Your Government In Action
Source: CNN [12/30]

In 2004, annual proceeds from cyber crime were, according to the Treasury Department, a whopping $105 billion. That makes it more lucrative than illegal drugs. Despite the fact that cyber crime impacts millions of Amerikans, Uncle Sam insists on wearing his drug war blinders. So how much is Uncle Sam spending to fight this new number one public menace? $16 million, and that's down 7% from the previous budget year.

Bureaucrats Reach for The Stars
Source: AP [12/29]

If you think that you can escape the death grip of Nanny State bureaucracy by conducting your business off planet, you're tragically delusional. Determined to exterminate a new travel industry before it even gets started, the bureaucrats in Uncle Sam's Federal Aviation Administration just pooped out 123 pages of regulations for the non-existent space tourism industry. They perpetrated their proposed regulations despite the fact that legislation signed by President Bush last year, specifically "prohibits the Federal Aviation Administration from issuing safety regulations for passengers and crew for eight years" (AP).

Are the FAA bureaucrats thrilled spitless about this blatant "hands off, bureaucrat punk" restriction? Not exactly:

"This means that the FAA has to wait for harm to occur or almost occur before it can impose restrictions, even against foreseeable harm. Instead, Congress requires that space flight participants be informed of the risks."

Among other things, these D.C. job for life pinheads want to impose the following rules of space tourism engagement:

Passengers should have physical exams.

Passengers must be trained to deal with in flight emergencies, including "...loss of cabin pressure, fire and smoke and how to get out of the vehicle safely..." (AP)

Pilots must have an FAA certificate and show they know how to operate the vehicle safely.

Crew members must have a medical certificate, and must be trained 'to ensure that the vehicle won't harm the public' (AP).

If these job for life pinheads were in business early in the 20th Century, they would have grounded the Wright Brothers and killed off America's participation in the age of flight before it got started. Given their way, they'd protect us so thoroughly that we'd be living in caves and scratching out a meager living growing just enough food to feed ourselves. Edison's electric light and all the rest? Too dangerous to be allowed by the suffocating Nanny State. Henry Ford's efforts to make the automobile affordable to everyone? Unsafe at any speed and DOA thanks to Nanny State interference.

If I'm dumb enough to climb into Jim-Bob's Spiffy Spaceship, that's my goddamn problem, not the damn Nanny State's. If a space tourism industry ever reaches escape velocity, it will be in spite of, not due to, the relentless interference by the Nanny State. Which part of "Butt The Hell Out, job for life punks" don't these pinheads understand? All of it, obviously.

Border Enforcement Smoke and Mirrors?
Source: Washington Times [12/27]

"Securing our nation's borders from a potential terrorist threat and from the illegal entry of people, weapons and drugs is absolutely paramount. Through Operation Streamline II, we are able to target a federal government offensive in the Del Rio area intended to dramatically reduce illegal activity and deter future activity." (U.S. Border Patrol Chief David V. Aguilar)

"ICE is committed to a seamless partnership with federal, state and local entities to ensure there are consequences for those who violate our nation's immigration laws. We will prioritize our resources to ensure those who enter illegally are removed expeditiously. Operation Streamline II recognizes the critical importance of detention and immediate removal as deterrence to future illegal migration." (John P. Torres, acting director of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement's Office of Detention and Removal Operations.)

The bureaucrats running the U.S. Border Control call it "Operation Streamline II", but PIG News suspects that "Operation Smoke And Mirrors" would be a more appropriate title. On the off chance that this isn't what it appears to be - a publicity stunt to convince potential voters that W and his Elephant Clan homeboys are tough on illegal immigration - we'll give you a heads up on this scheme.

Operation Streamline II zeros in on certain high-traffic smuggling corridors along a 205 mile stretch of the border where the Rio Grande divides the USA from Mexico. Border Patrol bureaucrats call this area "the Del Rio sector".

'...The plan calls for apprehended migrants who are not released on humanitarian grounds to be prosecuted for illegal entry, with a penalty of up to 180 days of incarceration. While the aliens undergo criminal proceedings, they also will be processed for removal from the U.S...' (Washington Times)

It all sounds spiffy and we hope that the U.S. Border Patrol's top bureaucrat, David Aguilar, actually intends to tighten up our borders. On the other hand, PIG News finds it suspicious, in the extreme, that this "focused effort" is happening now, when congress is poised to put meaningful border enforcement on the front burner. We smell a publicity stunt in south Mexas and that's why we'll continue to call this bureaucratic slight of hand, "Operation Smoke and Mirrors". PIG News would be thrilled spitless to be proved wrong on Operation Streamline II, but we'll need to see more than press releases and bureaucratic hot air, before we, publically, admit the errors of our ways.

Big Brother Goes High Tech
Source: Wired Magazine [12/24]

Using your tax dollars, the job for life bureaucrats in the U.S. Department of Transportation are bribing your state DMV to mandate GPS trackers for every ride in Amerika. The uses of these intrusive Big Brother-esque devices include, but are not limited to: automatically measuring our speed and issuing speeding citations by remote control; assessing a fee for every mile you drive; tracking your travel patterns, destinations, daily activities. Suitably paranoid, the U.S. Transportation Department pinheads are working on ways to make this Big Brother technology tamper proof. If you mess with it, your ride won't work. When they get all the kinks out - and they're working feverishly - this GPS snoop would be a mandatory item on all new cars and all newly registered cars.

These D.C. clowns have way too much time on their goddamn hands, if they think that this is an idea whose "time has come". How else can you explain their zeal for blatantly taking a dump on our inalienable liberty with this Orwellian intrusion into our lives? This Draconian assault on our liberty by these Department of Transportation rat bastards is further proof -as if any rational adult needed it - that George Orwell was an optimist.

San Francisco At It Again
Source: San Francisco Chronicle [12/20]

"We have to have more sensitivity to the rest of the beings we share this planet with. They are my friends, and I see what happens to them throughout the day. They don't have anybody to speak for them. That's why I'm here." (Mark Bittner, tree hugging pinhead and alleged documentary film maker)

The Gulag's board of supervisors is poised to approve an edict that will thrill the Gulag's property owner's spitless. The good news is that the property is still yours, especially when the tax man cometh to extort your hard earned money. The bad news is that if you've got trees on your property, from now on, you might need the Gulag's approval to cut the damn things down.

'...The legislation, sponsored by Supervisor Jake McGoldrick, would allow the board, the city's Planning Commission, the Landmarks Preservation Advisory Board, the Urban Forestry Council and the head of any city department to nominate trees for "landmark" protective status. Once a tree is nominated as a landmark, it would be up to the Urban Forestry Council -- a city board that advises supervisors and the mayor on the state of San Francisco's trees -- to recommend at a public hearing whether to accept or reject the nomination. But the final decision would be left to the Board of Supervisors...' (Chronicle)

Are you thrilled spitless yet? Don't worry, there's more:

'...In recommending to the board whether or not a tree should be granted landmark status, the forestry council would consider a nominated tree's size, age, species, whether it provides habitat to a species, its historical importance to a particular neighborhood and whether the tree itself is a prominent feature of the city's landscape...' (Chronicle)

If you've got this big, old, butt ugly tree in your yard that's such an eyesore half the town uses it as a landmark when they give directions, don't even think about cutting it down. Why? It's big, it's old, it's a prominent feature of the city's landscape. Okay, let's suppose your tree isn't big, old, or an eyesore. Let's just suppose you hate the damn thing for some damn reason. If some feather covered menace takes a shine to it you're stuck with the damn thing. Why? It's no longer your tree; it's a damn habitat.

We don't call it the Gulag because it's a bastion of inalienable individual liberty, better them than me, Sparky.

Seattle's Bold New Concept
Source: PIG News Wire [12/17]

For years, the bleeding hearts running Seattle tortured themselves over the chronic boozers who infest the city's streets. Unwilling to let Mother Nature take its course, these Seattle softies spend - by their inflated estimate - a whopping $100,000 (per drunk) in stolen taxpayer loot drying out, jailing and treating certain chronic, incurable street dwelling boozers. What's a Northwest Nitwit to do? You better sit down for this one, PIGsters, because it's bleeding heart liberalism on steroids.

The following quotes tell you the whole, bleeding heart, Great Northwestern Nitwit story:

"They are dying on the streets. They are dying in greater numbers than any other subset of people in the homeless population in Seattle and King County." (Bill Hobson, Downtown Emergency Services)

"Living on the streets of Seattle, it's not a way for us to treat our fellow man to just leave them in the gutter... they have a disease." (Ed Dwyer-O'Connell, manager of psychiatric emergence services at Harborview Medical Center)

The city acquired the exclusive use of a 75-unit apartment house where they will offer the city's 75 most notorious street-dwelling boozers free accommodations. Best of all, the drunks will be allowed to booze to their heart's content on the premises. We know what you're thinking, but it's all under control. The boozers will "sign pledges of appropriate behavior", so there. Oh, did I mention that these boozers will be free to come and go as they please? That fun fact has the apartment's whole neighborhood thrilled spitless.

Why are these bleeding hearts wasting time on these half measures? If Bill Hobson is so determined to save these chronic boozers from themselves, why doesn't he invite one or more to live with him, in his own home? The same goes for Mr. Dwyer-O'Connell. It these bleeding hearts want to save the unsalvageable...If they want to prolong the days of the incurable, invite several home to live with you, then browbeat your lefty pals to do the same. Why inflict all that fun on an the innocent residents who just lost 50% of their assessed property value thanks to this scheme? You're the asshats who think that getting them off the streets is nifty, so you should start by putting your money, your homes, your families, your property value on the line for it.

The only salient question about this grand scheme is what to do afterwards. Will a simple burning down of the utterly destroyed by rampaging drunks apartment building suffice, or will it take a tactical nuclear strike to expunge the damage done by this bleeding hearts on steroids insanity.

"Those doomed, by their own choices, for early obsolescence should be allowed to achieve room temperature, as soon as possible." (Stealth Wisdom)

The Great Winooski Gamble Raid
Source: PIG News Wire [12/16]

Vermont's liquor control storm troopers suspended the liquor license for McKee's Pub (Winooski, Vermont) for two weeks, because this booze wrangling capitalist engaged in illegal gambling. Those of you envisioning a back room filled with slot machines, craps tables and the like need to chill out. This isn't that kind of illegal gambling. It's not even the all too familiar assault on Texas Hold 'em. Nope, McKee's crime involves charging patrons the princely sum of one dollar to play Yahtzee. That's right, Yahtzee! "Gambling" the storm troopers thundered, rushing in with Eliot Ness-like fervor. "None of your damn business", PIG bellows back, with table pounding indignity.

It's far from shocking that Vermont, the state that inflicted Howard Dean on us, could make an illegal gambling mountain out of a dollar to play Yahtzee molehill. If they still want to secede from the union, they can leave right damn now and good riddance.

Nanny State Bonkers in The Bay State
Source: The Republican (Springfield, Mass.) [12/15]

In a perfect world, a bill in the Bay State legislature would have been inspired by a rational adult who is alarmed that his, her, hisher or its soccer playing tyke might get his bell rung and start spouting liberal claptrap. Suffice it to say, that's not the reason Massachusetts' State Rep. Deborah Blumer sponsored a bill that would make wearing a helmet while playing soccer mandatory throughout the state.

'...Supporters of the bill say helmets are needed to prevent head injuries from collisions and from heading, a key element of the game where players use their heads to ricochet the soccer ball to another player or at the goal...' (The Republican)

Ms. Blumer admits that her bill is probably doomed to bitter defeat, but she's hoping it will sufficiently alarm the state's lunatic liberal fringe that something will be done, somehow. PIG News will keep an eye out for more breaking news from Nanny State Nitwit ground zero, just in case something fun happens.

Afterthought:
Am I the only one who finds it ironic that an egregiously liberal bastion like Massachusetts - a state that keeps sending Tubby Teddy and John Flip-Flop to the U.S. Senate - tolerates a fishwrap named "The Republican" of all things? Probably, but I can live with that.

Southern Fried Obesity Drama
Source: A News Tip from PIG's NC correspondent, Anthony Scott [12/14]

Some Tar Heel State Fat Nazis - Capel Hill based Be Active North Carolina - are trying to drum up support for a Nanny State 'solution' to the state's expanding waistlines. The primary tool in their arsenal is a study whose carefully-crafted, spin-doctored numbers paint a grim picture of an alarming public policy crisis. Spouting drivel about Medicaid costs, workers compensation claims and lost productivity, these Fat Nazis insist that all that Southern Fried lard the state's denizens are packing costs the state billions in dead presidents each year. Just in case that doesn't get Tar Heel taxpayers alarmed, this cabal trots out the do-gooder trump card - the grim fate facing North Carolina's plus size tykes:

'...Children who grow up overweight and stay that way will spend more than $200,000 each during their working careers on costs associate with obesity...' (North Carolina based, NBC boob tube affiliate)
[PIGish comment: Even if we accept this data at face value, how is this any of the Nanny State's damn business?]

The only reason this 'crisis' imposes costs on the Nanny State, is because the Nanny State keeps sticking its collectivist nose where it doesn't belong. If there's a financial crisis here, it's caused, in large part by the Great Amerikan Welfare State. If Big Brother would butt the hell out, then those who shoulder these added health costs - like the employers who take a hit on their health insurance premiums - could take the necessary steps to field a fitter work force. Once the marketplace places a premium on fit employees, the hippos in human form will be properly motivated to shed that tonnage.

If you live in North Carolina, it's time to padlock your wallet, because your state's elected tormentors are getting ready to make you miserable with a frontal Nanny State assault on obesity.

Slots Street Legal in Broward County
Source: Sacramento Bee [12/09]

"It's not going to feel good. I just don't think this is right for our state. ... The fact that there's going to be a bunch of slot machines in Broward County doesn't warm my heart." (Florida Governor Jeb Bush)

Holding his nose and spouting the aforementioned prose to give him political covering fire, Florida's chief executive, Governor Jeb Bush, signed the legislation that gives Broward County voters the slot machines they sanctioned via a hotly contested ballot initiative. Under this edict - one that limits each site to 1,500 machines - a quartet of Fort Lauderdale betting sites will now have the Nanny State's permission to put slot machines on their own property.

What's the catch? The four sites in question - Gulfstream Park, Dania Jai-Alai, Pompano Park harness racing and Hollywood Greyhound Track - must fork over an extortionary 50 % tax on the slot machine profits to the Nanny State. The Nanny State's strong arm tactics are expected to pull in a hefty $200,000,000 to $300,000,000 per year, but fear not it's for the Tax Nazi's usual 'good cause': the states government cess-school system. If you live in the Sunshine State, it's your patriotic duty to visit Fort Lauderdale and play those slots until it hurts.

Nashville Strip Club Law
Source: Tennessean [12/05]

Nashville's Draconian strip club regulations hit a judicial speed bump when Davidson County Circuit Judge granted a local booty palace - the Brass Stables - a temporary restraining order. The club - quite rightly - protested that the law's newly mandated 3 feet separation between the strippers and the customer is, in the Brass Stables' instance, physically impossible. Here are the Cliff Notes:

'...The business can't be expanded because it's long and narrow and has a common wall with other buildings on each side, [Nashville attorney George ] Barrett said. The structure housing the club is more than 100 years old and has been listed on the National Register of Historic Places since 1978.

"It is reputed to be the location where Andrew Jackson, war hero, president of the United States, and Nashvillian, and founder of the modern Democratic Party, popularly known as 'Old Hickory,' stabled his horses when in Nashville," a court filing said of the club building...' (Tennessean)

Attorney Barrett points out that enforcing the ordinance would put his Brass Stable clients out of business. If that happens, he demands that the city fork over the booty palace's market value, including the money it rakes in every year. The final point isn't exactly chump change since the club 'reported gross revenues of more then $500,000 a year for more than five years' (Tennessean). Will property rights get off life support in Nashville? It's too close to call, so stay tuned.

Volunteer State Censorship
Source: PIG News Wire [12/01]

Spring Hill's (Tennessee) decency-demented whiners started caterwauling the instant hair wrangler Cindy Landis of "Studio 4 Hair and More" put up an electronic signed that touted a "Sexy" brand of hair care products. The ensuing yowl from outraged, hypersensitive pinheads prompted Spring Hill's Nanny State punks to black flag the "Sexy" sign. They just won't have that kind of thing in their special circle of Volunteer State hell.

Spring Hill's political punks might not be bothered by their blatant frontal assault on the First Amendment's free speech protections, but it bugs the hell out of us. If these hypersensitive whiners can't handle a benign word like "Sexy" then they should do everybody a favor and shoot themselves. If that's too damn difficult for them, we're ready willing and able to dispatch Spike the Wonder Tyke to give them a reality check. Don't make him come over there, Spring Hill dipsticks.

---

Bay State Blue Laws
Source: AP [11/25]

Massachusetts' Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly is a firm believer in Bay State tradition, especially when it comes to blue laws that were enacted in the 1600's by those fun-loving Puritans. How else can you explain the fact that, right this moment, Attorney General Reilly is mounting a major, statewide investigation to track down the state's most vile law breakers: capitalists who stayed open on Thanksgiving Day. He will find them, no matter where they try to hide, then slam dunk them into submission with the full force of the Nanny State. He will not tolerate a repeat of this blatant criminal activity on Christmas Day.

Bay State denizens deserve the likes of Teddy "The Swimmer" Kennedy and John "I voted for it, before I voted against it" Kerry if they allow this Nanny State nitwit to perpetuate a 4 centuries old, anti-capitalist edict that dares to tell a law-abiding business owner when he can operate.

Big Apple Gambling Raids
Source: PIG News Wire [11/21]

Spouting drivel about the city's 'illegal' poker clubs being hotbeds of potential crime, and prattling their paranoid delusions about the gambling profits filling the coffers of drug traffickers and mobsters, the Big Apple's men in blue staged a series of raids. Determined to eradicate the pernicious poker club blight, these badge packing storm troopers closed down several clubs, made criminals out of hundreds of law-abiding poker enthusiasts and impounded - stole is much more accurate - hundreds of thousands of dollars.

'...The clubs, unlike casinos, don't take a percentage of the pot. Instead, patrons pay about $5 per half-hour to sit at tables and play Texas Hold 'em and other card games with buy-ins as low as $40...'

'...The clubs typically ban alcohol but provide other perks: Playstation served Oreo cookies; New York Players Club offered valet parking; and the Broadway Club featured plasma televisions and a glassed-in room for high-stakes games...' (AP)

When you cut through all the vice squad bovine excrement, you get to the real reason they staged the raid: the city doesn't get to steal a piece of the action through licensing and taxes. Although there are moves afoot in the state legislature to legalize poker tournaments, in one form or another, that begs the essential question: why should sovereign individuals need the Nanny State's permission to get together and play poker for money? For that matter, why should a businessman be forced to pay 'protection money' to the Nanny State to keep it from sending their storm troopers to close him down?

Unable, or unwilling, to deal with real crimes, the Big Apple's jack-booted vice squad squanders the taxpayers money on victimless crimes like a peaceful poker game. Somebody needs to explain 'inalienable individual liberty' to these Empire State asshats.

Capitol Hill Capers
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Prose [11/16]

Smoke and Mirrors
In a cynical "there's an election coming" move, our elected tormentors have "defunded" Ted Stevens' now infamous "Bridge to Nowhere". If you're thinking this saves the allotted $233 million in dead presidents from that notorious pork barrel rathole we call Alaska, guess again. "Defunding" means that Capitol Hill cretins needed some plausible deniability, so they removed their specific authorization to have the bridge built. Alaska still gets the money, and, if they so choose, the bridge could still be built with your $233,000,000, but in this case the hack in the bull's-eye is Alaska Governor Murkowski, not Congress.

The only silver lining to this dark, they're still pissing away our money, cloud is the fact that "defunding" means that if Alaska decides to build the bridge anyway, they're required to jump through all of Uncle Sam's bureaucratic hoops, including the laugh-a-minute Environmental Impact Report required for EPA approval.

At press time, Ted "I'll quit if they don't give me my bridge to nowhere" Stevens was unavailable for comment. We're guessing he's too busy writing up that "I'm so out of here" statement.

Your Tax Dollars At Work
Georgia's Amerika-hating, Saddam-loving hackette, Congresswench Cynthia McKinney, is tired of dealing with such petty issues as our unprotected borders, and out of control government deficits. She's focused on meaningful issues, like making public all the documents relating to rapper Tupac Skakur that Uncle Sam has squirreled away. Her House Resolution 4210 demands "the creation of the Tupac Amaru Shakur Records Collection at the National Archives; and a second repository at the Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts in Stone Mountain, Georgia." And what, you ask, is so stop the presses important about Tupac? For starters, in 1996, he got mowed down in a hail of bullets in Las Vegas. Most important to Ethnocrat Cynthia is the fun fact that Tupac was melanin-enriched.

This isn't the first time Cynthia went down this "what did Uncle Sam know and when did he know it road" with an assassinated brother. In 2002, she penned HR5762, a bill that "called for the expeditious disclosure of records relevant to the life and assassination of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr." We're well aware that Cynthia is differently-rational but is she bonkers enough to put Tupac in the same league as MLK? Perhaps, but PIG would rather think that Cynthia has finally developed a sense of humor. Bold new concept.

A Silly DUI Notion
Source: AP [11/15]

A Florida legicrat - State Senator Mike Fasano - thinks that everything would be supremely spiffy if only those Florida voters with DUI convictions were forced to drive cars bearing pink license plates. Mike's notion is that this pink plate scheme would "embarrass" these differently-sober drivers into compliance with existing state "don't drink and drive" laws. Bold new concept.

If only life was that simple. For starters, what's to keep a drunk from begging, borrowing or renting a ride? Furthermore, what makes Mike think that it's even remotely possible to embarrass a pinhead who, routinely and repeatedly, gets plastered then climbs behind the wheel to drive home? Pull your head out off your butt, Mike.

Pink license plates? That's not gonna fly, but, fear not, because PIG has a much better idea. Your first DUI conviction gets your license pulled, indefinitely. If you get caught a second time, we shoot you like a rabid dog then we leave your rotting corpse by the roadside as a warning to all the other drunk as a skunk drivers.

Self-Inflicted Wounds
Source: AP [11/13]

The great Northeastern Nitwits - Maine Chapter - are running a statewide initiative up the flagpole which, if passed, would impose a 20 cents per gallon tax on the water that companies like Poland Spring draws from wells on its own property. As self-inflicted wounds go, this one could be one for the old record books, since Maine's struggling economy needs Poland Springs and the jobs it provides - 550 jobs paying from $14 to $25 an hour - a lot more than Poland Springs needs Maine. The first wound is already inflicted because, when the company heard about the initiative being circulated, they suspended - indefinitely - their plans to build a third bottling plant in the state. Furthermore, Poland Springs' parent company - Nestle Waters North America - warned that, if this initiative gets qualified and passed, the company would be forced to "seriously re-evaluate our ability to continue to do business in Maine".

It shouldn't shock anybody that this notion came from a former Pine Tree State legicrat - Jim Wilfong - who aided and abetted Bubba as a minion in Clinton's Small Business Administration. Like all Socialist schemes, Jim's water tax farce is another exercise in stealing from the achievers - Poland Springs - and redistributing the loot to the state's eager parasites. In this case, a pittance would be used "to safeguard aquifers and promote the sustainability of water resources", but the lion's share would be passed out to anointed recipients selected by Jim and his Northeast Nitwit pals in state government.

If Maine's capitalism-hating lefties pass this tax, they could lose the tax revenue derived from Poland Springs' $406,000,000 to $640,000,000 in annual sales. You can bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that they'll scream like stuck parasite pigs if Poland Springs pulls the plug on its Down East operations and takes their business - plus the tax revenue derived therefrom - elsewhere. If Maine's greedy parasite horde drives Poland Springs from the state with this water tax, they deserve the ensuing economic carnage. It's their water tax hell, so it's beyond fair that they burn in it.

Alarming Quotes From Our Unprotected Southern Flank
Source: World Net Daily [11/12]

Sigifredo Gonzales, Zapata (Mexas) County Sheriff, Chairman of the Border Sheriff's Association:

"If smugglers can bring a hundred people or 2,000 pounds of marijuana into the United States, how simple would it be to bring terrorists into this country, or a suitcase loaded with a dirty bomb? I am very surprised it hasn't already happened."

"Illegal immigration is the least of our concerns. We'll deal with illegal immigration. What I worry about is the dangerously violent narcotics gangs and especially the terrorists. There [are] people from countries of interest to the United States which could easily come over this border. They may already be in the country. We don't know."

"Illegal aliens will come across, and once they come across they will even change into better clothing, come out of the brush, and simply surrender to the Border Patrol. They get processed and they get a certificate telling them to go to a hearing before an immigration judge, and then they let them go. Of course, they don't show up for the hearing."

Mexas Rep. Henry Bonilla:

"Gangs and drug traffickers can easily overwhelm small, local law enforcement departments. Imagine if this was happening in your town. You might feel under siege."

At press time, Vicente W. Bush still doesn't have anything rational to say about our undefended borders.

Southwest Airlines Takes On The Nanny State
Source: Washington Post [11/10]

Southwest Airlines is poised to tilt the Nanny State windmill in a valiant attempt to rid itself of a 26-year old marketplace intrusion the feds imposed on them, at former House Speaker Jim Wright's behest. It's called the Wright Amendment and it severely hampers Southwest's ability to expand its services:

'...The amendment, passed as part of the International Air Transportation Competition Act in 1979, was intended to encourage growth at the then-fledgling Dallas-Forth Worth airport -- [American Airlines'] hub -- which is about 12 miles from Love Field. Southwest at the time had a much smaller presence nationwide than it does now.

Under the law, a traveler who wants to fly into Love Field from Baltimore-Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport, for example, must purchase a ticket to an airport in one of the permissible states, such as the airport in Birmingham, Ala. The passenger would need to purchase a second ticket to get from Birmingham to Love Field. The passenger would have to go through security in Birmingham to board the flight for Love Field. On typical connecting flights, passengers do not need a second security check because they hold a single ticket. Southwest is not allowed to market or sell direct or connecting flights into Love Field from any destinations outside the designated states...' (Post)

Picking winners and losers is the marketplace's primary function, not the damn Nanny State's. This Wright Amendment bovine excrement is an intolerable violation of Southwest's owner's inalienable rights. Making this matter even worse is the fact that American Airlines executives are fighting to keep the unfair competitive advantage that the Wright Amendment confers on them. Why? Because they know that Southwest will majorly kick their butts in a fair, marketplace fight. If you can't stand the heat, American Airlines punks, then get the hell out of the way and let the men running Southwest do what they gotta do.

Remedial Nanny Government
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [11/08]

Amerikan legicrats - from both political clans - give lip service to the inalienable rights cited by Thomas Jefferson, et al, but they do so with their fingers crossed. Individual liberty, they believe, is much too powerful, much too complicated, and much too important to entrust it to Amerika's rank and file sovereign individuals. Instead, Amerika's hacks, shysters and bureaucrats appointed themselves to control, define, tame and regulate our inalienable birthright, lest some individual get a toxic notion like: individual liberty is in more danger from our own government than it is from outside, liberty-hostile forces.

"Yes," These self-appointed liberty arbiters seem to say, "You are born with your full compliment of inalienable rights, but, since you're incapable, in our elitist opinion, of handling such a powerful concept, we'll protect you from harm, by off-loading individual liberty's most troublesome elements. Whatever we leave in your hands, will be doled out to you, at a time and manner of our choosing. You must understand, that we're not doing this for our own benefit; we do this because we are compelled to protect you from unfiltered liberty."

If, like me, you're fed up with all this unasked for 'assistance', the proper response involves grabbing the nearest elected tormentor by the scruff of the neck, and laying some basic facts on him: "If you're planning to strip me of my inalienable liberty birthright, bring your goddamn lunch, Sparky, because it'll be a cold day in hell when I let a putrid political pissant like you steal my liberty without one hell of a fight." If, after that, you feel the need to bitch-slap this political punk, lay one on him, her, himher or it, for me.

Nanny State Folds Poker Game
Source: Sacramento Bee [11/04]

Baltimore's men in blue decided to take a break from such primary crime-stopping pursuits as seeking out murderers, rapists, gang bangers, armed robbers and muggers to deal with the city's number one with a bullet law enforcement issue: poker games staged by private clubs. Striking this stunning blow for the Nanny State's notion of "justice", the cops raided a poker game run by a private club, where they slapped the cuffs on 80 poker players, 9 card dealers and 4 managers. The cops also made off with 16,020 poker chips, 141 decks of cards, an unknown quantity of adult beverages plus $25,000 in dead presidents.

Inexplicably proud of their antics, the cops bragged about staging the city's biggest gambling raid since Prohibition. That brings us to this pagan's number one with a bullet burning question on this bovine excrement: Why is this any of the Nanny State's damn business? Consenting adults engaged in an activity that isn't a danger to any damn body, in any conceivable way should be left the hell alone.

All Things Hillary
Source: PIG News Wire [11/02]

Whopper of the Day
Arianna Huffington was on Hannity's show today, insisting that she and her Huffington Post blog are "non-partisan". As proof, she reminded Sean's stand-in that she, routinely, criticizes Comrade Hillary for "abandoning" the Democratic Party's neo-Marxist base. In other words, Arianna "I'm so far left I call Karl Marx part of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy" Huffington is mad at Comrade Hillary, because Bubba's bride decided that she'd never get that Oval Office nod while she's hanging out with Arianna and the rest of the way lefties on the lunatic fringe of Amerikan politics.

Never that fond of the real world, tragically delusional Arianna doesn't 'get' the political necessity that sent Comrade Hillary on her long trek toward the political center. PIG, on the other hand, gets it...we don't like it - or Hillary, for that matter - but we give her props for her political savvy. As easy as it is to detest Hillary, it would be a fatal mistake to ignore her.

Senator Sheehan?
There are faint rumblings coming from Arianna's comrades on the lunatic fringe that Cindy Sheehan is being urged by some disgruntled Empire State peaceniks to move there so she can run against Comrade Hillary in the 2006 Senate race. A peace punk named Don DeBar is talking up a "Draft Sheehan" movement, now that Comrade Hillary turned war monger to make herself more appealing to the Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy when she runs for president in 2008. Peace punk Don is convinced that Cindy is way too dumb to sell out for greater political glory, and he's probably right. Cindy makes Anna Nicole Smith seem like an Einstein clone.

Is Cindy delusional enough to go toe-to-toe with Hillary in 2006? Probably, but the good news is that it would give PIG tons of new material. If, by some miracle, Cindy got elected, she'd give Blithering Bobby Byrd a run for his money as the most irrational prattler on Capitol Hill. That's why we're changing PIG's motto to "Run Cindy, Run!"

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Asinine Nanny State Antics
Source: News Max [10/28]

Rep. John Boozman, R-AK. is on the fast track to winning PIG's forthcoming Nanny State Nitwit of the Week, thanks to a bill that he rammed through congress. Already headed for George W "I'll sign any bill for $29.95" Bush's desk, Boozman's legicrap attacks the most deleterious threat to Amerika's health and well being: colored contact lenses. That's right, we're being invaded by a horde of border jumping scumbags and under constant threats from Islamikaze asshats, but John Boozman can't be bothered with such petty issues. He's too busy saving sovereign individuals from cosmetic and novelty contact lenses.

'...The legislation puts cosmetic and novelty contact lenses under the regulating power of the Food and Drug Administration, even in cases when the lenses don't correct for poor vision...'

'...The legislation, already approved in the Senate, would require people to see an eye-care professional to get fitted for the lenses and to be instructed in their use and care...' (News Max)

Remember this bovine excrement the next time some Elephant Clan fund raiser hits you up for a contribution to the party that fights for a "smaller", "less intrusive" government. This is one instance when a simple "bite me" is grossly insufficient. The profanity alert has sounded, so let it rip, four-letter prose Sparky.

Nanny State News Nuggets
Source: PIG News Wire [10/26]

Who: U.S. Senator Jim DeMint, R-S.C.
What: Unsatisfied with the blithering of the President's advisory panel on tax reform, Senator DeMint has his own plan for reforming Amerika's tax system. Co-sponsored by Senator Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., the plan would do the following:

End personal income taxes, including the relevant deductions, and exemptions.
End the estate tax and the alternative minimum tax.
Eradicate the need to file income tax returns.
Impose an 8.5% federal retail sales tax on goods and services.
Replace corporate income taxes with an 8.5% business transfer tax on supply and/or equipment purchases.
Give Amerikans living below the federal poverty level a rebate for 8.5% of the poverty level income.

Does this frontal assault on the IRS have a snowball's chance in Hell? Probably not, but it's nice to know that at least one Capitol Hill legicrat has the nads to formally propose it.

Who: U.S. Senator John Ensign, R-NV.
What: He justifies his vote against Senator Tom Coburn's amendment that would have cut funding for Ted Stevens' bridge to nowhere by saying that the cut was too small and thus unworthy of his support: "What I've tried to put my focus on is having a significant amount of money that will make a difference to the deficit in the future." Horse hockey, legicrat Sparky. You voted against it because you're gutless and you want to protect your own, treasury-depleting pork barrel projects.

Capitol Hill Myopia
Source: Washington Times [10/24]

The usual Capitol Hill suspects are so fixated on the 2006 election cycle, they seem poised to repeat a mistake that their predecessors made in the 1970's. Suitably alarmed - publically - over burgeoning oil company profits, Elephant Clan legicrats are making noises about "cracking down" on the oil companies who are, in their opinion, making too damn much money. For now, the Elephant Clan worry warts seem content to bluster, make menacing noises, and spout drivel about holding congressional hearings so they can do their posturing, blustering and threatening in front of oil company executives while those all important camera's are rolling.

Across the political aisle, the Donkey Clan is up to their usual tricks. At least one legicrat - Donkey Clan Senator Byron L. Dorgan from Terrible Tommy Daschel's North Dakota - has introduced a bill that would impound 50% of profits from every barrel of oil sold for more than $40. For those who don't pay attention to oil futures, the going per barrel price is in the $60 range. Other brave capitalism-hating souls are seriously contemplating a return to that disastrous notion from the 1970's the "windfall profits tax". That nifty goody, singlehandedly, led to decreased oil production, chronic oil shortages and long lines at the gas pumps. That might sound irresistibly thrilling to these D.C. hacks who use taxpayer funded limos to get around, but it's not this scribbler's idea of a good time.

If Uncle Sam wants to do something meaningful about the high cost of oil, he can take the shackles off the oil industry and let them drill off shore, exploit our proven oil shale reserves and build new refineries. The resulting increase in the world oil supply will bring the prices down and make us less dependent on OPEC punks like Hugo Chavez and those terrorism funding Saudis.

Are we doomed to repeat history with asinine, supply killing laws, restrictions and punitive taxes? It damn sure looks that way, gas line Sparky.

Big Sky Country Legicrat Lunacy
Source: Billings Gazette (Montana) [10/22]

Smelling a well-deserved public bitch-slapping from rational adults, Montana's state Legicrats came out "spinning" the instant the new edict took effect on October 1, 2005. Criminalizing a doctor's bad handwriting isn't, they insist, "punitive in any way". According to state representative Christopher Harris - the hack who hatched this fetid notion - "it's a courteous warning to the medical community". Yeah, right, dude, now tell me the one about the Easter Bunny. This law has teeth, Legicrat Sparky, and you damn sure know it.

This Nanny State lunacy, is, as usual, overkill. If someone rats out a doctor for his crappy handwriting to the state board that licensed him, the doctor would be investigated, and could face sanctions, plus prosecution. If convicted, a doctor gets nailed by a fine for each illegible prescription, but the fines are the least of the doctor's problems. Answering the charges means getting lawyered up, filing tons of paperwork with the state licensing board and taking time off from the medical practice to answer a lot of damn fool questions. PIG thinks it would be much more efficient if the pharmacist who can't read the doctor's writing picked up the damn phone and asked him, her, himher or it "What the hell is this scribbling supposed to mean?".

Bad handwriting on a prescription is not, never will be, a legitimate "public policy issue". It's a matter that can, and should, be resolved by the pharmacist who can't read the doctor's scribbles. The only proper Nanny State role in this instance is to butt the hell out.

Unscheduled Bipartisan Sanity
Source: PIG News Wire [10/20]

Somebody needs to check the Capitol Hill water supply for banned substances because the House of Representatives, by a lop-sided 306-120 margin, just passed a bill that would shield fast food outlets like McDonald's from "you turned me into a human hippo" lawsuits. Its ultimate fate in the Senate is unknown, but given the level of Donkey Clan support in the House, it's chances are at least 50-50.

When we hear anything meaningful about this "Cheeseburger Bill", we'll pass along all the newsworthy tidbits.

The FCC's Latest Outrage
Source: Boston Herald [10/19]

After 35 years on the air, Maynard High School's WAVM - 97.1FM - boom box outlet got kicked off the air by the FCC storm troopers. Henceforth, 97.1FM will belong to a Cross Cult cabal that enticed the FCC into this lucrative action with its deep pockets. The axe fell, after WAVM filed an application to increase it's transmitter signal from 10 watts to 250 watts. That's when the FCC asshats spewed their "Oh, by the way, did we forget to tell you we sold your frequency to somebody with deeper pockets?"

According this news item, any boom box frequency can be stolen from its rightful owners as long as the frequency thief spews the right data about "increasing the size of the audience" tuning into the station. If you're a radio station owner whose audience is small, but dedicated, and your pockets aren't deep enough to buy off the FCC storm troopers, be afraid, be very afraid, because the next time the FCC clowns pull this crap, they might be stealing your frequency.

Never On Sunday In Tennessee
Source: Pagan Scribble Prattle Prose [10/18]

If you live in Nashville's Spring Hill suburb and want to do some work on that patio cover, rebuild that termite eaten fence or put in that new deck, city bureaucrats will bust your rosy butt if you try to get 'er done on Sunday. According to the city's construction ordinance "no building operations, including erection, excavation, demolition, alteration or repair of any building in any residential area in the city, can be done on Sundays" (Tennessean). The relevant bureaucrats don't specify why Sunday is sacrosanct; they just issue a citation.

Smelling a publicity nightmare in the making, city hacks are discussing ways to punish construction company capitalists without stirring up a do-it-yourself homeowner hornet's nest. One city alderman wants to change the ordinance to read "no commercial work". Another thinks that restricting the ordinance to "any work requiring a permit" would get 'er done, but the Code and Inspections Director points out that most do-it-yourself tasks - patio covers, decks, fences - require a permit, too. Nobody asks the salient question: why should a property owner need the Nanny State's permission to build a patio cover, a deck or a fence on his own goddamn property. Just once, it would be nice if somebody mentioned it.

Since these petty Spring Hill tyrants need some help, PIG will give them a boot up the butt to get them started in the right direction: take your construction ordinance and shove it. The city has no business telling a property owner when he can paint his house, rebuild his deck or repair that ratty fence. Spring Hill isn't everything that's wrong with Amerika, but it's prime example of how majorly our inalienable individual rights have been eroded by these Nanny State punks. The sad truth is that Spring Hill's petty tyrants...all the petty tyrants from sea to shining sea...do this crap because sovereign individuals let them.

Ohio Tax Nazi Antics
Source: PIG News Wire [10/13]

A Buckeye State boob tube outlet brings us this epic about Loveland (Ohio) and its over-the-top Tax Nazi antics. Loveland denizen, Deborah Combs, did a header into Tax Nazi hell when the police pulled her over, then proceeded to accost her with guns drawn, because there was an outstanding warrant for her arrest. And what, you ask, is Deborah's crime? As usual, we're all over it.

Deborah strayed into this Tax Nazi bull's-eye when she failed to file the relevant tax forms for the city's income tax. Setting aside the intolerable obscenity of a city income tax, we move on to a more important matter: how much does Deborah owe them to justify being accosted by gun brandishing cops. For 2004, Deborah owes the city the princely sum of $1.16. That's right PIGsters, the city treated her like public enemy number one for one dollar and sixteen cents.

As expected, a Loveland hack - City Manager Fred Enderle - reacted to the bad publicity that ensued for rousting a citizen for such a paltry sum with the requisite indignation:

"Whether it's $1 they owe us or $1,000, it's not fair to the rest of the public to not pursue that person. There is some expense involved, but it goes back to the principle. We have laws. The laws have to be complied with. At what cost do you stop enforcing the law?" (WLWT-TV, Cincinnati)

We're not told what Deborah Combs said to, or about, Fred's prose, but we feel safe in predicting that it was much more colorful that "Bite Me".

Another Second Amendment Epic
Source: Orlando Sentinel [10/03]

Working stiffs in the Sunshine State might need to invest in a Kevlar vest if the National Rifle Association - plus certain state legicrats - succeed in ramming through some proposed legicrap. Why? These bills would, when passed, make it street legal for workers to take weapons to work...as long as they keep them locked in their ride. Big, big fun, especially if one of your armed and dangerous co-workers is differently-rational.

'...Under the bills, companies that try to stop workers from bringing in their guns would be committing a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison and $5,000 in fines...'

'...Supporters of such laws say they prevent companies from forcing workers to give up their constitutional right to carry firearms. It's important for people to have their gun close at hand, they say, citing examples where employees must walk through dark parking lots after work...' (Sentinel, emphasis added)

This Legicrat prose elicits the following PIGish question: If, as this fishwrap states, the firearm must be kept locked in one's ride, how does that help protect this worker when he, she, heshe or it is walking back to that ride, after work? Also, as much as PIG venerates the Second Amendment, does the right to bear arms repeal the property rights of the business owner? Does the Nanny State have the legal right to tell a capitalist what rules of engagement the business owner can impose on his, her, hisher or its employees? This is one instance where the Nanny State needs to butt the hell out and let the capitalists and their employees sort this stuff out.

"Everybody Does It"
Source: News Max [10/01]

Rushing to embattled Congresspunk Tom Delay's rescue, the usual VRWC (Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy) suspects are taking dead aim at the top Donkey Clan Congresswench, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. News Max is utterly giddy over this tidbit:

'...Two political action committees linked to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi have been charged with attempting to circumvent to legal limits on campaign giving, the Federal Election Commission has ruled. According to the March 2004 FEC finding, Pelosi appears to have violated the same kind of arcane campaign finance regulation that spurred the indictment of House Majority Leader Tom DeLay this week...' (News Max)

Learning that "everyone does it" is hardly a comforting notion to beleaguered taxpayer, and, apparently, that, along with "a politically-motivated prosecution" is the first line of Tom DeLay's defense. We deserve better from our elected tormentors, PIGsters. We deserve a lot better.

File this epic under "See, they do it to" in your PIG News archives.

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Kentucky Black Flags It's Emissions Testing
Source: Cincinnati Enquirer [09/29]

The only thing wrong with Kentucky's emissions testing program is the nifty fact that more than 96% of the rides tested pass. These eye-opening results are made possible by the numerous loopholes that infest this 6-year old Nanny State program. For starters, diesel vehicles are exempt, as are many - if not most - older cars. That leaves the newer rides, all of which seem surmount this Nanny State smog test hurdle quite easily. The 2005 results give you the big picture on this Nanny State fun: of the 96,865 vehicles tested, 92,689 passed and a meager 3,309 failed. Big, big fun.

Since this scheme didn't clean up the air in Northern Kentucky, it will be shut down in 45 days. This decision forces the state hacks to go back to the drawing board and try to find some other way to satisfy the smog-obsessed feds. Until the state - aided and abetted by the feds, no doubt - dreams up some new way to torture Bluegrass State drivers, PIG strongly suggests that they drop by the nearest adult beverage emporium to celebrate this stunning Nanny State defeat.

Never On Sunday, Sporty
Source: Tennessean [09/22]

Two White House (Tennessee) political hacks are shocked, shocked I tell you, that certain sovereign individuals are thumbing their nose at Old Ka-Boom by playing league and tournament games in the municipal park on Sunday morning. Supported by Alderman Mike Arnold, White House Alderman Darrell Leftwich asked the city administrator to draft laws that banned these unholy activities on 'the lords day'.

"I am concerned that we are not sending the right message to the community by having tournaments and league play during worship hours. God our Father intended the seventh day to be one of rest and worship. At my church, several people brought up the tournament. In their opinion and mine, I feel like we should establish new hours for our parks." (Alderman Leftwich as quoted in the Tennessean)

Darrell needs to chill and remember that those denizens who are using the municipal park on Sunday morning paid for the damn thing with their taxes. They are engaged in a legal activity in a park that was financed with their stolen tax dollars. Furthermore, Darrell, even a pagan scribbler like me knows that Old Ka-Boom is quite capable of making his feelings known. Butt out, Darrell and let these sovereign individuals enjoy their Sunday morning games without your asinine blithering.

Seattle's Strip Club Rules
Source: Seattle Times [09/22]

Spouting whoppers about the city's strip clubs being hotbeds of prostitution and drug use, Seattle's City Council drew up strict new rules of engagement for the city's booty parlors. One rule that drew an instant howl of protest from the strippers is a gem that mandates a four foot separation between the dancers and the patrons. Other rules ban customers from handing money directly to the dancers, brighter lighting, plus a "code of conduct" that must be posted in all public areas. In other words, you can have your strip club, but you'll be hard pressed to make it profitable.

The canard about hookers and drug dealers is straight out of the Twilight Zone, since, of the 190 arrests made inside clubs 'in recent years' none involved prostitution or drugs. These rules are crafted with one object in mind: drive strip clubs out of business. No matter what you think about stripping/strippers, this crap is a blatant infringement of a business owners property rights.

More Nanny State Lunacy
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [09/20]

The Nanny State Nitwits in the National Transportation Safety Board think everything would be just peachy if the feds could find some way to coerce all 50 states into making it a crime for a teenager to drive while talking on a cell phone. For those who care, here are a few other goodies they really, really, want done, stat:

Impose new, more Draconian child safety requirements for tykes who travel in the family ride.

Impose mandatory seatbelt laws from sea to shining sea.

Make hormone gorillas and other "youth" take highway safety seriously.

Eradicate drunk driving.

Make boaters shape up by piling on more boating safety laws.

Are all these things desirable? More or less. Are they legitimate government functions? Nope.

Senator John Kyl, Self-Appointed Nanny
Source: Reuters [09/15]

Senator John Kyl is a man with a mission, a mission that will save you - wether you like it or not - from that dastardly cyberspace plague: internet gambling. The news nitwits at Reuters don't explain why Senator Kyl has a wild hair up his butt about internet gambling, but you don't need Nostradamus to predict that it's one of two things. Either Kyl is upset that the feds don't get their cut of the take. Or, he's just another Elephant Clan Nanny State cretin who is so goddamn full of himself that he believes he is better equipped to conduct our lives than we are.

For those who obsess on such things, here are the Cliff Notes on the internet gambling ban this senatorial asshat tried to sneak into the annual spending bill:

'...Kyl said his legislation would require banks and credit card companies to block payments to online Internet gambling sites...' (Reuters)

The good news is that, for now, Kyl's blatant infringement of my inalienable individual liberty failed. The bad news is that he'll keep trying until he succeeds. If internet gambling is, in this bastard's opinion, Amerika's biggest problem, he's got no goddamn business being a United States Senator. The rational adults in Arizona should nuke this scumbag, right damn now!

Bonkers in The Bay State
Source: Boston Globe [09/14]

The Massachusetts' state legislature is mulling Legicrap that would make not scraping the snow and ice off your ride a state crime punishable by a $500 fine and/or a 6 month jail term. In the name of public safety, you gotta scrape off that snow or the Nanny State will give you a sound thrashing. Big, big fun.

For those who need to wallow in the sheer lunacy of this proposed edict, PIG News offers the following tidbit:

'...If the bill passes, Massachusetts could become the first state to require motorists to scrape their vehicles clear of snow and ice before they drive. Melissa Savage, a transportation policy analyst for the National Conference of State Legislatures in Denver, said her group's research did not find a mandatory scraping law in any state...' (Globe)

Boldly going where rational adults fear to tread? You better believe it, Nanny State on steroids Sparky.

The "A" Word
Source: Washington Times [09/14]

According to Washington Times reporter Stephen Dinan, the most dreaded word on capitol hill is "amnesty". He reports that our elected tormentors are treating this word like its toxic. As proof he offers the following examples:

Our reigning Oval Office denizen served up this prose last month: "Now I've heard all kinds of talk about amnesty. I'm against amnesty. I think amnesty would be a mistake." Allowing border jumping scumbags to stay and, eventually become citizens isn't "amnesty", he insists. It's a "guest worker program".

The McCain-Kennedy bill isn't "amnesty" either, according to Bay State's bloated Senatorial Gas Bag. It's an "earned legalization" scheme.

Karl "King Kool-Aid" Rove insists that W's plan isn't an amnesty because border jumpers who are rendered, instantly, street legal might be forced to pay a fine.

Senator John Cornyn huffed and puffed big time, over the dreaded "A" word: "For some, you would think amnesty is in the eye of the beholder because there are some critics who have nothing constructive to offer who criticize every proposal as amnesty or amnesty light." His scheme allows border jumpers already here to stay at least 5 years, but that's not an "amnesty", it's "immigration reform".

PIG News has a hot flash for these "amnesty" phobic dweebs: Any scheme that doesn't automatically kick border jumpers out of our country is an amnesty. The time has come to fire every goddamn one of these fools. This is not a drill!

When In Doubt, Tax, Tax, Tax
Source: Reuters [09/07]

If you torture yourself with the cable television train wreck called C-SPAN, you've seen the Legicrat chest beating over the "excessive" profits the oil companies are raking in, thanks, in part to Hurricane Katrina's impact on the gasoline supply. One Donkey Clan hack - they all look and sound alike to us - wants to impose a hefty tax on those oil company profits so they can be redistributed to the great unwashed. The fetid notion would tax 50% of all the oil profits raked in above $40 per barrel. If you don't smell a fat greedy, redistribution of wealth rat, you're in a coma.

Is oil more expensive than we want or need? Yup? Are the oil companies raking it in? Yup. Is this a "public policy issue" that requires a catastrophic Nanny State solution? Not necessarily. The Legicrats are partly to blame for such supply restricting antics as: making it impossible to build new refineries; blocking any/all attempts by the oil companies to drill for oil off the left coast and in Alaska; imposing countless taxes, fees and assessments on oil from the wellhead to the gas pump. The only way the great Amerikan Nanny State can help lower oil prices is to get its bloated bureaucratic butt out of the way, and let the marketplace do what it does best, fill a pressing consumer need by increasing the supply and lowering prices.

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Mural, Mural On The Wall
Source: Des Moines Register [08/31]

The zoning department pinheads who make rational adults in Des Moines (Iowa) miserable took one look at the Meredith Middle School's outdoor mural and immediately, went Nanny State nitwit bonkers by black flagging it. And what, you ask, is on this mural that so outraged these pinheads? As usual, I'm all over it:

'...The mural outside the school, 4827 Madison Ave., shows children painting, playing soccer, reading and working with science projects...' (Des Moines Register)

The fly in the ointment - aside from bureaucratic stupidity on a galactic scale - is the fun fact that this work of art, includes the school's name. If it has a name, the zoning pinheads blither, it's a sign and as such, it's zoning uncool. Don't these job for life, taxpayer funded parasites have anything better to do? Apparently not, so maybe it's time for Des Moines' rational adults dump the city's zoning laws like a bad habit.

Afterthoughts:
This kind of bureaucratic stupidity on steroids gets on my last raw nerve. Do me a favor, PIGsters...If you live in or near Des Moines, pay a visit to the Des Moines zoning department and bitch-slap some sense into every damn one of these pinheads.

Today's "Well, Duh" Federal Study
Source: Seattle Times [08/27]

The National Institute for Child Health and Human Development spent your hard-earned tax dollars on a study on the impact hormone gorilla passengers have on a teenage male driver. As Well, Duh moments go, this one is in the running for the Well, Duh hall of fame. Did they really need a federally funded study to tell them that teenage dudes are more likely to be a hazard to highway navigation when they're riding the highways and byways with their teenage dude homeboys? Apparently.

For those of you who obsess on such trivia, here are the stop the presses findings:

Nearly 25% of teenage dudes with teenage dude passengers played lead foot - at least 15 mph over a 40 mph limit

Only 10% of teenage dude drivers played lead foot when driving alone.

Teenage dudes with teenage dude passengers were more likely to tailgate - leave less than a car length between their ride and the one in front of them.

Of the teenage dudes who drove recklessly, 22% had teenage dude passengers, 10% had female passengers.

Are we all thrilled spitless that your government spent your stolen tax money on this drivel? You better believe it, Well, Duh Sparky.

Nanny State Lunacy in Tennessee
Source: Washington Times [08/27]

"Skoal Ring" Defined: the mark certain smokeless tobacco cans make in the user's blue jeans pocket.

The Volunteer State's Attorney General black flagged part of country music wench Gretchen Wilson's performance because, according to this political hack pinhead, it violates the 1998 tobacco settlement. Confused? Fear not, PIGsters, I've got it covered:

'....[Attorney General Paul Summers] had asked Gretchen Wilson not to pull out a can of smokeless tobacco during performances of her new song "Skoal Ring" because it glamorized tobacco use. A warning letter said the routine might violate the 1998 tobacco settlement, which forbids tobacco ads targeting young people...' (Washington Times)

This just in! Nanny State lunacy is running amok in Tennessee. If a song extolling smokeless tobacco is the as bad as it gets in Tennessee, this shyster meathead should do the right thing and put the state out of his misery by shooting himself. Don't make me send Spike the Wonder Tyke after you, dude. Trust me, you don't want to go there.

Hawaii Caps Gas Prices
Source: AP [08/24]

This week, the Aloha State's Public Utilities Commission imposed a "not to exceed" $2.16 per gallon cap on the wholesale price of petrol that takes force next week. When you pile on the 59 cents in gas taxes, that puts the wholesale tab at $2.74 per gallon, and that's before the station owners exact their pound of flesh. If you're not thinking 'gas shortage', you're in a coma.

Hawaii's Governor, Linda Lingle, insists that she'll keep a close eye on the gas supply and will take the necessary actions if and/or when the law of unintended consequences makes her life thrilling. Although she worries that, some-damn-how, her price controls will end up costing consumers or creating gas shortages, she didn't take the obvious step, one well within her power: reduce or eliminate her state's gas tax.

PIG News detects a reality check headed Governor Lingle's way. What reality check, you ask? For starters, why would a gasoline wholesaler ship petrol to Hawaii if he, she, heshe or it is forced to sell it below its legitimate, marketplace-dictated price? If you live in the Aloha State, take a hint from us and invest in a bicycle. You heard it here, first.

New Hampshire Panty-Twister
Source: PIG News Wire [08/20]

Rye, New Hampshire officials are thisclose to responding to citizen complaints about naked toddlers splashing in the surf with a full blown investigation that could result in a report to the state's child protection Nazis. The following quote tells you all you need to know about Rye's men in blue:

"If called to an incident, we will get the information to report to (the Department of Children, Youth and Families). It may border on neglect." (Rye Police Chief Alan Gould as quoted by the Nashua Telegraph)

The father of the tyke to set off this naked toddler ruckus demonstrated that there's at least one rational adult left in Rye:

"Have we really gotten to the point in this country where people are so afraid of each other and so ashamed of their own bodies that they can’t let a 3-year-old run around naked without freaking out?"

If diaper commandos romping on the beach naked is as bad as it gets in Rye, life is good and Chief Gould should chill out and get over himself.

The Down and Dirty on Border Jumping Scumbags
Source: Washington Times [08/18]

In his well-written Washington Times commentary, Alfred Tella makes numerous telling points about the border jumping scumbag invasion's impact on Amerika. For starters he contrasts the difference between skilled and unskilled immigrants:

Skilled immigrant workers:

Take certain hard to fill jobs for which native workers aren't available.
These skilled workers make the nation's income levels rise.
Skilled workers use a company's capital resources efficiently, raising the firm's output.
Skilled workers pay more in taxes than they get in public benefits.
These skilled workers are an asset to the nation's economy.

Unskilled immigrant workers:

Increase unemployment levels among Amerikan citizens and legal denizens.
Damage the Amerikan economy by sending large chunks of their earnings to their native country.
Consume a lot more public benefits than they contribute in taxes, thus forcing Amerikan taxpayers to finance their health, welfare and educrap needs.
Many work off the books and pay no taxes at all.

Finally, Mr. Tella makes this point about the negative impact a large pool of unskilled labor has on technological development in certain border jumping scumbag loving, cheapskate companies:

'...The negative effect of low-skilled labor on technological development is particularly worrisome. Technology-induced productivity growth in many ways is our golden goose. It boosts our incomes, lowers prices, fights inflation, helps keep interest rates low, gives us greater leisure, and raises our standard of living. What hurts productivity hurts us all. All told, the economic costs of low-skilled immigration are too high...' (Times)

The time to make Amerika's brain-dead, border jumping scumbag coddling, political hacks do something to fight this border jumping scumbag invasion is now. The time to punish cheapskate, treasonous, companies that willingly, eagerly, knowingly, hire border jumping scumbags is now. If we don't wake the hell up and deal with this issue, TODAY, Amerika will devolve into a third world cess-pool like Mexico.

Mexico's border jumping scumbag antics are an act of WAR. It's about time Uncle Sam showed these sombrero stomping pissants what the most powerful military machine in the world can do when some south of the border asshats screw with us.

Donkey Clan Tests Elephant Clan's Right Flank
Source: Pagen Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [08/15]

Last Friday, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson dipped his toe into the turbulent political waters surrounding the border jumping scumbag invasion, when he declared a security emergency along his state's border with the Mexican state of Chihuahua. By making a move steeped in presidential politics, presumed Oval Office aspirant Richardson is, among other things, trying to outflank the Elephant Clan on its right flank by appearing to be tough on immigration. The Governor's prior immigration-related antics are, at best, mixed, so it's accurate to state that he talks tough, in public, but his actions are much more Colonista friendly.

The success or failure of Governor Richardson's march to the right still hangs in the balance, but the initial reactions from south of the border are, all things considered, predictable:

"Security along the border is a shared responsibility that requires cooperation and immediate response from both governments. The Mexican government does not share the views of Governor Richardson." (Vicente Fox's, Mexican spokesdolt, Ruben Aguilar)

[PIGish response: The on-going border jumping scumbag invasion is aided and abetted by a "cooperative" Amerikan president who rolls out a red carpet for the invaders and a Mexican president who's "immediate response" is to shove as many invaders into Amerika as he can, as quickly as he can.]

Mexico's Foreign Ministry blithered that Governor Richardson's "security emergency" is riddled with "generalizations that do not correspond to a spirit of cooperation and understanding that required to resolve common problems along the border".

[PIGish reponse: I've got your "spirit of cooperation and understanding" right here, Chico! Your pissant country is flooding Amerika with chronically-needy, disease ridden, allegedly human parasites and we're supposed to step out of the way and let them? Which part of BITE ME, don't you understand, Pancho?]

Governor Richardson's politically-motivated "I'm getting tough on the border jumping scumbag invasion" ploy is probably nothing more than public relations, but that's not all bad. Maybe, if enough Donkey Clan hacks join Governor Richardson on his foray around the Elephant Clan's exposed right flank, it might make Vicente W. Bush's homeboys in congress wake the hell up and do something meaningful to secure our borders. If that's the only tangible result from Governor Richardson's posturing, this pagan scribbler with stand up and salute it. Someone, somebody needs to shock the pachyderm punks out of the Colonista coddling lethargy.

WAKE THE HELL UP, PACHYDERM PUNKS!

Piling On
Source: PIG News Wire [08/15]

Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano borrowed a page from New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson's political playbook when she declared a state of border jumping scumbag invader-related emergency in four Arizona counties that border on Mexico. If you live in Cochise, Pima, Santa Cruz or Yuma county, your worries are, allegedly, over: your governor just woke up to the fact that you're drowning in a border jumping scumbag tidal wave.

Thanks to Governor Napolitano's "better late than never when I'm up for re-election" antics, the four aforementioned counties are eligible to use up to $1,300,000 in state emergency relief money to pay for 'overtime pay for law enforcement officers, repairs of border fences, costs relating to illegal immigrant deaths' (AP), plus assorted other obscenities perpetrated by the border jumping scumbag invaders.

With two Donkey Clan Governor's testing his right flank, will Vicente W. Bush finally do something to secure our borders? Don't hold your breath, "secure our goddamn borders right now" Sparky

W Emerilizes The Amerikan Nanny State, Again
Source: Lexington Herald-Leader (Kentucky) [08/13]

W just inked a Nanny State edict that set up electronic snooping into your prescriptions in all 50 states in this land of the not so free. If you asked W, he'd assure you that this Nanny State intrusion into your medicinal needs is for your own good, since it will allow kindly Uncle Sam to stop you from doing a Limbaugh by going "doctor shopping".

If you're not checked out on doctor shopping, I've got it covered. "Doctor shopping", as I understand it, involves an individual who is addicted to prescription pain medication going to multiple doctors for the same problem. Armed with multiple prescriptions, the doctor shopper gets all the happy pills he, she, heshe or it needs. Is this practice a problem? Yes, for the doctor shopper, but his addiction is none of the Nanny State's damn business.

File this epic under "Big Brother is watching" in your PIG News archives.

DUI Law Shot Down in Theocratica
Source: Richmond Times-Dispatch [08/12]

A Fairfax County (Virginia) judge ruled that Theocratica's (the state formerly known as Virginia) drunk-driving laws are unconstitutional because they violate an individual's presumption of innocence by decreeing that anyone with a blood-alcohol level at or above 0.08 is intoxicated. Judge Ian O'Flaherty's ruling is based on a 1985 U.S. Supreme Court ruling called "Francis v. Franklin". In case they ask at the trial, this high court edict deals with 'a prosecutor's obligation to prove all elements of a crime beyond a reasonable doubt' (Times-Dispatch).

The Times-Dispatch served up this tasty tidbit:

'...Prosecutors are now taking steps to avoid O'Flaherty on all drunken-driving cases, withdrawing cases assigned to him and instead obtaining indictments that send the cases directly to Circuit Court. Prosecutors cannot appeal cases dismissed by a district court judge, but could appeal if a circuit judge makes a similar ruling...'

Although not binding, nor automatically applicable to other states, this ruling has 'legs', since, depending on the way a given state's DUI law is written, the same defense could be employed. Additionally, the defense shyster in this case noted that 'a person's blood-alcohol level can fluctuate up or down, depending on when a person had their last drink and how their body metabolizes alcohol' (Times-Dispatch). That means that the blood-alcohol level at the time the differently-sober driver is tested, might be higher or lower than it was when he, she, heshe or it got pulled over.

Did differently-sober drivers just catch a break? You better believe it, soused to the gills Sparky. Is this good news for the drivers doomed to share the highways and byways with them? Nope, so be very careful out there, PIGsters.

North Carolina Town Bans Fun
Source: WRAL (Raleigh) [08/11]

When one Pinehurst (North Carolina) denizen kept nagging the city about a neighbor's late night basketball games, the city's hacks when Nanny State Nitwit bonkers with a Draconian, "roll up the streets after sunset" edict. A new town ordinance imposes a $50 fine on anyone engaged in recreational activity after 8:30pm that can be heard by a neighbor. That's the summer time rule. In winter, this asinine edict kicks in at 7:00pm. Holy overkill, Batman!

According to this Southern Fried public airwaves pit stop, Pinehurst denizens are mad as hell. They're perpetrating meetings where they mull how to make the village leaders repeal this edict. If that's the plan, they can save themselves a lot of angst and hard work, because the answer is simple: fire the Nanny State Nitwits, right damn now!

Criminalizing Hormone Gorilla Horseplay
Source: Mail Tribune [08/07]

A 15-year-old Gold Hill (Oregon) hormone gorilla named David Thumler became public enemy number one when he inflicted a "titty twister" on a 13-year-old hormone gorilla named Matthew Cox while they stood in line at a local deli. The alleged 'victim' of this horrendous "assault", Matt, initiated the incident when he 'jokingly made an embarrassing remark to the female clerk about David'. That's when David inflicted the "titty twister", and the rest as they say is history.

Matthew whined to his mommy...His mommy whined to the local authorities about an "older, bigger bully" - David - assaulting her baby boy. According to the juvenile justice pinheads in Jackson County (Oregon), David's antics constitute "physical harassment". And what, you ask do they define as physical harassment in Jackson County? As usual, I'm all over it:

'...Oregon law defines physical harassment as "offensive physical touching." That includes such adolescent antics as "wet-willies," "wedgies," "swirlies," "noogies" and all other forms of "Three Stooges" behavior...' (Mail Tribune)

David's penalty for his hormone gorilla adventure includes: a $67 fine, three days of community service and misdemeanor physical harassment conviction on his permanent record. His victim's penalty is much more severe: a well-earned reputation for being a whining, candy-ass mama's boy. Grow a spine, Matthew...Grow a goddamn spine.

Self-Serve Gas Banned in Pennsylvania Town
Source: Sacramento Bee [08/06]

Three decades ago, after a motorist overfilled his ride's gas tank and sent 50 gallons of petrol into the storm drains, the bright bulbs running Mount Pleasant (Pennsylvania) rammed through an edict that bans self-serve gas throughout the borough. That's why, if you pull into a Mount Pleasant pit stop, an attendant will dog your steps and - according to this 30-year-old edict - stay within 15 feet of the pump you're using. Bold new concept.

A Pennsylvania legicrat is so inspired by this Mount Pleasant edict that he wants to pass a bill that would require all pit stops in the state to offer full service gasoline for those motorists who are too stupid to get 'er done on their own. This legicrat clown needs to butt out and let the marketplace settle this matter. If enough motorists demand self-serve gas, the stations will provide it. How many times to I need to explain this stuff?

The Case of the Nadless Numbskull
Source: Bangor Daily News (Maine) [08/04]

An alleged male named Michael Lufkin who toils as a male nurse got fed up with the way his female cohorts treated him, so he pranced his sorry butt to the feds and filed a sexual harassment complaint, accusing the wenches of gender bias. Since it's highly unlikely that these dastardly sexual harassers have sufficiently deep pockets, our hero is also suing his former employer, the Eastern Maine Medical Center (EMMC), for 'violating the Main human Rights Act, the Civil Rights Act, and the Family and Medical Leave Act' (Daily News).

According to the Bangor Daily News Lufkin was:

Told to shut up by female co-workers and supervisors when he tried to offer an opinion.
Subjected to or threatened with acts of physical humiliation or aggressiveness by co-workers.
Given verbal and written warnings for alleged performance-related issues as retaliation for workplace complaints.
Denied advancement and career opportunities in ICU even though female co-workers were offered positions.
Threatened with discipline although he had been granted a leave of absence.

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. PIG News offers the following timely advice to this nadless whiner: Grow a pair, "they're picking on me" Sparky.

Talibanma Limits Eminent Domain
Source: Washington Times [08/04]

Talibanma (the state formerly known as Alabama) Governor Bob Riley limited eminent domain takings in the "Heart of Dixie" when he signed a bill that sailed through the state legislature by a unanimous vote. According to this D. C. fishwrap, the bill prohibits 'governments from using their eminent-domain authority to take privately-owned properties for the purpose of turning them over to retail, industrial or residential developers'. If, like me, you think this sounds too good to be true, you're right...there is a loophole big enough to drive a fleet of bulldozers through:

'...Although the Alabama law that the governor signed yesterday would prohibit such eminent-domain seizures, it contains an exception that would permit takeovers of blighted properties that could be turned over to private interests -- a provision that critics call a loophole for future abuses...' (Washington Times)

"Alabama's blight law is particularly prone to abuse and must be reformed. If legislators close the blight loophole, Alabama will be one of the best states in the country for protecting the rights of home and small business owners." (Dana Berliner, a senior shyster at the Institute for Justice)

Bait and switch is alive and well in the Heart of Dixie. The political hacks, accompanied by a deafening public fanfare, "protect" Talibanma denizen's property rights, sort of, but keep those developer campaign donations rolling into their coffers with this "unless it's blighted" fine print. As expected, Governor Riley's spokeshole vows that his man will close this loophole, but PIG News suggests that you refrain from holding your breath.

Afterthoughts:
This Washington Times item contained the following tidbits about eminent-domain related actions elsewhere in Amerika:

'...legislation to ban or restrict the use of eminent domain for private development has been introduced in 16 states: California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Illinois, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Tennessee and Texas.

Legislators have announced plans to introduce eminent-domain bills in seven more states: Alaska, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Ohio, South Dakota, South Carolina and Wisconsin, and lawmakers in Colorado, Georgia and Virginia plan to act on previously introduced bills.

In addition, public support is being sought for state constitutional prohibitions in several states -- Alabama, California, Florida, Michigan, New Jersey and Texas...'

If your state isn't listed, PIG News says, get off the couch, Sparky and start hounding your elected tormentor about eminent-domain.

Pork-Bloated Transportation Bill Passes
Source: Washington Times [08/02]

The Elephant Clan continued its devolution into a virtual clone of the free spending Donkey Clan this week, when the Elephant Clan controlled congress passed a Transportation Bill that's so stuffed with pork it sprouted a curly tail then emitted a deafening 'oink'. Depending on whose numbers you believe, this bloated, pork-intensive legicrap included a whopping 6,317 slices of bacon that ring up a record-setting $24,000,000,000 in stolen tax dollars.

Here are a couple pork barrel tidbits cited by this Washington Times piece:

'$200,000 for a deer avoidance system in Weedsport, N.Y.'
'$480,000 to rehabilitate a historic warehouse on the Erie Canal'
'$3 million for dust control mitigation on Arkansas rural roads'
'$2.3 million for landscaping on the Ronald Reagan Freeway in California'
$231 million for an Alaskan "bridge to nowhere"

If this is the Elephant Clan's notion of fiscal frugality, I don't even want to think what they consider 'big spending'. This is what happens when you punch a chad for a political clan whose campaign slogan is: "We suck, but they're worse."

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Southern Fried Nanny State Lunacy
Source: The Shreveport Times (Louisiana) [07/29]

A Shreveport (Louisiana) denizen named McKinley Lewis did a header into a little known, and randomly enforced, city and state law that 'prohibits the use of vehicle horns in nonemergency situations other than parades, tours and other special events' (Times). Our hero discovered this law when, at 4:30pm he honked his horn, twice in a public parking lot, to let his brother know he'd arrived.

The bad news for Louisiana denizens is that tooting your ride's horn can cost you a $108 fine. The good news is that your state just res