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Roadside Memorial Whiz-A-Thon
Source: PIG News Wire [11/07/08]

If you drive along a Utah highway or byway, you might spot a cross by the roadside. Is this some dastardly plot by Cross Cultist to give atheists, and/or differently-Christian motorists, heartburn? Nope. It’s a memorial erected by the friends and family members of a Utah Highway Patrol officer, who died in the line of duty.

To this pagan scribbler, the crosses memorializing fallen police officers are strictly, no harm, no foul. Unhappily, a group of hypersensitive whiners, America Atheists, don’t see it that way. They are embroiled in a pitched court battle to have the crosses removed.

American Atheists Inc. filed suit against the Utah Highway Patrol and Utah Transportation Department in 2005. In 2006, the court allowed the Utah Highway Patrol Association to intervene in the case to defend the memorials. UHPA is represented by ADF attorneys, ADF-allied attorney Frank Mylar and the National Legal Foundation.

A district court judge in 2007 ruled against the atheists, finding no state or federal constitutional violations. He ruled that no public money or property was used to support the memorial cross program, but atheists, dissatisfied, appealed.

The district court ruling said, "It is not the place of law or government, using Establishment Clause jurisprudence, to exhibit hostility toward religion." (World Net Daily)

Unwilling to take a hint, American Atheists have appealed the case and are ready to do legal battle in the 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. I’m guessing that something as simple as ‘shut up, sit down, get over it’ is beyond their comprehension.

Parting shot: If roadside crosses are all it takes to put your panties in a painful wad, the problem isn’t ‘religion in the public square’, it’s YOU, life is good so get on with it Sparky.

A Double Dose of Holy Roller Fun
Source: PIG News Wire [10/31/08]

Bold New Concept
Basking in the wenchlet tyke’s powerful, spiritual aura, John Thattungal felt the unmistakable tug of a fatherly affection for the girl. Unwilling to let her languish in fatherless solitude, John moved heaven and earth to adopt the wayward waif. No harm, no foul. Not exactly.

John’s employers were far from amused by their employee’s antics and suspended him. Confused? Don’t be. John Thattungal is a Roman Catholic Bishop from southern India. The spiritually uplifting - we suspect she’s equally uplifting in physical matters, too - waif John adopted is 26 years old.

Bishop John Thattungal, 58, will be barred from performing any religious or administrative duties until a formal inquiry into his conduct is completed, said the Rev. Stephen Alathara, a spokesman for the Kerala Catholic Bishops' Council, in a telephone interview from the southern Indian city of Kochi.

Alathara said the bishop's adoption of the woman earlier this year had upset other priests in the Kochi diocese. "The majority of the priests were unhappy and asked for his resignation," he said, adding that the Vatican ordered the suspension on Thursday. (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

Here in the Free State of PIG we dare to ask the tough questions: how could the parishioners hear themselves think, with all that clanging from Bishop John’s Jupiter-size brass nads? Enquiring minds want to know.

Parting shot: Adopting a 26 year old? Bishop John has some positively PIGish moves. We are, as expected, very amused.

Turning The Other Cheek, Not An Option
For reasons I won’t explain, this headline - "‘Hour of Power’ Preacher Removed by Father" - made me laugh so hard, I shot coffee out my nose. Suffice it to say, I was amused, in the extreme.

For those of you who aren’t up to speed on your televised Tome wranglers, I’ll explain that the ‘father’ in this case is the ‘earthly’ one, not the ‘heavenly’ one addressed in the Lord’s Prayer. That’s right PIGsters, dad - Reverend Robert H. Schuller - got out ye old hook, and yanked baby boy - Reverend Robert A. Schuller - off his boob tube pulpit. Why? The reason given is annoyingly vague:

Schuller said in a statement read to some 450 congregants Saturday by church president Jim Coleman that he and his son, Robert A. Schuller, "have different ideas as to the direction and the vision for this ministry."

"For this lack of shared vision and the jeopardy in which this is placing this entire ministry, it has become necessary for Robert and me to part ways," Schuller said.

Robert A. Schuller will remain as senior pastor of the Crystal Cathedral, though it was unknown whether he will continue to preach, a church spokesman told the Los Angeles Times.(AP)

This is one case, where this pagan scribbler is dying to know all the devilish details. There is at least one devilish detail that’s etched in stone. There’ll be at least one less place setting needed at papa Schuller’s Thanksgiving dinner feast.

Parting shot: PIG News can’t confirm the rumors that the last on air quote by sonny boy was "Elevator, elevator, I got the shaft".

Occupational Hazard?
Source: The Local [10/20/08]

There are certain occupational hazards that go with any job, especially when you’re a Cross Cult padre in Sweden. The primary danger for a sin fighter is getting much too close to the enemy. Why? Because sin can be very tempting, especially the ‘minor’ ones, like surfing cyberspace porn sites.

The hero of our story - we’ll call him ‘Adam’, since he fell into sin - did much more than surf porn sites on the Toll Booth’s computer. He downloaded a nasty computer virus, which spread to the entire local network. That’s when his fall from grace reached terminal velocity. The computer gurus followed the electronic breadcrumbs all the way back to Adam, who did the honorable thing by resigning his post.

The last thing we heard, church officials were still trying to decide Adam’s fate. Will he be defrocked, or, like Jimmy Swaggert and Jim Bakker, will he confess his sins, be forgiven, and get back to work wrestling souls out of the devil’s evil clutches? We don’t know, but, based on the nature of the sin, we’re thinking some form of forgiveness is in the offing.

Holy Wars
Source: BBC [10/18/08]

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem is reputed to be one of the ‘most sacred places’ in Cross Cultdom. As such, you’d expect it to be a bastion of all the most noble Cross Cult virtues, the primary ones being tolerance and forgiveness. If you expect that, you’d be wrong.

Over the centuries, due to the number of denominations which staked a claim to it - Armenian, Greek Orthodox, Egyptian Coptic, Ethiopian Orthodox, and numerous others - this fabled Toll Booth has been subdivided by raging turf wars. For example, since the 1800s, a ladder has been lurking on a ledge over the main entrance. Why is it still there? Because these icons of tolerance and forgiveness can’t agree on which group has the right to remove it.

Recently, this turf war reached critical mass, when Israeli authorities inspected the Toll Booth and pinned a ‘could fall apart any minute now’ tag on a small monastery located on the Toll Booth’s roof. Were repair plans initiated immediately? Not exactly. The Ethiopian Orthodox denizens of the monastery have been in a huff, since they took up residence there 200 years ago. That’s when they got their panties in a wad, after the Egyptian Coptic killjoys evicted them from the main part of the church. As fun as that sounds, it gets better.

According to the Egyptians, the monastery belongs to them and the Ethiopians are there as their ‘guests’. That’s a good theory and might even be true, but, that hit a speed bump in 1970. One infamous midnight, while the Coptic monks were communing with Old Ka-Boom in the main Sepulchre church, those tricky Ethiopians, with the help of some Israeli cops, had the locks on the monastery changed. The Coptic crowd took the matter to court, and won, but it didn’t do them any good, because those tolerant and forgiving Ethiopians refuse to play along. ‘We’re here; we’re staying; get over it", sums up their attitude nicely. That’s why, no matter how unsafe their rooftop refuge gets, they’re not going to let anyone tinker with it.

Some Are More Equal Than Others
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [10/17/08]

If you need proof that Mecca Maniacs are, fundamentally, incapable for playing nicely with others, get over it. That pagan scribbler contention is being played out, at this very moment, in Malaysia. Apparently, the Chinese and Indian minority population isn’t thrilled spitless with their treatment by the Mecca Maniac majority. Making things doubly thrilling, these non Mecca Mania Malaysians are sounding off about the shabby treatment they’re getting.

This week, the powers in Malaysia issued a non-negotiable ‘back off, Infidel Sparky’. Among other things, this ‘influential council of Malaysia’s state rulers’ issued a warning, without naming the target of their warning shot. In it they declared that it was very uncool to ‘question the supremacy of Islam, or the special privileges enjoyed by the country’s ethnic Malay majority’.

Racial and religious tensions have increased in the past year as minorities have become more vocal in their complaints about an affirmative action program that they say unfairly favors Malays. They also complain that their religious rights are being ignored.

In an unprecedented comment on current affairs, the sultans of nine states did not directly accuse the Chinese and Indian minorities of stoking anti-Malay feelings, but said recent statements and forums "held by certain quarters" had "caused provocation and uneasiness among the people."

Questioning the special position of Malays "can lead to disunity and racial strife that can undermine the peace and harmony," the state rulers said in a statement. (Post-Intelligencer)

Affirmative action? In Malaysia? That’s a new one on me.

Thrilling InKorrectness
Source: Golden Oinks 2008 [10/10/08]

We’ll let you decide if a Brit Cross Cultist, Reverend Peter Mullen, deserves a ‘hero’ label. For a variety of reasons, I’m unwilling to go there. Before we get to his award winning antics, we’ll explain that he’s the chaplain of the London Stock Exchange. A very vigorous youngster of 66 years, Rev. Pete is also ‘rector of St Michael's Cornhill and St Sepulchre without Newgate in the City’ whatever the hell that means in American lingo. Suffice it to say, he’s a player in Brit supernaturalism.

I’m thrilled to report that Rev. Pete is a relentlessly fun guy. How fun? He landed in very hot water with an outburst of jaw-dropping political incorrectness, which leaves the Free State of PIG green with envy. Is this more Hambo hyperbole? You be the judge:

Mr Mullen, 66, wrote on his blog: 'It is time that religious believers began to recommend... discouragements of homosexual practices after the style of warnings on cigarette packets. 'Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.' (Daily Mail)

Rev. Pete, who thinks gay pride parades should be outlawed, thrilled his superiors in the Holy Roller foodchain, when he aimed his peerless prose at ‘the blessing of two gay priests at a 'wedding' which the Rev Martin Dudley performed at his church St Bartholomew the Great in the City’. A man with a Hambo-esque command of English, Rev Pete. made the entire PIG staff teary-eyed with this touching poem: 'The Bishop of London is in a high huff, Because Dr Dudley has married a puff; And not just one puff - he's married another: Two priests, two puffs and either to other.'

Is Rev. Pete a hero? Don't know, don't care. Is he thrillingly InKorrect? You better believe it, that's what got him here, Sparky.

A Man’s Home is His Toll Booth?
Source: Fox News [09/20/08]

We’ve all heard the old saying that ‘a man’s home is his castle’. A Huntingdon Township (Pennsylvania) couple, John and Kim Ondrik, seem to be putting their own spin on this venerable adage: ‘a man’s home is his church’. That’s right, PIGsters, Reverend John and his bride are in a pissing contest with the proper authorities about their home/church, The Church for Spiritual Humanism. Why? Among other things, this Toll Booth is, in reality, a swingers club, the ‘Swinger’s Palace’, which the couple has run from their home since the 1970s.

A township commissioner, Richard Gray, said it’s not the alleged church, or the slap and tickle that puts the Ondrik’s on the Elected Tormentor radar. It’s just a plain vanilla zoning violation - running a business in an area zoned as residential.

The Ondriks’ shyster swears that this ‘business’ designation is bogus. It’s just a misunderstanding. You see, church members aren’t charged to participate in the midnight masses. Perish the thought. They’re ‘giving a donation’, out of their devotion to their supernaturalism, before they enter the church.

The church ploy is a good one, and it could work, except for some of those devilish details:

‘...[The Swinger’s Palace] Web site, which was recently taken offline, showed that couples were charged an admission of $50 while single men had to pay $75. Single women could attend free of charge.

Self-described swinger "Dave" said he and his partner paid money to get into the club. "You didn't get in without paying money. If you didn't pay your money you were going back out the door. At first I was a little amused, but then when I saw him bring in religion and all the lies I saw him conjuring up, it pissed me off. There was no preaching. … There was no congregation. There was no gold dish being passed around. There was no pews, no pulpit, no nothing. It's not what was going on there." (Fox News)

Dave has finally ‘seen the light’ and is offering to testify against Reverend John and his church. Et tu, Dave?

Teachable Moments
Source: Shallow Pagan Scribbler Thoughts [09/19/08]

If America shares anything with the so-called ‘moderate’ Mecca Maniacs, it’s a pathological aversion to one of our biological perks: sexuality. Like Mecca Maniacs, our inherent Puritanical impulses make us try to banish sexuality, instead of seeking to master, then enjoy, it. Since we are, quite likely, unable to see how this plays out, here in the USA, it might be useful to see how others cope with sexuality, half way around the world.

Indonesia is, like so many places, a set of political boundaries, that encompass a wide variety of cultures. For good or ill, the political structure of Indonesia is dominated by puritanical Mecca Maniacs. That contention is demonstrated by an anti-pornography bill that is locked and loaded for passage. Egregiously broad, it would criminalize any/all public acts and material that could arouse sexual desires or is could violate "community morality".

That sound spiffy, for a Mecca Maniac dude, who is incapable of controlling his inherently human sexual impulses. There are, however, other cultures under the yoke of Indonesian oppression, which have a much healthier view of the human body, and human sexuality. Predominantly Hindu, Bali is a prime example. They, quite rightly, view the proposed law as a frontal assault on them, and their culture:

Protesters denounced the proposed law as too broad and a threat to local customs on the island, where naked temple statues proliferate and skimpily dressed foreign tourists unwind on famous beaches.

Demonstrators turned up to the rally in traditional clothes including semi-translucent temple blouses, saying such clothes could be deemed too suggestive if the law was passed.

"Balinese and other ethnic groups have a different view on what sexual or pornographic materials are," local intellectual Wayan Sayoga said.

"We can view nudity without being trapped by lust because we look at it from an aesthetical perspective," he said. (AFP)

The rational adults in Bali are worried, and I don’t blame them. They think the Mecca Maniac majority, in Jakarta, need to take a deep breath and remember Indonesia’s founding principles:

"The government should never forget that Indonesia is a country based on non-discrimination over race, religion and ethnicity," acitivist Luh Anggraeni said. "This porn bill is a serious threat to the country's unity since it disrespects the perspective of others on many things." (AFP)

Luh Anggraeni is probably right about the basis of Indonesia. That might carry some weight with a rational adult, but nobody ever called a Mecca Maniac political majority ‘rational’, unless it was the setup for a punch line. Whenever a nation’s founding principles, or constitution, gets in their way, Islamikazes do what they always do: destroy it and impose their "my way or the highway" brainfart in its place.

Countdown To Oblivion
Source: Times of London [09/09/08]

From time to time, some News Nitwits serve up a gem. This piece ‘Apocalypse now? 30 days when the world didn’t end’ is just such an item. It’s the kind of thing that ALMOST makes you forgive all those other, noxious, News Monkey excesses.

I won’t give you the whole list, but I will serve up some of my personal favorites:

2: 1st century AD: In Matthew 16:28 the following interesting quotation is ascribed to Jesus: "Verily I say unto you, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." The clear implication is that the final judgement would occur within the lifetimes of those present. The Book of Revelation too rather suggests an imminent rather than distant date for the last trump. "Behold I come quickly, and my reward is with me to reward every man according to his work." (Revelation: 22:12) These statements are the wellspring of more than 2,000 years of millennial Christian cults, as we will see below.

5: 1284: Pope Innocent III predicted the Second Coming for this year. He based his prediction on the date of the inception of the Muslim faith, and then added 666 years to that.

7: Feb 1, 1524. Panicked by predictions made by a group of London astrologers, some 20,000 people abandoned their homes and fled to high ground in anticipation of a second Great Flood that was predicted to start from the Thames. Proving that this was not just the error of a London-centric media, the German astrologer Johannes Stoeffler then made a similar prediction for later in the same month.

11: Dec 25, 1814: In Devon, a self-styled prophet named Joanna Southcott averred that she was the expectant mother of a new Christ-child to which she would give birth on Christmas Day 1814. That she was a virgin and well over 60 did not appear to weaken her faith that this would come to pass. She was at least correct that something momentous would occur on the fateful date: she died. Despite this disappointment, a large cult continued to believe in Southcott and, as late as 1927, a sealed box said to contain an important message left by Joanna was opened in the presence of the Bishop of Grantham. It contained a lottery ticket.

13: Aug 7, 1847. The leader of a small, largely forgotten German religious cult called the Harmonists, "Father" George Rapp was convinced that Jesus would return before his death. To his credit his faith in this event was unshakeable right up to the end of his life: "If I did not know that the dear Lord meant I should present you all to him, I should think my last moment come," he said. Only the latter assumption proved to be true.

14: 1874 : Memorable for being the first of a long line of dates posited for the End of the World by the Jehovah's Witnesses.

15: 1881 : Another estimated apocalypse by the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and also by pyramidologists who used the peculiar geometry of the Great Pyramid to extrapolate various world events using a form of numerology. The renowned 16th century seer Mother Shipton was also said to have predicted: “The world to an end shall come, in eighteen hundred and eighty one” That this verse was subsequently proven to be fraudulent did not deter the credulous few from engaging in the now fully-fledged custom known as millennial panic.

18: 1967 : A banner year for apocalypse: Jim Jones, Sun Myung Moon, and UFO contactee George van Tassel all independently arrived at the conclusion that the Summer of Love would be the end of us all.

25: 12:01am, Mar 31, 1998. One of the more precise predictions of the Second Coming. Hon-Ming Chen, leader of the Taiwanese cult "The True Way" - claimed that God would announce his imminent return on every television in the USA at this moment, prior to an actual landing in his spacecraft. Chen had the good grace to admit his mistake and offer to be crucified when the deity failed to materialise, but no-one seemed enthusiastic.

27: 2000: No less a luminary than Sir Isaac Newton believed that the year 2000 would see the events foretold in the Book of Revelation as detailed in his book Observations upon the Prophecies of Daniel, and the Apocalypse of St. John.
28: Feb 12, 2006: Clinton Ortiz claimed on his website that Prince William, whom he suggests is the Antichrist of Revelation, would come to power on this day. He also quotes William’s mother – Diana, Princess of Wales – as having said: "I believe Wills can rebuild Camelot and I will be his Merlin. Together we will return to the chivalry, pageantry, and the glory that was King Arthur's Court. William will remake the Monarchy by showing love, leadership, and compassion.

The next date with destiny is in late October, 2008, when the lab coat wearing hooligans at the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) fire up that bad boy and play chicken with a mico black hole. Stay tuned, PIGsters.

Islamification, Brit Style
Source: PIG News Wire [09/01/08]

Proudly ‘progressive’, the twerps running a wide spot on a Brit road in East London, Tower Hamlets, decided to take ‘inclusive’ to the next level by putting Mecca Maniacs in positions of authority. With Mecca Maniacs on board, they banned the term ‘Christmas Party’ and coddled the Mecca Maniacs by having the staff call the gathering ‘a festive meal’. Big fun, but there’s more to come.

Now, the jello-spined appeasers have kicked it up a notch:

‘...Non-Muslim members of a town's council have been informed by e-mail they need to follow the strict fasting requirements of Islam during Ramadan because their Muslim colleagues are...’

‘...[T]he e-mail instructions say drink and food should be restricted – for all council members no matter their religion – during Ramadan, and other accommodations are being made for Muslims.

Those accommodations include breaks right at sundown during several meetings so Muslims can eat immediately, and a reduction in the number of meetings so they "do not clash" with the Ramadan demands, according to the Daily Mail...’ (World Net Daily)

Proving that here and there, a functioning synapse can be found among loony lefties, at least one ‘progressive’ is resisting this latest bid to Islamify Tower Hamlets’ government:

Stephanie Eaton, leader of the Liberal Democrat faction, said she would be ignoring the restrictions, and continuing to eat food that traditionally has been provided to council members throughout their meetings.

"We fervently believe that the rules of any one religion should not be imposed upon others," she told the [Daily Mail]. "I was rather disconcerted to see that the arrangements put in place for Ramadan, which we support for Muslim colleagues, have been imposed upon on councilors."

"This sends out the wrong message to our community," she told the paper. "Our community consists of a huge number of different religions, all of which should be valued, and no one religion should be accorded more status or influence than others." (WND)

When it comes to Islamikazes, coddling them is a potentially fatal mistake. They aren’t interested in peaceful coexistence between different belief systems. They aren’t interested in exercising their own freedom. They want to coerce you, by any means necessary, into jettisoning your own liberty and enslaving yourself to a reeking theological stinker called Islam.

Warning! HE is Listening
Source: PIG News Wire [08/29/08]

True believers, invariably, cringe, when someone ‘swears to God’, that something is true. It is, true believers will say, sacrilegious. There’s another problem with swearing to God. What problem? The following item from the Shanghai Daily illustrates this inherent danger:

‘...[A] man, who was identified as Xu, had borrowed 500 yuan (US$73.21) from a close friend surnamed Huang three years ago. Xu, who lived in Fuqing City, Fujian Province, later forgot all about it, according to a news Web portal in Fujian.

But Huang remembered and complained before other friends that Xu had taken money from him.

On Tuesday, Huang took a wooden rod and rushed to Xu's home asking him to return the money. Xu too confronted Huang with an iron bar and stood his ground.

Huang then told Xu that he should swear before god that he was not in his debt. Xu lifted the iron bar over his head and said if he owed Huang money, the god would punish him. Just then he was struck by lightning...'

Xu - it must mean ‘Sparky’ in Chinese - will survive his experience, but he’ll swallow those fateful words, the next time. Why is it a bad idea to swear to God? Because HE is listening, and his sense of humor sucks.

Holy Roller Heartburn
Source: Daily Mail [08/17/08]

If you’ve never heard of a songbird named Katy Perry, join the club. The Daily Mail claims that this 23-year-old’s latest song, "I Kissed A Girl", is a runaway hit, but you can’t prove it by me. Katy isn’t exactly the new kid on the block, when it comes to music. She made her first attempt at songbird fame and glory, in 2001, as Katy Hudson, with an album of Christian songs. That effort made perfect sense to her parents, since both of them are ‘evangelical Christian preachers’, but, the effort was a flop.

Eventually, Katy was spotted by a Sanctuary City of Angels-based music producer, who steered her career in this new direction, under a new name. And what, you ask, do mom and dad think of Katy’s born again music career? Suffice it to say, they’re not thrilled spitless. The Daily Mail shares Mary Hudson’s views on her baby girl’s new music endeavor:

‘I hate the song. It clearly promotes homosexuality and its message is shameful and disgusting. Katy knows how I feel. We are a very outspoken family and she knows how disappointed her father and I are. I can’t even listen to that song. The first time I heard it I was in total shock. When it comes on the radio I bow my head and pray.’

Katy appears in the video for the hit in revealing lingerie and posing provocatively, surrounded by writhing models, as she sings ‘I kissed a girl and I liked it / The taste of her cherry chapstick’. Just over a week ago she leapt into the crowd at a gig and kissed a 16-year-old lesbian fan. But Mrs Hudson claims her daughter, who grew up singing in church, has been led astray by the music industry.

‘Katy is our daughter and we love her but we strongly disagree with how she is conducting herself at the moment. We cannot cut her out of our lives as she is our child but she knows we disagree strongly with what she is doing and the message she is promoting regarding homosexuality which the Bible clearly states is a sin. But the Bible also promotes understanding and forgiveness, which I keep reminding myself. Katy is not a homosexual but I fear she has been led astray by the Hollywood crowd. I pray all the time that God will work through her and help her find salvation.’

Of Katy’s outfits, her mother said: ‘Some are too revealing and her father has had words with her about it. Like any child she is going through a period of rebellion.’

It’s too bad the Daily Mail didn’t get any quotes from Katy’s dad, Keith Hudson. Billing himself as a "prophet/evangelist", Keith is a faith healer, who travels America and Europe waging war on sin. I have a feeling that his attitude about Katy's song would rock the pagan scribbler’s world.

We suspect that Katy is doing just fine, based on these choice, Katy, words: "Oh, Mum, I’m not going to turn into Amy Winehouse." If that doesn’t get ‘er done, there’s this bit about her parents and their attitude: "I stopped trying to change them at 21."

Sounding The Warning
Source: World Net Daily [08/09/08]

A Sunshine State organization is alarmed by the inroads that Islamikaze groups, and their ‘can’t we all get along’ fellow travelers at America’s Ivory towers, are making in the USA. They worry that America’s history of religious tolerance won’t let us see the danger that Islamikaze law, Sharia, poses to our inalienable liberty. Determined to do something, the Central Florida chapter of the United America Committee is taking steps to fulfill its stated mission of educating Americans about the dangers of Islamikaze extremism.

One method of spreading the word involves a six-month billboard campaign, that features a blunt, but accurate, message: Sharia law is hate.

"The UAC's goal in this project is to raise awareness because most people have no idea what Sharia law is," Alan Kornman, director of UAC's Central Florida branch, told WND. "We are confident people will see the billboard and learn on their own what Sharia law is and come to their own conclusions. At the very least, we hope our billboard will spark public debate on this overlooked issue."

The billboards will also include a link to UAC resources where people can learn more about Islam's Sharia law, a set of religious codes – both moral and legal; Sharia law recognizes no separation of church and state – that bind both Muslims and Islamic nations.

"Under Sharia law if you are accused of stealing, a hand and foot from opposite sides are amputated. If you are caught having an affair, the woman is stoned to death and the man is given 80 lashes. If you change religions, you can be charged under apostasy laws and given the death sentence by a legal Sharia court. If you want to marry a nine-year-old child, Sharia law condones pedophilia, because Mohammad married Aisha at six and consummated the marriage at age nine. I find these and many more practices of Sharia law despicable and hateful," said Kornman.

"If a person condones (the horrors of Sharia law enforcement), then living under our U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights is not possible," Kornman said. "The two systems will never be ideologically compatible."

"Sharia is the glue that holds an Islamic society together," Kornman told WND. "The harsh punishments associated with Sharia law in all facets of day-to-day life create a never-ending atmosphere of abject fear for those living under Sharia law."

"For those people calling me hateful, then they would have to condone child marriages, amputations for stealing and death for apostates to name only a few punishments attached to Sharia law. If my critics condone this type of activity under any circumstances, then it is they who are hateful towards anyone who is non-Muslim and should look into their own mirror before crying hate speech," he said. (WND)

In addition to the billboards, UAC will be broadcasting 30 minute programs on Sharia and related subjects over an Orlando boom box station in September. They will use this time - bought and paid for - to tell the things about Mecca Mania that the MSM refuses to discuss.

Is it just us, or do you see a major Islamikaze meltdown heading for Flori-DUH, too?

Tyson Foods Feels The Heat
Source: PIG News Wire [08/08/08]

By now, most of you are up to speed on Tyson Foods and its blatant Islamikaze coddling. For those clueless few, I’ll give you the essentials. During a recent round of union negotiations, Tyson Foods agreed to coddle the large number of Islamikazes in its Shelbyville (Tennessee) plant. How? Tyson Foods jettisoned Labor Day as a paid holiday and replaced with a Mecca Maniac holiday named Eid al-Fitr. Big, big, Islamikaze ass kissing fun!

When the blowback reached epic proportions, from sea-to-shining sea, Tyson Foods started to deploy excuses. First, they blamed it on the union which, they insisted, demanded it. When that didn’t work, they spewed drivel about the majority of the workforce - something like 60-65% - being Mecca Mania. They were likely to be a no show on this Mecca Maniac holiday, anyway, and that would hurt production at the plant. Unwilling to tolerate too many shutdown days, something had to give, so Labor Day got the axe.

None of this management hot air got the job done, and, smelling a loss of business from outraged American customers, Tyson took a baby step back from the brink. Labor Day has been reinstated as a paid holiday. This year, and only this year, Eid al-Fitr will be a paid holiday. For the rest of the new 5-year contract, there will be 8 paid company holidays, including Labor Day and a personal holiday. The personal holiday can be used for Eid al-Fitr, or any other day, with the requisite supervisor’s approval.

Parting shot: Somebody at Tyson Foods did the math and decided that the bad P.R. would cost them a lot more in lost business than giving their employees an extra day off.

Savior Schwing
Source: Daily Mail [07/26/08]

Despite the fact that the controversial, outrage-inducing, art exhibition at the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art ended in January 2008, the aftershocks are still shaking things up in Britain. Perpetrated by a Chinese-born artist named Terence Koh, the alleged works of art showed several familiar figures with their wang in firing position. In addition to Mickey Mouse and E.T., sporting ‘wood’, Koh reached for the brass ring with one very special exhibition of ‘wood’. The statue shows the Christian Savior dressed in his flowing floor-length robe, with one added bit of artistic intent: the Savior’s erection is pitching and impressive tent beneath his robe. No harm, no foul? You know better.

Despite signs warning of the exhibition’s explicit nature, the gallery, which opened in 2003 after a £35million grant from the Arts Council, received numerous complaints.

A private prosecution has now been launched and the first hearing in what could prove a landmark case has been set for September.

Legal documents claim that the gallery has both offended public decency and breached Section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986.

The maximum penalty for outraging public decency is six months’ imprisonment and a £5,000 fine.

The documents claim that the foot-high sculpture was ‘offensive and disgusting’ and ‘likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress to Christians and those of other faiths’.

Legal experts said yesterday that the hearing would be the first test of public decency legislation since the Government scrapped Britain’s ancient blasphemy laws in May. (Daily Mail)

This ‘how dare you’ whine was perpetrated by Emily Mapfuwa, who didn’t even go see the alleged artwork. She got her knickers knotted just reading about it in her local fishwrap. She does make one interesting point, when she opines that the Baltic gallery wouldn’t pull this kind of crap with the Jihadikaz prophet. Now THAT would be a memorable meltdown.

Parting shot: Alleged artist Koh is obsessed with what the Brits call Willies. In 2006, the Royal Academy yanked an alleged work of Koh art that showed the Virgin Mary sporting a wang, using a urinal. Is it just us, or does it sound like Terence Koh isn’t getting any and needs to get laid, STAT?

Uncle Sam Channels His Inner Islamikaze
Source: PIG News Wire [07/25/08]

According to certain job-for-line jackasses on Uncle Sam’s payroll, what America really needs is a LOT more Jihadikazes paying us a visit. Undaunted by the carnage caused by the last group of Jihadikaze tourists - September 11, 2001 - some of Uncle Sam’s minions are rolling out the official, Islamikazes Welcome, red carpet.

For all the thrilling facts, we’ll let World Net Daily do the heavy lifting:

This now available from the U.S. State Department: "2009 Mosques of America Wall Calendar: Limited Edition for Ramadan."

"Yep, you read that correctly. It's 'perfect for Muslim outreach efforts," according to a commentary at the Gates of Vienna blog. "Where's the ACLU on this one?"

The product was being advertised by "Global Publishing Solutions," a division of the U.S. State Department, until bloggers started talking about it. Officials then apparently hid the page behind the security of a password-protected wall. However, the page is still viewable in a Google cache of the website.

According to the Gates of Vienna, the government advertised:

In celebration of Ramadan, Global Publishing Solutions (GPS) is offering a limited edition of the 2009 Mosques in America Wall Calendar. This 12-month calendar is perfect for Muslim outreach efforts, as well as office and event giveaways.

The wall calendar features a vibrant photograph or photomontage for each month, displaying the beauty of mosques in America.

The upper half of the hanging calendar depicts mosque facades or interiors, and the lower half displays a monthly calendar grid. The 28-page calendar is saddle-stitched and measures 23 x 30 1/2 cm (9 x 12 inches)

This item is on sale until August 1st, 2008 in shrink-wrapped packs of 20 pieces.

"Remember," said the Internet commentator, "This was on an official State Department (state.gov) web page. GPS describes itself this way: 'The Global Publishing Solutions, manages this site as a gateway to information and transactions for their U.S. State Department clients."

Mosques of America? I wonder how loudly the lefty asshats and Islamikazes at CAIR would howl if Uncle Sam sold a ‘2009 Mega Churches of America Wall Calendar’? Would somebody please send a memo to the job-for-life retards in the U.S. State Department reminding them that ISLAM, and millions of its adherents, want to see this nation conceived in liberty destroyed? Inviting the enemy to pay us a visit? Even for the D.C. zip code of the Twilight Zone, that’s off the cliff stupid.

Holy Roller Heartburn Daily Double
Source: PIG News Wire [07/18/08]

The Missionary Position
Although he’s technically, still a member of the Mormon Church, Chris Hardy admits that he hasn’t been active in that flavor of supernaturalism since 2002. A former minion of Utah Jazz owner, Larry Miller, Chris has moved on to form his own entertainment company. And, what, you ask, does this have to do with the price of turnips in magic underwear land? Everything, and nothing.

For some reason - a good reason, since the damn thing sold 10,000 copies - Chris got a wild hair up his ass about a calendar featuring returned Mormon missionaries. By any standard, it’s pretty tame stuff, but just the idea of a missionary calendar is enough to give Mormon officials heartburn:

A lifetime member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Chad Hardy was summoned by letter to a Sunday meeting with a council of elders to discuss his "conduct unbecoming a member of the church."

A copy of the letter from Frank E. Davie, the senior leader over a group of Mormon congregations in the Las Vegas area, was provided to The Associated Press. It was sent early this week, days before the 2009 version of the "Men on a Mission" calendar went to press, Hardy said in a telephone interview.

A takeoff on calendars of firefighters and returned U.S. servicemen, Hardy's project debuted with a 2008 calendar featuring 12 returned church missionaries in mostly modest poses, minus their trademark white shirts, ties and black plastic name badges. (AZ Central)

Chris insists that his calendar is not a bitch-slap at the Mormons. By his own admission, he wanted to shake up Mormon officials, by dispelling the stereotype of stiff, stick up their butt, Mormons. The calendar images get that job done, but Chris tried to mitigate his ‘sin’, by including images of the missionaries in regulation missionary garb, too. Also, he includes biographical sketches, wherein each missionary talks about his beliefs. No harm, no foul? You bet, in this pagan scribbler’s opinion, but after the quality time I spent in Mormon ground zero, Utah, I don’t think Chris has a snowball’s chance in hell of selling that conclusion to church officials.

Stick a fork in yourself, Chris, because you are done. Fear not, Chris, the 2009 calendar, due for release in September, will rack up impressive sales, thanks to all this free publicity.

The New Rushdie?
"I've already had multiple death threats come in, and that's something that we're taking very seriously with the tour coming up." (Brad Thor, author of Amazon’s number 1 fiction offering, "The Last Patriot")

It’s a novel, but this fictional offering is giving Mecca Maniacs serious heartburn due to its contention that the Mecca Maniac holy book ‘contains errors and is not based on the last revelation of Muhammad’. World Net Daily serves up these nifty tidbits:

In the book, which is being called the "Islamic Da Vinci Code," Thor posits that Islamic scholars have engaged in a conspiracy to cover up missing parts of the Quran that allegedly reveal their prophet had a final moderate revelation that abrogates the violent passages of the Quran.

Thor, who has served as a member of the Department of Homeland Security's Analytic Red Cell Program, says his research confirmed that parchments and fragments of parchments of the Quran were uncovered at the Great Mosque in Sana'a, Yemen, in 1974.

"What they found when they started studying them was, uh-oh, there's stuff in here that doesn't look like the Quran today," he explained, "and we've gone around telling everybody that the Quran is perfect and now here are these discrepancies." (WND)

Despite the ‘you’re so dead, infidel’ blowback from Jihadikazes, Brad Thor isn’t backing down:

"I hear all the time about Islam being a religion of peace and I thought, wow, that's weird, there's so much violence in there," he explained in a recent interview with Beck. "And the more I study the Quran, the more I realize that it's unlike the Bible."

Thor notes that since 9/11, more than 11,000 deadly attacks have been committed by Muslims "in the name of Islam."

"We see these horrible things happen in Islam every day," he said, "and we don't even see mainstream Muslims standing up" to protest them. (WND)

Given WND’s breathless enthusiasm for this book, I feel compelled to put a few coins in Brad’s pocket by purchasing his novel. It’s the least I can do for a dude who is willing to, publically, spit in the eye of the Jihadikaze asshats.

Happy Landings
Source: Tasty Tidbits [07/11/08]

According to those who have ‘been there, done that’ it’s considered an enriching experience. Most of the time, this enrichment is ‘spiritual’ not monetary. Life is such a pain in the butt, that way. Like so many things, there are exceptions to every rule. A Tennessee dude, Matt Lincoln, is road testing that notion. Confused? Don’t be.

It happened a year ago, while Matt was busy whooping it up for the Lord in his preferred Toll Booth. According to Matt, he was so consumed by the spirit of Old Ka-Boom that it knocked him off his feet. As thrilling as that was, spiritually, it was a pain - literally - because Matt hit his head in the process. Big ouch! A pagan like me might invoke ‘no pain, no gain’.

A year - and two surgeries - later, Matt wants another form of enrichment from his Toll Booth. He wants $2.5 million in dead presidents for medical bills, lost income, pain and suffering. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to give Old Ka-Boom the shyster assault finger after all that spiritual enrichment. It’s like daring this notoriously short fused deity to ‘hit me with your best shot’. Trust me, Matt, you really don’t want to go there with Old Ka-Boom.

Ominous Portents?
Source: UPI [06/24/08]

According to "thousands of believers" in the Netherlands, the world is going to end in 2012. We thought we’d get you up to speed, in case you didn’t get copied on this world-ending memo. I know what you’re thinking, but this one can’t be blamed on the apocalyptic gold standard "Revelations". These chickens come home to roost at the empty cities of the Mayans whose calendar ends in 2012.

As fun as this sounds, it gets better, because these believers seemed to be a tad, uh, mixed up about what this end of the world means. Flying in the face of conventional wisdom, these Dutch believers are stocking up on provisions to tide them over until the day after the end of the world. In addition to emergency supplies and other gear, they are laying in a supply of life rafts. Apparently ‘Doomsday’ has a much less ominous meaning in Dutch. Learn something new every day.

The critical thinking behind this 'don’t bother with that 2013 swimsuit calendar' mindset is showcased in this true believer quote:

"You know, maybe it's really not that bad that the Netherlands will be destroyed," Petra Faile said. "I don't like it here anymore. Take immigration, for example. They keep letting people in. And then we have to build more houses, which makes the Netherlands even heavier. The country will sink even lower, which will make the flooding worse." (UPI)

I know what you’re thinking, maybe they’re on to something, Sparky. I’d hold off on laying in supplies for that momentous 2012 date with destiny. If, as seems likely, Messiah Barry seizes control of the Oval Office, your life, and this nation, will be well and truly screwed and flushed down the crapper long before 2012.

Parting shot: You’ve got to give the Mayans credit. Centuries before Messiah Barry was a gleam in George Soros’ eye, they could smell him coming. It can’t be an accident that their end of the world coincides with the year Messiah Barry comes up for re-election. Hmm...Does anyone in the PIG bunker know where I can get a life raft, some provisions, and enough ammo to keep Old Betsy well fed for a decade or two?

Culture Clash In Minnesota
Source: Minneapolis Star-Tribune [06/17/08]

For reasons I won’t try to understand, refugees from Somalia have been moving to Minnesota, in large numbers, since the mid to late 90s. Their former nomadic existence and low level of education are problematic, but not fatal, when it comes to assimilation. It’s their non-negotiable, Mecca Maniac, rules of engagement that has them doing headers into the dominant American society on a regular basis:

*Citing an Islamikaze aversion to mutts and booze, Somali taxi drivers, routinely, refuse to allow certain passengers in their cab.

* Somali checkout clerks won’t scan pork or alcohol at their checkstand.

* Mission Foods fired 5 Somali women who refused to forego their native garb, despite warnings that it was unsafe around the machinery. The women balked at the company mandated uniform - a shirt and pants - because it violated their supernaturalism.

* The 5 times a day prayer sessions are endlessly thrilling for capitalists trying to meet a production schedule. Adding to this joy is the fact that, depending on the time of year, the times for the prayers change, making a fixed break schedule a non-starter for devout Somali Islamikazes. In 2005, a circuit board manufacturer, Celestica, suspended, or fired, 16 Islamikaze workers for taking an unauthorized prayer break.

The bottom line on the Somalis is quite clear. They have no interest in assimilating. They have no interest in meeting America halfway. They want to force America to accept their Mecca Maniac rules and regulations. They want all this and more because, ultimately, they want to go back home to Somalia. When they get there, they want to arrive ‘unsullied’ by the Great Satan, America.

No matter how cheaply they work, there are some pools of unskilled labor which come at too high a price. The Somalis are a prime example. On balance, their sojourn in Minnesota has been one Islamikaze uproar after another. Enough already. Pack up your Imams, your Sharia law and your Islamikaze bull crap and stick them all where the sun don’t shine.

Devilish Mile High City Business
Source: Denver Post [06/09/08]

The Freedom From Religion Foundation has been a pain in the butt for Mile High City supernaturalists for nearly two decades. In 1990, spearheaded by a local shyster, Robert Tiernan, these dastardly secularists painted a ‘not on my dime’ bull’s-eye on the city of Denver’s subsidy for the Council of Colorado Churches’ annual Easter sunrise services at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre. On another occasion, the foundation teamed up with shyster Robert to scuttle a day of prayer promoted by the mayor’s office. The foundation hit a brick, judicial, wall, when it sued to get the Ten Commandments marker removed from the Capitol grounds. Apparently, the foundation has a lot of time on its hands, and deep pockets - we doubt that shyster Robert works cheap.

This week, the foundation is, once again, trying to thrill the Mile High City’s true believers. This time out, they’ve erected a billboard that has the words "Imagine No Religion" inscribed over a background that’s painted to look like a stained glass window. Based on the tepid responses served up in our Denver Post source material, this swipe at the local supernaturalists isn’t stirring up much true believer outrage. Free speech gives the foundation the right to post their billboard, but it doesn’t guarantee that anyone will be paying attention. Liberty is so sucky that way.

I get, more or less, the prior battles waged by the Freedom From Religion Foundation, but I don't see the point of this billboard. When did the differently-supernatural start to evangelize and why wasn't a pagan of my lofty status copied on this memo? Enquiring minds want to know.

Parting shot: If you’re worried that Messiah Barry will take this billboard personally, when the Demoncrat convention rolls into town, get over it. The ad rates for that period are beyond the Freedom From Religion Foundation's budget.

Sin Comes To Vacaville?
Source: The Reporter [06/07/08]

If you listen to Jeremy White, a new outpost of capitalism brings some devilish business to a heretofore, properly pious speed bump on the Mexifornia map, Vacaville. To Jeremy, and assorted other holy rollers around town, the new shop is downright sinful and a sure sign that Satan himself has singled out Vacaville for some special attention. Okay, Jeremy and the others aren’t THAT far gone, but they’re damn close.

I know what you’re thinking and, despite Jeremy’s hyperbole about a ‘porn’ shop in town, it’s nothing that salacious. It’s not a porn shop, an adult video store or a new booty shaking parlor. It’s a Secrets Lingerie Boutique that sells nothing more then nifty whips of silk and lace to cover up those naughty bits. Apparently, to a Morality Nazi like Jeremy, buying and selling naughty undies puts that sinner in the express lane on the highway to hell.

Ignoring sage Tome advice like "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone", Jeremy made it his personal business to force these demon-inspired undies wranglers to leave town. In the good old days, Jeremy would be passing out torches and pitchforks, then leading a howling mob to do the ‘Lord’s work’. Since even a ‘blessed’ place like Vacaville frowns on such things, Jeremy has opted for the 21st century alternative. He’s video taping the store’s customers and posting the results on YouTube.

"We are not here because we're against sex or lingerie. I'm a happily married man and I love both of those things. We're here because the gateway to our city is not the location for a porn shop. I'm not trying to embarrass anybody. If you have absolutely no question of conscience about entering this store, then by all means shop away. However, if even only one of the dozens of customers we've deterred from entering is a married person about to do something shady behind their spouse's back then - mission accomplished." (The Reporter)

Jeremy, you’re a sanctimonious ass who has appointed himself judge, jury and executioner of what you deem immoral. You’re one of those insufferable bastards who wants to ban something for ME because it offends YOU. That might work in YOUR America, but it’s got no place in mine. If, as you insist, this undies store is out of place in your town, the marketplace will send the folks running Secrets that message. It’s called capitalism and it’s the AMERICAN WAY.

"Stop Saying That!"
Source: Stealth News Wire [05/30/08]

I always thought ‘turn the other cheek’ was the primary rule of engagement for the Cross Cult. That venerable rule, straight from the Cross Dude himself, has been kicked to the curb in parts of American, especially in Southern Mexifornia. This change in the rules isn’t necessarily permanent, but it is expected to prevail as long as Bishop Geoffrey Robinson, a retired auxiliary bishop from Sydney (Australia), is in the area. Why has the Bishop been told to get out of Dodge by Cardinal Roger "The Blame Dodger" Mahoney (Archdiocese of Los Angeles) and Bishop Robert Brom (Diocese of San Diego)? Because Bishop Robinson dares to speak out against the way the Catholic Church is handing the pedophile priest debacle:

In 1994, Robinson was put in charge of a task force to develop guidelines for dealing with abuse cases in Australia. Robinson writes in the book that he became convinced “a number of people, at every level, were seeking to 'manage' the problem and make it 'go away,' rather than truly confront and eradicate it.” He suggests the core causes are more systemic, including a governing image that is “tied to the ideas of lordship and control.” (San Diego Union-Tribune)

Is Bishop Robinson the least bit impressed by the decree from these two Rosary True Believer officials that he must not make any speaking appearances in their region of Mexifornia? Apparently not. He has accepted an invitation by ‘three longtime advocates on behalf of clergy abuse victims’ to speak at the Atikins Pavilion of the UCSD Faculty Club in La Jolla, Mexifornia on June 10. Although there’s no charge for this free talk and book signing, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for Cardinal Mahoney or Bishop Brom to make a personal appearance.

Islamikaze Outrage In Minnesota
Source: Golden Oinks 2008 [05/16/08]

Tyler Hurd is a young man who is getting on with his life, despite some limitations that might derail a lesser man. Due to a childhood injury, Tyler is prone to debilitating seizures. The assist him when that happens, Tyler is accompanied by a service dog named Emmitt. When Tyler has one of his seizures - they can occur as often as every week - Emmitt is trained to protect Tyler.

Unwilling to surrender to his condition, Tyler is a student at St. Cloud University in Minnesota. Seeking to become a teacher, Tyler has been assigned to perform 50 hours of student teaching at Technical High School in the St. Cloud district. The fun fact about Technical High School is that it is infested by a critical mass of Somali Islamikazes.

Since these Islamikazes have a pathological aversion to canines, some of these religion of peace cess-school inmates were far from thrilled spitless by Tyler’s service mutt, Emmitt. Hurd was understandably alarmed when one of these Jihadikaze jackasses threatened to kill Emmitt. That's when Tyler asked, and received, permission to cut his student teaching stint short, because no teaching credential is that important.

We’re pleased to report that the folks at St. Cloud State University let Tyler get out of there, 10 hours short of his 50 hour goal. Furthermore, they are giving him credit for completing that part of his educational requirement. The St. Cloud State Eggheads get it, which is more than we can say for the Educrats running Technical High School who seem to be running scared that they might piss off their Jihadikaze students by admitting what really happened.

This is an outrage, doubly so, since these Jihadikaze scumbags are imposing THEIR 7th century bull shit here, in the land conceived in liberty. This crap is unacceptable and these Jihadikaze scumbags should be compelled to play by our liberty-venerating ground rules, or get the hell out of Dodge and haul their sorry asses back to Somalia.

Update: After this stinker hit the News Nitwit cycle and reached critical mass, the punks at CAIR crawled out from under their rocks to deflect rational adult outrage. After giving covering fire for their Islamikaze home boys at Technical High School, the CAIR punks expressed support for Tyler and his service dog Emmitt. We’re trying to give a damn, but we wouldn’t believe CAIR if the said the Sun rises in the East. Given their track record, we would need that verified by a rational adult.

Sharia Law Gets One Right?
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [05/08/08]

Believe it or not, Islamikaze infested Malaysia’s Shariah High Court had an unscheduled burst of rationality this week. The case they were hearing involved a Buddhist woman named Siti Fatimah Tan Abdullah, who wanted the court to allow her to revert back to her ‘born that way’ Buddhism. Normally, these Islamikaze courts won’t allow anyone to quit Mecca Mania under any circumstances, but this time out they allowed it, due to the facts of the case:

She embraced Islam in 1998 because she wanted to marry an Iranian, but claimed she never truly practiced the religion.

"I am very happy," Siti, a 39-year-old ethnic Chinese cake seller, told The Associated Press by telephone. "I want to go to the temple to pray and give thanks."

The Shariah court, which governs Muslims' personal conduct and religious lives, ruled that Siti's husband and Islamic authorities failed to give her proper religious advice. "So you can't blame her for her ignorance of the teachings and wanting to convert out," said Ahmad Munawir Abdul Aziz, a lawyer for the Islamic Affairs Council in Penang. (Post-Intelligencer)

Siti still needs to get the Malaysian bureaucrats in the Nanny State’s registration department to change her name and supernaturalism on her identification papers, but, given the Sharia High Court’s ruling, that’s expected to be a slam dunk.

Parting shot: This is the first time the Malaysian Islamikazes have allowed anyone to opt out of Mecca Mania. It’s tempting to see this as a hopeful sign, but it’s more likely to be an anomaly, instead of a change of direction.

Skinny Dipping In Sicily
Source: Telegraph [05/07/08]

If you’re planning to visit Capo Bianoc in sunny Sicily during the waning days of May, plan on seeing a whole lot more of Bella Italia than you want or need. Between May 23 and May 25, two Italian nudist groups - Italian Naturist Federation and Sicilian Naturist Association - are planning to let it all hang out at this fabled stretch of sand. The mayor of nearby Cattolica Eraclea rolled out the welcome mat to nudists with a decree green lighting "free use of Capo Bianco to lovers of nude sunbathing". No harm, no foul? Not exactly.

As expected, there is at least one local who is not thrilled spitless over this grown-up version of show and tell:

Father Giuseppe Miliziano, the parish priest, said: “The beach belongs to the state, not to the local council. If the state decided to allow people to take their clothes off, there is not much I could do about it. But as far as I am aware no such authorisation has been issued.” (Telegraph)

Look up "killjoy" in your Italian-English dictionary and you’ll probably find Father Miliziano’s picture. I guess I might as well cancel those airline tickets...sigh.

Better Late Than Never
Source: San Francisco Chronicle [05/04/08]

It only took them 3 centuries - that’s breakneck speed in the Rosary True Believer cabal - but the relevant authorities within the Roman Catholic Church finally got the deed done. With suitable fanfare, they just gave their seal of approval on some Cherry Mama sightings in the Surrender Monkey homeland:

Speaking at Mass in remarks broadcast nationally on France-2 television, Monsignor Jean-Michel di Falco Leandri said he recognized the "supernatural origin" of the apparitions to 17-year-old Benoite Rencurel from 1664 to 1718.

The bishop, in an interview on France-Info radio, said the decision meant the church "has committed itself in an official way to say to pilgrims 'you can come here in total confidence.'" The recognition process involved a panel of experts including two theologians and an investigating judge, he said.

Officials at Notre-Dame-du-Laus church say that after four months of daily apparitions starting in May 1664, the Virgin Mary asked Rencurel to build a church and a house to receive priests.

The sanctuary, which was founded by Rencurel, today welcomes some 120,000 pilgrims a year — at times providing healing oils based on a method that the Virgin Mary was said to pass on to the shepherd girl, the officials said.

What, if anything, does this mean? If you’re a Rosary True Believer, who has visited the sanctuary in bygone days, you visited an ‘unofficial’ shrine. Now that a Cherry Mama encounter has been bagged, tagged and filed, the sanctuary is now and OFFICIAL shrine.

Seeking Celestial Solutions
Source: San Francisco Chronicle [04/26/08]

His name is Rocky Twyman, and, depending on your point of view, he’s either an attention whore, or a dude with way too much time on his hands. Since we’re channeling our elusive ‘sensitive’ side here in the Free State of PIG’s newsroom, we’ll cut Rocky some slack and simply call him a do-gooder.

His primary cause - encouraging the Melanin-Enriched into becoming bone marrow doners - seems to be a good one, since there is a pressing need. He blundered into this cause, in 1995, when one of his friends adopted a child who had leukemia. He tried, and failed, to find a suitable bone marrow doner for the tyke who died much too young. Since then, Rocky has helped conduct drives that added 14,000 new bone marrow doners to the registry.

I know what you’re thinking and you’re right, more or less. So far, Rocky hasn’t registered on the attention whore radar. Rocky’s next great endeavor seems to make the attention whore cut. It transpired 3 years ago, when Rocky mounted a petition drive to get someone nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize? Whom did he have in mind? Oprah Winfrey.

This week, Rocky moved much farther into the attention whore bull’s-eye when he tried to get Old Ka-Boom to help resolve a pressing problem that impacts each and every one of us:

‘...Twyman - a community organizer, church choir director and public relations consultant from the Washington, D.C., suburbs - staged a pray-in at a San Francisco Chevron station on Friday, asking God for cheaper gas. He did the same thing in the nation's Capitol on Wednesday, with volunteers from a soup kitchen joining in. Today he will lead members of an Oakland church in prayer. Yes, it's come to that.

"God is the only one we can turn to at this point," said Twyman, 59. "Our leaders don't seem to be able to do anything about it. The prices keep soaring and soaring."...’

‘...To solve the problem, Twyman isn't begging the Lord for any specific act of intervention. He is not asking God to make OPEC pump more oil. Nor is he praying for all the speculative investors to be purged from the New York Mercantile Exchange, where crude oil is traded. Instead, he says anyone who wants to follow his example should keep it simple. "God, deliver us from these high gas prices," Twyman said. "That's all they have to say."...’ (Chronicle)

This pagan scribbler applauds Rocky’s efforts, but I wonder if he’s making the right request. My reading of the Tome shows Old Ka-Boom is at his best when he’s smiting someone. Maybe a few strategic smitings will motivate our Elected Tormentors to open up our domestic reserves for development. At the same time, we might get some ‘higher production’ price relief if some of the OPEC asshats got a taste of heavenly retribution. You’re on the right track, Rocky, but you’re still not asking for the right solution. Go for the gold, dude.

Invoking A Higher Power in Flori-DUH
Source: South Florida Sun-Sentinel [04/21/08]

The fun started when a Flori-DUH true believer decided to do something "for the children". The ‘something’ in question is a sports endeavor that Jay Kaplan named the Christian Little League. No harm, no foul? Not exactly.

The problem isn’t with Jay or his sports endeavor. The problem is that the name ‘Little League’ is trademarked, a fact that Little League, Inc., explained to Jay in a letter:

[T]he organization's lawyers contacted Kaplan in a March 7 letter demanding that he stop using the Little League tag. The similar names could mislead and confuse the public by suggesting an affiliation between the groups, the lawyers wrote.

Kaplan responded with a four-page letter declaring only God could judge the dispute. He said no one would confuse his Coral Springs group with a secular organization and argued the phrase "little league" had entered the common vernacular.

"Christian Little League was GOD's idea and it is a great and wonderful idea," wrote Kaplan, who grew up Jewish and converted to Christianity. "I have no plans on changing the name GOD gave me."

As fun as this sounds, it gets better, because, Little League, Inc. just sued Jay for trademark violation. Is Jay gobsmacked by this secular gamesmanship? Not really: "My position is Little League should embrace the name of Jesus. Let's start with that," he said.

Little League, Inc. thinks Old Ka-Boom should butt out and let the legal system give Jay a long overdue reality check. They did their best to work with Jay, but ran into a brick, Holy Roller, wall:

"The dispute is not theological, it is legal," the lawyers stated in a second letter sent March 17. They added: "Our client has no objection to your preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. ... Our client simply requests that you do so under a different name."

The letter suggested three alternatives — Christian Youth League, Christian Youth Baseball and Christian Baseball League — and threatened a lawsuit would follow if the name were not changed by March 28.

Self proclaimed experts predict that Little League, Inc. will prevail in court and they’re probably right about that. The ultimate victory depends on Jay and his willingness to kick it up a notch by calling for some celestial muscle. Is a smiting in the works? Stay tuned.

Cross Cult Panty Twister
Source: PIG News Wire [04/04/08]

James Corbett, who teaches European history at Capistrano Valley High School (Mexifornia), helped one of his students reach escape velocity during a recent history lesson. The student, Chad Farnan, wasn’t the least bit thrilled when his teacher took dead aim at Chad’s Cross Cult supernaturalism:

James Corbett, told his students that “Jesus glasses” obscure the truth and suggested that Christians are more likely than other people to commit rape and murder.

Farnan recorded his teacher telling students in class: “What country has the highest murder rate? The South! What part of the country has the highest rape rate? The South! What part of the country has the highest rate of church attendance? The South!” Farnan said he took the tape recorder to class to supplement his class notes.

“It was very hard for me because it’s like basically telling me all this stuff that I’ve believed my whole entire life — it’s just basically trying to throw it out the window.” (Fox News)

Faster than a warp speed communion wafer, Chad’s family is suing the socks off the school district, accusing Corbett of violating Chad’s First Amendment rights. Due to the lawsuit, Corbett has clammed up - it’s a shame he didn’t make that move earlier - but his shyster insists that James was simply stirring things up to get those student synapses firing.

Chad and his family aren’t buying Corbett’s claim for a minute. Chad got a painful boo-boo and he wants the court system to sooth it for him. I know what you’re thinking, but Chad and the Farnan clan aren’t out for a payday. They want something much more interesting:

The Farnans say that if the school agrees to put Corbett through sensitivity training and requires him to apologize to the students he offended, then the family would consider dropping their lawsuit. (Fox News)

One of our trusted PIGsters thinks the school’s ‘nothing to see here, move along’ response smacks of a double standard. He makes his case with this prose:

Can you imagine the uproar if this teacher had, instead of using the phrase “Jesus glasses” and saying Christians are more likely to commit rape and murder, he had said “Mohammed glasses” and said that of Muslims? Or “Colored glasses” and said it of blacks? I wonder if his VERY lame excuse of “Well, I was just trying to make the students think” would wash then, or if instead he’d be run out of town on a pole?

Our PIGster makes a good case and he brings it home, when he states that the lawsuit is a bad move. He favors something much more, uh, traditional:

"I do agree, however, with the idea of the father going to the school and having a few moments of “quiet time,” shall we say, with the teacher in his room to explain the realities of life and double standards to him! "

Am I hearing a true believer advocating an exchange of pleasantries in the proverbial dark alley? I’m shocked, shocked, I tell you.

Too Close to His Work
Source: Buffalo News [03/28/08]

The fun started when a Cross Cult Padre, Rev. Craig S. Rhodenizer, went missing in action from his Orleans County (New York) Toll Booth. The 46-year-old pastor was last seen by his family on Wednesday, when he played that tried and true, "I’m just going to the store" game on his wife. When Craig didn’t show up by the next morning, his wife phoned the proper authorities and sounded the "Has anyone seen my man" alarm.

After spreading the news far and wide, the Lewiston cops sat back and waited for that phone call. Early Friday morning, their patience bore some interesting fruit: Craig’s ride turned up outside a strip club in Riverside, OHIO. That’s right, Ohio. The Riverside cop got suspicious when he spotted the out of state plate in such a high crime area.

Moments later, after contacting the Lewiston police, officers in Riverside found Rhodenizer inside the club. "When they had contact with him, he appeared to be very distraught and very emotional," Lewiston Sgt. Frank Previte said. "He told the officers that he did not know how he got there or where he was." (The Buffalo News)

As a precaution, the Riverside authorities carted Craig off to a hospital in Dayton to see if they can find where he put his missing marbles.

Parting shot: This is the kind of thing that can happen when you’re in the fighting sin business and get too close to your work.

Tome Stories Get Updated
Source: Daily Mail [03/26/08]

A Brit Cross Cult padre, Rev. Robert Harrison, is thrilling the socks off Brit true believers with his new book, ‘Must Know Stories’. Eager to bring the good news to a new, heretofore uninterested, audience, Rev. Bob has tweaked 10 Bible stories to make them more thrilling for 21st century readers.

A Daily Mail story, shares these tantalizing morsels:

Goliath is a celebrity binge drinker, Eve is a sex-obsessed man-eater and Noah's wife wants to kill him...

In the nativity story, Jesus is born in an overcrowded house instead of a stable, amid family conflict as Joseph's aunt deals with the fact that he and Mary are not even married.

As expected, the reactions to Rev. Bob’s literary effort are mixed:

"Robert Harrison is simply drawing parallels between biblical stories and situations that people may recognise in modern life. It doesn't change the original stories." (A Church of England spokeshole)

"It sounds to me as if it's gone much too far. It is one thing to give a biblical story a modern application and something quite different to distort all the facts." (Catholic MP Ann Widdecombe)

"In trying to communicate the stories to a contemporary audience some of the essential features and message may have been lost." (Dr. Justin Thacker, head of theology at the Evangelical Alliance)

I’m willing to give Rev. Bob an "A" for effort, but, when it comes to retelling Tome stories, I still cite Mark Twain’s laugh-inducing classics "Diary of Adam", "Diary of Eve" as the gold standard.

Hambo's Annual Easter Bunny Rant
Source: Hambo's Hammer [03/17/08]

It’s that time of year again, that speed bump on the calendar, when the usual suspects from sea to shining sea, rant, rave and rampage against another seasonal ‘pestilence’, the Easter Bunny. Unlike so many of these loony tune adventures, this one ferrets out secular wingnuts as often as it does Cross Cultists. The past few years, the secularist have led the charge. Two ‘Easter Bunny’ adventures from bygone years come to mind:

* In St. Paul (Minnesota) a twerp named Tyrone Terrill got wild Easter Bunny hair up his butt and tried to ban the egg wrangler.

* The Elected Tormentors running Walnut Creek (Mexifornia). Their antics went unreported until 2007, but they actually banned the "Easter Bunny" and "Easter Eggs" in 2003. Since then, they have been perpetrating "Spring Egg Hunts" and featuring a critter the city calls the "Spring Bunny".

* Walnut Creek got 'the rest of the story' in 2007, when a local Cross Cultist, Michael Runzler, wrote a fiery missive to the local fishwrap complaining that this ‘bunny’ distracted the faithful from the true meaning of the season.

The fun fact here is that St. Paul and Walnut Creek aren’t the only cities, or even the latest cities, to make this change. It’s done, of course, in the name of supernaturalist sensitivity. We can’t have a "Christian" flavor taint these annual spring festivities, so "Easter" and its alleged Cross Cult origins have to go. BUT, that’s asinine because the word "Easter" has pagan roots that predate Cross Cultism’s Spring rituals.

"Easter" is a bastardization of "Ostara" (Eostra), the name of the pagan goddess at the root of this spring holiday. Before everyone goes Kool-Aid club bonkers and runs off at the mouth about this egregious slight to an important Cross Cult holiday, take a deep breath, cool your jets and let a rational adult serve up some little known facts about the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs:

'...In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse them she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived. Ostara is identical to the Greek Eos and the Roman Aurora...' (Ostara, by Micha F. Lindemans, Encyclopedia Mythica)

"Easter", the bunny and the eggs are not now and never have been Cross Cult in any damn way. They are strictly pagan goodies that don't do anything more sinister than give kids an excuse to have a good time. Walnut Creek’s antics were a waste of time because "Ostara’s Bunny" (The Easter Bunny) is and always was a PAGAN concept. Michael Runzler's protests about this slight against Cross Cultism are equally delusional because, Ostara’s Bunny and the bringing forth of eggs were a pagan springtime ritual so Spring Bunny and Spring Eggs are reasonably close to the original pagan concept.

Are we all on the same page now about Ostara’s egg laying bunny, or are you going to make me come over there and EXPLAIN it to you, again?

Isn’t it about time everybody chilled out about the damn Easter Bunny? This egg laying Easter Bunny has nothing to do with the Cross Cult. It has everything to do with a pagan goddess named Ostara who changed her pet bird into an egg laying bunny to delight the children. The Easter bunny (Ostara’s Bunny) has been delighting tykes ever since and if the usual whining rat bastards don’t clean up their act, once and for all, I’m going to so some spring cleaning with a damn baseball bat until they get with the Ostara’s Bunny program. Don’t make me come over there.

Shut Up, Sit Down
Source: ABC News [03/13/08]

His name is Ben Stein and his primary claim to fame is his role as that monotoned teacher in "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off". Ben is also a regular talking head on Fox News investment programs, but the less said about his ‘big government rocks my world’ bull crap the better.

Ben is also, I’m guessing, a Creationism loving clown who thinks Charles Darwin’s corpse should be exhumed, drawn, quartered then torched, as a lesson to anyone else who dares to invoke facts over supernaturalist fiction. Ben’s latest crusade transpired in Flori-DUH where the state’s new science standards use the term - GASP - "evolution", instead of the familiar euphemisms like "change over time". That’s an outrage, Ben insists.

‘...Scientists and teachers say the new standards will help students improve their education and better prepare for high-tech jobs. Many religious groups say evolution goes against biblical teaching. Stein's position is an endorsement of a proposal sponsored by Senator Ronda Storms and Representative Allen Hays. The bill would allow public school teachers to present views that are contradictory to the theory of evolution....’ (ABC)

Ben and his Creationist cohorts need to get real about a very inconvenient truth: You can gussy it up all you want, Ben, but it won’t do any good because Genesis is not, never was, and never will be SCIENCE.

Brits Abolish Blasphemy?
Source: L. A. Times [03/05/08]

The fun started last November when the clowns running Sudan accused a British woman who was teaching school in that nation of insulting Mecca Mania, by naming a teddy bear ‘Mohammad. It got much more interesting, for Prime Minister Gordon Brown, when he summoned the Sudanese Ambassador and began to chide him for his nation’s antics. The crux of the crisis were Sudan’s religious based laws. That fun fact wasn’t lost on certain interested observers who pointed out a very inconvenient truth:

It didn't take long, though, for someone to point out that Downing Street was standing on diplomatic quicksand: Britain itself has a law making blasphemy a crime.

Thus began a period of collective soul-searching on free speech and secularism, traditional values and the church that anoints Britain's queen. It culminated Wednesday in a 148-87 vote in the House of Lords to abolish the laws on blasphemy after a wrenching, two-hour debate.

"It is crystal clear that the offenses of blasphemy and blasphemous libel are unworkable in today's society," Kay Andrews said in introducing the government-backed amendment, adding that "as long as this law remains on the statute books, it hinders the U.K.'s ability to challenge oppressive blasphemy laws in other jurisdictions." (Times)

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