We've done Top Stories about 'Just The Facts'. We've done Top Stories about Liars. This Top Story isn't a rerun of either Top Story genre. However...since it's about clear, unambiguous, communications, this Top Story is related, in general terms, to both, but it isn't a follow-up on either one of them. We're blazing a new rhetorical trail, this week, by viewing some familiar - and some unfamiliar - PIG topics from a new perspective.
Since it's an election year, this week's Top Story topic 'Dirty Little Secrets' is especially pertinent. If you're drawing a blank on the concept, don't sweat the small stuff. In its mildest form it's what the late, great, Paul Harvey liked to call 'the rest of the story'. A much more sinister form of it involves 'lies of omission'. In some contexts it's know as 'the fine print'. In other contexts, it might be deemed 'bait and switch'. We don't really care what you call it. We prefer 'Dirty Little Secrets', so let's get on with it.
For the most part, a Dirty Little Secret is the excess information left over after a sales pitch and/or assertion. In some cases it's simply ignored. A suitable example of this is found in the political arena.
The Sales Pitch: With compelling drama, an Elected Tormentor - it's invariably a Demoncrat - sounds the alarm about the Draconian 'spending cuts' that will have people kicked out of their homes, force tykes to starve, and will pink slip cops, firemen, and teachers. If you don't know this is being perpetrated by heartless, mean spirited, Pachyderm Punks, you haven't been paying attention.
The Dirty Little Secret: In Nanny State lingo, a 'spending cut' is merely a reduction - a very slight one - in the planned spending increase. I.E. instead of increasing spending 10% above the prior year's levels, the Draconian spending CUT reduces the increase to 9% above the prior year's levels.
In other instances, this 'excess' information is presented in a way that's deliberately hard to comprehend. This is the proverbial 'fine print', when it's put down on paper. When it's presented on the radio, it's that motormouth, warp speed, verbal onslaught which is tagged onto the end of an advertisement. Here's an example of this Dirty Little Secret methodology:
The Sales Pitch: You're out shopping, when you get a case of the munchies. You spot a snack food which seems to fill the bill, but, being health conscious, you pick the package which proclaims 'only 100 calories'. Happy days are here again? Hmm.
The Dirty Little Secret: You'll find this buried 'treasure' on the back of the package, in the data on the nutrition label. The afore mentioned 100 calories is there, but it's not what you think: the nutrition label spells it out for you 100 calories PER SERVING. Is that the end of the story? Hardly, because, you need to hunt down the number of servings, on the nutrition label. That can be a real thriller, when you find out that a tasty snack treat which fits in the palm of your hand contains not 1, or 2 but 12 servings. NOW, you really do know THE REST OF THE STORY.
Like 'the truth', the Dirty Little Secrets are also 'out there', but you're not going to have them handed to you on a silver platter.
Now that we'd laid a solid foundation for Dirty Little Secrets, We the PIGs will track some of them down and blab the rest of their story to the whole world.
The Sales Pitch: At the start of each new television season - there are several of these 'new seasons' throughout the calendar year - a network will boldly proclaim some new show as 'the surprise hit of the season'.
The Dirty Little Secret: If there's a 'surprise' here, it's the fact that some network has the nads to call a new show a 'hit', when they haven't even aired the first episode. Another 'Dirty Little Secret' in this case is the statistically significant likelihood that the network is spouting this 'surprise hit of the season' drivel because they know that the new show is a real stinker.
The Sales Pitch: Dastardly one-percenters, like Mitt Romney and Warren Buffet, are demonized because they pay less in taxes, than the noble ninety-nine percenters. They're not paying their 'fair share'.
The Dirty Little Secret: This is a classic example of comparing apples and oranges. In this case it compares Income Tax levels (apples) to Capital Gains Tax levels (oranges). Both Romney and Buffet paid their higher Income Tax, when they initially earned the money, but it didn't end there. Both invested that income, waited for the investment to gain value, then paid an additional Capital Gains Tax on the profits they amassed from their investment. The Dirty Little Secret is that the Tax Nazis, taxed the money they earned TWICE. That means they paid MORE than their 'fair share'.
The Sales Pitch: Border Jumping Scumbags do jobs that Americans won't do.
The Dirty Little Secret: Border Jumping Scumbags do jobs that Americans won't do FOR UNDER THE TABLE SLAVE WAGES.
The Sales Pitch: We are not at war with Islam.
The Dirty Little Secret: Islam, by its very nature, is an unrelenting enemy of our inalienable individual liberty. In other words, Uncle Sam needs to pull his head out of his ass and face the incontrovertible fact that Islam is, and always has been, at war with us.
The Sales Pitch: Under nominal conditions, where everyone is measured by, pitted against, a single, objective standard, the results are inherently 'unfair', so we need to 'level the playing field'.
The Dirty Little Secret: Life is inherently unfair, in its distribution of intelligence and talent. This is crystal clear, when a individuals are pitted against, measured by, a single objective standard. 'Fairness' AKA a 'level playing field' is achieved when success is penalized and failure is rewarded to produce an artificial, politically expedient, equality of results (fairness).
The Sales Pitch: Our new wonder drug - we'll call it 'Happy Daze' - will magically cure your depression. You'll never frown again.
The Dirty Little Secret: In addition to eradicating your blues, this wonder drug includes the following 'extras': strokes, losing your balance physically, losing your 'balance' psychologically ( they called it suicidal tendencies), and my personal favorite 'uncontrolled twitching, which, once started NEVER GOES AWAY'. WOW!!!
So I have my stroke, then I lose my balance, which puts me on the floor. As bad as that is, it gets worse, because my uncontrolled twitching, stops me from phoning for help. No wonder I'm suicidal. How, exactly, is all this added drama in my life going to cure my depression? Enquiring minds want to know.
The Sales Pitch: In our new, improved Government Cess-Schools, we're adopting a holistic approach. Instead of obsessing on switching on those eager young minds, we're dealing with the whole child.
The Dirty Little Secret: When Little Johnny and Moonbeam graduate, they probably won't be able to read, write, or perform the simplest math computation, but the news isn't all bad. They'll eat crab grass and rice cakes, without hesitation, plus, they'll be experts, when it comes to the differently heterosexual. Little Johnny and Moonbeam are NOT just Idiots with Self-Esteem. They are now Politically Correct, Suitably Indoctrinated, Idiots with Self-Esteem.
The Sales Pitch: Around the world, dedicated scientists use their scientific skills to analyze elements of our lives, culture, and environment, then issue their objective conclusions on its benefits or dangers.
The Dirty Little Secret: Government-funded hooligans in lab coats begin with a foregone, politically expedient, conclusion, then invent and/or manipulate the data to substantiate it. The name of this inherently anti-capitalism bull crap is Junk Science, which is the driving force behind steaming loads like Global Warming, Secondhand Television, plus Thirdhand Smoke.
The Sales Pitch: The U.S. Constitution is a 'living document' which must be re-defined by each new generation. Among other things, it delineates, in great specificity, the 'rights' of individuals and groups.
The Dirty Little Secret: The U.S. Constitution is, first, last, and always, a document which places specific limitations on THE GOVERNMENT. It means the same thing, now, that it did when it was ratified. When it comes to rights, it only specifies the incontrovertible fact that the Government is NOT empowered to infringe on the rights of sovereign individuals.
The Sales Pitch: 4 out of 5 Dentists recommend Wad chewing gum.
The Dirty Little Secret: Dentists 1 thru 4 are brazenly trying to drum up business by encouraging their patients to play chicken with tooth, enamel and gum decay, by chewing gum. It's Dentist 5 who made the right 'just say no to gum' call.
The Sales Pitch: If you're short of money and need a quick, short-term, cash infusion, come on down to Fleece 'Em for one of our 'payday loans' (a temporary cash infusion which will tide you over until payday).
The Dirty Little Secret: Make sure you show up with a magnifying glass so you can read the fine print on your paperwork. Pay particular attention to the stratospheric interest rates these sharks are charging.
The Sales Pitch: A highly advertised restaurant places ads on TV showing their specialties, which, thanks to slick photography, make their product more than mouth watering. You're hooked by the images of juicy steaks, chicken marsala, fresh vegetables and a pristine salad bar with a happy, family friendly atmosphere.
The Dirty Little Secret: When you get to this eatery, you find a stale salad bar, a burnt steak, crappy service and vegetables that were not fresh, but came out of a can. Despite that, you still have to pay the tab for the crap you wouldn't feed to a dog.
The Sales Pitch: You select a product with a "Made In U.S.A." label. Why? Because everyone wants to see America get back on it's manufacturing feet. Cool. If you're in the market for a product that screams "Made In U.S.A.", we can look at Harley-Davidson as an example. Sure, it is made in the U.S.A., and it is marketed as "Milwaukee Iron." That lures a lot of bikers into buying a hawg.
The Dirty Little Secret: Although the bike was ASSEMBLED in the United States, many of the parts were not. It's an inescapable consequence of the Global Economy. Is this a fate worse than death? Not necessarily, because ASSEMBLED in the U.S.A. to exacting, Harley-Davidson, standards ain't half bad.
The Sales Pitch: Your designated cable company - Glitch Communications - regales you with the advantages of putting all your technological 'eggs' - phone, Internet, boob tube - in their one size fits all basket for a low, low, price.
The Dirty Little Secret: When your cable service goes out, there's no easy way to contact them. Why? Because, when it went toes up, it took your phone service and Internet link with it, for one low, low, price.
What, if anything, can you do about Dirty Little Secrets? More than you think. We the PIGs recommend these sanity saving rules of engagement:
* Don't take anything at face value. If the Sales Pitch seems too good to be true, do your homework, by tracking down someone who has been there, done that.
* If a Sales Pitch on the radio ends with a long outburst of warp speed shyster spew delivered by some fast talker, heed that inadvertent warning. Ask yourself "what are they trying to hide?"
* Take anything pooped out by a political hack with a grain of salt.
* A Sales Pitch, by its very nature only includes the stuff that the huckster wants you to know. If you want 'the rest of the story', you'll need to do some digging.
Once you start looking for them, you'll find Dirty Little Secrets everywhere. You'll find them in a Sales Pitch by a trial lawyer promoting his class action lawsuit, when you discover that his real purpose (Dirty Little Secret) is a multi-million dollar cash infusion from the individual or entity in his bull's-eye. You'll find them in celebrity-fronted charity's Sale's Pitch, when you learn that 95% of the money raised is consumed by 'administrative costs'.
Based on our random, far from comprehensive look at Dirty Little Secrets, We the PIGs wonder if anyone perpetrating a sales pitch is heeding the Moody Blues' advice to: "Say what you mean, Mean what you say". It's Enquiring minds time, again, in the PIGdom.
