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Thursday
October 23, 2014

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
FREE HIM..NOW!

A Forgotten Man
 
The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for a man who is, many believe, a deserter.
 
This same Oval Office Pussy won’t lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only ‘crime’ is making a wrong turn at the U.S.- Mexican border.
 
Call your Elected Tormentor. Demand that Mexico be forced to set this political prisoner free.

RIGHT ON
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Exercise >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
PIG'S ELECTION PRIMER
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A PIGified Survival Guide to this Year's Chad-a-thon.

"We (the People) should treat politicians the same as the old joke about lawyers...hang 90% of them & keep the remaining 10% scared honest." (PIGster Bryan)

We did our best to ignore it, but we failed. Eventually, we decided that it's time to 'man up' and do what we can to mitigate the potential damage, by warning you about the sorry pack of losers seeking one of those 'reserved' slots at the tax-funded trough. During our intensive training exercises, we did our best to anesthetize ourselves for this pitched, election cycle, battle, with a generous adult beverage infusion. All we got was an unforgettable hangover. We're finally ready to man up and face the fact that the mid-term chad-a-thon has reached critical mass.

We know what you're thinking and, as usual, you're wrong. This week's top story isn't another 'me too' ballot guide that you can find in all those mundane publications. This isn't a 'go team go' rant like the ones you'll hear from the News Nitwits cheering on the Demoncrats or the VRWC boom box hosts getting you fired up for the pachyderm punks.

This week's top story is about you, chad wrangling Sparky. Like it or not, you're going to be a party to putting some of these losers, users, abusers and scumbags into positions of political power. Accept the fact that you're going to be complicit in passing those ballot initiatives that are, invariably, riddled with unintended consequences. Like it or not you'll be suckered into plundering your own wallet to pour more money down a Nanny State rathole. We're determined to spare you that pain, with some timely chad-punching tips about making that trip to your designated polling place as painless as possible.

Our primary task, this week, is to bring you up to speed on some essential, election cycle concepts.

Political Candidates in General:

When it comes to the political arena, nice guys finish last and rational adults avoid it like it's tainted with ebola. If you're expecting to find the best and the brightest running for office, get over it. All the people who are worthy of our trust are much too smart, much too busy with their own life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, to wallow in the rancid muck that fills the political arena. You're more likely to find that lying used car dealing scumbag who is trying to matriculate into the big leagues on the ballot than a rational adult.

Admittedly TEA Party candidates - like Senator Ted Cruz - are an exception, when it comes to putting rational adults on the ballot. That's why both political clans feel threatened by them.

Incumbents:

The popular myth is that we need to have an experienced legislature populated by seasoned pros who know how the system works. The theory behind this is that a rookie will spend too much time learning the ropes and too little time resolving all those pressing Nanny State issues. What a load of crap!

Those seasoned pros are the rat bastards who used their knowledge of the system to create this mess in the first place. They're the ones who caused the problems, so they should be the first ones to get pink slipped.

A rookie learning the ropes might not get much done in the problem solving area, but he, she, heshe or it will be much too busy learning how things work to make things worse.

Hambo's Law of Incumbency: When in doubt, vote the bastards out.

Musical Chairs:

This is a very popular game, in states where chad punchers imposed term limits on Elected Tormentors. In theory, this 'stop me before vote for this loser again' notion is a viable response to intrenched incumbents. In practice, it's not a sure fire way to 'get the bums out', because, many of these political parasites simply change slots at the public trough, by running for a different Elected Tormentor job.

When you encounter familiar names running for a new, different, office, just say 'no' to this Elected Tormentor spin on musical chairs.

Moderates:

There's a lot of panty wadding whining about the Elected Tormentors, from sea to shining sea. They're in a snit concerning the fact that America's liberals (progressives) and conservatives are so, irredeemably polarized.

Conventional wisdom, as defined by these shocked and dismayed, panty wadding, worrywarts, dictates that the gaping divide which separates the left and the right can be bridged by 'moderates'. In other words, the world would be a spiffier place, if the left and right would scuttle their convictions. We'd all live happily ever after if they'd settle for that bland, rudderless, essentially meaningless 'it means whatever you want it to mean' crap that occupies the middle.

A moderate is a person who lacks meaningful convictions, a person who, like Rodney King, whines "can't we all just get along". Since the moderate is unburdened by any convictions, he, she, heshe or it is ready willing and eager to go whichever way the wind blows.

Independents:

This group of rational adults is the chad punching gold standard. Independents, who are the reason both political clans are shrinking, are no longer willing to go with the status quo. They're unwilling to follow the Demoncrats over the cliff into Marxism, but that doesn't mean they're putty in pachyderm punk hands.

It takes more than some Elephant Clan hack giving lip service to Ronald Reagan to win over this group. Independents - the driving force behind the TEA Party Movement - weren't born yesterday. Unlike moderates, who go with the prevailing political winds, independents are those intellectually active individuals who approach each election cycle player, or issue, with a compelling, Joe Friday mindset: "Just the facts, political punk Sparky. Just the facts."

Buried in Bullshit:

These elections are, at best, a blatant insult to our intelligence. At worst, American elections are a rigged game, a scam, and We the People the are only ones who aren't supposed to be in on this dirty little secret. What secret? John and Jane Q. Public are the marks in a long-running scam, whose pot of ill-gotten gold is getting their 'approval' for anything the Nanny State wants to do.

Voting - no matter how things turn out - is your way of 'approving' of the results. It's what Ayn Rand calls 'the sanction of the victim'. In too many cases, voting is the same as pinning a 'kick me' sign on our own back.

Unhappily, this barrage of bullshit has a long track record of success. During any election cycle, all it takes to fool 'enough of the people' is using the right buzz words. For Elephant Clan candidates, the preferred buzz words are Senate Takeover, stop Obama, and assorted other Reagan-esque flourishes. Many pachyderm political players put on Reagan's mantle, while painting their Jackass Party opponent as the second coming of Karl Marx. "I suck, but he, she, heshe or it sucks more" is still alive and well, this year.

The only thing that both political clans have in common is a pathological fear of the TEA Party and its candidates.

We are, once again, obligated to report that many people, too damn many people, get hypnotized by the candidates' bullshit. We recognize the fact that politicians cannot change their stripes, much like a rattlesnake can't change their nature or pattern. They do have a lot in common, though. Snakes shed their skin, according to the season. Politicians change their tune according to deep pocket lobbyists and the latest 'this is what will fool them, today' polling.

Ballot Initiatives:

These first gained popularity in Mexifornia after a voter initiative, Prop 13, kicked the state's money-grubbers out of the pockets of certain property owners. Since then, this ballot initiative bypass around a state's Elected Tormentors has been used with mixed results.

The stinkiest fact about the modern ballot initiative is the way they're packaged. The advertising blitz that accompanies each initiative is deliberate deception at its best. In many memorable cases, 'yes' means 'no' and 'no' means 'yes'. Invariably, any ad you hear concerning these stinkers is completely detached from objective reality.

The primary problem with ballot initiatives is that the legalese used to write these bad boys is, invariably, infused with some unintended consequences that usually make the cure worse than the disease.

Unfortunately, even initiatives written clearly present their own pitfalls. The measure that inflicted high speed rail on Mexifornia included several etched in stone conditions written in unambiguous terms. Fast forward a couple years and you find high speed rail perps pretending those conditions don't exist. They've flouted every one of them and they're getting away with it.

Furthermore, and this one really pisses us off, if you tried to read the full text of the ballot initiative, you'd be mired in brain fogging legalese that is so Byzantine it even confuses the law degree packing scumbags who wrote it. That's why, even if one you like passes, it will, invariably, be nuked in court by a black-robed killjoy.

Lockboxes:

When the Nanny State puts a tax raising initiative on the ballot, a veritable bullshit blizzard ensues. One of the biggest steaming loads is the claim that the tax is temporary. You should live so long.

'Temporary' is a whopper, but it runs a distant second to 'lockbox'. After moving you to tears about the dire need for the tax loot - neglecting to tell you that the Nanny State created and/or greatly exacerbated the problem - they try to seal the deal with 'lockbox'. Lockbox is the guarantee that all the money collected via the new tax - or tax increase - will be locked up in a special account which can only be used for the purpose set forth in the ballot measure.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

This year, numerous rational adults are touting this mid-term election cycle as 'the last chance to save America from Obamunism'. Rational adults, whom I respect, insist that it's 'make it or break it' time, when it comes to our inalienable individual liberty. I tend to agree, by and large, but I'm troubled by the choices I'm offered. In my PIGish opinion, there aren't any good options in this election. Does that mean you shouldn't bother voting? Not really.

The fun fact about the ballot is that, the things that hit you where you live are seldom at the top of the ballot. The worst day to day pestilence inflicted by the Nanny State Nitwits is, invariably, local. That's where voting can make a difference in your life. It is, quite frankly, the only part of this election cycle insanity that makes a lick of sense.

On the statewide, and nationwide, level it, boils down to 'bad', 'worse', or 'holy crap'.

If you want to go for the lesser of two evils, so be it.

If you think there's a meaningful difference between a neo-Marxist America and a neo-Socialist America, so be it.

If you think keeping a skunk you know is preferable to learning to tolerate the stench of a new skunk, so be it.

You have, for the moment, the 'privilege' of deciding what kind of 'kick me' sign you want to pin on your own back. It's your call...It's your circle of hell. We do, however, feel compelled to serve up this venerable dose of conventional wisdom: "Be careful what you ask for, because you might get it."

Once you've made that fateful choice, there's only one thing to do. Assume the position, we the sheeple Sparky. What position? You need to drop your drawers, bend over, then get ready to learn what the Tome really means when it warns: it is better to give than to receive. When Neal Boortz says 'elections have consequences', it's his way of saying 'bend over and take it like a man'. It's the predictable result of this chad-a-rific fun.

We the People are assigned the task of hiring our own Elected Tormentors and changing the political landscape via voter initiatives. Since that decision is our call, it means that We the People, need to impose meaningful, liberty-enhancing, criteria. Keep these PIGish suggestions uppermost in your mind, when you make that fateful decision.

It's your liberty at stake, Sparky. If you don't defend it, who will?


• PIG's Weekly News Digest
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of the week's events.
Updated Every Monday >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Mom MOM!

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To:
pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
PIGster QRA
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WORD OF THE DAY

LOWERED EXPECTATIONS, phrase

What rational adults will be relegated to, if the mid term chad-a-thon puts the pachyderm punks in control of the U.S. Senate.

"Colorado secretary of state Scott Gessler, along with several county election clerks, have raised warning flags that a new state law that automatically mails a ballot to everyone is an engraved invitation to commit fraud. "Sending ballots to people who did not even ask for them or have moved out of state is asking for trouble" he told me. For example, little can stop someone who collects discarded ballots from trash cans, fills out the ballots, and mails them in. Election workers are supposed to compare signatures on registration records with signed ballots. But if a person has a "witness" who signs the ballot on the witness line, then the signatures do not have to match and the vote is counted.
– John Fund

How can anyone object to a Ray Rice Halloween costume which includes a blow-up doll that you drag around by its hair?

It's Only $

[Fox News] As American taxpayers worried about the terror threat from the Islamic State, the crisis at the border and the economy, the U.S. government spent their money to give rabbits massages, to teach sea monkeys to synchronize swim and to literally watch grass grow.

These and other examples of wasteful government spending were detailed by Republican Sen. Tom Coburn in his annual "Wastebook," his final edition since he is retiring early next year.

"I have learned from these experiences that Washington will never change itself," Coburn, R-Okla., said in a statement. "But even if the politicians won't stop stupid spending, taxpayers always have the last word."

The first example cited in the report is the millions spent on what one attorney called the government's "dirty little secret": paid administrative leave for troublesome employees. Workers who were placed on leave for disciplinary reasons, such as misconduct, security concerns or criminal issues, received $19 million while on leave this year.

These workers, according to Coburn, were essentially on a paid vacation that can last for months or years. The GAO also detailed this phenomenon in a report Monday. According to the GAO, during a three-year period more than 57,000 employees were placed on leave for 30 days or more, costing taxpayers $775 million in salary alone.

Another wasteful project with a big price tag is the Pentagon's plan to destroy $16 billion in military-grade ammunition that it deems no longer useful. Sounds pricey, right? Well add in the fact that on top of that, the feds plan to spend $1 billion just to destroy the ammo.

"The amount of surplus ammunition is now so large that the cost of destroying it will equal the full years' salary for over 54,000 Army privates," the report notes.

Other examples vary from the serious, to the aggravating, to just plain bizarre. One that takes the cake is the $10,000 the government spent to watch grass grow --- seriously.

That project is the brainchild of the Department of Interior's U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, which is paying for the growth of the smooth cordgrass to be observed on a Florida reserve. The money covers "the cost to monitor grasses, restore two acres as a demonstration and publish a guide on best practices for cultivating the cordgrass, known formally as Spartina alterniflora."

Still more examples show that while some Americans are struggling to make ends meet in a rough economy, there is a group in the U.S. getting major perks: animals.

In one instance, the government shelled out $387,000 to provide rabbits with a relaxing daily massage. The critters were treated to a "mechanical device that simulates the long, flowing strokes used in Swedish massages" to study the effect of massages on exercise recovery, according to the report.

Another animal getting a fun extracurricular activity courtesy of the U.S. taxpayers are sea monkeys. The government dropped $50,000 on a project to study the swirl of sea monkeys' collective movements, part of a $307,000 grant, according to the report. The researchers did so by choreographing a synchronized swimming routine for the tiny shrimp.

The government also spent $856,000 to throw mountain lions on a treadmill and $171,000 to watch monkeys gamble. They also spent $331,000 on a study that led to a mind-blowing discovery, that "hungry people get cranky and aggressive."

"With no one watching over the vast bureaucracy, the problem is not just what Washington isn't doing, but what it is doing." Coburn said in the statement. "Only someone with too much of someone else's money and not enough accountability for how it was being spent could come up some of these projects."

Other notable examples include $90 million spent to promote U.S. culture around the world, $414,000 spent on a U.S. Army video game that some in the intelligence community have worried could inadvertently train terrorists and $4.6 million spent on "lavish" homes to house Border Patrol agents in areas temporarily.

Coburn, known as "Dr. No" for his strong stance against excess spending in Washington, announced in January he is retiring from the Senate early due to ongoing health issues. The Republican had already announced he would not seek reelection but decided to leave his term two years early, in January 2014.

A Coburn spokesperson told FoxNews.com that the senator has said that answers about if and how the "Wastebook" will continue will have to wait until next year. The spokesperson said Coburn hopes every lawmaker will make monitoring government waste a priority, but that one does not have to be a current lawmaker to do so.'

A PIGish Attitude

Thursday night he gradually came to.

Stiff as a board and in pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident.

She gave him a deep and steady heartfelt look straight in the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

He somehow managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"

Now that my friend is a positive attitude!

Surprise...

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, and take my TV, and my laptop. Please take my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.'"

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. What she actually said was, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign.'"

1915 Slackers stage 1st national horseshoe flinging championship (Iowa).

1925 The entertainment giant who took the late night talk show to a whole new level, Johnny "The Late Night Host Gold Standard" Carson, is born in Corning, Iowa..

1941 The house of the mouse releases "Dumbo"; ironically, 67 years later, another cartoon character capitalizes on his jumbo ears when he makes an Oval Office run.

1973 Tricky Dicky seals his fate, agrees to give W.H. tapes to Judge Sirica.

1983 Jihadikazes murder 243 Americans with truck bomb in Beirut.

1988 U.S. Senate rejects U.S. Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork.

1991 Despite a determined smear campaign mounted by NO NADs and their Demoncrat cohorts, Clarence Thomas beats political odds, is sworn in as Supreme Court Justice.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
Read More >>>


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PIG CALENDAR

October Is
Howl at the Moon Month

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Someone has to warn rational adults that Moonbats are in charge.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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CONSERVATIVE REVIEW
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2013: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.