Asinine Egghead Antics
Source: World Net Daily [12/20]

Mexifornia Eggheads black flagged a Cross Cult group because, according to the Christian Student Association at California State University at San Bernardino's constitution, the group welcomed all the shades of the diversity rainbow, but reserved the right to exclude the differently-sexual and differently-religions. In other words, if you're a gay atheist, hit the road jack. CSUSB didn't go for it, insisting that the group must accept non-Christians and gays, who, somehow, managed to support the purpose of the group. I'd love to explain this Educrap bovine excrement to you, but I'm as clueless as you are on this one, Sparky

FIRE - Foundation for Individual Rights in Education is involved now, and that's good news for the Christian Student Association. FIRE went toe to toe with other schools over the same, or very similar issues and came away with scalps from such Ivory Towers as Tuffs, Rutgers, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Purdue, Ohio State, LSU and assorted others too numerous to mention. It will probably take a while to get the undivided attention of these CSUSB Eggheads, but it's a slam dunk that, sooner or later, bitter reality will set in and they will "clear up this unfortunate misunderstanding". The fact is that political correctness on campus loses much of his power when the bright light of bad publicity is shined on it. When it comes to illuminated Egghead antics, FIRE is second to none.

Judicial Insanity
Source: East Valley Tribune (Scottsdale) [12/17]

"[This Judicial Insanity] gives [Colonista government school inmates] a meaningless diploma that is a product of seat time rather than academic achievement. To tell these students that they’re going to get a diploma even though they can’t speak English and then have them compete in the economy is a terrible way to mislead the students." (Arizona State Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne)

A federal judge nailed Arizona officials, plus every legal resident of the state, with a ruling that mandates increased funding for Colonista government school inmates who can't - won't is much more likely - learn English. U.S. District Judge Raner Collins gives state legicrats 15 days after the session begins in January to "properly fund English learners or face fines of $500,000 per day" (Tribune). In addition, and much more destructive to the nation that pays his goddamn wages, this black robed asshat laid this smack down on Arizona: "English learners do not have to pass Arizona's Instrument to Measure Standards to receive high school diplomas" (Tribune).

The problem with "English learners" is largely self-inflicted. Their plight isn't exacerbated by a crippling lack of proper funding. Their fate isn't a dastardly plot by the Gringos to keep Spanish-speaking students down. Their fate is sealed by the incontrovertible fact that they don't give a rat's butt about learning English. Spanish works for their Colonista parents and it's just spiffy for them. Now, thanks to this robe-wearing rat bastard the state will be forced to pour more tax dollars down this Educrap rat hole, for nothing. Judge Collins just told every damn one of them that they get their high school diploma for registering their presence at roll call with a rousing "Si". If Judge Collins could find some excuse to put them on the Federal gravy train as soon as they graduate, life would be positively spiffy.

Home Schooling In Unexpected Places
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [12/11]

Home schooling isn't just a whitey thing anymore, according to this Seattle fishwrap. For a variety of reasons, Melanin-Enriched parents are pulling Jamal and Darcel from government schools so they can teach them the essentials at home. The primary concerns expressed by these parents include the sorry condition of government schools, guiding their tyke's moral upbringing and preserving their cultural heritage. An Egghead named Michael Apple - he's an educrap professor at the University of Wisconsin - put it this way:

'...[Apple] said much of the increase is seen in cities with histories of racial tensions and where black people feel alienated and marginalized. Some families decide to do it because public schools don't adequately teach African-American history and culture, some want to protect their children from school violence, "and for some, it's all of this and religion," Apple said...' (Post-Intelligencer)

You won't need Nostradamus to predict that this growing home schooling movement isn't thrilling certain Educrats spitless:

'...Joyce Burges, of the Baton Rouge, La., area, says she and other black home schoolers have been likened to traitors by people who think they've turned their backs on the struggle to gain equal access to public education. But she feels that when schools don't teach children to read, or fail to provide a safe place to learn, children should come first. "You do what you have to do that your children get an excellent education," she said. "Don't leave it up to the system."...' (Post-Intelligencer)

The minute someone breaks free of their assigned victim group and starts to make sound, rational decisions as an individual, they're branded a race traitor by the usual Ethnocrat suspects. It's all the proof you need that individualism - thinking for oneself - is the mortal enemy of group think. PIG confers heartfelt kudos on those concerned parents who defy the group think morons to do the right thing, the necessary thing, for their children.

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Camouflaged Educrap Chaos
Source: Lowell Sun (Massachusetts) [11/30]

A wenchlet who likes to stay on the cutting edge of teenage fashion, high school junior Shilo Lewis, decided to thrill everyone at Lowell High School with her spiffy new head to toe camouflage outfit. Tastefully outfitted with a camouflaged bandana for her hair, plus a camouflaged shirt, jacket and pants, Shilo was a fashionable eye-catching feast. Unfortunately, her outfit caught the untrained eyes of Lowell High's administrative killjoys. That fast, Shilo's outfit was declared uncool for school and she was sent home to put on more suitable government cess-school attire.

When challenged on this unfashionable decision, Lowell High's headmaster, Bill Samaras, insisted that his camouflage ban has nothing to do with the allegation that he's a Cindy Sheehan-class, military-despising peace punk. Perish the thought and shame on you for even thinking that about big bad Billy. Citing facts that nobody else entered into evidence, Billy insists that camouflage attire "has gang associations". It's curious - to say the least - that Billy is the only one in the Bay State that entertains this camouflaged gang attire delusion. Billy's antics are very damn suspicious, which explains why PIG News smells a peace punk who hasn't got the nads to admit it. Gotcha, Billy boy.

A Clinton-esque Word Parsing
Source: PIG News Wire [11/28]

Those pesky Montgomery County (Maryland) Educrats just got caught playing word games that make Bubba's prose parsing seem like kid stuff. It shouldn't shock regular PIG News readers to learn that this latest adventure in word-twisting involves the Montgomery County schools' sex educrap program. It might come as a thrilling surprise to learn that, in Montgomery County's alternative reality, there are, according to their sex educrap program, three forms of "abstinence". That's right "three".

The three forms of abstinence are documented in something called the "contraceptive comparison chart". Using this chart, abstinence in triplicate is a featured attraction in the 8th grade health class at Herbert Hoover Middle School:

Method One: Classic, keep it in your pants, Sparky, abstinence.

Method Two: Pull before you pop, Sparky abstinence, I.E., "Withdrawal (ejaculation outside the body)"

Method Three: That time honored Rosary True Believer gem, the rhythm system - no boinking during ovulation.

PIG News is compelled to side with the two concerned parents who kicked up a fuss over this attempt to redefine reality. Call us names if you must, but anything that involves full fledged boinking isn't abstinence. And what, you ask, did the relevant Montgomery County Educrats say about this expanded definition of abstinence? See for yourself:

'...[According to a Hoover Middle School health teacher] "withdrawal and rhythm are considered abstinence because [sexual partners] are refraining from what they want to do". (The Gazette)

Okay, if I vow to abstain from smoking, but I light up anyway, I'm still abstinence cool if I exhale instead of inhaling all that tar and nicotine. Since I refrained from what I wanted to do, inhale that smoke, I'm smoking abstinence cool. Bold new concept.

Student Fishwrap Black Flagged In Tennessee
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [11/27]

The Educrats running Oak Ridge High School (Tennessee) took one look at the latest edition of the student fishwrap - 'The Oak Leaf' - and went censorship bonkers. Leaving nothing to chance, school administrators searched high, low and in between for every last copy of the student newspaper. And what, you ask, set off this Educrat assault on free speech? As usual, we're all over it:

'...[A] birth control article listed success rates for different methods and said contraceptives were available from doctors and the local health department. Superintendent Tom Bailey said the article needed to be edited so it would be acceptable for the entire school. The edition also contained a photo of an unidentified student's tattoo, and the student had not told her parents about the tattoo, said Superintendent Tom Bailey...' (Post-Intelligencer)

Superintendent Bailey decreed that the paper can be re-issued, after the offending articles are exorcized, but the Oak Leaf's student editor, Brittany Thomas shot down the idea, with the Tennessee teenager equivalent of "bite me". Give 'em hell, darlin'.

Pennsylvania Snowman Ban
Source: PIG News Wire [11/22]

Alarmed by the fact that a rapper named Young Jeezy links a venerable Christmas icon, Frosty the Snowman, with cocaine, Johnstown (Pennsylvania) Educrats black flagged some shirts depicting Young Jeezy's angry looking, drug dealing snowman. Leaving nothing to chance, Johnstown's government cess-school officials, subsequently, decided to ban all snowman depictions:

'...Johnstown High School and Middle School banned all snowman clothing for both children and teachers. Teachers are also being asked to refrain from snowman decorations. School administrators say the clothing, no matter how innocent, now has the aura of drugs...' (WJACTV, Johnstown Boob Tube)

Apparently, Johnstown Educrats are convinced that the instant an inmate sees a snowman - any snowman - he, she, heshe or it will careen off the straight and narrow then become a lifelong drug monkey. This Educrat paranoia is understandable, since these alleged educators have spent years making these government schooled inmates incapable of making a reasoned decision about any-damn-thing.

White Males Need Not Apply
Source: Seattle Times [11/14]

The Korrectniks running Washington State University's College of Education are so distressed by aspiring teacher, Ed Swan's, attitude that they tried to exile him to diversity training hell, after he 'flunked' four evaluations. Ed was also ordered to sign a Korrectnik agreement 'to respect community norms and appreciate diversity'. Terminally unthrilled, Ed responded with a virtual "bite me" by contacting FAIR (Foundation for Individual Rights in Education). The instant FAIR entered the fray, the College of Educrap Korrectniks went girlie and decided that Ed didn't need to sign the damn thing after all.

Determined to press their Korrectnik agenda, WSU College of Educrap Eggheads insist that their antics make aspiring teachers cool for school:

'..."We want prospective teachers to realize they are going to be teaching all children," said Judy Mitchell, dean of education. "We want to make sure a teacher appreciates and values human diversity and others' varied talents and perspectives." ...' (Times)

If you doubt that the Educrap establishment is trying to impose a liberal agenda on government schools by selecting Korrectnik teachers, wake the hell up:

'...The National Association of Scholars is demanding that the federal government look into the criteria the council uses to accredit education schools, on the grounds they may be violating free-speech rights. The association, based in Princeton, N.J., claims 4,000 professors, graduate students and administrators as members. President Stephen Balch said some of the criteria amount to "political tests. Students can be required to embrace a particular view of 'progressive social change,' and even to become political activists in the pursuit of it," Balch wrote to the U.S. Department of Education this month...' (Times)

Ed's cardinal sin involves being an 'in your face' social conservative who dares to oppose gay marriage, affirmative action and the fetid notion that white males are the root of all that's evil in 'society'. WSU Eggheads simply won't tolerate teachers who don't understand that it doesn't matter if students can't read, write or compute as long as they're properly brain-washed by Educrap establishment's cultural Marxism. File this epic under "Why proudly-progressive, government-schooled Johnny still can't read".

A Twilight Zone Election
Source: AP [11/10]

The candidate for one of the open seats on the Romoland School District board (Riverside County, Mexifornia) didn't make much of an impression during the candidate forums, and can't manage to attend the board's meetings, but he's got a good excuse: he's in the slammer. Randy Hale scored 831 votes despite the fact that he's a graybar hotel guest for violating his parole on 1998 convictions for spousal abuse and drug possession.

His unlikely electoral adventure started in August when he declared his candidacy, but it took a sharp turn into the Twilight Zone when he returned to the slammer in September. Undeterred, the voters in this rural Riverside County district punched a chad for him anyway, because he sets such a good example for the tykes attending Romoland's government schools: "Be good, children or you'll end up in the slammer like School Board member Randy Hale."

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More Montgomery County Schools Fun and Games
Source: The Gazette [10/26]

Beset by properly-hyphenated whiners from African American Parents of Montgomery County, the Montgomery County Education Forum and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, Montgomery County (Maryland) Educrats are moving heaven and earth to make their gifted and talented student population more 'inclusive' so they can meet their census-data driven diversity goals. Before we get to their results, we need to wade through some essential facts about how the state of Maryland defines gifted and talented students:

'...Maryland code defines gifted students as those with "outstanding" intellectual capabilities, academic abilities or abilities in the creative, visual or performing arts.

The state Department of Education estimates that about 5 percent of Maryland students will be designated as gifted, a percentage that educators say is close to the national average...' (Gazette)

After tweaking the system to be more inclusive, Montgomery County's cess-schools identified 33.8% (3,333 tykes) of the second graders subjected to this screening as gifted and talented. As staggering - not to mention improbable in the extreme - as that total is, it's down from last year's 44.5 percent, and worst of all, those so identified still aren't properly-diverse. It's crisis time, again, in Montgomery County. What to do?

Fear not, they have a plan: heretofore the school system has used standardized tests, but they're making noises about doing away with all that and doing their own screening, to make sure they get that diversity figure back in line. See, and here you were, worrying, needlessly. I'm willing to bet that, under the new improved screening method, every properly-hyphenated inmate in the Montgomery County school system will be classified as gifted and talented.

If you live in Montgomery County and send your kids to the government schools, get your tykes the hell out of there, today, before they do some permanent damage to the kid. These Montgomery County Educrats can't be trusted and that's a fact. Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

Stupidity On Steroids
Source: AP [10/16]

Hylton High School in Woodbridge (Virgina) decided to gear up for their scheduled appearance at the Peach Bowl in Atlanta by learning a new song that mentions the Peach State in its title. The song in question, Charlie Daniels' "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", seems harmless enough, unless you're a certain pea brained woman who linked this country music classic to the First Amendment.

Spouting drivel about the song violating the constitutionally-guaranteed separation of church and state, she demanded that the band dump Charlie Daniels' song like a bad habit. Playing "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" violates the separation of church and state? What the hell is she smoking? That makes no sense at all to this pagan scribbler. Making this wench's whine that much more asinine is this tidbit: she has no connection whatsoever with Hylton High since she's home schooling her tykes.

Adding the final indignity to this sorry epic, Hylton High's band director let this whining wench get away with this bovine excrement when he black flagged the song. Grow a damn spine, band director Sparky.

Flag Phobic In Bridgeport
Source: Hartford Courant [10/15]

When he refused to allow the Amerikan flag in his classroom, Stephan Kobasa got pink slipped by Diocese of Bridgeport's Kolbe Cathedral High School. According to Mr. Kobasa he's not an Amerika hater, but he does have certain 'issues' with this venerable national symbol because the flag violates his personal brand of supernaturalism:

'..."The crucifix cancels all flags," said Kobasa, a longtime peace activist. "Christ speaks of compassion without boundaries. ...Flags are about separation, assertions of superiority and aggression. The whole notion that loyalty to country is connected to one's religious faith is totally bizarre and unjustified."...' (Courant)

That's thrilling, no doubt and he's free to believe anything he wants, but not on the Diocese of Bridgeport's dime. Among other things, the prevailing policy mandates a flag in every classroom, plus a reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance in every class, at the beginning of each school day. Needless to say, Stevie boy had issues with this, too:

'..."This posed a problem for me," Kobasa said. "I offered a compromise." Kobasa agreed to display the flag at the start of the school day, for the duration of the pledge, "for any students who feel they require this expression of loyalty to the flag." Then he would remove it...' (Courant)

The Diocese of Bridgeport had a counter-offer: "You're fired, flag phobic Sparky." Newly unemployed Stevie is confused, since, in his 25 year career as a teacher in parochial schools, he never had school officials nail him for his flag phobia. Obviously, Stevie isn't up to speed on a venerable private school concept: if you don't play by the school's rules, you're gone. Welcome to the real world Stevie boy.

Another Montgomery County Whiz-A-Thon
Source: Washington Times [10/12]

The last time PIG News checked in on these east coast lefties ("Montgomery County's On-Going Sex Ed Debacle", Sept 26) Montgomery County School officials were on final approach to appointing a new citizen advisory council to help them revive the controversial sex educrap scheme that a Maryland judge black flagged. Proving that there's no "happily ever after" forthcoming, the two sides in this fight are girding for battle over who gets to sit on the advisory board from the two groups that successfully shut down Montgomery County school's controversial sex educrap scheme.

Operating from the far left corner, the school board and Montgomery County Schools Superintendent Jerry Weast insist that the agreement they hammered out with the two VRWC groups guarantees each group a seat on the advisory council. They want three names each from the two groups - Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum (CRC) and Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX). They, the Educrats, will pick one name from each group's nominees to fill the allotted advisory board seats. Operating from the far right corner, the CRC and PFOX concur on the fact that each group is guaranteed a seat on the advisory board. But, they are convinced that each group gets to determine who will represent it on the advisory board.

The bone of contention boils down to a single word in the agreement: "nominees". How it got into the agreement is a tribute to Bubba Clinton-class, word parsing trickery:

'...School board President Patricia O'Neill said, "The settlement said nominees, not designees." But the attorney for CRC and PFOX said that she has documentation to prove that the intent of the agreement was to allow each group an appointment to the board. The original agreement used the term "designees" instead of "nominees," and CRC and PFOX changed it under pressure from the schools' attorneys with Hogan and Hartson LLP, one of the District's biggest law firms...' (Times)

That shyster "gotcha" virtually guarantees that this word parsing, sex educrap adventure is headed back to court - yes, again. Big, big fun. This never-ending Educrap drama is Exhibit 'A' in PIG's "why Amerika's one-size-must-fit-all, government cess-school scheme doesn't work and it never will".

The Brit Food Nazi From Hell
Source: The Telegraph (UK) [10/03]

"Governors will have a new duty and will be responsible for the food that is served in their schools. Ofsted is going to inspect to make sure that schools are taking this duty seriously. There will be a law in place that says they have to make these standards." (Brit Educrap Secretary Ruth Kelly)

If you think Amerika's government cess-school Food Nazis are out of control, you're in for a rude awakening. The Brit Educrap Secretary, Ruth Kelly, is so over the top with her Food Nazi antics she wants to bring Governors of schools that violate her strict "no junk food, no exceptions" decree up on criminal charges: [school officials who don't get with the program will be] "open to the same sanctions as anyone else who breaks the law". That's right PIGsters, we're talking graybar "whatever you do, don't bend over, ever" hotel status for Brit Educrats who don't meet or exceed her no junk food guidelines.

I know what you're thinking, but the Brit tyrant has that covered too, more or less. She also imposed mandatory training for all "dinner ladies" with a course that is intended to kick up their "crucial skills" a notch or two. And what, you ask is on the, uh, menu, educrap wise? Wonder no more, because a Brit fishwrap, The Telegraph, shares this juicy morsel:

'...a new qualification for dinner ladies announced by Ms Kelly to bolster "crucial skills" does not involve any cooking or work in the kitchen. The course will take only six hours to complete and has no practical content. Drawn up by City and Guilds, the Award in Providing a Healthier School Meals Service teaches the elements that make up a balanced diet for children and the nutrient composition of different foods. It also teaches how to persuade children to choose healthier options though "marketing and merchandising". At the end of the course, dinner ladies will answer multiple choice questions to test their knowledge of nutritional guidelines...'

A mandatory class for cooks that doesn't include one syllable about food preparation? Sending school officials who serve their captive audience the junk food they crave to the slammer? That's straight out of the Twilight Zone, PIGsters. When our government cess-school Food Nazis hear about this...I really don't want to think about it.

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Zero Tolerance In Cornhusker Country
Source: PIG News Wire [09/28]

An Omaha public schools inmate, first grader Ethan Gray, landed in Zero Tolerance hell when a butter knife fell out of his totebag onto the Ed Babe Gomez Heritage Elementary School cafeteria floor. That fast, his fledgling academic career got side tracked to the school principal's office and a "the rules are the rules, no exceptions" suspension. Thanks to this innocent - not his fault - incident, he's permanently tarred with a "brought a weapon to school" blight on his school record.

Unwilling to accept this asinine Educrat bovine excrement, Ethan's family is hanging tough. Until the school backs down and revokes the one day, in-school, suspension, they won't be sending Ethan to school. If you're thinking "the school will back down when Hell freezes over", join the club.

You got shafted, Ethan, but there's not a damn thing any rational adult can do to save you from this Zero Tolerance insanity.

Montgomery County's On-Going Sex Ed Debacle
Source: Washington Times [09/26]

The pitched, culture war battle over Montgomery County's (Maryland) sex educrap scheme (Montgomery County Tweaks Its New Sex Ed Lunacy 04/23/05) continues to rage unabated, despite the legal setback that handed the differently-sexual dweebs in Teach the Facts (TTF) a bitter defeat (Montgomery County's Sex Ed Scheme Unravels 05/06/05). If you cut through all the blithering, the primary bone of contention continues to be the venerable "Nature vs Nurture" debate that pits the 'born that way' adherents in Teach the Facts against their determined 'it's a choice' foes in Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum (CRC).

Here are some tidbits to give you the big picture:

'...TTF denounced the idea of "ex-gays" at [a citizens] forum, saying efforts to treat homosexuality as a mental illness or a disease are harmful and destructive...' (Times)

'...[CRC President Michelle] Turner was in St. Louis, where she spoke at a conference for conservatives about CRC's efforts. She said schools should teach that there is evidence showing that homosexuality is a choice. "CRC has never said that homosexuality is a mental disorder. We firmly believe that it is a choice," she said. "There is no conclusive scientific research or data that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that proves that homosexuality is something you are born with."...' (Times)

The man in the middle is Montgomery County Schools Superintendent Jerry D. Weast, who dumped the old citizens advisory committee so he can guide the new sex educrap creation process, personally. On October 11, he will appoint a new citizens committee and hope this one helps him get 'er done, without another justice system bitch slap.

PIG News will keep you updated when anything fun happens in this titanic, Montgomery County culture war tussle.

Another Great Northwest Nitwit
Source: World Net Daily [09/21]

Lucas Schrader's cess-school career got derailed, temporarily, when his parents did a header into the Great Northwest Nitwit who ran Kent Mt. View Academy. The fun started at the end of the last school year, when Lucas' father found out that the Educrat teaching the 6th grade sex educrap class is differently-sexual. Mr. Schrader mentioned his concerns to the charter school's principal and in so doing sealed Lucas's educational fate.

The principal, Debbie Dempsey, used a technicality - the fact that Lucas's parents live outside the school district and must reapply for admission before each school year - to eliminate what she perceived as a 'problem'. Seeking an impartial opinion, the Schraders took the matter to court where Administrative Law Judge Cindy Burdue gave Debbie Dempsey a resounding bitch-slapping:

"the principal's denial of the parents' application was based entirely upon the statements of [the father] to the principal. The principal, as far as the evidence shows, made up a policy and followed it as she went in this matter." (WND)

PIG is pleased to report that Lucas is back at Kent where he belongs. It's nice to see these Korrectnik Educrats take one on the chin, for a change.

Zero Tolerance In Oklahoma
Source: Enid News and Eagle [09/10]

Three straight-A government school wenchlets who decided to celebrate their matriculation to the freshman class by dying their hair did a header into zero tolerance. It took a couple days to register with the Educrats that one wenchlet now had purple hair, another had blue hair and the third had red hair, but when it did, the Educrats went zero tolerance bonkers and sent the girls home. Since, according to school officials, the girls' absence from class is "unexcused", these exemplary students won't be allowed to make up assignments or tests missed while they're getting their hair restored to its proper color.

As asinine as this is, this zero tolerance adventure gets worse, because it looks like school officials violated their own policy:

'...Consequences if students violate school policy include a warning and parent notification before suspension, according to a student handbook. Although students were told they were not officially suspended from class, they received a student discipline form citing the reason for dismissal and when they could return...' (Enid News and Eagle)

When parents tried to get some answers from the school's principal and/or superintendent they got stone-walled, or worse. The father of one girl got tossed out of a board of educrap meeting when he tried discuss the school's antics with the school's superintendent before the meeting started. Something is rotten in the Waukomis government cess-schools and it's emitting such a potent stench we can smell it here in the top secret PIG News bunker.

Obesity Bonkers In Pennsylvania
Source: AP [09/09]

Pennsylvania's health department has a nifty little surprise in store for parents of the state's government school inmates when they get their offspring's first report card. In addition to inflated grades and insincere prose telling the parent that little Johnny or Sarah is the next Einstein, they'll also get a warts and all computation of the inmate's body mass index. Why? Because Keystone State Educrats are teaming up with the state's Fat Nazis to make everyone miserable.

'...In an effort to combat childhood obesity, the state Health Department is requiring school nurses to compute students' body-mass index - or height-to-weight ratio - during annual growth screenings, starting this year with children in kindergarten through fourth grade.

Parents will receive letters about the results that will encourage them to share the information with their family physician. The letters will explain whether the BMI is above, below, or within the normal range for the child's age and gender. "Schools have screened students for height and weight for about 50 years," Health Department spokesman Richard McGarvey said. "They're simply taking what they've already been screening for and calculating the BMI."...' (AP)

If you live in the Keystone State and are trying, without success, to be thrilled spitless by this Nanny State bovine excrement, PIG News feels your pain. Government cess-schools are hard pressed to do the job for which they're paid - teaching their captive audience to read, write and compute - during the government's mandatory, 12-year long daycare scheme. If they were doing that job with thrilling efficiency, I might...might consider giving them a pass on this 'and we're keeping them lean, mean, learning machines, too' endeavor. Since that's not the case, Pennsylvania's rational adults should tell these Nanny State nitwits to knock off these diversions and do the job they're hired to do: instill knowledge in their government schooled inmates.

Black Flagged For Kissing
Source: Orange County Register (Mexifornia) [09/08]

A 17-year old Golden State high school wenchlet named Charlene Nguon so thrilled the powers at Santiago High School that she got suspended, repeatedly, for swapping spit with her significant other. Eventually, Santiago High Educrats blacked flagged our heroine and exiled her to Bolsa Grande High for the final three months of the school year. And what you ask, is so newsworthy about Charlene's plight? For starters her significant other is a 16-year old high school dolly named Trang Nguyen. That's right, Charlene is an eager, and publically affectionate, lesbian.

Up to here with Santiago High's shoddy treatment of her, Charlene finally pulled the trigger on a shyster assault to make them knock it the hell off. It probably won't shock our PIG News regulars to hear that she's enlisted the ACLU to do the heavy, shyster assault lifting:

'...The Santa Ana resident and her girlfriend, Trang Nguyen, 16, allege that Wolf told them not to show affection toward each other after they began dating as juniors last year. Throughout the year, the two defied the order and continued to hug and kiss on campus despite suspensions ranging from one to five days, the suit says. Eventually, [Santiago High principal Ben] Wolf demanded that one of them transfer to another school, Nguon says in the suit...' (Register)

For now, high school senior Charlene is back in class at Santiago High, but that could change in a heartbeat. If the school wants to make this all go away, they should issue strict "no public displays of affection on school grounds" rules of engagement and apply them equally to everyone on campus. We're not holding our breath for anything that rational, so we'll let you know if anything newsworthy happens.

Check Your Flasks At The Door
Source: St. Petersburg Times [09/05]

Sarasota County (Florida) Educrats are so unhinged by teenage boozing that they're proposing - we're not making this up - Breathalyzer tests on all cess-school inmates who attend ubiquitous school functions like dances and athletic events. Breathalyzer tests? Holy, not your daddy's high school, Batman!

As irrational as these measures seem, at first glance, there's this tidbit to consider, before you declare these Educrats congenital morons:

'...The plan, at least partly, stems from a Sarasota High Valentine's dance earlier this year. Some teens drank rum, others played music loudly in the parking lot, and a disabled man who confronted the group was beaten so severely that his face needed reconstructive surgery...' (Times)

Believe it or not, Sarasota County isn't the first place to adopt these measures. Similar measures are employed in such diverse places as Carlsbad, New Mexico, Little Rock, Arkansas, and a Boston suburb. Going to hell in a handbasket? You better believe it, Sparky.

Duluth Deems Cellidiocy Uncool for School
Source: Duluth News Tribune [09/05]

Duluth's Educrats made an unscheduled trip into rationality when they added a cellidiocy ban to their student handbook. Cell phones, and other, similar electronic blights are, henceforth, deemed uncool for school. The new rules state that they cannot be used inside the school building during normal school hours. Furthermore, this telecommunications pestilence should be turned off and kept out of sight.

If a student uses his, her, hisher or its cell, measures will be taken, but the enforcement varies from school to school:

'...[At Denfeld High School the new policy] policy states that cell phones will be confiscated and returned only to a parent or guardian if the district's rules are not followed. In case of an emergency, students and parents can use the "good old-fashioned phone line."...'

'...[At Central High School, assistant principal Kathy Van Wert] said she will generally give a warning to a student she sees with a phone. Repeat offenders or those disrupting class might have their phones confiscated and their parents called...' (Tribune)

Some parents whine that these tough cellidiocy zapping measures are too Draconian and prevent them from reaching their tyke in case of those unforseen emergencies. These parental cellidiocy enablers need to increase the voltage on their shock treatments. Somehow, in those primitive times before cellidiocy swept across the land like a plague, parents and their tykes managed to surmount life's unforeseen speed bumps without these communications blights, so this new ban isn't a fate worse than death.

File this epic under, "cellidiocy must die", in your pagan scribbler archives.

Not Your Daddy's High School
Source: News Max [09/01]

The inmates at Timken High School in Canton (Ohio) reset the bar for high school hijinks when an eye-popping 13% (64 of the school's 490 wenchlets) showed up for class...preggers. Holy rampaging hormone gorillas, Batman! Setting aside the obvious, immediate, cause of this preggers epidemic, we're left with this question: why are so many Timken High wenches getting urped? Buried in this New Max piece are these revealing tidbits:

'...Abstinence-based programs have been growing nationwide at schools over the past few years. In Ohio, the Bush's administration and the state's health department have awarded $32 million in grants to Ohio agencies for abstinence education since 2001...'

'...Joanne Hinton, whose 16-year-old daughter, Raechel Hinton, is eight months pregnant, said she believes the school's abstinence-based sex education program isn't enough. "It's time to take the blinders off and realize that these kids are having sex," she said. "Obviously, abstinence is not working. If we have to, just give them condoms."...' (News Max)

I know what you're thinking but, in Joanne Hinton's case, absentee parenting isn't a factor. She insists that she questioned her daughter about doing drugs and/or having sex constantly - at least "45 times a week". If the kid lies to you about getting horizontal, what are you supposed to do?

The critical factor here is that, at Timken High, abstinence-based sex ed isn't working, but, in all honesty, when those teenage hormones start raging, there's no stopping the inevitable, no matter what is taught in high school sex ed classes. If you want to play it safe, put your daughter(s) on the pill the instant those wenchlet nads become fully functional. It's not a sure fire fix, but it's the best I can do.

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Lone Star State Zero Tolerance Adventure
Source: Houston Chronicle [08/27]

The dim bulbs running a Mexas cess-school - Resaca Middle School - put two new students in an isolated classroom because - we are not making this up - the lads' hair brushes their shoulders. The two lads in question - Rodney and Skyler Burns - tried to trump this zero tolerance lunacy with the salient fact that their long hair is culturally cool since their grandfather was a member of the Chickasaw tribe. Unimpressed, school officials seem determined to let the two lads languish in their isolation chamber until hell freezes over. Asinine? Oh hell yes.

School officials insist that their irrational antics are not a slur on the lads' culture. The rules are the rules, sayeth these Zero Tolerance nitwits. These Lone Star State Educrats can call this bovine excrement anything that thrills them spitless, but it still reeks. No justice, no peace.

NCAA Backs Down
Source: AP [08/23]

The NCAA's newly appointed appeals panel [NCAA Gets Wobbly, PIG News 08/20], rendered its first decision today when it removed Florida State University from the list of Ivory Towers sporting forbidden Siberian-American nicknames. If you crave the taste of NCAA crow, here's the relevant "oops":

"The staff review committee noted the unique relationship between the university and the Seminole Tribe of Florida as a significant factor," NCAA senior vice president Bernard Franklin said in a statement released Tuesday. "The decision of a namesake sovereign tribe, regarding when and how its name and imagery can be used, must be respected even when others may not agree." (AP)

Other schools in the hunt for some NCAA "oops" prose include, but may not be limited to: The Illinois Fighting Illini, Utah Utes and North Dakota Fighting Sioux. The review committee vows to deal with each appeal on a 'case-by-case basis'. If the NCAA goes Surrender Monkey bonkers with another white flag, PIG News will shout it from our top secret bunker's rooftop.

NCAA Gets Wobbly
Source: Washington Times [08/20]

Reeling from the pummeling it took from certain outraged Ivory Towers and rational adults from sea to shining sea, the NCAA decided to step back from the brink, ever so slightly, on its ban on Siberian-Amerikan imagery. The NCAA's baby step toward rationality involves appointing a committee to handle the formal appeals posted by such Ivory Towers as Florida State University. Will this baby step lead the NCAA a safe distance from the brink of knee-jerk Korrectness? Don't bet your life on it, gridiron Sparky.

Today's "Well, Duh" Moment
Source: PIG News Wire [08/18]

The pinheads in an Educrap cabal named the Center for Education Policy breathlessly report that students whose command of the English language is pathetic or non-existent have trouble passing standard government cess-school assessment tests when said tests are conducted in English. Call us names if you must, but we don't give a flaming damn that ESL (English as a second language) asshats who can't or won't LEARN THE DAMN LANGUAGE have trouble on standard tests conducted in English.

A "Go Figure" Moment
Source: PIG News Wire [08/04]

After President Bush pandered to his fervently pious right wing by opining that "Intelligent Design" belonged in government cess-school science classrooms, this pagan scribbler expected somebody to contradict this presidential notion. But, I didn't expect the voice of alleged reason to be a Theocon stalwart like Pennsylvania's Senator Rick Santorum.

"I think I would probably tailor that a little more than what the president has suggested. I'm not comfortable with intelligent design being taught in the science classroom."

"What we should be teaching are the problems and holes -- and I think there are legitimate problems and holes -- in the theory of evolution. What we need to do is to present those fairly, from a scientific point of view. As far as intelligent design is concerned, I really don't believe it has risen to the level of a scientific theory at this point that we would want to teach it alongside of evolution."

Senator Santorum seems to understant that, in order to qualify as a legitimate "Scientific Theory", Intelligent Design must surmount the following hurdles:

It must offer observable, measurable, consequences.
It must be testable.
It must make predictions that can be confirmed or refuted.

Since Intelligent Design does none of these things, it's not science. It's Creationism masquerading as science and as such belongs in a theology - not a science - class. The breaking new here is that a Theocon like Senator Santorum had the nads to diss a VRWC sacred cow like Intelligent Design.

For those cynics within the PIG News readership, I offer the requisite reality check. Senator Santorum's unexpected take on Intelligent Design has more to do with his 2008 Oval Office aspirations than it does with any deeply held fondness for Evolution. Also, he made his statements during an interview on the notoriously lefty National Public Radio, so you're free to take his public airwaves prose with the proverbial grain of salt. And here you were worrying, needlessly.

A Hawaiian Panty-Twister
Source: AP [08/02]

Established in 1883 via the last will and testament of a Hawaiian princess, the Kamehameha Schools were set up to 'educate "the children of Hawaii"...' (AP). Under this private school's admissions policy only students who can prove Hawaiian lineage are allowed into its hallowed halls. That all came to a screaming halt this week, when the lawsuit perpetrated by a non-Hawaiian aspiring student landed in a federal court.

This week, the 9th Circus Court of Appeals ruled that the private school's admissions policy was, unlawfully, discriminatory. This pagan scribbler won't argue that the ruling, undoubtedly, conforms to existing law. But, this pagan scribbler will insist, again, that anti-discrimination laws are a blatant intrusion on inalienable individual liberty. As a privately owned and operated institution, the Kamehameha Schools have the inalienable right to admit whomever they damn please and the Nanny State should butt the hell out.

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Mexifornia Paints a Bull's-Eye On Soft Drinks
Source: Sacramento Bee [07/26]

Mexifornia's action hero governor channeled his Korrectnik alter ego this week when he signed a bill that extends the ban on soft drink sales in Mexifornia cess-schools to include the state's high schools. According to this lefty Mexifornia fishwrap, the bill would:

'...only allow high schools to sell soda 30 minutes before and after the school day. During the day, schools would could sell water, milk, drinks that are at least 50 percent fruit juice with no added sweeteners, and sport drinks designed to replace electrolytes...' (Bee)

Mired in Korrectnik mode, the Terminator also gave his support to another bill, SB12, some proposed legicrap that would dictate strict nutritional standards for the food served in the state's cess-schools. This legicrap would impose what Food Nazis call the 35-10-35 standard - 35% of calories from fat, maximum; 10% of calories from saturated fat, maximum; 35% of its calories from sugar, maximum.

I can't be the only one who thinks that the Terminator and the state's Marxist legicrats should spend more time worrying about imparting knowledge in the state's cess-schools and less time on such irrelevant crap as soft drinks and nutritional standards.

It's Cool To Be The President's Brother
Source: Washington Times [07/21]

Florida Governor Jeb Bush exploited one of the many, undocumented perks that come your way when your brother is president of the United States. After his state failed miserably to meet the No Child Left Behind scheme's testing levels, Jeb and his state Educrats did what hacks always do in such cases: When you can't meet the standard, lower it. For those who want the gory details, PIG News offers the following fun facts:

'...The Florida Department of Education and Mr. Bush had requested that the U.S. Department of Education not hold schools accountable for achievement of subgroups -- such as blacks, Hispanics, special-education students and those whose primary language is not English -- that make up less than 15 percent of a school's population or constitute fewer than 100 pupils...' (Times)

Flatly denying any special treatment for the presidential brother, the U.S. Educrap department tweaked the standards - but only for Florida - to allow the state to meet it's No Child Left Behind goals.

Before: 48% of Florida students must meet the reading requirement.
After: 37% of Florida students must meet the reading requirement.

Before: 53% of Florida students must meet the math requirement.
After: 44% of Florida students must meet the math requirement.

What lesson, you ask, do we derive from this adventure in brotherly cooperation? First, it's nifty to be the president's brother. Second, it's much easier to lower the standard than it is to impart knowledge to government cess-school inmates. We are, as you'd expect, so unamused it can't be quantified.

San Bernardino Schools Embrace Ebonics
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [07/17]

It's called the "Students Accumulating New Knowledge Optimizing Future Accomplishment Initiative" and in the Brave New Educrap World promoted in this Southern Mexifornia city, it's the hottest new idea to Emerilize Melanin-Enriched student performance. Perpetrated by an Egghead named Mary Texeira, the aforementioned Educrap blight advocates teaching Melanin-Enriched students using Ebonics.

"Ebonics is a different language, it's not slang as many believe. For many of these students Ebonics is their language, and it should be considered a foreign language. These students should be taught like other students who speak a foreign language." (Mary Texeira as quoted in the San Bernardino County Sun)

To make this scheme work, teachers will be trained in black culture and customs. Additionally, course material will be sugar coated with...stuff about "the historical, cultural and social impact of blacks in society". Jamal and Darcel still won't be able to read or write English, but they'll be hell in wheels in Ebonics.

The bad news for Jamal and Darcel is that the marketplace isn't clamoring for workers who are fluent in Ebonics. The good news is that there might be a job in the San Bernardino School District for Black Studies Majors that doesn't include that well know Black Studies Degree mantra: "Yo! Do you want fries with that homeboy?"

The University of California's War On Excellence
Source: San Jose Mercury News [07/14]

The University of California nuked scholastic merit - excellence - this week when this Mexifornia Ivory Tower cabal announced that it will stop awarding National Merit Scholarships to Amerika's top students. Why? Because the National Merit Scholarship system isn't properly diverse and we all know that human intellect must be - according to these Marxist eggheads - apportioned in accordance with each ethnic group's percentage of the population. Since the students who qualify for National Merit Scholarships aren't properly diverse, the pinheads at U.C. want no part of this - allegedly - racist measure of student excellence.

You don't need to channel Einstein to deduce that the U.C. eggheads are in a huff because the National Merit Scholarship recipients include too many whites, too many Asians, and too few black, Hispanic and Siberian Amerikan (so-called Native Americans) students. Instead of giving these egregiously undiverse National Merit Scholarships to Amerika's top students, the U.C. Korrectniks want to flout existing Mexifornia law and reimpose race-based student quotas through the back door. They plan to 'get 'er done' by using entry screening scams that eschew test scores and grades in favor of "other academic criteria". The new enrollment policy at Mexifornia's taxpayer funded university system is the same as it has always been: White males need not apply and you Asians move to the back of the line."

Coddling Colonistas in Mexifornia
Source: Santa Cruz Sentinel [07/06]

Mexifornia's Marxist legicrats are running some Colonista coddling legicrap up the legislative flagpole that would, when enacted, make it okey dokey for the state's cess-schools to give Colonista students tests, in their native language, instead of English. We're assured that these tragic young victims of English Only oppression are virtual Einsteins, in their native language, a whopper that no Marxist legicrat is likely to challenge.

So far, only one Mexifornia Educrat sees the stampeding stupidity here:

'..."What measure of English skills are we applying if all these students take tests in another language," asked Hilary McLean, spokeswoman for State Superintendent of Schools Jack O’Connell. "Also, how many tests in different languages will we need to produce? It could be very costly."...' (Sentinel)

As usual, the motivation behind this fetid legicrat is monetary. Cess-schools with a critical, Colonista, mass of students who can't cut the mustard on the mandatory tests conducted in English will probably lose their federal money infusion. Since teaching these Colonistas to read, write, and think in English is a non-starter, Mexifornia Educrats plan to do an end run around the feds with this "why don't we test them in another language" scam that is a blatant violation of Mexifornia law.

This pagan scribbler is convinced that there's nothing wrong with the Mexifornia legislature that a well aimed asteroid impact on the state capitol in Sacramento won't solve. Ka-Boom! Problem solved.

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Emerilizing Chemistry Homework In Mexas
Source: Houston Chronicle [06/29]

A Lone Star State chemistry teacher at Aldine Senior High, Tramesha Fox, decided to fix three problems with one, inspiring solution. Problems one and two involved two of her students - Roger Luna, Darwin Arias - who were flunking her course big damn time. Problem three involved her ride, a 2003 Chevy Malibu that was thisclose to being repossessed because our heroine was at least three payments behind. While contemplating the lads' pathetic grades, Educrat Fox decided to resolve all three problems with some very special, chemistry-related homework. She promised to give the lads passing grades for the semester, if they boosted her car from the Northline Mall, drove it to some secluded spot, then torched the damn thing.

It all went according to plan, up to a point, after which the "torch my ride" chickens came home to roost. The plot started to unravel when the relevant Mexas justice system officials tracked the torched Chevy to our heroine. In record time, she blabbed the whole story to the men in blue, leading to criminal charges for all concerned. Although they got their passing grade in applied chemistry, the lads are facing an arson rap. Meanwhile, our heroine hit a justice-system daily double with charges of insurance fraud and arson. Fear not, PIGsters, the news isn't all bad for our heroine. She's still an employee in good standing in the Aldine Independent School District. And here you were, worrying, needlessly.

Sanity Prevails in Berkeley
Source: San Francisco Chronicle [06/24]

Berkeley (Mexifornia) korrectniks got a dose of bitter reality, Wednesday, when the school board decided that Jefferson Elementary would not be allowed to diss a dead slave-owning oppressor named Thomas Jefferson by changing the school's name to "Sequoia". The school board's 3-2 decision brings to an end a two year long quest to find a name for the school that didn't give hypersensitive korrectniks a boo-boo.

'...Critics argued that judging Jefferson solely on the slavery issue did not give adequate weight to his legacy as one of the nation's founding fathers. Some said that if the school was to be renamed, then why not the city of Berkeley, which is named after a bishop who at one point owned several slaves?...' (Chronicle)

Berkeley is named for a slave owner? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you.

Making The Grade In Mexifornia
Source: AP [06/15]

Located in a top ten Colonista infastation (Santa Ana, Mexifornia), Saddleback High School is on the ragged edge of securing a well-earned spot on W's No Child Left Behind failing schools list. Reading the proverbial handwriting on the wall, the school's principal, Esther Jones asked teachers to find some way to pass 98 failing students. For those who need a smoking gun on these fetid cess-school games, here it is in Principal Jones' own words:

'...Principal Esther Jones sent teachers a memo on Thursday asking them to reconsider the grades of 98 students, saying "please review your records for these students and determine if they would merit a grade of 'D' instead of a failure."...' (AP)

Translation: I don't care if they've got the collective intellect of a pet rock. Pass them anyway.

In and of itself, Principal Jones' request sounds like business as usual. The only thing that tripped her up is allowing this Educrap gem to leak out. The moment this "pass them anyway" Educrap scheme registered on the news nitwit radar, the relevant officials in the Mexifornia Educrap system began circling the wagons and making disapproving noises. Verifying the venerable scientific tenet that heat rises, Santa Ana Unified School District Superintendent Al Mijares reacted quickly by ordering teachers to ignore Principal Jones' request. When the news nitwit flames reached the next level up the Educrap food chain, the School Board President was spouting drivel about conducting an investigation. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

The only reason any of them is trying to find someone to fall on the legendary sword is the thrilling fact that Principal Jones got 'outed' in the news media. Otherwise, all these blithering Educrats would be giving Ms. Jones high-fives - in private - for her innovative solution to this Educrap problem. How do they say "Gotcha" in Colonista?

Sanity Prevails In Connecticut
Source: AP [06/14]

Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell earned heartfelt PIG News kudos this week for vetoing legicrap that would ban soft drinks and junk food from school cafeterias. This Elephant Clan governor didn't mince words when justifying the veto:

'...Gov. M. Jodi Rell said the effort to impose state standards on school districts for nutrition and physical education "undermines the control and responsibility of parents with school-aged children."...' (AP)

PIG News isn't simple enough to think the governor ignored certain overriding political considerations when making this decision. For instance, deep-pocketed soft drink and junk food purveyors 'lobbied fiercely against this bill' (AP). Also, certain school officials sent out distress calls about the revenue loss from soft drink and junk food sales. No doubt it all played into this decision. Whether motivated by politics or principle, the governor made the right decision, because it's not the Nanny State's job to save people - including junk food craving cess-school inmates - from themselves.

Not In That Tie, Tonto
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [06/11]

Thomas Benya's graduation festivities got derailed when the Educrats at Maurice J. McDonough High School (suburban D.C.) black flagged his bolo tie as uncool for school. Because Thomas violated the school dress code by wearing the tie under his graduation gown, the relevant Educrats went Zero Tolerance bonkers and banned him from his own graduation ceremony.

When Thomas kicked up a fuss, cess-school officials played that tired old "the rules are the rules, no exceptions" song. In response, Thomas played another familiar tune: "bolo ties are a Siberian-Amerikan (so called Native Americans) tradition and you're trampling on my people and their venerable heritage, white eyes". Nice try, Sporty...Too bad the white eyes running your school didn't buy it.

The good news for Thomas is that he'll still get his diploma. The bad news for Thomas is that these Educrats aren't the last Korrectniks who will make him miserable. Welcome to the real world, Siberian-Amerikan Sparky.

Philly's Korrectnik Educrap
Source: Houston Chronicle [06/09]

Philadelphia's government cess-schools Emerilized their Ethnocrat antics, big damn time, with a new edict that forces all the city's cess-school inmates to take a class in African and African American history if they want that cess-school diploma. And what, you ask, will this course teach? The usual crap, according to this fishwrap spew:

'...The yearlong course covers subjects including classical African civilizations, civil rights and black nationalism, said Gregory Thornton, the district's chief academic officer...' (Chronicle)

Although some parents complained about the requirement that begins with September's freshman class, Philly Educrats are telling them, in essence to pound sand. Since the district is about two-thirds Melanin-Enriched, this Educrat response to outraged parents is a virtual: "Bite me, honky."

Afterthought:
No doubt Philly parents will be thrilled to the max that Philly's cess-school graduates still won't be able to read, write or compute, but they'll all be properly brain-washed with this Ethnocrat Educrap.

Terrors Of Technology
Source: Sacramento Bee [06/07]

Theocratica (the state formerly known as Virginia) Educrats are scrambling to replace the Texas Instruments calculators they passed out to the state's grade school inmates. They went non-clinically bonkers after a clever cess-school inmate - 12-year-old Dakota Brown - discovered a that he could make the TI-30 Xa SE VA convert decimals to fractions by pressing two keys. Sounds harmless enough, you say? Normally, it would be, but converting decimals to fractions - the old fashioned way, on a sheet of paper - is tested on the state's standardized tests.

Proving that there are still a few rational adults in Theocratica - and elsewhere - PIG News is delighted to report the following tidbit from this Sacramento Bee piece:

'...Chesterfield County school officials held a low-key ceremony to honor [Dakota], and Texas Instruments sent him a graphing calculator, "which he loved"...'

PIG, too, congratulates Dakota for being such a clever lad.

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Diversity Angst
Source: Seattle Times [05/27]

The University of Oregon's eggheads are in crisis mode, thanks to the bold new diversity scheme the school dropped on them without warning. The instant the faculty heard the thrilling details the bovine excrement hit the proverbial fan with such a resounding "splat" it sent the Ivory Tower's administration into a headlong retreat. And what, you ask kicked up this Ivory Tower diversity ruckus? As usual PIG News is all over it:

A key diversity scheme plank decrees that, by 2012, the Ivory Tower would hire as many as 40 new eggheads to teach diversity drivel like race, gender, GLAAD BAAG and disability studies.

Tenure, heretofore based on such items as research, publication, and teaching, would henceforth include a diversity gem called "cultural competency". In other words if any properly-hyphenated cabal says you're diversity uncool, you can kiss that tenure goodbye, egghead breath.

The diversity scheme includes "diversity building scholarships" and a goal to double the number of properly-hyphenated students within 5 years.

The diversity dementia requires adding a "gender and sexuality requirement" to the mandatory student curriculum.

Big, big fun, but it gets better. When the faculty went postal, University President Dave Frohnmayer ran up a white flag in a letter to the outraged eggheads:

"We need to step back from specific details, to be mindful of alternative viewpoints, and to develop a sense of urgency in recognizing the problems we face. I also emphasized the need ... to engage faculty, staff and students who believe they have not properly been involved in this dialogue." (President Frohnmayer as quoted by the Seattle Times)

PIG News isn't fluent in Egghead-ese but we know a "Never Mind" when it jumps up and bites us on the butt. Will diversity resurface at University of Oregon? No doubt, but you can bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that it won't be what University of Oregon chemistry professor, Michael Kellman called "an Orwellian, totalitarian plan". And here you were worrying needlessly, diversity bonkers Sparky.

Afterthought:
The most telling factoid embedded in this fishwrap spew involves the dude who secretly masterminded this angst-inducing diversity scheme: Dr. Gregory Vincent, University of Oregon's vice provost for institutional equity and diversity. No doubt it's just a quirky coincidence that Dr. Vincent announced that he's leaving the University of Oregon so he can spread his diversity joy at the University of Texas, Austin.

The Skinny On Seattle's Fight Against Student Obesity
Source: Seattle Times [05/17]

Seattle's City Council just passed an edict that bans mobile food vendors from selling their fattening wares within 1,000 feet of a government cess-school. This ban reached critical mass when students, in ever increasing numbers, ditched the school's cafeteria and hoofed it down to certain innovative capitalists who dispensed pizza - plus assorted other edible goodies - from the back of their van. It got an added boost when the cafeteria worker's union muscled in, whining about the pay loss incurred by the members whose pay is based, in part, on the number of meals they serve each day. Will school hash slingers win the day? Not necessarily.

Despite the City Council's unanimous vote, Seattle's rational adults point out the flaw in this 1,000 foot requirement:

'...It's not clear the council action against a few mobile vendors will have much effect on urban schools within easy walking distance of minimarts and fast-food restaurants, which will not be affected by the restrictions approved yesterday. At Franklin High School, none of the street vendors appeared to be operating yesterday. But knots of students walked to nearby stores to buy meals of burritos, sodas and chips...' (Times)

School officials have nobody to blame but themselves. They Emerilized this situation when they started tinkering with the cafeteria food by making it 'leaner' and more or less 'sugar free'. If school officials really want to recapture those lost student diners, they would be well advised to dump their unionized lunch room cabal and seek answers in the marketplace. Why not give the local food purveyors a shot at serving their wares in the school cafeteria? Why not give these food purveying capitalists some basic nutritional requirements and challenge them to serve food the students will like, food that won't turn them into teenage Rosy O'Donnell class lard asses? It's a slam dunk that a marketplace system can't fare any worse than the current unionized debacle.

Rule Book Myopia In Mexas
Source: Houston Chronicle [05/16]

Karen Scherr did a header into Kingwood High School (Mexas) administrative inflexibility and it cost this talented high school senior a rightful place as class valedictorian. Citing a rule that states that the class valedictorian must be enrolled on the 20th day of his, her, hisher or its junior year, school officials flushed Karen's valedictory aspirations, despite the fact that Karen lived in the district - attended schools in the district - her entire life. How, you ask, did this straight-A student land in "The rules are the rules" purgatory? As usual, PIG News is all over it.

During the critical - for Mexas Educrats - period, Karen was hospitalized, struggling to overcome her life-threatening bout with anorexia nurvosa. That's why she missed the first six weeks of her junior year. Despite her successful fight to conquer her eating disorder, Karen managed to keep up her grades, allowing her to graduate with the highest GPA in her class. Even her classmates, including the 'official' valedictorian, Alex Gorham, agree that Karen got the royal shaft from inflexible school officials:

"My rank as valedictorian is hollow. Tainted by this unjust situation. She deserves it more than anyone. She had an eating disorder and went to an Oklahoma hospital for help and still maintained her No. 1 rank." (Alex Gorham, as quote by the Chronicle)

Last Friday, the top ten (scholastically) students in Karen's class met with the school superintendent to plead Karen's case. At press time, their efforts were fruitless, but greatly appreciated by Karen Scherr who thanked them and declared her willingness to abide by any decision the school chooses to make on this matter. PIG News can't give Karen the honor she damn sure deserves, but we can assure her that she's non-negotiable A++ on our report card.

Montgomery County Sex Ed Follow-Up
Source: Washington Times [05/16]

Montomery County's Educrats are back at work on a revised sex educrap scheme, in the wake of their recent judicial setback (PIG's Educrap News 05/06/05). This time, they're trying to find some middle ground that will satisfy the torpedoed sex educrap's steadfast friends and unflinching foes. Since homosexuality in general, and the infamous "nature verses nurture" debated in particular, are ground zero for this pitched, culture war battle, Montgomery County Educrats will be hard pressed to find middle ground where none exists.

PIG News will issue battlefield reports from this major culture war donnybrook whenever anything fun, thrilling or action packed occurs. Stay tuned, PIGsters, this one looks like it'll be big time fun.

Banning Hugs In Oregon
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [05/15]

A 14-year-old wenchlet named Cazz Altomare clinched a spot in zero tolerance purgatory when a Sky View Middle School (Bend, Oregon) offical gave her detention for perpetrating a "lingering hug" on her main squeeze. Dumb? Yup. Overkill? That, too, but school officials hope they can quell the ensuing bad P.R. storm with this Educrat blithering:

"It's not like we are the hug Nazis. Kids hug, they hug hello and they hug goodbye, but if you take it farther, you make people uncomfortable." (Laurie Gould, Bend-La Pine School District spokeswench)

Sky View Middle School's hug patrol needs to lighten up and cut these besieged-by-rampaging-hormones teenagers some slack. If "lingering hugs" are as bad as it gets at Sky View Middle School, life is damn good, so these Educrats should shut the hell up and get on with it. Don't make me come up there, Hug Nazi Sparky.

Dressing Dowdy In Modesto
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [05/11]

Hormone gorilla's who attend a Modesto (Mexifornia) government school are destined for some cultural shock when they return to class this fall. Determined to take all the peek-a-booty fun out of a teenage lad's life, Modesto's Educrats just imposed a new dress code that bans such nifty stuff as midriff-bearing shirts and low-rise pants. The down and dirty for lads and wenches involves no bare skin and no underwear in plain view. How can these Educrats be so heartless? With rules like this and no booty to ogle, all that's left for these government school inmates to do is - gasp - study.

Florida Educrats Play The Numbers Game
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [05/11]

Palm Beach County (Florida) elementary school inmates are in for a thrilling change when they return to school in the fall. If the Educrats get their way, the familiar letter grade system will be scrapped and replaced with a kinder, gentler, Korrectnik system. The relevant Elementary School principles were so eager to 'get 'er done' that they imposed the change, without telling the school board. What, you ask, did they impose with their stealth grading change? Instead of A, B, C, D, and F, inmates will get a 1, 2 or 3.

Here's how these new grades translate into Educrat speak:

1 = the tyke is working a year - or more - below grade level

2= the tyke is working less that a year below grade level

3 = the tyke is working at, or above, grade level

In practice this means that the over-achieving student who, formerly got rewarded with A's and A+'s, gets the same grade as the former C student who barely meets the standard. If this doesn't take the steam out of those damn over achievers, nothing will. Why should they bust their ass when it won't reflect on their report card? File this epic under "the best way, so far, to kill an eager student's incentive to learn".

Life, it appears, would be much, much niftier for Educrats if they could simply do away with those pesky report cards completely. What's the point, they ask, when we're going to socially promote students to the next grade, no matter how they perform? That, it seems, is the burning question that nobody want's to answer. This new Palm Beach County scheme is the first step in the inevitable move to a report card-free government cess-school system. We are, in this instance, profoundly unamused.

Afterthoughts:
Why were those tykes graded a 1 or 2 promoted to the next grade when they failed to meet or exceed a given grade's expectations? This new grading scheme is an in your face confession