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Friday
September 30, 2016

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
• CUPCAKE NATION •
Too many Cupcakes, Basement Boys and preciuos Snowflakes invading your Safe Space? You're in the very most, PIGish Safe Space.

>>> Cupcakes >>>

• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
>> Caliphate This >>
ODE TO
BLACK LIES MATTER

There once was a thug named Brown,
Who bum-rushed a cop with a frown,
Six bullets later,
He met his creator,
Then his homies burnt down the town

GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
ART TIME!
EnjoyThe Art Of Danish Artist, Cirkeline Nilsson.
>> Cirkline >>
DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Right On >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Their Very Own, Self-Imposed Safe Space?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
Cry Bullies
Q. Tarantino
#BLM
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore
Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
REMEMBERING
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Since the present is a train wreck and the future is such an unrelenting horror the FSOP seeks solace with some PIGish Nostalgia.
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No matter where you live, the present is, at best, a train wreck. Admittedly our focus will be America, but that can wait, until we pinpoint a few international examples.

In Russia, Putin is working feverishly to return to the 'good old days' of the cold war, by putting the old Soviet empire back together.

Russia isn't the only one flexing its military muscles. America's pullback left a vacuum which others are eager to fill. In the Pacific, China is rapidly seizing control of large swaths of ocean.

Let's talk nukes. That paragon of sanity, North Korea's Kim Jong-basement boy, loves playing with his nukes. If that's not thrilling enough for you, Barry handed the posterpunks for peacefull coexistence - the Iranians - nukes on a silver platter.

In Venezuela, Hugo "Skipper" Chavez is gone, but the damage he inflicted on his nation has the once prosperous country on life support. Hugo's successor, President Nicolas Maduro, has inflicted so much damage, the country is disintegrating right before our eyes and the pace keeps accelerating.

In Thailand, the duly elected government was overthrown by a military coup. Predictably, the generals are making noises about holding elections. Don't hold your breath.

If you wonder what happens when a Socialist government imposes confiscatory taxes on a nation's wealthiest citizens, wonder no more. There's a nifty name for a nation that chases the movers and shakers, whose investments fuel an economy, out of the country: France.

The turmoil in Iraq is so far off the scale that even some no shit rational adults view Iran as a possible source of stability.

Here in the USA, we are being destroyed from within, by our own government:

* It is dismantling our military and rendering us defenseless.

* It has demolished a marketplace based [by and large] healthcare system that worked very damn well and replaced it with a government run system [deathcare, aka Obamacare] that doesn't work.

* Our power grid has been mortally wounded by the EPA's murder of the coal industry.

* Any residual vestiges of no shit real education in government cess-schools have been purged by a blatantly anti-American indoctrination program named 'Common Core'.

* Because our Narcissist POTUS refuses to enforce our immigration laws, the flood of border jumping scumbag invaders has become a tidal wave.

* Thanks to insane spending, and excessive regulations, our economy is in the crapper, a fun fact that spawned such 'lovely' things as an alarmingly low labor participation rate.

I could go on and on, but that's enough to make my point. The point, in this instance, is that life in 21st century may have its good points, but, in too damn many ways, it just plain SUCKS.

Since this suckage is impossible to escape, we do our best to cope. One popular coping mechanism involves trying to distract ourselves from the ongoing chaos. There are a myriad of high tech ways to attempt this, but it's a major pain in the ass to elude The One, that way.

Another way, the one employed for the remainder of this rant, involves remembering when things weren't this fucked up. For many no bullshit conservatives, their fondest memory destination is the Reagan presidency. For the Jackass Party moonbat, the memory destination of choice is FDR's presidency, the last time we had an Imperial President. In Mexifornia, Jackass Party moonbats got a so nostalgic for the late 70s (1975-1983) that they lured Governor Moonbeam out of his hippy commune themed assisted car center and made that senile twerp their governor again

Admittedly, those days of yore were replete with unresolved 'issues', but that's not our focus either. Our goal is to take that walk down memory lane, take it all in, then you can make your own comparisons to 21st century life and see if there's a way to resolve some of our annoyances with a blast from the past.

I remember...
Once upon a time schools were administered by adult individuals who possessed something known as common sense. Before it was hurled under the school bus, common sense was the gold standard where infractions of the rules were concerned. Since the line of demarcation which separated cool for school and uncool for school was much higher than it is today, suspensions and expulsions were relatively rare, thus making them stand out on an inmate's permanent record.

Since some readers might be unfamiliar with common sense, I'll explain how it worked. Common sense requires - gasp - thinking, an activity which is strictly forbidden, where Zero Tolerance is concerned. This thinking and common sense double-team means a back in the day school official would fit you for a straitjacket, if you advocated suspending or expelling a pair of grade school lads who perpetrated a 'shootout', at school, while armed only with finger guns.

I remember...
Once upon a time, cities were more user friendly when it came to an individual or individuals who had an idea, know how and determination, but were operating on a shoestring. What to do? In the 21st century, you'd probably be forced to seek investors. In that bygone period of time, the solution was very close to home. In fact, it was attached to the home: the family garage. That's where Apple built its first computers. That's where the founders of a major test equipment manufacturer, Tektronix, built their first batch of oscilloscopes.

From sea to shining sea, eager capitalists used the family garage to get their business started. How much have things changed? A few years ago, I read a story about San Francisco imposing Draconian restrictions on garages. Under a new law, the only thing you can have in garage is an automobile, nothing more.

I remember...
Once upon a time - it's probably hate speech to mention it - there were only two genders. I hope you're sitting down, because you're going to be shocked. You didn't get to pick your own gender. That was determined by specific biological factors. In general terms, girls had sexy bumps and stuff. A boy, on the other hand, was a testosterone ravaged horndog with a 'rocket' in his pocket.

In that bygone era, nobody gave a damn what gender you thought you were, or wanted to be. You were, of course, free to believe anything that thrilled you spitless, but it didn't matter. For official purposes, you were stuck with what Mother Nature assigned you at birth. Heartless brutes.

I remember...
Once upon a time, the land-line telephone sat atop the telecommunications foodchain. Making matters worse, there was no twitter, no text messaging. I know it seems horrible, but it's not as bad as it sounds. Being a very resilient species, we humans found other ways to communicate. I know what you're thinking, but the era I have in mind is before e-mail.

There was, at that time, a popular form of communication called 'a conversation'. It's still used by certain technophobes and nostalgia addled wingnuts. For those who never heard of it, it's a form of communication where two, or more, individuals - gasp - talk to each other using whole words and complete sentences. I suggest you grab something to steady you. Ready? Ok, here goes. Purists, who are afficionados of the conversation, insist on practicing this primordial ritual FACE TO FACE. Savages!

I also remember...
During the era when conversations reigned supreme, there was a special form of this ritual called the debate. In its ideal [my view] form, only the topic to be discussed was pre-determined. Once the rhetorical bone of contention was set, a proponent for each of the opposing viewpoints was selected. Side by side on a stage, in front of a room filled with people, they would, after presenting their individual views on the topic, question each other. It was informative and very entertaining.

I'd like to see such a debate between RINO Radio star Michael Medved and real deal conservative Mark Levin. The topic, what's wrong with America and how do we fix it.

I remember...
Once upon a time, in the formative years of cable television, an individual channel's name was indicative of its programming fare. I know what you're thinking, but this isn't Hambo hyperbole, Doubting Thomas Sparky.

Does that mean what you think it means? Yup.

Do I mean the History Channel broadcast programs about history? Yup.

Does that mean A & E featured programming about Arts and Entertainment? Yup. They aired each of Shakespeare's plays (arts). They also aired a very entertaining series of the Nero Wolfe Mysteries.

Yes, that means MTV was dominated by - TA DA - music. I'll bet you never saw that one coming.

I remember
Once upon a time, before the Nanny State and the electronic babysitter sucked the life out of them, kids were free to squeeze every ounce of fun out of life. Ranging far and wide, they always found something to do. If they didn't have enough people for a regulation sport, they made up their own game. In that distant era, a parent's challenge wasn't getting Little Johnny or Moonbeam off the couch. The struggle was capturing their young 'uns when it was time to for them to come home.

A child growing up in that bygone era had it all. There were highs and lows. There were thrills and spills. Most important of all there was the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Growing up had all that and more, all of which shaped an individual's character.

I also remember
There was a time when little girls were allowed to be just that, a little girl. They weren't tarted up in slutty clothes and hooker make-up, then put on display at a wenchlet pageant by a stage mommy who deliberately made baby girl a child molester's wet dream.

I remember...
Once upon a time the rank and file American had a much thicker hide. They knew the difference between colorful hyperbole and a deliberate insult and didn't set their hair on fire over either of them. Blessed with a robust sense of humor, they invariably laughed at the 'wrong things'. Afterwards, they might grin sheepishly, then laugh again.

I remember...
Once upon a time the IRS was a government cabal with one item on its agenda. If you're thinking that one item was rigging elections for the Jackass Party, guess again. In the distant past, their only function involved collecting taxes for Uncle Sam.

I remember...
Once upon a time an automobile was more than mere transportation, it was a legitimate piece of art. They were motorized bling, before bling was even a gleam in a rapper's eye. In the late 1950's Ford Motor Company swam against the prevailing assembly line tide when it a hired skilled craftsmen to build the Continental Mark II by HAND. That's a work of art.

I remember...
Once upon a time a real life hero named Jonas Salk devised a vaccine that eradicated the vile childhood destroying disease, polio. It was gone, and stayed gone, until disease-ridden Border Jumping Scumbag Invaders brought it back.

I remember...
Once upon a time there were these repositories of books. No, I'm not talking about the Public Library, although they had those, too. The book repositories in question had a collection of books that were for sale. It was a genuine thrill to pick up a book, leaf through it, even read a page or two, before you made your selection. The magical thing about a book store is the fact that the selection of books varied from one store to the next, depending upon the reading taste of the store owner.

Don't get us wrong, We the PIGs don't hate everything about the 21st Century. For example:

The Internet: For a scribbler like me, it's a time-saver. Instead of spending hours/days in the public library searching for some elusive facts, I can Bing my way to a cyberspace outpost which has exactly what I need. From noble to profane, cyberspace has it all. Its impact on you depends entirely on how you use it.

Skype: When I was working on a Module for the Austrians, Skype made the job much easier. Thanks to screen sharing, I could let them see intermediate test results, instantly. Without Skype, we would have missed our delivery date and they would have missed the NASA launch window for their instrumentation package.

DVR: My lovely bride would be lost without this extremely user-friendly miracle of modern entertainment technology.

We hope you enjoyed our blasts from the past. We the PIGs certainly did.

We now, with profound regret, return you to objective reality, where We the People are wondering: is there something worse than this:


Our answer? You bet and it's this:

 

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• PIG's Revamped News Page
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of events.
Updated Any Time The News Is PIGish >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Nice try

 

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
MLB
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WORD OF THE DAY

OPTIMIST, n.

A myopic, male, meathead who believes her, when a woman with an agenda tells him "It's the biggest one I've ever seen."

About Hillary Clinton: "You probably can't use the term 'toxic cunt' in your magazine, but that's what she is. Her very existence insults the spirit of individualism in this country."
- Ted Nugent Westword Newspaper , Denver, Colorado, July 27, 1994

Who embodies the very essence of MSM 'journalism?

Joseph Gobbels

The Knob

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're dead!

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, then, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.

Because I'm a Man
[Professor Prime, Dean of the PIG Institute's Men's Studies Department has shared some of this, heretofore, PIG Top Secret, information, A.K.A., stuff your mamma won't tell you.]

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

Calling AAA is not an option. I will win...
*
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
*
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
*
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing.
*
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
*
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it
*
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
*
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
*
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly, at least, remember the name and recommend it to others.
*
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
*
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest — Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message to help women understand men.

Flighty Humor

United Flight Attendant announced, "People, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
*
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, so pay attention!"
*
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?"

The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
*
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that."
*
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
*
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
*
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over there."
*
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
*
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
*
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is outside on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

 

 

1630 It's a good news, bad news day for J. Billingon of Plymouth Massachusetts when he achieves a form of immortality as the 1st person to be executed in America.

1895 Playing the colonial version of 'if you snooze, you lose' France proclaims a protectorate over Madagascar; damn tourists just don't know when to go home.

1960 A memorable chapter in childhood television comes to a close: the Howdy Doody show makes its final broadcast memorable when Clarabell finally speaks.

GET YOUR SCOOP OF PIGISH POOP
If your Boob-Tube, News Nit-Wits or Social Media Meatheads aren't providing you with enough Caitlyn, Justin, Miley, The Donald, High Profile Race Hustlers
or anyone else that stops the presses and your world, well, OMG! and WTF! You're in the right place. Kulture Watch takes precision aim at anyone caught in our crosshairs and headlights and will give you, "The rest of the story."
Read More >>>

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>


Google


PIG CALENDAR

September Is
Parent Liberation Month

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If basement boy won't leave, sell your house and let the new owners deal with him.
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BEAT THE BITCH •

Her Highness has officially declared her plans to run for Presidency. If your as giddy as we are, tune into our attempts to pull her panstuits all the way down to the ground.
VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
ALICE'S RESTAURANT
PIGsters! You don't have to wait until Schools Out to head into Alice Cooper'stown in Phoenix, AZ, an eatery founded by Alice Cooper and Randy Johnson. A place where Jocks and Rock meet. Try their specialty, The Big Unit.
>>> Menu >>>
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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NATIONAL REVIEW
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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HONOR 1778
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



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