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Sunday
April 19, 2015

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
>> Caliphate This >>
DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Right On >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
SPECIAL RIGHTS
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Thanks to the likes of Je$$e, Inc, the promulgation of "Special" rights has become America's foremost growth industry. This week, your humble Free State of PIG hosts dare to ask: Why not create a special Bill Of Rights, based nothing other than their so-called 'needs'?.

"Each individual is born with a full complement of rights. The government can't give you new rights; it can only take the ones you already have".
– PIG Doctrine

One inescapable feature of every election cycle is a familiar Elected Tormentor canard called the "(Name Your Poison) Bill of Rights". Over the years several of these Bills of Rights have been in play. Here are a few that come to mind:

The Airline Passengers Bill of Rights, which got shot down in a federal court.

The Home Buyer's Bill of Rights, is a done deal in Progtard bastions like Mexifornia and Maryland.

The Car Buyer's Bill of Rights is also a done deal in many states.

Shoppers Bill of Rights [we call it The Oprah law] Lard ass's shopping adventure in Switzerland spawned these rights which 'protect' Melanin-Enriched shoppers from being 'racially profiled' by high end outposts of capitalism.

Last, but far from least, there's the very special rights conferred on GLAAD BAAGs. The bun rangers, muff divers, and genderally indecisive, and/or genderally flexible, have very special rights which allow them to coerce, at the point of a Nanny State gun, mom and pop outposts of capitalism to provide the relevant goods and/or services at same sex weddings. Photographers, florists, bakers, pizza wranglers, etc., who try to take a principled stand against this Gay KK extortion, will be hauled into court where they will lose everything - their business, their home, all their worldly goods - and they might even end up in the slammer.

By now, you should know - we've told you often enough - that these targeted "special" Bills of Rights are a load of Nanny State Nitwit crap. The only way the all powerful Nanny State can confer new "rights" on airline passengers, home buyers, car buyers shoppers or GLAAD BAAGs is by repealing the inalienable rights of the relevant capitalists. That's a given, but, for the rest of this rant, we're going to throw that element of objective reality under the Election Cycle Bus and channel our elusive, but theoretically possible, sensitive side.

For some egregiously victimized alleged individuals, there's a fatal flaw when it comes to 'rights' as envisioned by the Founding Fathers. For these tragic 'victims', the original Bill Of Rights wasn't good enough? Why? America's one-size-fits-all Bill of Rights isn't custom tailored to their particular brand of Victimhood. The problem, they bellow, is that certain oppressors, the whiners insist, have too many rights, so, quite frankly, certain oppressors should no longer be allowed to exercise certain elements of their inalienable individual birthright. In order to lift the oppressive yoke of self-induced misery from the shoulders of these tragic victims of unbridled inalienable liberty, a new Bill of Rights that recognizes their "specialness" needs to be formulated.

With the Capitol Hill Clown Posse much too busy turning this land conceived in liberty into a third world pesthole, your friends here at the Free State Of PIG, Hambo and Porcus, have decided to pick up the ball where James Madison dropped it, and carry it across the goal line of 21st century victimhood.

Our starting point is obvious. We've decided that some groups are being picked on and the Nanny State Nitwits are ignoring their special needs. The first group that comes to mind, one that has been under unrelenting assault by the Fat Nazis, are this nation's rapidly expanding (pun perpetrated deliberately) wide loads. We think it's time to make life easier for them, by giving them some Wide Load Bill of Rights covering fire.

Here are some items that might be added to our proposed Wide Load Bill of Rights

1) Food purveying capitalists must move all those wide load favorites to the front of the store, to liberate these plodding human hippos from taking those extra steps. Let those scrawny twerps search the back of the store for yogurt, veggies and all that 'healthy' crap.

2) Grocery store aisles must be widened. Favorite wide load grazing grounds should have a 'high occupancy lane' to give the wide loads ample room to load up on Fritos, Lays, Ding Dong's, Ho Hos, Twinkies, cakes, pies, candy and ice cream.

3) Foods with actual nutritional value should be marked with a skull and crossbones. This will prevent some wide load from accidentally buying food that might GASP be good for him, her, himher or it.

4) A system of tonnage credits must be established, allowing wide-loads to purchase the unused pounds allotted to each individual by the government's nominal weight charts. Using this system will allow the wide load to buy their way into the 'normal weight' range cited by health insurance providers, without being forced to go on a diet.

5) Deliberately, willfully, removing transfats, sugars, and calories from favorite wide load eats will be considered a hate crime.

Another group that is vilified mercilessly by the terminally impatient motorist on America's highways and byways are those individuals who are maligned as Bad Drivers. Here are some of the items that must be included on a long overdue Bad Drivers Bill of Rights.

1) Car makers should be forced to include a telepathic interface in every car. This would absolve the differently-adept road warrior from such mundane tasks as turning on AND OFF their turn signals.

2) Car makers should install VERY LOUD sound system, that bellows "Lane Change Imminent" and/or "back off 15mph is as fast as I'll go", when the need arises.

3) There should be a mandatory 5 minutes, minimum, wait imposed on each car that approaches a 4-way stop.

4) All highways in America must be equipped with a triple-wide, padded on both sides, lane for those drivers who can't motor in a straight line while they read, send text messages, or put on make-up while driving.

5) A system of sobriety credits should be established for differently-sober drivers. When a drunk gets stopped for motoring while gunned to the gills on adult beverage, this sobriety credit system could save the day. Purchased from avowed non drinkers, these sobriety credits are deducted from the gassed driver's drunk-o-meter reading, rendering the drunk as a skunk driver sober, in the eyes of the law.

Are you feeling left out, Sparky? Fear not, we've got your back, so don't get your butt in an uproar, Cheeto's breath. Just for you, we've come up with a Couch Potato Bill of Rights trifecta.

1) "Honey do's" are an AUTOMATIC death penalty offense during 'the big game'.

2) All entertainment technology remote controls must be NUCLEAR POWERED.

3) If there's a power outage during prime couch spud viewing hours, the egregiously maligned victim is entitled to grab Old Betsy and execute at least one public utility 'suit'.

Hate Crime laws are another popular Nanny State vehicle for special rights. In bygone days, PIG has been a harsh critic of these laws which, in our oppressor eyes, smacked of coddling the chronically offended. Now that we've seen the light, we think it's time to kick it up a notch and confer some of these special hate crimes rights on the people who really need it:

Cell Idiots should be granted special Rights via our Hate Crimes Laws. This will give the cell idiot legal recourse when some enraged Hambo-class rational adult who threatens to "Shove that damn thing up your ass if you don't stop bellowing into it".

Girliemen should be empowered to invoke "Hate speech" and/or "hate crime" whenever some cultural neanderthal points out certain anatomical deficiencies in the girlieman by telling the whole world they need to GROW A PAIR.

Intellectual Flatliners AKA The Synaptically-challenged can seek hate crime prosecution when someone repeatedly maligns them with such vicious slurs as "moron", "dumbass", and other hateful terms of that ilk.

In addition to some badly needed 'protection' from hate speech - and such hate crimes as I.Q. Testing, and jobs that require regular synaptic firings - Intellectual Flat-Liners would have the following item on their "I'm Not a Smart Man" Bill of Rights: Since they are egregiously under-represented in certain well-known Egghead infestations, the synaptically-challenged must be given a place at the table in American think tanks.

Border jumpers, those selfless individuals who are doing the jobs that Americans won't do, would have the following item on their Border Jumper Bill of Rights: A stretch limo must be made available for their use at to drive them from the place where the invaded the USA to the nearest welfare office.

In certain occupations - subprime lending specialists, lawyers, politicians, journalists, salesmen - success is directly proportional to their skill at prevarication. Therefore, anyone in these occupations should be automatically absolved, shielded, from any legal ramifications for the whoppers they spew while taking care of business. To git 'r done, any Prevaricating Punk Bill of Rights must include the following item: As long as they display a government-issued image of bovine butt-bullets in their place of business, these professional prevaricators can say anything they want, or need, to conclude their transaction, and not be held accountable for the predictable results.

Nobody needs a special Bill of Rights more than those tortured souls we call 'the Beautiful People'. Here's an item for their I'm Hot, You're Not Bill of Rights: Hotties who cannot find, or afford, one will be assigned a genetically-challenged wench for her exclusive use when she needs a butt-ugly best friend to enhance her own beauty when going out in public.

Have we beaten this special rights horse enough to give you the big picture, what the hell are those PIG dudes smoking Sparky? Yup. Are we the least bit apologetic for yanking your chain? Nope.

While we're on the subject of rights, here are some of the basics:

1) The United States Constitution delineates, with considerable specificity, the limits under which our government operates. It does not include an exhaustive list of inalienable individual rights.

2) If an item is included in the Bill of Rights, that does not mean that the government ever had a Constitutional mandate to restrict it in the first place.

3) According to the Ninth Amendment, individuals have countless rights that are not listed in the prior amendments, rights that the government must respect.

4) Governments don't bestow rights on individuals. Individuals are born with a full compliment of rights. The only thing government can - and will - do is to infringe upon an individual's inalienable rights.

5) Inalienable individual liberty is not a popularity contest. An individual's inherent - born with the damn things - rights are not determined by the whim of Nanny State tyrants or the latest wild hair "the majority" got up their butts.

6) There is no such thing as an 'inalienable right' - invariably, it's a faux right created by the Nanny State - which infringes on the inalienable rights of another sovereign individual. For example, you do have the inherent right to work for a living, but you do NOT have the inalienable right to make an employer hire you, by using Nanny State coercion.

7) The critical question one must pose regarding rights is NOT "Does the Constitution grant me that right". The salient question on inalienable individual liberty is this: "Does the Constitution, give the Nanny State the power to infringe that inalienable individual right?"

8) Finally, whether you believe that your inalienable individual liberty is a gift from some deity, or you believe that your rights are an inherent element of being human, the fact is that inalienable individual liberty is each person's birthright.

Special rights are an unwarranted, unconstitutional, downright un-American assault on our liberty and we think it's time to put an end to it. It's not the Nanny State's job to protect you from life's magic moments. It's your life, Sparky, and you're the one who needs to man up and deal with its speed bumps. It's called Inalienable Individual Liberty and it's what the Founding Father's had in mind when they drew a line in the sand with these immortal words:

"WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

 


• PIG's Revamped News Page
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of events.
Updated Any Time The News Is PIGish >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Yup

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To:
pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
PIGster Zykmel
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WORD OF THE DAY

SHACKLES, n.

Those restraints the Nanny State put on your liberty when you weren't paying attention.

"When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place."
- George Carlin

Am I supposed to be shocked because one of Ben Affleck's ancestors owned slaves?

*What Love means to a 4-8 year old*

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: 'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
–Rebecca- age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
–Billy - age 4

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
–Karl - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
–Chrissy - age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
–Terri - age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
–Danny - age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.
–Emily - age 8

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
–Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
–Nikka - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.
– Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other sowell.
–Tommy - age 6

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
–Cindy - age 8

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
–Clare - age 6

Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
–Elaine-age 5

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
–Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
–Mary Ann - age 4

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
–Lauren - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
–Karen - age 7

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
–Mark - age 6

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
–Jessica - age 8

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'

PIGish Fun

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

 

1587 One of those legendary, back in the day party animals, Sir Francis Drake, spends his Spring Break in Cadiz, Spain, sinks the Spanish fleet.

1775 Determined to give King George a long overdue reality check, those pesky American colonists fire the shot heard round the world at Concord.

1882 Ben Stein and his Creationist home boys declare supernaturalist holiday when Charles Darwin achieves room temp.

1939 Better late - very damn late - than never: Connecticut, the ironically named Constitution State, finally approves the Bill of Rights.

1956 A classically classy American hottie named Grace "Rear Window" Kelly marries an undeserving hormonal horndog named Rainier III.

1966 Angels play - and lose - 1st regular season game at Anaheim Stadium of Los Angeles.

1967 Surveyor III lands on the Moon; after getting a rousing laugh showing the primitive craft to his homies, E.T. uses it for a hood ornament.

1995 Home grown, American, terrorists, bomb the Federal Building in Oklahoma City.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
Read More >>>


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PIG CALENDAR

April Is
Harvest Month

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Stand clear while the IRS Grim Reapers cut your finances down to size.
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BEAT THE BITCH •

Her Highness has officially declared her plans to run for Presidency. If your as giddy as we are, tune into our attempts to pull her panstuits all the way down to the ground.
VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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NATIONAL REVIEW
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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HONOR 1778
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2015 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2015: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.