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Monday
March 27, 2017

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• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
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ODE TO
BLACK LIES MATTER

There once was a thug named Brown,
Who bum-rushed a cop with a frown,
Six bullets later,
He met his creator,
Then his homies burnt down the town

GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
ART TIME!
EnjoyThe Art Of Danish Artist, Cirkeline Nilsson.
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DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
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'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Their Very Own, Self-Imposed Safe Space?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
Cry Bullies
Q. Tarantino
#BLM
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore
Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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TOP STORY

APPLES & TREES
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A PIGish primer on parenthood in the 21st century.
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[From sea to shining sea, unalienable individual liberty is getting buried beneath an avalanche of precious snowflake hypersensitivity. What to do? What indeed?

Borrowing a phrase from Barney Fife, I think we must "nip it in the bud". He's right. By the time snowflakes are full grown, there's no way to reanimate their shriveled nads or grow them a new spine.

That's where this top story from our archives links up.

Snowflakes don't simply 'materialize'. They're shaped by many factors, including 'parenting'. I don't promise that this venerable prose will 'nip that snowflake crap in the bud', but it should help.]

"Anyone can spawn, but those who are least prepared for parenthood are the ones who are most likely to play reproduction roulette with the human gene pool."
– Hambo's Spawning axiom

This week's Top Story paints a bull's-eye on one of the toughest endeavors a human can undertake: parenthood. It doesn't matter how you git 'er done -spawning, adoption, or marrying into an existing family - parenthood isn't for the faint-hearted. I know what you're thinking and, as usual, you're assuming facts not entered into evidence.

Yes, parenthood is very rewarding, but you'll bust your ass earning those rewards.

Yes, parenthood can give you awesome moments which are above and beyond the highs produced by any other endeavor.

The other night, I watched a superb example of parenthood on a cable channel. It involved a dad who was helping his middle school aged son, modify one of those munchkin size motorcycles. The essential element in this story is that dad isn't a gearhead. When it came to auto mechanics, working on cars, trucks or motorcycles he didn't have a clue. Furthermore, he isn't up to speed on things like welding, and assorted other relevant skills.

Dad proved he had the right stuff by helping his son research the various tasks needed for the project. He helped his son by hooking him up with a cycle wrangler who taught the lad how to weld. Dad found a machinist who showed the lad the finer points of metal fabrication. In other words dad and son learned the various skills needed to modify the lad's ride, together. Dad didn't try to buy his son a customized ride, because he knew it would be better to let his son do it for himself. He allowed his son to succeed or fail so he could learn the essential life lessons from the attempt. It was an example of parenting at its best.

Another memorable parenting moment happened the morning after Halloween, last Fall. A young couple stopped to thank us for our record-shattering pop corn adventure. They'd moved into a house one street over in April. Armed with a plastic garbage bag, the couple and their grade school age tykes were going through the neighborhood, picking up Halloween Night trash. That's a good neighbor. It's also setting an excellent example for their young 'uns.

A friend of mine scares the crap out of local Educrats. Why? He's a passionate, outspoken, defender of his sons' right to a proper education. He's the Educrats worst nightmare: a rational individual who won't be silenced, and rejects the usual Educrap bull crap. His sons are lucky to have a great dad.

What's my point? Good parents are out there and we salute them. However, I still have unresolved issues. Such as? Glad you asked. My primary 'issue' with human reproduction is the fact that it's much too easy.

Unlike our animal counterparts whose sexual drive is entirely procreational, humans are blessed/cursed with a dual purpose sex drive which is procreational and recreational at the same time. Our animal friends get to ignore their sex drives for months at a time, until, at specific times of the year, they gather to 'perpetuate the species.' Another design advantage given to animals involves who is allowed to breed. In many animal species, only the select few - the strongest, genetically superior, who have the greatest chance for survival - are allowed to breed. This fact of nature tends to improve a given species, over time. [No...I'm not advocating this approach for humans.]

I am saying that, before someone decides to spawn, they should give it as much thoughtful consideration as they give to purchasing a house. Both are decades-long commitments. Both require hard work, sacrifice, and an ability to deal with unanticipated drama. Again, both endeavors are rewarding and worth doing, but neither should be entered into blindly. To put it bluntly "oops" is no substitute for family planning.

If this sage advice is ignored, you get a pedophile loving horror like Mama June engaged in serial spawning.

North 'Nori' West seems destined to go through life with papa Kanye's scowl and mama Kim's [Porn Star Kardashian's] colossal caboose. We'll keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Just the thought of what might emerge from Paris Hilton's toxic nads gives me night sweats. Let's hope we never find out.

Admittedly, we all cringed when Twerpy Tom Cruise spawned with Katie Holmes. It was nightmarish, until Katie made us proud when she escaped Tom's Twilight Zone with daughter Suri. Katie has succeeded, so far, in keeping Suri unsullied by daddy's legendary moonbattery.

Snooki has spawned and so has Tila Tequila a double whammy which bodes ill for humanity.

No list of celebrity offspring would be complete without mentioning that harbinger of all that is evil in America: Obama's imaginary son. Oh, how that imaginary lad has suffered.

Thanks to Korrectniks, activists and other pests, parenthood, which has always been action packed, keeps getting more daunting. Here are a few Korrectnik inspired magic parenthood moments:

• Your wenchlet daughter throws you this curve ball, "Daddy, why is that strange boy, Tommy Wilson, allowed to use the girl's bathroom? Teacher called it something silly...trans something."

"Transgenderism?"

"That's it, what does it mean daddy?"

By all means, field that one daddy, but remember that inconvenient truth. Whatever you tell her will be repeated at school, so something real like "Tommy has always been a twisted little twerp" or "Like his daddy, Tommy likes to pretend he's a girl" won't cut it. Welcome to the wonderful world of 'my daddy said', dude.

• A Middle School age daughter sets her laptop on the kitchen table where mom is having her morning coffee. "Can you help me set up my Facebook page? I'm having trouble picking a gender."

Mom smiles that 'you silly girl' smile. "You're a girl sweetheart. The correct choice is female."

"That's not on the list mom."

"It has to be. There are only two."

"They have 56 and female isn't one of them."

After studying the choices, mom looks stunned. "What did your father say?"

Giggling, baby girl rolls her eyes. "You won't let me say stuff like that. Let's just say it was...colorful."

"Leave it blank. With a name like Jennifer Elaine, we'll let your 'friends' do the math."

"Maybe I'll change it every day. I'll start at the top and work my way down the list. Or I could just pick one at random, every day. Thanks mom."

• Your son looks at his Little League trophy then drops it in the trash can, asking, "Why does everyone get a trophy? Even Ruben got one and he can't even walk to first base without falling down.

Your move parenting Sparky.

"Little League is stupid. They won't let us keep score and nobody ever wins. What's the point?"

I'm reasonably certain that getting real with "Little League is run by a bunch of lefties who have their heads up their ass." is begging for trouble.

Don't even get me started on adventures in Zero Tolerance, where finger guns, sharing mom's homemade cookies with classmates, and chewing your Pop Tart into the shape of a gun get your tyke suspended. If you can make your young 'un understand that, I'm very impressed.

What, you ask, is your reward? The Nanny State demotes 'mom/mother' and 'dad/father' to 'parent 1', 'parent 2'. How thrilling is that! It gets even better, parent Sparky, because the Educrats at your kids' cess school have your young 'uns spying on you. Are we having fun yet?

You'll be giddy to learn that the Nanny State Nitwits, Educrats, and activists of all ilks agree that you're a bad influence on your children. Fear not, they plan to rescue the tykes, before it's too late.

Thanks to the Progtards, the feckless Elephant Clan establishment, Greeniacs, Educrats and too many other asshats, your children face a troubling future. Through sabotage and neglect, America has squandered its legacy. Their America will be less free, less prosperous, and much more dangerous than the America your parents bequeathed to you and your siblings.

Your children's ability to restore what has been lost will be greatly hampered by an increasingly oppressive Nanny State. How bad will it be? It's difficult to determine, because it depends on something we still don't know: Will the U.S. Constitution out-live us?

Given that grim reality, what, if anything, can you do? More than you think.

As a parent, it's up to you to prepare your children for the challenges they'll face. The time to start that endeavor is NOW.

• To prepare your children for success, you must allow them learn the essential life lessons that are part and parcel with failure. Get the kids into a sports league where they keep score, where someone wins or loses, and where trophies are awarded for achievement.

• Before your children can restore the America that's lost, you must make sure they know what it was. Have them read 'Liberty and Tyranny' by Mark Levin if they're old enough to understand it. Get younger kids on the right track with the 'Rush Revere' series by El Rushbo.

• With group think running rampant, give your children the courage to be an individual.

• Encourage your children to brush aside all those nay sayers plus all the unnecessary Nanny State hurdles, when they pursue their personal, highly individualized American Dream.

• Instill in your children the core beliefs (values if you will) that form the solid foundation for their lives.

• Make your children understand that they won't succeed by 'feeling' their way through life. They succeed by using reason to conduct their lives.

A Few Stray Parenting Notions

• Whenever possible, inject some PIGish fun into your parenting

• Encourage Moonbeam and Little Johnny to use the term 'cess-school' and wait for that note from the relevant Educrat.

• Use the PIG Primer to teach your rugrat their ABCs. A gem like "G is for GLAAD BAAGS" is ticking time bomb ready to thrill some unsuspecting Progtard spitless.

• Add a generous dose of PIGisms to your childrens' vocabulary, then sit back and wait for some unsuspecting lib to set one off.

• If Moonbeam introduces you to her Goth BFF, think twice before you mouth off. Goth wenchlets tend to be bad ass. You probably don't want to go there.

• If you're a Bill Engvall fan you're locked and loaded for that 'I've got no problem going back to prison' encounter with Moonbeam's new boyfriend.

Since this rant needs a slam bang finish, I'll share this compelling Dave Barry Wisdom

• "Do not try to be cool. You are not cool to your child. You are hideously embarrassing."

• "Do not talk to your child's friends. This will be hideously embarrassing to your child. If you are around your child's friends, you should be invisible and wear military-style camouflage."

• "Never, ever sing in the presence of your child's friends, unless you want your child to do something. Like, 'If you don't get an A in geometry, I am going to sing in public.' "

• "When you're driving your child and your child's friends, do not talk to them. Do not sing along with the radio. Do not act like you are even in the car. Ideally, you should run along next to the car steering through the window."

I'll close with this PIGish notion. Never embarrass your child accidentally. If you're headed down that road don't waste it, make sure all the kid's friends are there to enjoy it.

[Parting shot: If you run into Barry's imaginary son, give the lad a hug. He's been to Hell and back, too many times to count.]

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• PIG's Revamped News Page
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Too true

 

• EYE OPENERS:
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Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
MLB.
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WORD OF THE DAY

CONGRESS, n.

An infamous Twilight Zone region where success is determined by how fast they can distance themselves from a problem they created.

People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.
– George Bernard Shaw

Did Ryan deliberately sabotage Trump on Obamacare?

Genders

CBS News has put together a documentary called "Gender: The Space Between," which takes a look at all of the different gender identities that are out there.

And boy (err...girl?) there are a lot of them.

Below is the list of all of the gender identity terms CBS News says you need to know, as defined by the Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, The Trevor Project, and the National Center for Transgender Equality:

Agender: A term for people whose gender identity and expression does not align with man, woman, or any other gender. A similar term used by some is gender-neutral.

Androgynous: Identifying and/or presenting as neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine.

Bigender: Someone whose gender identity encompasses both man and woman. Some may feel that one side or the other is stronger, but both sides are present.

Binary: The gender binary is a system of viewing gender as consisting solely of two identities and sexes, man and woman or male and female.

Cisgender: A term used to describe someone whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth.

Dead name: How some transgender people refer to their given name at birth.

Gender dysphoria: Clinically defined as significant and durational distress caused when a person's assigned birth gender is not the same as the one with which they identify.

Gender expression: The external appearance of a person's gender identity, usually expressed through behavior, clothing, haircut or voice, and which may or may not conform to socially defined masculine or feminine behaviors and characteristics.

Gender fluid: A person who does not identify with a single fixed gender, and expresses a fluid or unfixed gender identity. One's expression of identity is likely to shift and change depending on context.

Gender identity: A person's innermost concept of self as man, woman, a blend of both, or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. Gender identity can be the same or different from one's sex assigned at birth.

Gender non-conforming: A broad term referring to people who do not behave in a way that conforms to the traditional expectations of their gender, or whose gender expression does not fit neatly into a category.

Gender questioning: A person who may be processing, questioning, or exploring how they want to express their gender identity.

Genderqueer: A term for people who reject notions of static categories of gender and embrace a fluidity of gender identity and often, though not always, sexual orientation. People who identify as genderqueer may see themselves as being both male and female, neither male nor female or as falling completely outside these categories.

Misgender: Referring to or addressing someone using words and pronouns that do not correctly reflect the gender with which they identify.

Non-binary: Any gender that falls outside of the binary system of male/female or man/woman.

Passing: A term used by transgender people which means that they are perceived by others as the gender with which they self-identify.

Queer: An umbrella term people often use to express fluid identities and orientations.

Sex: The classification of a person as male or female at birth. Infants are assigned a sex, usually based on the appearance of their external anatomy.

Transgender: An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or expression is different from cultural and social expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth.

Transitioning: The social, legal, and/or medical process a person may go through to live outwardly as the gender with which they identify, rather than the gender they were assigned at birth. Transitioning can include some or all of the following: telling loved ones and co-workers, using a different name and pronouns, dressing differently, changing one's name and/or sex on legal documents, hormone therapy, and possibly one or more types of surgery.

Transsexual person: A generational term for people whose gender identity is different from their assigned sex at birth, and seek to transition from male to female or female to male. This term is no longer preferred by many people, as it is often seen as overly clinical, and was associated with psychological disorders in the past.

Two-spirit: A term that refers to historical and current First Nations people whose individual spirits were a blend of male and female. This term has been reclaimed by some in Native American LGBT communities to honor their heritage and provide an alternative to the Western labels of gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

Everybody got that?

 

Old Frank speaks out on a Sunday morning:

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

I am disheartened and a bit angry. I have no party to vote for and I live in an area that is going harder left, even as folks keep coming here from areas that were so hard left they couldn't bear it longer and fled here our greener pastures. And then, immediately on arrival they began voting to push us harder left – to emulate the places from whence they fled?

I cannot vote Democrat – I stopped doing that in '68 – because they became arrogant and dishonest and hypercritical of the land I love. And on the other side, the Republican Party has now proved itself unable to govern. So, one is the evil party and the other is the stupid party! Over an eight-year span, since 2009, Republicans correctly recognized the awfulness and profligacy associated with nearly all aspects of Obamacare. And some of us formed or joined Tea Parties to call attention to out of control spending and the forcing of us citizens to comply with dictates against our religious beliefs. And during those eight years the Republicans won back the House and then the Senate on promises that they would overturn and replace the Obamacare monstrosity. And subsequently, the majority of those voting in the Republican presidential primaries selected Donald Trump – the master of the 'Deal,' – who was subsequently elected president and who stated repeatedly that repealing and replacing Obamacare would be among his first orders of business.

And then, yesterday's debacle! The 'Price' was not right enough for some House Republicans, who demanded 'purity' and 'perfection', didn't find it, and thus refused to vote for the Ryan/Price/Trump/Pence replacement. Even as these fine men explained that congressional rules mandated that the complete package be done in three stages, many refused to believe their own rules and tanked the proposal. Wake up! Absolute purity and perfection are not possible in this life on this earth. In the history of humankind there has been one Perfect Human – and 1,985 years ago they put Him on the cross.

Here's the tragic result of this stubborn pig-headedness. Trump has an agenda that reaches far beyond medical care – it involves rebuilding our military and undoing the damage done to the whole world by re-establishing an American leadership role. It involves major tax reforms that will regenerate economic growth. It includes draining the swamp and much, much more. But now all of those much-needed improvements are in jeopardy, because too many in our party felt that Ryan-Price wasn't pure enough! Trump threw himself behind it – and is now damaged and his ability to implement his entire slate of 'must dos' is made much more difficult and even doubtful. And we 'stupid party' members – with majorities in both houses plus the presidency insist, yet again, on shooting ourselves in the foot! And, meanwhile, the media, Hollywood, the faculty lounges, and Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi GLOAT! The stock market rose and companies promised to build here and create jobs because they believed Trump could make good on 'the art of the deal.' So, what do his 'partners' in the congress do? They destroy his aura of invincibility and competence.

How can we be so bloody short-sighted? How do we recover trust? The bill had three parts, and adjustments could have been made at each step; but, rather than work that out, our bunch insisted on purity right out of the box, and ignored the damage they would do if it failed to pass. Did I like the bill as written? No, but I trust Secretary Price and Speaker Ryan and Trump and Pence. They would make it right eventually. Remember, a scant four years ago when Ryan was a much-loved hero and our nominee for vice president?

Politics. The art of the possible – the do-able. It is obvious that today's Republicans proved once again, that they know nothing of politics and perhaps it is really true what the other side always snickers – we are unable to govern. Big picture folks. Big picture. Accept 'good', when 'perfect' ain't gonna happen!

Old, very sad, Frank

 

*Publisher's Note: New year. New administration. Look for some timely updates and a few new side splitting and/or head scratching sections on our pages.

1790 Someone ties up a lot of loose ends, when the shoelace is invented.

1847 Uncle Sam's troops decide to promote democracy in Vera Cruz, Mexico..

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INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>



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March Is
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Put a straitjacket on a Progtard until they find their 'Trump won, but I got over it'.
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VETERANS
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
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ALICE'S RESTAURANT
PIGsters! You don't have to wait until Schools Out to head into Alice Cooper'stown in Phoenix, AZ, an eatery founded by Alice Cooper and Randy Johnson. A place where Jocks and Rock meet. Try their specialty, The Big Unit.
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



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