After giving our table a memorable pounding for several weeks in a row, we decided to lighten things up, this week. Regrettably, the Obamunist Error makes us so pissed, we need a distraction to help us chill out before we snap.
Instead of grabbing Old Betsy and Big Bang for a Progtard hunting expedition, we seek our brain chilling solace in popular culture. There's no way that's going to rile us up.
Our first instinct is to reach for that TV remote, but we're not ready to go there, so we seek our refuge in the compelling fantasy worlds portrayed in comic books. It's a place that's insulated from Korrectness, or is it? What we find is far from encouraging.
* Archie Andrews: Dies taking a bullet for his gay friend.
Back in April, Archie Comics broke the news to the world that they will be killing off their titular character, Archie Andrews, in the final issues of their Life With Archie series, which follows the lives of the Riverdale gang after college.
Archie will stop an assassination attempt on his best friend, Kevin Keller, who is also Archie Comics' first openly gay character. Keller first appeared in the comic in 2010, and is now a married military veteran and a newly elected senator who is pushing for better gun control after his husband was involved in a shooting. Archie will take a bullet for Kevin and ultimately die from the gunshot wound. [E! Online]
Gun control? Gay marriage? I'll pass.
* Thor: Rewriting Norse Mythology, Thor is now a woman.
"The inscription on Thor's hammer reads 'Whosoever holds this hammer, if HE be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.' Well it's time to update that inscription," said Marvel editor Wil Moss in a statement. "The new Thor continues Marvel's proud tradition of strong female characters like Captain Marvel, Storm, Black Widow and more. And this new Thor isn't a temporary female substitute – she's now the one and only Thor, and she is worthy!"
Wait, there's more.
"This is not She-Thor. This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR," said writer Jason Aaron. "This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it's unlike any Thor we've ever seen before." [Fox News]
What's next? Thor gets knocked up? If Thor can be female, doesn't 'fair play' require a Wonder Woman who is, at minimum, a Tranny?
* Spiderman: Got hyphenated and emerged as black & Latino.
Miles Morales is a fictional comic book superhero who appears in books published by Marvel Comics, in particular the monthly series Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man. The character was created by writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Sara Pichelli, with Bendis and Marvel editor-in-chief Axel Alonso drawing inspiration from both U.S. President Barack Obama and American actor Donald Glover.
Miles Morales first appeared in Ultimate Fallout #4 (August 2011), following the death of Peter Parker. A teenager of Black Hispanic descent, Miles is the second Spider-Man in the Ultimate Marvel continuity. Although Morales features in the Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man comic book series, he is not the lead character in the Ultimate Spider-Man animated TV series that debuted in April 2012 on Disney XD. Reaction to the character varied, with some, including Spider-Man's creator, Stan Lee, approving the creation of a positive role model for non-white children, to displeasure at the replacement of Peter Parker, with some decrying it as a publicity stunt motivated by political correctness, a charge Alonso denied. [Wikipedia]
This reeks of Korrectness.
*Spiderman: While researching the foregoing data, I found a YouTube of Spiderman & Superman liplock.
*Green Lantern: He got re-deployed as a GLAAD BAAG.
The original Green Lantern - a DC Comics mainstay for the past 70 years - will be revealed to be a gay man in next week's issue of "Earth 2."
Alan Scott - formerly a married father of two who first appeared in 1940 - tips readers off to his sexuality early on in the comic when he gives his boyfriend a welcome home kiss.
"He's very much the character he was. He's still the pinnacle of bravery and idealism. He's also gay," "Earth 2" writer James Robinson told The Post. [Fox News]
What's the point?
There are ominous rumblings about Captain America, but I've had all I can take in the comic book universe. I need a good laugh, so I tune in to the Tonight Show for some snarky comments on the Obamunist debacle. What a letdown! Jimmy Fallon isn't getting it done, because he's not allowed to go 'there'. Obviously, standup comedy is a risky business, in Korrected America.
I remember Johnny. I also remember Jay whose departure was weird, given his high ratings.
Why did NBC get rid of the funniest man on late night TV? Here's one compelling possibility:
News is leaking out from Hollywood executives in-the-know that the Obama White House had been leaning on, pressuring executives at NBC for the last two years to replace Jay Leno because the comedian was criticizing President Obama every night. Obama didn't like it and considered it a racist attack on him.
Since his inauguration in Jan. 2009 Obama had enjoyed three years of very, very friendly routines from all the late night comics on ABC, CBS, and Leno at NBC - there was no criticism at all.
But after data came to light that $100's of millions had been spent on First Family vacations during a recession, Mrs. Obama's unpopular new laws that changed food in America's schools and other negative news including the disastrous Obamacare rollout & website mess, Jay Leno took his comedy to a different level and his ratings skyrocketed - none of the other comics were so bold.
GOLDEN OLDIES FROM JAY:
"I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS."
On NSA surveillance: "We wanted a president who listens to all Americans - now we have one."
On closing the Guantanamo prison for terrorists: "If he really wants to close it, turn it into a government-funded solar power company. The doors will be shut in a month."
Concerning the Benghazi, Associated Press, and IRS scandals: "Remember in the old days when President Obama's biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden?"
On Obama saying he didn't know about the IRS scandal: "He was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about the IRS."
"It is not looking good for President Obama. Today his teleprompter took the fifth."
"These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. It's gotten so bad that People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American."
Between Obamunists like Fallon and Colbert, late night laughs are few and far between.
So far, my flight from reality has been a monumental waste of time, although it did produce a gem from The Superficial.
* Kanye West: He's finding out, the hard way, that OWNING Kim "Pornstar" Kardashian isn't as much fun as simply hooking up from time to time to bone her.
The Superfical put it this way:
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have only been married 46 days and already he hates being in the same room with her. In fact, they've only spent nine days together since their honeymoon where shit immediately began falling apart. Radar reports:
"Kim complained and sulked the entire time they were in Ireland on their honeymoon," an insider revealed. "She didn't like the cooler damp climate, and the lack of high-end designer stores. Kanye tried to arrange tours of local museums, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Only Kim would go to Ireland and be bored, and go to two separate movies in the same day in a foreign country!"
Eventually they bailed on Ireland after Kim talked Kanye into taking her to Joe Francis' mansion in Mexico where she spent their now second honeymoon posing for wet T-shirt pics to sell to very same people who rape her husband, so really it's a miracle these two aren't destined for a lifetime together:
"Kanye was miserable and brooding," the insider claimed. "He isn't really the 'lounge by the pool kind of guy.'"
"Kanye now recognizes that Kim's main interest are shopping and lounging around a pool," the insider said. "It's really concerning to Kanye that Kim doesn't even want to try to experience new things."
While being caught cashing in on another fake marriage should be embarrassing, we're talking about a den of vipers with no souls whose iPhone app is on track to make $200 million. She could be photographed drowning her baby in a tub because she had to spend five minutes with it and still not give a fuck. "Is money still pouring into my bank account? Then we're good here. Now how's my makeup? Stupid thing kept splashing."
I should try and muster some sympathy for Scowler (Kanye), but he had to know that a lifetime pass for unrestricted access to Short and Porny's (Kim's) naughty bits isn't worth the high price. High price: Mama Kardashian and her hellish brood; a fetchingly f**kable dunce like Kim; and the inevitable fleecing when this marriage falls apart...any moment now.
Playing it safe, I seek my solace in the world of sports, where never is heard a Korrectnik word. Well, almost never.
* University of Missouri Defensive End Michael Sam: A few days before the 2014 NFL Draft, he 'came out', telling the whole world 'I'm gay.' My initial reaction was 'so what', and it didn't change after the MSM went GLAAD BAAG bonkers over it. After thinking it over, and looking at some evaluations of Sam's football prowess, I hatched a PIGish theory.
I suspect that Sam was hedging his bets, by coming out. His 'gay' status gave him a weapon - homophobia - to wield against the league if he didn't get drafted. Unwilling to go there, the league worked privately to see that someone drafted him. His ploy worked, because, in the 7th round, the Rams made him the 249th overall pick.
Did he deserve it, or did his 'if you don't draft me it's because I'm gay' ploy work? I'll let you make the call.
* L.A. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling: He's not going to win a Mr. Congeniality prize and that's as it should be, I suspect. Despite that, I think his 'racism' is nothing of the kind. He's a geezer with a young hottie mistress and his real concern is preventing her from embarrassing him, publically, at Clippers games.
Although the latest recording claims that Sterling was jealous, the tapes released last month by TMZ purportedly reveal Sterling being OK with Stiviano sleeping with black men.
Referring to [Magic] Johnson, Sterling purportedly said: "Admire him, bring him here, feed him, f**k him, but don't put (Magic) on an Instagram for the world to have to see so they have to call me. And don't bring him to my games." [CNN]
Nothing to see here, move along.
* Washington Redskins: 'Redskins' and the team logo that goes with it, have the usual suspects setting their hair on fire. This follicle incineration encompasses Elected Tormentors, professional sports prattlers and press card packing Korrectniks [I.E. The Washington Post won't use the term 'Redskins'.] One Nanny State cabal - the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board (TTAB) of the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) - nuked the Skins' federal trademark registration on June 18, 2014.
Support for continued use of the name has come from the team's owners and a majority of fans, which include some Native Americans. They say that the name honors the achievements and virtues of Native Americans, and that it is not intended in a negative manner. Supporters also assert that a majority of Native Americans themselves are not offended, based upon a public opinion poll in 2004 in which 90% of those who identified as American Indians answered that they were "not bothered" by the name "Redskins" being used for the Washington football team. Some, such as team president Bruce Allen, also point to the use of Redskins by three high school teams, two on reservations, that have a majority of Native American students. [Wikipedia]
I'm fed up with the dark underbelly of popular culture, which is really starting to suck. Does that mean my quest is an abject failure? Far from it. I still have several never fail alternatives:
* My iTunes music library, where Twerky (Miley Cyrus) and Jerky (Justin Bieber) need not apply.
* The Velocity Channel, where shows like 'Chasing Classic Cars', 'Overhaulin' and 'Wheeler Dealers' get 'er done for me.
* My Kindle Book Library, where hours of entertainment can be found in a P.D. James or Nero Wolf mystery.
It's time, better late than never, to deploy the 'Mission Accomplished' banner, PIGsters. That sound you just heard is that table in our bunker breathing a sigh of relief.