only one who is rolling up the welcome mat and smacking would be 10th Anniversary attendees with it. The Washington National Cathedral did some guest banning of its own, when it issued invitations for a prayer vigil - an interfaith prayer vigil - marking the 10th Anniversary of the September 11 Jihadikaze assault on this land conceived in liberty.

Notable supernaturalists from a wide spectrum of sects made the "you're invited" cut:

The Dean of the Washington National Cathedral

The Bishop of Washington

A Rabbi

A Buddhist nun

An Incarnate Lama

A Hindu priest

The President of the Islamic Society of North America.

Who was deliberately not included: Evangelical Christians, including the head of the Southern Baptist Convention who asked to be included and was shot down in flames.

And what, you ask, do the perpetrators of this farce have to say? It's exactly what you'd expect in this Golden Age of Korrectness and Appeasement:

Richard Weinberg, the Cathedral's director of communications, confirmed that Southern Baptists were not extended an invitation to participate.

"The goal was to have interfaith representation," he told Fox News Radio. "The Cathedral itself is an Episcopal church and it stands to reason that our own clergy serve as Christian representatives."

He said the Washington National Cathedral serves as the "spiritual home for the nation" and as such, he said that "diversity was first and foremost" a factor in the planning.

"We certainly aim to appeal to as many in the country as possible and feel that our events are not any one slice that could ever represent the entire country -- but that we are doing our best commemorate the events as it fits with our mission," Weinberg said.

On Sunday night the Cathedral will host President Obama as he delivers remarks in a program called, "A Concert of Hope." At least five faith leaders will deliver prayers but those individuals have not been identified.

Weinberg said the president's event will be a "secular service," but said given the setting it will include an interfaith benediction. (Fox News)

It's their Toll Booth and therefore, their call, but it still seems like a shitty thing to do.

Is 'Bro' Racist?

I'll start this out with the essential question: is the word "Bro" a racial term? I never thought so, but certain Buckeye State Ethnocrats seem to think so.

The race card brandishing festivities started, last Friday, when Kirtland H.S. (Ohio) obliterated Painsville Harvey H.S. (Ohio) on the gridiron. After the game, some parents and students from the winning side, decided to 'rub it in', so they put up that allegedly RACIST sign.

It was such a blatantly 'racist' sign that it elicited this response from a local Ethnocrat:

"At the conclusion of the game, some of their students and parents put up a sign that we believe was racial intimidation, ethnic intimidation," said Roderick Coffee, president of the Lake County chapter of the NAACP, who was also at the game. (WJW-TV)

Roderick isn't the only one who jumped to that conclusion:

"I think the reference to 'bro' in the sign definitely has a racial connection to it," said Michael Hanlon, superintendent for Painesville City Schools. (WJW-TV)

And what, you ask, did was dastardly bit of inflammatory prose which was drenched in racial and ethnic intimidation? The sign read "You Mad Bro". I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you over this uh, hate speech? Wait a minute, since when did 'bro' become a racial slur?

For that answer, the news sleuths at WJS-TV took a trip on the information superhighway:

According to the Urban Dictionary, which is basically the online Wikipedia of slang, the phrase 'you mad bro?' means "To make a ragin [sic] person rage even more by asking the most ironic question."

To use an older slang phrase, kicking someone when they are down.

That's not MY idea of a smoking 'you racist bastards' gun. Gloating? Yup. Rubbing it in? Yup. Bad sportsmanship? Perhaps. Racist? Not 'no', but 'hell no'.

When The Truth Hurts, Outlaw It

The proverbial camel's nose that is under the tent, is a Black Helicopter Club non-binding resolution - Resolution 18 - that was pooped out by the U.N.'s fatally flawed Human Rights Council. It paints a rhetorical bull's-eye on religious "stereotyping" and "negative profiling", but stops short of limiting freedom of speech. It's toothless, for now, but, that's a temporary situation, because Islamikazes plan to use it as launching pad toward what amounts to an international blasphemy law which applies EXCLUSIVELY, to Mecca Mania.

An unprecedented collaboration between the Obama administration and the Organization of Islamic Cooperation (OIC, formerly called the Organization of the Islamic Conference) to combat "Islamophobia" may soon result in the delegitimization of freedom of expression as a human right.

The administration is taking the lead in an international effort to "implement" a U.N. resolution against religious "stereotyping," specifically as applied to Islam. To be sure, it argues that the effort should not result in free-speech curbs. However, its partners in the collaboration, the 56 member states of the OIC, have no such qualms. Many of them police private speech through Islamic blasphemy laws and the OIC has long worked to see such codes applied universally. Under Muslim pressure, Western Europe now has laws against religious hate speech that serve as proxies for Islamic blasphemy codes. (National Review Online)

If/when these Islamikazes get their way, it will be a crime to get too real about Mecca Mania, but Islamikazes could slander Jews and Cross Cultists as much as they like. Why would The One go along with this bullshit? He's an Islamikaze loving, liberty hating, MARXIST pile of shit, that's why.

What kind of 'speech' are the Islamikazes trying to snuff out? Here's an example plucked from the pages of your fishwrap:

Pakistan -

Two Pakistani men, both Cross Cultists, were returning from an early morning prayer service, when they were intercepted by a group of young men, who belonged to Pakistan's dominant form of supernaturalism. A religious-themed exchange of pleasantries ensued, during which the group of young men attempted to bribe, and/or cajole, the Cross Cultists into switching supernaturalist teams. Despite the various inducements, the Cross Cultists declined the offer.

Unwilling to take 'no' for an answer, the group of young men armed themselves with tire irons, then demanded that the two Cross Cultists convert to Pakistan's dominant religion, or they would be beaten to death. One of the Cross Cultists had his jaw broken, and both were left with serious injuries. The only reason they survived is dumb luck. When their victims passed out, the group of club wielding young men thought they were dead, so they left them battered and bloodied, at the side of the road.

Reality Check:
The young thugs weren't rampaging Mennonites. The young thugs weren't rampaging Scientologists. The young thugs weren't rampaging Pastafarians. They were members of the Religion of Peace, who were trying to beat two Christians into reciting the Islamikaze conversion creed - the Kalma. The members of the OIC might not want to hear about THAT, but I don't give a damn what they want.

This & That

Item: 2012 Elections

While rational adults are preparing for a standard issue election campaign in 2012, the militant Moonbats are gearing up for a fight. When I say 'fight', I'm egregiously understating the issue. Based on the inflammatory rhetoric spewing from the Moonbats, they're not interested in issues, debates, candidate positions, or a candidate's political track record. They're looking for blood, literally, because, instead of a political battle waged in the voting booth, the militant Moonbats are getting ready for a club wielding, head smashing, beating,in the streets. In other words, this Spring's Madison (Wisconsin) meltdown - rampage if you will - was just a warm-up.

Jimmy Hoffa, Jr., laid it out, in unambiguous terms, one week ago,

"We got to keep an eye on the battle that we face: The war on workers. And you see it everywhere, it is the Tea Party. And you know, there is only one way to beat and win that war. The one thing about working people is we like a good fight. And you know what? They've got a war, they got a war with us and there's only going to be one winner. It's going to be the workers of Michigan, and America. We're going to win that war. President Obama, this is your army. We are ready to march. Let's take these son of bitches out and give America back to an America where we belong,"

If you're a rational adult, be prepared, because the militant Moonbats idea of politics is beating you on the head with a tire iron, until your brains are splattered all over the street.

Parting shot: When that union piece of crap comes at you with that tire iron, gun the bastard down like the rabid dog he is, Second Amendment Sparky, because Moonbat politics is a blood feud.

Item: Chaz Bono

For some reason, the TFV (Traditional Family Values) crowd has their panties in a wad over Chaz Bono. He, she, heshe, or it has the TFV crowd foaming at the mouth, because, Chaz is a contestant on a show I NEVER watch, 'Dancing With The Stars'. Apparently, the mere sight of Chaz dancing with a hottie named Lacey Schwimmer is going to do irrevokable damage to "THE CHILDREN". How? How indeed.

A Fox News talking head, Dr. Keith Ablow, had a memorable meltdown over 'Dancing With The Chaz'...

Ablow is a forensic psychiatrist and author who frequently appears on Fox to discuss psychological issues. He posted an editorial this weekend on Foxnews.com which said watching Chaz compete on the ABC series would be 'toxic' for children.

"I advise parents to not allow their children to watch the episodes in which Chaz appears. It is a toxic and unnecessary by product of the tragic celebration of transgender surgery that millions of young people who do watch Dancing with the Stars will have to ponder this question: Maybe my problems really stem from the fact that I'm a girl inside a boy's body (or a boy inside a girls body)."

"Maybe I'm not a tomboy; I'm just a boy! Maybe I'm not just being bullied because I'm a sensitive, reflective young man interested in flowers, not football. Maybe I'm not just uncertain about my sexuality. Maybe I'm a girl! Maybe all this angst and suffering I'm feeling as I emerge into puberty and pass through it isn't just because I'm changing, but because I should change completely." (Daily Mail)

Little Johnny and Moonbeam will want to nip their nads if they see Chaz dancing with Lacey? Seriously? I think it's time to increase the voltage on your shock treatments, Dr. A.

Personally, I don't get all the fuss. I never gave Cher's child that much thought, before, during, or after his, her, hisher, or its gender bending transformation. If, you ask my opinion of that and related issues, here are a few stray pagan scribbler notions:

* If it's 'Dancing With The STARS', what is Chaz doing there? Chaz does have a degree of notoriety, now, but I wouldn't call that 'stardom'.

* Before gender bending, Chastity Bono was a double wide load wench. Now, Chaz is a tad less of a load, but, the chunky look works much better on an almost dude.

* Many times in my life, I've seen women - straight women - dancing with each other at social occasions, when neither were accompanied by a male companion. It didn't shatter my worldview, then, and I doubt that seeing Chaz dancing with Lacey would shatter my worldview, now.

* If an almost dude name Chaz's appearance on 'Dancing With The Stars' is the biggest problem Dr. A has on his agenda, life is good, so he should stop whining, turn OFF his boob tube when DWTS comes on, and GET ON WITH IT.

'Dancing With The Chaz'? It's much ado about NOTHING.

Junk Science Twofer

Thirdhand Smoke

Your eyes didn't deceive you, and that's not one of my infamous typos. The Smoke Nazis have boldly blazed a new trail into the uncharted regions of the Twilight Zone with their newest flight from objective reality: thirdhand smoke.

What, you ask, is thirdhand smoke? According to the Smoke Nazis, it's the 'the gases and particles that cling to clothing, hair, furniture, walls and other surfaces long after a cigarette is stubbed out' (Huffington Post).

The newest Smoke Nazi terror campaign starts with an alleged fact - cancer sticks deploy minute particles, some of which linger in exposed surfaces, long after the source is extinguished. Whipping themselves up into a frenzy, the Smoke Nazis invoke THE CHILDREN, individuals with asthma, plus assorted chronic complainers, to turn a smattering of minute particles into something akin to the plague which killed off 30 to 60% of the European population.

While people are less likely to be affected by these thirdhand toxins than by the more widely recognized first- and secondhand smoking, Timo Hammer of the Hohemstein Institute for Textile Innovation in Germany suggested that touching contaminated surfaces and ingesting dust can still be hazardous, especially if that exposure extends over a period of time. At particular risk are children and people with compromised heart, respiratory or immune systems.

Given their different interactions with the environment -- crawling on the floor and putting objects in their mouths -- children are typically exposed to twice as much contaminated dust as adults.

Young children are apt to suck on a parent's clothes as well. Hammer described the common scenario of a parent coming inside after a smoke break and picking up a child. (HuffPo)

Is there a - pun perpetrated deliberately - SMOKING gun on this? Not yet, and the lab coated hooligans haven't ginned up any of their reality-challenged bullshit 'studies', yet. Fear not, they're going to come up with a steaming turd, like the whopper-filled 'studies' they pooped out to 'prove' that secondhand smoke is deadlier to bystanders, than the smoke ingested by the chain-smoking nicotine fiend.

Now that we have thirdhand smoke locked and loaded, can fourthhand smoke be far behind? Fourthhand smoke? I'm guessing it's going to be in the 'air' an innocent 'victim' exhales, after inhaling thirdhand smoke. Let the record show, that We the PIGs beat everyone to the punch, on fourthhand smoke. Neener, neener, neener.

Global Warming (Climate Change) Will Drive You Insane

I'd like to tell you that this one is a joke, or a hoax, but I can't. The hooligans who perpetrated this one hail from Down Under, and they're deadly serious. After glutting themselves on the Globally-Warmed Kool-Aid, these wingnuts put on their junk science dunce caps and starting writing their whopperthon - they called their brain fart a 'report'.

According to their junk science sludge - A Climate of Suffering: The Real Cost of Living with Inaction on Climate Change - Global Warming will stress you out, depress the crap out of you, make you clinically bonkers, then drive you to drink or become a drug addict.

Using Australia's decade long drought as their starting point, these Aussie junk scientists cherry-picked 10 years worth of human drama to 'prove their theory'. If you think the secondhand smoke whopperthon was a load of crap, and it was, it's running a distant second, compared to this steaming butt bullet.

Does Global Warming drive alleged humans insane? As far as I can tell there's only one example of that: Al "The Tennessee Tonnage" Gore. That fool is CRAZY-ZEE, big damn time.

Musings

Item: Stray E.T. notions

It seems highly likely that, somewhere in this vast universe, extraterrestrial life exists.

Given the mind-numbing scale of the universe, it seems plausible that some of this extraterrestrial life is self-aware, even 'intelligent'.

Despite all that, due to the sheer size of the universe, it seems unlikely that some intelligent extraterrestrial race could and/or would overcome the daunting technical difficulties inherent in interstellar travel to pay us a personal visit.

If, however, E.T. has blundered into our 'far off the beaten path' patch of the Milky Way Galaxy, why are they acting so damn weird?

If, as seems likely, they're much more advanced than we are, what's up with cattle mutilations, the abductions, the flyovers, and the cryptic 'messages' like the Nazca Lines and, yes, again, crop circles? What indeed. You'll be thrilled to learn that I might have a notion, or two, about E.T.'s odd behavior.

Just because, as a species, E.T. might be much more advanced than we are, it does NOT mean that E.T. is sending their best and brightest to pay us a visit. In fact, when you think about it, all these antics make perfect sense if, as I do, you assume the visiting E.T.'s are nitwits, morons, and joy riding 'teenagers'. We're not being visited, PIGsters. E.T. is, in essence, mooning us.

Speaking of E.T., let's get real about Crop Circles.

Crop circles? You better believe it, Sparky. Why? Because, after repeated assaults on my sanity by boob tube blights like the Hysteria Channel (you might be foolish enough to call it the History Channel), this one has finally reached critical mass. I'm up to 'here' with this crop circle crap, so I'm going to drive a PIGish stake through its heart.

Despite ample evidence - including 'yup, we did it' confessions, and demonstrations, by numerous HUMAN perpetrators - the Tinfoil Headgear Club insists that these intricate patterns are, in reality, the work of E.T. E.T., these THC twerps insist, is trying to tell us something, but we're too primitive to understand their message. Too primitive to understand it? Bullcrap!

If, for the sake of argument, any of these crop circles are the work of a marauding E.T., there's nothing complicated about the message. It's no different than the 'artwork' we find on freeways, and buildings, in gang infested outposts of humanity. The least irrational, THC-appeasing, explanation for crop circles is this: it's E.T.'s way of 'tagging' a blue green planet located in the boondocks of the Milky Way Galaxy. I'm just sayin'.

Item: If you don't LOVE The One, you're a racist.

With the The One's Polling numbers headed south and a double dip recession looking horribly real, there's a stench of Demoncrat desperation in the air. The usual suspects within the Rabid Moonbat Lunatic Libertard Fringe, are trying desperately, to prop up support for a Marxist 'Messiah' who is looking increasingly, less 'god like' with each passing day.

As usual, when backed into a corner, the Demoncrats and their toadies are playing dirty. That's right, they're pulling the trusty dusty race card from the bottom of the deck. It's reaching deafening levels, on the 'public' airwaves, from sea to shining sea.

I have a hot flash, or two, for these Race Card Retards:

I refuse to support any individual in a position of authority who rejects any/all personal accountability for actions that are taken, words that are spoken, on his, her, hisher or its watch.

I refuse to support any individual in a position of political authority who denigrates, criticizes, and slanders the citizens, the nation, he, she, heshe or it has been allowed to lead.

I refuse to support any individual in a position of authority who demonizes achievement and sanctifies failure.

I refuse to support any individual in a position of political authority who, willfully, deliberately, seeks to amass tyrannical personal power, by subverting/destroying the United States Constitution.

I refuse to support any individual in a position of political authority whose plan to 'transform' America involves the utter, and complete, destruction of our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

I refuse to support any individual in a position of political authority whose malignant narcissism is so out of control that there's no room in his personal universe for anyone, anything, else.

I refuse to support any individual in a position of political authority whose ultimate goal is the destruction of this nation conceived in liberty.

It's not now, never was, about The One's personal pedigree. It was, is, and shall continue to be about his rabidly anti-American policies.

If the Rabid Moonbats in the Lunatic Libertard Fringe want to call that 'racism', I can't stop them. I can, however, offer them, free of charge, a suggestion about what they can do with those f-ing race cards.

Achiever's & Assholes II

Unlike part one of this rant, which matched up CEOs who were on the same level of success, today's achiever vs asshole rant is, on the surface, a David vs Goliath class mismatch. At first glance, the advantage goes to one of the world's richest men, but appearance are deceiving, in this case, because a certain small time - comparatively speaking - food wrangling capitalist runs away with this one.

This time out, the achiever who rocks my world is that South Philly legend, Joey Vento, the man who put Geno's Steaks on the culinary map with his legendary Philly cheesesteak. Until he died last month, Joey was everything We the PIGs admire. He was a very hard worker. He was a man who was driven to be the best, when it came to his signature nosh. He was a man who didn't back down, when the Korrectniks demanded that he remove a sign requiring that his customers order in English.

Unlike Joey Vento, who was a standup guy, billionaire Warren Buffet, is, like so many congenital assholes, a hypocrite. Recently, he's been out and about promoting the Obama Regime's class warfare. Why, he demands, won't 'the RICH' pay their 'fair share'? Why, he demands, are the evil rich using every excuse to thwart the IRS Tax Nazis? There is, however, one tax-related issue Warren Buffet never seems answer. It concerns his company, Berkshire Hathaway, and the fun fact that the King of Raise my taxes is CEO, Chairman of the Board, for a company that owes $1.0 billion dollars in back taxes, some of which dates back to 2002.

On Tuesday, the organization digging into Berkshire Hathaway's numbers, Americans for Limited Government, estimated the total could be as much as $1 billion:

Using only publicly-available documents, a certified public accountant (CPA) detailed Berkshire Hathaway's tax problems to ALG researcher Richard McCarty. Now, the American people have a better idea of how much in back taxes the company could owe Uncle Sam.

According to page 56 of the company report, "At December 31, 2010… net unrecognized tax benefits were $1,005 million", or about $1 billion. McCarty explained, "Unrecognized tax benefits represent the company's potential future obligation to the IRS and other taxing authorities. They have to be recorded in the company's financial statements."

He added, "The notation means that Berkshire Hathaway's own auditors have probably said that $1 billion is more likely than not owed to the government." (NewsBusters)

Am I shocked that Buffett is a hypocrite? Not really. Since he's a M.O.T.O. (Minion Of The One), being a tax cheat is par for the course.

Joey Vento, like so may of We the People, just wanted the Nanny State to stay out of his business. He wasn't a billionaire like Warren Buffett, but he met his maker with an untroubled mind. Unlike Warren Buffett, he hadn't sold his soul to a Marxist Messiah whose goal is to destroy the American dream which Joey Vento pursued with such unrelenting resolve.

Call me names, if you must, but I think America needs more Joey Vento class American Dreamers, and fewer, Warren Buffett class American Schemers.

Achievers & Assholes.

America has precious few achievers who earned their success the old fashioned way, and We the PIGs think that sucks, because America can't have too many achieves. Unhappily, while American achievers are in short supply, there's no shortage of assholes who buy a competitive advantage, by 'investing' in strategically placed bureaucrats, Legicrats, plus pay for play Elected Tormentors in the executive branch.

To illustrate the two dominant business models, we'll take a brief look at two representative companies and their CEOs. We'll start with an old fashioned American success story, Apple Inc, and its inspirational leader (until a few days ago), Steve Jobs.

In 1976, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and Ronald Wayne formed Apple Computer. Within a few years, Apple popularized the Graphical User Interface, transforming computing from command line geekdom, to anybody can play.

Admittedly, Apple and Steve Jobs had their ups and downs, but, now that his fight with cancer has forced Jobs to resign as CEO (he'll stay involved, somewhat, as Chairman of the Board), let's take a quick peek at what he's done.

* During Jobs' tenure, Apple made the computer user friendly, by implementing GUI, adding 'point and click' to our lexicon.

* During Jobs' tenure, Apple transformed the way the music business operates, with iTunes.

* During Jobs' tenure, Apple transformed the way consumers enjoy their favorite songs, or listen to a radio show with that marvel of technology, the iPod.

* The iPhone and iPad have enhanced the highly competitive world of technology that goes wherever you go.

If Apple, Inc., easily the world's most innovative technology company, were a living entity, its brain is inside Steve Jobs' head and its heart is inside Steve Jobs' chest. He is the driving force that transported Apple from obscurity to the technology expanding entity it has become in 2011.

Despite a plethora of assholes which We the PIGs could cite, one stands out from the rest. Unlike Steve Jobs and Apple Inc., whose ingenuity and innovation are commendable, Jeffrey Immelt, CEO of General Electric is the poster punk for the scum sucking assholes who use crony capitalism to buy a dominant market share.

* When it owned the controlling share of NBC, GE greased the wheels of big government, by using its media fare - alleged 'entertainment' and news programming alike - to spew Demoncrat promoting propaganda.

* Investments in Demoncrat Elected Tormentors paid off handsomely on such notorious boondoggles as wind energy, for which GE makes the wind turbines.

* Jeffrey Immelt took hypocrisy to undreamed of levels, when, at Messiah Barry's behest, he traveled around the USA, promoting 'American Jobs for American Workers'. He talked the talk, but he didn't come close to walking the walk. Instead, Immelt had GE closing down plants in America so he could export thousands of formerly American jobs to GE's new plants in China.

* Jeffrey Immelt's antics yielded predictable results, when, in 2010, GE didn't pay one red cent in federal taxes.

Unlike Apple Inc., under Steve Jobs leadership, the only thing breathtaking about GE under Jeffrey Immelt is what a steaming pile of shit the company has become.

Ingenuity? Apple took technology and ran with it, making it much more user friendly in the process. GE used its bought and paid for bureaucrats and Elected Tormentors to create an artificial market for its wind turbines.

Innovation? While Apple makes technology more nimble and portable, GE's newest innovation is resetting the bar for treachery, by selling sophisticated military technology to our arch rivals, the Chinese.

Two companies. Two CEOs. One, Apple, is a classic American success story. One, GE, is the poster turd for all that's vile about crony capitalism.

[Tomorrow I'll deploy part two of this rant.]

Scapegoating 101

When it comes to scapegoating, this pernicious personality flaw is as old as humanity itself. Finger-pointing, blame-shifting, scapegoating and accountability avoidance are as venerable as the Garden of Eden where Adam pioneered it, by blaming Eve for making him eat the apple. Before you can say 'fig leaf', Eve pinned a 'scapegoat' tag on the snake. "The devil made me do it."

Not much has changed, since the infamous scapegoating exploits of Adam and Eve. Our excuses have evolved, otherwise, it's still "to err is human and so is blaming it on someone else". When it comes to the blame game, everyone gets to play. Need proof? No problem.

Are you having a terminally crappy day? No problem, Sunshine. "Everything was spiffy, until the dog pissed on my Wheaties."

Did you squander too much time on an awesome new electronic game, instead of studying? No problem. "The dog ate my homework."

Did your mom grab you by the ear for fighting with you brother? No problem. "He started it."

Did you come up short while paying your bills? No problem. "The check got lost in the mail."

Did your boss catch you porn surfing on your company computer? No problem. "Those I. T. slackers let this computer virus break through our firewall."

Does modern, 21st century life get on your last, raw, Islamikaze, nerve? No problem. "Everything was peachy, until those damn Crusades."

Did the proper authorities bust you for that kiddie porn on your computer? No problem. You can emulate a tragically real pervert and blame the family feline: "The cat jumped on my keyboard."

Did political setbacks make you snap, then murder the Blight by the Bay's Mayor and a County Supervisor? No problem, you can emulate the annoyingly real Dan White. "I ate too many Twinkies and the sugar shock warped my mind."

Did you rob a bank and kill several innocent people? No problem. "Poverty oppressed me into a life of crime."

Did you snap your back while participating in a refrigerator race? No problem. "Refrigerator manufacturer warning labels didn't tell me not to lift it."

Did you get fired for being HOURS LATE, every work day, for months on end? No problem. "My shrink says I've suffering from chronic lateness syndrome, which qualifies me for ADA disability protection."

Did you get busted for lurking in the ladies room, testosterone poisoned, Sparky? No problem. "According to the GLAAD BAAGS, I'm having a gender identity crisis."

Did the unflinching, you're not qualified, rules of marketplace engagement prevent you from getting that cushy job, that promotion, that raise, or the desk by the window, Melanin-Enriched Sparky? No problem. "It's blatant, 400 years of oppression, racism"

Are you so humongous that you set off earthquake detectors every time you move? No problem. "I'd be a lean, mean fighting machine, if Lard Burger put nutritional information on their menu and stopped FORCE FEEDING me transfats."

The dirty little secret about scapegoating is how easy it is to fall into the habit. "The dog ate my homework" leads, inexorably to making scapegoats out of 'the rich', 'paid, Swastika packing agitators in Brooks Brothers suits', 'society as a whole', and/or 'whitey and his racist militia'. It's a well-traveled road that we prefer to avoid here in the Free State of PIG.

If you need someone to guide you along the right path, kick Bart Simpson and Urkel out of the way. Instead, you follow the lead of President Harry S. Truman whose mantra was "The buck stops here".

Stranger Than Fiction

It's getting very weird 'out there'. Did someone open up the loony bins? Has objective reality been repealed by a Maurading Moonbat mob, during the Moonbats' response to A-RAB Spring? It's Enquiring minds time in the PIG Bunker.

Item: Glenn Beck's 'It's a blessing' mantra.

The earthquake-hurricane double whammy that hit the East Coast is not a double dose of trouble for those who lived through this one-two punch from Mother Nature. It is, sayeth Glenn "Elmer Gantry" Beck, a blessing from Old Ka-Boom.

YNET served up these fun Glennster facts:

The US radio personality made the comments on his popular radio show Friday. According to Beck, the category one storm which has already claimed the lives of 10 people, will teach people to prepare for natural disasters and encourage them to stockpile food in case "disaster strikes".

The 5.8 magnitude earthquake that shocked the US' East Coast last week was, according to Beck, also a warning sign to his fellow Americans.

"How many warnings do you think you're going to get, and how many warnings do you deserve? This hurricane that is coming thorough the East Coast, for anyone who's in the East Coast and has been listening to me say 'Food storage!' 'Be prepared!'"

Beck insisted: "If you've waited, this hurricane is a blessing. It is a blessing. It is God reminding you – as was the earthquake last week – it's God reminding you you're not in control. Things can happen. Be prepared and be someone who can help others so when disaster strikes, God forbid, you're not panicking."

Item: Who gets the blame for the quake?

A Mecca Maniac said Allah is pissed because the USA is filled with disbelievers, so he unleashed the quake.

A Torah True Believer said Yahweh is pissed because GLAAD BAAGs can get married in some states, so he unleashed the quake.

One junk science jackass said the quake was felt over such a wide area, because the East Coast is older than the West Coast.

A different junk science jackass pinned the blame for the quake on Global Warming AKA Climate Change.

I opined that the quake is Old Ka-Boom limbering up his 'pitching' arm for the long awaited smiting of the Capitol Hill Clown posse.

Item: Junk Science Brain Fart of the Year contenders.

Contender 1: Thirdhand Smoke
On Sunday, Tasty Tidbits included this jaw-dropping dose of Smoke Nazi insanity:

Before this week, employees at the Indiana University Health medical center were free to step off the nonsmoking campus and light up a cigarette. Sure, co-workers and patients would probably notice the telltale odor on the smoker's clothes, skin and breath -- especially if they happened to share an elevator -- but they could do little more than plug their nose in defense.

That all changed on Monday when the medical center upgraded its policy: Employees are now prohibited from smoking during the workday. Period.

The impetus for the new rule is the recently recognized dangers of "thirdhand smoke," the gases and particles that cling to clothing, hair, furniture, walls and other surfaces long after a cigarette is stubbed out.

Dr. Richard Graffis, executive vice president and chief medical officer at Indiana University Health, describes it as "the smoke you don't see, but that your nose tells you is there."

Over his more than 40 years in the health care business, Graffis has seen a dramatic evolution -- from widespread acceptance of doctors and patients smoking inside the hospital to increasingly stringent bans -- as evidence grew of the health risks posed by both direct and indirect exposure to cigarette smoke.

It seemed like a slam dunk winner, until another contender cropped up, the very next day.

Contender 2: Global Warming will drive you insane.

Driven insane, by Global Warming? Seriously? The only ones who seem to be raving lunatics due to Global Warming are the asshats who poop out steaming, junk science, loads like this one:

RATES of mental illnesses including depression and post-traumatic stress will increase as a result of climate change, a report to be released today says.

The paper, prepared for the Climate Institute, says loss of social cohesion in the wake of severe weather events related to climate change could be linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse.

As many as one in five people reported ''emotional injury, stress and despair'' in the wake of these events.

The report, A Climate of Suffering: The Real Cost of Living with Inaction on Climate Change, called the past 15 years a ''preview of life under unrestrained global warming''.

''While cyclones, drought, bushfires and floods are all a normal part of Australian life, there is no doubt our climate is changing,'' the report says.

''For instance, the intensity and frequency of bushfires is greater. This is a 'new normal', for which the past provides little guidance …

''Moreover, recent conditions are entirely consistent with the best scientific predictions: as the world warms so the weather becomes wilder, with big consequences for people's health and well-being.''

The paper suggests a possible link between Australia's recent decade-long drought and climate change. It points to a breakdown of social cohesion caused by loss of work and associated stability, adding that the suicide rate in rural communities rose by 8 per cent.

The report also looks at mental health in the aftermath of major weather events possibly linked to climate change.

Big fun, and we haven't heard from the only person who is clinically bonkers due to Global Warming: Al Gore.

A Supernaturalism Litmus Test

New York Times editor, Bill Keller, doesn't give Mitt Romney's supernaturalist Moonbattery (Mormonism) a second thought. He is, on the other hand, obsessed with the prospect of an evangelical Cross Cultist 'Trojan Horse', hiding in the grab bag of pachyderm punk Oval Office contenders.

A Washington Examiner columnist, Charlie Spiering, served up these pious particulars about this Bill Keller brain fart:

Keller questions whether Bachmann believes the Bible is inerrant, homosexuality is an abomination, and whether she thinks slavery was acceptable in the American South.

He wants to ask Perry if he will use the Bible to drive policy, or disavow the Holocaust, or denounce Catholicism based on his pastoral acquaintances.

His questionnaire asks the following:

•Do you agree with those religious leaders who say that America is a "Christian nation" or a "Judeo-Christian nation?" and what does that mean in practice?

•Would you have any hesitation about appointing a Muslim to the federal bench? What about an atheist?

•What is your attitude toward the theory of evolution, and do you believe it should be taught in public schools?

Do I have some misgivings, qualms, about hard core, evangelical, Cross Cultists in positions of political power? Yup, I've got a few of those rattling around in my noggin. Do I have misgivings about hard core Marxists in positions of political power? You better believe that I've got a shitload of THOSE.

If I'm forced to choose between a stealth theocrat and a Marxist, I'd punch a chad, for the theocrat, then devise a way to blunt any political manifestations of his fundamentalism.

Hambo's Hidden Hot Buttons
The usual suspects keep blundering into my hot buttons and they're far from thrilled with the ensuing torrent of Hambo verbiage. Whine, whine, whine. Obviously, it's time to buy a more powerful cattle prod...something that would stun Babe The Blue Ox into submission should do nicely. During one of these close encounters of the Hambo kind, one of these wimps blithered: "The least you could do is publish a list of the key hot button words and phrases that set you off."

That sounds like a good idea, and it gives me a perfect excuse to vent about my least favorite subjects. Back, by popular demand, here is the 2010 installment of Hambo's hot buttons:

Hot button: "That's offensive".
I hate word games, especially, when some chronically offended cretin is determined to take words out of my mouth. When it comes to communication, I tend to talk as colorfully as I write. There are, believe it or not, some people who have a problem with that. Ask me if I care.

I discovered this fun fact several years ago, at a family reunion, when one of my cousins got in my face about my colorful lingo. My cousin is a flaming libertard moonbat who holds down a position of authority at a notoriously liberal Ivory Tower. A few years ago, our paths crossed at a family reunion. During our conversation, I deployed one or more prime Hamboisms - 'wench', I think, but it could have been 'bimbo'.

She got huffy and full of herself, then admonished me: "I don't appreciate THAT kind of language."

I looked her in the eye, unleashed the dreaded Hambo mini smirk then hit her with an item which later became part of the PIG Doctrine: "Your hypersensitivity is not my responsibility. It's your personal problem, so I suggest that you get over it."

She seemed shell shocked - gobsmacked, as the Brits so cleverly put it.

That's when I realized that I was the first sovereign individual she'd ever encountered. Apparently, until that moment, nobody had ever talked back to her, when she beat them up with her hypersensitivity.

Later, she told my mother that "Your son and I had the most INTERESTING conversation at the reunion."

"Interesting?" I prefer to think of it as 'enlightening'.

I don't go out of my way to 'shock' unwary listeners, nor do I make an effort to censor myself to appease the sensitivities of the people I encounter. If 'bimbo', 'wench', 'retard', 'Mecca Maniac', and countless other Hamboisms bothers them, that's their problem, not mine.

Hot button: "Your opposition to Obama I proof that you're a "Racist".
My attitude about The One has nothing to do with his racial pedigree. It has everything to do with his political pedigree. I don't give a crap about the genetic baggage he was issued at birth. I do care, that he is deliberately dismantling our inalienable individual liberty and turning America into another Marxist blight.

Barry is a COMMUNIST bastard, a fetid fact that has nothing to do with his race. Are we all up to speed on this one?

Hot button: "I'm doing the best I can to fix the problems GEORGE BUSH created."
This one is guaranteed to elicit a noisy Hambo response. Barry, dude, if W did leave you some of his problems to solve, you, and you alone are responsible for the way you handled them. In every instance, your alarming incompetence, your malignant narcissism, and your full speed ahead Marxism, made the utterly manageable problems you inherited grow into unmitigated disasters that will plague this once great nation for decades. W didn't create the record shattering, trillions in debt, YOU did that all by yourself, so stop whining, man up, and emulate Harry "The Buck Stops Here" Truman, instead of Jimmy "I didn't do it" Carter.

Hot button: "A pathway to citizenship."
The ONLY legitimate pathway to American citizenship is open to those individuals who enter this once great nation through the FRONT door. If you sneak over our border, then your only pathway to citizenship is the one that SENDS YOUR BORDER JUMPING ASS BACK HOME, where citizenship isn't a problem. Is that crystal clear, border jumping scumbag Sparky, or do I need to bring Old Betsy into the conversation, to command your UNDIVIDED attention?

Hot button: "Tolerance"
Tolerance is a bludgeon which hammerheads like Islamikazes, Ethnocrats, Colonistas, and other pests use to beat sovereign individuals into submission. Tolerance dictates that you tolerate the intolerable, accept the unacceptable, and suffer the insufferable. In every instance, Mecca Mania being a prime example, the steaming load coming your way is a full blown frontal assault on your inalienable individual liberty. Whenever someone hit's you with the 'T' word, you have two choices. You can bend over and take it up the ass. Or, you can fight the stinker off as if your very liberty depended on it.

Hot button: "The era of Ronald Reagan is over".
I don't get postal over this one if the speaker is stating the historical fact that, since Ronald Reagan left the public stage, our Elected Tormentors don't promote a smaller, properly-Constitutional government. I do get postal if someone - especially a faux conservative like Lindsey Grahmnesty, Colin Powell, Mitt Romney, Holy Huckabee, or others of that ilk, means that the Founding Fathers' plan for a small, properly-Constitutional, government has exceeded its 'use on or before' date.

The soaring ideals espoused by Ronald Reagan aren't outdated. They're still as valid, as needed, as ever. What's in short supply is someone with the nads to pick up liberty's fallen banner and carry it forward into battle with the Obamunist horde.

Hot button: "We're not at war with Islam"
Once again, I don't disagree, if by 'not at war with Islam' you mean that the Red Shed Marxist is as unwilling as his predecessor to name our sworn enemy in this battle for our survival. Islam is, as I have stated too many times to count, our enemy. We ignore this element of objective reality at our peril. Our appeaser-in-chief may refuse to admit it, but the unvarnished fact is that Islam is at war with us.

Millions of rampaging Islamikazes hate us. Why? They know what our reality-phobic POTUS can't, and won't admit: Mecca Mania and individual liberty are fundamentally incompatible with each other. That's why even so-called 'moderate' Mecca Maniacs hate us. They hate everything about us and want to see us destroyed. Like it or not, Mecca Mania is what it has been from the onset. It's a flavor of supernaturalism that seeks world domination - as an article of faith - by force if necessary.

Hot button: "Fairness" and/or "Pay one's fare share"
'Fairness' betrays an obsession with the results. Devotees of 'fairness' would - and have - willingly sacrificed the objective, equally-applied standard in order to achieve the desired result. Affirmative Action programs are 'fairness' oriented, since they seek to achieve an equality of results, by using a relaxed standard for 'underrepresented groups' (based on race, gender, ethnicity, etc) while employing an impossibly difficult standard for 'overrepresented groups'. Fairness usually involves some irrational, irrelevant, criteria. The most popular one is U.S. Census data.

"Fair Share" is also an obsession with an equality of results, but in this case the benchmark is wealth, instead of college admissions, job promotions and the like. "Paying one's fair share" is greedy parasite bastard code for "I'm going to bleed that fatcat white". It's about looting achievers and giving it the caterwauling parasites. It's the triumph of "need" over an achiever's right to enjoy the fruits of his, her, hisher or its labor.

Hot button: "Diversity"
Whenever you hear somebody extolling the virtues of, promoting, diversity, you're in well-charted racial bean counting waters, Sparky. "Diversity" is Korrectnik-speak for allocating jobs, perks, promotions, Ivory Tower admissions, etc. It is achieved by allocating these things, according to the racial breakdown of your country, state, county, city or block as defined by census data for the area in question. No Korrectnik, bureaucrat or Elected Tormentor ever gave a damn about a diversity of ideas. The only "true" diversity has nothing to do with immutable traits or nation of origin. The only "true" diversity is the individual and it's a slam goddamn dunk that, in this Korrectnik world, the individual is a virtual pariah.

Diversity hit the big time, this week, when The One created his new office of Diversity and Inclusion.

Hot button: "Teach the [evolution] controversy"
This is a Cross Cult canard that is pure bovine excrement. The "controversy" is smoke and mirrors. It's as if some wingnut decided that the law of gravity was to blame for his corpulence. He rounds up several like minded lard butts - preferably lard buts with impressive Ivory Tower degrees - to kick up a fuss about gravity's fatal flaws. Armed with this din - a din this wingnut created to suit his purposes - the gravity hating wingnut starts haranguing Educrats to "teach the controversy". This is what the Cross Cult is doing with evolution.

Unable to slam dunk Creationism into America's science classroom, they rounded up some true believer rabble with impressive Ivory Tower degrees then perpetrated Creationism Lite A.K.A. "Intelligent Design". After a suitably choreographed outburst from their willing Ivory Tower educated experts, the Cross Cultists started to clamor about "teaching the controversy". The only reason there's a controversy is because some Cross Cultists hate evolution, no matter how well accepted and documented it might be. The evolution "controversy" is crap and that's a fact.

Hot button: "The Public Airwaves"
There is no essential difference between a broadcast and a concert: the former merely transmits sounds over a longer distance and requires more complex technical equipment. No one would venture to claim that a pianist may own his fingers and his piano, but the space inside the concert hall = through which the sound waves he produces travel - is "public property" and therefore, he has no right to give a concert without a license from the government. Yet, this is the absurdity foisted on our broadcasting industry.
(The Property Status of Airwaves by Ayn Rand)

Whenever you read about 'public airwaves', replace 'public' with 'government' and you get the big picture. If you don't believe me, consider this. If the airwaves are, in actual fact 'public' why can't I set up my own radio station in my garage and broadcast over 'my' airwaves? I mean, as a member of the 'public', I own them, and that means I can use them. The fact is, if you try setting up your own radio station, the government will arrest you, because the airwaves belong to them, since the day they proclaimed their ownership.

Since "Public property" is a collectivist fiction, since the public as a whole can neither use nor dispose of its "property" that "property" will always be taken over by some political "elite", by a small clique which will then rule the public - public of literally dispossessed proletarians. (The Property Status of Airwaves by Ayn Rand)

Public airwaves don't exist...never did and never will. The "public airwaves" are government owned at your expense, but never on your behalf.

Are there more Hambo hot buttons? You better believe it, Sparky. But, telling you all of them would make life much too easy for the PIG staff. I'll keep some of the best ones in reserve, so I can enjoy their shock and dismay when they set off another of Hambo's hot button mini tantrums.

PIGish 'Jeopardy!'

PIG's Special Jeopardy! Edition will cover the kind of compelling wisdom that can only be found here at The Free State Of PIG. So, for those that have been tuning in to PIG regularly, and are familiar with PIG terminlogy and attitude, you may have an advantage, and no, we don't care if that's fair.

For those not up on PIG terminology and attitude, we advise you to browse through PIG before playing. Hell, you might learn something along the way.

We encourage everyone to play along, especially if you consider yourself a 4-Star PIGster.

I will dish out the answers, and it's up to you to figure out the PIGish questions.

The Rules Of Engagement are almost the same as the sanitized Jeopardy! except for one little detail. We have no money to give, but we will leave the survivor - oops – winner a "I Played Jeopardy! At The Free State Of PIG and All I Got Was A Way Cool 'Shocked, Amused, Entertained and Informed' T-Shirt."

Consolation Prizes: Official PIG Dunce Caps to be worn in shame.

Outside of that, we haven't strayed too far from the answer and question format.

Contestant criteria: None, so let's meet our players.

Contestant intros: On the off chance you don't know who you are, we'll give you a minute to walk to the mirror and introduce yourself...Are we all set, now, Sparky?

SAMPLE ANSWER & QUESTION:

A: If Obama's Suckulus Scam is the answer, the question is…

Q: What is economic suicide and the death of American enterprise?

Good luck, grab your buzzers and we hope to enlighten you with our version of Truth, Humor, Facts and Fun.

CATEGORY: PIGISH NAMES

A. "The Tingler"
Q. Who is Chris "Kiss me Barry" Matthews?

A. The Blight By The Bay
Q. What is San Francisco?

A. "Skipper" & his "Little Buddy".
Q. Who are Hugo "Skipper" Chavez, Mahmoud "al-Gilligan" Ahmadinejad?

A.  The Fat Cave
Q.  What is the name of Al Gore's secret refuge from objective "Baby it's cold outside" reality?

CATEGORY: POTUS

A. The Oval Office
Q. Where is the only place you won't find Messiah Barry?

A. A Tan For All Seasons
Q. What is Messiah Barry's only qualification for POTUS?

A. The relentless flapping of elephantine ears.
Q. What is the new 'Green' cooling system installed in the Oval Office on January 20, 2009.

A: "FORE!"
Q; What is the only Obama utterance that doesn't require a teleprompter?

A: Bush
Q: Who does Barry blame for Noah's Flood?

CATEGORY: ECONOMICS

A.  Your 401K & 46 cents.
Q.  What will it take to buy a postage stamp?

A.  Heartburn
Q.  What is the most likely result of the trillion dollar debt ceiling increase that the Demoncrats just rammed down America's throat?

CATEGORY: HODGEPODGE

A.  Skank Hilton's toxic nads.
Q.  What is the most infamous WMD that America ever unleashed on an unsuspecting world?

A.  Obama's ego & Kim Kardashian's butt.
Q.  What are two examples of runaway inflation?

A.  A black hole & Congress.
Q.  What are two examples of unrelenting suckage?

A.  The Second Coming of Jerry Brown.
Q.  What is the biggest natural disaster that ever hit Mexifornia?

CATEGORY: LEXICON

A: An inescapable fact of life that Korrectniks vilify as unfair to parasites, perpetual whiners and other chronic losers.
Q: What is Excellence?

A: A regulatory muzzle that allowed the Elected Tormentors inside the D.C. beltway to silence the voices of rational American adults in this land of the not as free as we're entitled to be.
Q: What was the Fairness Doctrine?

A: A press card packing MSN News Nitwit who, reflexively, shouts "AMEN" every time Messiah Barry cuts a fart.
Q: What is a Broadcast Blowjob Butthead?

A: Once the cornerstone of the great American experiment in limited government, it died an untimely death when we the people abandoned self-reliance and fitted ourselves with the Nanny State's social safety net shackles.
Q: What is Liberty?

A: An agricultural worker who picks, sorts and grades green, navy, lima, or black beans.
Q: What is a Beaner?

A: An inescapable result of swimming the backstroke.
Q: What is a Wetback?

A: A state supported scheme to transform immigrants into chronic malcontents.
Q: What is Bilingual Education?

A: ANYONE born in the United States, regardless of race, color, creed, or tribe.
Q: What is a Native American?

A: The Red Shed
Q: What is the properly-PIGish name for the structure at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in this Obamunist Error?

CATEGORY: FAMOUS QUOTES

A:"Anybody that believes they can get any product from an entrepreneur or the creator of artistic products for free is either stoned, drunk or brain-dead or just stupid."
Q: Who is Ted Nugent?

A: "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
Q: Who is Frank Zappa?

A: "Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
Q: Who is P.J. O'Rourke

Now that your synapses are revved up, you're ready to tackle the homework questions Little Johnny and Moonbeam bring home with them. And you thought we didn't care about stuff like that. Who loves ya, ba-by!

A Whole Lot of Shakin'

Mexifornia denizens are, understandably smug over of the high anxiety generated by the 5.9 magnitude quake in Virginia, that shook buildings and rattled nerves in Washington D.C. They're quick to point out that, by Mexifornia standards it was a 'moderate' shaker, thus not worth all the fuss.

In a way, the Left Coast smirkers are right, but not entirely. First of all, there's a matter of building codes. In Virginia, the code is not written with quakes in mind. Also, there's the matter of building materials. Unlike Mexifornia, the East has a lot of venerable brick and mortar buildings which don't fare well in an earthquake. If you examine the pictures of the damage from the New Zealand quake, you'll notice a lot of brick and mortar strewn everywhere.

Here in the PIGdom, I viewed the D.C. quake in a much different light. To me, it appeared that Old Ka-Boom has finally had his fill of the Beltway Bozos, so he decided to get in some warm-up shots - the quake - before hit gets serious about that long overdue smiting.

I hear those snickers out there, but your laughter is ill-advised, since PIG's TENURED Professor of Piety, PIGster J, has examined my 'warm-up shot for the smiting' notion and given it his provisional seal of approval. That's right, PIGsters, it appears that, better late than never, the celestial smiting of the Capitol Hill clown posse is now in play.

That's gotta elicit a rousing 'AMEN' from the congregation.

Guess What...

We the PIGs have some thrilling news for you PIGster Sparky. Everything you think you know is probably wrong, and what you're getting right is the stuff you find hard to believe. Are we the PIG's impugning objective reality itself? Not exactly. We the PIGs are saying that, thanks to the pervasive human influence, the version of objective reality in which we all live is covered/masked by a layer of spin doctored half truths, compelling myths and outright bull crap. The resulting level of existence, is an inescapably deceptive faux 'reality' where nothing is exactly what it appears to be.

It's not a fate worse than death, but there's no point in denying the true nature of the world in which we live. There's no point in denying the fact that our sanity is assaulted, every waking minute, from the moment we get up each day until we hit the rack at night. Each day is filled with a bullcrap barrage that ranges from fibs to whoppers.

Before you go Diogenes on us, by venturing forth with your lantern, looking for an honest man, chill out. We the PIGs are ready, willing, and downright eager to lift the veil covering objective reality and expose some of its PIG-worthy elements.

What follows is not, and was never intended to be, an exhaustive list of the deceptions that you accept at face value. Our purpose here is to show you the extent of this deliberate deception, by serving up a random sampling of the faux reality which envelops us. As ususal, if you detect some hidden meaning in the way the examples are sequenced, you're a sick puppy and need to increase the voltage on your shock treatments.

We'll begin with an example that should hit very close to home, I hate my daily commute, Sparky.

Faux Reality: Despite the bumper to bumper traffic which makes moving from point 'A' to point 'B' mission impossible, the usual suspects insist on calling the expressway (thruway or freeway) a 'transportation' system.

PIGish Wisdom: Giving motorists a user-friendly method to move from point 'A' to point 'B' is, you'll be thrilled to learn, at best, a secondary freeway function. Its real purpose, one uncovered by our very own Hambo, is 'attitude readjustment'. Attitude readjustment? Yup, and here's how it works:

In order to 'stimulate' economic activity, John and Jane Q. Commuter must lose that upbeat attitude induced by angelic children, a good breakfast and a supportive significant other. After an hour or more trapped in a car, surrounded by the morons, moonbats, and meatheads in those other cars, John and Jane are so pissed, they'd murder their mothers to make a buck. That easily, the economy has been 'stimulated'.

Faux Reality: MSNBC's primary function is to purvey news and commentary.

PIGish Wisdom: At best, purveying news and commentary is secondary MSNBC function, that fell into disfavor due to neglect. The reality is much grimmer. Infested by such pimples on humanity's butt as Rachel Madcow, Ed Schitz, and Chris 'The Tingler' Matthews MSNBC is, in reality, a mental institution which houses rabid libertard moonbats. The reason the men in white coats allow their 'inmates' to appear on the boob tube is to warn other rabid moonbats to seek professional help before it's too late.

Faux Reality: A waitress's primary function is to take your food order and return with sustenance in a timely manner.

PIGish Wisdom: A waitress is, in fact, engaged in a special form of economic stimulus. In order to foster the illusion that business in a given eatery is booming - lines outside have a gravity like effect which attracts more diners - food wranglers deliberately prolong your dining experience. Therefore, as our very own Hambo stated so eloquently: Waitresses, by definition, make you WAIT for your food. If they didn't, we'd call them something else.

Faux Reality: Too many otherwise intelligent adults think that a Tinsel Town twerp's success as a thespian, makes them icons of intellectualism. That's why otherwise rational adults listen, when these entertainers spout moonbat mumbo-jumbo about economics, science, and other matters of importance.

PIGish Wisdom: These entertainment icons are the busboy, waiter, gas pump jockey, barber or bartender who bends your ear on the issues of the day. The primary difference is that they were photogenic enough to look good on the small and/or big screen, and they seem quite lucid, while playing 'let's pretend'. It's not that hard to sound quasi intelligent, when a professional writer puts words in their mouth. It's not hard to make a good impression, when your professional handlers to tell you how to act, what to wear, and how to comport yourself. The only time reality rears its ugly head, is when the Tinsel Town twerp leaves his, her, hisher, or its braintrust at home, then ventures forth mouth flapping incessantly, on their own.

Faux Reality: A computer is a useful tool that puts the user in touch with information he, she, heshe, or it needs for their personal and professional life.

PIGish Wisdom: Infested with all the traits which we HATE, when they occur in humans, computers are a frontal assault on our sanity by a deranged, misanthropic, engineer. Do you think the blue screen of death, the infamous computer freeze, the browser lock, the keyboard lockout, mutually assured destruction due to incompatible computer applications, and all those incomprehensible error messages happened by accident? We the PIGs know better. If we won't tolerate rude, taciturn, unnecessarily cryptic, behavior from a human who, routinely shuts you out at the most inopportune times, why is this same behavior tolerated, when perpetrate by our computers? Enquiring minds want to know.

Faux Reality: If you're a wide load lard ass or a chain smoker, your bad habit is a 'public policy issue' because it costs the relentlessly intrusive Nanny State money.

PIGish Wisdom: Larry Elder calls this straw man the 'welfare state' argument and We the PIGs tend to agree. Yes, the lard ass and smoker might cost the overly intrusive Nanny State some money, thanks to welfare state coddling, for a while. BUT, such people tend to die at a much earlier age, resulting in a net savings, since room temperature smokers and lard ass wide loads won't be around to collect Social Security or qualify for Medicare.

Many of the foregoing examples demonstrate that this faux reality isn't as straightforward as a black is now white and up is now down inversion of objective reality. The spin-doctored mask covering objective reality produces many instances where up becomes left, or black becomes gray, making this phenomenon deceptive instead of unrelenting hypocrisy. This makes uncovering the underlying objective reality harder, but not impossible.

How widespread is this surface-coating of spin? That's your call, PIGster Sparky, but we're confident that you can handle it. Once you shed the issued at birth blinders and open up your minds, you'll see for yourself how pervasive this faux reality really is. It's in your grocery store, on products that play 'calories per serving' numbers games with you, via food labels which magically turn a two-pack of small pastry into 4 servings. It's at your favorite watering hole, where that hottie serving you drinks, gives you false 'she wants me' hope, when she trades a cleavage exposing peep show, in exchange for a bigger tip. It's in those boob tube and boom box ads which serve up misleading 'it's a steal' inducements in the snail's pace ad, before negating it all with a deluge of shyster spew which is delivered at warp speed by the world's fastest talker.

According to a popular, now defunct, T.V. show, "the truth is out there". We the PIGs tend to agree, but it's up to each of us, to illuminate the hidden reality. Don't just sit there. Get started NOW, neo Diogenes Sparky. PIGsters, light your lanterns. This is not a drill

Some PIGish Pontificating on Stereotypes

Stereotype, n.
A form of snap judgement shorthand that allows you to, instantly, define an individual, in great specificity, without really getting to know him, her, himher or it. [Related terms include pigeonholing and profiling.]

Stereotypes suck and that's a fact. We hate them, instinctively, because they are dehumanizing. They impose a one-size-fits-all description on individuals whose life experiences, abilities and shortcomings make them unique. We hate them because they seek to impose a predetermined definition on individuals based on a wide variety of, essentially meaningless factors. The three most familiar stereotyping factors used are race, national origin and which sexual team you're on.

Elsewhere in PIG, and in prior top stories, we went to great lengths to promote individualism and denigrate stereotypes. We cite daring, inspiring individuals like Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams who defy the prevailing, group think oriented stereotype for individuals of their race. We're proud to proclaim that these two men break that suffocating mold. Tammy Bruce, once a card carrying, bra-burning NO NAD, has done a spectacular job of reclaiming her individuality, putting that stereotype on the endangered species list. In the political realm, to a lesser extent, Senator Joe Lieberman shattered the 'L' word stereotype by showing us a different brand of liberalism.

Individuals who break the stereotype mold are everywhere. Many of us rub elbows with them everyday, so there's little point in going down that road, again. This week, PIG dares to explore an obvious, but dangerous element of stereotypes that is, routinely avoided for fear of trampling on tender toes and eliciting the plaintive wail of RACIST, BIGOT, HOMOPHOBE, and all the other vilifying terms. Has PIG got the nads to boldly go where others fear to tread. You better believe it, Sparky. But, we're going to do it with our own compelling style and humor.

Stereotypes are, as I've said, invariably wrong for the lion's share of a given group. I know many differently-heterosexual women very well and am pleased that they consider me a friend. They are a far cry from the stereotype that dictates boots, a flannel shirt and bobbed hair. On the other hand we're confronted with Rosie O'Donnell who is, in every way, the embodiment of the stereotype.

The drunken Irishman is another familiar stereotype that is belied by our many Irish friends and neighbors who are paragons of sobriety. Despite our own personal experiences, we are unable to avoid the fact that Teddy "The Swimmer" Kennedy was the embodiment of the drunken Irishman. In fact, his drunken excesses are legendary inside and outside the Beltway and even contributed to the death of a young woman on a bridge in Massachusetts.

Both Teddy and Rosie startle us by conforming to their designated stereotypes, but I am not willing to take the next step and pin the blame on their sexual orientation or ethnicity. Teddy was a drunk, period, and his boozing has nothing, whatsoever, to do with being Irish. Be that as it may, he still gave us a 'thrill' by conforming to the drunken Irishman stereotype with such relentless enthusiasm.

Living stereotypes crop up in our lives, regularly, and they are invariably a thrill a minute for a hard-wired individualist who instinctively recoils from stereotyping anybody. Just for the hell of it, I will go out on that 'you racist, sexist, homophobic' limb and share a few too, too real headers into living, breathing stereotypic poster punks and punkettes. Each of the following tidbits is drawn from my own, personal experiences.

One stereotype that has been around the block a few times is the Texas braggard. This stereotype paints a word picture of someone who insists that everything is bigger and better in Texas. I know many Lone Star State denizens who don't match this stereotype, but I did meet one who was its poster dude in every way. His glorious descriptions of his home state never stopped, and, in the fullness of time, it got on my last raw nerve. One memorable day, he was doing what came naturally and telling me about some Texas ship that was 'the biggest' in the world. A few minutes later, he was telling me that the biggest swimming pool in the world is in Texas. That's when I went Hambo on him and asked him if they kept the biggest ship in the world inside the biggest swimming pool in the world. The ensuing Lone Star lunkhead hissy fit was highly entertaining. The good news is that, after that magic moment, he took his bragging elsewhere. Are all Texans braggards? Not really, but this dude certainly was.

Another familiar, long in the tooth, stereotype is the dumb Polack. I know numerous individuals who are proudly Polish and have all their synapses functioning perfectly. However, I once worked with a proudly Polish dude who who was one of the few individuals I've ever met who didn't have a single shred of common sense. After his many amazing adventures - like the time he sailed across the Catalina Channel, at night, in a Rube-Goldberg homemade kayak with no running lights or compass - I accepted the fact that he was, in fact, the embodiment of the Polack stereotype. His lack of common sense had nothing to do with being Polish. He got that way all by himself.

The stereotype that drives womyn up the wall is the canard that women in power are, invariably, vilified as 'bitches'. Here and there, I have worked for companies that were owned and/or run by a woman. Were they bitches? Nope, but that doesn't change the fact that Comrade Hillary is, by all reports, the bitch's bitch and the late, unlamented, Leona Helmsley was no walk in the park, either.

The stereotype on Asians has them excelling in the classroom, flunking on the roadway and spewing Lotus wisdom in a sing-song accented voice. There may be some Asian's who dropout of school, but there's also the well-documented fact that their college admissions success in top Ivory Towers vastly exceeds their demographics data. I have no meaningful experiences with bad Asian drivers, but I do have a co-worker who is the embodiment of the Lotus wisdom spewed in a sing-song voice.

Speaking of the Asian stereotype, a few years back, I did a header into my own pre-conceived notions (stereotypes if you prefer) about Asians. This especially memorable moment of my life happened, on the job, when I met a dude who was, obviously, Asian - I later learned that he's a Korean, ethnically, but 100% American in reality. I felt my jaw hit the floor when he spoke in that thick as molasses, South Carolina drawl. He read my mind - and my shocked expression, no doubt - smirked, then we both cracked up. He told me that it happens to him all the time and that he enjoyed the shocked expressions his home grown accent engendered.

Much too often we are slaves to our expectations. We shouldn't be shocked when we find a real life Apu working the cash register at the local Stop & Rob convenience store. We shouldn't be stunned into submission when we see the venerable station wagon packed with Sombrero Stompers heading out from a nearby garage sale with a full-sized sofa tied too the roof of the car. We need to take things in stride on such occasions and understand that, every so often life throws us a cultural curve ball.

When it comes to stereotypes, you're going to find them hard to shake. My best advice is to go with the flow. By all means try to resist letting anyone stereotype you. If you're out in the world and do a header into someone who is, in every possible way, the living, breathing poster punk or punkette for a given stereotype, enjoy that moment for what it offers. Think positive, it will give everyone a great laugh afterwards when you share the story with your family and friends.

InKorrectness Torpedoes Teacher's Career

Jerry Buell's professional stats are impressive. An American history teacher, Jerry has been in the trenches at Mount Dora High School (Flori-DUH) for 22 years. Last year, he added 'Teacher of the Year' to his accomplishments, along with his spotless record. Career-wise, it appeared to be smooth sailing for Jerry...until...

Jerry is headed for the unemployment line, due to something he said that upset the usual suspects in the Mount Dora area. I know what you're thinking, and you'd be right if, he got nailed for saying something egregiously inKorrect in a classroom, or anywhere else in school. Been there, seen that, so it's not breaking news, under those circumstances.

It started, on July 25, when he saw the MSM coverage of GLAAD BAAG marriage, after the Empire State legalized it. In short order, Jerry sounded off with this prose:

"I'm watching the news, eating dinner when the story about New York okaying same-sex unions came on and I almost threw up," he wrote. "And now they showed two guys kissing after their announcement. If they want to call it a union, go ahead. But don't insult a man and woman's marriage by throwing it in the same cesspool of whatever. God will not be mocked. When did this sin become acceptable?" (Fox News)

If he said it to a class of his inmates, I would - somewhat - get the school's hostile reaction. But, in this case, Jerry posted his mini rant against GLAAD BAAG marriage, on his Facebook page. Three minutes after his first post, Jerry kicked it up a notch, or two, with this follow-up:

"By the way, if one doesn't like the most recently posted opinion based on biblical principles and God's laws, then go ahead and unfriend me. I'll miss you like I miss my kidney stone from 1994. And I will never accept it because God will never accept it. Romans chapter one."

Predictably, some chronically offended asshat, got its panties in a bunch over Jerry's Facebook based freedom of speech exercise, then ran caterwauling to the cess-school's officials. Alarmed over what they viewed as Jerry's egregiously homophobic attitude, the Educrats yanked one of the school's best teachers out of the classroom, then opened an investigation.

According to the school system, what Buell wrote on his private account was disturbing. They were especially concerned that gay students at the school might be frightened or intimidated walking into his classroom. [Lake County Schools' version of Bagdad Bob, Chris] Patton also disputed the notion that Buell's Facebook account is private.

"He has (more than) 700 friends," he said. "How private is that – really? Social media can be troubling if you don't respect it and know that just because you think you are in a private realm – it's not private."

Buell's attorney strongly disagreed and accused the school system of violating his First Amendment rights.

"The school district is being anti-straight, anti-First Amendment and anti-personal liberty," said Horatio Mihet, an attorney with the Liberty Counsel. "The idea that public servants have to whole-heartedly endorse homosexual marriage is repugnant to the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution," Mihet told Fox News Radio.

"All he did was speak out on an issue of national importance and because his comments did not fit a particular mold, he is now being investigated and could possibly lose his job. What have we come to?"

Needing more dirt, because Jerry's refusal to drink the cess-school's Korrectnik Kool-aid might not be enough, After visiting Jerry's Facebook page, Bagdad Bob Patton asked the local Korrectniks to send him any/all of Jerry Buell's writings. Bagdad Bob Patton is particularly alarmed by the inclusion of numerous passages from that infamously inKorrect book - The Bible - on Jerry Buell's Facebook page. THE BIBLE? I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you. No wonder Bagdad Bob Patton is so eager to fire Jerry Buell.

As expected, Jerry's legal eagle, Horatio Mihet, has a lot to say about Bagdad Bob Patton's Tome-bashing bias:

"These are not fringe ideas that Mr. Buell espoused on his personal Facebook page," he told Fox News Radio. "They are mainstream textbook opposition to homosexual unions – and now he's been deemed unfit to teach children because he opposes gay marriage? My goodness." Buell believes the school system is trying to send a message to Christian teachers.

"There is an intimidation factor if you are a Christian or if you make a statement against it (gay marriage) you are a bigot, a homophobe, you're a creep, you're intolerant," he said. "We should have the right to express our opinions and talk about things."

Did Jerry violate the Kool-aid swilling clause of his employment contract? That's a question that must be settled in court, like any other contract dispute. No matter how that turns out, Jerry's teaching career is stick a fork in it 'done', because, when it comes to cess-schools, Korrectnik asshats like Bagdad Bob Patton are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.

Parting shot: It's interesting to see how much easier firing a teacher becomes, when the educators crime is 'inKorrectness'. If, instead of criticizing GLAAD BAAG marriage based on his belief in the Bible, Jerry was an Islamikaze who dissed GLAAD BAAG marriage, Cross Cultists, and Jews, based on his belief in the Koran, he'd be rewarded, hailed a hero, instead of getting fired. Some are more equal than others? You better believe it, Sparky.

Just Say 'No' To The Status Quo

This election cycle is getting on my last raw nerve. First of all, it started much too damn early. This unrelenting political torture shouldn't begin until January of 2012, at the earliest. But, for some damn reason, they wanted to get this crap rolling early so they could make us more miserable than usual. On that score, they're succeeding beyond their wildest dreams.

Enough already with these endless debates, where blow-dried blowhards spout their focus group tested talking points. Enough already with these 'interviews' and 'appearances' where it's one damn sound bite after another. That might thrill the dazed, distracted and easily manipulated chad punchers, but here in the PIGdom we aren't that gullible. We're not like those intellectual flatliners who march like zombies to the polls and vote for the candidate who told them what they want to hear. It's time for America's rational adults to kick these parasitic retards to the curb and restore this nation conceived in liberty to its rightful form, as set forth in our founding documents.

Our first task is to demand that someone who wants us to put him, her, himher or it in the most powerful elected office on Earth, show us that they have what it takes to handle such a daunting task. That means mounting a campaign that rises above politics as usual. That means dumping the blow-dried photo ops, the race and gender pandering, and focus group tested sound bites. It means getting back to basics: I. E., less FDR and more James Madison. It means striking a Jeffersonian tone, like the Declaration of Independence. When you want an office this powerful, you better be ready to surmount some very high hurdles.

When I take a long hard look at the primary - and secondary - contenders for America's top, most difficult, job, I'm far from impressed. The thought that one of these clowns will become President of the United States gives us night sweats. Why? Several reasons, but one trumps all the rest: they're obsessed with the wrong 'issues'.

When I look at the candidates' plans for this land conceived in liberty, I'm compelled to ask the salient question: Have any of you rat bastards READ the Constitution of The United States? The only one who seems to make the cut, on that score, is Ron Paul, but he has his own fatal flaw. He flunks the part of the presidential oath office concerning protecting us from enemies, foreign and domestic.

When you cut through all this political pontificating and get to the basics, the current crop of candidates fail miserably, when it comes to proposing a properly-constitutional approach to this nation's most pressing problems. Before I get down to basics with a PIGish review of the real issues, I'll dispense with the bull crap issues that they shovel down our throats.

Candidates from both political clans seem to think that there are some secret clauses - written between the lines in invisible ink, no doubt - in the U. S. Constitution. Depending on which clan you believe, these secret clauses give Uncle Sam the power to: fund abortions; fund stem cell research; control schools; defend marriage; restrict what a broadcaster can air; seize control of the nation's financial, healthcare and automotive industries; steal money from the pockets or estates of American achievers and give those ill-gotten gains to perpetually-needy parasites; engage in social engineering using a confiscatory tax system; rip off companies that manufacture and sell legal products like cigarettes.

Now that I've shoveled the bull crap issues out of the way, it's time to get real with some PIGish presidential platform planks:

Bloated Government
At the inaugural address, the new PIGish president will reel off a list of no fewer than 7 federal cabals that will be, immediately, shut down, permanently. (Top contenders include the FCC, EEOC, FDA, Educrap Dept,EPA)

Our PIGish president would vow to veto any bill that did not conform to James Madison's principles of limited government.

Economy
Our PIGish president would, immediately, grant 'most favored nation' status on the one country that deserves it: The United States.

Our PIGish president would make it a primary goal of his tenure in office to impose a meaningful separation between the Nanny State and this nation's economy. Our Oval Office denizen would state, forcefully, that it's time to take the training wheels, safety belts, and bloated 'cushions' off the economy and let the marketplace take care of picking winners and losers.

Energy
Our PIGish presidential candidate would quickly unshackle our energy companies by freeing oil companies to develop America's known domestic reserves.

Our PIGish president would stop frittering away tax dollars on pie in the sky, flavor of the day, energy boondoggles.

Our PIGish president would tear down the barriers preventing energy firms from building nuclear power generating plants.

Immigration
Our PIGish president would grab the President of Mexico by the scruff of the neck and 'explain' to that rat bastard why it's a crappy idea to export his poor to the USA.

Our PIGish president would spearhead a drive to exorcize the 'anchor baby' provision from the 14th Amendment.

Finally, our PIGish president would put somebody who understands our security issues in charge of Homeland Security: Maricopa County (AZ) Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Jihadikazes (The War)
A properly-PIGish president would state, once and for all, that Islam and inalienable liberty are fundamentally incompatible. Our PIGish president will point out, forcefully, that world conquest is a basic tenet of Islam, then declare, unequivocally that America won't let that happen.

A properly-PIGish president would order those nations who are exporting this liberty nuking supernaturalism - Saudi Arabia and Iran - to cut the crap. If we trace the Jihadikaze members or funding back to either nation, our PIGish president will make them pay for their 'sins' against individual liberty.

Taxes
Our PIGish president would start putting Uncle Sam's financial house in order by abolishing the IRS.

Our PIGish president would abolish the estate tax obscenity that devours all the meat from an achiever's estate before leaving a few scraps for the achiever's heirs.

Our PIGish president would put those properly-constitutional elements of government that remain after the excess baggage is expunged on a strict fiscal diet.

Our PIGish president would wage war on America's wealth redistribution system and the social engineering that goes with it.

Am I demanding too much? Nope. In most cases, I'm insisting that Uncle Sam cut the crap, and return to those clearly defined functions that James Madison delineated so clearly. I don't want another politically correct, Nanny State loving president whose primary goal in life is to grab as much power as We the People will allow.

I want someone with Ronald Reagan's ability to paint a word picture of a properly-constitutional USA. I want somebody who understands the presidential bully pulpit and uses it with the ability of a Teddy Roosevelt. I want a president who embodies James Madison's vision of a strictly limited government that seeks to maximize the inalienable liberty of We the People. I want a president who will make it his top priority to defend sovereign American individuals from our most relentless domestic enemies: the Elected Tormentors who assault individual liberty with the Nanny State.

Do I seriously expect the ideal candidate to magically appear? Nope. But, I think it's time to stop being diverted by smoke and mirrors issues that aren't any of Uncle Sam's damn business.

We the People are assigned the task of 'hiring' the next president. Since that decision is our call, it means that We the People, guided by the United States Constitution set forth the job requirements, the hiring criteria. Keep these PIGish suggestions uppermost in your mind when you make that fateful hiring decision.

It's your liberty at stake, Sparky. If you don't defend it, who will?

PIPE-DREAM

After watching the Elected Tormentor antics during the recent deficit ceiling debacle, I keep thinking that there has to be a better way. My better way would, necessarily, involve replacing the Moonbats in Congress with rational adults.

Admittedly, the TEA Party tried its best to do that. Unfortunately, despite the TEA Party's valiant attempt to elevate the collective I.Q. on Capitol Hill with a rational adult infusion, Congress is still hopelessly mired in the Twilight Zone. I don't blame the TEA Party, because they did their part. The problem is that there still aren't enough rational adults in Congress to create a critical mass. Furthermore, the TEA Party-affiliated rational adults are being marginalized by the entrenched Moonbats who control both of the dominant political clans.

Given the way things are going in Congress, I keep wondering about creating a third political party. I've heard all the bull crap about how hopeless some third party would be and I tend to agree. Third parties are doomed, before they begin, because the two dominant political clans have rigged the game to freeze everybody else out. It sucks, but objective reality has a propensity for suckage.

Doomed or not, I can't stop musing about organizing a third party, a third party organized by and consisting entirely of rational adults. This Rational Adults Party (RAP) would cut the crap, and the fat, and transform Uncle Sam into a lean, mean, liberty-maximizing machine. Whenever possible, RAP keeps it simple.

You're a rational adult who owns a home and the neighbors keep barging into your yard. Determined to fix it, you 'enforce' the border of your property by building a fence. If that fails to get the job done, you deploy a very large, terminally cranky mutt to seal the deal. RAP would apply that on a national basis and keep uninvited intruders out of our nation's yard.

You're a rational adult who is painfully aware that there are some bad asses around who won't take a hint. Nobody's fool, you pool your resources with your like-minded neighbors then train, equip and deploy some professionals to deal with the matter. RAP would apply that lesson on a national basis, by giving Uncle Sam's professionals the training and equipment to get the job done. When trouble came our way, RAP would unleash these dogs of war and let the professionals accomplish their mission, without relentless interference from clueless civilians with a political agenda.

You're a rational adult who is irked because your usual source of water has become intolerably expensive or inefficient. You do the rational thing by seeking a new sources of supply. One option would be to drill a well on your own property to tap into known water reserves. RAP would apply that on a national basis by taking the shackles off our energy industry, allowing them to tap into the resources on Uncle Sam's property, instead of continuing to buy that high price oil from price gouging foreign sources.

You're a rational adult who minds your own business. You don't interfere with the private, consensual activities of your adult neighbors. RAP would expand that 'none of my damn business' notion from sea to shining sea, by doing away with 'victimless' crimes. Instead, RAP would put these oft-maligned activities in the marketplace, where they would succeed or fail on their own merit.

You're a rational adult who trusts their own judgement. You assess each person you meet on their merits as an individual. You don't let yourself get distracted by irrelevant factors that have no bearing on the decision at hand. RAP would expand that notion nationwide by restoring the objective, one size fits all standard to its rightful place in American society. Each individual would succeed, or fail, on their own individual merits.

RAP would get back to basics on these and, countless other, things by harkening back to made in America concepts. RAP would restore rugged individualism, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, and learning to cope with failure to their rightful place in America. RAP would step back and let the marketplace - not some caterwauling cretins - measure the merits, of an idea or a firm's goods and services. RAP would give each American control over, responsibility for, their own life. RAP would do its utmost to restore, "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" to their proper place in America. RAP's objective is to put your life, in your hands, Sparky.

RAP is a pipedream, but one that I shall continue to nurture, because objective really - that unrelenting nightmare inside the D.C. Beltway - is really starting to suck.

Stray Notions

Item 1:

I spotted one of those survey boxes on a VRWC Web Site which asked the reader to rate Barry's performance as POTUS. The choices listed seemed to limited to 'A' and 'F'. For a rational adult, the answer is obvious...or is it.

The grade assessed depends on what criteria you use. I can think of two possibilities.

Grading system one is the 'obvious' one. Barry would be graded on his efforts to maximize America's ability to defend itself against its enemies. He would be graded on his ability to enhance America's prosperity, by reducing the size and intrusiveness of government. No matter how generous you are in your grading, Barry is a solid F on both counts. His policies have weakened us in the face of a determined enemy. His policies have resulted in economic chaos.

Grading system two would involve a criteria which measures Barry's abilities to accomplish his own POTUS goals. His goals...that's the key. I am convinced that a powerless, defenseless, impoverished, America with a suffocating, egregiously intrusive, relentlessly growing, neo-Marxist Nanny State is EXACTLY what he hoped to accomplish. Since he vastly exceeded his goals, and is well ahead of his own timetable, Barry earns an A+ under this scoring system.

Are we having fun yet?

Item 2:

Between the VRWC talk radio blab-a-thons and the twice an hour boom box newscasts, I heard more of The One's bus tour bloviating than I wanted or needed. When I stopped swearing at his yammering, I finally got around to the inescapable conclusion. The man is a pathological liar. EVERYTHING he says is a fucking lie. In fact, when I think about it, I'm convinced that he is so detached from objective reality that he doesn't know what the truth is.

In Barry's reality insulted universe, the truth is whatever he wants it to be. In other words, this legend in his own mind thinks the truth is whatever he says it is. That's why contradicting himself doesn't bother him. The truth - objective reality - changes, depending on his personal whim.

Item 3:

Moo-chelle Obama appears to be a serious bitch whose default demeanor is rage. Being that kind of dude, I'm compelled to wonder how a wimp like Barry managed to impregnate her, twice, given her perpetually pissed off condition. You'd think that the infamous Moo-chelle glower would result in a premature termination of the festivities when the Community Organizers 'wood' lost its tensile strength.

Better you than me, dude.

Core Principles

Like the 'truths' which the Founding Fathers invoked so eloquently, in the Declaration of Independence, there are also - in our PIGish opinion - certain core principles which are, or ought to be, equally 'self-evident'. Am I that full of myself? Perhaps, but in this instance, I'm not full of 'IT'.

We hold the following core principles to be 'self-evident' and therefore essential components of the egregiously maligned American character:

There is no inherent, or Constitutional, right which protects you from being offended.
The coercive power of the Nanny State should not, MUST NOT, 'shield' you from things you don't want to see and/or don't want to hear. If it gives you a boo-boo, that's your personal, individual, problem and is not, never should be, an excuse for a Nanny State intervention.

If it bugs you, grow a pair. If it still bugs you, take your complaint directly to the perpetrator. A sovereign American individual does not run caterwauling to the Nanny State, every time, he, she, heshe, or it gets a boo-boo.

Failure and/or defeat play a vital role in the development of a sovereign individual's character.
Admittedly, the lessons learned from failure and/or defeat are painful ones. But, sooner or later, no matter how many safety nets the Korrectniks and Elected Tormentors build beneath you, your life is going to hit a speed bump. If you learned the proper lessons on the playing field as a tyke, you're going to cope with life's nasty little surprises with minimal difficulty.

On the other hand, if you played on little league teams where no score was kept and no winner declared...if you attended a school which passed everyone, regardless of an individual's scholastic deficiencies, you'll be devastated by life's first speed bump. Nanny State safety nets turn life's regulation prat falls into a shattering crisis.

Failure and defeat are great teachers which, among other things, help an individual, as Dirty Harry said so eloquently "know his limitations". Sovereign American individuals take failure and defeat in stride. After learning the relevant lessons from them, sovereign American individuals pick themselves up, dust themselves off, then, a little bit wiser, they get on with their lives.

Each individual is defined, for good or ill, by his, her, hisher, or its thoughts, words, and deeds.
Your immutable traits - gender, ethnicity and race - are not the be-all, end-all, of who, and what you are. They are, in the grand scheme of things, irrelevant, because they're issued at birth. It's that very irrelevancy which makes them so popular with the Nanny State, which has a pathological aversion to sovereign individualism.

Like it or not, you are defined, as an individual, by what you've said, what you've done, and the thoughts which motivate your words and deeds. You are, like it or not, defined by the VOLITIONAL elements of your life.

Each individual is judged, for good or ill, by his, her, hisher, or its thoughts, words, and deeds.
The One is the poster punk, when it comes to fleeing from taking personal accountability for his own actions. If you can stand to listen to his relentless bloviating, you'll learn that he isn't responsible for any of his own thoughts, words and/or deeds. Bart Simpson's "I didn't do it" sums up The One's attitude, perfectly. He's so terrified by the taint of personal failure that he's equally terrified to take credit for something that seems to be working. What if - GASP - it all goes wrong, down the road?

A sovereign individual accepts the blame for his, her, hisher, or its own mistakes. A sovereign individual also takes full credit for his, her, hisher, or its successes. It's this 'I did good, on this one' element of the American character which thrills the snot out of our international critics, who defame us as 'arrogant'. What the whiners overlook is the fun fact that, after a sovereign individual takes that victory lap, they immediately begin work on the next challenge on their agenda. That, too, is a core element of the American character.

Life is not a zero-sum game.
This is an especially bitter pill for the Nanny State class warriors, who spend every waking hour vilifying, punishing, and impoverishing achievers. In their fevered brains, the success of an American achiever comes 'at the expense of' that 'noble' ward of the Nanny State, the chronically-needy parasite.

Sovereign American individuals understand that the success of one achiever is the fertile, economic, soil which spurs the growth of other achievers. Bill Gates' legendary success at Microsoft spawned whole new industries. The same phenomenon is playing out in the area of telecommunications. Success, does not come at the expense of others. Success does not breed a wave of failure to achieve that 'zero sum'. Success, by its very nature, breeds more success. The Nanny State's role in this process involves staying out of the achievers' way.

Life is inherently unfair, but it is not, inherently unjust.
One of the primary elements in the Nanny State's on-going obsession to "transform America" involves negating - by artificial, Draconian, means - life's inherent unfairness. There's no room in this "transformed America" for life's unequal distribution of skills, aptitudes and intellect. That's why, in their mindless zeal to achieve an equality of results, the Nanny State has thrown out the single, objective standard which presents an identical hurdle for each individual. Instead, the Nanny State's social engineers give 'favored', but otherwise unqualified, individuals a much lower hurdle, while forcing 'undesirable' individuals to surmount an impossibly high barrier.

Sovereign American individuals welcome the challenge to test themselves against life's single, one-size-fits-all, standard. The only thing they want from their Elected Tormentors is a rational government that engenders an environment that maximizes each individual's inalienable liberty, allowing each individual to go as far as their skills, intellect, and hard work will take them.

I don't give a flaming f**k how many times The One spouts this mindless, "transforming American" drivel. I don't give a flaming f**k how often this malignant narcissist assaults my intelligence with his yammering. I will not surrender my sovereign individualism without a fight. I will not jettison the core principles I just set forth. Does that make me another Thomas Jefferson? No, it makes me what Obamunists hate most, that relic from a bygone era, a rugged American individual.

I will do everything in my power to promote the core elements of the American character. I will start by making them part an parcel of my daily life. If The One, and his Rabid Moonbat Marxist horde, have a problem with that, they can BITE ME.