Gotcha, Hypocrite
Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [12/22/06]

As a 5-term member of Pennsylvania’s legislature, former state Rep. Mark McNaughton made a name for himself as a staunch foe of gambling. His reputation as a gambling foe was so high profile that he just landed a spot on Pennsylvania’s gaming board. Despite his gambling foe credentials, Mark has a dirty little secret that is now out in the open, thanks to the Philadelphia Inquirer.

While Mark was voting against slot machines and other gambling in the Keystone State, in public, he was also making frequent trips to Atlantic City and Las Vegas where he - gasp - gambled, regularly. Somehow, that tidbit - including the $15,500 in winnings he declared on his tax returns - didn’t make the cut during his interviews for that cushy job on the state gambling board:

‘...The five-term Republican from Harrisburg disclosed his winnings on his federal income taxes but not on state ethics forms, the newspaper reported. McNaughton said he didn't report his gambling winnings on the ethics disclosure statement for lawmakers because he didn't believe it was required. However, the State Ethics Commission says it considers such winnings income, which legislators must note on annual disclosure forms if it exceeds $1,300...’ (AP)

Mark insists - duh - that he’s not really a hypocrite. When he opposed gambling, he was channeling the views of his constituents. He’s not opposed to gambling, but he’s not ready to have it in his own backyard:

"Gambling should not be everywhere. It should be a destination-oriented activity where you go there and enjoy the day or two and return. I don't believe it's in the best interests of citizens to be able to walk across the street and play slots." (AP)

Fair enough, but why wasn’t he man enough to explain that BEFORE he got nailed as a hypocrite?

Beantown Butthead
Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [12/22/06]

Radio "shock jocks" decided to do something special to "celebrate" Boston’s annual homeless census headcount. Opie and Anthony call it their "Homeless Shopping Spree" and it sounds like big time fun. They did the deed on the day before Boston’s homelessness headcount, but they delayed the broadcast a day to coincide with Bean Town’s homelessness census. What, you wonder, is this "Homeless Shopping Spree"? Wonder no more.

Step 1: Round up some homeless people.
Step 2: Bus them to a New Jersey shopping mall.
Step 3: Give the homeless people gift cards.
Step 4: Turn them loose in the mall and watch the shocked expression of the other shoppers.

It sounds like big time shock jock fun, but Boston Mayor Thomas Menino is "outraged" according to the Boston Herald: "Some of them might be recovering alcoholics coming back from addiction and recovery, and they’re doing this for ratings? For a cheap dollar?" Grow a pair, Tommy boy. They didn’t take them to one of your malls, so get over it.

Nanny State Fun and Games
Source: PIG’s Nanny State News Wire [12/15/06]

Greeley (Colorado)
The clown posse staged another of their highly publicized, flashy immigration raids this week. Doing a lot of on-camera chest beating, clown posse spokespunks proclaimed another stunning victory for American sovereignty when they staged raids on 6 meat processing plants owned by Greeley-based meat processor, Swift & Co. We know what you’re thinking but the capitalists at Swift had all their ducks in a row and are, therefore, squeaky clean as far as the clown posse is concerned.

The alleged target of the raid were certain border jumping scumbag invaders who were busted for "identity theft". This smoke and mirrors clown posse adventure is nothing more than public opinion spin doctoring. Its real purpose is making America’s rational adults think that somebody inside the D.C. Beltway is getting serious about cracking down on border jumping scumbags and those who hire them. Once you’re all suitably conditioned, RoveCo will start a massive spin doctoring campaign as they try to convince you that universal - instant citizenship - amnesty for all these diseased, chronically needy, crime-ridden border jumping scumbags is a just what America needs. Don’t hold your breath waiting for this pagan scribbler to buy that crap, clown posse punks, because I’m not that goddamn stupid.

Tampa (Florida)
Eager to do some social engineering, Mayor Pam Iorio decided to impose some severe restrictions on the kind of promotions that the drinking emporiums under her thumb could perpetrate. Her motive - as if you haven’t already guessed - is to protect "the children" from the evils of adult beverages. She was especially eager to banish the kind of promotions that usually attract a "young crowd". She wanted to paint a bureaucratic bull’s-eye on such crowd pleasers as dollar drinks and ladies-drink-free specials.

Unlike so many aspiring tyrants, Mayor Pam wanted a legal opinion on her power to impose the ban. The question went up the food chain and landed in the laps of Florida’s Department of Business and Professional Regulation. This week, they passed along their sage advice to Mayor Pam: "Don’t even think about it". Okay, that’s not their exact words, but the message is clear:

‘...That authority rests with the state, not local governments, according to the department's opinion. Local governments can regulate bar hours and locations. They also can dictate sanitary regulations and the type of entertainment, but not drink promotions...’ (Tampa Tribune)

That didn’t sit well with an eager social engineer named Ellen Snelling, co-chairwoman of the Tampa Alcohol Coalition. She’s worried about this ruling’s impact on the children. What children? College students who are exceptionally fond of adult beverage and, regularly indulge in "binge drinking". Ladies drink free and dollar drinks encourage this dastardly "binge drinking". That, this whiner blithers, is why capitalists must be punished so these college drunkards can be saved from themselves.

Does this ruling mean that these Tampa social engineers are giving up? Hardly. They might try their luck in a court room, where a bit of judge shopping might get the job done. Or, they could go up the Nanny State ladder and ask the state’s legicrats to infringe upon the rights of capitalists who run adult beverage emporiums.

Two Twisted Nanny State Tales
Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [12/08/06]

Camden (Maine)
Put down that brewskie and put on your thinking caps, PIGsters. This story has several very sharp twists and turns. Are we all wide awake and ready for big time fun? We better be.

Johanna Tutone is a capitalist who owns Cappy’s Chowder House in Camden, Maine. Her improbable journey through brainless bureaucrat hell started when a patron at her restaurant noticed a certain decorative item in the eatery’s second floor dining room: ‘a black-backed gull stuffed and mounted under glass’ (Bangor Daily News). It’s a very tasteful item that’s ‘arranged in an ornate beveled glass frame so that its wings are spayed on either side of its long neck’ (Daily News).

Purchased at an estate sale some 20 years earlier, and dating back to 1854, the Victorian era objet d’art never elicited a second thought, until the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service showed up to issue dire threats about Johanna’s violation of federal law. Eager to make a lasting impression, the feds spouted the usual dark threats about seizing the bird and throwing Johanna into the slammer for breaking a federal law. Alarmed, Johanna contacted U.S. Senator Olympia Snow and told her the strange story, making doubly sure to point out that the avian art object was perpetrated in 1854 and purchased 20 years ago. Since both events predated the federal law, she wondered why the feds were busting her chops.

After mulling this feather brained issue, Senator Snow brokered a deal that is destined to drive you to drink:

Johanna surrendered the art object to the Federal Feather-headed Gestapo

The Federal Feather-Heads agreed to lend the art object to the Penobscot Marine Museum in Searsport.

The Penobscot Marine Museum will - drum roll and trumpet fanfare - loan the art object back to Johanna’s eatery for display in its original location in the second floor dining room.

Undoubtedly relieved, and invariably amazed that this boneheaded bureaucratic antics, Johanna will thank the museum by throwing a "sea gull party" to raise money for the museum. We’re pleased that this story has a happy ending, but, like our friends at Fark, we’re compelled to ask: how much did all this happy face-saving federal horse crap cost the U.S. taxpayer? All things considered, a simple "no harm, no foul" would have gotten the job done much more efficiency.

Salt Lake City (Utah)
The following epic about the justice system shoving its collective head up its own butt is weird, even for a well-documented outpost of the Twilight Zone like Utah. This utter insanity began with a scene that’s as old as humankind, when a pair of eager young ‘uns got the horizontal and squishy warmies for each other. There’s nothing especially remarkable about this hormonal adventure, even when you consider the fact that the wench is 13 and her partner in passion is a 12 year old lad.

In the eyes of the law, however, their ages land them in a twisted outpost of the judicial Twilight Zone where the 13 year old girl is charged with engaging in a sexual act with someone under the age of 14. As fun as that is, it gets better because the same law that pinned a sexual perpetrator label on her, also pins a "victim" label on her for the same hormonal outburst because her 12 year old passion partner also engaged in a sexual act with someone under the age of 14. That’s right PIGsters, there was only one act of passion, but thanks to these legal eagle lamebrains the girl is the perpetrator of a crime AND a victim of a crime for one roll in the hay. Eat your heart out, Catch-22.

We’d like to tell you that this epic has a happy ending, but we can’t. So far, no rational adult has stepped up to the plate to stop the madness. That explains why this terminally weird outburst of jaundiced justice scaled the judicial food chain to the Utah Supreme Court.

This just in! In Utah, common sense is as dead as Michael Richards’ entertainment career. Film at eleven!

---

Nanny State Nitwit Nonsense
Source: PIG New Wire [11/30/06]

England
Brit Nanny State nitwitism is out of control and we can prove it. This week, your PIG news sleuths stumbled over an item about local hacks deploying spy cams at - this is not one of our legendary typos - household rubbish dumps. That’s right, PIGsters, these bonkers Brit bureaucratic Bozos are gearing up a Trash Can Gestapo to punish Brits who don’t recycle and/or "tax" the garbage disposal system with too damn much garbage. Big Brother is watching what you throw away, Brit trash tossing Sparky.

‘...sophisticated internet-controlled cameras are being installed at waste sites across the country. Officially they are to improve security, but council chiefs admit they will also monitor who is visiting the tips. Several councils also say they will use camera evidence to mount prosecutions - raising fears more householders will be taken to court over what they throw away...’ (Evening Standard)

One district alone, Hertfordshire, is installing 30 cameras at rubbish dumps, allowing the Trash Gestapo to check and record vehicle license plates. This new spycam at rubbish dumps comes on the heels of news reports about local tyrants planting "electronic bugs" inside ‘hundreds of thousands of household wheelie bins’ (Daily Mail). If you live in Britain, be afraid, be very damn afraid, because your local Elected Tormentors are out of goddamn control.

Portland (Maine)
Determined to "save" their downtown area from certain capitalist interlopers, Portland (Maine’s) Elected Tormentors passed an edict that bans new "chain stores" from sullying the downtown area with their presence. When you parse the details of this edict you find that a "chain" is defined as a business that has 10 or more identical stores or restaurants. Henceforth, such firms are banned from setting up shop in downtown Portland. Those already in place like L. L. Bean will be allowed to stay, but no new "chains" will be allowed.

That must sound thrilling to the usual suspects. But, at least one small potatoes capitalist, Matthew Curtis whose Cadillac Mountain Sports is a fixture in the area, has "issues" with the edict:

"Retail, in particular, needs to be at a critical mass -- a number of stores without a break in the storefronts," he said. "There's definitely some momentum (downtown), but there are still a lot of weaknesses on Congress Street and it's mostly the large spaces. Most of the independents cannot handle these large spaces."

"I just can't correlate how L.L. Bean was welcomed with such open arms when they opened and now wouldn't be allowed. I can't see that people have thought that through. Is that really the vision of Congress Street to have them not be there?" (Matthew Curtis as quoted by the Portland Press Herald)

Matthew Curtis’s enthusiasm for staying in downtown Portland is tempered by the fact that he’s ‘thisclose’ to being a dastardly "chain" store wrangler himself with 8 stores in his fledgling adventure in capitalism. Due to the likely impacts of this asinine edict, Matthew Curtis is seriously contemplating pulling up stakes and leaving downtown Portland.

Washington, D.C.
Determined to drive another nail into inalienable individual liberty’s prostrate form, the lame duck Elephant Clan majority is trying to ram through a gem called the Audio Flag. If the bill passes it would make it illegal for a sovereign individual to ‘program and record music from digital radio and transfer those songs to MP3 players’ (WTOV9).

Music industry twerps whine that this digital radio to MP3practice will put them out of business, since nobody will buy CDs from them anymore. Musicians, they claim, would be forced out of the business. Luckily for them, the Elephant Clan majority might have just enough time left in their tenure to ram this lunacy through.

Setting aside the salient fact that digital radio listeners pay for the service, I’ll focus on the music industry whiners instead. Why not dump this caterwauling like a bad habit and hop on the 21st technology express, instead. Why not bring in some new blood, new ideas and find a way to get your piece of the action by selling you music directly, over the Internet? It’s a much more viable solution than fighting a losing battle to stop the advance of entertainment technology.

Horrifying Border Security Ineptitude
Source: World Net Daily [11/29/06]

World Net Daily produced some alarming data from a variety of reliable sources including a report by the Inspector General’s Office in the Department of Homeland Security:

Half of the 91,516 [45,008] illegal aliens from terror-sponsoring countries and those of "special interest" apprehended at the border between 2001 and 2005 were released into the U.S. population...

27,947 known criminals were also released between 2001 and 2004 - including 20, 967 "from countries where the notorious Mara Salvatrucha (MS-13) gang members are know to be active. (These tidbits come from the aforementioned report: ‘Detention and Removal of Illegal Aliens’ as reported by WND on November 29, 2006)

Based on a 1 out of every 4 border jumping scumbag invaders gets nabbed in the act ratio, WND extrapolated these numbers to show that, quite likely, 350,000 potential terrorists from "high risk nations" got through our porous borders, undetected. Using the same 1 out of every 4 ratio, that would mean 400,000 criminals entered our country during the same period.

In April 2005, the Government Accountability Office released a report on a study of 55,322 illegal aliens incarcerated in federal, state, and local facilities during 2003. It found the following:

* The 55,322 illegal aliens studied represented a total of 459,614 arrests - some eight arrests per illegal alien;
* Their arrests represented a total of about 700,000 criminal offenses - some 13 offenses per illegal alien;
* 36 percent had been arrested at least five times before. (WND)

Vicente W Bush’s steadfast refusal to do his sworn duty to safeguard American citizens by securing our borders is a recipe for a bloodbath. The lives lost to these border jumping scumbag invaders are on his head. We deserve better than this. We deserve a lot better than this.

Mind-Numbing Bureaucratic Stupidity
Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [11/24/06]

The meat wrangling capitalists running the Black Mountain Smokery did a header into the dumbest group of Elected Tormentor rat bastards in the known universe this week. The bone of contention is a Black Mountain Smokery sausage that they named "Welsh Dragon". The name is meant to invoke Wales and its notorious fondness for the mythical dragon. That explanation might satisfy a rational adult but it didn’t make a dent in the granite crania at the Powys County Council (Wales). The name "Welsh Dragon" must be changed because - DUH - the product doesn’t contain any "DRAGON" meat. Stupid? Oh hell yes, but par for the course with these petty U.K. tyrants. Despite the fact that, to date, nobody has filed a single complaint over this name, the council cretins warn that failure to comply will result in prosecution.

This probably isn’t the time to tell the Powys County Council that "Gatorade" doesn’t - gasp - contain a single smidgen of a certain Florida-dwelling toothy reptile. We better not tell them that "Animal Crackers" don’t contain any trace of critter, either.

Nanny State Nitwits, Near and Far
Source: PIG News Wire[11/17/06]

England
"Some parents already know that reading and singing nursery rhymes with their young children will get them off to a flying start - often because this is how they themselves were brought up. For other parents without this inheritance these simple techniques are a mystery and are likely to remain so - unless we act and draw them to their attention." (Nursery Rhyme Fuhrer Beverly Hughes)

Jolly Old England, continues its headlong plunge into cradle to grave tyranny this week with another, utterly incomprehensible Nanny State Nitwit notion. Determined to find some way to eliminate the YOB (Brit speak for juvenile delinquents) population, Brit hacks are seeking ways to correct the problem in the cradle. Under a new edict proposed by a Brit hackette, Children’s Minister Beverly Hughes, Brit parents would be required to sing to their children and read them nursery rhymes.

According to this insane bitch, a "parenting workforce" - the Nursery Rhyme Gestapo - would be trained and deployed to track down non-compliant parents and "support" them. The Daily Mail shared these fetid facts about this Draconian Nanny State scheme:

‘...This autumn is likely to see an extension of parenting orders that can force parents to attend parenting classes so that they can be used on the say so of local councils against parents. For the first time, parenting orders are likely to be directed against parents whose children have committed no criminal offence.

The threat of action against parents who fail to sing nursery rhymes was unveiled by Mrs Hughes as she gave the first details of Mr Blair's 'national parenting academy', a body that will train teachers, psychologists and social workers to intervene in the lives of families and become the 'parenting workforce'...’

The Nursery Rhyme Gestapo? Holy Crap!

Washington D.C.
The fearless leader of the Federal Trade Commission served up a disturbing - but very likely - prediction based on the Donkey Clan’s hostile takeover on Capitol Hill. Deborah Majoras is convinced that the Donkey Clan’s capitalism hating hacks will pass a gasoline price-gouging law some time during their forthcoming term. If Ms. Majoras Congressional radar is accurate and there’s no reason to doubt her, the dirty deed will come at the end of the next session, just in time for the 2008 Election Cycle.

Ms. Majoras also predicts that her warnings about the deleterious impacts of such a law will be ignored. Price gouging laws have one predictable impact: they restrict and/or reduce the quantity of the item being regulated. A price-gouging law would, in other words, make gasoline scarcer here in the USA. Despite her public and private warnings to Congress, Ms. Majoras opines that a price-gouging law is already a done deal.

Mind-Numbing Brit Lunacy
Source: Golden Oinks 2006 [11/10/06]

A Brit capitalist is still in shock after doing a header into mind numbing Nanny State lunacy. Steve Morton began his descent into Nanny State hell when the pinheads at the Wakefield District Council’s environmental cabal wrote to him. The missive alarmed Steve with prose about an "odour from the extract ventilation system". Fearing a serious problem with his drainage system, Steve rang them up and was floored when he learned that the politically incorrect aroma being investigated was the scent of - drum roll - fish and chips.

There are times - like this one - when "well, duh" is grossly inadequate. Why? Because Steve Morton runs a fish and chips shop. Now, he’s being told that the local Elected Tormentors might black flag him for having fish and chips smells at his fish and chips shop. This is Nanny State lunacy on steroids and Steve knows it:

“You’d think they’d twig that a fish and chip shop smells of fish and chips. It’s absolutely crazy. The smell of freshly fried fish and chips is wonderful. My equipment works properly. Does the council want me to pay someone to stand outside with an air freshener? This is a waste of time and money.”
(The Sun)

Steve is right about the aroma of fish and chips, not that it matters. Somebody needs to launch a priority investigation of the water supply at the Wakefield Council, because there’s damn sure something in the water.

Mind-Boggling Nanny State Myopia
Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [11/03/06]

In many respects, Upper Arlington (Ohio) denizen Joe Randolph has a lot in common with other divorced dads. He works hard to provide for his kids and does his best to scrape together the $1,300 a month to for the child support payments the divorce settlement conferred on his ex-wife. But, Joe’s adventure in child support isn’t your garden variety epic.

Joe wonders - and so do we - why he must pay child support payments to a woman who died last April? Why is he paying child support payments - payments that go into an escrow account - when he’s now the custodial parent for his three children? He needs that $1,300 for its primary purpose, taking care of his children but the state’s bureaucrats are still collecting it and sitting on it. Joe keeps asking these, and other pertinent questions but the answers are not forthcoming.

‘...Randolph said the combination of making the payments and having custody of the children seriously has stretched his finances. "We've tried to make sure (the children) didn't have to cut back in anything they do," Randolph said. "We don't have stores of cash to draw on. Month to month, we have to look at some other sources of cash, borrowing from relatives or home equity loans." Randolph said he's also been forced to borrow from his ex-wife's investment funds...’ (Newark Advocate)

The Licking County Child Support Enforcement Agency gives lip service to resolving the situation, but they insist that their hands are tied. They can’t change the court’s ruling without another court ruling and, due to the impressive backlog of cases, that could take months, perhaps much, much longer. Joe Randolph is not a deadbeat dad, so why can’t the Nanny State cut through the red tape and give him a break? Joe Randolph seems to be one of the good guys and he deserves better than this.

Colorado’s Smoke Nazi Antics
Source: Denver Post [11/01/06]

Citing the First Amendment’s free speech protections, some Colorado thespians mounted a court challenge against the state’s Smoke Nazi edict. Smoking, they claim, is an essential factor in certain productions and should be treated as speech, not a violation of the anti-smoking edict. Denver District Judge Michael Martinez was singularly unimpressed by this argument, ruling that lighting up as part of a performance is not "expressive behavior", so it’s not covered by the First Amendment.

That ruling thrills the socks off the Colorado’s Smoke Nazis but it’s downright alarming to the state’s thespians. Here are some thespian responses from this Denver Post item:

‘...[Colorado Shakespeare artistic director, Richard] Devin said the effects of Monday's ruling, should it stand, could be "chilling."

Paragon Theatre co-founder Michael Stricker predicted that many plays that include smoking, including classics of the theatrical canon, simply won't get done locally. Various witnesses cited "The Skin of Our Teeth," Paragon's upcoming "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolff," and others in which smoking is intrinsic to plot or character development...’ (Post)

"This will greatly affect play selection. If the ban holds, we are simply not going to pick a play if there is smoking depicted in it." (Paragon Theater co-founder Michael Stricker)

"If the director has to by law remove or change something because of cigarette smoke, doesn't that just smack of censorship? That's exactly what the First Amendment supposedly stands directly in opposition to." (Theater 13's Justin Webb)

If, as seems to be the case, these theaters are private property, why is it any of the Nanny State’s damn business if some actors light up a cancer stick as part of their role? How, I ask you, could you portray FDR or Winston Churchill in a production without their trademark smokes? You can’t, and that’s a damn fact.

---

Nanny State Lunacy in The U.K.
Source: PIG’s Brit Correspondent Andrew [10/27/06]

Alarmed by teenage binge drinking, the Brit Secretary of Health, Patricia Hewitt is ready, willing and eager to slam dunk a monumental tax increase on adult beverages. She’s convinced that it will eradicate this drinking binge because these teenage binge drinkers won’t be able to pay the artificially inflated prices. The problem, she blithers, is deadly serious and calls for drastic measures:

"We've got a real problem with binge drinking among young people. We've got enormous numbers of young people, particularly on a Friday and Saturday night, ending up in the casualty department of hospitals because they're drunk. They've fallen over and bashed their heads in because they're drinking too much." (Secretary Hewitt as quoted by BBC)

If you’re waiting for this pagan scribbler to launch one of his memorable tirades against this brute force social engineering, learn to live with your disappointment. Our Brit Correspondent Andrew has it covered with this prose:

Yet more UK Nanny State knee-jerk policy making.
Every time there's a problem here in Blighty, the government rolls out it's very own sanitary swab to make it go away. A panacea cure to all of societies ills. The name of this magical swab taxes. Yes that's it, tax everything. No matter how complicated an issue, let's just raise taxes (sometimes euphemistically called fixed penalty notices, permits or fines).

From handling of waste, to driving issues, to putting your bin out.

This just in! Teenager's drinking causes them to get into trouble and hurt themselves.

Apparently these teenagers drink alcopops, so the government are considering raising taxes on these drinks. I wonder if the consultation process considered the slight, teensy-weensy chance that these kids would just buy another type of beverage, like oooh, that old-timer in the 'lets get drunk on the cheap stage' cider. A strong, inexpensive, traditional British beverage, enjoyed by many consenting adults. Indeed alcopops are not enjoyed by teenagers alone, plenty of drink-legal young ladies drink alcopops.

So, once again, Blair and his moronic government, raise the cost of enjoying something by the masses, merely because 0.01% of those consuming such a product harm themselves as a result. A similar logic would extend to the taxing of sports equipment.

So teenage drinking is not associated with complex issues to society such as bad parenting, social change, nanny state schooling, lack of discipline, lack of order, lack of respect, ease of alcohol availability, Nope. The one size fits all solution is Alcopops. There we go then, raise taxes on alcopops and the problem will go away.

A master-stroke...These pinhead proposals seem to be appearing on a daily basis.

Cheers, prost, your good health, bottoms up...

Game, set, match.

Fighting To Save the USA
Source: World Net Daily [10/25/06]

Some political players are finally getting organized to mount a spirited defense of American sovereignty against a European Union class, border erasing blight called the ‘North American Union’. In addition to the word wranglers at World Net Daily who continue to sound the alarm, other noteworthy political "players" are joining the fight: Conservative Caucus Chairman Howard Phillips, Phyllis Schlafly, author Jerome Corsi, plus Congressmen Tom Tancredo, Walter Jones, Virgil Good Jr and Ron Paul.

The first shot in this fight to preserve America’s national identity is a proposed congressional resolution. Here are some pertinent elements of the resolution as presented in World Net Daily:

* Whereas, according to the Department of Commerce, United States trade deficits with Mexico and Canada have significantly widened since the implementation of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA);

* Whereas the economic and physical security of the United States is impaired by the potential loss of control of its borders attendant to the full operation of NAFTA;

* Whereas a NAFTA Superhighway System from the west coast of Mexico through the United States and into Canada has been suggested as part of a North American Union;

* Whereas it would be particularly difficult for Americans to collect insurance from Mexican companies which employ Mexican drivers involved in accidents in the United States, which would increase the insurance rates for American drivers;

* Whereas future unrestricted foreign trucking into the United States can pose a safety hazard due to inadequate maintenance and inspection, and can act collaterally as a conduit for the entry into the United States of illegal drugs, illegal human smuggling, and terrorist activities;

* Whereas a NAFTA Superhighway System would be funded by foreign consortiums and controlled by foreign management, which threatens the sovereignty of the United States.

The resolution calls for the House of Representatives to agree on three issues of determination:

1. The United States should not engage in the construction of a North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) Superhighway System;

2. The United States should not enter into a North American Union with Mexico and Canada; and

3. The President should indicate strong opposition to these or any other proposals that threaten the sovereignty of the United States.

Since this congressional resolution - H.Con.Res487 - has been sent to committee, the pertinent question is an obvious one. Is there a snowball’s chance in hell that this resolution will rouse congress from its "open borders are cool" slumber? Ask me again, after the congressional elections. For now, the best answer I can give is "don’t hold your breath".

Le Grande Nanny State
Source: AFP [10/19/06]

A French court thrilled the berets off Surrender Monkey capitalists who own hotels, bars and restaurants when it decreed that the nation’s prevailing 35 hour work week applied to them, too. This overturns a deal struck with the French government in 2004 that allowed "hospitality workers" to toil 39 hours a week instead of 35. Instead of overtime, the arrangement meant that workers could earn an extra week of vacation that could be cashed in, at the employee’s request.

The new ruling "throws the industry into chaos", according to these hospitality capitalists. It means that the employees will be working fewer hours. It might also mean that bars and restaurants shorten their hours to accommodate the new work week mandate. The ruling could cost these hospitality capitalists big bucks:

‘...It means that employers will be obliged to pay overtime rates for supplementary hours worked -- at an increase of 25 percent for establishments with more than 20 staff and 10 percent for the rest. On the other hand the extra week of holiday disappears. In addition, as the ruling is retrospective staff could be entitled to nearly two years of back payments...’

According to the union that pulled this off, this will mean "more jobs". Dream on, union punks. Dream on.

The nasty dose of reality buried in this story is the fact that Surrender Monkey capitalists seem to willingly accept the fact that the French Nanny State is allowed to dictate how a business will operate in great specificity. The real outrage isn’t a change from 39 hours a week to 35 hours a week. The real outrage is that the Nanny State is setting this hours limit in the first place.

Terrors of Technology
Source: Daily Mail 10/15/06]

That bane of Brit motorists’ existence, the ubiquitous speed camera, has a pesky flaw. It’s a flaw that makes it damn simple for that lead-footed Brit driver to escape one of those "gotcha" images that cost them money and points off their license. For reasons I probably don’t want to know, the Brit Home Office admitted that this flaw exists in the hi-tech ‘SPECS’ cameras. A Daily Mail item describes the flaw and how to capitalize on it this way:

‘...The SPECS cameras work by measuring the time a vehicle takes to pass between two number plate reading cameras set up to 6.2 miles apart. A computer works out the time it takes to cover the distance, and then calculates the average speed.

If this is higher than the speed limit, a colour photograph taken by a third digital camera is stored for enforcement purposes. Multiple sets of the cameras are installed on stretches of road to make 'enforcement zones'. But under Home Office 'type approval' rules, each individual set cannot be linked to any of the others. So cars are timed only between sets of number plate readers 'paired' for the same lane. Most of the time each number plate reader in a pair will be directed at the same single lane of traffic and will therefore not detect lane hoppers, according to Mr Collins. He said: " If it's configured to monitor one particular lane, then it wouldn't pick up a lane changer."...’

If you’re blazing along a Brit road and trip that first camera, all you need to do is change lanes before you hit the second one and the system won’t nail you for your speeding infraction. Big, big fun, but the avoidance tactic isn’t without its inherent risks. All that high speed lane changing could lead to accidents and that fun fact is, allegedly, keeping Brit officials up all night. I seriously doubt that this speed camera heartburn is due to the possibility of more accidents. I’m guessing that they’re worried sick that their high tech speed traps won’t be generating sufficient revenue.

PIG is always amused when the Nanny State shoots itself in the foot with its own edicts - "Home Office ‘type approval’ rules" in this case. Left floundering due to their own clownish antics, these Nanny State nitwits are forced to say "Yes, there is a fatal flaw in the SPECs camera scheme, but please don’t take advantage of it. That’s a good chap." Oh hell yes, that should do it. Tea anybody?

Nanny State Nitwits
Source: PIG News Wire [10/12/06]

Caracas (Venezuela)
Hugo "Skipper" Chavez is determined to make his countrymen as miserable as possible, but we’re assured that it’s for their own good. In addition to getting Venezuelans ready for the imminent - in Hugo’s fevered brain - invasion by Uncle Sam, the legendary Skipper is also painting a bull’s-eye on the nation’s top problem: beer trucks. That’s right, beer trucks.

Unlike the anal retentive Uncle Sam, Venezuela allows beer trucks to roam the nation’s highways and byways selling beer direction to a thirsty public without going through a taxed to death middleman. It is, in our humble opinion, a terminally civilized idea. That might explain why the Skipper wants to put an end to this practice:

"It's the degeneration of society. It's one of the causes of public drunkenness in the slums. As of today, I want the National Guard to stop the beer trucks and take them to the nearest command post. No more trucks." (The Skipper’s beer truck announcement)

Fear not, adult beverage afficionados, thirsty Venezuelans can still get a brewskie at licensed liquor emporiums, but the days of sending little Juanita down to the curb to grab a few brewskies for dear old dad are over. Pardon me while I take a brief time out. This tragic tale of woe has me all choked up. (Sniffle, sniffle.)

England
Thanks to an edict from those Nanny State Nitwits running the EU, Brit drivers will be compelled to drive with their headlights on during daylight hours. It’s for their own good, these EU asshats insist, spouting drivel about how much safer it is. Brit officials aren’t exactly thrilled spitless about this new edict, but there’s not a lot they can do to stop it. That’s the price they chose to pay when they surrendered British sovereignty to a group of wild-eyed European Korrectnik asshats.

The good news - such as it is - is that this edict won’t take effect until 2010 at the earliest. That gives the U.K.’s rational adults a tad over 3 years to find some way out of this "for your own good" bovine excrement.

Nanny State Nonsense
Source: PIG News Wire [10/03/06]

Cornwall (England)
Needing to go shopping and worried that she’d lose her prime parking spot by her abode, Debbie Allen hatched a spiffy plan. She put her trash bin in the desired parking spot to keep someone else from poaching it while she was gone. It worked like a champ, but it did hit a speed bump when someone called the cops to complain. Big, big fun.

Debbie had returned from the store and put the trash bin back where it belonged, long before she heard that knock on her front door. The cop seemed apologetic enough, but he told her that he made the 20 mile round trip to Debbie’s home to admonish her for "blocking the road" (a bogus charge since the bin was by the curb, between two other parked cars) with her trash bin. If she did it again, she’d be fined by some humor-challenged Brit bureaucrat.

We applaud Debbie for her ingenuity and agree with her that life must be spiffy if the Newquay cops can send someone on a 20 mile jaunt because of a trash bin.

Chicago (Illinois)
The Nanny State Nitwits running the Windy City into the ground are doing it again. Now that Chicago denizens have been rescued from overstuffed geese, the City Council decided to save some-damn-body from the next infamous evil plaguing the city. This time out, the pernicious blight that’s being eradicated is a mainstay of many a lad’s childhood: BB and pellet guns. The new edict also bans the sale and possession of any replica [gun] that shoots a projectile. The excuse, as if you can’t guess, is the slaughter of school girls in Pennsylvania, an atrocity that had nothing whatsoever to do with BB or pellet guns. When did Chicago turn into a blight infested by cringing, korrectnik cretins?

Essex (England)
The councils of two seaside towns - Harwich, Essex and neighboring Dovercourt - just took all the joy out of the forthcoming Christmas season. Thanks to some national guidelines that are written to make work for certain trades, a city is forced to hire "qualified electricians" to hang up those Christmas lights that never seem to twinkle the way they did in the store. Harwich puts the price tag for a trained pro at £2,000, while Dovercourt pins a cashbox draining £10,000 price tag on the same job in their city. How much must England suck if their bureaucrats have time to decree "national guidelines" for the "installation, operation and removal of seasonal decorations"?

---

Another Jersey Switcheroo?
Source: AP [09/29/06]

After Jon Corzine abandoned his Senate seat to take the reins of New Jersey’s government in a special gubernatorial election, one of his first tasks was to name his replacement in the U.S. Senate. His choice, Robert Menendez, seemed like a good one, at the time. Fast forward to the present and Senator Menendez is in a dogfight with a pesky Elephant Clan candidate named Tom Kean, Jr. to keep his Senate seat. Big, big, fun.

A dark cloud of ethical accusations hanging over Senator Menendez’s head is making this election much closer than it should be in a state that hasn’t elected an Elephant Clan senator in more then 30 years. Painfully aware of Donkey Clan trickery, the Elephant Clan is worried - quite rightly - that New Jersey’s Donkey Clan punks will pull another Jersey Switcheroo like they did in 2002 when Senator Robert Torricelli was trailing badly in the polls mere weeks before the election. Unwilling to take that loss, New Jersey’s Donkey Clan yanked Torricelli and replaced him with Frank Lautenberg, two weeks after the law-mandated deadline for candidate switches had expired. We all remember how an eager to please New Jersey Supreme Court gave its blessing to this Jersey Switcheroo, thus salvaging a Donkey Clan Senate seat.

The question uppermost in Elephant Clan minds is this: will the Donkey Clan pull another Jersey Switcheroo in 2006? The Donkey Clan hacks steadfastly deny any Jersey Switcheroo plans, but their protests are falling on deaf Elephant Clan ears. Why? It’s all about a ‘pledge’:

‘...New Jersey Republican Party Chairman Tom Wilson has repeatedly asked his Democratic counterpart, Assemblyman Joe Cryan, to sign a pledge that neither party would replace their U.S. Senate candidate. "Your failure to sign this pledge two weeks ago has resulted in continued speculation that you and other party leaders are conspiring to pull another switcheroo," Wilson wrote in a letter sent Thursday to Cryan. "Signing this pledge today would put an end to any further speculation. Failure to do so would only fuel talk that the Democrat leadership is, in fact, working to replace Mr. Menendez with a candidate whose flaws are, at this point, less well known."...’ (AP)

Is there another Jersey Switcheroo in the offing? You better believe it, Sparky. The instant Menendez starts trailing in the voter preference polls, he’ll be gone in a heartbeat. You can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that the rat bastards on the Jersey Supreme Court will rubber stamp this blatant violation of the state’s election laws, again. The names might have changed, but Jersey politics still reeks like an open sewer.

Big Apple Fat Nazi Mind-Blower
Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [09/29/06]

We’re pleased to report that the Big Apple has resolved all those pesky issues that make living in New York City an on-going adventure. Traffic? No problem. We’re sure the streets are wide open for your use and that parking is so plentiful that meter maids are offering valet parking services. Crime? Doesn’t exist anymore, now that all those muggers, drug dealers, hooker and other miscreants have shed their antisocial ways. The Educrap system? It’s so spiffy that 6 year old’s are speaking like PHD’s. How do we know all this? Why haven’t you heard it elsewhere? As usual, we have the answer.

With all the foregoing problems, and others too numerous to mention solved, Big Apple hacks are borrowing a page from the Windy City’s playbook and tinkering with the food Big Apple denizens are allowed eat. The Food Nazis in the Big Apple’s public health bureaucracy proposed a regulation that would ban the city’s eateries from cooking with oils or margarines that contain trans fats. Failure to switch to a city approved cooking oil would earn those dastardly food wranglers a fine that is a proposed $200 to $2,000 per incident. A second proposed regulation would require that "some major chains such as Starbucks, Subway and McDonald’s list the calories for items on the menus or menu board". Big, big fun, but utterly moronic.

Listing calories is, these days, a bragging rights game. Great zot, Burger King is bragging about it’s new "coronary on a bun" burger - four patties, four slices of cheese, eight slices of bacon and much more - that clocks in at 1,000 calories minimum. If these Big Apple Health Nazis think listing calories will scare off customers, they’re tragically delusional.

Tampa’s Digital Sign Jihad
Source: St. Petersburg Times [09/25/06]

"We feel that [digital signs are] distracting. When you see these signs, you tend to want to look at them. We don't want it to look like Times Square." (One of Tampa’s sign Jihadikazes)

Based on a preponderance of the evidence, property rights are as dead as the dodo bird in Tampa, thanks to the city’s code enforcement bureaucrats. An excellent example is an ordinance that limits ways a capitalist can use his digital sign to advertise his wares. Spouting drivel about enhancing public safety, Tampa’s code enforcement cretins perpetrated this liberty-infringing gem:

‘...Tampa's sign code prohibits "activated" electric signs that change images or messages more than once every 24 hours. Code enforcement director Curtis Lane said only a handful of businesses have been cited for the signs, but city officials recently cited a Walgreen's near downtown for its electric sign, which alternated images to inform people of pricing specials...’ (Times)

As fun as this sounds, it gets better, because these non-negotiable rules only apply to capitalists. Government and quasi-government entities like the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center are given an exemption from the digital signs edict. Apparently, the bureaucrats who penned this edict are convinced the government digital signs won’t cause a motorist to get distracted but a car selling capitalist’s sign will. Bold new concept.

Tampa’s primaeval sign edict eradicates advances in billboard technology that allows several capitalist firms to share a sign that can change its message/advertisement every 6 seconds. This technology allows someone to change the advertising on the sign with a few key strokes instead of sending out Hank and Zeke to paste up some new paper. While the rest of the world has entered the computer age, Tampa and its code enforcement twerps are mired in the stone age. It’s shocking that Tampa’s twerps can’t wrap their synapses around a simple concept like "my property, my sign, butt the hell out, Nanny State Sparky".

Nanny State Nonsense
Source: PIG News Wire [09/22/06]

DLC In IRS Bull’s-Eye
Recently, the IRS demonstrated a heretofore undetected sense of humor when they revoked the tax-exempt status of Bubba Clinton’s Democratic Leadership Council (DLC). The reason for this revocation is the fun fact that - gasp - the group’s efforts benefit ‘a private group - Democrats running for office - rather than the public at large’ (News Max). Bubba’s DLC homeboys responded with a lawsuit so we can look forward to an immensely entertaining food fight.

Nanny State Fishing Expedition
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales thinks it would be spiffy if the Capitol Hill cretins passed a law that forces Internet providers to preserve the records of their customers’ on-line activities for at least two years. Marching under a ‘fighting kiddie porn’ banner, Alberto played this "it’s for the children" ploy obsessively. The dirty little secret about this Nanny State snooping slipped out when FBI minions admitted that these records would be very useful in other types of fishing expeditions - terrorism being a prime example.

When a rational adult says, "I don’t think so, Big Brother is watching Sparky", the predictable Nanny State nitwit response is "Why should you care if you’ve got nothing to hide." Despite the fact that I have nothing to hide, where I go on the Internet, the books I choose to read, the movies I like to watch is none of the Nanny States goddamn business.

All Play and No Work
Source: PIG News Wire [09/20/06]

Once upon a time in a differently-ethical realm called New Jersey, there was a work-seeking man named Wayne. Wayne had a job but decided to do a bit of moonlighting to fill those idle hours and keep him off the streets. In the fullness of time, Wayne landed a spiffy job with an Ivory Tower named the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. For reasons that will soon become clear, the Eggheads decided that Wayne was uniquely qualified for a certain job that paid $35,000 per year for 3 hours "work" every Tuesday. The job was, without putting too fine a point on it, a lobbyist position. Wayne got $35,000 a year to persuade the New Jersey legislature in general and the Senate Budget Committee in particular to send more of those stolen tax dollars the university's way. Big fun, but it gets much better.

Wayne was very successful, since during his lobbyist stint he helped increase the university's cut of the stolen loot from $2.8 million per year to $12.8 million per year over a 3-year period. Most amazing of all, Wayne managed this by showing up at the school for three hours every Tuesday to read his newspaper. Confused? Don't be. You see, PIGsters, Wayne is New Jersey State Senator Wayne Bryant, chairman of the Senate Budget Committee. In other words, the university paid him $35,000 a year to lobby himself and it was, in their eyes, money well spent.

He's getting $35,000 a year, for three hours work a week? He's getting paid to talk to himself? Where the hell do I sign up?

Outsourcing Strikes Again
Source: MSNBC [09/18/06]

If you've tried to purchase a Sudafed or any other similar medication that contains pseudoephedrine, you're painfully aware that it's a painful process riddled with unnecessary bureaucrat-imposed bovine excrement. We're forced to endure this unrelenting crap because our Elected Tormentors are determined to make it much, much harder for America's meth making entrepreneurs to make this illicit drug by limiting their access to the essential chemical ingredients: pseudoephedrine and ephedrine. Did they succeed? Yes, and no.

The good news is that the number of American meth labs is decreasing. The bad news is that instead of taking meth off street, they simply outsourced meth production to Mexico. MSNBC shared this spiffy War On Drugs reality check:

'...[The victory over American meth labs] faded as international drug cartels distributing a purer form of the drug known as "ice rushed in to fill the void...'

"The [American] labs start to decline and you're happy, but the imported meth hit us hard...It's cheaper now to buy it on the streets." (Phil Price, regional drug czar for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation)

While we're forced to beg, plead and grovel for one goddam box of Sudafed, the drug cartels to whom the Feds outsourced meth product are, as MSNBC reports "using chemicals diverted by the ton from pharmaceutical companies in Asia. Big, big fun.

Let's review this tribute to Nanny State outsourcing: Uncle Sam makes it damn near impossible for me to buy a damn Sudafed. He goes flat out to shut down domestic meth labs. International drug cartels move quickly to fill the void. Meth availability skyrockets, prices drop, quality increases but that's okay because Billy-Bob can't buy the Sudafed he needs to make a batch of meth in his basement. Holy law of unintended consequences, Batman.

Legislative Monkeywrench of the Week
Source: AP [09/17/06]

The more I learn about the way our Elected Tormentors work, the more amazed I am than any damn thing ever gets done. By now, we are all painfully aware of a legislative speed bump called the filibuster, which is, in essence, an endless debate the requires a daunting 60 votes to put it out of our misery. There is, another, much less publicized monkeywrench that is a nifty bill killer that only requires one senator to get the job done.

This parliamentary pain in the butt is called a "hold". On the face of it, the damn thing sounds harmless enough. It starts - and often ends - with a message from a given senator to his party leader that he, she, heshe or it wants to be notified when a certain bill comes up for consideration. Since the senate, routinely, employs "unanimous consent" on a variety of pesky parliamentary details to keep things rolling, a single recalcitrant senator can jam the gears of government. According to veteran Elephant Clan senator Trent Lott, putting a hold on a bill is "the same as shooting it in the head with a bullet".

The dirty little secret about holds is that it's hard for a rational, civilian, adult to find out who put a hold on a given bill. There are, however, ways to get around this pesky problem. In fact, it was done quite recently with astounding success:

‘...The practice drew public attention last month when Internet bloggers became outraged that a few senators anonymously blocked a bill by Sens. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., and Barak Obama, D-Ill., that would create a Google-like database for tracking government spending on grants and contracts.

Irate bloggers began calling every Senate office in and effort to try and find the culprit. Eventually, the bloggers bagged their prey - sens Ted Stevens, R-Alaska and Robert Byrd, D-W.Va. Once exposed, Stevens and Byrd quickly dropped their holds , the Senate passed the bill, the House followed suit and it went to President Bush last week...’ (AP)

PIGish kudos are conferred on those Internet bloggers who showed us that as powerful as it is, the hold, can't stand up to a citizens ultimate weapon against Elected Tormentors: public exposure.

Kinky's Platform
Source: AP [09/16/06]

Independent candidate for governor of Mexas, Kinky Friedman is thrilling the socks off Lone Star State chad punchers with his political views. Just for the fun of it, we'll run a few of his notions up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes them.

Marijuana
Kinky wants to legalize it because, among other things nonviolent pot users take up valuable graybar space that should be used for violent offenders. If you need his views from the horse's mouth, here's a taste. "I think [legalizing marijuana] is long over due. I think everybody knows that what (U.S. Sen.) John McCain said it right: We've pretty well lost the war on drugs doing it the way we're doing it. Drugs are more available and cheaper than ever before. What we're doing is not working."

Death Penalty
Kinky says he'd use the governor's one-time 30-day reprieve to make sure the rat bastard destined to die has it coming. We're not thrilled with this plank of Kinky's platform, but for those who care, here's the relevant Kinky quote: "I would be very careful killing a guy. I think there are people who need to die, but the question I've asked mostly is: When was the last time we've executed a rich man in Texas?"

Hiring More Cops in Houston
Apparently Kinky landed in some hot water when he called some of Hurricane Katrina refugees "crackheads and thugs". He continued with a promise that as governor, he'd give Houston officials $100 million dollars to hire more cops. In a heartbeat the usual whiners were calling Kinky a racist. Here's the money quote: "I am not a racist, I am a realist. In looking at the statistics, I know that 20 percent of the homicides in Houston have been committed by the element in the evacuee population. I never said what color their skin was. I never said that all evacuees are crack dealers or crackheads. I'm smarter than that."

So far Governor Perry is ahead in the polls, but, according to an AP scribe, Perry "isn't running away with it". All things considered, we still think a Governor Kinky Friedman would be big time fun.

Bristol’s Nanny State Nitwits
Source: AFP [09/14/06]

We’re pleased to report that Bristol (England) has cleared up all the city’s major problems. Poverty, crime and infrastructure are so completely mastered they’re free to deal with certain "annoyances". How, you ask, can we prove that all of Bristol’s major issues are under control? The answer to that question is contained in this letter from the Bristol city council:

"During a routine health and safety inspection of the block, it was noted that loose mats were present in hallways or corridors outside people's flats. These represent a 'tripping hazard' and should be removed immediately. By all means have your own mats inside your front door, but please do not leave them outside, creating a risk to others."

That’s right, PIGsters, Bristol’s number one with a bullet issue is door mats. According to this Bristol edict, the lucky recipients of this door mat letter have until September 18th to remove those dastardly door mats. Those who refuse to comply will have their unsafe at any speed door mat removed by a duly appointed Bristol minion. Asinine? You better damn believe it, Nanny State Nitwit Sparky.

"Strange Bedfellows" in Minnesota
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [09/11/06]

The venerable term "strange bedfellows" is especially apt when it comes to Minnesota’s State Senator Paul Koering (Elephant Clan). Coming as he does from a socially conservative district in central Minnesota, Paul seemed made to order with his views: abortion opponent, supports gun rights, staunch believer in property rights, a vocal advocate for veterans. His supporters were stunned, last year, when Paul was the only Elephant Clan legicrat who voted with the Donkey Clan to black flag a floor vote on gay marriage. That move got tongues wagging and as a result Paul confessed his differently-heterosexual credentials.

The political food fight that surrounds Paul’s re-election bid breaks down along the usual fault lines. The Log Cabin Republicans are invoking the "big tent" metaphor when they urge the Elephant Clan to cut Paul some political slack on his GLAAD BAAGism. Paul’s Elephant Clan opponent, Kevin Goedker, is sympathetic, but sounds this clarion call:

"People of high moral values and integrity must rally and support candidates who will work to bring ethics, morals and family values back into government." [Translation: This Elephant Clan tent is big, but not big enough for the likes of Paul.]

Is he right or will Paul’s incumbent status prevail?

Update: The votes are tabulated and Paul proved his opponent wrong. The Elephant Clan chad punchers in his district voted 3,956-3,270 to let Paul stay inside the big tent. Bold new concept.

ACLU In the Cross-Hairs
Source: World Net Daily [09/09/06]

Thanks to prevailing federal law, whenever the ACLU mounts one of its lawsuits against the government - at any level - a judge can - an invariably does - force the government (taxpayers) - to pay the ACLU’s attorney’s fees. It’s a very enriching process that fills ACLU coffers at your expense. It’s also a very powerful cudgel that helps the ACLU use this "we’re going to kill you with our attorney’s fees" threat to force their target of the moment to backdown without a costly court fight. That big time fun might change, if Indiana Congressman John Hostettler gets his way.

His bill which just emerged from the House Judiciary Committee is called the ‘Public Expression of Religion Act and would, if enacted into law, cut the money pipeline that funds the ACLU with all those attorney’s fees in Establishment Clause cases. His bill’s chances with the full house are unknown, but he’s probably encouraged by the fact that Senator Sam Brownback has a similar bill making its way through the Senate.

As much as we’d love to get the ACLU out of our wallet, we’re not willing to salute Hostettler’s bill until we get a chance to peruse those devilish details.

Yer Outta Here, Skinny Minnie
Source: AFP [09/08/06]

With all their major problems solved, the Madrid regional government went Nanny State bonkers in their zeal to rescue young Spanish girls from getting what the NO NADs call an "unhealthy body image". How? They just painted a Spanish lingo bull’s-eye on high fashion models that are "excessively skinny":

‘...The authorities collaborated with a Spanish health organisation to come up with a minumum body mass -- a height-weight ratio -- of 18 for the models. Spanish daily ABC said it was the first time such restrictions had been imposed on a fashion show, although a recent wedding dress exhibition in Barcelona banned fashion models who took a dress size below 38 (British size 10, US size eight)...’ (AFP)

This just in! "It’s for the children" is alive and well in Madrid.

Kilt-Wearing Nanny State Nitwits
Source: Scotsman [09/05/06]

We’re amazed, but far from amused, to report that the Aberdeenshire Council squanders the taxpayers hard earned money on a full-time "trampolining development officer". That’s right, PIGsters, they pay a shameless twit named John Wills to visit schools and youth clubs to lecture them on the proper way to jump on a trampoline. We had no idea that there was a trampoline injury epidemic in Aberdeenshire.

Undaunted by the richly deserved brickbats coming his way, John ‘Trampoline Twit’ Wills is determined to save those innocent tykes from a trampoline-induced boo-boo: "I’m passionate about trampolining, but I'm also passionate about children’s safety."

PIG News feels confident that this Trampoline Twit twaddle will elevate the Aberdeenshire Council to the Nanny State money squandering hall of shame.

An Up and Coming "Public Policy Issue"?
Source: Washington Times [09/05/06]

As a public service, PIG News wants to warn its readers about what appears to be a new public policy issue in the making. The dreaded malady is hearing loss and the deep pockets in the bull’s-eye are the manufacturers of your MP3 player and you’re Ipod. According to Pam Mason, director of Audiology Professional Practices with the American Speech-Language Hearing Association, prolonged - hours at a time - use of these and similar high tech toys are damaging the users hearing at an accelerated rate.

For now, Pam is content to collect data and "study" the problem, but she is already thisclose to invoking the public policy issue trigger word:

"There hasn't been enough time since the digital music players have been available for research to be completed. "We're going to see a greater incidence of hearing loss with digital technology. It's just so convenient to enjoy it for any length of time. It's a wonderful technology...The digital domain is high fidelity and enjoyable."

‘...The gadgets also open up a range of educational options, such as having children prepare book reports as podcasts to be downloaded onto their MP3 players. That's even more reason why children and adults alike should understand the hearing issues that can emerge with overuse. "It's a critical time for parents and teachers to understand that noise-induced hearing loss is preventable...’ (Washington Times)

That’s right PIGsters. She’s getting ready to unleash the Nanny State’s favorite excuse "It’s for the children." PIG is willing to go the extra mile and dispense the relevant, hearing-saving advice, free of charge: "I you want to save your hearing, turn down the damn volume, moron."

---

More Political Fun and Games
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [08/31/06]

Rhode Island
An Elephant Clan political hack who thinks he’d make a spiffy U.S. Senator for The Ocean State got tripped up when some eager Donkey Clan sleuth’s uncovered his college-era prose about the differently-heterosexual. The candidate’s name is Steve Laffey and he’s painted with a homophobic paintbrush for some mid ‘80's era articles he wrote for the Bowdoin College (Maine) Elephant Clan fishwrap.

Dastardly prose example 1 opines that "GLAAD BAAGs are inherently unhappy":

"This is not to say there aren't any; I simply haven't seen one in my lifetime. Maybe they are all in the closet. All the homosexuals I've seen are sickly and decrepit, their eyes devoid of life." (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

Dastardly prose example 2 frets that pop music is turning American listeners into "sissies". He goes on to paint a "what’s up with this" bull’s-eye on Boy George:

"It wears girl's clothes and puts on makeup. When I hear it sing, 'Do you really want to hurt me, do you really want to make me cry,' I say to myself, YES, I want to punch your lights out, pal, and break your ribs." (Post-Intelligencer)

Does Steve-o regret the "sophomoric political satire" he penned during his college days? We’ll let him answer that one:

"Do I regret some of these things? Sure, but at the time, we were just having fun. We thought it was funny." (Post-Intelligencer)

Since we haven’t seen the full text of Steve-o’s college-era prose, we’ll reserve judgement on its allegedly humorous qualities. For now, his political fate rests with Rhode Island’s chad punchers. So be it.

Brit Nanny State Nitwit Double Whammy
Source: PIG’s Brit Correspondent Anthony [08/31/06]

Ageism Bonkers
New, Draconian, Nanny State nitwit laws that take effect on October 1st will add new hurtles for beleaguered Brit capitalists to surmount. This hurdle involves a Korrectnik concept called "ageism": rejecting an applicant because he, she, heshe or it is either too old, or too young. Big, big fun. Under this new edict, such popular job posting terms as "experienced", "youthful" and/or "energetic" could land an employee-seeking capitalist in big trouble with the relevant brain-dead Brit bureaucrats.

Large firms with a trained personnel department probably won’t find this new edict too oppressive, since some clever human resources twerp will find a way to elicit the relevant information on the sly. They have their ways, and everyone knows about them. Small, mom and pop firms, on the other hand could be in for a rude "employment tribunal" awakening, because they aren’t highly trained hiring specialists who are experts in avoiding bureaucratic trip wires.

A core capitalist concept - a willing employer and a willing worker striking a bargain - is deader than the legendary Dodo bird in the U.K.

Unnatural Selection
"If we are not prepared to predict and intervene far more early then there are children that are going to grow up in families that we know perfectly well are completely dysfunctional, and the kids a few years down the line are going to be a menace to society and actually a threat to themselves." (Tony Blair as quoted by The Guardian)

Brit Prime Minister Blair borrowed a page from the Huxley’s "Brave New World" with a Nanny State scheme that could, if it’s taken to its Draconian extreme, have the Nanny State dictating which individuals may procreate. The pesky problem that put Blair on this liberty-suffocating path involves hooligans who make life miserable for every-damn-body. The Brit government has, so far, been unable to bring these "Yobs" under control. Now, Blair seems intent on doing the next best thing, by preventing them from being born in the first place. How? By identifying those individuals likely to produce a hooligan and coercing them into compliance. If they won’t "accept" Nanny State "assistance", uh, voluntarily, pressure will be applied until the breeders do the right thing, for society as a whole.

[PIG’s Brit correspondent Andrew, files this report on Tony Blair’s latest Nanny State Nitwit notion.]

He wants to use profiling to detect the kind of parents who are likely to bring children into this world who may become anti social [lots of 'maybe's' and 'likely's' in his reasoning]. ASBO's (anti social behaviour orders) were introduced a few years ago in the UK. They don't seem to be working too well. Notwithstanding the fact they are largely ineffective against those whom the law was created for in the first place, does not stop New Labour.

Prenatal ASBO's bold new concept..

Nothing like being profiled from the moment of conception eh? What's next? Enforced sterility for those 'not making the grade'? I'm all for identifying troublemakers and having them dealt with, but the basis of law is that you first have to commit a crime and then be found guilty for it. Crime prevention is a complicated subject to do with many factors. This one stop [let's make assumptions] solution optimises the nonsensical cure-all approach to all of societies troubles by New Labour.

It sort of clashes with the government's reluctance to use profiling to identify criminals such as - oooh, errr - terrorists. Laughable.

Political Fun And Games
Source: PIG News Wire [08/19/06]

Tennessee
The Donkey Clan is in an uproar over an incident involving an Elephant Clan minion armed with - gasp - a laser pointer. The drama unfolded when Will Hammond - a regional field director for the Donkey Clan - attended an Elephant Clan gubernatorial campaign rally with a cameraman in tow. While Will and his cameraman were filming the rally for dastardly political reasons, members of the Elephant Clan campaign staff tried to disrupt them by flashing a laser pointer at them. Will Hammond whined to the cops and complained that his eyes hurt for at least 2 hours after the incident.

The Elephant Clan admitted to the cops that they tried to disrupt the filming with laser pointers, but insisted that the targeted the camera, not the individuals. According to these laser pointer wranglers, the implement in question makes a video camera go out of focus. The cops nodded thoughtfully, then warned the laser pointer wranglers about "the legal ramifications if a person’s eyesight was damaged by the lasers". For now, legally speaking, this incident is "no harm, no foul", but you can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that the Donkey Clan whining over it will be deafening.

Mexas
The Lone Star State’s forthcoming gubernatorial sweepstakes strayed farther into the fun zone thanks to PIG’s pick for "spiffiest candidate of the year", Kinky Friedman. During a campaing appearance, Kinky unveiled his pick to lead the state department of energy that he plans to organize, after he’s elected. Citing the candidate’s well-documented success in supplying biodiesel as a clean burning fuel for truckers, Kinky declared that none other than country music star, Willie Nelson, was his choice to lead this new department.

For those who obsess on such trivia, here’s a heads-up on biodiesel and Kinky Friedman’s energy plan for Mexas:

‘...BioWillie [is a] brand of the clean-burning fuel for truckers. It is made from used vegetable oils or soybeans and is blended with diesel, and does not require modification to diesel engines. Nelson is on the board of directors of Dallas-based Earth Biofuels, which produces biodiesel and is the exclusive distributor of Nelson's signature brand of biodiesel...’ (WOAI)

‘...[Friedman] plans to have 35,000 school buses running on biodiesel fuel, as well as his own vehicle. He said as it catches on, some 7 percent or 8 percent of Texans will be trying biodiesel, resulting in lower prices at gas stations because of supply and demand...’ (WOAI)

Putting Willie Nelson in charge of the energy department is a promising start, but only a start. PIG thinks that Kinky should follow up by appointing differently-sober Anna Nicole Smith to head the state’s out of control Booze Nazi Brigade. When it comes to adult beverage, nobody comes close to Anna Nicole.

Washington
The Great Northwest Nitwits are taking the news in stride, more or less. That’s due, we suspect, to the fact that the Donkey Clan controls both houses of the state legislature and the governorship. What news are they taking in stride? The usual suspects are coping with the spiffy fact that 39 candidates running for the state legislature have already won their November 2006 election bids. How? All 39 are running unopposed.

Due to the way districts are drawn, the overwhelming advantage enjoyed by incumbents, and the high cost of running for office in 2006, many legislative races are over before they start. Faced with that bitter reality, why even bother fielding a candidate?

Is this unopposed candidate scam a big deal? Not according to the Donkey Clan’s Party Chairman, Dwight Pelz:

I wouldn't say people should worry. I think in Washington state, Democrats and Republicans are competing on the issues and are posing viable alternatives to the people."

The state’s vastly outnumbered rational adults see the problem of unopposed races very clearly:

‘...the lack of competition can lead to a less-responsive Legislature because politicians who don't have to worry about getting kicked out of office are less likely to listen to their voters. Unopposed candidates in safe seats also can have disproportionate influence in Olympia. They tend to stick around in office longer, and gain power through longevity. Plus they can raise buckets of cash they don't need and give it back to their party — another measure of political clout...’ (Seattle Times)

Don’t hold your breath waiting for the meatheads running this rain soaked outpost of unrelenting liberalism to make any meaningful electoral changes any time soon. They like things just the way they are, since nobody has a snowball’s chance in hell of dislodging them from power.

Donkey Clan Steps In It
Source: Washington Times [08/17/06]

The pinheads running the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC) probably hoped that the usual, chronically offended suspects wouldn’t notice an ad on their Web site. What ad? Don’t bother going to the cyberspace pitstop in question because this gem is long gone. The Moonies running the Washington Times describe it this way:

‘...The 35-second ad, released on its Web site earlier this week, criticizes the Bush administration as leaving America unsecured by showing illegal aliens scaling a border fence. That scene is mixed with images of Osama bin Laden and North Korean President Kim Jong-il...’

‘...The ad is part of a Democratic effort to bolster support on security issues, on which they have long been perceived as weak and Republicans have been perceived as strong...’

‘..."Security Under Bush and GOP?" flashes on the screen at the start, followed by scenes of terrorists, bin Laden, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and footage from recent terrorist attacks. With disconcerting music in the background, the words "4 times as many terrorist attacks in 2005" appears on screen.

As the music continues, the ad goes directly into footage of a person climbing over a border fence as the words "millions more illegal immigrants" appear on the screen. In the next scene, Mr. Kim appears with a passing tank. "North Korea has quadrupled its nuclear arsenal" flashes across the screen...’

'The last frames of the ad contain the words "Feel safer? Vote for change."...’

Outrage came thick and fast, much of it aimed at everyone’s favorite Senatorial Scumbag, Chucky Schumer, the clown who spearheads the DSCC:

"To liken Latino immigrants to bazooka-toting terrorists not only undermines the positive relationship our party has with this community, but it also lowers us to a despicable level as breeders of unfounded fear and hatred.." (Houston City Council punk and Colonista coddler, Carol Alvorado)

"This is the same kind of fear mongering we condemn in the extreme media, and now we are seeing it at the DSCC. It's appalling." (A National Council of La Raza spokesdolt)

If that’s not enough to thrill Chucky spitless, there’s this fun fact: Garry Birnberg, chairman of the Harris County (Mexas) Donkey Clan cabal called for an end to donations to Chucky Schumer’s DSCC. Big, big, fun. If Chucky wanted to "energize" the base, his plan worked like gang-busters, but not the way he intended. Nice move, Senator Sparky.

Nanny State Nitwits Foreign and Domestic
Source: Golden Oinks 2006 [08/11/06]

Minnesota (USA)
On its face, an epic about the state of Minnesota trying to pull the license of a massage therapist for having sex with a (former) client isn't PIG-worthy. The Nanny State edict in question is a 2000 vintage goodie that bans massage therapists from having sex with a former client for two years after the last massage session. Setting aside the fetid fact that this is none of the Nanny State's business, we concentrate, instead on the case in question.

A massage therapist whom we will, for now, call "LaRae" doesn't deny that she plied her trade on Kirk Fjellman from October 2000 to May 2002. Furthermore, she doesn't deny that she began dating Kirk in July 2002 and, eventually, got horizontal and squishy with him a few months later. What puts this story on the Golden Oinks 2006 radar is the fact that Kirk is LaRae Lundeen Fjellman's husband. That's right, PIGsters, under this asinine edict a massage therapist who marries one of her clients can lose her license for boinking him.

Edinburgh (Scotland)
One of the venerable features at a the Edinburgh Fringe arts festival (Scotland) is a portrayal of a famous Brit Prime Minister, Winston Churchill. Unless you're a complete moron, you know that Churchill's signature prop is his cigar. Thanks to Scotland's Draconian Smoke Nazi laws, lighting up Churchill's cigar is a no-no for the man who portrays him, Mel Smith. To his credit, Mel struck a blow against this rampant political correctness by lighting up his cigar during a press photo shoot for the play, "Allegiance". He also mulled defying the ban, but he decided against it, since it, quite likely, force the whole theater to shut down.

Would allowing Mel to light up during his portrayal of Winston Churchill destroy life in Scotland? Nope, but don't try to explain that to Scotland's Smoke Nazis, because their alleged brains aren't wired for 'logic'.

Invoking the Nanny State, Again
Source: PIG News Wire [08/05/06]

The differently-capitalist dweebs infesting a Great Northwest Nitwit cabal called "Take Back Your Time" are shocked and dismayed that American capitalists aren't giving their workers sufficient vacation time. Why, they whine, can't we be more like Europe where employers are forced by the Nanny State to give each employee a given period of paid vacation? Why not indeed, asks another Left Coast cabal that's also differently-capitalist. It won't shock you to learn that "Work to Live" has its headquarters in Soviet Monica, Mexifornia.

Neither of these cabals dares to take a step back and ask themselves the salient question. Why is this any of the Nanny State's damn business? Vacation time is a matter that, quite properly, must be a matter that's negotiated between an employer and his employee. The Nanny State's only legitimate role is butting the hell out.

Another Northwest Nitwit Assault on Capitalism
Source: PIG News Wire [08/05/06]

A Washington bowling alley named Kenmore Lanes - and it's adjunct, the 11th Frame Casino - were already open and operating in unincorporated Kings County (Washington) but that all changed in 2003. That's when some local pinheads decided to create the city of Kenmore, political hijinks that put Kenmore Lanes in their clutches. The real trouble started almost immediately, when the city passed an ordinance that banned cardrooms, including the 11th Frame Casino. Big, big fun.

The capitialists running Kenmore Lanes got lawyered up and took the city to court, but what passes for justice in this liberal enclave didn't give them any relief. This week, Kenmore Lanes lost its case in a U.S. District Court, an event that seems to doom the bowling alley's primary source of revenue, the card room. The city thinks it would be spiffy if Kenmore Lanes would simply close the card room, but keep the bowling alley and restaurant open for business. Kenmore Lane's owners shot the idea down, explaining to the liberal scumbags running the city of Kenmore that without the card room revenue, they were out of business.

File this sad story in your growing stack of "proof that capitalism is dead in Washington state" epics.

Nanny State Nitwit Antics
Source: PIG News Wire [08/04/06]

Denver (Colorado)
If you're a Mile High City denizen and, routinely ride your bike in the city's Washington Park, we have some spiffy news for you. Beginning immediately, Denver's men and women in blue will be strictly enforcing the parks 15 mile per hour speed limit. If you noticed those yellow lines painted down the middle of the Washington Park path, you might want to review the park's rules of line-honoring engagement. If you're on a bike, you use the outside lane and travel counterclockwise. Everyone else is supposed to use the inner lane and travel clockwise. Are we all on the same page now or do you need a comprehensive traffic pattern drawing?

If you enjoy playing Tour De Denver in the park at speeds greater than 15mph, the cops can't wait to "discuss" it with you. Why? The cops cite the fact that faster than a speeding bullet bike riders are a hazard to navigation for those Denver denizens who like to stroll through the park with the tykes and/or Fido. Do everyone a favor, Sporty. Slow down and try not to run over that bipolar mutt, because he's just ornery enough to ruin your whole day.

Loveland (Colorado)
Panties are in a major wad in this Colorado town over a piece of public artwork called "Triangle". Shaped like - duh - a "triangle" it depicts three nude humans - two women and a man - but it's not as salacious as you think. The man and one woman are standing on the pedestal toe to toe, leaning away from each other. Together, they are holding the other woman over their heads. The standing woman is holding the elevated woman aloft by her hands hands while the man is holding the elevated woman by her feet. All things considered, it's very tame stuff. That might explain why Loveland's Visual Arts Commission decided to locate the artwork at a 'busy roundabout' on the east side of Loveland.

Tame or not, some of the locals want it moved to a park while others are hammering the city council to overrule Loveland's art cabal and get rid of the sculpture completely. Is it, as many say blatantly sexual, or is it tasteful nudity? That's not our call to make, so we'll provide you with a link and let you decide for yourself. (Link: Triangle)

---

Chicago Goes for Nanny State Nitwit Top Slot
Source: PIG News Wire [07/27/06]

The Windy City is widening its lead in the race to be named PIG's number one Nanny State Nitwit city. Leaving their rivals far behind, Windy City hacks are advancing on several "none of your damn business Nanny State punk" fronts. For the good of "society as a whole" members of the city council are determined to protect rational adults from the following alleged evils:

Foie gras: In April, Chicago stole a march on its rivals by banning the sale of this goose liver delicacy.

Trans fat oils: A proposed edict would ban fast food chains from cooking with these dastardly artery clogging oils.

Coffin nails: Last year, the city banned lighting up almost every damn where.

Cellidiocy: These pace setting Nitwits thwarted sure and swift Darwinian retribution by banning cell phone use while driving.

Crappy wages: This week, these council cretins ran a living wage (minimum wage on steroids) notion up the flagpole and saluted it.

It's an impressive list, and one that's certain to grow longer as time passes. At least one elected official, Mayor Richard M. Daley, has a clear view of these city council antics:"We have children getting killed by gang leaders and dope dealers. We have real issues here in this city. And we're dealing with foie gras? Let's get some priorities."

Are you going to let Chicago's hacks steal this coveted PIG prize without a fight? If you think your town has the right Nanny State Nitwit stuff, send us all the gruesome details.

Nanny State Nitwit News
Source: PIG News Wire [07/24/06]

Washington
The Great Northwest Nitwits have their panties in a wad - yes again - thanks to a bill that's making its way through the U.S. Congress. The legicrap in question is called the 'Business Activity Tax Simplification Act' and it reduces the size of the Tax Nazi bull's-eye certain states paint on capitalists. Confused? Don't be, because it's not as complicated as it sounds, so put the calculator away and pay attention:

'...Under the bill, some businesses could get off the hook for certain taxes if they had a limited sales or marketing presence in a given state. Specifically, companies whose representatives spend less than 22 days each year in a state would no longer have to pay business-and-occupation taxes on their sales and services...' (Seattle Times)

Under the existing state laws, some capitalists get nailed for state taxes when they spend a mere 2 days a month in a state. This tax scheme is most prevalent in states like Washington which don't impose corporate business taxes. Alarmed by the bill, the Great Northwest Nitwits sounded dire warnings of fiscal collapse and the ability of out of state businesses to achieve an unfair advantage on home grown businesses. The rational adults supporting the legicrap in question point out that only those firms that use state and local government's protections and benefits should be taxed to pay for them.