*
Is there some unwritten rule of engagement that requires at least one of the Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse to be either in jail - or in enough legal trouble that they might be headed that way - at all times? LiLo was barely out of ‘bondage’ when her sister in bimbohood, Skank Hilton, got busted for drugs. Does this mean another 'Skank goes to prison' debacle is headed our way like a runaway train hurtling down the tracks toward our disabled ride?

If there is such a rule, isn’t it time for Kim Kardashian to step it up by getting arrested? That sex tape isn’t going to keep her at this pinnacle of bimbohood forever. On the other hand, if she gets the Beiber fever and walks on the wild side with the lad...that could catapult her to the top of the Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse heap.

**

Why is everyone so obsessed with the size of the crowd at Glenn Gantry’s Lincoln Memorial revival meeting? I thought the real measure of such events was the event itself and its lasting impact. PIGster J, the Free State of PIG’s Professor of Piety, would, quite rightly, point to the Last Supper as a ‘lightly attended’ meeting whose aftershocks continue to reverberate to this very day. Apparently, the size of the 'crowd' isn't the be-all, end-all, in such cases.

Admittedly, I don’t envision Glenn Gantry’s Lincoln Memorial antics having that kind of staying power, so I’m once again forced to ask why all the Rabid Libertard Moonbats MSNBC and CNN are so obsessed with the numbers game. All they’re doing is giving Glenn Gantry’s revival meeting more importance than it deserves. Is it jealousy? Or, can they really be THAT stupid?

***

I’d rather get a root canal, without any novocaine, than sit through an episode of Dancing With the Stars, and that’s a fact. HOWEVER...Now that they’ve signed on that icon of sobriety, David Hasslehoff, I might need to program it up on my DVR, so I won’t miss it when the Hoff shows up gassed to the gills. Does anybody have the over/under on how long he’ll last before the Hoff does what comes much TOO naturally?

****

Mexifornia is thisclose to passing a law that banishes plastic grocery bags. Whew! I’m so glad they got that whole tidal wave of debt thing resolved and have time for this crap.

Does anyone remember why we started using those plastic bags in the first place? Does anyone remember that it was the Nanny State who COERCED us into giving up paper bags and switching to the ‘more ecologically friendly’ plastic bags? Does anyone else understand that those greeniac favorites, the ‘reusable’ cloth bags, are GERM FACTORIES which will taint your food, in a heartbeat?

Is there any intelligent life left in the Mexifornia state capitol? Never mind responding to this one, I already know the answer.

*****

When that wingnut invaded the Discovery Channel and got himself killed in the name of Global Warming, does that qualify as committing Gorbicide? It’s Enquiring minds time, again, in the PIGdom.

Speaking of this walking Gorebasm, why don’t ‘the voices’ ever aim these loose, libertard, cannons at a more suitable target, like MSNBC or CNN?

For the sake of argument, let’s assume one of those Gorebaholics did run amok at MSNBC and/or CNN. Could anyone tell the difference between the chaos the Greeniac created and the daily chaos caused by the steaming loads who serve as hosts on this cable blights? For that matter, is there THAT much difference between this Gorebaholic and Rabid Moonbats like Keith Assholeman, Rachel Madcow, Ed Schitz, and - TA DA - The Tingler?

[If you’ve already read this week’s Top Story, you’ve no doubt noticed that we, once again, refused to bestow Top Story honors on Labor Day. If that puts a knot in your knickers, so be it. If the knot is so painful that you need an explanation, we’re up to the challenge.]

If you’ve ever wondered why the Free State of PIG doesn’t honor Labor Day with a Top Story, wonder no more. Quite frankly, especially in this first decade of the of the 21st century, the labor unions who exemplify this faux holiday aren’t thrilling us spitless. No matter what essential topic you name, they’re on the wrong side of it. Given organized labor’s deleterious impact on a sovereign individual’s life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, the FSOP won’t set aside a picosecond on September 6 to hoist a brewskie to honor BIG LABOR. Why? We refuse to give PIG props to the public employees unions, teachers union, and auto workers unions, or any other organized labor group which are key players in this increasingly oppressive Obamunist Error.

What, exactly, is Labor Day? If you cyber surf to the Department of Labor Internet speed bump, you’ll learn that the American version of Labor Day dates back to 1882. You’ll also find this high sounding, bureaucratic, bull crap to justify this salute to BIG LABOR:

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Social and economic achievements? Let’s take a closer look at that.

Teachers unions are high on our list of groups that deserve to be nuked out of our misery. First, and foremost, being a tenured member of a teacher’s union means you’ll never have to hear the words "You’re fired." No matter what you do, you’ll never have to pay the piper for your incompetence. Hell, in most government cess schools, the only way you’ll get in serious trouble with your union happens if you’re foolish enough to educate your young charges instead of indoctrinating them.

In liberty-impoverished blights like Mexifornia, teachers unions are powerful political players who, routinely, impose their will on feckless Elected Tormentors and brain dead chad punchers. They shape the political landscape, with unrelenting advertising campaigns, which inhibit liberty and impoverish unwary achievers.

When it comes to unionized teachers, their primary social and economic achievements involve producing properly indoctrinated, neo-Marxist meatheads who can’t read, write or compute but are brimming with inexplicable self-esteem.

As fun as the teachers unions are, they’re bush league, when compared to the pernicious social and economic achievements of unionized, job-for-life, public employees. When it comes memorable social and economic achievements, public employee unions, like the SEIU, are without peer. For example, at every level of government in Mexifornia - city, county, state - one budget-busting item is drowning them in a tidal wave of budgetary red ink. What is it? It’s public employee retirement plans. Generous to a fault, these scams allow the union worker to retire at 50 with, at least, 90% of their pay, then return to their job, THE NEXT DAY, at, virtually, the same pay.

From sea to shining sea, public employee unions like the SEIU dictate public policy, using bought and paid for Elected Tormentors, including Prompter Punk himself. They say "jump" and their Elected Tormentor toadies bellow "how high". If those pesky sovereign individuals try to take back their government, the SEIU’s purple-shirted thugs goose-step into peaceable public assemblies to shout, and/or beat, the sovereign individuals into compliance.

Don’t wait for the FSOP to get warm and fuzzy over the social and economic ‘achievements’ of unionized teachers and public employees. Any alleged good they do is overwhelmed by their destructive impact on our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Screw them, and the sorry nag they rode in on.

Jealous of the social and economic achievements perpetrated by unionized teachers and public employees, so-called ‘civilian’ unions made a compelling, annoyingly successful, bid for their piece of the taxpayer funded pie. Did it work? You better believe it, Sparky.

Eager to please, Demoncrats doled out billions via make-work projects funded by the Porkulus Bill, all of which will reward labor unions.

The same Demoncrat horde worked feverishly, to pass the ‘card check’ bill which would make it much, MUCH, easier for union organizers to intimidate recalcitrant, rogue individuals into ‘agreeing’ to be unionized.

The auto industry bailout bill handed two of the Big Three automakers to the United Auto Workers Union on a Commie Red, Obamunist platter.

Marching to the beat of organized labor’s drummer, the Nanny State has shackled business owning individuals with suffocating restrictions and unrelenting interference. In addition to complying with minium wage - and ‘living’ wage - laws, business owning individuals must eke out a profit, while the Nanny State second-guesses every staffing decision, then micro-manages the business’s benefits package.

Our antipathy to labor unions goes beyond the aforementioned social and economic achievements. That’s only half the story. Organized labor’s underlying principles are, in the FSOP’s considered opinion, diametrically opposed to the individual liberty on which this nation is built.

Under the union’s ‘collective’ bargaining rules of engagement, longevity trumps individual excellence. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best at your job, your pay raise will be exactly the same as those three slackers who foist off their work on you. If, however you’re a relative newbie, you’ll always be earning less than those slackers, whose paycheck is based, exclusively, on longevity.

Union rhetoric is infused with anti-capitalist diatribes which denigrate the achiever(s) who rolled fate’s dice by going all in on a new business. Instead of saluting the achiever for risking everything he had on his personal version of the American Dream, the union thugs vilify the achiever as an ‘exploiter’. Instead of honoring the achiever who made their own job(s) possible, the union thugs do their utmost to bring the achiever down. For example: the biggest, noisiest union thug celebration I’ve ever witnessed happened after the union’s insatiable demands and prolonged strike forced the company they targeted to close its doors, permanently. They were out of a job, but they called it a victory, because an achiever, a capitalist, went down for the count.

Summing it up, labor unions are anti-capitalist, anti-excellence, and anti-individual. Don’t hold your breath waiting for us to salute THAT bull crap on Labor Day. Does that mean we won’t take some time out from our summer ending festivities to honor America’s working men and women? Hardly. The FSOP is ready, willing and eager to honor America’s hard-working men and women. BUT, we insist on saluting the right hard-working people, for the right reasons.

On Labor Day, on many other days, we salute that dirt under the fingernails individual who keeps our ride in top working order, without sending us to the poor house. It’s a dirty job - especially keeping Hambo’s paganmobile functional - but it’s accomplished with compelling expertise.

On Labor Day, we salute the food wrangler at our local deli who greets us by name, knows our preferences, and serves us with friendly efficiency.

On Labor Day, we salute the service we get from our web hosting service. We know we’re small potatoes on their ledger sheet, but, no matter how busy they are, they take the time to answer our pesky questions and still manage to convince us that they appreciate our business.

On Labor Day, we hoist a brewskie to honor the computer gurus at our internet service provider, who spotted a problem we had with our e-mail, then sent us the answer to our question, before we had time to ask it.

On Labor Day, we honor all the working men and women who understand our, occasional, financial limitations, prompting them to suggest a bang-for-the-buck solution, without making us feel like a charity case.

On Labor Day, we salute the working men and women who keep their outpost of capitalism open for an extra half hour, allowing us to meet our own pressing schedule.

On Labor Day, we take a moment to thank the working men and women who understand the importance of excellent customer service. This, in our estimation, is a major social and economic achievement, since it allows us to reward excellence with our continuing patronage.

Today’s fun fact is this: a lot of people are easily impressed. Unhappily, they’re easily impressed by the wrong things. Confused? You won’t be, if you hang around to the fabulous finish.

One of these easily impressed individuals is talk radio host, John Gibson, a man whom I find informative and insightful. Today, John was punch-drunk on the Glenn Gantry Kool-Aid. Dazzled by the impressive turnout at Glenn Gantry's Lincoln Memorial revival meeting, John is convinced that - based on star power alone - a Beck-Palin presidential ticket is an idea whose time has come. John, dude, you need help, STAT. Back away from that 50-gallon drum of Kool-Aid, take several deep breaths, then have somebody administer shock treatments.

Beck-Palin? Wow! That means John Gibson's list of POTUS qualifications is short, and shallow. Short and shallow? You bet, because these are the only things it takes - based on today's John Gibson show - to make Beck a worthy POTUS candidate:

* He is NOT Barry Obama.

* He is NOT a Demoncrat libertard.

* He demonstrated the requisite 'star power' to attract a LARGE crowd.

Leadership experience? Not required. The relevant skills to get the job done? Not important. A liberty-maximizing, Nanny State minimizing political philosophy? Not important. For John it's as simple as 'not Obamba', 'not a Demoncrat' and the ability to attract a crowd.

Does Glenn Gantry have the requisite 'star power' to give Messiah Barry a serious run for his money? Perhaps, if the size of the crowd he drew to his camp meeting is any indication. According to John Gibson, and many of his Kool-Aid swilling callers, 'star power' is all that matters. Why? Because the goal in 2012, according to John Gibson, is defeating the Marxist Messiah. How important is it? It's so important that John Gibson apparently believes, that anyone who isn't Barry and isn't a Demoncrat, is just fine by him. John Gibson is so gassed on Glenn Gantry Kool-Aid, that he'll go for a candidate who has more in common with Howard Beale, than Ronald Wilson Reagan.

The problem, as I see it, isn't Glenn Gantry's 'star power'. The problem is his philosophy. Since he's getting his marching orders DIRECTLY from Old Ka-Boom, a POTUS Glenn Gantry would have We the People trade neo-Marxist tyranny for a Christian Theocracy tyranny. When you cut through all the crap, no matter which option you pick, the results are still the same: slavery.

The ultimate fun fact, here, one John Gibson willfully ignores, is that both Messiah Barry and Glenn Gantry will tell you the same thing: "I'm doing this for your own good."

Parting shot: I WAS sold on ‘Glenn Gantry’ as Beck’s Hambo handle, but I’m starting to reconsider my ‘other’ options. The good news is that I was on the right track, when I realized that Glenn’s antics reminded me of a movie character. The bad new is that I was too hasty, and picked the wrong movie, the wrong character. The movie is ‘Network’ and the relevant character is, as you’ve already guessed Howard Beale. Glenn ‘Howard’ Beale? You better believe it, try, try, again, Sparky.

[The MSM, along with a lot of well meaning people who should know better, are already describing the Glenn Gantry (Glenn ‘Elmer Gantry’ Beck) Lincoln Memorial revival meeting, yesterday, as a Tea Party event. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It was NOT a Tea Party, because Glenn’s Restoring Honor agenda was essentially, predominantly, religious. He admitted as much, more than once, when he said his actions where motivated by a wake up call from Old Ka-Boom, wherein Old Ka-Boom gave Glenn Gantry his marching orders.

At minimum, Glenn seems to be injecting himself into the religious right movement, as its leader. I’m willing to play along with that, but I’m compelled to consider other, rational, explanations, like this one:

The focus of the rally was more explicitly religious than political, with many speakers openly professing their Christian faith, including Beck. At points, it felt like a mixture of old-fashioned tent revival and a special episode of Beck’s show. This leads me to conclude that Glenn Beck is attempting to hijack the tea parties in order to promote his own religious agenda.
From a posting by Sky Trooper, on Objectivism Online.

Is Glenn Gantry trying to seize control of the Tea Party movement, so he can redefine it in religious terms? I don’t know, but I think it’s a possibility that must be taken seriously. How seriously do I take it? VERY. That’s why I am posting this Top Story from 2009, which I wrote about a REAL Tea Party gathering in Washington D.C., on September 12, 2009.

If you’re finding Glenn Gantry’s Siren Song of Supernaturalism irresistible, I urge you to read this PIGish prose, so you can differentiate between the REAL Tea Party agenda, and whatever the hell it is that Glenn Gantry is trying to pull.

I report, you decide? You better believe it, I'm with Glenn, Sparky.]

On 9/12/09 a critical mass of sovereign American individuals demonstrated their resolve to defend their inalienable liberty.

In the wake of an event which the Obamunist media tried to ignore, attempted to minimize, then decided to denigrate - the 9/12/09 march on Washington - the FSOP feels the need to set the record straight. It wasn’t a temper tantrum by Republicans who lost their mojo. It wasn’t an assemblage of redneck rustics who had a racist hissy fit over a black president. It wasn’t a faux protest funded by dark right-wing forces with deep pockets. It wasn’t any of them.

If 9/12/09 wasn’t any of those things, what was it? It was a mobilization, an initial marshaling, of liberty-venerating forces in the war for America. Both sides know that the stakes are high. Both sides know that the winner of this war gets to determine the fate, the future, of this land conceived in liberty. Both sides understand that only two outcomes are possible: inalienable individual liberty, or Nanny State slave shackles.

The first to take the field, the enemies of liberty staked out the high ground at the pinnacles of our government, in the middle decades of the 20th century. Entrenched inside their Beltway Bastion, the statists have done everything in their power to make their federal fortress impregnable.

Once secure in their Capitol Hill citadel, the two dominant elements within the enemy camp engaged in internecine warfare, a king-of-the-hill battle for the right to impose their will upon the clueless masses outside the citadel. Snake-fascinated, the masses deluded themselves into thinking that one side, or the other, had their best interests at heart, a brain-fart for which they paid dearly, as both sides fleeced the masses of their liberty and property.

On January 20, 2009, the final battle for America began, when an unrepentant, America hating, capitalism despising, Marxist was inaugurated as President - Messiah for Life - of the United States. Full of themselves, and ‘it’, a tidal wave of glassy-eyed Obamunists threw down the gauntlet on that day, daring any free ranging rational adults to come and pick it up. Would any sovereign individuals dare to invade the Beltway Bastion?

On September 12, 2009, the largest assemblage of sovereign American individuals in the history of the USA - realistic estimates range from 500,000 to 1,500,000 - invaded the Beltway Bastion to accept the challenge thrown down on January 20, 2009.

For the first time, since 1776, the battlelines are clearly defined. For the first time, since 1776, the stakes are so high, that sovereign individuals are motivated to set aside business as usual, to defend the core principles which make America that beacon of liberty, the Shining City on the Hill.

The statist enemy is led by a malignant narcissist, a man who believes everything the Broadcast Blowjob Brigade spews about him. The weapons at his disposal are formidable. He enjoys a captive, power-obsessed, congress that is led by Elected Tormentors who have spent decades embedding themselves in their seats of power. He has a slavishly subservient mainstream media which will warp objective reality into any shape the Narcissist-In-Chief wants or needs. He has millions of fanatically devoted foot soldiers who will unwaveringly, unquestioningly, follow his every order.

Opposing the intimidating power of the statist enemy is an aspiring tyrant’s worst nightmare. It’s a venerable force in American history which takes uphill battles against powerful, entrenched enemies in stride. It’s a force of such renown, that it is honored - by name - with the opening words of the United States Constitution: We the People of the United States.

On 9/12/09, unlike the statists opposing them, America’s sovereign individuals didn’t gather under the banner of some POTUS wannabe, a legend in his own mind cable news clown, or a boom box host with a devoted, nationwide audience. Energized by their own, personal, motives, the sovereign individuals gathered together, voluntarily, for a common purpose. They don’t need a standard bearer to lead them, because they understand that voluntary cooperation between sovereign individuals who are pursuing a common goal is the limitless source of American strength and resilience.

The meaning of 9/12/09 is clear. The battle for America has been joined, and it promises to be a prolonged, bruising, battle, where no quarter will be given, and surrender is not an option. The lines of battle are clearly defined and the fierce battles waged along them aren’t for the fainthearted.

Limited, Properly-Constitutional Government vs Unrestrained Nanny State Growth
Statists view the U.S. Constitution as an archaic relic of America’s ignoble, white, racist, past which needs to be abolished, to unleash the full, coercive power of the Nanny State. Ideally, it should be abolished completely, since its devilish details prevent the Narcissist-In-Chief from achieving Hugo "Skipper" Chavez class, tyrant for life status. On the other hand, if they simply ignore it, that gets them there, too.

Sovereign individuals are, belatedly, confronting the fact that, for at least a century, Elected Tormentors have willfully, deliberately, exceeded their legitimate, Constitutional authority. Fed up with these Elected Tormentor power plays, sovereign Individuals mobilized to restore the U.S. Constitution, as the Founding Fathers intended it: a document which sets strict, non-negotiable limits on the Nanny State, by clearly delineating the government’s powers.

Individualism vs Group Think
Statists have dazzled their glassy-eyed devotees with a steaming load of crap called the group identity. Under this fetid folly, each member of the statist horde is hounded into trading in his, her, hisher or its individual identity (and the accountability that goes with it), in exchange for one, or more, group labels. The most popular labels are based on immutable traits and/or lifestyle choices, but many seek a false sense of security in one of the approved political labels, like ‘progressive’, ‘moderate’, or ‘liberal’.

Sovereign individuals know that the greatness of America lies in the untapped potential that resides inside each of its sovereign individuals. They realize that this powerful force is much too valuable to squander for the sake of a label based on immutable characteristics, or culturally-derived affiliations. Individual liberty, the kind immortalized by Thomas Jefferson’s historic tribute to sovereign individualism - The Declaration of Independence - requires that each of us refuses to be diminished by a group identity. It requires that each of us refuses to be pigeonholed by a one-size-fits-all label. Sovereign individuals understand that, if you want to be counted, you must put yourself on the line as that utterly American entity, an individual.

Capitalism vs Nanny State Restrictions
Statists are like a tyke using a magnifying glass to torch ants on an ant hill. They’re endlessly amused by the way their victims struggle to overcome the artificial barriers that they put in their path. Statists find an American dreamer’s resolve to crawl up the ladder of success through hard work and applied intelligence laughable. If the poor fool is willing to pay the fare at each Nanny State toll gate...if he’s willing to keep going with the Nanny State’s hand in his pocket, so be it. The joke is on that dreamer. If he succeeds, the Nanny State will pick him clean, before, and after, he dies.

Sovereign individuals took to the streets to demand that the greedy Nanny State bastards "knock it off". They have their hands full going toe to toe with the marketplace, trying to build a better life for themselves, and their family. They busted their butt to earn their keep and all they demand from the Nanny State is their birthright to dispense with their own property, wealth, as they see fit.

Equal Opportunity vs Equality of Results
The statists turn reality on its head when they invoke a stinker called the level playing field. Instead of deploying a single, objective standard, statists use different criteria for each recognized group label. They believe that the primary purpose of government is to impose an equality of results through the coercive power of the Nanny State.

Sovereign individuals trust in their own ability, and view Nanny State ‘assistance’ as an insult. They welcome the challenge of testing themselves against an impartial standard like the marketplace and scholastic exams like the SATs. They believe that the only purpose of government is to create an environment that maximizes individual liberty, then gets the hell out of the way. Sovereign individuals call this ‘an equality of opportunity’.

The events of 9/12/09 are replete with irony. The last time rank and file Americans took to the streets in vast numbers, the issues, then, as now, were profound. Many marched for racial justice, a goal they achieved when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed into law. Elsewhere, during the middle decades of the 20th century, ‘students’ marched in the street to end an unpopular, tragically bungled, war. They, too, got what they wanted. The irony is that those 20th century protesters who waged battle with ‘the establishment’, have traded places with their enemy. In 2009, the civil rights marchers, the peace at any price pukes, have become the establishment. Now, the individuals marching in the streets of the nation’s capitol - and in locations from sea to shining sea - are protesting THEM, the NEW establishment. Call me names if you must, but I suspect that the humor of the situation, the irony on steroids, eludes them.

What, you ask, does any of this have to do with the FSOP and political correctness? If you can’t see that, we’ll spell it out for you. The events of 9/12/09, and the battle they represent, are motivated by sovereign individuals who demand nothing less than their inalienable right to conduct their lives without unwanted Nanny State intrusions, plundering and/or safety nets. In this first year of the Obamunist Error, there’s nothing more politically incorrect than a sovereign individual who stands up, in the center of the Beltway Bastion, and shouts, "Leave me the hell alone, you statist scumbags."

Was 9/12/09 a flash in the pan, or a declaration that America’s sovereign individuals are finally prepared to fight for their liberty? That’s your call, sovereign individual Sparky. Make that call now, because the statists are anticipating an uncontested victory.

Item: Glenn Gantry?

I tuned into the Restoring Honor live feed and watched, with mixed emotions, while a patriotic ‘America rocks our world’ rally was instantly transformed into an old fashioned Revival Meeting. Right before my eyes, Glenn Beck morphed into Glenn ‘Elmer’ Gantry.

If the Demoncrats are paying attention, they’re doing cartwheels, because the VRWC just snatched defeat, from the jaws of victory, in the midterm elections. I know the event was, in theory, apolitical, but, intended or not, it will set off profound political aftershocks.

Instead of being an election wherein sovereign American individuals band together to reclaim their inalienable individual rights, Glenn Gantry has - perhaps inadvertently - redefined it in religious, CHRISTIAN, terms. Instead of that American classic, self sufficiency, Glenn Gantry places our, America's, destiny in the hands of a higher power. In this case, instead yielding control of our life to The 'Obamunist' One, Glenn Gantry advocates handing control of our life to The REAL One, who will resolve those pesky, neo-Marxist America, issues for us. When Glenn Gantry tacitly changed the bone of contention from a spirited defense of liberty by sovereign individuals to 'who's in charge', he gave the Libertards a fight they usually win.

We the People don't want, or need, a new master. We the People need to evict our self-appointed, Elected Tormentor, masters from their places of power, so we can reclaim full control of our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. With all due respect to Glenn Gantry, his deity isn't the one who needs to get 'er done at the ballot box. His deity isn't the one who needs to Remember in November. That task belongs, as it should, to We the People.

If, inspired by Glenn Gantry's revival meeting, the VRWC marches into the polling places singing the familiar hymn of SOCIAL CONSERVATISM, they are going to have a rude awakening, when the dust settles and the votes are counted. Why? Because, it has been shown, time, and time again, that social conservatism is a disastrously flawed strategy. Flawed? You bet, because, like the Islamikazes' Sharia, social conservatism empowers the Nanny State to stick its coercive nose where it doesn't belong. Like most sovereign individuals, I don't want Glenn Gantry dictating how I must live my life any more than I want The One and/or his Islamikaze friends doing it.

Even if I compensate for my inherent pessimism, this still comes up snake eyes. Kiss it goodbye, PIGsters. Glenn Gantry just destroyed, in one day, everything that the Tea Party patriots accomplished in a year and a half. Granted, as far as I could tell, he didn't speak on behalf of the Tea Party, but, by the time the MSM gets done spinning it, they'll have Glenn Gantry leading the movement.

If Glenn Gantry needs to lead a Cross Cult revival in America, I wish him well. However, given the importance of the 2010 election, it would have been, uh, Christian of him to hold off until We the People are done 'remembering in November'. This distraction is the last thing We the People need, when it appears that we've finally snapped out of our coma.

That sound you hear is Obamunists, from sea to shining sea, shouting, "Thank you Glenn. You just saved The One's presidency."

Item: Morning Rituals

As far as I can tell, the Rabid Libertard Moonbats wake up each morning and ask the same question:

Moonbat: "Is Sarah Palin still alive?"

Moonbat Toady: "Yes."

Moonbat: "Damn it!"

I know this is going to shock you, but I understand how they feel, because, when I wake up each morning, I, too, ask a similar question:

Hambo: "Is THE ONE still president?"

My Lovely Bride: "Yes dear."

Hambo: "DAMN IT!"

My Lovely Bride: "Think positive dear, today might be the day he hits his head on his teleprompter and falls into a coma."

Hambo: "Is the coma permanent?"

My Lovely Bride: "Yes dear."

Hambo: "Awesome!"

Item: Islamikaze Tolerance

With all the usual MSM suspects spewing the same talking points, about whitey’s new sin, Islamphobia, I, involuntarily got up to speed on Islamikaze tolerance.

Tolerance, part one, means you must let them do ANYTHING they want to do. If you dare to interfere with their life in any way...if you dare to reject homicide bombing, honor killing, ritual mutilation of women, and their child abuse of prepubescent girls - they call it marriage - you’re intolerant.

Tolerance, part two, means you are severely restricted, in thought, word, and deed by their Islamikaze whim. Unless you let them dictate, in Draconian detail, every aspect of your life, you’re intolerant. It doesn’t matter if it infringes on your rights as a sovereign individual...it doesn’t matter if it infringes upon your rights as a business owner/property owner. If you don’t follow the Islamikaze rules of engagement that they impose on you, you’re intolerant.

I guess that means, in Islamikaze eyes, I’m double trouble, when it comes to being intolerant.

Item: Political Supernaturalism

All this fuss over ‘Islamophobia’ is a smokescreen for the real Islamikaze agenda, getting a foothold in American politics, so they can, gradually, replace our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness with Sharia. It’s their end game, and it will work, if we let them get away with it. The problem they face is that We the People know what they’re trying to do. You'll be thrilled to learn that, knowing their end game makes you - TA DA - intolerant.

I’m compelled to point out that Islamikazes aren’t the only ones who are trying to use the coercive power of the Nanny State to impose their supernaturalism on America’s sovereign individuals. Like the Islamikazes, a statistically significant portion of American Cross Cultists also think they have something better to offer than Thomas Jefferson’s unalienable rights to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. I know it sounds sucky, but - stop me if this sounds familiar - they’re doing it for your own good.

Ironically, one of the most persecuted supernaturalist groups, the Jews, are the only ones who don’t have any grandiose political scheme which they want to spring on sovereign individuals. Maybe that explains why so many members of the tinfoil hat brigade put them at the center of their conspiracy theories. They can’t believe that, when it comes to the Jews, what you see is what you get. Bold new concept.

Item: The Hijab Bitch

The on-going, never-ending tug of war over Disneyland’s venerable dress code is a prime example of Islamikaze ‘tolerance’ in action. Since Disneyland won’t let the Hijab Bitch, wear her Islamikaze head gear on the job, they are guilty of part one intolerance. Furthermore, since Disneyland entertains the insane notion that they can set forth a dress code for their employees - they call them something asinine like ‘characters’, instead of employees - that makes Disneyland guilty of phase two intolerance too, since they refuse to behave in the manner Hijab Bitch and her CAIR cohorts tell them to act.

Today, while I was reading about Hijab Bitch, something occurred to me. What happens if Disneyland capitulates and lets Hijab Bitch tell Disneyland how she will allow them to behave? Since Hijab Bitch works in a Disneyland eatery, will she start dictating the menu? Will she compel them to remove any/all items from the theme park which ‘offend’ her Islamikaze rules of engagement? If she succeeds in that, where does it end? How much Sharia shit will she ram down Disneyland’s throat, before some free ranging rational adult, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and KICKS the bitch - and her 7th century supernaturalism - out of Disneyland, FOREVER?

Attention Disneyland suits. You can’t find any middle ground with this Hijab Bitch. She’s going to keep demanding - and probably getting - asinine, Islamikaze correct, concessions from you until you grow a pair and just say F**K NO. If you don’t understand that, you haven’t been paying attention.

Item: The One’s Passion For Golf

If you were married to that bundle of unrelenting ‘joy’, Michelle, you’d learn to love golf too, because it gets you out of the house and away from the Harpy you married, for HOURS at a time. Normally, I’d dredge up an ounce or two of sympathy for The One, but I left my poor baby in my other pants.

That’s right, PIGsters, I’m going to say it. Prompter Punk made that circle of Michelle Hell, so it’s only fair that he burns in it. FORE!

Today, I’m going to serve up an item which has lingered on my wish list for much too long. What is it? You’re going to be thrilled.

Wish List Item: A "Smack ‘em" function on my phone, because there are times when you want to reach through the phone and SMACK the asshat on the other end of the call.

A "smack ‘em" function? You bet. There’s a pressing need for this goodie, and I can prove it.

* After you squander precious minutes of your life working your way through the "press ‘1' for" automated answering maze, you finally blunder into a living, breathing, human being. You’re so punch drunk from the automated answering system ordeal, you aren’t as alert as you need to be, in this situation. With your guard down, you agree - DUMBASS - to be put on hold. By the time you blurt out that "D’OH", it’s too late, and you’re in elevator music hell. But, if you had a "smack ‘em" function, you could administer a bitch slap on your tormentor, with the simple press of a switch. If you’re on your toes, you’ll "smack ‘em" the minute they answer, moving you to the front of the line, for as long as you need to stay there.

* Your friend, relative, acquaintance, or sniveling sibling, starts blubbering, the instant you answer the phone. Been there? Heard it? Don’t want to go down that long, torturous road again? No problem, "smack ‘em".

* When that telemarketing twerp calls you during dinner, or at the critical moment in your favorite boob tube show, don’t put up with their bull crap, "smack ‘em".

* Is your ex fond of calling you up and spewing a venomous trip down memory lane? Why put up with it one moment longer? Why wait for him, her, himher, or it, to call you? Instead, phone the pest up and "smack ‘em".

* Did some humor challenged Harpy take out a restraining order on you that bans you from Hooters, until the sun burns out? Don’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself, call the bitch up and "smack ‘em".

* Is your hippie neighbor blowing out your ear drums with his god-awful music? Don’t waste your time calling the cops, when you can call that music lover and "smack ‘em"

* Are you going postal listening to that blithering fool that your favorite boom box talk show host has as a guest? Don’t grit your teeth, don’t switch the station, just get the rat bastard on the phone and "smack ‘em".

* When your so-called best friend calls long distance COLLECT to gloat, after his favorite team beat your favorite team, you no longer need to imagine the joy of having this exchange of views in person, where you could respond with some chin music. With this goodie, no matter how far apart you are, you can sooth the agony of defeat the instant that you "smack ‘em".

Once you give this some serious thought, you’ll realize how essential it is to add "smack ‘em" to your phone. Hell, a technological advance of this caliber could revitalize the American economy.

Since I have been thinking about it longer than any of you, I have come up with a couple necessary enhancements that will take "smack ‘em" to the next level. The first is a targeting mechanism that would allow you to pin a bull’s-eye on the bellowing cell idiot in the restaurant, or that road warrior cell idiot in front of you who is driving 40 mph SLOWER, than everyone else on the expressway. Without this enhancement, you’re SOL, because you don’t have their number. BUT, with a targeting mechanism, you could put the cell idiot in the crosshairs and "smack ‘em".

The second enhancement is a very special case which targets those telecommunications terrorists, robocallers. For them, a simple "smack ‘em" isn’t enough. Besides, you can’t be certain they’re anywhere near the implement of technological terror when you get the robocall. What to do? For this situation, I envision a fleet of Predator drones armed with hellfire missiles. For a nominal fee, you can buy ‘time’ on the drone fleet. With that done, you can sit back and wait for some robocall asshat to press his, her, hisher, or its luck by calling you. When that happens, you hit the "SMOKE ‘EM" switch which will initiate a call trace, then deploy the nearest predator to take out the robocalling facility.

"Smack ‘em" and "smoke ‘em" are my idea of ‘reaching out to touch someone’. I’m just sayin’.

One of the creators of the foregoing musical masterpiece is a 26-year-old football coach named Bryan Glover. When he shared his art with his co-workers and some of the players' parents, he hit a politically correct speed bump which cost him his coaching job at Grassland Middle School (Tennessee).

Michele Malkin's blog served up these painful particulars:

A Tennessee middle school football coach is looking to the future after his termination for alleged political incorrectness.

Twenty-six-year-old Bryan Glover is a Christian who co-wrote a song called “When You’re Holding a Hammer, Everything Looks Like a Nail,” which takes a dig at the current administration and what he believes to be the wrong moves for the U.S. He sent a link to his song to everyone in his personal e-mail inbox, which included parents from Grassland Middle School, where he coached football.

“An hour-and-a-half after sending out the e-mail, I got the phone call from the head coach saying that he had had complaints from parents; he was told to fire me,” the former coach accounts.

He notes that he was surprised by the allegations against him.

“When the coach first called me, he said his phone was blown up with parents saying that I was being politically incorrect — quote, unquote — if you will, and that some of them were even reading into racial overtones in the song,” Glover explains.

But he points out that the lyrics make no direct or indirect reference to race.

If you’re wondering about the groundless accusations of racism, you’ll be up to speed after you read this week’s Top Story on Page One PIG.

The Donald's New Improved Miss Universe Pageant

Eager to make their booty contest - the Miss Universe pageant - stand out from the crowd, The Donald (Trump, duh) and the other perpetrators of the beauty contest made a PIG-worthy decision. In a bid to make the contest ‘must see TV’, the pageant officials added a new wrinkle - skin baring nude photos of the contestants.

The New York Post share these tasty tidbits:

The beauty contest has been rapped for having its contestants strip down -- with some even doffing their bikini tops -- for a series of racy photos that feature them wearing little more than decorative body paint.

The pageant, co-run by the Trump Organization and NBC, decided that this year it would have the women participate in the Las Vegas photo session to promote the pageant, which will air live on the network on Aug. 23.

Among the queens who bared it for the camera were LaToya Woods of Trinidad and Tobago, Rima Fakih of the United States and Albania's Angela Martini and Ireland's Rozanna Purcell.

"The contestants who compete at Miss Universe are diverse, as they represent more than 82 countries around the globe. Many of their cultures embrace nudity," said a pageant representative.

The contestants were allowed to choose how much skin they wanted to show.

As expected, the usual killjoys had ‘issues’ with this ‘show and tell’ improvement to the beauty pageant:

"It's alarming that this has been turned into a Playboy-esque masquerade," Angie Meyer, a former pageant- organization worker, complained to Fox News. "By implementing topless photos as part of the pageant process, they're putting applicants in an extremely compromising position."

Nude beauty contestants rock my world, but, it’s still not enough to make me watch the Miss Universe pageant. Now, if they paraded nude, during the pageant broadcast, that would be must see TV. I’m just sayin’.

If you start humming the Twilight Zone Theme when you encounter ‘August 28, 2010' that means you know that August 28, 2010 is the date Glenn Beck will perpetrate his "Restoring Honor" rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. In addition to speeches from such VRWC icons as Sarah Palin, this rally will be the magic moment when Glenn unveils his ‘100 year plan for America’. What’s that? Only Glenn knows, and he’s not going to tip his hand before 8/28/10.

As fun as all this sounds, it gets better, because the usual suspects have their Ethnocrat panties in a wad over the timing of Glenn’s Lincoln Memorial rally.

Responding to the criticism on his show June 28, Beck said he believes it was "divine providence" that the rally was scheduled on the anniversary of the King speech. He said he had initially planned the event for Sept. 12 and then realized it was a Sunday. "I'm not going to ask anyone to work on the Sabbath," he said. He rescheduled the rally for Aug. 28 because it was the best day for the schedules of the people involved, he said.

"It was not my intention to select 8-28 because of the Martin Luther King tie. It is the day he made that speech. I had no idea until I announced it and I walked offstage and my researchers said, New York Times has already just published that this is [the same day as the King speech] -- and I said, 'Oh, jeez.' "

He went on to say: "I believe in divine providence. I believe this is a reason [the date was chosen], because whites don't own the Founding Fathers. Whites don't own Abraham Lincoln. Blacks don't own Martin Luther King. Humans, humans embrace their ideas or reject their ideas. Too many are rejecting the Founders' ideas. Too many have forgotten Abraham Lincoln's ideas and far too many have either gotten just lazy or they have purposely distorted Martin Luther King's ideas of judge a man by the content of his character. Lately, in the last 20 years, we've been told that character doesn't matter. Well, if character doesn't matter, then what was Martin Luther King asking people to judge people by?" (Washington Post)

If you think the Ethnocrats are going to let Glenn Beck co-opt one of their Ethnocrat holy days, you’re delusional:

Beck's choice of day and place for the rally "is insulting, is what it is," Marc Morial, president of the National Urban League, said in an interview Monday. "August 28 is something special. It is a day that means something in American history because it was the demonstration in the United States in support of civil rights."

Beck's plans are "an effort to embarrass and poke a finger in the eye of the civil rights community because Glenn Beck and his public utterances don't necessarily demonstrate a consistency with the vision of King."

Sharpton, who has planned a march that day to commemorate King's legacy, says Beck's rally contradicts King's legacy. Sharpton said he began planning in April for his "Reclaim the Dream Rally," which is scheduled to begin at Dunbar High School in Northwest Washington and end at the planned site of the King memorial on the Mall. The event, supported by the NAACP, the Urban League and Martin Luther King III, "is not a countermarch to Beck," nor will the rally be about confrontation. U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan will be among the participants, according to a news release from Sharpton's National Action Network.

"For Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin to have a march, they have the right to do so. Many of us suspect they are using the symbolism of that day in a way that does not reflect what the day is about," Sharpton said. "At no point will we interchange. We will not desecrate the march and what King stood for." (Post)

The Ethnocrats insist that they’ll stay on the high road and refrain from perpetrating a confrontation with the Beckaholics and Palinistas. Their only purpose, the Ethnocrats proclaim, is a ‘confrontation with Beck’s ideas’. It sounds reasonable enough, until you remember that one of the primary Ethnocrat organizers is Al Sharpton.

Parting shot: Do I believe Beck when he insists that the timing of his rally is coincidental? Nope. Do I believe the Ethnocrats when the swear they will avoid a confrontation. Nope. Do I believe that August 28, 2010 is going to be more PIGish fun than Wrestlemania? You better believe it, Sparky.

Everyone is yammering about the new polls which show an uptick in the number of Americans who think Messiah Barry is an Islamikaze. YAWN. I really don’t give a rip, but, if someone insisted on hearing my thoughts on the subject, here goes...

I know that he professes - it’s politically expedient, I suppose - to be a Cross Cultist. This assertion is supported by the fact that Reverend Wright is - how thrilled is PIGster J about this - a Cross Cult Toll Taker. That would seem to be a compelling argument for ‘Christian’. Why isn’t it enough to seal the deal?

Why do nearly one in five Americans think The One is an Islamikaze? For starters, there’s his upbringing which included, reputedly, a stint in Islamikaze schools. Also, there’s his kowtowing to Islamikaze leaders and his relentless kissing of Islamikaze ass. Furthermore, POTUS Barry loves those pesky Jihadikazes so much that his regime is banned from calling what they do ‘terrorism’. Add it up and you have a solid - I wouldn’t call it compelling - argument for ‘Islamikaze Barry’. Why isn’t that enough to seal the deal?

There are, as far as I can tell, two factors which aren’t discussed in any of the hyperventilating coverage of this crap. The first factor is the one that explains, to my satisfaction, why only 34% of those questioned believe Messiah Barry’s claim that he’s a Cross Cultist. What is this ‘factor’? It’s the well documented fact that Messiah Barry is a congenital liar who wouldn’t know the truth if it fell on him. He lies about EVERYTHING ELSE, so why would anyone take his word for it when he says ‘I’m a Christian’? This explains why 43% of those questioned responded ‘don’t know’. When whopperman says ‘Christian’, everything else is in play, given his track record.

The second factor is, in my opinion, much more compelling, much more definitive, when it comes to Messiah Barry’s supernaturalism. I don’t give a crap what The One CLAIMS to be, because it ignores another well-documented fact about Messiah Barry: his narcissism. If there’s any deity in The One’s life, it is, and always will be, that grinning, Dumbo-eared fool in the mirror. Messiah Barry is, in my considered opinion, a charter member of the Church of THE ONE. I’m just sayin’.

Ann ‘crossed the line’, when she agreed to talk to the ‘wrong people’ without clearing it with World Net Daily’s Joseph Farah first. There are some things he just won’t tolerate.

If Ann talks to the neo-Marxists on a college campus, Holy Joe will give her a get out of ‘sin’ free card.

If Ann had a chat with Osama in his Pakistani hideout, Holy Joe would grant her absolution.

Hell, Holy Joe would even forgive Ann if she were the keynote speaker at the Demoncrat National Convention.

BUT, when Ann agreed to be the headline speaker at an event sponsored by the Elephant Clan GLAAD BAAG group, GOProud, Holy Joe set his smugly sanctimonious hair on fire. Outraged that Ann would give a speech to - GASP - THOSE PEOPLE, at an event called ‘HOMOCON’, Holy Joe dropped Ann as the keynote speaker at WND’s ‘Taking Back America National Conference’. Take that you sinful wench.

Here’s the ‘red meat’ of the story, as presented in Holy Joe’s cyberspace speed bump:

Joseph Farah, editor and chief executive officer of WND, said the decision was a gut-wrenching one for his team because of their fondness for Coulter as both a person and writer-speaker.

"Ultimately, as a matter of principle, it would not make sense for us to have Ann speak to a conference about 'taking America back' when she clearly does not recognize that the ideals to be espoused there simply do not include the radical and very 'unconservative' agenda represented by GOProud," said Farah. "The drift of the conservative movement to a brand of materialistic libertarianism is one of the main reasons we planned this conference from the beginning."

Asked by Farah why she was speaking to GOProud, Coulter said: "They hired me to give a speech, so I'm giving a speech. I do it all the time."

Farah then asked: "Do you not understand you are legitimizing a group that is fighting for same-sex marriage and open homosexuality in the military – not to mention the idea that sodomy is just an alternate lifestyle?"

Coulter responded: "That's silly, I speak to a lot of groups and do not endorse them. I speak at Harvard and I certainly don't endorse their views. I've spoken to Democratic groups and liberal Republican groups that loooove abortion. The main thing I do is speak on college campuses, which is about the equivalent of speaking at an al-Qaida conference. I'm sure I agree with GOProud more than I do with at least half of my college audiences. But in any event, giving a speech is not an endorsement of every position held by the people I'm speaking to. I was going to speak for you guys, I think you're nuts on the birther thing (though I like you otherwise!)."

That exchange, was not, Ann insists, supposed to be publicized. When it was, she unleashed this chin music at Holy Joe, via an e-mail to the Daily Caller:

This email was sent to The Daily Caller from conservative pundit and author Ann Coulter in response to the announcement that WorldNetDaily editor Joseph Farah had dropped her as a speaker for an upcoming event.

The email, which Coulter prefaced was written “in a rush” reads as follows:

1) farah is doing this for PUBLICITY and publicity alone;

2) this was an email exchange btwn friends and even though I didn’t expressly say “OFF THE RECORD” and I believe everything I said, he’s a swine for using my private emails politely answering him. why would he do such a despicable thing? … for PUBLICITY.

3) but now that he has, I will say that he could give less than two sh-ts about the conservative movement — as demonstrated by his promotion of the birther nonsense (long ago disproved by my newspaper, human events, also sweetness & light, american spectator and national review etc, etc etc). He’s the only allegedly serious conservative pushing the birther thing. for ONE reason: to get hits on his website.

4) his group hadn’t come up for the money to book me for a speech, anyway, so he’s not canceling me from anything.

also, FYI; my fellow evangelicals — and I know lots and lots of ‘em — – all think it’s great that I’m doing this. (of course, they know I’m not changing my mind on gay marriage even though I like gays.) this is total b.s. for PUBLICITY by a publicity whore. Attack ann coulter, get publicity. liberals figured that out a long time ago, so he’s a little late to the party.

How far has Holy Joe Farah goose-stepped into the Twilight Zone when Ann Coulter flunks his conservative purity test? It's off the scale and he’s straying thisclose to a pestilence called 'The Christian Theocracy of America'. I'm just sayin'.

Parting shot: This Coulter gem is destined to become my favorite Ann Coulter quote:

"I speak to a lot of groups and do not endorse them. I speak at Harvard and I certainly don't endorse their views. I've spoken to Democratic groups and liberal Republican groups that loooove abortion.... The main thing I do is speak on college campuses, which is about the equivalent of speaking at an al-Qaida conference."

My Take On World Net Daily

There was a time, not too long ago, when WND was a regular stop on my daily travels through cyberspace. I used it as source material for a long time. I’m not sure when things changed at WND, but eventually, I started spending too much time double-checking their information. Why? Because, I, reluctantly, came to the conclusion that WND was no longer a reliable news source. At first, I would exclude a given genre of story because Holy Joe couldn’t be trusted to treat certain subjects objectively. Eventually, the excluded material greatly outweighed the keepers. That’s when I pulled the plug on WND. Today is the first time I visited the site in 6 months. It’s likely to be much longer than that, before I return.

Holy Joe is entitled to take his publication as far into the Twilight Zone as he wants, but he’s going to make that trip to his American Christian Theocracy ‘paradise’ without this pagan scribbler. I am, quite simply, no longer amused by Holy Joe’s antics.

Saluting The Unsung Heros Who Make America Work

[I decided to run this 3 year old Top Story up the flagpole, because most of the heros cited are the ones who are hardest hit by Obama's Great Recession.]

We decided to put aside our poison prose for a few minutes to salute the real heroes and heroines who make our life liveable. Fed up to the point of going postal with the antics of Elected Tormentors who try to portray themselves as heroic figures, we decided to cut through all the crap and honor some real life heroes. It’s harder than you think because we all delude ourselves with the specious notion that we know what a real hero is.

The problem with finding life’s real heros is our frame of reference. We all grew up the likes of John Wayne sauntering, larger than life, across the silver screen as he resolved all those pesky issues in the short time it took us to devour that second tub of movie popcorn. The small screen regales us with the heroic, world-saving antics of caped crusaders, and assorted other super heroes whose evil-expunging powers exist only in some writer’s fevered brain. As entertaining as their adventures might be, they’re not real, so we need to look elsewhere.

The News Nitwits insist that real heroes and heroines can be found toiling "selflessly" in our government. What a crock! Do they really think we’re that goddamn stupid? Real heroes and heroines aren’t swilling from the public trough in city hall, the state capitol or inside the D.C. Beltway. Real heroes and heroines aren’t striding across the silver screen, or making the world a safer place within the short span of an hour-long boob tube program. Real heroes and heroines are barely recognizable until you start looking for them. Real heroes are all around us and here are a few of them whom we are pleased to honor for their unwavering heroism:

A real life hero is an individual who wants his own share of what we still call the "American Dream". After scraping together every penny he has to his name and leaping over all those hurdles that the Nanny State’s bureaucrats erect in his path, this heroic individual finally opens up his outpost of capitalism. It might not look like much to you, but it’s a tribute to this entrepreneur’s never-say-die spirit. In a world dominated by capitalist sharks like Starbucks, which swallow the competition whole, our hero risks it all because he still believes that a quality product or service will triumph over size. Daring to risk it all for a shot at the American Dream is heroism on an epic scale.

Real heroes and heroines can be much closer to home. They’re as close as that college educated woman who walks away from her career to become that bane of NO NAD existence, the stay-at-home mom. Unlike the workplace, where she was called upon to perform one primary function, this heroine must wear many hats in the course of the day. She's no bon-bon eating couch potato like Peg Bundy. She’s an emergency medical responder, a referee, a conflicts resolution specialist, a chef, a taxi driver and, when needed, a "corrections officer". She risks her sanity in a world crammed with tyke tantrums, emergencies and other threats to her mental health because she knows that it’s a job that needs to be done. It needs to be done right so she takes it upon herself because it’s too important to entrust with anybody else.

Real heroes and heroines are those who swim against the prevailing, liberty-assaulting tide because it’s the right thing to do. Real heroes and heroines are those, increasingly rare educators who defy the prevailing Educrap mantra. They’re those real teachers who want no part of social promotions and graduating idiots with self esteem. They’re those exceptional teachers who challenge their captive audience to think and prove that they have a working knowledge of the subject matter under consideration. Real heroes are those Ivory Tower throwbacks who want no part of the Ivory Tower’s culturally Marxist indoctrination. Surrounded and besieged by hostile multicultural rat bastards, these heroes and heroines continue to encourage thoughtful debate and insist on making all points of view welcome in their classroom. Given the vicious, career destroying nature of the Marxist Eggheads pitted against them, their heroism is off the scale. That’s why, regrettably, it’s so rare to find one of these higher educrap heroes or heroines.

Real heroes and heroines are those parents who refuse to subject their children to the government cess-schools. They bravely turn their lives inside out to home school their children. Defying the blatant attempts by government minions to make their task impossible, these home schooling heroes and heroines work long hours teaching their children how to think. Despite the relentless carping and interference from the Nanny State, these heroic parents prevail and their accomplishment is measured by the way their children are able to succeed when pitted against government cess-school competitors for that preferred Ivory Tower slot.

Real heroes and heroines are those individuals who perform those egregiously denigrated tasks in our too full of itself culture. They’re the truck drivers who transport essential goods, the technicians who repair our high tech toys, the guy with grease under his fingernails who is always ready to lend a hand when our ride is feeling puny, and the plumber who rides to our rescue when our sink or toilet is hopelessly clogged. These heroes continue to perform these essential tasks despite the fact that our Elected Tormentors relentlessly impugn their life’s work with politically expedient canards like "jobs that Americans won’t do". Reviled by Eggheads, Elected Tormentors and other retards, these heroes and heroines are the ones who make those things we deem essential function.

This list - however incomplete - of real heroes and heroines must include those exceptional individuals who lay it all on the line to secure the liberty that we hold so dear. They’re the cops who, despite all the Korrectnik political hack impediments, still put their lives on the line to form a thin blue line against gang bangers and other lowlifes. They’re the firefighters who must swallow their bile when standards are lowered in the name of diversity, but still risk life and limb to protect all that we hold dear from turning extra crispy. They’re the men and women who can select from countless careers, but decide to put on an armed forces uniform and defend us against those Jihadikaze rat bastards who are determined to destroy this nation conceived in liberty.

Real life heroism isn’t larger than life and, for the most part, goes unnoticed, unrewarded. It’s a matter of doing the right thing, the necessary thing. It’s a matter of taking a risk(s) that you deem necessary. It’s enduring the slings and arrows and pressing on despite the prevailing Nanny State culture. It’s all this and more which is why PIG thanks all these unsung heroes and heroines for making our lives liveable.

‘Wonderland’, in this context, is my primary client, a small ‘high tech’ firm whose managers are - when it comes to certain kinds of equipment - ‘challenged’. How challenged? You can decided for yourself, based on these two classic - I swear they’re true - adventures.

Classic Episode 1
When they checked the company's voice mail on Monday (March 15, 2010) several of the firm's managers were perplexed by the machine’s introductory words on the first message: "Friday, two-seventeen".

For the next two days they tried to analyze/troubleshoot the voicemail technology to determine why it affixed a date - February 17 - on a message that was received in mid-March.

On the third day, the crisis was resolved, after a free ranging rational adult arrived on the scene. After listening patiently, the free ranging rational adult explained the obvious to them: "Two-seventeen is the TIME, not the date."

Classic Episode 2
With their first crisis resolved, the same trio of Einsteins aimed the free ranging rational adult at their next crisis, a 'broken' FAX machine.

"It just stopped. No matter how many times I pushed the button, it wouldn't print my second incoming page." One of them caterwauled.

"It’s an important message, and we’ve lost two days trying to recover it." Another manager complained.

Glancing at the FAX machine, the free ranging rational adult asked, "Did you try replacing the black cartridge?"

"Why?" The third manager asked, glaring at the machine.

Pointing to the FAX’s blinking status window, the free ranging rational adult replied, "Because this says ‘change black cartridge’."

"Oh." One of them replied. "But, what about all the FAXes we lost while it was broken?"

"It saves them in memory until it can print them out for you." The free ranging rational adult explained, while installing a new black cartridge.

Demonstrating heroism, above, and beyond, the call of duty, the free ranging rational adult resisted the urge to smirk and/or gloat, when the ‘missing’, ‘lost’, second page emerged from the ‘BROKEN’ FAX machine.

Now, we’re ready for this week’s Adventure in Wonderland

Episode 3
I wasn’t shocked, when I got a frantic call from Wonderland reporting that ‘The Big Guy’ was having trouble sending E-Mail. It’s a regular occurrence in Wonderland. For example, last week, he rushed up to me telling me that he couldn’t send his e-mail which needed to go out, before he left on his business trip.

"I’ll take a look." I told him, knowing, that, as usual, his Outlook Express outgoing mail queue had a message it couldn’t handle. The fun fact about Outlook Express is that it won’t send any newer messages, until it gets rid of the oldest one. Anyway, I cleared the message - it was too big for our e-mail hosting service - and was, once again, given ‘hero for a picosecond’ status.

This week, the problem was more serious, since nobody - including the Resident Rational Adult - could send any mail. They were in crisis mode and needed me to motor all the way across town - at least an hour drive, given the traffic - to fix it. Unwilling to go there, I told them I’d ‘check into it’ and get back to them.

Instead of getting in my ride, I got on my computer. I cybersurfed to Earthlink, then accessed the support site, where they list known outages. The e-mail problem was easy to find, since it was the only outage on the list: a key mail server ate itself and they were working on it. Users could ‘get ‘er done’ using Web Mail, but that wouldn’t help ‘The Big Guy’, who isn’t ready, willing, or able, to go there.

I looked at the estimated repair time and concluded that it would be fixed before I could drive across town. What to do?

I called Wonderland's Resident Rational Adult and said, "I found the problem. I think I can fix it from here."

"You’re the best." She replied, telling me what I already knew.

I monitored the status on the Earthlink outage page and, as expected, they had their server off the critical list within the hour. Did I have the balls to take the credit for the fix? You better believe it, Sparky.

I called Wonderland's Resident Rational Adult and told her. "It’s fixed. Go ahead and try it."

"AWESOME! You’re my hero." She exclaimed. "How did you do it?"

"It’s a trade secret." I replied, trying to sound conspiratorial.

Don’t ask, don’t tell isn’t only for GLAAD BAAGs. It’s a good policy for certain consulting Test Engineers, too. I’m just sayin’.

Parting shot: I know what you're wondering and the answer is 'no'. I did not charge them for the 'fix'. When I let my brass balls get THAT big, their relentless clanging keeps me awake all night. It's not my idea of a good time.

.WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY AND WHAT'S HIS DAMAGE?

I am a sovereign individual.

My life does not belong to the state. It does not belong to that amorphous collectivist illusion "society". It does not belong some supernatural entity. My life is mine and mine alone, not the state's, society's, or a deity's. I demand no more...I demand no less...than the freedom to take those actions and act upon those thoughts that further the primary purpose of life: life itself. I grant no more...I grant no less...than the same consideration to every other sovereign individual. My life and the essential properties thereof - my intellect, my thoughts, my character, my integrity - are mine an mine alone. Since I am the sole owner of my life, the blame or credit for its conduct is entirely mine, not the state's, society's or a deity's. For good or ill, the buck stops here, Sparky.

As sole owner, stockholder and director of my life, I started my tenure by determining that reality is objective: the universe exists independently and is not a figment of my imagination. Objective reality is not a malleable, undefined, chaos that is subject to the whim and whimsy of a capricious supernatural entity. Objective reality is not determined by the unrequited needs of society. Objective reality is not enslaved, altered or changed by the insatiable demands of the Nanny State. Because objective reality is constrained by certain immutable scientific tenets, each and every object in this objective reality possesses - must possess - certain immutable properties which can be observed, measured and, ultimately, understood. A is A, so get over it, Sparky.

Reason, not revelation, chronic societal need or government decree, is the means by which I comprehend objective reality...the means by which I determine those actions required to sustain, conduct and/or improve my life.. Reason, not commandments from on high is the means by which I conduct my own life. Reason, not plaintive wails for the unearned fruits of my labor and/or intellect determines how I conduct my life. Unless coerced by the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, reason, not politically motivated hyperbole, determines how, when and why I conduct my life. Reason - not the Nanny State, society, or some deity - determines how, when and why I expend the fruits of my labors and/or intellect. It's my life, my call, so back the hell off, Sparky.

Whereas reality is objective and reason directs my life - my choices, my thoughts, my actions - the Nanny State, society and supernatural entities must butt the hell out, because I don't need their interference in my life. I will not, voluntarily, be enslaved by the Nanny State, "society" or a deity. I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my labor...I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my intellect to any individual or entity that hasn't earned them. Conversely, I will not demand, accept, or steal the unearned fruits of another individual's labor and/or intellect. When I require the services, the knowledge, and/or the skills of another sovereign individual, I will negotiate a voluntary, mutually beneficial, bargain to secure their cooperation. I will not exert force, or attempt to coerce a sovereign individual into surrendering his rightful property - real and/or intellectual.

My life and the products thereof are not commodities that must be manipulated, micro-managed, sacrificed to or redistributed by the Nanny State. My life and the products thereof are not public resources that must be plundered to placate any other individual's chronic need. My life is not a toy to be played with, twisted, and/or controlled by some perverse, supernatural entity. I will never, willingly, surrender reason's essential role in directing my own life to the state, society, or a disembodied supernatural entity. My life belongs to me, so if you plan to claim dominion over it, pack a lunch, because you're in for one hell of a fight, Sparky.

I am a sovereign individual.

Getting Down and Dirty with the REAL Hambo

Hambo claims to be a lot of things, the most believable of which is: noted freelance philosopher. He goes on to claim that International Society of Proper-Hyphenation (he made this group up) has, on three separate occasions, given him an award, in recognition of his ground-breaking efforts on behalf of diversity and social justice. He also claims to be an author, which isn’t as big a whopper as you’d expect. We’ve read his mini tome on Management Principles: Sirrom’s Theorem, but we don’t believe his bilge about writing a detailed history of the once prolific, nomadic WASP tribesmen who still can be found in such trackless American wilderness areas as: Grosse Pointe, Aspen, and Laguna Nigel. We can state, that when it comes to himself, Hambo has his way with the truth. On most other things, he’s alarmingly honest and truthful.

He’s a devotee of Orthodox Paganism, but is quick to point out that ‘regrettably’ it's not Classic Orthodox Paganism, which, as everyone knows, requires a sacrificial virgin. Tragically, in his mind, at least, modern society frowns on human sacrifice. Hambo decries this desecration of his beloved Paganism as ‘malignant Christian altruism and rampant God Squad sentimentality’. When pressed on this human sacrifice issue, he reluctantly concedes that the shocking decrease in the virgin population - an alarming decline so severe that virgins have been placed on the endangered species list - might have doomed this aspect of Orthodox Paganism, in any case. That said, Hambo quickly recovers with his patented ‘virtual virgin’ concept. He insists that his version of Paganism will accept a virtual virgin: a girl who vows that she only did it once and swears she didn’t enjoy it. Purists have denounced his resourcefulness, calling it Reformed Orthodox Paganism, a term which he has declared ‘cool’.

Hambo’s bogus business card lists ‘Commentary’ - his allegedly clever way of saying that he's very opinionated, on virtually any topic. His card further lists ‘Political’, his way of admitting that many of his endless opinions are subversive, hostile and generally antagonistic to anything and everything political. The third category on his card, ‘Satire’, is his dubious claim that, occasionally, parts of his endless outpouring of angry verbiage is funny, to a certain kind of reader. We’re alarmed to report that others have bought into this ‘humor’ claim and give him unwanted encouragement, when he goes off on one of his tangents. Okay, we admit it. He makes us laugh, too.

The most insidious thing about Hambo is his ability to bury his insanity beneath a cloak of convincing normality. If you met him on this street, while he's hiding behind this ‘just another forgettable dude’ disguise, you’d never realize the dangerous intellect which is analyzing your every word/action, plotting a way to vilify you in one of his infamous tirades. Doesn’t God Squad scripture warn of wolves in sheep’s clothing? Trust me, they had Hambo in mind when they wrote it.

In short, Hambo is dangerously disturbed...what a mental health professional would term ‘non-clinically bonkers’. Nothing, nobody, is safe from this self described freelance philosopher, so watch yourself. With Hambo on the loose, it's very scary out there.