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Sunday
June 26, 2016

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
• CUPCAKE NATION •
Too many Cupcakes, Basement Boys and preciuos Snowflakes invading your Safe Space? You're in the very most, PIGish Safe Space.

>>> Cupcakes >>>

• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
>> Caliphate This >>
ODE TO
BLACK LIES MATTER

There once was a thug named Brown,
Who bum-rushed a cop with a frown,
Six bullets later,
He met his creator,
Then his homies burnt down the town

GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
ART TIME!
EnjoyThe Art Of Danish Artist, Cirkeline Nilsson.
>> Cirkline >>
DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Right On >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Their Very Own, Self-Imposed Safe Space?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
Cry Bullies
Q. Tarantino
#BLM
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore
Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
COMPELLING PIGISH WISDOM
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Hambo answers questions you never thought of asking on topics that never crossed your mind .
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For a change of pace, I decided to 'get real', regarding some often neglected 'truths' about certain elements of your daily life. That's right, thrilled spitless Sparky, this week, the FSOP is going to 'fix' what ails YOU. Fear not, PIGsters, this one won't hurt, much, unless you laugh.

I know that you're too busy, scurrying to and fro to cope with the day to day essentials of your life, to just sit and 'think', so I'll do it for you. Giving until it hurts, the PIG Staff is hunkered down in the PIG Bunker (it's not located in mom's basement, as one Snarky PIGster sniped), doing all the heavy duty thinking on certain vital issues, which can make, or break, your quality of life. This one is for YOU, PIGsters.

Put on your thinking caps and have your pencils and paper ready, because a pop quiz is not out of the question.

Television wasn't really 'better' in the good old days. The passage of time cauterized those painful, "just shoot me", memories of "My Mother The Car" and "The Arsenio Hall Show". Admittedly, the cable dial is littered with numerous, unrelenting, circles of hell, but, with so many channels to choose from, this stampeding suckage appeals to a much smaller audience. If anything is better, it's the ample display of sweater puppy cleavage on your channel surfing pit stops. This source of optical delight is a distinct improvement over the 'mom and apple pie' shows of the 50s and 60s. Best of all, it is equally 'enlightening' with the mute switch 'on'.

Talking heads on the boob tube are not fonts of life-enhancing knowledge. Instead of feeding their ego, when you need sage advice, dial up an episode of South Park, The Simpsons, or a rerun of Married With Children. If you do that, you'll get all the real life 'wisdom' you can handle.

There's no happy ending when you get trapped in a cabal's automated "press '1' for..." call answering system. The odds of getting to a live person are so daunting that they make winning the lottery seem like a slam dunk. When you play the game correctly, after repeated trips back to 'square one', one of two things is destined to happen: the 'live' person you seek is 'out' and you get a voice mail box that he, she, or it never empties, or, you get the 'there are too many people in the queue ahead of you, please try again later', click, dial tone.

If a stranger shows up at your door selling salvation, magazine subscriptions, or some kind of unwanted professional services, you need to view it as an opportunity, not a pain in the butt. This clown has invaded your life, uninvited, so why not take this golden opportunity and run with it? After all this time sitting at the feet of those FSOP gurus, Porcus and Hambo, you should be filled to the brim with things you're dying to say to somebody, but never had the chance...until now. Go forth and spread that PIGish joy, no guts, no glory, Sparky.

All those whistles and buzzers on your favorite wireless communications device(s) are, in reality, the telecommunications equivalent of quicksand. Wireless communications capitalists aren't really in the communications business. They're in the business of enticing you into flushing a critical mass of MINUTES from your life down the drain, by using their 'service'. The more lures they deploy, the more likely you are to buy those pricey minutes from them. They really don't give a rat's ass how you spend them, as long as you squander those enriching - for them - minutes sinking deeper into their bottomless pit of telecommunications quicksand.

Impulsive, 'I could have her in a New York minute, given half a chance', notions are the express lane to an unpleasant justice system encounter. You may be convinced that Megan Fox is yours for the taking, if only she could meet you, in person, but that doesn't make following her around 'an idea whose time has come'. Those black robed killjoys have a word for that, "STALKING". If you go down that road, your next horizontal and squishy encounter will be in a cell as Bubba's Bitch.

It's not paranoia when 'they' really are plotting to get you. You're 'jumping' between several boob tube shows when all of them go to commercial AT THE SAME TIME. Or, you're sampling the yammering of several different VRWC boom box babblers while you're in your ride, when all of them go to commercial AT THE SAME TIME. The only radio show worth listening to on a weekend is, regularly, kicked to the curb for some asinine reason. Your weekend boob tube choices range from "sucks", to "just shoot me". Your phone, which has been silent for most of the day, ALWAYS rings when you're in the bathroom. Is someone out to get you? You better believe it, it's a plot against me personally Sparky.

Sucking in your belly to impress that hottie is a waste of time. The only reason she smiled at you is because she's too much of a lady to laugh out loud, in your face. If you catch yourself doing this one, we suggest that you make the best of the situation. How? You start by smiling back, letting it all hang out, then laughing at yourself. If she smiles again, she's sharing the joke 'with' you, not laughing at you.

It's never a spiffy idea to put all your electronic 'eggs' in one, cable provider basket. If it takes your cable provider a week, or more, to fix your boob tube connection, why would you entrust them with your phone and Internet service, too? Why not go for the gold and let them provide your gas and electricity, so your life can turbo suck?

Don't be a schnook, you know you're gonna look. One of Newton's least known laws, states that sweater puppies create their own gravity well, after they cross a certain 'size' threshold. Women, by and large, have a natural immunity, but men don't. That's why, no matter how hard a dude tries, no matter how gross the sweater puppy packer, the bigger they are, the more impossible it is for him not to stare. It's not bad manners, it's science, Sparky.

No matter which lane you pick, the other lanes are going to move faster. If you're in the checkout line at the store, or on the expressway, you'll be nailed by this one. I know what you're thinking, but you can't out think this one, no matter how hard you try. How does it work? I've discovered that, when you're in a lane, you exude a powerful force which slows down time, directly ahead of you. Its strength is directly proportional to your need for speed. I think this is covered in Einstein's VERY special laws of relativity, but don't bet the farm on it.

If some pinhead is determined to be offended, good manners - not to mention, good fun - dictates that you 'help them along'. If some self-defined victim is determined to be miserable, you might as well take advantage of this golden opportunity. This is especially true if you're dealing with a complete stranger who blundered into your life and will, quite probably, blunder out again, permanently. With strangers and family members, you can let it all hang out. When you're dealing with professional acquaintances or co-workers, you need to employ more subtle forms of expression, but that's outside the scope of this rant.

What we need to get our mind off 'things', is a Media Slut Olympics. The competition itself would be part obstacle course, and part survivor series. If we're going to crown a world champion media slut, we need to test the mettle of our competitors, to see which of them is really prepared to go the extra mile for some media face time.

If we're going to crown the Media Slut champion, Gloria Allred, and Messiah Barry are mandatory competitors. With them in the mix, my Media Slut Olympics becomes 'must see TV'. It has ratings gold written all over it.

Let's get real about Crop Circles. Crop circles? You better believe it, Sparky. Why? Because, after repeated assaults on my sanity by boob tube blights like the Hysteria Channel (you might be foolish enough to call it the History Channel), this one has finally reached critical mass. I'm up to 'here' with this crop circle crap, so I'm going to drive a PIGish stake through its heart.

Despite ample evidence - including 'yup, we did it' confessions, and demonstrations, by numerous HUMAN perpetrators - the Tinfoil Headgear Club insists that these intricate patterns are, in reality, the work of E.T. E.T., these THC twerps insist, is trying to tell us something, but we're too primitive to understand their message. Too primitive to understand it? Bullcrap!

If, for the sake of argument, any of these crop circles are the work of a marauding E.T., there's nothing complicated about the message. It's no different than the 'artwork' we find on freeways, and buildings, in gang infested outposts of humanity. The least irrational, THC-appeasing, explanation for crop circles is this: it's E.T.'s way of 'tagging' a blue green planet located in the boondocks of the Milky Way Galaxy. I'm just sayin'.

I had a rare moment of clarity, today, which allowed me to understand The One and his neo-Marxist Demoncrats. Suffering from a synaptic suffocating intellectual myopia, they exist in an alternative 'reality' where their actions never have consequences. From that twisted perspective, everything they do makes sense, more or less. Their deeds 'feel' good, and they never see anything bad happen as a result.

Boob tubes have parental controls to keep tykes from going where they don't belong. What, I ask, have boob tube purveyors done to establish meaningful communication with a dumber than a box of rocks pimple on humanity's butt? How can you make the thinking impaired understand, when a boob tube outlet is shoveling crap, instead of giving him, her, himher, or it, the 'straight poop'?

Just because, as a species, E.T. might be much more advanced than we are, it does NOT mean that E.T. is sending their best and brightest to pay us a visit. In fact, when you think about it, all these antics - crop circles, etc. - make perfect sense if, as I do, you assume the visiting E.T.'s are nitwits, morons, and joy riding 'teenagers'. We're not being visited, Art Bell fan Sparky. E.T. is, in essence, mooning us.

If anyone still wonders why dealing with Nanny State functionaries, at all levels of government, is such a non-stop thrill ride, wonder no more. When you deal with a Nanny State cubicle clown, you need to remember the three pillars of government bureaucracies:

Affirmative Action hiring

of

Government-schooled idiots with self-esteem

into

Job for life - once hired, never fired - positions of authority

If you must interact with these Nanny State nitwits, you might consider prayer - if you're so inclined. But, unless the deity of your choice intercedes, your fate is sealed, you're soooo screwed Sparky.

Here in the USA, we have two holidays which are, essentially, little more than an excuse to get gassed on adult beverages. I have some issues with them, but not the ones you might expect.

* Two drinking holidays for the whole year just isn't getting 'er done. We need more of them.

* Since we only have two drinking holidays, why are they located so close together? We get these two, within the first two and a half months, then we're expected to 'suck it up' for the next nine and a half months. Unacceptable!

* If we're going to have a holiday devoted to getting blitzed on adult beverages, it should be scheduled on the one day of the year when We the People need it: April 16th, the day after those Elected Tormentor scumbags raid our wallets.

* In addition to regularly scheduled drinking holidays, spread throughout the year, we should each be given one 'floating' drinking holiday, that we can use when the need arises.

We the People need to get this resolved, during the forthcoming election cycle, by endorsing a candidate who promises to get 'er done.

See, I told you that wouldn't hurt.

 

 

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• PIG's Revamped News Page
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of events.
Updated Any Time The News Is PIGish >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Greed

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
MLB
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WORD OF THE DAY

SPRING, n.

The time of year when a young man's fancy turns to love and a young woman's fancy turns to pepper spray.

"And when people [Democrats] go on for 12 hours, saying things, 'It's [Orlando shooting] about guns,' then that means Boston was about a pressure cooker. It wasn't. Both of them were about radical Islam."
-- Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX)

Which is more insane? L. Ron's dead aliens lurking in a volcano or the Progtard notion that America can be taxed back to prosperity?

EU REGS

[DM] Here are some of the more bizarre regulations the Brexiters can enjoy saying goodbye to.

1. Ban on curvy bananas and crooked cucumbers

The first - and one which reared its head as the Brexit and Remain camps drew up their battles lines - was the banana regulation.

A 1994 EU regulation specified that bananas must be 'free from abnormal curvature' and cucumbers needed to be straight

EU rules also governed the shape of many other fruits and vegetables — cucumbers, for example, needed to be almost perfectly straight.

Many of these specifications were abolished in 2008, though the banana guidelines remain on the books.

Just days ago, Boris Johnson became embroiled in a bizarre row over EU rules on how bananas should be sold.

The strange row was triggered by comments Mr Johnson made as he took his referendum bus tour to the Midlands ahead of the vote.

Delivering a stump speech to a crowd in Stafford, Mr Johnson said: 'If we take back control on June 23, we can also get rid of so much of the pointless rules and regulations that are holding back this country.

'It is absurd that we are told you cannot sell bananas of bunches of more than two or three bananas. You cannot sell bananas with abnormal curvature of the fingers. Why should they tell us?

'Why should they tell us how powerful our vacuum cleaners should be? Why should they tell us how powerful our hairdryers should be?

'This is not a matter for an international, supranational body to dictate to the British people.'

2. Incandescent lightbulbs

Something else that could now make a return is the incandescent lightbulb.

Incandescent bulbs have been phased out in stages in the UK since 2009 following European regulations.

The Government banned the import of 100-watt bulbs from 2009, followed by a ban on 60w bulbs in 2011 and a full ban on all 'traditional' bulbs in 2012.

The bulbs were branded environmentally-unfriendly because some 95 per cent of the energy that goes into them gets turned into heat rather than light.

Following the EU's ban on incandescent light-bulbs, many people were reported to have suffered epileptic fits from the flickering, supposedly eco-friendly fluorescent bulbs.

3. Vacuum cleaners

On his campaign trail in recent weeks, Boris Johnson also blasted Brussels red tape that he said placed burdensome extra costs on UK retailers selling products such as bananas, vacuum cleaners and hairdryers.

The European Commission triggered an outcry by banning powerful vacuum cleaners two years ago.

From September 1, 2014, companies were prohibited from manufacturing or importing any vacuum cleaners above the 1,600-watt limit as part of a drive to reduce domestic electricity use.

A furore broke out when shoppers panic-bought high-powered vacuum cleaners ahead of the deadline in 2014.

This directive was expected to be extended to kettles, toasters, hair-dryers and other domestic appliances but it was shelved earlier this year amid fears it would drive the British public towards the EU exit door.
In 2011, a ruling claimed drinking water did not ease dehydration

In 2011, a ruling claimed drinking water did not ease dehydration

4. Drinking water does not prevent dehydration

In 2011, a ruling by the European Commission claimed that drinking water 'does not ease dehydration'.

EU authorities passed a law which claimed scientists had found no evidence to suggest drinking water stopped dehydration.

Manufacturers of bottled water were prohibited from labelling products with claims that would suggest consumption would fight dehydration.

5. 'Diabetics' banned from driving

European laws introduced in 2011 meant that drivers who treat their diabetes with insulin who have had one or more episodes of severe hypoglycaemia, known as 'hypos', could face losing their licences.

If sufferers had one or more episodes of severe hypoglycaemia - when a patient's blood sugars drop to dangerously low levels - and required assistance from another person, they would have to inform the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA).

Diabetes UK said that the DVLA did not differentiate between daytime and night-time episodes of hypoglycaemia, meaning that some people with diabetes are losing their driving licence unnecessarily.

After a review of evidence, the European Commission said in March this year the driving ban for people experiencing recurrent severe hypoglycaemia when asleep should be lifted.

Diabetes UK said the DVLA will be asked to make the changes by 2018.

6. It is illegal to eat your pet horse

In 2009 a law set out it was illegal to eat 'pet' horses after figures revealed that around two million pet horses were eaten across the EU each year.

According to the guidelines, all horses, ponies, donkeys and related animals (including zoo species like zebras) must have a horse passport.

The passport is a small booklet that identifies an owner's animal by its height and species.

It also states whether the animal can be used for food at the end of its life.

Owners can declare that the animal isn't intended for human consumption by filling in the appropriate section of the passport. This cannot be changed later.

7. Jams, jellies and marmalade guidelines

In 2010, a directive was made relating to fruit jams, jellies and marmalades and sweetened chestnut puree intended for human consumption.

EU rules stated that a preserve must contain at least 60 per cent sugar to be called a jam.

Anything containing less had to be called a 'fruit spread', while a low sugar jam with less than 50 per cent of sugar was named a 'conserve'.

However these laws were relaxed in 2013.

 

 

1498 Some killjoy invents that bane of a happy childhood, the toothbrush; acceptance is spotty, at best, especially in England where it still meets stiff resistance.

1848 Congress makes an early intrusion into the marketplace with 1st pure food law.

1990 Liar, liar, pants on fire. President George Bush - the daddy - admits that his "no new taxes" campaign promise was a steaming load. Well, duh, Sparky.

GET YOUR SCOOP OF PIGISH POOP
If your Boob-Tube, News Nit-Wits or Social Media Meatheads aren't providing you with enough Caitlyn, Justin, Miley, The Donald, High Profile Race Hustlers
or anyone else that stops the presses and your world, well, OMG! and WTF! You're in the right place. Kulture Watch takes precision aim at anyone caught in our crosshairs and headlights and will give you, "The rest of the story."
Read More >>>

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>


Google


PIG CALENDAR

June Is
Geld Him Month

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If HE insists on using the ladies room 'nip' his unresolved 'issue' in the bud.
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BEAT THE BITCH •

Her Highness has officially declared her plans to run for Presidency. If your as giddy as we are, tune into our attempts to pull her panstuits all the way down to the ground.
VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
ALICE'S RESTAURANT
PIGsters! You don't have to wait until Schools Out to head into Alice Cooper'stown in Phoenix, AZ, an eatery founded by Alice Cooper and Randy Johnson. A place where Jocks and Rock meet. Try their specialty, The Big Unit.
>>> Menu >>>
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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NATIONAL REVIEW
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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HONOR 1778
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2016 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2015: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.